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Tuesday, October 18, 2011
12:00 am
66 Comments
Tagged: adrienne maloof, brandi glanville, bravo, bravoandy, bravotv, camille's an asshole, cancer, charity, dana something i will never learn that bitch's name, flipit, frasier, funny, game night kills, hilarious, horror movie, kim richards, kyle richards, lisa vanderpump, real housewives of beverly hills, recap, spoof, TV, tvgasm
Previously on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:
Kyle called the government to report child endangerment, child porn, and littering when Brandi’s son whipped out his wiener to pee in the backyard,
The last penis I saw whipped out for the public was being ingested by my niece. If someone’s not making millions off of it, it’s totally dirty you guys.
….Dana the new girl got so hungry at her own dessert party that she gnawed on Taylor’s rubber neck like a chew toy,
….and the Witchards Sisters did my favorite sketch from SNL.
Hey you! I know you! I know you!
We open where we left off last week. It’s Game Night. Black people are thoroughly offended. Dana looks like she’s about to eat a piece of rented furniture. Taylor’s sitting there all dime eyed licking the coke out of her gums. Kyle is calling Brandi pathetic. Brandi calls time out, and Kim slurs “Oh look you’re the mom now?” and Brandi bites back “I AM A MOM!” What? Did you think you’d come back to this and suddenly this fight would make any kind of sense? For those of you who refuse to believe that Kim just might be an alcoholic, here’s a pic for you:
Kyle starts in on how Brandi let her kid piss all over the yard without publicly flogging him for it. You let a kid pee publicly, what happens when he’s in high school peeing in public or college peeing during exams or as an adult getting his pee all over his bride’s dress? Brandi tells her not to f with her kids, and Kim slurs “Watch your language you goddamn cocksucking whore face!”
Kyle tries pulling Camille into the fight, asking if she would let her son piss all over everything. Camille says no, and she wouldn’t let the homely girl’s flag football team she calls her staff of nannies do it either. Brandi shouts that she doesn’t have a zillion nannies like they do, and Camille gets ruffled at that one. If you need to call someone a bad parent, at least give her a chance to get one of her donkey faced Swiss girls on the phone so you can tell it to her. Camille’s too rich for this poo.
Brandi doesn’t have a good argument for why her kid should be able to piss wherever she wants, so she just shrugs and says it’s no big deal. Kyle snaps that she’s sure where Brandi comes from it isn’t a big deal. DAMN!! Call me a slut all you want, but POOR?!? Brandi starts squealing like a pig left in an audition room with Ned Beatty. Kyle’s mean! She’s so right, and I am actually feeling bad for her right now. Not feeling bad for Eddie Cibrian, though. I want to send him a congratulations card.
Kyle has no pity for the sobbing gimp, and Kim rolls her eyes at her. So…Brandi squeals “at least I haven’t been doing meth in the bathroom all night, BITCH.” HAHAHAHAHAH!!!! In unrelated news, it looks like Taylor’s ready to start dating again.
You know the cast of Basketball Wives is sitting around the TV right now shaking their heads at the poor behavior of these supposedly classy broads. Taylor and Dana are both smacking their lips, which looks odd if you’ve never been on a coke binge before. It’s called dry mouth. Or Ally Sheedy acting. Kyle approaches Brandi, and Brandi squeals that if she fucking cock talks about her cock sucking fuck bitching kids again she’ll fucking kill her! And get your crooked finger out my face while you’re at it! She grabs Kyle’s finger, and Taylor jumps in between them for her “ENOUGH! ENOUGH!” routine. This time it’s a whole monologue, though. “No one will touch anyone! No one will lay a finger on anyone! No one will slap, push, trip, flick, wedgie, zerbert, tickle, or pet each other!” She is all shaky and dry mouthed, but Kim won’t let her turn this into another freaky suitcase sob fest. Domestic abuse deserves its own episode and now’s not the time. Kim ignores Tay and slurs “You’re a pig slut” to Brandi. LOL! Kathy Hilton just logged into evite to double check that these witches aren’t on her auto invite list.
Dana brings back the tennis ball Kyle threw across the living room for her. She pants “We live in Beverly Hills! We do our thing!” Um, thanks Dana. Now finish seran wrapping the desserts no one ate so you’ll have something to binge on in the middle of the night while you’re crying and wondering which slag your homely fiance is banging in another state at the moment. A lot happened here, and I don’t want to go any further without giving Taylor’s face the showcase it deserves.
She literally disappeared for a second in this one. Jesus.
Brandi, defeated, announces that she’s going to leave. Kim slow claps. The girls all move to the other room to leave Dana alone kissing Brandi’s ass. Kyle’s not there to see it so I guess it’s ok to be nice. She tells Brandi not to take it personally. If you cry when people say they hate you, you’re a pig slut, a goddamn bitch and white trash, you’re a pussy. Now here are your…wait. Where are the crutches? HAHAHAHAH!!! Kim is in the other room saying whore a few more times and telling Kyle that being called a meth head is the most offensive thing anyone’s ever said about her. I take it she never read the reviews for Devil Dog: The Hound of Hell.
Well that was fun! The party ends, and the only one leaving fed is Brandi’s ass.
Brandi says she never wants to see any of these bitches again. Can’t unsign a contract, hooker! She’s out, and Dana’s back to panting and trying to lick Kim’s cornhole. She says “I like you, Kim! Let’s try and take a …. healthy vacation.” HA! So now you’re calling her a meth head too? Dana needs to just not talk ever. Kim laughs and tells Camille “Now you know what your insecure ass put us through last year!” Camille laughs in her “I just violently shit myself but I’m still richer than anyone in this room so suck it” laugh and brushes it off. Kyle apologizes for Kim, and Kim gets pissed at her. Kyle doesn’t need to keep apologizing for her! Well someone does and you’re not gonna do it for yourself. Just thank Kyle. I could use someone to follow me around apologizing for my bad behavior. I’d get a lot fewer anonymous flaming packages of dog poo on my doorstep if I had Kyle in my life.
Kim stumbles off to her car and no one stops her. Taylor knows she’s not snorting crystal meth, but even if it’s just Crystal Light, it can’t be good to snort and drive. Think about the pedestrians! Actually, pedestrians are horrible people. Have a fun drive, Kim!
