Recap: Tabatha Takes Over

Hi, Gasmii!!  So sorry for the delay.  The Gasm has had some “issues”.   They’re also interfering with picture posting.  So this recap is a bit more text-heavy than usual.  I’m sure that will be resolved soon!

So here we are at season 4 of Tabatha Takes Over (a/k/a Tabatha’s Salon Takeover).  This year, she’s branching out to non-salon businesses. We see a clip of what looks like a frozen yogurt store.  Expanding Tabatha’s scope makes sense to me, since her emphasis is on quality product, customer service, ambience/cleanliness, management skills – things needed in any business.

By the way, Bravo has not put this ep on its site yet.  Thanks, Bravo for making recapping easy! So I don’t have screencaps, just some stills from Bravo’s site.   It’s like the 16th century or something!

To Do List:  go hunting, make proclamation, put that Bravo guy in the Tower.  Done!

We start this week at a salon, Jungle Red, in Minneapolis.  As I mentioned in the Minicap, I thought it was named in honor of The Women.  Apparently not.  It’s painted red and has a palm leaf on the sign.   And that’s where the concept stops, except for some hideous black and white “tiger” fabric elsewhere in the salon.  Way to take a concept and run with it!   As always, we open with Tabatha, already looking tres pissed off, calling the salon owner and asking them to step outside.

The owner of this salon is Suzanne, who starts laughing and says “no way” when Tabatha announces herself on the phone.  Suzanne, did you not notice the big honking camera crew in your salon? Or the contract/release you undoubtedly had to sign prior to filming?  This isn’t hidden camera investigative journalism, it’s a reality show!  So why the hell are you so surprised?  Suzanne then bursts into tears as she approaches Tabatha.  Oh god.  I hate the ones who cry.  That usually means they have a victim attitude.  And I hate that too.  Suzanne has bad hair and bad plastic surgery.  She has to be at least 50 but is trying to pass as her daughter’s age. PS: It doesn’t work. She looks even older, as well as foolish and desperate.

And that goes for YOU, too.

Undercover time! Suzanne is back to laughing again. I wonder whether she’s bipolar or just a freaking idiot.  Tabatha asks what’s going on.  Suzanne says she doesn’t know what to do, to get the respect of her employees and to have the salon running “more professional”.  Tip #1: learn proper grammar. Tabs asks what Suzanne’s relationship with her employees is like.  Suzanne says she doesn’t think they take her “serious”.   See Tip #1.   Tabs asks if they hang out, and Suzanne says they do fashion shows – which I assume is work, not hanging out – and birthdays.  Unsure if birthdays are a work event or not. Suzanne says it’s like a family.  Tabs points out it’s hard to discipline a family.

Actually, it’s not that difficult.

Suzanne says her daughter Kari manages the salon.  Suzanne got pregnant right out of high school.  Um, TMI lady!  She and her daughter are close.  Oh, you mean you’re clinging to/smothering her.  Right.  Kari has managed the salon for 4 years, even though she’s not a stylist herself.  So you guilted her into working in your salon.  Great parenting.  Suzanne is 45K in debt, doesn’t take a salary from the salon, and does not have an apartment.  Apparently she’s been living in someone’s apartment while they travelled, and now lives in the salon.   And that’s been going on for 10 years.

Let’s see some footage!  Gals who give pedicures sit on the floor.  Suzanne says there’s no other option.  Really?  No stools?  Benches?  Chairs?  Even a freaking beanbag?  Niiiiice.  And super classy.  Oh and clients use a bucket from the hardware store.  Ever been to a beauty supply store, Suzanne? They have tons of really reasonably-priced items like FOOTBATHS.

This one’s only 20 bucks. Ever heard of Target?

Back to the footage, and we see the disgusting footbath water being poured down the sink where folks get their hair washed.  I’m surprised this salon has any clients at all.  I sure don’t see an autoclave or other sterilizing equipment.  Can you say fungal infection?  Got one from a pedicure once, and I’ve never been able to shake it.  The gift that keeps on giving.

Now we see Laura, who is doing “waxing”.  I think she interprets it to mean pulling every layer of skin off the client.  Suzanne is surprised at that.  Why are you surprised when it’s your salon?  Then we see Suzanne telling Kari to tell a stylist to stop chewing gum.  Tabs asks how old Suzanne is, Suzanne refuses to say, and Tabs tells her to grow up.  Tabs shares that she wants to “slap the plastic surgery off Suzanne’s face”.  Right there with ya, sister.

And now we see the (one) thing Laura does well – being a falling-down (literally) drunk.

Lesh have jes one more.  Isss rully thirsty.

Too bad Sandra Lee isn’t one of her clients.

Hey, donsha know cocktail tiiime ish the bestest time of the day?

The Takeover!  As usual, Tabatha tells everyone she’s taking over, and that she’s cancelled all their appointments for the week, and that everything will change.  She asks Laura if she wants a drink.  Laura declines, and Tabs asks how she’s feeling.  Laura claims she’s “back on the sober train”.

Seems more like the crazy train to me.

