RHOBH Recap: No Room at the Inn, Traitorous Slut


Welcome to the very special Christmas edition of The Real Housewives of Beverly HIlls! I am visiting the family in good ole Texas at the moment. My nieces have apparently tried to watch Dora the Explorer on my portable DVR while squirting water guns at each other, which means all pics from this episode are taken from my cell phone and uploaded. Classy, ain’t it? It’s either that or have no one to talk to about this insane show all week while I wait for someone to upload the episode. Join me on the floor of my mother’s bedroom and let’s do this!

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This is on my mom’s DVR. You can tell me my mom doesn’t jerk off all you want, but I will never believe it.

Previously, Camille ate a pink Frito at Lisa’s Pepto Party and had a violent IBS episode all over the couch. Also, she accused Taylor of possibly lying about being abused. It was a mess in every way.

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Also, Kim saw a person that doesn’t exist!

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I’m sorry I can’t talk to you. You’re just in my head.

And some gay guy decided to buy the cow even though he most likely hasn’t even been drinking its free milk.

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We open with Paul shuffling papers in his Auto Body Shop office and trying to work the printer. The man can’t figure out how to turn a damn printer on. Who would let him work on their face?

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Oh yeah.

Ad comes in with some gossip, which is every husband’s favorite time of day.

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FML

Hey, Paul, remember what Ad told you happened at the Pepto Dismal party?

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Camille shat on the couch? Lisa pretended she was an eleven year old girl with a fetish for Hello Kitty? Camille shat on the rug? Just give me a hint. Is this about Camille shatting on something or you wanting to be better than Lisa?

No!! The other thing!

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Call me when you’ve got bruises to show to the class, ya lying skank!

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ZZZZZzzzzzzz

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And also, Camille shat on the couch and I want to trademark the color pink so Lisa will have to beg me to get dressed in the morning.

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I KNEW IT!

Failor went home after that party and told Russell that Camille was talking shit, so Russ wants to tie Cam up in court for slander. Ole Russ, always trying to rope everyone in to his mess. He says Cam has made false accusations that could hurt his business, which means that Failor is telling him Cam lied about him being abusive. Does that make sense? It doesn’t to me either. Fail is telling all the girls that her husband is beating her, but she’s telling the husband that one of the women is lying about him beating her. Only in Fail’s sick ass mind does this work out to be a good plan. Unfortunately, Russ will eventually find out that Failor has been telling the whole town he’s a wife beater. I’m sure it will turn out great.

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Hang in there!

Paul shrugs it off at first. How can Fail sue Camille for repeating something that Fail said? Why, that would put the entire cast at risk of getting su….ruhroh. Now it’s not just Camille’s Naked Detective empire at stake here. It’s his Basement Auto Body Shop and his wife’s dad’s money, too. Shit’s. Gonna. Go DOWN. YAAAAAAYYYYYY!!

Camille doesn’t wanna go to Kyle’s White People Party now, and neither does Ad, if it means she’s gonna get her ass sued by some tree necked freak. Paul says that Fail and Russ are the ones that should stay home, for the safety of the town’s Wells Fargo accounts. For that matter, they should stay the hell out of the upcoming group trip to Hawaii, too, because no one’s gonna go if they are afraid of the con couple stealing their cash.

And now it’s time for a sick sidenote. News reports after Russ’ death said that the reason Taylor ended up filing for divorce was not because of the alleged abuse, but because Bravo threatened to fire her and cut her out of the season after Russ started sending the network and the cast members letters from his lawyer. I don’t know where I’m going with that, except to say that a lot of stuff from back in the beginning of the season is starting to make sense now. Like that opening scene of the season where the cast all got together to talk about how suicide sucks and Kyle and Camille and Lisa and Ad just kept repeating over and over again: “We just reacted to what Taylor said to us”, as if they were afraid Russ was gonna take time out of his busy schedule being dead to keep on suing them. OK back to the show. Paul may be annoyed by this news, but it’s not gonna hurt his vacation. Or his rug, which has been shellacked and given eighties wave bangs.

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Paul doesn’t understand why Russ didn’t just pick up the phone and call Camille. Um, cuz he couldn’t get a piece of the Frasier pie in a phone call. Duh. Ad pipes in with “Friends don’t sue friends.” I think that’s supposed to be “friends don’t let friends drive drunk”, but we know no one in this town follows that one. I wonder if Ad has ever let Paul redo her knee skin. Sorry. My mind is wandering.

There’s some new horn music playing as we make our way over to Lisa’s house. Why all the blowing?

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Oh. Figures. Well played, editors.

This fucking guy. Gay people haven’t been this embarrassed since we found out Larry Craig was one of us.

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The only difference is, at least Craig had the decency to try and stay in the closet. Gay Muppet has brought a wedding band by, and suddenly I remember why this is all so familiar.

It’s like the man was psychic. All he missed was the eyeshadow and the dark glasses. So anyway, gay muppet has brought a band by for Lisa to try.

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This goes out to the bride: It’s called “RAPE”

That is one scary ass man. But he sho can sang!! Everyone dances and has a good time and Lisa tells us that she “loves that whole Latin music”, whatever that means. She tells the singer she loves his work, but she wants to be clear that she doesn’t want all his family members there with their busloads of children. Yikes, racist. She said she loves “the whole Latin music”, not the whole Latin race. Gayance, the whitest possible gay in the world, wants more of a Motown sound, so the cute second singer takes it on and kicks ass. Everyone agrees that they have some serious talent.

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Future eX Factor

Kyle’s getting ready for her White People Party, and she’s wearing a NO H8 shirt. She’s trying to appease all the gays she’s got working for minimum wage.

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That anti gay bullying shirt is awesome, but can I PLEASE get a glass of water?

She plans everything at the last minute, so the workers are outside getting everything set up with two hours to go while Kyle gets her hair did. She complains about her sister Twitch’s homely boyfriend for a bit and worries that the ladies will fight. She says they’re just gonna have to get over it for the night. “What am I supposed to do? Have ten different White People Parties?” No. Just one party a year excluding minorities. Otherwise people might think you’re racist.

Ad calls to give Kyle the poo about the future lawsuit. Cam doesn’t wanna come to the party because she doesn’t wanna get sued, and Ad doesn’t wanna come to the party because Fail has told her stuff and now she could get sued too. She is stuttering and all over the place on the call. She sounds like a drunk Kim with all the fun sucked out of her. Kyle makes her promise she will show up and says she can leave Fail to her. The episode is titled “Uninvited”, so we know where this is going. Can we just get to it? It’s like waiting for Santa to drop gifts down the chimney and then finding out his fat ass is stuck up there and it’s gonna be an hour for the firemen to show up and remove the charred obese old man parts so you can get to the XBox.

Kim is twitching through lunch with her kids. One of her daughters says that she couldn’t sleep the night before, so she popped two Nyquil and fell asleep in the shower. Twitch laughs and laughs. Ah, the memories! Only in this family is two Nyquil a gateway drug to a lifetime of twitching and ugly abusive dudes. Watch out, daughter!! Her other kid looks like Paris Hilton, but with bigger facial bones. Like the softball player version of her. Her twat will be on the net in 5, 4, 3, 2….

