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Wednesday, February 2, 2011
1:37 am
49 Comments
Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, it was all Frasier’s fault. But don’t worry! Tonight we’ve got lots of other people to blame! Like Hank and Sideshow Bob.
We open where we left off last week. With Camille’s “I’m really nice I just got screwed by the Frasiediting” tour. First question: What has Kyle done to Camille’s reputation? She said “delusional” and now the whole world believes it! She also said margarine was tacky, so get on it I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! You’ve got a legit lawsuit on your hands now that the entire Bravo audience believes whatever Kyle says.
Kyle defends herself by saying that she doesn’t know another word for delusional so she just said delusional adelusionlot. “But you accuse me of making things up in my mind!” Oh, Shlemiel. Would it feel better if you were accused of making things up with your falsies? Then so be it.
Stop being delusional. Feel better?
Kyle says that Cam probably believes the stuff she says but that doesn’t make it true and she’s probs not lying, she’s just hearing things wrong. Cam disagrees. So you are lying? Do you even know what you’re disagreeing about any more? Cuz I sure as shit don’t. Kim doesn’t either, but from the way she’s twitching uncomfortably, I think she’s assuming they’re talking about her being an alcoholic.
I never should have done that fucking chicken dance.
Bobblehead asks Kim why she’s acting like a dryer with sneakers in it, and she says that she was there for the original delusional conversation and it was no big deal but then Kyle was crying. Huh? I don’t think I’ve heard this version enough and I have enough versions to not care about already. Bobble doesn’t care either. He asks flat out if Kim thinks Kyle is a bully. Long pause as Kim looks at Kyle and tries not to imagine her with a rolling pin held above her head. “N..no? Not really.” LOL. That was very believable, Icon. You’ll be playing a hot spray tanned crime scene analyst in no time.
Cam jumps in: “I’ve seen her bully you.” I’ve seen my ass looking like Maks from Dancing With the Stars. IN MY DREAMS.
Delusional
Pause as Kim shakes her head, trying to decide whether now’s the time she should accuse Kyle of Senior Abuse or save it for season 2. More pausing. It’s delicious. Lisa breaks the silence and says that Kyle isn’t a bully, the fight just got out of control. I don’t think Camille was bullied, I mean come on. Is Kyle a pushy, Selma and Patty voiced bitch sometimes? Yes. But that wasn’t the question. Bullying is the new “racist”. You can be having an argument about anything and be stopped dead in your tracks by someone calling you a bully. How can you argue with that? Put a finger in their face and threaten to kill them if they ever speak to you like that again? Hit them with a baseball bat? Tell them you have lots black friends?
Cam can’t argue with facts, so she’s going to bring in her manufactured feeeeeelings again. “I feel! I feeeeeel!” Spit it out, Shlemiel. Pretend it’s lunch. “But…I feeeeeel!” Camille has a kinda brilliant way of winning arguments without actual words and using her methods the past few weeks in real life situations has been fun. I’ve said “thank yooooou!” to compliments not given to me many many times. “That sunset is beautiful.” “Thaaaank yoooooo!” This week, if someone calls me out on something I’m just gonna shrug, pout, and say “But I feeeeel!”
Lisa jumps back in and says that Cam felt under attack and insecure about being married to Frasier but they’ve talked about it a million times. Kyle is just shaking her head like “are we still fucking talking about this?” I know, girl. Let’s talk about what an asshole Jill Zarin was last season.
Bobblehead tries to wrap up that portion of the evening by saying that so far tonight, Camille has blamed Kyle for bullying her and setting her up, blamed Frasier for making her insane in front of the cameras, and blamed the editors for screwing her over. She stutters through her response to this accusation, trying to come up with ways to rephrase what he’s saying, but all we have to do at this point is rewind. She argues that she wasn’t shown as a well rounded character. LOL! I’d blame your mother, but she’s got cancer and that’s not polite. If you want a more rounded character you should try reading stuff, or going back to school to learn a skill, or planting your own herbs or something. Editors aren’t miracle workers.
How much rounder do you need to be?
Bobblehead asks if there is anything at all that Camille is willing to take responsibility for. Other than being married to Frasier. She almost takes responsibility for the things she said about Mauricio cheating on Kyle, but then remembers to add “Medium said it first!”
Clip of Medium saying Mauricio is boning nannies and Cam suggesting that he’s boning more than just nannies. Cam says that she’s always known Mauricio to be nice, but that doesn’t mean he’s a cheater. HAHAHAH! She’s fucking unbelievable. Kyle, of course, is all over it, shouting that that’s not what Camille meant. Kyle scolds her like she’s talking to Portia, and tells her to fess up to at least one thing or she’s not getting mashed nanners. Love it. Ten bucks Portia’s gonna grow up and call her mom a bully.
Camille is pushed into admitting she suggested Mauri was unfaithful and, in a corner, finally says “Fine. Yes. I did.” Pause as she nods directly into the camera like she’s raising money for homeless Haitians.
Dial 800-FRASIER #SFAULT to donate.
Camille knows that everyone in America is watching right now and shouting “CAMILLE’S AN ASSHOLE” at their TVs, but to be fair, they never showed the goooood stuff she diiiiid! Like the charity work! And hanging out with her kids! And blowing that fat guy in the hot tub! Do you think he gets his wiener worked on by hot rich bitches in Malibu all the time? No! SHE’S A GIIIIVER!
I feeeel!!
