RHONJ: Beatdowns and Shakedowns

By Twunty McSlore | Monday, July 26, 2010 | 8:25 pm | 121 Comments

Tagged: ashley wants a jail cell next to LiLo, caroline and the angry head cock, funny, I would have paid for the abortion, pardy, parody, real housewives of new jersey, recap, silly, smack a bitch up and by bitch I mean Danielle, TV, tvgasm, twunty mcslore, why must the weave suffer?

Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Street justice. I’ve been thinking a lot about street justice the last few days. Why? Well, these bitches of course, and the fact that I watched The Boondock Saints again the other night.

All I need are a couple of Irish boys packing heat to pay a visit to Bergen County and the next morning I can stretch my arms and shake the moron hoard out of my head along with the cobwebs. That would be heaven. But for now, back to New Jersey and our outre bitches.

Where was I? Oh yeah. I was gazing at a cheap table at an even cheaper fashion show attended by a group of simply stunning rejects from a John Waters film.

nji52 Female Rubble

Are we sure that they’re all women? I thought I saw Edie the Egg Lady for a minute there. They need make-overs, the whole lot of them. And why are they staring daggars at Posche Kim’s table? I guess they didn’t get the memo that Danielle IS INSANE. It looks as though she’s got them all worked up into a frenzy of hatred for Teresa and Jackie et al, instead of heading for the exits like a normal person would.

Teresa says it’s the cool girls vs. the mean girls, lumping herself in with the popular kids in the school lunch room. Jaqueline mumbles that she doesn’t want to deal with it as Ashley throws Danielle a sarcastic wave and then complains to mommy that the big bad Staub is looking at her funny. So what? Grow up……or go to jail. You’re not a minor anymore, Idiot.

nji53 But at least you can use that old ‘not of sound mind’ defense.

Mommy is too drunk to keep up too. She done drank herself into a stupor. Who wouldn’t? Except she isn’t so great at keeping a lid on herself or her daughter when she’s sober, let alone blotto. She holds onto the stem of her wineglass like she’s clinging to a life raft as Danielle takes tiny fake sips of her Champagne. The Staub needs to keep her wits about her tonight. That, and she thinks that bubbles make you fat.

It’s so childish, the eying of each other across the tables, so it’s no surprise that Ashley gets so riled up. It IS pretty dumb and it appeared as though Danielle was the one that instigated it. Hard to tell, though. They’re all idiots, and watch your tongue Danielle, when impugning Jackie’s parenting abilities. At least she doesn’t invite creepy men into the home she shares with her kids, nor is she living vicariously through them while releasing a sex tape while they are still in school.

nji54 Yes, put your hands together for MOTHER OF THE YEAR, DANIELLE STAUB.

Danielle has to tinkle out the two ounces of liquid that managed to slip down her throat and she gets up to go to the bathroom. I don’t think that she had any intention of getting even the tiniest bit buzzed so I’m going to blame it on a loose gag reflex.

All of a sudden Jackie snaps out of her drunken haze to realize that she has no idea where Ashley or Teresa are. She gets up to find Teresa waiting for Danielle outside the bathroom because that’s what nice, friendly people do. She just wants to say hello, that’s all. Nothing tawdry here, folks. Since we’re back in high school, I’m sure that she wants to position herself to be the first to snicker at any toilet paper that might be stuck to someone’s shoe.

nji55 Who, me? I’m just a humble country club hall monitor.

Old nasty pants finally exits the freshly defiled powder room accompanied by granny g-string and the sound of a sweet friendly, “Danielle” from Teresa. I distinctly heard Danielle say hi as Teresa gets this tenth grade bully smirk on her face and tries to make her feel shitty for not saying hello first. Have you ever had anyone complain to you that they had to say hello first? I haven’t. Never. It’s dumb and it immediately puts the other person on the defensive, not exactly a friendly thing to do.

It also gives the impression that Danielle is below her and should be the one approaching Teresa, not the other way around. Who is she? Queen of The Planet of the Apes? I didn’t realize that reading at the fourth grade level gave one a superiority complex. She did only just learn how to apply lipstick, so maybe that’s it.

njj1 Every day is a learning experience when you’re a Giudice!

Danielle knows that she trying to stir some shit up and she turns to walk away only to be brought back by Eve to listen to all the things that the nice lady wants to say. Eve is an asshole. Teresa wasn’t being nice, not for one single second. She wants Danielle to pop off so that she can too. Girl has rage inside her and who knows? maybe a little post partum depression too. We never see that baby, as some of you so astutely pointed out.

After some pleasantries about their daughter’s respective modeling jobs- silence. Danielle says the conversation doesn’t feel friendly to her. It comes off as game-y. Not dead squirrel stew gamey but playing head games game-y. I think. I could be wrong. Teresa IS wearing fur and those Neanderthals love their gopher shish kabob, ya know.

They also enjoy throwing the blame on others, like when they flip tables. Danielle MADE her do it. She never would have broken all that pretty pretty glass and China if Danielle hadn’t made her feel stoopit. Pay attention, Gasmii, puh-lease.

Teresa is nice, ask anyone. Except the guy that made her onyx sink and the bill collector at Nordstrom or the nice doctor that I put a hit on for allowing her to procreate again. Those people don’t count. They had it coming and got stiffed because they dared to stand between Teresa and something she wanted.

But no, Danielle got her to that point, it’s all Danielle’s fault. So says nice Mother Teresa, how dare Danielle tell her to take responsibility for her own actions! They weren’t actions, they were re-actions and everyone knows stoopit Jersey bitches aren’t responsible for those! Haven’t you seen the Wildwood, New Jersey video?

So yeah, Teresa says, “No I don’t, honey,” and thus begins the whole -don’t call me honey, is bitch better?- thing. Arrrrrrrggghhh, you awakened the mastodon of doom, Danielle! Run for your life! She’s gonna eat you if she catches up to you. Quick, hide behind that potted plant. I hear that confuses them. they’ll start flailing their arms around one side, then the other like a dinosaur in Jurassic Park, snatching at you with their claws until they grow tired. Right? It’s where I would hide if I felt the ground tremble and heard “Ho-wah, ya gunna run? You sceh’d?” coming from behind me. That or throw something sparkly in her general direction.

njj2 She’ll think it’s dye-muns and get distracted.

Instead, Danielle yells, “That’s e-fucking-nough,” at her. I guess that bitch wasn’t better. Oopsy. It’s an easy mistake to make. She only answers to prostitution burlesque dancer these days. The only people that know that are her real girlfriends. The ladies that she cherishes and loves and Bravo rents by the hour.

Shit gets weird fast. Teresa starts bobbing and weaving her head like a ghetto princess, letting her know that she will bring it since she’s from Patterson, whatever that means. I’m not familiar with those environs but I’m going to assume from her mastery of the English language that they have a five star school system there.

njj3 Out of a possible ten.

She shouldn’t have brought it up since it gave Danielle a golden opportunity to say that she’s seen the crappy house she grew up in and that 5 million dollar mansion she lives in now? It’s in foreclosure. She yells that so everyone can hear. oy.

We all know now that the house she was referring to was one of their rental properties, but who knew how close to the truth she would turn out to be? Where does Danielle get all this dirt? She’s worse than Jill and her Google alerts. I wonder if she listens to police scanners and makes her daughters go down to city hall and check records instead of doing their homework assignments. She probably rewards them by dropping them off around the corner from school instead of at the door where everyone can see her and point at the scary witch lady.

Teresa interviews that Danielle started the whole melee. By doing what, saying that she doesn’t know you to be a nice person? It’s also cute how assholes like Teresa live to hear every drop of everyone’s dirt and when the focus gets turned on them they pull out the old, “It’s none of their business” card. Precious.

Granny Eve tries to hold Teresa back but that works for about two seconds. She might as well be a seal pup trying to wrangle a Great White. Danielle knows damn well that trouble is brewing and she hastens out of there with her bodyguard, still hurling insults over his shoulder as she tells him to get her out of there.

Even Jacqueline falls into the drama trap. She starts chasing after her yelling that she read the transcripts from her arrest and knows that she pistol whipped somebody. Okaaay. Is she trying to make the point that Danielle is just as violent as Teresa? Cuz I’m not buying it. She was undoubtedly coked out of her mind back then, and still. Today she is no match for Teresa’s one-woman lynch mob.

They chase her right out the door of the club, leaving a trail of pissed off women in their wake. Every single one of those bitches idly watch Teresa run by and only two try to stop her, getting dragged to the ground for their trouble.

njj6 It’s the caveMEN that do the dragging, HONEY.

I wonder if they’ll get invited back someday? Hmm, let me check.

njj5 That’d be a big fat NO.

Danielle is outside cowering behind a bush beside the front door, crying and shaking like a maniac. “Get me out of here! I wanna go home!” Eve is too busy making sure that Teresa cools her heels in the foyer to get the car. Should’ve brought a stun gun!

njj7 My vagina fell out again.

It was nice of Eve to play bodyguard for Danielle since her own bodyguard SUCKED. Who recommended him? Danny? All he did was look around him like a Secret Service agent and then grab Danielle a lot. I’m guessing that this wasn’t a job that he took very seriously or he would have done his research and had a safe place for her to run to, like an office or something. Oh well, you get what you pay for, and he’s being paid in rim jobs, so there you go.

Thank goodness that no one believes Teresa when she says that she’s not going to do anything to Danielle. She’s a freaking liar and all she cares about right now is making sure that Eve knows that her home isn’t being foreclosed upon. If she wasn’t so worried about people gossiping about her she would have beaten Ashley to the punch and had handfuls of weave in her paws by now.

DRAMA. Danielle is acting IT UP, chewing the scenery and leaving chunks in her wake like an F5. The screaming, the crying, the pleading for someone to get her out of there. She can’t walk because she broke her heel trying to escape the rabid monkey lady. That’ll teach you to tempt fate and wear ‘burlesque’ heels.

She’s going to pass out and she can’t walk without her heels, so Harry the driver has to come over to carry her to the car. Seriously? She’s out of control. She wants to be carried like a damsel in distress or Roman royalty on a litter carried by Nubian slaves. She’s watched one too many gladiator movies. Or have I? Hard to tell.

Everyone is so busy trying to harness the Teresabeast that Ashley makes her way over to Danielle unimpeded.

njj8 Aw geez, there goes my cornhole too.

Yank!
Bye, bye cheap polyester hair. She immediately admits on camera that she pulled out Danielle’s weave. Dumbo! I’d be scared for her future if I gave a crap. She did this at a country club, surrounded by what passes for adults.

njj9 Good luck getting the crabs out of your fingernails now, Stephen Hawking.

Here I go again with a ‘my mother would have’ story, only it’s not going to involve my mother.
If I so much as rudely bumped into a woman at a country club when I was 19, hell, if I made a snide remark, one of my mother’s friends would have grabbed my arm and marched me to the hallway for a lecture on manners. I would have turned beet red and swallowed my pride.

Why? Because you do not shame your family and people remember shit like that. You don’t get invited back. You get ostracized and shunned. Don’t wealthy people teach their kids this stuff? That’s actually a good question. I know that most of these housewives are nouveau riche, but do any of them actually belong to a country club? A women’s auxiliary or chamber of commerce? Anything where you have to show tact? Anywhere that a child could pick up some manners when their parents are incapable of guidance?

And how do you afford a weave when you complain that you don’t have enough money to buy your kids school supplies? Questions, I have questions. Trash, the whole lot of them. A bunch of good for nothing abject ignoble ignoramuses.

At least Harry has his priorities straight. Teresa stomps towards the Bentley and all he’s worried about is the possibility of her messing up the car with her club or the odd chance that rat droppings fall out of her matted hair onto the fine Corinthian leather upholstery.

She swears on the rah-in fruit of her loins that she has no intention of harming Danielle. Then she stands in the Bentley’s path and she ain’t movin’ “until I can talk to the bitch.” I keep waiting for someone to call animal control, um, the police and finally Danielle asks Eve to get them on the horn.

Everyone is bum rushing the car, including Ashley and Jacqueline. Jackie tells her hood rat daughter to get the hell out of there (DUH) and all that idiot teen can do is accuse her mother of choosing Danielle over her.

Oh my GOD. I would have disowned that child by now. I would be on the phone to her birth hospital demanding the name of the nurse that switched my child at birth. What a moron! She can’t even get disreputable right. Do it OFF CAMERA and then kinda sorta brag about it later. The only thing this girl is good at is being sensitive about her weight. I take that back. She isn’t even fat! So she sucks at that too.

Girl needs to get bitched slapped by a friend or doesn’t she have any of those? Can you do a stupidity intervention, get together the housewives with common sense and have them dole out a verbal beat down? I nominate Crackie and Caroline. This girl needs help.

Danielle is on the phone telling the cops how terribly violated she is and Teresa walks off when she hears that a real pig with no lipstick might be coming to get her. Nice. She’s such a bully. So much stupidity ensues that it’s ridiculous. Eve gets out of the car to speak to Jackie and all Danielle is worried about is Eve hitting her?

njj10 With what, her cane?

Danielle cools her heels in the car waiting for the cops and Eve goes inside to get her heart pills from her purse. She’s still playing both sides and frothing at the mouth from all the lovely drama that’s unfolding around her.

