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Tuesday, October 4, 2011
12:55 am
70 Comments
Previously on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Kim humped a private plane,
Some new younger slut showed up with her tits out and her and penises drawn all over the cast she got from kicking Eddie Cibrian’s rock hard ass in divorce court,
…and Kyle led the other girls in mocking the new slut so they could all act their goal age: 14.
That girl’s looser than a magnum on a Frasier.
We open with a shot of the cheapest blow job in Beverly Hills. I have a feeling this is gonna be a Brandi-centric episode.
Foreshadowing
Taylor and Kyle are bitching about a gravel driveway. They hate that shit because it ruins their shoes. Rocks ruin your shoes, the sun ruins your face, and rain ruins your makeup. Nature sucks. There. I said it. They’re going to visit Dana, some famewhore Taylor knows. She tells us that she met Dana at nine months pregnant and she was driving a Lamborghini. So tacky. Having your own baby, I mean. Lamborghini’s are awesome. Dana opens the door wearing glitter, fake boobs, lots of diamonds, a fake smile, and a tiara. Auto HATE.
She insists that she’s just doing stuff for her wedding today and she’s not a loon. Kyle sees through her bs immediately. “There are two boobs and a tiara staring me in the face.” LOL. Dana has Erica Courtney over peddling her jewels for the audience and she’s soooo sorry that her styling is going long! It’s a total accident! She totally didn’t set this up to show off her homely dude’s money on TV you guys. ACCIDENT! I’ve known Dana for less than a minute and I can already sum her up in two words. Dumb bitch. Kyle oohs and aaahs over some forty thousand dollar earrings she could buy at forever 21 for a few bucks and then excuses herself and Taylor to shit talk Dumb Bitch Dana in the next room while they wait. There are some Future Douchebags of America pamphlets on the table, so Kyle is sure to pick one of those up to make fun of.
Hating babies is a terrible feeling, and yet here we are.
When Kyle and Taylor are alone, Kyle goes off about the dress and the rack. Taylor laughs awkwardly and insists that Dana’s “eccentric.” Being rich and tacky isn’t eccentric. It’s fucking obnoxious. Dana meets them in the kitchen wearing short shorts and a mom shirt. A really tight one. She laughs “how did you get my baby’s zed card? Did I leave them out?” Those cards were as accidental as the video of Paris blowing the football team, so Kyle doesn’t buy it. She does, however, make fun of it freely. She also mocks Dana’s giant tits and terrible taste in wedding dresses, and even sings Here Come the Boobs. HAHAH. She’s such a bitch. Dana has watched the show, so she already knows this and laughs like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.
Dana starts bragging about her baby, and her bs is about as believable as those saline filled blimps she calls tits. Her baby is 18 months and knows how to read, how to spell, how to count, how to speak Thai, and does pilates…HAHAHAH!! I am genuinely laughing my ass off over here. My mom told everyone I could play any song on the piano by ear and was ambidextrous. She was close. I can play Chopsticks kinda ok and I can hold a gallon of ice cream in one hand while spooning it into my misery hole with the other. A little exaggeration never hurt anyone. Except all those people who were killed when the sky actually fell.
My bad!
Dana just doesn’t know how her fat bastard of a baby will make it in a real school because he’s just too damn smart. She’s teaching him encyclopedias right now. How bout you do him a real favor and teach him how to stop shitting himself? That’s all a kid really wants. Kyle, dead serious, tells Dana that he baby came out walking. “Walked right out. She’s a black belt. Just got accepted to college.” Dana is dumbfounded and stuttering to try and come up with some competitive lies until Kyle gets to the college part and she realizes Kyle is kidding. HAHAHAH!! I LOVE YOU KYLE! You can tell that Taylor is pissed that Kyle is openly mocking her friend because she’s smiling without her mouth open. I’ve never seen that, and it’s amazing.
Even the lunch Dana has served is obnoxious.
Can I get a side of fries with this?
Dana asks how the charity event went, and Kyle tenses a little bit cuz she only raised fifteen grand, which is just pathetic. She puts a positive spin on it, though, saying that she doesn’t know the final tally raised, but she’s sure it will be enough to buy some fruit roll ups for about a thousand cancer kids or so. Dana is too polite to point out that Fruit Roll Ups contain lots of chemicals that cause cancer, and Kyle slides right on by. Dana laughs fakely and Taylor laughs fakely and you can totally see why these two would be friends. Dana is sure to tell Kyle that she’s courageous and tasteful, and the scene ends with Kyle telling us in her “is she shitting me?” voice that Dana is “very. Very. Ve. Ry……Nice.” Love her.
Lisa is over at her restaurant tasting wine with Leech’s replacement, Boring Beiber Gay.
Boring Beiber Gay
Kim and Kyle’s “Talent Agent” comes in for a lunch meeting. Lord knows she’s got the time. She wants to hook Lisa up with a gig commentating on the Royal Wedding for CNN. Lisa likes this idea. She knows a lot about Royal etiquette. She just had lunch with the Duchess of York this week. LOL! You mean toe fetish bribery Weight Watchers commercials Fergie!!?! Honey, that’s not really a shining example of royal etiquette. She wasn’t even invited to the royal wedding. That said, you’re snotty enough and most Americans don’t read the news anyway. Places!
Taylor tells us that Lisa is qualified to comment on the Royal Wedding “because she’s British. And…….”
….married.” HAHAHAHAAH!!! Lisa takes the job, and Useless Talent Agent lobotomizes herself on a light fixture on her way out.
Sue! You’ve gotta need it after all that commission you haven’t been earning for the past four decades.
Wanna guess what Adrienne is up to? If you said berating her husband for no reason and making rubber chicken in a frying pan face, you win!
