RHOBH Recap: InvisiBaby, Leech, and Poop in the Eye

52 Comments

1. 1
   sunshine
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 4:47 am

   Great job Flipit!! I can’t believe this show. It’s telling that Ad and Paul have known Failor the longest (same kid’s preschool and fake godmother title) and don’t believe her. Also, Paul has done work on Fail. I think if the black eye was caused by Russell we may have heard more from Paul. He wasn’t shy to call out Kim and her cray cray!
   Fail knew that Russell had an old dv record and she used it to her advantage. When the money was good, no problem! When they started to get in trouble and Bravo was going to cut her off, ” Life is haaaaaard, I’m a victim!” I am sure that crazy aggressive loon goaded her husband and he pushed her. I don’t think from all the clips we have seen that she is by any means a meek person. Just my opinion.

2. 2
   moonshine
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 5:57 am

   Thanks so much Flip – watching from italy. Love it when you show who is behind the machinations of Cedric’s invitation etc. No other reviewers ever mention how a character just happens to be miked and engineered into the fray. You are the best. Oh, btw, and this is creepy to regurgitate but on the 911 call for Russell, Fail asks for her psychiatrist. hmmm.

3. 3
   whoochile
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 6:01 am

   hilarious! How the heck did you get this up so fast while dealing with website armageddon (damn you candass)?

   I love your Kim-speak, I can actually hear her nonsensical babble when I read your “quotes”. She was an absolute hot mess last night and as much as I love watching her and her twitchiness, it was too much to show (although I’d watch her any day over Failor).

   Failor….it was so nice when she was minimally on my screen last week. When I see her I cringe, can’t stand her. Some other websites are saying that her “black eye” was due to an infection from lasik or something like that. IDK, she’s a slut-pig!

   Too lazy to look it up, but was the “dr” from last night also the “dr” from the noh8 photos? If so, that bitch had some major photoshopping! Holy!

   Glad you survived the website goat rodeo, hope it stays up for good and no problems!

4. 4
   notwithoutmytv
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 6:43 am

   Those drunken Twitch translations are slaying me.

5. 5
   notwithoutmytv
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 6:46 am

   It’s okay to go to social events with your faux-therapist now? When did that happen?

6. 6
   kczar
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 6:50 am

   Amazing job, Flipit! I was sure that there would be no way you’d be able to get the recap done so fast after all the site meltdowns you had to deal with. I figured you’d be huddled in a corner somewhere with a bottle of vodka and a doobie. Proud of you!

   Kyle really ticked me off last night. Granted, Kim is an absolute train wreck and very painful to watch. But her making excuses for Toad after Twitch told her he was always putting her down was kind of unbelievable. “Well, you know how you are…” Yet she didn’t tell Failor it might be her fault Russell took a swing at her since she’s a raging bitch. Plus she had to bring up freakin’ Hawaii again! Because a man only celebrates his birthday 46 times a year. Blech.

   Anyway, not looking forward to next week’s episode. It looks like the beatification of Taylor after Russell’s suicide. My only hope is that Flipit will break his personal best on the number of hanging jokes he can make in one recap.

7. 7
   beachgal
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 7:19 am

   @whoochile I do believe it was the same doctor.
   I just love Brandi. She has injecting such fun into the show. Though ti was a little mean, the clip of her and Paul laughing at Ken was hilarious. She didnt try to deny what she said. She is very in your face and makes no apologies for it.
   I hope they make her a full cast member next season. She can be Lisa’s buddy, since Lisa can now see how fake her friends were being behind her back.

8. 8
   notwithoutmytv
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 7:32 am

   But will her friends see how fake Lisa continues to be behind their backs.

9. 9
   S-Natch
   Posted January 17, 2012 at 7:40 am

   Another great one, Flip! Those vodka gummy bears must be working for you!

   I found Failor’s phrasing interesting: “We were arguing, it got physical, and I got hurt.” She never said Russell hit her or caused the injury. She never had any trouble saying that before (since she admitted she told all of those specifics to the ladies), so why be shy now? She gets SO out of control when she gets angry, maybe she caused the injury herself by accident. Also, I read somewhere that she claimed to police/drs that Kennedy kicked her by accident. We’ll never know, but I loved how Ad pretty much called her on her BS.