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Peppermint Paris

She asks Twitch about the wedding ring, but Twitch insists that it’s just a promise. Of what, she can’t say. I think a promise ring means you’re gonna save your virginity for someone, right? It’s not a “I promise to pay our bills on time or a “I promise to stop calling your bridge statue a ship statue” or a “I promise to stop jumping into the bushes and screaming ‘I’m and ICOOON!’ every time I see someone with a camera” ring. Flashback to Kim sobbing about how her kids hate Mister Toad. The kids don’t say anything mean about him, but Kim knows they want to. If everyone in your life is telling you your man is a controlling asshole, he probably is. I see no reason not to put complete faith into popular opinion.

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Wait a second….

Brandi is one of the first people to show up at the White People party, and of course she comes in holding hands with one of her girlfriends. I get acting like a lesbian in college to get laid, but in your late thirties it’s kinda sad. Get some skills, girl! Might I suggest refrigerator repair? Kyle didn’t wanna disinvite Brandi just because they had that screaming match at the rented Malibu house, so here she is. Kyle’s so polite when she’s not sticking her finger in people’s faces and calling them sluts. Brandi shows up a lot of places she’s hated at. It’s either balls or extreme neediness. I haven’t been to Golden Corral since I broke down after being cut off for eating too much at the buffet. I might just go back there to feel empowered. Plus, sobbing publicly was kinda fun.

Camille shows up with DD, who must have gotten her chores done in time. Cam doesn’t wanna talk about Russ at this party. She wants to keep her syndication money. She worked very hard for that and has a closet full of jammed clippers to prove it. Kyle needs advice about what to do, though, so she asks Lisa, since she knows she’ll be getting an earful from her either way. Lisa says what Paul did: they can all be sued for talking shit and Fail shouldn’t come. Unfortch, they can’t reach her, so Kyle’s gonna have to kick her out face to face. Raising the roof over here.

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Sorry, you have to go back to your stable.

Lisa feels bad because Fail made such an effort to act like she was having fun at Pandy’s “Congrats on Marrying a Gay Dude” party in Vegas, and Kyle shouts that it’s not important. Lisa says it is because they’ve built a little trust and she feels guilty wrecking it now. Kyle shouts that she feels worse than Lisa because she’s been friends with Fail longer. Lisa just gives her that “how am I friends with a thirteen year old with a fifty year old face?” look and lets it go.

She sends Kyle to bug Ad about it. Ad is pissed. Lisa says that she feels bad, and Ad says she shouldn’t because Fail is the one who put them in a bad situation. Lisa argues that maybe Fail didn’t know Russ sent the email since he did it while she was in Vegas, but Ad gets snippy with her and says of course she knew. Lisa argues again that Russ sent emails to Lisa before and Fail didn’t know. Wow. Lisa is really sweet to believe the horseshit that comes out of Fail’s mouth. And how would Russ have sent the email to Camille if Taylor hadn’t run to him accusing Cam of calling him an abuser? Either Lisa’s super nice, really stupid, or doing her best to escape the bitch edit she got for the first couple of episodes. I’d like to think it’s option A, but she’s got a book coming out.

Twitch arrives with Mister Toad. She’s always showing up alone, so having a man by her side makes her happy. How she feels about Miss Daisy tagging along? Don’t know yet.

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No one is going to be able to tell you got surgery. Not a compliment.

Twitch runs into Lisa, and immediately starts coughing bronchitis all over her. LOL! Lisa tells us “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Kim, and I forgot….how lovely she is to be around.” HAHAHAH!! And as for Mister Toad? “He’s….pleasant.” Nicest way of saying “YOUUGLY” I’ve ever heard. Dumb ass Dana is here too, with claw hair and a fake laugh that probably cost her homely rich guy eighteen billion dollars to suck out of caged monkeys. She tells Mister Toad in an “awwwwww poor thing” voice that Twitch “needs a lot of love and she deserves it!” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!! Nice to meet you. Your girlfriend is fucking pathetic. Enjoy the party! Do you like lollipops?

Camille is next up at trying to make Twitch feel welcome, but she can’t get past the fake pearls.

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Twitch can’t get past the Brandi hate. Dana shows pictures of herself and B that cost ninety seven thousand dollars each, and Twitch gets her hate on. She’s closing and opening her eyes slowly and slurring, which means her friend Crystal probably got her revved up before arriving. She hates B and doesn’t wanna make up. If B approaches her, she’ll break her other leg. Dana laughs and laughs and says that Kim is so much like Kyle when she’s acting like a raving c word. Aw!

Kyle tries to talk Twitch down, but Twitch ain’t having it. Brandi is standing down the hall from them, nervously waiting to apologize to Twitch again, but Twitch takes it as a personal affront and repeats that she’s gonna break her legs twenty more times. She tells us that she heard Kyle made up with B, and then she gives a little bitchy clap. “I’mhabbyfuryaGyle.” LOLOLLL. Twitch is ensuring a five year contract for Brandi. I hope she knows that.

Lisa approaches her to see what’s up, and Twitch says that if B looks her way one more time, “I’ll walk over to her, and she’s about to get her hairy anked off her head.” HAHA. Lisa: “Heh whoaht?” GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW. Next thing we know, Twitch is in Brandi’s face. “I don’t like YOU! I’LL NEVER LIKE YOU!” Um, calm down a bit babe. Wouldn’t want anyone accusing you of anything. It’s like Brandi just stole her house.

Brandi stays calm and says that she just wants to offer an apology, but homey don’t play dat. Twitch yells and shouts and tells her off for calling Kyle a bitch and blahblah. Brandi stands her ground calmly, which makes Twitch look even more like a raving lunatic. She shouts, gets her finger in B’s face, and shows waaaay more anger than is warranted. B brings out the Witchard in Twitch, and I love her for it. Kim could use a couple of Nyquils and a shower nap. Bitch be crazy.

Brandi says she’s going to remove herself because Twitch is getting violent for no reason, and then Twitch starts scolding her. She’s got veins popping out of her head because she’s ready for a rumble and Brandi’s not giving it to her. She sternly says “Such a pretty girl. Too bad you have a truck driver mouth!” GOOD ONE! COOOOCK! Brandi admits she talks dirty and then says fuck ten times. HA. Twitch’s head is about to explode. “That doesn’t make you PRETTY!” HAHAHAH!! Kyle inserts herself, and Brandi backs off and says she only wanted to apologize. Twitch, still fuming, is over talking to her kid. “My daughter has something she wants to say to you too!” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Brandi refuses a fight with a child, and Kyle, embarrassed, quietly apologizes. That was the most hilarious non fight EVER.

Let’s go over to Failor’s! She’s getting in a rented (EMBARRASSING) limo with Russ. “This is gonna be fuuuuun!” I’ve pressed the “LIKE” button on the Tivo remote so many times tonight I’m going to get sued for sexual harassment. They have a fakey bake love scene. Russ swears he is going to have a blast tonight and drink a whole bottle of vodka. This leads Taylor into flexing her muscles, which I don’t understand. Cocaine. You heard it here first. Unless lawsuits can come from the grave, in which case Nads said it.

