RHOA: Pickles For Everyone!

By Leia LaBiblia | Thursday, November 4, 2010 | 4:56 pm | 105 Comments

Tagged: bravo, NeNe, real housewives of atlanta, recap, spoof, TV, tvgasm

Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of Atlanta, Recaps

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Dearest Gasmii—

Please forgive me in advance for being on the rag this week. Aunt Flo‘s fixin’ to drop by ANY SECOND. Even without my iCalendar I’d know it because A) I’m so bloated that literally every top I own would be met with the special resentment reserved by women for women trying to ensnare the first group of women’s boyfriends /husbands by tits alone. So I am stuck inside my exquisite but modest (aka cramped) Hollywood bungalow blogging in my Fat Bra and granny panties. And B) I got super-annoyed by the RHOA Previously On and realized this episode will heavily feature Sheree courted by smoove-choc’lit charlatan “Dr” Tiy- “E” “Muhammad” as well as NeNe holding a marriage-melting grudge against Gregg (aka Mr NeNe) for secretly borrowing $10K from ex-Main Gay Dwight. I WISH someone cared enough about me to bank behind my back. And it’s only 10 grand, for fuck’s sake. As an ex-teen model, I once spent that for my share of a summer villa rental in Sitges. And C) I’m pointlessly upset that people are no longer paying me ridiculous amounts of money to look kicky in mini-skirts while doing coke and sleeping with hot Algerian boys every chance I get. (Cut me some slack, por favor– I needed to stay skinny and I hate the taste of cigarettes.)

Mini McMansion. Kim and neckless dingbat assistant Sweetie pull up at night in the convertible Bentley to some house in the far-flung suburbs to drop by the “Kandi-Koated Nights” radio show, “where we get all the good, juicy, sexy stories”, according to Kandi, who’s way too talented and successful to be podcasting gossip, if you ask me. Kim knocks on the front door, but no one hears her, prompting Sweetie to “knock like a black girl”, which apparently means louder and faster. “White bitches can do that, too,” Sweets sassily informs Kim, who knockity-knocks with the same result: bupkis.

It dawns on Kim that they may need to go to the studio “in back”, where Kandi is announcing that tonight’s topic is “cheaters”, explaining Professional Mistress Kim’s role in the proceedings. Kim leads the way to the studio as fast as her black-shredded-legginged pins can carry her, asking Sweetie to clarify exactly what tonight’s show is. Sweetie says she thinks “it’s on PBS“, which Kim thinks is an odd place for a “sex show” hosted by a RH. Who says alcohol kills brain cells? Kim is ON IT, Gasmii! Kandi tells us that “for some reason”, people enjoy talking to her about relationships, so she created a “webcast” that’s a mash-up of potty-mouthed hags Dr Ruth and Sue Johanson, “Howard Stern and The View!” Speaking of Howard Stern, I am going to commit seppuku if his Sirius radio show contractually ends in six short weeks, which Howard has been totally threatening for months. Since he absolutely, 100% put Sirius on the map and allowed them to merge with (aka absorb) rival XM Radio with his endlessly hilarious daily show (which I obsessively listen to every solitary second of), they need to just pay him whatever it takes to keep that thing on. Six words: “Eric the Midget” and “Wendy the Retard“. Google them.

Sorry about that, but it needed to be said. OK, we’re back. Kandi makes things interesting right away by asking Kim “Do you have beef curtains?” OMFG! Of course the answer is yes– we all saw them last fall when tipsy Kimbo pulled a Britney in that infamous paparazzo upskirt upchuck that I thoughtfully included in this very blog for your viewing displeasure. Google it!

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“I prefer the term ‘labially challenged’.”

Kim naturally denies it: “I have a very pretty vajayjay!” Mmm-hmm, whatever, Miss Deli Selects. Kim wisely changes the subject to Kandi’s “celibacy”. It seems that Kandi has a bet with one of her podcast pals, either Neeq or Nikki, I couldn’t make out which one, but they’re both on the air with her and have serious hair and wig issues. Kandi is trying to abstain from sex for an entire year “but at least I can talk about it,” she tells us. Hence the radio show.

Has Kim ever cheated on someone, Neeq asks. “You know she’s cheated!” Kandi hilariously interjects. Then she gets serious and wants Kim to explain her “cheating relationship”. Girlfriend got balls, y’all! Kandi, I mean. Kim is a false-eyelashed deer-in-headlights as she admits that “on paper, he’s cheated,” referring to her long-term romance with married real estate tycoon Lee Najjar, aka Big Poppa. The male point of view on Kandi-Koated Nights is represented by Corey, Kandi’s rather hot “friend”, who judgmentally brands Kim a cheater herself for helping a cheater cheat. Kim says “my needs were met” — and how, what with the Bentley, the townhouse and all the bling and blonde-wear a Black AmEx can buy. And no, I’ve never had one. My teen model needs were met with a gold card from CitiBank, which, like my career, no longer exists.

Medical office. It’s time to check in with recently the rhinoplastied and breast-lifted Ms Leakes, which means we see that little “NeNe” bumper with her soon-to-be-ex Gregg and sons Brentt and, more distractingly, Bricen, who has some kind of backstage pass clipped to the hem of his shirt, so if you squint it looks like a big brown dick flopping out of his pants.

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Try it…

(The squint, not the dick. Unless you want the clap, since it’s doubtful Brice’s hoochie club-trash keep their kitchens clean.) Anyway, NeNe’s in a robe on the table waiting for a follow-up exam and calling ex-model Cynthia, who, for some reason, is on her way to join NeNe.

Dr Whiteman and his assistant Miss Fatchick enter to check on NeNe’s procedures. The doc removes the tape from her new nose, which as you recall, she had “taken in” last week. NeNe loves it! And, she interviews, she doesn’t care who doesn’t. Then it’s time to open the robe and show off the pooch-lipo and implant-replacement, which, I have to say, both turned out AMAZING. Her stomach is flat and her tits are full but perky. I know Dr Whiteman is a respected professional M.D., but he looks like he’s getting a stiffy right now. NeNe wants her own: “I’m gonna get a penis enlargement,” she joshes via interview.

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“Sweet Baby Jesus, you Nubian goddess…”

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“Now let’s try it WITH the tassels…”

Cynthia is late and has to settle for walking out of the building with NeNe. At least Cyn brought her one of those Edible Arrangement things that they suddenly sell everywhere. Totes appropes, since it contains lots of melon. I used to think those things were an annoying Mafia money-laundering front until TVgasm sent me a huge one for taking over the RHONJ blog and I devoured all the pineapple and strawberries in one Tudors marathon. Thanks, Flipit! And how fuckable is that Henry Cavill?!? Gustoso! Cynthia teasingly calls NeNe a bitch for having cosmetic surgery on the DL. NeNe’s in a great mood because she’s just been given the doctor’s OK to resume her regular heroic wine consumption, but Cyn tells us she thinks NeNe’s nose was fine before. Cynthia, who freely admits to her own boob-job, agrees to bring NeNe home with her to drink wine and “chill”. NeNe doesn’t want to be near grouchy, mopey, gay-money-borrowing hubby Gregg, so off they go.

Casa Cynthia. Cyn takes NeNe back to her swanky brick house and breaks the blush champagne right out, although she seems to think one opens champagne with a corkscrew. Cynthia seems like a ditzy-but-bright, warmhearted gal who belongs on the same classier, duller show that our beloved Kandi does. But they’re stuck here. Sorry, ladies! I guess Phaedra‘s extreme “boughetto”-ness and obnoxious personality more than balance it out. NeNe plays out an age-old soap opera scene, lamenting to Cyn that she loves Gregg, but how long can she put up with his bad choices?

NeNe says she’s been “a loyal wife for 13 years”, adding “I done gave you my twenties and my thirties!” which is really more like 15-20 years but who’s counting. Gregg has “crossed the line” with a breach of trust. Is she talking about taking Dwight’s money? Or is she hinting that he cheated on her? I seem to recall something similar swirling around at the beginning of the season, but I might have been a little wasted on champers myself at the time. Cynthia confirms that NeNe “doesn’t want to go into specifics” about her marital woes, confirming Cynthia’s deep-seated phobia of all things matrimonial. May I suggest lunch with Apollo (Mr Phaedra) at a nearby nudist resort to clear your head, doll?

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“My storyline may be dull, but has anyone else on this show fucked Robert DeNiro?… Didn’t think so.”

Cynthia refills NeNe’s strawberry-garnished Moet and asks point-blank if NeNe’s getting a divorce. NeNe replies that she’d “like nothing more than to stay with” Gregg… so that’s a yes. NeNe tells Cyn that Gregg is the father of Brentt and has been Brice’s stepdad since the slacker ex-teen was 9, then interviews that she doesn’t think couples split up over one thing, but over a tonnage of multiple issues that pushes them to “a breaking point”. Which is where NeNe finds herself. “I’m not be gonna puttin up with no more buuuulshit,” NeNe direly proclaims, “and I WILL start over if push come to shove. And it’s damn sure shovin right now. I am really thinkin about a divorce!” Alright, you can sample Apollo’s wares, too, gurl! After a year of phucking Phaedra’s phugly phanny, he’s certainly earned some strange.

Sheree’s tract mansion. Sheree welcomes lovely eldest daughter Tierra, 24, and her down-to-earth BF Damon over to “babysit” another of Sheree’s kids we’ve barely ever seen, son Kairo, 13, an attractive, well-behaved youngster who knows at least some of the Staub Sisters‘ pain. Tierra and Damon try to stave off Kairo’s death-by-embarassment by clarifying that they’re just there to “hang out”, not “babysit”, but it’s probably too late, since Sheree obviously either named the poor kid after either an Egyptian city or a high-fructose corn syrup (both misspelled, BTW). Sheree is off for a date with “Doctor” Tiy-E, who’ll be relaxing after a long day of snake-oil sales by cooking a romantic dinner for Her Ladyship at “his friend’s house.”