   Totally inappropriate for Dr. Feelgood to go with her to the party, and I still say those No H8T pics are creepy.

   SO sad for Twitch. I hope she has gotten well now that she is out of rehab. Really wanted the Toad thing to work out for her, but he IS a slobbery bull mastiff.

   @kczar – re: your last paragraph – DITTO.

10. 10
    Shana
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Twitch was soooo bad last night, I was watching with my bottom jaw on the floor in horror. I think that one of the reasons they showed that first scene in the hotel was to prove that, at least in the case of Kim, when she complains about the awful things Ken does, you can see why he might do them. For example:

    KIM TO KYLE:

    Kim: He wants to know who I am on the phone with, and then calls me a fucking liar when I tell him it is my kids.
    TRANSLATION: He overhears me ordering some happy pills from my drug dealer and doesn’t believe me when I tell him that it is just my best friend from a past life calling to get some advise on Marlin fishing.

    Kim: Ken puts me down, he criticizes my hair and my toes…
    TRANSLATION: Kim, it’s been four weeks since you showered and there is white goop (ahem) stuck to your hair. And for the love of god, stop sticking needles between your toes, all those track marks are beginning to show. Ewww, those shoes are frumpy and smelly, you should never have taken them off of that homeless dead person we saw in the alley on the way over here.

    Kim: He wants to know where I am at every moment.
    TRANSLATION: Oh G-d, where did she go now? Is she snorting, injecting, guzzling or absorbing something?…oh fuck, there she is…oh lord, I don’t know where she has been, but I swear on all that is holy, she was not wearing that strap-on dildo when we left the house an hour ago.

    Kim: He was supposed to take care of me, like I took care of my kids all these years, but he doesn’t.
    TRANSLATION: Ken is a bad mommy; he doesn’t hang up my dirty clothes without being prompted first, he doesn’t charge the phone that I don’t know how to use, bring me enough cold sweet drinks to deal with my sugar crashes, cut my cocaine for me, or wipe my ass. Doesn’t he know that I AM AN ICON!!

    Kim: He doesn’t let me say what I want to say!
    TRANSLATION: Kim, can you not tell the the hotel doorman, the limo driver, the greeters at the restaurant, the waiters, Brandi’s ex-husband’s whore, the bartender, your useless publicist, the dead homeless guy, your sister’s mother-in-law, Ad’s chef, the busboys, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, Mohammed and his paper doll, and everyone else you meet, that a mini vibrator just ‘happened’ to appear in your purse–you know the purse I am referring to–the one you never let out of your sight for a moment, the one you take with you wherever you go, including the bathroom, and sleep with clutched tightly to your chest?

    Kim: He always involves himself in what I am wearing.
    TRANSLATION: If I can get her to focus on one outfit long enough, I might have a chance to hide the others and maybe, just maybe, we can leave here before SUR’s ten year reunion party begins.

    Kim: He is always telling me what to do, he is SO controlling!
    TRANSLATION: Put down the poop Kim, PUT DOWN the poopy napkin…No Kim! No, don’t wipe your face with it, it is not your poop…Oh for Godsake, did you just lick that poopy napkin? I SAID DOWN KIM! DO IT RIGHT NOW KIM, I’M WARNING YOU! SHIT! (now in the gentle tones one uses with a mental patient) Look Kim! Look at all these shiny buttons…yes, that’s right, play with the buttons Kim, play with all the pretty little buttons…I’m just gonna take that poopy napkin and throw it–ok, ok, relax Kim, here is your napkin back, settle down, settle down…ok, you can just put it in your purse, good job. (whispers/loud breathes to himself) motherfucker!

    Kim: It’s not menopause, I’m pregnant! And if you don’t believe me, I will hit you with my shoe–I got them at a great price–they were practically free!
    TRANSLATION: Honey, I am three times as old as that wrinkled ol’ dried up vagina of a niece of ours, and over time, my body has been starved, injected, pumped, inflated, rejected, dehydrated, re-salined, crystallized and dipped in nitrous oxide. But lately, it has also been used and abused by the Toad more than a whore over fleet week. Plus, my uterus has been preserved, floating around in a mixture of alcohol and formaldehyde for the past twenty years. So, I guess, anything is possible? (twitchy shrug)

    So, can you blame a guy for looking bad when he has to play babysitter to Twitchy? I mean, that bitch be crazy man!