The Inspection!  Apparently no one cleans their brushes, ever.  The salon is filthy.  They keep supplies in the shower. A ll Suzanne’s things are in a closet and in plastic containers.  Tabs says the place is over the top unprofessional.  When she sees Suzanne making a face at Kari, Tabs calls her on it – “now the bitch is here?  Yes I am.  And I’m staying the week”.

I’m a bitch and proud of it!  Now get the f out of my way.

Commercial.  We return to Staff Meeting.  The staff say Suzanne sets a non-professional example (shock!), and she laughs everything off.  They don’t believe Kari is happy, but feel if she left, Suzanne would go under.  They agree Suzanne has no authority in the salon.

Assessment!  Tabs brings in some models.  And here is where we go off the rails.  In the previous 3 seasons, we heard Tabs’ in-depth analysis of the stylists’ abilities (or lack).  We do see some of that this ep, but not as much as we saw before.  I really miss that.  Knowing what people are doing wrong – and right -  helps me, when I’m a salon client, know if my stylist is doing a good job.  Plus, it’s just plain interesting.  Tabs comments on Laura’s (in)abilities re: makeup application, and Laura completely shines her on.  Good going, Drunky.

Now Tabs talks to Kari.  Kari says she wants to be a yoga instructor.

Back on the floor, Tabs sees Suzanne just standing at the front desk and calls her on it.  Suzanne immediately takes offense.  If only her maturity level matched her (real) age. You can’t manage a freaking salon from the front desk, idiot.  Tabs shares Suzanne acts like a petulant child, and she hates children.  Suzanne, for her part, shares more of her charming, poised, professional demeanor makes another ugly thyroid-disorder eyes face.

Remember those dolls you press and their eyes pop out?  Suzanne looks a whole lot like that.  She’s a real vision of loveliness, that one.

Tabs goes over to Laura, and says her makeup job wasn’t good, she needs more color.  Laura shares that it’s not New York or Los Angeles, she’s not going to turn anyone into a “bunch of whores running around the state”.  Jackass.  Also, that’s a total insult to every well-dressed, tastefully made up call girl in the country.  They have feelings too, you know!

Commercial.  We return to Tabs talking to Suzanne and Kari.  And here again, I would much rather see some training in management or cutting skills or something.  Yes, Kari is unhappy.  But all this touchy-feely stuff, I think, blunts the show.  Everyone has “issues”.  Tabs should be focusing on their performance.  In the past 3 years, she did that and people’s “issues” (almost always related to performance) usually went away.

After that, Tabs announces to the staff that they will be working on a fashion show.  Suzanne will do all the managing.  As they walk into the room with the models, Suzanne has the look and walk of someone going to the electric chair.  She’s completely terrified.  O M G just man up!  There are 13 models that have to be done in an hour.  Suzanne finally gets the models all done, but it looks like just by chance – she’s really scattered and unfocused.

Now we’re back at the salon, throwing out couches and such.  Tabs then says she doesn’t want to see Laura drinking, wants Suzanne to lead, and wants Kari to step back.

What we don’t see is a teambuilding exercise, as they’ve done in past seasons.  Sometimes it’s something like trust building, but often it’s publicizing the salon, doing a charity event, things like that.  It’s on Bravo’s site, just not in the ep.  That’s a shame – those really give a lot of insight into the staff.

Commercial.  We return to the revamped salon and see a lot of before/after shots.  We hear they all went to a class the day before.  (Apparently they hadn’t in a long time).  Now it’s time for the final eval.  Tabatha tells us she sent in a makeup artist to be Drunky’s makeup application client.

Tabs observes that most people are doing better.  They are excited about the training class they took and want to take more.  Kari sees Suzanne stepping up.  Tabs meets with Kari and tells her she’s set up yoga classes and a job for her.

Tabs then talks to Laura and the model.  Tabs says Laura hasn’t responded well to her corrections, and reveals the model, Kimberly, is a professional makeup artist.  Kimberly says the makeup isn’t blended, not complementary, just not working.  Drunky talks about seeing something in a magazine.  Tabs says she’s not taking Kimberly’s feedback either.  Laura shares that she’s a good makeup artist, and “f-ck you” to Tabs.

Oh really?  Don’t come to me for a job.  Who am I?  Dick Page, esteemed makeup artist and Creative Director of Shiseido.  And Shiseido doesn’t hire drunks.

Tabs then meets with Kari and Suzanne, and tells Suzanne what she’s done for Kari re: the yoga job.  Kari says she’s going to teach her mom what she (Kari) does so she can leave the salon.

Final recommendations!  Tabs starts with education and points out that leads to more profits.  Tabs and Suzanne start to discuss Laura.

Commercial.  We’re back – but we’re not.  Tabs introduces Suzanne to a gal who can help her find housing and grow her business.

More commercials.  And we’re finally really back.  Tabs says she’s giving the salon a class.  Suzanne announces she has a 3 strikes and you’re out policy now.  Suzanne asks Drunky if she wants to be there, and says she doesn’t feel Laura is 100% on board,and would prefer she left rather than affect the others.  Tabs then announces Kari is leaving.  She gives the key back to Suzanne.

6 weeks later . . .

Everyone is doing better.  There’s better morale, Suzanne is stepping up, Kari’s only there part-time.  And Drunky?  Gone.  So it’s a total win for everyone.

 More Stoli for me!!

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