Howdy, Gasmii! I have been filled with angst over the troubles here at the ‘Gasm. Apparently The Wrath of The Pageant Mom knows no bounds! As far as high-falootin’ technological thingies go, however, I am about as useful as titties on a boar hog (to borrow one of my favorite local colloquialisms). I have always imagined the inner workings of my trusty laptop as something like this:
I throw a handful of seeds on the keyboard every night just in case.
Despite it all, however, the show must go on. When last we left Revenge, Tyler was dead, Daniel was sobbing in the arms of Mommy Dearest, and Fauxmanda was bleeding profusely yet functioning normally.
AND THESE GUYS WERE TRAIPSING THROUGH MY BACKYARD
Oh, well, on to Scandal….
We open with the police searching the beach for clues and interviewing witnesses. Emily VO’s that her experience with her father taught her that when scandal strikes people’s true natures come out and you find out very quickly who your real friends are.
PERFECT SEGUE FOR A GRATUITOUS CUTE KITTAH PIC
Charlotte says that she and Declan heard a phone ring and saw a figure in a dark hoodie lurking in the dunes. Declan says it may or may not have been a hoodie, it was too dark to tell (yeah, riiight. Methinks Declan is suspicious of bro). Everyone else is saying that Tyler was crazy and dangerous, and Conrad blames the authorities for not keeping him locked up. Emily says that she went back to the house for Daniel’s clothes and noticed her gun was missing. She postulates that Tyler took it by going through a window she had left open.
The detective is asking Daniel what he and Tyler were fighting about. Daniel says he does not remember a fight, but the detective tells him that he has 15 stitches in his head, so they must have been fighting.
EXCELLENT DETECTIVE WORK, FRIDAY!
The detective tries to get Daniel to confess, but Daniel remembers that Victoria told him not to say a word, so he claims he does not recall anything. The detective tells Emily and the Graysons that Daniel is not being charged but they are not to leave town.
While Daniel speaks to Victoria alone, Emily approaches Nolan. Nolan congratulates her on running back to the house to set it up so it is plausible that Tyler stole her gun. Emily tells Nolan that she is afraid that Tyler told Daniel everything. Nolan reminds her that Tyler is an unreliable source and that Daniel loves her –
OR DOES HE?
Emily tells Nolan that they argued at the party so she doesn’t know where they stand. Emily says that the infinity box is safe and sound.
In the car, Emily asks Daniel what he was talking to Victoria about. He tells Emily that he and Victoria argued at the party (about whether Emily was using him to become a Grayson or would run off to Paris with him), but they “cleared it up.”
I swear Daniel gets more irritating by the minute. I think I would rather wear sandpaper Depends than watch him get all mopey and jump to ridiculous conclusions just because Emily didn’t leap at his dumb ass idea to leave their lives behind and move to Paris. Paris sucks.
Emily asks Daniel what happened on the beach with Tyler. Flashback to Daniel holding the picture of Grayson Global with the names X’d out on it. Daniel asks him what the picture is and Tyler tells him to ask his fiancé because he found it under the floorboards in her house. Rather than telling her this, Daniel claims to Emily that he doesn’t remember.
WHICH LEADS TO MORE BROODING
Back at Grayson Manor, Ashley tells the Graysons that the story has hit the press. Conrad tells Charlotte to go to bed and get some rest but she tells them that she is picking up some clothes and going back to Declan’s. Victoria tells her that they need to stay together and present a united front. Charlotte tells Conrad that she will move back in when he does.
Emily and Daniel arrive home, and Daniel tells Emily that she should take Sammy out for a walk. Emily, sensing the jig is up, tells him she will after she changes clothes.
Jack arrives back at The Stowaway with blood on his sleeve. Declan meets him there and asks him where he has been. Declan doesn’t buy Jack’s story about the boat’s motor being broken as the reason he is still in town and presses the issue.
Declan tells a shocked Jack that it was Tyler who was murdered. Declan notices Jack’s hoodie and tells him Charlotte told the police that she noticed a guy in a hoodie in the dunes. Declan claims that he was too far away to get a good look at the guy.
Emily sees Daniel bent over the compartment in the floor. She asks him what he is doing and he says he is looking for answers. He is combing through a fauxbox with various tools and crap in it. He asks Emily what the box is and she claims it was left by the previous owners.
Daniel tells her that Tyler told him she had been playing him, and that the proof was under the floorboards. She reminds him that Tyler was a crazy liar. Daniel apologizes and Emily tells him she loves him and will be by his side no matter what. Then she pats him on the head and ushers him off to bed.
The next day the Graysons meet with the lawyer, Brooks. Victoria is creepily massaging Daniel as the lawyer explains that the police are waiting for test results before charging Daniel with Tyler’s murder. She tells Mr. Brooks that she and Conrad will be working as a team to defend Daniel. Conrad is absent from the meeting.