She agrees with Teresa that she was just being nice. Whose side is she on? She doesn’t bat an eye when Teresa says that she calls everyone “honey.” No she doesn’t, and it’s all about the tone of voice, not the exact words. She doesn’t even yell at Ashley for tearing out Danielle’s weave. Why? Ashley thought that Danielle had hit her mom.

LIE. If she truly thought that her mother had been hit, she would have done WAY worse than pull out a lousy extension and we all know it. Danielle would be rocking a Kojak and bidding on Zolziak wigs with credit cards she ‘found’ in her dates’ pockets.

Drunken Posche Kim hugs poor widdle misunderstood Ashley. I’m glad to see that none of this is bothering our boutique owner in the least. She’s too busy floating on her Korbel and valium Funhouse car ride. The one where she doesn’t look like a blonde Scrooge McDuck and Ashley’s future jail stint is a walk in the park

njj11 with prison sex for everyone!

You saw Kim’s boyfriend in the first episode. She’s not exactly picky. She might as well be roofied.

Outside, everyone waits for the cops to arrive and it looks like even the wait staff is traumatized. Jacqueline manages to keep the swaying to a minimum as she stares at the Bentley with glazed eyes.

njj12 Everyone likes a nice drunk, but I’m not one to brag about it.

Her little mind is probably racing trying to think of the best possible route of damage control. Danielle calls her a skanky whore, completely unaware of the fact that she is simply throwing out the insults that hurt HER the most because they are damn close to the truth. She’s a whore and everyone knows it.

She’s also a scam artist that can go from hysterical to completely calm and calculating in the same amount of time it takes her drop her panties when a man of means is within blowing distance. And the poor dispatcher! Give this person a raise. They had to listen to her ravings until the actual cops arrive.

They blur out their faces, which is no surprise. I tell you what, though. If I was anywhere near these bitches when they were filming I would demand that my face be blurred out too. One glance of Teresa’s forehead close up or Danielle’s twin peak eyebrows and my face would be twisted into a scary mask of revulsion and horror. No need to add to the already sordid goings on. They’re bad enough.

As soon as Danielle sees the cops she’s back to being a scared little bird amongst big bad ravenous vultures, shaking and crying and telling the officer that she “needs those wummin to leave her alone.”

She cries that she wants to go home, acting more and more veklempt. She gets so upset when she relives the incident later in interviews that she has to excuse herself in order to gather her wits.

njj13 “Excuse me. I have a weave to bury and a cop to blow.”

Ashley gets interviewed by the cops and she freely admits to pulling out the weave even though she claims that technically she never laid a hand on Danielle since the hair wasn’t a natural part of her person. How does she come up with these excuses? Even C.J. knows that’s not going to fly. What are her SAT scores? 2?

njj14 But officer, technically I have the IQ of a rabid raccoon, you CAN’T charge me as an adult.

She acts like it’s no big deal. Why should anyone care if she assaulted the town pariah? She’s a skank so it’s all good, right? Jacqueline should be ashamed of her. People are going to know where she learned this shape shifting morality of hers, and it ain’t from Caroline. One of these days she’s going to pick a fight with someone that has even less to lose, and it isn’t going to be pretty.

Teresa is just as bad, if not worse, because she should know better. I am having a hard time figuring out who is the bigger con artist and liar, her or Danielle. A cop comes up to interview the foreheadless wonder and she plays dumb like a pro. She barely has to act!

It’s so insane. It’s like watching the caricature of a caricature of a dumb blonde in a Marx Brothers movie. “You want my license for what? What report? I don’t have it on me. Nope, never carry it and I didn’t do nuthin’, officer, I swear.”

njj15 “Shucks, I just learned to brush the twigs outta my hair with a garden rake last week.”

What a shady scamming sleazebag. She wants the officer to arrest Danielle because she’s the drama queen. What?, says Teresa. That’s not against the law? Well, it should be. Ya know, unless I’M responsible.

Drama Queen cries in her car as the cops let everyone go home. No one gets arrested. The Staub has to leave unvindicated. They should have arrested Ashley! Danielle lost her heel! She broke her shoes, just like a fairytale gone very, very wrong. The low rent busted version of Cinderella has to hobble home like a prostitution hoo-or that couldn’t outrun her pimp.

njj17 Slickback never told me there’d be days like these.

By the way, Danielle, the voice of reason, says that bad behaviour needs consequences. Unless you’re a snitch. Sadly, there’s no one for Ashley to rat out in order to broker a deal for herself in the Great Weave Yanking Case of 2009. It’s too bad that those weren’t fashion police. Ashley wouldn’t even have registered a blip compared to the wummin at the fashion show.

None of these chicks is going to get invited to a swap meet after this, let alone the rarefied atmosphere of a swank country club. Good luck with THAT. The locals tend to avoid you when your marble hutch is sitting on a tree lawn with a sign that says “4 sail.”

Even Caroline isn’t falling for Teresa’s crap anymore. The next morning, she and Jacqueline and Teresa meet at her house to go over the events. After the usual joke about needing booze in the coffee, Jackie tells mama Manzo that the night ended with 8 police cars. Cue up the shocked head cock. I feel you, sister.

njj18 What the hell, no dishwasher?

I’m sorry. I got distracted for a second by the sight of mugs and plates on a dish rack in a mansion. What is that about? I live in a ninety year old house and even I have a dishwasher. The last time i washed a mug was during the Clinton administration.

Meanwhile, Danielle is giving Danny the rundown in her equally run down domicile. He looks fascinated, as usual, and his probation must be over because he’s looking less beefy and more like a skinny Alice Cooper.

njj19 Bonus Druggie Head Cock!

People have been gossiping to Danielle about Teresa. Of course they have. You flaunt that kind of wealth while flipping tables, tongues are going to start wagging. It’s no big shocker that a little Jersey birdie whispered in Danielle’s ear about the foreclosure.

She tells Danny about her new life-threatening bald spot and he tells her that it’s a good thing he wasn’t there. He’d be back in jail now. For what? Standing around puffing his chest out while calling the valet ‘faggot?’ Oh, that’s right, for hitting a girl. How manly that would be of him. I don’t know about you but I think that Teresa could take him.

And Danielle’s life was threatened, Gasmii. Those wummin want her dead and they won’t stop until she’s six feet under sucking off worms. Ashley pulled the hair out of her head LITERALLY. It’s the Jersey equivelant of a horse’s head in your bed. What to do with all that hair?

njj23 Merkins are SO out of style these days.

Back at Caroline’s, Teresa is lying. LITERALLY. Head Cock asks her if she had good intentions when she said hello to Danielle and she says yes. She had every intention of giving a good chase. So there.

Jackie refutes her good intentions by reiterating the lovely bit where Teresa said, “What? You’re not gonna say hello?” Um hmm. We are treated to more foreclosure denial before Teresa describes her altercation and subsequent dragging of the fine ladies of northern New Jersey. Caroline looks fed up with this childish shit and I bet in the back of her mind she’s wishing that she laughed in Bravo’s face and tried out for the more refined Jersey Shore instead.

njj20 GTL, Baby. Gym, tan and money laundering.

Jacqueline puts the cherry on the disheartening sundae by telling her that Ashley pulled Danielle’s hair. How did she put it? She “loosened her weave,” and then she asks Caroline if that constitutes assault. Caroline’s answer:

njj22 I dunno. Can we trade her for Christine?

She tells them that they gave Danielle exactly what she wanted. They now look like mean girls and she looks like the victim. I don’t think that they expected Caroline to be so upset with them. Jacqueline rocks Nicholas furiously as Teresa stands there wondering why no one thinks the Danielle bashing is funny anymore. She fucked up, but don’t worry. She’s so stupid that she’ll completely forget about all this in two seconds. She’s been hanging around Jill so much she caught her amnesia.

And where IS that damn baby of hers? Did Milania eat her? Maybe Nona was babysitting and lost track of the infant when she had to go outside and pluck Gabriella off of the roof again. She was busy picking bits of obsidian shingle out of the tot’s mouth and Audriana toddled through the mirra into Hell again. I guess what I’m trying to say is that somebody eventually is going to eat that baby, unless it gets repo-ed by Dr. InVitro first.

I hear that baby meat makes your hair and nails really shiny and healthy so maybe Danielle sent one of her jailbird lackeys over there to grab her. She needs to replace the hair that LITERALLY got pulled out of her scalp, you know.

njj24 Unless you’re a Giudice, weaves don’t grow on trees.

In case anyone gives a shit, Albie is meeting with an attorney to discuss his options for getting back into a law school. His lawyer seems concerned and asks him to tell her what’s going on from his perspective.

njj25 mommy won’t do my homework for me

He’s still upset because the dean promised to help his ADD handicapped ass but nobody answered the phone at the number he gave him. What the? Why didn’t he go back to the dean and ask for another? Or better yet, get mama to do it.

The nice lady tells him that he has a case and she’s going to draft a letter to his old school asking for another letter of introduction to a school that isn’t so hard on mama’s boys. Otherwise he’ll have to wait two whole years before he can attempt to get C’s at a less prestigious institute, one where the student body watches reality shows and might help him with his homework in exchange for a spot on camera next season. Snooze, conk, what? Moving on.

Since Danielle couldn’t wear Dina like last year’s Dots’ pantsuit, she’s copying her by having a Zen Jen of her own. She’s driving around town talking to her while she scouts corners to flaunt her goods in case her civil suit against Ashley doesn’t work out. I sure hope this crackerjack energy guru named Sarai can help her. The CDC of New Jersey depends on it!

Sarai, you might be saying, that’s an unusual name. you’re wrong. There’s tons of Sarai’s in the Wayne, NJ phone book. TONS, only they still go by Sarah or Sandra like their parents named them before they discovered scamming people through Eastern religions.

This Sarai chick is going to put Danielle on the right path of love and light before the bad energy in her life kills her. It’s a matter of life and death, I tell you. She could DIE. Someone might follow her into the bathroom this time instead of waiting politely outside and beat the shit out of her before she can snort her first line.

Is Danielle building a case to start carrying a weapon? I feel like it’s more than just trolling for sympathy with this woman. There’s always an underlying agenda. her entire life is one long grift. She better watch out or before she knows it Anjelica Huston is going to shoot her next to an ice bucket in a nasty old motel.

Sarai the swindling seer tells Danielle that she wants to contact Jacqueline. You know, to get a little word of mouth going so that Zen Jen doesn’t corner the market in impressionable wealthy ladies with too much time and moulah on their hands, I mean, clear up some of the bad energy that is floating in the air above Danielle like the proverbial black cloud.

Danielle gives her the go-ahead and tells her that she needs to pull over so that she can pull up Jacqueline’s number from her phone. In her world that means stopping in the middle of a busy road where cars have to swerve to avoid her behemoth of a Range Rover

njj26 because she’s so afraid of dying

What I wouldn’t give for one of those moments from The Soup where they blew up Heidi’s moving van or a giant shark came out of the ocean and bites off Audrina’s head. Do it RHONJ style, Joel McHale, I beg of you! It wouldn’t be any more ridiculous than Danielle thinking that forgiveness between her and Jacqueline is in order.

Good God, this Truman Show of Danielle’s is getting old. She doesn’t live in a parallel universe, she lives in a freaking trapezoid, if that makes any sense. NO? Exactly.

It’s a good thing that Teresa still had her non-opposable foot thumbs planted firmly in the ground. She understands her value in this world. She’s in the auction-ready Giudice rec room with it’s super classy pool table and chess sets made out of the bones of her ancestors, miming the whole fashion show melee for Juicy.

Hahaha, laugh at the funny monkey! Just don’t feed it. They get real pissed when you run out of peanuts and bread crusts and will probably grab your limbs through the bars of their cages. Have you ever tried to loosen the grip of a silverback gorilla? It ain’t easy

njj27 kinda like playing checkers on a chess board

What happens when you say “king me” more than once? Does Teresa’s head explode? Did they get extra pieces made special for them? I can just see it now. Teresa waltzes into the shoppe wearing the carcass of some poor animal, snaps her gum and says, “I jus wahn uh bunch uh dose kingy things and a couple dozen little guys, thanks.” She probably gave the knights and rooks to her midget Tamarins to choke on. Not knowing the shapes of anything not snack related, they buried them in the yard along with their poo.

Teresa tells Joe that she was a real lady at the shindig, calling those present, “honey,” and sipping her Champagne instead of slurping it through a straw. She tells him what Danielle said about the foreclosure, he looks off and she blinks at him like she’s having an epileptic fit. I kid you not, it took me a solid two minutes to get a screen grab of her with her eyes open. It was surreal like when she kissy faced the air at the hospital earlier in the season.

njj28 Bbbbbbut, Joe. I got bubbies and everything. We can’t be in fuhfuhfuhclosure.

She coins a new word in interviews. Re-renovated. She said that Danielle had no right to say anything about the onyx Shateau when her house is in disrepair and in dire need of being re-renovated.

Where are the teachers that gave this woman passing grades? I would love to ask them a few questions but they’ve no doubt got their hands full corralling the new students onto the short bus in Patterson.

She then says that Danielle’s house smells like dawg. I’ll take that over depilatory any day. The scene ends with her doing the running man and then asking juicy if she did good harassing a woman to tears and then eluding arrest. They kiss and the camera man loses his boner for the next fifteen years.

njj29 Add that to the list of stuff they owe people.