That time we saw her bragging about all the great things she does for her friends? Well we never saw the beautiful scene on the beach where Hair Friend came out, fake cried, and thanked her for being so woooonderfuuuuuul! HA. She tries to seem like less of an asshole by being even more of an asshole. I am really starting to love this nut. Bobble reminds her that she compared herself to Jesus. Cam says that was just pure stupidity, and it’s the first honest laugh she gets out of Kyle all night. Uh oh. Jiggy must be within smelling distance cuz Taylor just unhinged her jaw. Danger, Jigs! DANGER!
Oooh let’s talk about Leech!!! Bobble shows a montage of Leech leeching a lot. Best Lisa quote: “I’d like to see things from his point of view, but I don’t think I could shove my head that far up my own ass.” HAHAH. Lisa could spawn an entire bumper sticker franchise if she wanted to. So what happened?? Lisa says that after Ken asked Leech to pick up his girl underwear off the floor, Leech yelled that he has packed all his stuff and he’s out!! Of course, he packed his stuff in Ken’s suitcases. HAHAHAHAH, Leech! At least he’s consistent. As he left, Lisa told him that she doesn’t want all this thrown in her face, and he shouted that she’s not his mother. Um, you’re fucking lucky she’s not. Cuz you would have been sleeping in an alley watching your mom do donkey shows for the locals at thirty seven instead of living the life, you lazy twit.
Kyle warned Lisa that Leech was a leech, but she ignored it. Kyle also suspected that Leech’s story was fake, and it’s looking more and more like she was right. He said he didn’t have family and now Lisa knows he’s got sisters. No word on hooker mom. Lisa denies the reports that there was a fight on the day Leech moved. He got pissed and stormed out, then the next morning he called and asked for a meeting. He requested something, and they refused. We aren’t told what the something is, but you know it’s not a six pack of Hello Kitty undies, cuz he packed those in Ken’s suitcases. It sounds like some kind of blackmail. Kyle interjects “you filed a police report, right?” Lisa hadn’t told anyone that and wasn’t gonna bring it up on the air. Woops. But yes, they called the police and Leech threatened to write a tell all as soon as he learned how to visually pronounce words and stuff.
Ken and Leech argued about this blackmail(?) and Ken accused Leech of making up lies. His response? “It doesn’t matter if it’s made up, they’ll believe me.” I have called him Leech from day one and didn’t buy his “orphan/my mom was a cross between Jodie Foster in The Accused and Fantine from Les Miz” stories, but I thought he was a harmless Leech. Turns out he’s evil. Ugh I am on the phone with service right now because we are changing servers tonight. I hate pressing pause on this shit! Well, while I wait, let’s check out Leech’s Twitter!
Well that was disgusting. Back to the show! Leech is way too big of a pussy to show up here tonight, so he does a little taped segment instead. In the time since he’s left Lisa, he’s bought himself some Liza hair, a ton of eyeliner, a new nose, and let his tits sag.
Also, he’s “been poosooing the actin’.” I would laugh, but David Caruso’s made millions so who knows? This is a sick town. Look at what it does to people. Leech was a handsome guy! Now he looks like an alien doll girl. Don’t. Get. It.
Leech does the obligatory “I loved Lisa and Ken!” before sashaying into the gutter. He says that the “fight” they had that day wasn’t the reason he decided to leave. HAH. DECIDED? Bitch you were asked to leave for months. He says that Lisa’s ego had just gotten sooo big that he couldn’t take it anymore! Lisa was so controlling! “I’m not Jiggy!” Yeah no one likes you. And Jiggy at least shits outside, not out of his mouth all over whoever’s near. And Jiggy doesn’t hide his bald spots with peter pan wigs.
He says a typical day with Lisa was listening to her talk over the intercom and it was a service he was doing that he was paid for in flowers. He felt like the fat ignored dog in the house.
And without Lisa’s money you’d look like her too.
Once Lisa and Ken were done playing with him, they just wanted to toss him aside and he was hurt. If you’d just substitute the words “playing with” with “paying for”, you’d be living on the same planet as the rest of us, you entitled queen. As this fucktard spews his bile about how fake Lisa’s become, let’s look at his new face and wig.
Did you ask for The Taylor?
Lisa says that he’s a lying vindictive piece of shit, and because she’s Lisa she finds a way to slam Camille at the same time by saying that when the cameras follow you for that long they get a really accurate portrayal of who you are. LOVE HER.
Kyle tells a story about her birthday. She was sitting next to Paris, and Leech stood right behind her the whole time to get his pic taken by the papz. HAHAHAH. Even Paris thought it was needy and gross, and she’s…Paris. When the stinky hobo winces and staggers backwards as you pass, it’s time for a bath. Bathe Cedric. So we can see what you look like without the wig.
Now before you all jump in and tell me that’s not a wig, let’s look closer. The only proof I have is the set of eyes that God gave me. And lots of experience with wigs. What?
Now let’s rag on Taylor! Clips of Taylor spending and saying that money is a good part of being married to someone like Russ. Then Taylor crying about being married to someone like Russ. Then Taylor crying more. It’s really a sad, scary sight.
Shhhhhh. There there. Hush now. Kennedy’s breaking out in hives again. Wait. But we killed Snowball!
