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Saturday, August 28, 2010
9:00 am
145 Comments
Queridos Gasmii—
Season Finale night is finally here. It seems like only 3 weeks ago that we started hanging out and bitching about the garlic-flavored telebortion known as RHONJ and now it’s all over. If you don’t count two or three weeks of Reunion shows and a Lost Footage Edit Suite Scraping. I just got back from thoroughly enjoying Piranha 3-D at my favorite Hot Lebanese Teen Boy-magnet, the Sherman Oaks Galleria. I can’t think of a nicer place to spend 15 bucks on a movie ticket. Of course that included a 3.50 glasses rental. I am terrified of getting lice from the 3-D goggles and having to shave off my cascading but un-Teresa-like dark brown locks! But I digress. The hideous razor-toothed monsters in that film have nothing on our Jersey Jezebels and those hard-working producers will doubtlessly be staging as much meowing as they can get away with for our viewing pleasure, so let’s not waste any time.
Villa Foreclosa. The Manzo-Lauritae (Caroline, Albert, Lauren, Christopher, Albie, Jacqueline and Chris) arrive at Teresa and Joe‘s for dinner. Teresa quickly re-establishes her delusional status by telling us that the trip to Italy “bonded” her with Caroline & Jacqueline. T: I feel like we’re just one big, happy family! As many of you pointed out in the Comments, Jacqui & Mommy Salami seemed a tad shall we say infuriated with Teresa’s selfish, beastly behavior by journey’s end. But let’s see how quickly they get caught back up in her bullshit.
Everyone takes a seat in the cavernous, soon-to-be-an-auction-gallery dining hall and starts boozing it up with red wine and bellinis. Teresa announces that contrary to popular belief, Italian food isn’t fattening. Albert notes that they all ate “like crazy” on the trip, but no one gained an ounce. “Hiking up mountainous village streets and chasing after the Jew-Dice Goils really burns off those carbs,” Caroline doesn’t say, instead asking how delinquent, enormous-headed step-niece Ashley is doing. Jacqueline says she’s “fine”, considering Ashley’s lawyer just asked Danielle to drop the assault charges, to which La Staub replied “No, press forward!” I so wish Teresa was the one who had yanked out Danielle’s weave, if only to see Milania aka Feral Lemur and Gabriella, The Pretty One, carted off by Animal Control Child Protective Services. Gia would have been fine, what with her scholarship to Juilliard. Not. Speaking of which, it IS awfully quiet at Villa Foreclosa tonight. Sominex sippy cups, perhaps?
Caroline is disgusted that mere hair-pulling might go down on Ashley’s permanent record. Jacqueline says Danielle made it much worse by “lying” that Ashley also threatened to kill her. Even Danielle’s bodyguard, who witnessed the incident, told Jacqueline that threats weren’t made. Caroline asks Danielle via interview that if Dani is in such a wonderful new “forgiving” place, “why are you so hellbent on hurting this child?” This 19-year-old, sexually active child. Caroline tells everyone she’s sick of “this lunatic” terrorizing everyone. Dani spread that vicious rumor about the Jew-Dices being broke (mmmkay), she went after poor Christopher (I guess she’s talking about tiny felon Danny calling him a fag at The Brownstone), “and we won’t even talk about the Dina situation”. You should, because other than annoying the shit out of Dina, I’m not sure what crime Danielle committed there. And Dina can take care of herself. I mean, Jesus Christ, that broad is terrifying.
“Yeah, dere’s breast-milk in da tiramisu. So what? We’re on a frickin budget.”
Caroline says she wants “to find a solution to make” Danielle “go away”. And she wonders why people think she’s in the mob. “With every fiber of my being” Caroline interviews that she wants Danielle to leave them alone, and she’d like to think Danielle also would like to be rid of them. Caroline proposes arranging a sit-down with Danielle to “set her straight”. Teresa innocently replies that Danielle habitually “runs away” from Teresa & Jacqueline. Yeah, because you flip tables at her, call her a “prostitution whore” in front of her kids, and chase her through country clubs, you disingenuous twat. Caroline can’t guarantee that Danielle won’t flee the scene, but says she will speak to Danielle in a calm voice. Dripping with tough, idle threats.
Caroline says she intends “to make a deal with” Danielle. In exchange for dropping the charges, the Manzo-Lauritae-Jew-Dices will stay out of Danielle’s life. Some deal. Caroline should probably sweeten the pot with a few “puhneenees”, since Jacqueline won’t even guarantee that Ashley will stay away from Danielle. “She’s on her own thing”, Jacqui tells Caroline, basically admitting Jax has no control over the deadbeat daughter Chris L financially supports. But Ash IS good to have around in case the third alternate nanny can’t watch CJ and Baby Nicholas. Ashley can teach them to run a nice little shell game in the driveway, and the fine art of cyber-bullying any of their day-care frenemies.
Caroline wastes no time and texts Danielle right at the table, in such a hurry to protect her family she can’t even be bothered to proofread: “I’d like to put an end to all the nonsense. Let me know when you if you are available to meet Sunday at 2.” Ooooh! For all the melodramatic music blaring over this scene, this is about as scary as being summoned to pizza headquarters by Mama Celeste.
It’s not incest if only their balls touch.
Staub Manor. Danielle is conveniently hanging out with daughters Jillian, 11, and aspiring teen model Christine, when the text comes through. Danielle tells us her first reaction to it was “How the f*ck did she get my number?” since Danielle has blocked calls from her evil castmates. She guesses she “just must have missed” Caroline’s. Christine asks her mother to read the message aloud. Danielle does, then immediately scoffs at the ego of Caroline saying SHE’D like to put an end to the nonsense. “What do we have to talk about?” Danielle rhetorically asks the girls. Christine asks if Danielle will go. Jillian jumps in to say that no “normal person” would want to do this. Yes, dear, but we’re talking about your mother. Have you two met?
Danielle, with the unmistakable gleam of madness sparkling in her eyes, tells us that Caroline “is under the impression” that Danielle is “the same girl that she sat across from on a couch and called garbage and I sat there too mortified to even defend myself”. Um, no one is under the impression that you’re a “girl”. But Danielle promises that Caroline is in for a “big, BIG surprise! Bwahahaha!” Danielle sees that Jillian is upset and asks why. Jillian says she doesn’t want Danielle to meet Caroline. “Don’t you TRUST me on this?! Haven’t we been PRAYING about this?!” Danielle replies, invalidating her daughter’s feelings and victimizing herself AND sounding like an idiot in one quick sound bite. Nice one, Nutcake!
Danielle takes advantage of the moment for a quick brave-me empowerment speech: “Here’s the thing, sweetheart. I’m not in fear no more. I was, but I’m not… I don’t want anything to do with them, [becoming slightly emotional] maybe at one time I did, but that was then, and this is now.” She sounds like a talentless 14-year-old on the first day of drama class. Dani’s going to go hash it out, “matriarch to matriarch… I WILL get the dignity and respect that I deserve.” At least her expectations are right on point.
“Please tell me I have a birth mother out there someplace, too…”
Villa Laurita. Jacqueline sends adorable, well-behaved CJ out of the room to play video games so she and Chris can speak to sullen teen Ashley. They inform the giant-faced reprobate that “Aunt Caroline” will be meeting with Danielle to broach a peace settlement that includes Danielle dropping the charges against Ashley. But, Jacqueline interviews, Danielle is “very revenge-full”, so it ain’t gonna be easy. Jacqueline warns Ashley that if Caroline is successful, it means Ashley will never be able to speak Danielle’s name again, much less engage in texting spats and Facebook mockery. “I haven’t done anything,” Ashley whines instead of just saying “Sure, Mom. Thanks for my new SUV and free room and board in your McMansion!”
But she’s not finished. Now come the jokes: “She’s like herpes– she just won’t go away!” Try Valtrex, whore. Chris says that Ashley’s comments indicate she isn’t taking this seriously. “I don’t CARE!” she pouts. Danielle is like a fly buzzing around Ashley’s gigantic head. And Ashley keeps swatting her but she won’t go away! “Go be on someone else’s sh*t,” Ashley concludes, sniggering at her own wit. Chris tells Ashley they don’t want to hear anything more from her about Danielle. “Like what is Aunt Caroline planning on like saying to her?” Ashley asks, unable to follow the new rule for even three seconds. “Like this like truce?”
Jacqueline says Danielle will “want a public apology” from Ashley. “That’s not gonna happen,” Ashley says. This bitch is REALLY giving Milania a run for Biggest Brat honors right now. Chris doesn’t really react to this, but he does refer to the “waste of money” going on and demands that Ashley promise to have no further contact with Danielle. Ashley mopes and rolls her eyes but shockingly refuses to guarantee she’s done with Danielle. Jacqueline interviews that Ashley “didn’t completely understand or appreciate that Caroline was going to bat for her”. No shit! So throw the spoiled (not-so) little abortion-factory out your muthafukkin house! Christ.
“…and going to like prison or whatever fully like helped Lindsay’s career, so who even like cares.”
Staub Manor. Danielle’s pocket-felon Danny arrives to counsel the square-titted matriarch about the upcoming Clash of the Cretins. Danielle is in full Prissy Lady mode as she interviews that she can’t predict “the reezalt” of the meeting, “but I do know one thing to be a fact.” That your first name is Steven? No, that Caroline “has NEVER had a conversation with me, and yet she has formed her opinion on me, in vicious ways.” What is this, Pride & Prejudice?! I love it when slutty Housewife trash starts talkin’ fancy! This is better than listening to Sheree from RHOA try to de-ghetto it up. (Does the phrase “I had saw” ring any bells, Gasmii?)
Danny brings a valuable prison-yard sensibility to the table, corroborating Danielle’s opinion that Caroline is the “boss” of the other Housewives. Danielle’s paranoia has been lit and now she’s blaming Caroline for “putting up” Teresa and Ashley to terrorize Dani at the cuntry club. Danny agrees that Caroline is “the puppeteer”, “the ruling party”: “they do what she dictates, I believe that.” He also probably believed that blowing White Power Bob would keep him safe from The Aryan Brotherhood in the showers, too. Danielle takes Caroline down a few pegs via interview: “Caroline, you’re not Carmelo. [LOL] You’re not a Soprano. So stop sending out your little [air quotes] ‘brilliant ones’ to make it look like you’re not doing anything while you’re sitting on your proverbial throne, judging. Get A LIFE.”
Danielle just will not shut up. She tells Danny that if Caroline really didn’t give a shit about her, she wouldn’t be taking the time to call Danielle garbage to her face. “You just wouldn’t be around me. This is what they’re telling their daughters and sons to treat women like: chase them, investigate them, CLAW at them, rip their hair from their head when they’re hiding on the side of a building to get away from you. Woman that I know, not one of them thinks like that… I don’t think like Crazy thinks. I’ve had my moments of insanity in my life…” Um, you’re having one now…. “but I own them.” This isn’t the first time Crazy has been mentioned as if it’s a character on the show. And this isn’t the first time we’ve seen that Danielle thinks the plural of “woman” is “woman”.
“So now just because Hustler is distributing MY sex tape, all of a sudden it’s a ‘dirty’ magazine?! Whatever, Caroline.”
Danny is now warning Danielle to not put herself in a position where she’s “vulnerable, uncomfortable and unprotected”. But since Caroline is the only one “with the ability to control that clan”, Danielle needs to meet her. “Just be ready.” Danielle assures him she’ll be bringing security along. Histrionic much? As a portrait of suburban menopausal obsession and horrific eye make-up, this is fascinating. As a season finale, it’s boring the fuck out of me. How about you?
Maison Manzo. Caroline tells Albie and Lauren she’s getting ready to meet Danielle. Lauren thinks it’s pointless– there’s no way Caroline can get through to “crazy” Danielle. Caroline tells them as much as she’s going to hate doing this, “I wouldn’t feel right” about letting Dani off the hook. “I’ll never start a fight– never never never… but I’ll never back down from one either.” Thank god Caroline is so selfless or this finale would be about Danielle forcing Jillian to audition for America’s Got Talent. Caroline excuses herself to get dolled up, telling us that she’s “trying to bring peace to an ugly situation.” She’s like Indira Gandhi with red hair and huge tits.
Staub Manor. Desperate to juice up this boring turd of a finale, the producers kindly decided to have Danielle call her “energist”, Sarai. I don’t think we’ve actually seen this person. but I’m picturing morbidly obese with a white satin peignoir and a credit card machine in a mobile home somewhere in the Newark suburbs. Sarai offers to “scan” Danielle to keep her balanced so she can “lead with love” tonight. If this is anything like the David Cronenberg film Scanners, maybe Danielle’s head will explode right on camera! Seriously, this is a fucking comedy sketch: Danielle says she’s ready, and sits with her Blackberry on her lap and Sarai on speaker. Clear your mind and breathe in, Sarai instructs. Now exhale. Did Danielle “feel that”? Oh yeah, Dani says. “I always feel it when you start on me.” Sarai tells Danielle to “take care– I’ll be right here.” Cut to Sarai watching Jersey Shore with the captions on, trying to lick the remnants from a Jell-O pudding cup.
“Now slowly chant the 3-digit security number on the back of your card.”
To obnoxious music more suited for a Tom Cruise spy trailer, Caroline & Danielle leave their respective McMansions, Caroline driving herself in the Range Rover, Danielle escorted by “Jerry“. (Not Springer– her chauffeur “and bodyguard”.) Jerry assures Madame Staub that he’ll be right outside, poised for the first sign of trouble and a quick getaway. There will also be “someone inside” to protect Danielle from Caroline and “her spiky red hair“. Danielle tells us she’s not stressed, because “there’s guys here with guns.” If I didn’t have so much compassion for poor Jillian and Christine, I’d so be wishing that one of those guns would go off accidentally and rid the world of this delusional hag.
Caroline enters the restaurant, where she’s “arranged for a private room” to meet Danielle. Caroline knows Dani loves to create public drama, but Carmelo Caroline doesn’t roll that way. “That’s not who I am.” Danielle enters with Jerry, who “discreetly” hangs behind as Danielle approaches Caroline’s table.
