Hey guys! The comments last week were HILARIOUS! The Lifetime movie about Brooks and Vicki? Awesome. Bravo just continuing to roll tape as Brooks drains Vicki’s accounts? Exactly. What a great episode that would make! You guys are just a constant reminder that there is no “us” without “u!” I love it!
All right, we’re still in Vegas and we’re still at the Pussycat Dolls strip club and Gretchen is still in sparkly lingerie getting ready to shake her moneymaker in front of dozens of people. She tells us that not only is she singing in the show, she’s also introducing the whole show. Oh, good thing she has that hosting coach she told us about or else this could be embarrassing.
“Anyone know how to turn this thing on?”
She wiggles her butt around and introduces the dancers, tells everyone it’s her birthday, then runs offstage to change into stripper costume #2. The rest of the gang is entertained by the dancers. Vicki tells us that Brooks, being from the South, has never seen anything like this. Riiiiiiiight. There are no strip clubs in the South and even if there were, Brooks has certainly never patronized them. Sure. We see a dancer do upside down splits right in Tamra’s face and Tamra tells us she could be a gynecologist now. Then Alexis says that Jimmy the Chin isn’t enjoying this one little bit; he’s just being a supportive husband. Cut straight to Jim all bug-eyed and open-mouthed, staring up at some girl’s crotch.
“I’m so blessed to have a husband who doesn’t enjoy these types of things.” As Gretchen gets into her police stripper outfit, Robin Antin listens to her practice singing and tells her to watch certain notes and maybe just whisper them instead of singing them. HA! Gretchen says she needed at least a week to practice on this particular stage with this particular microphone. Oh Gretchen, a YEAR wouldn’t help you if just can’t sing. Slade says he’s nervous because HE’S worked very, very hard on this performance and it’s a big step for both of them. Worked hard at what, exactly? Nagging Gretchen? Making her text you from the next room to “spare” her voice?
So Gretchen FINALLY comes out and sings Fever, and let me tell you – it’s not good. Not for a professional performance. Her voice is pretty weak, she’s off key through much of the song, and she sounds out of breath, like it’s too much effort to thrust her hips and sing at the same time. If only she’d had a week to practice on this microphone.
And hadn’t been forced to remember these complex dance moves. Tamra says the vocals were “ehh,” but that Gretchen looked great. Vicki tells us she wasn’t impressed. Alexis says Gretchen did the best she could. So basically everyone knows she sucked. But they’re proud of her for getting up there.
Back in Gretchen’s hotel suite, Crazy Sara from champagne bowling approaches Vicki and apologizes to her for going nuts on her at Heather’s bowling party. Vicki just says thank you. Gretchen comes out in sparkly underwear outfit #3, which is I guess her after-party outfit. Everyone is really nice and tells her she did great. When she says she feels like she was a little off, Tamra goes, “It’s your birthday!” In other words, yes Gretchen, you were off. Tamra gives Gretchen a present, which is a picture of the two of them at the mud run, then Vicki hands Gretchen a gift and says she’s sorry (for their screaming match, I guess). Gretchen says thank you and Vicki goes, “You can say you’re sorry back whenever you’re ready!” meaning RIGHT NOW OR ELSE.
Sara: “I already said sorry and I have a slutty outfit too! When do I become a permanent cast member?” Slade gives a toast to momentarily distract from his douchiness.
The next day Vicki, Tamra, Heather and their men gather at a Blackjack table to play a few hands and discuss how mature Vicki is for apologizing to Gretchen. Vicki says she can’t be in any toxic relationships. I didn’t know she had any other kind.