Is there love in that marriage? Yes, but there was some inattentiveness on both their behalves. Uh huh. She must have taken a bunch of shit from Russ when he saw the show. He probably reminded her that he’s not Frasier and she wouldn’t be having the fun kind of divorce where you get to go on talk shows and walk away with millions of dollars. He’s got a lot tied up in Scottsdale. She tries to cry but can’t squeeze any salties out. Physically. On the Mexico trip, they made up and agreed to change. Lisa thinks it must be a pain to be married to such a sad sack. She’s talking about Russ but she could have been talking to either of them. Camille’s advice? Be haaaaaaaappy! Shut up Camille.
Kim doesn’t like that she doesn’t treat her man like a real man and vice versa. Meh who cares. You’ve been divorced how many times, Twitch? Bring out Ken! Husbands! YAY!
Why is Ad so critical of Paul? He likes to bicker and says it’s their hobby. Did they sign a prenup? Yes and Ad said that in the first episode stupid viewer. Lisa didn’t sign one, Kyle didn’t, and Taylor didn’t either! That’s a surprise. I figured the prenup was where her fear came from. Now I don’t get it. How did it feel for Russ to watch his wife whine about him on TV? It sucked. Would he trade her in for a younger model? Girl, he barely has energy for the sixty something year old he’s got.
Mauri has been receiving nude pics from viewers. LOL. Ken got one too, but from an 86 year old! HAHAH. Is Mauri still Frasier’s realtor? No, but he’s Camille’s! Applause. She’s very comfortable and likable now. That woman needs penii in the room to focus. Let’s watch a montage of Cam flirting with Tennis Ho. It’s grosser than Leech without a wig and makeup.
Lisa jokes that we should all have a Tennis Ho. Cam says that Ho Wife never thought twice about the flirtation until people commented on it after watching the show. Uh huh. They’re just friiiiiiiends! She kisses on the lips cuz she’s Itaaaaaalian! They kiss eeeeeeveryone on the lips! Kiss Mauri right now. I dare you. Triple dog. I like violence. Ken says that he also gets to have sex with Lisa on Valentine’s day. Lisa jokes that it lasts two puffs and a grunt. Bwahahahha. Now let’s ask Ken about Leech. Did he suspect Leech was so horrible?
Nope. Ken supported him, took him all over the world, paid for everything for years and Leech repaid him by telling Ken “I hate your wife, I hate you, and I hate your kids.” He threatened to make up lies about them and Ken hates him. The men are excused. Wait. Mauri didn’t take off his shirt once! BASTARD!
What about Kim’s love life? Non-existent. And no, Ad won’t hook her up with family. They’re busy and she’s a freak. Love Ad. She and Lisa should tour the country telling people off in the nicest way possible. Now back to Kyle being a bully. Kyle admits that she comes off as mean, but they’re sisters and it’s complex. Kim says that Kyle misplaces her anger and she only hits her cuz she loves her. What does Camille think? That Kyle’s tough and she gets it cuz Kyle is tough on her. Amazing to see how Camille can turn herself into the center of every conversation.
Kyle ignores her and starts crying. Yes, she’s hard on Kim dammit but she loves her! AW! I totally get it. When I’ve had a bad day sometimes leaving my sister a voicemail that just says “You’re a twat and mom told me that she secretly hates you and considers you an insufferable burden” helps. Oh God now they’re both crying. Can we please get back to the part about Camille being an asshole? Family dynamics are too hard for anyone to understand without being in the family. You shouldn’t have to publicly make excuses for shitting all over your flesh and blood. It’s like making lions apologize to Bobblehead for eating zebras.
Kim is sobbing and twitching and stuttering and says it’s hard watching her family dynamics play out on TV. Bobble makes her talk about it. She’s cryin’ ugly. Yes Kyle is hard on her but she loves her sister and hearing her talk now makes her understand where she’s coming from. Then Kim and Kyle go back to giving each other death stares. It’s awesome.
Let’s watch a montage of this insane relationship. You say salza, the rest of the world says salsa. Kim’s a twitchy mess, Kyle’s a pushy bitch. Jimmy crack corn, Kim! And now, the fight in the limo and the whole “YOU STOLE MY HOUSE!” thing. To her credit, Kyle looks mortified watching this. She cries when she has to talk about it. Kim says that was the biggest fight they’ve had and now they’re trying to rebuild the relationship so stfu with the invasive questions. Bobble keeps pressing, but Kim won’t go there. He keeps pushing, but she won’t talk about it and keeps saying she loves Kyle and wants it to be ok. Kyle says that her anger came from private stuff that she doesn’t wanna talk about. Again. She switches seats with Camille and sits with Kim, saying she would give anything to take that night back but can’t. They both cry and hold hands and act like a couple of weirdos. Bobble keeps pushing, but the girls won’t budge. Good for you. He’s a fucking soul sucker.
He tries the “Kim is an ICON” avenue, but Kim says that it wasn’t stressful and she loves her fans and parents who named their kids Kim. But didn’t she buy the family everything? Not exactly. Kyle says that yes THEY were both child actors. LOL Kyle. You had a couple of lines. Kim? Julia Roberts. But, like ten. And twitchy.
Lisa says that they have issues that need to be worked on. Bobble reminds Kyle she called Kim an alchie, and Kyle refuses to go there. Taylor tries to babble some fakeness, but Bobble points at her and says “well you started the fight.” HA! She acts dumb and laughs, so he shows a clip. Taylor says it wasn’t supposed to be a fight but there were “other factors at play in Kim’s personality” that night. What a bitch. Bobble asks if she’s saying Kim was drunk, but Taylor says she doesn’t know. I think this is the perfect time to feature the video our lovely commenter sarcastire posted in comments last week. Check it out by clicking the pic below. It’s disturbing and wonderful.
