This is why straights should not be allowed to marry.
Hi, Gasmii! So sorry about the lateness! Here is the Finale recap, and I’ll have the second hour tomorrow. We have one more ep this week, and I’ll have that one up much more quickly.
Let’s get right to it!
We open with everyone getting up and talking about the end of the summer. Sam sprays Nate with a bunch of Silly String.
He looks like a mer-man.
Frank says he has nowhere to go, so why not LA and explore another new city and ride this out? Ashley says she’s only had her relationship with Zach in the house, so it’s time to figure out what’s going to happen after. I know what will happen: you and Zach will call and email, and maybe see each other once or twice. And then one of you will take longer to return calls and emails, and then that’ll slowly stop, and then 10 years will go by and one day you’ll wonder hey, what happened to –?, and then you’ll find out they’re old and fat. Story of everyone on the planet.
Zach shares he’s going to miss being with Ashley all day every day. He hopes they can move forward, but there hasn’t been a serious convo.
Kinda hard to talk when someone’s tongue is down your throat.
There’s a box outside the front door! And unlike MTV’s creepy “Special Delivery”, this is a real delivery, from It Gets Better. Frank explains It Gets Better is an initiative to help LGBT youth who are being bullied. so they realize life’s worth living and suicide’s not the answer. Zach shares that he’s doing a joint fundraiser with Frank to establish a partnership between It Gets Better and the Living Memoir. This will be at the House of Blues. All the funds raised are going to It Gets Better. Frank says he wants to make this cause an important part of his career.
FYI – It’s not a real cause until there are t-shirts.
Frank and Nate put t-shirts on everyone’s bed. Nate shares he needs help with putting on the event, and he’s counting on the rest of the house to help.
Meanwhile, Ashley and Zach are — you guessed it — at the gym. Ashley took 50 tickets to sell, and gives 25 to Zach. Ashley first asks folks at the gym, then realizes they probably don’t have money on them, after being turned down. Some guy at the gym opines that there would be no need for suicide awareness if everyone just did yoga.
We wouldn’t have to listen to your stupidity if your mother just did birth control.
Now it’s the morning of the HOB event. Nate’s on the way to pick up the silent auction donations. Back at the house, Ashley shares she didn’t sell many tickets, and Zach whines that he doesn’t know who to sell them to, and no one will buy from him anyway, and says he’ll do “as minimal amount of work as I have to”. Wow. This is for your supposed friend (at least not enemy) Nate, plus a really good cause. What, apart from working out, do you do all day anyway, Mr. Jack Ass?
Nate continues to prepare for the event, getting the booth ready, money, tickets. He needs to know where the money is for the tickets Zach and Ashley have sold. Michelle (HOB) and Sam go to the gym where – unbelievably – they find Zach. Sam asks how many tickets they’ve sold, and Zach says he hasn’t sold any.
Sam’s Whiskey Tango Foxtrot face.
Sam shares “we all did our part, where were you?” As they’re leaving, Michelle tells Sam she’s “never dealt with such stupid –” and Sam interjects “people”.
Pretty sure the word Michelle’s looking for is “douche”.
Back at the house, Sam tells Ashley she heard Ashley and Zach had sold all their tickets. They’re next to Frank, who’s doing some laundry. Ashley corrects Sam and says she sold 4, and Zach “took six”. Frank says they’ll work it out.
Over at HOB, Michelle is telling Nate that if the wonder twins had gone on the street or the boardwalk, they could have sold the tickets. Nate is really angry that there are 40 unsold tickets. Actually there are 46 since Zach hasn’t sold any, and won’t. Nate shares that he trusted Zach. Yeah . . . great judgment call there. Zach really doesn’t care about anyone who isn’t straight. At-risk youth? Not if they’re LGBT. He’s made it clear anything associated with the LGBT community isn’t something he supports or is interested in. You’re a real prince, Jack.
We return to the HOB, where Nate is continuing to prepare for the event. Back at the house, Jack is whining to Ashley that Sam and Natalie came to the gym and were “yelling” at him. Ashley doesn’t know why everyone is “mad at me”.
Waah. I’m so misunderstood!
Everyone gets ready for the event. Frank is going to have to talk, and he’s nervous about that. At HOB, Nate starts running down the order of the evening’s events, and Frank interrupts him. Nate is pretty much on his last nerve, and although Frank is trying to help Nate isn’t taking it well. He and Frank discuss Ashley and Zach’s failure to sell their tickets. Frank tries to get Nate to calm down, but Nate’s having none of it. Later, Nate is outside watching people buy tickets, and then says he needs to get the stress out of his head.
Alcohol = #1 proven stress reducer, especially for people who have to speak at a fundraiser.
And it’s showtime. At least I think it is, because Nate has the mike. Let’s try to see if we can hear what he’s saying:
This. He’s making racecar sounds. Literally.
