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Tuesday, September 6, 2011
12:01 am
58 Comments
The questions have been swirling since we all heard of Russ hanging himself in a guest room on Mullholland. Will Bravo have the decency to hold off a bit before premiering the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Will we get a couple of months of fun episodes before we’re hit with the crycrys? Will Eddie Cibrian’s ex get punched in the face before or after the suicide (cuz you know that bitch is getting punched at some point, right?)? And of course, the biggest question of all: Is Camille still an asshole?
Well, it’s time to find out. Welcome to RHOBH premiere night!! I didn’t see “A Very Special Suicide Episode” on the DVR, so I got all excited that Bravo might let us just pretend that Russell never killed himself at all. Maybe he’s just on a day trip to ScottsdaleImeanPhoenix or something. But Nooooooooo. The show opens with soft, sad music. Fuck. Alright, then, let’s do this.
We open at Adrienne’s giant Vegas mall house. She’s having all the girls over to talk about how Katy Perry tied Michael Jackson for the most singles off one album. Also, suicide. These are probably the classiest (and by classiest, I mean richest) ladies of all the Housewives shows, but it’s still a reality show, so let’s see how Taylor’s husband killing himself has affected them. Kim starts, and she doesn’t have a drink in her hand so yay for her. She says that she saw no signs that Russ was gonna turn himself into a sad clunky windchime. He was broke, millions in debt, being sued by God knows how many people, and his wife had his precious Snowball murdered. How many signs do you need, Kim?
Do you have something I can knit? It doesn’t feel right not having something in my hands.
The remaining husbands are here, too. Mauricio says some stuff about how he’s sad and angry and stuff, but he’s got his shirt on so it’s hard to hear him. Kyle says it’s super hard living in this town because your financial status is so important, and Lisa says that Taylor didn’t seem to have any idea of the financial struggles Russ was going through. Well I certainly hope not, cuz if she did know and she was spending sixty thousand bucks on birthday parties for a kid that just wanted a puppy to live more than a month, she’s evil. Adrienne is trying really hard to listen, but her upper lip is still numb from whatever God awful procedure she had done to it this week.
Lisa, telling it like it is in the sweet charming My Fair Lady way only she can, says that she had no interest in getting to know Russ, but mostly because Taylor talked so much shit about him. Camille starts a sentence without the word Frasier!! ATTA GIRL! Who can turn the world on with her smile? OK not you but still, nice work! You’re expanding your vocabulary!
Camille says that they all heard the same trash talk and they only reacted to stuff based on the info they had. What the hell? So in other words, this season will show the ladies doing some major poo talking about dumping Russell and now they feel bad. Kyle is crying now. This is really sad, you guys. And also kinda brilliant, because Bravo has found a way to make the death a really great teaser for the rest of the season. What did the Housewives do to contribute to Russell’s death? Tune in next week! It’s like one of those movies that opens with a dead body in the pool and works backwards to show us what happened. Adrienne can be Gloria Swanson.
Kyle, crying, says that it’s not their fault. Plenty of guys get dumped and they don’t kill themselves. It was his choice. Agreed. Please don’t make me sit through an hour of this. I hate feeling things.
I keep waiting for the part that says “Don’t blame Taylor” to pop up on the screen, but it never comes.
Have you cried yet? Good. Let’s move on. Last season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills:
Camille was an asshole.
Unfortunately for her, she married an even bigger asshole who knocked up a stewardess and left her ass with only fifty million dollars to live on.
Mauricio moved his tits a lot. No one will dump him, ever.
Lisa dumped her user houseboy. He got nothing in the settlement but a bunch of Twitter followers.
Taylor was bored with her rich homely guy and complained about it a lot with her giant river rafting lips.
Camille and Kyle fought for eighteen episodes because Kyle called her insecure, which is way nicer than what I call Camille. Which is an asshole.
The the real life Medium showed up and embarrassed Patricia Arquette so badly that she went into hiding. Speaking of, has anyone heard from Patricia Arquette?
Then Taylor got mad at Kim, because Kim called Taylor out on starting the whole fight between Taylor and Kyle in the first place, which was true but no one believed Kim because no one trusts an ICON.
Then the season ended with Kyle calling Kim a lying alcoholic and Kim sobbing in the back of a limo all alone because Kyle stole her house. That was never really explained, though.
Holy shit. I forgot how sadly that season ended. But don’t worry, it’s only positive fun stuff from here on out! We open this season with a shot that lets me show off my own psychic abilities.
Your owner is fat, bald, and super gross and is banging a moronic fifteen year old who ran away from home. What do I win?
Lisa is carrying Giggy around and gives him a chance to pee. He hates standing on his own, but she explains gently that she can’t have both the men in her life wearing diapers so he’s just gonna have to deal.
This is hard. Pick me up or I’m running into traffic.
She’s meeting her daughter Pandora at the beauty salon. Thankfully, Pandy has removed that horrid claw bangs thing she had going on last season. Wait. Maybe I spoke too soon. She’s getting her hair “tonged”, whatever that means. Tongs remind me of salad, so I’m really afraid of what’s about to happen.
Move away from the salad, Pandy!
Lisa is nagging Pandy about getting married while Pandy’s boyfriend is over at Ken’s place waiting to have the “I’ve been getting free milk for four years and now want to set up a payment plan to buy your cow” talk. Ken says yes, of course he can purchase his cow, and promises not to tell Lisa. He does not, however, promise not to fart silently. Jason covers his face and gets the f out of there as fast as he can.
Kyle, after seeing her house look like a shack last season, has decided to move to some fancier digs. The family is packing together when Kyle comes upon a pic of her mom. Oh, here we go. She tells us for the thousandth time that she’s supposed to take care of crazy ass Kim now that mom’s dead, but she doesn’t have the patience for the life of an ICOOOOONNNNNNN.
