RHOC Recap: Hospitals and Helicopters

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Friday, March 23, 2012 | 1:00 pm | 47 Comments
Posted in: Real Housewives of Orange County, Recaps

Welcome to another week of Orange County madness.  LOVED all the comments on The Bunco Wars!  And thanks for the shout outs, you guys!  It’s my privilege to be here with you picking these people apart.

Remember last week how Tamra mentioned that she wanted to get her fake boobs taken out?  Well it looks like she’s really serious about it because here she is at her plastic surgeon’s office to discuss the possibilities.

“We COULD reattach your lips down here…”

I love how these women have plastic surgeons like other people have dentists.  I’m here for my six month nip-tuck!  Tamra has decided that getting rid of her falsies will liberate her as a woman.  It’s the final symbolic removal of Simon from her life.  Simon wanted her to keep her boobs because they helped to balance out the Rolex he gave her. The Rolex cost $35,000.  I know this because Simon announced it at the party where he gave it to her. Classy true love is alive and well in Orange County.  There is wondrous news, and that is that Tamra has enough quality breast tissue to have nice perky boobs with no implants at all.  The only thing Dr. Miracle here can’t do is graft some of her boob skin onto her finger to cover up her Simon ring tattoo.  Nuts.

Alexis is about to be knocked out for her surgery and she tells us one last time how offended she is that people think she’s getting a nose job for cosmetic reasons.  This is ALL ABOUT HER BREATHING, DO YOU UNDERSTAND???  Apparently Dr. Boobies is in on the insurance scam because he won’t shut up about how blocked Alexis’s airways are.  He shows us her septum after he takes it out and holds up a bloody mucus plug, telling us emphatically that it’s the worst one he’s seen in a long time!  Take note, United Healthcare.  This surgery is completely legitimate and should be covered in full.

“Nurse, prepare the defibrillator. Clear!”

Jim comes to pick her up and would rather not see her face until it’s all better from this.

And at our third medical stop for the episode, Vicki is bawling outside the hospital where Briana had her surgery.  Her son Mike comes to see how things are going and Vicki sobs that there were numerous nodules and it might be cancer!  Spoiler alert:  it’s not.  (Thanks for the link, Robinez!)  But Vicki is crying hysterically to her son.  Note that Vicki is not inside the hospital comforting her daughter.  She needs to get a grip.

“Mike, you’re not a mother so you don’t understand!”

Okay you lucky people.  We’re headed once again to Billionaire’s Row.  Heather is trying to impress her small children with sparkling apple cider.  They don’t care and are just mad that there aren’t more bubbles.  Then Heather works really hard transferring food from take-out containers to plates.  She calls this “preparing food.”  She’s telling her husband about looking at a space for the restaurant she and her girlfriends are going to open since there is nowhere acceptable to dine in Orange County, which makes me wonder which slop house provided the take-out she’s now feeding to her family.  Terry and Heather then proceed to have a conversation about how hard it is to open a restaurant – especially when you have no experience and know nothing except to hand people their menus closed.  But that’s okay because this is just a fun little hobby for Heather and her friends.  Terry announces that it will cost about a million dollars and if it fails, whatever.

“Just as long as you’re having a good time, honey!”

These people are horrible.  Can you imagine how far a million dollars might go toward something worthwhile?  Instead it’s Heather’s play money so that she and her friends can have something to do while the nannies are raising their children.

Let’s see what Gretchen is up to.  First and foremost, she’s wearing a shirt that says “Team Slade” in rhinestones.  You know Slade sat at her kitchen table hot gluing that together for her.  Then charged her for his time since he was creating her wardrobe.  Gretchen and Slade are at some venue meeting up with Robin Antin, the washed up old stripper who runs the Pussycat Dolls.

Please keep your clothes on.

Gretchen is super nervous because the Pussycat Dolls are serious business and it’s going to be hard to keep up with professional strippers.  Oops I mean dancers.  Slade pipes up about this amazing stage presence Gretchen possesses that will totally make up for her lack of talent.  Robin’s not so sure, but she has them sit down to watch the Pussycat Dolls dancers in a dress rehearsal.  They’re really good at shaking their scantily-clad butts in unison.  And so what if I’m jealous of their perfect bodies?  I have really good stage presence that makes up for any pudge I might allegedly have.