Taylor hangs with Camille a bit, and says that Brandi shouldn’t call herself a slut and hate herself like that when there are perfectly capable hags waiting around to do it for her. So she’s dating three guys at once. That’s what you should do when you’re divorced! Camille laughs uncomfortably and says she’s not past the wiping her ass with hundred dollar bills all day part of the divorce process. Besides, there aren’t three guys that wanna date her. You have a black Amex. You’ll be fine. You’re semi kinda maybe pretty, you’re rich, and you’ve got giant saline sacks. Maybe someone with dry eyes will like you.
Meanwhile, Dana has Kyle cornered. “I love Kim as she is! Meth is awesome! We should totally do it! Let’s take a trip! We’re all about love! We love each other! We always have!” Kyle just stares at her for a minute and then slants her eyes. “Who?” HAHAHAHAHAH!! Dana: Us! You and your sister! We love each other! Blank blink. Blank blink. Blank blink. Kyle is silent. Love it.
Adrienne walks the mile to Lisa’s to hang with her and Kyle. Kyle tells them about game night and starts by admitting that Kim didn’t like B from the get go because of all the rumors around town about how B slashed Cibran’s tires, etc. Ooooh. What’s the etc.?!?! Kyle had also told Kim about the son pissing on the lawn, and Lisa is horrified that he did that. She says if her son did it she would yank his wiener until he learned that that was bad. Wow. That was a horrifying insight into Stoner Max’s childhood. PS Lisa: In America we call that a handjob and you shouldn’t do it on your kids. Even Cibrian’s mom resisted that nastiness, and look what she had to deal with.
The long sad road to signing up on Megan’s Law
Kyle tells them about the Winston Churchill thing, and Lisa cracks up and tells us she would have felt like she was swimming in Bimbo Stew. And I wouldn’t put it past Lisa’s unhygienic self to actually swim in soup. And then serve it at a dinner party. Kyle recounts the whole night, laughing about it all, but gets offended all over again when she gets to the “bring it, bitch!” part. So sanctimonious. Then she claims to not know what crystal meth is and thinks it’s gas for a hybrid car. Uh-huh. Remember when Kathy called you crying cuz Paris was arrested with crystal meth in her purse again? THAT’S WHAT.
Adrienne thinks Kyle is in denial about Kim’s issues and if it’s not crystal it’s something. Lisa calls Brandi a bitch, but in her accent I guess it’s polite instead of downright horrifying like when Brandi says it. They all have a good laugh and look forward to whatever bs party they have coming up so they can stone Brandi in the street.
Taylor goes to meet Brandi at a muffin shop for lunch. Brandi apparently won’t eat anywhere without ice cream or muffins. I like her more every episode. Taylor says that she feels for B because she likes reveling in people’s pain. Brandi orders lunch with fries, and Taylor just gets coffee. I don’t know why I’m reporting that. It’s like the country is waiting in gleeful anticipation for her teeth to start falling out. B has no idea how all that drama happened! Taylor tells her that Kim has been going through a lot with panic attacks and bad medication, but Brandi isn’t buying it. She knows meth addicts and that’s it! Taylor says she should apologize for the meth head part. Why the hell should she? They started it. I know that’s a two year old’s answer, but it’s my goal age so get off my ass.
Kim and Kyle are going to Palm Desert with their kids. Flashback to Kyle calling Kim a user drunk bitch skank in the limo, just to make sure we’re all excited for this trip. Kim tells a story about how some guy asked her for breath spray, so she pulled some out of her purse and he got pissed cuz she was trying to give him room deodorizer. Which she’s been using for a week on her own mouth. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I LOVE KIM!! So maybe it’s not crystal meth at all. Maybe it’s just Febreeze. Addicts have a lot of excuses, but this is the best one I’ve heard EVER.
This is your brain on Febreeze
Two of Kim’s kids are fighting, and Kyle tells them that sisters shouldn’t fight. She and Kim cackle and then give each other guilty looks. If I wanted to spend time worrying about a destructive passive aggressive relationship I’d call my mom. FF.
Playdo is missing out on a great advertising opportunity here.
You have to hand it to Bravo. They really know how to place appropriate ads.
They arrive at the place in Palm Desert, and Mauri is there. UH OH! Kim gets all nervous and shifty eyed when she sees him. Now this is a blowout I can get behind. We finally find out wtf Kim was talking about in the limo when she slurshouted “YOU STOLE MY GODDAMN HOUSE!” Apparently, the three sisters were left this very house by their mom. Kim needed money for the elmethtric bill one time, so she asked Kyle to borrow the money in return for her share of the place. Kyle gave her 20 grand and a glass pipe. When Kim came back with the money later, Kyle wouldn’t let her buy back in. OH SNAP. Kim gets furious just telling us about it. That Kyle would take her share when she was needy and then not give it back is just reprehensible. I felt the same way when the pawn shop gave me thirteen dollars for my game boy and then sold it to some poor person. I didn’t flash gang signs though, cuz I woulda been killed.
Yoyoyo mothatrucka
Now hot Mauri has a visible layer of slime on him. So he DID steal her house. Twenty grand for a third of a million dollar (at least) home is bullshit and he knows it. Kyle says it’s just a sentimental thing and Kim knows it’s still her house, too. Um, no, no I don’t think she knows that. So if you sell it for a couple of mil, she’ll get a third of that? That’s what I thought. I hope Kim drinks some coffee and needs to get better breath and drinks some Clorox and gets all crazy, cuz she needs to take a bitch down tonight.
Lisa needs to plan Pandy’s wedding, and what better way to celebrate giving your daughter to an obviously gay dude than having the gayest dude ever born plan it? I would like to think if Jim Henson was alive, he’d be making gay puppets and modernizing his stable. He’s not alive though. Thankfully, God’s puppet shop never closes.
I may not be made of felt, but I’ve definitely had a hand up my ass for much of my adult life.