Other factors in Taylor’s personality.
Kim just rolls her eyes at Taylor’s bs. Lisa tries to intervene with kindness. Bobble, annoyed, congratulates them all on being so kind. Then he asks Kim if she’s a drunk. She says no and there’s nothing about that night she’s gonna talk about, but thanks. I love people treating Bobble like the ass he is. These women are not having him. Kyle looks like she’s gonna punch him. He gets his condescending calm voice and says he really enjoyed watching all the love between them this season. Kyle’s reaction is the reason I will always love her no matter how bitchy she gets:
LOVE
There’s that pillow again. She must be preggers. Kim and Kyle hug. Kim says “I love you” but Kyle is still pissed at Bobble. Oh lord. There’s a lost footage special? LET ME GO GODDAMIT!
Now the Medium dinner party! HOLLER! Clips of Medium acting like an idiot and smoking her electronic cigarrette, Camille calling Faye morally corrupt, and Medium telling Kyle her marriage sucks. Love it.
Did you predict that Patricia Arquette would be calling you sobbing “WHYYYYYY?!?!” Didn’t think so, ya fakey bakey split ended hack.
What was Cam thinking that night? She was uncomfortable. She wanted her friends by her side. Kyle brought Faye as back up and doesn’t apologize for it. Does Kyle feel responsible for starting it by asking for a reading? No. She was curious. Why would Cam serve an angry alchie so many drinks? It wasn’t her plaaaaan! She’s uncoooomfortaaablllleeeeee! Kyle didn’t feel ambushed but she felt set up. Like…set up for an ambush? You’re not Kim. Speak!
Wasn’t Cam a hypocrite about Faye when she’s a soft core star? No, it only sounds hypocritical the way Bobble phrased it. So he phrases it differently. Are sluts different than hookers? Go. She says that Faye gave her shade right in the beginning and she doesn’t like fake people. LOL! Cam continues that it was in fact morally corrupt to profit by doing Playboy after her bff got murdered. Totally agree, but you’re still a hypocrite. And an asshole. Kyle is on the defensive and says that what Faye did was better than porno. HA. Why, that was offensive, Kyle! Kyle’s like DUH.
Why did Faye show everyone nude pics of Cam in the limo? Cuz YOU’RE AN ASSHOLE. Kyle says that it wasn’t Faye who did that, it was her! HA! She had the pics on her bberry. Cam gets all self righteous and asks what that says about Kyle. I don’t know. That she hates your stupid ass? And when did your eyes stop working?
Kyle says they weren’t exactly bffs so it’s not like she was being fake. And she didn’t have the pics saved, they were still in her email inbox. Cam squints and says “nice cover up.” I’m sorry, would it have been more acceptable if she’d blamed Frasier? It’s called honesty, you twit. TRY IT. They argue some more, and thankfully Lisa cuts in and gets back to the point. Why would Cam do Playboy and then try to hide it? Why the stigma? These women do nude shoots and then act like they’ve been attacked when someone brings it up. Good point. Cam says that it was a set up, and Kyle calls her paranoid. Cam talks over her and says “here we go again. I’m delusional right?” She didn’t say that, you delusionasshole. They end up arguing more and then just staring at each other. Time for more Medium is a horrible person clips! She’s even grosser than I remembered. Watching her all over again makes me wanna send Patricia Arquette another box of dog poo.
Kyle thinks that watching Medium talk about their kids missing and blah was despicable. Did Medium warn Cam about Frasier? Cam thinks the read she was getting on Kyle was about her. And eighty percent of the husbands in Beverly Hills. Camille brings up NY again and Kyle just deadpans “you really wanna talk about NY again?” HA. Cam says she is optimistic about her relationship with Kyle and she’s a great girl! Kyle feels the same! HUH? You guys focus. You hate each other and want to hit each other. Just fucking do it. This is longer than Madame Butterfly, and do you think people would sit through that shit if there wasn’t a body bag at the end? NO. They would not.
So ladies? Any regrets? Lisa: No. Taylor: regrets her comment about beating up Kim. Kyle: Sister stuff, Camille stuff. Ad: That she didn’t plug The Palms harder. Kim: arguing with Taylor and Kyle. Camille: “WOW.” HAHAHAHAH. A lot of regrets. She’s sorry to Kyle and feels awful. Kyle nods, not buying it, and Cam squints at her, not selling it. Love it.
Really. Mean it. Call me. Mean it. I mean that I mean it. Have I mentioned that I feel?
Lisa thanks everyone and gives them love in a goodbye toast. Hmmmm. Well, that was kind of noneventful, but I might just be desensitized after a couple hours of this. I’ll tell you this much. Camille’s an asshole. I really enjoyed this cast and will def be back for season 2, but if they bring up fucking New York again someone’s getting shanked. I’m lookin at you, Bobblehead.
Thanks so much for being here with me this season. It was my first turn at bat with the househos and I had a great time reading your insanely bitchy comments. LoLo will be here in a couple of weeks to take over the New York girls, and bBitz will be here for Orange County! I am back on American Idol starting with the performance rounds and come back to Housewives for the upcoming Miami season. You know that one’s gonna be amazing! LOVE TO YOU GUYS!! xoxoxo
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49 Comments
Flipit, you are the best! You’ve been killing me all season. You can leech off of me and smell my hubby’s SBDs any time! Sadly, I have neither an intercom nor a Jiggy.