11. 11
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Notice Kyle and Kim’s conversation was the real deal b/c of the genuine emotions expressed by both of them. Notice Lisa’s genuine concern for Kyle when she needed to leave to cry her eyes out about her relationship with her sister. Notice how no one really gave a shit about Taylor’s conversation especially Camille and Ad. They were not going to let her bullshit fly at all.

    What kind of ethics does this “doctor” have showing up to a party with his patient?

    I love Brandi. An inappropriate joke goes a long way with me.

    Lisa has a great body. While her dress to her event looked like something Strawberry shortcake threw up, her jeans and white button down shirt made me quite envious throughout the episode. I can only hope to be her age and look like that.

12. 12
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 8:59 am

    Here is what I don’t get. Taylor claims to have been beaten so badly that she had to have surgery and was in the hospital/recovering at home for a month. She has not seen the ladies during that month. So… No one went to see her while she was in the hospital or recovering at home? NO ONE? Why the fuck not? Seems to me that would put every doubt that any of them have right to bed. She could be the blazing saint of domestic violence and prove to them her truth. So the fact that no one saw her during this time and she emerges only when there were cameras around to get the minor black eye which could have been from more plastic surgery, I call BULLSHIT!!!

    And another thing, I am often teased in my family because I am absolutely unable to see anyone crying without crying myself. This includes just tearing up. This includes people on tv or total strangers. It happens every single time. And yet not a single tear came to my eye as I watched Failor. Maybe because not a single tear came to hers either.

    I can’t wait to see the quick and dirty that you put together for this one, Flip it. So much Twitch Gold!!! My husband has actually started watching the episodes just so he gets the in jokes on the quick and dirty. You are one funny mo fo (fumofo?) and we appreciate all you do to entertain us. And that includes hanging in when the website is on a crack binge.

    And in closing, I’d like to say… Hi! I’m Julia Roberts!!!

13. 13
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 9:06 am

    I actually feel kind of sorry for Brandy. She’s got some self-esteem issues, but her active ingredient isn’t evil, like the others.

    It’s hilarious that the producers brought Cedric back. Did they actually say how he found out about the party, or was that left fuzzy so Brandi could be implicated?

    I still say Cedric was the ham in Lisa’s slamwich.

14. 14
    OhHereGoHellCome
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 9:35 am

    @shana – I totally agree with you, but couldn’t say it as funny as you did! I kept thinking that perhaps the reason Kim wants to get away from him is because he is getting in the way of her using. He doesn’t seem like a huge prize, but I think it’s possible that he is getting a shitty edit. Kyle irritates the crap out of me! And I don’t see how taking your doctor to a party so that you can have an impromptu therapy session is appropriate in any way shape or form. That doc is probably trying to be the next Dr. Drew…

15. 15
    serenabythelake
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 11:12 am

    Dr. Sophy is a disgrace to all of us who are mental health professionals. He seems to be practicing his own brand of enabling, cliché-filled, pop-psychology-inspired psychotherapy. It shows the world what a lazy, bored therapist looks like and as such it has some educational value, I suppose. But his disregard for fundamental ethics, his blatant malpractice (and make no mistake, this man is committing medical malpractice in front of TV cameras) and his arrogant exploitation of his (very-disturbed) patient, all make me want to tear my own license off the wall and quit the profession altogether.

    But, Dr. Sophy has never been fazed by critics. Even when the LA Times ran a piece (on September 2, 2011) that attributed child-fatalities in the LA county welfare system DIRECTLY to the system’s medical director (one Charles Sophy) who is too distracted by his fame-seeking-exploits to care about the thousands of mentally-ill kids in his care.

    Check out these quotes from the article:

    “Dr. Charles Sophy, medical director for Los Angeles County’s beleaguered child welfare agency, carries two cellphones in his pocket. One BlackBerry tethers him to his county job, where he is responsible for the mental health needs of nearly 20,000 foster children. The second — kept in a plastic case adorned with images of dollar bills — is reserved for his Beverly Hills-based private psychiatric practice, where his patients have included Paris Hilton, and for scheduling appearances on television interview and reality shows.

