RHOC Recap: Imaginary Careers

Recaps

By Honey Gangsta | Friday, April 27, 2012 | 6:00 am | 38 Comments
Tagged: , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Orange County, Recaps

Hopefully we’ve all recovered from last week’s glamping adventure, because this week we’re heading to Vegas!

We join Alexis welcoming Gretchen into her home to watch her latest Fox 5 breaking news interview.  This is the last one we saw – about kids and sexualization.  I guess Gretchen was once on a morning show to promote her handbags so Alexis thinks she’s the expert on morning shows.  As Alexis tries to figure out how to pull up the segment on her computer, Gretchen goes, “I’m so glad that you got to do this, cause you know they asked ME to do this.”  Alexis is like, “What?”  And Gretchen says she’s way too busy to do it, so she’s glad Alexis gets to do it, but Fox DOES keep calling her and asking her to do it.  Alexis clarifies that this is her regular segment, like every week she does this.  Gretchen says yes, that’s what they keep asking her to do – a regular segment – so she’s glad Alexis gets to be second choice.  Wow.  I’m no Alexis fan, but that is pretty bitchy of Gretchen.  Even if it’s true.  Here’s Alexis’s big chance to say that she’s glad the Pussycat Dolls decided to use Gretchen as her understudy since she’s too Christian to appear in a stripper show, but she doesn’t.  She just plays her segment.

Gretchen: “Oh yeah, I see why they keep calling me.”

Gretchen laughs at it and comments about how bad Alexis sounds and that her outfit was totally inappropriate for a segment on the sexualization of children.  She tells Alexis that she has a hosting coach who helps her connect with the audience.  I’m dying laughing because all I can think about is Gretchen BOMBING her hosting gig at the Improv and just standing there in her sparkly bikini because she couldn’t tell a joke to save her life!  Is that what her coach taught her?  Or was this “coach” just Slade with cue cards?  Alexis is mad that Gretchen didn’t just tell her she was great.

At Billionaire’s Row Heather is with her assistant once again loading stuff into the car.

“Did you COUNT the ice cubes in my macchiato?  I said THREE.  Not two.  Not four.”

I’m so confused as to why she needs an assistant.  She’s a stay at home mom and you KNOW she’s got nannies.  The same goes for Alexis.  Who hires someone to carry their purse?  Heather reminds us that she’s an ACTRESS.  Heather Paige Kent, thank you very much.  She was on a show called “That’s Life” ten years ago and a Jenny McCarthy series about 15 years ago.  According to her imdb page, she’s one of those actresses whose career is made up of guest appearances here and there, with a couple of leads on short-lived projects.  I’ll admit, that’s more than I gave her credit for, but with the way she talks you’d think she was in demand.  Today Heather is going up to LA to audition for another series.  She reminds us that she hasn’t been acting because she has four children under the age of seven (she really likes saying that), but now that her kids are getting a little older she’s thinking of dusting off the old acting shoes.  AND like Alexis, Heather makes her assistant chauffeur her around.  Heather frets and frets in the car ride about how getting back into show business will take her away from her family.  Let’s calm down, Heather.  You’re taking a couple of hours to drive to Los Angeles.  No one’s asking you to even be away for an entire day yet.  She hedges her bets by saying she kind of hopes she doesn’t get the part because she doesn’t want to have to choose between her career and her family.  Don’t worry Heather.  You won’t.  So thank goodness you made it clear that you are ambivalent.

Someone who is definitely choosing her career is Gretchen.  She’s on the couch folding Slades’ underwear while he looks through the kitchen cupboards for food and she calls all of the housewives to invite them to come to Las Vegas to see her Big Performance.

“Geez Gretchen.  I’m making you a star. Can’t you at least make me dinner?”

When she calls Tamra and mentions the laundry, Tamra tells us, “If you ain’t got a ring, you don’t fold a thing.”  Seriously.  Slade is like Gretchen’s 12-year-old son.  If only we could all be so lucky to find a MANager like him.

