RHODC: All That Sparkles Isn’t Gold!

87 Comments

1. 1
   Phil
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:31 pm

   Bbitz, I have to say that your DC recaps are now my favourites; you’ve beaten Twunty on NJ. If only the Rosa/Mary/waiter/Cat saga could continue…

2. 2
   Faye
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:16 pm

   Cat’s children are little Valentines, bless they hearts …

   And as for her comments about Lolly-Pop, right or wrong, my biggest peeve is when someone VOLUNTEERS to me how I should be raising my daughter, what I should or should not do for my daughter and what they would do differently (it’s especially irksome if said Dr. Spock is childless) We all have boundaries with kids, men, etc so if you disagree with someone’s methods just SHUT.IT.UP. No one cares. That is why I do not discuss all my daughter does wrong (lucky for her) in the company of others unless I need advice because if they say something sideways about the Terror of Tinytown, I get offended. If anyone is going to ruin her self worth, make her feel like shit and she can’t do anything right, it’s Mommy Dearest; not some Cat Parker Bowles and her oversized Family Guy styled british teeth.

   Also, I just need to be on this show long enough to get invited to Aunt Frances house for dinner. Lawd have mercy on by high cholesterol, if someone put some good ol’ bacon fat in my collard greens, they would have to call the cops and file a restraining order against me … YUMMY!

3. 3
   sarcasatire
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:23 pm

   BBitz, you’ve done it again. Yes, you are officially my favorite recapper, and I love quite a few!

   I finally caught this episode last night…and I am ready to dish. First, lemme say the ‘thoughts bubbles’ of Rosa and Sparkle are brilliant. “Did you hear that? My leg just broke! Ha-Ha!!”

   Love the comparison of Cat’s daughter to Harry Potter. But she also looked like the prince Charles pic, as well. Cat isn’t anti-American, she’s just very patriotic. Whenever her kids were on camera I would think of that Simpson episode when Ralphie tried to lie to his dentist about daily flossing. “Must I show you the book, Ralpie? The book of British smiles!”

   Aunt Stacie looks just like my Grammy. Except, instead of scotch, my memaw would be sipping Carlo Rossi mountain chablis from the jug she kept under the counter. Cuz, she’s klassy like that. Love you, Grammy!
   That spread was what we eat on Thanksgiving, Xmas, and birthdays..I couldn’t imagine eating like that weekly, but my heart did melt when i saw it. Anytime there is Mac&cheese that you can cut like cake, I’m in! I love how ‘down home’ Lynda is. Keeping her bacon grease for later is so old school, I love it.

   Michaele and Salami are so clueless that I can’t hate them. She is just too entertaining. I read somewhere that his family has a vineyard and are wealthy but have shut him out after discovering he embezzled around $3 million from the business.

   I don’t think Cat was comfortable at Aunt Frances’. That’s why she wanted liquid courage right at the doorstep. Doesn’t mean she is racist, just that she felt out of her element and ill at ease. remember, you guys, this was the lady who made out with a prince during a night of drunken debauchery(!) She is all klass(!) Speaking of which, i think that is Cat’s issue. She doesn’t care about color, so much as she cares about class. And if your existence hovers near the lower echelons, then please, no eye contact!

4. 4
   Jennjenn25
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:24 pm

   I am not clear on why these women throw a birthday party for Paul. Is it some great honor? Do they have to pay for it? Why doesn’t he do his own party????

5. 5
   kdognatl
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:32 pm

   The men all take a break from the party and go downstairs to discuss Stacie’s husband’s idea for a “penile measuring device”. WHAT THE FUCK!?? A) Why would a grown, married man need this?! B) It’s called a fucking ruler.

   LMFAO!!!! Ebong’s reaction to this device was pretty damn funny too.

6. 6
   sarcasatire
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:43 pm

   I think the ‘penis measuring device’ was to measure volume, not length. This tool may be necessary. Because, then, guys with ‘choads’ can feel better about themselves. (I’m looking at you, Stacie’s husband) “Sigh, it’s kinda short. But, look, it’s thick!”

7. 7
   LAC
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:52 pm

   “God his hair is AWFUL!!! I know someone pointed out that he’s not a hair stylist but come on. Boy looks like Lindsay Cok-han in the slammer. Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, but I like my gays cute and coiffed from head to toe. ESPECIALLY if I’m paying them to advise me on style.”

   Word! You had me at that paragraph – love your recap.

   Mic and Salami are hilariously gross. I loves the Lynda. Her bitchy, cougar, whiskey drinking, fried chicken eating is fabu in my book and she can mistreat her son’s girlfriend anytime! Mary, lordy, lordy – I habla Rosa and she is going to kill-o all your familia while you siesta, stupida. Mary, please invite me over for Sunday dinner – I miss that and you would have to pry me out of the seat. Cat, Alexis Carrington called and would like you to stop being a fucking bitch already – she does it better. Seriously, if that waiter took that bottle and smashed her Charley McCarthy head (seriously, look at the face!) with it, I would promote him to front of the house.

   Thank you for the funny recap!!!

8. 8
   LAC
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:56 pm

   I meant to say Stacie, invite me to your aunt’s home.

9. 9
   Faye
   Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:58 pm

   The fact that he walked off to get her some wine and she said “it’s right there” the “BITCH PLEASE” look on his face was priceless. He just looked like he wanted to head to Arizona, get arrested, claim he could not prove he was a citizen and be deported rather than pour that London Sillynanny some wine

   Good Lawd I’m glad I have a place to go where my psychosis is not frowned upon

10. 10
    marijai
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Great recap! I haven’t seen the episode as my DVR recorded the first episode again. However, I plan on watching as soon as it comes back on. And yes, I DO have a jar of bacon grease in my fridge right now….it makes the best corn bread and fried potatoes you’ve ever eaten!

