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Tuesday, October 12, 2010
1:00 pm
46 Comments
Tagged: bbitz, cat, comedy, crashergate, dc, drama, fight, funny, hilarious, housewives, hysterical, lynda, mary, michaele, party crashers, real, Real Housewives of DC, recap, review, salahis, salamis, scandal, snarky, summary, tareq, tvgasm, washington, white house
This is it! The big finale! We finally get to see the big scandal unfold! Not since Bush has someone been shunned by the White House so fast! Let the fun begin… ladies and gents… “The Real Housewives of DC“!
The episode begins like an episode of Law & Order…DUN DUN!
In a reality far, far away…
We see the Salamis, greased up and riding in their Buick to the— I kid, I kid! No worries, I’m sure they’re still in that God-forsaken white limo of theirs. They’ll ride that thing to their own funeral.
So while they’re on their way to the State Dinner, they decide to call Stacie to brag. Stacie starts losing her mind over the fact that the Salamis got invited to the State Dinner. Silly Stacie for believing them.
Here’s my theory: The Salami originally told Mic that he was taking her to a Steak dinner and she stupidly heard “State Dinner” and then he was just too chicken-shit to tell her otherwise. Plus he figured no one would ever question their authority when they arrived in a 90′s vintage white limo. What could go wrong?!
OMG! The Salami’s should have just explained to Tim that you don’t need a ticket – just ask the The Salami – you just show up!
My favorite is when Mic says that she wishes Stacie and Jason could have joined them and Mr. Salami says, “There’ll be more!” and she counters “Many more State Dinners!” This truly solidifies how totally fucking mental these two are. They’re already planning on attending future State Dinners and they’re not even invited to this one. Although maybe it’s because they figured they’d get the map of the ventilation system memorized on this trip.
Mr. Salami also mentions that this is the most exclusive party of the year and that even former Presidents are turned away. THAT IS SUCH BULLSHIT. Can you imagine Pres. Carter or Pres. Clinton calling up and having the social director be like, “Oh yeah – we’d love to have you – but there’s just not enough tickets because we need to save 2 tickets for this amazing couple that owns a dilapidated winery and embezzling group disguised as a Polo Club. Better luck next year!”
Mic reviews the rules with The Salami and says how she knows she shouldn’t take too many photos and isn’t allowed to hug that much. That’s hysterical. Can you imagine her surrounded by celebs and power players and not able to take photos or hug them? Her little blonde head would spin around and spew vomit all over her sari.
Question: I’m not the “Mentalist” or anything. But is this the face of a guy who’s on his way to an amazing party, or the face of a guy that’s shitting tacks because he’s about to try and dupe the Secret Service?
I hope he’s texting his lawyer. “Hey bestie, quick ques: does a breach n Nat’l Sekurity mean jail 4eva & how much $$$ do u have 4 bail?! LOL! No, sereesly tho…”
The Salamis then pull up to the gate and I swear they’re panicking that they’re not being dropped off at the loading dock out back like they told the driver. I was fully expecting on them to slip delivery outfits on over their formal-wear.
1) Good idea. The Secret Service will only be able to track you easier with a phone. When people make jokes about “Big Brother” it actually DOES pertain to you. 2) Is this really the time to check out her knockers?
Bravo does a great job with the background music of this whole scene. I feel like I’m watching a James Bond movie.
OMFG! Where’s the white limo?! If it wasn’t for the deluxe size I would’ve sworn they just painted the old one. I guess they had to upgrade to the “Bullet-Proof Gate Smasher 2010″ just for this event.
It’s finally time! This is where they try to enter the event and our top-notch security calls them out and hauls them off to jail!
He’s sooooo busted! I’m totally expecting him to stutter and say, “Ummm… Barack. Barack Obama.”
That’s odd. And ironic that we’re not seeing this lady’s face right now, Ms. “I hope you enjoyed your last night of employment at the White House” Security Guard.
And by “them” she means the media, the public and a congressional hearing.
So the check-list person LET’S THEM THROUGH and tells them just to wait by the entrance! That’s like asking a fat kid to hold your ice cream cone and not eat it! So the Salami’s walk off into the sunset while the Bravo crew stays behind. You gotta wonder if the crew was like, “Ok we’re done filming for tonight guys. Which police station should we be at in the morning to start filming again?” It’s such a bummer that they didn’t get to film the whole evening.
The next morning, the Salami’s are reviewing photos that they took at the event…
Photo #503 of 510. Nice job on keeping the photos to a minimum Mic. And you just know photos #504-510 are of them nailing in the Lincoln bedroom and stealing shit out the Obama kids’ rooms.
Mic then says she was “a buzz in the room”. Translation: Star-fucker. And that she had a conversation “at length with Joe Biden”. Translation: Joe Biden said “Keep that social climber a long length away from me.”
Hey Katie, Remember when Palin said she’d get even with you? I believe the score is settled.