And later at Billionaire’s Row, Heather is dressed like an extra from an Austin Powers movie and she talks her audition over with Terry, who is teaching their small son how to play pool.  He wants to know how much time this part would demand of Heather and she says it’s not a lead role (shocking!) so she wouldn’t have to be on set that much, but it shoots in Canada, so she WOULD have to move to another country.  Terry thinks Heather should be content with the amazing life they’re living now – paid for by the vanity of the Orange County masses – and not worry about a career of her own.  But he’ll support whatever she chooses.  He’s nervous though, because Canadian women are much happier with their faces and he doesn’t know how he would make a living.  Heather wants to do something for herself and not feel like she let life pass her by, but she also doesn’t want to miss out on raising her children.  This whole conversation is premature and probably unnecessary.  Heather went on an AUDITION.  She hasn’t been offered anything.  It’s certainly not time for Terry to open a new practice in Canada, although Heather does suggest an awesome signage opportunity:  “Botox, eh?”

Keeping with the theme of balancing family and career, Alexis joins Jim in his home office where he’s doing who-knows-what to finance their next vehicular and/or real estate debacle, and she tells him she’s thinking of hiring a hosting coach like Gretchen did.

“ALEXIS.  How many times do I have to tell you – NEVER come in here.”

Jim doesn’t understand how working with a hosting coach will help Alexis be a better wife.  She clarifies that it’s for her Fox gig and Jim worries that if Alexis starts working more than an hour a week she might figure out how money works and catch on that all he’s doing is cooking their books.  Apparently this requires wearing a backwards baseball cap.  He warns her to think really hard about missing seeing their kids grow up if she’s determined to drive the whole hour to San Diego every Friday for her segment and now wants to add meetings with a coach on top of that.  The kids won’t even recognize her if she doesn’t give up these silly pipe dreams.

Let’s check in on Vicki.  She’s packing for Vegas and there is a woman named Heidi helping her, who is labeled as “Vicki’s employee.”  Vicki has an assistant too?  Or is this just an insurance broker who was cajoled into helping Vicki pick out outfits?

“If I choose this top will you finally give me last quarter’s commission?”

Heidi wonders if there will be tension with the group, but Vicki says that this time she’s bringing Brooks in case things get mean.  He’s just as capable of sending nasty cards as he is romantic cards so if anyone crosses Vicki in his presence, they better watch their mailbox.

And now Slade and Gretchen have arrived in Vegas and are en route to their hotel.  Gretchen is beside herself knowing that she’s in Vegas to PERFORM on a VEGAS STAGE!  Slade goes on and on about once you’re a Pussycat Doll you’re always a Pussycat Doll, so Gretchen is right up there with Christina Aguilera and Pink.  Well, those two may have performed with the Pussycat Dolls, but do either of them have their own makeup line?  I didn’t think so.  And were they put up in a luxury suite in The Cosmopolitan hotel?  Ok, probably.

The next day the rest of the gang arrives in Vegas and I guess they’re in an Escalade limo to go from the airport to their hotel (limos are lined up around the airport in Vegas, by the way, to take anyone with 50 bucks anywhere they want to go) and Heather mentions that Alexis has an Escalade.  Tamra says that Alexis gets a new car every 21 days and wonders if that’s how long it takes to repo.

Tamra:  “I’ll just buy my Escalade at the police auction that sells the Bellinos’.”

Heather mentions the long list of cars Alexis gave her on the way home from glamping and wants to know what Jim does for a living.  No one knows.  When Heather says that Alexis called Jim an entrepreneur, Vicki goes, “Aren’t we all?” and Terry jumps on the opportunity to announce, “I’m a doctor!”  Thanks for this scene’s reminder, Terry!  Heather’s getting really suspicious of the Bellinos’ money and tells us she can’t stand people who are phony.  You picked the wrong show, Heather.  But she’s totally right about Alexis and Jim.  They are flying by the seat of Jim’s Ed Hardy jeans.  In other news, everyone is really nervous about Gretchen’s ability to sing…

Including Gretchen, who is arriving to rehearse.  Mikey, the choreographer, gives Gretchen some BASIC steps to do while she sings.  I mean like walking across the stage and waving.

“Ok, forget waving.  Just hold your arm down like this.  You can do it!”

