Howdy, Gasmii! First up, I want to thank everyone who’s spent the season reading these recaps, and the folks who add great (and often hysterical) comments. Special thanks for your support during my recent life-threatening (well, in my mind anyway) illness.
Now on to the big announcement:
I am thrilled to tell you that starting the week of April 16, I will be recapping Eden’s World on Logo. This exciting series stars Eden Wood, who has long been a force to be reckoned with in the pageant world. Oh yeah, I said pageants!
Pure pageant perfection!
Eden is most famous for her rendition of “Cutie Patootie”, and even did a mall tour featuring that song. And by “rendition” I mean “screaming off-key”. Eden’s mom, Mickie, is convinced Eden is a multi-talented powerhouse. So we’ll see Eden exploring new creative avenues, and also coaching current pageant contestants. Here’s a description of one ep: “Eden conquered the pageant world, now watch her conquer NYC. Eden takes Manhattan by storm, pounding the pavement to build her own empire as the world’s next big model, singer, and actress”. I wish I had half the talent Eden has . . . oh wait. I do.
If you’re not that familiar with pageants, first where have you been? Second, check out DearCrabby’s brilliant Toddlers & Tiaras recaps here. (It was these recaps that first led me to the Gasm!)
In case you don’t have Logo, they are really good about posting full eps online pretty quickly after they air. Whether you watch on TV or online, I’d love it if you check out Eden’s World and then stop by here for a recap.
And now on to Tabs! She was at Salon Deco (which had absolutely no “deco” type decor at all) in Atlanta (actually Vinings). The owner, Princess Kim – not actual royalty, just someone with a big fat attitude – has had the salon 9 years but had kids a few years ago. Well, since one of the kids is 5, quite some time ago. Her home is being foreclosed, she’s not bringing in the income – and oh yes, she usually doesn’t bother to show up at the salon. It somehow is supposed to just keep on generating the big bucks. Which it isn’t.
My actions can’t possibly have consequences, can they?
Tabs makes the usual call, and Princess Kim comes out to meet her. She’s scared, she folds her arms across her chest, and she backs away from Tabs (not for the last time). This bodes well.
Undercover. Princess Kim says she used to work 5 days a week and “have fun”, but work isn’t fun anymore. Apparently the sole purpose of work is to have fun. News to me and oh, 99% of working people in the world. She comes to the salon “whenever I can find a babysitter”, and claims she works 3 or 4 hours, 3 days a week (she doesn’t). Apparently having 2 kids is an all-encompassing job that precludes working.
Angie might have a different opinion on that.
Princess Kim says her husband took $80K from his 401K, and they’re living on credit cards. Tabs asks her about the foreclosure, and the Princess says she’s “gotten past it. It’s not a big deal”. Tabs says she close the salon over her house, and the Princess agrees. She says her husband is supportive. I say he needs to man up. Tabs says despite that, the Princess has let the salon go to hell in a handbasket. She asks if the Princess knows what goes on when she’s not there, and the Princess says no. Tabs asks if she even cares, and the Princess says she does care but her personality makes it seem like she doesn’t care(?!) to which Tabs retorts that then she does not care.
In hidden camera shots, we see one clean towel in the entire salon at the beginning of the day. Tabs points out the Princess isn’t there to make sure things like that get done. We see that clients have left 4 messages for the Princess on the answering machine (apparently from several days before), which the stylists aren’t going to return because the Princess doesn’t care.
The Princess says she’s embarrassed, and Tabs says there are many things embarrassing in Salon Deco. Princess responds in her best valley girl “I know, right” which Tabs immediately mocks.
More footage, we see staff refusing to help other staff. Tabs says it sounds like the philosophy is whatever people want to do is ok, and the Princess says that’s right. Tabs shares she doesn’t know if the Princess gets it.
We then see Brooke flashing her body parts in the salon, and then badmouthing the Princess to a client. Then we see stylists asking where the Princess is, and apparently she kept a client waiting a very long time. Her excuse is “sometimes I run a little behind”.
When Tabs confronts the Princess on her laziness, the response is, again, “I have 2 kids holding me back”.
Motherhood didn’t seem to bother HER . . .