He wants to do the party in the backyard, Lisa wants it in a church. He says they should juss bwing da chooch heah! Lisa doesn’t get it. If she’s spent any time on this earth with a cream colored crayon melted into a human shape topped with a gaycoon rug, she’s not showing it. Even Giggy’s horrified.
He goes on about how day chood have a huuuuuuch weddeen! Ees Baybly Heel! Then he sees a giant penis in the sky.
Lisa points out that it’s just a blimp and he should stop jumping up and trying to catch it like it’s the morning paper. He moves on to the dress. Pandy wants pink, but he booooos and tells her it’s taggy. LOL! Lisa tells us that he will execute her orders or she will execute him, but when she asks to keep the affair “down to Earth”, he twitters in her face and tells her this house is as down to earth as the blimp he just tried to deep throat and if she wants that she can move into a shack. I love this man, and I hope he makes Lisa’s life a living hell for the rest of the season. He wants a million as his budget, and she says hell no. No more than 150,000. Embarrassing! He promises to work on it, then air kisses her. She asks why no one makes contact when they kiss in this town, and he does a little vogue dance and sings “Baybly Heel dahling! Shesheshe!” HAHAHAHAH!!! That’s a really polite way of saying “no one wants their prosthetics to fall off.”
Kyle and Kim go to lunch. Kim is flighty, Kyle is naggy. Honestly I couldn’t give two shits, but I know who could!
The gift that keeps on shitting.
Let’s meet Cam in her closet, where she’s practicing her religion.
Firendployee is there to kiss ass. She’s in something Cam gave her from five seasons ago. Doesn’t fit.
Great sunglasses! Any idea when you’ll be ready to hand me down that rack? None of your clothes fit me.
Cam asks her mom her opinion on sunglasses, and her mom just mutters “well, they’re not cancer swimming around inside of me so yay for that. Who fucking cares, Camillie?” This storyline is FASCINATING. Cam is being honored, along with her mum, at the John Wayne Cancer Something for Something or Other Institute. Mum, because she had cancer, and Cam, cuz she’s got so much fake shit in her body that she can resist radiation and is being tested by doctors all over the world to find a cure.
Camille tries on about ten pairs of glasses while telling us that her mom survived ovarian cancer only to get bladder cancer. JESUS! Poor woman. She also squatted out a personality cancer forty something years ago. Cancer trifecta. As Cam tries on yet another pair, she says she likes them but they’ll leave a mark. DiDi yells NOOOO! You don’t want them to think you have cancer!
You guys, how cute is Cam’s mom?!? Love her. She’s taken more shit than the master bath and she just smiles and goes with it. They get to the fundraiser and it’s all glitzy and stuff. Kyle and Lisa show up. Kyle says that charity luncheons are a big deal in BH, and some people put money (not her) and time (microwave some COSTCO chicken fingers and call it a day) into charity, and some people just show up as an excuse to wear stupid dresses. Today’s party features stupid hats, which Kyle doesn’t have. Thankfully, she’s enough of an asshat that no one notices. Brandi limps in. “I will not be bullied!” Honey, please. When someone chains you to a fence or some shit, then you can complain. For now, just shhhhhhhhhhh.
Cam says that she’s not gonna uninvite B just because Kyle doesn’t like her. Dana shows up telling everyone she loves them. Then she spends three grand on a jacket that looks like a sad cheap ripoff of Lisa’s ski outfit. Camille was concentrating so hard on glasses that she forgot to put in her contacts and goes up to say hi to Adrienne. Woops.
Brandi and Dana are sitting together, and Lisa asks Kyle if they’re friends. They’re both noobs, so I think it’s natural. Grow up, Lisa! You’re old enough to have hatched them both. Buck up and deal. PS: Second best name for a pr person ever:
The first is Iam Fullashet
Kyle sits down to eat and Dana asks her and Brandi if they’ve made up. LOL. No. No they haven’t. Brandi licks her lips a lot as her eyes dart around the room while Kyle rolls her eyes and ignores them. Now for the big show! Good fundraisers know the best way to a wallet is through a boner.
Wheel in the donkey. We’re curin’ cancer here!
The lady flubs her lines and blows her intro. Cam is brought up to give a speech, and she’s nervous and flubby. She gets so scared that she just starts mumbling “Frasierfrasierfrasier” over and over again. Her mom is honored with an award, which makes Kyle cry. AW! She’s back to her old evil self soon. She gets back to the table and starts whispering and giggling with Lisa. Brandi is upset, but then she gets a text from Cibrian and goes off about how it’s stressful and she doesn’t think it’s fair for people to attack her parenting. Lisa tries to get Kyle to say something, and thinks it’s pathetic that Brandi is just sitting there while everyone is dissing her. She tries to make small talk, but it doesn’t work out so great. Brandi gives a one word answer and freezes. Lisa considers bringing up Winston Churchill. Oh lord. I was hoping Lisa might rise above this. I wish Brandi’s son would come in and piss on the table.
Kim is wandering around the streets with Adrienne talking about game night. Ad tries to smooth talk her into forgiving Brandi, but Kim says there’s no way and she can’t be around a dumb slut pig whore bitch who curses publicly like that. OK so how is her relationship with Kyle? Flashback to the limo. AGAIN. Kim says she’ll never forget it. I wonder if Bravo has implanted a chip into her brain that flashes the scene over and over again or if we’re the only ones that have to suffer through it. Ad tries to be positive about it, but she can’t get the house back so just shut it. Well that was a lame ending! I was hoping that someone would get smacked. Next week, Kyle tries to bend Brandi to her will and we find out the entire cast is made up of Cylons.
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66 Comments
Kyle is the devil.
She was so nonchalant about the house thing like it was just a natural progression of events and Kim is just being emotional and silly.
And how much do you wanna bet their mom bought that house with 80% of Kim’s money, we know Kyle wasn’t bringing home the bacon. Mauricio did look so slimy. Can’t stand Kyle. She is pretty and has great hair and has great “bitch, huh?” faces but she is just. so. mean. But only to people she knows she can win against or bully. She’d never try that shit wit Ad or Lisa.
I really am liking Brandi! I felt so bad that she cried and everybody seemed to think she was sort of out of line. No one had the balls to tell Kyle and Kim that they were being bitches they all piled onto Brandi. I can’t accept them being mean to Kim, especially not Taylor or Lisa, but Brandi had every right to go there with the two of them.