More CamHole. Scroll down for Taylor’s huge mouth in an infinitely Photoshoppable photo.
http://www.celebitchy.com/138665/barbara_walters_snarks_to_camille_grammer_you_lost_a_man_who_wasnt_your_lover/
Great recap Flip! Much better than the reunion itself to me. Very disappointing. You are so awesome to have these recaps up so fast.
The house husbands segment was a waste of time to me. I wish Bobble had asked Mauri what he thought about Camille’s comments with the crazy psychic. Of course Camille and Taylor are still assholes.
Bullying is the new racist!! Exactly. Great recap!
Flipit wrote: “Bullying is the new “racist”. You can be having an argument about anything and be stopped dead in your tracks by someone calling you a bully. How can you argue with that? Put a finger in their face and threaten to kill them if they ever speak to you like that again? Hit them with a baseball bat?”
Yeah, thank Krazy Kelly Bensimon and whoever helped her think that one up–The Zarin, probably.
I’d park my 1987 Camaro IROC-Z in Kyle’s coach house.
If you know what I mean.
And I think you do.
Watched the Camille segment on The View yesterday & was very entertained even without Elisabeth being the typical douche that she is, apparently she doesn’t watch RHofBH! Barbara was totally being an instigating bitch. I kept waiting for Camille to say “ouch, that was catty. That was hurtful Barbara”. But she didn’t, she actually stuck up for herself! Well that’s not true, she just gave excuses, but she probably would’ve stuck up for herself if she wasn’t going through a divorce!
I’m going to miss your take on the ho-wives!! You rocked the recaps all season. Thanks!!
So sad this mess is over, mostly because I’ll be missing Flipit’s recaps! I love that what you write seems like you are sitting next to me with a skinny girl marg while we watch and bitch about this show!
I’m going to have to watch the credits again, but it really seemed like Kim pretended to drink the champers! Did anyone else catch that?
why does Cami just not get it? Oh wow, the whole relating the story of hair friend was just sad. I want to be able to not dislike her, and then she goes and screws it up with words coming out of her mouth.
Taylor, taylor, taylor, ickadoodle. She is. Such. A. Bitch! I hate how she acts like she is trying to be all sly with her “I’m protecting you” looks to Kim but wants it to be so obvious. Just Jonesing for attention, bitch.
Leech does look like he got some nasty lips too, people! stop with the fillers!
Love Ad! I died when she basically said that Kim was fricking crazy and there was no way she would hook that kind of crazy up with her family.
Did Bravo use up their vaseline budget? That camera could have used a good smear last night. I love Lisa more when shot through a greasy film.
You know I love you to bits, Flip, and appreciate all the work you put into keeping us entertained, but I think you were WAY to easy on Kyle in this recap. She was a fucking bitch! OMG! Camille may be delusional, but so is Kyle! She also makes a lot of excuses for her behavior and blames it on other people. And when she does take responsibility for her own actions, she makes it sound like a compliment to herself. DE-LOO-SHUN-AL! “Yes, I killed your cat. I admit it. But it is because I am a strong woman who is not afraid to be herself.” WTF?! I really wish they had filmed this after the finale aired. Kyle would not have been so full of herself and acting like she was the fucking prom queen up there. She filmed that knowing that she was favorite housewife and riding high on the public Camille hate. I bet if it was filmed now, she wouldn’t sit there with constant bitch face. She would be doing damage control just like Camille. HATE!
@whoochile……before the toast Andy made a point of saying, champagne or sparkling cider, it was their decision…..which I found extremely odd.
I felt like they were covering their arse. After all, they had spent a good part of the show either talking about or pointedly not talking about alcoholism. For them to then hand her a drink would have been a bit shady.
OMG – thank you, Flipit -what a great, hilarious recap. I got to say, I want this show back like a mofo – too funny for words. I loved watching Kyle get ole Cuntmille on the ropes with her bullshit. If that heiffa knew anything about high school, aside from skipping class to practice her pole work, she would know that if you are a mean bitch, other girls are happy to cut you down.
The Adrienne and Lisa tour – I will carry their bags and drive the tour bus. Love them!
Taylor – ugh… they would have to show her eating cotton candy. Every time she eats, I think there should be a NOVA voice over: “The Botoxasaurus unhinges her jaw and chews…the vacant expression on her face is due to an automatic shutdown of brain functions while she digests her food whole…”
Kim – still twitchy. I don’t want to do a Team Kim or Team Kyle – sibling dynamics are very touchy.But I do not doubt the feelings and resentments between those two.
Cedric – really? What a piece of shit that Leech is. As far as “acting”, I bet he will be the bottom of pile of men in a Vivid video production of “Butt Pirates of the Caribbean”
I heart the hubbys – but what is with the shirt on Maricio? It has buttons… take it off next time!
I’m just disappointed that Tayntwhore doesn’t have a prenup. I so wanted to see her snowballed with Sheree Whitfield’s budget. Waaaaaaaaa
Unpopular opinion I know, but there were a few times that Camille reached over to console Kim (she also did that on Wendy Williams). The difference between Kyle Hitler! and Kim is that Kim won’t be friends with Camille in support of her sister. Kyle Hitler! OTOH smooches up with Tayntwhore to rub it in Kim’s nose.
When Mauricio said that a woman sent him a nude photograph, someone should have asked if that was just Kyle forwarding Camille’s soft porn video. lol Or someone could have asked if that was Kyle’s niece. Heeeee!