    Sophy and the executive team in charge of the Department of Children and Family Services have come under repeated criticism for systemic breakdowns that contributed to the fatalities of children under their supervision. Sophy’s unit has been specifically faulted in some of those deaths, and Supervisor Gloria Molina harshly scolded him in a closed-door meeting this year, according to officials familiar with the exchange.

    “He’s a guy who is preoccupied. I think the county comes second. Why is he involved in all this outside work when he has a house that is not in order at DCFS?” asked Aubrey Manual, president of a local foster parent association.”

    So, as I see it, of all the fame-whores on this show, this man is the most criminal. He has more deaths on his conscience than all housewives combined. And yet, his smug face is still on our TV screens. And we, all, continue to watch him. So what do you say, Gasmii? Shame on him, or shame on all of us?

16. 16
    kczar
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 4:36 pm

    Quick question. Now that she’s out of rehab, is Twitch running the site?

17. 17
    Tadow
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 7:44 pm

    So…my theory on the trash:

    The plastic bag, it was hard to tell and I didn’t rewind, but perhaps it had a corner torn off? Someone might assume there were drugs or pills in the corner of that baggie at one point.

    The stuff that looks like “shit”. I didn’t get this at first, but realized a little while later, that they were probably looking at the innards of a cigar.

    In summary, someone rolled a blunt in the limo and they don’t empty the trash between riders.

    Off to read the recap

18. 18
    Flipit
    Posted January 17, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    HAHA KZAR! We are a mess. The tech guys are still trying to weed themselves out of this one. The recappers are all still here and trying to get our work done. Let’s all hold hands and pray that technology and creativity can learn to live in harmony.

19. 19
    Shana
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 12:09 am

    @ Tadow: I had a hunch that the ‘poopy napkin’ may have been the left over garbage from earlier, when Failor wiped her fake, mascara goopy tears from when she was in the limo with her failor shrink. I think Flipit was right, that limo just went around, and around, and around.

    @ serenabythelake: I wasn’t aware of the guy’s credentials. Why is he (or any one person) responsible for over 20,000 children? Every single child who ends up in foster care will need some kind of psychological help. How did he end up in charge in the first place? He seems like the type of doc who–as you put it, practices “his own brand of enabling, cliché-filled, pop-psychology-inspired psychotherapy.” He seems perfect for Hollywood, but who in their right mind would elect him responsible for people who are in real need, let alone children? I thank the show (and you) for even bringing it to the public’s attention that this sham of a doctor is in charge of people who have no say in who medically cares for them (rather than someone like Failor and Paris who hires him on purpose!)

20. 20
    Shana
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 12:22 am

    I don’t care for the way Shlemille always has someone fighting her battles for her (Ad, friendployee, Allison, etc.). She’ll chime in eventually if the person isn’t saying everything she wants them to say for her, but she is a sneaky one and it is boring to watch other people stand up so vehemently for her while she acts innocent and beleaguered–poor me, fighting my own battles alone is so haaarrrd!

    Failor was wrong, and Shlemille deserved an apology, but the way she looks down shyly, with her head tilted to the side, trying to look innocent and childlike, as if she is an eight year old goody-two-shoes girl from the Little House on the Prairie era, incapable of any real possible act of deceit, just annoys me.

    Oh, and I really like Brandi, big time.

21. 21
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 12:31 am

    Brandi is coming out the clear winner of the season and my beloved Lisa did not get the bitch edit as much as the season started with so j’adore rhobh!

    Also why aren’t we talking more about the baby! Kim is three months pregnant!!! Hahaa, like its not the drugs and age and crazy keeping her monthlies at bay… I know its more tragedy than comedy but when she says “I know, I don’t want to have a baby, I want to travel” I died laughing. And more when she says “I want a puppy, maybe a kitty” I was dying to hear Flipit do her voice taking care of a kitten and believing it was Liza or something much more brilliant.

22. 22
    mere2142
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 4:57 am

    So much crazy rolled into one episode – it was like Christmas only better!

    I laughed whenKyle asked Kim if she was menopausal. And I loved Brandi telling the mouth breather what she said to his face and her and Paul cracking up over it.