11. 11
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 4:10 pm

    @marijai- yes, but is it in a Maxwell House can?

12. 12
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 4:52 pm

    @Bbitz and LAC: meet John Galliano, style icon and designer for both John Galliano and Christian Dior. And this is what he looks like: http://www.swotti.com/tmp/swotti/cacheAM9OBIBNYWXSAWFUBW==UGVVCGXLLVBLB3BSZQ==/imgJohn%20Galliano6.jpg

    I find, from working in fashion in NYC, that gay mean are given a pass. Women, on the other hand, must be fit, good-looking, and well-coiffed at all times in order to be taken seriously in this industry. (No uglies, and only fatties with rich daddies need apply!) Gay men can be as perfect as you described, BBitz. But they can also be overweight, have bad hairstyles, or an avant-garde fashion sense that no one ‘gets’(read: huh?), yet if they have a good portfolio or connections, they will succeed in leaps and bounds above the ladies with similar talent/contacts. Not only that, they will invited to every major social event. In the Curious Case of DC’s 6th Toe, seems like they will even go as far as planning his social events for him. (On another note, he’s got great skin for a beard-shaving man over 30).

13. 13
    Angela Parisi LaRoe
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 5:11 pm

    I couldn’t get passed the Harry Potter and Dobby reference without laughing like an idiot. That was the funniest thing I have read in a while. I can’t even read the rest yet because I am laughing so hard. I will write again later.

14. 14
    Joy1333
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 5:31 pm

    Great recap Bbitz…….but it’s “jodhpurs” not “jumpers” it just means equestrian clothing, either way, Mic’s still an asshole who wanted to look better than Cat and Mary.
    Looking forward to your recap of next week…

15. 15
    Robinez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 6:22 pm

    Loved the recap Bbitz,Thanks.:-)

    These gals are much more high flatulent than any other HW franchise.

    TC,Robin

16. 16
    chemgal
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 6:47 pm

    Gotta do this in bulleted format. Too much to cover at once.
    1. Still love Cat, don’t care if she is a bitch.

    2. If someone complains to me about their husband or kids, I’m going to give advice. You don’t want advice, don’t pile your shit on me.

    3. Cat must have been married and reproduced with a very ugly man.

    4. Lynda is much better looking then I realized in the first episode.

    5. Yes, I love Cat, so I must defend her. I am wondering how long she had been at Aunt Frances before asking for a drink. I too get pissed when I’m invited to someone’s house and because everyone else show’s up late, they hold off on offering drinks. I do think her comment was because no one else was on time and she had been there for a while.

    6.Cat’s refrigerator sounds stocked with all that is necessary to cut down the mightiest tree

    7. If Mary convinces her husband to have Rosa be there 5 days a week because she is “busier then ever” then I need to know that woman’s secret. What is she doing all day long?

    8. I hate Teresa

17. 17
    LAC
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    Chemgal, c,mon…cat barely got introduced to people and started off with the “where’s me bloody drink?” Could you at least say hello to people before hitting the bar? Want to give Stacie’s aunt a moment after shaking your hand before you start barking drink orders? I don’t think she is getting a bad edit at all – she is rude. Plus, being a bitch to a waiter about wine at your table doesn’t inspire my defense.

    Look, I like bitches too – but smart bitches know how to act. Perhaps she should get tips from Lynda. Now that is a bitch who knows how to act towards people.

18. 18
    LAC
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 7:07 pm

    @Sarcas, regarding gay stylists, I have no doubt what you are saying is true. I just found BBitz comments about Dwight Jr. funny, that’s all.

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    chemgal
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Like I said last week, I’m not going to invite her over here, but LOVE, LOVE, LOVE (you should read that out loud in a sing song-y voice to get the proper affect) her on this show. I will never, ever, ever question why she was chosen.

20. 20
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 8:28 pm

    Okay, I just have to say for the record that questionable hairdo’s aside, I really, really love Paul Wharton. I’m sure he can be a first-class bitch, but his birthday speech totally pulled at my heartstrings. And he seems like he might be the glue that holds all these bitches together, LOL.

    Lynda is my favorite so far. Like I said on the last recap, I have to respect any woman who can make her son’s GF into her house-bitch… Oh, what I would do with that knowledge…

    I thought Mic was an asshole to literally put Paul in the middle of that bullshit with Lynda at his own party, pick up the phone and deal with it face to face on your own time. I can’t stand the Salami’s in general, and I got an extra kick out of that birthday giveaway knowing that isn’t even their real house, hahaha! Sparkle, what is she 12?

    I don’t understand why Mary’s housekeeper is cleaning up after the kids or the dog. Housekeepers generally come in a couple of times a week to do maintenance cleaning. What are they doing, leaving the dog shit around until Rosa shows up? And seriously, housekeeper or not who doesn’t expect their teenaged/adult-aged children to pick up after themselves – that is a complete affectation, the last generation that functioned like that was Brooke Astor’s and they had real, full-time staffs. And that’s why their kids all lost all the family money, because they were too stupid and lazy to know how to maintain it.

    That lunch with Cat was really funny, I can’t wait until the gloves come off and the ladies start sharing their unvarnished thoughts on her, with her. I’ll bet she doesn’t appreciate candor nearly as much when it’s aimed in her direction – and how the heck did she land that husband? He’s charm personified.

    I love Aunt Francis, I want to drink scotch and eat fried chicken at her house!!! I cannot believe the spread she put on, I was floored at the sheer amount of work that went into that meal – I hope everyone pitched in and cleaned up. I want peach cobbler, RIGHT NOW, LOL.

    I’m unimpressed by Stacie’s husband’s penis measuring device – I can do the exact same calculations with some beer and a set of kneepads. Did I say that out loud? Bless my heart.

    And I also hate Teresa; and her children. Those precious Valentine’s, bless their little hearts!