The Salami says they couldn’t sleep for hours after the event. I’d imagine it’s hard to sleep with a light being shined in your face and people screaming “Who ARE you?! Who are you with?!” at you. Although I think Mic would eat it up with a “OMG these people are obsessed with me! They LOVE me!”
The next part is so set-up and fake. The Salami gets a text message from a “friend” (aka Bravo producer) that a “gossip columnist” from the Washington Post called them “party-crashers”. They mention the word “gossip” several times (to discredit the source) and say that they went through security 5 times. Of course they never say, “Yes we were invited – the invitation is right here!” And the most optimistic statement of this season? Mic says, “Oh I’m sure this will be gossip for weeks to come!” WEEKS?! Honey…
You’ll be lucky to get invited to a tupperware party after this year-long shit show.
The next day, Stacie and Jason gather to have coffee talk. They’re incredibly GIDDY reading about the scandal that the Salami’s have gotten themselves into.
Jason and Stacie basically read the whole article to us (thanks Bravo for your ingenious story-telling, it’s so authentic and amaz– ZZzzzzzzzzzzz) and Jason’s in denial about the whole thing. He thinks it’s impossible for the Salami’s to have beat the Secret Service. Apparently he’s never seen the Salami’s slither and slide their way into an event. One time Tareq squeezed through a drainage pipe just for the complimentary continental breakfast at a Days Inn.
Stacie then finds the photos of Mic and friends on her Facebook page and is truly amazed. I’m amazed that Stacie’s Facebook wasn’t filled with photos of her throwing holy water on gays. I kid, I kid. Mostly.
Stacie then calls Cat who’s also reeling from the scandal. AND she’s super excited to exercise her right to say “I TOLD YOU SO!” She’s been waiting for this moment ever since Mic’s assistant told her to STFU at the winery.
Salt? Soup? STDS? Ugh. I hate these guessing games.
Stacie then hangs up and frantically dials the other girls for their “take on this”. Meanwhile we also get to see a montage of footage from the media on the whole scandal! The most unbelievable part for me?
That from the looks of it Mic took all the photos with a polaroid camera. How awesome would that have been?! Can you imagine The Salami snapping that loud-ass camera and then shaking the photo and asking people to wait until it developed?! Love it.
Later on in the week, Stacie has Lynda and Mary over to dish on everything and they begin with a toast to “damage control”. I bet they were all panic-shitting that they’d never be invited to anything in DC again from being acquainted with the Salami’s.
“If my wine club membership gets revoked because of this I’ll skull-fuck Tareq myself.”
Mary calls them “Thelma & Louise” which is a pretty funny analogy. I can totally see them driving their white limo over a cliff while yelling, “We drive over cliffs so much better than everyone else ever has!”
The girls all cackle about the scandal and imagine what Mic must’ve been like at the event. Mary gives the funniest impression…
Which was easy enough since it’s the same face she makes when the bartender cuts her off.
Meanwhile Lynda says they’re more like “Bonnie & Clyde” in overdrive. Also true, except they’d definitely wait for the media to arrive before getting gunned down in a hail of bullets. Stacie says she hopes the White House makes an example of them. I’m pretty sure either way the White House is now gonna require a blood test and cavity search for future event guests. People will get sent an invitation along with an enema to make sure they’re clean and ready. Welcome to the White House!
Lynda’s glad because an investigation is going to reveal all the lies the Salami’s have told. Mary agrees and gleefully notes that they’ll never recover from this!
Did anyone else feel like they were watching a new show of “Desperate Housewives” meets “True Blood”? These ladies are thirsty for Salami blood!
Stacie then makes the final plunge into “Two-Faceville” by calling Mic on speakerphone to get more dirt. No more pretending to be sweet “Oh I only care about you!” Stacie! I could give a shit less about the Salami’s but if you’re going after them about being fake I certainly hope you don’t go on pretending that you’re besties or have their best interest in mind.
She’s literally licking her lips! Fangs are coming out in 3…2…
Unfortunately the call goes to voicemail and Lynda cracks that “maybe they only get one call.” LOL. Love her! She’s not pretending that she doesn’t enjoy this!
Stacie leaves a message and asks Mic about their Christmas party and if they’ll be having it still. Awesome. She knows they’re being investigated by the Secret Service and are on every news channel 24/7 – and she’s calling to see if she can bring crab dip to the holiday party. Whatever you make, I’d bake a file in it if you care.
We then see more media footage from the scandal, including the interview of the Salamis by Matt Lauer (love him!)…
“Listen Tubby Bottoms and Ms. Cheek Implants, I made Tom Cruise snap like a ginger – don’t think you’re about to fuck with me.”
Days later Mary and Cat get together to dish and Cat reveals that she’s been uninvited to the White House Christmas paaahhhhty! WHAT?! Perhaps it’s because Obama found out about your crap gift? No! It’s because she’s been connected with the Salami’s! Whaaaaa?!
