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Monday, October 24, 2011
10:07 pm
58 Comments
Tagged: adrienne maloof, brandi glanville, bravo, bravoandy, bravotv, dana homely something or other, flipit, funny, hilarious, kim richards, kyle richards, lisa vanderpump, marge simpson, please don't let dana speak, real housewives of beverly hills, recap, rhobh, seriously dana just shut up, sexually traumatized waiters, spa day, spoof, these women are old ass children, TV, tvgasm
Previously on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a little boy’s wiener sent Kyle’s whole world crashing to the ground,
I am going to steal his house one day to teach him a lesson.
….a gay dude promised to marry the Vanderpump kid in return for inheritance of the Rod Stewart wig,
Well hello, Dolly!
…and amid accusations of drug abuse and shouted “SLUT PIG!” slurs, the most offensive part of the evening was still Taylor’s rubber donkey show face.
Banned from petting zoos since the early 90′s.
We open wondering just how old Adrienne is. If Julie Kavner ever quits The Simpson’s, there’s another Marge waiting in the wings. She’ll probably try to move their asses out of Springfield.
What brought you to Springfield, was it our Frito Lay distribution center?
Lisa has come by to teach Ad how to cook. In other words, it’s time to learn how to physically abuse the maid until she makes something decent.
First, Lisa teaches her what a refrigerator is (not just where you keep your gums so they’re fresh when you wake up in the morning) and what a chopping board does (not just what Paul uses to take off pieces of your nose without scratching the granite countertops). At first Ad is worried about using her kitchen for food preparation because right now it’s filled with so many memories of facial remodeling, but Lisa isn’t about to teach her grilling yet, so kitchen it is. Bernie’s totally excited to have Lisa in his workspace.
Bitch. Hag. I hate her sooooo much.
All of you who were disgusted by Lisa’s double dipping in her own kitchen a couple of weeks ago will be happy to know that she’s wearing gloves. Lisa teaches her how to fist the chicken to pull out its innards, and Ad is disgusted. She only does this to Paul on Christmas.
This chicken swallowed gum in the fifth grade.
Bert’s totally jeal.
Time to wash the chicken. Ad puts hand soap on it. LOL!! She says it guards against salmonella poisoning, and I fear for her children. Where are they, anyway? I need proof that they’re still alive. Lisa hopes Ad is better in the bedroom than she is in the kitchen, for Paul’s sake. My guess is the kitchen is more depressed than poor not getting any Paul. At least Paul can masturbate with the hundred dollar bills he’s getting out of this arrangement. Ad threatens to shove something up Lisa’s bum, and she says “I have to go across the road for that.” This scene has officially killed my appetite until 2013. I hope I can still recap this shit in a couple of months when I’m thin. Thinness generally kills my joy.
Dana, Kyle and Taylor’s girls are playing together at Taylor’s house, and it looks like the RHONJ reunion.
You’ah gahbage!
The ladies get straight to the Brandi trashing. Kyle can’t believe she would call Kim a drug addict! That was uncalled for! They’d just met! Now if she’d actually known Kim and called her a drug addict, it would have been like Thanksgiving at the Hilton home. But just meeting her? RUDE! Not to mention that she threatened to kill Kyle. Why, that’s like mass murder! Taylor informs her friends that she had lunch with Brandi and she was really deflated and upset. This makes Kyle feel just terrible.
Kyle feeling terrible.
Brandi felt like everyone was mean to her right off the bat (true) and when Kyle got on her about being a terrible mother it reminded her of how her husband gives her shit for being a terrible mother and it made her insecure. LOL! Taylor just called another housewife insecure. Please don’t let Brandi hear that or the whole season will turn into the “insecure” fight again. And I kinda like Brandi’s white trashiness, but if everyone in your life is calling you a bad mom, you should probably stop boning tricks in your kid’s bed and bragging about it on Twitter. I mean come on, woman. Make an effort here. By the way, I know that we’re not supposed to talk about Taylor’s abuse yet, but what the hell? She’s doing everything she can to make someone ask her about it and no one will. First was the swollen eye, then the “no one will hit anyone ENOUGH” monologue, and now she’s wearing a shield on her hand like a freaking Roman.
Taylor says she asked B why she always called herself a slut, and it’s because she wants to say it before other people do. Kyle aw/groans at that one. And that is sad. Sadder that no one argued with her when she said it. I stopped complaining about being fat the day my friends stopped saying “No you aren’t!”, so I feel her pain. Taylor is doing a really good job getting the women kinda on team Brandi. Kyle says that she sorta feels for the girl, but NO ONE talks shit about her sister. Except for her. And the internet. And the cashiers at Whole Foods. And the mailman. And the sound guys. And random pedestrians. Kyle says that she doesn’t need an apology from Brandi cuz she doesn’t wanna be her friend. Well, Taylor tried. She kicks the ladies out of her house so she can get back to working with Russell on his new hobby: rope twirling.
Lisa goes over to her good friend Mohammed’s house. I can’t make jokes about him, cuz I don’t want TVgasm to get blown up. Let’s just say it’s fitting that he’s dating someone he can wear diapers with.
It was this girl’s dream to grow up and suck Cloris Leachman off every other night for a nice house. AW! The American Dream!
Mohammed wants to throw an engagement party for his goddaughter, Pandy. Lisa points out that he’s not the godfather unless Pandy’s in the will, and he assures her that she already is! Lisa tells him to be careful on the stairs. LOL. Then Lisa tells us that his wanting to be a fatherlike father to her kid is kinda gross since she’s the same age as his concubine. “They play togetha”. I don’t care how much of a shallow frigid bitch Lisa is portrayed as. Me love her long time.
Mohammed shows off his giant ass mall house, and even his secret sex room. Um…red flag! Red flag! He says it’s a “commune bed” for Pandy’s party. HAHA. The gayancé will get a little houseboy ass before he’s tied to the Pandy stone for life.
Ad’s having the girls over for some fun, and I can already tell she’s invited Kim because she’s wearing a dress that will purposely induce vomiting and swatting at invisible bees in the air.