The Brownstone. The Manzo-Lauritae-Jew-Dices are waiting out the summit with another group dinner. Chris Laurita can’t handle the tension and orders a Guido Spritzer (half-Coke, half-red wine). We’re supposed to believe that everyone’s worried that they haven’t heard from Caroline yet. Jacqueline tells us Caroline can take care of herself, but Danielle is so nuts, who knows what will happen! Except everyone reading this. Nice try, though. Albert says he never would have condoned this if it wasn’t for the Ashley situation. Danielle is guilty of “a premeditated act of perjury” by telling the judge that Ashley threatened to kill her. Jacqueline brings up Danielle “being a prostitute, kidnapping, holding someone for ransom, beating them with a 9mm pistol”, but Ashley interrupts her mother, snipping that she’s sick of Jacqui rehashing this every day.
“I’m off to get a job and pay my own way out of the consequences of my reckless behavior. Just kidding– I have to take a dump.”
Jacqueline has had it up to her triple D’s with Ashley’s back-sassing and tells the troubled teen to shut her big giant face. And while you’re at it, Ashley, ease up on the bread. Just because you’re an utter failure as a teen model, unlike this Recap Artist, there’s no reason to pork up like Wendy the Retard from The Howard Stern Show. Who you sort of resemble. Jacqueline points out that Ashley is obviously unaware of Danielle’s propensity for malfeasance because Ash is too busy doing god-knows-what with boyfriend Derek. Who’s sitting right next to her. Awk-ward! Ashley responds by getting up and marching from the table to make calls in the Ladies Room. Jacqueline follows so they can bicker some more. Jacqui is miffed that Ashley interrupted her when Jacqui was trying to make a point in her favor. In between announcing to everyone that Ashley deserves to be punished for attacking Danielle. Ashley is like so SO over it and doesn’t want to speak to her mother. If Jacqui doesn’t like Ashley stomping off and texting in a pouty frenzy, STOP PAYING HER DAMN CELL PHONE BILL!
Derek tells Chris and Joe, who have retreated to the nearest open bar, that Ash isn’t picking up. Chris doesn’t think she’d leave the building, but advises Derek to “talk to her about” “opening her f*cking mouth and sounding like an *sshole.” Yes, that’s a great way for Berry-Face D-Man to get more teenage pussy.
Powder Room. Jacqui is still harping at Ashley for her “disrespectful” behavior at the table. Ashley couldn’t care less, and ignores her mother and cousin Lauren’s request for her to rejoin the group. “Yeah, right,” Ashley snarls, rolling her eyes and cuntily texting. This show is Hi-Def birth control.
“Looks like dis joint hired a coupla new busboys. Dominican, Portarican, whodafuckknows. Shit, lookit dat one movin dose chairs aroun. I got a seat for ya, Pablo. Right on my face. Oh, yeah, baby. Jesus Christ, lookit dat ass. How much you squattin widdat? Bring it ovuh here and gimme a lapdance. You don’t need no pole, except da one in my fuckin pants. You got a girlfriend, amigo? I bet she don’t do dis for ya. Yeah, we suck’em real sweet in Sala Consilina, baby. Lotsa tongue, dat’s da secret. I betcha butthole tastes like cinnamon. I wantchoo insida me. Tickle my tits. Yeah, dat’s it.”
Lauren bustily interviews that Jacqueline is “a great mom” and this is all for Ashley’s own good. Then Lauren takes charge in the bathroom and talks Ashley into coming back to the dinner. Good work, L! If you’re interested, I know of 3 goils who need a babysitter. Ashley interviews that Danielle is the cause of many fights with Jacqui and Ashley would hate one of them to blossom into a rift “so that we never speak again.” Yes, that would suck balls, especially when those bills start hitting the mailbox and you’re forced to lower yourself to giant-face-fetish internet porn to pay them.
Derek unwisely chooses Ashley’s return to the table to give her the scolding prescribed by much macho-er Italian he-men Chris & Juicy Joe: “You need to relax,” Derek timidly suggests to her. Jacqueline is, after all, Ashley’s mother. “I know,” Ash whines petulantly. “Like I understand that like I’m the child and she’s the mother but… I’m 19 and I have thoughts and opinions.” Derek comes back with “You raised your voice. You need to know your place.” Judging by the look Ashley gives him, HIS place is not going to be inside her vagina tonight.
Teresa, who, tragically or happily, has NOTHING in this episode, whines to the table that they still haven’t heard from Caroline. Albert wonders if his wife is “being pistol-whipped or kidnapped”. “Jacqueline, I toldya we shoulda went!” Teresa screams, giving us just a taste of the illiterate moron we know and love to hate. Albert says Teresa’s book Skanky Skinny Italian has given him an idea for one called Fat Italian: How to Eat Yourself into a Coma and Die with a Smile on Your Face. Personally, I don’t need a book for that.
Hence, the herpes incubating on your lower lip.
Abbey Restaurant. The tete-a-twat begins and Caroline does kind of remind me of Edie Falco (how great is Nurse Jackie, BTW?) as she smiles warmly and says that Danielle must be wondering why “I called you here”. Caroline says that whether Danielle “chooses to believe it or not”, Caroline has “tried very hard” to stay out of Dani’s life. (Not the easiest thing when you’re “starring” on a TV show together.) And the “chain of events that have happened” were “beyond” Caroline’s control. The other ladies know how Caroline feels about things and Caroline feels it’s only fair that “as an outsider” Danielle also gets to hear Caroline’s take on things. Danielle civilly retorts that she “appreciates that”. And then agrees with Caroline’s description of the situation as “a crazy merry-go-round that never stops”. So far this War of the Gargantuas is turning out to be as dull as the rest of the episode.
Danielle continues to be on board with Caroline’s stated desire to set a good example for their kids and live in harmony in their small town. The first signpost indicating this pleasant drive is about to detour off a cliff comes when Caroline says she’s “puzzled” about why Danielle is pursuing the Ashley lawsuit. Especially because Danielle has excused her own criminal behavior as the actions of a young, stupid girl with no guidance in her life. You can see the switch flicking as Danielle prepares to shed her secret identity and transform into Victim Woman. And before the rant starts, I will take a staub at this and guess that Danielle feels the difference is that Ashley DOES have guidance– in fact she comes from upper-middle-class money and has everything handed to her on a gilt-edged platter. Plus she’s like, totes unremorseful and a mega-faced bitch.
Danielle immediately tells Caroline in a patronizing, psychiatric-nurse voice that it’s Danielle’s turn to talk. Dani keeps things surprisingly reasonable by admitting she’s made mistakes, and tried to learn from all of them, but “Ashley accosted me” and when you assault someone, you must be punished by law. Danielle was. Caroline assures Danielle she thinks the weave-yank was wrong and in fact the whole family has condemned Ashley’s actions to the bratty teen. Then Caroline re-launches the whole “place of light and forgiveness” rap implying Danielle’s a vindictive hypocrite.
“Oh, just admit it…”
Danielle correctly points out that this is about Ashley. Caroline then unwisely tries to minimize Ashley’s behavior by pointing out she was 18 at the time and “thought her mother was in danger”. Danielle scoffs at this, claiming that Jacqui & Teresa were “chasing” her through the clubhouse. Caroline gets testy, ridiculously declaring that Ash “has the integrity” to denounce her own actions as “wrong” when we know damn well that Ashley has no integrity and has been bragging non-stop about the whole stupid dust-up.
“Awright! It’s true!”
Danielle, who I must say has been coached expertly by someone, asks what wrong thing Caroline seems to be implying Danielle’s done. Dani also takes issue with Caroline’s insistence that Ash “is taking responsibility for her actions”. Caroline weakly babbles about Ash “going down to the court” and admitting she did assault Danielle but had her reasons. I’m still with Daffielle here, Gasmii– just because the law forces Ashley to acknowledge the charges against her doesn’t mean she’s dealing with anything “responsibly”. Not when the option is getting arrested pending a trial!
“I’m your mother.”
Danielle reminds Caroline that Ashley attacked her, but Caroline wants to “make something clear”– “there WAS no threat, there WAS no ‘I’m gonna kill you’… tell da truth!” Then Caroline will respect Danielle. Danielle remains poised and un-victimmy as she tells Caroline with an infuriating sardonic twinkle in her eye: “Amazingly, I don’t need you to validate my life. Much like I haven’t given my permission for you or your family to attack me, or assault me.” Caroline wants an example of how she’s attacked Danielle. Danielle can’t think of one, so resumes her “I don’t deserve to be treated like this”, but Caroline, sensing a chink in Sarai’s Healing Telephonic Energy Armor (Patent Pending), starts repeating “Answer my question!” How has Caroline or her children or husband attacked Danielle?
“Really?” Danielle says, incredulous. But instead of answering, she turns the question on Caroline, who says “Dina, Jacqueline, Lexi and Ashley” are all “me”. Caroline says she stands with her family. Danielle says she does the same thing. Caroline says “no one has ever attacked” Danielle’s “beautiful” daughters. But Danielle attacks the Manzo-Laurita children when she can’t get anywhere with the adults. Danielle: No, I don’t. Caroline: Yes, you do. Do, not! Do, too! Caroline says it’s ridiculous of Danielle to play innocent when her “entourage” “defamed” Caroline’s “place of business” by calling Christopher “a faggot”. I’m not sure that saying a gay person works at a catering company really counts as defamatory, but Danielle clearly wants to distance herself from pocket-felon Danny’s troglodyte behavior.
Danielle accuses Caroline of having her investigated shortly after they met for the first time, then Dani mentions all of Caroline’s friends who happen to be “under indictment” right now. Caroline has had enough and calls Danielle “a clown”. Danielle: You’re sitting there with red hair and I’m the clown? [LOL]. Caroline says she’s not afraid to give Danielle a dose of the truth– “When I called you garbage, I meant that you were garbage.” Danielle has had it and gets up to go. “Ya walkin away? Ya always do!” Caroline snaps at Danielle’s exiting back.
“…Mom?”
Danielle emerges from the restaurant and tells Jerry it’s time to go. No one calls her garbage twice and gets away with it. Caroline interviews that Danielle is “soulless”. Danielle tells us that “Caroline ain’t no matriarch of MY family… She’s the clown, not me.” I’ve done 9-hour lip gloss layouts that were more exciting than these last 10 minutes. At least you got to hear decent gossip about who was the biggest nightmare at the time (for the record, it was a toss-up between Naomi Campbell and Rachel Hunter). Danielle tries, bless her heart, to inject some sizzle into this fizzle-fest while waiting for her car. “Teresa’s husband’s a drunk. Jacqueline? Certifiable.” And Danielle has a message for Mrs Jew-Dice: “My kids wore lace and crinoline at those ages. My dogs wear leopard.” That’s your best shot, Staub? Surely, the Jew-Dice Goils and their Teresa-inflicted personality defects offer better fodder than THAT.
“Oh, HELL no… that means…”
Staub Manor. Danielle arrives home with her escort and greets Jillian, Christine and a nude dog. Danielle introduces her security detail to her mortified offspring and tells the girls to say thank you to the nice armed men. The goons exit and Danielle tells the kids “It’s done.” “Really?” Christine asks in a hopeful, sad voice that makes me want to whisk her and her sister away to Leia LaBiblia Aspiring Teen Model Camp & Self-Esteem Workshop With Free Extensive Psychotherapy From Qualified Professionals. Or LAT-McSew-Fep-Kewpie. The “Where Are They Now” chyrons start to roll: “Christine is modeling with IMG Models and is featured in Blackbook Magazine. Jillian is pursuing a recording career and performed at a NY street fair.” Dani says “it’s finished!” but: “Danielle currently has a tell-all memoir and a pop song. A sex tape with her and a Mystery Man has been released by Hustler.” Poor Jillian and Christine– call Aunt Leia, kids! We’ll find a nice Gasmi foster family for you. I nominate PCheeze!
“…I’m fucking my uncle.”
The Brownstone. Caroline arrives to find everyone else in the cast waiting for her at the table. Teresa tells us that “When Caroline walked in, her eyes were as red as her hair. Like she’s been through hell.” Honey, she just spent a week in Europe with kidney stones, you and the Goils– she’s already been through hell. Caroline starts to recount the hell WE’VE just been through by telling them that Danielle came to the meeting “with this wall up”. Danielle refused to listen to Caroline’s argument about Dani having been in Ashley’s position and Dani was unable to get that Caroline “came here to do good.”
Jacqueline interviews that she appreciates Caroline’s efforts, but there can be no resolution with Danielle, and Jacqui “will never forgive her… it’s inexcusable to me.” Caroline claims that she made it clear to Danielle that the Manzo-Lauritae-Jew-Dices are done with Danielle and will be sticking together as a family. If any a youse wanna go back and start shit widdat skank, yousa onya own, capeesh? Ashley thanks her aunt, then after quickly conferring with Derek, apologizes to Jacqueline and sounds about 70% sincere. Touched, Jacqueline forgives her. And keeps those checks coming and the locks at Villa Laurita unchanged. “Ashley pled guilty to one count of simple assault for pulling out Danielle’s hair extensions and paid a $189 fine. The judge dismissed the harassment charge.” Her face continues to enlarge and can be seen terrorizing children all over Franklin Lakes.
Jacqueline interviews that she thinks she’s a “good mom” and will always be there for her family. Which, she says, also includes Derek. At least until he sits down and watches this season back-to-back. “Jacqueline is trying to lose the baby weight and is steering clear of the Danielle drama. She remains friendly with Kim G.”
“We’re getting a pre-nup.”
