Previously: Lea Black was on a talk show, Marta moved into Lisa’s, Karen’t got attacked by Adriana and Alexia, she and was about to come out on top, but then she mentioned Frankie (DOOM), and Joanna discovered Romain thought about leaving her a year ago.
We open this week with a busy, busy Lisa prepping for her lingerie party benefiting Susan G. Komen. When I say prepping, I mean modeling lingerie for Daysy, which is probably Lisa’s one marketable skill. No hate, just truth. Marta must be
trying on ugly hats on an audition, because Daysy is Lisa’s only other friend the audience for this naked display of plastic surgery. Daysy pours out many “Ay, Mees Leeesaa”s in admiration, knowing that someday, she will have a Frieda house and Lisa will put her hair in braids and teach her how to swim. Or maybe just stop offering her booze. Either one would be a step forward in their relationship.
’cause it’s weird, right now…
After three outfits are displayed and one is deemed acceptable (a super cute angel getup), Daysy goes off to make a dinner that Lisa will take credit for. Hahahaha!!! Housekeepers are the best pets! Since Lisa’s freed up some time in her busy lingerie/delegating schedule, she calls Lea to sniff around for an R.S.V.P. which has yet to be delivered. You can tell how desperate Lisa is for Lea to come looking at the fact that she’s practically begging LEA to show up to a party where the dress code is “lingerie or nothing.” Yeah, I went there. Lea and her husband defend THIS GUY, so I fucking went there.
Lea’s nice in her completely patronizing sort of way, complimenting Lisa on “working soooo hard” on the party, and if she can get done what she has to get done to “survive,” she’ll attend. I can’t “#firstworldproblem” that shit enough. I’ll just say this: on the day Lea had to finish planning her party in order to “survive,” other people had to FIND WATER to survive (I assume somewhere in Africa). In the Real Housewives context, I do sort of get it, Lea’s party is the next night, so it’s a little much to expect her to attend another one the night before. But Lisa rolls her eyes at the idea of Lea thinking that a “lingerie” party is beneath the standards of the Black name. Oh, Lisa, I love you, but you don’t get it. Ain’t nothin’ below the Black name. Lea just doesn’t really give a shit.
Speak of the devil, our next stop is the offices of Lea Black LLC Beauty, Skincare, Media, Fashion Brand Management. There are a whole lotta back issues of Cosmo in that reception area, let me tell you. Lea’s busy being Lisa in 20 years, calling people from an office (not a bathroom), wearing a dress and Luann De Lesseps’ necklace (not lingerie), and in general looking and acting a lot more important than she actually is. Some serious name-dropping happens (Tony Bennett! Queen Latifah!), and general stressing about the party happening sooo soon!!! Alexia, Joanna and Adriana show up basically to talk about who they’ll have at their tables, and how much Adriana and Alexia hate Karen’t. Alexia interviews that Karen’t doesn’t know how to behave socially, and I fucking disagree. When you’re out socially, that is exactlythe time to act fake, phoney or “polite,” as that behavior is referred to in some circles. Alexia goes on about how Karen’t doesn’t know her place in the drug money playground that is Miami, and then it’s Adriana’s turn to say something that actually interests me.