Her Giggy wannabe just shit in Paul’s closet, which has to make those scrubs he wears even more contaminated. I don’t care. FF. Taylor goes to meet slutbag Brandi for drinks because she also has a man to bitch about publicly while milking every last cent out of him, and because she looks kinda like Taylor after her fourth facelift and it’s good to mentor younger rubber people. It’s like a Big Sister Program, but with better wine and needier participants.
When your face turns ten we’re getting an appetizer.
Brandi says that she found out on the cover of a magazine that her husband was cheating on her throughout their entire marriage and now he’s marrying LeAnne Rimes. That’s why you never marry a dude that looks like Cibrian. He’s like a free Porsche. There’s no way you’re gonna find that in the driveway and not ride it. Ugly guys FTW! Brandi doesn’t believe you should stay in a marriage for the kids. Agreed. You should tell them daddy cheated because they didn’t do their chores and if they don’t wanna get sent to the pound they’ll do the goddamn dishes. Keep those brats in servitude as long as you can. Especially now that you’re on a budget. Taylor lets NoobSlut complain for about thirty seconds before turning the convo to her waaaahhhhing. You guys, Taylor is making so many hideous faces right now that I can’t even describe them all.
She says that she’s been so messed up over her crap marriage that she’s gone a little loopy. Not really how I’d describe it, but I’m sure she’s saving “Hi. I’m Taylor and I’m an alcoholic” for her season 3 storyline. Can’t just blow your entire victim load in one night. Especially in front of Brandi. Skank’ll probably swallow it and expect a house. Brandi says she was a vindictive biatch in her divorce and suggests Taylor go a different route. But when she says she felt good taking Cibrian to the bank, Taylor smiles and they clink glasses. Meanwhile, Russ is at home practicing Boy Scouts knots.
Kim’s at home dusting shit. Cokeheads may get sloppy, but man they have clean houses. Poor bored maid gets dragged into some conversation about how Kim’s kids are doing. She looks like she wants to call la migra for a really violent ride home.
Have you seen A Day Without a Mexican? You’re about to.
Kim, please stop talking about your kids. Did they speak Thai when they were babies? No? Then they’re morons. Shhhhh. And I hope her diary room session was taped before the suicide, otherwise this outfit is downright offensive.
The kids are all out of the house, which can be really depressing for a maid.
No me pagan lo suficiente para esta mierda.
Kim says that she has taken some time for herself and she’s come back stronger than ever. Did you know a person that’s tweaking can get shot like ten times and not even feel it?
Kyle and Mauri go to meet Lisa and Ken at the restaurant. There’s been some tension between Kyle and Ken ever since the dinner party where Kyle accused Ken of farting silently and he accused her of using the word “offended”. Kyle opens by making fun of Dana and her giant fake tits, her tiara, and her fat Rain Man of a kid. Lisa asks why the kid speaks Thai. LOL! No kidding. English first people. Mauri says that he’s probably just speaking jibberish and the dumb mom thinks it’s Thai. Love it. Kyle thinks everyone in this town is full of shit, and she’s so right. She’s also one of them. She continues that people pretend they have raised more than they actually did for poor cancer kids do and it’s gross. Ken asks if Dana is the chunky one. HAHA.
He figures maybe she just looked fat cuz she was next to Taylor, and they agree that everyone looks fat next to that skeleton. The convo turns to her anowrecksia and Lisa says that she told Taylor she needed a Crisco iv but the girl wouldn’t listen. Kyle knows she’s gonna be in the middle of this at some point, so she just dives right in and tells LIsa that her advice doesn’t really mean much when she opens with “I’m not your friend, but…”. LOL. Lisa gets defensive and claims that she never said that, but she did say it multiple times and everyone knows it. Ken blames the busboy for farting and interjects that if Taylor had real friends she wouldn’t be such a mess in the first place. Yes she would, she’d just have a broken spine cuz people would hug her more. Kyle argues that you can’t force someone to eat and it would be like telling someone to get off drugs instead of just ignoring it and waiting to use it against them in a really good fight.
Lisa feels attacked, of course. Oh wah. It’s always the ones that “tell it like it is” who cry the first minute they get it back. I know from experience. The homeless guy I throw my diet coke cans at called me fat once and I cried for three days. Asshole. Speaking of assholes!
Adrienne is trying to have a bbq, but her staff is dumb and Paul is dumb and everyone’s dumb. Gimp Bitch is the first to show up, and Kyle gives her a little ice for her swollen face. She and Camille bond over the divorces that gave them bank accounts with their own names on them for the first times in their lives. Camille talks about how humiliating it was to be publicly dumped and get fifty mil. But doing cooze shots and then getting bought by a hairy backed homely TV star publicly and going on Oprah to tell the world about her violent shits? Proud moments. This world is f ing backwards. Brandi makes me like her a bit when she says that she just went through the D List version of Cam’s divorce and that they need to date right away cuz their “still hot” windows are closing really fast. HAHAH. That window closed a long time ago. On your nose, from the looks of it. They hug as thunder rolls in the distance and lighting strikes the water slide.
I think it’s really sweet that the childless Ad has so many things for the kids. It’s also admirable that she had a fountain made of her original face so she’d never forget from where she came.
Au Bon Payna comes in giggling and complimenting everyone. She walks right up to Kyle and starts bragging about her $25,000 sunglasses. Thankfully, they’re not edible.
Dana goes from person to person to brag about her fucking glasses, and Kyle stops short of mentioning that that’s more than the cancer kids are getting. Camille says real rich people don’t need to brag about how much money they have. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! It’s easier to laugh my ass off than to list the trip to her Hawaii house, the trip to her Colorado house, the golf cart shots traveling over her Malibu house, her friendployees, her four nannies, her surrogates, …. dammit I’m still typing. Got me again, wench!
