RHOM: The Camille Moment

The title of this Real Housewives of Miami episode is entitled “Black Ball’d”. Dang! Episode Two and we’re already getting into the hardcore sex lives of the women. I’m gonna take a guess right now who’s getting some tonight:

I’m nodda Veekdoriandlaadee

We open with Adriama and her sweet greasy old boyfriend. He wants to know how the fashion show was. Well, she’s not pregnant so there’s that. Poor guy. When he watches that episode and sees her throwing herself up against muscular children he’s gonna freak out. I think it’s an evil plan to make him so insecure that he buys a gym membership.

I taught your kid to sail while you were gone. Hope you taught a young person something.

I have candees een my vaaaan!

 

Adriama is kinda honest and says that there were hot children in speedos at the show and she likes looking at her mens, but she doesn’t touch. That’s a stretch.

An ascot in the butt crack is not cheating.

Then she tells him how the other girls doble dog derr me todoo the catwalk. Embarrassing clip of her doing the catwalk while hot cabana music plays and old boyfriend gets hot under the collar. “They must have been soooo jealous!” he assures her.

She won’t mind taking a cab home, right?

Just when you thought this breakfast couldn’t get more awkward, he continues “I can just imagine their jaws and eyes!”

Seriously. Tell me about their jaws. And their eyes. Slowly.

Adriama knows that Larsa and Cristy were annoyed with her catwalk, but it’s just cuz Driama can walg eet right da way eet should be walged. She tells us that they are the mean girls in high school. Nice to your face and then shitty behind your back. I think I’m gonna like Adriama. She’s already starting shit for no reason. And she looks fucknuts crazy.

She’s positive that the other girls are jealous of her and she just doesn’t get it cuz she tries to treat her friends like sisters. I used to wrap diapers around my sister’s head and push her down the stairs, so I would never treat my friends like that. To each her own, though.

Boyfriend is super fascinated by this conversation and you can tell by the deep way he’s looking into her eyes rack. She could be talking about skin cancer or starving children in India for all he knows.

Keep talging. Eet mages chur chayst move.

Lea is planning out celebrity gift bags for her latest event. I was disappointed when she didn’t list combs. Unfortunately, she is doing this in her home and not a public school cafeteria so she doesn’t have to wear a hairnet.

You know you’re on TV right now, right?

She starts name dropping her famous collectible black people friends. Joe Francis! Natalie Cole! Rick Ross! Michelle Obama! Oprah! Precious! Beyonce! The mom from Good Times! It all comes to a screeching halt when she mentions “Kim Zoliak and Tracy Young.” HAHAH! I love that she doesn’t know Kim’s name. Watch out, Leah, Zoliac’s coming to enslave the rest of your guests.

The charity is called consequences. It’s a cause and effect charity. You go to jail, your family is ruined. You’re black and famous, you get stuck in a nutty white lady’s collection cage. You balance books on your head right after spraying your hair and you end up with a head that looks like a TV tray.

This charity is to help the kids of imprisoned parents (pay her husband his legal bills). Marysol does the PR for this event, and she tells us that she’s the best at what she does. I had to rewind that a couple of times cuz every time she opens her mouth, all I hear is “I don’t believe in plastic surgery.”

And I don’t believe in Milky Ways even though the one I just swallowed was delightful. Bitch, please.

The way this charity makes money is by getting rich people to bid on luxury items in an auction. They’ve got a Bentley that’s $250,000 to sell, but Lea’s worried that in this economy people might not be in the mood to pay double for a giant car and the fate of kids who might go to jail cuz their dads did is in her hands! How bout you just auction off the at risk kids and use the money to get a comb? The kids get a family, the families get gardeners, and we get someone on our TV that doesn’t look like they got put through a sausage grinder. And don’t even start with me about how buying children is wrong. It’s only wrong if you’re poor.

Alexia goes to the office to have a meeting with her stepson, who’s the editor of her magazine. He says that the most complaints Venue (or Veni, as B Barbie pronounces it) is getting are about the fact that they keep using all the same boring older bitches in all their photo spreads. Busted Barbie takes offense to this, because the socialites (ie Busted Barbie) in Miami are the ones who always go to the events, so they expect to be in pictures. Scary faces in magazines = money for the starving children.