I like Camille too. God Dana someone get her a drink what a thirsty trick. I FF Lisa segments I care not at all about Pandora and the wedding or Lisa. She was so fake and insincere at the charity thing, like she wants to act her age but she likes being a mean popular girl better.
Dammit Flipit! You almost killed me! I was eating a sandwich and started laughing so hard I started CHOKING! And I’m only on the second paragraph…ease a girl into your brilliance, why don’t cha?
Oh Flipit, I choked three more times. Since I don’t plan to give up snacking while reading your recaps, I am going to have to learn how to give myself the Heimlich. Well worth the trouble I think.
Yeah, they stole the girl’s house. I wonder how much money Kyle gave Kathy for her share (who was apparently happy to get rid of this house since it reminded her of the fact that she is related to these two assholes). $20,000 on that house is a mortgage payment or two, not a third of the house. Kim was robbed (both of her share and what @ cupcake623 said above–her tv and movie earnings probably paid for that house). No wonder Kyle is ready to move on and forgive the limo scene–she was the one to blame!
Does anyone know anything about Mommy Richards? I am sick of hearing what a saint she was, when from all evidence it seemed like she was a pushy stage mom who whored her kids out for real estate.
I am angry at Kyle. I usually consider myself a good judge of character, but I used to like her and am now finding her to be downright disgusting (that luscious hair fooled me, Yo!). I cannot STAND the self-important little giggle she makes everytime she thinks she’s said something particularly witty. And what was Brandi to do about the peeing child anyway? She was on crutches for heaven’s sake! By the time she made it across the lawn and got a hold of the boy, the party would have been over. She made a lame joke to cope with the embarrassment and tried to move on. But no, since Kyle has never known a moment of embarrassment, nor gotten upset when people constantly bring up the past, she feels it is okay to talk about the peeing incident again and again, ad nauseum. Is that really the best she’s got?
And what was with all of Kyle’s talk of ‘correcting’? It made me think of a fat, huge bosomed, whiskered governess named Brunhilda, who is wearing a tight white nurse’s uniform and carrying a whip, talking about ‘correcting’ in a thick German accent. Spooky.
Besides, we all know that if Brandi had done something, they would have called her out on embarrassing the kid, overreacting, or some such shit. Kyle hates that girl and will do anything she can to make sure that everyone else does too.
As far as Brandi saying Kim was on meth–the most telling fact that she might be right was that no one seemed to think the idea was out of the realm of possibility. While everyone agreed Brandi was out of line for the comment, and was shocked she said it, no one seemed too outraged that Brandi would think this. Kyle’s “you don’t know that!” is not exactly a denial, and acting like she doesn’t know what meth is a couple of days later is making her look like a fool (if she doesn’t know what meth is, then how does she know Kim isn’t on it? Ha!). I loved how everyone interviews that something is wrong with Kim. If Kyle was looking for some validation of Kim’s sobriety, she was looking toward the wrong people. They have seen too much. And thanks to this show, so have we. We all agree something is wrong with Kim, so Brandi does know her a little. Just like Kyle ratted on Brandi to Kim, Ad ratted to Brandi about Kim.
All Kyle has now is a passive aggressive floating island of denial to live on.
Flipit, I was eating a Nutterbutter while laughing and that bitch went down sideways. I coughed until bloody froth came up. I thought a nice glass of water would help, so I read a bit more, and ended up practically water-boarding myself. This food/beverage/recap choking thing is becoming a national scourge. And it’s all on you, buddy.
I guess now Febreeze will have to do a series of commercials featuring Kim chillaxing and panting on couches, chairs, and dog beds, to show that Febreeze doesn’t harm Golden Retrievers or washed up child-star coke whores.
Only on this show would you say “I never want to be in the same room with those people again” in one scene, and in the very next scene, you’re being told you should apologize, and then the “next on” clips show you at a spa day with all your nemeses (nemesi?). That makes perfect sense.
My how the “fan favorite” has fallen. Vyle is nothing but a pursed lip, haggard old CUNT!! I fucking hate this bitch more and more with every episode. I really was prepared to hate Brandi but after seeing how those two self righteous assholes picked on her all night than acted so offended when she defended herself made my hate b-line right for the both of them. Where does Kyle get off bringing up Brandi’s parenting skills. A little friggin boy pissed on a lawn BIG FUCKING DEAL! If it didn’t bother Ad it shouldn’t bother you! Did she reprimand Kathy when her skank daughter was airing out her floppy, saggy, pussy for every fucking body to see? How many slutty outfits did Paris wear and did those two assholes call her a slut for it? Really, Kyle is so offended by a little boy pee pee,and the Cock word but her niece is forever on tape sucking dicks. Glass houses you greasy headed old bitch! Oh, and the way all those dickheads acted about the Meth comment was a laugh. So let me get this straight, two strangers are fighting, one’s calling the other a slut pig, goddamn bitch. The other makes a meth accusation(rightly so, Kims a MESS)-BUT, the meth comment is SO WRONG! A so called sister can out your secret(not so much really)alchoholism on national TV and none of them thought that was fucked up as hell? Stupid broads.
Dana-still a bag of shit. Get off the show already.
I can’t believe the changes a year can bring. I hate Kyle – her jealousy toward Brandi is reason enough, but the truth is she stole that house! And she doesn’t even have the grace to be embarrassed by it, either. She acts like it was a legitimate real estate transaction. If Maricio really thinks twenty grand is a third of *any* half way decent house in Palm Springs the man is no real estate tycoon. If that is the way he treats family, I can only imagine how badly he has screwed other clients in the past. I see why he was concerned about Kims accusation affecting his business. The truth will out as the saying goes.
I cannot believe how much I am liking Camille and Brandi. Although the season is still young…
I will give Lisa a pass for not liking/trusting Brandi. Brandi is friends with Cedric, and that whole mess is still an open sore to Lisa.
Speaking of open sores, I wish that Brandi would have rebutted Kyles rant on her 4 year old peeing in public by bringing up all the crotch shots the world has endured every time that bitch gets in or out of a car. I think Kyle would have had an embolism.
