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Monday, March 14, 2011
4:52 pm
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SexyPanda is unable to continue the season of Real Housewives of Orange County. Boooooooo!!! So until I find a replacement, you’re stuck with me suckas! We are currently in the middle of Auditiongasm. Round one has begun and we are going through all the submissions now to choose the people moving on to Round Two. If any of you wanna take a crack at it, send an email with the subject RHOC AUDITIONGASM to flipit75@gmail.com. This ends the public service announcement. Thanks for listening.
Let’s start with Fethchen!
Woof.
It’s bright and early. The camera crew has just arrived, which of course means Slade immediately takes off his clothes for a glass shower shot. It might seem shameless and needy of him, but I like to see the good in people and hope for a moment that he’s whoring himself out to this show again to pay his child support. With his ass. Not sure how yet, but this shot screams responsibility to me.
Slade tries to get Fetchen out of bed by talking to her like she’s a two year old, which is a bad sign for future attempts at getting any kind of alimony. No money from Slade for children.
But I’m tiiiiiiiired!
Fetch and Slade have been together for a year and a half, and if you’re sick of hearing how much Fetch loves her bone then TOO BAD! He’s helping her with her handbag and makeup collection and not getting compensated. Listening to Fetch try to pronounce words over three syllables is becoming one of my favorite hobbies. Slade as a business partner isn’t the worst idea in the world. He seems to have a talent for taking something all fake and plastic looking and turning it into cash flow.
He’s giving her shit about what she’s wearing to work, but she shoots him down immediately and reminds him that she’s the boss and he’s her bitch. She also complains about his breakfast cooking skills. Love it. Slade’s a notoriously controlling assclown, so I am loving watching Fetch slap him down. It’s gonna be a super busy day! She has to have her assistant fill all those orders that came in over the weekend! Guiding someone else on sending out your eBay packages? Sixty hour week. By the end of the season I predict Fetch will be working at Hot Dog on a Stick and Slade will come by every hour to take change out of her tip jar.
Shawna, Fetchen’s assistant, comes over to talk about eBay selling policies. Fetch tries to laugh off her behavior at Tamra’s party, but Shawna no laughy so Fetch tries a different tactic. “Sorry you had to be put in that position.” HAHAH. I love non apology apologies. Sorry you walked in front of my car while it was driving through a crosswalk, MORON.
Fetch tells Shawna that they were friends before Shawna came to work for her, and it’s important that they stay friends. And they will as long as Shawna sticks up for her and tells people off when they call her a princess. This again? Let it go! The rest of the country is calling you an old rich man blood sucker, which is way worse. Shawna stays calm and explains that she wasn’t about to tell Alexis Christits off because they’re friends and she didn’t wanna make future awkwardness. Shawna? Way too nice for this show. Fetch makes it very clear that when she goes into a drunken senseless tirade and makes an ass out of herself in front of the entire neighborhood, she expects her friendployees to have her back. They hug it out and break bread together.
Fernanda the lesbian trainer comes over to Tamra’s house. Tam is SingleBitch! now so she is all about flirting. She hands Fernie a big phallic buzzing thing, but it turns out it’s just a wine opener. Wacky SingleBitch! She’s being very sexy right now you guys. Turned on?
The faiL Word
Fernie says that of course Tamra flirts, but flirting is different when you’re gay. I don’t know what that means. Is that true? Cuz I’m gay and I’ve always thought my flirting was totally normal. If I like someone I google their address and watch them for a few weeks and then kidnap their pets and pretend to find them again to get a leg up on the competition. How do straight people do it?
SingleBitch turns the convo immediately to her most recent nonsensical fight. The old SingleBitch would have cut Fetchen with a broken beer bottle, but the new SingleBitch is all about happiness and a positive attitude. LOLie! I like that SingleBitch is starting a new season on top of a mountain, cuz watching her fall down it is gonna be fun. Fernie brings up SingleBitch’s new face. Oh no she didn’t! Wait. She meant the new boyfriend. Thank God. I’m not sure I’m ready to know the details about what SingleBitch has done to her actual face.
Staple guns are scary if in the wrong hands
SingleBitch is a good mom, so she only sees the child she’s dating when her real children are with their dad. Is the divorce a friendly one? Oh hell no! But that’s part of di…WAAAAHHHH!!! Oh no. She’s crying. Have you ever tried crying without being able to squint? It’s not pretty. If it ever happens to you, get a really thick plastic wine glass to put in front of your face and save the rest of us from having to look at it.