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Which one of you is gonna slip on the dance floor so you can sue Mauri?

Back at Yay For White People, Kyle, Lisa, Ad and their husbands are all chatty about what to say to the con couple when they arrive. Kyle is freaking out. Lisa wants to be gentle. Ad wants to write a script for everyone. Lisa’s getting a bit sick of Ad’s crap, and I hope there’s a whole episode dedicated to her punching that rubber sack out soon. For now, Lisa is still standing up for Taylor, insisting that she might not know about the threat to Camille. Mauri says that that’s their problem as a couple, and even if she didn’t know, it’s her husband so she has to suffer the consequences of his actions. Just like he has to apologize to hotel maids when Kyle clogs up the shower drain with her unfairly long Quaker hair.

Ad insists that Failor knew what Russ was doing and there’s no way she was innocent in all of this. I’m with Ad, but still on Lisa’s side. I know that makes no sense, but this show does things to me. In the limo, Russ and Fail are saying they only came back from Vegas for Kyle’s party. Otherwise they would have stayed there on their love trip for ever. EW. Fail tells us that she told Russ about the tea party and he didn’t like that Cam aired their dirty laundry. Except that you apparently forgot the part about how you told Camille he beat you in the first place. But who’s counting points?

Camille: 20
Failor: 000000

Paul and Ad are talking Kyle into dropping the hammer hard because Fail obviously caused this shit and she deserves what she gets. In the limo, Fail and Russ are talking about how Russ is now a “good boy” and they’re happy. UGH. He looks like he wants to jump out a window. I do too, and it’s really cold outside. They arrive, and Lisa, Ad, and a crying Kyle come out to tell them they can’t come in. Paul mentally pushes Kyle’s wussy butt outta the way and says flat out that the email Russell sent was a total dick move. Russ says it was polite and he just wanted Cam to call. Paul raises his voice and says he read the email and it was NOT kind. Ad shout/growls that they’ve all read it. Russ looks like he wishes he spent more time on his eyeliner tonight.

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People are nicer to men with big eyes.

Taylor repeats in staccato over and over again “I didn’t read the email Ididn’treadtheemailididneml”. Ad says now that Russ has threatened a lawsuit, Cam has to speak to her lawyer before she speaks to him and they are all now legally involved. Fail looks like she wishes she was home alone.

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Failculy Culkin

Taylor tells us that she knew Russ sent Camille an email asking her not to discuss their relationship, but had “no idea” that there was a lawsuit threatened. How crazy that he would threaten a lawsuit a few weeks after he wanted to threaten Lisa with one! So out of character! Lisa just wants Fail to have a chance to say, yet again, that she didn’t know about the email. She says it. Lisa’s like “SEEEE?!?!” AHAHAHAH! Ok now that that’s out of the way, Ad can finish taking care of business.

She asks Russ what went down from his point of view. Well, he heard a rumor, so he sent Camille an email saying the accusations are false and she needs to shut her piehole. No one comes out and says that Failor is where those accusations came from in the first place. They stand there stunned silent for a sec, not knowing how far to go with this. Ad says it’s not a good idea for them all to be together, and Russ, shocked, asks “What do you suggest?” Get your limo back to Enterprise and don’t forget to fill it up with gas first. They’ll charge you an arm and a leg if they have to fill it up.

Because this is Bravo and a Real Housewives show, the abuse drama is interrupted by a clip of Dana feeling Twitch’s boobs to see if they’re real. Um…FF.

So “what do you suggest?” Paul says “You guys should go.” Fail gets pissed and tells them to all enjoy their little party. She and her possible horribly abusive asshole of a husband will fly back to Vegas, where they just flew back from to come to this shit hole. Way to keep your cool, yoyo. Like it’s their fault that you’re spreading lies and threatening lawsuits. You’re suing me? Well let’s have a drink and talk about it later! Who the fuck IS this woman?

Kyle runs after her, sobbing, and jumps into the limo. LOL. This is better than Cheers. She apologizes profusely, and the other two ladies pop their heads in, too. Russ says that his problem isn’t with Kyle and she should just enjoy her party. Kyle sobs that Camille did say something, but it was only repeating what Failor told her. Second time Kyle has tried to bring up the abuse allegations with Russell. Second time Failor blocks her. Fail gets re-pissed and says that that’s not true, it was a gross exaggeration of “things I told her” and Russ knows exactly what she means. Kyle sobs “Does heeee?” Oh snapple. It’s going down, now.

Russ says that if what he heard is true, Camille was grossly exaggerating. Ad waves her finger and says firmly that no, actually, Camille wasn’t exaggerating at all. Outside the limo, Paul grumbles “I’m with Camille on this one.” HAHAH! Russ whines “just let us go.” So you don’t want to hear on TV that your wife has been accusing you of beating the shit out of her? Cuz I sure as shit do. The cast does as they’re told and backs away for the limo to drive off. You crazy kids have fun in Vegas! Hope you don’t get tied up on the runway!

Kyle sobs, Lisa calls the whole thing embarrassing, and Fail and Russ have a loooong drive. Mauricio is the only one who leaves this fight happy. He kept Russ’ vodka. Now THAT’s a husband worth keeping around.

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Next week, Hawaii!! Lisa tells Brandi off for trying to bang her silently fahting husband, Dana laughs like a hyena that costs nine billion dollars, and Fail and Russ are still driving to the airport in shock. Merry Christmas to you guys!! I have a couple weeks off from this mess of a show, but I will be back to giggle with you in 2012! LOVE
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Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

80 Comments

  1. 1
    shantigal
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 5:22 am

    A shower nap! Why didn’t I think of that?

    Thank goodness we’re poors. No chance of being sued for all the shit talking going on here. Failor is still to this day, as delusional as she was when this season was filmed. Why can’t we sue her for the assault on our eyes?

    I could watch the Kim/Brandi non-fight a thousand times and never get tired. Girl was like an anorexic, neutered, declawed pit bull. Ruff!

  2. 2
    whoochile
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 5:29 am

    My jaw was on the floor this whole episode (not quite unhinged a la failor) Literally wanted to punch Kyle, what a drama queen, they all feed into this tearfest. I felt bad for the guests who came in and had to witness Kyle and the rest grouped together crying and bitching waiting for Failor, ridiculous. They should have just let Brandi take control, she would have thrown Russ and Taylor out without thinking twice. You know Kyle was loving running back and forth so that her dress trailed behind her, freaking melodramatic nut.
    BTW, Russ really should have ditched the glasses or penciled in some eyebrows, I finally figured out that the eyebrow situation gave him a total stalker appearance (in addition to possibly being a Creepy McCreeperson)
    I wish the Jennifer gal (in addition to putting on a dress that fits her) would have snatched Kim by her veiny/tendony neck and dragged her to rehab right then and there. I’m sure she has seen some crazy and could have handled it. I dig Brandi, dirty mouth and all. I felt sorry for her, maybe she should have walked away, but that also could have made Kim crazier, idk.
    Loved that Mauri kept the vodka, i noticed that too and thought that he really should have given it back, oh well, good for him.
    great recap, you are amazing Flip!