Gretchen starts to lose it because how is she supposed to remember all the words to her song and also remember all of these dance moves Mikey is throwing at her mere hours before the performance?  Plus her voice isn’t even a hundred percent yet from yelling at Vicki weeks ago.  Mikey tells her it’s all about the vocals because if those are no good, everyone loses.  I think everyone’s going to lose, whether Gretchen remembers to wave or not.

The gang is meeting up for food or cocktails or something and Vicki hugs Gretchen and tells her how proud she is.  See, when your daughter almost has cancer you realize it’s okay to be nice sometimes.

“If you were a mother, Gretchen, you’d understand this new peace I’ve discovered.”

Gretchen tells the girls how terrified she is because she’s not a burlesque performer and she has no idea how all this happened.  Well Gretchen, your 12-year-old manager set it all up and you agreed to it.  Heather chimes in that, in case we’ve forgotten, she used to tour with a 14 piece big band so she understands that performances like this are not easy.  And she opened for the Velvet Fog, so she REALLY KNOWS.

Alexis and Jim are late for dinner because Alexis has hired a Vegas makeup artist to do her face since her nose job bruises aren’t all gone yet.  I really think Alexis must be disabled.  She can not do ANYTHING by herself.  She can’t comb her own hair.  She can’t even put her own frozen peas on her face!  How much money would she save by buying a book on how to apply makeup?  Wait, then she’d have to read.  How much money would she save by taking a class on how to apply makeup instead of paying someone to do it for her every single time she leaves the house?  And every single time she doesn’t?  This particular makeup artist is a huge mistake.  Alexis looks like she’s in blackface.  Jim mentions that it looks rather dark and the girl says don’t worry, she’s going to put a lighter coat over the dark coat.  Huh?  Why not just start with a light coat?  While the makeup girl digs through her bag for something Alexis runs around the room hopping up and down and loud-whispering to Jim that it’s too much makeup.  Just too much!  Jim is just annoyed that this is taking so long, so Alexis shoos the girl out and frantically dabs at her face with baby wipes, screaming, “Babe I can’t get it off!”  See what I mean about disabled?  And that was several hundred dollars well spent, I’m sure.

“Jim, will you ask the concierge to call a makeup REMOVAL artist?  I can’t do this.”

When Alexis has finally mopped enough excess makeup off her face, she and Jim show up at the restaurant and Tamra calls Jim “Jimmy the Chin Bellino” because apparently he has gotten a chin implant!  I scoured the interwebs for before and after pictures and it seems that he also got liposuction on his neck.

Or it could just be the lack of the stunning fauxhawk.

This guy is a piece of work!  And what happened to never wanting to hang out with these people ever again?  I guess he wanted a chance to get his new face on TV.  His chin does look better, but there is no procedure that removes douche.  Not even at Terry’s practice.  Alexis tells the exciting story of her Las Vegas makeup artist gone awry, to which Tamra responds that she still looks like a drag queen, which she does with all that heavy eye makeup.  And next to tell a story is Brooks, who presents Alexis and Jim with a scenario.

In keeping with his habit of sending Vicki daily affirmations or daily quotes, Brooks recently sent Vicki the following story:

Man tells woman you mean the world to me and I want to shout it to the world.  Woman tells man, then shout it to the world.  Man leans over to woman and whispers in her ear, I love you.

OMG, Brooks has major problems.  The most prominent of which, right now, is that Vicki doesn’t understand this idiotic tale. And Alexis is truly baffled.  Major backfire.  Instead of making Vicki swoon, Brooks has made her feel confused and intellectually inferior.  This isn’t going to bode well with his plans of becoming a major reality star.  He tries to explain that in the story the woman IS the man’s whole world, but Vicki still doesn’t get it.  Alexis advises Brooks not to use such big words and complex ideas.

In this week’s mini scene, Jim and Terry swap in vitro stories.  Remember, they both have twins!  They discuss how they had to produce their sperm specimens.  Next!

To everyone’s dismay, this Pussycat Dolls BS is being dragged out yet another week because Gretchen is still just getting her hair fluffed and her makeup exaggerated.  Oh and her sequined corset tightened.

Stripper Barbie (hoarse edition)

As the gang files into the club and gets settled, Alexis frets that this looks like a strip club.  Yeah, what did you think the Pussycat Dolls were?  A puppet show?  In a burst of spiritual emotion, Alexis finds Gretchen and says a prayer with her to help her be a gooder stripper.  That about sums up Alexis’s religious existence, I would say.