It’s going to be a spa day, cuz Ad has a whole spa built into her house. It’s also used as an auto shop for when her face is out of wiping fluid. She has three waiters, a staff of remodelers for her face, and Bernie to keep everything sour. He’s made some beautiful desserts. Well, she says they’re beautiful. This looks like a tray of scabs to me.
She shows off all the money she’s spent on this shebang, and it makes me really hope the poor thing gets some tax money for her f ing stadium.
Kyle’s rental pulls up (EMBARRASSING!) and she keeps her sunglasses on. I guess to make Taylor feel better. Ad says that if she had been at Game Night, it might have not been so bad. That’s why Andy had all your tires slashed. Kyle wants to bang one of the waiters. Poor guy. He’s like a worm on a hook in this town. He probably walks funny and has no gag reflex left. Ask yourself. Is it really easier than GOING TO SCHOOL?
Kyle tries out the golden scab desserts and complains that there aren’t diamonds. “So cheap.” Hehe. Taylor shows up giggling about nothing, and Camille comes in huffing and puffing for no reason. They meet the other girls upstairs, where Lisa and her friend Wendy are sexually harassing a masseuse.
I’ve got flaps like a semi and I’m not afraid to run over your bump with them, dahling.
Ad shows off an amazing machine that both exfoliates and makes the perfect pencil erasers.
Would you guys go anywhere near a contraption that has helped Ad to look like she does? Run, girls! Get out of there before she pulls out the laminator.
Kyle worries that the machine will ruin her fake tan. Well if it does they’ll just spray you again. Shut up and say thank you ya wench. Kim comes twitching in late as usual. I feel bad for Dana. The beauty people don’t even know what to do with such a bad case of the fugs, so they just massage her wenis and try to make her feel less homely.
Kim and Kyle go to the trampoline and play around. It reminds Kyle of the time when her hoo ha didn’t leak from pushing out four kids and before Kim tried to buy her house back for twenty grand. Brandi shows up, saying she’d rather sit on a crutch than put herself through hell with these skanks again, but she signed a contract so here she is. She just lost her kid in a Wal Mart this weekend. So now she’s a terrible poor person parent. A girl’s gotta make a living! The girls all ignore her. Well, Taylor doesn’t. She looks skerd.
Please don’t tell anyone I only ordered coffee at lunch.
Brandi chooses treatments that don’t require talking to people cuz she feels scared of them. But you’re not scared of a radiation machine? Kim is scarier than cancer.
$1.99. Please scan your Ralph’s club card to get the discount on this squeak toy.
Kyle taunts Kim by asking if she’s seen Brandy, and Kim says that skank isn’t worth her time. “I don’t think she’s cute. She doesn’t have a pretty mouth.” LOL! Literally or figuratively, I presume. I love that “slut pig” and “goddamn bitch” are acceptable, but “I’m gonna kill you” isn’t. Kim is super pissed as she talks to us, and I’m loving every second.
She refuses to talk about it anymore. With an adjustment of her Russell collar, she’s done.
Kim tells Kyle she refuses to acknowledge the slut pig. “Feeding into that is like feeding…a plant that you love….or feeding….” Kyle: “A pirrhana.” HA. Kim has so many little thoughts up there. I hope one day she learns to express them, cuz you know that shit’s hilarious. I think she and I have a favorite movie in common, otherwise she’s making no sense.
Camille is flirting with hot waiter guy at the food table. She eats cheese and then yogurt and says she needs to gain some weight. He looks interested, and then he hears a violent shart and runs to get some paper towels. Awkward! Even more awkward than Lisa moaning while she gets her cankles massaged.
I’m gonna empty you like a squirrel in a nut tree, tiger. Keep on the cankles!
Lisa’s pissed that she has a spa, a spray tan, and a cankle masseuse across the street and she’s just finding out about it now. Camille gets spray tanned while everyone watches her and teases her naked butt. Ad tries to get Brandi fighting with someone, but B has a fear of rejection. Oh hon, you’re not a kidney being transplanted into someone, you’re just another horrible fish in a giant horrible pond. Calm down. You’ve got crutches to beat people with. Lisa talks to Camille about the kid therapists she’s bringing in to explain that mommy was bought out of a catalogue just like them and daddy is a scheming cheating piece of poo and doesn’t grow rugs on his back because they’re bad. That’s good mothering right there. If you can’t do it on your own, hire someone else to deal with it.
Ad comes over to Kyle and asks if she’ll talk to Brandi. She says maybe before the massage it would have been better. LOL. She says that B has to apologize to Kim first and then maybe they can talk. Ad goes to B and tells her to apologize about calling Kim an addict, and B says that she was attacked first and she’s annoyed that she has to apologize. Well, just apologize about the meth part. The “I’ll kill you” and “bitch” can slide. Meanwhile, Kim is over with Lisa and Kyle calling B a pirrhana (at least she learns new words fast). Cut back to the other girls. Cut back to the other girls. Cut back to the other girls. Ugh. This is like loosest lipped fifth grade class I’ve seen. If you pee when you go over speedbumps, you’re too old for this shit, girls.
B is whining “NO FAIR!” Kyle is telling Kim that B heard her saying she didn’t want them on the team. Kim denies being mean spirited, which is a lie. Brandi refuses to talk to Kim. She just wants to talk to Kyle cuz she doesn’t want a meth head after her ass and she’s not gonna pretend that Kim isn’t an addict just to make her feel better. “Can’t argue with crazy.” Well good luck trying, it’s only episode 8. Ad tells Kyle that B said she’s sorry about “bitch” and then Kyle tells Taylor that B said she’s not worried about ditch and then Taylor tells Camille that Kyle said furry is a snitch and then Camille tells Lisa that Taylor says curry is for a witch and Lisa whispers in Brandi’s ear.
Why did Lisa tell me she came when that dude rubbed her cankles?
Worst game of telephone ever. The ladies gather around Kyle’s bed as Ad tries to talk her into talking to Brandi. It’s like MASH.
If we don’t make peace with that gook we’ll be out here forever.
After two solid minutes of Ad’s nagging, Kyle agrees to talk to B. Kim doesn’t take it well.