Cut to Kim’s house. She hasn’t been talking to Kyle after being called a crazy alcoholic on national TV. She’s super upset about the fight still, and she’s crying. At the end of the day, though, they’re on the same show so they have to talk at some point. Flashbacks to Kyle being mean and telling her that they’re done. Cut to Kyle crying because her mom would be sad that she and her sister don’t talk. Cut back to Kim crying. Oh Jesus you two. You’re both nutcases. Now hug and make up so you can fight some more. I’m not here to watch Kyle pack.
Let’s go say hi to Camille! She’s still in that giant Frasier house in Malibu. Dang, girl! Move! The electricity bill alone on that place must be thousands. You’ve only got fifty million dollars, it might be time to start looking at studios. She’s hanging out with her best friendployee KissAss. Cam just got a package from Frasier! I predict lots of toilet paper. They have to take a golf cart to get to the other side of the house. It’s really, really haaard.
I’ve been shitting violently for three hours cuz I ate a CornNut. How are you?
Well, I was thinking….
It was a rhetorical question, KissAss. Shhhhhh.
Frasier has sent all the baby furniture to her, which is just rude. What the hell is she supposed to do with baby furniture? SHE’S VERY BUSY DOING THINGS THAT ARE HARD. He also sent a box of shoes, but they’re last season so they decide to donate them to the only people that would wear last season. Homeless people.
Cam tells a sweet story about trying to vacation at one of their houses only to find that Stewardess had moved all her crap out. Ouch. Could you imagine being Camille and trying to vacation without your fave hemorrhoid pillow? Poor thing. She says that she’s taken some time to heal. Honey, you were a stripper that hit the lotto. You’ve got major bank and you don’t have to see Frasier naked any more. I think that’s called WINNING.
Paul comes home with a goatee. It’s sad. Adrienne says that she barely sees her hubby and she likes it that way. Adrienne has roots, which means she’s not in a wig. I only point that out because her forehead has been pulled back to her ass crack. How the hell did Paul get her hairline to look semi normal? That man is an artist. He could use some help with the nostrils, though. They’re still uneven and she always looks like she’s struggling to breathe through straws. This show is fucking fascinating sometimes.
She tells Paul that they’re having a dinner party to celebrate Camille’s appearance on Shit My Dad Says. Shit my dad says: “That idiotic show is still on?” No, dad. It was cancelled. The only reason CBS gave was in a one line press release that read “Camille’s an asshole.” Shrug. Paul is flabbergasted. Not that Camille was given money to be on a TV show besides this one, but that someone would name a show Shit. You obviously never watched it. They bicker about it for awhile while their chef/marriage mediator considers poisoning them both.
I shall serve Hilly’s Chocolate Pie for the occasion.
The theme for the party will be comfort food, so mac and cheese is on the menu. Paul thinks that’s stupid. But everyone likes mac n cheese! Bernie snivels that the British hag across the street probably won’t like it. LOL. He hates Lisa because she criticized his food once, and Ad doesn’t blame him. Ooooh! There’s gonna be a Lisa/Ad war. I know this seems small and insignificant now, but this is RH. Shit will fester for six months and bam. Dead plastic ladies strewn about the culdisac over bitchy chef manners. Also, I watched the clip Nads posted of the GMA interview and Lisa and Ad keep talking over each other and struggling to be the leader. I never saw this one coming, but I’m so excited that it is! In the meantime, let’s watch Paul tease Ad until her nose falls off.
Caught it!
They leave and Bernie gives them a disgusted look. HAHAHAH! Let’s head over to Rodeo, where Kyle is shopping for something to wear to Ad’s. You never know what the theme is. Will Ad be wearing a ball gown? Sweatpants? Will she even have a face left? No one knows, so let’s just spend some money. Taylor comes rushing in to tell Kyle that she just saw Cedric the Shady Gay on the street. Kyle’s like meh who cares. But Taylor is all flabbergasted and says she’s soooo nervous because she’ll be in trouble if she even mentions his name and she doesn’t want anything bad to happen and you know how Lisa had that whole big fight with him and…”I didn’t have anything to do with that, right?” She waits for a nod of the head from Kyle to reaffirm that she didn’t. LOL. She probably did. That girl loves a nice big pot of shit to stir.
Kyle tells her to stop being such a drama queen and just mention it casually, but Taylor says she is afraid of Lisa because she’s scary and doesn’t like her. HAHAH. Cut to clip of Lisa telling Taylor to cut the crap and stop causing sister trouble and then a clip of Lisa saying she doesn’t trust anyone that looks like a Happy Meal Toy version of Arnold Schwarzenegger playing Conan.
Taylor just doesn’t understand why Lisa doesn’t trust her. Maybe cuz she’s British? Or cuz she has way more money than Tay? Or because Taylor is now a well known con woman whose name used to be Shana Hughes? Dunno. Just guessing. Lisa may be a stone cold British bitch sometimes, but she knows how to call ‘em.
Kyle tries to brush it off, and just says that maybe it’s Lisa’s funny accent and she’s sure it’s all good. Taylor decides to talk it out with Lisa. I sense danger. Delicious, weave pulling danger. It’s the night of the party. Ad is pissed because her husbenemy played golf all day instead of helping her boss the staff around. It’s her turn to get ready, so she whips out the spackle, the cement mixer, and the sander and gets down to work. Goal: keep nose on and force eyes to stay open at the same size and not let one just droop closed on its own.
I’ll bet she always has that “new house” smell.
Paul keeps bothering her and nagging her, and even in her diary room session he’s yelling for her to help him dress. HAHAHAH. These two make being miserable look fun. Tiny dog alert!! Ad and Paul bought a purse dog with all its hair to compete with Giggy! Oh shit Lisa is gonna smack this bitch DOWN.
She’s serving them two thousand dollar a bottle champagne.
Sorry. You were sent an eVite, but you never check your email.