Oh, and Kim definately knows her way around a crack pipe.
@ Poopsicle: lol. agree.
@ NotWithoutMyTV: Flipit owes us all some free first aide classes!
@ Flipit: Have to admit, the febreeze joke was my favorite too.
wow— I wondered what Kim meant when she screamed “You stole my house”– her rage and heart-broken-ness were so awful. Now we know–you know Kyle wont give her anything if the house is sold. Shame on you Kyle– SHAME ON YOU> Good Lord– no wonder Kathy and crew stay clear of this crazy.
And Mauri— I use to love you— but oh my– You are a slime
“You know the cast of Basketball Wives is sitting around the TV right now shaking their heads at the poor behavior of these supposedly classy broads.”
And that, is why I adore you! And yeah Kim was totally robbed.
Oh and Flipit – the picture you have of Taylor whipping her head back and forth looks a lot like the thing that lives in the basement over at the American Horror Story house. Who knew they did crossovers?
I know it has been said already, but Kyle DEF stole Kim’s house. I agree that Kim’s money probably paid for it in the first place as well. That thumping sound you hear is me finally falling off the Kyle bandwagon.
Your blog is the most wicked I’ve ever read. I am officially addicted. Kyle is the most narcissistically self-aware woman I have ever seen. The only time she seemed unaware of the camera being on her was when she tried to give her sister a beat down in the limo last season. Kim was popular years ago because she seemed genuine & sweet on-camera. Kyle pretends not to be aware when the camera is on her but it comes across as rehearsed & posed. But you cant hide mean, it cuts through everything. Everything pretty & pretend hits the fan when she feels overlooked or less than top dog. What makes me uncomfortable is that she is old/mature now & old-lady-mean aint pretty. Its sad & squirm inducing. Like a high school cheerleader who still wears her uniform 25 years after graduation. Eww. Anywho, love your blogs. Hands down, you are a blast. And kinda mean. In a pretty way.
“Babley Heel!”…aaaahahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!! Flipit, you know I die over your written language translations, and yet again, you did not fail!
I don’t know if “like” Brandi is the right word, but I can certainly relate – love the fact that she swears lots, owns her sluttiness and doesn’t back down when dogpiled. She also does the “cut myself down before someone else does”, which is a total defense mechanism…intriguing! Kyle is an asshole who still needs about 12″ cut off her hair. Kim I would like to go drinking with. Camille is a little less assholish now that she shows a modicum of humility.
What perfect casting was Dana? She’s such a yokel! Her outfit for Game Night was hilarious, and she’s too big an oaf to wear anything over a kitten heel. Taylor and Ad? I got nothing.
@Poopsicle: Kyle –> Vyle. Excellent!
Flipit, your turnaround time is impressive!
I was never on the Kyle bandwagon. She has obviously never heard of “show, don’t tell”. When someone is constantly stating how great their life is and how amazing their marriage is….it’s usually not. If it was, it would come through without reminding us over and over. And Wilma is right, homegirl needs to cut some of that hair, stat. I’d probably develop a drug problem if I were in Kim’s shoes, too.
Also, I wanted to mention that you know shiz is goin’ down when Taylor barks, “E-NOUGH!!! E-NOUGH!!”
@wilmafengherdu -”Her outfit for Game Night was hilarious, and she’s too big an oaf to wear anything over a kitten heel.”
Exactly! You nailed it. (slinks away to throw kitten heels in the Good Will bag).
How did Kyle steal Kim’s house? I guess what we all are thinking is that the stage mom bought the house with Kim’s earnings and put it in the mom’s name. On her death, each of the three daughters gets an equal share. Kim agrees to put up her share of the equity for a $20,000 loan. That much is pretty clear. Then what happens? Mauricio draws up papers to the effect that Kim is selling her share for $20,000 and uses his position of trust to get her to sign it (probably when she has had a few), knowing that she is under the impression that it is simply a loan. When Kim goes to repay the loan, Kyle and Mauricio are all, “Sorry. You sold your share.” That seems to be what Kim is implying.
These bitches are retarded. She’s not on meth, she’s on coke. Big diff. Meth didn’t even really exist back in Brandi’s modeling days, plus, it’s too whitetrash for models, so she needs to quit relating her past to “knowlege” of “what’s up” now with kim. Models do coke. Down here in Alabama, yes, it’d be meth. Def meth. And take it from someone who used to do both, if you snort meth (like Kim would clearly be doing as opposed to smoking a pipe in someone else’s guest bathroom), she’d only have to do it once or twice, as opposed to coke, which you have to snort every 20mins to stay high. Sheesh. If you’re gonna call out someone’s drug use, at least get the drug you’re accusing her of using correct. And lastly, when are these sheltered assholes gonna realize that “bring it!” is the lamest, least-effective, least-intimidating, most played-out, pathetic excuse for an insult ever utilized? STOP IT!!! STOP SAYING “BRING IT!” !!! I don’t care if you add “bitch!” on the end, you sound like a douchebag.
I’ve been thinking all along that Kim acts like she’s abusing amphetamines, more along the lines of adderall plus some downer pill. Then when she started sayiing that she hasn’t slept in days and she’s been having panic attacks, I thought it even more. Brandi might be too honest but those bitches pushed her to the edge. Everyone loses their self-control sometimes. And Brandi was the only one who would say what everyone was saying in their talking head segments but didn’t have enough guts to say to Kim’s face. I don’t think I can imagine myself being friends with Brandi, but I’d definitely be nice to her and hang out with he until she found some other friends. Those women are such bitches.
Kyle is all the things you’re saying.
But she’s also wicked hot.
And there’s always room in NWMTV’s life for more hate sex.
Just so long as you don’t have a foot fetish, NWMTV! Am I the only one that noticed Kyle’s FUG toes when she was lying on Kim’s – I mean her – couch with her daughter? NO ONE is gonna be sucking on those puppies any time soon!
What in the world is the big deal about a boy peeing on the lawn, at least he didn’t do it in the pool like all the girls probably did!
