RHOM Recap: Casa de los PANTIES!

Recaps

By Alejandra | Saturday, October 27, 2012 | 3:40 am | 15 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

Previously: Lea Black was on a talk show, Marta moved into Lisa’s, Karen’t got attacked by Adriana and Alexia, she and was about to come out on top, but then she mentioned Frankie (DOOM), and Joanna discovered Romain thought about leaving her a year ago. 

We open this week with a busy, busy Lisa prepping for her lingerie party benefiting Susan G. Komen.  When I say prepping, I mean modeling lingerie for Daysy, which is probably Lisa’s one marketable skill.  No hate, just truth.  Marta must be trying on ugly hats on an audition, because Daysy is Lisa’s only other friend the audience for this naked display of plastic surgery.  Daysy pours out many “Ay, Mees Leeesaa”s in admiration, knowing that someday, she will have a Frieda house and Lisa will put her hair in braids and teach her how to swim.  Or maybe just stop offering her booze.  Either one would be a step forward in their relationship.

’cause it’s weird, right now…

After three outfits are displayed and one is deemed acceptable (a super cute angel getup), Daysy goes off to make a dinner that Lisa will take credit for. Hahahaha!!!  Housekeepers are the best pets!  Since Lisa’s freed up some time in her busy lingerie/delegating schedule, she calls Lea to sniff around for an R.S.V.P. which has yet to be delivered.  You can tell how desperate Lisa is for Lea to come looking at the fact that she’s practically begging LEA to show up to a party where the dress code is “lingerie or nothing.”  Yeah, I went there.  Lea and her husband defend THIS GUY, so I fucking went there.

Lea’s nice in her completely patronizing sort of way, complimenting Lisa on “working soooo hard” on the party, and if she can get done what she has to get done to “survive,” she’ll attend.  I can’t “#firstworldproblem” that shit enough.  I’ll just say this: on the day Lea had to finish planning her party in order to “survive,” other people had to FIND WATER to survive (I assume somewhere in Africa).  In the Real Housewives context, I do sort of get it, Lea’s party is the next night, so it’s a little much to expect her to attend another one the night before.  But Lisa rolls her eyes at the idea of Lea thinking that a “lingerie” party is beneath the standards of the Black name.  Oh, Lisa, I love you, but you don’t get it.  Ain’t nothin’ below the Black name.  Lea just doesn’t really give a shit.

Speak of the devil, our next stop is the offices of Lea Black LLC Beauty, Skincare, Media, Fashion Brand Management.  There are a whole lotta back issues of Cosmo in that reception area, let me tell you.  Lea’s busy being Lisa in 20 years, calling people from an office (not a bathroom), wearing a dress and Luann De Lesseps’ necklace (not lingerie), and in general looking and acting a lot more important than she actually is.  Some serious name-dropping happens (Tony Bennett!  Queen Latifah!), and general stressing about the party happening sooo soon!!!  Alexia, Joanna and Adriana show up basically to talk about who they’ll have at their tables, and how much Adriana and Alexia hate Karen’t.  Alexia interviews that Karen’t doesn’t know how to behave socially, and I fucking disagree.  When you’re out socially, that is exactlythe time to act fake, phoney or “polite,” as that behavior is referred to in some circles.  Alexia goes on about how Karen’t doesn’t know her place in the drug money playground that is Miami, and then it’s Adriana’s turn to say something that actually interests me.

Thank goodness.

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

15 Comments

  1. 1
    featherhead
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 4:50 am

    I figured Joe Francis was saying that either Joanna slept with Mohamed Ali or Mohamed from BH, Lisa Vanderpump’s friend, works for me either way. How come Joanna calls out Adriana and Alexia for “bullying” Karent, but when she talks about KK – that’s not bullying? I hate that the word bully gets tossed around like it’s nothing.
    I loved Marisol this episode!!

  2. 2
    aliens.rock
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Can anyone tell me where those 800 people were during Lisa’s party?. It looked a lot like parties I used to throw (I mean people standing around in the kitchen, getting drunk, and talking sh… about each other :-) ) There was a random guy with a backpack standing outside in one of the scenes. I guess even backpackers didn’t care to stop by…
    The party looked so trashy but I guess what else can you expect from the party, to which people show up with their buttocks hanging out, and Joe Francis is in attendence? I think that the only reason Lisa picked the theme was so she can show her (enviable) body in a slutty outfit.
    I just hate those stupid charity events those women ( Housewives) organize. They try to look like they give back to the society, but they are only making sure that their social calendars stay busy. “I’ll invite you to my charity ball, and you’ll invite me to yours. Oh, we are so charitable” Blech. Instead of spending money on the venue, champagne, and food, give it directly to the people in need. But we know they won’t, because no one will hear about it.