Camille’s an _____________.
Lisa’s at home teaching her stoner son how to put on cheap extensions. He puts a couple of them in his pockets and starts wording his craigslist ad. Ad tells us that Lisa has no business talking about etiquette when she brought Giggy to her dinner party and let him drink out of her fancy glasses. There will be an Ad/Lisa smackdown and I can’t WAIT. Lisa gets to the studio and meets Dr. Drew, who’s still allowed on TV for some reason. Oh lord. Dr. Drew? Everyone on that panel is gonna relapse. Lisa doesn’t know anything about him except that he is a sex advice guy. “I’ve never seen his Twitter, but I hear it’s very large.” Ha. That didn’t really make much sense, but she said it in her snotty accent so I laughed anyway. I suspect that’s how the whole CNN show will go.
Back at the bbq, Kyle and Brandi are trying to converse, but it’s not going so great. B’s kid gets out of the pool, strips, and takes a piss on the grass. LOL!!! Brandi kinda yells no, but then just laughs and shrugs it off. Kyle is mortified, and I am laughing my ass off. Kyle is back to hating Brandi’s ass, and I’m loving every second. It’s time to eat, and Kyle’s “embarrassed” that Kim still hasn’t shown up. So she calls her on speakerphone so Kim can be embarrassed too. She doesn’t wanna come cuz she doesn’t have kids. She should just show up and stand by the waterslide and cry and make everyone really uncomfortable. Kyle chides her and says she needs to call Ad herself and bs her. Kim doesn’t sound wasted today, which is kinda disappointing. How sick is this show making me? Kyle and her daughters give the phone put upon looks, and Kyle says that Kim never showing up is “suspicious.” Oh, Kyle. It would be better if you just let everyone else call your sister an addict so you can look more victimy. Duh. This is season 2. You have no excuses.
Camille asks where Lisa is, and Bert snaps:
Oh no, Bert!! Making snide comments is one thing, but making snide comments in front of guests is a nono. This is why you should never have help that knows English. Camille is so telling on your stupid ass, and you ain’t a spring chicken yourself there, tiger. Lisa explains that Bert hates Lisa because she brings her dog to the table and then lets it drink out of tacky glasses. So gauche! Get over it already. I want to send Ad some Dawn. Having a glass that costs thousands of dollars is tackier than a dog drinking from it. Camille agrees that Lisa has no manners and compliments Ad on the lovely sauce on the grilled poor people protestors from Sacramento she had grilled for the event.
Over at the TV station, Lisa asks for an earpiece for Giggy. HA. The newslady says no and asks her to cover her 70′s bush so they can start rolling.
Lisa takes a stand against the paparazzi and advocates knee skin tightening surgery. Seriously. Look at those things! She’s got the knees of a twenty year old. Meanwhile, Ken speaks for the country.
Back at Ad’s, Dana is going back for thirds while the other ladies talk about how Taylor isn’t eating. Brandi says Taylor is on the divorce diet, and Kyle’s eyes pop out. Taylor’s never said she’s getting a divorce, but Brandi’s been around the block a few times and knows a homely guy dumping when she sees one. Taylor comes by and says she ate a hot dog earlier and Dayna assures the women that Taylor eats as much as she does but doesn’t gain weight, while Dana can’t lose a pound. Honey, please. If Taylor ate as much as you did her fat would push the filler right out her nostrils. Kyle jokes that no one cares about what she eats cuz she’s married. She has to use a drug addict sister to get some sympathy around these jerks.
Dana starts yammering on about her lame poseur wedding and brags about getting married in a palace and blahblahblah. When Camille thinks you’re a fake asshole, you’ve got problems. Paul comes out in his scrubs. Does he just not like to fold his laundry or what? He jumps in the pool and rips off his shirt, and Ad says he’s no Mauircio. What a cow. Dana says her future husband is ugly too, and Camille says she’s learned “big hands, big disappointment.” HAHAH! Kyle doesn’t know what she means, so Brandi says she means “cock.” Kyle is mortified again. Hehehehe. I think I’m starting to like Brandi. There’s a little segment on all the women telling us what they call a penis. Dana calls them “Sherman” and Ad calls them “annoying”. I call mine Debbie Downer. Sad lonely penis horns.
Kyle says the word cock is inappropriate and tells us that she thinks Brandi’s tacky. Brandi asks if they all think she’s “super slut”. Just take out the “super” part. Mauri asks Dana what her man does, and she says she thinks he’s an investment banker but basically he just flies all over the place and she has no idea what he really does except come home with herpes and ice cream. Brandi snarks that he’s flying around putting his cock in lots of pussies, and Dana gets pissed. Oh no. Watch the bon bon platter. Dana pulls the “his mom has cancer” card. Brandi knows she’s an offensive slag and says they’ll get used to her. Or not. She doesn’t care. I love when people think being a c word is ok as long as you do it with confidence. This show has been known for having legitimately wealthy B Listers, so it’s good to see Bravo drop the classy act and drag in some trash. Woohoooooo!!
Next week, Brandi accuses Kim of being a druggie! YAAAAY! See you then!
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70 Comments
Your comment about Adrienne having no kids made me wonder what happened to her kids this season. We haven’t seen them once.
I wondered about that too. I think she doesn’t want them on camera. She is worth so much maybe she’s worried about safety?
Anyhoo, this episode was so boooooring!!! I didn’t care about Brandi’s comments. Although, it wasn’t cool for her to imply Dana’s man was cheating. Just because Brandi’s man was a cheater, doesn’t mean Dana’s man is cheating. Project much?