The magazine is Alexia’s way of giving back. Her readers are poor dumdums who can’t go to big fancy parties, so by showing what she’s doing she’s kinda letting them live her life! I totally get it. It’s why I stay in the gym shower for too long. I may not ever have a six pack or a bubble butt or a donkey wiener, but there are enough guys that do to keep me from feeling suicidal. Herbert Jr looks at her like she’s a total moron, but a kinda hot one from far away.

If you weren’t Mama Los Dos I’d bang you like a paint bucket in a subway station.

You need about thirty years of marinating first, mijo.

 

BustedBarbie is defensive and tells Herbie Jr that she is not only the boss, she’s also a rich lady who goes to these events and there’s no way she’s telling her friends they can’t be in the magazine just cuz some poor people are sick of getting terrified of the same faces. She says that she doesn’t use the magazine to promote herself, she uses it to promote the people who are “in” and she just happens to be “in” so she’s in the magazine. You heard it here first: antique Barbies with melted faces are all the rage right now.

In related news, O magazine is about cupcake decoration. Busted Barbie says that she’s the boss and she’ll be in every issue with her scarecrow friends if she damn well wants to be. Would you ask a three legged chair not to appear in Thrifty Nickel? No. No you would not.

Every week is a meal at someone’s house, so Cristy like totally like thought that like it mightlikebefun to like do it at her omglikeplace this liketime. Like. Lea’s little party was like kinda like fun and cuteish, but Cristy is la Cubana con attitude, so she’s not just gonna have any ole party! They’re gonna cook a chubby gay guy. Chubby gays can’t catch a break.

Pleaselike tell me you brought a like apple to put in your mouthlikeitotallydooooon’t.

The ladies start arriving. Lea won’t make it cuz she’s sooooo busy that getting away for a two hour luncheon is almost unheard of! So, apparently, is getting into a decent closet for five minutes.

This t-shirt sheet came off the bed of a little at risk girl. Her dad was put in jail. While she was crying Lea took the time to pillage her bedroom.

Busted Barbie Alexia says that she went to the same high school as Cristy and she also got married super young, so they have stuff in common. Of course, Cristy married an African American and Bbarbie got married to a Cuban American, but that doesn’t mean Cuban men are better than black men. Awkward! Wow. Busted Barbie says a LOT of stupid crap. I have high hopes for her.

The chef is Chef Pepin, who is apparently a celebrity chef. Barbie says the whole day was all about him. HA. Well, he’s “in” right now so that’s how it works. You KNOW that. Marisol calls and says she can’t make it cuz she has a meeting with someone that’s not a plastic surgeon. In the background we hear a buzz saw and an electric sander. Fishy.

Pepin is jumping all over the place and putting on a show and being gayer than a chocolate fountain. No one is entertained. He’s using everything out of a can and cooking it in a crock pot. LOL. Larsa is horrified and Adriama calls it junk cooking. If Lea was here I doubt she’d even try to collect him, and she’d take anyone.

Sad mariachi horns.

During lunch, Adriama gets a call from her son’s school. He got out early today and no one’s there to pick him up. She tried to make Boyfriend do it but he hung up on her. The fact that he wouldn’t leave his job to keep from interrupting her lunch is downright abusive. She should just make every call a video call so he can see her boobs and he’d do whatever she wants. Without those things he seems to hate her.

The phone keeps ringing over this driama, which liketotallykindalike pisses off Cristy. Now her luncheon is all about Adriama’s driama. Boyfriend calls and tells her that he just left work to get the kid. SUCKER! If Miami’s so great how come they don’t have busses?

Cristy says that Adriama should dump his ass for giving her attitude and not treating her like the queen she is. Would you buy a car from a man who walks to work? I don’t wonder why Cristy is single, but I do wonder if she wonders.

Busted Barbie stands up for Boyfriend for going to get the kid while lazy ass Adriama is sitting around eating. I am on Barb’s side for this one. If I were at that table I’d be looking into her eyes intentedly. If I could stop staring at her two completely different nostril sizes. How does that happen? If I ever have enough money to get plastic surgery, I’m gonna make sure I take the time to sit down with the doctor and play a good ole game of Operation first.

Dear Editors of Venu Magazine, please stop showing pictures of that scary woman with the fucked up nostrils. My kid looked at your magazine before bed and hasn’t slept for a week. Love, a poor person who lives through your magazine.