    I cannot muster up one bit of sympathy for Failor. And to bring her shrink to the party – what an ass.

23. 23
    S-Natch
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 5:47 am

    Hey, y’all – I found this article verrry interesting about the Cedric “invite” to SUR. http://www.realitytea.com/2012/01/17/rhobhs-cedric-martinez-fires-back-at-lisa-vanderpump-show-proves-he-was-invitied-to-her-party/

24. 24
    Gypsy
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 7:40 am

    OMG, I made it back from OZ! Flipit did you block me from the site or did Candass put a hex on the ‘Gasm so she could exorcise the demons here?

    Anyway, point is Flip, you are a wordsmith of epic proportions and I flove you with all my heart. Joke after joke after joke! Falior in Alexis Couture? Dammit, I was howling! I was like WTF is this cheesy little number she has on? Forever 21? So on point!

    Thanks for the shout out, I was the one who posted the Failor Tweet. I don’t think I faint bruise under her eye constitutes a beat down by Russell. I agree with @ Sunshine.

    @ Classy-do you have like ESPN or something? I second that emotion comment #11. Though, my Strawberry Shortcake legwarmers and sleeping bag are a little offended. KNOW THAT!

    COCK!

25. 25
    Gypsy
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 7:42 am

    One more question…do we know which team Doctor Orthopedic plays for? Does anyone else think Failor is banging him?

26. 26
    LAC
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 11:56 am

    Flipit dahling!! I do not know what is funnier (in an awful “I-shouldn’t-laugh-but-damn-what-a-hot-mess” away): Your translations of Kimsh’s (my new name for her now)words or having you do it on the the down and dirty recap. Brilliant!!

    So, now we bring therapists to parties and restaurant launches in order for us to do what is really important? Not, eat, drink copiously, slag waitstaff heiffas who have slept with our whore of an ex, or hiss at Cedric as he and his bimbo beard leave. But to have a friggin’ Dr. Phil session instead. (Reminder to self: must have therapist at Super Bowl party. I am smelling an emotional breakthrough!And wings!)

    Ok, and is it awful that at the end of the episode when the girls linked claws and swore eternal love, and then Kim came crashing out of the bathroom, I laughed hard?

27. 27
    Classy Drunk
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 12:36 pm

    “Brandi is the first to arrive, and she’s got a couple of youngun’s in tow. She needs to start hanging out with older people.”

    HAHAHAHAHAAA!!! I thought you were talking about her boobs. I didn’t even get that you were talking about people until I read this a second time. Thanks goodness for my poor reading comprehension some times. This was funny twice in two different way. Classy Drunk FTW!

28. 28
    kthxbai
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    @LAC Yeah this episode had more “I shouldn’t laugh but I am anyway” per minute than anything I’ve watched since the Teen Mom double header. Which this show is getting way too much like.

    @Flipit Thanks for getting this up even though I can tell you’ve been having a siege from the Internet Crime Department Anti-Pageant Sentiments Division ever since Candiss reported us.

    Poor Twitch! I hope she gets better in rehab and comes back and tells us she was acting at least for some of it.

    @S-Natch I don’t know if it’s the same or a different black eye but I think the 1 when she told the doctor Kennedy kicked her is when she also broke that face bone.

    Because there was lots of arguing on blogs etc about if Kennedy had steel toe boots on.

    But was it the black eye that made Ade put her hand on her mouth that time? To keep her from revealing Rosebud before the Sur party got taped?

    Or was she worried about Russell suing people for being in the room when Taylor said she got beat up?

    Because Lisa had on that same stuffed pink satin dress as in her confession scenes. And you can’t ever tell order things happened in.

    I still think Russell did beat her up AND she’s batshit crazy.

    Which you’d have to be to get mixed up with him in the 1st place. Much less pick him to have a business marriage and an anchor baby with. And now he’s dead.

    Which doesn’t excuse anybody hitting anybody. Just that it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And she can’t press charges.

    The positive side about here is that even the people that don’t believe her aren’t calling it an example for going back to old ways.

