Howdy, Gasmii! I am finally starting to feel better! Today it’s raining in WeHo. I say this because in LA, rain is a front page story. Stop the presses! Something weird is falling out of the sky!
I’m snug inside writing this recap. We just got thunder and lightning. Well, the reverse since the lightning always comes first. But you know what I mean. We so seldom get that here (I’m not sure why – any meterologist Gasmii out there?) So you know that’ll be front-page news. THUNDER! AND LIGHTNING! I’m sure someone will dig up a quote from those Mayans about how this portends the end of the world. My electricity had better not turn off or it will be the end of the world for some hapless “customer service” call center worker over at the electric company.
On to the ep! I said in the Minicap this was a return to form, and it pretty much was. I actually did like Tim but found him frustrating due to his softness (more on that later). Brian, though – what a seriously disturbed young man he was. Is. So it was a lot like last week on that score. And again, why does Tabs not bring a counselor with her? Because these cases are getting more and more 5150 every week.
This week Tabs was at Sweetgrass, a “holistic wellness center” in Atlanta, owned by Tim, a chiropractor, who as I mentioned in the Minicap is almost identical to Sir Francis Drake.
Ahoy! Dost thou need an adjustment?
Sir Francis sees his role as a “choreographer” of a community. The salon had been a successful “quick cuts” type place, but isn’t anymore despite his “vision”. There are very odd drawings on the walls of the salon – they look as if children have painted them, but I suspect Sir Francis himself did the work. So, he’s a pirate and an artist.
And excels at both, clearly.
Brian is the manager and is a Bitchy Queen. Also, he’s just completely unpleasant. Brian claims he does what Sir Francis should be doing, but the staff say Brian is “checked out”. He appears to spend the day on personal web-surfing and so on. And, based on his many incomprehensible speeches in this ep, I believe BQ has some serious mental problems. This combination of insanity and pure meanness must mean he is surely the long-lost brother of the equally insane and vile Tanya, from last week. BQ, your destiny lies in WeHo. Heed the call!
Tabs makes the usual phonecall, and Sir Francis comes out to meet her.
Undercover. First, we see Sir Francis’ outfit, of way too short cutoffs and a cap-sleeve shirt constitute an outfit. Perhaps Sir Francis sees himself as this:
But he’s only a parrot away from this:
Well, hello sailor!
Sir Francis talks about the neighborhood (5 Points) and says it’s Atlanta’s version of Venice. I assume he means Venice, CA and not Venice, Italy. Also, has Sir Francis ever been to Venice, CA? Not the counterculture paradise he seems to think it is. Although maybe he mentioned Venice because of the ocean. Privateers can only remain landlubbers so long, you know.
Sir Francis’ brother is a stylist who originally opened the salon. Sir Francis would like to have massage, skincare, healthy lifestyle, chiropractic all being utilized by clients in one visit. He admits clients only usually come in for one service and his vision has been forgotten. Sad horns. Sir Francis is the handyman and says BQ manages. Sir Francis says he has a “nurturing” style and BQ has a harder one. If by “harder” you mean “unbearably waspish and abusive” then yes.
In hidden camera footage, we see Sir Francis holding an acknowledgement meeting with his staff, which appears to consist of Sir Francis telling BQ how good he is, while no one else says anything.
We then see BQ not keeping track of clients, and mis-booking services. Kim, a stylist, offers to do a client’s color in the lobby because there’s no space in the salon, as an assistant is blow drying at Kim’s station. The client, not surprisingly, leaves. BQ, as we saw earlier, occupies himself with online shopping and texting. Sir Francis says he’s had stylists walk out because of BQ. And yet you did nothing? You lost stylists which means lost customers which means you lost income – and you did nothing? We then see the receptionist’s dog relieving itself on the salon floor. Tabs acerbically comments that she find’s Sir Francis’ vision interesting. That’s a metaphor if ever I saw one.
Sir Francis hands over what appear to be the keys to every lock in Atlanta since Reconstruction. Tabs strides into the salon.
Brian shares that seeing Tabs is “like a mannequin come to life with two swords ready to dice us all up”. Apparently he’s confused Tabs with this guy:
Although in fairness, the effect will be the same.
Inspection. In addition to the awful “art”, there are squiggly lines of paint (more “decor”), the front desk is a bed frame with a door nailed to it (Sir Francis made it. Of course). The salon is dirty, shabby and smelly. Tabs says it’s like a bad acid trip.
Commercial. Let’s talk about Sir Francis’ disease. He suffers, as do many men (often in the “alternative” professions) from a complete lack of cojones. These guys have all somehow become confused and think that actually asserting themselves is the same thing as being all patriarchal and abusive. It’s just like parents who never say a word to their (invariably massively ill-behaved) kids because they think any correction = abuse. Um, no. And Sir Francis and his ilk should realize being Mr. Softee is not anti-abuse. If anything, it’s equally abusive as the behavior they are trying to avoid. Grow. A. Pair. Now.
Oh, and thanks for starting this “trend”. We haven’t forgotten!
We’re back to a staff meeting (sans BQ). The staff don’t really know Sir Francis, don’t know why he owns the salon, think he has a vision but aren’t sure what it is. Sir Francis checked out when he brought in BQ. BQ isn’t respected. The staff repeat that staff have left because of BQ, and say he’s negative and two-faced.
Assessment. BQ shares that Tabs makes him nervous and that she’s a train “but he’s been praying for” this to happen.
You DO know what happens when a train comes down the tracks, don’t you?