METHINKS MR. BROOKS NEEDS TO RUN FOR THE HILLS
Later, Victoria confronts Conrad and asks him why he was not at the meeting. He tells her that he did not want their history clouding the room. Flashback to Conrad drinking heavily and saying he was responsible for the plane crash because he was laundering money for the group that claimed responsibility. He tells her that he will go to prison for the rest of his life, their assets will be frozen, and she will have to raise Daniel in poverty and under a cloud of disgrace.
Back in the present, Conrad tells her that, like it or not, they are once again in a pile of shit together.
Jack comes back to get Sammy, much to Emily’s surprise. He claims to her that the engine on his boat prevented him from going to Haiti. She tells Jack that Daniel is being questioned and asks about Declan. Jack brushes her off and asks if she has heard from Fauxmanda. She says no, and Jack slinks off, brokenhearted.
DON’T FRET, JACK – MAMA S-NATCH SHALL COMFORT YOUR ALBASTER-SKINNED GOODNESS!
Emily goes to see Nolan and demands to see the Shamu footage from Jack’s boat. Nolan insists that Jack left, but boots up the camera to see what really happened. They see Fauxmanda rush onto the boat just as Jack is leaving. Oops. Emily asks Nolan to see if he can find out from Jack why Fauxmanda came back and where she is hiding. Another question – why don’t they just watch the rest of the tape? Emily walks off while it is still playing.
At the apartment Declan sees Charlotte taking pills. He asks her what she is doing, but she says her head is pounding from not sleeping. Charlotte tells him she is stressed out. He tells her that she should see a shrink not take pills. She gets pissed and storms out.
Daniel is looking at the online coverage of the murder and tells Emily that he should have gone to Paris. Emily says she is sorry they didn’t just as the police arrive with a warrant for Daniel’s arrest.
At the station, Mr. Brooks tells the family that Daniel’s fingerprints were on the gun. Emily tells them that he handled that gun at least a dozen times. The police also says that gunshot residue was found on Daniels hands and the blood on his tux was the same type as Tyler’s. He tells them that the D.A. is going for first degree murder.
Daniel tells his lawyer that Tyler was waving the gun around and he managed to rush him and get a hold of it. Daniel says he shot once and blacked out, the next thing he remembers being Victoria calling his name. The lawyer tells him that Tyler was shot three times – once in the chest, twice in the back.
The lawyer asks where Tyler hit Daniel when they struggled. Daniel points out the left side of his face. Mr. Brooks points out that there is a hematoma on the back of Daniel’s head – a hard place to reach in a face-to-face struggle. Mr. Brooks says this is a good argument that there was a third person on the beach. He asks Victoria and Conrad who hates them. Victoria says Amanda Clarke.
Jack finds Fauxmanda’s jacket in his truck with a picture of himself and a paper that makes him go all googly-eyed.
Victoria shows up with an engagement present for Emily and Daniel. She tells her not to open it but to stand by Daniel because if she left him it would send a message to the world that Daniel is guilty. She then asks Emily why she came back to her house when everyone else was at the police station. Emily tells Victoria that she knew they would take Daniel’s suit so she wanted to make sure he had a change of clothing when they did.
Jack shows up at Nolan’s. He shows him the paper – wire receipt for five million dollars. Jack asks Nolan if he gave Fauxmanda the money. Nolan says no, and Jack assumes it must have been the Graysons.
Jack goes on to tell Nolan that Fauxmanda showed up and he followed her to the beach. He said he has been searching for her and cannot find her. Nolan tells her she is probably in Canada with the $$ and to let it go already. Jack says he won’t do that and storms off. Nolan calls Emily and tells her to call him ASAP.
Charlotte begins asking Victoria questions about David Clarke, like how she felt when she learned that David did horrible things or if she thinks of him every time she looks at Charlotte. She tells Victoria that she wants to know about him and about what kind of person he was with her.
Flashback to Victoria and David on the beach. David is telling Victoria that his aunt Charlotte has a farm in Kansas and that they can pack their bags and move there that very evening. She responds that she can’t leave Daniel with Conrad. David tells he to bring Daniel with them. Victoria tells him that she can’t live without money and status.
Nolan tells Emily that Jack found the wire transfer receipt but that he doesn’t think Fauxmanda told Jack much before she took off again.
ALL THE WHILE NOLAN IS BUSY REMEMBERING HIS LAST ENCOUNTER WITH JACK
Mr. Brooks, the lawyer, arrives to speak with Emily. He tells her he needs dirt on Daniel in order to prepare his defense. He asks her if she had any interactions with Amanda Clarke. Emily says no, but she is a very troubled girl. Emily tells Mr. Brooks that there is something he should know about the Graysons.
Mr. Brooks is now meeting with the Graysons and Emily. He tells them that he found out that they had paid off a judge to downgrade Daniel’s DUI charges. When Victoria demands to know how he found out, Emily tells them that she told him. Mr. Brooks chastises the Graysons for not being forthcoming, saying that Emily is the only one acting in Daniel’s best interest by telling him things the prosecutors could use against Daniel.