29. 29
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I still say that the way she has whored out the very mild picture of her with the X on her forehead, if there were ones that were more graphic, she would have whored those out too. Because they would be worth more money. And if she is trying to say the one with the X was when she had the surgery where they put in a “titanium implant” to help hold in her eye, then she would have more evidence on her face than a very faint black eye. And AGAIN I ask, why did not a single housewife see her during this supposedly horrible month long healing process? Why did no one go see her in the hospital? Because it was all a ruse, that’s why!

    Let me take a poll. Who here would go see their friend in the hospital if they had a traumatic facial injury or at least visit them in their house during their recuperation?

    Now I could see Lisa and Ad using their businesses as an excuse for not having the time (though they could have found 30 minutes sometime during that month!), but what the fuck does Kyle do? Nothing! So she could have stopped by at least once or twice. And she didn’t.

30. 30
    maryedith
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    @Shana, you took such a load off my mind with your post! I was afraid I would be the only one who was totally disgusted by Twitch. I was on the fence about Twitch using meth (as opposed to something more designer) until last night’s ep. I had just been watching some old “Intervention”s and I was shocked at the textbook quality of Twitch’s behavior. Not just the tweaking while she was getting ready but the general “my way or the highway” point of view. Whenever anyone questions even the most outrageous of her actions they are instantly branded as “against” her or even “abusive” to her. I knew she was crazy but I didn’t realize how manipulative she is. I still think Vyle is vile in other areas but when it comes to Twitch I totally get where she’s coming from — she knows how quickly Twitch could turn everyone against her and that makes her go on the offensive way too quickly. IMO.

31. 31
    Tadow
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 6:25 pm

    Taylor was on Dr. Phil, and maybe E News shortly after Russell’s death. She said then that initially they went some where else…maybe plastic surgeon, before going to the hospital. She reported in both places that Kennedy kicked her. For what it’s worth, she said that Russell came up with that and then stayed with her the entire time.

32. 32
    Shana
    Posted January 18, 2012 at 10:58 pm

    Ok, just who the fuck is Candass/Candiss? Every post site mentions her in some negative way. I feel left out. What am I missing?

    @ maryedith: Always happy to help!

    Kim’s mood alteration, from the way she was acting before she left the hotel room to her crazy behavior in the limo, was so incredibly drastic that some sort of major mood altering substance must have been abused.

    I thought Failor looked like Bam-Bam from The Flintstones (no pun about her black eye intended). I also wondered when Doctor Lamo came to her front door if he was her babysitter, or some such crap. Forget even taking her to a party, Doc Lamo showing up at her house at night for anything other than a life saving event (went to the wrong spouse’s house if that was the case) is inappropriate. Which is why my second thought was that he is banging her (no black eye pun intended here, either). But then I thought, maybe he is gay? So Gypsy, you and I must be sharing some tv waves of crazy.

    Who was Cedric’s date? She looked so familiar to me…

33. 33
    Flipit
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 12:20 am

    thanks so much for reading and making me laugh my ass off. you guys are crazy. bambam? HAHAH so f ing wrong. candiss is this angry toddlers and tiaras mom who wrote pages and pages of misspelled rants threatening to sick the fbi on tvgasm for being child molesters. fancy child molesters, to be precise. she is mentioned in every post because she is that nuts. ha xo

34. 34
    Shana
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 3:01 am

    Thanks for the heads-up Flipit!

    So, according to this lunatic, are we Gasmii child molesters like Kim is a child molester (the kind that talks on their cell phone while driving)? Or are we child molester enablers–like moms who put their young children in sexy outfits and parade them half naked on stage and in front of television crews? I mean, I just want to know how far I will need to run away from the FBI if they come knocking at my door.

35. 35
    snowshoecat
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 6:43 am

    Flipit, J’adore! All that work you did to fix the site problems when it was being hexed by the infamous Candiass. Wow. That took some real doing to combat. No wonder her kid is so messed up. For those of you Gasmii who don’t know who the dreaded candihissssssssssss is, read the recaps by DearCrabby of T&T Dec. 27 (the comments alone are proceless). Be sure to reserve lots of time.

    Keep the video dubbing going, Flipit. Haven’t laughed so hard in ages!