Next week!  This performance better happen or my poor precious television is going to end up paying the price!  Oh and I think we also get to see Briana shatter Vicki’s world.  HA!

Remember, dear readers, there is no “us” without “u.”

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-Honey Gangsta

Late one afternoon in 2005, Honey Gangsta received an invite to join a two person blog set up by her former roommate who had recently ditched LA (California knows how to party) for the bright lights of NYC (these streets will make you feel brand new, the lights will inspire you). The purpose of the blog was to continue their nightly ritual of ripping on reality TV, which could no longer be done in person. Since Honey Gangsta was still watching 18 hours of TV a day and had nothing else to do, she agreed. 10,000 hits later, HG was inspired to submit a Bachelor recap to TVgasm - no one was reporting on Officer Mayo and his time traveling DeLorean - and the rest is history. It's been said that she writes what you're thinking. It's been said she is a genius - a Blogger Laureate of her time. It's also been said that the earth is flat and no one landed on the moon, so you just never know. With her keen observations, and colorful commentary, Honey Gangsta is beloved the world over.

38 Comments

  1. 1
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:23 am

    You are doing God’s work.

  2. 2
    S-Natch S-Natch
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:42 am

    “Stripper Barbie (hoarse edition)” BWHAHAHAHAHA!!! Although I must say Wretched did not sound hoarse at all when she was talking in Vegas. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say maybe the b*tch just can’t sing. Shocking – I know. Maybe she should be Stripper Barbie (horse(faced) edition)! :D

  3. 3
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:43 am

    We already know that Gretchen sucked in her PCD performance. Can we just get on with it?!?!?!

    Brooks and Vicki’s relationship is like an awesome Lifetime movie. Vicki’s down and out after a tough divorce. Brooks the southern gentlemen comes in and is the perfect man. Friend Tamra keeps saying she doesn’t like the guy and find out that he’s still married to two other women and stole all their money. Friend Tamra’s boyfriend Eddie tells her that she is paranoid and should stay out of Vicki and Brooks business. So she does, but then one of the wives comes back and tries to kill Vicki while she’s on the phone with Tamra. The police come and Vicki is safe, but while in the hospital Vicki finds out that all of her money is gone….and so is Brooks (sad music plays and zoom out)

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:45 am

    Not that this applies to Gretchen because I don’t think she can sing either, but I am dealing with allergies right now and to most people I don’t sound hoarse but if I was to try and sing I am sure I’d sound worse than Gretchen. That’s why I limit my singing to my house, my car and church. Because at church no one can really hear me anyway.

  5. 5
    mere2142
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 7:52 am

    I could see Brooks playing a serial killer in that Lifetime movie. Something about him just makes my skin crawl. I thought Preacher Pawn was bad but he’s got nothing on Brooks.

    Tamra was cracking me up talking about Jim’s chin implant. Did anyone else catch when Alexis went into his office she said something like ‘you look like you’re really busy’. I bet anything he had Minesweeper up on his screen. Or porn. You know, the kind sanctioned by God.

  6. 6
    fancyface
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:06 am


    classy drunk:

    We already know that Gretchen sucked in her PCD performance. Can we just get on with it?!?!?!
    Brooks and Vicki’s relationship is like an awesome Lifetime movie. Vicki’s down and out after a tough divorce. Brooks the southern gentlemen comes in and is the perfect man. Friend Tamra keeps saying she doesn’t like the guy and find out that he’s still married to two other women and stole all their money. Friend Tamra’s boyfriend Eddie tells her that she is paranoid and should stay out of Vicki and Brooks business. So she does, but then one of the wives comes back and tries to kill Vicki while she’s on the phone with Tamra. The police come and Vicki is safe, but while in the hospital Vicki finds out that all of her money is gone….and so is Brooks (sad music plays and zoom out)

    I’ve totally seen that movie! Ha ha. I love this!

  7. 7
    moonshine
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Perhaps i am as dim as Alexis for i thought Brooks’ romantic adage was in fact, denigrating to women in saying that by whispering in a woman’s ear, one WAS telling the whole world coz we can’t keep our damned mouths shut! bwaahahaha.