Sheree interviews that she’s wondering how Tiy can call himself “bicoastal” when he doesn’t have his own place on one of the coasts. And just what is that scarlet square of fabric flapping from atop that pole? Sheree tells Tierra and Damon about attending Tiy’s “relationship seminar” last episode, at which she was asked which was more important, “love or money”? Damon diplomatically guesses Sheree chose love, but Tierra knows the bitch rill well and laughingly disagrees with him. Sheree confesses that she said it was “50/50″, but it’s really “70/30″. Sheree says Tiy will be doing the cooking, and she’s going to give him “the benefit of the doubt” despite her preference for dining out “at a five-star restaurant”. Which they could certainly do if she packs a pair of running shoes for the moment after the check comes.

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So Apollo and Bruce Vilanch are very close… what of it?!?

Casa Phaedra. A glam-squad of three (Stylist Monica, a hair gal and a make-up gay ) has been working on Phaedra for two or three hours days in preparation for a vanity shoot by photographer Spark St. Jude who sounds like a porn star but, luckily for porn fans, probably isn’t. Phaedra’s righteous, rotund mama, Pastor Regina, has made it clear she’s not a fan of exposed-stomach shots, but Phae will be sneaking a few in “to document” the fact that she’s actually preggers, perhaps because Phae shows all the maternal instincts of a Kentucky bullfrog. Apollo, dressed in his typical uniform of sexy jeans and a wife-beater (hint-hint), looks like warm, inked, maple-sugar candy as he answers the door to “Miss Spark”, who answers the question “What ever happened to Elayne Boosler?”

Phae says she wants “classy”, “artistic” “pregnancy photos”. You know, like Demi Moore, or that thing Sigourney Weaver fought in Aliens. Phaedra says she was inspired by a picture she saw of some expectant mother with “pickles”, although Phae’s diction is so bad it sounds like she’s requesting “pit bulls”. Apollo covers up his muscles in a nice white shirt and they go outside with a jar of kosher dills. Surprisingly, Phaedra chooses a simple white camisole, but doesn’t disappoint in the skank dept. when she and her plush lips start posing with a big, thick, super-phallic pickle. Spark thinks this is hysterical, giving us a nice granny-porn “Oh, yeah!” as Phae slurps and suckles. Delish!

Apollo joins her in front of the camera, both feeding her the pickle and being fed. And yes, he looks quite at home with that thing in his mouth, even though there’s nary a sauna dial nor corrections officer in sight. “You can suck it, you don’t have to chew it,” Spark drawls. I’ll take Things Pastor Regina Didn’t Say On Phae’s Wedding Day for 500, Alex.

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“Oh, yeah, dat’s right… Then da Incredible Hulk says ‘Take it all, bitch!’”

Tiy-E’s friend’s house. First, it’s an apartment. And not a groovy downtown loft, either. You can tell right away that Sheree’s annoyed by this, as she tightly enters and follows Tiy to the kitchenette. Strike 2 occurs when Tiy “immediately puts me to work”, slicing strawberries. “I’m not used to manual labor,” she grunts, hair looking fabulous. Tiy “rewards” her with… a grape. Cue the eye-rolling. I know he’s broke, but couldn’t he have borrowed a TV and watched oh, let’s say, half an episode of this show? Sheree doesn’t want to cut fruit. She doesn’t want to spoon cookie dough onto a sheet. And she certainly doesn’t want to lick cookie dough from your thumb, Doctor. She wants to open presents from Tiffany’s and then lie there like a corpse while you bang her.

For all his self-proclaimed genius about women, Tiy can’t seem to read the signs that Sheree isn’t into this. She’s literally pushing his dough-encrusted paws away from her. And when she finally submits, she uses her front teeth to scrape the batter off his thumb. Hot. Tiy has made spaghetti. What is he, 8 years old? He tells her he’s been a vegetarian for years and is thinking of entering weight-lifting competitions to “show off” his body. Now this is more Sheree’s speed. In fact, she dares him to take his shirt off to show her how “swollen” he is. Wow. He invites her to take it off for him. Not since Hepburn & Tracy. Or Little Lupe & Evan Seinfeld. He stands up and she remains seated and unbuttons the shirt, which he quickly removes.

“Not bad… his body was alright,” Sheree tells us. “He didn’t have a belly, and that’s important, cuz I’m not doing bellies anymore.” Actually, he has a terrific bod, with sculpted, tiny-nippled pecs and some decent tatts. He leaves his shirt open as they continue eating and he asks what she thought of his seminar. Blah blah 60/40 blah 65/35 blah blah. Do he not have any money? Is that what he’s saying? Sheree bluntly inquires. He’s just saying he doesn’t “value” money over love. Clearly, if this first-college-apartment dinner is any indication. Could he at least have gone to the library and found an enchilada recipe online?

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Let’s hope the “13″ tattooed to your chest doesn’t refer to your shoe size OR credit score…

All that love nonsense sounds delightful, Sheree tells him, then tells us “Love ain’t payin no bills!” She explains to Tiy that she likes travel and fine restaurants, not to mention blowing hundreds of thousands on abortive fashion lines and pricey acting-class theatrical showcases. And that hair does not come cheap. Gay Lawrence has her own bills to pay, so whoever marries Sheree will also be supporting the vodka and drag queen industries. Tiy asks for one last toast before they “call it a beautiful night”– here’s to “my lips touching your lips”. Yikes! Sheree sits there with the smile one has when one realizes one’s Always Infinity has just failed one and one’s new white pants.

“This is only our second date. It’s still early on. I just felt like he was really trying too hard. Maybe he hadn’t been on a date in a while– he didn’t know how to act,” Sheree interviews. After an eternity, she clinks glasses with him. Tiy: To peace, love and… Sheree: Money. She dispenses a super-chaste peck on the mouth and Tiy hopes that even though it’s not his apartment, he’ll still be able to find some jerk-off lube later.

Kandi’s house. Kandi finds cute 7-year-old daughter Riley playing with GarageBand on her MacBook. The tot has been practicing singing Kandi’s song “I Fly Above” and shyly attempts it for her mother. “Riley’s voice is still a kid’s voice, but I can hear the potential,” Kandi excitedly interviews. “She’s a little star on the inside.” Don’t worry, I’m sure Kandi’s not going to go all Teresa Jew-Dice stage mom on us. But she does exhort the girl to sing with “more confidence”. “I’m only 7,” Riley reminds her. “Can we do this later?” OK, that’s one of the warning signs for Stage Momism. But Kandi says sure, Riley needs to call her paternal grandmother anyway, since HER mother, Riley’s great-grandma, just died. I remember when I had great-grandmas. Jesus, I’m old.

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“So you say you friended Brielle and THEN all these middle-aged pervs started messaging you?”

Anyway, Kandi tells us that Riley’s father, who hasn’t been around much if at all since her birth, now wants a relationship with her. I’m sure this show being a big smash hit has NOTHING to do with it. Men are such cunts. Kandi is naturally skeptical about this and Riley doesn’t seem too interested either. But it spells strong-black-woman-drama so I’m all for it. “I’m not going to that funeral,” Riley solemnly informs her mom. She looks and sounds like she’s 27. “I don’t really care if I have a dad or not,” Riley says. This is visibly sad for Kandi to hear. She interviews that Riley has built up a protective shell but that Kandi wants to encourage this relationship and would even like Riley to get to know her four half-sibs her father has “with another woman”.

Kandi reminds Riley she’s always saying she wants a little brother or sister. “That lives with ME,” Riley quickly clarifies. This Mac-proficient, journaling pre-tween is sharp as a tack, so don’t be trying any of that child-psychology bullshit on her, honey. Kandi says a baby bro or sis would require her to get a husband. Riley says not necessarily (!)– she’s not asking for a dad. But then she says “I want somebody like AJ to take care of me.” This mention of Kandi’s ex-fiance is another jab to Kandi’s tear ducts. She explains to us that she’s always conscious of the effect her boyfriends might have on Riley, who became very attached to the late, fertile AJ. Kandi tells Riley “one day” she hopes to have another baby, then smothers the tyke with kisses.

Intimacy Bra-Fitting Specialists. Cynthia & NeNe go shopping. Cyn tells us that “even though we haven’t set a date and Peter hasn’t officially proposed”– and she is seriously nupto-phobic– she needs to “start planning” her wedding. And her honeymoon. And “bachelorette party”, which Cyn seems to be more excited about than the actual marriage. Now that NeNe has “smaller implants”, she needs new bras. And Bravo needs to get a few hetero male eyeballs in front of their shows, so here we are. Tits out! “Let’s just keep it real. I don’t even like to wear a bra… cuz I paid money for my titties to stand up,” NeNe tells us.

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“NeNe, I’m confused. I thought you made them SMALLER…”

NeNe fills out a form (does she ever!) so she can better be fitted for her new boulder-holder. The saleslady says the store stocks sizes “up to K“, which NeNe says is freakishly huge. The clerk prefers the term “very full”. Like the Rite-Aid checkout line at 2 AM when I’m trying to use a $2-off introductory coupon for Always Infinity. Cynthia wants to invite the Wives over for “a Mother’s Day brunch– sort of like a girls’ night out, but with the kids.” I go out to specifically NOT interact with kids, apart from those with fake ID’s and tireless erections.

