Recap: The A-List: Dallas

I hate you.  And I love you.

Howdy, Gasmii!  Hope you all made it through Thanksgiving relatively unscathed!  Also, if anyone happened to stop by Best Buy this morning and picked up that Sharp 42″ for $199 and have decided you don’t want it, I would be happy to take it off your hands.  Really.  And I will pay you two hundred dollars for it!

I just went to Starbucks.  A customer ordered a Peppermint Mocha and then asked the barista “do you have to put peppermint in it?”  If I were the barista I would have responded “Yes!  We do have to put peppermint in because you ordered a PEPPERMINT Mocha!”  I was surprised to see it wasn’t Ashley asking that question.

The name of the drink is a dead giveaway as to the ingredients, Einstein.

As you can tell, I am chock full of the Xmas Spirit already!

And now on to the recap!

We open with Levi and Phillip doing a little boxing and a lot of dishing about last week’s debacle.  Levi says he imagines the scene as a “mad black woman beating the crap out of a six foot tall baby in diapers”.  Well, half of that is true.  Phillip can hold his own in any fight.  Phillip declares that Chore is “dead to me” and he’s “over” Chore.  It will also take a “lot of relationship rebuilding” to repair the rift.  Perhaps you could start the rebuilding, Phillip, since you started the whole fight?

Levi talks about his encounter with Zygote, and says Zyg said Levi doesn’t have any money or oil.  Levi says Zygote likes to talk a big game.  Phillip warns that Zygote shouldn’t hit below the belt, because Levi can hit even lower.  He also helpfully suggests that Levi should invite Zygote to the boxing ring and then punch the hell out of him.

No man, embrace peace.  World peace.  Meta world peace.

We turn to Ashley and Chore, who are in a beautiful (yet unspecified) location.  Ashley says she can’t get enough spray tan, and would like to be half Black and half Mexican.  Life Size Eden Wood, permit me to introduce Allyson, an Eden Wood-sized caucasian Toddlers & Tiaras contestant who wants to be African-American too:

Seriously.  She wants to be Beyonce.

Ashley finishes up with “and white too”.  That’s racist.  Do you also go hunting with Rick Perry?

Ashley starts by asking Chore to realize everything she’s going to say is “coming from a place of love”.  That’s what a boss said to me once, right before I was fired. Ashley ponders aloud how to communicate with Chore without him becoming defensive.  He ripostes that the worst time to bring up these kinds of issues is in the heat of the moment.  Ashley says that she saw “madness, rabies” in Austin.

Chore’s doppelganger, according to Ashley.

Ashley then brings up rehab.  Chore points out that unless a person wants to change themselves, no amount of programs will do it.  He goes on to say that he doesn’t drink at home/alone, he likes to go out and have drinks, and he doesn’t have a problem.

Totally deep and profound face.

Ashley shares that she doesn’t believe anyone is a lost cause.  Really, Ashley?  How about this guy?

If only Ashley had been able to talk to him from a “place of love”.

Ashley also feels Chore is getting close to rock bottom, but he can still get help.  Well, if he does want to reach out I’m sure you’ll be the first person Chore calls. . . wait by the phone, why don’t you.

Ashley then asks Chore to tell her what he feels about her.  He says they’re like Carrie and Samantha.  I think they’re more like these folks:

We then go to Chore and Zygote having lunch.  Zyg shares that Chore is often misunderstood because “he’s always drunk”, but when Chore is sober it’s possible to have a conversation with him and get to know the real Chore.  That’s more than can be said of your ex!  Zygote and Chore discuss Austin, and Chore says he will never be Phillip’s friend, ever.

Chore shares that sometimes he likes being around Zyg, and sometimes he wants to shove Zyg’s face into concrete.  In my family, we encase someone’s feet in concrete.

Wanna take a swim with the fishes?

The talk then turns to Ashley, and Chore says she has an inaccurate view of him because she just sees “party James”.  Chore then says Levi talked to him about drinking, and Levi is the last person who should ever talk to him about that.

That leads to talk about Levi/Chase.  Zyg says he doesn’t understand why Levi would want to date Chase, but whatever.  Chore says karma will kick Levi in the ass.  Not working so far, is it?

Zygote now tells Chore that he met Chase’s best friend, Mohammed, recently.  He shares with us that it was a “thought from God” that he date Mohammed just to get at Chase.  And yet again, Zygote lives up to his nickname.

Zygote then tells Chore that he doesn’t care if Chore has been drunk or thrown things in people’s faces.  He’s done that!

So have all the folks in this group.  Alcohol = bonding!

Commercial.  We return to Ashley, who’s meeting with Dante at Evoke magazine, a magazine aimed at the gay community in Dallas/Fort Worth and Austin.  Evoke is running a NOH8 feature in the next issue and would like Ashley to shoot a pictorial.  Their only caveat is no nudity on the cover.