  3. 3
    featherhead
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 5:41 am

    Loved the “Failculy Culkin” pic! I offically love Paul now, he was the voice of reason. What was up with Lisa sticking up for Failor? Kyle should have spilled the beans about Russell wanting to sue her too! Twich was just too much again. Happy Holidays everyone!!

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 5:47 am

    What happen “slut pig”? Is that term over?

  5. 5
    ohralphie
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:07 am

    I loved how Kyle was silent when Lisa was going on on how Taylor didn’t know Russel sent her texts — when Kyle knew that Taylor was aware of them. No wonder Lisa talks about how things are becoming clearer to her in hindsight while watching this season (on her Bravo blog).
    Ad and Paul are fantastic – you can fuck with each others emotions and friendships all you want, but come after our money? The line is drawn, motherfuckers!
    Twitch is a using mess. I have to admire Brandi for keeping cool during the ‘fight’. I think she must have practiced this scenario with Jennifer before the party. After all, who better to know how to deal with delusional D list addicts than her? Anyone else think we saw a glimpse into MaMa Richards when Twitch was cackling ‘Such a pretty, pretty girl’?

  6. 6
    Poopsicle
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:43 am

    Wow! Another fucking party Failor ruined. That’s something we didn’t see all season long! So sick of the Taylor show. I agree with Kyle’s dramatics. It was WAY over the top. Is she really that good of friends with Taylor? If it wasn’t for Housewives, I highly doubt any of them would even be in the same room with that lying, stealing, trash heap. Anybody catch that evil look on her face when she decided to finally leave? Calculating as always.
    Dana=pathetic. Could she have tried any harder to push herself in the scene’s with Kim and Toady. Who fucking tells anybody they just met that they have a good heart? Shut the fuck up! And while you’re at it return all your expensive sunglasses and lollipop holders and get somebody to fix that weird ass hairline.
    Kim was a complete asshole, but, I think she’s projecting her anger at the wrong person. Her hatred towards Brandi for the meth comment might really be stemming from hatred towards Kyle for outing her alchoholism on national TV last year. The more I think about it, Kyle pushed Kim over the edge. All this stuff going on with Kim is probably because of what Kyle did to her last year. It’s really messed up how Kyle treated her, then acts as if she has nothing to do with how Kim is worse than ever. I swear I saw bruises on Kims face too. I wasn’t sure if it was her make up but her cheek and temple looked awfully dark.
    Seems like Ad&Paul are the only ones that are done with the Taylor show and I say good for them.

  7. 7
    mere2142
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:58 am

    I can’t help laughing at your Russ ‘hang in there/tied up’ jokes even though I know I’m going to hell for it.

    That scene in the (rented!) limo was so scripted and so over the top. I wanted to punch Failor for her horribly acting skills ‘You’re a good boy now’. Puke.

    Enjoy Texas Flipit! Giddyup.

  8. 8
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:58 am

    Brandi is the perfect victim for this storyline: she’ll just stand there and take it, and actually get upset over it. She’s basically a scratching post for Kyle and Kim. Kim was 40% Froot Loopy and 60% playing for the camera, and Brandi kept talking about walking away, but she never did. I agree with the posters that admired her for keeping calm, though.

    And I also love it when these pampered rich girls try to get all gangsta and threaten to break Brandi’s other leg, etc. They’ll all cut a bitch just like THAT (angry finger snap)… as long as the only person hearing them say it is behind an interview camera.

  9. 9
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:45 am

    So is the general consensus that the producers forced the driveway scene? Because I find it un-possible that Failor wouldn’t answer her phone all day. Especially with Lisa calling-she probably has Lisa’s ringtone set to a frequency only she and horses can hear so she never misses out on a chance to talk to her new richasshit friend.

    Also Flipit, I love you and your recaps but HOW could you miss Kyle making Mmmauricio feel her heart?!? That with, as whoochile pointed out, the dramatic running with the train! She just keeps getting more and more hate worthy. Makes me not feel bad at all to giggle at how low rent her neighborhood and house looked! Usually they wouldn’t film such banal suburban angles but they had to for all the party arrivals and I was gleeful at watching all the couture and sky-high designer heels teetering up the quaint pleasantville walkway. Also Camille’s barely restrained face as she descended, you can tell everyone is working hard to hide their embarrassment for Kyle. Disclaimor: It is a more beautiful and expensive house than mine- but I don’t have parties where all the guests live in marble mausoleums and Taj Mahal replicas.

    Was it my imagination or, when Kim turned to her daughter after the non-fight, her daughter looked disapprovingly at Kim? As if she wanted to say something to her, not Brandi?

    And lastly, why does Kyle like to get in limos and start shit so much? If you feel bad abt kicking friends out of your party you say “I’m so sorry, thank you for being so gracious, we will work this out”. You don’t reopen the crux of the fight in their faces as they try to escape. Let them leave with dignity. LOL

  10. 10
    cam
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:45 am

    Paul and Adrienne are instigators.
    Taylor and Russell were turning to leave the white patry when Paul had to keep stirring the pot. He and his raspy voiced wife are really irritating, now that I am on to them.

  11. 11
    LAC LAC
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:48 am

    Awesome recap, Flipit! Enjoy your well deserved break and happy holidays!

    Is it possible to have a show be a clusterfuck and shitstorm all at the same time? Wow, what a mess….

    Taylor – hate her, hate Russell, hate her earrings, dress, the limo they drove in and even the road they drove on. Every moment spent on this praying mantis has been a waste, as far as I am concerned.

    Kim – I am fucking tired of her drunk/drugged shit as well. Getting all fucking worked up over some woman whose only crime is being correct about your bitchy sister and the fact that you are a drugged up lunatic? And I think it should be a requirement for those camera men to carry around vaseline. I am getting tired of counting the veins popping on her forehead and the crepe paper skin.

    Kyle – you do know that there is not a Emmy for best acting in a reality series, right? You didn’t win one for your appearances on “ER”, it ain’t happening now.

    Ad and Paul are in my good book. Call an ass out, that is the way to do it. And I have no doubt that what Russell wrote was exactly what they said it was – a threat. And it was instigated by anaconda coming home sobbing about “mean Camille” lying about the abuse.

    Lisa – bless her heart for trying to give Failor the benefit of the doubt. Did Ken age ten years? She was practically helping him into the house.

    Brandi – kudos to not throwing Kim across a room. (not that Kim would have noticed. She would have just gotten up and start sassing the wall or a table). And I am glad that she is learning Camille’s rule of traveling with physically troubled women. That side profile on her friend was scary.

    Is there any edit on Dana that isn’t “desperate, label dropping twit”?

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:05 am

    Did Taylor not tell anyone she was in Vegas? No one though to at least give her the heads up that there may be conflict and if you are having a great time in Vegas with your wife beating husband then you should stay there? No one…oh ok. I guess the scene was forced.

  13. 13
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:41 am

    Kim was so totally acting tough in front of her man. She never would have acted like that otherwise. It was so irritating to watch.
    Also, am I the ONLY person on Earth that finds it completely weird that Kim’s daughter’s name is Kimberly??
    Taylor is a flat out liar. And I didn’t understand why Kyle hasn’t told Lisa that Russell mentioned suing her as well. This show is a hot mess. And I love it!!