Ad is worried there is gonna be fighting, but Paul hopes for fighting. It’s more entertaining. As long as everyone has made up by the time they leave and there’s no blood on the walls, it’s all good. Kyle shows up in a rented town car. Embarrassing!
Camille shows up too and they ooh and aaaah over the dog. Kyle says she’s nice to Cam now because Kelsey was such a jerk to her. Another unintended consequence of divorce: Having to be nice to the dumped one. Taylor and Kim show up, too, and Kim is very loud about denying a glass of champagne. The butler waves at her because she keeps shaking her hands at him. Poor thing. Lisa and Ken show up with Giggy. Lisa ignores Jackpot, but it’s hard because Jackpot is bark threatening to murder Giggy and calling him bald and stuff. Ken says all dogs are just jealous of Gig because he’s so cute and has a dad willing to wear matching outfits everywhere they go. Western showdown music plays as the dogs hate on each other. Love it.
They settle in to watch Cam’s bad acting. Paul says he knows he’ll like it because he’s already a fan of her Naked Detective work. LOL PAUL IS AMAZING. Cam is pretty terrible on the show, but so is everyone else so she fits in just fine. Dinner time!! The entertainment for the evening is a really fun troupe. There’s a bitter chef who keeps shooting dagger eyes at a British chick and a couple that bickers non stop for no reason. It’s starts out cute and fun, but then Ad gets super pissed. You can tell cuz it looks like aliens are fighting a battle underneath her forehead rubber.
You’re either growing horns or you need to learn to use that sander better.
The table gets all quiet while she yells at him for being rude. Awkwardness. Lisa tells them to cut it out. HA. Camille’s having fun, though.
I’ll save my violent shitting on the plane from Hawaii story for dessert.
Adrienne keeps telling him to not be rude, which is totally rude to do in front of the guests. It’s nice to know that even rich people can be white trash sometimes. Beat him! Ad stands to make a toast about losing her favorite olive tree in the wind. Yes, I really just typed that. She extends an olive branch from the tree as a symbolic gesture to her friends, which is really sweet after watching her publicly berate her husband for no reason. She’s like Jesus! But violent and unpredictable. And rubber.
Kim and Kyle are playing around with each other, and Ad says that it’s Beverly Hills behavior to just pretend something bad never happened. She’s right. In Texas we hit each other with baseball bats until the other person says sorry. If they don’t, we invite them to our house, shoot them, and then say they were breaking in. I liked it better there.
Dinner commences and Paul lightens the mood by asking Ken if he fights with Lisa. She, of course, answers for him and says that Ken always gives in so there’s no reason to fight. LOL. Kyle says Mauri does the same thing. I suspect Mauri doesn’t fight with Kyle because she turns into a raging c word and calls him a crazy drunk when she’s mad, and I know the reasons Ken doesn’t fight with Lisa. They’re currently plopped on the dinner table.
Boobs always trump reason.
Lisa says when you love someone, what’s worth fighting over? Bills, back hair, jealousy, in laws, kids, sex, movies, books, politics…I’ll be here all day. If the question was “When you’re married to a rich dude who loves you unconditionally and gives you whatever you want and does whatever you tell him to and all you have to put up with is a constant stream of silent farts in return, what reason is there to fight?”, I would say nothing.
Paul asks Taylor how her shitty marriage is, and Taylor says that she’s in so much therapy she’s sick of listening to herself. Everyone totally gets what she means. Then Adrienne does her William Hung impression.
Taylor talks a lot and at the same time says nothing, which is trademark Taylor. Camille says that Taylor is finding her voice. I’ve heard that somewhere, and the results weren’t pretty. CoughAlexcough.
Camille tells us that Frasier never gave her a chance to go to therapy, but in his defense, I don’t think there’s a shrink alive who can un-impregnate a stewardess and cure your IBS. You’re doomed. Stick to the subject.
Ken jumps in, saying he would nevah evah go to therapy because he would feel like a pussy and that if the woman isn’t happy then it’s the man’s job to fix it. Wow. Where are men like this? I want one! I already have a gas mask from when that nutty old Christian dude said the world was gonna end and I’d love to put it to good use. Taylor is super uncomfortable with that theory. In America, if the woman isn’t happy, she takes half of what the man has and tells everyone he has a tiny wiener. Culture clash!
Taylor tells us that she’s pissed Ken just called her weak for trying to save her marriage with therapy. She’s right, it was pretty rude. But so is showing up to a dinner party where people are trying to eat looking like a blowfish is humping your face. Lisa tries to lighten the mood by saying she would just have to go to therapy by herself, but Taylor rolls her eyes and says after nine hundred years tied to that Rod Stewart wannabe, they’re probably fine. She storms out, and Kyle follows her to the bathroom.
Taylor got her feelings hurt. “You’re a grown man carrying a tiny dog around Beverly Hills in matching clothes and I’m weak?” HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Kyle agrees that it was rude, but tells Taylor that that was her chance to pick Ken’s giant ballsac off the floor and whip him in the face with it. Taylor’s like I KNOW! It’s the year of finding my vooooice! Lisa comes into the bathroom to spy. Love her. She says Taylor is manipulative and is dragging Kyle into her issues with Lisa. They give her the cold shoulder until she leaves, and when Kyle gets back to the table she tells Ken that he offended Taylor. He is defensive over her wording. Offending is a fighting word in England, apparently. Kyle tries to talk to him, but he keeps cutting her off and getting mad. Talking down to women is totally fine. You just can’t be married to them.
Kyle adds “offended” to her list of words she can’t use on the show. It goes with “insecure”, “insignificant”, and “you’re a crazy drunk and you killed Mom.” Giggy gets thirsty, so Ken lets him drink from the five hundred dollar glass. LOL. Ad is offended, and Kim is grossed out because now Ken’s drinking out of the same glass. In the kitchen, Bernie is disgusted and says that if the dog gets in the way of his food, the waiters need to step on it. Long live Bernie!