21. 21
    Pixielated
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 9:52 pm

    About Cat: I hate that effing bitch. Sure, it’s great to be bitchy, but the key is that you are a bitch to people who are equal or superior to you. When you are a bitch to people with less power than you have, then you are, hmmm, see you next Thursday? (or is it Tuesday?)Cat thinks she’s better than everybody else, with no evidence to back it up. She should STFU. I’m already bored of her.

    You’re right, PCheez, she can dish it out but she can’t take it. I’d bet on it.

    Who needs to measure a penis anyway? For identification purposes? Either it does the job or it doesn’t, amiright?

    I hear what you’re saying, sarcasatire, but there are some hot messes among female designers. Betsey Johnson is one. But then, designers are different than stylists. Also, I think it is OK to look crazy or weird, but not dull, sloppy, or poorly put-together.

22. 22
    Samuel Bronkowitz
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:19 pm

    Is Tareq Salami pregnant? I thought that was an adams apple on Micheal. Is it possible to be more self-absorbed than Micheal. Whose house is that they borrowed to give the appearance of the lifestyle in which they wish to live. Join our Facebook page: Tell the White House Party Crashers to Go Away http://www.facebook.com/WhiteHousePartyCrashers

23. 23
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 12:35 am

    @Pixie: yes, it’s true tacky comes is all genders and forms. I was just stating that gay men are usually given a bit more of a pass for their poor self-styled choices, as long as their work is good. @ LAC, I thought it was funny, too…I just wanted to add a bit to the discussion. (I’ve worked for gays, I mean, guys that look a lot less attractive and less put-together than Paul -who is quite handsome and sincere- and they dress celebrities!)

24. 24
    Baxter
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 5:25 am

    bBitz- Fantastic recap!!! I completely agree with you on Mic and her age. Biatch no one thought you weren’t 44. She looks so haggard. Her skin is literally being stretched over her bones. Why the f were they sitting on a huge red carpet?? They just don’t get how ridiculous they look.

    Cat lost me this episode. I think she was uncomfortable which is okay but don’t make everyone around you uncomfortable. Don’t get me wrong I like her on the show because she brings the bitchiness but just don’t let it involve little Aunt Francis. I live in Pittsburgh so I haven’t had much experience with southern food. I was so close to jumping in my car and tracking down Aunt Francis and begging her to cook for me. It all looked so good!

25. 25
    classy drunk
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 5:36 am

    @ Sarcas, I keep old chicken and bacon grease, but I keep them in crisco cans. It makes your eggs for breakfast so much better.

26. 26
    LAC
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 7:13 am

    @Sarcas…add away. I love reading your posts and what you say is true.
    I remember seeing Paul hosting some DC show on our local channel 50. The dude made the leap into national attention.

    @classy drunk – you are making it hard to pretend that the Special K is doing it for me this morning.

27. 27
    Baxter
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 7:38 am

    LAC- I think you live in DC if I remember correctly. Have you ever eaten at Georgia Brown’s in DC?

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    Faye
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 7:38 am

    2. If someone complains to me about their husband or kids, I’m going to give advice. You don’t want advice, don’t pile your shit on me.

    @chemgal – Which is why I said I never do it … I agree, don’t complain if you don’t want to me tell you you’re a first class DOLT so to avoid hearing the truth, I just don’t say anything..
    Mary Channing Warner Scott Thomas was simply making conversation as far as I was concerned and once again Cat Hot Mess on a Tin Roof opens her big mouth and gets started. I would love a talk show with her, Kelly, Gretchen, Danielle, and NeNe find a topic they cannot agree on like “Systemic Bullying is Fine if Your Boyfriend is Older and Dying or You are the Victim of Terroristic Threats like Facebook Pages then you show up at a Party and You are not on the List and Once they let you in they wait 10 Minutes Before Serving Wine and You find out it’s a Benefit for Tyra Banks” Does society support this behavior?

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    chemgal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:07 am

    @Faye, we are on the same page. I learned not to say anything about my kids and husband, other wise, I was going to be given an ear full by my close friends. Sometimes its good, I was complaining about finding time to exercise and my one good friends said “jesus christ, stop being such a fucking martyr, its always someone else’s fault that you can’t just throw on your shoes and go walk for 30 minutes. The world won’t end because of it” I went home so pissed off at her but soon realized she was right. So sometimes someone giving it to you straight is a help, but while I’m okay with it about me, I do not want to hear anything about my kids, so to the outside world, I keep everything “love and light”.

    I will be the first one to tune in to that program if they get them all together. Again, I don’t think Cat is a nice person, but my dear Lord, heard my prayers for something interesting on DC. Perhaps its not Cat I love, but the looks on the other ladies faces when faced with this unfiltered, non passive aggressive woman. I think as a society, we have gotten so use to passive aggressive people that it has almost become the norm and we don’t expect such blatant disregard for social norms except from ornery 90 year olds.

30. 30
    Faye
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:28 am

    Sparkle looks like that retarded horse Peter bought on Family Guy .. just saying

    @chemgal – I feel the same way about Lynda but she somehow comes off as likeable where as Cat … there are no words. Perhaps it’s because she is British? I don’t know and I have nothing against Foreigners or Immigrants (I’m lying, I hate calling an IT or customer service line and even though we are both speaking English, we cannot understand each other but I’m off topic)but to quote a great Philosopher when they complain about this country it CHAPS MY ASS… And Cat seems to be one of those people who take full advantage of living in this country yet complains non stop. And her little house elves Dobby and Creature don’t seem like they are any better

31. 31
    LAC
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:31 am

    @Baxter: Yes, I have eaten there. Georgia Brown is a good place for some down home cooking. You cannot go wrong with the fried chicken there. That said, I also am a big fan of Vidalia’s down on M street and like B Smith’s restaurant in Union Station (mmmmm… The dish there is the Swamp Thing – a mixed seafood dish over southern style greens in a mustard based seafood sauce).