Mary’s head then literally becomes unhinged and she must hold her brain cap on. She’s PISSED! So am I. I thought we’d finally discover if she was filled with Merlot instead of blood.
Cat says there’s no end to the lives that have been destroyed by the Salami’s. So true. I just can’t stop thinking about how awful and how—
Well Helloooo… How’s about I show you my version of a 360?
I love all the clips Bravo’s using to tell the back story. I can’t imagine how much they had to pay for all the media clips. That’s a disgrace. You know how much better this would’ve been if they used the casts of the other “Real Housewives” to tell what happened?!
“And then the Salami’s snuck into the White House like PROSTITUTION WHORES!!!”
Later that night at Cat’s house, she’s chatting with Chahhhles about things while he questions how he got wrapped up in a show like this. Luckily Cat’s making him a proper English dinner to make up for it. WAH WAH WAAAAHHH. And to add insult to injury she makes a crack that he could refill her wine glass while he sits there doing nothing. I’m shocked they get divorced. Shocked I tell you.
“O’ that this glass be filled with a poison that stoppeth my heart from another beat that is filled with the hatred of a catty wench.”
Days later, the girls all get together at Lynda’s for some drinks, laughs, friendship…
And a viewing of the House Committee of Homeland Security questioning of the Salami’s! Yeah friendship! Ok everyone – the game is to drink every time Mic bursts into tears and blames it all on Sparkles!
Awww! Paul even came to join in the fun!
Ladies and Gentlemen, for the last time, I give you… Paul’s Whitney-Do! This one is “Gettin’ Sassy in Court” Whitney! Special for this event! Can you guys believe I found a different Whitney to match Paul’s hair every time?! It’s gotta be a conspiracy!
So the questioning begins so we can finally get some answers!
OH !@$%@!*$@%&!!!!! Are you kidding me?! YOU SALAAAAAMIIIIIII!!!!
BTW sidenote…
Linda totally plays Wii!!! Can’t you just see her playing a game and bashing the shit out of the Salami “Wii people” that she created?!
The greasy Salami’s then use the same answer over and over again while the Committee and our girls at home imagine wringing the answers out of them. I have a feeling this hearing would’ve been MUCH more effective if Mary, Cat and Lynda were on the panel. Lynda would’ve stormed over and started slamming Mic’s head into the table after 2 questions.
Paul makes the point that if he were in Mic’s shoes he would’ve thrown Mr. Salami under the bus real fast (if one could find a bus large and strong enough to do such a thing). However Lynda points out that they’ll both go down together – and I couldn’t agree more. The one thing these two have going for them is that they stick together. As long as one of them doesn’t break – they’re an unstoppable force of lying, cheating and general malaise. It’s the American dream!
After being told to “piss off, we ain’t talking!” (in so many words), the committee starts laying into the Salami’s and they each take turns telling them how fucking awful they are.
At one point Mary gets so giddily shit-faced, she forgets a cardinal rule of drinking – tip the glass.
As the hearing progresses and the Salami’s get grilled more and more, the ladies are really eating it up. Lynda is positively beaming (which is funny since she’s the only one not directly affected by Salahi-shit, minus a rogue cork to the ass) while the others show varying levels of emotion…
Show and Tell: Which one do you think is respectfully silent and which one better have “Depends” on? I’ll give you a hint, the silent one probably realizes the “reunion special” will be a lot less awkward if he zips it. And he wants another birthday party.
My favorite part of the trial is when one of the interviewers asks the Salami if he can even admit to being there that night. Aaaawesome! And of course after checking with his lawyer…
“Hey I’m still a doucebag right? OK cool. Just checking… oh and can you have the white limo warmed up? (turns back around) I respectfully decline…”
The interviewers practically beg Mic to break ranks but she declines and gives the same BS response. All this while wearing enough strands of pearls to choke her to death. And where the hell did she get so many pearls from?!
OMG! Mic is Mama Fratelli!!! Run Goonies run!
The hearing finishes up and Lynda’s furious that they still haven’t apologized and their blood isn’t splattered on the walls of congress. Meanwhile, the other ladies (Paul included) in the room actually start sticking up for Mic and say that they feel bad that she’s been mislead. Paul even goes so far to say that Lynda shouldn’t be so hard on Mic wanting to be rich because LYNDA just had all her money dumped in her lap when she married! OH FUCKING SNAP. I really wish Paul didn’t say that cause there’s no way I can find a photo of Whitney with her hair and face burned off for his next “look”.
We’re back from commercial and get treated to several more media clips. Bravo’s clearly trying to remind us how the Salami story was everywhere way back when. Even Larry King was talking about it…
“Next up – we talk Salahi’s, Salamis – on rye, lightly toasted and how I’ve been dead for 6 years now.”
Almost a month after this shit-storm began brewing we now join the ladies once again as they dish about “what to do about the Salami-situation.” I hope this is the part where, since the government didn’t do shit about it, the DC ladies decide to take justice into their own hands/claws/finely-manicured clutches!