Fernie starts spouting off her positive mumbo jumbo, which I like because the people who spout the most positive bs are usually the biggest assholes. I have hope for you in Housewives land, my little flower. For now though, ANNOYING. She tells SingleBitch to be a happy biatcha and they’ll go on a date and it will make it all better. Oh lord. Turning into a lesbian will NOT make things better. Have you ever seen a lesbian couple fight?
It’s all fun and games til you’ve got a softball glove shoved up your cooter. Has anyone heard from Marcie lately? No. Point proven.
Vicki? Is BUSY you guys. She’s a working woman! Workworkwork all the time! Today she’s going to Seattle for a conference and traveling so much is saving her marriage. Don only calls her a dumb bitch a couple days a week now! He texts her dumb bitch while she’s away, but texts don’t count. AW romance. Don’s dog got old and died, so the family bought him the same exact dog in a younger model. He thinks it’s amazing, cuz he doesn’t realize yet that Vicki’s about to trade his ass in for a younger model, too. When he gets what’s coming to him, he’s really gonna hate that dog.
Vicki’s psyched to be away from her lame semi abusive husband and her c word friends. She gets sucked into the drama in the OC cuz she’s paid to and there are always cameras around, but in Seattle it’s just her and her work friends. With cameras around. Here’s to some Insurance Agent drama! Let’s see some office people start some shit. I hope someone gets called out on hoarding staples or some shit.
Now let’s check in with Alexis Christits. She’s meeting up with her friend Peggy, who looks like the OC version of Morticia Addams. Is she 35 or 70? She keeps popping out kids to suck stem cells out of their spines so it’s hard to tell. Stem cells don’t work on necks, though, so I’m going with 75.
We already know Peg’s an asshole, cuz she’s named her kids London and Capri. Can Fog and Sun be far behind? Without them these kids are just half brands. Christits tells us that she and Peg got preggers at the same time and became friends cuz they share the same values. Banging married dudes? Plastic surgery? Bible study? Time will tell. Christian values sure have changed. If the Bible was written today, Mary Magdalene would have had a spread in Playboy and Judas would have had a gossip blog. That’s it. I’m writing the new Bible.
The moms are taking their kids to the park for a picnic. Then they talk about their kids. Ugh. The only fun part is when London realizes she’s being raised by Skeletor and tries to jump off the picnic table.
London can talk really well, but Christits’ kids are fucktards. She brags about how nice and quiet they are in class. Talk about spinning. My kid may seem odd, but he’s the best counter in school.
Peg’s set up a meeting with an agent for London. For what? Baby wigs? Please! That bitch is bald! No one’s gonna represent her! Christits got her kid an agent, too, and they really thought the kid would be a star, but he got a coke habit and they had to take him out of the biz. Peg says “coke habit” is a nice way of saying “my child has no talent” and she’s not buying it. Then the moms push the kids on swings while trying to one up each other. My kid can count to thirty. My kid can count in Spanish! My kid can say firetruck! My kid can hold herself upside down from a pole! I got news for you: your children poop in their beds. LOSERS.
Vicki flew Brianna to Seattle too, because Bri got tested for thyroid cancer and the results were inconclusive. I have no idea how that turned into a trip to an Insurance conference, but I’m not a mom so maybe I just don’t get it. I’d probably choose a more appropriate vacay. Like, I don’t know, THE MAYO CLINIC. And is Vicki really testing her for cancer or is she coming up with a bizarre reason for Bri’s weight gain so we won’t make fun of her? I know that sounds heartless, but this is Vicki we’re talking about.
Anyway, Vicki’s being awarded for working so much, and her team seems to be really proud of her.
Watch yourself around stairs, Chipmunk Face.
As he announces her award, the announcer guy calls her “psychotically persistent.” She says that she took that as a compliment, but that’s not what her face is saying.
Can’t I even take a goddamn vacation without being called psycho?
Vick tells us how much her staff loves her.
Love
She knows how to incorporate fun into her employees’ work schedule. Who wants to go to Red Lobster? Vick tells us that there’s a misconception that insurance people are boring. Shots of insurance people talking about insurance and making us want to poke our eardrums out. Briana is resting her possible thyroid cancer while Vick parties in the room. There is a misconception that insurance people are total dicks.