Back from break, Ken is still pissed at Kyle. He says he was very surprised at Kyle’s rudeness. Taylor comes back to the table and Ken asks if Taylor is upset. She says yes, and he says he’s not attacking her. She cries and says she’s going through shit. Lisa’s like “I gotta go get someone from the airport BYEEEEEEEEE!” She tells us that she’s pissed that Kyle and Taylor are so close now and she’s done. Camille is thrilled with all this.
God Taylor’s so insecure without her husband here.
Taylor says she felt judged as usual. Welcome back, hooker! So, that’s it. That was a pretty juicy episode for the first one. In the “coming this season” segment, some shit goes down! Kim is accused of doing crystal meth, calls the new girl a goddamn bitch, and everyone turns on Lisa. HELL YEAH! I’m IN!
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58 Comments
“ScottsdaleImeanPhoneix” or something. by the time you get to phoenix i’ll be hanging. RIP russell; you seemed autistic to me.
dead bodies in a pool…i’m so glad i finished school. i hope this episode won’t be sad. if she were my daughter i’d….
i thought we’d discussed this…in these here new-fangled times i smell “twitter-followers” in them thar hills!
jesus was unpredictable; like flubber.
I saw the Ad/Lisa war in the previews. Lisa poked fun at Adrienne for think that ‘cleaning a chicken’ meant washing it with antibacterial soap. Adrienne told all the girls that Lisa was the biggest shit stirrer around. (Bigger than Taylor?) Maybe the season final won’t end with Kim and Kyle fighting in a limo. Hopefully, it will end with Kim and Kyle tearing out Brandi Glanville’s cheap ass extensions. “My mother had to die and I am left taking care of an alcoholic sister and you call her a meth head?! How dare you! If I didn’t already steal her house, I’d make her bury you in the backyard. But I can’t, because it’s in my name.”
LOL @ Hilly’s Chocolate Pie!!! How I’ve missed these women!!! Yeah, Flipit!!!
Yeah Flipit!! I love how fast you get the recaps up. I missed this show. It’s my favorite one.
I can’t imagine the girls turning on Lisa. She always calls people out but so far she is always right on in her assessment. Except with Kim. But she only knew Kyle’s story and Kim is a twitchy mess.
Anyone else already ova Taylor/Shania and Kyle being stuck up each others butt?Please Lisa bust these bitches!
So excited for your recaps on this season Flipit!! Always quick and hilarious
I didn’t get what Adrienne’s hubby did to make her flip out.
Flipit – YAY!! Great recap as always. Wow, new tensions and Camille was not an asshole this episode. Kyle is looking a little haggy on the show – maybe it was the choice of makeup or my goddamn HD!
Well, this will be interesting with Brandi Boo in the mix. Two seconds of that bitch and I already applaud Eddie Cibian for his infidelity. Whatta a heiffa!
Taylor, Taylor – even saying her name makes me roll my eyes. Every time she was on the screen I wanted fast forward.
Still loving the Lisa!
Yay Flipit!!! I love you!!! This was hilarious! I’m excited you are recalling this again! I suspected you might be. Anyhoo! Rollicking good start to the season!!! Taylor is ridiculous & dramatic. I can’t imagine what it was like for Russell being married to her! She gets mad/upset over nothing!!! So you saw Cedric!! Did you teleport him there?! How would you be responsible for that?! Ken said HE’D feel weak!! Is he not entitled to his own feelings on the subject?! Do you & let him do him. Obviously his philosophy is working as he’s been married 29 years & is alive? (too soon?) I can’t believe Lisa’s being given the villain edit?!! It’s usually the fan favorite who gets the crappy edit the next season. It also appears that Adrienne has found her voice as well. Looks like she’ll be getting more airtime this season. Not sure if it’s a good thing though & I like her! I didn’t get what Paul did that was so rude.
I can see their marriage being next to go up in smoke.
Bring on the drama!!! I could watch these ladies streaming live. So much juicy goodness! Waiting 7 days for the next episode is an eternity!!!
Why didn’t Mauricio go to dinner at Adrienne’s? Ken & Paul were the only men there. Seemed odd. The Chef was hilarious!!! Let it go man!!
*recapping* dang auto-correction!!! And to clarify my comment on Lisa being the villain, it seemed that she was the fan favorite so it makes sense for her to get the crappy edit this time. That happened with Jill, Sonja, Nene (fame went to her head too). I think Kandi is the only one to escape that syndrome as far as I know. We did get to learn TMI about her bedroom/food fetishes though.
I think it was really sensitive of Miss Andy to devote a total of FOUR WHOLE MINUTES and a moment of truth card to Russell’s final “fuck you” to Taylor.
Jezuussss, this recap just kept getting funnier and funnier. But Russell as a sad clunky windchime was the best line of all.
So funny, what a great recap!
You would’ve thought Ken at his age knows not to step in that shit. When crazy insecure women ask for your opinion on sensitive matters , dont be honest! Just nod and agree, especially if you’re from another country!
Yay Flipit!! I’m glad the ladies are back because that means your re-caps are back!
Catty chef: I got the feeling that the eye rolls and mean comments were filmed & added AFTER the Russell suicide to replace the russell/taylor storyline. There’s just no way a home chef would be outwardly so rude about his employer’s friend. Seriously, these guys know discretion is the key to keeping their cushy jobs. Apparently, so is last minute acting.
Lisa is looking quite saggy all over this season. Girl needs to punch up her wardrobe and step away from the pencil skirts and low cut, tucked in blouses. She’s stuck in the same time warp as Ken’s hair.
I had forgotten about Kyle’s stubby gnarled hands until she commenced with obsessively pulling those shorter hairs behind her ears every time she talks. It’s like she’s been growing out her bangs for 3 years.
I also predict the demise of the Maloof marriage. There’s nothing there.
ummmmm…where do rich people donate their last-season shoes?
What sound does a sad clunky windchime make..? low notes??
And do you think the windchime was decorated?