Clearly a class act.

Back to the hospital where Vicki is still outside on her cell phone.  I wonder if she’s actually spent any time INSIDE the hospital or if she’s just been outside all day having hysterics for the cameras.  She calls Tamra to tell her what an awful day she’s had.  Tamra asks about Briana but Vicki wants to talk about herself.  Her world is stopping right now. The walls are caving in, okay?  FOCUS, TAMRA!

And later Tamra gets another call – this time from Heather.  Heather would like to invite Tamra and Vicki to come to LA with her via helicopter to sit in on a business meeting she and her girlfriends are having about their imaginary restaurant.  Tamra squeals that she’d love to soar over the 405 traffic all the way to the neighboring county.

A few days later, Vicki’s busy getting Briana settled into her apartment to recover so that she can hurry and change her clothes to go on Heather’s helicopter ride.  Briana won’t come stay at Vicki’s house because she would actually like to recover in peace.  But before Vicki leaves her to sleep, she has to stand over Briana tapping her and asking if she wants any of about 5,000 things.  Water?  Pills?  More pillows?  Air conditioning?  Protein drink?  Soup?  A different outfit?  Makeup?

“Wake up, Briana! Do you want different socks or not? Briana!”

Briana begs to be left alone to sleep and Vicki DOES have a helicopter to catch so she finally tells Briana she stinks and then leaves.

Someone who does NOT want to be left to recover in peace is Alexis, who has hired a nurse to stand around observing her rhinoplasty recuperation.  It’s better if a specialist changes the bags of frozen peas on your face.

“Two years of nursing school for THIS? I knew I should have done nail school.”

But first Jim wants a chance to try.  So he makes fun of Alexis’s bandaged face then feeds her like two spoonfuls of soup before leaving it to the nurse. He’s got an insurance claim to file.   All the nurse can think to do is tell Alexis she’ll be in and out of sleep for awhile, to which Alexis responds with a snore.

The nouveau riche commute in black tie.

And over at helicopter central, Heather, Tamra and Vicki arrive and lift off.  When they land like 10 minutes later, Heather’s friends pull up in a limo to meet them.  OMG, these women DEFINE trophy wives.  Blonde, stick-thin, big boobs, plastered with makeup, spending their husbands’ money on opening a restaurant to keep themselves occupied.  One of them tells this super interesting story about how her kids think everyone has helicopters and when seeing friends stuck in traffic, ask why they aren’t in their helicopters.  Way to ground your children in reality there, Toots.  By the way, I don’t get what’s so glamorous about helicopters.  My husband and I took a helicopter ride on our honeymoon and we both got violently ill.  Beautiful?  Yes.  Desirable commute method?  No.  Way to make yourself feel superior?  Absolutely.  Vicki discovers that there are six women involved in this restaurant venture and strongly suggests that they draw up a written agreement.  Heather and the trophies laugh and say there’s no need because they’ve been friends simply forever.  Mere millions of dollars won’t come between them!

The business meeting takes place at a restaurant called Porta Via in Beverly Hills.  The owner has agreed to sit down with these women, presumably because it means that his restaurant will appear on television and we will all flock to dine there.  I wonder if the waiters hand patrons their menus open or closed.  The first thing Mr. Restaurant says is that they need to put an agreement in writing.  LOL.  Vicki gloats.  They need to hire a consultant, a contractor, a designer, a chef, and a general manager.  The trophies’ eyes glaze over, but Vicki is as alert as a hawk.  She is certain this isn’t going to succeed, and she’s completely right.  The trophies just want somewhere to eat where they don’t have to wait for a table.  This is their long way around.

“So will we get to name cocktails after ourselves?”

Alexis is seeing Dr. Boobies for her post-surgical follow up and she’s wearing sunglasses and a fedora.  WTF, Alexis?  Bad hair day on top of everything else?

“Outsmarted the paparazzi again!”