Honey, Rami from accounting is telling a Jew a Muslim and a Christian Walked Into a Bar Joke. Tell your possible cancer to WOOHOOOO!
Now let’s get to know Peggy. The shots of her house are pretty much what you’d expect. Top of the line Rent a Room. She tells us that she loves bling, guns, and stem cells. And like three packs of cigarettes a day. There’s a fine line between Demi Moore and Harvey Fierstein, woman. She and her midget husband are going to shoot things today, cuz survival skills are very important in the OC. I’m scared of this Peggy woman. She credits her rich husband for her survival. Then the editors tell us that he has a tiny wiener.
When Husband met Peg, he figured she was just another fake blonde with fake tits. Now she’s another married fake blonde with fake tits. More romance! Peg saw him and hit on him by sniffing him when she found out he had his own limo. This couple is fucking horrible. YAAAAY!!!! We might assume that Peggy is a stereotype who married an old dude for cash, but there is no man in town older than her and she didn’t marry her younger guy just for money, so take that, haters!
They stop at the gun store to buy themselves new toys. They’re having a fun carefree time, but I sense that they go into the woods at night and hunt for children. Their own can only take so many spinal taps.
Here kiddie kiddie
She says Husband is super manly with guns and giant cars, but he’s also into sewing and Versace. I would call him gay, but no gay guy would let his tranny out of the house in this:
SingleBitch! is out looking for houses with her partner Marco. He shows her boyfriend Eddie’s old house and she says she won’t move in there unless his ex-wife is dead. HA. Call Peggy. Tell her the ex wife has an untapped spine. The next house is more doable, and SingleBitch is ok with downsizing as long as she doesn’t have to work full time. She won’t ask for money from her ex, she’ll keep her dignity, thank you! Hey! Congrats on finding some dignity! I think I missed that episode. As she gets in the car, she’s sure she’ll get the place. “I always get what I want!” Says the divorced woman moving into a hovel. Being poor is hard for her, but it’s harder for me to watch. If I wanted to see poorness I’d turn around to watch Romana trying to get the gum I spit at her out of the carpet. SingleBitch! should be fired for poorness.
Vicki’s still in Seattle WOOing and telling one of her gay employees that men shouldn’t cross their legs. HAHAH. I love Vicki’s rules. Real men should call their wives dumb bitch a lot and not work ever. Brianna comes down from her possible sick bed and Vicki tries to hook her up with any guy that will take her. It’s hilarious. Brianna is annoyed and says that as long as the man has a pulse and job, he’s good enough for her mom. Well, you’ll understand when you hit 30. Your standards tend to go down. I’ve even let go of the job part. If you have a pulse and some form of regular government assistance coming in, I’m in. Bri’s not having it though, and Vicki trying to teach her how to perform marriage duties isn’t helping.
They go bowling and Vick is drunkified. She’s flirting with a semi hot guy, and Brianna’s getting pissed and says it’s freaking her out. The guy puts his beer on one of Vicki’s boobs to see if it will move, and Vick threatens to give him a spanking. HAHAH. She’s loving the attention, cuz it’s been a long time since Don “has been googling over me.” I googled over her and the first story was about dumping Don. Maybe that’s why he stopped Googling.
Fetch is at home working with Shawna. She needed an assistant for her projdeuct line. Or whatever that word was. This bitch is seriously stupid. She has Shawna do really important stuff like put drops in her ears.
SingleBitch ponders reasons Fetch would need an assistant. To hold Slade’s balls? Um, good one? Vicki wakes everyone up the next morning. Her assistant is in bed with the gay guy. I guess not crossing his legs turned him into a real man after all. Meanwhile, Briana’s brushing her teeth with her finger, which is why she won’t ever find a man.
Single Bitch! and Christits have a work out date. Christits shows up in ugg boots, a chanel workout bag, false eyelashes, and enough saline to wet the eyes of all the starving children in Africa. SingleBitch! is poor now, so she just shows up in sweats and the face Dr. Back Alley gave her. SingleBitch makes lots of sex jokes so we’ll buy that she’s still got it, and then it’s off to the bar. If you drink enough, you’ll throw up and you can skip the working out part. I should write a diet book. And a Bible. My week is filling up fast.