Larsa argues in Adriama’s favor. Boyfriend married a hot wife with a pretty son and he’s gotta show how much he appreciates that by fucking up in his business to run a carpool so Adriama can be on TV and eat guacamole out of a can.

Barbie, all Norma Rae, says that at some point they have to be about more than just being hot wives and actually do something. Larsa and Cristy laugh at her, but she isn’t backing down. They’re both rich and have help at home taking care of their kids and don’t know what they’re talking about. Busted Barbie is a working mother, dammit, and she knows how to be more than beautiful! She also knows how to be stable.

If you’re wondering, this is what stable looks like.

Boyfriend calls back and again, Adriama answers at the table and argues with him for her friends. I hate when girls do that while I’m trying to eat. Bad relationships can ruin a perfectly good plate of nachos. I didn’t settle for an old rich guy when I was pretty. And now I’m poor. I shouldn’t have to listen to stories about parental drama and balls down to the knee.

Larsa and Cristy keep likekindaomgtaunging her to dump the loser. That’s really evil, shitty advice, but I think they’re just trying to have fun so they don’t have to listen to Adriama mutter Spanish curse words in between bites.

Change his ATM number and don’t tell him. That’ll learn him.

Lars doesn’t get it. Does he support her or something? Why does she stay with a guy who hates leaving his job to drive someone else’s kid around? If Pippen ever complained about leaving a game to drive around someone else’s kid, she’d move his money to an offshore account. Cristy says that she can tellike that like Adriama loves Boyfriend, but she’s not in love with him cuz he can’t make her Bedrock. What the Flinstones have to do with this, I have no idea.

Adriana seems a little surprised that Cristy would be bringing private talk about Boyfriend not satisfying her sexually up on national TV, but she recovers and laughs it off. Cristy gets all slurry and strippery and says that she knows for a fact that Pebbles ain’t gettin any bone.

They’ll go down in historylike.

The women all yammer on about how she’s not even married to the guy so she has time to run. Larsa shouts “he’s not even the father of her son!” Did she just slam Barbie in an offhanded way? Cuz that was kinda harsh. Way to kill two birds, Lars.

Adriama looks kinda sad with all this. Getting a rich dude to take care of an aging beauty and her son isn’t an easy feat in this economy. Do these women know that she slept on the floor with her kid? This is all seeming a little mean to me and I start to feel for Driama. Then she tells us that if her man can’t show love for her son then he’s no good. Her son comes first! Says the mom who just forgot to pick up her kid the day after grinding her gina up against two douches in a club while Boyfriend took her son sailing.

Never mind!

Adriama quietly says that at least now she feels better her son is picked up. Larsa repeats “it’s not like he’s the kid’s dad.” She’s smooth, that one. See what she did there? She sounds like she’s fighting for Adriama’s honor with her tone, but her words are saying “some random old man just picked up your kid instead of you you lazy tranny.”

It’s Friday. We know that cuz Adriana sits with Old Gresily Hot Boyfriend man at sunset and says “Friday. I cayn relax” and Boyfriend says “Friday” and she says “Friday” and he says “It’s Friday.” OK editors, we get it. This isn’t scripted.

Isn’t that gorgeous? Now let’s get a closeup.

AAAAGHyummmmmmaaaagh!

The smooth jazz casio keyboard music climaxes and we get to the driama. Adriama feels hurt upset Idunno worriet…

Uhuh I don’t approve of the current tax code on the small business sector eitherboooooobbbbiiiieeeees

 

She was strayssed because he hung up on her and shouted at her on the phone. He very very charmingly explains that he was in a very important meeting and that’s why he was short with her, but her son is his little baby and he would never leave the sweet little guy in the road. AWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! He’s so nice! Adriama is one lucky hooker. He has no trouble getting her to smile and drop it. I’m sure it helped that he called her kid “my little baby” after she had to listen to Larsa shout “IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S YOUR KID’S REAL DAD” twenty times.

His greasy, moody Frenchness and her recklessly, selfish, and obnoxious Brazilianness clash sometimes, but mostly the relationship leads to peaceful five minute sex twice a month and lots and lots of shopping. So it works.

She tells us that her kid is in as much a relationship with Frenchy as she is and she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings more than they’ve been hurt so she’ll fight for this to work. AW. That was a nice moment. It was the sweetest way I’ve ever heard anyone say “floors are fucking cold.”