I was a little distracted by Kim’s changing hair. Sometimes it was getting flat, and sometimes it was poofed up. I know it’s all in the editing, but continuity, people!
Cedric is just gross.
LOL OMG Where’s My Coffee, you just made me think of what would have been the greatest moment ever! When Kyle was saying that doing porn was more morally corrupt, someone should have asked “Like Paris?”
@ LAC
Your comment about taylor eating….funniest comment ever.
ah! thanks Nikki! missed that part!
“Bobblehead asks Kim why she’s acting like a dryer with sneakers in it.” Flat. Out. Awe. Sum.
crazyrooster, thank you – I just cannot look at her any other way…
Thanks for the recaps Flipit
Leech is stoopid .Haven’t you heard? Don’t bite the hand that feeds you oh and the same advice goes for Giggy.
What else I dont like Traylor Trash she looks like Julia Roberts clone experiment gone wrong yuck.
Is there some lost footage of a drunken Kim being a bitch to the other wives? Because I can’t understand the hostility Taylor and Lisa showed towards her, even from the beginning. Was there a reason for their lack of compassion?
Other than just loyalty to popular girl Kyle, I mean.
Flipit..great recap! I was a little disappointed in part deux, so many questions I need answered. Why didn’t they bring Allison back to talk about editing? Who styled Mr. Maloof’s hair? Doesn’t Mauricio make deviated septums sexy?
Bobblehead pimped the ‘alcoholic’ question in the previews for weeks, editing it to make it look like Kim was going to breakdown while confessing but all we get was a ‘no comment,’ and he is forced to move on. I’d be frustrated if I wasn’t so pleased that she finally stood up for herself.
My 95 yr old neighbor gave me a bottle of apple cider for Christmas. Was he trying to tell me something? Is my intervention is imminent? Is he tired of me stashing empty cans of Four Loko in his recycling? See…passive aggression goes right over my head. Here I was thinking he was being nice.
@Snootchy: Lol..I too am tired of these women who think just because they ‘own’ their bitchiness that it’s acceptable. “Yes, I boil bunnies. Just keeping it real.” I don’t know which is worse. Actually, I do. I prefer passive aggression because sometimes I’m too slow and it goes right over my head. And if I didn’t get it, I can’t be offended. If a tree falls in the forest..
I ditto the sentiment that you were easy on Kyle but that doesn’t change the way I feel about your recaps, I love ‘em. Kyle and Taylor have plummeted even below Camille in my estimations. In order of favorites, for me I think it goes: Adrienne, Kim, Lisa (maybe), Camille and then Kyle and Taylor don’t fit.
I feel like Camille is a sophisticated sort of Kim Zolciak. No one hates Kim Z right? She’s just dumb and narcissistic. Camille never really did anything too evil.
In any case, if I learned anything last night it’s that Lisa is a terriiible judge of character. (Cedric, Kyle…need I say more?)
Oh yea, and Flip, thanks for the shoutout!
I so hoped you have this up today!
I work for a newspaper, and not too long ago there was a scandal involving someone in the county government stealing funds. As there was an ongoing audit, it was a while before we could do a story. After a few weeks, the public started getting on our cases, saying we weren’t printing it because the person was a member of a “prominent” family. So the editor basically wrote a story saying “Funds are missing. Mayor has no comment. DA had no comment. Comptroller has no comment. Auditors have no comment.” That next week someone called us laughing. “Thanks for writing a story that told us absolutely nothing.”
That’s kinda how I felt last night after the reunion. We knew there was a problem in Camp Richards. But we still don’t know WTF it ISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
Gah.
Great recap. I’m gonna go Oklahoma on somebody. Which of course means I’m going to buy a milkshake.
Last night I had a terrible dream–more like a night terror. I dreamt that I emerged onto my front steps to go to get the paper, and a vomit-covered, sweatpants and wife beater-clad Andy Cohen was lying there. He looked up at me with red-rimmed eyes and said “Blow you for a dollar, mister?” Luckily I had just seen The Rite with Sir Anthony Hopkins, so I ran back inside, retrieved the St. Michael medal I got from my grandmother when I took my first holy communion, and ran back outside to face the Evil on My Front Steps. “Out, unclean spirit,” I commanded. “The power of Christ compels you! Leave this place, and trouble not these peaceful front steps again!” With a final, despairing wail, the demon Andy Cohen turning into a foul-smelling mist and drifted away.
Thank you, St. Michael! That was close.
I actually think I have more respect for Kyle and Kim for not puking up their dysfunction for Andy to lap up like the feral dog that he is. It’s a bit of a double standard, I know, because we all shriek when he goes to an inane viewer Tweet about Jiggy rather than follow up on anything juicy, but last night he was pretty damn disgusting:
Flame Heels: “Kim, were you drunk that night?”
Kim: “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Flame Heels: “Kyle. Was Kim drunk that night?”
Kyle: “I just want everything to be okay again.”
Flame Heels: “Taylor. I’m sure YOUR ass would like to call Kim a drunk?”
Taylor: [Unhinges jaw, bugs eyes out, and resembles an alien from the Mos Eisley cantina.]
Flame Heels: “Hooker chick to Kim’s right, with her tatas falling out and whose name escapes me. Kim: big-time alkie, or no?”
Also, I’m probably late to the red-headed medium party, but that chick was totally acting. Badly. She’d clearly studied Cruella DeVille in 101 Dalmations before her big scene. And bought an electronic cigarette, because wouldn’t that just be the wackiest?
Loved the recap, Flipit! Loved it much more then the actual show, that is for certain.