Jacqueline is in the parking lot at Posche. I’m not sure why, but the store lights are out so I assume that these women close down boutiques like I used to close down nightclubs back in the day. I hope she does a better job of keeping an eye on her house keys and sobriety than I did. Good luck with that. I hear that Kim has a keg under the counter and a tab at the local State Store.

Danielle’s energist calls Jackie as she’s getting into her car, telling her that she’s the “personal trainer for Danielle’s spirit.”

Click. Or “beep,” these days.
That blathering bullshit would have made me hang up immediately. Not Jackie. She decides to fuck with her. When Sarai asks to meet with her she asks her how long she’s known Danielle. Sarai won’t fess up to the two weeks, preferring to tell Jacqueline that she doesn’t speak of her clients. Once again, Click.

More mumbo jumbo follows and I could give a shit. This energist is clearly trying to drum up more business or she’s just plain cuckoo because she wants to clear up Jackie’s negative energy over the phone. Huh? How does she know you’re not picking your nose or thinking up words that rhyme with ‘charlatan?’ News flash- I couldn’t comeup with any.

Jackie says fine and then proceeds to play video games on her phone while the nice crazy lady sends her good vibes.

njj30 I’m teaching my daughter to be respectful right at this very moment!

I want to vomit every time I hear someone say something similar to what this chick says to Jacqueline. God had a message for her to deliver, and it was a message of peace. Ri-ight. God speaks through a pretentious asshole that hangs out with con-artists in Bergen County. We’re going to Hell, Gasmii! I’ll bring the ice!

I prefer my peace in a bottle or packaged in a pair of butt hugging shorts on Mr. McSlore. The day I start giving my hard earned joorey money to one of these shady crystal pushers is the day God takes away my oral skills, and not a moment sooner. Amen.

Another great moment in moronic history. Teresa is showing off her other skill- making lame sex banter while mangling the English language. She’s bending over the pool table trying to tempt Juicy with her FABULOUS cleavelage. Not a typo. I guess the old adage that there’s someone for everyone is true because he’s getting all hot and bothered.

njj31 Well, it does kinda look like a butt.

He is a self proclaimed ‘ass man,’ after all. He even married one.

I think that the Manzo’s are becoming the palate cleanse of this show. Their problems seem innocent in comparison to the shady lives of their castmates.

Albie is talking with his parents to tell them how the meeting with the lawyer went. If he doesn’t get that letter from Seton Hall, he’s screwed. Uh oh. I sure hope that Caroline doesn’t have to pull out the crocodile tears again. I don’t know if Miss Andy’s delicate constitution can handle the fall-out at the reunion.

I do like the analogy she makes about this fight being a test of his mettle and a chance to show that he can win just like a real attorney with a real degree would. It would be even more awesome if he were actually doing the fighting instead of the nice lady attorney in town doing it for him, but I’m just splitting hairs here. Albie’s his mother’s son, he’s not a pussy! Caroline tells him that she’s there for him,whatever it takes.

njj32 Thanks, mommy!

You know how people get into fender benders where the car that hit them is going five miles an hour, the scratch on their car isn’t visible to the naked eye, yet they rack up thousands of dollars in chiropractor bills and sue the insurance company for triple damages? It’s a scam and one very similar to the one Danielle is trying on for size.

She’s meeting with Eve for water and cheese smothered french fries. The way she eats reminds me of Mallard Mouth from Orange County. She places morsels of potato in her mouth as if it were an event foreign to her, like changing a tire or contributing more to society than the ability to enjoy anal with really ugly men.

Her neck hurts. She’s considering suing Ashley’s step father’s bank account because she can’t go down on Danny without taking twice the recommended dosage of advil and crank. Plus, Ashley posted on facebook that the evening was “unbe-weavable” and Jacqueline, I mean she must be punished!

Sure, you delicate flower. Dainty chicks like you pierce their nethers and get twitchy when they go more than 24 hours without cock. You’re practically Victorian in your sensibilities. She tells Eve that it is her civic duty to press charges. It’s for Ashley’s own good. She’s in essence doing Ashley a favor since she might learn a lesson from all this.

njj33 Like don’t stick foreign substances in your face. Case in point.

I have a question. Why is everyone’s house decorated in one color scheme- wine and gold? Are they fans of the old Cavs jerseys, or is this another case of having watched too many old Gladiator movies? It’s like their homes were one giant golden goblet of Chianti.

The Laurita living room is no exception, and Jackie is lecturing Ashley from her overstuffed chair on the dangers of getting physical with shakedown artists. Ashley doesn’t hear anything except that she’s the bad guy and if they aren’t kissing her ass for being a spoiled brat that does no wrong, even when she clearly has done wrong, why they are choosing the evil Danielle over her!

njj34 And if I hide under all these pillows, they’ll forget I’m even here!

She doesn’t get it. She put her hands on someone. Why? Because this someone said that her arms were fat. She says that she had every right to do that, she can do whatever she wants to her. That, my friends, is insane. And a pretty cut and dry case of poor parenting.

Since we all know that Jackie, the mocker of energists, can’t get through to her, Chris gets called in to put the situation into terms that she might understand. Since Ashley keeps insisting that she’s grown up and has the right to do as she chooses, who is going to take care of this mess for her? Who is going to hire the attorney and go to court with her? Old Silent Derek, the ineffectual? I figured he was locked up in Juicy’s basement with Nona and Papa by now.

She stops looking smug for a second and says, “not you guys.” Is it too late for boot camp? She’s as grown up and mature as your average Furry (I apologise to all you Furries out there) or her mom. That’s right. Mommy Jacqueline tells her to take the unbe-weavable comment down off of Facebook, even though she laughed at it when Ashley showed it to her. Ashley calls her two faced. MORON.

Only half moron, really. I bet she gets away with that shit all the time but since it’s on camera she’s about to get schooled. Chris tells her that she’s going to be out on her ass if she mouths off one more time. I really hope he backs his words with actions. I like the idea of making consequences clear but is it too late when the bad kid is 19? Being a stepdad sucks sometimes. You can’t win for losing.

njj36 You should have become Father Christopher Laurita. Altar boys don’t talk back, especially with their mouths full.

He looked like a priest there for a minute, didn’t he? Weird.

Maybe she should go live her life on her own and figure it out for herself. She sure isn’t learning anything second hand. She picks at her nails as he forbids her to communicate with Danielle any further. I hope that she does. She’s such a stupid brat that she probably ran upstairs, logged onto Facebook and did just that. That’ll show ‘em!

What a waste of a decent parking space. To paraphrase Doug Stanhope, every time you find yourself swearing at your steering wheel because you’re late to an appointment due to the lack of free meters in a world overpopulated with imbeciles, place the blame firmly at the feet of people like Jacqueline that didn’t have the common sense to call the abortion clinic. If you do find a really nice space, you can thank me. I did, and I kept the appointment.

Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore

Comments (121)
More About Author

About Twunty McSlore

Crazy busy, crazy in love and crazy about golf. Not so crazy about narcissists and do-nothings. Completely indifferent to network TV unless a sporting event is being covered, and completely in love with half the chefs on the Travel and Food channels. Chefs, not COOKS. If any of them really ARE chefs. I haven't seen any proof.

Bridge Mix and Butterflies, everybody!

121 Comments

1

Janelle

Posted July 26, 2010 at 11:01 pm

Seriously, referring to someone (and their little kids,not cool btw) of Italian heritage, with thick dark hair and dark skin, as ape-like over and over-again just SMACKS of racism to me. Sorry they are not the “stunning” Aryan beauty that Christine is (who, to a more objective person, isn’t a headturner without the makeup artist tailing along). And if you can’t keep up with the episodes (I know, it must be SO HARD) then hand it over to someone else please. Sheesh.
2

bohochickn

Posted July 26, 2010 at 11:03 pm

OH.MY.GOD.I’M.DYING
“The locals tend to avoid you when your marble hutch is sitting on a tree lawn with a sign that says “4 sail”"
back to the recap….
3

texasgal75

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:19 am

Uh….I think the ape reference has more to do with Teresa being a fucking moron and less to do with race. And get a grip about the timing of the recaps. If you actually showed up to read them every week, you’d know why she fell behind. Shut your piehole.
4

texasgal75

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:22 am

Sorry to the rest of you…I don’t usually comment to other posters, but I hate shit-stirrers. Now, back to my reading about the biggest ones of all…
5

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:47 am

I thought the ape reference had to do with Teresa’s low-forehead and hooded brows..like a neanderthal’s. And they (and all of us, originated from the apes..but Teresa just seems less evolved than the rest of humanity) Either way, it may offend some people, and we cannot control what offends others. One’s perception is their reality.

In last week’s recap, there was mention of the term ‘babygirl’ being ‘used by an R&B singer who’s out gallivanting while his baby mama is at home waiting for a supply of formula to feed her child, something I found highly offensive. It seemed to me a putdown of Black men (I mean what race is most associated with R&B music, and in what other race of people are single parents referred to as baby-daddy and babymamas?) It seemed like a stereotypical view of African-Americans cleverly disguised (or not) with a few keywords.
I find that babygirl is a southern term of endearment, used by men and women alike. My good guy friend from North Carolina calls me babygirl and he is 100% Caucasian. But, I guess besides being addressed to children, it resonates as ghetto, lowclass, and ‘Black’ to Twunty, based on her statement.

Either way, I kept my comments to myself, and am only speaking of them now to indicate that in certain ethnic groups, monkey references(or class sterotypes) are offensive. Now, the pointing out of the tardiness of the recaps is just plain catty. It seems as if some people who feel they’ve been burned, feel the need to reciprocate by throwing flames in the other direction. However, there are better ways of getting ones point across.
6

Dawn

Posted July 27, 2010 at 3:16 am

Baby meat makes your hair and nails shiny? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OMG, I’m crying…..
7

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 3:52 am

On a lighter note, I read somewhere that Kim G is 54.(?!) That woman is 65 if she’s a day.

Also the screenshot of Caroline with the dishes in the background and the caption, “what, no dishwasher?” Well, you answered your own question because the dishwasher was very present in that shot!
And if Caroline cannot do everything for her family, by hand, then the machines win. (and she becomes obsolete. )

Oh yea, and I gotta call bullshit on Jaqueline and Ashley. First Ashley’s excuse of thinking her mother was hit, bs to the fullest. She was right on their heels when the drama went down. And Jaqui interviewing that she ‘kept hearing that Ashley pulled D’s hair’, bull-sheeet! She was standing right there, pulling Ashley away as Ashley screamed ‘Love and light, bitch!’

The fight didn’t look staged but what’s with the foreshadowing edit of Danielle choosing stiletto boots she ‘won’t be runnin’ in’, only to have to run in them later, resulting in 2 broken heels? Bravo, are you pulling a fast one??
8

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 4:18 am

Ok, sorry for multiple posts, but I was still in the midst of reading and didn’t want to ‘publish a novel’ on here. Best to break it up into digestible nuggets..

That screengrab of the chess set…hilarious!!! I mean, who sets up a chessboard like that? I’ll admit, I did buy a (cheap) chessboard in Chile made of Peruvian statues and wanted to set it up as a display piece, staged as a game progress, not randomly placed on the darker squares like Teresa’s simple ass. Well, it’s now up for auction under the definition ‘faux marble chess set’, so any collectors out there…here’s your chance!

And why no mention of the awkward pause that followed Teresa’s indignant rehashing of Danielle’s foreclosure accusation. Joe was soooooooo at a loss for words. His face said, “Guess I won’t tell her tonight then. I’ll just drop hints when I take her by my apt complex next week.”
9

kizarny

Posted July 27, 2010 at 4:52 am

Awesome recap Twunty! I’ve been steering clear of the television in lieu of my garden and 100s of jars of jam but couldn’t stay away from your recaps. A comic told me once that NO MATTER what you say, you’re going to piss off about 10% of the crowd. And I think you said it best after one of the RHONY dustups, funny can’t happen if you’re worried about who is going to be offended (I paraphrase, of course). Just keep on being Twunty and you’ll be fine.
Sorry, the garden has turned me all earth mother-y and nurturing, I’ll regain my “Ah, fuck’em!” mentality in the fall when the weather is fit for humans again.

Don
10

kizarny

Posted July 27, 2010 at 4:54 am

I have no idea who Don is, my phone added that without my help.
11

classy drunk

Posted July 27, 2010 at 5:24 am

Weaves/Extension are not as expensive as people think. I have fine hair and have worn extension for years. As of late, because they are now more popular the price has dropped dramatically. Back to page 4…
12

Baxter

Posted July 27, 2010 at 5:43 am

Janelle “aka” Al Sharpton, you must be kidding. As other posters commented here it has nothing to do with her being Italian and everything to do with her being a moron with a stupid hairline. Get a grip!

I haven’t even read the recap yet but I’m sure you did an excellent job as usual Twunty!
13

hlesczyn

Posted July 27, 2010 at 6:40 am

I watch the show basically to read this blog and I have to agree – I think it’s not so much that the recap(s) are turing racial (if that is even the right word) but its that they are not fun anymore – they are really really late all the time and alot of personal interjection from the blogger that seems a little misplaced at times. I think mayne no more tvgasms.
14

shantigal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:13 am

Alright, that’s e-fuckin-nough.