Christits wants to meet the teenager SingleBitch! is dating, but Tamra doesn’t want him in public til the divorce is final. The conversation turns to the Evil Eye party. SingleBitch has no idea why Fetchen was sooo meeeean! Christits says that yes, Fetch was rude but Tamra pushed her by wearing the evil eye hat. She’s totally right, and it grosses me out to say that. Thankfully, the scene is short.
Vicki’s Woohooing at an air show of some kind and then wooing at people on boats. Brianna doesn’t approve of taking drinks from strangers cuz drinks are always roofied. And she’s right! Vicki talked on Watch What Happens Live about getting roofied. Brianna should be so lucky. Bri wants to move away from her obnoxious mom. Not nice! She’s trying to tell people you have thyroid cancer! Other cities, people would just call you fat. Appreciate your mother, you ingrate!
Back at the bar, Christits says that her dream was to be Bev Cleaver. Who the fuck is that? And is she as hot as June? Having a job is important! But God said that He comes first, then the marriage, then the kids. Where’s the chapter in the Bible with instructions on starting a clothing line cuz you’re on a Bravo show? I’d like to think it came right between the don’t eat shellfish and the build a boat for every animal on the planet to bone on.
She insists that Jim is supportive of her getting out of the house more, but SingleBitch! and America thinks that’s bs. Christits says that SingleBitch’s divorce was super hard on her because they were all friends and Simon even went to church with Christits after the divorce! HAHAHAH! You guys, I am at a loss for words with this hypocrite. I’d like to think Jesus is up in Heaven watching this show and laughing super hard at her bs while doing lots of crunches.
Tamra says that Jim hates her, and Christits assures her that that’s not true! He just doesn’t like her behavior sometimes. Women are supposed to do everything the man says. That’s how God wants it! Jeeze. To listen to Christits you’d think God was sitting around in a wifebeater all day screaming “GET ME SOME WINGS, BITCH!” What kind of fucked up church does this woman go to?
SingleBitch! says that there are a lot of similarities between Simon and Christhusband. Christits gets offended at this and denies it. He’s kinda…controlling maybe? NO! Shots of him talking down to her because she’s showing her ass off in a short skirt and talking too loud. So he tells her what to do, who to talk to, and what to wear. How is that controlling? SingleBitch! tells us that she has a feeling this marriage is doomed to fail. Duh. Again, we’re ending an episode with SingleBitch! in the right. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Next week, we get to watch Morticia Peggy make out in a bathtub with her gay midget husband. Yay?
***UPDATE: Apparently, it’s not Morticia in that hot tub, it’s SingleBitch! They all look the same to me on this show. Thanks, Matt!
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Actually, it’s Tamra and Eddie, making out in the tub.
Yay for Flipit!!! SexyPanda, I enjoyed last week’s recap very much and hope you return to us soon. Especially when Work of Art is back!
Okay, i have a few chores to do..but I’ll be back soon with 16 oz of wine swishing in my inspiration-etched glass. You know, the more decorated the glass, the classier. That’s why I save all my Big Gulp cups. You never know who may show up for dinner.
What we need is more FlipIt – HOOORAAAAY!!
Fab recap – couldn’t wait till it posted to see if the new Housewoof was well received…yeah, I’m not impressed, either. She acts very “WTWC” (White Trash With Cash), dresses for shit, and when her stubby hubby pulled out the Short Bus, I actually snorted!!
I used to like Jeanna, Gretchen seemed like someone I’d like to go drinking with, but this season, I truly hate all of them with the heat of a thousand waffle irons…
But I luuuurrrve these recaps!!!
@Wilma: You mean WTWOC? Right? The only one with money is Vicki.
When Vicki checked into the hotel and asked for 5 keys I was perplexed. Why did she need 5 keys … then I realized that all her employees (men/women/gay/straight) were staying in the same room. WTF?
Various undergarments laying around the room were disgusting. I am sure that room had to be hosed down with Lysol when they left.
It seems like the RHOBC are probably the only ones out of all them that are (as Chris Rock so eloquently put it) Wealthy – actually a few of the RHONY are prob wealthy too…do you think the Maloofs are buying Toyotas? the rest of the franchises seem to be rich and some of them aren’t even that…Im not sure which comedy special of Chris Rock’s it was, but he basically said basketball players, professional athletes, etc…are rich, the people who created the color blue are wealthy….anyhoo, I love your recaps Flipit! You crack me up!