Camille — came off as delusional and insecure. I did love that Kyle made her admit that she did imply that Mauricio is a cheater. Finally, someone is held accountable for their actions that are taped. I’m sick of all of the housewives denying their actions that Andy just played for them. And that goes for all housewives on all the shows such as….
Taylor — who was very good at denying and deflecting. What a baldfaced liar that woman is. I actually feel sorry for Russell. Taylor has crawled so far up Kyles ass I’m surprised she still answers to ‘Taylor’ and not ‘Kyles Colon’. But at least my favorite housewife is visibly disgusting by Taylor.
Lisa — Love her. She is a bitch, she tells it like it is and she does it with humor. Sure, she got taken in by little orphan Leech, but she has always been able to recognize Taylor for the asshole that she is. And isn’t above talking about it.
Adrienne — is an enigma. She has more money than god so it isn’t surprising that she is above of it all.
Kyle and Kim……there is a lot of sisterly shit going on there and I wasn’t surprised that Kyle is ‘just like’ their mother. Kim did not dispute the alcholism/addiction accusations or that their mother ‘left’ her to Kyle. Kyle didn’t deny that she is harsh and can be cold especially where Kim is concerned. We will have to see how all this plays out next season. I still believe that the only reason for Kim to have done this show was for the money. Neither of those women are good enough actresses to have been able to pull off the complexity of emotions that they had on that stage. They clearly love each other as well as resent the hell out of one another. And that is a sad thing.
Anyhoo — great recap, Flipit! I’m going to miss your take on the ladies!
I just found a link to pictures of The “Naked Detective” movie that Camille did and some actor is having sex with her . Her giant fake boobs are being held in place by his hands..did she think that the world would never see these pictures ? Also there are two porn movies she did ..not just one ..how dare she call out Kyle’s friend for doing Playboy Soft Porn ? Movies of her having sex is so much worse!!! Where does she come off trying to act sweet ? She is a used wh@#e. Kelsey was right to run for the hills!!!
Delusional…that is what Camille is. Kyle is soo correct and now the world sees it! I bet Camille wishes that her dinner party never happened..she tried to bring down Kyle, but she and her strange friends just showed the viewers what they really are…wacko!!!!!Camille is so out of touch with reality as are her friends!!!
I didn’t get that Camille was judging Faye for doing Playboy..but more so for her reason behind her getting the Playboy cover. Faye became famous after Nicole Brown Simpson was killed, saying they were best friends, and wrote 2 scandalous books, saying that she and Nicole did a ton of drugs together and had sex with each other and several other people…this is a dead woman who is supposed to be her best friend for crying out loud. That’s what was behind the ‘morally corrupt’ comment.
There is a pic I saw on a site of Camille naked on a NYC rooftop with her legs splayed in a vertical “V” and her hands massaging her crotch. Anyone else seen it?
These bitches are crazy. I am an equal opportunity hater and hate them all equally lol.
The only one who’s mildly entertaining is LISA.
Camille also said she lashed out at FR by calling her morally corrupt after the dinner party because a little birdie had told her _Faye_ was showing the girls Camille’s porno in the limo after dinner. Now I have to wonder. Who from that limo ride would tell Camille the girls were laughing at her again? And which one of those girls would want to bring Kyle’s best friend down in the process? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm
@Where’smycoffee: Exactly! There’s only one person who would do that.the Bel Air Saboteur.
@where’s my coffee, sacrastire…Camille tweeted that someone in production told her about the girls in the limo looking at her photos:
http://oldbroad.wordpress.com/2011/01/30/exclusive-the-plot-thickens-what-really-happened-behind-the-scenes-on-real-housewives-of-beverly-hills/
I imagine they incite a lot of the housewives to make those inflammatory comments during the talking head interviews.
Ya think?
There’s a video out of Kim at some airport not beign allowed on the plane because she is drunk. The staff keeps asking her how many cocktails she has had, and she is trying to throw her name around as in “do you know who I am”. She’s being filmed by another passenger on his cell phone, and she seems aware and embarrassed by it. In light of the fact that she entered and left rehab without getting any help, it would seem kind of “morally corrupt” for Bravo to film her again next year, knowing that she has this problem. That being said, and the ladies being the narcissitic house ho’s they are, I expect all of them to return…including Shemiel!
Really? Are people taking anything Schlemiel says as the truth? That whole thing about calling FR morally corrupt after hearing what was said in the limo is total bs she is using to cover her as. While at the dinner party she kept pretending that she didn’t know Faye and kept asking “Don’t I know you from somewhere?” and then in a totally fakey way saying, “Oh yeah, you were in Playboy”. She was totally trying to make a point about the company Kyle keeps. She was just not able to follow up because right away someone else said “Weren’t you on Playboy also?”. All the rest just escalated that and now Schlemiel is claiming that other started it.
It is all BS, just like the whole thing about how the doormen turned her away at her apt. in NYC. She never actually said that it was because they had seen Frasier with another woman living there, she just implied it to make herself look like the victim. Given that she hadn’t set foot in that place because it was not big enough for her and her servants, I’m not surprised the doorman didn’t know who she was.
Camille is an asshole. Thanks Flipit!
WOW! So I watched both parts of the reunion last night and I guess I missed where all the Kyle hate came from. Camille is one of those people who can never take responsibility for anything that they’ve done. They’ve done nothing to deserve what’s happening to them. They can’t understand why everyone is so mean to them. At some point EVERYONE is not wrong. There has to be SOMETHING Camille is doing that has women be catty towards her or dislike her. That’s a very frustrating quality when trying to discuss or diffuse a problem.
