Recap: Love in the Wild – The Finale!

Hola Gasmii!

We are at the end! What a long strange journey it’s been, littered with White Knights and Olympian Queens. We get treated to a fast reel of who chose who and who eliminated who and how we ended up here.

The important thing is they got rid of the minorities

I will definitely say from the premiere I did not expect the current group to be the last four standing. The whole sob story of the jilted Marine definitely threw me off course until Chase melted into the background next to Summer’s indomitable will. I also expected Ali to find someone who could stand her and hang in a as a contender.

Or not

So we are down to four. Juggy Cock and Kenina. Ken snagged Yanina by playing it cool while her other guy partner was all over her and neither one has looked back since. I would like to encourage Yanina to look back.

Self-Righteous in the Wild

Cockney ended up with Juggs after humoring the schoolyard crush of Ginger Jenny until Michelle the Walking Beer Commercial came along and shimmied her way into his bed  heart. So it’s the classic case of Love vs. Lust. I still think either team will want to kill their partner after a long vacation.

Impression of Yanina’s fate

To change things up, after elimination, they all sit around and avoid partying. Retirement home in the wild. The producers ask them to say a few words about the prize and how crazy it’s all been and then they all head off to bed. Juggs and Cockney have a slightly defeatist attitude, and the odds for them are long. Cockney has the confident stance that if he and Juggs really try they can “make it difficult for ‘em”. Way to shoot high.

Please, we’re screwed

Juggs feels she needs to defend their romance to the camera, insisting that although they have an “insane physical attraction”, they also have an amazing connection.

Jamming your fingers in someone’s mouth is definitely an insane physical connection

She insists Sir Cock even loves her when she’s silly or has no makeup on. I think she just has varying degrees of makeup but we’ll take her word for it. They slide into bed and kiss goodnight as chasetely a 1950s couple. They may have been playing this little farce all the way through but no one is buying it.

Cabin sex to commence in 3, 2, 1…

The next day at breakfast Kenina are discussing how it’s all coming to an end, which must feel surreal. Being so immersed in a foreign environment feels very consuming and the thought of returning home suddenly seems like the oddity. They try to express this  and Ken decides to treat us all to his bare torso. Yanina manages to eat anyway so maybe they are a good match.

The couple that controls their gag reflex together, stays together