RHONJ: Chanels of Venice: Sh** Floats

Recaps

By Leia LaBiblia | Sunday, August 15, 2010 | 12:00 pm | 108 Comments
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

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Hola Ninos y Ninas!

Your substitute Recap Artist, Leia LaBiblia is back to help you navigate the terrifying journey of the Manzo-Lauritae and their bosom-implant buddies the “Jew-Dices” as they leave their feud with Danielle and wanna-be Wife Kim G back in the Garden State for the most fun that a dysfunctional family, complete with elderly relatives and a posse of mostly beastly brats (I’m talking to you, Giudice Goils!) can have cruising around Italy on the most hideous, Trumpy luxury liner that Bravo could score a deal with.

Before I forget, memo to Yanksfan: Caged Heat is a 1973 Roger Corman women-in-prison classic considered by many to be the smartest, hippest and most respectable of the genre. In his directorial debut, Jonathan Demme was able to create more three-dimensional characters for both the inmates and warden (intriguingly underplayed by cult goddess Barbara Steele) and the result was a quirky feminist fable for the drive-in crowd. Chained Heat is the MUCH sleazier, hilariously OTT smash 1983 hit starring Linda Blair and featuring so much nudity, catfights, perversion and mayhem that it was a staple on VHS and Cinemax for over a decade. Sadly, this trashterpiece teeming with big tits, bigger hair and ripe, endlessly quotable dialogue has never been released uncut on DVD and would absolutely be my first choice in the parallel universe where I run an indie video label. The second release from LeiaVision Labs would be the viciously bitchy 1977 dark comedy Andy Warhol’s Bad, starring Carroll Baker as a Queens electrologist who supplements her kitchen hair-removal biz with a hit-girl-for-hire company specializing in bumping off unwanted kids and pets. In the most infamous scene, a whiny housewife (future A-list publicist Susan Blond) becomes impatient waiting for her assassin to arrive, so she tosses her squalling infant from the high-rise window herself. SPUH-LATTTTT! After which, an obese Tab-drinking mom points to the bloody mess on the sidewalk and tells her kid “That’s what I’m going to do to you if you don’t SHUT up!!!” You have no idea how badly I want to show this movie to the star of this episode, Milania Giudice.

Thanks for all the love and brilliant analysis you showered my debut RHONJ with… let’s hope this glamorous rampage through unsuspecting Italia is as much shameful fun as last week’s crazy christening crap!

Villa Foreclosa. Jacqueline and Chris join Joe and Teresa for dinner. Jacqueline tells us they heard Joe was in a car accident and it “looked bad”. Jacqui interviews that Joe, who immediately begins filling quart-size glasses with red wine, was “NOT drinking, he was NOT drunk, so I was shocked to hear” that this happened.

Diner. Danielle meets her little felon friend Danny for another paranoid bitch session. She starts to lecture him on the benefits of antioxidant smoothies, but he cuts her off by tattling that “Teresa’s husband was arrested for a DWI.”

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Meet the face of the NJ school board’s “Just Say No To Gossip” billboard campaign.

VF. Joe explains that he was soberly driving along when he “yawned… one of those deep yawns… it was like 1:30, whateva, quartera two in da mornin, I was tired. It wasn’t from drinking at all.” You weren’t even drinking that night, Jacqueline helpfully adds. “Thank you,” Teresa interjects, as if we’ve ever witnessed one scene with Joe in which he WASN’T drinking. Joe says he “shut his eyes for a second” and “floored it” and all of a sudden he was mowing down trees! Then he “hit da pole”, as opposed to smoking it like does whenever there’s privacy in the steam room. Chris says it’s lucky the vehicle didn’t catch fire. “An angel was lookin over me,” Joe tells them. “Me and the goils still need him!” Teresa says, even though considering all the debt they’re in, a juicy life insurance policy would almost certainly render Joe more valuable dead than alive. And if he had to hit a Tree…

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…why the hell couldn’t her last name have been Jew-Dice?!

Then the story gets even fishier: Joe says that the crash coincidentally occurred right near “a friend of my fadduh’s house”. Horrified by the near-carnage, this gentleman let Joe in. “It was a miracle that Joe got himself out of the car and thank god HE wasn’t hurt and it was an unfortunate situation,” Teresa interviews in a strange, robotic voice as if reciting word-for-word what their lawyers told her to.

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This one’s going on the side of buses.

Diner. “How sad” it would be, Danielle says, to leave one’s children fatherless and one’s wife a widow. “Albeit, it’s Teresa, but hey…” she adds rudely, impressing Danny at least with her fancy vocabulary. You know what really makes Danielle angry? Besides everything? Joe has “enough money to be paying cash for housefuls of furniture and buying Maseratis” but can’t “hire a driver?!” She confronts Joe via interview, demanding to know why he’s out till 2 AM “as a grown man and a father, drinking? I mean, I know the strip clubs are still open at that hour.” Of course they are– that’s when Danielle used to make the best tips!

VF. Joe says he was so “shaken up” by the incident, that when he laid eyes on “a bottle of Johnny Green“, he just had to soothe his jangled nerves by downing three or four whiskies– “I don’t give a shit,” Joe adds. Like you, Gasmii, Jacqueline is incredulous : “Before the cops got there?! What the hell’s wrong with you??!!” The truck was “destroyed”, Joe says– whadcha want me ta do, get back in it? Joe says “When they made me go in that amboo-lenz… I was freakin out.” I think he was afraid of getting a boner if a hot male paramedic took his temperature the hard way. “I was so scared,” Teresa tells us. “Ga’fuhbid anything happened to Joe. I don’t know what I woulda done.” It’s called working for a living. “Tank god” Teresa wasn’t with him, Joe says, even though her ear-splitting screechy yap would have kept him nice and alert.

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“Yo, Tree… tell ‘em how many semestuhs’a community college you finished!”

Diner. Danielle sanctimoniously declares drunk driving “disgusting”, then makes it all about her by whining that Caroline didn’t have Joe and Teresa investigated when Dina and Jacqueline became friends with them– why me?! Because you’re a sainted Christian martyr. And, apparently, a psychotic porn queen who used to fuck gangsters. But Danny thinks it’s because Danielle wasn’t rich like the Jew-Dices were. “I had more money than ALL of them when I was married to my children’s father,” she boasts pathetically, then hilariously interviews that “anyone that puts out negativity, just can expect it to come back… Karma‘s a real big bitch.” People like Teresa should be “super-careful– it will catch you.” She tells Danny that she “will continue living in the love and light that they make fun of while their darkness rains upon them.” Um, that’s not what they’re making fun of. AND I really should stop this before Karma shows up and rips out my hair extensions.

Restaurant. Caroline and Jacqueline are meeting Teresa for lunch, and of course she’s late. Oh, here she comes. Caroline was right– she got tied up shopping for a new leather jacket. See, she left the house and decided she needed something on top of her purple titty-tank. How about turn your gas-guzzling pimp-wagon around, go back home, and put on something you ALREADY defrauded the credit card company out of? Oh, well, what’s another 400 bucks when you’re in debt for 11 million?

Teresa interviews that “it’s been a stressful time” since the car crash. They live in a small town and “everybody talks”… perhaps because you and your hideous family are the star assholes of a popular “reality” program? Just a thought. Anyway it’s a perfect segue to another thing that the catastrophically broke should avoid– a lavish getaway! Caroline agrees: “We should all just get up and go away.” I’m sure TV viewers with taste won’t argue with you there, Mommy Salami. Jacqueline and Caroline don’t want to be seen in their bathing suits, so “the Caribbean“‘s out. Teresa’s got it: How ’bout Italy? She and Joe both have parents from the same small town there (so I guess they aren’t brother and sister after all). Caroline needs to check with workaholic husband Albert. It would be “quite a sacrifice” for him to come, she tells us, her sad eyes belying a loneliness that’s a bit of a buzzkill. But nothing some champagne and Oreo tiramisu can’t cure. I’ll be right back.

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“We need to go on vacation so we can drink in the middle of the day– oops!”

The Brownstone. That night, Caroline visits Albert at his office. “Do you love me?” she asks. “Yeeessss… what do you want?” Caroline tells him “as a joke” she suggested to Teresa and Jacqueline that they all go on vacation. And Teresa wants to go to Italy. Albert looks dyspeptic.

Villa Laurita. Jacqueline has dressed well-behaved 7-year-old CJ, Nicholas and herself in Italy-themed t-shirts. And in the baby’s case, matching sweatbands. She greets Chris with “Italian wine”, then makes the pitch. Chris looks constipated.

The Brownstone. “I don’t wanna go there with 18 kids runnin around, all crazy,” Albert tells Caroline. He wants it to be couples only. Like the key parties they used to have. Wait, sorry, I accidentally started recapping Swingtown. Which was forced off the air because CBS can make so much more money putting Big Brother on 3 nights a week.