Cynthia says she’s having it catered and wants to know how NeNe would feel about Phaedra and Apollo coming. “Dat’s cool,” NeNe says, meaning “a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s producers tell her she got to do”. NeNe confirms this by sarcastically telling us “Great… that’s just how I wanna spend my Mother’s Day.” But now it’s time to try on bras. And these chicks ain’t shy about it. After all, Cynthia’s an ex-model and NeNe, is, well, NeNe. NeNe comes barreling out of the dressing room in a pink 34F. I may have overestimated her body a little during the exam scene, but she still looks a’ight. NeNe and Cynthia are both shocked Cynthia wears a D-cup. Good for her! NeNe comes out in a “sexy” bra, leopard-print, and struts and poses like an ex-stripper on Vicodin. (I don’t care if she got the greenlight for wine– you KNOW she refilled those pain meds to the max. I sure as hell would have– between Gregg, Brice and Playa the Yorkie crapping his doggie-diapers, the only one in that house she doesn’t need to be medicated for is young Brentt. Who I’m sure will get NO shit on the playground for this bra segment .) NeNe interviews that she’s “never had a confidence problem” and refers to her new chest as “hooker boobs: real high, nipples to the sky.” Amen, chile. She and Cyn both spend hundreds on their new titty togs and as they walk out, NeNe advises her gorgeous new pal to “Step it up and show Peter some AZZ cheek.”

Joyce‘s house. Kandi stops by her mom’s. Last season, I took an instant dislike to Joyce, dismissing her as a crabby old bat intent on controlling her famous daughter’s life. I thought her freezing out late BF AJ was so not cool, but as we got more information and learned AJ had literally loads of kids by other women scattered around town, and that Kandi was going to marry this questionably employed, laconic prize without a pre-nup to protect her substantial assets, I quickly jumped sides and felt like giving Baby Girl a stern talking-to myself. Anyway, Joyce DID make an effort to accept AJ, but luckily Kandi broke up with him before she ended up a widow responsible for someone else’s debts/kids.

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“Look, I had AJ taken out and Riley’s deadbeat daddy’s gonna be next…”

Kandi has stopped by for advice “about Riley and her dad”. Kandi says the guy sometimes goes “8 months” without calling Riley, and now that he’s suddenly all interested in bonding, Kandi finds it a bit hard to believe. And Riley “is over it”. Joyce says Riley formed this opinion all on her own– Joyce doesn’t discuss Daddy Douchey with her granddaughter so as not to stir the pot. But as we know Joyce has no patience for absent, irresponsible fathers. Kandi becomes emotional expressing her pain at the way Riley’s papa treats the girl. Kandi interviews that she “never had a really close relationship” with her own father and “I really hate that.” Joyce says Kandi’s doing the best she can and Riley has “a strong mama and a very strong grandmama” and “she gonna be alright”. Not sure this solved the problem, but we still heart Joyce!

Georgia Baby & Kids. Kim arrives for some shopping with chubby tween daughter Ariana, who is warned not to to start running around in a spend-crazed spree a la The Jew-Dice Goils. Kim tells the clerk they want to “upgrade” the tot’s bedroom. The clerk says they can design something especially for Ariana’s personality. Ariana tells the clerk her hobbies include “eating chicken”… and obviously not grilled skinless breasts with a side of steamed broccoli. I’m not saying the kid’s fat, but her dream bed should probably include a canopy AND titanium steel reinforcements. Kim nixes Ariana’s suggestion of sports-themed chairs. I’m telling you, we have the trailer park version of Cher and Chaz right here, Gasmii.

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Jesus, while you’re at it, why not throw in flannel pajamas and some Indigo Girls wallpaper?

Casa Cynthia. It’s Mother’s Day and it’s raining, dampening Cyn’s brunch plans, but the show must go on. Cyn confers with the caterers, telling them it’s a difficult crowd into fawning, lavish service. Cynthia looks stunning in a single-strap summer dress and spiky ‘do. Her sis/assistant Malorie is on hand for bitch-wrangling. Kim calls and cancels last-minute: whiskey-voiced teen sexpot Brielle “has a fever”. Yes, those often accompany a herpes breakout. She’s 13 and looks and acts 46– put her to bed with some Teen Mom reruns and get your flaky blonde ass over there!

Cynthia gives the bad news to elderly fiance Peter, and also warns him that Gregg and NeNe are on the rocks. Peter sounds like he’s already got a foot in the grave and couldn’t care less about any of this. Riley, Kandi and Joyce arrive first, followed closely by Phaedra, sadly sans trophy bride Apollo. Phae snootily tells us “Cynthia lives in a regentrication zone, which is basically when they make the ‘hood into the suburbs.” First of all, dumb-ass, the word is gentrification. And secondly, some of us, i.e. cool people with taste, prefer to live in exciting, colorful urban areas instead of having our souls sucked out by the homogenous, faux-riche gated-community “lifestyle”. Fuck, I’ll be right back. Someone’s breaking into my car.

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You don’t have to flip the lids down– he only LOOKS dead.

Phae is toting a wine bottle in a sequined pink cozy and assures Cynthia that Apollo is on the way. It’s Mother’s Day, and the glory holes at the mall are really busy. Phaedra trundles in and greets Cyn’s 10-year-old daughter Noelle. Joyce remarks that the tall, pretty tween may end up modeling like her mom, which Phaedra insultingly counters by telling the tyke “Be a lawyer… get yo’ money, honey!” Right, because Cynthia has such an unenviable salary history. I’d like to barge in and administer a vocabulary test and watch Noelle (and probably Riley) mop the floor with Attorney-2-Da-Thugz. Grampa Peter says he’s looking forward to meeting Apollo after “that limo ride” during which Phae proclaimed the moral superiority of marrying a man with no kids. A FLASHBACK of Phae in that stupid pink hat reminds us just how much of an asshole she is. (“I say Lord, you gotta bring me somebody CLEAN!” How exactly does all that prison rectum taste on hubby’s cock, Counselor?)

Peter tells Kandi that after this incident he asked Cynthia “Am I dirty?” Phae backpedals, explaining that she “dated” men “with lots o’baby-mamas, and so, you know, Kandi know about dat…” Don’t drag Kandi into your bullshit, heifer! Joyce will fuck you up! NeNe arrives in a short leather jacket, accompanied by Brentt. Right behind them are Sheree, Tierra and very nervous-looking 10-year-old other daughter Kaleigh. Of course she’s nervous, she’s never seen TV cameras before. OK, maybe once. What if Sheree was YOUR mother, Gasmii? Pobrecita!

Everyone digs into a scrumptious buffet. Cynthia arranged a grown-ups’ table outside on the balcony, putting Brentt with the little girls. He jokingly asks if they want to talk about “the Cavaliers game”. I don’t follow football so he’s on his own. Kandi interviews that NeNe’s nose-job “caught me off-guard at first” and wonders why no one’s bringing it up. But it only takes two seconds for Sheree to start probing about NeNe’s trip to the beauty doctor. “I contoured my nose,” NeNe confesses. Sheree interviews that although she feels the rhinoplasty was unnecessary, it’s NeNe’s business. How magnanimous of you. When’s Phae’s due date? Sheree asks. And now the fun starts.

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“I disremember the exact date of contraception…”

Phaedra says it was “July 26th or August 1st“. Um, which one? Phae insinuates that early labor will be induced because it’s somehow medically necessary. Or something. Joyce asks isn’t it dangerous to have a baby “at six or seven months?” Oh, no, not if everything’s “fully formed”, Phae assures them. Sheree tells us she found Phae’s waffling bizarre: “Bitch, you don’t know when you got knocked up?” Phae tells them that the baby is sitting “on my bladder”, which resulted in a recent “lotta bleeding” episode. So she wants that thing “up outta here”. Sheree interviews that “one thing I can do is add” and this is “not adding up.” So Phae’s “more like 6 months?” Cynthia asks. Phaedra says she’s not sure, but “at 34 weeks, he’s gonna come.” What we all want to know, dear, is when he already came, and exactly who “he” might be. Wouldn’t it be fab if they backtime this shit to Apollo being behind bars? Questionable parentage is after all a proud Southern tradition.

“Shut up! That is so stupid,” NeNe scoffs via interview. “Chicks from da hood don’t even know who dey pregnant BY and they know how far they are. It was either not his baby or she got pregnant before she got married.” Tell it, girl! Phae says she needs the gang’s advice, “cuz I don’t know nuthin about babies.” NeNe’s first tip is “keep him in until he’s ready to come out.” Phae doesn’t want to hear this. NeNe tells us “A lot of attorneys are good liars”, but Phae couldn’t even come up with “a good lie” for them. Sheree changes the subject to Kandi-Koated Nights. Does Joyce listen to the prurient podcast?

Kandi says her mom has been a guest “a couple times” and they “talked about dildos“. Everyone shrieks. Where’s Apollo when you need him? “The viiiiision, the thought!” NeNe squeals at us, interviewing that she needed to be “taken to the psychiatric ward” after picturing Joyce test-driving enormous latex phalli. Kandi says she promised to get her mom a dildo “for Mother’s Day”. I like Joyce even better now, don’t you? Sheree is hungry for filthy stories from Kandi’s kall-in’s, so Kandi obliges, offering a sex tip about Pop Rocks, which Kandi recommends as a fellatio enhancer. NeNe is disgusted and admits she doesn’t like giving oral, which shocks Kandi. Sheree says “I useta didn’t” and Cynthia confesses that she likes to get head, not give it.

Picture 21-15

“You know what? I got bills to pay.”

Not to be outdone, Phaedra says to give proper blow jobs, one has to “complete the full act”. “She swallows?!” Sheree squawks, then tells us that “in a relationship, I’m a sexual person. But it has to be an emotional bond. I am a lady.” That’s what I’ve been saying all along, isn’t it? Kandi’s kinky kupboard also includes sugar. You wet your finger, roll it around in the stuff, then insert into “your vajajay” for a sweet treat! Phaedra forgets her classy Southern self and says that she prefers to use “powdered sugar” because it makes syrup– “it’s deee-licious!” If I were Apollo, I’d want powdered sugar, Haagen-Dazs, hot fudge, whipped cream AND a banana before I’d consider going down there.