  14. 14
    maryedith
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:42 am

    So, when Taylor is mad at Lisa Russell talks about suing Lisa. Then when Camille is the enemy, Russell threatens her. So Taylor runs around telling everyone she’s abused, and THEN runs home and tells her husband who to sue for talking about it. This is SO SICK.

    I’m going out on a limb and saying that Kim’s problems are not Vyle’s fault. She is a mean little brat who feels safe inside her group and enjoys piling on people just because they are outsiders. She can be entertaining, and she does genuinely fall apart every now and then, but like all users she is at heart all about herself.

  15. 15
    shana
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:44 am

    @ MrsMiaWallace: I totally agree with what you said–from the part about Kyle stopping them in the limo, after they just agreed to leave, to the part about Kim’s daughter. In my opinion the daughter looked disgusted with Kim, and I think she said something to her like, “what is the matter with you?” She wasn’t even looking at Brandi–Brandi hadn’t said anything to be looked at. Kim was away for so long that this fight she had with Brandi, everyone has moved on from it but her. We are past it. Kim was bringing up old news.

    @ classy drunk: apparently everyone had been calling Failor (at least Ad had been calling), but she wasn’t answering the phone.

    And I’d like to mention something from the previous episode, I don’t remember if Flipit or a commentator said it, but it appears that Pandy is living through her mother. Those friends of hers? They looked like they were hired to fill the parts of fun bridesmaid friends. Her mother, however, seems to be her only real friend.

    As for Ad–it’s sad when the richest one acts like the most money grubbing, penny-counting, miser. Also, there was more love and affection–and even attraction (in my opinion), between Ad and her brother George at the Palm’s then there ever was between Paul and Ad on camera.

  16. 16
    maryedith
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:51 am

    Why does Ade seem to have secret insider knowledge of Taylor? When she kept saying, “She knows,” to Lisa it reminded me of her putting her hand over Taylor’s mouth during her nicotine fit at the borrowed beach house. I wonder what’s up with that.

  17. 17
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 8:54 am

    Ok just sat down to read but two things:

    They should rename this trainwreck: The Real Mauricio and Paul of Beverly Hills. Gotta hand it to those two this episode for laying it down to Failor and Grossel.

    And, who also thinks Kim didn’t shower before that party and just layerd on more make up and didn’t even clean up that ratty high ponytail of hers. Whisps everywhere! I’ll take a page from Brandi’s truck driver mouth-Kim was FUCKING gross in this episode. And how truly bitter and condescending of her to patronize Brandi about how she speaks vs. how pretty she is. Kim, take a look at your crackheaded self in the mirror you blow your lines on. WTF?

  18. 18
    featherhead
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 9:21 am

    To be fair, Kyle had to go back to the limo and stall Failor and Russell. How else was Maurico going to wrangle that bottle of vodka out of Russell’s hands?

  19. 19
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 9:34 am

    I just read the comments and haven’t gotten to the recap yet, but yeah, the Russell/Taylor limo shots were totally staged. They were both so stiff, with fake smiles and awkward kisses and forced dialog:
    “We were having such fun in Las Vegas.”
    “Yes. Such fun. I love you and want to keep being a good boy.”
    “We would never leave all the fun we were having in Las vegas except for a Kyle party, which will be even more fun.”
    “Yes. We will have fun tonight. I will drink much and have fun.”
    “I love you and love to have fun with you too.”
    Silence.

  20. 20
    mere2142
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 9:58 am

    Good point featherhead. I was proud of Mari for coming away with that bottle! If only he hit is wife over the head with it to shut up her over the top hysterics.

  21. 21
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:17 am

    LMAO mere2142, now that is the truth!

    Thank you Flipit and Happy Holidays! You deserve it for all the great laughs you’ve given us! (way to drop the first COCK!)

    As for attempting to make insightful comments, Fuck it! This show is bananas and I need a valium after watching this insanity. Stoopit Slut Pigs!

  22. 22
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Omg, where to start with this episode?! I felt SO uncomfortable watching the Kim’s attack on Brandi. Have they switched her meds again? And I kept waiting for Brandi to point out that Kim said fuck about 1 minute before she chastised Brandi for saying it. And I agree with previous posters who said that Kim’s daughter was looking at Kim like she was embarrassed and pissed off. And good for Brandi for staying classy!

    That who Taylor scenario is fucked up. (Oops! I have a trucker mouth!) I think that scene pretty much cemented the fact that she has been lying. What else makes sense. If Russell had broken Taylor’s jaw, then he would have had a different reaction when it was mentioned to him. And Taylor sure as hell wouldn’t have said she exaggerated it right in front of Russell. None of it make sense. See this wookie? It doesn’t make any sense! My opinion is that Russ might have been shoving Taylor but not punching her and she didn’t get the wounds she claimed. But I would also bet that Taylor was shoving him too. After seeing her reactions when she is upset, there is no way I could see her being subdued in an argument with her husband.

    That was one awkward party wasn’t it?

    Flipit, thank you for a wonderful recap and enjoy the holiday with your family!

  23. 23
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:26 am

    I wonder if Russell even sent Camille the threat letter under his own steam, or if he was put up to it by the producers–maybe after they got the idea from the Lisa letter.

  24. 24
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:27 am

    Ignore all typos! I am multitasking!

  25. 25
    smellymutts
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Oh my fucking hot mess. If your daughter fell asleep in the shower, wouldn’t you be a little concerned & not just snicker it off like “that’s what we do in this family honey!”. I’m so glad I never liked her because I wouldn’t feel like an even bigger douche for once liking Fail. She’s ridiculous, I couldn’t believe her behavior towards Brandi & I really like Brandi!!

    On a side note, I’ve always wondered what that “like” button on the remote was for; I still don’t know what it’s for but at least it has a purpose I guess!

  26. 26
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:33 am

    What was up with Kim constantly flipping that goddam pony tail around?

    I’d say I wanted to grab it and knock her head against a door a few times, but that would be abuse, and I know abuse is wrong. Even if all the party attendees would probably buy you free drinks afterward.

    Yeah, that limo scene was fake as shit. I think it was just there to set up the premise that Dead Russell and Fail “didn’t know what they were walking into”.

  27. 27
    maryedith
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:54 am

    @notwithoutmytv I agree that the limo scene was fake as shit, but don’t know why “the producers” would be behind Russell’s lawsuit threats. Especially if they were the reason Taylor ended up filing for divorce. Do you really think Russell would allow his marriage and integrity to be destroyed just to do what the producers told him to do? I think Taylor was telling him what to do and then blaming it on the producers. Otherwise she wouldn’t be so anxious to shut down every single conversation anyone tries to have with Russell.

  28. 28
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:56 am

    I can’t wait for this mickey flickin reunion already! Anyone else with me? I mean Failor is bowling a 300 at the party ruining and well everything else flip flops so quickly due to editing I want to hear what they all have to say already!