She winces and squeals while Dr. Boobies checks her bandages and she complains about his description of his cosmetic handiwork.  She didn’t want him to narrow her nose!  She doesn’t want to LOOK LIKE she had a nose job!  He’s like, ugh, you WON’T look like you had a nose job.  We’ve talked about this!  Go home and put your frozen peas back on.  Oh yeah, and your mucus plugs were reaching critical mass, so this surgery saved your life.

Mr. Restaurant brings the gals a bottle of Cristal and Vicki and Tamra ask Heather and the trophies if they’re sure they want to take on such a huge project.  In response, they go on and on about what dear friends they are to each other and how this idea just magically happened to all of them at the same time because there is nowhere good to eat in Orange County and they really just want a place to go and hang out together.  So yes, they’re going to take it on.  Plus, Heather’s used to being on a set 15 to 17 hours a day, and this is something she can do while her kids are at school.  HA HA HA HA!  Oh Heather, when was the last time you were on a set?  Come ON!

Brooks calls in the middle of this nonsense and Vicki steps outside to tell him they need to buy a helicopter so that they can more easily travel between Mississippi and California.  Um, I don’t think these kinds of helicopters are meant for transcontinental travel, Vicki.  They’re more suited to dates on The Bachelor so that you can flutter two miles from the Hollywood Hills to downtown LA and rappel down the side of an office building.  Don’t cancel your frequent flier account just yet.

In this week’s mini-scene Gretchen leans into a candle and sets her extensions on fire.  Slade just wants to know when dinner will be ready.

“How long can it take to whip me up some mac and cheese? Do I have to do everything?”

And back in LA, it’s time for the ladies without husbands to head back to Orange County so that the married ladies can meet their husbands cash machines for dinner.  Tamra can’t get over the fact that Heather and the trophies weren’t fighting the whole time they were together.  That’s because they’re really friends Tamra, not just castmates put together for the combustive factor of their personalities.  They’ve bonded over common excessive funds and delusions of grandeur.  Vicki reminds Tamra that this is a really hard time for her since her daughter just had surgery and might have cancer.  Tamra’s having a hard time, too, because she has to hurry and sign her divorce papers next week so she can move in with Eddie.  And they’re both mad that they have to take the peasants’ limo back down to Orange County and leave the helicopter for the rich folk.  Poor, poor housewives.

“Isn’t it funny how everyone wishes they were us?”

Next week!  Alexis uses her recovery period to plan a confrontation with Tamra.  There is some sort of race and Tamra signs her divorce papers.  Chicken breast for everyone!

So are we all going to eat at Heather’s restaurant?  Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

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-Honey Gangsta

Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

47 Comments

  1. 1
    caligal
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    Miss Andy missed a GOLDEN reality moment by not having the ladies meet with Lisa Vanderpump about opening a restaurant. I can just hear her talking head interview, “don’t be absurd, Dahlings, now off you go…”

  2. 2
    mmkate
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    These fools are ridiculous anymore and hard to watch. I would rather stick pins on my eyelids most episodes…but your recaps are great and far better than the show! :)

  3. 3
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    I hate to admit it because she is such a self-centered tool, but Vicki was totally right about everything she was trying to tell those BFF’s about their restaurant venture. It is a bad time to start a restaurant which is a bad venture in the best of times. These chicks have no interest in doing any market studies or seeking consultation because that would take the “fun” out if it. I hate to agree with Vicki, but she’s right – within 5 years or less these women will not be speaking to each other. Mabes they were hoping Bravo would pick up their “Most Clueless Restauranteer” series proposal.

    On another note, the juxtaposition between whining Alexis and her home nurse and poor Briana recovering from extensive surgery alone was priceless. Alexis is a putz.

  4. 4
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:38 pm

    “Let’s see what Gretchen is up to. First and foremost, she’s wearing a shirt that says “Team Slade” in rhinestones. You know Slade sat at her kitchen table hot gluing that together for her. Then charged her for his time since he was creating her wardrobe. ” Dangit HG, that MMD! Thank you.

    @califal, yes she did! I was actually expecting it to happen…great minds!

  5. 5
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:46 pm

    Maybe at the reunion VanderPump can do a postmortem on the trophies’ restaurant between Andy’s reading viewer letters from the likes of Cletus Shortweiner from Gap Tooth, Iowa.