Kyle can be mean and she knows it, and we all do to so you can limit your interaction around her or avoid confrontation with her.
I personally like to know upfront what I am getting into then I can assess the situation.
I really like Lisa. She tells it how it is and makes no apologies for it.
I hate to really discuss the Kim and Kyle situation because they are sisters and siblings have a different relationship than friends most of the time. I believe the genuinely love each other and want to reconcile their relationship.
Two questions though…
Why did Lisa look so sweaty in the second part of the reunion and her hair was a mess?
Why did the champers look hot? How long had they been holding it? Most times when you toast there are still some bubbles left and their glasses looked totally FLAT. That’s gross!!!
I love how Bravo went all Laguna Beach/The Hills on us with the stares between Camille/Kyle and Kyle/Kim. (I miss those shows)
Ahhh another reunion special where more questions need to be asked at the end. Why any us think that we were going to get any answers shows us what masochists we really are. At least it didn’t end making me feel better about the universe, then I would know for sure that the world was ending this year.
Andy must be thrilled at all the possible spin-offs of the Real Housewives franchise…..”The Divorces of the Real Housewives”, ” The Housewives in Rehab”, “The Children of the Real Housewives” ( please God, let Danielle’s girls be okay ), on Animal Planet there could be “Jiggy’s Adventures in Aspen” (New York, Paris, London, etc.) A pseudo-documentary on Bravo titled ” Famewhores; Women who sacrifice family, dignity and privacy for televised glory” and at five year intervals ” The Real Housewives, Where are they now?” What a goldmine!!!
@Fan-ann: Don’t forget, “From Housewives to Homeless”, That one could be on pay-per-view and I’d still watch!
@sarcasatire: Great! I’m with you…I’d pay to see that also. Wherever Andy is, he just gave a sigh of happiness.
We have been so busy cutting down (and rightfully so) the OLD Mrs. Grammer..that we forgot Taylor. She really showed her abusive colors several times during the show..and I am glad a few other people caught on..The “I’ll take you out back” comment..what a white trash comment..then to attack Kim who was drunk @ the birthday party, that is abusive, why would anyone ,and she clearly started it pick a fight with someone who can’t defend themselves.( And why would b@#ch Kyle jump in like that not even knowing what the two were talking about jumping in to help Taylor attack her drunk sister ? Kyle is as bad as Taylor ..Kyle Taylor is not a friend , she is all drama,a product of her past.TROUBLE witha capital T
You all heard me, yes she has a drinking problem which she needs to get help for, but not answering Andy and questing b@#ch Taylor..I give her credit..Did you all notice how she said “I love you” to her ice queen sister ( who I liked until the last few shows, when Kyle showed her true colors) Kyle said nothing back to her. Kim PLEASE get rid of the TOXIC people in your life like KYLE & Taylor those two are beginning to make the OLD Mrs. Grammer look good..Please you are one of my favorites please do not do this show until you are sober..you can not get restarted in Hollywood if people think you are a lose cannon drunk. You are kind and beautiful and have manners. Good luck
I just watched the Barbara Walters interview with the OLD Mrs. Grammer..IT WAS GREAT..Babs socked it to her so hard and fast that she didn’t have time to circle talk..it was delightful to watch ..even Joy felt sorry for her she tried to help OLD Ms. Grammer out but it didn’t work.. one Grammer comment was priceless ” My daughter said that (the new , improved Mrs. K. Grammer ) is nice so I went to the lobby to meet her..Of course she is nice ..look what the child has been exposed to all her life..Crulella D’Ville herself! that ..just think of what her daughter and son will think of her mother when watching these shows in about 10 years..hinting that her beloved father is a gay, cross dresser and how crazy she and her BBF are..not the best role model especially when there is a sweet, cute young mother to compare her to…It is almost like a Disney film except that the 1st mother is the witch and the fairy god mother is the step mother!
Cam is such a bullshitter that she can’t even remember what she’s said. She called in to the aftershow of the dinner party from hell episode to apologize to kyle bout the comments she made about maricio, then backpedaled a bit on this reunion. I hate the housewives reunions cuz none of the burning questions ever get answered. Iv’e already seen the lost footage, and the scene on the beach with cam and her charity-case bff was disgusting. It seriously made me nauseous. ick, it was obnoxious. Im for real gonna find cam and hurt her if I hear her say “I just love helping people. It just makes me soooo haaappppy” one more time. She’s got a lot of balls callin faye out when she’s done porn. My advice to her is to not point ur fingers unless your hands are clean. Dumb bitch. Anyway, I don’t understand the kyle hate. I think she’s great, and she’s honest, and actually has good intentions. Kim is a mess and a half, and anyone who’s had to deal with her their whole life would be just as impatient with her as kyle is. Btw- what the hell does “jimmy crack corn” mean? Awesome recap, flip
It means “I don’t care.” From the song: “Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care, Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. Jimmy crack corn and I don’t care. The master’s gone away.” It is a slave song.
Oh. I love me some Kyle, but dayaam! That doesn’t even make sense as far as when she said it. Was she saying she doesn’t care or want to hear what Kim was saying? Was she insinuating that Kim was flakey to that geezer blind date of hers, like she didn’t care? Whatever, who cares. That’s just weird and off color for kyle to say something like that. Random. Thanx snootchy for clearing that up.