And now comes the moment we’ve all been waiting for. That special time in the season where one of the ladies takes off their smiley veil and shows us what a dick they really are underneath. The Camille moment, if you will.

The story of the larva has been told throughout the seasons. There is a really bad personality that just can’t thrive in normal society. Then it weaves itself a blanket to wrap itself in so it can marinate in assholeishness until it’s ready to emerge out of its shell and finds a reality show, where shitty personalities thrive and soar like beautiful butterflies. Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy, Larva!!!!!!!!!

Larva

We know it’s the Camille moment because we begin with Larva and her “real friends” (or “yes skanks”) teasing her about her short shorts, which gives her an excuse to get up and show off her hot bod.

Larva disses Cristy’s tacky crock pot party and says that she must have a good nanny to cook for her kids. The girls joke that Larva hates how nannies cook. So true! Nannies are super shitty cooks! Remember that time you couldn’t get the nanny to make rice the way you liked it and you almost slapped her? Lebaneze chicks know their rice! I don’t know about that. I grew up with super mushy ass Lebaneze rice. I give Mexicans the crown on that one. Yes, Larva remembers! She had to teach that idiot nanny how to cook rice and bitch had the nerve to say “well, that’s how you like it”. “She was so retarded and after that I was like you’re so fired!!” I had to put that in quotes cuz it’s the type of sentence I usually just make up for fun and she actually said it.

Teeheeehahahbwahahahahah! Nannies are fucking stupid! Super gross. As heavenly trumpets blare, Larva takes a deep breath and her neck opens up for her reality assholeishness to finally emerge.

It’s aliiiiiiiiive! Welcome to the world, little buddy!

Larva is super picky about nannies, and every time she hires some girl who’s supposed to be amazing, she turns out to be a lazy twit. Larv doesn’t know their names, so she makes up nicknames for all of them like turtle and snail. HAHAHAHAHAH. She’s pissed at the current moron because she claimed that she liked pets but is afraid of the bunny. Well, to be fair, everyone’s kinda afraid of bunnies. I had them as a kid and I can tell you from experience: those fuckers can turn on you in a snap.

Larva’s gonna fire Slothstra. Giggle giggle. Approving mom giggle giggle (in an Arabic accent). Doesn’t Larv even feel a teency weency bit bad about putting someone out of work? Why, no! It helps Larv sleep well at night after taking away someone’s living. It actually makes her feel better. Wow. This is like watching the nature channel.

What a dick! LOVE IT.

Busted Barbie calls Adriama over to Busted Barbie Malibu Beach House of Pies to talk shit about snotty ass Cristylike and Larva. Those girls have nannies and don’t know what it’s like having to pick their kids up! Barbie isn’t wrong, but she’s sure playing the “I actually drive my own children around” card a little much here. That’s great and all, but you probably wouldn’t have to drive them so much if you stopped funding their alcohol, Parent of the Year.

Adriama, easily swayable, is with her. The other girls don’t know what it means to be a real hardworking mom! She says that her kid is her only so he’s like her little diamond and she wants to lapidate him. I looked that word up. It means to stone someone to death. LOL! She continues that some women are breeders, meaning they pop out kids like she pops soda cans. LOLx2! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Hilarious. That kind of reckless baby dropping is fine if you’re rich and have nannies, but those kids are gonna feel unloved if they’re raised by shitty rice cooks.

Busted Barbie says that it’s tough being a woman. They want to come back as men cuz men can just sit back and make money, and even if they’re disgusting and ugly and old they can have whatever life they want. The girls both laugh at the “girl we’re living that” truth in the statement. Being a woman who’s relied on hotness gorgeousness presentableness to get cars, houses, money, jewelry, and club memberships is way harder than making the money to fund it. Lunch is haaaaaaard!

Now let’s take a look at Larva’s closet. Aside from all the nanny skins and cut off Slothstra fingers lying around, it’s pretty nice.

Why don’t people who excel at Scrabble make this kinda dough? All those shoes came from getting a ball in a hole!

There’re a lot of clothes here, obviously. And a frighteningly high percentage of them are short shorts. If that’s what you need to get a rich ugly dude then I’m in.

My new life plan.