  8. 8
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I wish I thought Brooks was that interesting. I think his main problem is that he can’t act. The producers sit them down in a restaurant and say to them both, “Okay, we’re going to do a shoot a scene showing that Brook loves Vicki like crazy. Then Vicki gets up to go to work. Because Vicki is work. Go!” and Brooks is so discombobulated that he gets those staring eyes and everything he says come out like an axe murder.

  9. 9
    hot cawfee
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:23 am

    Yes !! Vicki and Brooks are a Lifetime movie waiting to happen–love it !!! He screams serial killer— there is something slimy with a hint of “off” about him.

    I am loving Terry more and more– Stay away from Canada Ter– that pesky socialized medicine won’t help you a lick. Is Heatther goi9ng on “Degrassi” ?? I love that show going back to Snake, Wheels and Joey Jerimiah– the Zit Remedy.

    Slade and Gretchen still bug me– Hey Slade-so being a PCD is like the Mafia??? You never get out—someone should tell Big Ang and Drita- WOulod love to see Big Ang perform.
    And last– Are Jim’s boobs bigger than Alexis’ boobs???? He is creepier than Brooks.

  10. 10
    hbgchick
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:49 am

    I actually thought that little story Brooks told Vicki was sweet. If, of course, it had been told by anyone other than Brooks to anyone other than Vicki.

    And what’s happened to Gretchen? When we first ‘met’ her she was a beautiful girl with a brain, but now she’s neither. Is it Slade’s influence or what?

  11. 11
    hlesczyn
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:53 am

    HAHAHAHAHAHA this is so a lifetime movie. The insane thing is BRAVO will never intervene just let it all happen on camera, probably tape Brooks transfering Vicki’s accounts into his name.

  12. 12
    hlesczyn
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 8:59 am

    @ hot cawfee – We are probably the same age because I totally only watched DeGrassi when Joey was on it (because for me it was on during after school – junior highish where you were still home at 4 because no highschool sports and clubs, etc.) and for whatever reason I associate everything Canadian with it which is terrible but I do and when Heather said filmed in Canada – I totally was like OMG she is going to be on DeGrassi.

  13. 13
    BrattyMcPants
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:14 am

    Brooks doesn’t scream serial killer….he whispers it in my ear.

  14. 14
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:18 am

    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! *snorts* *coughs* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

  15. 15
    trkaelin
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:38 am

    I was watching Kathy Griffin’s talk show last night and she mentioned something about the Bellinos owning a trampoline park??!! Not sure what that is all about.

  16. 16
    MrsMiaWallace
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:51 am

    When we first “met” Gretchen she was a stay-at-home nurse/gf to a dying much older man. Also the rumors Tamra kept harping on about her having another bf and using the dying guy or having an arrangement with him seemed pretty credible and were never really refuted. Not that its our business, but Gretchen has really never done anything classy I’ve seen. Maybe she just stays with Slade to beat the “gold-digger” rap. Lord knows its not his money she’s after.

    Honey Gangsta! Great great great recap! I particularly loved the hate card mailbox comment. Amazing!

    I laughed that no one got Brooks’ dumb story but he is also so awkward and awful I was glad to see him embarrassed. I feel like Vikki was hung up on, “so why didn’t he shout it? Like in her ear?”.

    I love the Gretchen voice excuse-if some of the commenters are right, Vikki left the bunco party to be with Breanna at the hospital (or vice versa), so in the time that Gretchen’s voice is “still not 100%” Breanna has had and recovered from major surgery.

    The blackface makeup scene was hilarious. Most women can identify with sitting in a chair getting hair or makeup done and realizing its bad and praying the finished product is better. And then the realization that is terrible and being too polite to complain, paying, fawning over it, escaping and then frantically doing it yourself! I just found it a little endearing to see the two of those nitwits in the same scenario and feeling so awkward because I would’ve expected Jim especially, but even Alexis, to loudly complain and kick her out. It kind of humanized them for me a little.

    Still hate Jim and Alexis.