Villa Foreclosa. Teresa tells the Goils that the trip is going to be “couples only”. “What?!” pouts 9-year-old aspiring actress Gia, too talentless to make even this one syllable convincing. Her sisters Gabriella, 5, aka The Pretty One, and Feral Lemur Baby Milania, 3, are much more effective, whining and Ugly-Crying like the spoiled little bitches they are. Just kidding! (I mean Teresa tells them she’s kidding. I think they’re spoiled bitches.)

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Which remote activates the shock-collar?

The Brownstone. Caroline tells Albert that THEIR kids won’t be going on this proposed trip, and claims that she doesn’t know about Jacqueline’s and Teresa’s kids. You lying, huge-breasted hussy. She can’t keep a straight face and starts to laugh, but promises that she and Albert “will escape them” and find time together.

Villa Laurita. Jacqueline tells Chris that Ashley can’t go, but “maybe” they should bring “the little ones”. And Jacqueline’s parents. And “everyone can watch the kids”.

Villa Foreclosa. Teresa tells Joe she wants to bring both of their sets of parents, “because that’s where they were born”. “We’ll see,” he grunts. The last thing Joe wants is Teresa’s father catching him blowing a hot cabin boy and calling Joe a finoke.

The Brownstone. Caroline tries to sell the trip as “a step in the right direction you want me to take”, i.e. leaving their 20-something kids behind and doing something just the two of them. You’re reaching, mami. Albert suggests they go to a tropical island instead. Listen, Caroline says, patience straining like the top she’s wrangled her enormous cans into, she wants to travel with her brother to the motherland. Albert says she should bring her parents, too. Caroline says she’d love to give them this “great gift”. Albert says he’ll “watch everything here while you’re gone”, thinking this would be the perfect opportunity to audition interview a batch of shapely new waitresses. Caroline is not amused. (By him. She loves my blogs.)

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Excellent practice for getting what she wants later in life.

Villa Foreclosa. Teresa tells the Goils “Daddy said we’ll see,” cuing a loud, painful display. “I beg of you!” one of them moans. Joe tells Feral Lemur they can go if she’ll pay for it. A real chip off the old block when it comes to financial responsibility, Milania agrees to bankroll the trip.

Villa Laurita. Chris tells Jacqueline he can use a break– they’ll go. Jacqueline is about to jump up and down, then rethinks shaking her massive tits– and the baby she’s holding– on-camera.

The Brownstone. Albert tells Caroline that he’s happy to go anywhere, as long as it’s with her. That’s why I keep you, she sweetly replies. Yes. That, and the money.

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“Shaddappa you face or I gonna paddle you ass!”

Villa Foreclosa. Edith Bunker Teresa is shrieking “We’re leavin tomorrow!” to anyone who will listen. She tells us that her parents emigrated from Italy in 1971. Her mother was 4 months pregnant and “didn’t even know it”. Those kooky Catholic villagers! Then, 5 months later, voila (or, as Teresa pronounces it, “Wah-lah”), there Teresa was. Imagine her dad’s disappointment when the delivery room doctor pushed back all that lustrous black hair and told him “It’s a girl!” Teresa goes upstairs to help the Goils pack. Feral Lemur will be turning 4 on the trip. On their last trip to Italy, Teresa says she was pregnant and they were in Milan, and that’s how they came up with the name Milania. Bullshit, they named her after Donald Trump‘s latest wife. I’d bet my implants on it.

Feral is stuffing clothes into a suitcase when Teresa tells her that she’s already put the tot’s clothes aside in The Pretty One’s room. TPO starts putting Feral’s things back in the dresser and Milania freaks out and slaps her attractive big sis hard on the back! TPO starts sobbing. While Teresa is comforting Pretty, Feral takes the suitcase into the hall and drags it down the stairs, step by polished hardwood step. “On my STAAAAIRS!” Teresa shrieks. Bwahahaha!

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What do you have to cry about?…

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…Have you seen the hairline you almost inherited?!

Maison Manzo. Caroline tells Albert “it’s packin time”. Albert says he doesn’t pack. He’s on his iBook, checking the responses to the “waitress wanted” ad he placed on craigslist’s erotic services page. Caroline tells us she’s happy to be getting Albert all to herself on the trip “without a phone in his ear”. She better hope the cruise ship doesn’t have wireless. Albie and Chris appear and reassure their parents not to worry about leaving them behind– Lauren will make the beds. They warn their dad to treat Caroline right, “she’s a lady”. The boys start giggling like they just blazed up a few bong hits, then suggest that Albert take Princess Caroline to a ball. Speaking of balling, am I the only one who wouldn’t mind getting double-teamed by the Brothers Manzo?

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I’m making a sandwich. Meet the bread!

Villa Laurita. Jacqueline packs and tells Ashley that she’s not allowed to have parties or “use this place as a love shack“. Ashley, who is only 19, and probably thinks B-52 is slang for some type of recreational prescription drug, acts offended at the notion. Jacqueline tells us Ashley is barred from the trip because she has to stay and work to pay the attorney defending her against the assault charges filed by Danielle, whom Ashley is supposed to keep far, far away from. She better hope Bravo keeps a camera-crew behind to baby-sit, because putting a troubled teen in charge of an empty mansion and all of its wine and liquor is like asking John Wayne Gacy to manage Justin Bieber.

Villa Foreclosa. The morning of the trip, dozens of Manzo-Lauritae arrive at Teresa’s, including Jacqueline’s mom Bonnie and Caroline and Chris’s parents Joe and Nettie. Teresa tells us 20 people will be traveling together, then brags that she has “one duffel bag full of hair extensions”. Caroline describes VF as “chaos”. Joe and the Goils are breakfasting on pizza. Just the thing for kiddies embarking on a 7-hour plane ride! Caroline interviews that they planned the trip “to get away from Crazy” but “they’re taking Crazy with us”. And his friends, Whiny, Greedy and of course Boozy– the adults are already guzzling the ever-present vino rosso. “What happens in Italy, stays in Italy,” Teresa idiotically toasts. Whatever, Cugina It.

Time to go to the airport. Caroline orders everyone to “pee-pee”. Teresa is yelling for the Goils when a loud crash echoes through the villa. “Oh, no!” Teresa screeches, racing to the third living room, where one of twin 6-foot vases lies shattered on the floor. “Mommy, it broke!” The Pretty One whines. Obviously, dipshit. Unfortunately, I didn’t spot a cocaine or gay porn stash amid the rubble. “Who did dat?!” Teresa snaps Pesci-esquely. Please, please let us see physical abuse…. But no. The culprit is Jacqui’s mom Bonnie, who mis-stepped and caromed into the tacky hair-loom (get it?), fatally toppling it. “It’s OK it’s OK it’s OK,” Teresa manically repeats, then interviews that it was “just a vase… a BEAUTIFUL vase.” That’s what you get when you give old people wine for breakfast. Jacqueline claims via interview to be super-embarrassed by her clumsy ma, but she doesn’t seem too upset as she scarfs pizza and wonders to Caroline if this is “a foreshadow” of things to come. It’s definitely a bad omen, and really tough luck for any tacky decorating enthusiasts who were planning to bid on the pair when the Jew-Dices auction off all their possessions this month. They better get the hell out of town before a bill collector shows up and impounds Tawdriana.

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A DWI? This guy?!? Nah…

A Mercedes van will take them to Kennedy Airport. Joe brings three bottles of wine and thoughtfully remembers cups. “We’re going to Italy, I wanna hear some noise!” Teresa squeals en route, sounding a lot like Mary Ann from Brooklyn from The Howard Stern Show, but minus the charm. Yay. Salud. Shuddafuckup.

We don’t get to see any JFK terminal footage or airplane action, so we don’t know if anyone flew first-class, if Joe enjoyed his security pat-down, or how difficult it was to get Gabriella and Milania into their pet-carriers.

Venice. The plane didn’t crash, despite the prayers of whomever had to sit next to Feral. The group picks up their luggage, of which Teresa brought 8 or 9 pieces for herself. Caroline explains to us that they get one day, no nights, in the city before boarding a cruise ship to Naples. Then they’ll head for the hinterlands– Sala Consilina, the village that spawned both Juicy Joe and his lovely bride. They catch a bus into town and hit St. Mark’s Square. “Look how beauty-full!” Teresa caws, as Milania chases pigeons, but is sadly not fast enough to catch one in her teeth and feed on it. In her defense, the airlines HAVE cut way back on food since the days I was jetting back and forth across the pond as a teen model.

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“Help me.”

I lived in Feralo– I mean, Milano– for almost two years and I have to say Italy is the best country. I got to experience Europe just before it began to get overrun with Americans, when you could actually steal a few magical hours in Florence or Rome and not run into anyone loudly demanding directions to the nearest McDonald’s. Venice is probably the coolest city of them all, where you can lose yourself in a fever-dream of fog-shrouded streets, Gothic buildings, stone bridges and tightly winding staircases. Best of all, no cars means no terrifying Italian drivers! Like in Death Race 2000, I think the Italian government actually awards points to its citizens for how many pedestrians they kill.