That should be *RHOBH
Did Alexis get a nose job to go with her new jugs (or did I miss it in the recaps somewhere)? Her face does not repulse me as much as it did last year. She is becoming less mallard-like. Just curious.
Just so everyone knows, peggys guns SUCK! Lo end pos. I happen to know a thing or two about guns and I would never be caught with a smith semi auto ever. And as far as assault rifles go , sig is the way. She has some low class SHIT!
Can’t wait for Vicki to start giving Peggy shit about not working, etc. Peg’ll prolly pull an Uzi on her ass!
I’ll be back for Work of Art, no worries! (When IS that coming back?)
Yay for Flipit! My memories of this episode were of the stupid wine glass that you get in the clearance rack of Home Goods, the competition between Alexis and Peggy on the playground, and all those coworkers sleeping together with the boss rummaging through their panties at will. No bueno.
Love the recap, Flipit — I especially love your screenshots of Gretchen. You captured her personality, nay her very soul with your well thought out choices. LOVE!
I’ll miss reading you, SexyPanda but now I have reason to want Work of Art to return lol.
Just watched this episode last night & was so bored! I can’t believe they aired it with nothing interesting happening. I’m so excited to read the recap because it’s the only thing fun & interesting that will come out of this episode. And by the way, Peggy seems annoying & Vicki needs to go away. Really? We’re still watching this woman?
Why there wasn’t a mass suicide in that hotel after one day of forced “Vicki work n’ fun” time is amazing. Really? You can’t even sleep or get dressed in peace without that truffle hunter face thisclose to you barking out orders and forcing “woooohooos” out of you. It is like the Batton Death March, minus the laughs.
As I said on another post, I was on team Alexis (gag!) in her interactions with Peggy TittyGuns and FreeBitch. I have been in that position with a competitive mommy (who topped her child’s “accomplishments” with subtle digs about my being a working mom). And frankly, I think Tamra ought to focus on her granite forehead and stop projecting her marriage failures out on others. JesusJugs seems a full and willing participant in that goat rodeo (LINDA!) marriage. It works for her.
It is the second episode and I am sick of Tamra already.
Oh, and Flipit – Brilliant, as always!!
Waiting for the books; very funny. I read the recap before watching and thought you were exagerating about the one-upness between Peg and Christits. Too funny of a scene and then say they are not competative. It does bring back memories when mine were little.
Love Briana, how can you not. She has a heart of gold for putting up with Vicki and rolling with her antics. I’m not a doctor but with the test inconculsive, shouldn’t there be more testing and concern?? I am a bit confused.
@ LAC , totally agree with you about Christits! Couldn’t believe I was on her side for this episode. I stay far away from those type of competitive moms. As Flipit said “they still shit in their pants.” I mean really…. let them be kids. Every mom thinks their kid is the best, just don’t be annoying and try to tell others. No one cares but you and your family.
The divorce thing with Tamra – I agree that JIm is a douche but if Alexis is happy with it – then it works for them. It would be hard to listen to though….
Gretchen is the worst for me, well actually maybe Vicki…. But the whole princess comment reaction was ridiculous. Also, the only reason those young kids put up with Vicki is this economy. You know they totally make fun of her behind her back. Notice how her son Michael was no where to be found. And how that blond guy talking insurance with her had his own room.
LOL!! Sunshine, I looked at my wine glass and wondered if I got roofied because I was on Team Duckie for once. I don’t know how much of Peggy TittyGuns I can take this season.
Haha! Love Peggy TittyGuns….and I agree all these OC women try too hard. They come across as desperate wannabes. They set themselves up as easy targets. Is anyone else transfixed by the weird way Tamra’s nose wrinkles when she smiles or makes a facial expression? It’s so disturbing but hard to look away.
Hey Vicki Psychotic is not an adjective that normal people want said about them, it is NOT a complement!! These ladies kill me!! They’re so funny cause they are so clueless!!
Who the hell goes on a ‘business’ trip with their boss and stays in the same room? And is a requirement to be under the age of 30 to work for Vicki? That way she can treat her ‘team’ like her kids. Brianna deserves a medal for putting up with her mother.
Ugh totally hate the new housewife. Who wears that outfit to go shooting??
You know it’s a bad cast when Christits is coming across as the most likable this time around!
@Sunshine, I am very transixed by the wrinkled nose!! It was very apparent last year but it seems even more prevalent this year & I can’t look away!