    Yeah, me and food have a thing for each other.

32. 32
    Alison Zimmerman
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:41 am

    @pixie it is “c-u-next tuesday” although thursday works as well, I guess it is how much you truely despise the person. I thought I was the only one that used that phrase! Good to know, good to know! I have had people ask me what that means, and although I never actually use the actual word, its like come on people, sound it out!I think that Mic and her Husband are cu next tuesdays!

    I know that we are only 2 weeks into this goat rodeo, but I can’t seem to stay on the goat if you know what I mean. I just can’t really get into this show. I havent exactly figured out what it is, but I just can’t do it, maybe its Mic and Cat but I just don’t know.

    Oh how I would have loved to be at that Sunday dinner! Granted I would have gained about 25 of the 100 pounds that I have lost, but damn that looked so tasty. And who in their right mind would leave the table before peach cobbler!?!? Who I ask you? Oh thats right, Cat! I know that when Hubby and I are invited over to friends houses for dinner, hell even my parents house, someone will always ask if we would like something to drink. Albeit, by dad will say, good, now while you are in the fridge will you grab me another beer too, but hey, thats how my family rolls, just saying!

33. 33
    Arob
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 9:04 am

    Did anyone else feel uncomfortable watching Cat’s husband flirt with Lynda RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER? During that whole champagne scene they were very touchy-feely and he kept pulling her close to him, all the while Cat has a very “I’mma cut you bitch” look on her face.

34. 34
    Baxter
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 9:46 am

    LAC- I will have to try Vidalia. I travel to DC almost monthly. I dream about Georgia Brown’s chicken!!!

35. 35
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:26 am

    @Alison Zimmerman “@pixie it is “c-u-next tuesday” although thursday works as well, I guess it is how much you truely despise the person. I thought I was the only one that used that phrase!”

    My son-in-law says Can’t Understand Normal Thinking, LOL!! I know what you mean about getting into this show, but I think once the NJ ho’s are done it will be easier. It’s hard when you have the screeching hag Teresa to hate, to make room for more disdain and hate – but I believe this cast has all the elements we all require to spread the love. Bless our hearts, LOL.

    I’m glad I’m reading this after lunch today because Georgia Brown’s and Vidalia are making me drool – I would have had to break down and gone for some barbeque, and ours here isn’t nearly as good, so I would have eaten a million calories and been disappointed!

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    LAC
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:55 am

    Prodigal Cheez…son-in-law? I am not sure I approve of these child bride weddings!

    And you are right about trying to focus the hate on any of these beyotches beyond Teresa. The highlight of which was when she defended her current mangling of the English language because she didn’t speak english until she was in kindergarten. Really, bitch? Just thought you were a mouth breathing moron, period…now, say this slowly…
    BANK…RUPT…CY AUC..TION CRED..IT COUN…SEL..ING

37. 37
    Faye
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 11:15 am

    now, say this slowly…
    BANK…RUPT…CY AUC..TION CRED..IT COUN…SEL..ING

    @LAC – Annnnd another keyboard bites the dust. I am going to have to do something strange for a little change or the IT guy is going to report me.

38. 38
    skatt
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    I can’t believe it’s week TWO and both Salamis have already worn out the “you just can’t say no to Mic” meme. Trust us, Tareq, we can.

    On the subject of stored bacon grease, my Mother kept hers in a little tin can that literally had the word “GREASE” etched in the center of it. Good times.

39. 39
    Robinez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    @skatt I have a tin that says “Bacon Grease” on it.I got from the Cracker Barrel many yrs ago.I love to use bacon grease to grease the cast iron skillet for cornbread.I bake mine in a skillet because it makes the edges and bottom come out perfect and the bacon fat makes it a bit greasy and yummy!

    I still can’t believe nobody has noticed my “typo” on post 15…or maybe they did and thought it was stupid?! lol

    TC,Robin

40. 40
    skatt
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 3:34 pm

    PCheez: After what you wrote last week about them squatting in that womans house, it makes me wonder if Tareq’s presents (exception: Sparkles- he probably stole her from his parents winery) she was “choosing” from weren’t just pillaged from that poor ladies closet.

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    LAC
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 3:48 pm

    @Faye…LOL!! Sorry about your keyboard…

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    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 5:02 pm

    @skatt – snickering uncontrollably!! LOL.

    @LAC, I’m the same age as Michaele, LOL. And a stepmom mother-in-law/grandma, my husband’s older than I am – but I’ll still take it!!! LOL.

    I’ll jump on the grease-in-a-can bandwagon – my mom keeps it in an old Wesson Oil bottle, and I keep it in an old mayonnaise jar. I also save drippings from roasts, and freeze them in old ice-cube trays for making stock. And I save about 2 cups of spaghetti sauce from every batch and freeze it to use as a starter for my new batch… I also use lard to make pie crusts, because you just can’t make a good melt-in-your-mouth, thin flaky pie crust any other way.

    I thought it was really funny when Stacie and her husband, and Aunt Francis’ kids went down in the basement to bitch about Cat, LOL. Stacie’s husband is such a guy’s guy – as a woman that devil’s advocate bullshit pisses me off, my husband does it and I want to slap some sense into him – but it was endearing when Stacie’s husband did it, especially because he really is as skeptical about Cat as she is, haha.

    I liked Mary’s husband too, but I’m a little on the fence about Mary.

    I get where @chemgal is coming from re Cat; she’s a hag, but she does supply the juice to keep the show moving along. I dislike Cat, but I like what she brings to the table – and seriously, how much would we all love to hear her give Teresa her take on child-rearing and money management?? LOL – I’m waving my arm in the air like an idiot, “I WOULD, I WOULD!!!” Haha!