Bejebus I hate when TV does this to me. I use to love this show, but now Kyle is a biatch, Lisa what has happened to you, Ad you are starting to sound like Caroline (get over yourself), Brandi not a wise thing to bad mouth your kids dad – no matter what he did to you and I see why he left you, Taylor you are just like Teresa, blame everyone but yourself, Kim I have no idea what is going on with you, wonder if you will come out smelling like roses in the end, Dana you are pathetic and Cam you got what was coming to you hope you are happy with the hanger ons you call friends.
Flipit thanks for the laughs.
watch the beatdown in the limo again, Kyle is VERY aware of the camera. she hides her canker-thighs with her clutch purse as she’s attacking the sister she loves so dearly. she wouldn’t want to LOOK BAD ON TV!
KYLE IS EVIL!!
Flipit, you are amazing! Those pictures of Taylor–especially the one where she disappears–are hilarious. She is terrifying.
I didn’t like Kyle last season–although I tried to give her a chance because I have a sister who is a total train wreck and I’m an even bigger bitch than usual when I’m with my sister–but this season Kyle is right next to Caroline Manzo as the only 2 real housewives I can’t frakin’ stand. They are both awful, but Kyle’s brand of obnoxious mean girl is getting hard to watch. Kim is such a mess I can’t help but like her–and if her story is true, Kyle not only stole that house, but she also rubs it in Kim’s face.
Brandi isn’t that bad, so far. Plus she used to be a model so she should be able to hold her own in a bitch fight. I think Kyle and Kim were both doing coke at that party. I’m not saying that Kim doesn’t prefer meth–although she does seem more like she’s on Aderall and Xanax to me–but I doubt she was doing meth at that party. Either way I thought Brandi showed a lot of restraint because I probably would have said something much sooner (of course I also know who Winston Churchill is, so I may be giving Bran too much credit).
I can’t wait to see the wedding that The Face of Boe puts together with Pandora. If they’re able to agree on anything it will certainly be craptastic–and totally amazing. A million dollars can buy a lot of tacky–so can $150,000 for that matter. Has this wedding happened yet? Someone needs to wrangle an invite a post pictures!
So mad at Housewives franchise right now. I went into NJ all ready to hate Melissa and Kathy. Love them. Now I’m all liking Brandi freakin’ Glanville. (I like Dana too but just because she’s a hot crazy mess and that entertains me.)
Hey, is Brandi’s son peein’ on the grass the new “Giggy drank out the glass at the table”?
And THANK YOU CUPCAKE!! That’s kinda been my whole take on Kim since day one, that she pretty much supported the family and got issues over it and now “she’s just crazy, put her in the corner and ignore her.”
FLIP IT you need body guards 24/7. If anything EVAR happens to you and you can’t write these recaps for any reason I don’t know how I will get through my day! I FLOVE YOU!
@ NVMTV- your subtly is stellar. I am picking up what you’re putting down and I LOVE it!
@S-Natch-FUG to the FUG power that toe was.
I think Kyle is the one getting the evil edit. Everyone’s said it already but, lest we not forget, her niece is A #1 Slut in Hollywood. And, Kyle was on some lame reality show with her once upon a time so, GLASS HOUSES. VYLE! COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also why is she wearing red shirts in every scene? Is she the devil, al la Melissa Gorga too?
Get Pandy Pants off of my TV. Dana too!
And for anyone that has any shadow of a doubt that those hookers aren’t on something, welp, just sayin’, you don’t know.
@ goat, comment 19 of 27: “I don’t think I can imagine myself being friends with Brandi, but I’d definitely be nice to her and hang out with her until she found some other friends. Those women are such bitches.” Absolutely.
And Dana and DeDe, the friendployee, are just pathetic. Dana was wasted with something at that game night too. Plus for all her riches, that house looks like she is renting it and nothing more.
Kyle said that the whole house issue isn’t about the money, it is about sentimentality. Well then, give Kim some more money, or let her own part of the house again. What reason other than money and the need to control Kim would Kyle have for lawyering the house out from underneath her.
I am curious what Kyle has to say to last nights episode. She’ll probably whine how Brandi was much meaner than she looked, that it was somehow all Kim’s fault, and that Kim sold them her share of the house with full knowledge and is only bringing up these supposed feelings now. She is like an abusive gym teacher that keeps tripping the scrawny kid who is scared of his own shadow, so that everyone else can laugh at him, then says all sweetly, “stop, stop, seriously you guys” while still chuckling themselves. I think Kyle is officially all BS.
Just found this yesterday, LOVE IT! I liked Kyle last season, but this season she is turning into a monster! She was making fun of a newly divorced single publicly humiliated woman on crutches at the charity event she was hosting. Nice Kyle, Real nice! And what is up with Kyle’s wierd tick of licking the upper corner of her lips constantly? It drives me nuts! And her hands are horribly ugly! I am no longer team Kyle…boo at her. I am going to be team Jiggy! Anyway, thanks for the laughs! Loved all the comments!
CRASH! From henceforth, the Kyle bandwagon shall ride on without me…
Anyone else think Brandi and Ad bought their cheekbones from the same discount bin?
There is a book written about Kim and Kyle’s Mom she was an alcoholic and an evil woman.
elmethtric bill = pure genius! Love you Flipit!
@ MarianMoney–”Anyone else think Brandi and Ad bought their cheekbones from the same discount bin?”
Yes, they did look strangely similar–very feline. Though Brandi’s looks better. Ad’s is scraped back to look like a lion skull.
Everyone has said it before me and said it best, but I had to chime in with the Flipit love! Hilarious as always. Also, did anyone else notice that when Kyle was relaying Game Night to Lisa and Adrienne, and mentioned how Kim said she didn’t like Brandi, Ad said something like, “Oh because of what she heard from you” or words to that effect, then Kyle jumped in with “Just around town” and changed it to crazy Brandi slashing her cheating man’s tires like
a country western song. She knew she was about to get called out as the shittalker and overrode that! And her bravo blog was mostly about game night with nary a mention about this real estate issue. Hmmmmm…
Kyle stole her goddamn house! I now see the upside of marrying a realtor, he can help you swindle your siblings out of their property shares. Kyle said Mauricio has been taking care of Kim like a second wife..uh, that’s because you wouldn’t loan her $20,000, and instead made her sign over her rights to the house. Kim supported Kyle (Vyle’s!) ass for her whole childhood, maore than $20,000 was spent I’m sure. How could she be so heartless to her sister like that? Oh, I forgot. Kyle’s a bitch.