After her one year old fell off the table, I so wish Peggy had yelled at Alexis “Hey Supermom, THIS is why I wanted to use a picnic blanket!”
Vicki is too much. Is she so stupid that she doesn’t know that pulling the covers off of her employees on television is a lawsuit just waiting to happen?
Gretchen needs to clear up the acne if she is going to convince me to buy her makeup line.
Peggy…she has no hips…none.
ewww
Jugs for Jesus is funny “My daughter is the best listener in her class” I die. Bev? Beth? Cleaver. Gold!
Tamra looks like a rat on the face. She is tore up with fuckery
Gretchen’s acne has always been bad since before the makeup line. I used to notice it all the time and really don’t see as any worse than it was before (except now it’s in HD). But I think she has probably always had problems with it and that’s why her face was always pancaked with makeup. When she first appeared on the show a few seasons ago, I remember thinking “she should really get her acne taken care of rather than trying to cover it up. All that makeup just makes it seem more noticeable.” Of course I never said it out loud because then people would know that I actually watched the show.
Just a couple episodes in and I’m really confused. If this were the first time I was watching – I think I would actually like Alexis. (Pause while I shudder). Not only did she handle the drunken antics of Gretchen correctly, she called out Tamra on her part of extending the drama. And whatever she had done during the off season, I think she looks beautiful. Her lips seem to fit her face now.
paganchick…in seasons past I really thought that they were moles or something because there were three (I named them..Tanya, Keena, and Jane) that were always there in the same fucking place for two years.
So realising this year that it’s acne is really throwing me for a loop.
It’s a chicken/egg question for me. Does she use that much makeup to cover those things or does she have those growths because her skin never gets to breathe?
I think it’s a definite chicken/egg thing. She won’t ever be able to clear up her acne issues if she never lets her skin breathe.
Haven’t seen the previews for next week’s “hot tub love fest” but I saw the preseason promos and Tamra’s boobs are exposed as clear as day! Full on nippleage sans pixels.
Most of the sites that covered this story have posted a star over her nipple in order to keep their blog rated PG. So, here is a link that may be SFW because there is no nudity, but still view at your won discretion. I wonder if the bloggers have made Bravo hip to it and if they will blur it or will it escaped unnoticed as it did in the promos.. Speaking of which, I haven’t been able to locate the original promo, so perhaps Bravo did realize their editing mishap and had all of the blogs take them down. who knows..
http://celebrityfashiondiva.com/2011/01/27/bravo-o-c-housewives-promo-accidentally-exposes-tamra-barney-topless-video/
Either way, keep your eyes peeled next week, and tell us what you see! Gosh, I wonder how many people were in that room staring at Tam-Tams tom-toms. Cameraman, sound guy, producer..
Well, I always figured Tammy Sue was planning a fall back career in porn. Now, it appears she is “priming the pump” for that career transition. Yes, I just skeeved myself out with that image, but it had to be said right?
Vicki is a veritable onion of crazy. They just keep peeling back the layers and exposing more and more batshit behavior! The CONSTANT need for validation (“I’m fun right?! “Do you love me?!” “Does this adderall make my eyes too bugged out?!”)and her family who look like they’d rather gouge their eyes out with Slade’s dick then spend time with her are totally classic. My new favorite Vicki thing is the FamPloyees she’s surrounded herself with. Since her real family has obviously had an assfull of her, now she needs to hire young desprate agents who are out of a job if they don’t put up with her constant shrill henpecking. And unlike her real family, she can always fire anyone who isn’t doing enough validating of Vicki and ass kissing! It’s seriously the most fascinating, boundry crossing and inapropriate relationship EVER! Boss, mommy, lover, it’s like the new Manson Family! WOO HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Perhaps, Tamra is using her topless hot tub debut to audition to be one of Charlie’s goddesses.
@Sunshine, I do believe the strange wrinkled nose you keep seeing is what cosmetic surgeons refer to as “bunny nose”- apparently it’s a tell-tale giveaway that someone’s had botox. I can’t remember if Tamwreck talked about having botox done, but I read about “bunny nose” in an article about actresses that claim they’ve never had any work done. The doctors all said that since your face can’t move in those places it’s supposed to (like those lines from the corners of your mouth up to your nose) it kind of ends up with these strange unnatural movements. So, your nose ends up with this weird crunchy twitchy thing going on. Mystery solved!