The first hairline cracks in Caroline’s inexplicable infatuation with everything Teresa says, does and is start to show here. Yay! Caroline points out that people are tired from the flight, especially the over-70 set, but Teresa wants to go go go! Teresa is running the show today and first up on her agenda, “gundella rides”. “Venice is a town that’s made on water?” Teresa tells/asks us. If she was in 4th grade, she’d get a gold star for that. Teresa assigns people to several gundellas. She, Joe and the Goils, in ridiculous matching fur-hat-and-capette ensembles, are in the first one. As soon as they set sail, the yammering begins. “Hon, isn’t this ro-MAN-tic, wit owah tree dawwwters?!” He grunts non-committally, but does admit that “this is really amazing, the way this sh*t is. Their cars are boats ovuh here.” Before the end of the day, he and Teresa might have a whole Social Studies oral report between them.

Joe tells Feral to sit down before she falls in and “the sea-rats” get her. OK, maybe Teresa should work alone. Lemur of course ignores him and stands there slack-jawed like she’s waiting for someone to throw her a peanut. Jacqueline tells us that she liked the gondolas, but was devastated that the boatmen didn’t sing. “They sing to us at the Venetian Hotel” in Las Vegas, she points out, miffed. She’d probably also be upset that the real Eiffel Tower doesn’t have a Forever 21 across the street like the one at the Paris. Teresa tells still-standing Feral to do her “Fabulous” pose so Teresa can get photos to terrorize her Tweet followers with. Joe is in hell: “Tree, siddown wit dat crap awready!” and “I’m gonna trow up soon.” You and us both, right, Gasmii?

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Sashay…Chantay… Kill may…

Caroline interviews that seeing her parents gliding through the canals of their ancestral homeland “made it all worth it”, no matter what she’s going to have to “endure” on the trip. Get back to us on that in a few days, honey.

Back on dry land– and next on Teresa’s to-do list: shopping! For some reason, she’s obsessed with finding the local Chanel store. She is one sick ticket, Gasmii. Drowning in debt, on the verge of moving her family of 6 into an apartment over a pizzeria, oblivious to Joe’s desire to sit down and eat (you’re in fucking ITALY, beeyotch!!!), she yanks 20 people along on a mad tear to find this store, which, as Caroline points out, “is on 57th Street in Manhattan.” ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND, MRS JEW-DICE?!?! Seriously, Teresa needs to be on Celebrity Rehab. She’s way more of an addict than anyone from Guns N Roses or Alice In Chains.

When they get there, Teresa is horrified to discover Chanel is closed. “They take lunch breaks and they leave the store! Who does that?! We don’t do that in Jersey,” Teresa indignantly interviews. Sorry, sweetie, no $600 hair clips for you today!

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Desperately in need of a retail fix, Teresa ducks into the “jool-a-ree” store next door. Why not? When you can’t score some Vicodin, a couple of Ativan will do in a pinch. Teresa comes out with a massive “emerald green” ring. “At least I got to buy SOMETHING in Venice,” Junkie Jane Jew-Dice excitedly interviews. “It looks like a growth,” Joe remarks. LOL.

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That’ll certainly spice up fisting time with Joe.

Mission semi-accomplished, the group hurries to catch a water-taxi to the cruise ship. Jacqueline tells us that she was “trying to take in these beautiful sights and all I heard was [ear-splintering Fran Drescher whine]: JOOOOOE! SPAAAAAANK ME, JOE!” Sure enough, there’s Teresa putting on a little bondage & discipline show for anyone within a 500-decibel radius. They arrive at the ship, a modest vessel the size of four city blocks. “It’s HUUUUUGE! Lookit it, guys! It’s bigger than THE TITANIC!” Teresa howls. Jacqueline wants her to “quit comparing it to the Titanic.” Yes, please… shutupshutupSHUTUP!

The boat is the Costa Deliziosa, or, roughly translated, the Deranged Cunt. The ship is hideously Trumpy and looks like a floating Russian whorehouse. “I feel like a hamster when I’m on a cruise ship,” Caroline tells us. “I don’t like the feeling of being trapped.” Bon Voyage!

When it’s time to shove off, everyone goes to the upper deck to say goodbye to Venice, which, I’m guessing, was extraordinarily relieved. Jacqueline interviews that the ages of the group members spanned a range of infants to oldsters, making me wonder just how resentful of children I’m going to be when I hit 70. Maybe by then they’ll have invented a process by which the essence of youth can be sucked out of annoying toddlers and transferred via IV directly into my spider-veins.

Chris Laurita makes a champagne toast, declaring the Jew-Dices and the Manzo-Lauritae are one family. “All one crazy, happy family,” Caroline drunkenly shouts. Just wait till your new brother Joe hits you up for a massive personal loan and we’ll see how cozy things get.

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“I miss my workout buddy…”

Cigar Lounge. Chris and Joe order a couple of bromantic cocktails and have one those glaringly set-up chats that guys have on these Housewife shows. Somehow it just seems more natural for women and gays to be bitching their brains out. With straight guys, it’s just awkward and weird: Hey, s’up bud? You know, Snotty Twat X and Your Wife I Can’t Stand Y really have it in for Botox Titty Monster. Yeah, dude, it is what it is, you know what I’m saying, chief– X is just mean and jealous because BTM is an ex-teen model, but when she calls my kids out in the press, that’s a whole nother level, boss.

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“I miss you, too, papi!”

In this case, Chris gets all junior high slumber party, griping that “Danielle is out of control.” Joe thinks she “got dropped on her head a few times when she was born.” Considering that her mother may have given birth in the restroom during a sock-hop, he could be right on the money. Chris says he doesn’t “like talking sh*t about nobody”, then amends that by saying Danielle is a nutcase and her lack of family and friends proves it. It’s not Jacqueline, it’s not Ashley, it’s HER. Chris points out that Jacqueline is a different person since they left, “she’s herself again,” having fun with Teresa and Caroline. Chris thinks this mass pleasure trip should be annual event. “F*ck it, twice a year,” Joe adds, apparently unfamiliar with Kinko’s vacation policy.

Ship spa. Caroline and Albert are getting massages together when Jacqueline and Chris sneak in for some hijinks. Jacqui shoos away the masseuse and begins to tickle and elbow Caroline’s pasty-white back. “Ees goot?” Jacqueline asks in a cute, offensive foreign accent. It’s fine, thank you, Caroline grunts, then interviews that it did NOT feel good but didn’t want to “insult the lady”. Jacqueline can’t hold it together and begins laughing uncontrollably, prompting Caroline to ask “Is that you, Jacqueline, you sicko?!” before Jacqui has a chance to finger her to full-release. Now that would have been funny. Especially if Caroline had said “Don’t stop– my husband wants to see me lez out with an Asian broad.”

Jew-Dice cabin. Teresa tells the Goils to put their bathing suits on so Caroline can take them swimming. Teresa tells us she wanted to give the grandparents “a break” from the little trolls, so “I asked Caroline and Al to babysit. I thought Joe and I could have some free time. In the bedroom.” We get it, he’s straight.

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“Milania wants to know if the buffet has insects and tree sap.”

Breakfast buffet. Teresa delivers the Goils to Caroline and orders them to eat breakfast and “whatever Auntie Caroline and Uncle Al say, you listen.” Knowing full well a bribe must be included, Teresa promises them ice cream. Feral Lemur immediately starts in with the whining and the 3-going-on-4 dance, but Caroline reacts with surprising (and welcome) harshness, pointing her finger at Feral and barking “HEY! No screaming today!” Watch out– lemurs bite!

Auntie Caroline interviews that she sold Albert on the trip as a kid-free getaway for just the two of them, “so how did we get stuck babysitting?! Unbelievable!” Well, that’s Cugina It for you. Teresa tells us “If there’s anyone who can handle my daughters, it’s Caroline.” After this season airs, Child Protective Services may get a crack at it. With Teresa gone in a flash, Caroline seems to have them under control as they eat. Well, Milania has two bites before uttering a pouty “I’m full!” Caroline says they’re not finished– Albert’s getting juice. So we’re gonna wait till everybody’s done. “I’m the boss, right?” Caroline asks. “I want Mama,” Feral growls. Sorry, sweetie. Mama’s already got the strap-on halfway up Daddy’s ass by now. So sit quietly and “look out into the air”, as Dawn Davenport advised HER bratty daughter Taffy in the cult classic Female Trouble.

Dining room. Chris and Jacqueline arrive to take a private class with molto foxy chef Luigi. The Lauritae will be indulging their mutual love of cooking by learning how to make fresh pesto sauce. Jacqueline asks to borrow Luigi’s tall white hat, but unfortunately he doesn’t strip down any further, so this segment is a snooze. The chef grades their effort a 6 out of 10. Now I want pasta. And sex. Seriously, I’m single now, so if there are any single male Gasmii in the L.A. metroplex who look and cook like Luigi, hit me up on Facebook. The single and cooking parts are negotiable.

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Come on… he’s at least a seven.

Pool. Albert and Caroline supervise the Goils’ swimming. They decide to move them to the hot tub and Caroline admonishes them not to “splash”, so The Pretty One does a cute little cannonball into the not-empty jacuzzi. Momentarily a stocky lady security guard shows up to tell them no one under 16 in the tub. With good reason. For many vacationing horny teens, those warm, firm jets are the only action they’re liable to get.