    Vickie took time away from her de-lymph-noded daughter because Tamera told her the restaurant had THE BEST TRUFFLES in the world.

  6. 6
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    Agreed, HG called it perfectly they just want to hang a a place where they get their own VIP section.

    This isn’t Mobwives ladies, get a grip.

  7. 7
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    ZING!

  8. 8
    jackie
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 2:23 pm

    alexis looked like michael jackson in her disguise

  9. 9
    LAC LAC
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 2:37 pm

    BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! Honey G, you rule! This show’s ridiculousness is bearable because of your recap!

    Vicki – Yeah, she was right about the plastics needing an written agreement. I don’t think pinky swears, hair flipping, and giggles make a restaurant a success. She is still the most aggravating person – Jesus, let Brianna rest, you twitchy witch. All the poking and endless questions while someone is trying to sleep. I had someone just like that a while ago- but she was five years old and couldn’t reach her cereal.

    Alexis – yeah, we get it. Your sinuses could have been made into a plot on Grey’s anatomy, they were soooooooooo bad. And yum, thanks for the visual, Dr. Boobies! I liked the groggy, snoring, groaning Alexis – she makes more sense. I see King Jim is still rocking the hat on backwards douchenoozle look. Deuces!!

    Heather and the Plastics – can you imagine the conversation that spawned the restaurant idea? The word “like” was probably used a lot, as well high pitched Kim Kardasian sounding voices “we should so do this!”"oh my god, we would sooo like, bring, something. like, hot, to this area… Oh, my water glass is empty, hello?” The waiter working that table is probably in therapy.

    Gretchen – Pussycat Dolls? Really? What’s Slade going to get you into next? Stunt work? High wire for Barnam and Bailey Circus? Lordy… you are going to end up, shivering on top of the Chrysler building for some pseudo celebrity jump, bungee cord wrapped around you, Slade giving you the thumbs up and wonder why you are letting him manage you.

    Tamra – didn’t bother me too much this episode. But that forehead…you could mount a billboard on it. Truly disturbing…

  10. 10
    featherhead
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Sadly, I think we have to wait till April 2nd for the next episode. Heather and her fembots (or The Heather’s) are making a mockery of restaurants every where. This is not some little “hobby” for bored househo’s, owning a restaurant is hard freaking work and long freaking hours. Plus, don’t you think that maybe you might even need to know how to cook? Imbeciles!!

  11. 11
    toomuchtv
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 2:48 pm

    Really enjoyed this recap. You are a great recapper, HoneyGanster! Your description of Heathers friends was hilarious, (but spot on). When you really think about it though, these people and the way they use their money for selfish, self absorbed reasons is despicable. Do they even consider using their money to HELP anyone else ever??

  12. 12
    mk
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 3:03 pm

    I love how Vicki tells Brians, “I’m only 5 minutes away if you need me” then hops on a helicopter for a 2 hour ride. She is a tool!

  13. 13
    SuburBint
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 3:15 pm

    As if Slade would risk burning his precious fingers with a hot glue gun. It was a BeDazzler, for sure.

  14. 14
    labowner
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    First off, never the be poorest person in a business group as you have the most to lose and the others won’t care as much. You can’t run a good business with bad partners.

    The only thing these six women can agree on is no bjs for their hubbies. Vicki was right, get it in writing and lay out all the specifics. I see total disaster and lawsuits.

    Has this venture opened yet? If so, I have zero problems heading down the coast just to return all the food that is served to me.

    Vicki self-centered as usual. I noticed in one of Brianna’s talking heads from a previous episode it looks like she is filming in a hotel room. Do we know when they shoot the talking heads?

    Honey, like the other recappers, thanks for the many laughs. You guys make the shows that much more enjoyable whether I actually watch or not.

  15. 15
    Danielle
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 4:23 pm

    I laughed out loud every time Vicki narrated the episode–I wish you grabbed shots of what she was wearing…the more anxiety she communicated about HER life, the more jewels and flashy attire she had on! So funny!