But who will be the ringleader?! Who will preside over the world’s most dastardly catty bitches?!
MOTHER FUCKIN’ ICHIBAN!!!
First step of this meeting of super heroines…
“Drink our powerful elixir! It helps us run faster, bitch harder and destroy the Salami’s without breaking a nail!”
But Lynda, how will you do it?! What is your secret?! Tell us!
DC Kombat!!! “Up, Down, A, B, A, B, Up, select, start!”
I knew it! She’s so lethal and wise. She calls to order the meeting and begins to say that the Salami’s are now considered dangerous to their reputations. They must be STOPPED!
What’s so important on the wall on the back right that it had to be blurred out? OMG. Is it the map to their secret lair?! Let me use my auto-correct-color-difribrulation-thingy-bullshit like they use on all those CSI shows… Zooming in…aaaand…What’s that a photo of?!
OH MY GOD!!! Their secret lair is right under the nose of the enemy!!! Brilliant work Ichiban!!!
Cat calls the Salamis “Celebrity Terrorists” (that is totally gonna be the name of Cat’s new show on Bravo) and Stacie asks if she’d tell them that to their face! OH PLLLEEEEASE let that happen!
Stacie says she’s going to have the Salamis over for app’s, drinks and interrogation and invites the other ladies to come so they can dish to their faces and not behind their backs. Mary immediately squashes that idea and says that they have “…wronged me! They have wronged my family!”
“By the power of Franzia, I have the power!!! Vengeance is mine!”
Lynda says that she wouldn’t get out of bed for it – she can’t even breath in their space. So that’s a “No”. I hope she writes that on the RSVP for their holiday party.
This will totally be Lynda’s RSVP.
Stacie convinces Cat that she needs to go to seek revenge – uh I mean “talk” – with the Salamis so Cat decides to go. I have this odd feeling that Stacie is getting a pay bump from Bravo to hold this face-off.
It’s finally time for the big meet & beat! And it couldn’t be better timing…
I hope Mic packed a silver bullet ’cause Cat’s gonna be in…ummm… rare-form.
Stacie, Jason and Cat pre-game and discuss how Cat’s not allowed to feast upon the Salamis until they get some answers out of them. It’s funny because I think Stacie and Jason start second-guessing this whole idea. I can see the look of “Oh shit – I should’ve scotch-guarded the carpet, furniture and walls before this” on Stacie’s face.
The Salamis finally arrive and Stacie and Jason greet them with big fake hugs while Cat just chills in the living room and awaits armageddon.
“I believe I’ll enjoy her liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
So Stacie, Jason and the Salami’s totally bullshit and blow smoke up each others ass for like 10 minutes (sickening) and Cat ignores them. You can tell she’s just waiting for them to say something to her so she can strike.
Jason comments that Mr. Salami has lost some weight (jail food will do that to you) while Mic “can’t lose anymore weight”.
“Hold your tongue! I got 10 pounds and a spine to lose for the new year!”
Cat finally decides she’s had enough BS for a lifetime and gets up to leave. Mic asks in the dumbest/most oblivious voice possible, “Where’s she going?!” like Cat’s going out for an ice cream cone. This bitch has some nerve.
But just before Cat leaves… she’s got one thing to say…
Finally Cat releases her fury on the Salami’s.
So Cat just lets loose on the Salami’s and calls them fake and a disgrace to America (leave it to the Brit to be the one out of all the ladies to tell them what shitty Americans they are – cheers!). Mic stands up and says she won’t take the abuse, that Cat’s not a lady and heads out – ALL WHILE THE SALAMI JUST SITS ON HIS FAT ASS AND SMILES!!! Did anyone else catch that?! He acted like he was watching an episode of “Real Housewives”!!! That’s OUR job!!!
What a d-bag.
So after Cat goes OFF on them and heads for the door, Jason says “I thought you were gonna stay for dessert.” Either he has a sense of humor or the producers are begging him to get the ladies to take a swing at each other.
Cat storms out and the Salamis decide to stay since Jason convinces them too. Stacie says “Cat was just being Cat” but really she means “Cat was being honest and she can’t play fake like we can”. I say “Good for Cat!”
Then we see that Cat’s actually on the phone to Lynda while standing outside. I’m not quite sure why she doesn’t leave. Maybe she got a ride their from Bravo and they’re refusing to take her away from the fight. Any second they’re gonna start poking her with a stick and tell her the Salami’s called her “Irish”.
Stacie explains to Mic that Cat’s pissed that she got disinvited to the White House Christmas party because of them and Mic just blankly stares at her. Mic’s either starting to realize that her poor decisions have had a negative impact on other people’s lives OR that she really likes rainbow sprinkles.
Yeah that’s what I thought.