NeNe pretends to gag and tells us “I would never put Kool-Aid, candied yams, peppermint… pancake syrup… none of those things in my vajajay. Dat’s crazy!” Well, you ARE getting divorced, so perhaps you might rethink that. Peter finally gets a break from listening to the small fry discuss Rihanna, rollercoasters and sexting when Apollo shows up with a big gift-wrapped gold box. Peter introduces him to the ladies as “Mr Clean”. Get it? The box contains Phaedra’s Mother’s Day present, a Gucci diaper-bag. Now WE can all throw up. Phae tells us Apollo “must’ve asked my assistant. He is finally learning how to do it.” I hope it contains a Blackberry compartment so she can call HER lawyer after she shakes the poor kid to death.

Picture 20-16

Imagine this looming over your crib…

Sheree interviews that “Apollo rollin up and givin Phaedra the Gucci bag in the middle of dinner was a little tacky– you didn’t see her before she left the house?” Then she does this hilarious wide-eyed fierce ghetto head move, and for a second I forget how much I hate her. NeNe asks the men if they ever felt guilty for “stepping out” on their partners then coming back home. Way to keep Gregg out of it! Kandi finds the question odd, and Peter says he thinks it was directed at “young dude” Apollo. Because Peter has lived a long (make that very long) life and has done it all, so he doesn’t need to “step out”. NeNe boldly declares that she’s “never been a real sexual person” and is “very really low-key in the bedroom… I’m just a wide receiver… take over me! I don’t wanna work too hard.” Again, I invoke your upcoming divorce. And so does Peter, when he rather drunkenly bellows “Maybe that’s why a whole lotta sh*t is goin on right now!” Cynthia is mortified. She told Peter not to bring up Gregg. We heard her.

NeNe, pumped full of champers and Percodan, angrily replies that her 13-year relationship “has nuthin to do with sex”. Maybe it does, Peter argues. If sex isn’t #1, it’s a close 2. NeNe scoffs that it’s “three or fo”, then interviews that she likes Peter, “but he absolutely crossed the line.” Peter walks out as everyone looks uncomfortable. NeNe tells the girls (and Apollo, so, the girls) that she and Gregg have lost communication and trust. She says she’s depended on Gregg “to take care of me” for so long, she’s afraid of striking out on her own. She tells us she wishes she had her mom to help her through, but she died around the age of 40. Joyce pipes up and says she’s 60 now and if she could go back 20 years she’d “cut it off” with her husband. NeNe has one life to live, and she should be bold and beautiful.

Picture 19-19

Yes, we’re also wondering what’s up with the televangelist hair.

Kandi tells us Joyce and Kandi’s stepfather are still married but have been “separated since I was in the 6th grade.” OMG, who’s Joyce married to, Ed O’Neill?! When he became a TV superstar on Married… With Children, he broke up with his wife but kept her in a crappy little Hollywood apartment, paid her rent and banged her once a year. (Allegedly.) Of course, this is the same man who took the MWC crew out for lunch when he was making $350K per episode and at the end asked if they could split the check. All I can say is poor Sofia Vergara. Anyway, Kandi says being legally married puts a definite hitch in Joyce’s dating. Joyce tells NeNe she wishes she’d have given herself the chance “to have a life”.

NeNe interviews that she’d never met Joyce until today and now they have a connection. And a hug. “I wasted a whole lotta time,” Joyce tells them, and I’m really close to weeping right now. Fucking menstruation.

Next week: Kim is a horrible singer and doesn’t like the new song Kandi wrote for her. Kim tries to sell all of her belongings. NeNe tells Cynthia she definitely wants a divorce.

***Commenting Rules: Keep civil. Don’t attack other readers personally. We have a good community here and are glad you are about to add to it. Do so as an adult, please.

Comments (105)
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About Leia LaBiblia

Leia LaBiblia is a former teen model.

105 Comments

1

Matt Lam

Posted November 4, 2010 at 7:23 pm

The thing with the powdered sugar making your vagina juice more syrupy was just nasty! I’m still gagging thinking about it. *gag*
2

proda

Posted November 4, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Leia, thanks for the recaps. I finally figured out who Kim is. She is a modern day Lucy Ball. It is like Lucy but with vulgar slutty obscene behavior, right? The show is gold! Just read that sheree had her car repossesed. These housewives cannot keep a house or a car . Sure way to lose all your belongings or spouses. become a housewife.
3

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 4, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Hey Leia! Haven’t finished the recap yet, but just wanted to let you know that I’m with you on the bloated front. Haven’t actually got the thing yet, but I definitely know it’s coming. Blah! Okay, back to the recap…
4

Mari Roberson

Posted November 4, 2010 at 9:47 pm

@Matt…oh, Lord, let’s not get on another personal hygiene conversation started, please! LOL

Guess whose Aston Martin was seized??

Sheree

http://www.tmz.com/page/3/
5

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Not to get another personal hygiene conversation started (LOL), but putting sugar in your vag is a really awesomely proactive way to make sure you get that yeast infection you always wanted. That scene also made me gag, Matt!
What is wrong with these women that they feel the need to put sugar inside themselves??? I’m a big fan of bathing regularly and wearing clean underwear and I haven’t had a complaint yet!
6

Mari Roberson

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:10 pm

@jeanine….yep, I’m a big fan of bathing and clean underwear too!
7

sarcasatire

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:33 pm

@Matt..we all were gagging. And even though I love Joyce (Kandi’s mom), I did not want to picture her with a three-speed Rabbit. *shudders*

Jeanine, I was gonna say the same thing! My friend used to get yeast infections from EATING sugar, imagine what happens when one acually uses it to ‘sweeten their cupcake.’ *gag* But if you, like Phaedra, are married to an allegedly gay man who was raised in a white household, you would have to try all sorts of tricks to make him go down on you. Add sugar..and blam!..tastes like canned beets.

What if you don’t have a sweet tooth? I’m more savory than sweet, so what could I do to make things more exciting? Crumble salt&vinegar chips all over my man’s chest? Sprinkle juice from the jar of pepperoncinis (of which I am currently snacking on) onto his nipples? slurp olive juice from his belly button? Is anyone getting turned on yet? Me neither.

@Mari: I was reading that today, too! I had posted on the forum a few weeks back that she neglected to pay her divorce lawyers the $180,000 they were asking for, so apparently they had her car seized as payment. Sure, that’s news..but the real story is..how the heck did Sheree afford an Aston Martin??

Regarding Kandi’s radio show (which I wholeheartedly agree with you, Leia, is just not the route someone would go if they want to be taken seriously as a musician), there was a piece of hot juicy gossip about Neeq and Kandi. Neeq is rumoured to be Kandi’s lesbian lover!!!!!
I don’t think Kandi is a lesbian (although Neeq is), but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t mess around with girls occasionally, especially one that she talks about sex with during her Kandi Coated (oooh, that name now holds a double meaning I am not quite prepared for) nights.
Anyway, the lesbian part is just one aspect of the story. The other is that Neeq and Kandi got into an latercation, live on the air! Kandi can even be heard asking someone to “Call the police.”
http://bestylistik.com/kandi-burruss-gets-into-fight-on-ustream-with-bff-neeq/
8

sarcasatire

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:34 pm

@Matt..we all were gagging. And even though I love Joyce (Kandi’s mom), I did not want to picture her with a three-speed Rabbit. *shudders*

Jeanine, I was gonna say the same thing! My friend used to get yeast infections from EATING sugar, imagine what happens when one acually uses it to ‘sweeten their cupcake.’ *gag* But if you, like Phaedra, are married to an allegedly gay man who was raised in a white household, you would have to try all sorts of tricks to make him go down on you. Add sugar..and blam!..tastes like canned beets.

What if you don’t have a sweet tooth? I’m more savory than sweet, so what could I do to make things more exciting? Crumble salt&vinegar chips all over my man’s chest? Sprinkle juice from the jar of pepperoncinis (of which I am currently snacking on) onto his nipples? slurp olive juice from his belly button? Is anyone getting turned on yet? Me neither.

@Mari: I was reading that today, too! I had posted on the forum a few weeks back that she neglected to pay her divorce lawyers the $180,000 they were asking for, so apparently they had her car seized as payment. Sure, that’s news..but the real story is..how the heck did Sheree afford an Aston Martin??

Regarding Kandi’s radio show (which I wholeheartedly agree with you, Leia, is just not the route someone would go if they want to be taken seriously as a musician), there was a piece of hot juicy gossip about Neeq and Kandi. Neeq is rumoured to be Kandi’s lesbian lover!!!!!
I don’t think Kandi is a lesbian (although Neeq is), but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t mess around with girls occasionally, especially one that she talks about sex with during her Kandi Coated (oooh, that name now holds a double meaning I am not quite prepared for) nights.
Anyway, the lesbian part is just one aspect of the story. The other is that Neeq and Kandi got into an latercation, live on the air! Kandi can even be heard asking someone to “Call the police.”
9

Matt Lam

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Yay for clean underwear!!

I was surprised when I read that Sheree’s Aston had been seized. I didn’t think she could afford one lol. Or a real Birkin.
10

Matt Lam

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:40 pm

I’m loving NeNe this year. She’s funny, even if she’s sad and her marriage is falling apart. It’s ok, I don’t like happy people anyway.

Why is Phakedra ALWAYS picking on Cynthia? I figured, jealousy. But it has to be more than that.
11

sarcasatire

Posted November 4, 2010 at 10:58 pm

I’m loving NeNe, too! I think she was like this last season but it came across more as mean-spirited instead of snarky sass that cracks me up and has me nodding along. Especially when she goes to town on Phakedra…I love it!

Not that I’m one for drama (tee-hee)..but wasn’t Phaedra and Nene’s first meeting a little anticlimactic? I mean, with all the behind-the-back grumblings, I would have expected a bit more ‘shade.’