  16. 16
    Honey Gangsta Honey Gangsta
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 6:47 pm

    Hey guys! Flipit sent me this link and it’s hilarious! Looks like Heather’s getting BEAT UP for turning her nose up at Orange County dining…

    http://www.orangecounty.com/articles/dubrow-35724-guest-heather.html#

    LOVE
    HG

  17. 17
    Honey Gangsta Honey Gangsta
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    Be sure to read the comments people have left. They’re amazing.

  18. 18
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 23, 2012 at 7:34 pm

    I was getting ready to comment on how much I loved your re-cap and how much I appreciate the way that you handle all things Brianna and how you managed to put the picture of a glue gun and Slade hunched over a T-shirt in my head for me to laugh about an hr later as I was eating.

    But, I have to run off to check out that Heather article! :-)

    YW for the link.

    TC, Robin

  19. 19
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 12:15 am

    Thanks for the great recap! And that article cracks me up, I hate to admit but I give Heather credit for turning a little PR faux pas into a new little venture- please check out the pictures of her trip to a restaurant with Tamra and Eddie to celebrate their engagement-there is one where Tamra and Eddie are uproariously laughing as well as Dr Heather in the background and the look on Heather’s face is one of murder. Maybe she was trying to laugh through the Botox but it looks like Tamra made a joke she did not like, but everyone else did-priceless!

    I could go the rest of my life without graphic plastic surgery in my mindless fluff reality shows, but I did feel for poor Brianna.

    Down with Vicki for seeming to revel in all the grimmest of details and possibilities as she recounted them as HER problems.Then being annoyed Bri wanted to recover at her apt-she only gave her a “pass” because of the heavy meds!!! As though she deserved to be given shit for wanting to be her most comfortable and not have Vicki asking a million well-meaning but maddening questions. I think she was just bearing it praying for V to finally leave. I hope she hopped up out of bed after and watched some daytime TV and ate ice cream. Or finally slept.

    Up with Vicki for being dead on abt the restaurant. Heather seems intelligent but then this whole “it’ll be fun!” attitude like restaurants aren’t one of the most grueling businesses disappoints me. I think they say the only way to keep a restaurant from failing is to be there constantly…. and not in the eating/drinking capacity.

    Did it seem odd and rude to helicopter them out and then not invite them to dinner and send them packing? Felt a little awkward and exclusionary. And the cattiness of the comments at that dinner were priceless I’m sure. I wonder if Heather just did it because her friends watch the show and wanted an in-person run-in to gossip about?

    Those rich bitches did make our girls looks pretty low rent though. From clothes to hair to quality of plastic surgery those two groups were worlds apart. It made me feel a little embarrassed for the girls because you know they were done up as much as possible.

  20. 20
    polk8dot
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 8:16 am

    ‘I see total disaster and lawsuits.’
    So, like, basically, they are like set with their like story-lines, for like the next, like, 2 seasons. Like, AWESOME thinking, Heather! Maybe she, like, has like much more like business sense than, like, we all, like, assumed.
    Them like good story-lines are, like, really hard to, like, come by. You can only, like, have your boobs like put in and, like, taken out, like so many times, before like you become like deformed and like undesirable for like camera.
    I guess Vicki is, like, kicking herself, for not letting her business like fail like all over the map, for easier like story-building. Had she like thought about that, like maybe she would like have let Brianna like LIVE and BREATHE, like finally.
    I can just imagine Heather returning the favor (cause we all know she’s a callous biatch who will not let any slight go, and files everything for later use in her head), and giving Vicks this post-action advice in a season or two, after Vicks’ will have finally ran out of subjects to whine about and people to whine to. That will be awesome, too, ’cause you just know Vicks will clock Heather in the face the moment she says it. And then there will be lawsuits, and ……..
    WOW, I just realized the true genius of Bobblehead Mandy – he found his one true Perpetuum Mobile. We are screwed for eternity now.

  21. 21
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 9:44 am

    That exactly what I though. I think it’s insulting that they think they can just open a restaurant with minimal duties.

  22. 22
    kthxbai
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    I TOLD people Slade Slimey had an invisible mullet. S01E01 of this show.

    Because I’m 1 of those people that can see them. And nobody believed me.

    So I’m expecting to get a whole mess of apologies now.