  3. 3
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 11:04 am

    Aliens rock…as a person on a board of a charity, we throw an event that costs 10k, but we raise 30k. So the event helps raise money that we couldn’t have raised on our own…

    Just my two cents….

  4. 4
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    Oh, Alejandra, I wish “THIS GUY” had a link attached to it so those not in-the-know could get there and see what happened. Tragedy. I hold no ill-will toward Roy, BTW. He’s got to earn a living and people need guys like him to defend them. NEWSFLASH: Not everyone charged with a crime actually did it. But this one damn skippy did!

    Back to reading. Can’t wait to get your take on the Black family’s reunion. Holy uncomfortable, Batman. Wow. That was just so…odd.

  5. 5
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted October 27, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    Sigh. Too tired to finish the last couple of **magical**pages (me likey recap.[grin]). Perhaps more tomorrow.

    However I must say I think Karent proved herself to be a double dealing POT STIRRER FROM HELL! Damn! SHE asked if they’d slept together, and when he tells the truth (not even being sleazy about it, either), she rode her broom around the venue (the faster to find Joanna), and once with her wasted no effing time in tattling like a kindergartner. Aaaand she kept on doing it. I know that woman has some redeeming qualities…I just know it! She’s really gotta haul them out soon or hire a thereapist to teach
    her how to suppress the majority of her personality. Then she just might be tolerable.

    Although Adriana is working MY last nerve lol.

    Tired.

  6. 6
    Charles
    Posted October 28, 2012 at 2:54 pm

    Karent really forced Joanna’s hand by bringing Joe over and putting her on the spot. She could have pulled her off to the side and let Joanna contemplate how she wanted to handle it. I think Joe probably did sleep with her. He’s a sleazeball and was looking to start drama but he’s not stupid. He gets in so many conflicts and legal disputes with far greater stakes that he isn’t going to risk being exposed as a liar over something so inconsequential. He was so smarmy that I never really doubted him whereas Joanna seemed like she was initially more bummed that he had revealed it and then worked herself into a contrived anger cause she was put on the spot. Karent may have had good intentions but she really exacerbated the situation. Initially Joe only said he dated Joanna, which is not an inherently bad thing to say. Karent then asked if he slept with her and thus put the info on camera.

  7. 7
    darlingclementine
    Posted October 28, 2012 at 6:58 pm

    Hah yeah I dont think Joanna actually had sex with Francis, maybe hooked up in some way but I don’t think all the way. Marta on the other hand… I think she did!!

    Wow Karent is not going herself any favors. At least she has a buddy in Jo though.

  8. 8
    shantigal
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 9:22 am

    Parties are hard! So is going on vacation. Don’t you remember when Camille had to lift a pencil and write down all of the things for one of her 4 nannies to do before they left? Gah!

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 11:33 am

    No wonder Joanna likes Karent. They are the same gossipy shit stirrers.

    Joe Francis – eww. Marta is going to bring you down Joanna.

  10. 10
    labowner
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Alejandra – thanks for the shout out. I know she is bothering some of you, but I love Adriana and how upset she is getting about Karent.

    Oh and Joanna, running an art gallery and a magazine are considered “jobs”. You are the one who doesn’t have a “job”.

  11. 11
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 11:49 am

    Labowner, I thought the same thing. I actually liked this series because all the women but Lisa and Leah have jobs. I actually give Leah a pass because her event probably takes 3-4 months to put on and to raise that much money is awesome.

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    Joanna does know the Christian Loboutins are made from leather….right?

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 2:12 pm

    Oh and Joe Francis is there for an hour or so and even he has figured out Karent is a shit stirrer. How sad is your life in JF is calling you out?

    No of course not Classy. Besides she probably sees nothing wrong with them because other parts of the cow were used for various reasons. It’s the same with vegan hippies who smoke. I am so above eating and wearing animals, but I have zero issues polluting the air they breath.

  14. 14
    NotaNJHousewife
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 10:02 pm

    There are vegan hippies who smoke?

  15. 15
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted October 30, 2012 at 4:44 am

    Labowner, did you see Joanna’s explanation about how she can wear leather? BS! That is something people made up so they could get away with wearing leather jackets, shoes and purses.

    If you don’t think that any animals are raised for their leather you’re stupid.

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