She rolls her head and bugs her eyes and twitches and raps like she’s Brad Pitt. She yells “TRAITOR!” Camille understands how much it sucks having the Witchards against you, and thinks Brandi deserves a second chance. Kim starts crying and says that Kyle agreeing to talk to B hurts her feelings. Thankfully, her dealer is a phone call away. Brandi just wants to get the hell out of there, but Bobblehead Andy has rigged her Pinto with a bomb that goes off before she’s given the go ahead to skidattle. You heard it here first. Andy is a terrorist.
Finally, Kyle goes outside to talk, and Taylor and Brandi are waiting. Brandi says that she hates the drama and she lost it when Kyle attacked her kid and she knows Kyle lost it when she attacked her sister. She babbles on a bit and says that she doesn’t want it to be high school and she felt soooo alooone. Kyle lets her finish and then says that B started it by calling Kim an addict of some mysterious substance that she’s never heard of before. When Paris called to pick her up from jail, it was for having some kind of nose spray that sounded similar but otherwise um crystal who? The women all nod like what Kyle is saying makes total sense. Brandy blinks like a war vet coming home after a decade and seeing iCarly for the first time. Terrified.
The ladies are surrounding them, and Kyle is standing her ground and snippily telling Brandi not to f with her sister. Brandi blinks and whines that the girls were mean. This goes on for almost four minutes. Then Lisa jumps in and tells B she has to apologize to the lush for calling her a meth head. Brandi doesn’t know if she’s up for it, but the ladies aren’t having her nos. Ad talks to her and tries to sooth her into just saying Kyle’s right. Her husband does it with her and look! He gets to live in a mall sized house with laminators and pencil eraser makers. Brandi cries and cries, and Kyle goes inside to tell Kim B wants to apologize.
Kim slurs that she doesn’t give a slut pig goddamn bitch what that trailer trash has to say to her. She’s a bad actress and goes from “I’ll kill you” to “wah my babies” in five seconds. LOL KIM. She refuses to make up with Brandi, and Kyle says if B tries crap again she’ll have two broken legs. Which I suppose is less bad than threatening to kill someone. Outside, Taylor is trying to explain that calling Kim a meth head was the wrong thing to do. Brandi asks “Is it?” Taylor almost throws up the bite of yogurt she pretended to eat.
Get with the program, skank! This town runs on denial. Without it I’d be Shana Hughes and my face would look like Marlena from Days of Our Lives when she was possessed by the devil.
Brandi’s like um fuck this. She gets up to go. She can’t be around a group that’s so in denial. Then she starts cry/whining to Adrienne about how no one has her back and she has a valid complaint that the women treated her like dirt that night. Ad tries to explain that B has to see both sides. She said she was sorry, Jesus. Brandi’s not the problem, here, and she should be. These bitches are cutting off a flower before it has the chance to bloom into a beautiful, poisonous villain. The editors know that this show is getting disgusting and painful to watch, so they make it up to us.
The diving board Kim’s house built.
Mauri is hanging with the kids and says it’s really nice being with girls before they become scheming dramatic cows. Aw! So sweet. Back to hag day at Ad’s. Kim is relaxed and slurry. She says that Brandi is like an anal wart and doesn’t care what she says. She’s disappointed that Kyle would even speak to the whore face, and Kyle and Lisa try to explain that Kyle was trying to be polite for Ad’s sake. Kyle says they weren’t innocent that night, and Kim is horrified at the allegations and says Brandi flies off the handle for no reason like a crazy person. LOL! Ain’t that the sack calling the nut a cum shooter. Ad says that Brandi has no filter, and Lisa says that’s not acceptable to her. Says the woman who just called the man throwing her daughter a lavish party a cradle robber on national television.
Click. Click. Click. Sad Brandi hobbles down the hallway and out of the house as the women cackle about her. Man. This is like Wicked, where you end up rooting for the wicked witch. Kim goes on about how Brandi says the B word. No one brings up the “slut pig” comments, cuz they’re a bunch of childish hypocrites. Lisa says “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” Man she’s gonna feel like a total asshole when she sees the party on TV. Kyle just wants to move on. “Without Brandi.”
Next week, Russell, who’s been tied up with work all season, shows up to threaten Lisa with a lawsuit! HAHAHAHAH!!!! YAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!! Thanks for being here you guys.
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58 Comments
I must start by saying Ad’s kitchen is so fantastic. I am mucho jealous of all that space (not decoration, it’s all a little too glitzy gold over-the-top tacky for me).
Lisa was awful this episode. I know you like her, Flipit, but she is trying to manipulate everyone to hate Brandi, and then make her cower and humble herself before the other women. And what is Brandi’s big crime? She lunched with the Leech. Really? Is this illegal now? Should she have said to Leech–”I cannot be friends with you any longer! You may have been cordial to me all this time, but I just found out that you have been mean to some woman I have never met before! How dare you! I say Good Day to you (a la Fez from ‘That 70s Show’).
I wonder if Ad feels bad for making Brandi take all the blame when she finally sees the game night episode for what it was? I got to hand it to Brandi though, she certainly seems to get Kim–drugs, alcohol, or good ‘ol crazy, Kim did not remember much from that night, did she? Her rewriting of history was a little bit frightening.
As far as housegate, in this instance, I believe it is what Ad said about there being three truths to a story. I believe that Kim wanted to buy her share back for $20,000, I don’t believe Kyle that this is the first time this has ever been mentioned. I do believe Kyle has a talent for saving her own ass–for noticing when things are beginning to stink and then start spraying some Febreeze to mask the scent of her nastiness, while Kim is too busy swallowing the Febreeze to notice that she has even farted. Honestly, I no longer care who is right. I don’t like either of them after game night.
I don’t think I have added anything with my comment, but since there are no comments yet as I write this, I felt I had to make sure Flipit knows we appreciate all his hard work! Thanks for the fast turnout yet again Flipit!
And to the commentator last week who said that it was Kyle’s fault Kim hated Brandi before she even met her, because Kyle told Kim to hate Brandi–well, who do you think told Kyle to hate Brandi? Like I said above, Lisa is guilty, guilty, guilty…
Lovely recap as always Flipit. Why are these “woman” so far up the Richards sisters sphincters? Not one of them will call these bitches out for their fucked up behavior? It’s getting OLD! How many friggin weeks has Vyle brought up this little boy pee pee incident? It’s like ENOUGH, ENOUGH!! I’m getting ready to add Lisa to my pile O’hate, that old bird needs to mind her fucking business.