We have the choice of enjoying a tremendously gifted writer or not. It’s the subject matter that has become the challenge, for both the reader and author. These “wummin” are wont to bring out the worst in everyone. When they do the exact same thing each week how can the recaps of such progress and enlighten? Even one of their own, (Dina) quit those bitches.
15

shantigal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:15 am

Kizarny-aka Don, hysterical that your phone is assigning an alias for you. It must know something we don’t!
16

Anne McGill

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:33 am

Twunty,
Another great recap. The fact that you manage to find the humor in this garbage scow of a show amazes me. But I guess this is what happens when the tough, mouthy girls from high school never graduate.

As one who has had issues keeping up in the past, don’t sweat it, do what you can and forget the haters. You’re very funny and talented. No one else has any idea how difficult it is to make light of such vile people. Keep up the grate work.

Love and luck,

TVannie
17

classy drunk

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:34 am

Again to reiterate what Texasgal said, If you read the recaps then you know why Twunty has been behind. All of us love to come on here to get our regular dose of snark, but when real life gets in the way we need to be respectful of the person who is recapping the episodes. That goes for all the recappers not just Twunty. Thankfully we are not paying for this site, (if we did I would try to illegally download) so we really can not be all that demanding about the services we are getting in return.

Anywhos…Love the Boondocks references. I love to laugh in general, but I have fallen off of the couch laughing at this show. Now if you think that Twunts is racist, please do not tune into that show. It particularly plays on different stereotypes in the African American community and the hip hop culture.

Dar Lord I want to slap Ashley. If she was my friend I would probably have a talk with her and tell her how disrespectful and stupid she looks right now. She could never come in my house with that attitude. Whether her mother was there or not she would politely check that little girl. I can hear it now “I am not your mother and you can continue to disrespect your mother that way but you will not disrespect me or my home that way. If you choose to continue you can sit outside until your mother is ready to leave.”
18

Anne McGill

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:37 am

Sorry about the sp, obviously “great” not “grate”
19

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:47 am

The recaps are falling way behind. I just skip the “spent the weekend blowing the husband, then started projectile vomiting from bad guacamole, and woke up hungover” because I don’t care. I only read for the endlessly amusing racist profiling of ape-like Italian-American guido fake-mafia stereotypes.
20

Hayden#2

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:10 am

They are all so effed up, but I hate Teresa most. If she wasn’t so awful noboby would talk about her unfortunate appearance, but she brings it on herself. Where did she ever get the idea she was so special and unaccountable for her bad behavior? All the people surrounding her are guilty of being the worst kind of enablers. Ashley is a jerk, for lack of another word, I hope she does a couple days jail time just for being an a**hole, and I hope someone slaps Jacquline the next time she tries to justify this little brat’s behavior. Same with Caroline…this mafia attitude of doing whatever it takes to defend your family. Just more justification of inexcusable behavior!
21

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:31 am

I wouldn’t worry about Ashley. Her parents didn’t teach her anything, so life will do it instead. After she loses her license due to a few DWIs, gets slapped around by a number of inappropriate older boyfriends, gets a drug habit, finds out there’s a gross sex tape of her on the innerwebz, and violates her probabtion and does some LindsayTime, she’ll smarten up. Or she won’t, and Darwinism will do the rest…
22

A Fan of Twunty

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:35 am

Twunty,
I have enjoyed every one of your recaps!!
You are so talented!! Thank you for your great humor!!
Love, love, love what you do !!!
23

suedisco

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:59 am

I really, really hope Ashley goes to jail. The best thing for her would be for her parents to go tough love on her right now. Kick her ass out and tell her if she wants to defend herself in court she’ll have to find a lawyer and pay for it herself. Then again, if you just start trying to make someone accountable at 19, you’re a little tardy for the party, so to speak.
24

marijai

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:11 am

Twunty…you are a talented writer and I enjoy reading your recaps and blogs (yes, I’ve read them!) immensely. I understand the tardiness of the recaps, and after having back-to-back family tragedies, I think you’ve done a wonderful job. Especially considering the trash you have to try and recap.

I agree with Shanti, if a reader doesn’t get your humor and/or has a problem with when the recaps are posted, then perhaps they can get their recaps elsewhere.

I don’t understand how grown women can act like this in PUBLIC, no less, and think there is nothing wrong with it! As for Danielle suing Ashley’s parents, why? Ashley is of legal age. Her parents are no longer responsible for her, even if her mother IS responsible for not teaching her common courtesy and respect.

It seems to me that this current crop of NJ housewives is played out. If they come back next season, I think Bravo should cut their losses and find new NJ housewives. There is nothing redeeming about these “ladies”.

Keep up the great work Twunty!
XO
25

chask70

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:23 am

Nothing like a ‘swanky club-do’ to bring out the animal in ya. I think calling Terreser and her demon spawn monkeys is doing a serious devaluation to a much more developed species. Even a monkey wouldn’t sit outside a bathroom in wait of telling someone hello. As for ‘poor Eve’, there’s a real piece of work there. If my granny had sounded like a bowling alley cocktail waitress….I don’t know about you, but someone screaming “Calm Down” and “shaking me like a maraca” really makes me sit up and take notice. Ms. McSlore, your recaps are spot on!!! Be sure to check out the article in People, detaling the Auction on the Guidice’s front lawn. I am sure we will find great bargains, because, after all, it’s a SAIL!!! Roadtrip anyone??
26

skatt

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:29 am

Janelle: Before I comment on anything else, let me just say-STFU. We gladly wait for Twunty’s recaps. They’re Masterpieces, molded from fetid piles of stank. If that takes a little time, so be it.
As for your “racist” bullshit, Teresa and her animal family happen to BE Italian. Twunty says what she says about them because they act like cave persons with credit cards. Her children behave HORRIBLY (occasional exception, Gia) when in public and she could CARE LESS!! That is what Twunty is commenting on.
If you are so dissatisfied with this site, go over to the Bravo boards; they loove Teresa there.
27

Trister

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:11 am

Be forewarned-not all comments are roses and butterflies and singing bluebirds, so if the only response to what I have to say is to call me a “hater” and to take my negativity elsewhere, I say F you, I’m a “congratulater” and I like my negativity right where it is in the real world. Plus, Twunty is a big girl who chose to write for a public forum, she can handle it.
I 100% agree that Twunty is a fantastic writer and that what has gone on in her life is without a doubt of far more importance than what our bad (and therefore beloved) reality programs have given us for the week.
That being said, we as readers come to this site to look for funny recaps of aforementioned bad TV, preferably in a timely manner. TVGasm is a site based of that very commodity. Sure, people like myself who want their ultimately meaningless entertainment provided in a prompt manner could surely find another site to provide just that. I’d hope TVGasm doesn’t feel that their loyal readers are that disposable though. Also, the fact is that some of the most talented writers are found within these pages (certainly Twunty included).
I also need to mention that Twunts recaps as of late are, by her own admission, more dark than snark. Obviously, much of that is because of her personal issues. And it’s true-the Housewives seem to get more mentally disturbed with each passing episode. But really, the whole reason we kill our brain cells watching these shows is for the less disturbing and much more entertaining parts. I don’t really want to read a recap that makes me feel even MORE nauseous and guilt-ridden for enabling the demon that is Reality TV than I already feel. The whole point of a recap, esp one on this site, is meant to poke fun at the shows, the stars, ourselves, and the ridiculousness of it all.
In short, I think Twunty is undeniably talented, I have not ever interpreted anything she has written to be racist (and yes, I am a minority), and I think it’s more than understandable why she doesn’t break her neck to pump out these recaps out faster considering the past few months of her life. BUT, I do think that it’s possibly time for another fab recapper to take over RH duties or at least help get her caught up.
28

skatt

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:35 am

I’m sorry Trister, but you think someone should help her with her writing? So that, what? We could have inferior, yet timely recaps?
As for Twuntys’ haven gone “dark”- what is she supposed to make of these idiots? Of course, she makes fun of them as she should, but when you are dealing with people who, for example, think nothing of airing out the worst of others dirty laundry, have raised/are raising spoiled brats that are incapable of doing the right thing, consider releasing a Sex Tape to be a sound parenting decision……etc……etc……None of it’s funny. To not at least acknowledge it’s fuckedupedness is as bad those damn women that stand around Danielle, nodding like cult members at her every word,
29

njgasmifan

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:43 am

Skatt, you beat me to it. Many of us have commented that this series is becoming harder and harder to watch. Sheesh, I think it’s a miracle that Twunty evokes any humor out of this at all. To me, this site is about having fun. If you are not happy here, don’t read.

There are no words for this epi. Danielle is seriously f’d up. I loved how when she was in the limo with the bodyguard, her phone rang and she very handed it to the guard saying very coldly “I have no idea who this is, you answer it”. When she heard it was the cops, suddently she’s sobbing and gasping for air again.

And Ashley? She deserves a good crack across that smirky face of hers. I hope that J & C let her learn a good lesson.

Luvs you Twunty! xoxox
30

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:09 am

Great recap as usual Twunty. I am Italian and I take no offense at all to the comments about the Giudice’s looking like apes. THEY DO. Besides, that is why you do the recaps anyway. It is FUNNY. Sometimes I get a little uncomfortable but it isn’t like you are going around in real life saying, “OMG! They are APES I tell you!” Even if you do, none of my business. It is still funny.

I honestly think I am a horrible mother but I look like a saint next to these women. If Ashley was my daughter doing something as stupid as getting physical with a middle-aged woman (or close to it), I would make sure she GOT arrested and she GOES to jail and pay her fine. Or even better, I would make her apologize to Danielle. That would really piss her off. I thought I like Jacqueline until I realized how her daughter is. If my son ever grows up like that girl, I would have failed as a mother.

This show is starting to make me violently ill. I only read for your recaps Twunty. Take care.
31

Baxter

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:11 am

Awesome recap!! Of course it is snarky look at what we are dealing with. These women are awful. Other then Caroline there isn’t anything good to say. Even though Caroline is obnoxious she has her priorities straight. How can we expect Ashley to act any differently. Look at her mom, running around like a crazy person and screaming at Danielle about pistol whipping. I really can’t believe these are grown women we are discussing, really pathetic.
32

jan

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:20 am

Twunty,
Keep up the good work. Your recaps make the show bearable!
33

tvaholic

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:30 am

The day I get pissed off because a recap on a free website wasn’t published on my time schedule, is the day I’m having Bellinis with Ternanderthal and Danielle at the Brownstone. That being said…I have an almost unhealthy obsession with the Boondock Saints, so I love Twunty even more for that reference. Too bad the sequel kinda sucked, but I digress.

I am sooo loving how these shows are foreshadowing the financial bombshell awaiting Teresa-I think I heard crickets chirp when she complained to Juicy about Danielle telling everyone they were “under foreclosure.” I think it was ImNotthere who posted the article with the list of items going up for sale next month, including the mirra & the new ATV? If I had the money, free time, and excesive amounts of champagne I would SO be on board for a road trip!!

I loved Danielle’s retelling of the events to Danny-at least she didn’t jump around & make up words like Teresa. She made up things that did not happen, but not words. (That I remember) He is such a joke-one review I read on his mafia movie he wrote & starred in was that is was filled with Italian and mob cliches & stereotypes-go figure! He is a tiny weasel of a walking cliche who has no original thoughts-I think he must have notecards in his pocket with lines from Goodfellas or The Godfather to reference when the cameras show up. Although those were actually good movies, so maybe the lines are actually from his own movie.

I like to read the Bravo blogs to see what these “ladies” have to say, and I am now thoroughly disgusted with Jacquie. I never really had an opinion on her before, but in last week’s blog, she commented on how hot her husband was while he was laying the smack down on Ashley. How sick & wrong is that??? To get turned on by your husband disciplining your daughter?? Just gross.

I’m starting to really like Caroline tho-she is the only one who can make Teresa shut the eff up, so you gotta love her just for that. And Kim G. is 54?? Although in those videos she’s been posting on line it looks like she’s had some Botox. I am confused tho-the one show had her MIL on (Danielle’s Bday party), but in her videos she talks as though she’s single. Holy crap, I just wasted like 3 lines typing about Eve. Thank goodness there’s nothing on tonight but baseball.
34

njgasmifan

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:34 am

For those who haven’t seen it, here’s the official auction site:
http://www.ajwillnerauctions.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.auctionDetails&AuctionID=559

Happy shopping – holla if you come to NJ!
35

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:50 am

I want to know why Chris Manzo is WEARING a rosary. We were taught in Catholic school that that is the height of sacrilege. I’m also a little surprised that Twunty didn’t call Jacqui out more for being two-faced with Ashley. If she really was laughing at the FB status report, and I totally believe that, it explains the whole deal with Ashley’s stupidity. How is Ashley supposed to straighten out when Jacqui only bothers to deal with her shit if Chris or the cameras are looking?
36

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 11:53 am

Also, the whole country club scene showed that all the housewives, including my beloved Dina, must have lying their asses off last season when they said they were so SHOCKED at Teresa turning that table over. She must pull this kind of stuff all the time.
37

skatt

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:01 pm

Tvaholic: Yeah, Juicy’s face just dropped when she started with her little story. Note that were it not for her provoking Danielle and then the subsequent mention to Juicy, the foreclosure wouldn’t have been mentioned, period. A real genius, that one.