Loved the recap! It was hilarious!!! And so true. What is up with Kim? Last season we saw 0% of any addictive behavior (besides twitching), but this season she’s letting the crazy flag fly high! I would have thought after last season’s showdown in the limo, she’d be on a mission to clear her name. But, not so much….
Ad and Paul went from being the bickering bickersons last season to Ad almost physically repelled by his mere prescense. It makes me wonder if Paul cheated? It would explain Ads permanent bitch face whenever she has to interact with him and his overly cheerful demeanor. I hope I’m wrong, but this is BHs and he is a plastic surgeon…
So where did Dana get her money? Is it all from her fiancee? My first thought when Dana said he was some kind of investment banker was this guy involved in the money schemes with Russell? Is Dana now broke as well? Can’t wait to find out.
@thatswhatshesaid – I also can’t believe how badly Kim is fucking up her chance to redeem her ‘good name’. Sure, showing up and making a point to saying ‘no’ to champagne is a good start but acting stoned as hell isn’t helping.
Fantastic recap, flipit! Thank you for making the start of my shitastic day better.
I hate Dana. Probably more than Taylor. I don’t know why Andy thinks they needed to add this annoying, tacky, block head to the cast. Brandi surprisingly doesn’t bother me….yet. I think it’s funny how insecure these hags get. Seriously, Brandi isn’t even that hot, and Kyle seems so jealous of her all-fucking-ready!!?? Brandi conflict will be a nice distraction from the whole Taylor/victim shit story line their now trying to force on us. Taylor needs to get off this show and go back to Bikini Bottom and live in peace with Spongebobs other fish neighbors.
Great re-cap! Dana is a joke…her man is probably some gun runner or dealer that’s about 4ft. tall and bald! He’s up to something buying her a pair of $25k sunglasses…..Brandi is a mess, but a good mess. The fact that she just sat there when Jr peed on the lawn naked was priceless! We are finally seeing the real Kyle, not loving her all that much this season. Camille is just a bitter woman now. Every clip we have seen, she is referencing Kelsey. Little dick, no sex, cross dresser…We get it, he is an ass. Now, bring on the Camille we love to hate
Kim, pooooor Kim. Gotta wonder when she is just gonna say fuck it and pull the pipe out! Seems sister Kathy had a sit down with them about “Family” and how to behave! Kathy should have kept her mouth shut! The excuses she is making for Kim makes her look like a complete idiot! Then to hear her say women “don’t talk like that”…HELLO? We all watched last season, Popeye!…Taylor, Why is that circus freak even still on the show? She was most hated last season (By the end, Camille was more loved that that one! )and now they are expecting us to believe her pity party? The woman is already hooking up with Matt Nordgren from Most Eligible Dallas and reports state they were even seeing eachother in July. She is a waste of airtime. They are building us up to something with Paul and Ad. They are really not making him look too good this season and I am wondering why??? Hmmm….. Thanks for the laughs!!
Flipit! I love your stuff!!!!
Maybe Ad didn’t want her kids to be filmed? Remember last year when she and Paul were trying to feed them dinner on the patio? They were monkeys at feeding time at the zoo. I wouldn’t want them on Bravo either.
ปั้นน้ำเป็นตัว,ปั้นน้ำเป็นตัว,กางเกงบนกองไฟ (this is Thai for “liar, liar, pants on fire – DANA)!
At night when the bars close down
Brandy walks through a silent town
And loves a man who’s not around
She still can hear him say….COCK.
Maybe Dr. Maloof can take care of those penis horns for ya Flipit.
@Poopsicle I feel just the opposite, hate Brandi but I’m enjoying Dana! She’s kind of comic relief I guess. But I always flip flop from week to week over which of these slags I hate/love so we’ll see how things go. I know people are getting upset that Kim’s bringing the crazy but I LOVE it. Can’t wait for next week, with her frequent bathroom trips and that split second preview of her eyes rolling back in her head. Don’t get me wrong, if this were real life I’d be sad for her and try to get her help and all that, but for TV this is gold.
“It’s easier to laugh my ass off than to list the trip to her Hawaii house, the trip to her Colorado house, the golf cart shots traveling over her Malibu house, her friendployees, her four nannies, her surrogates…”
And…remember from last season when she visited the 3500 sq. foot condo in NYC, she turned up her nose at it because it was TOO SMALL? In Manhattan, it was too effin’ small!
Oh, oh, you gave us a fill in the blank…”Camille is an ______” I hope I get it right. So is the answer asshole? Bitch? Diarrhea-plagued skank? Am I close? Or did you mean pretentious owner of vast properties? Hooker who hit the big-time? Mother of rented children? This is harrrd Flipit! Too many choices.
LOL @ shantigal
LOL! @ Shantigal…I just spit out my lunch.
“Meanwhile, Russ is at home practicing Boy Scouts knots.” Holy shit, that made me LOL.
“’Meanwhile, Russ is at home practicing Boy Scouts knots.’ Holy shit, that made me LOL.”
I meant to post the same thing at the time I read it, but I forgot. Usually, when something is funny to me, I just think to myself, “That’s funny.” This made me actually laugh, and out loud.
wow, great recap. Fav line: Russ practicing boy scout knots. But I gotta say, I like Brandi. She’s for real.
I could not believe how snotty Taylor acted about Lisa’s CNN gig.’Oh, SHE IS QUALIFIED, because she’s 1.British and 2.married’. And then, with a straight face, she said she and Brandi ‘had much more in common than she’d anticipated. I mean, 1.she’s a mom and 2.she’s been thru a lot in her marriage’. So you have exactly as many things in common with her as Lisa had qualifications to be on CNN, in your opinion? Yet for Lisa you made it sound ridiculously pathetic, but for you and Brandi it is a harbinger of a great relationship? What a stuck up, fake wh0re!!! God, I hate this c-word! She is DISGUSTING!