“Teen Zone”. As Caroline tells us there’s nothing to do on a ship with kids, she’s proven right when they locate the most pathetic hang-out space on the high seas: a jukebox and bean-bag furniture?! Actually, it sounds like a good place to get high, but there aren’t any teens doing X and smoking Quaalude-laced South African joints. What’s that? Why, yes, I did spend a winter teen modeling in Johannesburg. How’d you guess? Albert tries to make the best of it (and sublimate his feelings of rage) by dropping Milania into a giant bean-bag. “That wasn’t fun,” she mopes. Try getting thrown out of a tenth floor window, Feral– see if that gets the serotonin pumping. Jesus. Then the manipulative little lemur tells him to “do it again”. But she draws the line at tickling: “Stop do that, Albert!”

Caroline credits Al via interview for his good attitude with the kids. “Between the two of us, we make a pretty good team,” she tells us. The Goils retreat to a corner to draw and color. Then The Pretty One tries to stab Caroline in the face with a pen. How cool would it be for Caroline to put TPO and Feral over her knee and spank the hell out of them?!! Fuck Danielle’s birth mother (come on, who hasn’t)– THAT’S a season finale. And we know Teresa’s a spanking fan. Win-win. Caroline starts feeling warm and happy and asks the Goils if Albert “would be a good grampa.” Milania: No. OMFG. I hate her so, so much.

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“Gia! We agreed to do this as a team! So open the goddamn window!”

Casino/bar. Teresa and Jacqueline have a Girls’ Night and immediately begin to drink heavily. According to Cugina It, the drinks are “awesome, I have to say.”

Piano bar. They move on to another watering hole, pausing to sample a tray of chocolates. To Jacqueline’s great amusement, Teresa likens a cluster to “2 balls and a little pee-pee.” Well, no one knows the testicle-shriveling side effects of rampant steroid abuse like Tree. “There’s nuts in the balls,” Teresa chortles. Hang it up, Kathy Griffin– Bravo has a new Queen of Comedy. Teresa and Jacqueline enter the piano bar, whooping and shimmying in a repugnant effort to draw all attention to themselves. “I don’t know how many drinks we had,” Teresa confesses to us, “but we were havin a good time, so of course we had to put a show on for the crowd.” By crowd she means three or four unlucky boozers and by show, Jacqueline shoving the professional pianist aside and performing what sound like selections from a 5-year-old’s first recital. Teresa is yowling encouragement from the mic, and quite possibly butchers a couple of Journey hits, but Bravo is of course too cheap to license them. The segment mercifully ends.

Jacqui and Teresa stagger through the ship, marveling at how cool it is not to have to drive themselves home. Teresa interviews that “Once you get Jacqueline and I together, we’re nothing but trouble.” Especially for those that respect grammar. Obviously bored out of their minds, they ride an elevator up and down while Jacqueline gyrates her ample caboose against the cold glass. They end up on the dark, deserted upper deck. This is how tourists end up drowning, by the way. Teresa says “I feel like the Titanic!” The difference is only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Picture 26-8

“So, Jac… has yah husband evah screamed out a guy’s name while yah friggin wit his prostrate?”

Jew-Dice cabin. The next morning, Teresa gets the Goils up, wishing Milania a happy birthday. Feral wakes Joe, telling him she’s 4. Joe, brightening briefly at the realization that she’ll be out of the house in 14 years, sleepily cuddles her. “I’m planning this big birthday dinner for Milania,” Teresa tells us, “and she’s gonna be so excited to have this special night just for her.” Project much?

That night, the Jew-Dices make their way to “the private dining area”, which turns out to be full of total strangers, except for the very long table reserved for our group.

Laurita cabin. Jacqueline has apparently been in bed all day with an epically toxic hangover brought on by a lethal combo of mojitos, sea-sickness and, we can only assume, Teresa. Bleeecccchhh! With CJ crashed out next to her and the baby with his vase-slaying granny, Jacqui can’t pull it together for Feral’s 4th. Chris takes the bullet and goes solo “to represent”. Jacqueline says she’ll try to join him, but she’s not going anywhere. I know if I were her, I’d eat a pound of shrimp that had been festering in the sun for a week to get out of it.

Picture 27-5

Your nose isn’t just there for picking. You can breathe with it, too!

“Private” dining room. You can just picture those naughty tape editors rubbing their hands together with glee as Teresa interviews “Milania’ s SOOO excited” just before showing us the Jew-Dices arriving at the packed table and Feral Lemur instantly whining “I didn’t wanna get a eat party!” Teresa puts the bribe on the table, so to speak, by mentioning the cake that will come after dinner. “I just wanted to do everything in my power to make Milania feel special,” Teresa tells us, blissfully oblivious that this is exactly why this kid’s such a horror-show.

The Captain shows up to wish Feral a happy birthday. Shockingly, she manages to be civil and doesn’t throw breadsticks or sink her fangs into his ankle. Caroline asks Teresa’s father about the cuisine in his hometown. “The family make-a good food!” he assures her. Look, I’m not really one to talk. You should hear my Aunt Inmaculada try to order a pizza here. Teresa says her family reunion will be in the town of Sala Consilina and that she can’t wait to introduce Feral Lemur and Tawdriana to everyone. By the time the cake comes, The Pretty One and Feral are asleep in their chairs. It’s gorgeous, with a glistening top-coat of chocolate icing, surrounded by panettone slices, which Joe embarrassingly refers to as “potato chips”. Nice one, paisan.

Teresa shrilly prompts Milania to “Lookit yah cake!” Teresa interviews that “I was completely mortified,” as if she’s capable of feeling shame, and that Feral was fast asleep. Hardly. The little turd disappoints none of us, whining loudly: “I doan wannit!” and generally behaving like the fussiest, most charmless dingleberry to ever set cloven hoof on the Deranged Cunt. “I doan WANNIT!” Feral repeatedly squalls, not even deigning to open her enormous lemur-eyes.

Picture 28-5

OMFG! I would SO shake some sense into that.

Caroline asks about Naples and Teresa says it’s great, but you have to watch out for thieves, or “the mafioso“, as her dad colorfully puts it. “Dat I doan like,” Caroline quickly clarifies, lest of any of you think The Brownstone is some kind of Bada-Bing without the bare tits. If the group is lucky, maybe those thieves know a few kidnappers.

Laurita cabin. Jacqueline has made it out of bed, but is still feeling very woozy. “I couldn’t tell if the boat was swaying or it was my head” but her “whole equilibrium” was off. She goes back to bed. If you feel nauseated now, imagine having to endure Feral opening, then destroying, her birthday presents.

“Private” dining room. The conversation has turned to Jacqueline and how the real Jacqui is now back. “We lost Jacqueline for a little while,” Caroline tells everyone. “And then she had to deal with a lot of issues, emotionally”. So they’re basically blaming Danielle for Jacqueline’s behavior and Jacqueline for bringing Danielle into their jolly dysfunctional universe. Teresa says she “missed Jacqueline”, and “That’s who you wanna be around… people that make you laugh, make you happy…” So the opposite of your selfish, petulant, ungrateful kids. Caroline says the trip is “a blessing” and has the last word about all of them: “We’re not perfect, but we’re perfect for each other.” She might want to watch this season before making such a self-loathing statement…

NEXT WEEK: “Napoli, here we are!” Teresa shrieks. Like it couldn’t smell your perfume from the boat. At the family reunion, there’s a lot of kissing and feasting and drinking and Jersey ladies thanking god they live in a state with such cutting-edge mustache-removal technology. Danielle enlists the aid of a professional to find her biological mother. Slutty ex-teens of NJ, if you abandoned your baby during the Kennedy administration, get off the grid NOW. Feral and The Pretty One terrorize an entire bus:

Picture 29-7

Teresa tells Joe to shut up. Joe pushes strollers up steep village streets and tells Chris “This ain’t a f*ckin vacation.” You should have thought of that before you stuck it in, pal!

Picture 30-4

Leia LaBiblia is a former teen model.

108 Comments

  1. 1
    bBitz
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Just wanted to say I LOVE your title and photo! Awesome LOL! I promise to read the rest once I get done with my RHODC recap (gunshot). Bravo!

  2. 2
    skatt
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 2:09 pm

    I second that!! The Feral Child shots are classics, but the best is Danielle’s freakish E.T.-necked “do tell…” shot. Awesome.

  3. 3
    whoochile
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    I don’t know what it is about the feral lemur (favorite nickname ever), but I like her! She is who she is, no putting on airs for that child. Those nutso parents deserve her. Also, the thing about the lemur is that she is certainly not fake like that whackadoodle gia.

  4. 4
    PJMA
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    Attempting to name which one of those kids as the most obnoxious is like trying to decide which one of the Three Stooges was most hilarious. Can’t be done.

    There are some people who should not breed. Joe and Teresa to name two.

  5. 5
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 3:28 pm

    What a nice way to spend a little time on a Sun afternoon.I am not a LOLOLOL kinda gal,but I gotta say,this was a truly funny recap!