Tabs says that’s just an excuse. Princess responds that she’s “busy all the time”. Tabs points out the many things the Princess has done wrong, which will result on her “being out on the street with your kids” and yet the Princess doesn’t seem fazed. Tabs says she hopes by the end of the week she can make the Princess care.
Takeover. Brook screams in delight when she sees Tabs.
Inspection. The place is filthy, there are roaches in the water cooler. Tabs has to tell the Princess to stand next to her and stop running away from her. Phyllis, a stylist, shares that the Princess is unwilling to do anything.
Tabs notices the business cards, which say “Salon Deco – best kept secret” and remarks that “Salon Deco ssshhhhh” isn’t much of a slogan. Considering the state the salon is in, I think it’s the perfect slogan.
Commercial. Why did the Princess not think, before she had 2 kids, hey what effect will this have on my life? Why, after having had 1, did she not say, hey this is taking a lot of time, best hold off on another? Why does she seem incapable of investigating day care, preschool and/or nannies? You can’t tell me there is no one in Atlanta providing any of those services. Did she ever talk to any friends who have kids, to see how they balance work/home life? Ever read a book? Check out a website? Any freaking thing at all?
Like, say, this book?
And don’t think the kids can’t tell that they’re being blamed for all her problems. You know she’s saying this stuff at home too. Yep, she’s a real mother of the year, that one.
We return to the Staff Meeting. Amber, a stylist, says the Princess doesn’t care. Phyllis says the Princess’ attitude is “they should make money for me, and I don’t do a damned thing”. We hear that if the Princess has only one client in a day, she won’t come in and will have the staff reschedule the client to a day when she’s seeing multiple clients. Brook calls the Princess a duck, and explains it’s because everything just runs off her back like water.
Tabs asks about teamwork, and the staff indicate they all don’t work the same hours. Brook says they’re on their own. Tabs then inquires about education, and they say the Princess doesn’t provide any. Phyllis goes to hair shows and also teaches. She’s dismayed that the Princess doesn’t provide education or encourage her staff to go.
Evaluation. The Princess gets a client who’s getting her hair cut shorter, which immediately spurs Princess to start rambling on about 8 inches. Finally Tabs asks what the heck she’s talking about, and the Princess says if the client is having 8 or more inches cut off, she should donate it (presumably to Locks of Love or other such program). OK first of all, that’s the client’s decision. Second, how about paying attention to the client and the style they want, rather than a charity? (I have nothing against charities! But priorities first!) Princess shares that Tabs is picking on her, and she doesn’t really care.
Over at Brook’s station, her client wants to go from blonde to brunet. Tabs starts running her hands through the client’s hair. Brook says she was taught never to do that, the client will think you’re “looking for bugs”. What kind of neighborhood is this salon in, anyway? Brook also says she doesn’t like to “consultate”.
Phyllis is also doing a consult, which Tabs says is great. Amber, too, is asking the right questions.
Tabs sees Brook drinking from the roach water fountain. She shares she’s really thirsty and if all the roach water hasn’t killed her by then, another 8 ounces won’t hurt. Tabs says Brook is almost like a cartoon character.
Hehehe! Tabs, you’re so funny!
We see several stylists doing foils with boards. Tabs tells Princess not to use it, and the Princess responds that’s what she knows. Tabs says she will show her (and Erica), and the Princess walks away to go complain to a staffer. Tabs gets her and the Princess claims she thought they were “done”, to which Tabs replies she is doing to show her how to do foils without boards, just like she just said. Princess shares that Tabs is the biggest bitch she ever met. At the end of the lesson, Erica says she appreciated it.
Tabs is back with Brook asking her about cross-checking. Brook says it’s been a long time since she heard a “crazy term” like that. Point taken, Brook. She did a good job on the color. Phyllis also did a nice job. And then there’s the Princess. The cut is not layered, not blended, and ends up looking awful. The Princess shares that “maybe my work isn’t as good as it used to be”. Ya think?
To the entire staff, Tabs says that they are lazy and complacent, and only “wow” hair will keep clients coming back.