For a start, who in their right mind would want to hang out with Kim? She is hardly coherent. Apparently she is always late if she bothers to show up at all and most of the time no one has a clue as to what she is talking about. Rambling on about nothing, she is either high on substances or just plain nuts!
Taylor is up Kyle’s ass. Kyle is up Lisa’s butt. Dana is up Kim and Kyle’s posterior. Camille conveniently forgets how they treated her last season. And Adrienne knows full well how crazy Kim is as she herself witnessed firsthand the insanity.
Brandi may have our sympathy now but give her the chance to find her footing and she will be no different than these witches when the time comes. I can see it coming from a mile away.
They are all awful.
Another thing: why does Lisa resent Brandi’s friendship with Cedric?
Simple: the relationship with Cedric was far different than the picture portrayed as his being a “lost stray” they dragged all over the world for 15 years who suddenly stabbed them in the back. He is more than likely “spilling the beans” about Lisa and Ken which is why she is eager to mock her.
There is more to that “friendship” than meets the eye.
I take the most issue with how it was the worst thing in the world that Brandi said Kim was on drugs, but that it was ok for Kyle to question Brandi’s parenting. Now two wrongs don’t make a right, which doesn’t make sense because when you multiply to negatives you get a positive…wait what was I talking about oh yes, but Kyle cannot say something like that about Brandi with her and her sister making snide remarks all night and Brandi not get pushed to a point where she said something over the line.
In watching the game night scene again with Winston Churchill I think Brandi was trying to separate the two words that’s why she said “smoke cigarettes” == Winston’s because she didn’t know who Winston Churchill was. Not trying to defend her but since I am a game night connoisseur I thought I’d make that point.
Lastly Kyle has all girls and grew up with girls. If she’d grown up with boys she would know that boys whip their peens out all the time. Whether they are 3 or 53. For some reason they all think it’s funny.
Hoo Boy— I have never seen Kim so covered up– long sleeves and high-necked blouse. That is as disturbing as the twitching–is Old Mother Hubbard going to be her new persona??
Lisa is paranoid about Brandi knowing too much thanks to Cedric — judging by her asides, I think she is right to be worried. God alone knows what she said to Cedric about all sorts of people and situations.
Was I the only one wondering why some of them women carried their purses with them during spa time? Perhaps they brought their own party favors?
For gods sake Kyle – stop pretending you have never heard the term ‘crystal meth’ before. Thats like pretending she has never heard of herpes, valtrex, sex tapes and financial malfeasance.
I feel for Brandi but honestly, it’s only a matter of time before she turns into a vicious whore like the rest of the (sorta) wives.
It was fun to see Taylor turn her lips inside out when Brandi refused to get on the ‘nothing wrong with that wacky Kim’ train.
Speaking of Twitch…she is an addict. A sloppy, emotional, by turns pathetic and aggresive addict. I don’t know if its coke, pills or what – but I have a feeling we will find out what it is this season.
Kyles bravo blog was full of mea culpa to Brandi and hints as to why she walks on eggshells when with Kim. I think Kim not backing down on the house stealing issue is what is going to cut them apart permanently. Maurcio doesn’t play.
Kim is an addict— could not agree with the group more. I am thinking it may be anti-depressants she is tossing into the mix. But for the love of Mike–who is her supplier and where is she getting the money for all this????
@Katie and ohralphie—yes– Cedric has something on Ken and Lisa and I bet its good. Why would Lisa care about a friendship so long ago? She has a sham wedding to plan for Pandy and “gayance” (loved that Flipit). Anyway they can all trek to the Brownstone??? I am sure someone on staff can walk Ken and Jiggy(Critterfur may be back working there– I think season 4 will be full of delights).
Lisa would like to be the “doyenne’ of that horrible group: the Caroline Manzo, Vicki Gunvalson, Jill Zarin of the series. Unfortunately we have already seen how well that played out for those other women, the “been there, done that” theme that ended up with all three of them being despised.
We all know that the “Cedric, the orphan” story was contrived so it seems that there was “more than meets the eye” when he was shuttled offstage so unceremoniously. And Brandi knows what actually “went down” behind the scenes. Thus inviting the “Lisa hate”.
Kim is “on something” and washes it down with booze. Why she is allowed back on this show is troubling. Bravo wants “drama” and where better to get that than from a junkie whose behavior can at least be counted on to provide it.
This is Bravo at its finest! They probably promised her an excuse to “get even” with Kyle for the nastiest from Season 1 that she was forced to endure at her hands. Kim has her own “agenda” to set the record straight and explaining what happened with that house sale, true or otherwise, is where Kim is coming from. Twisted.
I like Brandi so far. I can’t help it. So her little boy peed outside….. get a fucking grip Kyle. My husband still does it and he just turned 43.
Great recap as always, Flipit! Of course, my favorite part is always the tags you add. “please don’t let Dana speak”, “seriously Dana just shut up” and “these women are old ass children” are the best ones.
FLIPTIT, OMG! Screen cap of Taylor “Don’t tell anyone I ordered a Latte.”! ROFL! That shhh was on point! (And she had it with WHOLE MILK-Sinner!)
So the game my friends and I were playing last night was, who is Kim’s man? If anyone wants to play give a shout out with your guess!
My guess was: Tom Sizemore!
I can’t even remember all the stuff I wanted to say b/c I am laughing so hard but, for the love of all that is Vyle. KIM IS ON CRACK PEOPLE!
Jay-sus!
Oh, I remember one thing now. I had the same interest in Adrienne’s age a couple weeks ago: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Adrienne_Maloof-Nassif.
Her face reminds me of the Dead Presidents masks they wore in Point Break. She’s a Brody.
Whoopsie, I just wrote Fliptit! Sorry FlipIT.
Ok, so I am going to be honest here, the only reason why I actually watched this episode is because I wanted to see Ad cook!! I tots want her kitchen!! Loved it! I wouldn’t mind having 3 refigerators either. I liked how 1 just had beverages in it, and the other had the chicken in it…how much you want to bet that 1 of those is for her “staff”?
