Howdy, Gasmii! We’re at the end of the trail for this season. Thanks so much for making this incredibly fun with your amazing involvement and comments! If this show comes back next year, I’ll be back with new recaps. Until then, remember I’ll be recapping Tabatha Takes Over, which starts January 10 on Bravo.
So let’s get to it! Here’s Wendy Williams, who seems really excited to be there. We start with a montage of the Best of Chore, including the fight with Phillip. Wendy asks Chore if he has a drinking problem. He says he did, but he’s doing better now.
Ashley interrupts right away. Why is it always about her? Let the guy answer the question! We really don’t care that you were “trying to help” him, whether you were or weren’t. Just. Shut. Up. Not surprisingly, Ashley continues butting in throughout the entire hour. Really, Logo? You couldn’t oh, cut her mike off?
BTW, here’s what Ashley is wearing:
Yep, another Demented Ballerina look. Also, stop pulling the top up 500 times a minute. A properly-fitted strapless dress never needs to be adjusted. Get a tailor or stop wearing strapless. And ixnay on the ututay!
Back to the program. Phillip accuses Chore of always having a “pity party”. That’s not something I saw this season. If anyone was self-pitying, it was Zygote. Speaking of, Chore admits that he has done that, and says Zyg does that a lot too. By “too” I assume he means “more than just about anyone on the planet”.
Wendy mentions the fight, and says both Phillip and Chore fought like girls. Phillip quickly corrects her and says he connected. Chore says he loves Phillip now. Phillip tells him to act more maturely. Thanks, Phillip. That kind of sage advice goes a long way.
If only I could be that profound . . .
Wendy asks about Hollywood. Chore says he’s getting auditions and loves LA, but also loves Dallas. So not a red-hot career yet, then.
Zyg mentions Chase is on medication. Chase says yes, and they’re all prescribed. That of course leads Phillip to opine that they are all “pill-popping hos”.
Wendy then turns to Phillip, who she says “worked the gossip chain like a second job”. And we see a delightful montage of, as Wendy says, the “queen of gossip in his natural habitat”. We again get to laugh when the clip shows Chore saying sleeping with Phillip is like sleeping with a loudspeaker. HA! Never gets old. And of course “This! Is! Not! Over!” That’s gold.
Wendy asks Phillip why he’s so loud, and Phillip says it runs in the family. He also says he’s loud but not annoying. Wendy points out that Phillip talks like a white girl in LA.
So do I! And that’s hot.
Question for Phillip from a viewer: can he stop talking about others? Phillip says everyone has done it, he’s just more open about it. So, no.
Wendy asks Phillip if he’s come out of the closet to his mother. He says he’s 100% free. I guess we take that as a yes?
Commercial. And we’re back to Ashley. We see a montage of the Best of Ashley. Bless my margarita indeed. Wendy asks Ashley why she loves gays, and Ashley says they bring out a fun side of her. Also, she likes colors.
Inside Ashley’s mind. Plus Jesus.
Wendy asks Phillip how he’s getting along with Ashley. Phillip makes the point that she inserts herself into their business. Ashley says something about brothers fighting. Chore says she’s his human ankle bracelet.
Now we turn to the nip comment. Levi says if she wanted a serious convo, Ashley should have worn a serious dress. Ashley then says she doesn’t want to be objectified. That’s an opinion insight we haven’t heard a thousand times before . . .
Wendy turns to Levi. We view a montage of the Best of Levi. Wendy asks him if he’s going to be more involved with the National Gay Rodeo, and Levi says absolutely. Then Wendy asks Chore if he’d sleep with Levi again. Now we go full circle back to ep 1. Chore says why is Levi ashamed of having shagged him? Levi says Chore stayed at his house and nothing happened. Chore says “we had sex”. Levi finally admits that “it happened”. Chore says he feels really good. And he should. This ep just cements the fact that Chore is the most well-adjusted, sensible and smart guy on the show. Also clearly not a liar.
Vindication = sweet.
Commercial! We return to discuss the Levi/Chase/Zygote triangle. Wendy asks Levi if he feels bad, and Levi says he said “monogamous” and shouldn’t have. Phillip tells him it wasn’t right. Wendy asks Chase if he’d get back with Levi. Chase says no. He’d shag Levi, but since they never were in a relationship, there’s no going back to one.
Phillip then calls Chase a whore and a homewrecker. Chase refutes that, and Phillip keeps talking. Chase points out that talking louder doesn’t make Phillip’s point more valid.
Also, the guy in the sound booth just went deaf.
Wendy asks Levi when he last slept with Chase, and it was that morning. You stupid idiot.
Wendy asks Chase if Zyg is manipulative. Chase says of course, and also calls Zyg a borderline sociopath.
Hey! That’s giving sociopaths a bad name!
Zygote then makes fun of Chase’s hair (which Wendy already did at the top of the show, so totes redundant). And then Zyg says something that makes me want to throttle him. He says because Chase had the suicide attempt, he’s crazy. Ashley buts in that she respects Chase for sharing that, and Levi concurs. Zygote, you are a completely insensitive jackass.