  23. 23
    whoochile
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 6:00 pm

    read the comments of the OC article and of the 8, two were “bad”. One of the 2 was from Lynn in Chicago and she’s a total fucking bitch(I have no idea where the other negative commenter was from, bitch). That only makes me think that NO ONE in the OC reads that crap! what is wrong with them that freaking fembot Heather can write an “article” challenging to find good restaurants and only 8 people responds (for sure one of those resides in Chicago)? Whatever, she’s still a fembot freakshow bitch with a face like the Joker. Her husband should be embarrassed if she is a reflection of his plastics

    I don’t know the risk numbers of helicopters, but my husband’s group leased both a helicopter and airplane for their practice to save time on driving between hospitals. It’s all fun and games until the fucking helo goes down and kills your partner. Fuck off bitches and your grandiose gestures. Heather is vying for Vickie’s spot as the housewife I hate the most, and that is a tough spot to fill.

  24. 24
    maryedith
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 7:54 pm

    Did anyone else think “bullshit!” about Brianna’s doctor telling Vicki that Brianna “probably has cancer”? Doctors do not talk like that! Only the doctor on Arrested Development talks like that. And it was WEIRD how Michael was smiling when Vicki was telling him about it — I would love to know what the real situation was.

  25. 25
    maryedith
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 7:55 pm

    The only thing I liked about Heather and Co was that they made our bitches look like scrappy, hard-working little ho’s for a few minutes there.

  26. 26
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    I am on the bullshit train with you Maryedith. The purpose of Brianna’s surgery was for biopsy. They had the report from pathology before they closed her up.

    I am truly happy that this long, scary road has a good ending for her.

    Vickie is a F#*kin C*#t. She left her daughter to fend for herself after having surgery? A surgery that could have possibly resulted in a cancer diagnosis? Yes, it was good news. But she still had surgery under general anesthesia and I am certain still reeling and exhausted from the entire ordeal. Damnit, why couldn’t Vickie have just stayed with her, not up her ass bugging out..but just “hey, I will be in the living room if you need anything..” “I am going to order in your fav soup”.. “Do you want me to help you get cleaned up and into fresh nightclothes”?

    The “YOU’RE NOT A MOTHER” ,crap that she spouted off to Gretchen in the other episode and the way that she treated her own flesh and blood during the most difficult time of anyones life is something that I want to see in the reunion. I want to see her called on the carpet for this. She is a selfish egomaniac. A helicopter ride was more important to her than her daughter.

  27. 27
    maryedith
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 10:37 pm

    Now I’m reading that Vicki left the hospital to go to the bunco party. I guess maybe Vicki’s so used to blowing everything out of proportion that she didn’t realize Brianna’s surgery actually WAS a big deal?

  28. 28
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted March 24, 2012 at 10:42 pm

    you do realize the sequence you see the show in is not always very literal? Also Bri probably begged tricked and coerced her mother to leave by any means possible? I think Vickie is the biggest pain in the ass ever but I do think she really really loves her kids. Her problem is she is hopelessly self-centered. Even the people she loves make her endlessly unhappy when they don’t revolve around her exclusively.

    I was praying for Vickie to leave Bri’s apt the second they arrived.

  29. 29
    Robin Robinez
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 12:32 am

    Yes, I do understand tv, in general :-)

    I see a Mother standing over her child, sick in bed, while a camera crew is filming her half hearted motherly gestures before she literally flies off as if her kid was just a stop in her day.

  30. 30
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 2:03 am

    Vicki is worried for her daughter..but I read online that it’s Donn who has cancer. Wonder if we’ll see it play out throughout the season..
    Maybe not. Vicki has moved on to another man. Broke, but with a healthy prostate.

  31. 31
    tvdiva
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 8:07 am

    Hate to excuse Vick, pain in the butt that she is, but I believe the scenes were filmed out of sequence also. My clue? Take a look at Tammy’s boobs. Is it just me, or are they looking smaller already? Also, I suspect the hospital insisted the cameras remain outside, thank goodness. All that aside, I agree that Vick’s focus should have been Briana only; not Mememe.