36. 36
    Gypsy
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 7:52 am

    Re: Snootchy, EXCELLENT POINTS! I spent all of Christmas, along with my whole entire family, round the clock in ICU b/c my cousin sustained head trauma from her husband beating the shit out of her. That’s what you do when you love/care about someone. That twat Failor is a fucking scumbag, fame whore, opportunist liar. I’ll cook her a fucking crow and shove it past her pool noodle lips down her unhinged anaconda throat, whole! So I raise my hand, I would be at my friend’s side with flowers, a card , balloons and whatever else I thought would comfort them. But that’s just me.

    @ Shana, you and I are totally simpatico on Failor and the Doctor. She’s probably already scheming to get engaged to him. Lying betch. And, can someone please tell me WHY a 5 year old needs/ has steel toe boots? Is she a shit kicking 5 year old who needs to beat down some Kindergarteners on the crossroads of Topanga Cyn and the PCH? WTF???

    Re; Twitch. I do think she’s on Opiates (she displays a lot of those traits too) but, for those of you who are convinced its meth, check out the movie “Spun”. I can certainly see the parallels. And what a statement! VYLE DOES DO NOTHING! That explains why she’s such a gossipy witch. Nothing better to do.

    Oh and that kitty cat Candass can suck a COCK! I give mad props to you T&T peeps. I don’t have the strength for that jam. It’s terrorist warfare on those threads!

37. 37
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Doesn’t matter what substance someone is abusing, or what they’re sob story is (child star, my sister stole my house), annoying is annoying. Twitch is annoying as shit. And she’s a story line, so she gets to be as ridic as she wants to be, probably for the duration of the show, or the duration of her life (whichever ends first). Which is also annoying.

38. 38
    Gypsy
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 8:29 am

    What are you trying to say? Failor is annoying or something?

39. 39
    RazzBeth
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 8:57 am

    I have serious doubts that her “black eye” isn’t some kind of makeup because at this point, you can show me a video of Russell beating that bitch with a nine iron and I still wouldn’t believe it since I don’t think she has ONCE told the truth about anything. That fame whoring, lying, sack of shit has done a huge disservice to abused women.

    Twitchypants has gone from amusing to just pathetic and it’s getting hard to watch her. Hopefully one of her rehab stints will work before it’s too late.

    And I almost forgot: COCK!

40. 40
    maryedith
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 10:03 am

    @NotWithoutMyTV, I’m shocked that you find Twitch annoying! You’re usually so supportive of these tv people!

41. 41
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 11:38 am

    It’s true, I’m not very tolerant. It’s a problem. I’m working on it.

42. 42
    Gypsy
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    Flipit, are you going to do a “THS: Behind the Scenes podgasm” on how Kim Twitchards and Candass took over the Gasm, ran it into the ground, then tell the story of how it caused an epiphany for you to create the RHOBH quick and dirty, and gave you courage to confront J-Mo on his Snag-it picture addiction. Then, all the re-cappers get together and had a GASM-vention and now are on the road to recovery and triumphant rise back to the top of TV Gossipblogdom? As narrated by both Nads and (the caps using ) NotWithoutMyTV?

    Well if you’re not, can you please???

43. 43
    lovethehousewives
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 12:20 pm

    Love your recaps! Almost peed my pants during the seen with Brandi, Paul, and that ugly ass bastard Ken. HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

44. 44
    tvdiva
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    @OhHereGoHellCome: I think you’re on the right track. I watched the Kim scenes a couple of times, and it does seem what annoys Kim the most is he’s trying to keep her on track. If she’s also making up “he’s mean” stories to garner sympathy (and get her drugs back), God help her. Having said that: NOPE! Still no sympathy for Vyle. Karma’s a beetch, and I choose to believe she’s simply reaping something she’s sown in the past. Here’s hoping she gets her tear ducts plugged soon.

45. 45
    Robinez
    Posted January 19, 2012 at 6:44 pm

    Poor Kennedy.

    “Mommy and Daddy have fought, taken my pet away, made my life an uncertain mess, and now I have to make them feel better by keeping my elbows off the table and show them what a good girl that I can be.”

    So sad.

46. 46
    TWhit
    Posted January 20, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Flipit. I can’t. I just can’t. You rule so hard I’ma call you Dictator Flipit. Supreme Highness of All That is Light or whatever shit the Koreans would bestow up on you.