Teresa tells us that she has a lot going on in her life, but tries “not to let anything or anybody bother me.” Because once you pay attention to pesky signs like bankruptcy or shopping addiction or an alcoholic closeted husband or the complete disgust and loathing of an entire cable TV audience, your delusional, narcissistic bubble might burst and then you might have to behave like a grown woman. And nobody wants that to happen. Especially us, Gasmii. “Teresa is enjoying the success of her bestselling cookbook Skinny Italian. Despite declaring $11 million worth of debt and filing for bankruptcy, she and Joe maintain that [Villa Foreclosa] is NOT in foreclosure.” And Milania doesn’t resemble a Feral Lemur either.
“Albie graduated from the police academy and hopes to return to law school. Chris works as Banquet Manager at The Brownstone but still plans to open a strip club/carwash someday.” And I’ll gladly dance in a thong, pasties and Turtle Wax in exchange for one night in the same bed with the Manzo Brothers. What? I’m single! Just cuz you’re pretty, everyone thinks you’re a whore. And like I said earlier, it isn’t incest if only their balls touch.
“Lauren continues to work as a make-up artist. She is still dating Vito, with Albie’s blessing.” I hope Caroline will allow her to join Christine and Jillian for a special tiara ceremony to share the honor of their three-way win as RONJ’s Least Cunty– Season 2.
New This Fall On NBC… From the Creators of Super-Nanny… TROLL PATROL!
Caroline proves how much they’ve left Danielle in the past by proposing a toast to Danielle and how little she can hurt them. Then Caroline interviews that “I wouldn’t change ANY of them”, including “Teresa and her kids”. Really? No changes at all? Some manners? A little discipline, a soupcon of consequence-introduction, some light electrolysis? And nothing for the Goils either? You sadden me, Mommy Salami. “Albert has cut back his hours and is spending more alone time with Caroline. She has not seen Danielle since she called her garbage… again.”
There you have it, Gasmii. This season finale was a snooze. To liven things up, I’m launching a Comments section contest– give us YOUR where-are-they-now blurb for any or all of these characters and I’ll crown a winner when it’s time to recap the sure-to-be-livelier Reunion Debacle!
Besos,
LLB
P.S. I know Ashley’s real last name is Holmes. As in John C. She is to faces what he was to penises.
“Speaking of penises, I’m really a boy. Please God, someone help me.”
TV Social
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145 Comments
Great recap! Sadly there were no more pictures of the underwear model! How about throwing some more in if you recap the reunion?
My heart broke watching those poor Staub girls, how are they so normal seeming with all that crazy surrounding them? That poor little aspiring singer/song writer! I could just hug her up and make her real homemade dinners and desserts.
“giant-faced reprobate” with perfect screen cap to follow had me laughing hysterically! God bless you
Ooh, Leia, I am committing a cardinal sin and posting before I read the blog. Sorry, but the word “telebortion” was too exciting not to comment on.
On another note, these blogs are too fun and Juicy (pardon the pun) for people on them to be fighting or doing anything except making fun of Teresa. So I would like to apologize to anyone toward whom I may or may not have attacked with a thin veil. Next time I will use a thicker veil–j/k. I’d like to bury the hatchet, so we can save it for butchering these harpies at The Reunion (shivers).
Okay, back to reading my guiltiest pleasure…
apology accepted.
Okay..I’m going to have to call shenanigans on a few things here. I haven’t finished reading yet but some things are so painfully obvious that I just have to address them now. Beware, if you don’t want to see Danielle possibly receive the benefit of the doubt, look away now!
Okay, the staging/set up is so obvious and irksome. Everyone is sitting around together when Caroline decides to text D? I can understand the hubby and kids..but not Teresa, too. Was it someone’s bday or did the Godmother cal a ‘fambly’ meeting?
Also, when her cellphone screen was visible as she wrote the text is said 11:45 pm. Were Teresa’s kids there? awake? dDanielle’s kids sure looked bright eyed when the message was ‘received.’
Speaking of Danielle.. sooooooo a camera just happened to be in her home when a text came through? The production crew didn’t set that up beforehand? hmmmm… Maybe if Danielle didn’t expect the text, everyone did. The Manzos/Lauritas/Bravo..and the stage was set.
Because no adult under contract wants to film with Danielle, she must discuss what his happening to the only two people who do film with her, her kids. I think she is obligated to comment, like, Caroline just texted me. Then hem and haw about going. It’s what they all do and she can’t very well do it to an empty room so Bravo stages these scenes with her kids. Plus, she is loony but I think her kids just aren’t comfortable on camera, period. Their comfy in the background but once a lens is pointed at them, their voices falter and they look so nervous. I did think she would include them in adult convos for no reason but now I see this is how Bravo has to develop the storyline. And with Kim G out of the picture, and Danny being over her house at 11:45, just sitting around would be too suspicious. Too obvious. So, the kids it is!
Is it just or does Chris always looks like he’s 10 seconds away, from shooting himself in the head?
I think Ashley should date Ronnie from Jersey Shore and Teresa should trade Feral Girl for Snookie.
I’m watching this snoozefest showdown right now and Caroline’s constant undercurrent of comments while Danielle is talking is making my blood pressure rise. Right or wrong…I woulda shut a bitch up 2 minutes in. That crap is so unnerving.
Heh heh…the car is parked in…ok, that was funny.
And Leia, I’m TRES on board with gettin down with the older, dumber brother…but the strip club/car wash one? Yikes. He looks like Mommy.
(Has anyone mentioned that whatsherface from RHOOC – the only normal one – is on that Thintervention show? Love her. Not feelin Jackie’s new lady hair though…)
I read that the situation with Danielle and Dina went down like this: Dina’s ex (the father of Lexi) originally agreed to let Lexi be on the show. But after he saw what was going on, he pulled his consent. Danielle went to Dina’s ex-husband’s family and said that Dina forged his signature on the consent forms so that Lexi could continue to be on the show. I don’t know…I didn’t really get it.
What you said about Sarai… You absolutely read my mind! And what do you want to bet her real name is Sara but she thought adding an I to the end made it sound exotic and spirtual?
@ whoochile. I love watching but I have to admit – this last episode broke my heart re: the Staub girls. If Danielle really is fired, it is the best thing for those two. What a mess they have to deal with.
I agree. Those girls got the raw end of that deal. I mean, remember when you were their ages? Everything is so embarassing! Imagine the level of embarassment that everyone at their school has heard about their mother’s past and that all of the other housewives hate her. There isn’t enough therapy in the world…
“[Danny] also probably believed that blowing White Power Bob would keep him safe from The Aryan Brotherhood in the showers, too.”
Bwahahahahahaha! Maybe it’s all those OZ scenes playing in my head, but I can so see it. “Shillinger!”
Oh, and we are giving Dani too much credit again. She wasn’t saying, ‘proverbial’. She was saying, ‘perverbial.’ But are we really surprised? It’s how all the woman in her ethniticity pronounce it. So, don’t go forming no opinions on her!
@sarcasatire: Danielle would include her kids in an adult conversation. She let them stay at the dinner last season when all the shit was going down about the book and all the other kids were told to leave. Afterwards, Danielle said something about not hiding stuff from her kids so that they are prepared for what life hands them. Also she has conversations with them about her love life and her boyfriends. In her mind it doesn’t matter that she is an adult and they are children, to her they are just another audience that she can get attention from. My own mother was just like Danielle. I can spot a paranoid narcissus from a mile away. Alright back to the recap.
Any thoughts on whether Ashley is stoned or merely too damn lazy to enunciate? Cannot stand that bitch! I am amazed that Caroline would refer to Ashley as a ‘child’. I gave her much more credit than that. I find it hard to believe that she went to bat for Ashley like that. Caroline always struck me as a no nonsense kind of mom who would let her kids take their falls if it would teach them a lesson. But then I also don’t understand her friendship with Teresa for that same reason.
As for Danielle — god, I would be so pissed if I found out someone brought armed goons to a meeting with me. I do feel sorry for her children. I hope that some nice photographer/agent/hairstylist/homeless person will tell Christine about a little thing called ‘emancipation’ otherwise Christine will find all of her teen modeling earnings being used to keep mommys pretend world of friends and wealth afloat. After all, buying 12 foot tall faux leopard Ming vases from Teresas ‘Non-Forclosure/Non-Bancrupty’ non Sherriffs auction takes a little cash.
Which reminds me…please New Jersey Gasmii please go to the auction and report back. Hell, if a friends neighbors cousins barbers mother in laws dentists goes to this thing report back! In fullest detail, please:)
You won’t ever catch me wearing a “team Danielle” shirt as I think she is nuts and my heart breaks for her kids. That being said, Danielle definitely came out of the meet and greet the winner. She kept her cool, made her points and probably without even meaning to, showed Caroline for the hypocrite she is. Mrs “I’m tough as nails” looked like she was going to cry the entire time and was a nervous wreck. Looking back, I think Dina really got all the balls in that family.
Caroline doesn’t even realize she is a hypocrite. In her mind it makes perfect sense that she can deny actually doing anything to Danielle because it was really Teresa, Jacq, and Ashley but then claim that when Danielle hurts Teresa, Jacq, or Ashley its the same as hurting her.
And except for ruining the fundraiser (which really affected the little girls family, not the Manzos) and giving Dina’s ex ammo, what has Danielle done except try to get accepted into the cool girls lunch table? In return, she’s been called garbage and a whore in front of her kids while having a table thrown at her and the thrower physically restrained, chased through a country club and her hair pulled. Also, I’m calling shenanigans on the women’s part and believe they friended Danielle’s friends perhaps without good intentions. Teresa didn’t know Kim D at the sheriff’s dinner at the start of the season and now shops there regularly and attends fashion shows as a guest of honor??
It was weird that Danielle asked her girls to hug the body guards, but I’m going to give her a bit of a pass as I am guessing her adrenaline was gushing through her system by that point. Although, if I had requested the car be ready for a speedy get away and then the guy has to go get it because it couldn’t be in the handicapped area – someone wouldn’t be getting a tip that night, let alone a hug from my kids.
My respect for Chris dropped after hearing him telling Derek to control Ashley and teach her her place. First it was so chauvinistic, and second, that was his and Jacq’s job!
Finally, I am actually not looking forward to the reunion. Its 3 against 1. More that 3/4 of the comments aloud on the bravo boards are pro-Teresa, anti Danielle so I am sure the questions from the viewers will be the same. Miss Andy is way to weak to handle these reunions under normal conditions and as we have all saw, Teresa dropped him with a mere bump of her soon to be repo’d bubbies. God I hate her and if I have to watch Miss Andy put up with all her nonsense, I just may puke.
I’ve always suspected Caroline is all mouth,nothing else and I guess I was right. I don’t understand why anyone thought Danielle was ruining Ashley’s life, she got a fine, big deal . Did you think she was going to be a doctor? She’s too lazy for enunciation, imagine her taking the MCAT.
TVannie
Danielle has become Ashley’s (and Jacq’s) free pass to life. Now, no matter how bad she messes up, it can all be traced back to Danielle pressing charges; rather than recognizing that the problems all led up to the hair pulling.
I do not understand why they are acting like yanking Danielle’s hair out is a such a harmless offense. It’s not. My assumption is that Caroline believes what Teresa, Ashley and Jackie have told her. But in this case Danielle was telling the truth and not exaggerating about the fact that she was no where near the other women.
It’s really sad because based on the previews it looks like Danielle is pretty calm while the others are acting like raving lunatics thus proving Danielle point again.
So they Laurita’s, Manzo’s, and Jew Di (plural for jew dice?) were supposed to leave Danielle alone and not speak of her again, but Teresa and Jackie were on watch what happens live making fun of her performance and other things. When Danielle was on the show she really had nothing to say about them.
These wummin are really making this lady look like she actually may be right about them “coming after” her.
I’ve wondered what Carolines reaction to watching the show was — it completely shows Jacqueline, Teresa and Moon Pie to be the aggressors (although lets not forget that Danielle spent the entire fashion show mocking Moon Pie). Nonetheless, Jackie and Teresa openly lied to Carmelo about what went down. I wonder how Caroline was able to reconcile that little fact.
But absolutely, when Danielle starts looking sane and reasonable you know you have gone way, way too far.
OMG – I almost spit out my coffee on this bon mot: “So now just because Hustler is distributing MY sex tape, all of a sudden it’s a ‘dirty’ magazine?! Whatever, Caroline.”
Jaysus that was classic funny! Dont’cha love when low rent bitches pretend that they are the ladies who lunch?
Ohralphie, you might have been upset if someone brought armed goons to a meeting with you, but this is Caroline we are talking about here. Many of her friends are armed goons.
Carolyn: Her head cock perfected, she is now working on a line of cooking pans from the “I tole ya so” Manzo line of products.
Teresa: Due to financial difficulties, she and Joe donated their children to a behavioral science group, changed their names and have moved to the DC area, where they host Polo events on the Mall and ….WTF?!?”
Jacqueline: Has written a diet and exercise book entitled “Bottoms up: What wine goes with what exercise?” . Daughter Ashley has a new website business charging 25 cents for one of her soon to be patented eyerolls.
Danielle: Has moved her security guards into her house as she claims to have spotted feral leopard clad lemurs in her house. Coincidentally, a sequel to her Hustler tape was released that involved her making a sandwich with said security guards.
@LAC: This is the funniest thing that I have read in a long time. Excellent comment!
“Teresa: Due to financial difficulties, she and Joe donated their children to a behavioral science group, changed their names and have moved to the DC area, where they host Polo events on the Mall and ….WTF?!?”
@snootybritches — you could be right, although Caroline was most likely upset that dinner was ‘BYAG’* and noone from Bravo told her. I mean, how embarrassing? And in Jersey no less!
And I do want to hear more about Carolines ‘felon’ friends that Danielle hinted at.
Caroline came off exactly how she didn’t want to come off in that fight; the bully. She got agressive and contradicted herself many times. Danielle didn’t resort to name calling, so what was the need to call Danielle garbage and a clown? There was none.
And Jacqueline really needs to get off this, “Danielle did blah blah blah” story that she always uses when discussing Ashley’s situation. What Danielle did a billion years ago really has nothing to do with the fact that Ashley has trouble listening to authority and controlling her temper. It’s ridiculous how they try to justify her behavior by bashing Danielle. One day, Ashley will do something that has nothing to do with Danielle, so what will they blame it on then?