Like for the 4th of July, all Red white and BLUE……,
Or maybe he over did it for National Relaxation Day which is August 15th… don’t believe me… Check it here.http://www.punchbowl.com/holidays/national-relaxation-day
I recommend Hallmark clears up the difference in relaxing and suicide.
Mauricio and John Turturro…separated at birth. Anyone?
Based on just the previews, is it too early to start hating Brandi?
I’m going to hell for laughing like a loon at “clunky windchime.”
The day we learned of Russell’s death, I was speaking to a fellow HW fan (there’s so few in my life. I cry.) and what she said stuck with me and is proving to be true…Taylor is going to be the ultimate villian of all villians now. Dear Ghost of Russell..you thought YOU were gonna get it?
And she’s right. I never liked Taylor much, but OH. MY. GAWD. I’m trying my best to have some compassion for her and the MINUTE she runs in all spazzed about seeing Cedric and OMG KYLE WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO? I prayed that, instead of her voice, Kyle would find her fist. I know it would go down Taylor’s throat and out her ass but still. Make me happy.
I’m still, and always will be, Team Vanderpump.
When Taylor went running into the shop blabbering a mile-a-minute, my first thought was, “cocaine is a helluva a drug!”
Seeing Cedric in the street should not inspire that much of a reaction. I mean, it’s not like Lisa told everyone she killed him and now he’s showing up everywhere alive. She just said she kicked him out of her house. So why the surprise?
Lisa is really good at making Taylor look bad. I love how she says..”I never really cared to know Russell. I always thought he wasn’t nice, but I was getting all of my information from Taylor.” Someone chimes in, “We all were.” HAHAHAHA..Bravo is going to keep Taylor’s Russell bashing scenes in and we’ll all think back to Lisa saying, “I got all my information from Taylor” and it will seems as if Taylor painted such a horrible image of a man, who later took his own life. The villain of all villains..
I think Lisa and Ad have some underlying tension and it’s starting to play out. First with Adrienne poking fun at Giggy. Then Lisa chastising Adrienne for chastising her husband. And Ad letting her chef badmouth Lisa, she says it’s because Lisa insulted his food, but really, it’s so he can say things that Ad is too polite to say herself. Remember, they are neighbors, so chances are they interact more between tapings. (Ad’s hubby, Paul, patched up Lisa’s friend when he was punched in the face a few months back. So, I reckon there is some sort of friendship, even if it’s falling apart.)
@ohralphie..you said something nice about Kimmie!
I agree, Kim did look the best. She looked natural, and fresh, and even less twitchy. Especially in the opening ‘suicide talk’ scene.
Ken was a little rude at dinner. How can you not let someone say they were ‘offended?’ “That’s a big word. You mean she was upset, right? RIGHT?!” Ewww. Then Lisa tries to convince us she wins all the arguements because Ken gives in. He sure wasn’t giving in to Kyle. Maybe because her breasts weren’t splayed across her salad plate.
With that said..I’m so glad these girls are back! And that you are recapping, Flipit! It’s going to make Mondays so much more fun!
I’m so glad Bravo went ahead w/ the show, I’m glad they didn’t waste much time on the elephant hanging in the room, I’m glad my guests left in plenty of time to watch a great season opener and I’m glad your recap was fast and funny. Thanksgiving all around in my house.
Loved the “Kyle realized she lived in a shack..” we were giggling about that here. And a car upgrade as well, I think they showed a new leased Bently?
Ad and Paul are gonna be interesting as the producers are trying to make it look like they are next, but my relationship is exactly like that minus the money. And that’s how I know we’ll be together forever, he can’t afford to kill me, and I would have to remind him 20 times when he was supposed to do it.
It’s going to be a long time get over hating Camille so for this week I laughed when, she looked at the baby furniture and said “I think this was Jude’s”. She had probably never seen it before with all the nannies around. It haaaard! But, yeah, Flippit, that was mean.
Flipit. Oh, crap, now I really am dead, so sorry for the typo. Love you and your work. yikes.
Why are there no message boards on Bravo for RHOBH??? hmmmmm
I thought they edited in a few scenes to show Taylor as the victim of domestic abuse–the Cedric sighting, she was so scared she would be in trouble just for seeing him and is scared of Lisa’s reaction. That whole exchange between Taylor and Kyle in the store made me think, oh she is a battered woman who is always scared she will be in trouble.
And the Maloof’s hairline is something of a mystery to me too.
WTF is up with the previews showing Taylor in the background blabbering and Kim on the phone (I think) saying, “She won’t get out of the suitcase!” ???
wow, Ken was rude. Taylor (whom I despise) should have started laughing when he was done talking and said, “Oh Ken, I don’t listen to advice given by old men who make silent farts all the time and wear dresses and follow their mommies around holding their pussies. Just sit there and try not to piss on the furniture, m’kay?”
I didn’t see it during the first season because I watched it out of order, but after watching a marathon and the season opener, I’m waiting for Adrienne and Russel to serve each other papers. She reminds me of a friend of mine who NIT. PICKS. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. about her husband without ever stopping to consider if maybe the reason her friends try to not invite them anywhere is because she acts like that. Except in Adrienne and Paul’s case, they do it to each other. Newsflash guys, when one finger is pointing at your spouse, four wrinkly, non-botoxed fingers are pointing right back at you.
Team Lisa.
I think that Paul was acting like a 5 yr old kid instead of a dinner party host.
Ad said her and her husband wanted to toast the evening and he went into the “no I don’t waaannnaa”, then “yes, I dooo”.
Ad planned this dinner party and it was most likely planned to the last detail, including the “Olive Branch Toast”. He was just being contrary and if anyone made anyone uncomfortable it was him. He isn’t unaware of the planning that goes into this and he put a monkey wrench into the works and it seemed like he did it with a true sense of enjoyment.
Robin
Great Re-cap Flipit.
Thank You for getting it up so fast. <<< I love saying that to you.