    Something…okay ALOT…bother me about Kennedy’s little chart. What the hell? Now she’s SuperNanny Jo? Jo’s are shorter and less specific, ho. No screaming, crying, whining, do your chores, and go to bed early. Fail actually needs it more than Kennedy.

    The “gay bull mastiff” scene…GAWD. I HOOTED! It wasn’t so much everybody laughing about it as the “duhhhhhh idon’tgetit” look on Toad’s face.

    Now for Vyle…I got back and forth with the Richards sisters. There’s times when I feel anxiety for Vyle because I know what it’s like to worry about a family member not in control of themselves. But there are also times when I think Kim’s jacked-up-ness might be contributed to having a control-freak of a sister. She’s crying and screaming and jacked-up and all Vyle is doing is screaming “YOU NEVER APOLOGIZED TO ME!” UGH. All over the place. But I’m with everyone else, Mr. Flipit, that we can’t live without your translations.

    And am I the only one that talked to Kim throughout the episode? I swear I was all “Speak up. Quit the baby talk. Put the trash down. OMG Kim it’s TRASH put it down. PUT YOUR BRA BACK ON, WHAT ARE YOU LEAVING IT IN THE LIMO? Don’t fall. Crissake don’t fall. WOULD YOU LEAVE ALREADY?” I was exhausted. I’m sad but glad the season finale’s coming up because Kim makes me TARD.

47. 47
    Name
    Posted January 21, 2012 at 2:34 am

    “Frasier’s giant limo pulls up.” You sure know how to slap a bitch! I loved the casualness of that sentence so much, it’s perfection.

48. 48
    Shana
    Posted January 22, 2012 at 3:40 am

    @ TWhit: See? Anyone would sound controlling around Kim (unless you are okay with her slamming her head into the concrete floor). And Ken totally took the blame for them being late, missing the plane–the whole Hawaii trip lateness. It was alllll Kim, always Kim, but he was playing her knight in shining (slimy?) armor. New boyfriends can be so stupid.

    And what did Kim want in a boyfriend anyway–it sounds like she needed a valet more (charge my phone, get me a cold drink, find my jewelery, pack my pantyhose and my shoes, hang up my clothes, get me those shoes, take off my bra…). I kinda felt bad for the old toad. He doesn’t know anyone at the party and he thinks (because Kim told him so) that everyone he does know hates him. So he hangs a little with Paul, who he thought might have liked him, but then Paul laughs when Brandi unleashes her fabulous gay bullmastiff line. I got to hand it to him for putting up with Kim for a year. She can be quite a dysfunctional meanie.

    I listened again and realized that Kim found the vibrator in her bedroom drawer. Idiot doesn’t even realize it is probably from one of her kids hinting that a vibrator should replace Ken (and look, right after she finds vibrator, she does indeed ditch Ken).

    I didn’t care for how Kim was in the bathroom yelling at Ken to leave her alone, etc., in this nasty voice, and then, when she comes out of the bathroom, in her sweet baby voice she is all, “Kiiiin, where are youuuuuuuu?” Gross.

    And Kim saying that thing about Kyle and the cell phone/driving, was her way of hitting back, because it will make Kyle look bad to the public (like she needs any help with that). Those two fight weird.

49. 49
    Shana
    Posted January 22, 2012 at 3:43 am

    A dingo is soooo gonna eat Kim’s baby.

50. 50
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted January 22, 2012 at 4:07 am

    I wonder why none of the other housewives have weighed in on the Taylor scandal. They all seem supportive of her. They have to be aware of her lies & shady past. Especially Adrienne should know & want to steer clear. The last woman with a checkered/shady past to appear on a Housewives show got a table flipped on her & was solidly ostracized. And her crimes were 20 years old!! Imagine what THEY would do to Taylor. It’s amazing the contrast. Maybe BH embraces phony grifters while NJ has higher standards of who they associate with? That can’t be right!

51. 51
    WhiteTrashGal
    Posted January 23, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    You really are the Devil’s Instrument. I’m just up to “YAY! Twitch time.” and I’m weak with your power. Take me to Hell, Flipit, I’m yours.

52. 52
    FuriousFlipper
    Posted January 27, 2012 at 6:31 pm

    Genius recap. Sincerely, one of the funniest and most clever, ever. In the recap genre, dude, you are brilliant.