I have never had salmonilla poisoning before, but, I do was my chicken before I cook it, and by wash, in mean I rinse it off with cold water and pat dry. I did notice that when they first started working with the chicken they used gloves, but then when they were almost done, no gloves, they were not really using cutting boards, and then when it came time to put the poor birds in the roasting pans they were both playing….hmm Ad, that is how you get salmonilla poisoning….DUH!! and if she wanted cooking advice, why not just to the the man himself?! Bernie was hovering right there!?!
I also noticed that the ladies had their purses and were holding onto them for dear life!! For flucksake, how much green does Ad have?? to have your own spa and workers to go along with it! I want to spend my winters in 90210…hmm I wonder if I can make on of our extra bedrooms into a personal spa….yeah right, the MR would probably disown me!
Great recap Flipit!!!
@gypsy: from the bak-o-head shot, i’m guessing kim’s man is juicy JOE GUIDICE!
@flip: “the diving board kim’s house built”. you’re a pip flip.
I feel bad for Brandi the same way I felt bad for Gretchen when she first showed up on RHOOC. And look how that turned out. Also, Brandi has maybe the most annoying voice I’ve ever heard.
ROGER THAT! LOL.
I don’t care for Brandi’s face as mean as that sounds. BAD plastic surgery, just awful. And the hair is weird too.
First thing I thought of when Brandi arrived at the party? Of COURSE Adrienne’s house has an elevator.
I don’t care how big her house is…if I bought it there would be some MAJOR renos done to get rid of all that gaudy crap. M
Okay, I officially fell off the “Kim is amusing & twitchy, let’s give her a pass” bandwagon. She is a b*&%h. Plain and simple. She’s like that kid kid who has a slight learning disability and uses it as an excuse to be mean and nasty to everyone cuz they know they’ll get a pass. I am tired of everyone walking on eggshells when it comes to her. The woman is clearly an addict of some sort, and homegirl needs a reality check ASAP. It’s annoying to watch. She is in her mid-forties and gets treated like an eight year old. I almost expected HER to pee on Ad’s lawn too last night. Either call her out or get her off my tv, cuz I’m over it!
And Adrienne – ingesting dish soap will give you “the runs” which is kinda the same as having salmonella, so…….get a frickin clue or just let the help handle it!
I am really now just biding my time till the reunion to see if NJ has given Andy the cajones to ask the questions to the hoochies of BH that we wanna hear, specifically “If you all KNOW the b*&^h is on drugs, why the HECK do you enable her behavior??!!” I mean Kyle tasting her drink and nothing is mentioned? Really?? Ugh, sorry, but my Kim HATE has overcome me!!!
I have to give Vyle credit, she called WWHL and apologized again. Good for her and that classless Brandi said you’d be dead if my sister was around. No wonder Eddie left. What a trashy bitch.
I have to give Vyle credit, she called WWHL and apologized again.
It’s just damage control. It was all prearranged for her to “call in” so viewers will think she’s not so bad after all.
“I love trampolines! I’m on the trampoline all the time!” Kim is a big twitchy ball o’ fun ain’t she?! God, I love her!
“Bitch. Hag. I hate her sooooo much.”
OMG OMG CASUAL EFFORTLESS ‘SOAPDISH’ REFERENCE OMG.
Adore you, Flipit.
They literally treat Kim like she’s a little kid. When Kim was like “if one of you had said that I would be upset, but I’d get over it because I love you all” and started tearing up they were all “oh honey! We’d never say that!” and it reeked of the indulgence allowed a small child. It’s so obvious that she has a huge crazy problem and they’re all covering it and pretending because they don’t want to come across as bitches for picking on a kid.
Not that they’re not afraid to come across as bitches for picking on the parenting of a newly single mother on crutches…
bouncey….bounce…bounce..bounce!!! I LOVE KIM!
bouncey..bounce…bounce…bounce!!! I LOVE KIM
Didnt See Ad get any work done on spa day. I think she was afraid an implant might shift, silicone might melt. or her weave would slide off the back of her head.
HAHAH!! Love reading these comments. Did you guys watch WWHL? As mentioned, Kyle apologized, and then Brandi showed herself to be the white trash skank Kyle said she was in the first place. Hilarious. I really hope that on the show, Brandi is left with more room to speak, cuz that girl is going to dig her own grave really really well. Bobblehead Andy looked totally disgusted.
Oh and Andy asked Dana how her kid knows Thai. Why, cuz the nanny’s Thai, of course. He laughed “Oh, so basically he gets a blanket shoved in his face so he knows what a blanket is.” HAHAH! That was the first time he’s made me pause the TV to laugh my ass off.
i dont hate lisa. if i wasnt at an event and my good friend told me a story about a girl i didnt know, i would believe my friend. also, taking anti-depressants dont make you loopy. maybe you meant anti-anxiety medications, like xanax?
HILAR recap Flipit!!! I need to check out the Brandi links you posted. I agree Brandi is going to turn us all off by the end of the season. I can’t believe this was episode EIGHT already?!!! Absolutely nothing has happened yet!! I’m glad ATL is starting soon.
I checked out the Ad link & I can’t BELIEVE she’s only 50!!! (If Wikipedia is to be believed). Homegirl needs some tips from Ramona! Or at least some TruRenewal stuff!!!-
I think with Ad EVERYTHING is business related, somehow. So I suspect that the equipment in the ‘spa’ was really bought as part of Paul’s home-office, but by showing and using it on the show she is now able to get some extra crazy business-investment deduction on the taxes. Or she made marketing deals with equipment providers in exchange for being ‘gifted’ with it. Or both…
Even with her money, I can’t imagine that a businesswoman would spend all this cash on machinery that would be for her personal use, therefore relatively seldom (as opposed to a spa/doctor’s office), without any ulterior motives. She does not strike me as that vain.
The way the women treated Brandi was just inexcusable – and Ad played the biggest and the worst part in it. I understand that she was probably saddled with that chore by the producers since Brandi came into the show as part of Ad’s storyline, but still I don’t know how she swallowed it. She seems relatively intelligent and sensitive, I don’t see her ever not being on Brandi’s side in this war had it not been for the producers’ interference. And for that Ad again lost still more of my sympathy and like for her.