    Oh and btw,did you know that Caroline had kidney stones a few days before the trip and wasn’t feeling that great? Teresa knew this,but the selfish bitch still asked her to watch the kids!She also said on screen that her and Joe were going to do the nasty and that’s why she dumped the kids on Caroline and Albert.BUT,on her blog she says that Joe wasn’t feeling well and that’s why they babysat.She is such a fucking liar.

    Thanks for the recap :-)

    TC,Robin

  6. 6
    Imnotthere
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 3:51 pm

    Somewhere, out there, Twunty is smiling! You are doing a bang-up job Lela, thank you, as we had high expectations after being spoiled by Twunty. Perhaps you two were separated at birth?! How ’bout sharing a modeling picture from your past? Twunty graced us with a couple, we would love to see yours too! Excellent recap, as good as you are, I will be thankful when this season ends and those Jew-Dices are off to bankruptcy jail. The next couple weeks in real time should be interesting.

  7. 7
    Pixielated
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 4:05 pm

    OMG how can a child be so effing ugly? I think you’re insulting lemurs by comparing her to one, Leia. She looks like a dwarf (no offense to the little people–an unusually ugly dwarf) or a troll doll. She frightens me.

    With all the money she has spent on cosmetic procedures, why hasn’t Teresa had her hairline electrolysized? They’ve been doing that for years (Rita Hayworth had it). It would improve her looks 100%. Either that, or she should wear bangs.

    The Deranged Cunt! Hahahahaha!!

  8. 8
    Mr. Reality
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    I really couldn’t even watch this entire episode w/o turning it off. Milania should be forced to not talk/whine/yell on camera. That would make the episodes that she’s on so much better.

  9. 9
    dee
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 5:29 pm

    Thank you, Leia. I believe Twunty would be proud.

  10. 10
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    “The boat is the Costa Deliziosa, or, roughly translated, the Deranged Cunt.”

    HAHAHA!!! God, I hate Teresa. What a selfish pig she is, anyone care to wager on how long it will be before the Giudice’s file for divorce?? Juicy is a seething, steaming pile of rage – I like him a lot better like this, LOL.

    I hate Jacqueline more and more with every episode. She’s like a lumbering troll, she truly has no clue that she’s: fat, fugly and full of shit.

    I felt bad for Caroline and Albie too – I wonder how they got talked into it, because neither one has a problem saying, “NO”.

    BTW – The brats all look completely uncomfortable all the time – maybe that’s why they’re so miserable. How much shit can you weigh your kid down with?? When I was little, I used to flip out at turtle necks and snowsuits if the made me fee constrained in any way – these kids look like the can barely move half the time.

    Those kids are going to have a really hard time at the homeless shelter… Maybe Feral can learn how to make shanks out of one of those humongous hair ornaments.

  11. 11
    Pixielated
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 7:53 pm

    I was enjoying some of Juicy’s and Caroline’s comments about Teresa. And the way that Albert was holding Milania; it looks he’s carrying a box or a plate, not a child. Yep, this trip took a toll on some relationships.

  12. 12
    chemgal
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 7:54 pm

    I could go on and on regarding my hate of everything and anything Teresa. Going to be brief though this time. After a full night of rest, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

    1. Joe, regarding the dui, is like a teenaged girl, who knows she fucked up and got caught talking about the most popular girl but thinks if she repeats her version of the story often enough to enough people, it will become true and everyone will be on their side.

    2. I wonder if the trip was supposed to be couples only and the fits we saw were real and caused caving?

    3. Isn’t Chanel French? I live in Maine, so LL Bean is as couture as I get, maybe I’m wrong?

    4. Does Teresa ever watch her own kids? She tries so hard to convince us that she does everything, yet we never see her parenting, we have seen her serve pasta and meatballs once to her kids and the other times, we’ve seen her frig packed with boxed food and she gave her kids boxed waffles. She comes right out and says she’s bringing the grandparents to babysit and then so she asks the Manzo’s to babysit not to give her a break, but the grandparents admitting she’s done nothing all trip? Not a fan of Juicy, but he is 100% more comfortable with his kids then she is. the few times we’ve seen him with the kids (which is actually more then we see Tree with them) he actually seems like he knows what to do.

    5. I hate Teresa.

    6. I hate Teresa.

    7. Kind of liked not having a lot of Danielle on this week. Perhaps T is enough of a train wreck now that we don’t need her?

    8. I hate Teresa.

    9. Danielle mentions that Caroline had her investigated. Maybe this wasn’t an exaggeration of the truth and is how the book came to light.

    10. I hate Teresa.

    11. PCheez is right. My kids all have sensory issues with their clothes – as do I. In addition to using fragrance/dye free laundry products, how clothes fit make a difference. I thought I was lucky to be the recipient of a lot of hand me downs from a family living near my parents in NJ. The mom and grandmother shopped in some of the same boutiques as T and sometimes I see her girls in the same clothes I have for my daughter. But, while she likes them when she first sees them, they tend to be very uncomfortable. They have rough lace everywhere and the appliques are rough on the inside. We thought it was just us, but the family I pass things on to told me their girls can’t wear it either for similar reasons. Perhaps we’ve all just grown use to the feel of LL Bean fleece.

  13. 13
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    “Yep, this trip took a toll on some relationships.”

    I think so too, and I couldn’t be more thrilled.

    My loathing of Teresa also knows no bounds, and I noticed that Joe seems a lot more attuned to the kids than she does too. I hate her so much. BTW – Her father looks like he hates her, Juicy AND the kids.

    Juicy’s DUI story is pathetic, I notice in general he seems to just not really give a shit about convincing anyone of anything, except maybe his kids that everything will be okay. I almost feel bad for him because I think he’s in a major state of panic and depression, but WTF, why can’t he just tell Teresa, “NO SHOPPING, NOT EVEN GROCERIES.”

    Men are funny sometimes, if they think you take them for granted or abuse their trust, watch out… I’ve seen it happen with a few of my friends; and one smart and attractive woman who can show a man how much she appreciates him can fuck your marriage up in about 15 minutes. I trust my husband, but I also make sure he knows at the end of the day (figuratively) how much I appreciate him (Bless his heart, LOL). Teresa’s working Juicy like a pack animal, he’s going to start seeing her as the root of all his problems if she doesn’t cool it.

    As for the clothes @chemgal, my grandkids are ALL like that – sometimes even sock seams can drive the little ones up the wall. When the girls were little and had to dress up in fancy dresses or outfits, I always made sure they had soft undershirts with short sleeves, and slips, and sometimes would sew little remnants from softer material inside the dresses where the seams or ornamentation were rough. The boys hated tight collars, and stiff material – that was a little more difficult. But, other than dressing up we were all about the LL Bean stuff too – never had any complaints about that stuff! I can’t imagine how miserable Teresa’s kids must feel – she’s such a Narcissistic bitch, even their clothes are all about HER.

  14. 14
    chemgal
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:36 pm

    Socks, God the socks! My oldest could care less what I send him to school in but he perseverates on his socks! I literally spent almost $50 last year finding him socks that didn’t cause a meltdown every morning. Either seams weren’t placed right or bunched by his little toe or didn’t go high enough or went too high. Jesus tap dancing christ.

    Have I mentioned I hate Teresa?

  15. 15
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    LOL!! I’m cracking up…

    I think you may have mentioned that a few post back, LOL, LOL!!!!!

  16. 16
    LAC
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Jaysus, after this episode, my hate of Teresa has gone up into the stratosphere. Who the fuck runs people down trying to find a Chanel store in Venice – is this bitch crazy? Love. love the recap and the pix of Feral-lania – I laughed like a mofo each time. I don’t think the dentist has seen so much of the inside of her open whining yap as we have.

    And another episode of the Grand Duchess Danielle clutching the pearls and being shocked by bad behavior. Someone might want to remind skankerina that drunk guys are exactly how she made money – who would want to see her meat curtains sober?

  17. 17
    Anne McGill
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 9:04 pm

    I kept wondering why Tureesah was looking for Chanel in Italy. She might as well go shopping at The Gap. Aa far as the Eat Party, who could choke down food surrounded by that herd of UA’s (ugly Americans)? I’m with the feral kid, no eats, just let me shut my eyes and escape this nightmare. And one last thing, Joe’s DUI, repeating that story over and over is actually making the story less credible. No one can roll a truck and hit trees, wake up and run for a couple glasses of booze to cover their story. The whole thing is one big stupid lie. Why is it so hard to tell the truth?

    Great work, love your title, nod to a great book I’m reading. Get the feral kid sone mice to play with.

  18. 18
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 9:21 pm

    @LAC – Yeah, Teresa barreling through Venice with an entourage of screaming kids, fuming husbands, pissed off friends and exhausted jet-lagged elderly people looking for Chanelz definitely qualifies her as a crazy, selfish, self-centered bitch. LOL.

    I was actually getting tense watching that. I seriously can NOT imagine putting my parents through that chaos, much less pawning screaming children off on them. I won’t even let my dad pull a suitcase of a baggage carousel at the airport when I pick them up, and I make sure my car’s parked at the curb so they don’t have to haul across a massive parking tarmac after sitting in an airplane for however many hours. I’m sure Caroline and Albie were seriously pissed off about that, and they looked pretty exhausted too – GOD, I HATE TERESA.