Njgasmifan: Can you imagine telling Gia the ATV had to go? I do feel bad for her. She has no idea what’s happening. Eventually, it will be a good life lesson, but you know it doesn’t feel like that now.

Twunty: SPOT ON with the Alice Cooper comparison!! That, and MY VAGINA JUST FELL OUT killed me. And by “killed me”, I mean: Almost murdered me, like Jackie and Teresa did to poor, poor, Danielle.
38

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:13 pm

@tvholic: Kim G is actually married, yet has been separated for 7 years and mentions that she sees no need to get divorced.

Wow, when it comes to tvgasm, a place where I thought was full of independent thinkers and respectfully opinionated people, it now seems if you have an opinion that is diffirent from the ‘pack’ you are immendiately told to ‘go elsewhere’. Sheesh…so much for giving an intelligent argument. Like I posted earlier, we cannot control what offends people. @Angela Parisi, a self-admitted Italian, says she doesn’t get offended by the ape references. Then she admits that they do make her uncomfortable sometimes. C’mon, ladies, as adults can we respect one another’s opinions when they differ from our own without resorting to comments like “STFU”? How unnecessary, and says more about you than the person you disagree with. Had Teresa responded in said manner to Danielle, she’d probably be called an ape again. Just sayin’.
39

njgasmifan

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:23 pm

I embrace differences of opinion – it’s what makes for intellegent conversation. I just don’t agree with recapper-bashing, since these folks are providing us with entertainment for free. In my post I was only suggesting that if you don’t like the content or style of the recapper, no one is forcing you read it. There was one recapper whose tone and style rubbed me the wrong way – I didn’t post my negative opinions every week as clearly some people enjoyed that particular style. It was a matter of my personal taste, I guess and I still admired the recapper for putting together a witty (to some) recap every week. Bash these women all you want – but give the recapper some respect.
40

Classy Drunk

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:49 pm

@sarcasatire I do not think that if your opinion differs from the pack then you need to go else where, but I think a couple of people said politely that if you do not enjoy Twunty’s humor then they might need to go somewhere else. Which I think makes sense. Everyone’s sense of humor is different, and maybe the darker side of Twunts isn’t for everyone.

I do get bothered when new comers hit the boards and say that Twunty is racists because of the ape comments (it has happened a couple times this season). That’s really not fair because it makes it seem that all of us find blatant “racism” funny. We don’t. The ape references have been a running joke since the first season because of Teresa’s low hairline.
41

Phish Phiend

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:53 pm

Twunty – there is a good chance that some of those dishes/mugs are not dishwasher safe. My mother has a whole array of things that are to be handwashed. They are not recently fabricated plates or anything, but things that have been in the family for years and thus, are too sensitive for a dishwasher. That’s also why they are RARELY used. I agree with another poster though, if Caroline resorts to machines… bad things may come of it (and she’d have even MORE free time….)

As far as anyone complaining about the recaps… I agree with other posters, no one is holding a gun to your head to read them, or like them. Constructive criticism is, I presume, always welcome, but some of the posts didn’t seem too constructive, just critical. I actually look forward to her recaps, and to me, they are always worth the wait. I don’t fault her for falling behind, because life does that to you. You can map shit out all you want and print up blueprints, but it’s never gonna go according to plan. She’s not perfect, as no one else is either, but if not having recaps to read in a “timely” manner is your biggest concern, consider yourself lucky, as OTHER people are fretting about keeping their jobs, feeding their children, the oil spill, the economy, etc etc etc.

Oh and one other thing, as for those who say these recaps have gone to far over to the dark side…. the point of the recaps is to snark on the events of the show… which HAS GONE TO THE DARK SIDE itself. I don’t even watch the shows anymore as I cannot stomach the irresponsibility, lack of class, law-breaking, et al, that is prominent in this show. It’s too dark for me, and I think her recaps accurately reflect on just how bottom of the barrel this season, and franchise in general, has gotten.

I apologize for the long winded post! Great ob Twunty, as usual
42

Phish Phiend

Posted July 27, 2010 at 12:53 pm

*job… I kinda miss the preview post button a LOT!
43

skatt

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:07 pm

Sarcasatire: I did not request Janelle STFU because we had a “difference of opinion”. I did so because she implied Twunty was a racist.
44

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:19 pm

“Be forewarned-not all comments are roses and butterflies and singing bluebirds, so if the only response to what I have to say is to call me a “hater” and to take my negativity elsewhere, I say F you, I’m a “congratulater” and I like my negativity right where it is in the real world. Plus, Twunty is a big girl who chose to write for a public forum, she can handle it.”

Couldn’t said it better myself. Thanks, Trister. Now, hopefully, Twunty’s bodyguards will allow others (not myself, but I am all for free speech) to voice an opinion that isn’t ‘unicorns and satchels of gold’ without stating the obvious about them not having to read it. Geez…at IMDB, people critique films, good or bad. Can we not critique recaps, for better or worse? Or should we either, drink the Kool-Aid or hit the road? I’m sure Twunty enjoys a lil back-and-forth on the boards..it’s def more interesting than the reiteration of a single thought process, 45x over.
45

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:30 pm

@Skatt: I took it as Janelle saying Twunty’s comment was racist, not that Twunty herself is a racist. I also mentioned that I thought a comment of Twunty’s was racially offensive, in the stereotypical sense, but I did not call Twunty a racist, by any means.
Either way, as I mentioned to Janelle that there were more effective ways for her to get her point across, rather than being catty about recap timeliness, the same goes for you in telling her to STFU. I’m not chastising you, just pointing out that in vehemently defending Twunty, you are coming off as ‘tres-aggro’.
46

Baxter

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:41 pm

sarcasatire- twist what Janelle said all you want. We know what she was implying. I don’t like people pulling the race card when it is so obviously not anything racist.
47

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:42 pm

Oh for fuck’s sake! Real Housewives of NJ is all it took to put you at each other’s throats? Can’t we focus our rage at the REAL enemy, someone who is close to destroying our very way of life: RYAN SEACREST.
48

Trister

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:47 pm

I’m not here to engage in a Comment Section War, but I would like to clarify a couple of things:

I do stick by my assertions that Twunty has been dark-just as I asserted the housewives themselves have become more and more disturbing. However, TVGasm and Twunty herself have set the bar pretty high in regards to making light of where there is dark-all I am asking for is consistency. Just because a site is free doesn’t mean I shouldn’t maintain high expectations. There are a lot of recap blogs out there (and yeah, I know, I should just go away and read them. Fuck off.); why start a site if you can’t be better than the others? Twunty usually is, but its undeniable that she has been tardy and a shade or two too bitter in recent recaps. I’m not saying it’s easy, I’m not saying I could do better. I also come here because like I said (10 times and counting), Twunty is super talented and I have always liked what she brought.

I have these opinions, I don’t think anything I said in my last post wasn’t based in fact, and I don’t think I should have to go elsewhere just because I’m not all hearts and kisses and lots of love. I’m not trying to pick on anyone, I’m just utilizing the comment section provided (and I saw no disclaimer before posting that I couldn’t say anything if I wasn’t saying “Great Job!”). Nothing I said was mean-spirited towards Twunty. Also, I have been a longtime reader of this site-I just don’t post very often. Just because people don’t post to every recap doesn’t mean they are newcomers, nor does it mean their opinions shouldn’t count.

To Skatt – before you anoint yourself The Great Crusader of Twunty McSlore, how about paying attention to what you read. I never said Twunty needed help with her writing. In fact, I praised her writing numerous times. I said the tardiness was bothersome and that another TVGasm recapper might step in and help bring the recaps current. Furthermore, if another recapper were to come in, I’d hardly assume just because they would be timely that they would be “inferior.” Plenty of TVGasm recappers are just as equally gifted and are also punctual.

One last thing-I was never pissed off, nor do I feel I came off that way. Contrary to popular belief, I do have a life with real concerns-I also have perspective: this shit isn’t that deep! I mean, the oil spill and economy???? This is TVGasm, not CNN. I am lucky, but I’m not really all that concerned-just opinionated. What’s more, if your biggest concern is what a random, anonymous person has to say in a comment section, consider YOURSELF lucky.
49

Pixielated

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:55 pm

I’ve found that, as these HW shows get harder and harder to watch, the recaps get harder and harder to read, to the point that I don’t read them anymore. I like to read snark that also gives me the feeling that the writer is enjoying what they are watching and writing–like JMo, P-Baby, and BBitz. Not pure criticism and outrage–and I’m not blaming Twunty, it’s the show(s).

Also, unless we know her personally, I don’t think any of us can say whether Twunty is racist or not. We may feel like we know her, but we don’t. I’m not saying she’s a racist; I’m just somewhat amused at people defending her when they don’t even know her. I also don’t think that the quality of the recaps would necessarily drop if Twunty got some help or took some time off. It would depend on who did them.

Anyhow, Twunty, I hope things start looking up for you soon. Maybe you should recap a fun show for a change!
50

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:56 pm

I am a huge fan of Twunty’s but I too have noticed that people tend to pile on anyone who voices a negative or even different opinion, and if something looks racist to a newcomer what’s wrong with just explaining why it isn’t racist instead of jumping all over them? Sometimes it’s not a bad thing to have something pointed out by a newcomer, anyway. I think Twunty has had way too much bitchiness to recap this past year and she could use a break. I do NOT mean that as a reflection on her intelligence or wit, but I could definitely see that these recaps could seem dark and one-sided to someone looking at this season on its own. I love all of you, btw, and where the hell is Prodigal Cheez?
51

shantigal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 1:57 pm

NotwithoutmyTV – now that was funny. Thanks for making me laugh.
52

msjacqmills

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:00 pm

I love Twunty and her her recaps. I love TVGasm.

But, maybe to get us all caught up on recaps, Leia Labiblia or Yenta can do a week or two worth. Take some load off of Twunty, and make all of her impatient fans happy. Just a suggestion.

Also, I’m Sicilian – great grandparents came over from Cefala Diana – I took no offense to Twunty’s comments about Theresa’s hairline, etc. And, if Theresa wasn’t such a moron, had a personality more like, say Bethenny, then maybe Twunty wouldn’t be picking on her so much.

Love you Twunty!
53

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:02 pm

@ Baxter: Once again, one’s perception is their reality. I didn’t perceive her as calling Twunty a racist, just saying that her comment ‘smacks of racism.’ Plus, is it really racism if all parties involved check the ‘White/Caucasian’ box on a census form?
Angela P. mentioned that, as an Italian, the ape reference did make her uncomfortable sometimes…is she pulling the race card, too? Or is she voicing her personal opinion and reaction to a statement?

@Trister: Everything you said you was so spot on, you should post it twice. While I do enjoy Twunty’s recaps, it does bother me that they have fallen behind. I like to comment on the recaps when an episode is fresh in my mind, and 3 weeks later, it just isn’t the same. We all understand and sympathize with Twunty’s personal problems, but in the real world, someone else would’ve been hired to take over the job until Twunty is ready to regain control of the resposibilities. I nominate J-mo!! He filled in last time and was hee-larious!!
54

tvaholic

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:13 pm

@NotWithoutMyTV: hahahahah!!! Thank you for putting it all into perspective, after all, he is the reason the Kardashians have a TV show.

I don’t want to add too much more to TwuntyGate 2010, but I will say this-this is the US of A, and yes, we are all entitled to voice our opinions. But don’t be surprised when everyone else isn’t in total agreement with you-if you don’t like Twunty’s comments about the Land of the Lost Guidice’s or the fact that her recaps aren’t posted when you are ready to read them, fine, go ahead and say so. Just don’t expect to not be on the receiving end of some criticism yourself because most of the readers here are first & foremost fans of the recapper, not necessarily the show. As someone else noted, there are recappers on this site who cover shows I watch but I don’t like their style so I just do not read the recaps. Conversely, there are shows I do not watch but will read the recaps because I enjoy that writer’s style.

Sigh, can we just go back to bashing these awful women & their families? Isn’t that what being an American is all about??
55

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:17 pm

lol @ TwuntyGate 2010! Tvholic, Trister, and NotwithoutmyTv, you guys deserve a prize. Meet me at the auction. Faux marble is on me!
56

Trister

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:18 pm

Pixielated-
“I’ve found that, as these HW shows get harder and harder to watch, the recaps get harder and harder to read, to the point that I don’t read them anymore. I like to read snark that also gives me the feeling that the writer is enjoying what they are watching and writing–like JMo, P-Baby, and BBitz. Not pure criticism and outrage–and I’m not blaming Twunty, it’s the show(s).”
I think you were able to get inside my head and spell out what I was trying to say in regards to dark vs snark.