Whoops, forgot to add BYAG = Bring Your Armed Goons.
I too would like to see more of the underwear model. Less underwear, more model, please.
Sarc: Yeah, the whole-”Oh let me just text this piece of garbage, whose NUMBER I JUST HAPPEN TO HAVE AT THE READY”/ “Well lookie there, I forgot to delete MY MORTAL ENEMIES PHONE NUMBER from my Fav Five”, bullshit was a bit much. Plus, I imagine as a condition of his Parole, Danny can’t be out past 10:01P.M on a weeknight.
Chemgal: I don’t think Andy is going to let Teresa get away with her shit, judging from the Promos for the reunions. But then again, it’s not like it takes much to get her going…. GOD!!-when she said at the dinner table, ever so innocently, “well she just ran away from me.” Asshole.
You know what that clip with Ashley and Lauren in the bathroom made me think of? When Jeana’s(RHOC) daughter talked some sense into one of Slurry’s little tornados at a party. Just a little common sense, no pleading/begging, like her Mother.
Classy Drunk: It isn’t just that they think it’s not a big deal. That, in itself would be bad enough. But at one point or another Jacqueline, Caroline, Chris, and even Al have said that because Danielle is somehow less of a person as far as they are concerned, that “because of Danielle’s past”, Danielle should have just dropped the whole case. Now, the entire time, out of the other side of their mouths, they’re telling Ashley to take responsibility for her actions. Factor in the fact that they all know that Ashley did not think her Mom was in harms way that night; she was following Teresa’s lead. And what AnneM. said was so true. There’s NO WAY at this point (episode) their Lawyer hasn’t told them that all Ashley is going to do is pay a fine.
Does anyone else get the feeling that the Producers ( Miss Andy?) really show their level of like/dislike/contempt for these ladies in the “Where Are They Now” things at the end?
Ohralphie: I don’t think Caroline will ever admit (in front of a camera) any frustrations/anger with Teresa, Jackie, Ashley, etc.. because to do that is to on some level say: Danielle was right.
The meeting with Danielle completely back fired. I made a comment at the last recap about how I thought that Caroline was planning this meeting with Danielle, so that there would be some more footage of Danielle acting like the insane person that she is. But well that didn’t work. Now Danielle’s claims of victimhood have gotten a little more support, but anyone with half a brain realizes that Danielle blows everything out of portion because she has a mental illness.
Caroline should have never called Danielle garbage that made her look like she was intentionally trying to push Danielle into a huge reaction which was what Caroline was trying to do.
I do think that Danielle has been being coached by someone because normally she is one to totally blow up when she is being confronted. She has changed quite a bit from last season and even the beginning of this season- she is much more calm when around the other women, although in private it is much different. For Danielle to really change, she would need to have years of therapy.
I will take her children in. I understand what they have live through. Also I would not wreck Christine’s modeling career because I can not tolerate my daughter getting more attention than me and will need to get my ego stoked before I will allow you to work my daughter. Danielle just because Christine is a model does not mean you are a model. Well unless new and improved Joker Products has a new advertising campaign that I am an unaware of, but I am pretty sure that Batman killed the Joker.
( Sidebar that is related to me and to the show, just thought I would give that warning. My mother was/is just like Danielle- a paranoid person already thinks that the lens of the world’s attention is on them, but also pair that with a narcissistic personality disorder and you have a serious problem because well then you get a borderline personality and in their mind they are saying: LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME, but stop paying attention because you are just out to get me. )
I think that this season came off as boring mainly because none of these women are all that likable or relatable. Dina was the only one that had any appeal. Caroline for the most part has some redeeming qualities, but she is just another bored housewife who entertains herself by bullying Danielle. Also she is all too willing to turn a blind eye to all the bullshit going on around her even though I think that she is just as disgusted by Ashley, Teresa and Jacqueline’s actions and we all are. I do think she got a little joy from hearing that Ashley assaulted Danielle.
The rest of the women are awful people and who really wants to watch a bunch of awful people doing horrible things. There is no personal connection except for being annoyed or disgusted or some what shocked by their actions which makes for a pretty boring season. There is only so many times you can watch Teresa being a cunt, Danielle spouting a bunch of inane psychobabble and Jacqueline teetering around in drunken brat mode before the show get boring.
What is humorous about all of this: is that everyone got so riled up about the weave pull and all that came out of it was Ashley had to pay a $189. I am sure that Ashley feels totally justified in laughing off the assault charges. One of these days the big headed monster is going to pisses off the wrong person and she is going to get a well deserved smack down.
I wish that I were a) smart and b) witty so that I could come up with some where are they now tag lines, but I have to say that LAC’s were damn funny
“Awright, it’s true.” “I’m your mother.” Bwaahaa! That would be so perfect! Danielle does parade as if she were the main character in a Danielle Steele novel.
I’m not sure how much I’m going to miss Danielle’s antics next season. But, I will miss the felonious insight of her favorite sidekick Danny. He’s the only one besides “Crazy” that’s stuck around.
@chemgal: I agree with a lot of what you said. Caroline looks like such a hypocrite. She really has this ‘above it all’ persona doesn’t she? In the 1st season, they are all casted for the show and you could tell she thought it would be a ‘vanity project’ that featured only her family and friends doing ‘fabulous’ things. She was pissed that an ‘outsider’ was casted and filmed zero scenes with Dani until the finale. But her opinion of Danielle was formed since the 2nd episode. Because of what happened 24 yrs ago, yet she films a scene with Bernard Kerik, former NYPD commisioner who was indicted(later convicted) for corruption and just sentenced to 4 years in jail. And he is in her house, close friends with her fam, and training her dog to kill. Hypocritical? Very.
Plus, who gives her carte blanche to speak on behalf of everyone. It was like at last season’s reunion, no one got a word in edgewise as Caroline spoke for both Dina and Jaqueline.
Danielle came out on top this time. Not that that’s sayying much. But she not a threat because everything she says is full of paranoia and bravado. She may interview about armed goons, but those guys signed contracts/releases and Bravo would not have a liability on their hands with armed people lolling about. Shit..they couldn’t even approve a closer parking space in an otherwise empty restaurant!
However, I don’t really think Chris was being chauvinistic when he told Derek to tell Ashley to know her place. Only because, it wasn’t like her ‘place’ suggested something inherently feminine. It was to respect her mother, especially in front of guests. And a true chauvinist would think he held the power himself, not defer to a recent adolescent. I think he realized that Ashley only respected her peers; she feels like her parents are outta touch and her peers ‘get’ her. Which is why she listened to both Lauren and Derek, and later asked Derek for advice regarding apologizing to her mother.
@classy: You’re right about caroline & co. trying to minimize the assault on Danielle by Ashley. But you can bet your ass that if Danielle had pulled Ashley’s or any of their hair, she’d still be in jail. What with the sheriff being in the Manzo’s pocket and all. (Remember her ‘fundraiser’ for him? Just a legal way for him to accept bribes)
the conversation ended in favor of Danielle. As did the country club, altough she did leave a little bruised. But she never approached or spoke directly to any of them this season. Dina confronted her, Teresa confronted her, Teresa and Jacqueline chased her down, Ashley pulled her hair, then Caroline texted her to meet up and spew ‘garbage.’
If it wasn’t for them, Danielle’s storyline’s would’ve been Christine’s career, Jillian’s career, her new boobs, the search for her mother, and Christine’s sex ed lesson (*shudders*).
@Chemgal: You’re right about the reunion. it’s 3 on 1 and why the HELL are they all so angry?? She didn’t do anything to them, and trust me, if she did they’d be specific and Bravo would put it on tape. She’s already been pegged the villian so why hold back?
Teresa is the Hulk (but not incredible) meets Donkey Kong, jr. Jacqueline has no reason to be angry, she chased Danielle in the club ‘bringing up ole shit’ about the book. Her daughter assaulted Dani. So..you should apologize, bee-yotch. Not try to chase her yet again as Dani walks of the set.
Danielle is.. delusional? Very. Paranoid? Abso-fucking-lutely. Bat Shit Crazy? Hell to the yea. But anyone, I mean anyone, in her shoes gets to play the victim in this scenario.
@Skatt and @ohralphie: I think the furthest caroline went to admitting to Teresa and jacqueline’s troublemaking ways was on WWHL when Andy asked her about it, and she said that Teresa’s intention were ‘suspect.’ for wanting to just say hello to Danielle.
Oh, and Danielle may not have sent an armed goon to caroline’s Mcmansion, but she definitely sent someone over to send a very clear message.
http://www.wpix.com/news/wpix-black-bear-real-nj,0,4477136.story
sarcasatire- I agree with you on Chris. I think he just meant know your place when respecting your parents.
I just don’t get how any of these “ladies” can reprimand Ashley when they also acted like complete animals. Jackie certainly didn’t show any maturity when she was running after Danielle screaming. No wonder Ashley thinks it is perfectly acceptable to lay your hands on someone when angry.
If the hair pull had been a tug like Sheree did Kim on RHOA, then I might think that Danielle was over reacting. But Ashely pulled so hard that she pulled out Danielle’s extensions (I wear extensions and I do not know how Danielle’s are but you would really have to yank my hair for my extensions to come out. I have done some research in this area with some of the menS. tee hee)
Also Danielle mentioned that Caroline had felon’s in her network of friends which shut Caroline right up. What we do know is that Danielle does get all the of the gossip and isn’t afraid to spill it when you confront her. I am surprised that no one has realized this.
Based on the reunion clips those wummin look like banshees and Danielle is calm and cool. I get that Danielle made threats in her one on one interviews, but she never did do anything. Nor was she ever going to do anything.
I understand Caroline takes care of her family blah blah blah, but if someone is wrong it is much better to tell them that then let them believe that what they did was minor compared to what someone else did. Just because you may think that what you family member did was wrong does not mean you are against the family. You are standing up for what was right. I know in my heart if I’d EVER put my hands on an adult, my mother would have drug me over to Danielle’s house to apologize, they would not have paid for my lawyer, I would have been on strict curfew, and I probably would not be able to make eye contact with my mother for the next 6 months without a disappointing look and a shake of the head.
Danielle just seems really disturbed to me. To the point I really don’t like making fun of her. When she was begging the girls to hug the security guys it just really summed her up. That being said I think she still looks like the victim in this manzo/laurita crap.
“And I’ll gladly dance in a thong, pasties and Turtle Wax in exchange for one night in the same bed with the Manzo Brothers. What? I’m single! Just cuz you’re pretty, everyone thinks you’re a whore. And like I said earlier, it isn’t incest if only their balls touch.”
Love it!!!!! Thanks Leia for making this episode seem interesting!!
Oh my fucking god this is the third time I have had to write this.
@Sarcas — I have to disagree with you that Danielle would have let this die. She was as much of an instigator as Teresa was. After all, Danielle chose to use the fundraiser for a child as a way to get into the Brownstone and rub the Manzos face in it. She bragged that Caroline couldn’t stop her from being there and would have to be polite to her. Then Danielle brought an entourage of ‘body guards’ demanded seating for them and made this benefit for a little girl all about Danielle Staub. What a selfish hooorah!
Then she kept making snide comments about Assley while Assley walked in the fashion show. Again, hardly the behavior of someone who doesn’t want to engage.
I don’t condone the hairpulling and I do think that Danielle was right to press charges. But innocent victim in all this drama? No way. Danielle is a manipulative, crafty bitch. What we are seeing (the hystrionics, hyperbole and victimhood)is no doubt the same scam she pulled when she was arrested. She got a deal for information but also because she played the cops with her poor little girl spiel.
I still hate Teresa, though I hate Jill Z more…..
Oh I loved this recap, Leia!!! And not just because I got a shout on Page 8, HOLLA!!! I’m running late – but I’ll be back with both barrels blazing, and after I file a request for adoption on the Staub girls!!
So, so, SO much to say about this episode!!!
Oh, I still hate Teresa.
And Jacqueline.
And Danielle.
And Caroline.
Go Chris and Albie!
Thank you @ohralphie!!! I agree 100% with what you said! I really don’t understand all of this sympathy for Danielle, and I think she knows she’s playing the role of the villian/victim & is doing all she can to ensure her 15 minuts lasts as long as possible. She may always look calm & collected, but personally, its the quiet crazies that make me more nervous than the loud-ass ones like Teresa.
I still like Caroline & I think she knew she effed up when she lost her cool with Danielle & started the name calling. I think her biggest fault is thinking she can do spin & damage control on such a public forum like a “reality” TV show. She should just let the others fight their own battles & stay out of it. Which is why I think she usually does speak for the others-Teresa & Jacq are such idiots she doesn’t want them speaking for her!!
And really, would Danielle even had a story line if it wasn’t for her perceived battle with the Manzos/Lauritas? Not that any of it was incredibly interesting, but even when it should not have involved the other ladies at all-like Christine’s modeling gig-she managed to factor the rivalry into the equation. Did Caroline blame Danielle for Albie’s law school fail? Did she blame her for Albie’s problem with Lauren dating his best friend? Did she blame Danielle for Al’s working such long hours? Did her name even come up except when she was specifically involved with the topic at hand? No. Yet Danielle is the one who is constantly bringing up the Manzos/Lauritas. I know you can’t say the same thing for Jacq & Teresa, but they’re idiots.
I have to say I can’t wait for the bell to ring for the reunion show tonight, although I think that not one of the ladies will come off looking good. I think it’ll be just as uncomfortable as the RHONJ reunion, but louder & hairier.
ohralphie: Did Captcha eat your thoughts too? I hate that bitch. Hot Hot hate.
Tvaholic: I concur. Danielle would not, at the beginning of the season, just give it up with both Dina and Jackie, trying to stay apart of their lives. Jacqueline was one thing; you could at least say at one point they had legitimately been good friends. Dina? Not even close. Why did she care so much what Dina thought about her? That’s what was so unnerving to me (Creepy, if you’re KKB). That said, I don’t know if it’s so much sympathy people have for Danielle or just them realizing that while Danielle may be Rock Bottom, the other ladies have managed to dig about 50 ft. underneath her.