    How messed up is it that I almost forget what a load of crazy Danielle is in the face of Teresa’s volcanic meltdown? LOL, you’re totally on the money though… she’s a piece of work too. I’d be willing to bet no one’s ever seen anything on her body when sober, including her ex-husband, haha.

  19. 19
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 15, 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Leia LaBiblia, I am offended! How rude of you to discuss Milania and not call her by her proper name. Zoboomafoo.

  20. 20
    reckless_Saturn
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 3:51 am

    I mostly read your recaps to see how you will shoehorn in a reference to being a teen model. Well done I didn’t see it coming this time.

  21. 21
    chemgal
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 4:20 am

    I hate Teresa. I still think Chanel is French, no? If she needed to go somewhere in Italy, aren’t Valentino, Prada, D&G or Versace Italian designers? Again, I live in LL Bean clothing so perhaps not being as fashionable about our lovely goombah, I may have missed the reason for searching for Chanel.

    I really, really don’t like Teresa and if I had testicles, I would sell one of them if I could see her spend a week in jail for committing fraud or see her lose her house and all the skinny italian profits went to pay the bills they owe.

    I hate her.

  22. 22
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 6:22 am

    Take a look at Alex’s Blog on Bravo, she is basically saying what we are all saying about Teresa looking for Chanel in Italy. With the many Italian designers that there are why are you searching for the French one in Italy.

    And why wasn’t anyone speaking Italian?

  23. 23
    Baxter
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 6:32 am

    chemgal- I am going to Portland, Maine next month and I’m so excited! I have never been up to that area and I think I’m going to fall in love with it.

  24. 24
    hlesczyn
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 6:36 am

    love the recap! hysterical!!

  25. 25
    chemgal
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 7:09 am

    @Baxter you ARE going to love Portland. It is a wonderful city with a great little arts district, incredible food and nice small shops in the old port. There is still a working water front – they haven’t touristed it up. There is a great running/walking/biking path along east end beach and the back bay area. The diversity is increasing as Portland has one of the few Somalian refugee centers in the nation, and it is 2nd or 3rd city in the country for gays and lesbians. There is a lot of money along the coast and in southern Maine (I read somewhere the state has more millionaires per capita than any other state) and it is reflected in the attitude and culture. Drive about 30 minutes outside this area and things are a lot different. 90% of the people are still great, but you do have 10% that are nasty hillbillies – mean spirited and chips on their shoulders the size of a 2 by 6. Inside Portland is just beautiful though and you are coming at a great time.

  26. 26
    Baxter
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 7:46 am

    Thanks Chemgal! We are staying at a hotel right in the art district so I’m really excited about it. I have only heard great things Portland.

    I’m only midway through the recap and I had to stop and comment on the picture of Joe w/ all those wine bottles which is hilarious. Thank you Leia for the laugh on a Monday morning!

    Also I agree with some of the other people commenting on Teresa and her mothering skills. She treats her kids like dolls. She dresses them up but doesn’t really show any emotional connection. I always feel uncomfortable watching her with them. She just looks so awkward.

  27. 27
    LAC
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 7:48 am

    @ Prodigal Cheez – are we tapping into each others minds or what? That is the way I felt! I just felt exhausted and irritated watching them running through the streets behind this frivolous moron. I wanted to bitch slap her right into the water, but I imagine that there is enough crap in the water as is.

  28. 28
    mere2142
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Chris thinks this mass pleasure trip should be annual event. “F*ck it, twice a year,” Joe adds, apparently unfamiliar with Kinko’s vacation policy.

    Okay this line made me spit diet coke all over my keyboard…at work…but so worth it. Fantastic recap for an episode that was truly painful to watch!

  29. 29
    jaimesommers
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 8:26 am

    I have always hated Teresa and her disgusting children. Feral Lemur is a perfect nickname for that hideous, ugly little gargoyle. Has anyone noticed how EXHAUSTED and unhealthy those kids always look? I imagine they have zero boundaries, zero routine, zero discipline. Kids are like dogs. They need all those things. Look at Caroline’s kids by contrast. I LOVED that Caroline told the brats to not splash other people in the hot tub. Do you think the idiot greedy white trash parents would have done that? They’re so gross and a representation of what’s wrong with this country.

  30. 30
    Faye
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 8:55 am

    Bless my corns Malania is one fugly ass kid..My sister’s ex-mother-in-law would called visually challenged children “Valentines” So anytime we were together and she would say “awww look at that sweet little Valentine” it took everything in me not to bust out laughing, bless my heart

  31. 31
    Snootchy Bootches
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 8:59 am

    That Teresa is nuts. On my first visit to Italy… I went to Ferragamo, bitches! On the Via dei Condotti even. :D

    Thanks for a great recap, LLB!

  32. 32
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:07 am

    It really is true about Teresa’s awful parenting, in the face of all the rest of her ugly bullshit I never really noticed it until this trip.

    All you ever see her do is take the kids in the car (without seatbelts!!!) for acting lessons, go shopping or order them to be “fabulous” for pictures – THE FUCKING PICTURES, the millions of pictures… Who does that BTW?? Those girls are going to grow up and look at those photos and not relate to a single one – “Oh, hey Gia – remember that outfit? Oh, look there’s a picture of the Gucci shoes…” She should actually try living a real life, instead of creating one for the photo albums.

    When Feralania was balancing on the prow of the gondola and Juicy told her to sit down AND SHE DIDN’T, I thought THIS is why permissive parenting is so bad. Forget the fact that the kids are unruly and miserable to be around, it’s just plain dangerous to the kids not to have boundaries.

    I always go back to my parents, but if I had done that I would have gotten spanked then and there and probably in a lot more trouble once back on land. It just didn’t occur to me at 4, 6, 10 years old to openly defy my parents on most things, certainly not right to their faces.

    Whatever these people are thinking about raising their kids, it should be apparent by now that it isn’t working. Their kids are miserable, unhappy, violent, rude and unable to function away from Teresa and Joe. When Caroline and Albie were watching them, I was appalled at how undisciplined and disrespectful they were. Personally, I would have marched the kids back up to the room and told the parents, “Look, I can’t control your kids and we’re on a boat in the middle of the ocean. They’re not safe, you’re going to have to find another solution or plan your time together differently.” And just out of curiosity, why didn’t Teresa and Jacqueline swap a few hours and trade watching each other’s kids? The whole thing was fucked up. I HATE TERESA SO MUCH.

    As for looking for Chanelz in Venice – here’s my question… Venice is world-reknowned for GLASS. VENETIAN GLASS. Not the fake, fugazi FAUX Venetian Glass Teresa and Joe put in the marble mausoleum – but true artisan produced, beautiful glass… glass beads, bowls, lamp shades, objects of art – WTF is WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE??? Go and buy a piece of Venetian glass to commemorate your trip, and leave to your daughters as a reminder of the time you all went to Venice and rode gondola’s through the city – YOU FUCKING SHALLOW MORON. You can’t AFFORD couture fashion, you can’t even afford off-the-rack designer labels…. GO TO TJ MAXX and dig through the racks, if it really matters hit up thrift shops in nice areas, GET A CLUE.

    PS – If she put her kids in stuff from Target or The Gap, and put them in dance or gymnastics lessons I’ll bet they would be much nicer kids. And other than Gia’s all for show birthday soiree, why aren’t these kids ever playing with other kids? They are always around, it’s like they never leave the house unless they’re on some mission with Teresa.

  33. 33
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:13 am

    @Faye – please publish a book with all these sayings in them, I just finished my rant then read your comment and busted out laughing. Seriously, that was Serenity pad-worthy. LOL.

    @LAC – “I wanted to bitch slap her right into the water, but I imagine that there is enough crap in the water as is.”

    HAHA!! Good one!!!

  34. 34
    shantigal
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:25 am

    Many hearts to you Leia for including the divine Divine, god rest her soul. I’d love to see her parenting the feral ones.

    What’s the deal with that ship being so empty? Did the other guests scatter when they saw Teresa & Jaq heading their way? Looks like they went in the off season since the lemurs had their winter coats on. Bravo must have got a helluva deal on that package.

  35. 35
    Faye
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:29 am

    @Prodigal Cheez … Yeah, my family is quite “colorful” and has a way with words. That is the excuse I use for a bunch of rude snobs with no filter, or as I call them, my 6 older sisters and my dearly departed mother, who once wrote on the tip line at a resturant after a horrifyinly bad experience for the waitress to “drop dead or get a nose job, whichever one was cheaper”

    I have decided Teresa is Gru and her daughters are the little minions

  36. 36
    ohralphie
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 11:03 am

    I can’t really blame Milania. I have kids and none of them would have handled a late(r) sit down dinner in an adult restaurant when they were 4. Thus, we never had that kind of party for them at that age. It would have been much more appropriate and fun to have had a poolside birthday lunch. But who am I kidding? This party, much like the house and the clothes and the cars and the spending, is all about Teresa. I honestly feel bad for Juicy. I can’t imagine the pressure he is under. I think that there is a divorce in the future and maybe with a little luck the little ‘Jew-Dices’ will get a step mom that is grounded, practical and maternal. Otherwise those girls are going to grow up to be nasty little beasts making lives miserable wherever they go.