As for Dana, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more classless, obnoxious, faux-nouveua-riche, status and fame obsessed TV-wh0re. She even beats that a$$hole Camille, which damn does say something!
And how Cunt-mille can say that stuff about ‘real rich people not bragging about their money’ with a straight face, without choking on the words or bursting out laughing? I guess only years of practice sucking off Frasier and sucking up to him explain it. She should be the one to talk, ugh.. Skank.
Oh, I just rewound the DVR to look at Dana’s ‘fiancee’ after she told Mauri and Paul at the bbq that they ‘just missed him’. I went back to her arrival, and she did seem to come in with a nanny and some old-guy whose face she must have sucked off already so they had to blur it out. He looks gross, smelly, OOOOOOOLLLLLLLDDDDDD, at first I thought he was her driver or something. F-U-C-K!!! That is what she’s marrying? He better have shi! loads of dough, I would not touch THAT with a 10 foot pole, but I guess there is no accounting for taste, especially if you want to wear $25K sunglasses.
And we all thought Cunt-mille blowing Fras was gross, can you imagine these two??? Now I’ll be fighting my gag reflex for the rest of the day – you’re welcome.
I laughed out loud at the “practising boyscout knots” too.
Then I put my face in my hands and whispered, “Oh man…I am going to hell aren’t I.”
@polk8dot Dana’s fiance is John Flynn…google image him. He looks to be about Dana’s age. He reportedly has 2 grown kids but doesn’t look that old.
@polk8dot, Are there really such a thing as $25K sunglasses? If so, are they platinum or some rare mineral usually reserved for secret military use or Bill Gates’ chess sets? I can’t conceive of this.
Kyle was oohing and aahing all over those stupid $40,000 earrings, but diamond encrusted, solid gold framed sunglasses are over the top at $25,000? There is an old Steve Martin bit where he says that, for him, being rich means being able to wear $350 socks and shaving in a fur-lined sink.
Saying that Ad has no kids was an accident. I made the joke like ten times about how creepy it is for her to have a kids party, and then I remembered that she had kids! LOL!!! I totally forgot about them. I think Joy is right. Those little boogars are too embarrassing for TV. Maybe not now that Brandi’s heathens are on the scene, though. Love to you guys. Thanks for the laughs.
Hmmm.. After reading an article on dana from the sight priscilla from wascilla i have to say i want to see more of Dana
http://priscillafromwasilla.com/2011/09/10/dana-wilkey-the-new-girl-on-the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/
Great recap flipit!
I was surprised that Kyle (supposedly) had never heard the myth/rumor about big hands/big feet. She was the one who wanted it spelled out. I think it was very odd for them to act so put out at the word Brandi used. I was actually more surprised it didn’t get censored out.
Can’t wait for next week! Bring on the showdown!!
I,too, am thinking it’s just a matter of time before Ad and Paul are splittsville. It’s sad, but she doesn’t appear to love him or respect him. Making a comparison between him and Mauricio without their shirts on was very disrespectful and on NATIONAL TELEVISION. I like Paul and I think he’s a nice guy. To me, he’s not getting the bad edit, she is.
Flipit – you always deliver. You are awesome. I watch these shows so I can come here and read the recaps. And then laugh me sad arse off.
“Kim humped a private plane”
Thanks for starting off with that!
I took 1 look and KNEW even my “special kind of Tourettes” excuse wasn’t going to be enough this time so I read it when everybody else went home.
And I’m so glad I did because laughed so much my face hurts. Can cheeks get sprained?
You even put in an inspirational quote!
“Having a glass that costs thousands of dollars is tackier than a dog drinking from it.”
What really inspired me about it is that I’d secretly suspected Adrienne of not being trashy enough to be on the show but she’s put my mind at ease about that now.
BTW Brandi did a great job of proving she’s trashy enough but when did Kyle get to be such a Miss Priss that somebody saying cock hurts her virginous ears?
Maybe it was bad light and makeup or something but Camille looked awful in her confessing scenes!
Or maybe she styled her face like that on purpose, so we’ll see she’s been suffering so much.
I think next week’s the episode where they make Kim the IconTweakr admit she’s got a problem because that’s the 1st step…
kthxbai
@kthxbai: She did!!!! Camille looked HORRIBLE in her confessionals! She looked old & tired & the heavy eye makeup wasn’t doing her any favors!
Kyle is just so like she isn’t even trying to hide the bitchiness this season she is veering into Teresa territory pretty soon she’ll be all “Lisa, Kim, Taylor ain’t I nice?” I heart Brandi so hard for this “And as for my claim to fame: trust me, do you think I ever wanted to be known for having to suffer through a public divorce? It would be much easier if I could be famous for, I don’t know, having an even more famous niece or a sister who was in a movie. What’s that saying about glass houses?”
And the sanctimonious mom act needs to stop, Brandi’s son wasn’t killing anyone he is learning to potty train what was the big deal. And she has seriously never heard the word Brandi uttered like when did she become such a fuckin stick in the mud? I mean when Eddie Cibrian’s ex famewhore wife is winning at being an entertaining bitch u might wanna rethink ur game plan KRich
Okay..I was loving Dana! Bragging about her sunglasses was tacky but she seems to have a joie-de-vivre that made the other ladies look like sourpusses. She doesn’t take herself too seriously and is even, at times, self-deprecating. On shows like these, I find that refreshing.