Larva has handles and sticks to maneuver the moving closet around. She can hide all sorts of shit in there. I suspect there is a whole hidden room full of tranquilizer darts in case Pippen starts coming out of his daze and tries to run. Lars and Pip are taking their kids to Disney World. EW! I would think that if I was rich that’s the last place I would go. Too many real people wheeling their fat butts around on those scooter things. On a positive note, it’s one place where Lars can wear her short shorts and look as skinny as she thinks she is.

She tells one of her sons to pack up his crap for the trip. He hasn’t finished reading his book for school, and Larva tells us he’s just like his dad. Who needs to read? Just learn to aim balls into holes an you’ll be fine, kid. If she was a good mom she’d call him stupid and warn him about the reality of a person that never learned to read’s life.

It’s fucking hot under here.

Now let’s meet the Lebanese Pearl Pebbles Slaghoople.

The Flinstones won’t leave this episode alone. Larva’s mom is in town to help Larva pack. Seriously? Do you know how much boxed wine that would cost me? My mom taught us that the Lord blessed her with children because we were cheaper than extra maids. I would be cut out of the will if I ever asked her to come help me with anything. And do you know how many boxes of wine I’m set to inherit if I’m a good boy? She’s stocked until 2012. Why overbuy?

Point is, no wonder Larva’s a spoiled little asshole. Slaghoople’s first question is where’s the gd babysitter and why isn’t she doing all the packing? “Oh, you mean Little Turtle?” HAHA! Man, Larva is really going for it in the asshole category today. Turtle doesn’t do annyyything and Larsa works so haaaard! Sure, we’ve basically just seen her shop and go to lunch, but the real work starts when the cameras are off. Do you think it’s easy having this face sweating on you?

Slaghoople says that it’s the Turtle’s job to pack up the family and she needs to be fired. Why, she’ll do it her damn self in Arabic. Larva is tickled by this and gives Slag a high five. What kuntz! There’s only one problem. Who’s gonna take care of the kids at Disney while Lars walks around EPCOT firing someone from every country?

It’s all fun and games until Larva sends in the gardener to fire Slaghoople for not firing Turtle properly.

If you’re not married to a rich ugly dude with millions of dollars, you may have found that scene kinda disgusting. But no matter how much money you have, it’s important to share a hobby with your mom. Me and mine like to approach a crosswalk really fast and watch people’s lives flash before their eyes before slamming on the brakes. Evil parental bonding on a budget. I generally roll my eyes at all the shots of limos and diamonds and closets the size of one bedroom apartments, but the whole firing thing has me intrigued and jealous. If making money means I can call people by degrading nicknames and fire them at will, I’m enrolling in college in the morning.

Kinky ocean wax job

Lea’s working a twenty seven hour day for her charity. On paper, that sounds like she might be wrapped in mosquito netting in Africa with a bottle of Windex in one hand and a fly swatter in the other, but she’s not cleaning up poorness. She’s yapping on her cell phone in front of a quarter of a million dollar car and hanging out with Joe Francis, the creator of “Girls Gone Wild”. Was Beethoven busy? Not that Beethoven. I know he’s dead. I’m not stupid. This Beethoven:

Lea knows Joe because he got put in jail over those drunk teenager boobie movies and her husband represented him. Shocker! These Housewives shows are making going to jail seem downright fabulous. Lea and Joe are friends, so when he was tossed in the clink, she told her husband she wouldn’t bang him until he got Joe off. And within a couple of weeks, hubby was going down on Joe.

And he got off! Twice! Job well done. Wait….

I’m sure every mother of a girl in the twelve to eighteen age range thanks you for your service to your city, Lea. Joe, acting like he got out of prison about five minutes ago, runs all over the showroom doing as many douchey things as he can in each square inch of the room. He’s guffawing into the celly! He’s jumping on beds! He’s promising to buy a car if a blonde comes in the front seat! Lea’s like ISN’T HE DIVIIIIINEEE!?!?

I’d do an old lady, but that hair….

 

Marysol is getting her hair and makeup done by a dude who looks like Mare Winningham. He’s marking her up in all the places she’s never believed in having plastic surgery on.

Marysol blahs about how much media attention this event is gonna get while Mare tries to talk her out of dressing as chacha as possible. She credits Lea for being able to spend almost no money to get almost a thousand rich people to give in a tough economy. You put enough food on the rocks, the fish’ll swim to the bottom.

Hey you know what? I’ve been yammering on and on and didn’t even do you guys the service of showing you any Girls Gone Wild pics!