    I wish Aunt Francis would do a blog!!

    And @chemgal? I still hate Teresa.

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    chemgal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 6:36 pm

    me too PCheez, me too! Don’t tell anyone else, it will be our secret.

    I wish they would turn Cat loose on Teresa, Kelly, and Alexis. I think I’ll have to settle for Stacie realizing Cat’s not racist – just lacking a filter and then they turn her loose on Mic. Perhaps she has apsperger’s; nah, I say its simply a case of don’t give a shit disease.

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    Robinez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 9:26 pm

    @pcheeze Yeah,I would love to see Cat introduced to Teresa,then turn to someone and say “She looks like one of those prostitution whore’s I keep seeing in America”.

    Also,I never have good luck with lard for my crusts.I think it is because the fat has to be really cold and lard gets warm faster than butter.I am not quick at crust so I stick with butter.

    TC,Robin

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    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    @Robin – freeze the lard, then let it soften just until you can work with it.

    And… I’m laughing because it’s 1 am where I am, and I’m giving baking tips using LARD. Which I work like dog to keep off my ass, unsuccessfully I might add.

    What was really funny about The Bad Wine Incident at Aunt Francis’, is when they showed the guys in the basement there was a very nice, fully stocked bar behind them with wine cubbies stacked with what looked like some good stuff, LOL.

    Is there a conspiracy afoot to keep Cat from sloshing down wine??? First there was the Mysterious Not Wine Debacle at the Salami’s (it’s because he’s not allowed access to the family wine, LOL, LOL!!!); then the Plot to Make Cat Beg for More Wine From the Waiter at the restaurant with Mary; and then The Bad Wine Incident at Aunt Francis’. I think this may require some serious sleuthing and explanation – Personally, I think Michelle Obama is behind it as part of a master plan to drive Cat back to Britain so as to bury the Ommanney Wedding RSVP Scandal.

46. 46
    LAC
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Prodigal Cheez, darling, as long as you don’t giggle like a demented blond geisha about your age, like the stick insect,hey, you got it… you look good, gurrrl!!!

47. 47
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Awww… Thanks LAC!!! I do giggle like I’m demented, but NEVER about my age! LOL,

48. 48
    Pixielated
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:33 pm

    I think Cat is one of those people who drinks like a fish and doesn’t really eat. Maybe they are trying to control her drinking by “running out of” or not having any “good” wine. Imagine what she’d be like if she were REALLY drunk! Who knows, she might get nice and sweet, which would ruin the franchise!

    Even if Sparkle looks retarded, he still looks smarter than Mic!

    I think Cat’s husband has realized that he’s married to a monstrous Can’t Understand Normal Thinking and is looking for greener pastures. If she’s this bad in social settings, imagine what she’s like at home!

49. 49
    Robinez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:34 pm

    @pcheeze Lard doesn’t freeze as hard as butter.Which is probably why my ass stays warm when the weather is cold!

    I think that Cat just walks around asking for something to drink wherever she goes.I think her stupid ass would go to an AA convention and ask where the bar is and be mortified that she was invited to a social event that didn’t include alchohol.The same thing happened at Aunt Francis’ home.They didn’t have anything that she eats so she assumes that they are the rude people for not giving her some dicks in a blanket or whatever thay call it,instead of having some self awareness to know that SHE was the one who was rude.Not only rude but obnoxious too.

    I don’t like her.But I do like what she can do to try to bring folks down a few pegs.

    TC,Robin

50. 50
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    “@pcheeze Lard doesn’t freeze as hard as butter.Which is probably why my ass stays warm when the weather is cold!”

    I guess that makes sense, if it did I’d stick my ass in the freezer and mold it into gravity-defying molds of perfection. For now, I guess I’ll stick with Spanx and fat-pants…

51. 51
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:43 pm

    **molds** = mounds….

    LOL

52. 52
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:44 pm

    @Robinez..now don’t you go and get all klassy on us, buying tins from Cracker Barrel that are specifically for bacon grease(!) Major faux-pas! @Skatt, you too, unless you clarify that it was your mother that etched the word grease into the tin using either a key, coin, or saftey pin. Other than that, we can only accept grease kept in mayonnaise jars, crisco cans, coffee cans, mason jars, and/or empty tubs of peanut butter. Anything less…is uncivilized.

53. 53
    Pixielated
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:53 pm

    Yes, @sarcasatire, one must have that chic “found object” quality in one’s bacon grease receptacle, mustn’t one? Tee-hee.

54. 54
    Robinez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 10:58 pm

    @sarcasatire..Darn I have to figure a way to shorten your name..it is exhausting typing it correctly.

    I will have you know that I have had that tin for 20 yrs.I don’t care how high flatulent you think I am,I will keep it until it springs a leak! I love it so much,if that happens, I might just plug it with some JB Weld

    TC,Robin

55. 55
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 11:04 pm

    @P-Cheez, don’t speak too soon! I saw the preview for the Spin show on E!, with those publicists, and one of them gets his fat frozen! It was a doc put some plastic over his back fat/muffin top, placed a machine on it, and after hearing the guy yowl, we see it’s still encased in plastic but has now become a hard mound sticking from his body. (We don’t get to see what happens next..but I’m sure he left the doc a bit lighter in the wallet and waist.

56. 56
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 11:10 pm

    @Pixielated@ : Exactly! It’s part of the charm. lol

    @Robinez: You can call me Sarcas..I think we’ll all know who you’re referring to. Oh, and I guess we’ll begrudgingly accept you into the fold knowing that the object is now ‘vintage.’ But we are still hurt by the fact that some time, in the 80′s, you once thought you were better than us.