  37. 37
    skatt
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 11:05 am

    LAC: I’m sure Danielle only worked at family friendly Alcohol/Coke free Titty Bars. You know, classy joints.

    PCheez: The disrespect towards ALL the elderly parents on this trip was astounding. Why someone didn’t just STOP dead in their tracks and just let Tereasa keep barreling towards Channel is beyond me.

  38. 38
    LAC
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 11:37 am

    @skatt- LOL!! Oh, rah-ther – In Danielle’s place of business, the clients drank their rum and coke with their pinky fingers extended.

    @Prodigal Cheez, thank you for that rant about the Venetian glass – seriously, that dimwit is in Venice and all she can worry about is Chanel and buying some gaudy piece of shit jewelry so that she can say she bought something? When we have traveled, I always try to find something unique to the area we are at. It is just a little token to remind me of a place we went.

  39. 39
    Yanksfan24
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 12:48 pm

    Before I read the recap…thanks for clearing that up Leia, you are certainly filled with useless yet humorous knowledge!!

  40. 40
    msjacqmills
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 12:55 pm

    Did you notice on her bravo blog, Teresa made it a point to say that her father-in-law bought her the ring? All of a sudden she needs everyone to know she’s not spending any money…huh.

  41. 41
    skatt
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 1:12 pm

    Msjacmills: I noticed in the article from a NJ newspaper someone linked to in last weeks’ thread that the Father- in- Law apparently is the actual owner of the Pizza place. So, I’m guessing they did some hefty asset transfers to him before declaring Bankruptcy. No wonder he looks so hyper-constipated every time they show him.

    I really hope the Feds appreciate all the work we’ve done for them, free of charge.

    Yanksfan24: Useless yet humorous knowledge- there is no greater gift.

  42. 42
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    Which one is the father-in-law? I thought the guy with the eyebrows who made the crack about mafiosa was Teresa’s birth-sperm donor? He always looks really irritated and disgusted.

    You know what I don’t get? Why does everyone think Jacqueline is so “fun”?? She’s a complete dumbass, and she looks like Mrs. Potatohead with bronzer. That whole scene when she and Teresa are trawling the deserted boat attempting to engage in whacky antics was just sad. And where was Caroline?

    Why don’t any of these women confront Teresa about her actions at the country club smack-down, and how they’re upset at how Ashley was exposed to it? Even though Jacqueline was just as guilty, where’s the dialogue? Jesus, even Bethenny and Krazy Kelly attempted to set some ground rules for future interactions. For that matter, where’s the conversation between Jacqueline and Teresa about changing times and having to cut back? The men are interacting more emotionally with their kids and within their own friendships more than the women do – these people are so ass-backwards.

    The conversation between Juicy and Chris about Danielle was actually kind of interesting; Chris really sees Jacqueline as a victim, he seems genuinely confused about how she’s gotten in the middle of it – but his biggest frustration is how much of her time it’s consuming. I wonder what his reaction was to seeing her stalk and stake-out Danielle at the club? That just seems like something he would be really upset with her over, he comes off as a pretty decent guy overall. Juicy on the other hand, his attitude about Danielle was really halfhearted – I think he knows Teresa’s creating a lot of the problems, and thinks the same of Jacqueline. He really seems disillusioned with his wife, I think it’s obvious he’s angry and the fact that she doesn’t really care is what’s breaking him down.

  43. 43
    katesmom
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 1:56 pm

    Did anyone see the news today that Danielle has been hired from RHONJ? Can it be true? Prayers really do work?

  44. 44
    katesmom
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 1:57 pm

    Crap! I meant fired, not hired!!! I just got so excited I couldn’t type!

  45. 45
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 2:03 pm

    Holy crap – it does look like she got fired! PLEASE, PLEASE Miss Andy let Teresa Giudice and Jacqueline Laurita be next..

  46. 46
    Faye
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 2:31 pm

    “She’s a complete dumbass, and she looks like Mrs. Potatohead with bronzer.”

    @Prodigal Cheez – The IT Department has threatned me with a bill for the keyboard I just destroyed with spit and diet coke..but it was soooo worth it

  47. 47
    katesmom
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 2:32 pm

    I think the lawsuit by Daniel Aguilar is bringing forth many sordid details from her past regarding prostitution (ho) and drugs. That, in addition to the sex tape, probably means that Bravo just can’t ignore it anymore and had to do something. I’m with you on Teresa and Jacqueline. In fact, get rid of all of them except Caroline and start over!

  48. 48
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

    @Prodigal Cheez: I completely agree with you on the whole Jacqueline is not fun. After watching Jacqueline’s behavior, especially during this episode, it is easy to see where Ashley gets her attitude from. Both of them go around acting like entitled, spoiled brats; who think that their obnoxious antics are socially acceptable because it is funny to them.

    Jacqueline is no more emotionally mature than a teenage girl and this immaturity has a huge influence Ashley. Seeing how Jacqueline gives a ton of insight into Ashley’s reaction to being brought up on assault charges. Ugh- nothing bothers me as much as irresponsible parenting- Teresa and Jacqueline are raising a bunch of Patrick Batemans.

    I wonder if Caroline is starting to doubt being on the show or at least being friends with Teresa and Jacqueline. It seems like she is trying to distance herself from them or at least she was until this trip to Italy. Caroline has her flaws and she doesn’t have the greatest qualities, but her behavior is head and shoulders above Teresa’s and Jacqueline’s. She is a much better mother than either of them and seems completely sane and grounded when compared to the rest of the cast.

    Her friendship with them is dragging her name and her character down into the mud. It would be smart of her to distance herself from them and she seems pragmatic enough to know that this is what she should be doing. Also it seems like it would hurt the image of Brownstone.

    Oh I so want to reach into my television and rip those bows off Teresa’s wailing banshee children. I remember how uncomfortable it was to be that dressed up when I was kid. It is obvious that Teresa sees her children as an extension and reflection of herself. She is more concerned with herself than with what is best for her children, and is more caught up in how her children are dressed than how they behave.

    What I don’t understand is why didn’t anyone say anything to Teresa when she took everybody on a death march to find a Chanel store? If I pulled that stunt with my friends or family, they would yell at me and tell me to snap out of it. My friends would care enough to confront me if I was acting that f-ing selfish.

    I think that these ladies do little of their own self reflection and thus aren’t able to help or guide each other in any type of personal discovery or emotional development. I think that they are really afraid to confront each other because then they would have to look at their own negative behaviors. Which may explain why Jacqueline and Teresa are talking about changing times. Also Teresa is a complete fraud and she is hell bent on selling this image of a cultured, intelligent, affluent woman. Her self worth is tied to the amount of money that spends. It is all very sad and pathetic to watch.

  49. 49
    skatt
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    PCheez: Ok, I went back and looked (God, I miss the days when I could just remember shit) and according to Joe’s very angry business partner, the Pizza Place is in Joe’s Dads name, so I don’t think that was Mr. Constipated-looking guy (my apologies to you, Mr. Constipated- looking guy, you have enough trouble).

    As far as Chris goes, I think he has so little actual respect for Jacqueline that he equates her friendship with Danielle as her being conned by some master manipulator.

    Katesmom: I’m lost. Is Aguilar the one that wrote the book about their escapades?

    Go read that article, the link is in comment #25 from last weeks thread. Very informative, especially the second page.

    I don’t know what Bravos gonna do with this bunch. Remember, as we saw, via Danielle’s “girlfriends” this season, we now know what the B-Team looks like.

  50. 50
    katesmom
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 3:09 pm

    Actually – I mis-stated this. Aguilar was deposed by Kevin Maher, one of Danielle’s ex-husband’s, who is suing Danielle. Aguilar is an ex-convict (of course) who was arrested along with Danielle in the kidnapping and extortion scheme that was detailed in the infamous book Cop Without A Badge written by Maher. In the deposition evidently Aguilar is providing a lot of sordid details about Danielle’s past. Does that help or just confuse more!?

  51. 51
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 4:18 pm

    Hmmmm… Hopping news day for the RHONJ it seems.

    The Giudice’s household auction has been delayed. What I don’t get, is why is it even remotely possible for them to stay in that house? Which is what the delay is over – leaving them with enough assets to refurnish the house. It looks like the kids will keep their furniture and belongings to avoid further damaging them – I’m on the fence about that. I would never opt to harm a child, but honestly normal kids in a normal situation where the parents have financial difficulties have to adjust, and unfortunately these children will too. It isn’t fair, it isn’t nice – but sometimes life isn’t fair or nice.