As to what’s happening with Lisa, I can’t even guess – maybe it is part of the special ‘re-done’ Bravo edit? I hope so, because I really liked her last season, and even identified with her (apart from the money, the house, the Bentleys, the Botox, etc..) the most. But this season she is coming across as a real c-word. It makes me sad because in my mind she is sweet and caring and funny.
Now Vyle, on the other hand, finally let her true colors fly from the very first moment this season. She’s unbearable – the viciousness, the costant snickering, the ‘I’m better than her’ attitude, ugh… She is such a nasty, mean b!tch that I really wonder how her marriage is not on the rocks yet, after Mauri had seen her in all her hateful glory in so many instances. She’s become unwatchable, and sadly she’s been able to supplant TrailorParkTrashShana in that position. Disgusting woman. What I hate the most is when she makes her snide, biting remarks to the camera followed by that evil cackle and the ‘I know you’re with me’ smirk at the viewer. Dream on you bitter witch-tard.
Bloody hell, Ad is 50? I thought she was in her early 40-s, just with a lot of damage from plastic surgery and other crap she’s put in her face. If that is really her age then I think she looks great, especially her figure (I mean, if you disregard the fact that her face does not move, or that her eyebrows are under her hairline, or that her eyes look positively oriental anymore – oh, shit never mind). That would also explain her changing attitutes towards Paul and sex, as that age brings with it a lot of new and not-improving changes to ones body and psyche… Yep, Menopause is a bitch and so are you on it
Will not fall for feeling sorry for Brandi even if the sequence of events as shown would charge all the others with various offenses, large and small and the Richard sisters being the most guilty.
But, c’mon. Brandi is what she’s about to be exposed to be. Just like everyone is ready to identify just exactly what it is Kim’s hooked on or Lisa is the real instigator, or Kyle is Vyle, or Ad is boring but seemingly decent and fair and Taylor is whiney and last season’s villain.
“Liking” any of these women consistently and the way you would really pick a friend is not possible. I’d rather do what Flipit does, he picks what he likes selectively about these women for entertainment value.
And of course along with being the best recapper known to the universe, Flipit is correct for pointing out they are out of snyc. They were supposed to show Brandi as unsympathetic and an unattractive gutter fighter BEFORE this elementary school mean girl routine. Granted the mean girl routine would be there anywhere. Every new girl gets the treatment because, plucked from relative obscurity, these women really do let it go to their collected heads by season two. Then that’s where they all want more story lines and camera time and the best image and that brings out the worst in all of them.
More Kim. More Lisa, any day over what we are about to see in poor Brandi.
I think that there is finally someone who Vyle can feel superior to and she is loving the feeling. She has been on the low rung as far as $ and stature in this show, and yaayy..some redneck comes along and she is now better than someone..Bitch
TYFTRC, Flip
My random observations of “bring it bitch”-gate 2011 as follows: No one should be allowed to say whatever they want and be excused for it with the nonsense of a “has no filter” label. That said, I wouldn’t say Brandi is “unfiltered” as much as she just doesn’t realize how stupid/misguided/off-subject/boring the shit coming out of her mouth is until she gets the blank/confused stare back from others. Like, she’s trying to make a valid point, but a different version comes out, & she needs a translator. I’ll demonstrate as follows: “I feel like you guys think im super-slut” really meant “I see you ladies roll your eyes at me, and watched you giggle in a huddle while taking turns glaring at me, so I feel like you are somehow judging me before you’ve given me a chance”. “Bring it bitch” meant “What exactly was that supposed to mean, Kyle? I should do an I.Q. test, why? You and Kim have been rude to me all night, and that was crossing the line, so you need to act like an adult & watch what you say from now on cause I won’t tolerate your disrespect,mmkay?”. See? And her timing is always off. If she wanted to call out kim’s coke use, she should have spoken up aS kim got up & headed to the bathroom the 26th time, and simply stopped her, and ask her why she’s got to excuse herself every 2secs, cause it’s rude. You don’t just save it till someone hurts your feelings 1 too many times, then blurt out “your sisters been doing crystal meth all night” out of nowhere. She’s doomed w/these women. It’s much more effective to point out one’s suspicious behavior as it happens so everyone else can’t ignore it anymore, & a guilty/illogical explanation will prove your point, and yaaay! Brandi wins! Nope. She threw it out there, naming a redic/wrong drug in the process, and will now be stuck fighting off the others who’ll continue asking her to apologize for it, as all other fucked up actions of the richards are forgotten. I think the women have seen Kim quit drinking alcohol since season 1, & want to be so supportive and proud of her for it, that whatever else she’s doing is just an elephant in the room, & no one will dare question kim in her “fragile” state, and that’s EXACTLY how she wants it. Addicts are smart, know how to get all those around them on the denial train, & Brandi’s a threat to the manipulation she’s perfected. Ad knows what’s up, tho, & WE know she aint buyin’ it, but kim doesn’t.
Lastly, if Kyle is so offended by the word “cock”, feels like seeing a toddler pee in the grass is violating to the point of calling someone a bad mom, and “bitch” is offensive enough to justifiably attack, then I can’t even IMAGINE what a bore she is in bed. Poor Maricio! He’s stuck “making love” for life, or has/needs a GF to bang/pull hair/dirty-talk. If ur insulted by the word “cock”, you damn sure don’t put your husband’s in your mouth, and you should cuz it’s your duty as a wife, cause that bitch has gorgeous hair, but if she won’t let him pull it & talk to her dirty, he’ll find a chick who will.
hEY aD!-SECRET-don’t learn to cook, cause then you will have to do so.
Great cap! I’M READY TO SEE RUSSEL MISTLETOE ARMSTRONG!
Brandi should have just started singing “Kimmie what you trippin on” every time Kim went to the bathroom.
@Tmurda: ‘And her timing is always off. If she wanted to call out kim’s coke use, she should have spoken up aS kim got up & headed to the bathroom the 26th time, and simply stopped her, and ask her why she’s got to excuse herself every 2secs, cause it’s rude. You don’t just save it till someone hurts your feelings 1 too many times, then blurt out..’