Woooooo! YEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!

Marysol poses in her gown for her mom, who’s oohing and ahhhing. Or just trying to breathe. It’s kinda hard to tell with that one. She talks like one of those people who move their wheelchairs around with a straw. She could be shouting “God save the King!” for all we know. Thankfully, the editors are here to help us out.

As real as the faces God gave us, mama.

I love me some Elsa, but my Meemaw told me that witches were possessed by demons and it’s hard to build an argument against her right now.

Marysol puts on a giant fake diamond and her mom says “eeteeznodda becoameengu becouze youdoneloog dadreech”. Or “I like cheese”. Who knows?

Lea’s getting ready, too. She may be lucky with getting rich people to pony up poor people money, but one thing she’s not lucky with? Hair.

Lea comes out looking like a madame about to auction off kids whose parents went to jail. Tone it down, slut! Nothing says bang my giant boobs with your balls like balls banging up against your giant boobs.

I’ll give a poor person five dollars if you put on a pashmina.

Time for the party! Hot cars! Collectibles! STAAAAHS!

Hey! Even The Declaration of Independence showed up!

Gloria Estefan’s there! Marysol didn’t have cameras ready for her. Bitch is gonna pay for that one later. You know it’s a big night cuz Kim Zoliak is there in her bi phase!

Adriama shows up with her man and they’re not on the guest list. She’s on da comeeteean organize thees whole evayn! Rideeculous! Adriama’s about to go all NeNe up in here. Thankfully, Daddy Black is on hand to tell security to let her in. Lea’s busy searching Zoliak’s anal cavity with her head.

Adriama squeals when she sees the Governor and his wife, and they squeal back. This party is a who’s who!

Governor Jesus, it’s an honor. I’ve almost read the Bible three times.

Security is tight. Lea even has to wear a wristband! No one’s worried about terrorists. They’re worried about Salahis. These tickets are expensive and you can’t just show up out of the blue. Ehem, CRISTYLIKE! She didn’t buy a ticket at all so Lea just figures she’s not coming. They’ve got more important things going on. For example, right now that old guy is coming out to thank everyone for coming to the Oscars.

Daddy Black tells the guests that it’s a party so they should all get drunk. Make sure he’s got plenty of ambulances to chase later. Fuckin’ lawyers.

Everyone get wasted and we’ll start the test drive portion of the evening.

Lea brought the biggest crowd of collectibles EVAH together tonight, but will they spend? The first thing up for auction is the Rolls. Herman is bidding and Busted Barbie is having a fit. He can’t just go spending all that money he made! She tells us that she’s a “conscious buyer.” And you thought she was an idiot. Not dumb enough to buy stuff while she’s sleeping, I can tell you that.

He didn’t get the car, but she got a diamond watch. She wanted a trip or something, but the diamonds will do. Way more practical than a machine that will take you to and from places. Thank God she’s conscious.

Cristylike shows up and there’s bad girl music playing. She’s late cuz she and her friend got themselves a flat tire on the way here!

Don’t look too luqui to me.

Cristylike is super natural in front of the cameras.

OMG that guy’s trying to take my picture again.

The girls get a drink at the bar. A flat tire’s not gonna get them down! Cristylike ALWAYS likehas fun. Meanwhile, inside, the auction is still going.

Pick the drag queen and win!

After the auction, Lea hears from one of her people that Cristylike came in with two friends without paying. Lea’s pissed. She makes her own damn husband pay, and Cristylike came with friends, late, and didn’t even RSVP! uholike

Cristy walks around talking to her zillions and zillions of friends while looking into the camera awkwardly. She tells us that she’s super popular so she decided to show up, make a round of throaty laughs and hellos, then gtfo to go somewhere less lame. I’m betting on Hard Rock Cafe.

Lea has her granny panties in a wad, but she doesn’t make a scene. Instead, she decides to invoice Lea. HAHAHAH!! Love it. And good luck collecting on that. She tells us that there are rules here in Miami, and if you break them then you’re out! Oh jeeze. Cristy’s gonna literally have to get arrested for Lea to like her again.

And that’s it for tonight. The groundwork has been set, so I’m looking forward to Adriama ripping someone’s weave out at some point and Lea getting crazier. Glad to have a Camille though, gotta say. I was worried that she’d take a season off. Til next time! xo