Robin
Paul’s behavior was not worse than Adrienne’s. Whatever happened to “Honey, can you help me in the kitchen?” To chastise your husband, for such a length of time, at the table in front of guests, made everyone loads more uncomfortable than anything paul was doing. The problem with the Maloofs is that Paul is a goofball and Ad has no sense of humor. At all. How did they ever fall in love? Maybe she seduced him by laughing at his jokes only to start rolling her eyes once she got the ring.
Just a bit of warning to the Lisa Lovers out there. I remember last year, when Camille was getting berated for her horrible words and behavior and she tried to blame editing which seemed to irritate people even more. “You can’t edit words into people’s mouths!” I remember many of the incredulity in the blogosphere at her statement. But now that the Likeable Lisa is showing a few warts (and unsupported mammaries) people are so quick to blame editing. So, which is it? You can’t have it both ways guys.. Maybe she got the Saint edit last season. Or maybe the formula is to stick a bunch of assholes together so you can piece the show together anyway you please. I bet they’ve all said horrible things about the others. Let’s now see which quotes get used..
@emilyhartly: I caught that comment about the baby furniture. That was crazy she didn’t know whose it belonged to. But really, she doesn’t seem emotionally connected to anyone but herself. She didn’t even birth the kids & she has 4 rotating nannies. When did she ever develop a bond with them? She didn’t & doesn’t seem heartbroken over losing Kelsey or hurt/angry at having some strange woman remove her things from a closet before the divorce is even final. Maybe I’m missing it, but she’s like a robot.
Ken was being rude, and god knows I can’t stand fugle-face fake ass Taylor and her duck lips. Like Kyle said, their circle isn’t the kind to admit these things until it is completely unavoidable. He should have just left it at “It’s not for me,” which got his point across. The weak spiel was unnecessary. His argument with Kyle over semantics was ridiculous; it was weird, I always though he’d be the kind of guy to not get involved in that sort of petty nitpicking. She WAS offended, whether or not he agrees doesn’t change the fact that she felt some kind of way. It was like he was so taken aback that anyone could take offense to something he uttered. It was weird and seemed out of character, thought he was a laid back guy.
The dog drinking at the table was fucking gross, and house pets at a dinner party are just not ok unless you have cleared it with your host.
Kim looked really pretty sans the outfit she was wearing.
Lisa was being so overdramatic. Taylor was upset; Kyle comforted her. It wasn’t some ploy to undermine her credibility. And maybe they edited a lot out, but for them to just leave like that was so over the top unnecessary. Admittedly, I never liked Lisa or her dog as much as everyone else seems to. She was mean to Kim when she only knows Kyles version of their relationship, she does stir the pot, and she hides behind this Oh I’m British I’m just kidding dahhhling. I think she is funny in small doses like Bethenny.
Like Camille, then again I never thought she was truly a villain on Teresa or Ramona or Larsa proportions.
Oh and loved the bitch face/major side eye Bernie was giving all episode. Hilarious
annnd Adrienne was like livid with Paul and he really didn’t seem o be doing anything. Maybe they left alot of the filler out, but she was just so annoyed and he didn’t seem to be doing anything outside of his normal goofball behavior. This is not a storyline I want to see, I like the both of them. I like them better than Kyle and Mauricio because at times the bickering is sort of cute.
@Thatswhatshesaid, Maybe she doesn’t seem heartbroken because the last thing she wants is for him to see her sad, especially on film. On the other hand, maybe she is just as over him as he is of her.
I also think that her reaction to the closet thing was 100% Camille. She knew that this was the perfect opportunity to make the chick that took her husband look like a real loser. This scene in her real life script was too perfect to mess with. Of course, she took the “high” road.
I hope when you mentioned that she didn’t even give birth to the kids you were using it as an example of her vanity and inate selfishness; and not an indication of a mothers love for a child not born to her.
TC, Robin
Camille seems like a robot because she is doped up on drugs. The heavy eyelids, the inappropriate smiles..she is on some prescription meds to help her deal with the failure of her marriage. Whether she was still ‘into’ Kelsey or not, it must’ve been quite a blow to see how easily he tossed her aside for a younger model. And then how said mistress-cum-housewife, just as easily tossed Camille’s clothes and shoes in a box and shipped them to the west coast.
I wonder if Camille and Kelsey have an arrangement where they both use the shared properties. I saw this on an E! special about Hollywood divorces where a former couple divided time in their vacation properties instead of selling it and dividing the profits. So, perhaps that’s why Camille was offended to see her stuff removed. If she still uses the Hampton’s house, she should be allowed to keep her things there, even if it’s stored in the garage.
Lisa walking in on Kyle and Taylor’s bathroom convo was weird. I mean, are we really supposed to believe that the Maloofs have only one guest bathroom?It was invasive and prying and Lisa had no right to be offended that they felt weird by her presence. I hope it was the producers thatsent Lisa into that bathroom and not her being a busybody and making sure they weren’t badmouthing Ken. He hurt Taylor’s feelings and whether he meant to or not, he implied a man going to therapy was weak.Even if Taylor was unhappy with Russell, she probably didn’t want another man, especially the husband of someone who hates her, to talk shit about her man, too. “Only I can badmouth him, dammit!”
OMG…I’m so ashamed of myself! I should NOT be laughing @ your cruel jokes about the dead! “a sad clunky windchime”?! I was SPEECHLESS when I read that (I literally covered my mouth with BOTH hands as I laughed out loud @ that because it felt. SOooo. WRONG! <–true story!) How dare you be so crass about a man's death, no matter how awful said man was made out to appear?! You, sir, are going go HELL & I will disdainfully look down my nose @ you when you ask to sit next to me at the Hot Kids' Table (where all the popular bitches in hell sit)! You don't mock the dead! You only laugh when other people do!! Hello…it's called manners!
