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Wednesday, December 19, 2012
10:00 am
23 Comments
Tagged: anguilla, Apollo Nida, atlanta, Cynthia Bailey, fight, Gregg Leakes, kandi burruss, Kenya Moore, Kordell Stewart, Miss America, NeNe Leakes, Peter Thomas, phaedra parks, porsha williams stewart, real housewives of atlanta recap, tow truck MLK, Tramp, tramp stamp, vacation, vow renewal, walter, wedding
This episode picks up where last week left off. Phaedra was giving us one of her trademark angry church lady faces when Kenya asked which two friends Phaedra would let Apollo have as a present. Apollo looked interested but Phaedra, our southern belle, let out an eight letter word to express how mad she was. Then she shut Kenya down.
Apollo: Please say yes. I’ve been so good all year long.
Phaedra: Wait. So I’m not even invited?
Kenya: Okay, forget that. Which one of your friends would you like to slather in oil and then let her leave a grease spot on Apollo’s shirt?
Phaedra shuts Kenya down and deprives the viewing audience from seeing the first ever Real Housewives threesome. Hater! Kenya insists that it was just a joke. Phaedra starts to settle down and says, in her interview, that Kenya needs to put some ice in her panties. Wrong move Phaedra. She would probably enjoy that and use it during foreplay with Apollo.
“Can someone loosen my corset? My boob fat is pushing its way up to my face.”
Due to Kenya’s slurring and flirting, I thought this was all happening at 2 in the morning. Apparently I was way off because Gregg then says that he is going to cook dinner for all of them.
Peter takes all of the guys aside and fills them in on his plans for the vow renewal the next day.
Peter: If Cynthia doesn’t show up, I hope you’ll all understand that Kordell will have to take her place.
During the dinner, Cynthia mentions that she’s tired because she had to do dirty things to Peter. I believe she referred to it as the 3rd shift. Kandi, not one to be outdone in the sex department, says that she and Todd christened the hot tub. Phaedra and all of her gynecological fears are vindicated! She warns that no one better drink the water and says that Kenya might get pregnant from the water and her baby will look like Todd. Kenya, once again, would probably enjoy that. And did they really do it in the tub? I’m on Phaedra’s side here. That seems like an infection waiting to happen. Oh, and Phaedra says that she is love with her vagina.
Kenya and Walter look uncomfortable during all of the talk of third shift. Either they weren’t doing anything in the bedroom or Walter, the MLK of tow trucks, is fundamentally opposed to employees having to work the third shift.
“I have a dream that all employees regardless of race, color or creed will be home in time to watch repeats of Seinfeld!”
Walter takes Kenya away from he dinner tale and she teases that it may be her proposal. It turns out that he’s informing her of an upcoming wedding…just not hers. It’s hard to figure this out now that the cat’s out of the bag regarding their staged relationship. Is Kenya so crazy that she started to believe this was real? Or did she want him to go so far as to fake propose to give her a storyline? Whatever it is, I’d sleep with one eye open and all the knives safely locked away if I were him.
Walter: You’re not still mad at me for ducking when you tried to stab me? Are you?
Kenya: Not at all Walter. This wound just brings us closer.
Porsha, Kenya and Nene get together because a real Housewives episode wouldn’t be complete without someone getting painted, buffed, scrubbed or rubbed. Porsha is impressed at how civil Kenya is being. I’m impressed at Nene thinking that hairdresser was going to be able to recreate her Peter Pan coif. And Kenya’s hair looked like something out of an Instyler infomercial before the stunt double arrived. Bravo, these are Black women! Please just spring for Miss Lawrence and/or Derek J to travel with them so they can get their hair right.
Porsha: I brush my hair 100 times a day. That’s what makes it grow so fast.
Hotel Worker: Ma’am, does that include weaves?
Porsha: Especially weaves!