Frank is visibly upset. Zach has his usual supercilious look. The band starts playing. Ashley shares that her job is to get people to “make bets” because it’s a silent auction. She dances over to Frank to tell him she sold a t-shirt. She’s actually surprisingly good at talking up the silent auction items. Frank shares that she’s doing a good job. If only Ashley could use that personality, that flair she has for relating to people, in her personal life.
Now it’s time for Nate and Frank to go on stage. Nate says Frank shouldn’t mention gay youth. WTF? Frank says he has to mention gay youth. Nate says you can’t “go to a party and mention suicide and death, it ruins the energy”. Frank says he wants to talk about life is worth living, and Nate says “don’t say ‘life’ ” and they have to “keep the energy up”. Frank then asks Nate if he’s drunk. Here is Frank’s reaction to Nate’s denial:
Then Nate says he is drunk, but he’s used to it.
So am I!
Now the guys are on the stage, and Nate is saying something about this being Labor Day party weekend. Frank speaks for a bit and sounds great, and then Nate talks again about - well, I don’t know. Something about school or something. Frank shares how inappropriate it is to get drunk in front of donors.
When you have to be subtitled and you’re speaking English, you are TOO DRUNK.
More music, and Frank is still irked about Nate, who isn’t manning a table or anything, just dancing. Frank wraps up things, and he and the rest of the house leave Nate at HOB.
The next morning, folks are packing. Nate seems to have made it home. Zach and Sam have a really cute interaction.
Also, Sam looks adorable in those glasses.
Later, Zach and Ashley discuss the summer. Ashley says she’s learned she will “never have a roommate, ever”. And then clarifies Zach’s not a “roommate”.
And now we get to that serious convo Zach said they hadn’t had yet. He tries a couple of times, and finally, over Ashley cutting in, asks if she wants to be with him whey they leave. She says yes. He’s satisfied. Apparently, Ashley makes him feel like “Christimas Eve, the first day of summer break and high school prom all in one”. Know what makes me feel that way?
Back at the house, Nate is swimming. Frank is working on post-event stuff, and is telling Nate what he needs to do. Frank and Nate have a shouting match about Nate’s behavior the day before, and what Nate perceives as his superior contribution to Frank’s efforts.
Calm the f down before you burst something. Or a couple of things.
Later, Frank tries to reconcile with Nate. Nate completely accepts that, and they’re fine. Frank then calls his mom about his plans, and tells her he’s going to LA for a year. He can work at the HOB in LA for a while. Frank shares he’s ready not to live with his parents and to start a new chapter in his life.
Alexandra and Frank, Sam and Priscilla get 25 Subway sandwiches to hand out to homeless folks. Meanwhile, Nate gets his Living tat. Nate shares that he’s learned he’s an optimist, and perhaps his story is inspirational to other people. It’s the last night, and the sun sets while Frank, Sam and Priscilla cry a little, and Alexandra sings a song. Then they all hug.
Back at the house, everyone finishes packing.
Then Nate, Alexandra and Priscilla decide to hit the pool one final time. Sam wakes up and joins them, followed by Frank. Pretty soon, it’s crab circle time!
Crab circle BFFs 4EVAH!
The wonder twins are, of course, not joining in.
Later, everyone ends up in the same beds. To sleep. Well, they tried. It’s now morning, and they all say they didn’t sleep much at all.
Everyone’s packed, and they’ve loaded their luggage in the cars. And now it’s time for final goodbyes, tears and a group hug that even Ashley and Zach participate in (miminally).
At the train station, Frank hugs Ashley and then Zach. Zach shares he hopes “the best for you. Later dude”.
Are we keeping you from a doucheb-g convention or something?
Frank then hugs Sam and Nate. Nate shares that he’s a lifelong friend with Frank, and that Frank has taught him so much.
Frank, try to get Nate off the sauce. Nate, try to get Frank off those damned headbands!
At the airport, Sam hugs everyone. Sam shares that she and Nate were “the ladies’ man and the ladies’ woman, picking up girls on the beach”.
Love you both.
Now it’s Nate’s turn. More hugs. And then, Zach has to share that he and Nate are “straight as straight can be” and that all they have is a friendship. Jack, no gay man would ever want you. So give it a rest already.
Back at the house, Byron comes to get Alexandra. She hugs Priscilla, and then is gone. Alexandra shares she wants the friendship with Priscilla to continue.
And here we are at the airport again. Skipping over that –
Priscilla’s mom picks her up. As Priscilla closes the door, there’s a montage from the season.
Mom! Had a great time! Don’t watch the show, ok? Nothing happened in Cabo. Totes boring.
That would be a good end – goddammit, we’re back at the airport. Ashley gives Zach a card we saw her writing earlier. And by “write” I mean “printed in a high school curli-que type hand”. Did she dot the “i”s with little hearts? Not sure, but I do see a smiley-face.
Zach, the rest of your life will be this sort of tripe.
Zach says he feels the same way. To hell with them both. They deserve each other. And we see a montage of the wonder twins. And, finally Zach is out of our lives. Well, until next week. . .
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