I was always against Kyle last season. I started off loving her, but seeing how she would talk about Kim to her friends, discuss Kim’s issues, and then take Taylor’s side in a dispute, I quickly jumped off that sinking ship. I guess Kyle read all the blogs and threads about her not having her sister’s back, so now she is going to let Kim self-destruct all while pretending to be standing up for her. And when our poor, sad Kimmie gets in a pickle, Kyle is gonna look straight into the camera and say, “I told you so!” Ugh.
Kim..I love you. You’ve been through so much. Missed childhood, faded career, the murder of your fiance, watching your mother die as you cared for her, and then your sister stealing your house right from under you. If anyone has a reason to drown a sorrow or two, it’s you.
Lisa was a little shit-stirrer at the charity event wasn’t she? I guess she has to insinuate herself into the drama because her storylines are so boring. Pandy’s wedding. Sur’s renovation. Yawn, yawn, yawn.
Kyle is jealous of Brandi because she is taller, younger, and thinner. Case closed. Kyle is jealous of Camille because she is richer and Kyle’s husband works for her. Kyle has no choice but to knock these ladies down a few pegs. It worked with camille. But Brandi will not go down without a fight. “It’s already been broughten!”
Oh and great recap Flip!! And great comments you guys; I’m enjoying the BH threads each week. A lil suggestion, be funny, but not too funny. NWMTV has a very sensitive digestive system, and I once made him laugh so hard he hiccuped then vomited all over his Ipad2. Damn guy sent me the bill.
@gretchenfetchen: “There is a book written about Kim and Kyle’s Mom she was an alcoholic and an evil woman.”
No kidding? Then I’m sure she’d be happy to know her little ‘apples’ haven’t fallen far from the tree.
Dear Kyle: Witchily ganging up on a woman with your sister — who you’d already decided you didn’t like — doesn’t make up for all the ugly tidbits we keep learning about you. Your baby girl may be a cutie, your hubby is still a stud (w/truly questionable ethics). But you my friend, are quickly losing your luster.
One of the producers/directors (?) is defending Kyle on the Bravo blog. None of the commentators took his bullshit seriously though, and were mad that he even tried to defend the Richard sisters’ actions. It is all horseshit, except for one thing he said. He used the excuse that Kim only likes to see the faces of people she knows around her, that that explains her bad behavior. I don’t think that excuses her at all, but the statement made me remember the way she was in the very beginning of the first season. She was all, “I don’t like Taylor”–well, we didn’t think much of it because neither did we. “I don’t like Lisa”, well, we just figured she was jealous of Kyle’s close relationship with her. “I don’t like Camille”, we figured because Kyle doesn’t like Camille. Now, however, I believe Kim must have some serious social disorder (more than just the inability to communicate); she is a seriously crazy hermit ICON. I am strongly feeling manic depression–that she self medicates with alcohol and illicit drugs.
Guys thanks so much for reading and commenting! I try not to go into too much in comments since I get to write endlessly about this poo, but I read them all and laugh my ass off. I wanted to share this link with you, because it’s Kyle’s blog explaining the house situation from her point of view. Very interesting, and I believe her. I am easy like that! LOL! Don’t usually read any of the housewives’ blogs because I don’t like them affecting the recaps, but it’s late and I just caught this one on twitter. Enjoy and LOVE http://kylerichards.net/site/archives/137
Exactly WHY does this person have a website? She doesn’t really act, there isn’t anything for sale in her ‘store’, and her charity attempts are kind of lame. As far as her repeated protests about how concerned she is for her sister, I have to call bull**** on that. If she really cared about her welfare she wouldn’t keep telling everybody in America how embarrassed she is by her. She has a really nasty passive-aggressive way of setting her up for a meltdown by pushing her crazy button with offhand remarks about her children, drinking, lack of a man, etc. Finally, I’m deeply suspect of any grown woman who ends her missives with Xs and Os. That’s just stupid.
I think Dana provided coke as a party favor instead of food. Everyone was in on it except for Brandi because they don’t like her and they don’t know her well enough to let her in on the secret.
Kyle’s blog: “Next blog is about my new favorite must-haves. Enough about this topic.” I just spent five minutes writing different snarky remarks about that but it really speaks for itself.
Kyle this comes to mind, “It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” I don’t buy her blog. Thanks for posting it Flipit!
Well, somebody is lying about the house. Vyle, it seems, is always covering her tracks. It’s never as it appears, but she always looks bad only because we don’t have all the facts. If somebody will lie about little things, then they’ll lie about big things, and the last lie we KNOW Vyle told was at Game Night when she told Brandi that her accusation of Kim saying she didn’t like her was false. Then, later, when it becomes painfully obvious to Vyle that everybody knows she is lying, it’s “Oh, I didn’t think Brandi could hear when Kim told me she didn’t like her.”
“One of the producers/directors (?) is defending Kyle on the Bravo blog.”
Here is a quote: “Kyle is a wonderful wife and mother and just an all-around good person.”
Sounds more like something her publicist would say, doesn’t it? Maybe she is really nice to her husband and her kids, but if she is mean to strangers for no reason, then mean is what she really is.
Of course it sounds like her publicist. If there’s a producer defending her on the Bravo blog, then I want to know why they’re giving her the bitch edit if she’s such an all-around good person.
Wanna see how Dana looked before she gave birth to a genius?
http://starcasm.net/archives/123330
The pics are about 3 years old, but look like they are 15 years old. Damn, babymaking ages you. Oh, she’s with her creepy looking fiance. Bonus!
Read Kyle’s blog with her explanation about the house Kim said was stolen from her.
