RHOM Recap: Party Monsters

Recaps

By Alejandra | Tuesday, November 20, 2012 | 9:17 pm | 14 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Real Housewives of Miami, Recaps

We open at Lea’s house and Elsa is here!  The two continue with their very uncomfortable relationship, sipping wine and discussing Marysol and Elaine.  As far as Elaine goes, what begins as a reasonable discussion ends in an explanation of what a drag queen is for Elsa’s benefit, and as far as Marysol goes, despite what Lea says about Marysol’s employees handling the banquet badly, Elsa thinks both women should sit down and resolve the B.S.  Because, as we’ve seen last episode, that is something that works.  I do give Lea credit for describing Elsa as a person who is, “What you see is what you get.”  I cannot think of someone less so, given that Elsa is the smartest person on this show, but with plastic surgery that makes me saaaaad.

#unfortunate

In a nearby high rise, Joanna is beating her fiancé at Tetris and the problems in their relationship are all the more clear – Ladies, if you emasculate your man at video games, he’ll find someone who won’t…  In other news, Marta moves back in, and it’s as if this retarded trio predicted the election.  We all took a pause to reevaluate, and it turns out everyone wanted everything the same as it was before, however dysfunctional.

Joanna and Marta head off to a shoe fashion show, which happens to be my worst nightmare considering I hate feet and I imagine they’ll be prominently featured.

At said fashion show, EVERYONE is there, including Lauren Foster, my new idol.  She’s an actual transgendered personality who doesn’t give a fuck.  And I think that she might be the coolest person on the planet.

Joanna and Adriana kiss cheeks like neither one of them hates herpes, but we all know better.  I’m sure there’s canned footage of both of them running to the bathroom to swab their respective cheeks with anitbactierial wipes.  The editors felt the need to air footage of Joanna interviewing about how she doesn’t “trust” Adriana after the “physical fight” they had, and shit, I wouldn’t either.  Do y’all hang out with bitches who get violent after a few drinks?  No?  I didn’t think so.

The party goes on without a hitch until Elaine gets there.  Well, not really.  It doesn’t get good until Lauren Foster starts talking about how horrible Elaine gets, and she does it with such aplomb that I can’t believe she doesn’t have her own show, yet.  Unfortunately, she doesn’t, and we all have to be subjected to the following, which is Elaine hopping on Marysol’s back like a howler monkey on steroids.  Elaine tells Lea and anyone else who will listen that Marysol has (YET AGAIN) been spreading lies and telling people not to hire him.  He squawks that Marysol told Lisa Pliner (hostess/designer/trophy wife) not to hire James.  When Lisa P. is questioned, she says that Marysol did express confusion as to why Lisa would hire James for such a show, pointing out that James would charge.  It could be a sabotage, but it could also be two people talking about a host.  In any case, it’s enough to send James into a goddamn tizzy and confront Marysol about the whole thing at the party. 

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About

Alejandra lives in Los Angeles and is an actor/writer/producer of opinions.  She loves the beach, but never goes, and hates reality stars, but follows them religiously.  In addition to TVGasm, you can read her writing at the online magazine DigN2It, or various fanfiction websites if you're industrious enough to find her.  If you're not industrious at all, a bottle of fine wine will always be an acceptable bribe.

14 Comments

  1. 1
    Deguy123
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 4:35 am

    “she doesn’t give a fuck about a table without a tablecloth, full of French fries she didn’t want. Ha!”
    I swear to god I couldn’t stop laughing at that line.

    She makes for good TV. I’d love for her to be added to the opening credit and see what she would say LOL

  2. 2
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 5:07 am

    I have to give Ana credit for not cussing Thomas Kramer out. You don’t ring a bell in someone’s face and then expect for them to happily oblige to your requests. Ana is right. People treat Thomas a certain way because he is rich and they want to be around him. Since Ana is not apart of the socialite lifestyle I don’t think she cares, and she showed it by walking out.

    Elaine/James is HUGE compared to Marysol. I am pretty confident and can stand up for myself but even I would have walked away from James standing over me yelling like that.