Kyle… is an asshole. She kowtows to Adrienne and Lisa because of their wealth and status but wants to tower over everyone else. She wants to appear as the happiest wife(no one happier!), have the best figure/sex appeal(look at my hair!), or to have an edge over someone (do you know my niece?). But when she doesn’t.. she puts them down. All the way down. Making fun of Dana in Dana’s home was almost as bad as making fun of Brandi when she was just a guest at your auction. Methinks Kyle probably did say something sarcastic to Camille last season. The way she was openly mocking both Brandi and Dana within earshot of them and everyone else made her seem more ridiculous than they did.
My guess is these ladies were cast on the show without Boss Lady’s consent.
Also, I like how Kyle had to rub in how “happily married” she was to Brandi a.k.a. The Girl Who Failed To Keep Her Man At Home. (And indirectly to Taylor.) Everyone at the table is voicing ‘concern’ about Taylor’s caloric intake when Kyle sighs, “No one cares if I eat because I’m so happily married.” What. An. Asshole.
I think Allision DuBois had Kyle pegged perfectly.
Okay guys..not be obnoxious on the baby genius front but my baby, at 20 months, speaks Eng, Portuguese and has been using sign language since she was a year old. She can identify/name close to 50 animals and may even know the sounds they make. (Except for horses, every time I ask, she tells me they say “Giddy up!”) Dana is probably using the Your Baby Can Read program which uses memorization, not phonics. But with the system, kids as early as 6 months recognize words, so I don’t find her son “reading” that hard to believe.
But I only mentioned my babe to say that a kid doing incredible things at that age is normal, not genius, and that children at that age have the capacity to absorb any thing we teach them. We don’t even have to do lessons everyday. Just read to them, watch educational videos, and visit the zoo, farm, and museums. Kids learn better from being exposed to a variety of languages and cultures.
It’s completely possible that Dana’s kid speaks Thai, especially if his nanny hasn’t learned English yet.
Once, I saw a blonde toddler boy speaking with his nanny in her native African dialect. They had a full on conversation, haggling over the buy of a toy. A father of another kid in the store voiced his displeasure that an American child was speaking “African”, like the child would face setbacks in life because of it. Uh..he’s blonde and rich. Future. Secured. I’m sure speaking an African tongue would just highlight his preschool application.
Great recap, Flip!:)
@sarcasatire Thank you for saying that about the nanny! I was thinking that same thing but forgot to type it, that I bet the nanny is from Thailand and the baby’s saying stuff like juice and doggie and stinky if they’re lucky. Just like any random baby.
And you’re right about babies reading. All it means is somebody had time to read to them enough for it to take. I know people who did that and they’re so not a genius. So I hope Dana won’t be too disappointed.
kthxbai
Sarcas and Kthxbai- to add on… you can also teacha baby sign language by the time they are six months old. My niece is a premie and the nurses taught her how to sign to help tell her Mom knowwhen she was hungry thirsty. etc because your vocal cords haven’t developed enough yet. She must be a genius too! It’s all relative. Dana is an A________! But, and entertaining one.
*Bleech sorry for the typos.
This episode was thoroughly entertaining! I love Kyle but I’m so disappointed to see her acting like such a mean girl, even if Brandy does act pretty stupid.
By the way, did anyone else notice Camille’s friend standing behind her while everyone else was sitting at the table? Maybe she’s not rich enough to sit!
Well slap me arse and call me the oldest baby genuis EVER!!!!!
:):)
I am fluent in “Fuckanese” and I learnt it all on my own.
@Sarcasatire: “Everyone at the table is voicing ‘concern’ about Taylor’s caloric intake when Kyle sighs, “No one cares if I eat because I’m so happily married.” What. An. Asshole”
I thought the same thing!!! Why would she throw that in there! Brag much?! She’s probably not even that happily married, but she feels like she’s better than everyone else.
@Sheesh: LOL!
WAAAAAAAAAIT a second….anybody notice that Adrienne accused Bernie of hatin’ on Lisa about the Giggy thing…when in episode one it was because Lisa made fun of Bernie’s food? Next episode…”Bernie hates Lisa because of the CNN thing….”
I’m thinking Adrienne still has unresolved Audriana-Left-Unattended issues with Giggy drinking out her zillion dollar crystal…
@TWhit ROFL! Now thanks to TVgasm and GiggyGlassGate, I’ve got a new vocabulary word and the inspirational quote from Flipit, on top of being relieved that Adrienne is too trashy enough to be on the show.
Not to mention realizing just how ew of her it was every time I think about it, so I decided to give back by posting an etiquette tip:
If you know somebody carries their challenged Pomeranian around in matching clothes 24/7 and eats out of their plate, and you also know you’re going to have a hissy fit when it drinks out of your $17000 glasses that look just like the ones I got at Dollar Tree, when you have a dinner party either don’t invite that person or put out go cups.
kthxbai
@RTVfan: I’ve just checked out that website with the info supposedly on ‘John Flynn’, Dana’s ‘suspected fiance’. There is nothing there that say he is the right guy for sure – they are as uncertain as anyone else, since she did not release any pictures of or with him. Don’t you think that if he did look like that guy, she would be more than happy to show him off immediately to the ladies? The old, frumpy-dumpy looking guy (he seemed like a not-so-well-aged version of Ed O’Neill from ‘Married with children’) that came in with her to the BBQ, and whom she described as her fiancee, was a completely different person. So for now I will stick to my judgement, until there is some sure confirmation of who the real man in her life is. If can agree that this ‘John Flynn’ is probably the father of her baby, but then again, Shana/Ford/TrashTaylor changed her name so many times, who knows if this idiot did not give her baby ‘a stage name’ right off the bat. His paternal/familial name might not be ‘Flynn’ at all.