The ladies get massages and well, their hair looks terrible. Nene tries to put a flower in it but as you’ll see soon, she gave up and just put a scarf on for the ceremony. Kenya starts talking about marriage and Nene provides one of her many lines this year when she says ”Bitch! Who are you in a relationship with, ‘cause it certainly ain’t nobody on this damn island.” It’s kind of funny that old Walt opened his mouth right before this episode aired. I guess he knew that this was going to come up while they were in Anguilla and decided to beat the show to the punch. It didn’t help that millions of people also saw what they thought was his girlfriend flirting with every man in sight. Kenya is offended that Nene is questioning her relationship and tells her to worry about her own. Nene keeps calm and tells her that she’s not hating, she just doesn’t see them as a couple. You’ve got to admit, they did a really bad job of fake dating. They never held hands, kissed or seemed like they were even friends. Kenya assures Nene that she can get a ring and has in fact gotten 6 proposals in her lifetime.
Going to six different doctors regarding butt implants aren’t proposals, those are quotes.
Tip of the week: massage the women as they’re arguing to avoid property damage. Kenya is careful not to anger the boss that is Nene. To hear her tell it, she’s gotten Sheree and Kim fired. Last year on the reunion, it was very eerie that Nene told her to get on the right team and then shortly after Sheree was dismissed. I also heard that the women refused to film unless and until Kim was forced to film as much as they did. Supposedly, Kim is working off the remainder of her contract and has not, in fact, been promoted The other side of that is that Kim’s spinoff did well in the ratings from what I recall. Whatever the truth is, Kenya wisely sidesteps getting into a full-fledged argument and saves her venom for Bambi AKA Porsha.
It’s time for the ceremony! The group heads there for what they think is a white party. Peter says that black people love a white party and damn…he is so right! One of my friends just posted on FB that he showed up to a white party in color. That’s like showing up to a Klan rally with an Obama/Biden bumper sticker on the back of your Prius. No bueno. I find it hilarious that they all apparently packed….white clothing. Of course Nene had to wear a blue skirt but they actually looked great all together. Cynthia is chattier than usual which indicated that she might think something is up or she’s just cranky.
“I had to work that damn third shift again. Now I’ll never know if the Soup Nazi got his armoire back.”
Peter is eagerly awaiting his bride.
“If she doesn’t show up, I have a back up.”
Cynthia and the women finally arrive and she is surprised to see so few people for the Prime Minister’s event. She starts to realizes that there is no event; it’s her wedding! This is the wedding they wanted to have instead of the big disastrous one that took place in Atlanta. She starts to tear up a little but in true supermodel fashion she refrains from ruining her makeup. Peter, however, cries like a baby and it’s so sweet. Phaedra says that he’s a Black angel, dressed in white. This woman and the editors at Bravo are a Godsend.
They have their ceremony which consists of them saying that the word “again” over and over to emphasize that this Anguillan woman doesn’t understand why Americans love to do this stuff again and again. It’s a really sweet occasion and when the bouquet is thrown, Nene beats out Kandi and Kenya for it. OMG, Nene’s impression of Gregg cheering in the background almost made me die from laughter. She said he was clapping like the Klumps but he has a lot more work to do to get back together with her. Then they light wish lamps and set them free. Well, most of them do. Kandi’s and Kenya’s crash and burn. We all know why Kenya’s did but Kandi? She’s superstitious so she’s concerned about it. Personally, I think Todd is a sweetheart but I feel like Kandi would date the first decent ,straight guy that came along. I think they’re both great but might be settling because it seems like the right thing to do. You know what I mean? Anyway, they’re just lamps. It’s not the bone throwing man from Africa who was 100% accurate.
Later that night, the women are eating and drinking. Cynthia was really happy with the wedding. You know what that means. There’s got to be some drama. No one is allowed to have any happy, meaningful moments on this show without it being followed up with a fight, threat of a lawsuit or a bizarre quote that will become one cast member’s defining moment. Phaedra is minding her business and eating spoonfuls of whipped cream in preparation for her workout DVD. Nene and Cynthia are eating and talking at the same time, yuck! And Kenya and Porsha are sipping red wine like classy ladies preparing to murder each other. Nene mentions that it’s nice to see the two of them getting along since they started off on the wrong foot. Kenya explains that once you get to know someone and feel them out, you just accept them and their low IQ, no questions asked.Nene asked how everything went wrong and Porsha, the moron she is, starts giving a blow by blow account of the Miss America incident. Porsha starts reliving the moment and gets angry all over again when she recounts how Kenya disrespected her grandfather’s legacy. It all went downhill after that.
Excuse me for not knowing that U.S.A and America aren’t the same country. My grandfather did not believe in segregation! I don’t see color!