Tabs and Jacqueline are in the massage room with a client, who says she’d like a hot stone massage. Jacqueline says that takes 30 minutes to prep. So why isn’t that done every morning before opening? Tabs says this is the only client you have, you can take the time. Jacqueline spits back that apparently she’s been doing it incorrectly for 9 years. Tabs says she doesn’t need to take that attitude. Jacqueline says she doesn’t appreciate negative energy in her massage room. Tabs points out the negative energy is coming from Jacqueline, and the point of her being there is to help bring in clients. Jacqueline says defensively that she has plenty of clients, she’s even cut back her hours. Tabs says it’s clear Jacqueline doesn’t want to get better or take critique, and to not take her anger out on the client. Ah, a massage by a venomous snake. How I envy that client.
Sssssso you want hot sssssssssstones?
BQ’s at the front desk screwing around. Tabs calls him on it, and he says there’s nothing else to do right now. Tabs says there’s always something to do if you’re a manager. BQ says the staff are just sitting around, he’s actually working. And he’s serious.
Tabs sits in on a chiro consult, and then meets with BQ.
BQ says he has a position of authority but can’t hire and fire, so he has to be passive-aggressive to get staff to leave. Honey, you aren’t passive-aggressive. You’re openly hostile. BQ also says Sir Francis doesn’t realize people don’t love him, and the staff are “monsters” who would stab Tim in the back “in a heartbeat”. At this point I realize he’s not just a BQ, he’s actually off the rails. Remember that train? It’s run right off the tracks and through what little mind BQ started with.
Woo-woo! Next stop Crazytown!
Tabs says the staff say BQ can’t book properly. BQ retorts that he “can book an effing appointment, that’s for sure”. Tabs shares that BQ is an arrogant little d-ckweed.
Back in the salon, we see a nice cut/color job. Then Tabs goes to the spa area where she’s heard a “ruckus”. Jacqueline is upset and crying. She says she doesn’t want to be there, was already 95% ready to quit, and is sick of BQ. BQ is busy gossiping with staff that Jacqueline “can’t handle it”, so good riddance.
Commercial. Tabs, Sir Francis, and Jacqueline meet. Sir Francis says she’s an integral part of the salon, and he loves to see her there. BQ literally bursts into the room and starts screaming to Jacqueline (this is verbatim) “from the very beginning Tim and I bent over backwards to give you paychecks and scheduling whatever you wanted so if you’re going to cave in right now, then quit. If you’re not willing to grow and think you can do better elsewhere then go”. He stalks out, Jacqueline leaves, Sir Francis doesn’t do a damned thing. BQ is busy talking to the other staff “everyone could have stood in a circle and held hands and begged her to stay and she still would have walked. Somebody just needs to tell her to go effing shove it. If you can’t be happy here go and f-ck you”.
Have you seen my integrity anywhere? Just checking.
Tabs, Sir Francis, BQ and the staff then meet. Tabs tells them Jacqueline is gone. The staff, incredibly, back up BQ. Tim says let’s move forward. I look up the number of the Atlanta PD Hostage Negotiator. If ever a staff were under the sway of Stockholm Syndrome, it’s this bunch.
Tabs and Sir Francis meet for the State of the Business. She remarks that the staff don’t cross-promote each others’ businesses, and that Sir Francis needs to share his vision with the staff. Then she starts to discuss BQ. Sir Francis agrees with Tabs but says he’s afraid BQ “may be upset and vengeful”. If you had a pair, you wouldn’t care about that. And ever if BQ tried anything, you’d just call the aforementioned Atlanta PD. Also, plank walking. Hello!
The next day everyone goes to the Georgia Aquarium for the best field trip ever, working with whales. Everyone except BQ loves it. BQ complains Sir Francis in the water more than he; thinks Sir Francis is getting rewarded for being a bad boss; “didn’t take anything away” from the experience and “didn’t get the point”. No, of course you didn’t. Jackass.
Back at the salon, Sir Francis tells everyone his vision: sharing passion in creating beauty in a natural way through customer service and services (what the hell does that actually mean?), and says he needs the staff. He also promises to be the leader they need. Sadly, he makes no mention of pirate booty.
And inexplicably he now looks like Doug Henning. I think he’s trying to materialize some b-lls.
Then Tabs starts them on tearing down the space. Literally. She wanted Sir Francis to break the desk with a sledgehammer, but he balked. BQ says he’s really angry with that. “This will keep us together. If you won’t sacrifice one desk . . . ” and then pulls down some beads. Tim ends up carrying the bed/desk outside. Perhaps he turned it into a dinghy later?
Reopening. The place looks really nice. Tabs makes her usual speech.
Now there’s grass on the walls. Tabs can get literal sometimes.
And BQ is, unsurprisingly, still not up to the task. Repeatedly he didn’t tell people their clients were there, and every time Tabs tells him about something he literally runs away. BQ shares he’s been “bitched out every 2 seconds” and that Tabs is a bitch. One of Tim’s clients had asked about a massage and BQ calls it a “throwaway” because she’s already been there before. Tabs says it’s not a throwaway because she’s booking another service, and remarks BQ is negative. He says he’s the most bitter because he’s been there the longest. Later we see BQ gossiping with staff again. I’m so over him.
Final recommendations. Tabs recommends that BQ be fired. I yell “YES” and pump my fist. Then I remember to whom she’s speaking, and I sigh.
We return to Sir Francis telling the staff from now one, he will do the firing, and he’s putting BQ on probation. Brian shares “f-ck probation”. Keys go back, and Tabs is off.
6 weeks later. Everyone is working like a team, Sir Francis has a bigger role, and has even fired BQ. So it’s a win for him. A great first step towards being a man. And a big fat loss for whomever has just hired BQ. Unless it’s Barkingham Palace . . .
So that’s it for this week! Tabs is in another salon on Tuesday. See you later in the week with my thoughts on that ep!
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