Well, @Tmurda, this behavior would only work if she were dealing with intelligent, balanced and reasonable personalities – then your train of thought is perfectly on, IMO. But she has to deal with harpies who hold on to things too, and then throw them in her face way after the fact – e.g. Vyle YET AGAIN screaming about Brandi’s son peeing in public!!!
This clique works outwardly and functions internally purely on intimidation and ass-kissing. There is really no true respect involved in any of their ‘friendships’ and liaisons. Therefore being rational and speaking to them in terms normal people use and understand would actually be delusional. I think that is the reason Brandi dials it up from 1 to 10 in a split second, because she knows what’s coming before they even say it, and she wants to come across as ‘able to hold her own’ against them. In all honesty, that is the only reason she was cast on the show – as a b!tch who would not back down from them and would go balls to the wall if attacked.
Personally I had a very low opinion of Brandi before the show aired; and her behavior towards her ex and his new wife, as reported, was attrocious. Plus she does not seem to be educated or smart. I came into this season ready to hate her with everybody else, just as Bravo prepared us to. But she comes across as a wounded soul, and these women, completely unintentionally on Brandi’s part I’m sure, are immediately exposed as heartless, unfeeling b!tches they really are. So the only thing they can do is attack her from the get-go and hope they win in our side-picking. Had they behaved rationally, or politely, or with any smallest amount of compassion towards her, I think Brandi would have been ready to worship them. After all she just lost her old life, most of her ‘friends’, a tone of self esteem, and she was looking for a safe port in the storm. She would have become a staunch ally to any of the women had they shown her any love or compassion. But they are physically uncapable of it! They are such vile nasty cows that Brandi had no choice but to get into the mode she now seems stuck in for the rest of the season. I do feel sorry for her, and I understand the futility of trying to mend fences with a pig that just runs back and rips it apart while your back is turned. It blows; Brandi knows it; and every response, conscious or not on her part, will come laced with this attitude. They deserve it.
This clique works outwardly and functions internally purely on intimidation and ass-kissing.
You’ve got it. The ONLY way for anyone to get along with the Bitcherson sisters, if she is perceived by them to be on any lower social or economic plane, is to suck ass and to suck it hard. Pam excels at that, and even then, she is only barely tolerated. These bullying harpies can smell weakness from a mile away.
Did I miss how Ad and Brandi know each other? Is having Brandi as a friend equivalent to some people saying “I have black friends, I have gay friends” except hers is “I have trashy friends”?
Ye Gods!! Flipit, thank you for your attention to detail. I start getting an ice cream headache after a while and have to get up for some chardonnay (really, the U.S. Doctors Board thingie says it is good for headaches
)to watch this mess.
Seriously, after a strong first season, we have devolved into “Mean Girls: The Sequel” or “The Women: the Jackass edition”
Ad: Hate when some one who seems to neither like food nor can boil water without putting a splash of Joy in it has a tricked out spacious kitchen. Oh, well, if she could, we would not have the delightfully bitchy chef there.
Kyle/Kim: Kyle, you are a hypocritical bitch and Kim, at least learn how to mix booze and pills so that you are on auto-pilot and not on a twitchy 4th gear. Jaysus, has being an hollywood “icon” taught you nothing?
Lisa – stir the pot much? What happened to the Posh Spice I liked so much?
Camille – Keep on driving down that asshole road, hon – love it! Make sure you take a turn off on passive aggressive parenting drive – it is on the corner of “Your Daddy is a hairy asshat” and “His new wife is a cheap cocktail waitress of the skies”
Taylor and Dana – just leave my TV set already.
Brandi – I want to feel for her, but there is something so off-putting about her. But again, why sweat such a bitter heiffa?
@Tmurda: I felt that way about Kyle and her sex life the minute she freaked out about the word Cock. None of the kids were at the table, only adults–none of whom were virgins–and it took place at a backyard barbecue, not a state dinner. I am suspicious when a person acts so shocked about body parts, especially when said Puritanical soul is the aunt of the symbol (dare I say ICON) of sluts and whorish behavior ever.
Too bad Brandi’s kid didn’t take a dump on the lawn, then Kyle and Portia could have come along and picked it up together with their pooper-scooper and had some good family bonding time!
Seriously though, this is still bothering me. The kid is four years old and his parents have just gone through a nasty divorce. Regression in potty-training behavior and then nightmares and the inability to sleep are completely to be expected. And who knows what Brandi said to the tyke in the car–is it only “correcting” if Kyle sees it?
I am sure like Margo said that we’ll probably hate Brandi soon enough, but the Richard sisters and Lisa are wearing the crowns for that title at present.
One last thing, I was watching the RHOBH marathon and I caught a couple of interesting things–mostly from that episode of Kim Krazy on the plane. For one, her excuse that the power went out was a lie–or at least parts of it were a lie. She said that the power went out, all the power on the street actually, and then barely a few moments later says that she went to her neighbor’s house (whom she barely knows) to finish getting ready. If your whole street is out, how does the neighbor’s house have any better lighting than yours? She also goes on and on about how much she hates ‘new’. New things, new people…possible she would have hated Brandi no matter what Kyle would have said about her. She also talks like a baby when she is super slushed up. When Kim was making up that story to Kyle and Lisa at the spa day, when she tells them she probably just said “I just want to be with Camille, because I love Camille, NOT ‘I hate you, I don’t like you, rah (said in annoying mean voice, while growling),” she actually ended up doing a pretty great imitation of herself from game night! Hilarious!
My guess for Kim’s mystery man: A ‘business man’, as in–her supplier!
Thank you Shana! I noticed the “power was out on street but I went to the neighbor’s” thing too! It was so blatant I questioned my own self.
Brandi is a disappointment to me. I’d rather her be full-on Staub/Giudice crazy than a crybaby. Start accusing people of pulling your weave and leave Jake unattended.
I’m also starting to hate Kyle more than Taylor. SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOOOOOP!
And in honor of Weavegate…I pick Ashley/Ashlee Holmes’ daddy at Kim’s Mystery Man.
I remember thinking at the time that her story of going to the neighbors was bullshit. I suppose it could be possible that she was talking about a neighbor behind her house on another street if we are stretching for a reason to believe her. But I really think it is more likely that both Kim and Vyle are well practiced at lying their way through life.
Amen crankyguy!