Commercial. Tabs meets with the Princess, and tells her what the staff are saying. Again we hear that the Princess will be there “when I can be”. Tabs reiterates the Princess has chosen her salon over her home, an dis told “I don’t want to stress”. Tabs shoots back that at that point, she cares more about the salon that the Princess, and walks outside. The Princess follows. Tabs says “most people fight (for the salon) – all I see is someone who doesn’t give a s–t”. For the 100th time the Princess says “I would be here if I could” and says “they just need to understand”. Tabs says the staff aren’t there to save the Princess’ business for her, she has to save it. Princess responds that her kids “need attention 24/7″. Tabs says there are so many working mothers who find a way to balance. The Princess says she’s doing the best she can, and Tabs says she should sell the salon then. The Princess says she’s not doing that.
Princess seems to have massively misunderstood this.
The next day, Tabs talks with Eric, the Princess’ husband. He looks completely whipped. He confirms that he raided his 401K to finance Deco. He says they take it one day at a time re: finances. They hope the next day will be better. What is this, a Disney movie? Eric also says he has to be strong. Tabs then tells Eric that the Princess cancels appointments. That doesn’t go over well. By the end of the conversation, Eric is saying that the Princess can put the kids in daycare. Tabs says she needs Eric’s help, and he gives her his word.
Have you thought about just divorcing this b-tch?
Then the Princess walks in, afraid because she sees Tabs talking to Eric. Tabs then takes the two of them to their home which looks like it’s being foreclosed on – the sign out front, the lock on the door. Eric cries. Tabs tells the Princess that if she works harder, she can have both a home and work life. Eric tells the Princess she needs to be at the salon full time, and be the boss. The Princess claims she’ll step up.
Finally getting a clue.
Now we’re at Dance 411, which looks like a super fun place. Everyone except the Princess thinks so. We meet Cody, a choreographer and member of Jungle Boogie step group (wee see them too). Tabs says that the rules the group uses, like teamwork, apply to the salon too.
I thought only white folks had no rhythm. I stand corrected!
Cody starts to demo a dance. Then Tabs says let’s see Princess leading. Princess says dancing isn’t her thing – well, what is? Not being a good mother, a good boss, or good wife. Not much left, Princess. Phyllis shares that the Princess has yet another excuse. Princess finally gets her staff to dance in (sort of) unison. Tabs tells her to apply these lessons to her business.
Back at the salon, it’s Renovation and Tabs has that sledgehammer again. Everyone takes turns hammering on the roach water cooler (which makes yet another roach run out).
I’d like to point out I spend WAY more time here than the Princess! And you’re chasing ME out?
Commercial. We’re back to reopening. The place looks good.
Although oddly hibisbus-centric.
There’s a new booking system, and there are new cards with the updated slogan: Dream Team Deco. Hmmm. Not really feeling that one.
Although I love the new uniforms!
Brook loves everything. Tabs makes her usual speech, and in come the clients.
During the day, Brook says she saw more leadership than in 4 1/2 years. Princess is working on someone who is also a working mom. Tabs thought she could give some tips to the Princess. Hope that works . . . Phyllis is impressed with the teamwork. Amber asks Tabs to check her work, and Tabs says there’s a big improvement.
Final Recommendations. Tabs tells Princess she has to do every single thing Tabs lists: give 3 educational classes and 1 marketing event in the next 6 weeks. Princess must be there 40 hours a week. And Tabs makes absolutely no recommendations about the staff! She also warns Princess that if she doesn’t show up (literally and figuratively), Deco will close.
Commercial. We’re back but we’re not, and Brook is saying how she loves Tabs, loves her hair and shoes, and wants to be her “little kangaroo baby”. Tabs susses that’s because she’s Australian. Brook also says Tabs probably thinks she’s a psycho, but hey. Tabs actually likes Brook and laughingly says she might need a restraining order.
Where are the dingos when I need them?
We return to Princess saying she’ll implement Tabs’ recommendations, and the keys go back.
6 weeks later, Amber says the salon is busier. Phyllis says they had the classes, and she taught one. Brook asks if Tabs still thinks she’s kooky. Tabs says yes and Brook says “Fantastic!” Don’t ever change, Brook! Eric says the salon is making money. The Princess says Tabs opened her eyes. Tabs remarks Princess seems like a different woman, and bids goodbye to “my little kangaroo”.
Tabs then says she’s gobsmacked by the Princess’ turnaround. As are we all, Tabs!
Next ep is the season finale, which finds Tabs in a B&B that does not serve breakfast, and appears to be run by Little Edie from Grey Gardens.
Coffee, tea or ME?
See you then!
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