Read Kyles blog with her explanation about the house Kim said was stolen from her. Over & over she stresses the importance of privacy & decorum to her and Mo-Mo. Who was that then, if I may ask, inviting her children & the viewing public to witness her having her la-la waxed for the first time? Who was that who shared every minute detail about her grooming habits for her…uh…’southern whiskers’? Who was that woman who went shaking & swinging after her sister in the limo like she was on a diet & Kim had a cupcake in her pocket? She’s not the same woman who wrote that blog, KNOW THAT! (☺)You were right Brangelinasux, she knew in the limo, even while lapsing into her ragin’-cagin’ mode, that she was on camera. She lost her mind but covered her behind. And NotWithoutMyTV, I understand that you find Kyle ‘wicked hot’ but she will beat you down if she’s in the mood. And then steal your house.☺
@happiestholidays “Southern whiskers” aka Wolf Monkey. You’re 100% right tho and I almost puked a little in my mouth. Bleech.
Gypsy, Yes, its nauseating to see. When RHOBH started I thought Kyle seemed funny & confidant. But after last season I saw a desperate need to be a celebrity at any cost. Even if that cost is Kim. But, it is far far too late for her to demand respect for her privacy now. I’ve read Flipit’s blog for some time & finally had to join because the insights here make the show a hundred times more interesting.And funny!
re: Kyle’s blog; I don’t buy it 100%. When Kim yelled that Kyle stole her house in that limo scene, Kyle dd not look surprised, more so enraged and threatening. She immediately moved to shut her up and discredit her by calling her an alcoholic. I think if it was really news to her she would have been more confused rather than immediately on the defensive. Now I don’t buy Kim’s story 100% either, it’s too simplistic. But, Kyle’s full of shit, c’mon. And Mauricio…sleazy.
Goat, Impressive overview! I agree.
I don’t know what to believe about this house situation, but IF it’s true, shame on you Kyle. Even carnies don’t grift their own.
I don’t think Kyle is getting a bad edit. I think she’s a bad person doing & saying those things & the camera is catching it. It’s not being edited OUT, that’s alll.
@Goat: Good observations. I read Kyle’s blog too and didn’t completely buy it either. She’s just so… smug; especially in her replies to her supporters.
@Thatswhatshesaid: You hit the nail on the head. Editing can’t fake the snide comments and eye rolls. It is what it is.
I agree. I believe Kyle was a bitch last season, to Camille and others, but her bitchiness was edited out while Camille’s was exposed to the world. Sure, Camille is an asshole…but so is Kyle. Assholishness aside, I don’t believe Camille fabricated a story to try and make Kyle look like a catty bitch. I believe Kyle was catty and shit just wasn’t caught on tape. Lucky her!
Allison saw through Kyle’s “innocent girl” facade but as we saw the same claver editing, we were quick to discredit Dubois and paint her as a charlatan. This season, however, things have become much clearer.
I also agree that if Kim was wrong about “youstolemyhousegate”, Kyle would have just looked perplexed. Yet Kyle went on the offense, trying to beat the living shit out of Kim for declaring Kyle’s unfairness before the cameras. We’ve seen Kyle lord over Kim and try to control her lifestyle (buy smaller houses because you can’t afford larger ones; look everyone, my sister is an alkie and I’m so embarrassed!) and we agreed with Kyle’s reasoning. But now we see that Kyle keeps Kim in a perpetual state of dependency ( I know best and so does Mauricio who treats you like a second wife) so it is quite easy to see Kyle’s manipulation. Even with Brandi; Kim would not have disliked Brandi (not having met her) if Kyle hadn’t poisoned Kim’s thoughts, something that was later inferred by Adrienne. So, although the Wicthard sisters brought the wrath down upon the poor little gimp Brandi, I still blame Kyle for corrupting Kim’s mind and making Brandi out to be the villain. I soooooooooo wanted to hate Brandi, based on the previews. But now I see the unwitting fuckwad was just a pawn in helping the green-eyed Kyle establish her dominance.
Yeah. I’m finding it less hard to believe that Kyle DIDN’T say those things to Camille & then deny it like we just saw her do with Brandi. As someone else pointed out. Because she didn’t think she had been heard, she lied. Kyke is poison.
That old saying “Familiarity breeds contempt.” is ringing true as Kyle goes from being favorite BH Housewife to sanctimonious, conniving bitch in just a few episodes. The problem that these fame whores have is that they have turned over their main source of publicity to an entity, Bravo, that has no incentive to show them in their best light. It’s just the opposite; the incentive is to show them at their worst if it will lead to higher ratings.
I’m no judge, or even a member of the legal profession, but if I were somehow given the power to arbitrate the house situation, then based on only the insights and information from the show and the blogs of the parties in question, then I would order Kyle and her sleazy husband to give Kim her damn house back.
I’m starting a petition called the ‘Save Icon Kim’s Goddamn House’ petition. My goal is to get Kyle to think she’s giving an autograph as she signs it.
Watching the reruns now, and at the infamous “Game Night” I can’t help notice how different Brandi looks from the other girls. All the other women are dressed “conservatively” in blacks and beige (they all match!!) yet Brandi comes in looking fresh and summery in a bright pastel top and cute white shorts. Honestly, the other women look kind of drab, and are dressing A LOT like the Jersey wives, while Brandi looks like a certifiable California chick!
Something I couldn’t help noticing.
Well okay then is Camille a raging nut job or did they edit her to look like that last season?
Is Kelly the woman that had a breakdown on the island or she is the medicated goo we see this season?
Remember reality is not real – it’s scripted.
I noticed that too about Brandi’s outfit. What caught my eye was that she seemed to be dressed for summer while the other ladies seemed dressed for winter. The contrast was a surprise to me. I think it’s also function of their differences in ages which influences style.
I think the other ladies we’re dressed for nighttime and Brandi was wearing a daytime outfit. Any of the other ladies could have worn their outfits to a nice restaurant for dinner while Brandi came dressed for a backyard bbq. She just seems more down to earth and probably didn’t want to go home and change for a card party.
As mean as she is, Kyle did look pretty with the pony & sky blue robe. But what are they doing to their cheeks? When Adrienne & Brandi were talking I couldnt take my eyes off of their massive, unnatural looking cheeks. Adrienne needs to go cold turkey on the juvederm. She looks like Jocelyn Wildenstein.