I’d be willing to bet one of the additional reasons Jacqueline is so pissed at Danielle is that Danielle has been dropping those little nuggets of info about Ashleys past bad behavior. There is probably even more than what she has said on the show, (Ashley being kicked out of several schools, her confiding things to Danielle) and Jacqueline and Chris know that. Plus, she is not going to let Juicy’s drunk driving, the bankruptcy- any of that go tonight.
Can we take bets on what Danielle pulls out of her purse tonight? My guess- she’ll swear she had to wear a wig after Extension Gate 2010.
Theresa has been taking courses at the local community college in order to learn how to use the cash register at her and Joe’s pizzeria in order to get promoted to cashier, though she does enjoy wearing her new line of leopard print do-rags while washing dishes.
Danielle has been enthusiastically promoting her debut sex tape and is working on finding another mystery cameraman for the sequel. Unfortunatly most of the profit from her debut was used on frivolous lawsuits. In order to supplement her spending between tapes she is working on a Wicca cookbook called… “Dining Recklessly on the Souls of Children.”
Since Ashley’s charges has made it almost impossible to find emplyment, she and Jacqueline have been working tirelessly Ashley on her job applications. Unfortunately Ashly has recently been denied both job requests as waitress at the Giudice’s pizzeria and the Brownstone. But she has been keeping her fingers crossed for Chris Manzo’s stripper/car wash business to take off, because she was offered a job there.
Caroline has been working on emaciating herself and she and Albert are working on coming up with some sort of wedding renewal theme for season 3.
@skatt: I’m going to bet it is a chicken that, Sarai, Danielle’s energist instructed her to sacrifice and carry with her to ward off evil spirits and protect her from the Manzo/Laurita/Giudices.
Sarc: or it could be her old vajayjay – as she is reborn and grown a new one filled with light and love…
I bet its Juicys back hair that Danielle collected to prover her affair with him.
Seriously I bet Danielle will claim that its all the hair that Ashley pulled out.
And am I the only one that dreams of Miss Andy letting Kathy Griffith host all of the reunion shows from now on?
I read somewhere a while back that the origins of the Manzo-Danielle beef are that Tommy Manzo slept with Danielle. The whole thing about her going to Dina’s ex’s family were as a result of how she was treated last season, which was because she slept with Dina’s husband before the show taped. That would explain why Tommy Manzo is never on the show. It would also explain why Caroline is willing to run interference between her family and any Danielle drama, and why Chris Laurita didn’t immediately jump on the bandwagon last year.
Cheez: I remember that Dina and Tommy were featured on VH1′s “Worlds Most Expensive Weddings” (something like that) and that Dina said that Tommy had cheated on her at some point before. If I’m remembering right, he was sitting right there with this shit-eating grin on his face while she was talking about it. Honestly, she didn’t seem to bothered by it, being as she was talking about it on national television.
@ohralphie: Kathy Griffin would be awesome! Especially if she co-hosted with Jeff Lewis. He was hilarious on WWHL with Danielle. You know he would call them on their shit but do it in his funny, snarky, manner. He probably wouldn’t even ask any ‘Bravo’ questions..just his own.
BTW…when is WWHL coming back? It would’ve been great if it came on tonight after the reunion.
I don’t know @skatt, maybe she thought those days were over? I think the implication was that Tommy Manzo slept with Danielle fairly recently which would definitely set the tone for Dina’s dislike of Danielle. I think she was trying to be civilized because it was before she knew Danielle and pre-show; and she knows it’s ultimately her husband’s fault. Still, I would have a hard time being around a woman I knew my husband cheated on me with – but I’m pedestrian, I probably just wouldn’t have done the show. LOL.
I’m trying to get my thoughts down about the Clown Dinner, but my Monday totally got away from me – I’m going to miss the reunion tonight too because I have to work! Damn…
Oooh, Danielle sleeping with Dinas husband? Me likey…
It would explain the intense hatred Caroline and Dina had towards Danielle almost from the get go and it would also explain why they were so pissed that Jacqueline was still friends with Danielle.
Danielle is such a skank that it would not surprise me in the least if A) she slept with a married man and B) then became angry that her married boyfriends wife didn’t want to be friends with her.
Now this is the type of shit that Kathy Griffin would ask!!
Cheez: You’re going to work? Woman! Where are your priorities? Or as Teresa would say: Prioritites. Or as Danielle would say: Prioritieezes.
As far as her sleeping with Tommy goes, as much as it sounds just like something she’d do, I can’t see Danielle keeping her mouth shut about it, given the way she sees Dina and Caroline looking down on her. Hell, I can’t see that TOWN keeping quiet about it.
I can’t even believe that Dina would still want to be married to a man who slept with Dinyell! Can you imagine allowing his junk to be near your cooch after it’s been anywhere within 10 yards of Dinyell’s? YEEEEECHHHHH! Does the money really mean that much to Dina? If that’s true then that’s plentee of reason for them all to dislike Ms. Staub.
Is it just me or did her girls not look terribly interested when she came home after the meeting with Caroline. Jillian was digging around in a closet and Danielle had to call her a couple of times to come give her thu…um…bodyguards a hug.
I think Danielle sleeping with married men in general came up last season @ohralphie. I think the whole Manzo family interaction throughout both seasons has been about doing damage control on Dina’s marriage.
Why would Caroline even care what Danielle did 20+ years ago? They were digging up dirt because she became a threat to Dina’s public image, and possibly the Brownstone’s, and they thought they could shut her down. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t realize they were dealing with a Sociopath – and where most normal people will choose self-preservation, Danielle won’t back down. She doesn’t care who gets hurt, even her kids, if it means she wins.
Caroline made a huge mistake by calling that meeting with Danielle, because no one can ever win with (as @Bridget says and I agree) a Narcissistic Borderline. Caroline talks a big game, as @chemgal said, but she’s really just a dowdy housewife with too much time on her hands; and she overestimated her position of power and authority in her family, failing to realize that it doesn’t translate outside of it. No one else thinks she’s intimidating or important.
What all of the other women do consistently with Danielle is underestimate her intelligence. Caroline seemed shocked that Danielle was as articulate and organized in her responses as she was, she was completely unprepared for it, and she did what we all do when faced with an escalating threat, she lost her cool (I’ve done it too,
). And now the circle is complete once again; Danielle has been attacked, verbally abused and denigrated by every single woman on this show – she won sympathy by default, because believe me, she certainly doesn’t deserve it. She’s as bad as these women say and then some.
Danielle really is sick, but so are Teresa and Jacqueline. Caroline can’t control chaos, and as long as she interacts with these women on any significant basis she will be dealing with some level of chaos. Teresa has a serious impulse control issue; Jacqueline is a master manipulator who CHOOSES not to exercise control with her daughter or Danielle; and Danielle will respond to these women as long as they keep her relevant by talking about her, pursuing her, confronting her, or communicating with her.
Caroline is a good wife and mother, sister and friend, but she’s also somewhat of a bully. She holds all the cards, her worst day is without a doubt 10 times better than Danielle’s best; she had no reason to go after her. I respected her more when she chose to stay out of the fray. Although her behavior at the dinner last year was atrocious, I think she was taken off-guard and reacted from sheer emotion.
“Cheez: You’re going to work? Woman! Where are your priorities? Or as Teresa would say: Prioritites. Or as Danielle would say: Prioritieezes.”
Haha @skatt, saddest comment of all – I’ve been here since 8:30. And my priority is the almighty mortgage, but my heart belongs to the ‘gasm, LOL.
@skatt: “Hell, I can’t see that TOWN keeping quiet about it.”
That’s what I was saying, too. If they had specific dirt on Danielle, there is no reason these ‘ladies’ or Bravo would keep it to themselves. Especially since 1st season drama was created by something that happened 24 yrs ago. So why not bring up the current ‘dirt’? Not the time to be vague. Shenanigans, Bravo.
Ok Gasmii, what’s tonight’s drinking game?
Do we drink whenever Teresa says, “Bitch?”
Whenever Danielle says, “That’s e-fucking-nough!”
Every time Caroline cocks her head?
Every time Teresa gets restrained?
What say you? Suggestions, please..
It does suck that the only gossip we get on the show about Teresa, Jacq, Caroline, & Dina comes from Danielle. I mean, she’s made up stories all season & believed them, so we don’t really know what is true-I guess it’s one of those things where if her lips are moving, she’s lying? At least on the other shows not everyone is aligned so unevenly-you get dirt from Ramona & Bethenny about Jill, from Luann & Jill about Ramona, etc. etc. That’s probably the major thing wrong with the casting for NJ, too many relatives who are “thick as thieves.”
@Pcheese — I do think that there is an enormous back story between these women that we don’t know about it. Remember the reunion last year when the women kept alluding to various things but would never go into detail? An affair between Mr Dina and Danielle would answer a lot. But then so would the very real possiblity that Jacqueline spilled many family secrets when they were besties and she was pissed at Caroline for trying to tell her who she could be friends with. Sounds a little like something Ashley would do, doesn’t it? (special thanks to a poster I cannot remember the name of who came up with that theory up thread a ways, btw)
But what does beg the question is what is holding Danielle back? Why isn’t she shouting from the rooftops that she slept with Mr Dina? Or whatever dirt it is that she has on them? Because she has dirt and that is ultimately what the Manzos are so frantically worried/angry about.
@sarcas — how about a drink whenever Danielle leans back into her chair and gives that smarmy ass half smile? We’ll all be drunk before the first commercial break.
“But what does beg the question is what is holding Danielle back? Why isn’t she shouting from the rooftops that she slept with Mr Dina? Or whatever dirt it is that she has on them? Because she has dirt and that is ultimately what the Manzos are so frantically worried/angry about.”
I agree @ohralphie, and I would love to know. There’s definitely more to this story than meets the eye.
I think the cast does enough drinking for all of us, I’ll pass on the drinking game until the DC bitches next episode.
@sarcasatire: I completely agree with your comment awhile back: the one about Caroline being upset that Danielle, an outsider, was invited to be a part of the cast since Caroline wanted the show just feature her and her wonderful friends and family. Caroline had it out for Danielle since day one and I think that she had to find an excuse for not liking her, so she latched on to Danielle’s shady past. The Manzos have some skeletons in their closets, as well, in one of Twunty’s recaps she mentioned that one of their family members was found shot to death in the trunk of a car. That or one of the family members was a suspect in that crime. I can’t quite remember.
And her not liking Danielle probably has to do with her sleeping with a Manzo. A nice bit of gossip brought up by P-cheesy. Excellent inside information.
On the subject of other- I know other people have said this, but I do think Caroline and her family aren’t as up in arms about Ashley pulling Danielle’s hair because they do see her as less than them. I don’t lump Teresa in with because it quite obvious that Tereas has no moral compunction and would probably laugh if she heard that Danielle was raped or robbed.
Also: @ohralphie, @skatt, and @tvaholic: but I completely agree with your assessment that Danielle is just as much a part of the harassment cycle as any of the other women, and she is going to come to the reunion with every piece of gossip imaginable. Over and over she has said that last year she was too scared to say anything, but now she isn’t going to sit back and take it. Miss Andy is going to be up to his bobble head eyeballs in manufactured melodramatics and soap opera style speeches.
This is going to come off sound worse that my intention: But Danielle was kind of asking for what she got this season. She taunts and jeers and makes rude comments and when she has gotten all the women to a boiling point to were they lash out at her. She instantly turns into the victim and can’t understand why they are all attacking her because she is completely innocent. Pay attention please, she didn’t do nothing.
Ashley did take it too far when she pulled Danielle’s hair, but until that point Danielle was just as much of a bully as any of the other women. At times she was the biggest bully especially that crap that she pulled at the Brownstone. She is so self involved in acting out the soap opera in her head that she ruined a cancer benefit for a baby. She made a mockery of that event with the stunt she pulled. Pathetic.
@Bridget: The story, which is fact and was covered by several legitimate news stories, and speaks of the Manzo’s mob connections. Albert and Tommy’s dad, used to run a casino along with a partner. The mob thought they were skimming from the top and they both were murdered, Mr manzo found shot and stuffed into the trunk of a car.
Andy tried to bring it up at the reunion, along with the mob rumors, and Dina started crying saying that the ‘grandkids knew nothing about it and shouldn’t find out this way.’ And Caroline then interrupted with a love story/happy ending about how loving her father-in-law was, and the day after his death, Albert proposed to her and she is honored to be a part of this ‘family.’
I too wonder who Danielle’s source is for all the gossip.
My thinking about why no one is talking about Danielle and Mr. Dina gettin’ it on is because we live in a litigious society and it is entirely possible that he threatened to sue anyone that made reference to an allege affair. I don’t know nothin about birthin no babies and I don’t know anything about lawsuits in regards to libel or slander, so I am not sure if a threat to sue would keep people from talking about it on the show.
Bridgetmiller: WORD. As deplorable as what Ashley did was, I’m with you: Danielle ruined a cancer benefit FOR A BABY!
(And yes, I’ve pretty much spent the day on this site, not working.)
Do you think Miss Andy goes home from these reunions, looks in the mirror (mirrah) and says: “Thank GOD I’m Gay!!”? (insert joke about Juicy, here.)
“This is going to come off sound worse that my intention: But Danielle was kind of asking for what she got this season. She taunts and jeers and makes rude comments and when she has gotten all the women to a boiling point to were they lash out at her. She instantly turns into the victim and can’t understand why they are all attacking her because she is completely innocent. Pay attention please, she didn’t do nothing.”
Agreed, and her bringing armed guards to stake out parking lots without Dina’s or Caroline’s knowledge is absolutely crossing the line. I was disturbed when she did it to Dina, and again with Caroline – no woman should ever have to worry about being professionally stalked in a parking lot as part of a reality show. Danielle is dangerous because she has no appreciation for consequences, and continually exercises bad judgment in who she decides to surround herself with.