Just when it looks like the Salami’s MIGHT start thinking about someone other than themselves, Mic jumps up and says they’re not allowed to talk about “the event” at all and they have to leave. Stacie asks how ANYONE can not talk about it with them and Mic says “The people that really know us can!” I’d agree with that. I’m betting the people they’re truly friends with are masters at having conversations without saying anything of note for hours on end. I’m guessing Mic’s best friend can have a conversation about snowflakes for an entire evening.
Jason confronts the two of them again, telling them how he and Stacie feel about it – and then Stacie jumps in and says “How are you gonna get out of this?!” This is the breaking point for Mic and she gets up and says it’s time to leave because they can’t talk about it. For anyone who thought Mr. Salami was brainwashing her and that it’s all him – CLEARLY this is not the case. She did most of the talking and is in control of the situation while he sat there and just kept snacking on the food.
On the way out the (back) door, Mr. Salami says that he believes their image isn’t tarnished and just as Stacie puts him on the spot to answer if he’d do it all differently, if it happened again – Mic calls him out of the room to leave! (Whiplash sound!)
As the Salami’s sneak out the back door we see a delightful montage of all the housewives talking smack about them to the heart-racing music of a suspense movie. I truly thought their car was gonna blow up when they got inside of it. Although it could’ve on the inside with the amount of hors d’oeuvres the Salami shoved down on his way out.
Cat decides to come back in the house but it’s hysterical since she keeps lurking around waiting for them to pop back out and ambush her. Once she demands a refill of wine (THAT’S classic Cat) she sits down while Stacie and Jason rant about how ridiculous and shameful the Salamis are. Boy I’d love to be in the room with the Salamis as they watched this finale. Can’t wait for the reunion!!! AWWWWWWWKWARD!!!! LOVE IT!
And now for the epilogue…
What about ROSA?!? RRRRRRROSA!!!!
Looks like Mother Fuckin’ Ichiban’s the man of the house then!!!
Family reunion! Awwww! They should totally go to Disney World! I hear the first weekend in June is a perfect time to go.
I guess “titillate” is the new phrase for “finding a new husband”.
What the hell are they waiting for? The magic bullet? A smoking gun?! There it is folks – she just bent Washington over and got away with it – she’s truly “Ms. DC”!
AND THAT’S IT! I wish I could say it was a great season but it was friggin’ rough at times! If I had to write serious reviews of this shit I would’ve cut myself left, right and center. Hope you all enjoyed it. Any final thoughts before the big reunion?! Let’s hope they make up for the whole season!!! Come on kids and DISH IT!!!!
TV Social
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46 Comments
“Hey bestie, quick ques: does a breach n Nat’l Sekurity mean jail 4eva & how much $$$ do u have 4 bail?! LOL!”
Amazing!!! And I’m just on the first page. Ok, back to reading..
BBitz…outstanding. I am giving you a standing ovation and saying “well done…well done”.
I can’t wait for the reunion! I am looking forward to Lynda and Cat going after Missy although we all know Missy will just walk out.
MOTHER FUCKIN’ ICHIBAN!!!
Thanks for sticking with this dreadful season BBitz. You did a fantastic job!
Love the photo of Mic with the rainbow sprinkles!
I think they should fire everyone and have next season focus on Sparkles and Ichiban!!
Ah, good ol’ RHODC Phase 1: Everybody cuts and pastes flipit’s prose and blows air kisses.
RHODC Phase 2 cannot be far away.
LOL.
Looking forward to reading it bBitz… I’ve watched this episode about 10 times, Missy reminds me of Ethel Rosenberg at the hearing, haha.
@notwithoutmytv: FLIPIT?! How could you?! It’s me – bBitz!!! And after all we’ve been through! Only if we stick to praising me for the first 100 comments will it ever be forgivable.
I kid. Maybe the first 90.
Great recap as always! I was so disappointed that Paul/Whitney never confronted Mic and Tark about not paying for his party. He sat there and defended her knowing what scum she really is. Forgot to recap the last ep. but I wonder if that salon ever got paid for the makeup and hair styling. And if she was such a good makeup artist why was she getting someone else to do it. And I love how Mic said she’d been to the WH many times before but as a worker. Yeah Right!
Poor Mary, still the wino!
LOVE LOVE ICHIBAN…….I want him.
Oh, sorry, again about last week. I think there should have been a drinking game with how many times Mic said “beautiful” and Tark said “Wow”. They just make me want to puke with their fakeness….
I actually forced myself to watch Miss Andy after the show and the Salami and Cheese actually thought that the episode helped their case. Would have much preferred ICHIBAN to be the guest.
i just couldn’t get into this show it was so boring. but the recaps were awesome. that invitation might be the best thing to come out of this whole mess. i seriously just got several dirty looks because i lol’d at it.