So Mapplethorpe’s out, then?

Ashley says she has “no boundaries” (I think she means she’s going to think outside the box.  Spoiler alert – she won’t) and that she’s “not going to listen to anyone”, which visibly startles Dante.  He quickly interjects that she has to listen to him.

Ashley tells Dante she’s decided she wants to aim the pictorial not at the people who comprise this magazine’s audience, and who would therefore actually buy the magazine, but at straights.  She says “let’s get deep here” and launches into a somewhat disjointed monologue about her upbringing and gay folks being treated poorly.  Dante interrupts to say he has the exact same upbringing, but that doesn’t stop Ashley from rambling on.  By the way, Ashley, what about lesbians?  The LGBT community is not just guys!

Lots of gals under the rainbow flag, Ashley.

Ashley wants to be “politically incorrect” and “change hate into love”.  Yeah. Let the sunshine in.

We go to Chase, who is with his aunt, Jena, and his uncle, Gary.  Chase says he is going to have a birthday party for himself and Mohammed.  The discussion then turns to Chase’s family, and I get the impression Jena and Gary may be the only family members in contact with Chase who don’t hate him.  Chase says he can’t go back to a place of misery and not wanting to live that result from how his family treats him, and he and his aunt talk about the time Chase wanted to kill himself.  Chase called her and it was Jena who talked him into not taking that step.  I’m really glad there was someone there for Chase.  No one should ever feel death is the only option, just because of who they were born as.  Jena says she was so glad she could see Chase face to face, and not in a box.  No joke here.  I do think this is setting us up for an eventual confrontation between Chase and his parents – although I hope not, I don’t think that would go at all well.

We go to Zygote, who’s having drinks with Mohammed.  Zygote shares that he hopes dating Mo will get under Chase’s “chubby, flabby, white skin”.  Zyg then tells Mo that when he first met him, Zyg thought Mo was “Mexican” but then realized Mohammed is a “Buddhist Islam name”.

Perhaps Mo will buy you this for Christmas.

Zygote asks Mo if he’s ever dated a gay republican Christian.  Mo responds with “do I live in Texas?” and says his ex was married and went to bible school.  Zygote asks Mo if he and Chase get along because they’re both not Christian(!?!) and talks about Chase dating Levi.  OH SHUT UP.  Zyg tries to get Mo to tell him what Chase thinks about Zyg and Mo; Mo dodges the issue.  Mo mentions Branden will be at Chase’s party, and asks Zyg to be his date.  This’ll work out well.

Commercial.  We return to Ashley and Phillip.  Ashley is shooting him for the NOH8 pictorial.  Her groundbreaking idea involves making up half of Phillip’s face in drag, the other half not.  Like that hasn’t been done a thousand times.

Subtle.  Also groundbreaking.

Ashley says the pictorial is inspired by Chore because he doesn’t know who he is, and makes some analogy involving handbags.  Phillip says it’s crazy but makes sense because Chore is “bat shit crazy”.  He recommends Ashley talk to Chore, and Ashley says it would be better coming from Phillip.

Ashley has Phillip pose with a gun, at one point in his mouth.

I know where she was going here, and if another photographer took the photos, it might be pretty effective.  That said, using only guys, and those men half in drag, is pretty limiting.  It seems heavy-handed to me, and somewhat stereotypical.

We turn to Chase and Mo, who are discussing Chase dating Levi.  Chase shares with us that Levi doesn’t like to talk about feelings or emotions.  Apparently he communicates with Chase wordlessly.

Like this?

Mo brings up Zygote, and Chase says he has no doubt Mo will figure out what kind of man Zyg is, on his own.  He goes on to say that he’s never seen a man change 180 the way Zyg has.  Mo tells Chase that he’s bringing Zyg to the party.  Chase says he’s fine with that.

By the way, is Chase using Donnie again?  No?  How about Eddie Izzard, Donnie’s twin?  I think he’d be a great party planner.

Cake or death?

Commercial.  And we’re back with Ashley and Chore, going to visit Jo, a pastor.  Chore shares that Ashley has been texting him every day about his “problem”.  Jo asks why they’re there, and Ashley says Chore needs to get right with Jesus.  Ashley, how do you know Chore isn’t “right with Jesus”?  Chore says he drinks more than he should, that he doesn’t know his limit.   Miss Platitudes then says that “once you’re at the bottom, there’s no way to look but up”.  Well actually, you could just look at the ground.  So 2 ways to look.  Ashley says Chore doesn’t know his full potential.  Jo asks Chore what breaks his heart, because that’s his passion.

This?

Chore doesn’t get a chance to answer, because Ashley asks him what he’s living for.  Chore responds he’s living for his parents and trying to make a success of his life because all his cousins are successful.