The fundraiser at the The Brownstone underlined how little respect she has for other people when her agenda is underway.
Teresa is more overt, but just as bad in her own way. Let me put it this way, I wouldn’t invite any of these women to a cocktail party. And not just because I would absolutely refuse to serve red wine and coke.
While I do think that Tony Manzo is EXACTLY Danielle’s type (wealthy, well-known in the community), I don’t think they slept together. If that had happened, and if Dina AND Caroline and probably even Jacq had found out, or even had an inkling, they would have never had anything to do with the franchise. In season one, they even went over to Danielle’s house for a spa party (yes, it went south but still-they went to her house). Danielle was invited to CJ’s bday-not likely that a supposed mistress would be invited to a family event like that. Even considering it to happen between S1 and S2…nah, it just doesn’t add up. Dina tried to make nice with her and sent her friendly texts this season. There would have been far MORE trash talk/name calling, specifically directed at calling out Dani for being a home wrecker, a slut, etc. These women are far too intense and care way too much about family to pretend to make peace with someone who adulterated with one of the men.
No, as interesting a twist that would make, I just don’t see fitting in with their behavior over the past 2-3 years.
Intriguing piece of gossip nonetheless!!
I won’t get to watch the reunion til tomorrow…so take a couple extra drinks for me!!!
On “my Big Fat Fabulous Wedding”, both Tommy and Dina speak freely about his infidelities. Even at one point when he was ignoring her, she cme to the Brownstone and cornered him in the kitchen. He blows her off. She said, “You’re lucky, Tommy..alot of girls wouldn’t put up with this.” He replies, “Fuhgeddaboutit! A lot girls would. a lot girls.. all i gotta do is pull out the checkbook.” Then he laughs and walks away. Dina follows him and murmers in a baby voice, “You’re baaaad.” she purrs and tries to cuddle him. He doesn’t even hug her back.
I heard a rumor that he has since moved out of the house, lives with another woman or an apt near the Bnstne, but continues to support Dina..who seems to just be happy she is no longer a manicurist. Who needs respect from their husband when they drive his Mercedes around town and deem all the ladies ‘jealous’ when they look at her and shake their heads in wonderment. It’s not your car Dina, it’s your lack of dignity that puzzles them.
I meant to stay Tony would be Danielle’s target, not necessarily type…but I guess it works! haha
Sarcas: Hey!! And thanks for posting that bit about the mob rumors/story. I knew they were out there but didn’t know the specifics.
Bridget: I pretty much agree with all that you said. They ALL have gotten back what they’ve put out in the world.
Shit, and his name is TOMMY not Tony!!!
Hey Trister! I do believe Danielle may think Tommy Manzo is a potential target but he would never hit that. He probably picks up young and dumb jersey girls..kinda like the girls on Jersylicious. I doubt he would cheat with someone older and less attractive than Dina, like Danielle is. What would be the point? haha
@saercasatire: thanks for the details. I thought it was another one of those rumors that vaguely get hinted at, but then never discussed in detail. As is the case with all the other rumors. Albert gives no signs of a man whose father was gun downed by most likely the mod. I may be naive…make that I am naive…but his father was running a casino run by the mob, but that doesn’t mean that they themselves were in the mob. Maybe they had to do what the mob told them? I know a little bit about a lot of things, but I am woefully under education when it comes to mob history/Italian/Irish history. I don’t know, but I highly doubt the Manzos of Real Housewives fame have any connections to the mob. Just another unsolved mystery about the show.
When Al & Caroline set Christopher up with a few of their friends, so that he could work at the car wash for ONE day and at Scores for ONE day. What a joke- you need more than one day to learn anything about a business. But that whole set up had a bit of a Sopranos vibe- it seemed the business owners owed Caroline & Al a favor, but the show producers love to play up the whole mob angle, so who knows. More likely since he only worked one day at each of the places that it was probably a set by Bravo to pad the episode with that story line and the car wash guy and Scores got a ton of free publicity out of it
OK, the dirt is not an affair – you are absolutely right about the Manzo women + Teresa not taking adultery well @trister (well, they would forgive their man but would take out the other woman).
But Danielle has dirt, and it is good nasty dirt at that. I would be my house on it. As to where she would get it….my first thought is Jacqueline. On the first season Jacqueline was pretty up front about wanting to break free from the ‘family’ and have a little more breathing room away from them. When Caroline started pressuring Jac to stop seeing Danielle – well, what a giant faced moonpie do? Keep seeing Danielle out of spite plus dishing all the Manzo dirt she knew. The moonpie doesn’t fall far from the tree after all.
Plus the ‘Jew Dices’ have entire towns in Jersey pissed at them for not paying their bills. I can see a lot of disgruntled former partners/employees/contractors etc… getting even by whispering sweet nothings in Danielles ears.
God I hope we get actual information and not just screaming and stomping out tonight.
@Bridget: I believe Albert “Tiny” Manzo was in the mob, but that doesn’t mean his children (Albert and Tommy) have to be. Many casinos and such have mob ties and are really fronts for money laundering. He crossed them and they killed him. or maybe they were extorting him and he refused to pay ‘protection fees’ and so they killed him. Dunno.
Re: Albert (the son) and Caroline Manzo, it is suspicious that the manzos are good friends with corrupt NYPD commisioners and hold fundraisers for sheriffs at their home. Why..if they are just a typical, run-of-the-mill surburban family, do they feel the need to be so connected?
If you’re interested here is an article about Tiny Manzo’s death and mob speculation: (His partner was known member of the Gambino crime family)
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2009/04/27/2009-04-27_family_has_ties_to_rubbed_out_tiny_manzo.html
@ Bridget: “More likely since [Chris] only worked one day at each of the places that it was probably a set by Bravo to pad the episode with that story line and the car wash guy and Scores got a ton of free publicity out of it”
Exactamundo!
The producers made a few calls and borrowed the car was for a few hours, shot some scenes..went to Scores, off hours (or shot in a back room – because those girls are usually naked and that place is usually packed) and shot some ore scenes..then got a group of neighborhood chicks (not Scores caliber, girls next door who like midriff tops and being on TV..it looked more like a g-rated car wash fundraiser for the high school cheering squad than some sexy ‘Wet N Wild’ adventure) Once again, Bravo..we are calling shenanigans, lol.
@Ohralphie: “God I hope we get actual information and not just screaming and stomping out tonight.”
Not a chance. So we drink! Bottoms up!
Ohralphie: I think you’re right-Danielle has got some goods on that family and Jaq seems a very likely source. Plus, Dani appears to have a tunnel of moles throughout Franklin Lakes, so I bet some good dirt has come up from those sources as well. Now that she’s sacked from the show, maybe we’ll start seeing some stories leak out about the other, um, “girls”.
At first I thought, Hey if Dani had dirt on this clan, why haven’t we heard about it yet??? But really, Dani’s a nut, but she’s not dumb…well…ahem…she’s conniving, anyway. I’m sure that with whatever juicy deets she has on them, she’ll execute a well-thought-out and purposeful way of revealing them.
The question now is: Just how dirty is the dirt?? I guess we just have to wait and see…
if Dani has some dirt she’s gonna save it…for her next book. Decontructing the Manzos: An unauthorized biography. Available on Amazon, march 2011. Get your adnvanced copy at Bravotv.com!
@ oralphie, I think you are totally on point that the other four women would not be on a show with a woman who participated in infidelity with one of their friends–they would forgive the man, but not the woman–that is so typical of them.
@ Trister–I hope Danielle does have the backstory on at least some of these women and I hope she is just being Machiavellian enough to hold onto it until the perfect moment.
Everyone’s pretty much covered my thoughts on this (and beyond), but I had one thing to put out there: I think Caroline seized this “going to bat for Ashley” as an opportunity to solidify the family against Danielle once and for all.
As someone said, Ashley, and through Ashley, Jacqueline, were the weak links between complete solidarity amongst The Manzos/Lauritae/Jew-di’s. Had Lauren pulled Danielle’s hair, I guarantee Caroline would have stood on ceremony and took the stance she took with Albie, where she falls all over herself showing how her kids don’t get special treatment.
Butttt…the specter that Jacqueline is so eager to keep Ashley out of trouble that Jacqueline may have opened a dialogue with Danielle, which may have led to a detente, was too much of a threat to Caroline, and she felt she had to intervene.
I almost feel bad for Caroline that she is trying to win this war against Danielle with comrades who are utterly incapable of executing a long-term strategy (other than making 9 million toasts that they will never mention her again).
I love red wine, don’t like Coke, but am so curious as to how they would taste together now. I imagine something like a Dr. Pepper? Damn, I should have stopped to get the makings on the way home from work-I do have a bottle of Skinny Girl Margarita in the fridge! I could mix it with Fresca? I know, off current topic, but that’s the way I proverbially roll-just sayin.’
@ Savannah. “I almost feel bad for Caroline that she is trying to win this war against Danielle with comrades who are utterly incapable of executing a long-term strategy..” Lol..so true.
I’m guessing this is what Caroline gets for strategizing her war moves on teresa’s faux marble set. She keep using the pawns, thinking that’s how she’ll capture the ‘king.’ But just because there are a lot of them, doesn’t make them capable of anything more than just surging forward and attacking sideways.
@Tvaholic..making a Guido Spritzer, eh? (can’t claim credit, I heard that elsewhere). Maybe it’s for people who want to get a buzz but don’t like the taste of alcohol. Or a winters version of a summer spritzer (white wine, seltzer over ice).
I’m curious..what’s the alc content on the skinny girl bottle? Since everything is mixed in, I’m wondering if it is strong or weak.
@tvaholic, my parents went to Bush’s Inaugural Ball at the White House and they served White Merlot and Fresca at one of the receptions. They called it Texas something or other, I’ll have to ask my mother what it was – my parents were horrified, and we still laugh about it. But I guess it was tasty, LOL.
These women are in for a world of hurt from Danielle. They think that she is going to explode and when she is calm it is going to drive them nuts.
and @ohraphlie: ” I don’t condone the hairpulling and I do think that Danielle was right to press charges. But innocent victim in all this drama? No way. Danielle is a manipulative, crafty bitch. What we are seeing (the hystrionics, hyperbole and victimhood)is no doubt the same scam she pulled when she was arrested. She got a deal for information but also because she played the cops with her poor little girl spiel.”
I totally think that we are going to see this side of Danielle come out at the reunion and all the gossip that she is going to unleash. She is such a schemer. She claims that her ex-husband, the one that wrote THE BOOK, abused and raped her on a regular basis. The only problem with her claim is that she never went to the hospital or called the cops to report the abuse. In a prior relationship, Danielle was being abused and she had no problems reporting that abuse to the cops whenever it occurred. In fact, Danielle’s ex-husband has to file a restraining order against Danielle because she was abusing him. These reports of abuse only surfaced when Danielle’s ex-husband was publishing his book and Danielle was attempting to tarnish his name and to make it look like the allegations in the book were false.
She is a manipulative bitch.
And Danielle comes through with some more inside information. yet again. And again, she only drops enough to let the housewives know that she knows, but doesn’t give us enough to know what it is. Apparently there is a rift in the Giudice clan – the question about the nephew – and Teresa’s reaction is all we need to know that Danielle’s comment was based in truth.
@ohralphie, Danielle didn’t need to play anyone, the whole thing was on tape. The authorities and prosecutor had no choice but to follow through – even if all she got was a slap on the wrist.
@P.Cheez-White Merlot & Fresca? I’m so on board with that! I may not have agreed with George on a lot of things, but I bet back in the day he was a hell of a guy to party with!!
@sarcas-I don’t have the bottle in front of me-I’m too lazy to get up. But if I recall the alcohol content is about the same as wine. It’s really not bad & reasonably priced-& great if you’re constantly trying to lose weight but don’t like to give anything up, like me.
Ok, I’m watching the reunion right now, & all I have to say is JACQIE, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!! New sign-off; I hate Jacqueline!!!
@tvaholic..sounds good. I’m gonna pick up a bottle.
@ohralphie: You should be two-sheets-to-the-wind by now..that smirk is ubiquitous! lol
Ugh – still working. Missed all the reunion fun, my friends are texting me like crazy – I am sad
Men fuck around, and their wives sit side by side with their conquests in the salon all the time. It’s especially prevalent in wealthy little enclaves like Franklin Lakes, et al. Country clubs are rife with it, the women deal with it because they have too much money to lose it all over a little slap and tickle with the town whore. I don’t think the Danielle-Tommy Manzo deal came to light until after the contracts were signed, so they were probably pretty much sealed into it. I’ll look for the link later, if I have time. At any rate I stand by my belief that the meta-narrative on the whole ugly mess is the result of an affair between Danielle and Tommy Manzo, he’s a notorious womanizer.
Leia, that was an amazingly funny take on a total snooze-fest, I was really intrigued by the Naomi Campbell, Rachel Hunter bitch competition, LOL. Naomi’s kind a of a no-brainer, but Rachel Hunter was a surprise – One of my exes was a (male) model and I remember hearing some insider gossip (way) back in the day about how Linda Evilevangalista was hell on wheels. Juicy!!
Ha!! On the Steven Stayner reference, I am such a sucker for Lifetime Moment of Truth movies! Heh, plus it’s possible Danielle could be related, I mean Cary Stayner was dead-eyed charmer too.
Here’s my submission on the Where Are They Now Contest:
Caroline Manzo: While her family remains thick as planks, she stands alone. In the salon searching for hair color that can actually be found in nature.
Teresa Giudice: Is now selling Skinny Italian Donut Cushions in the advent of Juicy Joe’s convincing her that if she let him, he could in fact mine DYEMUNS out of her ass, big ones.
Ashley Laurita: After her stepdad paid her fine, she decided to turn things around and now makes her own money modeling for Big Buttz magazine. Berry Face D-Man broke up with her and is now dating Gia Giudice because Ashley was getting “a little long in the tooth”.