  29. 29
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Geez I don’t even know where to start with this cluster fuck of an episode so I won’t.

    Flipit thank you for your great sarcastic recaps. Enjoy the family. Merry Christmas to everyone or whatever holiday you choose to raise a glass to.

  30. 30
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 11:57 am

    Gypsy had to reread your post. I read vacuum instead of valium. Not enough caffeine.

  31. 31
    HIPHOP
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I really love the recaps on this site it is so on point and you hit the nail on the head LAC

  32. 32
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 12:29 pm

    Labowner, vacuuming can be just as cathardic as vailum, don’t underestimate a good Dirt Devil, or, vacumming while on vailum. Maybe I should check with Kim on that one. :-D

  33. 33
    LBow
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 12:45 pm

    on the bravo blogs, the producers mentioned that taylor had lost her cell in vegas, so she wasnt receiving any of the texts/calls ahead of the party…

  34. 34
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    @maryedith: I think all bets are off when you’re trying to determine the motives of fame whores. No, a normal person wouldn’t play along with the producers if it was going to wreck a marriage or reputation, but this is the same dude who allowed his marriage counseling to be filmed, and appeared on the show AT ALL when his life obviously must have been a mess.

    Look at all the drama the rumor of a lawsuit was built into. It inflamed old hurts and caused new ones. Tears! Recriminations! Take backs of invitations! Historical modifications! I think that yes, the show will do literally ANYTHING to get you to watch, and there are (crazy) people who will do ANYTHING to be watched.

    A few months ago, there was an episode of My Strange Obssession or something like that where this widow was carrying around her dead husband’s ashes everywhere she went like a security blanket. When she was especially upset, she’d eat a handful or two. SHE WENT ON TV TO ADMIT THIS, AND HER MOTHER WAS RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER. Some producer decided that this person, who was in desperate need of some heavy-duty psychiatric help, was excellent TV viewing. Some people are just so damn crazy, they’re ripe to be manipulated. They volunteer for it.

  35. 35
    labowner
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    I believe Taylor used the abuse story to play dumb about the money issues. Knowing his past – she states he hits me, threatens me etc so that is why I signed the paperwork, joined in the schemes. Not because I am a grifter Lisa, Kyle, Ad, Camille, etc but because he scared me into doing it. I am a victim, so all of this other stuff is not my fault. It’s Russell’s and I am well aware he can not defend himself.

    Gypsy I’ll have to look into vacuuming on valium. Might actually get some housework done.

  36. 36
    georgecat
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 1:18 pm

    I believe Lisa is acting like Failor’s protector because she wants to insulate herself against litigation from Russell by being on F’s good list. She seems too much of a snob to really do a 180 on her “friendship” with Failor. Pandora’s fiance is always dressed up….how come he never wears a T shirt and jeans? A bit too perfect for me.

  37. 37
    TWhit
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 1:50 pm

    Couple of things…

    1) What is UP with the earrings hanging down to your ankles? I’m talking to you Failor and NeNe. Trip over them thangs, girls!

    2) My hair, when I wake up in the morning, with a whole night of wallowing behind me, looks like Dana’s at the White Party. I’d try just getting up and going to work that way, but I might get assaulted by people with combs.

    3) I’ma say I’m Team Paul ALLLLLL the way, but I’d like to be really specific and say I’m Team Pre-Jacked-Up-Hairz-In-Interview Paul.

    4) My phrase for today is “Give it to God and Don’t Talk About it.” Then afterwards I start screaming at people.

    5) I lost a little faith in Lisa. Kyle in turn cemented my illness at her. If Kyle HAS a friend after this season is over, I wash my hands of the whole lot of them. Just know Kyle’s more upset about Taylor than ANY OF YOU WILL EVER BE!!! EVER!!!! GOT THAT? *fingerpoint*

    6) Wonder how long it was before Russell realizes Maurico made off with the vodka? THAT’S when I wanted to be in that limo. RIGHT then.

    7) I know it’s been said before…but ya’ll, got nothing to do with Russell hanging out post-season…but when Fail and Russ get together on screen, I start having post-traumatic stress disorder and nothing ever even happened to me. It’s just so tense and so fake I expect one to crack in half right before my eyes.

    8) I’m growing used to Mauricio’s constant “what just happened?” look. Somebody can say “Hi” and he’s all “waitwhat?”

    9) Is it just me or was Kyle’s old backyard bigger?And on that note, doesn’t Ken look more and more feeble with every episode? FEEBLE.

    Flipit, I love this show, but I love your recaps more.

  38. 38
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 2:30 pm

    Earrings hanging down to your ankles is what whores wear when they’re trying to be classy.

  39. 39
    Libithina
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    Soo no one is caught when Kyle was crying and woman in the background was walking up and caught her sobbing? Her face went from happy to annoyed. It was pretty dope.

    And, loved the “feel my heart” and thrusted Mauricio’s hand on her boob? From a causal bystander it totally looked like he was just going to second base.

    And finally, c’mon. Kim was clearly high at the party. Brandi was being pretty submissive, she just kept looking at Sober House chick as though to say, “see? I told you. Drugs!” and then after the flip out when Kim’s daughter just stared into her eyes. U thought that was the most telling of all.

  40. 40
    kthxbai
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 2:33 pm

    “Twitch is ensuring a five year contract for Brandi” is a capsulated example of why I heart how you explain this show @Flipit!

    @ MrsMiaWallace My general consensus is that the producers forced a whole mess of stuff.

    That limo scene with Russell and Fail looked more staged than Ryan changing Bentley’s diaper on Teen Mom.

    So did the pre-K Twitch and Brandi fight. The dialogue coach must’ve called in sick again.

    @whoochile I had that same thought about Vyle and her dress train.

    You know she put it on knowing there’d be all these shots of her running up and down her banal suburban front walk all agonized.

    Lisa loving that whole Latina music made me curiouser than ever about the racist anti-Latin comments Chef Bernie’s been saying she made.

    That song that was supposed to be “Motown” was about being in a relationship that sucks. It seems like the last thing you’d want played at a wedding.

    But I guess if you’re marrying somebody with sexual preferences that don’t include you, it works great.

    Jiggy looks good in purple. I liked that tracksuit lots better than the light blue one he was trying to rub off while he was peeing on the sofa last week.

  41. 41
    Libithina
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 2:38 pm

    And that was the most jacked up post ever. Holy crazy errors Batman! It’s not no one is caught, that makes no sense, but no one caught it…

    Libithina, FTW!

  42. 42
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 2:42 pm

    @Twhit – “4) My phrase for today is “Give it to God and Don’t Talk About it.” Then afterwards I start screaming at people.”

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Love this!

  43. 43
    maryedith
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 3:42 pm

    @labowner, I’m with you 100% on Taylor using the abuse excuse to wriggle out when the law comes after Russell. I think I commented that before. I truly don’t think Russell is in on the backstage maneuvering; I think he’s being pushed around by Taylor and the producers. If he knew Taylor was accusing of abuse I just don’t think he would keep bringing it up the way he does.

  44. 44
    Wilma Fengherdu
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 5:01 pm

    Extra eggnog for YOU, Flipit, for recapping so quickly and on vacation, no less!