Little known fact: Kenya’s Miss USA talent was her shouting “you are nothing bitch” in seven different languages.
“I wasn’t even alive when you and your fake booty and boobs won! You tramp! You tried to have a Chinese man’s baby! That’s so dumb. You would just want another one in an hour!”
“First of all, he was Phillipino! Secondly, 人称代名词[你] 的复数及第2人称单数的现在直说法 名 什么也没有;无;无价的东西 副 毫不;绝不也 不名 母(狗;狼等);泼妇;婊子. Loosely translated, you are nothing bitch!”
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23 Comments
Kenya’s turn was so ridiculous and even more ridiculous the second time that all you could do was laugh. I am surprised that the ladies didn’t laugh right there in her face. I know I would have like “what the hell girl…did you just twirl…bitch, take your crazy self to bed.”
The wedding was really sweet. Even though I don’t like Peter I still don’t think people should ruin the wedding day. So I am happy they got the redo.
I have implemented the Walter cough in my day to day life when people ask me questions that I have no answer too because they came from bullshit. Thanks Wally!
Wow… that I can feel a glimmer of genuine “awwwww, that’s sweet” from this show is saying something. The wedding redo was sweet and Peter was not a horse’s ass. It’s a festivus for the rest of us!
Lord, crazy Kenya Crisco- the only cocktail she should be having is one with prescribed pills. Is this bitch cray cray or what? After all that screaming and the battle of idiots with Porsha, she ends her night sashaying, shanteing and claiming to be “gone with the wind” fabulous? The one movie that most black women look at and go “uhhhhhhhhh…yeah……it’s classic….” while trying to change the subject? Where does that come from? The only third shift in that room going on is Walter trying to stay awake in the bathtub and checking the lock and Kenya swirling around a Brides magazine, chanting.
What is the point of the hair/makeup folks if that is the best that can be done?
I love Phaedra’s reaction to any sort of fighting. Sidle up to the goodies and start nibbling.
LAC I think white women have issues with doing African American hair. I used to get so mad watching makeover shows on Jenny Jones or Ricki Lake…AND…you know you watched too
Any who I would watch the shows and think “did they put any heat on that girl’s hair?!?!?!” It looks like a freakin poof ball.
So as I was watching the lady flat iron Porsche’s hair I said where is the traction? She’s not pulling anything straight like that and it would have needed to be SUPER straight to with stand the heat and humidity hence the curly hair for Kandi and Phaedra and the wigs for Cynthia.
Has anyone heard else heard the talk about Walter going on a radio station last week and basically confessing that his relationship with Kenya was a set up. They dated years ago, and she called him up when she got booked on RHOA to fake the relationship? Girl, BYE http://www.crushable.com/2012/12/11/entertainment/walter-jackson-gay-kenya-moore-miss-usa-real-housewives-of-atlanta-rhoa-season-5-fake-relationship-boyfriend-girlfriend-cheating-bravo-producers/
@LAC….Glad you said it. Kenya embarassed herself something fierce saying that!
LBoogie, “Seriously, what 31 year old woman without kids brags that she doesn’t clean or work?” I’d sat GG from Shahs brags about the same…but does she really count?
I do love Phaedra soemthing fierce but, I will now forever look at her and say to myself, daym how did that church lady get herself such a hawt man! That’s sinful! She did look good with that high bun. Good call in the humidity!
Nene’s movie night comment during Kenya’s crazy twirl was great, but the highlight was definitely Phaedra’s church lady “alright, now”.
And of course black people love a white party. White is the one color, that no matter how light or dark, all of us black people look good wearing. The only other race that comes close to looking as good in white in as we do, are the Latinos. There are times though when white can go wrong on black people. Like when my uncle got married. His wife-to-be who was Peter black decided to wear a frilly, fluffy, snow white wedding dress, that even a Disney princess would think was too much. But what do you expect from someone whose wedding colors were navy blue and burgundy red.
Classy! LOL!! Yes, I did watch it and I would be like, “get some oil and heat going on that hair, child or else don’t do it!” That is why I cling to my hairdresser like Kenya to a Zales jewelry display. He moves, I move…
navy blue and burgundy red!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! *gasp* “Peter black” @Sag, you are on posting punishment for even repeating such a story…HAHAHAHAAAA!!!!