Jacqueline Laurita: Lost 157 pounds of miserable fat when Ashley left; and still can’t understand how she hoovers down pasta 18 hours a day, yet always misses the Skinny Italian Boat.
Danielle Staub: Has released a new set of exercise DVD’s through Vivid Entertainment featuring patented moves like the “Pistol Whipped Reverse Cowgirl Glute Builder”, “Pocket-Felon ATM Ab Crunches”. and “The Country Club Death Sprint”.
Christine and Jillian Staub: Now living in bucolic upstate New York with P Cheez, under new identities.
“And Danielle comes through with some more inside information. yet again. And again, she only drops enough to let the housewives know that she knows, but doesn’t give us enough to know what it is. Apparently there is a rift in the Giudice clan – the question about the nephew – and Teresa’s reaction is all we need to know that Danielle’s comment was based in truth.”
@chem – She always has the scoop, and so far she’s never been wrong as far as I can tell. She scares the shit out of these woman.
I always hated Jacqueline @tvaholic, so I’m with ya in that one. But I’ve been lax, I have to keep the family tradition going and say it again…
I hate Teresa!
Thank goodness, now I can go to bed! I think I have to say I hate them all – but Teresa holds a special spot.
Danielle has been right on every little nugget she has thrown out there so far – she knew about Teresa’s financial stuff way before it became public, she had to have something real about Dina’s kid and the custody arrangement, she knew about Caroline’s friends being indicted. Was her affair with T. Manzo or with the first husband, Lexi’s dad?
@chem – it was Tommy Manzo. Which I thinks explains quite a bit, most especially Caroline’s behavior at last year’s finale dinner, and Chris Laurita’s decidedly jaundiced view of his sister’s behavior there.
I think it makes perfect sense. God, I hope I can catch this reunion fiasco online tomorrow – I’m just getting ready to leave my office now. Not a fun night!! LOL.
A gag order really!!! I bet Danielle attorney’s LOVE her. All those billable hours.
GRRRaaaarrrrUUUgguuuuuu…ERRRRRgrrrrrrMYYYYFAMMMMMILLLYLLLYYY.
Man,somebody pissed her off really bad.What is it about a nephew? Did Juicy donate sperm for money to one of Teresa’s siblings and now he is a Father to a nephew? Or did Teresa,remember she had bills from a fertility doctor,donate eggs to Jaqueline for her little bundle of joy? And now they are all “uncled” together?
All I know is that Teresa went apeshit about a nephew.We must find out why.Immediately.
Robin
TC,Robin
Teresa, Jacqueline, and Caroline (to a lesser extent) were absolutely disgusting on the first part of the reunion. I was repulsed when Andy laughed about Teresa knocking him over. Who gives a shit if Danielle is lying? Screaming at her and getting up in her face won’t do shit. That’s what pisses me off about this family, they contradict themselves more than they breath. They claim to be classy while claiming how disgusting and trashy Danielle is, yet they do so many things that are just as bad, if not worse than what they say she does. Everyone on the show needs to be medicated, just wow.
Shit. I can’t believe I missed this clusterfuck tonight. LOL. These have GOT to be the dirtiest hags in the history of the RH franchise.
@Robin – Please tell me you’re going to participate in the “Where Are They Now” deal!! I spent like an HOUR total on mine (over several), LOL. Seriously, I was ducking calls from my husband so I could concentrate on it, hahaha.
I don’t know who wins the medal for evasiveness, Teresa or Danielle. But I do now that Andy gave teresa a lot more wiggle room..with danielle he kept asking the same questions over and over, until she had no where to go. With Teresa, not so much. I mean he is profiting from her book, I’m sure..like many of the ventures that these lasdies shill.
@Mr. Reality, Andy joking about getting knocked over was probably just way for him to cover up his embarassment over getting tossed like a used condom. He was seething inside but couldn’t show it.
That Teresa was out of control..we need to learn more about this nephew! “So you said congratulations to your nephew”..not only made Jacqueline feel the need to defend Teresa, but made Teresa threaten violence, bellow out every curse under the sun, throw pillows, GROWL, until she foaming at the mouth and visibly shaking with anger.
So much for playing it cool.. then we could’ve thought, Dani is shit stirring again. But nope, she hit the nail right on the proverbial head.
“Caroline Manzo: While her family remains thick as planks, she stands alone. In the salon searching for hair color that can actually be found in nature.”
@prodigal cheez That was my favorite. I had to stifle a giggle so I don’t blow my cover at work:)
@chemgal It’s so true about Theresa’s reaction giving it away. The look on her face said it all, but when she jumped up out of her seat, you knew it had to be true!
Jackie’s poker face didn’t give away anything, though. Of course, her face never moved the entire show. I didn’t realize how much I truly disliked her until tonight. She rolled her eyes at one point, in response to Caroline I think, and it was the exact same eyeroll Ashely gives to every sensible adult who tries to communicate with her.
I got inspired after the reality show to do Leia’s “where are they now?” challenge.
Teresa–Teresa and her husband Joe released a companion to her “Skinny Italian” book titled “Juicy Concoctions.” Recipes include how to have your feral children stomp grapes before they are too old to have their time of the month. Their next project is a Rosetta Stone program for mutilated “spanglish” (her own words at the reunion), which she things is a combination of Italian and English languages. Sadly enough, all sales have given them the financial security they have always wanted.
Danielle–Christine filed for emancipation and is raising her sister Jillian. Both girls have regular counseling and have chosen not to have a television in their condo. Danielle’s birth mother was found to have been of African descent (just trying to be the opposite of DC Stacie’s situation, not being racist!) and was uncomfortable bringing Danielle around her family.
Jacqueline–Is watching Ashley’s three kids. 21-year-old Ashley is divorced from Derek after having twins and a son. She now works at Blimpie.
Caroline–Happy at home with her grown children living happy lives. She is far removed from the crazy of the RHoNJ and has vowed to not get started in reality TV again. She is hoping to find a job as a preschool assistant to keep her occupied until Al cuts back on hours.
Here’s my “where are they now” contribution:
Hurricane Earl took a dramatic turn north, devastating the entire eastern seaboard. Despite the widespread destruction left in its path, the only area that suffered major consequences, in human loss and structural damage, is the Franklin Lakes area of New Jersey. Not all residents are present and accounted for, but searches have been called off due to lack of interest. In other news, what looks to be a small community of lemur monkees, perhaps having escaped from a local zoo, have been found floating on what appears to be a huge mirra in the Atlantic Ocean.
PCheez: (Re:Mixing drinks/Bush Ing.) Oh man, in Texas we turn mixing drinks into an art form. Anything goes. I was surprised to find out other states don’t all have 3 pages of mixed drink selection on all their Restaurant Menus.
But somehow, I’d never heard of The Guido Spitzer. Don’t worry, I’ll remedy that soon enough.
Tvaholic: No shit!! STFU Jacqueline! Damn, right out the gate with her Jr.High level bullshit. At least Teresa can blame the Rabies.
NO EARL!!! NOT THE MIRRAH!! Take the vase, the set is broken anyways, thanks to Jackie’s Mom!!! (note- Jackie’s Mom: We actually will love you unconditionally forever, based on this single act)
woo hoo! comment 100 – I hate Teresa!
@skatt: Wouldn’t it have been great if the vase toppled, smashed and wads of cash fell out?
Does anyone else wonder if Jac/Chris offered to pay for the broken vase, knowing it’s auction price would help their ‘friends’ outta debt?
My favorite moment last night was when Andy asked Teresa about the Auction and about her stuff being pictured online and Teresa claimed not to know anything about it. IT’S YOUR FURNITURE. Does she think someone just snuck into the house and took photographs? Miss Andy seriously disappointed there. Although, in fairness, he was in fear for his life at that point.
Did anyone else notice (mostly ’cause she was in frame) how nervous Jacqueline looked when they were talking about, well, anything uncomfortable for Teresa? Like she new the SSGUIDICE was a ‘gonna blow at any moment.
@chemgal-believe it or not, I was on here earlier, saw there was 99 comments, & thought, “ooh, #100, the I Hate Teresa spot! I hope chemgal sees it!”
@skatt-it is now, more than ever, obvious where Assley got her assiness from.
@tvaholic – assiness is such a great and highly underrated word!
@skatt – Thanks for the laugh! Maybe she thought the photographer was from Elvira’s party company and was taking shots to plan the party that will go along with the auction? And apparently, NJ has a great need for stenographers that can transcribe better since she claim the bankruptcy documents were incorrect.
Miss Andy definitely disappointed last night. He just does not have the stones for hosting these reunions. He seemed to be able to be slightly tough with Danielle a few times, but let Caroline declare conversations done, Teresa wiggle out of questions and Jacqueline – well I’ll give him that one since we all kind of wish she would just go away most of the time.
And why did Caroline feel the need to explain what Teresa’s anniversary ring was?
I still haven’t seen the freakfest!!!!!! I’m dying!!!!
Work and TVgasm are interfering with my ability to actually watch these shows dammit.
Okay back to the finale for a second, I keep thinking about the Clown Dinner and how Caroline approached it. Why wouldn’t she have just opened up with a negotiation? “Danielle, what will it take for you to drop charges against Ashley?” If Danielle says, nothing I’m not doing it – then no more needs to be said – just walk away. I would bet that Danielle would have set a condition, and been willing to drop the charges. She’s just tired of having these people coming at her constantly and offering nothing for her compliance.
I never really saw Caroline as tough, but if I watch this next season I will always see her as more of blustering ass, than a matriarchal archetype.
@Pcheez, I would have bet my left ball that if Jacq had simply driven Ashley to Danielle’s house and made her apologize, everything would have went away. In the end, as crazy as Danielle is, her main motivation with these ‘woman’ is she wants their respect.
charges or no charges, I would then bet my right ball that most of the people here on this site, would make their child apologize to someone they hurt or damaged the property of just because its the right thing to do.
Since puffy/chunky Teresa was able to pass off skinny italian, perhaps Jacqueline should pen a parenting book.
I couldn’t agree more @chemgal. The Manzo-Laurita mentality with this woman is so skewed it defies logic. I think it further underlines the Tommy Manzo-Danielle rumor, why else would they care so much about admitting wrongdoing. It’s a pissing contest, IMO.
LOL on Jacqueline writing a parenting book!! Hahaha! First Chapter: How to Leave Your Kid Holding the Bag For Your Hypocrisy, While Creating a Romantic Vibe with Your Husband.
PS – thanks @DivaMeeMow – I’ve been meaning to say “Hey!” Glad I made you giggle
P Cheez…You must watch – I keep looking for your comments after you see the show. Your comments crack me up! Buckle up cowgirl, your going to be entering the OK corral!!!
K, Leia, I’m just going to do this for sport, as I realize there are many way more talented than I:
Caroline: Embracing her newfound image as a “Clown,” Ms. M now frequents the Jersey extension of North Jersey Center For Incarceration For Men And Their Imposters (NJCIMTI)
Danielle: Has subsequently renounced her status as a human being, and has recently reverted to her “more natural” role as Sleeping Beauty’s step-mother (see Leia’s blog of 8/10 for more info)
Jacqueline: Has gotten her hands on Danielle’s ‘private spy’ punch card and has allocated herself one inquiry at the expense of Danielle, in order to determine the reason why she cannot reach her personal age of 40. Scientists are still exploring, but it may have do do with a little-known head disease called “Upper Cranial Absentia Dysformia.” This genetic disease is, in fact, transferred to every future generation, manifesting a Moon Face in its earlier stages.
Teresa: Has been confined to an ‘institution’ where her human figure has recently been revealed in an ongoing art exhibit for the locals tentatively entitled, “Gorillas, boy am I pissed.” Bidding begins at $1.50.
Dina: Has not been officially heard from since she up and left RHONJ but has left us with one pithy thought, “If you hire a gay and he does a good job, make sure you ask in advance if you can pay him in air kisses” Aaght, I don’t mind if he kisses ass to get a job, but he better punish a bitch if he expects to get paid…
Caroline has lost more weight in a bid to get Albert to spend more time with her. However, he remains busy as ever, stating he won’t be back until the carpet matches the drapes.
Danielle has another sexy tape out. This time with Danny toefucking her while her new single “So Close” plays in the background. Both are available on itunes.
Teresa has come out with a new line of dolls made in her likeness. They simultaneously fart and growl when you rub its forehead. The deluxe edition comes with a lemur, dressed in crenoline and leopard.
Jacqueline will remain locked away in the tower until the next seasons begins. She doesn’t know how she feels about this, because she only has an opinion when it is given to her.
Dina and her energist fell enough under the blissful gaze of her buddha statue. She nows spends her days breathing deeply and exhaling slowly.
Dina and her energist fell in love under the blissful gaze of her buddha statue. She nows spends her days breathing deeply and exhaling slowly.
Ashley, on a dare, hiked Mt. Everest. However, the altitude caused her already large head to swell significantly, until it exploded, providing the sherpas with enough protein to last for weeks.
Joe maintains that his house is not in foreclosure. So he has moved his mistress above the pizzeria, where she can be at the ready, anytime he needs her to taste his special sauce.
To quote Danielle from Season One (after the table was tipped at her), “Wowwww.”
I officially throw my hat in the ring and resign from this petty and spiteful contest because it is unfair that other people are so much funnier than me. Fuck.
Specifically, my vote goes to the first (LAC) and last(sarcastire) submissions, with sarcastire taking the lead for having the ability to tie Ashley’s head in with protein (knew the former was good for something, but never sure what).
That being said, Leia, I love the idea of a contest, even if I don’t have the wits to compete (not having wits regarding something related to RHONJ is quite humbling and a lesson with which I shall walk and contemplate for many years to come, so thank you for that–knew I didn’t have to watch Oprah to be spiritual!)
Congrats to anyone who dared (or, in the future, dares) to enter this contest, because this shit is harder than Albie taking the LSATs without his Ritalin.
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde, “Being funny is really fucking hard.” (Okay, that quote was actually from a straight, non-exciting, unheard-of voice in literature whose name rhymes with the capital of Cuba, but still, I made my point).