@Fan-Ann: ‘@polk8dot, Are there really such a thing as $25K sunglasses? If so, are they platinum or some rare mineral usually reserved for secret military use or Bill Gates’ chess sets? I can’t conceive of this.’
Oh, I bet you there is such a thing out there as a $25K pair of sunglasses, just like there probably is or would be a $100K one, if there was an IDIOT out there to pay for it. Some people will go to great lengths to be ‘exclusive’, and you can’t get any more ‘exclusive’ than $25K sunglasses, right?
Now whether they are worth that much is a completely separate issue and I’m sure we all agree that only a ridiculous person would actually pay such price. But there is no accounting for taste, and there is no telling people what to do with their own money.
As long as there is a demand for BS like that in the ‘RICH’ folk community, there will be pleaty of supply.
@kthxbai: “challenged Pomeranian” LOLOLOL! I DIE!!!
My absolute favorite line of the recap: ‘Kim and Kyle’s “Talent Agent” comes in for a lunch meeting. Lord knows she’s got the time.’
LOVE YOU FLIPIT
@polk8dot check out my link – has pics and more of john flynn and dana – posted in comment #22
@TWhit: I did notice that about Adrienne changing her story about why the Chef doesn’t like Lisa. I couldn’t remember her original story at the time, but I knew it had nothing to do with the dog. I’m sure the dog thing didn’t help though.
Haha!
COCK!!!
“And I hope her diary room session was taped before the suicide, otherwise this outfit is downright offensive.” Funniest line ever! I looked back at Kim’s outfit and she had the shirt with the big bow tie by her neck—hahahaha too much!!!
So sad that Kim had to use the uninterested maid as a conversation facilitator. I am finding Lisa to be extremely annoying and I hate these women who claim to be ‘not mean’, just ‘telling it like it is’–and then they further hypocritize (word?) themselves by being completely incapable of hearing even the slightest thing bad about themselves (freaking over the word “offended” indeed). This includes all reality shows, especially Jersey Chore from Project Runway.
About Dana: My mother had a friend who once told her that she had been worried about her son when he was a two year old baby (at the time she was telling the story, her son was seventeen yrs. old). All he could say were things like, ‘box’, ‘toy’, etc., when her nephew could carry on full adult conversations. Flash forward to the present and it turns out that her nephew is average, but her son is a full fledged genius. He graduated valedictorian with offers of full scholarships plus spending money to any ivy league of his choice. (Didn’t hurt any that he looked like a young Brad Pitt either, just taller and more cut. He was actually a very NICE, well-mannered person too.) Her point was that when children are so young, you really don’t know yet how their intellect will take off. My mom’s friend was a good mother with smart kids and all four of her children excelled. Her sister’s kid? Don’t know anything about him.
While Dana’s kid does seem really cute, and spending a lot of quality, loving time with your child is fabulous–just being able to repeat back words or sounds is not the signs of a prodigy, a parrot can do that. It is the application of knowledge that will show a person’s true mental aptitude (sure he can read the story, but does he know what the hell it is talking about?).
Also, kid’s who are so ‘talented’ are usually the ones that the other children on the playground won’t play with (regarding how ‘smart’ he’ll be at five). Those types of kids are fun to show off at dinner parties, but they usually spend their grammar years isolated from other kids because they do not know how to be a child and just play normally. I knew a dad who was so proud of himself because he taught his kid to speak using these huge vocabulary words that only Harvard professors use. It was great fun for the adults, but none of the child’s classmates ever knew what the fuck he was talking about. Hell, even the teacher was hard pressed to understand him. IMO, the dad handicapped his kid.
All Dana has to do is send her kid to a school with other deluded moms who think their kid poops gold too. Any private school in BH will do.
As I say this, of course, I must add that my four year old twin nephews are total geniuses with wise-ass cracking senses of humor, and the ability to charm the skin off a snake. They are creative and athletic and multilingual. And all of the other children love them and want to play with them all the time. So suck on that!
@ classy drunk and Kyle R.: COCK, COCK, COCK, COCK, COCK!! Tag, you’re it!
Kyle’s disgust at Brandi’s kid peeing on the grass just shows that Kyle is the mother of all girls. I come from a family of all girls and I was a camp counselor for little boys one summer. I spent the whole summer saying, “Why? Why would you do that?! That is sooo disgusting!” My God, those adorable monsters wouldn’t be out of the pool for more than three seconds before their trunks went flying. I had naked little boys running everywhere, with me chasing after them holding their clothes. A girl would sit for fifteen minutes shivering in her wet bathing suite waiting for help to be changed. A boy? No way. And every time the “Cock” gets exposed, it is like a reunion party. It is like they are saying to it–”OMG! It’s you! Oh how happy I am to see YOU!” Girls just don’t have that kind of relationship with their genitals. Shout out to little boys everywhere–they all think that the world is their personal urinal!
And was it my imagination or did Lisa actually compare her ‘problem’ with the paparazzi to Will and Kate’s? Yeah, I don’t think so, Lisa. Delusional fool.
@Shana: I wasn’t sure about that either at first. It did seem like Lisa was talking about her own interaction with the Papparazzi, but I don’t think she was trying to say her problem is anywhere near Diana’s problem. Just that it is a problem because they are paid so much for the shots.
Agreed Shana! My girlfriend has a son, but grew up with girls. She is always questioning why he does certain things. Like why does he want to kill everything. Why is he always jumping around on stuff? Why is he always doing karate? My response is that’s what boys do. IMO there’s always a reason to practice karate moves. You never know when you’ll have to Daniel San somebody’s ass. But no really I told her that since you didn’t grow up playing with boys you don’t understand.