Speaking of manners…Adrienne? Couldn't you have pushed back the time of your dinner party another hour or so? Why make Kim rush right offstage during her Western Wear Routine in order to make it to your party on time? She didn't even have time to change out of her outfit of choice! Plan better next time Bitch! She practiced for hours with her pageant coach on her routine & spent a fortune to have her costume blinged out! She even missed crowning at the the Little Miss Has Been, Poorly Treated, Under-appreciated, Child Star Bread Winner Who's Egotistical, My Shit Don't Stink Cuz I'm The Bomb & My Husband's Hot Even If He Did Cheat On Me A Few Times But I Act Like My Life Is Perfect On Camera With The Help of Bravo Editors That Think I'm The Bees' Knees So I Can Judge Other People, Sister Constantly Berates & Belittles Me In Front Of My Kids & The World Along With Her Con-Artist, Driving Husband To Suicide While Launching A Woe Is Me Campaign To Prove She's Not The Total Piece Of Shit She Was On Camera While Blaming Everyone Else, Sidekick, Icon of The Year Pageant!! That's just RUDE!
Also? I HATE KYLE…STILL!! That little head cock thing she does when she’s ‘calling someone out on their behavior’ really sticks in my craw (yep, i said craw)!! I loved how Lisa’s eyes narrowed as she watched her do that to her husband as if a light bulb was going off while she was ‘setting him straight’ about his comment to her dear friend. I don’t think she liked it as much as she did when she was saying “Camille!, Camille!! CAMIIILLLEE!!!” when it turned into “Ken!, Ken!!, Keeennnnn-a!!!” with her beady little eye squint to emphasis how disgusted she was by what was said. Karma, Lisa? Doesn’t feel so great when aimed @ one of your own, huh? Did you finally see what a condescending bitch she really is?
The whole convo started with Kyle mentioning that alot of men are reluctant towards therapy. That was the topic when Ken spoke, it had left Taylor and her issues. Ken was tossed in as an example by his wife, and he voiced that opinion that Kyle already had brought up. I dont think he should ‘ve though. Diplomacy had been in order, but i dont find it terrible either. Taylor is clearly oversensitive, she was the only one who rushed out and caused a scene. I am afraid the world is to rough of a place for her. She should not travel too much.
I’m thinking Ad was so mad at Paul because he probably drank on the golf course. She obviously didn’t have to cook or set up for the party. I think she just got annoyed that he golfed all day and she would have to deal with a drunk or tipsy Paul at dinner.
I’m still team Lisa and Kim.
@Sunshine That could very well be true. And it would also explain why he was acting goofy during the dinner.
Adrienne annoyed me with her anger and resentment at Paul at the dinner table. As Sunshine mentioned above, it isn’t as if she had to cook or set up anything on her own. And I can bet you every penny I have that Paul would just have gotten in her way if he had stayed home to help. She seems impossible to please, and the reason she was so angry with him is because she likes to live a scripted life on camera, and he doesn’t seem to care. She makes him come to the meal planning, but then she shuts him up or corrects everything that comes out of his mouth. She criticizes him if he doesn’t do what she wants, but berates him for bothering her when he asks her what she wants. She comes off cold and icy and pushes him away, and then gives him hell for not ‘knowing’ that she really wants him there. She had her speech planned, but she wanted to act like it was a joint act. I think he was saying, “let’s call a spade a spade, this is your party, you are going to say what you want anyway, so say it.” But then she gives him the look of ‘you’re in trouble now’. So he is like, “Okay, I will say something.” Then she gives him the look of death. So, “Okay, I won’t say anything.” At which point she starts yelling at him. Sheesh. He is annoying, but she is a control freak. And maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just too provincial, but I have NEVER seen a couple giving a party where the wife sits at the head of the table and the husband is the one who sits to the left (unless it has something to do with the distance to the kitchen for serving purposes–which we know is not the case here). Was that weird to anyone else?
I was not a fan of the Lisa camp this episode. I know that she doesn’t like Taylor but she just blindly defended Ken’s rudeness as his right to his opinion. Yes, but you don’t have to state that opinion and if you do feel the need, there are more polite ways to do so. Ass. I just hate Ken. Oh, and I think Jackpot is much, much cuter than Giggy.
Loving the previews and looking forward to the recaps! Love ya, Flip!
@Robinez: Right. My comment about her not birthing the children was a comment about her emitional indifference. I asked the question when was the bond made with them (since she has 4 nannies & doesn’t appear to be very hands on). I didn’t want to imply that adopted mothers couldn’t have a bond with their kids. They certainly can & do – especially when they are hands on. I didn’t want anyone to misunderstand that point so I’m happy to clarify. Mothers who adopt can and do have bonds with their kids. In Camille’s case, I was wondering when and how thst happened since she 1) doesn’t appear to spend a lot of time with them & 2) she didn’t even know who the furniture belonged to. I hope that helps. Thanks for asking.
@Robinez: for another example of a mom who hasn’t connected with her non-birth child, check out Cathy and Vivi on Dance Moms–she uses her kid like a toy. And there are plenty of Moms who gave birth to their children but treat their kids with indifference. And of course, there are tons of mothers who realize what a gift they were given to be able to have a child this way, since this would not have been an option for a childless couple not even thirty years ago.
@shana: I too wondered why Adrienne sat at the head of the table, and Paul to her right. Also, because the table seemed long enough to become a great ‘equalizer’ and have everyone sitting opposite each other and no one at the head of the table. Adrienne should be happy that Paul is so comfortable with himself, because she seems to go at lengths to emasculate him. He does seem to brush her off when she gets bossy, but I bet you that she gets the last laugh. As in, every time he’s in the mood, she has a headache.
@thatswhatshesaid, I was pretty sure that’s what you meant. Thanks for clarifying.
After you mentioned in your post about her bonding process with her kids, I kept think about that scene in the apt in NY and the “pillow fight” I know this may sound silly, but I kept thinking after that episode, “She doesn’t even know how to pillowfight with her own children”! It seemed so forced. And even if it was just for the camera, How does somebody not know how to PRETEND to play with their kids?