I’m sure that scene in the hottub will really help Tamra and Simon become friendlier!!!
sheesh…I’m also surprised that is acne, they do seem to stay in the same spot!!!
original margo
Ha! About that hotel room..they told Crackie at the front desk that she would be given a suite. It didn’t look like any suite I have seen. It may have been an economy suite. It looked like a standard room with an adjoining bedroom. I kept wondering why they only showed Vickie and Briana going into the room and camera’s never followed them in. I know how Crackie is, and if she had a room worth a shit she would have taken us on a grand tour. Mayhaps the worker bee isn’t making good honey anymore?
Concerning Slime. As soon as Gretchen said that he gets paid in the bed I KNEW she was saying that to give viewers-IRS-child support- people, the impression that he wasn’t being paid by her. She better watch out what she say’s. That could come back to bite her in the ass if she is audited. I would hate to see her go down while trying to keep him safe from creditors.
I don’t like anyone, but I can’t stand Tamara even more. I agree, she is trying her best to come off looking good so it will be cool to see her go down in the public eye even more when she attacks Jeana. Gosh..I do miss Jeana..
Great work, flipt. Thanks.
TC, Robin
Gretchen – What in the horseface Botox hell did she do to her face?! She looks awful. LOL at how she can’t pronounce anything with too many syllables. Cause she’s stupid.
Alexis – I’m starting to like her. Yes, she’s kinda dumb and ironic with the religion stuff, but in this group of crazy, she seems almost normal. Plus, she was the Voice Of Reason (TM) this time around. Especially with Drunko IKeepSladeOnPayrollSoHeCanBangMe.
Vicki – Is the most annoying person in the world. If I were her daughter, I’d divorce her. Or kill her in her sleep. Whichever. I don’t know how anyone could work for her. Or be married to her. Or live with her. She’s fucking irritating!
Tamra – I’m sorry, but I’m firmly Team Tamra. Gretchen got full on caught with her hand in the cookie jar and she keeps trying to play it off like Tamra made the whole thing up. Add in her obnoxious drunkenness at a party she was free to not bother to attend and I have to call shenanigans. It’s pissing me off. No, she’s pissing me off.
Peggy – Eh. Laurie 2.0. Lessie – Can move her face. We’ll see how long that lasts.
On another note, did anyone watch Watch What Happens and hear Gretchen’s completely stupid and useless single?! UGH. Why? Also, I gotta say, I do think Slade is a definitely a creeper, but I don’t get why the dating Housewives thing is such a big deal. If you hang out in that area, those are the women you’re gonna meet. So, whatever.
I read somewhere that Tamra was holding Slade’s money for him in an account her name so that he won’t be garnished by the courts for unpaid child support. So, she’s an accomplice in his deadbeatness.
@jayem, yea..Gretchen was definitely lying. There is a site that posted a pic of Jay and Gretchen together, dated NYears 2008-2009, and he issued a statement about them having matching tattoos and being in love. Gretchen ended up taking him to court, and lost, then he took her to court and won a $20,000 judgement! She hasn’t paid, has dragged it through the courts for over a year, and has since given up and will pay the money, and I believe, his lawyer fees. Maybe she’ll use Slade’s money. He can’t sue her for it..it’s all in her name.
@sunshine, I was TOTALLY obsessed with Tamra’s nosewrinkles! I kept staring at it in the scene where she was at the restaurant with Alexis!
Why would Tamera hold money for Slade?
TC, Robin
My bad, I meant Gretchen.. she’s helping Slade keep money from the courts and, subsequently, his son.
OK, just making sure…you never know about gossip and I certainly wouldn’t put anything past any of these wackadoodles.
As I said before, I knew when Gretchen started talking about what she was “paying” slave that she was doing it for the benefit of whoever was watching.
I don’t know how she could love a man that would try so hard to not give his own child all that he deserves. If he can’t give his own child the respect and love he deserves, she ain’t getting the love and repect that she deserves, Know That! lol
She is trying too hard to not look like a goldigger.
TC, Robin
Gretchen isn’t a goldigger, she’s a princess! Even more evident by Slade trying to rouse her out of bed..well past 8AM, I’m sure.
This was on tonight’s episode, but did you guys see the amount of beauty products she had on the shelf. Sheez..I guess they’re right, beauty products are all about the packaging. Woof!