    Here we’ve been busting Mr. Toad’s onions since he was introduced, but after last night, I’m beginning to think he’s the prize and Kim’s the one to be skeptical about – gotta hand it to Brandi, I would’ve picked Kim up by her sweaty-looking ponytail and dragged her somewhere away from me. And Kim, “Trucker Mouth” is far sexier than veiny/florid/sweaty ponytailed/googly-eyed/probably spitting but with a wholesome vocabularyness.

    And what was Kyle’s “Karen Carpenter: The Early Years” hairdo at the beginning of the party??? Face-framing curled tendrils – ACK.

    Happy All Kinda Holidays to the Gasmii!

  45. 45
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 6:44 pm

    I’ve said it before I think and I”ll probably post it again as the real shit hits the fan toward the end of the season- I think it is the most telling that a day after Russell turned himself into a Dia de Los Muertos piñata, his business partner did the same….

    That is clearly nothing to do with producers or Failface or Bravo, but all about their rapidly collapsing Ponzi scheme. Frankly, I’m sure there was some rough-housing both ways in that nuthouse marriage, but the people here saying her outbursts and breakdowns having more to do with impending financial ruin and embarrassment is much more plausible to me than severe abuse. Clearly there were very bad consequences coming to the people involved in the Big Beverly Con and we are most likely seeing a crazy Shana Hughes twisting and worming her way out of it like a startled cockroach clicking and skittering for the safety of the space under the fridge when someone turns the lights on.

  46. 46
    2hyper
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:12 pm

    I originally wrote a well thought out paragraph about how it annoys me that people are always quick to call producer manipulation whenever someone embarrasses themselves but the captcha gods ate it so I will summarize and say: If you willing to sell your soul to be on TV no matter the cost and even if it puts you in a poor lighting, you deserve everything you get. Once that saying: Fool me once, shame on you. Bravo pretty much has created a template of how they filmed these shows. If you are willing to be pimped why should I blame the pimp.

  47. 47
    dizzygirl
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 7:34 pm

    . Kim could use a couple of Nyquils and a shower nap. Bitch be crazy.

    haahahahahahahahahahahaha

  48. 48
    polk8dot
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:22 pm

    @Flipit – You are One Sick Dude!
    “Hang in there” – ?????
    Oh, Christ, I am going to get Camille’s disease if I don’t stop laughing. Man, we’re all going straight to hell, bwahahahahaa…..

  49. 49
    Colleen
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:33 pm

    Beautifully put. I love the cockroach (omg you said cock) metaphor. I agree 100%.

  50. 50
    Colleen
    Posted December 20, 2011 at 10:34 pm

    PS That was for MrsMiaWallace.

  51. 51
    sheesh
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 5:44 am

    We ARE all going to hell.
    I’ll bring the sweettea!

  52. 52
    ohralphie
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 7:34 am

    I think that the fact Taylor wouldn’t answer her cell the day of the party was proof she knew about the text. She thought if she didn’t talk about it before the party, everyone would be civilized during the party and not mention the elephant in the room. She didn’t think that the fallout from possible litigation would mean her ass would be frozen out of the group.
    Also, she knew that Russell was threatening to sue Lisa and was fine with it. Apparently Kyle never clued Lisa in on that little nugget of information, though. If for no other reason, that alone would kill their friendship.
    I have to say that I feel sorry for Pandy. Her gayancee wanted nothing to do with her during the slow song, leaving Pandora hanging off his neck while he looked absolutely in thrall with the (male) lead singer of the group.

  53. 53
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 11:14 am

    So no one has Russell’s number or email to get in touch with Taylor….

    Sorry I’m watching the episode for the second time.

  54. 54
    sheesh
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 11:38 am

    Classy are you telling me that there is a chance that there was some kind of producer manipulation behind the scenes and no one had the wherewithal to let the Armstrongs know that they were not welcomed to the “White Party” thus heading off the chance for an overly dramatic scene complete with tears, accusations, and vodka pinching?

    Because if that is what you’re telling me then all I have to say is, “Those slut pig cocks!”

  55. 55
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    COCK!

    (55 is so totally the new 100)

  56. 56
    Neecy
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Pandora’s fiance is gay? STFU!

  57. 57
    sardini
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    How about when Camille was all aging porn-starred out in the one interview? Looked like she borrowed Leah from Teen Mom’s eyeliner.

  58. 58
    Where's my Coffee?
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 6:14 pm

    That limo scene on the way to the party was sooo fake, it was downright embarrassing to watch (like when your husband walks in the room just as Ridickulous is removing his pants, and your husband says “what are you WATCHING???”).

    Russell was pissed of at Camille, but Camille was actually sticking up for him! When the the hell are these people going to realize Taylor’s manipulating them. I thought Lisa was onto her ass last year, but she got sucked in. That’s how Taylor works.

    Love the recap Flipit!

  59. 59
    Failor-Hater
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 6:50 pm

    I can only pray that Bravo KEEPS Taylor Armstrong-Failor-TrailerTrash on indefinitely because she is so deliciouly VILE that it is exquisite television. I hate her with the white hot heat of a thousand suns and it sure is fun. Her obvious lying ways are hysterically funny in that she thinks she has America (and Kyle and Lisa) fooled.

    Her perfidy is almost Dickensian in it’s breadth. Kudos to Bravo for giving us Masterpiece Theatre in disguise. Trailor Park is so WICKED that if she actually were a Dickensian character, we would say Dickens had gone over the top and no one could possibly be that despicable. But no, she’s all too real! And her “protector” Kyle is in for one helluva “uh oh” moment, when she comes to her senses.

    Russell was bullied to death by this gold-digging harpee. I do NOT believe the abuse charges. I was a victim of abuse several decades ago and Failor does not ring true.

  60. 60
    MtnMama
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    I still stand by my theory that Russell’s business dealings were the real reason behind the suicide, especially since his business partner killed himself the next day. TayTay may have been greasing the wheels but Russell’s shady dealings and obvious need to live a certain lifestyle only increased the amount of grease she used. I also think they bullied/beat each other. One of those nice, old-fashioned co-dependent relationships that somehow never seem to end happily.

  61. 61
    Edge
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 8:46 pm

    My reality = Taylor is mentally ill, (some blend of personality disorders) and is money/fame hungry. She is so dramatic/psycho(as we’ve seen several times on camera) that she pushed Russell to shove her or perhaps back-hand her while shrieking and writhing in a self-pity-tantrum. That was an ‘ah ha’ moment for her…”Hmm I can guilt Russell and play the victim to everybody..” It was working until Camille blurted out on camera what lies she had been using for her attention-seeking and it was just a matter of time before Russell discovered the truth. He was so hurt/devastated/tricked/played for a fool that he chose death as a way out.

  62. 62
    Robin Robinez
    Posted December 21, 2011 at 9:48 pm

    I hate her too. If for no other reason than she knew that something was wrong with Russell at that house, he hadn’t contacted anyone in day’s. The possibilty that this particular visit was going to go smoothly wasn’t good even if Russell were there, alive.