Zyg goes on to say he would not hook up with Levi, but would like to be friends. Wait by the phone, pal. He’ll be calling any minute now.
Wendy then says Levi owes Chore an apology. Levi says he’s sorry he didn’t give credit for an awesome bl-w job. Wendy asks who’s the best in bed, and Levi chooses Zyg. So glad to see Southern gentility hasn’t faded.
Commercial! Now we see the Best of Chase. Wendy asks Chase if he’s into Levi. Chase says they’re friends. Wendy wonders if Chase is playing with his own heart. Duh. Remember that river? Ashley says Chase is telling people what they want to hear and Levi is leading people on. Chase protests that everyone is treating this “like it’s some romantic love story” and Phillip retorts that they were kissing all the time. Ashley concludes by saying now Levi is making Chase look stupid, to which Phillip says “Thank you!” OK double Greek choruses. Chorusii. Whatever. Shut. Up.
Είναι όλα ελληνικά σε μένα
Question from a viewer: could Chase ever be friends with Zygote? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh, that was serious? Chase says he has no desire. Zyg would like to work it out and have a convo. Ashley tries to interrupt, and Zyg tells her to butt out. Ashley rambles on about something, and then Levi says Zyg tries to seem like the good upstanding Christian Republican guy, but he’s not. Not a news flash, Levi, but thanks for saying it anyway.
Commercial! We’re back to see a montage of the Worst of Zygote. Wendy asks Zyg how he can be a gay republican. He says he agrees with 95 percent of the republican platform, but not gay marriage, gay rights or don’t ask don’t tell. He doesn’t think people should choose a party affiliation based on one issue. Wendy asks Zyg if he’s being criticized for meeting with Coulter. Zyg says just because straights don’t support gay marriage, doesn’t make them bigots. That’s news to me. Wendy asks Chase for his views. He starts to discuss Coulter’s views and Zyg says he wasn’t sitting at the lunch. Chase retorts with the single best line of the night: “It was on television, you moron”. Snaps to Chase! Chase says Zyg can never come up with a justification for his beliefs, he just attacks others.
Now we get to the really fun part of the ep. Wendy mentions attacks on Zygote because he met with Coulter. Zyg starts to talk generally about it, and Chase interrupts to say he can’t wait until they find that person, in a tone dripping with sarcasm. Phillip says people “for some reason” think Zyg did them himself for attention. Ashley and Chore concur. Wendy asks Zyg to tell them what happened. At that point, Zyg stands up and says he has to have a smoke, and walks off.
Portrait of a lying coward.
Wendy says if Zyg really had a story to tell, he would have stayed. Wendy starts to talk to Chase. Ashley says she’s freaked out. Chore tells her to sit down. Then Ashley points out Zyg doesn’t smoke.
And Ashley goes after Zyg. Wendy points out this is yet another example of Ashley being all up in everyone’s business. She calls after Ashley, but the girl is gone.
Commercial! We return to see Ashley running after Zyg on the street. He is walking towards her, and going back into the building, so why she had to scream “Taylor” and whistle, I don’t know. Meanwhile, the other guys and Wendy are continuing their discussion. Chase says no one cares enough about Coulter to do this, and there are holes in Zyg’s story and no logical chain of events. Wendy asks what they believe. Levi says he has no trust whatsoever. Wendy then observes that Zyg has been outside “a long time if he’s innocent”. Chase says that even if the attacks did happen, it’s not because of Coulter, it’s because Zyg is an “ass to everyone in Dallas”.
Entering the building, Ashley is talking at Zyg, who is not listening to her.
And they’re back. Zyg says he came back because he wanted to say why he walked off. He’s had rocks thrown through windows and was assaulted trying to get in his car, leaving him bloody. For others to say he’s looking for publicity hurts. Zyg mentions Chase’s “accusations” and Chase points out it isn’t just him and again Zyg attacks Chase. Levi asks Zyg if his car is in the shop being fixed. Zyg seems surprised and says yes, it is. Levi asks if he’s filed a police report, and Zyg says yes. With Dallas County? No, Dallas City Police. Wendy stops them there. Damn. I want more details!
Wendy asks for last-minute reconciliations, confessions? Chase points to everyone in turn and says “love you”, gets to Zyg and says “despise you”.
And that’s it, our season is at an end. What will happen if there’s a 2nd season? Will Chore find fame in LA? Will Chase do something about his hair? Will Levi keep it in his pants for more than 24 hours at a time? Will Zyg stop being a lying, manipulative, thoroughly unpleasant guy? Will Phillip find love, and cultivate a more moderate speaking volume?
By the way, our very own Flipit is in Texas for the holidays. Would you do us a favor, Flipit, and track down Zyg and smack him upside the head for us? Thanks oodles! xoxo
Happy Holidays to everyone! See you in 2012!
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