Poor Apollo/ Likable guy, but every scene he is in is like image suicide. Showing up at his wife’s “friend’s” house with a gift for the baby?? (Thanks Phaedra and Bravo for having him by the nuts and making him do that..we know his ‘gift’ would’ve been quality time-cuddling with his wife while watching OZ)
Furthermore, my dead sweet Apollo, the last thing a man who spent 6 yrs in the company of other men should ever do on TV, is deep throat a pickle.
12

sarcasatire

Posted November 4, 2010 at 11:04 pm

should say *dear* sweet Apollo..haha!
13

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 4, 2010 at 11:22 pm

Sarcas, you have me cracking up! Between sprinkling salt and vinegar chips (which I love, btw!) on someone’s chest, deep-throating pickles, and having a ‘gift’ of quality time with Phae while watching OZ, I nearly choked on the pretzel I was eating!

I can’t believe Sheree could afford an Aston Martin either. I guess it was either Aston Martin or pay the lawyers, and she went with the former. Well now her car is the payment for the lawyers, so it all worked out in the end!

I was in the car earlier listening to the radio and when the DJ came on he asked if anybody had seen the Real Housewives of Atlanta the other night and said there was one part of the show that made him extremely uncomfortable. He then played the audio of the conversation about sugar in the ‘va jay jay’. Apparently all of America is in agreement with NeNe that we don’t put anything in there, and if you happen to be someone that does, NO ONE else wants to hear about. Ever.

I’m also on the NeNe bandwagon. LOVE her!

@Matt…I hate happy people too! LOL.
14

kdfinjpn

Posted November 4, 2010 at 11:28 pm

The whole thing really does give new meaning to the Sheena Easton hit “Sugar Walls”!
15

Pixielated

Posted November 4, 2010 at 11:32 pm

“putting sugar in your vag is a really awesomely proactive way to make sure you get that yeast infection you always wanted”

I’d be afraid it would attract ants!
16

Matt Lam

Posted November 4, 2010 at 11:43 pm

About the sugar comment. I really didn’t care about it UNTIL Phakedra made the syrupy vagina juice comment. That killed it. And made me gag. Repeatedly.

As for Sheree, she posed for NOH8, right? Well, get this. She’s wearing big ass She by Fucking Sheree earrings. Like, Bitch! This is NOT about your cheap clothes! Lookie here: http://www.noh8campaign.com/photo-gallery/familiar-faces/photo/5724
17

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:03 am

@Pixielated, LOL, yeah yeast infections and ants… hopefully this is NOBODY’S idea of a turn-on!
18

Matt Lam

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:04 am

@Jeanine: You’d be surprised. lol.
19

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:05 am

Oh, and Matt, you’re right, Sheree seems more like she’s hawking her garbage, now-defunct clothing line instead of bringing attention to the NOH8 campaign. I can’t stand that woman.
20

Matt Lam

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:10 am

I used to love her. I thought she was fun and sassy. She let me down. I’ll never forgive her. Ever.
21

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:20 am

I liked her too, especially last season. Not now though, and I don’t think she’ll be able to earn my forgiveness either.
22

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 1:52 am

Sheree is awful for trying to promote her now-defunct clothing line during the NOH8 campaign. I also saw in the ep where she was working out with her trainer, she had on a “Who gon check me boo?” t-shirt. *rolls eyes* Seriously..enough. Anyway, it didn’t work, Ray-Ray. Not only aren’t you selling any fashions,… as of today, you’re taking the bus.
23

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 2:02 am

@Jeanine: Hmmm…pretzels. What I could do with those!
24

sunshine

Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:07 am

Did I read it here that NeNe has been dating a NFL player who got into trouble for “allegedly” shooting his pregnant girlfriend. In one article it intimated that she was cheating on Gregg. If so, all her “you done me WRONG Gregg” rants are so hypocritical. I am still holding out on liking Nene again. I feel she may be pulling a Jill Zarin and doing some backpedaling right now. She needs this show for the money.
25

Derek Hazelton

Posted November 5, 2010 at 6:34 am

So, if Sheree didn’t pay her divorce lawyers, that lends credence to Dwight’s claims that she owes him $30k. He probably chalked it up to a loss because he knows she’s broke.
26

smokee

Posted November 5, 2010 at 6:38 am

Okay, first of all -your recaps are great but MUST you mention your teen modelling days in every recap??we get it, you were a teen model, move on.
27

kdognatl

Posted November 5, 2010 at 6:40 am

Great recap Leia! LMAO of at all the comments and I agree about the sugar, sounded gross and just asking for a yeast infection.

I am with you @ sunshine, I can’t get back with Nene either. She just put me off so bad before. And I too heard about the rumors of her cheating with an athlete quite a few months back, and because of that, I have rolled my eyes at her trying to make Gregg look so bad to us.

Until this episode, I didn’t know Kandi had a radio show. Thanks for the info Sarcas, I am now curious as to what went down with her and her co-host.
28

notwithoutmytv

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:07 am

I just hope Donn and Greg are hanging together somewhere where the climate is warm, the liquor is cheap, and the local girls are friendly. You earned it, guys. You escaped a fate worse than death. Someday, I hope the night terrors go away.
29

notwithoutmytv

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:20 am

And suggesting that Apollo go straight from Phaedra to NeNe? [shudder]. That’s like an all-night pass to zoo pussy.
30

LAC

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:16 am

Leila – love your recaps! I am always laughing. This episode is not to be watched while eating or in a state of sobriety. Who wants to see people sticking fingers in the mouth of others or talking about making a damn cake out of your vajajay?

I fucking hate Fakedra – that blowfish bitch is such a liar – you know that she gave Apollo (run, honey, run!) the credit card, the store address, what she wanted, and orders to bring it to the party. Who do you think you are kidding, heiffa? And yeah, that is what six months looks like on a pregnant woman…who is actually close to nine months. Nice try, equestrian counselor!
31

SkipToMyLou

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:24 am

I am serisously disturbed that Phaedra thinks it is even okay to pretend that a baby born at 34 weeks ON PURPOSE is totally normal. I looked it up – she and Apollo were married on November 1st, and she gave birth on May 24th (about 2 weeks after Mother’s Day) and read nowhere that the baby was premature, etc. If my calculations of a 40 week pregnancy are right, she would have had to have gotten knocked up at the end of August, 2 whole months before she was married. I just cannot believe she won’t won’t own up to it, and would rather admit to inducing her baby two months early. Lord woman, which is worse?
32

marijai

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:29 am

Leia, finally got to read the recap and you are fantastic!!
33

sheesh

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:34 am

@notwithoutmytv “all-night pass to zoo pussy” THAT is some funny shite!

I love Nene’s THs but I do agree with other posters that she is doing dirty herself. I imagine that she took the smallest slight that Greg could have done and blew it up and out of control so she could justify chasing dick.

Peter is an asshat. Whatever he thinks of anyone else he should have been a gracious host or spent Mother’s Day with his own mother.

Phaedra…oh lord this woman…everytime she talks she sounds less and less a southern belle and more like a “regentrified” ghettobabymamma. Plus I think her mother looks like a short Divine.

Is it just me or does Kim’s upperlip skeeve anyone else out? It looks stupid sticking out the way it does.
34

Matt Lam

Posted November 5, 2010 at 11:45 am

Kim doesn’t have beef curtains. I saw it and it looked fine lol.
35

TCM

Posted November 5, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Phaedra is psycho stupid. . First off of course she knows her due date, they give you a estimated due date when you have an ultra sound so even if you don’t know the date of your last period, you’d have a due date.
She wants every one to think she got pregnant after her wedding, okay, I get that..I guess…but she thinks everyone is so stupid that she doesn’t spend any time coming up with a plausible story for the babies (supposed) early delivery. Just tell people a due date that you’d have if you were having a honeymoon baby (easy to get due dates online pregnancy calendar) and when you deliver early (ie on time) you say you developed something (pick from a list in a pregnancy book)) and the dr’s were worried enough to take the baby early, but everything is fine now, and isn’t my miracle baby adorable? That’s what your real friends and family will care about, a healthy baby, not dates.. I came up with that story in seconds, think what a supposedly intelligent lawyer could have come up with if she spent anytime thinking about a story, better than”I just want this baby out of up in there” or whatever she said.
As a mom of twin boys born at 30 weeks it bugs me when women talk about how much they’d love to have their babies early, I get that being pregnant isn’t always fabulous but it sure beats having your babies hooked to ventilators in the NICU.
36

Tadow

Posted November 5, 2010 at 2:50 pm

Always appreciate the recaps and was really looking forward to this one after watching Phae demolish pickles. Nice try at making gentrification sound cool and hip, but it is and always has been related to race and displacing minorities. Sorry, I’ll take off my social worker hat now and get back to enjoying the recap…WHAT?!?! social workers can enjoy this crap too
37

Ollybeau

Posted November 5, 2010 at 2:58 pm

I simply can’t imagine any doctor agreeing to deliver a baby at 34 weeks unless there was something seriously wrong. Phaedra wasn’t even on bedrest for goodness sake! Any intelligent person could see this makes no sense.
38

Derek Hazelton

Posted November 5, 2010 at 3:56 pm

I love how all the women at the Mother’s Day party, who are all mothers, just let Phaedra believe her lie because it was easier to just let her live in her delusion than to argue her down, based on facts. I don’t think it had to do with anyone’s intelligence; it had to do with the fact that it wasn’t worth calling her out because she wasn’t going to admit to anything in that environment.
39

pantsonfire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 4:09 pm

@Matt– My moms not here lurking is she…….. I havn’t seen any outbursts, or anyone complaining about the topics so just checkin to make sure my mama ain’t hidin in Nene’s bushes waiting to slap my face for talking about sugar…. Am unsure about putting sugar anywhere but in my newly bleached piehole, but I do know that 80 years ago or so women used to use coca cola to douche with. Especially women who. well,….slept all over america.
40

Matt Lam

Posted November 5, 2010 at 4:35 pm

@Pantsonfire: She’s not here lol. I also watch Boardwalk Empire on HBO. In the last episode, a woman is given a pamphlet about that sorta thing, and they recommended to use Lysol to douche with, after sex lol. At this point, why not go all the way, and use Oven Cleaner? lol
41

ohralphie

Posted November 5, 2010 at 4:47 pm

@pantsonfire, why be a bitch? One poster asked very politely that you refrain from talking about your asshole and you’re still mad about it? She wasn’t be a jerk.
42