TC, Robin
@shana, That show makes me throw up in my brain. I quit watching after the “lyrical” episode.
My goodness, folks are concerned about Ad at the head of the table? How about a dog drinking out of the glasses!
Between The Bickersons, the crying “offended” Taylor, the bathroom breaks and the dog eating off the table, I’d say that where one was seated at this dinner party pales in comparison..lol
And it looks like we are in for a helluva season!
TC, Robin
I guess, I’ve read too many Tudor novels. And books about Kings and Queens across the lands to know the significance of one seated at the head of a table. This is a power move. One expects Adrienne to take precedence over her friends; they are in her house after all, but over her husband, as well? She likes to emasculate him; scolding him at the table in earshot of their friends, making things awkward for all involved. I, personally, wouldn’t care where people sat at my table, but this group doesn’t convene without place settings. What can I say, they’re classy! (As long as one overlooks the bickering, eye rolling, and attempts to dominate the conversation.)
I could see, in this instance, that Taylor didn’t bring up her failing marriage. Paul asked her about it and she felt forced to answer. She was poised and diplomatic: “We’re working on it. We’ve been going to therapy.” So, when Ken remarked that therapy would make him feel ‘weak’ I can see why she was hurt. Of course, I would’ve brushed the remark off with a snide, “Well, Ken, you are more masculine than most”, as his puppy lapped from Ken’s drinking glass. But Taylor is only equipped with either yelling the word “Enough” or running from the table. I didn’t feel as if Ken crossed the line until he picked a fight with Kyle over the word ‘offended.’ “That’s a strong word”, he says. “You mean, ‘upset.’
And to believe Lisa is really driving out to the airport after she and her husband guzzled two thousand dollar champagne is laughable. To think she would do it sober is ridiculous, to boot. But they needed an out. And it was what she could muster on short notice. How about “Giggy needs a change of clothes. This is near his bedtime and he prefers silk pajamas after 10 pm.” THAT, is more believable.
Now, I ask…when does Brandi show up? We need a villain, someone we ALL can hate. Hope she’s here by next episode.
I can’t believe i’m saying this, but fucking Camille was the only thing about that dinner party that wasn’t inappropriate. That meal was a clusterfuck of bad manners. You don’t argue with your wife/husband in front of ur guests or at the dinner table. You don’t ask questions about a guests’ fucked up marriage. You don’t discuss your fucked up marriage at a dinner party/the table. You don’t tell a person trying to fix his/her marriage that their efforts exhibit weakness. You don’t let an ignorant comment offend you to the point of leaving the dinner party to cry in the bathroom. You don’t let your dog anywhere near the your hosts’ table or let it lick your glass. You don’t leave the dinner party/table to console ur friend, then come back and try to confront the person who upset her. And you don’t jump up as ur swallowing your last bite of the meal, make some lazy/rediculous excuse to abruptly leave, no matter HOW pissed off you are. They all sucked that night, except for Camille. *cringe*. What a table full of assholes. HATE.
@Robinez: I forgot about that pillow fight!! Now that you mention it, I do recall that she was so awkward like they were someone else’s kids! Kelsey didn’t have any problems with them. Camille is weird and only lives for herself.
Tmurda, spot on! You’re right..everyone acted like an asshole, with the exception of Camille and Kim. Some blogs honed in on Camille’s grimace and speculated that she enjoyed the fighting, but I think she was just nervous to be around this group and tried her best to appear unfazed by their assholishness. Nervous giggles, for the win!
Kim has no iron in the fire and could care less what these people are fighting about..she only concerns herself with her children and her next drank!
They’d drive me to drink too…so I’m not judging. When I think of that pillow fight, a part of me sees how uncomfortable Camille is around Kelsey and how she is reluctant to join in when he is spending time with the kids. I do think she has a relationship with her daughter, while Kelsey seems to prefer Jude, the son. (He did try for custody of him, wanting to raise him with his mistress.) I saw the awkwardness as more on the part of man and wife. Kelsey was working constantly so I can’t really believe he was there to raise his kids either. Or to nurture his wife. He did provide her with a luxurious lifestyle, though. I know some people believe Camille is laughing all the way to the bank, but a part of me thinks she is embarrassed, insulted, and hurt by not being deemed worthy enough to keep her man. She would trade half (only half!) her riches only to be seen as a desirable woman with a loving husband. Kelsey made her feel like a castoff and highly expendable, so she tried to repay him with rumors of cross dressing and such. Do you blame her? Revenge is a dish best served in stretched out lingerie. “Manties” for the win!
You make some good points there sarcasatire. Makes sense! I would imagine it would be awkward after not seeing Kelsey for so long. He seemed to never call & perhaps she had heard rumors already of his dalliances? Who knows. Maybe she’s faking it, but she comes off as indifferent & caught up in her own life. I wonder if we will see her boy toy tennis player this season. Sans the kisses on the lips…
@ sarcasatire & Tmurda: ABSOLUTELY! I agree with everything you said about the rudeness and the power plays. My only disagreement concerns Camille. If the pillow fight was the only time we saw her awkward with the kids than I would see your point sarcasatire, but she is always weird around them. And I think Camille’s smile was her way of saying–”everyone criticized my party, but this one is tanking too! HaHa!”
Is that true? Kelsey was trying for custody of only one kid? What the fuck is wrong with him? Does he even wonder how his daughter will feel knowing this?
Why did they keep running around with their purses at the dinner party? It was if they were afraid if they put them down somewhere, someone would steal them.
Why were they always holding on to their purses at the dinner party? It was if they were afraid if they put them down somewhere, someone would steal them? Maybe one of them is a clepto????
If you keep your purse in your hands at all times, no one will notice get access to your stash or notice when you take it to the bathroom for another “bump.”