Sarcasatire-
“We all understand and sympathize with Twunty’s personal problems, but in the real world, someone else would’ve been hired to take over the job until Twunty is ready to regain control of the responsibilities.”
EXACTLY!!! Many are quick to justify Real Life, all the while ignoring how shit goes on in the Real World! Precisely what I was trying to get at. PS-I dig your SN
57

marijane

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:24 pm

tvaholic….agreed!!!!!!!!!!
58

Trister

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I call dibs on the Mirra-I like to stare at myself while posting frivolous comments about my shows. *Wink*
59

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:26 pm

I’m crying a little bit reading how you all just worked that out amongst yourselves. Where were we during the LA riots?
60

2muchbravo

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Oy Vey! I feel like I just had my weave yanked after reading all that kerfluffle!
61

NotWithoutMyTV

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:50 pm

During the LA Riots, I was breaking into a furniture store, stealing this totally sweet bean bag couch. I’d just been thrown out of law school because of my “learning disability”, and my Mom had told me “Don’t youse DARE evah let ennyone tell youse you can’t have what youse want!” So, I just waited for social unrest, and then went for it. Ah, it still chokes me up whenever I sit on that couch and eat Cheetos…
62

Fnord

Posted July 27, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Hi Twunty, I love your recaps! I’d rather wait for something excellent than getting prompt, but inferior quality, stuff.
63

kdognatl

Posted July 27, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Notwithoutmytv you are HILARIOUS! Totally agree. He must be stopped!
64

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I was afraid after I said that you’d all be like “Uh, we were in our high chairs. Where were you, gramma?” Whew!
65

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted July 27, 2010 at 4:11 pm

I don’t get offended by shit like that. There are some comments in things I read on other recaps that I don’t particulary agree with but I read anyway because it makes it better. It isn’t Twunty’s fault these asses on RHONJ are some of the vilest people I have seen on TV anyway.

I am not a columnist so my opinion doesn’t matter. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the N Word and that is it.
66

msjacqmills

Posted July 27, 2010 at 4:18 pm

And, pardon me everyone, but where in the sam h hell is Prodigal Cheez during all of this hoo-ha?!

I would have expected to see the longest, yet most articulate post from her on TwuntyGate 2010.

What say you, Cheez?? Will you weigh in?
67

k37744

Posted July 27, 2010 at 5:05 pm

The gun being held to my head is cold steel and ruining my weave, but I still love the recaps.

Don’t act like you all didn’t see Jane Goodall at the fashion show. She had some work done but she was representin.

NE Ohio love Twunt.
68

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:56 pm

Well shit, people! I go to NEW JERSEY for the week and all Hell breaks loose around here…

I haven’t even finished the recap yet because the first comment caught my eye – and then TwuntyGate 2010 landed on my laptop.

Okaaaaayyyy…. SO. First and foremost, I think inferring racism in any way by applying it to a person, the way the person expresses themselves or a way to register offense is highly dangerous and designed to be incendiary. If Teresa and her ape-spawn were black, MAYBE there would be some validity to it – but for fuck’s sake, the woman is WHITE. I think having an ingrained perception that ape equals African American is racist. What’s going on with your construct of racial relevance @Janelle? If you are black, then I am saddened and genuinely upset that this is how you quantify Twunty’s use of comparison in calling Teresa an ape – that, in and of itself smacks of a form of self-loathing. Some of the most beautiful and elegant public personages in our culture are black, and I think we would all agree that Barack Obama, Shemar Moore, Tyra Banks, Usher, Rihanna, Beyonce are lovely to look at as well as poised and talented. The same cannot be said about Teresa, so using racism in this context is inappropriate and unfair to Twunty, not to mention potentially damaging. I am asking you as one intelligent and articulate woman to another to please reconsider your position on this. Please…

As for insulting Twunty’s insertion of her personal life into this, I heartily disagree. I think it’s a brilliant way to relate to the material; it’s funny and self-effacing and rather than sitting in a glass house while throwing stones, Twunty sits right on the side of the road with the rest of us and points out with a lot of insight, humor and compassion (yes, compassion when it is appropriate) the flawed and complex pathos of a group of women who believe in an external reality, that is exposed in ways they never dreamed, to be a very fragile and transient thing indeed. I am huge and unabashed fan of Twunty’s, and I consider myself to be such because Twunty has earned my admiration and respect as not only a great writer and entertainer, but as a razor-sahrp commentator on the human condition.

As for the lateness of the recaps, I am not on that bandwagon. The timing of what is submitted here has not diminished the quality and standard of what Twunty brings to us, as a gift really, and has opened an incredible and dynamic dialogue among most of us that is actually quite unparalleled not only on this site, but on any other. There is no clique-ishness, or jockeying for attention – it’s a forum in the truest sense, and I appreciate it immensely. Writing of this caliber is an art form, and good art is not about immediate gratification but about evoking emotions and passions, and provoking thoughtful and dynamic reactions.

Frankly, I’m glad things slow down a little in the summer – I’m busier and preoccupied with more outdoor oriented things, as most of us are – including Twunty, I’m sure.

Now if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to go bang my husband and earn myself a day at the spa, if I let him go twice I may even score some shoe shopping. So, I may be gone for a while because I like pricey shoes… LOL.

Oh… Twunty, I absolutely adore you, your writing and your obvious and genuine affection for those of us who are on this crazy reality with you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for some of the best writing and funniest commentary I have ever read, anywhere. XXXXOOOO!!!!
69

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 7:59 pm

****Oh… Twunty, I absolutely adore you, your writing and your obvious and genuine affection for those of us who are on this crazy reality RIDE with you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for some of the best writing and funniest commentary I have ever read, anywhere. XXXXOOOO!!!!***

It was worth saying it twice…
70

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:07 pm

There she is! I thought I was in some awful parallel recap universe for a while there.
71

tvaholic

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Sarah-haha! If so, then I’m a grandma right along with you! And how sad & sweet was Rodney King on Celebrity Rehab? (That’s the one he was on, right?)

Ok, since we’re all waiting for Cheez to weigh in, and I think we are for the most part getting along, can I go OT for a second? Did anyhone see the interview Kelly from RHNY did for Out? I followed the link posted on Reality Blurred. Wow, she just keeps proving what a big sack of crazy nut balls she is! I am demanding Bravo do their own All Star Housewife series-let’s throw Kelly, Danielle, Sheree, and Tammy on that yacht that Ramona rented & see who comes out alive. My money is on Sheree.

Ok, back OT-I just read online that Teresa is still denying there is a “sail” taking place next month. I’m guessing Jjuicy will just throw some shiny objects off into the woods to keep her busy while people are pawing thru their ill-gotten goods. You know, I’m generally a sympathetic person and know people who have had to declare bankruptcy due to medical bills & lost wages, but I don’t think failed IVF treatments fall into the same category. And the people I know were selling anything they could at a rummage sale or online, and I never recalled big-ass mirras or suits of armor being part of their collections. So I know I seem to be obsessing about the Sleestack’s financial situation, but they disgust me.. Wait, they’re more Chaka than Sleestack, right? Oh crap, here I go again stirring up shit!!
72

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:17 pm

I just have to add one more thought… In regards to the supposed “darkness” some are referring to in these recaps, I also disagree (I know, big surprise).

Recaps are subjective reflections of what is being portrayed, this particular franchise has been very dark and provocative this season. There are three women who function in a very sick and destructive enmeshment, that has now grown to include an 18 year old girl who is clearly struggling with serious emotional problems. It isn’t pretty, it isn’t particularly funny, and the consequences have bled into real life in a way that has created a lot of damage not only to the women themselves, but to their children. I am uncomfortable and disturbed by the ramifications of Danielle’s, Teresa’s and Jacqueline’s actions and behaviors on their kids – in the back of my mind, I hope they read these recaps and comments so that they get an idea of how SOCIETY views them. Their lack of self-awareness is what’s dark and ugly here, not Twunty’s reflection of it in reviewing what they are putting out there. I feel very strongly that in this case blame lay squarely on the shoulders of the subjects, not the people watching them.

That being said, I’m fascinated by the darkness in a way – without it there is nothing to write about. NONE of these women has a career, a viable set of activities outside raising children, or contributes any sort of intellectual or witty interaction. This is a very under-educated, under-employed and sedentary group of women, there just isn’t a whole lot going on here.
73

tvaholic

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:22 pm

Two things-#1, apparently my ability to spell correctly decreases as the day goes on. #2-Cheez, your insight was well worth the wait-Brava, honey! And I mean that sincerely, not Teresa-ly!!
74

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:33 pm

@ tvaholic: I read clips from Kelly’s interview on Jezebel. My favorite was the quote about a “back door education.” Bwahahahaha!!!

I think that the Teresa and Juicy dynamic is as follows: Teresa is, in his mind, out of his league, in the looks department. When they dated, he probably gave her whatever she wanted. When they got married and she showed no desire to work, or he didn’t want her to, he gave her whatever she wanted, ala ‘happy wife, happy life.’ He didn’t tell her about their meager earnings because he didn’t want to create chaos or her unhappiness, nor highlight his failure as protector/provider. So, he left her in the dark until it all came crashing down. I doubt she ever read a bank statement or signed a check…just put her hand out for palms to be greased, blissfully ignorant. I read somewhere that they used to make $500+K per year..and it trickle down to $80k which is why the family members stepped in to help. And then they got desperate and stopped paying people, hid cash all over the 8acre property, and commited bankruptcy fraud.
Feel free to weigh in…do you think Joe ‘bought’ his wife?
75

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Okay, last thought (maybe, lol)..
Did anyone see the home tour Teresa gave to Bravo? I found the hulu link on the Gawker auction article. It was extremely tacky that whenever she mentioned a piece of furniture, she brought up the name, going so far as to show us the back of the plates to verify they were, in fact, designer. Gross!!! (and a Versace vase..c’mon son!)
76

Dawn

Posted July 27, 2010 at 8:45 pm

Oh, get over it! The idea that anyone would come to this site and expect the writers to be all PC is beyond stupid. Teresa looks like she could do a Geico Caveman commercial. No one has the balls to call a woman with such an obvious simian resemblance an apewoman except a talented, hilarious writer who resorts to imagery to evoke the only thing possible that makes this show bearable to watch or read about.

Thanks, Twunty. You make my sides split when I read your recaps. And take as long as you want. They’re worth the wait, and besides, no one here is on a timetable or paying you to produce by a certain date. The fact that they check here so often to see if you’ve updated tells me they’re enjoying your writing as much as the rest of us.
77

chemgal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:04 pm

Holy moly! I felt as if I had returned to college and suddenly remembered that I had to have 5 physic chapters read and problems completed before the next class when I first clicked on and saw a recap and 70 comments waiting. Then, I get to the recaps and bam! Right out of the gates. Janelle, if you haven’t been following, I can maybe see how you mistook the ape comments. But as a gal with last name with way too many vowels and a jewish mother, no one is more sensitive to insults then I. So I’m hoping once you went back and read and the history of the ape analogies you understood why those of us in it for the long haul may be upset that your first impression was racism. @sarcasatire while I think almost all of us have indicated that we are all thoughtful and I would have to say I think a pretty intelligent group of gals, I think there is a sort of unwritten rule that this is a place to come and vent at the program. I myself and still reeling from some broad that commented on the Bethenney thread that I resent my kids simply because I shared my thoughts that no one tells you how hard the birth process and parenting are. As a group, we tend to eviscerate those that exhibit behavior that not only affects others on the show, but, in its own way affects each member of society. (this by the way is no longer @sacasatire — I’ve digressed into my own train of thought). Teresa’s financial irresponsibility makes for disturbing TV as well as recapping because it affects each and every one of us? You can’t have a baby? Well now its going to be harder because fertility doctors aren’t going to take credit anymore. Have a Nordstrom card? Your APR is going up 5% to cover their losses from Teresa. Part of the darkness of the recaps and the comments is that we all know women just like this. Maybe not on such a grand scale, but they still exist. And they are wrecking havoc all around the country, in all our neighborhoods and communities. I’ll be honest, I know its not Christian of me and I am a bit ashamed to admit it, but nothing right now, and I mean nothing, would make me as happy as seeing Teresa roo-ined. I know there are kids involved and I should feel terrible admitting it, but I don’t. I really want to see karma get this bitch. Its awful how visceral my hatred is for someone I only know through a reality tv show, but, from talking in real life and via blogs, I don’t feel I am alone in this, although perhaps I am the most blunt? Yes, I’m partly fueled by jealousy. I was a smart, cute, athlete all through school. I worked hard and watched the pretty dumb girls (ie, Teresa and Jaqueline) get off easy. They got off easy in school and at home. None of them were out helping their parents with yard work on weekends, or waitressing at the pizzeria to make money for college. They had boys falling all over them and treated them like crap. I did manage to meet my Mr. Chemgal and he makes me feel like a princess even as I help with the yard work so I’ve let about 97% of my issues with this type of woman go. But that 3% really, really wants to see reality teach them that mascara and aqua net will not get them out of everything. If Teresa comes out of this mostly unscathed, it sends a message to every other person out there living beyond their means, simply because they want to, that they too will land on their feet, while those of us who have identified the difference between want and need pick up the pieces.
Like Twunty and Cheez, I too must sign off and service Mr. Chem – although I do it simply for the bennies; health benefits that is. All these meds don’t pay for themselves you know.
78

chemgal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:26 pm

I got so riled up by the comments that I failed to include some reactions to the actual recap. Mr. Chem can just wait – my Rx’s are all up to date anyway. Twunty mentioned the concept of respect for your family and embarrassing them as motivation to behave. This seems to be a concept beyond the grasp of most parents these days. My mom was very clear somehow from an early age that the worst thing my siblings and I could do was to disappoint or embarrass her or my father. She was clear about it when we got older and came right out and told us we better never bring shame to our last name or she would in no uncertain terms kill us. Somehow, the thought of doing so was more frightening than any punishment she could have doled out. I have often heard myself through grinding teeth tell my kids “you are embarrassing your father and I”. It is as if I have discovered the phrase that pays and they snap to – so I am guessing mama passed on a bit of her magic. My husband was caught doing something illegal at 13 and his parents made him go to every single family members house and tell them what he did so that they could “prepare” and not be embarrassed when approached by someone not in the family who knew what he had done. He (nor his brothers) ever did anything illegal again after this life lesson. I don’t think this is common these days. Parents don’t even seem to register half the time that they should be embarrassed by their kids behavior. Maybe that’s why I shouldn’t be shocked when I go on Bravo’s boards and see people tell Teresa how great her kids are. Really?
Albie going to a lawyer ……. I don’t even know where to start. This bothers me so much. There are real people actually being really discriminated against and we are supposed to feel sorry for albie because he got the wrong number? as the mom of an autistic child i am not making light of his learning disability at all but if he can’t follow through to be sure he got the number right, or if there was a different number, or hire a tutor on his own (i’m sure mom and dad would have paid for it) then I stand by my earlier comments from last week that he would be a shitty lawyer and perhaps the school does know a bit more about what makes a good lawyer and who might not be cut out for it. I really, really, really wanted to be a doctor, but I’m not smart enough. I worked way to hard to get through organic chemistry and remember the kreb’s cycle in cellular bio that I quickly realized my dying patient isn’t going to care how much I wanted to be a lawyer if it takes me as much time and effort to diagnose them as it did to fully comprehend cellular respiration.
79