    Karen’t is disgustingly fake. She’s holding onto TK like it’s her best friend in the world but there are others that “say” they are like family to him.

    Watching TK yell at Elsa was really disturbing. I guess I’m an old southern gal but you NEVER speak to adults that way. EVER.

  3. 3
    mere2142
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 6:33 am

    So was this dinner party more fucked up than the one on BH this week? Or where they both fucked up, just in different ways? Thomas Kramer drove half of his guests to leave where Squinty Foster kicked hers out. To Thomas’ credit, there were no random people breaking into song at the dinner table.

  4. 4
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 6:37 am

    Oh annnd…Joanna has called off her engagement to Romain.

    http://omg.yahoo.com/news/joanna-krupa-calls-off-engagement-romain-zago-221838398.html

  5. 5
    mere2142
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 7:13 am

    Romain is single? Road trip to Miami anyone?

  6. 6
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 7:22 am

    I’ve got the snacks Mere. :)

  7. 7
    featherhead
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 7:54 am

    Count me in too ladies!!

  8. 8
    c8h10n4o2
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 9:27 am

    Thomas Kramer actually hosted the RHOA dinner in Miami that happened with that stupid bus trip. And if you google him, the guy is a hard-core violent asshat. Google around on him. Nobody has that many rape and assault allegations without being somewhat unhinged. He’s just rich enough (and owns important enough property) that he gets away with it in Miami. I’m sure that most of the housewives there were aware of his ‘proclivities’ and weren’t taking shit from him.

  9. 9
    labowner
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 9:31 am

    C8h Lea doesn’t seem to care how horrible of a human being you are as long as you spend money at her charity.

    Again, what does James have over whom that he is all over this show? He is a bully.

  10. 10
    AmyOops AmyOops
    Posted November 21, 2012 at 7:24 pm

    Holy shit! I thought I may have been the only one absolutely **loving** Lauren Foster. Point me to her reality show and I’m there!

    Oh DAMN I would pay good money to see her tear Elaine a new, er, well……..would that actually heeeelp…..a free vajayjay…..no…you…..”tear a new asshole” so that…YES….I would like to see Lauren tear Elaine a new assho…..but no no…wait….would two actually be BETTER for Elai…….oh for fuck’s sake I give up.

    Team Lauren!

    Poor Ana. Even poor JoCrayCray! Thomas was being seriously offensive. To all of them, by being such a shitty and ungracious host. Me. No. Likey. Grrr.

  11. 11
    realhousewivesfan
    Posted November 22, 2012 at 1:21 pm

    Ana was right, though i want her off this show. Thomas Krammer calling Joanna a whack job when she came back from a hissie fit to cry over a joke was the realest shit iv heard on this show.
    i would have been like Wtf? too if i didn’t know what to expect already.
    This show is surreal but that’s why i love it, it makes for good TV but not enough people are watching it, i hope it comes back with season 2 (i wanna erase season1 from my head) it was 6 stupid episodes.

  12. 12
    darlingclementine
    Posted November 23, 2012 at 1:08 pm

    Yeah I am with Ana on that one, she didnt have anything at stake since she didn’t know the guy so just leaving like she did was a fine decision. Why the heck does he have a bell to ring at people?

    That was weird when he yelled at Elsa too since she is a mother figure to him you would not think that he would be so quick to scream at the poor lady. I guess unless that is how he treats mother figures?

    As for this Ro and Jo breakup, I am surprised it lasted this long with the repeated “we have a horrible sex life” comments to everyone and everything.

    Really excited for the trip although I am sick of Elaine and wish she was not included… take Elsa instead please!!

  13. 13
    labowner
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    First, I would pay to see the full dinner party, christening, book reveal dinner, Vicki going nuts in CR, Kelly losing it in the Bahamas.

    I hope Marysol packs Lauren in her bag and whips her out when Jim/Elaine comes a knockin’.

  14. 14
    NapaNonnie
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:11 pm

    Team Lauren! Loved the Vulcan mind meld stare Elsa gave TK when he insulted her. Thanks for recapping.

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