Hi, Gasmii! Just when you thought this season was over — an entire show of things they didn’t put in the previous eps. You may well ask, was it because these were too scandalous and juicy and exciting and needed a special ep all to themselves? Spoiler alert – no effing way.
Segment 1 – Hygiene
Moldy food, stopped-up sinks, trash not taken out, maggots in the carpet. Apparently the bathroom was no better, since Nate tells us that there were “constantly puke shards” in the toilet. I’m under the weather today, and I think I am about to puke just hearing this. Speaking of the bathroom, Zach shares that Frank has a weird “wipe technique”. Frank tells us he wipes like a monkey. Do monkeys actually wipe? I googled that question. Answer: they don’t. So Frank, kudos for actually wiping. The shower also contained a variety of interesting items, including food wrappers(?!?)
Why is Frank wearing a Christmas vest? For that matter, why do they make Christmas vests? He kind of looks like a Christmas chipmunk here.
Now on to laundry. Priscilla never did laundry once, and just bought new underwear. Sam estimates they run $10 a pair, so over 90 days . . . Nate didn’t do laundry either, and he’d wear Frank’s used underwear. Gross.
Filth = fun!
Thanks, MTV for airing this exciting previously-unseen footage. That segment added oh so much to my enjoyment of this series.
Segment 2 – Sex
Now we’re at Priscilla’s house for the 4th of July BBQ. They’re bigger drinkers than Nate, he says. Then he talks about one of the aunts, who put her hand down his pants in the pool. She previously shot a boyfriend in the family jewels, and ended up on COPS for it. So she’s a TV star! Yay! According to Frank, this same woman later had a threesome upstairs.
Meanwhile, Sam made out with Priscilla and her mom. Priscilla wonders if making out with her own mother was taking her relationship to the “next level”. If by “next level” you mean permanent emotional damage, then yes. Good job! Frank wonders if it’s a “Mexican tradition” to make out with your mom and the “resident lesbian”.
Claro que no es bueno, Franco. No. Es. Bueno.
Now we switch to Frank, who drinks out of any bottle or glass he finds. Shouldn’t that have been in Segment 1? Frank goes into detail about one such experience. I have now literally vomited.
By the way,
Why is Alexandra also wearing a Christmas vest?
And now we move into nut sweat. Frank thinks his is hospital and sterile smelling. Thanks for sharing. Keep coming back.
The excitement keeps on coming, with the amazing revelation that there was a dip in the road that the cast used to drive over, and it made them hit their heads on the car roof. Which they loved, and they did it, says Frank, 10 or 12 times the last night they were together.
Ah yes. It’s the laughter we will remember. Also the concussions.
Yay for brain damage!
Segment 3 – Nudity
Nate and Frank let it all hang out. A lot. Priscilla loved to go topless. Why does that totally not surprise me?
There’s a lot of commenting by this relaxed, charming, funny, smiling guy. Anyone know who he is? Because I totally don’t remember seeing him in the last 4 eps . . .
You’re Zach’s twin brother, right?
And now let’s compare and contrast both Zach and Frank wearing a lovely jockstrap/thong:
Yep. Frank by a nose.
Zach ended up with the thong, because Sam put it in his luggage. I’m sure Frank has a couple more at home, though. But that’s not the end: it fell out of Zach’s luggage at the airport. HA! But I bet TSA has seen way more, uh, exotic items.
Segment 4 – Who Has More Game
Priscilla says Sam does. Nate says he and Frank do. Sam says she does. Nate has the biggest schlong, though.
Now we turn to exercise. This is Priscilla’s idea of a workout, according to Ashley:
Hey! Opening candy wrappers is hard work!
She also invented a special kind of situp along with Alexandra. It’s a situp that ends with a CheezIt or Twizzler or other snack at the end of every rep. I’m on board!
Segment 5 – Cabo
Priscilla says she was drunk the entire time in Cabo. Really? We couldn’t tell that from Zach having to carry you back to the hotel a couple of eps ago.
Here’s the shirt Sam wore in Cabo.
Yes, it IS just me and no, I would never make out with someone wearing a shirt that screams “80s”.
And now we hear an extended account of how drunk people got in Cabo. I cannot tell you how thrilling this is. I can barely type, I am so overcome with excitement. Again, thanks MTV for this riveting hour of must-see TV!
This is the end, right? Dammit, no. Now we’re at
Segment 6 – Potpourri.
People wrestled. Priscilla is a bad driver, and got pulled over. The cast goes fishing. This is the huge fish Nate caught.
Just enough for one taco!
Segment 7 – OMG Will This Never End?
Nate got waxed. Zach says Frank is a bear. Frank got his back shaved. Zach himself shaves pretty much all over.
Zach says he won’t get a tat because you don’t put a bumper sticker on a sportscar. Also, he hates needles.
The housemates had a crazy cube that you could win if you were the funniest or most outlandish. Not surprisingly, Frank and Priscilla often won it.
And we’re done. Thank god. That’s an hour I’ll never get back. We have one more ep, the Reunion. Try to control your undoubtedly wild excitement. See you later in the week!
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