@Reality Check – I can NOT wait!!! I’m hoping to catch it online as soon as I can appear too busy to be disturbed, madly digging around for earphones now!!!
BTW – Did you see what @chemgal posted on the Newsgasm page about Juicy Joe’s LOVECHILD?????? I’m in paroxysms of ecstasy thinking about how Teresa can’t get him to touch her, can’t produce a son – and the whole time he’s banging someone else who gives him a …. BOY!!!! With no Lo-Magnon hairline issues!!! Karma really just handed Teresa her ass on a platter.
@Savannah – I thought yours were pretty funny, especially the Juicy Joe one.
I love everyone’s submissions – especially with the Ashley expanding head image…
omg, a mistress? and a kid? Wow, no wonder Teresa went Teresashit on Lady Danielle.
Not to get too far ahead of the recaps, but I just read Teresa’s Bravo blog. She said that one of the things she yelled at Danielle for during last year’s table flip was “you fucked a guy at my shore house,” which is that friend of Chris & Juicy’s, Steve. And I guess that is what she brought up again at the reunion, which is her justification for bringing the rain down on Danielle. Um, last time I checked, it takes 2 to bump uglies. But Steve is still a friend, and you defended his making & selling the sex tape? I hate Teresa even more when she makes it look like I’m defending Danielle. And again, it is so obvious she is not writing her own blogs. Either that or she has a souped-up spelling & grammer check.
The thing that gets me, is how any of them actually think there IS justification for flipping a table, chasing someone down, or coming at them physically. Did you notice at last year’s finale how afterward Joe and Chris invited Danielle to sit with them for a drink? I think that’s what’s got Teresa’s loincloth in a bunch – Juicy can’t keep his dick in his pants, and Danielle’s history probably titillates the shit out of those guys.
Her blogs crack me up, personally I think Gia’s writing them. Unlike Teresa we’ve actually seen proof the kid can read.
You almost have to defend Danielle, because even though she’s crazy she’s still being victimized by all of them. It’s kind of like Bonny Lee Bakely – even though she was a grifting piece of shit, and a million people wanted her dead – no one had the right to take her life.
I wish these ladies had the same sense that came over the NY women when they realized something was very, very wrong with Kelly. They immediately stopped while on vacation and even at the reunion, except for Bethenny (whom I love), who I think was wrong for yelling something about humpty dumpty at Kelly, the ladies sort of let her be. Danielle is crazy but they brought this crazy down on their own heads, either because they are all mean or stupid enough to be manipulated by Bravo’s producers who wanted a great story line.
@chemgal, I think whenever you have a gang mentality and a group decides to savage one person like that, it’s almost always a combination of being mean and stupid.
I know when it becomes clear that I’m dealing with someone who has serious problems, I set clear boundaries, and then try to back off and leave them alone. Trying to engage someone who lives in their own version of reality is kind of like a psychological game of Whack-A-Mole. It’s frustrating and pointless, and even when you knock their asses out they still keep popping up for more abuse.
@Prodigal Cheez–thanx for the vote of confidence! You are a Grandmother?? Wow, tipping the cup to your lips makes you look even younger (well, at least I tell myself that for justification purposes).
@ tvaholic and Prodigal Cheez–soorry, forgot to mention that your submissions were also hilarious and I do not envy Leia for having to pick a winner in this contest (at least she doesn’t have to try to be a winner in a losing game a la Caroline).
@ Sarcasatire–sorry bout mucking up your name multiple times. Blame it on the Al-al-al-al-albie Manzo head fuckery that is currently going around, but I now see it is sarcarm + satire, so I will try not to leave out the extra “a” again (when I say “try,” I mean I will actually do it, not “try” in the sense of Ashley “trying” to stay away from Danielle; last I heard she wrote a nasty Tweet directly at Danielle less than 48 hours ago).
Speaking of Ashley communication, I gotta say I feel a little less stupid every time Bravo airs the episode where Ashley texts Danielle that “You and I and God both know where you are going.” I’m sorry, I thought “both” implied two parties, not more.
While on the topic of God, I think Caroline has got a God complex. When I hear, “Dina/Jacqueline/Lexi/Ashley [are] me,” I get flashbacks of Catholic school and nuns. It is either that or she was attempting to appeal to Danielle’s “devout Catholicism” by revamping The Holy Trinity…shit’s getting weird, and I am appropriately frightened.
@Savannah – step-grandma of SIX, but love ‘em like they’re my own!! I’ve been around all but one since birth, and she was only about 2 when I came into the picture.
Ashley is so God-awful, that’s one case where I do kind of wish humans would eat their young once in a while.
Oh – and I am very well-preserved due to pickling myself in alcohol. I’m drunk right now!!
(I wish!!) LOL!!
Tvaholic: Oh man, Gotta love o’l Tree:” Ya see, last years when I attacked Danielle, it wus cussa dis. Dis year, just to be clear, was a combination (dat means 2) of things, see.”
And of all things to forget: When Caroline called Danny “THAT WANNA BE SWEATHOG”- ugh!!!!! I can’t remember it verbatim, but it was a Gasmi moment for the ages.
Teresa already has “friends” on the gossip blogs swearing that her little nuclear explosion was purely born of Danielle saying she didn’t visit her “nephew” in the hospital after his birth. Bullshit. It just took Teresa the five extra seconds to figure out who Danielle was referencing. To quote Danielle last season: “PAY ATTENTION!”
@skatt-exactly! If that was how her blog was written, then I’d believe it! And Caroline with the “Mr. Kot-tair!” Bwahahahaha!!!
@Savannah-thanks, right back atcha! And where can I get me one of those spy punch cards?
@P.Cheez-I haven’t read it yet, but there was an article online today (either msn or abcnews) that said something like sober people don’t live as long as drinkers. My life between 18-35 pretty much guarantees I’m living to be 130.
I watched it, and the DC fiasco. WTF??!!?? LOL.
Teresa is completely out of her mind, Danielle got caught with her pants down on e few things though. I really hate Jacqueline’s smug bullshit – who the fuck is she to criticize ANYONE. She turns against Dina and Caroline, then she turns against Danielle, she even turns against Ashley. And she needs to buy her clothes at least two sizes bigger – she looks like she’s about to explode.
@tvaholic – I read that too!! I’m going to live to be at least 100. Especially because I quit smoking 18 months ago, after almost 30 years of smokey treats.
PCheez: I kept thinking each time they went to commercial that Jacqueline would adjust the black Spanx she had on that was visible THE ENTIRE NIGHT.(Now, I don’t have anything against Spanx, Lord knows.) That drove me batty. That and Teresa’s wonked-out right boobie.
OMG @skatt, I KNOW!!! Say what you will about Danielle, but she fixed the wonky boob, and she actually has a lot more sophisticated style than the rest of the househags. They all look like they squeezed into their Homecoming Gunnysax dresses. And as we all know, just because you CAN, doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
The thing about Spanx (and I freely admit to use of said Spanx on occasion*) is they don’t REALLY make you thinner they just push everything either up or down – so you either have to go with the exploding muffin-top, or the pigeon-chested boob overflow.
*I’ve been known to take mine off mid-evening and stick them in my purse, and that’s no easy feat in a bathroom stall. I am a CLASS act all around.
@skatt – thanks a lot now I have to go back and check out the spanx and the boobie!
@pcheese — I’d have to disagree about Danielle having a more sophisticated style. She looks better in her clothes then the other women, but then she is a stick with fake boobs – of course everything lays better.
Truthfully I really don’t care for any of the NJ housewives style. Way too over the top and obvious, much like the OC housewives. Really, all of them dress about fifteen years younger then they ought to. NY however has great style all around and as much as I hate Jill Z I would gladly own just about anything in her closet (except for the skating outfits lol)
@cheez my spanx staged a major coup right in the middle of Easter service. All of a sudden I felt them sliding down from my lower rib cage to my hips. Fortunately, the family in front of me showed up in flip flops and bathing suit coverups – so I was spared from the gossipy old ladies!
@chemgal – I am LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not my style either @ohralphie, but I still think Danielle is a lot more streamlined than all of them. And I thought the infamous broken-heeled boots from the country cub stampede were killer.
If I had to pick a NY housewife’s style, it would probably be Sonja. She epitomizes Manhattan style for me; and she wears her clothes they don’t wear her, which is a lot harder than it sounds when your packing a wardrobe like hers.
@Pcheese, I just love Sonja – and I have to agree about her wardrobe. I wouldn’t mind Ramonas bikini collection as long as I could have her body too!
@ohralphie – I would kill to have her body, she takes amazing care of herself. The difference in how she looks versus Danielle or even Jacqueline is stunning isn’t it? I’m sure she’s had some fillers or Botox – but she looks like she kept it to a minimum. She would have been my second choice
At this point I would take Ramona’s or Danielle’s body! For two ‘woman’ in their 50′s they both look great. However, Bethenny’s body rocks.
Bethenny has a great body too. I would take just about any of their bodies, except Jill’s, Caroline’s, Jacqueline’s or Teresa’s. Danielle actually has amazing legs, must be from all that dancing, LOL.
jill looks like she is packing a puffy chunky.
I think Ramonas body is the best because you can tell it was acheived naturally – no starving, no bolt-ons, and minimal botox. My big fat lazy ass really admires that!
I also have to give a Kadooz to Caroline for losing weight. It sucks and its hard and absolutely no fun.
Jacqueline and even Assley have my pity because people with round faces always look fat, no matter how thin they may actually be. That would suck. Bwahahahaha..er, I mean – bless their hearts!
@ohralphie, assley dresses like a slob too, so that never, ever helps. If Jacq got her breast reduced, that would help her – she appears very top heavy – but she also doesn’t choose the best clothing.
Ho-Ly Fuckballs…I’ve been insanely busy the past two days and I’m incredibly exhausted/tipsy so I won’t comment tonight, but I FINALLY watched the reunion. Ho-Ly Fuckballs.
I’ll just wait for the Official Leia Recap to really dive in. But for the meantime…Ho-Ly Fuckballs!!!
OK…I just can’t wait-so at least I’ll say this: Caroline/Carmela totes won my heart tonight…I may just sleep with her. Swoon…hearts…
But seriously, she rocked my world, and I’ll get into exactly how/why when the Official Leia Recap posts.
Til then, goodnight, my lil Trolls…X’s and O’s
I just found an article on DBKC that sheds light and totally disproves all Danielle’s claims about her origins, her abusive childhood, her criminal past, etc. I always hated this skank, since she is clearly a vicious coward and a liar like no other, but after reading the article my head is still spinning. If you ever had any doubts as to the evil this woman personifies, it will make you realize the truth in stunning clarity. Here is a link for those who want to read it: http://deathby1000papercuts.com/2010/04/danielle-staub-the-naked-truth-an-illegitimate-sicilian-mob-princess-fathered-by-a-murdered-priest/
P.s. I posted this comment on the newsgasm piece about reunion, but wanted to give more promotion to this article, so here I am again.
@kaya-WOW! If that is all true, then she really is a dangerous person. The few pages of that book that were posted on line a while back were laughable & poorly written, so maybe that’s why not too many people paid attention to it. Still, if those things were written about me & they were false, I would sue. Why didn’t Danielle sue him, but she’s all sue-happy with the NJ crowd? Especially since he took & passed a lie detector test. No matter what anyone thinks about those, he now looks the one who is NOT lying.
I truly think she lives in her own world & cannot distinguish between reality & the fantasy she has created. Just look at the weave-pull incident. The more she talked about it, the more she added to the story, until she claimed Assley threatened to kill her. Kind of stupid, considering all the witnesses, including a freaking camera crew!! Which just proves the extent of her insanity.
What’s sad is her adoption fantasy. I’m sure a lot of people who are adopted & aren’t at peace with it conjure up melodramatic situations like she has. Wouldn’t it be awesome if you found out you come from a wealthy family who has been searching for you as well? I wonder if this is what started her split with reality.
I expect her to start talking like that character on SNL-ooh, I forget her name, played by Kristen Wiig. The one where she one-ups everyone?
Thanks for the welcome @PCheez.
“DS: I was never a prostitute. I danced go-go and burlesque, never taking my clothes off. Kevin (the cop in question) is a threat to society and to all mankind. He needs to let me go. He’s a pathological liar, a bipolar manic depressive and a cocaine and alcohol abuser. He served time in Rikers Island; he’s a hardened felon and people want to listen to him?”
@kaya: I had seen this or something similar last year. After re-reading it, I am just stunned by the levels this woman goes to. The above excerpt really flew out at me.
When describing her ex, she is actually describing herself! Aside, from the Riders Island bit, of course. (As we know, she turned on her partners-in-crime to keep her own azz out of prison.)
So, it got me to wondering how often she pulls that card – projecting her own issues as accusations against her enemies?
I’ll be paying a little closer attention to what she throws out at the other “woman” the next reunion episode. Me thinks it may give us a little insight into who SHE really is.
Oh my, I really need to find this eppi online somewhere! the Bravo website hate my computer! It always freezes on me! I saw the part where Tree goes apeshit on Danielle, and the part where Danielle “talks” around her now being with Lesbian superstar Lori Micheals or what ever her name is. Come on get off it, Just, say yes already, I won’t hate you anyless, but tell the fuckin truth on something bitch!
As for the comment on spanx-never tried em! Almost did last year for a wedding I was in, but ran out of time to head to the neares Lane Bryant to get them…and if I would have got them it would have been a waste of money, cause I am now an 8 and not the 24 that my dress was!
@chemgal-you had me crackin up with your spanx comment!
@skatt- I thought that was her bra!! She needs to put those away! I also did notice that it looks like Tree was in a dress that was about a size to small for her, no?
Chemgal: That happened to me with the Spanx too!! It was like they just started rolling/peeling off from the top! Thankfully, they stopped about midway. I’m sure being in Jesus’ House only kicked the weirdness level of it up for you.
Bless Spanx’s heart.