Jo then prays for Chore.  Chore shares that he came to church and she prayed for him, so leave him alone and “let Jesus do his work”.

Just let me finish my beer first.

Commercial.  We return, to Chase’s party.  Is this an actual party or just people going to a bar, because it sure looks like the latter?  Brayden’s there too – Chase used to date him and they’re friends.

Chase and Levi are discussing Zygote.  Levi seems apprehensive that Zyg might show up.  Mo comes in, without Zyg.  Zyg apparently told Mo that he didn’t want drama.  Phillip joins the group, and brings up Chore.  Phillip thinks Chore is always in a bad mood for no reason.  Levi calls Chore crazy.

We then see Chore talking to Brayden.  Chore brings up the accusations against him:  that he’s a “drunk mess”.  He says lately he’s had 2 screwups but that’s not typical for him.

Now we switch to Zygote, who’s approaching Mo.  If I were Mo I’d just tell him to go f himself for jerking me around.  Mo is much more restrained than I and doesn’t seem to think it’s a problem.  Phillip and Levi are looking at Zyg.  He’s now talking to Chore, who says he said hi to Chase, wished him happy birthday, had his drink, and he’s leaving.  Chore also says he won’t be friends with Phillip anymore.

Levi comes up to Chore and Zyg and asks where Mo is, and then mentions he hasn’t heard from Zyg since Austin.  Levi is pretty much ignoring Chore who tries to join with “I just came from the gym”.  Sometimes nonsequiturs work – this time, not so much.  Zyg tells Levi that just because they didn’t work out as boyfriends doesn’t mean they can’t be civil.  Levi says “is that because I effing hate you” and at this point, Chore wisely (and luckily) makes his exit.  And we’re off for another Levi-Zyg contretemps.  Levi says Zyg spoke his piece and thought he was smart and had intellegent things to say, but he didn’t.  Zyg says he respects that. Levi says he doesn’t think Zyg does respect that, and that Zyg is not a good person, he’s an a-hole.  Zyg says he doesn’t think Levi is an a-hole and then, incredibly, says he’s not out talking sh-t about Levi.  Really, Zyg?  You’re freaking obsessed with Levi and talk smack about him all the time!

Levi counters that all Zyg does is talk sh-t, that’s all he can do, that’s what he does for a living.  I have to say Levi has a point there.  He goes on to say Zyg is a “two tongued little snake”.  I am pretty sure he meant forked tongue.  Or maybe 2-headed.

Winding up, Levi then says Zyg is an effing loser.  Zyg just says “ok”, but shares that he’s shocked Levi is so confrontational.  Have you not been in the same episodes we’ve seen, where Levi continuously confronted you?  Levi then calls Zyg a fake “standing there trying to smile at me”.  Zyg then moves off to talk to some other guys.

I’m pretty over the “I hate you blah blah” routine we see every week.  Levi gets liquored up, there’s a confrontation, they both talk smack until the next encounter.  I get it, you’re setting us up for a big reconciliation later.  Either that, or both of these men are cray-cray.  If you’re over someone, why care or even notice who they’re with or what they do, and why expect them to call, as Levi seems to?  Enough!  Zyg, talk smack long enough and you’ll live to rue the day.

It’ll cost you an arm and a leg.

Commercial.  We return to Ashley, who’s showing Dante her photos.  Inexplicably, he likes them.  He says that while looking at a photo that’s a Warhol knockoff.  Dante also wants to “see more” of her photos.  I expect that, in next week’s episode, we learn that Evoke has closed its doors. For her part, Ashley shares that she hopes Chore sees himself in the photos.  I think it’s more likely he’ll see Phillip, who is actually in the photos.

And now we come to Chore, who’s over at Phillip’s home.  Of course, Phillip has given Chore a drink while discussing his drinking problem. Phillip says Chore hurt him very much in Austin.  Chore says sorry, Phillip says it’s not enough, and that Chore is the problem.  Phillip also says he has no reason to apologize to Chore.  Chore brings up his family.  Phillip says he was only talking about the trust.  Phillip wants Chore to stop playing the victim, and sorry isn’t enough.

But it is the hardest word.

Chore starts to walk out of the house.  Phillip says he’s running away like he always does.  Chore turns around and sits down again.  Phillip says he really cares about Chore as a person and wants to get back to the Phillip and James Show.  Chore says Phillip’s one of his best friends, and he’s trying to change.  Phillip says he wants to move on, and they embrace.  Phillip shares he missed gossiping and Chore’s friendship.  They decide to go to a restaurant to have more wine.

He’s a warm-hearted person who’ll love me till the end.

Awww.  It’s a Festivus miracle.  Or it’s 2 guys who never had any intention of severing their relationship, and only needed a few days to vent.

That’s it for this week!  See you next week for more Texas-sized drama!

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