  32. 32
    tvdiva
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 8:17 am

    That was frustrating to watch. I don’t blame Bri for asking her Mom to go. She probably had a friend (or Donn — wouldn’t that be funny?) to come sit with her after her Mom left. ;)

  33. 33
    maryedith
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 9:20 am

    I agree, tvdiva, that the editing is all over the place and it’s therefore pretty hard to decipher exactly how Vicki behaved during and after the surgery. I will, however, judge both Vicki and the producers for monkeying around with the facts and the timeline of the procedure. Vicki’s kind of in a jam either way here — if she tries to excuse her bunco-going, helicopter-riding behavior on the grounds that the timeline was distorted she’ll have to come clean about her own heightening of the drama. If that doctor really said that Brianna probably had cancer there is no way Donn wouldn’t have come to the hospital and no way Vicki would have left.

  34. 34
    maryedith
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 9:29 am

    That scene did not ring true to me at all. Why would they let Bri leave the hospital to recover from such major surgery (Bri described it as pretty major) the next day? And if it wasn’t the next day, then why wouldn’t she know the results of the biopsy yet?

  35. 35
    maryedith
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 9:35 am

    It’s also insulting that Heather described “being on set for 15 hours” as “hard work.”

  36. 36
    featherhead
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 9:41 am

    I think Brianna was in the hospital for about 5 days, when Vickie told her “you stink”, Brianna replied that she hadn’t showered in 5 days. So they may of had at least some test results and then let her go home. Here’s hoping that her new hubby was taking good care of her, you know the one Vickie didn’t know about.

  37. 37
    DizzyLizzy
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 2:31 pm

    I only got a chance to read this now because I just got back from Atlantic Cicty for the weekend! And I have to say, much of the club gear there reminds me of how the OC ladies dress – tight dresses, low cut to show off the boobs, towering heels, lots of strapless and one-shoulder…only the OC gals are about 20-30 years older!

    ***awesome recap HG!

  38. 38
    Lo
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 8:14 pm

    Hahah, I was thinking she looked more like Spy Vs. Spy with the gauze accentuating that beak

  39. 39
    BrattyMcPants BrattyMcPants
    Posted March 25, 2012 at 11:14 pm

    First of all, this is my first post ever on the board…I’ve been reading the tvgasm recaps for a while and they’re hilarious. I’m new but I love the humor here so please be nice to me.

    Regarding Heather…I am a Syracuse grad like she apparently is, and I am embarrassed that we have that in common. Apparently the Daily Orange, Syracuse’s newspaper, renowned college paper known for esteemed journalism and scintillating news (kidding, kidding) , did an interview with her. It’s actually pretty boring, but here’s the link if anyone is interested: http://www.dailyorange.com/feature/q-a-with-su-alumna-heather-dubrow-new-star-on-bravo-s-the-real-housewives-of-orange-county-1.2767624.

    That said, I pretty much agree with everyone who says that Heather is an idiot for not getting anything in writing. You technically can have a contract not in writing, but it’s a really bad idea. I can’t remember if this type of contract has to be in writing according to most state statutes, but I would hedge a bet that they need to because of the high investment costs. And I could see my contract law professor involuntarily twitching when they said that they’re such good friends that they don’t need one. That is basically when you need one most…when you work with friends or family on a business venture, you have the most at stake in maintaining both a business AND a relationship. But then again, this is RHOC, and they need something to do during the day…why can’t anyone volunteer? Did the Junior League reject them? Ughhh I hate it when Vicki is right.

    Slade…nothing else really needs to be said. Except…who names their kid that and expects him not to be sleazy? Ugh.

    Also, I’ve only branched out from RHONJ this season…did anyone else have an issue telling these women apart? Halfway into the season and I think I finally figured it out.

  40. 40
    too_old_to_care
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 7:37 am

    I was amazed at all the details of Briana’s surgery that she shared with Mike and Tamra. Aren’t those the same things Briana was trying to talk about with Vicky before the surgery? The conversation where Vicky stuck her fingers in her ears and did her head-rattle thingie.

    She couldn’t discuss them with her daughter but was quick to spew them when she needed a pat on the back for getting through BRIANA’S surgery.

    She MAY have been outside talking with Mike because they weren’t allowed to film inside, but it’s more likely that Briana asked her to get out and give her some peace and quiet. Can you imagine the drama and hysterics that docs and nurses had to put up with from Vicki during that 5 days?