‘Can you imagine Pres. Carter or Pres. Clinton calling up and having the social director be like, “Oh yeah – we’d love to have you – but there’s just not enough tickets because we need to save 2 tickets for this amazing couple that owns a dilapidated winery and embezzling group disguised as a Polo Club. Better luck next year!” ‘
My favorite line, amazing. ALSO GOONIES OMG
(Just wanted to partake in Phase 1 full throttle. PS – I love you, Notwithoutmytv)
Okay here are two things working in favor for the fucking Salamis: one they got into the party, but the White House would have not come out and clearly stated that they were not invited. Two: the pictures- in the pictures everyone looks like they know the Salamis. Why is that? Is it the natural reaction- when asked to pose for a picture? How the hell did they get? This episode totally worked in their favor and that displeases me greatly. I want them to get in trouble. It is sad and pathetic- on my part.
bBitz, you had me laughing the entire time! Very funny recap!!
The picture with Mic’s hand on Joe Biden’s chest was uber creepy, but I took his doofy smile to be the natural response of “Oh, marginally attractive blonde girl likes me.” Katie C. looked a bit frightened in hers, IMO.
Also I have a question – when the chick with the clipboard told them to “wait over there,” I thought she meant some area out of the frame of the camera (not next to the White House entrance area), and since they had been chatting the clipboard chick took it on faith that they would wait there and she turned her back to greet the next guest, which is when the Salamis made their way through the restricted area. Did I understand it wrong? I guess that’s why I didn’t think the episode was in the Salami’s favor – I just thought it made a huge mockery of the security system they had in place…hmmm….
@Bridget – totally don’t feel pathetic, I feel the same way!! So annoying not only that they didn’t get fried (not in the death penalty sense of course but you know what I mean) but that they STILL seem so deluded about the whole thing…it’s soooo frustrating to watch!
Great article on the Salamis: on top of gate crashing, they went to a bar across the street and then stiffed the bartender. How sad.
@Bionic: I just read that the cameras did not show the long line of VIPS that were waiting to get in and that is probably why the chick was a little flustered and let them pass.
http://deathby1000papercuts.com/2010/10/real-housewives-of-dc-final-episode-salahis-prove-theyre-not-party-crashers/
Awesome recap BBitz!! I’m jumping on the compliments bandwagon. Maybe we should start a pay pal a/c for you to buy enough alcohol to get through this reunion. Seriously, those Salahi’s are certifiable.
I still like Stacie. She seems genuine and nice. Lynda and Cat are cool. Mary seems nice but a little vacant. Must be the booze. I feel like she just repeats back to you what you say in conversations. The brain cells have all been sloshed for far too
long. I’d hang out with everyone but the Salami’s in this franchise though. I can’t say that about the other housewife cities.
@Bridge – yeah makes sense, I don’t blame clipboard chick since I’m sure a ton of other security had to eff up too. Also the Salamis did have cameras following them which probably numbed some suspicion about whether they should be there or not – people where prolly like yeah, they must be “sombodies,” blah blah blah. It’s like when the TMZ camera kids help not-immediately-recognized celebs get into clubs just by trailing them.
What really pisses me off about these two are all the hardworking people they STIFF! The bartender, the people at the salon, etc. To quote Steve Guttenberg in DINER, “My blood is boiling!”
Holy shitballs bBitz, awesome recap! Kadooz to you! Anderson Cooper, the Goonies, Mother-fuckin’ Ichiban-love it!
You know, I won’t go to a party if I wasn’t personally invited by the hosts, even if a friend who was invited insists its okay I tag along. Seriously, it’s declasse.
And what is the rule when it comes to how much of a man’s cuff/sleeve should show when wearing a suit?? I’m not a man
so I really don’t know. “Fat guy in a little coat…”
Bionic TV: I KNOW! If you read that Deathby1000Papercuts.com post that Bridget cited, they stiff everyone! They never paid the Salon and had done it to them before! (The only reason I can think the Salon let them back–TV exposure?) The Publicist they had at the time of The Crashing is suing them for non-payment. That auction that they had selling autographed pictures? A judge forced them to do that, to pay someone else back they owed.
The funniest thing in all the “Salahi”-themed stories at that site: they have The Salamis current attorney, Lisa Bloom on television slamming them in the days right after the party. She says something like: “Well, they went into the party and didn’t have an invitation, the White House says they didn’t have an invitation. What more is there to say?” Heh.
It never ceases to amaze me the shit that can fly right past me, watching these shows. I totally missed Tarques just sitting there like an idiot when Mic was grabbing her coat to beat the hasty exit. In fairness, I was holding out hope for the proper British version of tacky Jersey (not all of) table flipping. But alas, no.
BULLOCKS!!!!!
Great recap, as always. But you have to draw a choker on Mary in her superpower costume!!! Agree with previous posts about how the Salami’s got in- the girl with the list looked flustered and I’m sure Mich was squealing and hugging everyone in sight. Should have had Michael Clarke Duncan as the bouncer!
Great recap! Thanks for a great season – I’ll look for more recaps by you bBitz! Too many good lines to quote, pretty much every one was not only funny but totally on the mark!
Thanks so much for the recap and your season at the helm of this craziness.
“And then the Salami’s snuck into the White House like PROSTITUTION WHORES!!!”