@LAC, I have gone all over the city for my hairdresser. I wouldn’t care where she lived.
@LO, we went over that last week in the comments. Derek Hazelton posted a few youtube clips.
I;ve been with mine for 8 years she works a good 30 miles from where I live. NO JOKE.
Gypsy – I believe you, girl!!
@classy, thanks for the shout out! LOL, but this episode was so hysterical that I tweeted to @Flipit that this show is going downhill when the new girls steal “non-motherfucking factor” from Evelyn of Basketball Wives.
So, I lost my job a few weeks ago, so I have nothing but time but to search for Youtube clips. BTW, did anyone else see Porscha on Wendy Williams this past week or maybe it was last week (the night after she was on WWHL) and she mentioned that one of her storylines this season is a miscarriage?
She talked about it briefly at the OBGYN last week or the week before. Peter’s hubby, I mean her hubby was there with her. It was boring, just like Porsha.
I saw that on Wendy yesterday also Derek. I hate you lost your job. People hire more in the first quarter so I hope you find something soon.
And if I hear one more reality star say that someone is a non mutherfuckin factor I just might scream. I never thought it was all that clever when Eve first said it anyway.
Kenya is just so over the top dramatic, I had to laugh. Did she forget she was in Anguilla, and not a guest at Tara? I can hear Mammy now, “get along child, you ain’t never gonna land a man, acting like that!”
Thanks for a great recap!
As usual I’m a little late to the party, but holy *shit* I almost fell out when reading this:
“Excuse me for not knowing that U.S.A and America aren’t the
same country. My grandfather did not believe in segregation! I don’t see color!”
Ms. Boogie, I’ve posted a comment or two here at RHOA and never been acknowledged, but that is SO forgiven considering the quality recaps-man-ship shown here. That whole Kenya/Bambi conversation had me almost spewing Coca-Cola out of my nose. Well done! You may have just made my top five recappers list
“I really think this girl is special, like Corky special. A few weeks ago, she held up three fingers when she said four, she doesn’t know the number of days in a year, she said her grandfather died in ’98 when it was ’00.”
…and it just keeps getting better!
Sorry I’m comment crazy tonight…ah, hell, no one has been here in two days so I’m just amusing myself. LAC said:
“The only third shift in that room going on is Walter trying to stay awake in the bathtub and checking the lock and Kenya swirling around a Brides magazine, chanting.”
Holy shit I love the Gasm and my fellow Gasmii. Laughter truly is the best medicine for the end of a shitty-ass-freezing-cold-in-Florida weekend WORKday.
AmyOops, comment away! I was literally thinking today that I feel so bad about not talking back. Ever since my tenants decided not to pay for their internet, I haven’t had internet. The only way to get on is through my cell or tablet and it takes forever. Verizon works great everywhere except my house!! Even when I type the recaps, it literally takes an extra hour or two b/c the service is so spotty. I LOVE reading comments though. It’s a windy, freezing Saturday night in NJ and, well, I have no life
. I’m glad you enjoy…and yes, the comments crack me up too!
While I’m on here, @classy drunk I love anything that references Jenny Jones. I miss those “I went from Geek to Chic” episodes. You guys remember the Rio infomercial? If I’d had money and parental permission, I would’ve been all over that. I can straighten my hair and snack on it?! It was a relief from the mess you’d see on talk show makeover episodes. Even on ANTM the hairdressers didn’t know what to do with that girl’s hair the first season. I think it was Ebony? And Derek, sorry to hear that
. I didn’t see Porsha but I heard she tried to kiss up to women over 40. Thanks for reading and commenting guys!
Oh, damn, L Boogie. NJ? Somehow I don’t feel so cold anymore…
Oh, and I feel ya on the internet thing. No sweat
LBoogie, We have Verizon, and don’t get reception in our house as well. Mr Z looked up the coverage area online and we are well in the coverage area. It is just we are in a bunch of trees. He called and we got a Verizon wireless router….for free. It is much better being able to walk around the house and do thing while talking on the phone then having to sit in 1 room and not move and inch.
Hey guys! I can’t comment on the new RHOA recap.
Hey classy, trying to figure it out.Thanks!