  41. 41
    cloudsinmycoffee
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 8:37 am

    I’m thinking that this was filmed out of sequence, but also that Vicky can’t handle anything sick related (She has mentioned that she doesn’t handle illness very well in past episodes I believe), so her not sticking around to take care of Briana doesn’t surprise me at all. Nor do I think Briana wanted her to be there anyway, I know I wouldn’t! And yes, Donn has cancer and I’m sure Briana is being compassionate with him since he has been the father figure in her life all these years. I happen to like Donn, and I think Vicky has been such a hag to him all these years and he finally started biting back, which didn’t go down well for Vicky.
    I’m sure the hospital didn’t allow any filming to be done inside, because I bet you anything Vicky would have had them filming her crying in the hallways. I’m sure she loves her kids, she just loves being the martyr more.

    Also, Heather is running a very close second to Vicky in the asshole department. I’m positive she invited Vicky and Tamra to A. have her friends meet them so they can talk shit later and B. to impress upon them how much more money she has. These bitches exhaust me. For once I had to agree with Tamra when she rolled her eyes at that friend’s stupid story about how her kid thinks everyone owns a helicopter. Hey Lady, you’re a douche and you’re turning your kid into a douche. There are kids in this country who have no food in their fridges. Asshole.

    I’m beginning to severely hate Heather and her Barbie Doll friends. That really annoyed me the whole “we want a place to hang out” shit.

  42. 42
    hot cawfee
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 9:48 am

    Hey Kids !!!!!

    Someone please tell me if this is true— Brianna eloped in Vegas yesterday to a Marine.

    I love Brianna– has always been my fave OC kid and well I guess she is little housewife herself!!!!!

    Vicki must be brickin’ major right now if this is true

  43. 43
    kczar
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 10:08 am

    Only read a few paragraphs but had to comment about Vicki crying on Michael’s shoulder. I’ll be the hospital wouldn’t let them film inside so she went outside, away from Brianna, to have that moving scene filmed. Icki just gets worse and worse. Donn’s lucky to have escaped her and her nasty old love tank.

    Okay, back to reading…

  44. 44
    featherhead
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 10:17 am

    @hot cawfee – I could be wrong, but I think she eloped a couple of weeks after her surgery. I think (and hope) on the commercial for the next episode (April 3) the phone call Vickie gets from her is Brianna telling Vickie the news. Go Brianna!!! Who could blame the girl with a mother like Vickie, she would have been a nightmare just trying to plan it.

  45. 45
    labowner
    Posted March 26, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    We don’t need a contract is what idiot bimbos say until their husbands get involved. Then there will be a lawyer for each and nothing will get done. :)

  46. 46
    too_old_to_care
    Posted March 28, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Y’all are being pretty rough on Heather and the Plastics. From what we’ve seen, a Real Housewife can do a.n.y.t.h.i.n.g !No talent or experience needed.

    For instance…write an advice book, cut a DC, put your brand on a line of skincare, wine, jewelry, bags, shoes, clothing, or gold-plated turds produced by an overdressed celebrity dog.

    When she tires of all the work involved in “designing and creating” those things, she can run a funeral parlor, become a model or TV anchor, sing and dance with a Vegas act, yada, yada, yada.

    Lots of celebs (and wannabe’s) are restaurant owners. They have no involvement with the everyday running of the place.

    Lisa may actually be the exception, and even SHE seems to only bark orders and worry about the decor. I don’t think she would have a clue about the “dirty work.” Ordering food and supplies, menu and food prep, hiring & firing, training, fiscal management, etc. are jobs for the minions.

    Besides, like Doc Heather says, even if it folds in a couple of years, it’s only a million. (Is that the whole start-up cost, or only Heather’s portion?)

  47. 47
    maryedith
    Posted March 31, 2012 at 10:15 pm

    Lisa knows how to wash and cook a chicken. And she didn’t make it seem like a big deal at all or like there was anything icky about it. And Vicki can throw stuff on a barbecue. And Caroline and Theresa can cook. Phaedra can sort of pickle things and Nene can kind of cook. I think that completes the list of the hands-on skills of the Housewives.

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