I will never forget that line as long as I live. I plan to steal it from time to time as a matter of fact
The music was pretty cool wasn’t it? PCheeze mentioned in a thread that it made the situation more like a “caper”. Between the music and the obvious nerves that you mentioned, I agree, it was like an episode of a real show. hee hee
Take care, Robin
This episode definitely sealed it for me too bBitz. Michaele is the sociopath leading poor schlub Tareq by the short hairs. He was scared shitless going to the White House while she was cool as a cucumber. He’s just some dork who’s family was well off (not wealthy) who was finally able to get some arm candy. He bankrupted the winery and alienated his family in an effort to keep Michaele up. He’s under a trance. She is in control.
Great recap Flipit. (hahahahhahahahahha)
BBitz, where would we be without you this season. You did TVG Proud and I thank you for your devotion and hard work.
I think Tarque being at Andy Cohen’ s show the day after his father died says a lot about his desire for self promotion over respect for others. The Thursday night program did not show us anthing we really didn’t know (if you were reading the DC Post) and in no way vindicated the Salami’s. If Bravo had backed of the simple filming of the situatin and showed us production a b it and treated them like zoo animals and made it a documentary…. as it should have been at this point in time…. it would have made Bravo history.As they have left it it is just another stunt pulled off by the crazy couple that Bravo, and we, are victims of.
@giffordsaz
I agree, they both like themselves more than anyone else as was indicated by the Tawreck Andy Cohen interview. Also, I noticed that they allowed Andy to mention that his father died. I am sure that they could have said no to the announcement but they allowed it. Did they think that folks would feel sorry for them by announcing it? I gotta tell you, I wouldn’t put it past those scoundrels to be glad the Dad died when he did. They are so delusional they probably thought they would be treated with kid gloves now because of their “loss”. Can they spell backfire? Never mind, they can’t spell deposit or charity either.
TC,Robin
tvaholic – you are killing me with that song!! I just got it out of my head from the last time you mentioned it!! I’m just gonna have to break out the movie and watch it again!
BBitz – thanks for making this mess even crazier and funnier! I really enjoyed your recaps and look forward to more!
@bBitz. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa!
bBitz you did such an awesome job! I hope to see you on more recaps. You are definitely one of my favs.
The Salami’s just seem really sad and pathetic to me. Can you imagine when they are alone what they talk about? They have what looks like a very empty marriage. So sad talking to celebrities or being perceived as wealthy is all that matters to them.
I wasn’t a huge fan of the other women this episode. They were literally licking their chops in glee. It was actually a little disturbing. I understand Mary’s anger but everyone else needed to simmer down a bit.
MOTHER FUCKIN’ ICHIBAN!!!
great recap, you are awesome BBitz!
@giffordsaz: Oh, don’t shed any tears for Bravo. It knows EXACTLY what it’s doing. I read an article a ways back in which Bravo’s programming executives talked pretty frankly about their shows and their target audience. The have a dastardly plan to create shows strictly for whatever Yuppies are calling themselves now, gay men, and middle-aged women. They flat out said they aren’t interested in programming for anyone else. And they monitor comments boards to determine plot lines. If a character is liked, or hated, or just discussed a lot, you’ll see more of that character in short order. There’s really no such thing as bad press anymore… the worse Bravo’s collection of troglodytes act, the better Bravo performs in the ratings, and the happier Bravo’s sponsors are. And Miss Andy can afford that much more nose candy.
Mutha fuckin’ ichiban! That was a fantastic not plastic recap, Bbitz! I laughed like a mofo at all of the pix, particularly the ones with Mary – man, she is the drunk gift that keeps giving. I lost it after the pix with “where Stacie’s house used to be” – after seeing Cat’s face, I was expecting to see two social climbers orbiting the earth with someone’s designer shoes in their asses.
Wow, what a frigging mess this season was – please tell me that stick insect and Tubby McGrifter are gone after this season. I loathe the pair of them. I think the show can survive without the Stilloweme’s – I would not mind another season of “Mary, Mary, why you drunk girl?”, Catty Cat, Stacie (by the end of season two, she will host a gay wedding reception – mark my words), and of course, my girl crush Lynda. As for a fifth member – there are tons of “housewives” in DC who don’t make day salons nervous when they come in.
BBitz, wanting to show Anderson Cooper your “360″ – LOL! Who doesn’t?
Looking forward to your recap of the reunion…
kdfinjpn-I can’t help it, evrytime I saw him I thought of it!
Alhtough I guess he can’t find a tailor who doesn’t want to get screwed out of getting paid-which is why I believe he lost weight. He can’t afford new suits or to tailor the ones he has.
giff & Robin-I also had a problem with how Mic insisted they made amends with Corinne & how she wanted them to do the show with Andy. Either they caught her at a vulnerable time having just lost her husband, or she was smart enough to encourage them to do the show so they could dig themselves deeper. And I’m so pissed they didn’t have Nene on with them!!