Mr. Brooks tells them that everyone wants a piece of the 1% to take down right now and they had better be forthcoming. Victoria tells him that Amanda Clarke had been dating “that boy” who runs The Stowaway. Mr. Brooks says the main problem right now is the security tapes from the party that had been tampered with. He says the prosecution will say that Daniel engineered it so no one would see him kill Tyler.
Emily storms in to Nolan’s house and demands to know how long he has been working with Takeda. She says that Nolan’s tampering with the security tapes has Takeda’s stamp all over it. Nolan admits that Takeda asked Nolan to look after Emily but to not tell her. Emily tells her that until the Graysons find Fauxmanda they will be trying to make Jack the fall guy.
Ashley has become the official spokesperson for the family and is all over the telly. She announces a 100 thousand dollar reward to any information leading to the killer. Declan hears the announcement and rushes to find Jack’s hoodie.
Emily finds Charlotte at her house. Charlotte tells Emily that she wishes she could talk to her sister and learn more about her father. Emily tells Charlotte that Fauxmanda told her that her father built the porch swing they are sitting on.
FOLLOWED BY AN APPARENTLY TERRIFYING SISTERLY MO
Declan confronts Jack and reminds him of a time when Declan and a friend broke an item in the house but Jack confessed to doing it even though it got him in a lot of trouble with the old man. Declan then places the bloody hoodie on the bar. Declan tells Jack that he always takes the heat for other people and that Declan is now going to start protecting him.
Later, Mr. Brooks walks into the bar (insert your own salty joke here). He asks where Fauxmanda is and if they were dating. He introduces himself to Jack and asks where he was the night of the murder. Jack explains about engine trouble on the boat keeping him from going to Haiti. Mr. Brooks tut-tuts and gives him his card, instructing Jack to let him know if he hears from Fauxmanda.
Nolan sidles up to Jack and tells him to “fix” his boat and get the hell out of Dodge. Jack ix-nays and says he needs to find Fauxmanda before the Graysons do.
Ashley is talking to Mr. Brooks who says that he never asks if his clients are innocent or guilty because he does not want his judgment clouded. He says he never loses, so… He asks Ashley what she thinks. She says she thinks Daniel did it and that he will get away with it. Mr. Brooks asks her why she is still working for the Graysons. She tells him that she is from a tiny town outside of London and that she wants the brass ring. Mr. Brooks tells her that if she can
suck like a Hoover play her cards right she will have a whole new career, but that he can see that she knows that already.
THAT AND 20 BUCKS WILL GET YOU A BLOWJOB AND A HOT CUP OF DECAF
Victoria and Conrad share a laugh as they look back the past few months. Victoria confesses that she is worried about what jail will do to Daniel since he has such a purty mouth.
The judge tells courtroom that she doesn’t give a shit how much money the Graysons have and to prove it she denies bail for Daniel and sends him to Riker’s Island immeidately.
whoring in front of the press giving a press conference while Jack and Nolan watch at The Stowaway. Nolan is begging him to leave but he refuses. Nolan calls his IT department and asks where the photos they pulled of the Graysons originated.
Ashley shows up at The Stowaway at Nolan’s invitation. He tells her that he knows that she leaked the photos to the Internet.
YEAH? AND? SO? WANNA BLOWJOB, SAILOR?
Flashback to 48 hours earlier. Emily is rushing into the house to cover Daniel. Takeda is waiting for her. He tells her she should have heeded his warning and she attacks him. They fight and he tells her that her lack of discipline has brought chaos. She demands to know what happened on the beach and he hands her the photo of Grayson Global.
Takeda is watching as Tyler marches Daniel down the beach. Daniel tells him he won’t get away with this and Tyler answers that he will but Emily won’t. Daniel turns and hits Tyler, causing the gun to fall to the ground. They tussle and Daniel grabs the gun, ordering Tyler to stand back. Takeda miraculously finds a large rock on the beach as Daniel shoots Tyler. Takeda clobbers Daniel on the back of the head. As Tyler crawls towards him begging for help, Takeda shoots him twice and retrieves the photograph.
Takeda tells Emily that Fauxmanda then ran onto the beach but now “is taken care of.” He also mentions Jack and tells her that she cannot “save them both.” She grabs the Infinity Box and throws it onto the ground.
That’s it til April, y’all! What do you think? How’s Emily going to get out of this one? Should she save Daniel or Jack? Is Takeda training Fauxmanda to be a ninja, too?
Before I sign off, I would be remiss if I didn’t RIP Davy Jones. A performer all his life, he seemed to be gracious, humble, funny, and very aware of who he was and of his place in this crazy world. Plus he was SO damn cute!
BAI! I WILL MISS YOU!
No more episodes until April, y’all. In the meantime, you can follow the ‘Gasm on our Facebook page!
(PS – Did you see that on LOGO there is going to be a show called “Eden’s World” that stars Eden from T & T??? The Mayans were right!!!!)