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:55 pm

@chemgal: I love your insights and look forward to reading them. One suggestion, and I say this with all the love in the world..can you add a couple of paragraph spaces to break up the post? Maybe it’s the fact that I misplaced (or would like to deny I use) my reading glasses, but the long single-spaced paragraphs make my eyes crossed. I guess that’s why they were forbidden in college, lol. I was gonna write this in Bethanny’s recap after I told you that I loved the words you said about motherhood and the truth about MIL’s (or my mother) always thinking the baby isn’t getting enough food from breastfeeding. What’s up with that? Meet me @ bethenny’s and let’s discuss.

Hopefully, notwithoutmytv will show up and tell us about how his/her nipples leaked 24 hrs a day and his baby almost drowned when submerged in colostrum. *sigh* Gotta love that guy…
80

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 9:58 pm

Awesome recap! LOL!!!

I wish Carline weren’t so shut-down in a way, I would have LOVED to have heard her true assessment of the Teresa/Ashley/Jacqueline Triad of Terror. When she was getting the post-mortem from T-Hag and JacqueAss, she looked like she wanted to sterilize her kitchen and erase all traces of their DNA. You just know she was weighing the fallout from the Manzo family’s reaction to Danielle’s histrionics at the Brownstone to HER family members doing it at a prestigious country club…

Jacqueline hasn’t walked away from a conflagration yet; she thrives on conflict and controversy, and waits on the sidelines relishing the opportunity to deliver the coup de gras. What a gaping asshole. She knew exactly what Teresa was up to, and once again she chooses anyone but Ashley – in a sense that half-wit was right when she said JacqueAss picked Danielle over her. She did, she chose to mob Danielle rather than get Ashley out of the club; she knew that Ashley was spoiling for a fight and things were already out of control during the show. Also, Ashley is terrible liar – terrible. If someone tells you your mother has been attacked what do you do?? I know what I would do, CHECK ON MY MOTHER – not go looking for a fight. She was bragging about what she did because she was proud of it – it was savage the way she held up Danielle’s hair like a trophy from a kill.

It’s time for everyone to stop acting like there’s this moral quandary happening in Ashley’s mind, she is NOT protecting her family, that is NOT her intent – the Manzo’s and her step-father have consistently, repeatedly and urgently asked her TO STOP. She refuses, she knows her actions upset her family, she does not care.

Teresa is an animal. She seriously seems like she has frontal lobe damage because she has ZERO impulse control. ZERO. Insane spending, table-flipping, screaming matches in public – people get thrown into mental hospitals on 72 hour mandatory evaluations for less. She stalked Danielle after the show because she wanted to punish her for talking about her foreclosure. That was retribution, and Teresa really thought she was going to be able to intimidate Danielle into keeping quiet. That little scene was something else, the police should have been called then and there. In ordinary everyday-land making threats and using physical intimidation on another person is considered Aggravated Harassment. ALL FOUR of those skanks were guilty of it, and all four should have been escorted from the premises and served with citations and a court-ordered arbitration.

Oh, what the HELL was Jaqueline doing staring down the Bentley? WTF. What a fucking creeper – she looked like a snake in the process of chowing down on a bunny, the way she was packed into that outfit. She is one fugly bitch.

Danielle is so mentally ill she defies any sort of compassion, sympathy, or even just plain benefit of the doubt. Her judgment, and the kind of people she gravitates toward, are so far beyond bad it boggles my mind. Nothing concrete seems to seep into her reptile brain – it’s like she’s on automatic pilot to just keep slamming into the same wall over and over again… She’s really, really dangerous – I wouldn’t be surprised to read about her in an Ann Rule book someday.

The more I watch this, the more I see Jacqueline as the catalyst – she keeps the hate fresh. Kim G is the hammer she uses to beat anti-Danielle sentiments into everyone. She pushes Teresa into inviting her to her party, then when it backfires because Kim G calls HER out on her “obsession” with Danielle – she’s the victim again. Kim G is an annoying rabble-rouser, but so far she’s played both sides fairly openly. Ashley provides her with the perfect subterfuge to keep it going with her husband and his family – she gets a free pass to talk about it all the time because Ashley is supposedly under attack… Bullshit. Danielle is the perfect distraction for Jaqueline – while everyone is circling the wagons and looking out, she’s inside manipulating and stirring the pot. I really don’t like her -the only reason Caroline and Dina are even tolerating her is because they need to present a united front to the public. I’ll bet they hate her, she leaves a trail of scum behind her wherever she goes…

They should change the name of this show to Real Personality Disorders Running Amok.

PS – Ashley was wearing a ONSIE. LMMFAO.
81

chemgal

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:06 pm

@sarcasatire I promise m’lady I will try to remember spacing and paragraphs. I fear my ability to continue a train of thought if I pause – notice I often go from trying to be careful of capitalization and grammar, and suddenly, not!
82

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:19 pm

@chemgal – I adore you. I love reading your insights and hearing your perspective on things and not just because I almost always agree with you. You are one strong, smart, funny lady – and someone with your inner beauty could never, ever come out on the short end of the stick when compared to girls like Teresa and Jacqueline. Your hard work is paying off too, because both those women are living opulent lies – I’ll bet you have more in your savings account then either one them.

I can’t believe someone called you out on BGM?!! Fuck them! If you want I’ll come over there and kick some ass!! LOL, I’ll run that nasty commenter through TVgasm like Danielle through a country club with one heel…

I’m also guilty of schadenfreude when it comes to Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimmon, Teresa Giudice, Jaqueline Laurita, Alexis Bellino, Lynne Curtin and Tamara Barney. I crave their downfall because they are ugly, wretched, mean and arrogant people who don’t deserve what they have (notice how almost none of them work? Interesting, no?). If that makes me bad then send me to Hell with Fred Schneider’s politicians and talk-show hosts, I’ll be the one dancing on the table and drinking Kamikaze’s….
83

sarcasatire

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:25 pm

I totally get it, Chemgal. I tend to write freely and then go back and add spacing or proofread. Nothing sucks more than losing a train of thought or forgetting what the overall point was you were trying to make. Wait. What was I saying?
84

Sarah Turula

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:31 pm

TVhholic — yes, Rodney was one of the few heroes on Celebrity Rehab. @Cheez — glad to see your comments about Jaqui. She keeps the drama humming right along.
85

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 27, 2010 at 10:41 pm

Wow – I missed some stuff, thanks @Sarah Turula, @msjacqmills, and @tvaholic, I look forward to your comments too!! I got all riled up, but I’m calmed down now, LOL… I nearly went all Teresa Giudice on here!! God help, me!
86

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 5:11 am

@ Clasy Drunk
I’m hoping not to ruin the kumbaya moment but I missed one of your comments.
“Anywhos…Love the Boondocks references. I love to laugh in general, but I have fallen off of the couch laughing at this show. Now if you think that Twunts is racist, please do not tune into that show. It particularly plays on different stereotypes in the African American community and the hip hop culture.”

Uh…the references Twunty made in the recap were to the film Boondock Saints, so not sure what references you were laughing at or referring to. Either way, I’m not sure if your comments were directed at me or Janelle (I’m assuming myself because Janelle did not mention African-American stereotypes and for all intents and purposes, I am assuming she is an olive-skinned Italian girl with big curly hair).

Now, I’m sure you’ve had time to reread my comments and have realized that I never alluded to Twunty being a racist, so I won’t respond to that particular statement.
However, in reference to the Boondocks, the cartoon, you are exactly right in that I don’t watch it. Not sure if you know this, but the creator is a Black Nationalist and created the show as a satire, based on his comic book(that I did read a bit in high school). However, many people don’t know this and buy into the stereotypes portrayed, which is part of the reason why Dave Chapelle said he stopped making his own show. People don’t see it as a joke/satire, they see it as typical AA behavior. And this is more detrimental than instrumental to the portrayal of African-American culture in the media. So satire or not, I do not watch Boondocks, nor do I have a desire to…too many N-words for me.
(I did, however, see a youtube video that was a hip hop satire of a myspace rap war. It was hilarious!! Naturally, some people didn’t get that it was joke…but those that did laughed till their bellies ached!)
87

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 5:18 am

Oh, I forgot to specify that the youtube video satire that I was referring to was created by the Boondocks creator, I believe. I think there’s a boondocks channel or something..
88

classy drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 5:24 am

@sarcasatire…yesterday’s news. Let’s move on.
89

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 5:55 am

@classy – sorry, I do think you’re right about moving on… But, I’m pissed and I need to vent, please indulge me?

“Seriously, referring to someone (and their little kids,not cool btw) of Italian heritage, with thick dark hair and dark skin, as ape-like over and over-again just SMACKS of racism to me.”

As far as I know, Italians are considered Caucasian. Accusing someone of RACISM is not benign. Janelle’s intent was clear – she called Twunty a racist, then slammed her for not posting her recaps quickly enough. As far as I’m concerned Janelle should keep her bullshit to herself, she’s rude and inappropriate. There are far more effective and socially acceptable ways to express discontent, she’s just a bitch.

You can play word games all you want @sacasatire, but Janelle called Twunty a racist, and I’m not inclined to stand by and act like that’s okay. It isn’t. Leveling the accusation of racism is serious business and it diminishes and dilutes the fact that REAL racism still does exist, and it’s as ugly and destructive as it ever was.

When Janelle calls Twunty out, she calls out any of us who enjoy this particular reference. It’s a running joke, and since no one on the show is black, inferring a racist agenda is ridiculous and out of context. BTW, no one better call ME a racist and think I’m going to sit idly by like it isn’t a problem. I have a HUGE problem with it. Bottom line – extrapolating a racist agenda from the use of a primate to describe how an Italian-American woman looks and behaves indicates an underlying racism from within the person who keeps misstating the intent behind that comparison.

Twunty is a writer who operates in a public venue and the stakes here are much higher, what Janelle said about HER smacks of slander and libel.

If writers here begin to feel compelled to filter their writing out of fear of people like Janelle, then we all suffer. My overwhelming feeling about negative attacks on ANY of the recappers is that if you don’t like their style, then go elsewhere.
90

Classy Drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 6:15 am

@ P Cheez. No problem. I just do not want to get into another battle of words today. To me, it takes away from Twunts hard work. Instead of us going back and forth with each other we should be trying to figure out a way we all can go to Teresa’s auction. Satchels of Gold.
91

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 6:54 am

@Classy, do you think they’ll sell the baby? I don’t see it listed in the official auction notice but that may be just to avoid the authorities. I’m really interested if she comes with all the accessories, including the mini high heels.
@P Cheez, great job. you should rent yourself out to parents of teenagers. you so affectively and succinctly rip a new asshole I would pay you.
92

Classy Drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:39 am

@chemgal, they probably can not sell the baby to another person but I think they would be able to sell the baby to science to figure out why her and her family has not evolved like the rest of us humans.
93

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:52 am

I refuse to believe there is an actual baby, because I’ve only seen it once – I think they rented a Capuchine from the Brooklyn Zoo for a story line. Either that or Teresa’s still keeping it in her womb, because – did you see that baby bump she was sporting at the Posche show?? LOL – WHOA.
94

tvaholic

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:18 am

Ugh, I just read Teresa, Caroline, & Danielle’s blogs on Bravo. Danielle’s was once again thanking every person she ever came in contact with-see, every interview she does on camera is an audition to her & she sees the blog as her forum for acceptance speeches-I imagine her writing these blogs while talking into a hair brush in front of a huge-ass mirra.