I’m not defending the Slimy’s behavior……but when you are asked a question under oath…and you take the 5th….that MUST be your answer to each and every question afterwards. You are not allowed to pick and choose which questions you will answer….and plead the 5th at the others. Members of Congress certainly know this…but asked the questions to get their “answers” on the record. What a waste of our tax money.
Since the beginning I liked Cat the best…and the finale proved I was right to like her. Too bad about her marriage…but I think she’ll be just fine and maybe more interesting out in the dating world.
I agree with what was said about the clipboard chick earlier. She checked the list, they weren’t on it. She told them to wait, while she helped the other people in line. The Salamis kept walking, instead of waiting. If some security person at the White House told me to wait, I would wait. It’s weird that the clipboard chick would let them enter. I think it would have been more appropriate to tell them to please step out of line and wait while she checked on their names, not LET THEM IN.
Ichiban needs to be a guest on Watch What Happens Live.
You know they had Grandma Wrinkles on WWHL, why not awesome Ichiban, huh?
Son of a… I’d bought my plane ticket to California, I had a paper bag of dog poo, some lighter fluid, and some matches, and I was all set to go light that shit, ring the bell, and leave it by the front door of where they film Watch What Happens Live with Andy “Uncle Fucker” Cohen, but the gestapo at American Airlines wouldn’t let me on board with the lighter fluid. I tried to explain my Big Plan, but the security people said that, while they’d dearly love to see that Andy Cohen with flaming dog shit on his shoe, my bringing matches and lighter fluid on an airliner was right the fuck out. I asked if maybe I could just check the flammables as luggage, but they thought it best that I just leave.
Sigh.
The Salami’s are not only delusional but also think that they are these great masterminds. Thinking back to the previous episode and the whole discussion about the “gossip” the morning after the dinner, I think that they were actually staging those moments as supposed “evidence” that would clear them from the party crashing.
If you listen back to when the Salami says that he is getting a text, she asks him “Who is it from” and says “It’s from Rahm”. “Rahm?” she asks and then he says “Rahm” a third time. I bet you they were probably trying to imply that it was their best buddy Rahm Emanuel as a way of justifying that people at the dinner did know who they were.
It was the same thing in the previous episode with all those scenes between them (and the make-up artist) constantly talking about about whether they needed an invitation or not. I’m sure they will now point to that as proof that they thought they were supposed to be there.
My theory is partially confirmed by the interview they just did with Entertainment Weekly about the final episode. They say that they feel relieved and that Bravo’s footage has basically confirmed that they never did anything wrong…how stupid are these people, really.
I guess they are fitting dumbass super-villaians for the equally stupid LOEB!
notwithoutmytv. That was a brilliant plan. What a shame you couldn’t carry it out.
Could somebody please explain to me why Cat would be disinvited from the White House because of the Salamis? It does not make sense to me that they would dis her given the fact that she’s married to the WH photog. Did they disinvite or fire him because of the Salamis? Doesn’t the fact that she’s actually married to the guy give her more credibility than merely being acquainted with the Salamis?
how I love you notwithoutmytv
MOTHER FUCKIN’ ICHIBAN!!!
Thanks, Bbitz. Hilarious recap, which almost makes me want to watch the show for Cat’s sake. But I swore to Miss Andy that I wouldn’t if he had the gate-crashers on. (Just in case Bravo reads these boards, too–LOL.)
OMG, freaking HILARIOUS!!!! You are better than Tivo! I love your recaps, keep ‘em coming!!
I now have to withdraw some of my defense of Stacie regarding her stance on gay marriage after reading her latest Bravo blog. She decided to answer what she called the 10 most asked questions that popped up in the comments of her blogs, one of course being the gay marriage issue. Sadly, all of her answers are pretty much non-answers, as if she has been hanging around the D.C. politicians too much. While she absolutely has the right to her own opinion, I truly thought she was someone who was conflicted. But between the two-facedness (so what if that’s not a word?!) she displayed with the Salamis and her post about gay marriage, she has now officially fallen out of favor with me, which I know will keep her awake at night.
Anyway, she says that she believes in equal rights for all, yadda yadda, but her definition of marriage is the union of one man & one woman. Then she goes on to say that her Nigerian father has two wives, & she’s totally ok with that because it’s legal & an accepted custom in Nigeria! While I do agree that polygamy is legal & accepted in other countries,& I know there are may cultural differences between Africa & the US, but I guess that means her definition of marriage changes where she is geographically? And if she were to research it, polygamy has become quite the hot-button issue in Africa recently. Just because something is still accepted by a large portion of a community/society, doesn’t mean you have to agree with it. But I guess she’s not going to meet her father & go all Tyra on him either.
For the record, the 5th Amendment only protects you from self-incrimination, not answering all questions. Even if the Salamis refused to answer some questions, ones that do not implicate them are fair game. For example, if they asked Missy if her husband was a “fat man in a little coat” she’d have to answer!!!