Once again your completely awesome recap made me late to take my child to preschool. This will no doubt hinder his ability to discuss the shape of the week (tetrahedron) or the color of the week (taupe). This in turn will render me at a disadvantage in a “my child is better than yours” oneupsman discussion with Peglexia. On the other hand, he can make his own “peanutjelly” sandwich now, so there’s that. Thanks Flipit!!
@crazy rooster- Too funny!
And how very OC to say “She’s kind of turned herself into a vegetarian!”
Which really means “I can’t get her to eat meat for love or money.”
Ollybeau…so right about the vegetarian.
My younger sister once remarked about my daughter’s distaste for hamburgers “Oh, that’s amazing she is a vegetarian at 8″
I stared at her and said, “She’ll destroy a ham if you put it in front of her, she just doesn’t like hamburger”
My sister…not the sharpest tack.
These bitches are soooo obnoxious. I actually like Don, and wish he and Vicki couldv’e kept their marriage together. I used to REALLY like Gretch, and I also had no prob with she and Slade’s relationship, but I am recently bothered by a number of things, and they are as follows: I now have realized that the name SLADE is annoying as hell. They know they annoy the shit out of everybody and go out of their way to do so. Also, the way Gretch laughs so hard at every single thing is unnecessary and fake, and lastly, those two are constantly trying to prove what a casual and non-jealous relationship they have, and nobody cares. OH! and one more thing-the way Gretch lectured her “assistant” about having her back or whatever was WAAAY out of line, and I woulda told her to go fuck herself. Flip, you were 100% correct bout Tamra making all those sexual jokes while working out to sound hip or whatever, and when she said “I always get what I want”, I was thinking the EXACT same thing as you said. Alexis gets under my skin to no end, and her new business endevour? Good luck, bitch. I’d bet she can’t even add, or sew a button on. The bitch can’t even get through a sentence without butchering multiple words and/or using words in the wrong connotation. Lastly, who the fuck wants to see Tamra lure her BF into a bath, then get it on with him. Newsflash bitch, you have children and parents who might not exactly appreciate or understand your doing so. Gross. She’s not sexy. One episode she’s “uncomfortable” even introducing his ass to her close friends, the next week, she’s introducing him to the massive viewing audience by bangin him in the bathtub. Is she capable of a good judgement call whatsoever? Oops, forgot what show i’m speaking of. Ok, i’m done. J/K. Vickie has created a severely unprofessional work environment, and the more time that goes by, the bigger the gray area gets, and the more her employees will act up. ok, done this time-promise.
Just a few seasons ago, Vicki’s team was so old she was giving Botox parties at the office. Now they’re so young she’ll be rewarding good sales with a piñata.
All right, ONCE AND FOR ALL. I want to know, at the end of the day, which of you HAS MY BACK?? I’m very worried about my back, and its protection, and who, at any point in time, has my back.
I don’t want one of you to say you have my back, and then hear from some other bitch that someone was shit-talking me and you were sitting there, saying nothing, not having my back.
If you don’t have my back, then just tell me. To my face. I don’t care if you do or you don’t, I just have to know which one it is. So that on the reunion show, when that bobbleheaded drunk guy stirs up shit, I can tell him who had my back, and he won’t be able to pull some clip from the show out of his ass that supposably makes me look fat, drunk, and stupid.
‘Cause I hate that shit.
So? Do you? Have my back?
@notwithoutmytv- L.O.L. Um…I love my true friends, and am their biggest fan and will do anything for them WITHIN REASON!!! If my friend is drunk, out of line, embarrassing, and straight up WRONG in a situation, guess what? I DO NOT “have your back”. Sorry. These illogical frenemies (who clearly have too much time on their hands) are sooo determined to bully one or two other chicks at a time into being their BFF, that in order for one to “prove her BFF dedication” she’s expected to throw out all independent, realistic thinking/opinion, and stick up for said bestie, no matter what an asshole she is. Bottom line-if I get drunk and make an ass out of myself by making a scene and presenting an arguement to others in which I am 100% WRONG and out-of-line, my friend would be a weak-minded fool to “have my back”. It’s just one of those things these inarticulate bitches say that they think of as some sort of “trump card” or intimidating factor. Kind of like when they are arguing and can only come up with “bring it on!”, cause they think it sounds badass,they have no real point, and a vocabulary of 27 words. Same thing.