57. 57
    Robinez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 11:41 pm

    @Sarcas.. Touche’

    TC,Robin

58. 58
    2muchbravo
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 11:54 pm

    Cat is just a biatch. But, didn’t she arrive (on time) with a bottle of something? Why didn’t she suggest Aunt Fraaancis open that? Unless, of course, that *was* the swill she was drinking and we were just spared that little bit of info.

    @PCheez What’s this about Salami not having access to the family wine?

59. 59
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 12:08 am

    @2muchbravo: I read somewhere that his family has a vineyard and are wealthy but have shut him out after discovering he embezzled around $3 million from the business. (Most likely the reason they are living in someone else’s house)

60. 60
    chemgal
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 4:41 am

    I also think PCheez uncovered the fact that the Salami’s only borrowed that home where filming takes place. They are probably allowed to use the outside, but not the inside perhaps?

61. 61
    classy drunk
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 5:22 am

    I think I always like the person who stirs up drama because that’s what keeps us all tuning in. So I like Cat. I think some of the things she says come off rude because of her accent, but I believe she also thinks she much better than most of the women. I haven’t taken a look at the bravo blogs yet, because I have been studying for my GMAT (stupid economy tanks and now my undergrad degree isn’t enough to get the money I deserve, but I digress) My friends always give me shit for liking the “villian” but I look as these people as characters and not my friends. I probably wouldn’t be friends with anyone on this franchise but Aunt Francis although I would go and have drinks with Mary from time to time. I have been a “villian liker” since Valerie Malone on 90210. She is my favorite television character ever. I hate Kelly Taylor (and Teresa Jew Dice)

62. 62
    hlesczyn
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 6:30 am

    what I don’t understand is the whole Paul birthday party in general. After the age of 21 (maybe) birthday parties are “nice” dinners with a few select family and friends. Paul’s desire to have a wedding style banquet, with a seating arrangement, for a random 37ish birthday is just kind of sad.

63. 63
    classy drunk
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 6:40 am

    @ hlesczyn…I am going to have party for my 30th in November. I am not classy?

64. 64
    LAC
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 7:14 am

    http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/salahi_charity_raises_zero_L5rXV9apZjS2VrdtVErvEO

    Wow, the stench of failure follows these two around all damn day, huh?

65. 65
    chemgal
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 7:20 am

    I think in Paul’s case, the party serves 2 purposes. First, it is an opportunity to network, show off current clients and recruit more clients. Secondly, after sharing his story, I think it is a means of soothing an ego destroyed in childhood. Paul isn’t just homosexual, he’s gay and I suspect he always was this way. Getting through to adulthood is hard enough for a homosexual, but doing it while it is vibrantly apparent would be horrendous and I can’t imagine the pain he experienced (and I’m thinking it was both emotional and physical). I’m thinking his hair is so bad as his follicles may have been permanently damaged due to one to many dodge balls to the head. He is my second favorite on this show and I would love to see him and Cat teamed up.

66. 66
    chemgal
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 7:26 am

    @classy, you’ll always be a class act so go party likes its 1999. Also, didn’t Lynda say she had thrown a small dinner party the year before and it was Mic’s idea to have the big bash?

    Also, I don’t like the salami’s as it is, but I really didn’t like that they aimed the cork at the crowd. I spend a lot of time at the eye doctors and can’t tell you how many people are blinded by items hitting them in the eye. A cork could literally turn the eye to mush.

67. 67
    classy drunk
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 8:17 am

    @chemgal…phew because everything is already in place.

    I was concerned about them aiming the bottle towards the crowd also. That is a safety hazard and while it may have been funny that it hit Lynda in the arse, it could have been much worse.

68. 68
    tvaholic
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 9:29 am

    I haven’t watched the whole 2nd episode yet but thankfully work is slow today so I could finally read the recap. Forgot who said-but Cat’s hubby may have been looking, they are getting divorced already. And as far as the dog poop-seriously, even the Manzo kids clean up dog poop!

    @hlesczyn:I wonder the same thing about over-the-top birthday parties, but I’m also the kind of person that I think I’ll never get married cuz the idea of having all that attention focused my way for so long as a bride would make me want to pull a Thelma & Louise. Of course the fact that I’ve been single for the past 4 years & am set in my ways & don’t want to deal with breaking in a man again could have something to do with it. But I digress…

    Oh yeah-Teresa chaps my ass!!!

69. 69
    chemgal
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 9:33 am

    where is notwithoutmytv? I’ve been waiting for a comment …..

70. 70
    marijai
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:37 am

    @sarcas…I keep my bacon grease in a jar that is about 70 years old (no lie, it’s so old, my grandmother couldn’t remember what she originally bought in the jar back in the late 40s). When she died and I flew back to TN, I brought the jar back with me to SoCal. I’ve told Boyfriend that no matter what, that jar is to never be thrown away.

71. 71
    skatt
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:42 am

    Be sure and watch what Nads posted in Newsgasm with the Salamis on HBO’s Real Sports. They’re SO misunderstood, just ask them.

    Sarcasatire: Ooh No! No Cracker Barrel for my Mom. Paying good(C.B.) money for something like that? Uh-Uhhh.

72. 72
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:56 am

    I can’t explain why, but I enjoy watching Mary. Maybe it’s because this Kennedy wannabe is such a hot mess – but she cracks me up. That said, pick up your own dogshit, Mary! Also love Lynda – although I can see that Cat, Mic and Lynda are both playing their “roles” to the hilt. Maybe that’s why I enjoy Mary’s screen time, she seems to not have a clue about being on this show! And oh yes, love Stacie and her Aunt – what a great Sunday dinner that was! Even if Cat felt uncomfortable, leaving early like she did was just plain rude – and then she added that she had been there longer than everyone else! Just obnoxious.

    Speaking of obnoxious, serving beer at a WINERY (even if you are squatting,LOL) is classless.