  17. 17
    fancyface
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:56 am

    Just finished laughing at that a few minutes ago lol. They’re opening up or trying to open up a ‘Sky Zone’ franchise, which is basically like a Chucke Cheese or Blue Rabbit with trampolines for kids to almost kill themselves playing on. They do sound like fun, but they also sound VERY dangerous. While I’m sure they take all safety precautions, somehow, a room full of trampolines doesn’t sound safe at all. Imagine how crazy your kids get on the trampolines in your yard and double that times 10. I would probably be a wreck the whole time they were there. BUT, this is coming from someone who cracked a bone in her neck and bruised every inch of her back on a trampoline, so I may be overly concerned about it lol, but it just doesn’t sit right with me to let my evil kneivels loose in a room full of children propellers. I’m sure they’ll be successful though.

  18. 18
    fancyface
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 9:59 am

    ^^^^^^^DITTO Classy^^^^^ That was good Bratty!

  19. 19
    labowner
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 10:18 am

    I see Brooks in the Stepfather movie of 1987. Brianna can be the daughter that figures the scam artist out.

  20. 20
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:19 am

    All I could think of when Alexis was done getting her “makeup done” was : Ooompa Looompa dupity do….

    Uh, why is Bravo showing us 2 different PCD performances? I one shot Gretch is in that white sparkle Hooker Barbie and in a different shot she is in something totally different…Did she do 2 shows?!?!?

    I can’t wait for Briana to drop her bomb!! :)

  21. 21
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

    I assume she had a costume change.

  22. 22
    mom2redheads
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:22 am

    We have a Sky Zone a couple of miles from our home and my kids love it. I was very panicked the first time I took them, but it is really safe. The trampolines are divided into like 3 foot squares and only 1 kid per square, they have tons of staff watching the kids and the big kids are at one end and smaller kids on the other. They also have a separate dodge ball course. It is all enclosed by netting and the walls are also trampolines so there is very little chance anyone could get injured. Jumpers have to wear special jump shoes that protect the ankles as well. My kids have gone many times and no injuries and I have never seen any while there. Even better, it is fabulous exercise. I buy 1 hour jump time and they are exhausted when we leave. I wonder is Sky Zone sought out the Bellinos because they are Christian? The one near us is owned by a church. Hmmmm……

  23. 23
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:42 am


    classy drunk:

    I assume she had a costume change.

    If that is the case, then she is a liar about only singing one song. Or Slade, whatever, I have a feeling that I am going to ff through the PCD performance…

  24. 24
    trkaelin
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:47 am

    Ok, thanks! I’m a little worried about this particular venture lol

  25. 25
    fancyface
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Oh that’s interesting. I figured that they would be Very cautious because of the risk and if i remember correctly, I want to say I saw something like that on tv before and it does look like fun, but given my history with trampolines, I would be terrified!
    The horror of my kids jumping on things that were made for them to jump on would be too much to bear lol.

    But seriously, we still have our trampoline in the yard even after my serious injuries and I still let the kids go on with very strict guidelines, so much so, they sometimes are like just forget it because I sucked all the fun out of it lol. Maybe one day I can build up the courage to go if we ever get one around here, because again, it does sound like fun and I’m down to try anything that will exhaust my kids to bed :)

  26. 26
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 11:56 am

    She probably did the one song and then came back out at the end when they closed the show.

  27. 27
    NikkiHughes
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 1:27 pm

    Honest to God, I thought the same thing. I thought it was supposed to be “funny” because if he whispered it to her, she would blab it to everyone. LOL

  28. 28
    kthxbai
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 4:18 pm

    @Honey Gangsta That was so good! I can’t stop laughing at “makeup removal artist!” And just all of it.

    They could make a whole show about just Jimmy the Chin and Jesus Barbie!

    Somebody’s assistant driving them around means they’re either too cheap or too poor to have a driver. And the car service broke up with them when VISA did.

    People will be a driver plus do all the jobs of a ladies maid or a valet for way cheaper now if they can get called an assistant.

    Like in offices. They’ll lay off 3 people and give all their work and a new stapler to whoever makes the least $. And say they’re promoted to Vice President for Document Attachment.

    @mere2142 He makes my skin crawl too. I hope the Lifetime movie doesn’t end with him throwing Trufflesnoot some lotion to put on hers.