Matt Lam

Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:35 pm

@ohralphie: She was just making a joke. Calm down.
43

lindaw205

Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:41 pm

So, it’s okay for her to continue to make jokes at my expense and bully me but not ok for me to make a polite request? I don’t know, something doesn’t seem right here.
44

ohralphie

Posted November 5, 2010 at 5:57 pm

@matt lam: I am calm. I’m just a little tired of the bitchiness that keeps popping up on these recaps.
Had @lindaw205 been rude I would totally get @pantsonfires post. But she wasn’t. It was unnecessary.
45

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 6:55 pm

@kdognatl: Here is the link to the fight between Kandi and her co-host/alleged lover: http://mediatakeout.com/mobile/content/?view=44358

Also, I may have mentioned before that Nene was supposedly having an affair with a football player, (I’m almost positive it came up at the reunion of season 1 or on the WWHL live where Nene was in the studio and Kim called in and they argued for 15 mins straight. Anyway, Kim mentioned something of the sort about Nene stepping out, but I don’t remember specifics). Anyway, the rumored boyfriend is worse than Apollo..let’s hope Nene didn’t get with this guy. I’m about to put my Phaedra asshat on and say that atleast Apollo went to jail for a white collar crime..Nene’s man is on trial for manslaughter!
http://www.realitytea.com/2010/04/27/real-housewife-nene-leakess-reported-new-love-accused-of-killing-girlfriend/

Besides the press release at the bottom of the previous link, Nene also goes on Wendy Williams to deny the affair, but I can’t locate a good link to the video.

I’d been saying for weeks that the dates just don’t add up and that Phaedra must’ve been preggo before getting married. Now, after this episode, there is no doubt in my mind she had a shotgun wedding. I still maintain that she got pregnant by accident and used ‘keeping it’ as leverage to get Apollo to marry her. Phaedra has seen success in her career but after dating all of these d-list celebrities she realized no one was trying to wife her up. So when she said on one episode to Apollo, “YOU wanted this baby,” it was obvious that she did not. But I tell you what she did want. A wedding. And isn’t marriage all about compromise?
46

2muchbravo

Posted November 5, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Was I the only one to get a little teary when Joyce was talking to Nene at the end? I’ve warmed to Joyce. I hadn’t heard anything about Nene’s alleged Boy Toys. She genuinely looked hurt when she was talking to Cynthia (who that little troll Phaedra is green with envy over). Maybe she’s just “living” as a result of Joyce’s little talk.
47

Pixielated

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:16 pm

@pantsonfire: You mentioned “Mom” once already. Just let it go, OK? @lindaw expressed her opinion, that’s all. Don’t beat the “Mom” joke to death or we’ll think you are @Notwithoutmytv.
48

Pixielated

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:26 pm

@Sarcasatire: Yecch. What does/did she see in him (Charles Grant)? Here is the scoop on his manslaughter charge, courtesy of Wikipedia:

“Grant was indicted on a charge of involuntary manslaughter stemming from a February 2008 altercation at a nightclub in which a pregnant woman was shot to death outside a Blakely, Georgia nightclub. Korynda Reed, 23, and her unborn fetus died after being taken to the Southeast Alabama Medical Center in Dothan after the fight early in the morning of February 3, 2008. Grant has said that he was neither an instigator nor a participant in the fight. Grant was arraigned on August 15, 2008.[7] The criminal case was resolved in May 2010 when Grant pleaded guilty to a charge of public affray, he was assessed a $1,000 fine and a year’s probation, and ordered to pay $20,000 for the cost of the investigation by the sheriff’s office; the more serious involuntary murder charge was dismissed. Grant still faced a civil suit by the family of the victim.[8][9]”

I don’t think the woman was his girlfriend, otherwise it would be a Rae Carruth-type thing and he’d be in prison for a long time. Just one of those senseless things that happen at nightclubs. It’s amazing how things get distorted, especially by some of the more marginal websites. But anyway, that guy is butt ugly IMO.
49

Pixielated

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:31 pm

What happened to Kandi and Willis McGahee. Now he is pretty cute, and a good player. Grant was released by New Orleans in March 2010 and picked up as a free agent by the Bears in early October, then released by them a few weeks later. He is 33, so might be at the end of the road, since he is a defensive end. McGahee is 29.
50

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:35 pm

Yea..who knows if he knew the girl or not…I read several sites and they didn’t connect him to her but we’ll never know what happened. There has to be a reason he was charged and held accountable for her death. But how distraught must her loved ones be that she and her unborn baby were killed and her killer only has to pay a $1000 fine and cover the costs of the investigation. I don’t think there will be any justice for such a senseless, unnecessary death.

And yes..he is plug ugly!
51

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Yea..but what’s with Kandi and ‘unclean’ men? First AJ and his 6 kids by four different women, now McGahee and his 5 kids by however-many baby mamas…sheesh, Kandi, you may need to wear Phaedra’s asshat for a while, too. (Come to think of it..no wonder she told McGahee she was celibate. Didn’t want to take any chances..homeboy is fer-tile!)

http://bossip.com/295001/willis-mcgahee-defends-his-rhoa-boo-kandi-and-discusses-his-dirty-dck-past12006/
52

urfavegirl

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:12 pm

I have never been a fan of Phaedra, but this episode sealed it for me. She is a moron & must have gotten her law degree where “Dr”. Tiy-E got his medical degree. What dr. is going to induce at 34 weeks if the life of the mother or child is not in danger? Oh he’s sitting on your bladder? Yeah that’s urgent. My daughter was born prematurely at 36 weeks and only lived 12 days. To risk your child’s life becuase you’re temporarily uncomfortable is incredibly selfish & disgusting. End rant.
53

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:35 pm

@urfavgirl: Sorry to hear about your little angel. We all believe Phaedra is lying. My doc told me that no doctor will induce before 40 weeks unless it is an emergency. A baby isn’t even considered full term until 37 weeks! Phaedra is trying to make it seem as if she got pregnant after her wedding..which is why she concocted this story…and told it to a room full of mothers, no less! No one bought what she was selling.

I think, “DR” Tiy-E, spells his name as such because he is trying to cover up the fact that he was named after a woman! My high school sweetheart’s little sister is named Tiye (Ty-eee), after an Egyptian queen. Haha..I guess the “Doc’s” mom didn’t do her research.
54

sarcasatire

Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:47 pm

Okay, funny story and blatantly off topic..but indulge me, per favore. I went to the liquor store to buy a bottle of wine, and the lady carded me!! Known for milking a compliment for all it’s worth, I reach for my wallet, and coyly ask her how she thinks I might be. “No more than 20″, she says matter-of-factly. “Really?”, I say, feigning surprise. (Still milking) “Yea..you have baby face,” she tells me.
“Thank you”, I say, beaming a megawatt smile, “You’ve made my day because in a few hours, I’ll be 31!”

And it’s past midnight, so….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ME!!!!!
55

Zombie Cheez

Posted November 5, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Great cappy Leia, thanks.

@urfavegirl, I agree with you 100%. I had the same reaction you did, as my stepdaughter had her baby in January at 24 weeks gestation. He was in NICU for 5 months, and has a nursing staff at home now. He is blind, and has a 95% chance of some form of CP (it can’t be fully diagnosed until he is two), and will very likely have intellectual and developmental delays. He’s still on oxygen because he has lung disease.

I’m so sorry for your loss, and watching someone take something so precious for granted is infuriating and demoralizing. I do not believe her, but her complete lack of connection with her baby is disturbing and I don’t believe it’s a put-on, or the ever popular “editing” CYA they all claim.

Good thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter, my heart goes out to you.
56

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 5, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Happy birthday Sarcas! I know how awesome it is to be carded. I’m almost 29 and it makes my day anytime someone wants to see an ID b/c they think I’m younger than 21, not b/c they have to card anyone that doesn’t look 40 which is the new norm for a lot of stores now.

I’m really sorry to hear about your little girl, @urfavegirl. My own son was born 2 1/2 months early. He weighed less than 3 pounds and I wasn’t even allowed to touch him for the first week or so b/c his heart was so fragile that even a tickle could have caused him to go into cardiac arrest. He spend the first month of his life in the NICU and was much smaller than other kids his age for most of his life. He’s okay now though, he’s almost ten and has had a few growth spurts so he’s actually one of the taller kids in his class now. However, he does have asthma and can’t exert himself too hard or he has trouble breathing. Regardless of whether it was a lie, it enraged me to hear Phakedra even say something so ignorant. No doctor would ever induce a woman so early, unless either she or the fetus was in danger of dying. She’s supposed to be an educated woman. Why say something that not only makes you sound like an asshole, but a completely stupid asshole at that? HATE her!
57

Jeanine Schaefer

Posted November 5, 2010 at 10:36 pm

@ZCheez, I’m really sorry to hear about your step-daughters son. It’s so terrible that that pig of a woman would rather have people believe that she would elect to have such a premature baby than just admit she had sex with someone before she was married. A premature baby is nothing to take so nonchalantly. You and your step-daughter and her son will be in my prayers.
58

Pixielated

Posted November 5, 2010 at 10:52 pm

@sarcas: Happy Birthday! I got carded one time when I was 29, but that was it. No baby face here!

@Urfavegirl: So so sorry for your loss.

@ZCheez: What a tragic situation for your stepdaughter! I’m so sorry.

@Sarcas: I think the incident with Charles Grant was one of those disputes that break out at nightclubs, where two people or groups get into a fight, then a gun is produced, and somebody dies. It happens fairly frequently here in Tucson, especially at strip clubs. Sometimes one group leaves and then comes back in a car and sprays the crowd with bullets. During the summer, it seemed like there was at least one shooting per day (not always under these circumstances).