    Yet, that bitch took that child there. I cannot imagine a person that would take their kid to a suicide so I can’t go all the way there, but she certainly had no qualms about taking her into a situation she had no idea about. Remember the fake cheese and cracker discussion by the pool about the DOG!, because they didn’t want to talk about it in front of Kennedy? But this was OK.

    Why didn’t she at least leave her in the car? Or send the friend in? Why take that baby up to that home? The recording of the friend yelling “get Kennedy out of here” is awful.

    There is something that has always stuck in my crawl about this. Not one person heard from him in 5 days and his car was there when they arrived. They went through a window for goodness sakes and nobody thought that it may be a good idea to keep Kennedy away?

    That is why I will forevermore hate Shana the Failor.

  63. 63
    featherhead
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 4:10 am

    I was surprised that Lisa didn’t catch a contact high when Twitch was coughing all over her (like a 5 year old). I love when Lisa slams people in her talking heads, they probably don’t even realize it. She’s a classy lady who knows when a good pause is needed!

    You know who I think Russell should have sued? Failor thats who. She’s the one who was running her mouth all over BH, not the ladies.

  64. 64
    Edge
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Robinez, I agree that something feels wrong and murky about the Russell ‘discovery’. I remember hearing an odd piece of info about that day…the friend with Taylor searched the house and did not find Russell, at first. He was going to leave and Taylor said something like, ‘hey, check in there’, pointing at the area where he was eventually found. As far as her taking her child to the ‘crime scene’, perhaps she thought she would appear more innocent if she brought the kid…(if she had already found Russell on her own) Everything is appearance with her.

  65. 65
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 7:00 am

    Featherhead – Wasn’t that gross? I can’t imagine someone who would willingly cough on someone else. EVER. But continue doing it after asked repeatedly to stop? Now I may be a little bit of a germaphobe, but that is super nasty. And it just underlines how she acts completely self-absorbed.

  66. 66
    featherhead
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 7:30 am

    @Snootchy Bootches, I’m not a germaphobe, but I would have back-handed her if she continued to cough on me after I’ve asked her repeatedly to stop. I give Lisa a lot of credit. Twitch is totally selfish and I cannot wait to hear what she “lied” about to Kyle in next weeks episode. I wonder why Kyle thought it was a good idea to include Twitch on the RHBH. Did she think we wouldn’t notice what a freaking mess Twitch actually is? And because it can’t be said enough, Failor is an asshole!

  67. 67
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 8:32 am

    Miss a day due to a cold and I come back to this! Good God, you all give good thread!

  68. 68
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 9:37 am

    @Gypsy – Yeah see… that’s because Flipit had a party and there was a porn star there who was teachin us b…. Oh… THREAD.

    Nevermind.

  69. 69
    labowner
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 9:45 am

    Snootchy have you never been in SF or on public transportation for that matter? People openly cough all the time and I agree it is utterly disgusting. The best is the follow up spit. :)

    For all we know Russell found out what Trashy Lips was saying about him and coupled with the financial mess gave up.

  70. 70
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 9:52 am

    @Snootchy Bootches, well played! LOL ;-)

  71. 71
    Amanda
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 1:08 pm

    Flip – why are you the ONLY one that has a reasonable turnaround for recaps? Not only are yours the funniest BY FAR, but you are the only writer that doesn’t start their recap with paragraph full of BS excuses on why they’re late and why it sucks. Can’t you regulate, and make the other writers funnier, while you’re at it?

  72. 72
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    @labowner – By strange coincidence I did have something happen in San Francisco! I swear! I was living there and was shopping at a big dept store (Macy’s? Whatever). There was this older lady who kept coughing without covering her face. She was near me at one rack so I moved. Then she was near me at another. I moved again. She came to where I was. I swear this happened after moving like 6 or 7 times and she was coughing all over me and the clothes. It was gross. I finally couldn’t stand it any more and I turned to her and said “Please cover your mouth when you cough.” And she looked at me like I had 5 heads. So then I just left.

  73. 73
    Robin Robinez
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 8:05 pm

    @Snootchy,

    You “just left”? Such a riveting Story! ;) I felt like I was right there with you.

    TC,Robin

  74. 74
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted December 22, 2011 at 11:14 pm

    See, this just goes to show that the producers will stage a scene and tell everyone but the person they want to blindside. There’s no way production couldn’t get word to their cameramen in the limo with the Armstrongs. No-effing-way the team of cameramen, sound guys, and producers in that limo with them did not know what they were in for when they showed up at Kyle’s house. The only people who didn’t know were the Armstrongs and I’m sorry, that was just HORRIBLE. Call me a bitch with a heart but even Russell didn’t deserve to have five people barking in his face when shit didn’t even have to do with them. Fake ass Kyle should’ve sent everyone inside and greeted the Armstrongs with Mauricio at her side. She could’ve cleared out the foyer and talked to them there. Show a modicum of respect if someone is your friend.

    Dashing around in a flurry, dabbing tears as her dress trails behind her… where does Kyle think she is..Tara?

    As much as like Paul, he and Ad said their piece to Kyle. They should have stayed inside and let Kyle handle it. No one can kick someone out of a party unless it’s the host of said party. And no one should chastise a grown man on any lawn but their own.

    Threatening to sue is bullshit. And look how Russell did it, by email. Pfft. (Can’t Russell do anything right? Oh wait..)
    Anyway, I think his letter was hardly threatening. If you’re serious about a lawsuit, you toss a cease and desist letter in a bitch’s face followed by crystal stemware and cheap Merlot. Let ‘em know you mean business! Who cares if said letter was drafted by a real estate lawyer? Tamra doesn’t! And we haven’t heard a peep from Jeanna since. Case closed, bitches!

  75. 75
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted December 23, 2011 at 7:26 am

    DAYM Sarcas…. well done.

    Dashing around in a flurry, dabbing tears as her dress trails behind her… where does Kyle think she is..Tara?

    PERFECT CALL! Oh fiddle de dee, indeed.

  76. 76
    Mimo
    Posted December 23, 2011 at 7:51 am

    Sarcasatire: I beg to differ with the statement made about noone being able to through someone out unless they are the host.

    Caroline can.

  77. 77
    shantigal
    Posted December 23, 2011 at 10:05 am

    Ah yes, Russell should have just had his attorney send a sis(al) and decease letter. That would do the trick!

  78. 78
    sheesh
    Posted December 23, 2011 at 10:15 am

    Mimo! “Caroline can.” Oh shit that is just awesome!

  79. 79
    WhiteTrashGal
    Posted December 23, 2011 at 11:24 am

    Thank you, Flipit. I needed that after watching Russell being gang-banged on Kyle’s lawn. I’ve seen Taylor lie so many times on this show now, I long ago quit believing her abuse stories. Russ’s actual sins notwithstanding, I felt sorry for him because he clearly had no idea he was being set up as the whipping post (by his wife and the producers) until the end. No wonder the cast looked so guilty in the season opener discussing his suicide. Even Bernie Madoff didn’t get the death penalty. Badly done, Bravo, very badly done.

  80. 80
    Posted September 28, 2012 at 10:54 am

    The porn actress’ name is “Kylee Reese”.

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