  29. 29
    WaffleBoy
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 6:46 pm

    “so if anyone crosses Vicki in his presence, they better watch their mailbox.”

    That was awesome, thanks!

  30. 30
    DizzyLizzy
    Posted April 27, 2012 at 10:10 pm

    Ugh it bugs me that Heather criticizes Alexs so much when she’s exactly the same way! Weren’t they talking earlier in the season about why the hell Alexis needs an assistant, and then she goes and has one? And Heather also likes to brag about all her money and important duties she does all day.

    And YESSSSSS!!!!! Brianna finally tells Vicki she got married next week!!!

  31. 31
    Mimo
    Posted April 30, 2012 at 7:46 am

    Unpopular view here – but…..

    I feel bad for Vicki over the whole Brianna getting married thing. I know she’s a truffle hunter trying for human status, but that’s just wrong.

    Thus speaks the mother who found out on facebook that her son was engaged (a full three days after it was posted).

  32. 32
    NotWithoutMyTV notwithoutmytv
    Posted April 30, 2012 at 8:26 am

    I’m trying to think of a situation in which I would feel bad for Vicki.

    I think I would be at that awhile, so in the interest of spending my time more productively, I’m just going to say that there isn’t one.

  33. 33
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted April 30, 2012 at 8:30 am

    NWMTV…you didn’t even try.

  34. 34
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted April 30, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I love this thread! Thanks for all the awesome LOL’s. The Lifetime movie is so dead on. Reminds be of Log Jamin’ in TBL. The movie with in the movie. Your outta your element Brooks!

    I’ll never ever feel bad for Vicki or Heather as it turns out I am starting to hate her just as much. I miss me some Peggy actually.

  35. 35
    LAC LAC
    Posted April 30, 2012 at 1:22 pm

    OMG – Honey G, your recap was hurlarious! Thank you!

    Alexis just keeps hitting all the branches of the dumb as shit tree and always delivers. Watching her engage in the battle of the wits with the crimson chin is funny enough. You know all those papers on his desk are just IOU’s and “past due notices” mixed together with forclosured homes listings and time share scams. I don’t know what Jimbo’s problem is – the girl is making a living as an actual living box of rocks. Own it and mine it! Watching her run around the hotel room trying not to look like an extra in a bollywood film was icing on the twit cake.

    Gretchen – get it fucking done already. Croak out the song, prance around the stage while the Pussycat dolts give their crotches some airing and call it a day already. I hate your storyline, hate the Pussycat dolls and am starting to hate Vegas. And that is not good – I am planning a Vegas trip next year.

    Vicki – what is with the trend on these shows of these broads needing employees to help them pack shit? Especially when they should be WORKING ON GETTING SOMEBODY INSURED?? :)
    And Brooks is working my last good nerve – he so syrupy, you could pour him on your waffles. I am with everyone with the Lifetime movie vibe on this one. Last shot on the movie, camera slowly zooming in on Vicki in full twitchy mode, screeching “Brooks took the money and loaded it on a LITTLE FAMILY VAN!! Who sends a family van for one person with all that money!!!!” And scene…

    Tamra – that forehead is made of granite, right? I keep wanting to tap on it – it doesn’t move.

    Heather – way to browbeat Terry (I like the big goof) about something that is unlikely to happen. No, not the Bimbo lounge and restaurant, your acting career taking off. And again, another one with the assistant to help her move shit to another handbag.

  36. 36
    caligal
    Posted May 1, 2012 at 9:15 am

    FYI…Mother Juggs is going to be making her “acting debut” on General Hospital, May 9th, ABC. Her character name is TBA.
    Wonder what Pawn Preacher thinks of that little venture.

  37. 37
    Surly Girly Surly Girly
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 10:16 am

    “His chin does look better, but there is no procedure that removes douche. Not even at Terry’s practice.” LMAO!

    Just discovered your recaps, Honey Gangsta, and I am eating them up. Great stuff!

  38. 38
    annie Annie
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 12:03 pm

    LAC your comments had me cracking up! All of what you said is so true….don’t let Gretch’s Vegas Vacation ruin yours. Just don’t watch the Pussy Cat Dolls or go to the Cosmopolitan and you’ll be fine :P

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