PS Been wanting to say this to you for a while: Respect my authoritie! Love that dude…but Butters is my fave, want to just kiss him up.
Professor Chaos rules, for sure. And then there’s Marjorine… wait, where am I?
@polk8dot- totally agreed. If bravo decides to add in a cast member to shake up the “bond” of the veteran HWs, challenging the “initiation” type bullshit with any effectivness, said newby should be an articulate person with normal social skills, quick wit, and intolerence for even mild mistreatment. My whole life, iv’e observed people’s unreasonable behaviors/reactions to things, & considered what the REAL reason is behind such behavior (which actually has nothing to do with whatever got them yelling). If you know where someone’s hostility or cattyness is really coming from (mainly a form of insecurity), then you know exactly how to avoid giving them the reaction they want, and make them look redic and foolish by demanding an explanation. That’s what a new girl must do. Be polite and classy, but when the superoirity jabs begin, it’s time to acknowlege it by INTERUPPTING it (avoiding full denial later on) and start asking questions. Like On game night, when kim loudly whispered that she doesn’t want brandi on her team cuz she doesnt like her, Brandi shoulda turned her head to them, and said “Ok, well, you did just meet me an hour ago, so I’m curious as to why exactly you dislike me, but since we are having game night, that convo can wait till later. As for now, I have no problem switching teams if that would make you feel better.” I wish just once for bravo to cast one of these types, who might use the veterans; own nonsense and juvenile tactics of dominence against them. It’ll never happen, and iv’e accepted that.
@shaina- yup! If it had been Adrienne’s son who’d peed, and Lisa who’d said “cock”, Kyle would have laughed her ass off, right?
@ maryedith: lol
@ Tmurda: “If it had been Adrienne’s son who’d peed, and Lisa who’d said “cock”, Kyle would have laughed her ass off, right?”
Absolutely!
Kathy Hilton just arrived at the MJ trial. Paris is on her way.
Kimmy cakes speaks http://www.twitlonger.com/show/dsn3cn
Ugh I have such a soft spot for Kim. . . i actually buy the panic/stress meds. The I was kidding stuff. . . just no.
@ cupcake623: Thanks for the link, I found her blog very interesting.
I had a strong suspicion that she had just been to see a shrink. And while anxiety disorders are awful and the meds can make you short tempered and sleepy, it does not–to my knowledge–make you a total bitch! Kim thought her behavior that night was just a misunderstood joke? If hating on someone you just met is your form of humor, you can keep your funny to yourself, Kim.
I have a relative like this, a person who will somehow find something mean to say–something that everyone else may not necessarily find mean, but something that hurts the person it is aimed at precisely. A kind of passive aggressive attack. And when the victim, hurt and feeling like they are backed into a corner bites back, it is all, “Oh No! How could she say that?! What she said to me was waaaay worse then that little comment that I had said to her (which wasn’t even meant to hurt her feelings at all)! There was no reason for her to attack me that way!” And everyone agrees because they didn’t have their insecurities laid open on the table.
I saw Kyle and Kim attack every one of Brandi’s insecurities: 1. No one likes you, you are all alone (Kim saying “I don’t want to sit next to her, I don’t want to be on her team”, Kyle ignoring her when they were the only two people in the room) , 2. You are a bad mother and a bad guest (didn’t correct child or apologize for him). 3. You are stupid.
You know what Kim? I would be more worried for your children based on what Kyle said last season and some of the crazy you have brought on TV this season, than by a chrystal meth accusation ‘that isn’t even true’, as you so widely claim.
I used to work with little kids and I have learned something very important from the experience: If one child attacks another in a violent and/or dramatic way, in almost all cases the event was completely provoked. If you only focus on the last kid crying the loudest, you are missing the full story. Conversations don’t just get to “Hi, I’m Brandi, and you’re on crystal-meth!” without a damn good reason. That Kim is bewildered and confused by the fact that Brandi felt the need to lash out at her disturbs me the most.
I am not saying I like Brandi at all, I am just saying that I am not jumping on the ‘Kim and Kyle defending themselves’ bandwagon because their behavior was indefensible. What makes it indefensible? It took a whole nation of RHOBH viewers to get it through their thick, sick, mean girl minds that their actions were wrong. They certainly didn’t seem to feel bad about it until then. And from the sound of it, Kim still doesn’t.
Thanks for the link to Twitchs blog @cupcake623!
There is no way in hell the Twitch I know wrote that. It was concise, articulate and used way too many multisyballic words.
I also don’t buy the anxiety disorder/meds made her do it. Now if she were talking about bi polar meds or schizo meds then yes – that would make you groggy, woozy and out of it. Maybe.
“There is no way in hell the Twitch I know wrote that.”
Vyle has a publicist. It’s likely that Kim had a little professional help on loan from Vyle to concoct her spin.
I don’t buy that the meds made her do it either. I just sort of buy that she isn’t a street drug addict just medicates for anxiety and stress and maybe still drinks sometimes to take off the edge. And yeah she just doesn’t get it at all. They were terrible to Brandi and it wasn’t a joke and I really don’t have sympathy for what her children or family might think because a complete stranger accused her of using crystal meth – they know her well enough to know whether or not it’s true so just stop with the excuses.
She really needs help it isn’t fun watching her struggle. I feel like most of the girls (except Adrienne) tolerate her but are openly annoyed with her which is understandable but its just feels mean an not something I wanna see on HW’s. That is why I can’t wait for Atlanta! YAYYYY
Apparently, Kim’s BF is Todd Voisine. AND he looks just like Juicy Joe!
http://stoopidhousewives.com/2011/10/30/the-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills-season-2-beverly-hills-is-bringing-the-party-video-bravo-tv-official-site-2/
Nice S-Natch-FTW! Good guesses everyone who played along.
I can’t wait for Russell-Lisa-Tabloid-Ifyoudon’tlikemeatleastdon’tbemeanttome-Gate to go down!
Bless all of you for getting so in depth on this thread. I don’t have the patience or the desire to psycho analyze this vapid LA LA land “ladies” the way you all do but, it sure makes for interesting reading so I thank you all!
Lastly, if Vyle isn’t smoking pole then bet your bottom dollar someone else is. FACT.