Anyhow, anybody involved in the melee (or affray!) can be charged in the death, if one occurs. I don’t think the shooting was premeditated, and Charles may not have even fired a gun. They do this pretty often (charge everybody involved) because it is so difficult to determine who actually fired the gun, unless somebody talks (and charging them induces them to rat on their friends).
59

Zombie Cheez

Posted November 5, 2010 at 11:09 pm

Thanks @Jeanine and @Pixie, I appreciate your compassion and kind words. He’s a very sweet baby, and a fighter, so I hope for the best and I love him very much, so he’s perfect in my eyes.
60

urfavegirl

Posted November 5, 2010 at 11:10 pm

Thank you all for your kind words, thoughts & prayers. They are greatly appreciated! My heart goes out to anyone who is in or has been in a similar situation. It is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Happy Birthday my fellow Scorpio Sarcastire! I’ll be 32 on Monday & would love to be carded Kudos to you!
61

k37744

Posted November 6, 2010 at 11:30 am

Don’t mess with a Scorpio! I’ll be 36 on the 16th and haven’t gotten carded since *a-hem* Seinfeld was on the air….(unless it’s at a cheesy chain restaurant and the server is 21 and vigilant about their job. Love those little buggers).

Tell me what’s up with Cynthia’s hair..? She looks so different in her interviews with it pulled back, but I definitely think she looks GORGE with it spiky and short a la brunch. Her features are perfect and finely-chiseled. Those cheekbones are ridiculous. I wish I could rock a haircut like that. (But then I’m always taken for a loop when it’s pulled back…?) Hairpiece? Extensions? Spike it up!!

It sucks that Phaedra’s callous ambivalence and general selfishness would stir up something so painful for a person just trying to watch a silly Bravo show. The warmth comes from the support and virtual hugs of all the ‘real world’ mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers who know what true love is in its purest form.
62

Matt Lam

Posted November 6, 2010 at 11:37 am

@Sarcas: Happy Birthday!!!
63

pantsonfire

Posted November 6, 2010 at 6:00 pm

Hey @Linda- My joke was directed at Matt- not you- and I am speaking about my piehole- my mouth, not my ass. My mom smacking my mouth- get it- not you. It’s no wonder people stop posting.. Again, what can we talk about here as not to offend anyone. Most normal people who don’t like the atmosphere would just stop coming by. Same as if you don’t like what your watching change the channel- stop complaining. go away. Stop accusing anyone of bullying you–If you don’t like the conversation, leave or be constructive instead of deconstructive. I’m not trying to be mean, but stop already.
64

Matt Lam

Posted November 6, 2010 at 6:26 pm

@pantsonfire: Right on.
65

sarcasatire

Posted November 7, 2010 at 12:15 am

@Jeanine, @Pixielated, @K37744, @urfavgirl, @Matt: Thanks for the birthday wishes! And big hugs to my fellow Scorpios!

The day was mellow..went to my grandma’s house where my dad made my favorite..his special ribs..even grilling them outdoors in the NYC cold so he could get them just as I like them…yum! Then I was back home by 9, in time for my late eve nap. (Read: How the mighty have fallen) Well, considering last years bday party was also my baby shower (appropriately titled ’30 years and 30 weeks’, atleast this year, I got to have a glass of wine. Maybe next year..I may even make it past midnight before falling asleep. lol

On second thought..maybe I should’ve taken my friends up on their offer to go for drinks, if only to get carded again. Haha..I don’t what it is lately, I was even carded in a casino in Australia and I was just taking a shortcut to the hotel! As this phenomenon has only occurred within the last year, I’m going to speculate that as my ‘baby weight’ rounded out my normally chiseled-cheekboned face, it’s given me a Rubenesque, cherubic-type of innocence. A silver lining on, an otherwise, chubby cloud.
66

chemgal

Posted November 7, 2010 at 6:15 am

@pantsonfire I think your response to lindlaw was unnecessary, mean and nasty. She asked very nicely and politely and is a poster who has stayed out of most of the personal stuff that has occurred on the board. Its okay to disagree with her request, sarcasatire did as well, but her response wasn’t mean in nature and sarcasatire even made an attempt to take the comments in a different direction. Of course you are allowed to go off on tangents, we’ve all done it, and you’re allowed to not agree, again we’ve all done it. But for the most part, commenters such as olralphie, lindlaw, marijai, sheesh who have for the most part stayed out of all the drama seems harsh. If you had aimed it at me, zombie, robin, sarcasatire, notwithoutmytv, I think it would have been different as we’ve all done it ourselves to others and each other and we’ve all been involved in the personal stuff and while we may not have liked it, we would have been better prepared to deal with it.
67

Zombie Cheez

Posted November 7, 2010 at 6:49 am

Well let’s all join @sarcassy in her self-promoting happy birthdays – here’s to hoping you clean up your dirty asshole, and find a good douche for your stinking snatch. And may your your birthday find you with a copy of Emily Post and a “Our Bodies Ourselves” so you can clean up your act AND your filthy points of entry.

Hey @pantsonfire – you’re a SUPER addition to the comments section!!!

What a trash heap this place turned into.
68

k37744

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:33 am

@z or p cheeze: Wow. Just. Wow.

Thanks for manning the garbage truck.

If that was your attempt at making the boards a fun place to visit, you failed. MISERABLY.

(I await the 7 paragraph lecture/tongue-lashing attacking me outright. I’m painfully familiar with it and have just ignored you since this bullshit began, but you, my dear, are a horse’s ass. In a media so ripe with anti-bullying messages, you’d think grown adults wouldn’t stoop to such childish levels. And if your response contains any form of “they MADE me do it,” you are a true fool).

Remember when you dramatically bid farewell to the boards (after rudely dissing Flipit’s requests to grow up) and said you were taking the high road, then came back a few days later to spew more venom? Do it again, but stay gone. Please. I cringe every time I see your screen name. Go pollute another site.

May our paths never cross again. Oh, and thanks in advance for the response.
69

jiggyluver

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:47 am

@everyone. This is like high school. Don’t pick on so-and-so- she never has a bad thing to say- certain people stay out of the drama, why are you so harsh on them. It seems to me that most people who aren’t interested in a particular posts topic tend to move down the line until they read something of interest. Exactly what good does it do to post a comment that you want to change the subject. This isn’t a dinner party.
I do agree that if you continaully jump imto these posts with let’s change the subject, I don’t like it, then this blog may not be for you.

Sure the lines go askew and you learn things you never thought you wanted to know or should know, but this is an open forum, some of the posters have intelligent, well thought out ideas, some just come up with great one liners. SOME want everyone else to censor the topics.

I jumped in and said something earlier on that I reacted to personaly, and learned a really good lesson about interjecting my issues, problems, etc. onto other people.

So can we all just drop it and move forward- understanding that all topics don’t please everyone, they usually tend to go away on their own, and we make the choice to turn them into pissing matches. If we can’t then we are right back in high school. And I no longer have a bitchin collection of Swatches so I am screwed!
70

k37744

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:57 am

@jiggy: well said.

(I’m putting my Duran Duran posters back in the closet in the hopes that I’m interacting with adults…)
71

jiggyluver

Posted November 7, 2010 at 9:39 am

@K37744 Ok, I’ll take off my leg warmers, put down my Rubiks cube and put my Flashdance laserdisc back in my closet too.

Does anyone think Phaedra will ally with any of the other Housewives by the end of the season? I mean most women who are on the outside, tend to make their way into a click. Especially if she is called out at some high class event. My guess is it’s ON after she popped out that preemie baby. She is fair game now for Nene and anyone else that didn’t buy her shit. Can’t wait!

Also can’t wait for next RHONJ it sounds like Tree has gone off the deep end……
72

ohralphie

Posted November 7, 2010 at 9:47 am

@jiggyluver — I don’t think it is possible for Phaedra to align with any of the women. She is just so…so….I don’t know that I can explain it. Whether it is purposefully or she is just incredibly un-self aware she is alienating everyone with digs on how wonderful she is compared to the ‘unclean’ masses she must interact with. None of these women are especially forgiving and laid back so I don’t see any of them forgiving and forgetting anytime soon.

I would kill to see Phaedra, Camille, Jill Z, Big Boobed Christian and Kelly trapped on a small boat for a getaway though
73

k37744

Posted November 7, 2010 at 9:59 am

I was so shitty at the Rubiks Cube that I “solved” it by removing and replacing all the stickers. I did have sweet rainbow legwarmers though. Man, I’d kill for those in adulthood.

I caught the Mother’s Day brunch rerun this morning while scrubbing my tiny kitchen (sans nanny) and with unglamorous sweatpants on. Again, LOVE Cynthia’s look…and Phaedra gets worse every time you watch it. I could totally see Nene tearing her ass up once the innocent is “removed from up in here.”

Sad to see Nene and Kandi going at it in the previews though…wonder what that’s about.
74

jiggyluver

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:00 am

Fly Above Ladies…. anyway….I am always amused by the Atl gals because they so easily switch sides and alliances. They just have a gang mentality. One turns on the other, then they start in with “you know what she said about you boo?” then it’s weave\wig pulling and backtalking at its finest.
75

someofusuck

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:04 am

**Hey @pantsonfire – you’re a SUPER addition to the comments section!!!

What a trash heap this place turned into.
——

@Z Thanks for letting us all know how we compare to your family reunions- I really admire people who can give us examples of their own life experiences.
76

pantsonfire

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:23 am

@pantsonfire, why be a bitch? One poster asked very politely that you refrain from talking about your asshole and you’re still mad about it? She wasn’t be a jerk.

I don’t remember calling anyone names, or insulting anyone personally I also just asked for people to stop censoring. So take a Xanax or get laid whichever.
77

shantigal

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:43 am

Birthdays & assholes, big whoop. We all have one.
78

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted November 7, 2010 at 12:13 pm

I despise Theresa?