I’ll never forget my brother and I would play cops and robbers in department stores and end up scaring the ladies as we hid in the clothing racks while mom was shopping for our school clothes. But those ladies were trying to steal and my brother and I were doing our civic duty.
@ Classy Drunk: lol. My favorite story from that summer: I hear yelling from the bathroom, one boy comes out all upset because another boy peed on him. I was like, “how is that even possible?” Apparently, they both started peeing in the same toilet at the same time, one boy asked the other a question, and the second boy looked up and turned, while still peeing–hence letting loose all over the first boy. I was speechless. Had to make a new rule–one boy in the bathroom at a time.
Another time I noticed that all the boys were chewing this green gum, and I though–I have gum just like that. I looked around, and there was one of the boys, hands deep in my purse, handing out my gum to all his classmates! When I went over to him and asked him just what he thought he was doing–he turns to me innocently and asks if I have the gum in the pink color instead, since he likes that better. My boys
what a summer!
@ Classy
EFFIN’ HILARIOUS! RE: Comment 43. You just MMD! My make up is running down my cheeks I am laughing so hard!
Oh–can’t forget the need to destroy everything in sight, especially anything electrical. When my nephew was two yrs old he became obsessed with the vacuum cleaner. He tried to take it with him wherever he went, he would drag it by it’s cord like it was a dog on a leash. And it wasn’t a small hand-held, either, it was one of those old behemoth models that weighed four times as much as he did. When my sister took it into the shop for repairs, the owner was flabbergasted at its condition. He asked her what she did to it, he said it looked like someone threw it down a flight of stairs. My sister replied, “Yes. Several times.”
Switching gears here. Can we talk about this shit show top Brandi has on in her interview? That thing looks like it hurts. Where does one even buy that contraption?
I don’t remember any compelling desire to run around nekkid by swimming pools, but I do remember other “boy” things. My parents moved us to a new town when I was eight. The boy’s room at my new school had these long trough urinals made to accommodate about ten boys at once, but we only used it one at time, standing at the end, to see who could pee the longest down the length of the urinal. We would all drink as much water as we possibly could so that by first recess we would be loaded and ready for glory. The teacher would have to be interrupted quite frequently for hall passes by boys who just couldn’t hold it until break time.
@Gypsy: Re: Brandi’s top (?) – I agree!!! I am embarrassed FOR her! She wouldn’t have to worry about people thinking she was a slut if she didn’t give them a reason too. Trashy tops don’t help your case, Hon.
My husband asked why there were new girls, and if one of the characters was not on the show anymore. I quickly said, “Um, Russell…” Then we drank wine and giggled a little. Bad Sardini.
@ crankyguy: lol. Like I said, boys are a strange breed.
Awesome Sardini!
@TWSS- Slutsky McSlutton shirt/bra-top. Ha! I feel like those are black wires on the top of her boobs. it’s like a bad Katy Perry bra with out the awesome whip cream attachments. Or, maybe that’s what it looks like before you screw the whip cream cans on! That would be way cooler. Still slutty though.
“Oh–can’t forget the need to destroy everything in sight…”
I can vouch for that. One of our favorite things to do was play with Barbie. Or, rather, the Barbies that my friends stole from their sisters. My dad cast bullets and loaded his own shells, so there was always plenty of gun powder in our basement. One of the older guys, maybe even as old as ten, was skilled at making homemade cherry bombs with the stolen power. Another friend borrowed his dad’s rifle and another provided gasoline. Anyway, the Barbies and Kens were shot to hell, blown up, and then doused in gas and burned. I was lucky in that I had no sisters and therefore no explaining do with respect to the missing dolls. As far as I can remember, there was absolutely no remorse for the thefts since those stupid girls didn’t know how to properly use the dolls for anything fun.
@ crankyguy: it is amazing that you are still alive. the only thing more dangerous than a little boy is a group of little boys. Yikes!
Only 39 (38) more comments until I hate THERESA!
I might take a page from classy drunks book and yell COCK! if I get the 100th.. hee hee..
@Robinez…That would get you a “Well Played Madame” if you could get that done!
That was already my plan Robinez….lol
35 (34) til the COCK off!
Captcha! SZUC (szzzuck) totally on board!
@sheesh, classy & robinez-you 3 crack me up!! I just went to the little local brewery and got a couple tall ones. methinks that after I finish the both of those I may go sand out on the patio and yell COCK!! And I hate Teresa….It is probably a good thing MR Z isn’t home because he would be shaking his head at me…You gals have me laughing my ass off and I have not even had a beer yet!
@sheesh one of my captcha codes eariler today was FU2Z
Russell’s sister is on “Dr. Phil”. IMHO she is in denial.
Now she is blaming the show and she’s not believing the abuse.
I guess she can’t read since he abused other women, according to court papers that are all over the internet. Wife beaters never change imho.
Kyle is the most unhappy cunt in Southern California –she’s old, unemployed, and not as rich as clearly she believes she should be. Oh yeah, and let’s not forget her sister is chasing the fucking dragon. How do I know she’s unhappy? Because of the abuse she heaps on every person with whom she comes in contact. It’s her only mechanism for deluding herself into believing she’s better than everyone else. SPOILER ALERT: Her run is fucking OVER and she knows it. She is Franco Fucking Harris in a Seattle Seahawks uniform: DONE. Old; Broke by the lofty standards she’s set for herself; Talentless; and worst of all, she has NO prospects for the future. The star is burning as bright as it ever will for this dimestore hooker cunt and I wouldn’t be surprised to pick up the morning fishwrap some day soon and read about her lifeless body swinging in her giant walk-in closet, hanging from her prized vintage Versace belt.