    I’m enjoying this goat rodeo so much more than the NJ wives. It’s refreshing after all of Bankruptcy Whore’s nasal carryings-on……. thanks BBitz!

73. 73
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 11:17 am

    @LAC: That was the charity event that I made a comment about too. It goes beyond the stench of failure to out right fraud. I read about on this woman’s blog that went to event and had some inside knowledge that the event did raise money, but the Salahis kept the money for themselves. People are attending the event for the charity, not to help the Salahis with their financial problems. They are as bad as Teresa and Joe from RHONJ. Okay well not as bad because Teresa and Joe, basically, stole money from small business owners, but the Salahis robbed the people who bought tickets. I used to run charity events and unless the people who were running the events are a complete idiots then a packed event, generally, will raise some money. Why are these the type of people that Bravo chooses to hold up as examples of “real housewives”? Not everyone is savvy enough to see through their bullshit.

    Also I too don’t understand why Paul couldn’t just throw his own birthday party. As Dave Barry put it: “There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.” Throw your own damn party.

    I was born and raised and still live in DC, as well as living in various other states, and I have to say that this women are so typical of this area. I am sure that there are people like this all over the country, but the moderately, upper class women in DC are stuck up snobs. Well not all of them and this behavior is worse in the women that live in the suburbs of DC.
    People tend to walk around thinking they are hot shit because they live in DC and once went to a politicians house or an embassy party.

    They are completely wrapped up in their own bubble of self importance and entitlement. It is all about who you know, who do you work for, where do you live. It is the poor man’s version of Hollywood. Don’t even get me started on the drivers around here- you see these women tooling around in huge SUVs or sedans with their phone permanently attached to their heads, sipping on their lattes, completely unaware of the other drivers around them.

    What is funny is that Cat is the one that acts most like a typical DC woman, but she is the one that just move here. So maybe my assessment of the people around here doesn’t hold much water. But other friends agree that these women are the ideal DC specimens.

    I am all about saving any type of fat to cook in. The best gift that I ever got was a set of cast iron pans from my grandmother. They were perfectly seasoned and had layers and layers of cooked on grease. She never cleaned them with soap and water, only cleaned them on occasion with some kosher salt. She told that me that heat is will kill off anything that is going to make you sick.

74. 74
    LAC
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 11:27 am

    @Bridget, thanks for the inside information – I would not be surprised if those camera whores did stuff the money in their pockets at the end of the night. They are that triflin’. And thanks for saying that not all of DC folks are like these broads. I live in a modest home and have no Rosa to insult by speaking Spanglish to. Now I will admit that I do the idiot posing over the opening credits, saying things like “DC is the prey and I’m the Huntress” and ask my daughter to stand off to the side, texting and posing (pretty much what she does anyway), but that is just for laughs. And our debt is so boring that I don’t think Bravo would want me on the show.

75. 75
    susanl
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    Finally! Love the comments! Here’s my take so far.
    Cat: I don’t think she’s racist just extremely snobbish. I don’t particularly like Obama or Tyra but also don’t like Clinton or Rachel “salmonella” Ray either.I would not have left the dinner before dessert. I would have wolfed down the peach cobbler and then went home. And if you don’t like Cat, don’t keep inviting her to your parties.
    Stacie:Me thinks her non-racist self protests too much. When does she work and sell those muli million dollar homes? I do like her husband and thought the penile measuring devise was a joke with Richard.
    Lynda:She likes to make others do her dirty work. She wanted Paul/Dwight (RHWATL) to tell Mic she was too skinny but wouldn’t own up to it when Mic cornered her. Lynda tried to blame it on Paul/Dwight. She should be more worried about Mic being stupid more than her being skinny. And how old is her son? Didn’t it say 16? And she’s talking about him and his girlfriend/assistant getting married? Or does she have an older son? We also need a drinking game and compare the headcocks with Caroline.
    Mary:Wine slob! She’s never without a wine glass in her hand. She needs to kick out Lolly-pop, make her get a couple of jobs, and clean up after her own dog. And I agree, what does she do that she needs a full time housekeeper? Oh yeah, drink lots of wine! But you have to admire her for not wearing makeup on the show.
    Micaleidlaia (whatever): What a ditz! Tark (whatever) gets her a horse and she doesn’t ride? They need to get together with the Guidices and come up with new ways to spend money they don’t have. And yes, deary, you do look 44…and no, deary, there is no substanence there…only air…

76. 76
    marijai
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    @Bridget….yes! Iron skillets are the shit!! You are correct, they are not to be washed, just wiped out good and reuse. I keep begging my mom for one of her well seasoned ones, but she says they won’t let her on the plane with it and she’s not checking it. Yeah, right!

    I love this place! I feel like I have a bunch of new besties here at the Gasm that I can finally share my love of reality TV with. Thanks ladies, you rock!

77. 77
    hlesczyn
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 1:49 pm

    @classy drunk … I get the 30th, 40th, 50th!!! You have mad class! Maybe Paul was celebrating a 40th for all i know… so party on.

78. 78
    tvaholic
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    Now I want bacon.

79. 79
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Hmmm…. I have to say, I’m kind of loving the fact that somehow we all managed to bond over bacon grease, LOL.

    @classy drunk – Party away! When I turned 30 I had a week-long birthday pageant. I had my close friends party, my work friends party, my other b-day buddy share the day b-day party, and then my boyfriend private party. When I turned 40 I did it all over again, with better quality food and booze! It’s a blast, and you only live once – do it the way you want to.

    Paul Wharton is actually the only bona fide DC celebrity on the show, I have a friend that moves in the true high-end DC fundraising circles, and she says he’s very well-liked and respected. The other wives, with the exception of Lynda, are all outsiders and according to her DC insiders are horrified at this show, and all believe that the Salami’s should be arrested.