The flaming is getting kind of annoying. That is why I don’t normally comment on the Real Housewives except to tell Leia she did a great job, and I have stopped doing that. It makes me sad because this is a snark site. We should have differences of opinion but to let an issue continue to go on from 15 episodes ago it defeating the purpose and beating a dead horse. Very few of us know each other in real life.

I don’t mean to sound condescending but it really bothers me sometimes. Yes, I probably shouldn’t read it if I don’t like it, and usually I don’t. However, I think it defeats the mission of the site, to make people LAUGH and to enjoy that we aren’t making fools of ourselves on TV.

Anyway, these ladies really have grown on me. I thought when RHOA first came out, it was stupid and it made a mockery of RHOOC (clearly, I was delusional during my pregnancy to think RHOOC was classy).

I have always had a soft spot for Kim and I have ALWAYS adored Kandi. Every time I hear “No Scrubs” (I downloaded it. So, shoot me.), I think she really is quite a genius. She does have a great knack for songwriting and while the song does get annoying after I hear it 8743897u489 times when I was 14 years old (I believe it came out in 1999), it really is quite a work of genius, songwriting wise anyway.

NeNe is great because she reminds of a friend I had when I went to the Art Institute of Pittsburgh. While she is loud and obnoxious at first and annoyed you death, she has a heart of gold and is fiercely loyal to her friends. My friend at AiP would have taken a bullet for me or anyone of my friends down there and she is one of the very few people I am glad I met down there.

Sheree is, well, Sheree. I don’t like her but I don’t hate her either. I thought the whole fight with Kim last season was stupid but I LOVE seeing her uncomfortable with the Dr. I thought Cynthia was an awful housewife, but she is up there with NeNe, Kandi, and Kim with me. She has a wicked, dry sense of humor that I adore. I like when people are funny and don’t realize it. She seems really well-grounded and she is really adorable. She is like the older sister I wish and I actually liked.

Ephedra is a disgrace. I mean, not knowing your own child’s due date? I will give her the argument of “not knowing” the date of conception but the due date you HAVE to know. She is also a liar saying they want the baby out at 6 months. PLEASE. My mother in law had a son born at 6 months and while it was really hard and he did survive, the chances of a baby surviving is VERY slim. The 34 week thing she says kind of makes sense. If you have a difficult pregnancy, they might take the baby early. Because Epherdra looks like a cow, she had bleeding, etc. that would make sense. However, she would also be on bed rest too and I doubt Miss Priss would do that.

I know if you had a C-Section, they usually take the baby at 38 weeks if you have another child. However, if the baby isn’t in duress, the mother is fine, they usually let the baby grow. The just ultrasound the crap out of you every week until you pop.

Sorry for the long post. You did great Leia. You took over from Twunty and have done an amazing job. Keep it up!
79

Flipit

Posted November 7, 2010 at 12:26 pm

Oh LORD. You’re really making me do this? OK CONGRATS! In the first time in TVgasm History we have commenting rules! YAAAYYYY!!!! These will start appearing at the bottom of recaps and will go into effect this fine Sunday at 12:20 E time. If you see your comment removed, it has been moved to the spam box, which means you will have to get reapproved to start commenting again. I really don’t want to be a nanny, but the economy’s bad so I’ll take what work I can get. I’m keeping everything we’ve got up to now intact because I would rather not spend my Sunday hunting and gathering through crappy attacks.
The recaps are what this site is about, but the readers are what make it what it is. You guys are some of the funniest and smartest on the net. Try to play for the same damn team sometimes.

Commenting Rules: Keep civil. Don’t attack other readers personally. We have a good community here and are glad you are about to add to it. Do so as an adult, please.
80

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted November 7, 2010 at 2:29 pm

It is depressing Flipit but sadly, it is needed. Thanks!
81

Kelly Bundy

Posted November 7, 2010 at 4:19 pm

@k37744 you are my hero. Let’s just say I was becoming increasingly…lactose intolerant.

Flipit, sorry you had to resort to that. But as Angela said, it was certainly warranted, and I think it will help. Hopefully after some time passes you can take it down again.
82

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 5:03 pm

@Kelly: Lactose intolerant! Haha.

Flipit, where is the spam box? I hope I’ll never need it, but you never know, I guess.
83

Robinez

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:04 pm

I truly hope that “lactose intolerant” had nothing to do with my posting concerning mammograms. I am hoping that I am wrong in my assumption and this is just a joke that went over my head, and had nothing to do with my post; because the alternative isn’t pretty.

Robin
84

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:13 pm

Yes, @Robinez, you are wrong in your assumption. It was not aimed at your comment.
85

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:13 pm

I meant to put a smile there, but it looks like a laugh. Rest assured, I would never laugh at you.
86

Robinez

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:24 pm

Thanks. So fill me in. What was the joke?

Robin
87

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:35 pm

People who are lactose intolerant cannot eat cheese.
88

sarcasatire

Posted November 7, 2010 at 7:41 pm

I have the same condition. Have had indigestion for months..I can’t even look at the word “frommage” without hyperventilating.

I am confused why someone would post asking if people are joking about their comment, when they hadn’t even posted a comment. I scrolled upthread..no mammogram comment in sight. Maybe they are confusing this thread with another one?
89

Robinez

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:26 pm

“Maybe they are confusing this thread with another one?”

Yes, maybe they were. And maybe it isn’t against the rules to be mistaken, honest mistakes have never been an issue here before. Having mistakes brought to the forefront hasn’t been an issue either.

There have been many folks in the past, including myself that have posted to a diiferent thread than they had intended. It isn’t a big deal.

Robin
90

Robinez

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Correction; I posted to the thread that I wanted to. After reading two different recaps I was confused concerning which recap had what conversation. *Sigh*

Robin
91

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 8:38 pm

“The gasm is a friendly community where likeminded (freaks of nature) gigglebots gather to point and laugh at the parade of lunacy produced for us nightly by hollywood sprites across the globe. Come join us, won’t you?”–”About Us,” TVGasm

It seems like the parade of lunacy is now being produced on the comment boards more than in Hollywood.
92

Pixielated

Posted November 7, 2010 at 9:20 pm

It is a shame that we now have these rules when most of the incivility was coming from one person. Isn’t that always the way? One person ruins it for everybody. Or for @Flipit, anyhow.
93

Stewinberri

Posted November 7, 2010 at 9:48 pm

I hate Teresa Guidice!
94

Classy Drunk

Posted November 7, 2010 at 10:19 pm

Nice work stewinberry…that made my day!
95

Stewinberri

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:39 pm

Hey Classy, just trying to keep it civil. By TVgasm standards anyway.

Leia you outdid yourself. This is a wicked funny recap. Favorite line re: Sheree’ “She wants to open presents from Tiffany’s and then lie there like a complete corpse while you bang her.” Too funny and sooo Sheree! Maybe she can be Mr. Lisa’s mistress on the Mrs. many nights off. Sheree’ she may no longer be able to stand doing big belly’s but she is willing to compromise and make use of some knee pads. I guess a girl her age has to at least be willing to do one or the other. That is, unless she is willing to settle for dr. threadbare (in reference to his balding head and scarce finances). And we all know Sheree’ is All about the money. Question is, are men with money about her? Pot bellied Bob may have been her last best catch!

Kandi never ceases to amaze. Kandi coated nights? I want Riley to know her 4 half sibs by a man she hardly knows? Tread lightly, Khandi, tread lightly. Why don’t you start with a few consistent Soopervised visits between the prolific procreator and your daughter mmkay!

Phaedra scares me, I mean really really frightens me. More than Danielle. Is there anyone not convinced this woman worships the devil? Anyone? She is unlike any Christian I have ever known, and I have known my share of religious hypocrites. Based on what we have seen of her so far, her religious beliefs seem more in line with the cult of lil freaky Kim than anything else. She’s about as Christian as she is a southern lady. Maybe she gets her religious beliefs from the same place she learned her celebratory rituals.
96

Stewinberri

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:43 pm

@ Martha, thanks for confirming. I thought it was the wine. lol
97

Stewinberri

Posted November 7, 2010 at 11:55 pm

@everyone, this deleted comments thing might become kinda fun. In my enebriated state it has certainly given me the gigglefits. It does throw things out of whack and could leave those new to the gasm scratching their heads. Hey and maybe when there is no back and forth going someone can just make up a random CIVIL non-personal humorous response to an imagined attack which those in the know will assume has been deleted before we saw it. Ok I’m laying off the wine.
98

Stewinberri

Posted November 8, 2010 at 12:02 am

@sarcas, those are funny lines, even if they now appear somewhat random.
99

Flipit

Posted November 8, 2010 at 1:32 am

sorry for the multiple deletes but GOOD LORD ALREADY.
100

whoochile

Posted November 8, 2010 at 4:25 am

Hey!! #100!!!
deleted posts?? crappers, I always miss everything
101

giffordsaz

Posted November 8, 2010 at 5:02 am

@Flipit. Honey I tried to warn you a month ago… like you have enough hours in the day. Tabloid Baby wasn’t this much of an issue.
102

mulecitybabe

Posted November 8, 2010 at 6:47 am

Hey FlipIt! I don’t post a lot but I’m here reading all the time. Too bad you have to be the hall monitor but I’m glad to see you put a bitch offa here that can’t act like somebody. Some of these offensive tools make Phaedra look like a class act.
103

sarcasatire

Posted November 8, 2010 at 9:19 am

Happy Birthday, Urfavgirl!
104

giffordsaz

Posted November 8, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Honestly mulecitybabe. There are enough Tools around here to fill a box. It isn’t any one poster.
105

mommy2bree

Posted November 9, 2010 at 9:13 am

So…wow. Yeah. Looks like I missed out on all the “fun”. Anyway, I’m really curious about this whole Tabloid Baby business, as that was before my time.

Oh, and I hate Danielle, and Kelly, and Camille, and Theresa….and I love the gasm…even with all of it’s dysfunctional nonsense.

RHOA: Pickles For Everyone!

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RHOA: Pickles For Everyone!

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