And methinks Teresa gets quite a bit of help writing hers-there’s no way that someone who cannot hold an intelligent conversation has the ability to suddenly use non-made-up words & form complete thoughts. Plus she throws out tidbits of information that you just know was either fed to her from a Manzo kid or Google. She basically compares her situation to that of titans of the business world like the Disney Corp., stating that bankruptcy is what allowed them to start over & create an empire. Oh crap, are they planning on creating a Guidice Empire?? I just got chills down my spine. We are not too far away from the movie “Idiocracy” if this is true. I’m starting my bomb shelter tonight, stocking it with canned goods & booze.
95

marijai

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:42 am

@tvaholic….a “Guidice Empire” is the first sign of the apocolypse!
96

skatt

Posted July 28, 2010 at 9:31 am

Chemgal: I think they WOULD sell the baby, I really do. And those mini-high heels? They’ve probably already been dipped in 24k Gold for bookends.

PercoCheez!!!!:(Is that still your name?) There you are!! I think you are correct about Caroline. She has to see that this shit is not good for business (literally), and like Dina is trying to make a graceful exit from this mess.

Chemgal: I LOVED the way Jacqueline kept trying to find P.C. terms for Ashley ripping Danielle’s hair out. I can’t remember now, but she was like “may have removed Danielle’s extensions from her head”- some such bullshit.
But you’re SO right. I’m almost 40, both my parents have passed, and I would never be on a show like this. Not because I’m Ms. Outstanding Citizen, but because I still think: “Oh God, my Mother/Father would be so mortified.”

Tvaholic: If that is Teresa writing her blog, I’ll buy you the famous “mirrah” at the auction. How’s that for a safe bet?! I do owe you though for Petite Felons IMDB page. You still The Man.
97

2muchbravo

Posted July 28, 2010 at 9:46 am

I don’t post here often because you all seem to cover the bases pretty well. But, I’ve been here from the start and get the ape references and get a chuckle from them because of who Teresa is.
We (most likely) don’t know each other personally, but isn’t calling a poster one doesn’t know a bitch as unacceptable as that poster calling someone a name as well? Before we all stoop to Teresa and Danielle’s level can we all just take a breath and untwist our (non-chinchilla) knickers? As Betheny would say, “Namaste.”
98

marijai

Posted July 28, 2010 at 10:38 am

I really hope Miss Andy films the auction. I’m sure most of that tacky crap will sell for pennies on the dollar. Though I do feel bad for the kids and their things being sold. Unfortunately, Bankruptcy Whore is too stupid to attempt to learn anything from this to pass on as a lesson to the kids. I’ve known people who file bankruptcy every few years and I bet BW will be the same way.
99

msjacqmills

Posted July 28, 2010 at 10:59 am

chemgal – you are so right! I would totally pay P Cheez to come and beat some sense into my 16-year-old daughter! My daughter is a huge PIA!
100

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:29 am

@ Classy Drunk
My post was referring to the difference between the Boondocks and the Boondock Saints. Twuntygate was yesterdays news..your confusion between the show and the movie is still relevant today.

@Prodigal Cheez
These are all points you made yesterday. Why are you still so pissed about it? No one even addressed Twuntygate since you entered the scene and implication that if no one around is Black, it can’t be racist, or something like that. Either way, one’s perception is their reality..so let’s move on. Namaste!
101

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 11:52 am

@tvaholic:
in regards to Teresa having help writing her blog, I must admit I had a theory to how the whole Bravo blog thing is done. I feel as if no one on that show actual writes anything. I’m thinking maybe there is a recorded interview with a producer after the episode airs and that is then typed out and published to the site. Does that sound about right to anyone?
102

Classy Drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm

@sarcasatire, clarification accepted.

@Marijai, I mentioned them filming the auction last week. I really wish that they would. Maybe a healthy dose of embarrassment would help her realize the repercussions of her actions.
103

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:17 pm

@classy drunk
I don’t think Bravo would film the auction because that would mean makin teresa address ‘head-on’ her financial troubles on TV. I think they think it’s funnier for her to steadfastly deny it while all crumbles around her. Next season will start with them in a tiny 2 bedroom apt over the pizza shop and Teresa’ll say ‘So, we decided to rent out the mansion to a millionaire and save the profits to build an even bigger one!”
104

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm

@sarcasatire, I’m still pissed because it was offensive and uncalled for, and it has been alluded to since I posted. I feel I have the right to address any issue on any timeline of my choosing, and for as long as I want to. Whether people here like it or not is a personal choice that I have no opinion on either way.

I also don’t appreciate your over-simplication or marginalization of my statements. You speak out of both sides of your mouth, we don’t have to agree but at least I take what you’re saying seriously enough to put thought into my responses. I’ll move on when I feel like it, if you don’t like what I have to say then skip it.

Maybe I shouldn’t have called someone on here a bitch, but I did. I would like to mea culpa and say I feel really bad about it, but the fact is I don’t. Janelle made a direct attack on someone’s integrity, using an issue that is out of context and highly inflammatory. I was inflamed enough to respond strongly, and I honestly don’t think calling someone out on an obvious attempt to provoke people brings me to the level of screaming racism, or anything else of that nature.

I didn’t go looking for a soapbox, I reacted to someone else’s soapbox claims – it’s called free speech, I happen to value it and exercise it freely at will.

As for whipping teenagers into shape, call me anytime – that’s a job I could really get behind! LOL.
105

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:37 pm

@ Prodigal Cheez..you telling me that ‘I can play word games all I want’ was also an oversimplification of what I posted earlier. Why not just say you disagree, without all the extra stuff?
No one is telling you when to drop a discussion and let it go..’let’s move on’ is just a suggestion, made by others, as well. Feel free to ignore it if you like.

My only point was that your post today and your post yesterday were basically the same. You did not bring up any new points from what I saw, only reiterated what you mentioned in the previous post, which is a little superfluous, IMO. I also hope you aren’t implying that I alluded to Janelle’s statement after your initial post because then, rather than repeat myself ad nauseum, I would just ask that you kindly go back and read what I wrote to Classy Drunk. She understood my comment and we moved on, and we’ll be on the other side waiting for when you do, as well. (no pressure, however.)
106

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Yes, agree to disagree – and in general just stay away from each other as I would choose to do in real life. We have a personality conflict.

No hard feelings – stay well.
107

msjacqmills

Posted July 28, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Yoo-hoo! Twunty?! Are you out there? Just curious.
108

Classy Drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:01 pm

Please do not use me as an example for peace and understanding for a I am a classy drunk who turns angry when my boozing is interrupted, so I chose not to engage. I keeps it classy!
109

baymenxpac

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:04 pm

just have to say the line about the wine and gold decor and them all being fans of the old cavs jerseys cracked me up! great recap!
110

Twunty McSlore

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:12 pm

I’m here! I just was busy combing through my old KKK rally photos and smiling wistfully. Oh, and writing a new recap. It should be up any moment now.

Love you all!
111

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:20 pm

@Prodigal Cheez
‘Stay away from each other?’ Ooookay..does that mean we cannot post on the same topics? What does that mean exactly? Who cares…we watch the same shows. Our only conflict came about when you chose to address me in comment 89 when my comment 86 had nothing to do with TwuntyGate.
Geez, let’s be adults. No hard feelings but a little disappointed that this can’t be put behind us.

@classy drunk..i luvs to get drunk and keep it classy. *burp*

@Twunty…post those photos. We all know you look good in white!
(looking forward to ur next recap..)
112

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:24 pm

@Prodigal Cheez, last comment:
The only reason I asked you why you were so pissed is because you chose to address today’s comment (#89) to me, for what reason, I do not know. We had all moved on, and my #86 comment was a lil info on the show the Boondocks because classy drunk said she liked it…so it seemed weird that you would address a post to me about playing word games and such and defending Janelle which I wasn’t doing, in any way, shape or form.
113

LAC

Posted July 28, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Twunty, love your post! Sorry that Janelle had to ruin the comments with her “I just crashed a party I was not invited to and bitched about the food” opening salvo. Hope that the SHTFUP juice was offered to her. This show is a trainwreck and your recaps make it worth looking it it.
114

olderandwiser

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:22 pm

Sorry to get to the party late, but hopefully it’s not too late to weigh in. I definitely agree with the poster who stated that anyone who has an opinion that is different from the usual group of posters/Twunty fans, they are personally attacked. It has happened to me before, so I finally just decided to stop posting unless I felt exactly the same way as the frequent posters. I think Twunty does a great job, but it’s silly to assume that if someone else temporarily took over her posting duties that the content would be inferior. Do you really think she is the only good recapper? This site is filled with them! Twunty may have perfectly good reasons for being so late with her recaps this season, but the gist of it is they are still extremely late, and that takes away from the recaps. I’m really surprised they haven’t had someone help her catch up – other recappers seem to be assisted when they are out. I’m not sure why the recaps for the real housewife franchise haven’t had that, particularly when this is such a popular show and the recaps are well read (as evidenced by the number of commenters). So, I have two opinions, 1)to the rapid Twunty fans: let other posters have an alternate opinion without personally attacking them, and 2)TVGASM: get Twunty help to get these recaps brought current and stay current. Thanks for listening. I will be awaiting the insults.
115

Missy2sweet

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Wow only 2 days up and 114 comments 115 after me congratulations twunty! Not to harp but want my opnion to be heard as well. I am a Black woman, and I am not offended by the ape comments. Trust me I have heard far worse in my years on this earth. And Twunty may very well be a racist, who knows. I will still continue to read her posts because I find her extremely entertaining and can overlook the occasional off color comment that might gacuse me to cringe a little in order to appreciate the big picture which is superb writing. I think Janelle was someone sent here to distract from all the actual from the drama on the show and inject some in real life. Twunty, I will wait for your recaps forever, whether it takes 2 weeks or 2 months. Luckily the internet and Bravo have this way of replaying shows so I can always refresh my memory in order to post.
116

Baxter

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:47 pm

olderandwiser – I’m not a “rapid” twunty fan. I’m a twunty fan. I just take real issue with someone implying Twunty is a racist for making a joke about Teresa’s looks on a SNARKY website. It is such a dirty under handed move to throw out the race card with zero facts to back it up. I also think Teresa looks like an ape so I completely agree with Twunty does that make me a racist too? Do I not have the right to be angry at someone for throwing out the race card. The whole thing is ridiculous and Prodigal Cheez your post was outstanding.
117

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:51 pm

Oh for Christ’s sake, nobody attacks anybody who disagrees – when someone makes incendiary and insulting remarks people react to it. Just because this all happens online doesn’t mean we don’t still have to operate with courtesy and respect toward each other.

Janelle was out of line. Accusing someone of racist remarks transcends the normal snark and becomes an attack on their integrity. THAT’S my problem with Janelle – it’s more than just a shitty comment, it’s an indictment.

I DO like interacting with the people who agree with me because we obviously share a common point of view, and I usually agree with them too. And… I’ve been flexible in my opinions when someone clearly has a better argument than I do. Disagreeing and attacking are not the same thing, I disagree with some people but I’m usually respectful.

When you have 30 people who largely agree on something, and three who don’t – three people are going to feel outnumbered. It’s a function of free speech and Democratic thinking – The Republicans had to get over it and so will anyone else of a minority opinion in any context.

Just like in language or expressions, there is a degree of subtlety and nuance that happens in written interactions. Just like in real life, if I pick up on an underlying conflict or friction with another person I keep my distance. I don’t hate anybody, I just think certain personalities don’t mix and coexisting is best done at arm’s length.

I’m an opinionated person, I don’t get along with every single person I meet online or elsewhere – I’m okay with it. I’m sure at the end of the day most people could not care less what I think about Teresa’s hairy ass, or Danielle’s wonky tit. I like this site, I like most of the people here – I’m not black and white in my thinking; @sarcasatire and I may very well end up on the same side of an issue in another context, but we still might not communicate effectively because we obviously have completely different styles – one isn’t any better or worse than the other. I said what I thought, I always say what I think because I’m a pain in the ass. That’s why I have to put out to my husband so much to get a goddamn pair of shoes.
118

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:11 pm

@olderandwiser, your name is not fitting. if you go back and look at your comment which was met with insult and injury, you will find you came in with an ax to grind. You threw a bomb and maybe you get away with it in real life, but not here. The glue that keeps most of us gals and regulars together is we all can’t stand shit stirrers and those that insult rather than debate. There have been a lot of people on here who say “i don’t agree with …” and usually follow it up with a reason. They have pointed out things that others may not have noticed or that Twunty didn’t cover in her recap and they are met with a resounding “pull up a chair and a box of triscuits!” Sarah is a wonderful example. She doesn’t agree all the time, but she is insightful and funny too. If your going to throw a molotov cocktail, be funny – look up all notwithoutmytv’s comments and be schooled.
119

karina

Posted July 30, 2010 at 5:55 pm

Love these recaps you and yenta are the only ones who could do these recaps any justice. I completely agree that Teresa and her clan look like monkey trolls!
120

Robinez

Posted July 31, 2010 at 12:55 am

Twunterful,Great Re-cap.Please keep doing what you do however and whenever you want to.

@pcheez and cgal,Exceptional commentary.I have been away from the board for a number of days and have missed your post’s.

Most importantly,I have a question that I want answered..

Who took my pea puree while I was gone?

Hugs,Robin
121

olderandwiser

Posted August 2, 2010 at 8:35 am

Chemgal – thank you for proving my point. I couldn’t have done it better myself!

RHONJ: Beatdowns and Shakedowns

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RHONJ: Beatdowns and Shakedowns

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