    The Oasis Winery had a great reputation, and was a well-regarded local business and family – Tariq is the black sheep of the family, and almost everyone familiar with the downfall of Oasis believes he and Missy are to blame. The family no longer owns it, he is peripherally involved through the new owner, but that relationship is also very rocky and he has NO ownership rights. Tariq has been asked to step down from most of his charity positions amidst accusations of financial misconduct and misrepresentation.

    The Salami’s live in a small home, on an un-landscaped lot, in a very small development located right off of a major highway. What they are presenting on the show is a complete fabrication; Tariq and Missy are not even allowed onto the premises of the Oasis/Salami family stables. The reason they stay in hotels is because they are avoiding summonses from creditors, the HOA demands for dues payments, and vehicle repossessions.

    I think Missy married Tariq because he sold her a bill of goods in terms of what he could offer her in terms of wealth and status. By ALL accounts he pursued her and she was resistant until he wore her down with extravagant gifts, trips and promises of more to come. She postponed the wedding repeatedly whenever he put the breaks on the expenses; at one point he even sent a letter to all of the wedding vendors stating that anything that was not specifically approved by HIM would not be paid. The judge that officiated their vows actually joked about how he thought he would have to issue a summons to get them to the alter – ironic foreshadowing, huh?

    She’s playing the role of devoted wife right now because she has no choice, but I think her demands have driven him into seriously risky financial territory, and that’s why his family hates her. I think the REAL reason Missy is doing this show is because she’s looking for someone with REAL money and clout, and everything she is doing is calculated to make her look charming, compliant and socially asset-worthy. This show is a just a giant dating ad for Missy, IMO.

    That champagne cork thing ticked me off too – they really are dangerous. When I was waiting tables, we had to captain our own tables and I served a lot of champagne. First of all, you really aren’t supposed to pop the cork, you’re supposed to hold a towel over it and ease it off to preserve the bubbles and integrity of the champagne. I once had a table of drunken asses who ordered a bucket of 3 bottles of Dom Perignon, I brought the bucket out and opened one bottle, and told them to let me know when they were ready for the next one. As I came back to check on them they had peeled the foil back on the second one and were pushing the cork out holding the bottle facing out – the next thing I know, the cork hits me in the boob like a bullet and it hurt like hell. My entire left boob was black and blue with a giant lump in the side for almost 2 months. If it had hit me in the eye, I’m sure I would have had been headed to the ER with serious damage.

    The Salami’s are asses, and there are hints that Tariq’s character flaws are much darker than conning people out of their money. I’m inclined to believe it because as outspoken as Lynda is, she does seem to tread somewhat carefully with them – Missy is an opportunist, and I think she knows exactly what she is doing at all times.

    Missy is no dummy, she was partying in circles with wealthy and powerful men while she was working a cosmetics counter at Nordstrom. Getting a date is one thing, becoming a part of the scene is whole different story – she knows how to get what she wants, I’d be surprised if she hadn’t filed for a separation before the end of this show airs, and agreed to testify against her husband in exchange for her name being dropped from charges/suits.

    Sorry if this is disjointed, I’m in the middle of cleaning my garage!

80. 80
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 2:23 pm

    @hlesczyn – It was his 40th, the party they were talking about that Lynda threw for him was his 30th.

    @marijai – Me too!!

81. 81
    Pixielated
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    My dad was the champion champagne-popper. Though “pop” is a misnomer; he would ease that cork off and the bottle would sigh gently. I’m always amazed that people pop them (sometimes even shaking them!). It’s exciting, but if you are going to drink the stuff, it’s a bad idea.

    I missed out on the bacon grease bonding because I’m a vegetarian. Boohoo. My mom and grandmom had mayo jars of grease, though.

    I think both Tarek and Joe Giudice are in the same position. They have to keep giving their wives money and expensive gifts if they want to keep her. I certainly wouldn’t want Teresa shrieking at me all the time about money, or Micaele pouting like a 3 yo. (Not to excuse what they guys are doing. It is inexcusable.)

82. 82
    sarcasatire
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Paul Wharton is 40??? I thought he was like 32.. Dang.. I guess it’s true what they say, black don’t crack!

83. 83
    classy drunk
    Posted August 20, 2010 at 7:12 am

    Perfect! I am glad the 30th birthday party does not make me classless like the Salami’s. It’s going to be a huge soiree. I can’t wait.

    I just do not understand these “wummin” still requesting lavish gift from their husbands when they know that their finances are in trouble. I think as “wummin” we would all want the finer things, but there comes a time where you should think about the long term and not just right now. Yes that gucci purse would be great right now, but what happens in 8 months when you can no longer afford your mortgage. In these times there’s no reason to think that you still have to try and keep up with the Jones’ because, hell, the Jones’ are cutting back and are looking at you like you are fool.

    Question: Who are the Jones’ and why are we trying to keep up with them?

    I always like to know where certain terms and phrases come from.

84. 84
    Jason Lau
    Posted August 20, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Can’t wait for Whitney’s “do” next week!! Loved it!

85. 85
    cindygeorge
    Posted August 20, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    Cat is annoying, but her husband seems as bad if not worse with his Deliverance snobbery on the first show, and his overuse of the word “darling.” And please, lose the aviators…so 1970′s. He seems condescending and short tempered. Is her book about falling in love with him???? I will not be reading it. I like Mary; she looks good for her mid-40′s and always seems to be riding a valium high.

86. 86
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 22, 2010 at 10:14 pm

    Hey – I actually verbally used “Bless your heart!” today. It popped out of my mouth, and surprised the hell out of me – but it was perfect, and I’m keeping it! LOL!

87. 87
    Pixielated
    Posted August 22, 2010 at 10:29 pm

    @ClassyDrunk, I thought we were trying to keep up with the Kardashians! LOLZ