    What really pisses me off about this is Teresa’s arrogance – the court, the public, even assholes like me feel bad for her children; yet she just continues to lie and spend money she doesn’t have. On some level she thinks this is all going away, and they’ll get to keep all their fauxsessions – it’s sick that she’s using her kids to hide behind now.

    http://www.nj.com/entertainment/tv/index.ssf/2010/08/real_housewives_teresa_giudice.html

    @Bridget – I could not agree more, especially about Teresa’s Narcissism and the potential damage to the Brownstone!! Caroline HAS to be sitting back, cocking her head and going WTF?!?!?

    There’s so many freaking people on this show I can’t keep track – but all the seniors looked pissed off and disgusted at Feralania’s birthday eat party. I HATE TERESA.

  52. 52
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Oh, and here’s a thought on how to help Ashley earn some of that money for legal expenses – and not once again totally exclude and alienate her from her family – HIRE HER TO NANNY THE KIDS ON THE CRUISE. Trust me, she would not have fun – she would be saddled from breakfast to bedtime with 6 screaming kids while the adults actually enjoyed the vacation. Added plus – BIRTH CONTROL. She would probably triple up on it after spending 10 days in that madhouse.

  53. 53
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 4:33 pm

    Teresa just lacks common sense to me. I mean, what mother would put 6-foot vases in her home if they could topple so easily? She’s lucky those wild, feral children didn’t knock it down, onto one another.

    Also, how embarrased are these girls going to be when they look back at their childhood photos and see that they striking the same awkward pose in each one, with their mouths wide open as they shouted, “fabulous!” I would kill my mom…

    Kim G sure put her foot in it big time. This woman was trying so hard to get on the show..she was everywhere at once. Now, no one trusts her and since she helped press chages against Ashley and alienated Danielle, no one’s wants to hang with her anymore. So, unless she gets that lunch with Caroline and sons, her famewhore days are over. (did anyne even miss her this episode?)

    Bravo should put this franchise to bed after this season. Danielle is crazy (but she really did come off looking a lot less crazy than the others this season, with forclosure, hairpulling, and the antics of The Old One), Teresa is broke and vapid, Jaqueline is boring on her own), and Caroline has no storyline besides her loneliness and disinterested husband. We don’t care about Albie’s law future, lauren’s chubby bofriend, although we may care a little about chris’ business venture f only to know what he names it(Soaking Wet Car Wash? Buff My Body? Sponge and Spooge?).

  54. 54
    Pixielated
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Great thinking, PCheez! Only I think it would have caused violence, possibly murder, to occur.

    I have a slight familiarity with bankruptcy, and I believe that it is totally OK to transfer assets to someone else, but you have to do it something like 6 months to a year before filing. That gives an indication of how long they knew they were in trouble. They might have transferred the pizza place to protect it from creditors, also. They probably should have incorporated it, but with Teresa’s spending, she probably “pierced the corporate veil” by spending the pizza place’s profits directly.

    With a house, a certain dollar amount is protected by “homesteading.” I don’t remember if this is taken from the equity in the house or if it can be part of the debt. That may explain how they can stay in the house.

    Bankruptcy laws were toughened up several years ago, however, so the Guidices should tread carefully. There are a lot more restrictions on income and assets than there used to be.

  55. 55
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 5:12 pm

    “Great thinking, PCheez! Only I think it would have caused violence, possibly murder, to occur.” HAHA – Very possible @Pixielated!! We can only hope… ;)

    I don’t really care about them transferring the business generating assets, better to leave them with a source of income than on the dole; but her continuous spending and parties piss me off. I mean, why are they throwing a housewarming party for a place that’s in foreclosure, or close to it? Why is she buying leather coats on the way to lunch – she can’t afford either the lunch or the coat. Even the trip to Italy – Bravo may have paid for the trip, but Joe still needs to generate income – talk about playing the fiddle while Rome burns… Geesh! And the first thing she does when they land on Italian soil?? SHOP!!

    I can also understand needing a certain amount of assets to maintain a moderate standard of living – but they cannot afford even one month in that place. If they were moving to a smaller, more affordable place with the intent to live within their means -then let them keep their basic furniture – it’s mostly faux stuff with little residual value anyway. But one month in that house will probably run them well over $12K. It’s craziness – the house needs to go on the market and proceeds dispersed against what they owe. There are a lot of nice homes, in nice neighborhoods for rent these days – I say let the kids get a fresh start and give Joe some breathing room.

    I guess the attorney who is in receivership of the bankruptcy is pushing the standard of law on his case though. From what I’ve read, the extent he is going to to hold them accountable is rare, and only done in about 1% of all bankruptcies. The creditors are really pushing for maximum consequences because Joe forged mortgage papers, defrauded his partner, and he and Teresa both committed perjury. I think there’s more bad news coming, and Joe could end up being convicted of fraud – although I doubt he would serve time.

    Teresa was stupid, if they hadn’t been so visible in their mass-consumption the case would probably already have been discharged and chalked up to the economy, and their ignorance in not knowing how to handle their finances.

  56. 56
    chemgal
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 6:34 pm

    @pixielated a few weeks/months??? ago I posted either here or on RHONY? that I was at a party and people were talking about how easy bankruptcy is because they transfer anything of value to a trusted family member who signs it back over a few months later. Someone commented that they were a lawyer and this is illegal to do as it is an attempt to hide assets, which I believe the jew-dices were accused of doing (along with forging documents). So its not a stretch that the father would also lie about when Joe was drinking. Apparently, lying and conning is a family affair.

    Being well aware that Danielle is nuts, I have to point out that she is the only person who has had “outside” friends shown on the show. None of the other ladies seem to have any friends. Can they possibly not have any?

  57. 57
    Pixielated
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Wowee, PCheez, that is bad! I had no idea of the extent of wrongdoing on Joe’s part. I wonder what Teresa will do if he goes to prison? Yikes…we can only hope. Not that I would wish that on Joe; I feel sorry for the guy.

  58. 58
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 8:17 pm

    Everyone thinks the Giudices are lucky that they keep the house. Can you imagine living in that echoey hell once the remove the furniture? Sure, the kids keep their beds but Mommy no longer has her wedding ring, and Joe has no car, no license. Plus, the fact they have 8 acres means they are in the boonies. They will be absolutely miserable, big house and all!

  59. 59
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:01 pm

    @sarcasatire – they won’t be able keep it, the heating bills alone will bury them this winter; and utility companies don’t fuck around – one or two months of heating a 10K+ SF house will run into the thousands.

    I have a feeling Teresa will lose her wedding ring anyway, LOL. The blush ran screaming off of that rose this season, haha. Funny, how the wedding rings were the only REAL jewelry listed, isn’t it? And they were pretty unimpressive, for a girl who likes to be wowed with DYEMUNS.

    I kind of feel sorry for Juicy too @ Pixielated, I know he’s guilty as hell – but watching Teresa grind him down gave me a little more empathy for the guy. Even the DUI seems like a symptom of his being overwhelmed – he really looks stressed all the time now.

  60. 60
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:28 pm

    I am going to quote myself in reference to Teresa’s financial problems. Hey some has to, but:” Teresa is a complete fraud and she is hell bent on selling this image of a cultured, intelligent, affluent woman. Her self worth is tied to the amount of money that spends. It is all very sad and pathetic to watch.”

    I think that a lot of her spending problems stem from her need to valid herself through material goods and the more shit she can buy and the bigger house that she can afford this shows to everyone that she made it. She can keep the poverty at bay, keep her poor childhood at bay if she can spend whatever she wants.

    She is a trying to keep up appearances and is lying about the state of her family, so that she can still look good. Her value is tied up in how much money she has. And she is grinding down Joe, but at the same time he doesn’t seem to be making any attempts at helping Teresa understand the situation that they are in. He just sort of laughs her off and just tries to ignore her. Sometimes he attempts to get her to curb her spending. But he needs to sit her down and explain what is going. Yeah she is going to whine a lot and it is going to be tough having to deal with it, but what is worse dealing with her now or completely losing your house?

    She is going to be miserable in an empty house, not matter how big it is. She isn’t going to feel safe and secure without all her material good surrounding her.

    I feel like this change is going to be a blessing for her children. Maybe it will bring them down to earth and they will learned how not to be spoiled brats. I guess it depends if Teresa fills them with lies.

    @Chemgal: I think the only reason that Danielle has outside friends is because she got them through Bravo. Since she doesn’t interact with any of the other housewives, Miss Andy Cohen had to find her someone that she could talk to that weren’t her kids or her dogs. Who knows if that is true? That is just my cynical self talking. Watching them I get the feeling that her friends are kind of forced to be there. Just like the Manzos and Jew-dice all had to be together in Italy since Bravo was footing the bill for the cruise. Thankfully they were filming in the middle of winter- Bravo must have gotten a good deal..

  61. 61
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:31 pm

    @PCheez..not to mention the property taxes. But, as they receive $120K annually in ‘family loans’ (aka profit from businesses/investments kept in relatives’ names), I think they may be able to heat it..they do have some money.(well hidden) They just don’t have $11 million, nor do they have any interest in paying back what they owe, even on a smaller scale. There’s atleast one grifter couple per Housewives franchise. (Curtins, Salahis, Giudices)

    I actually think Teresa looks better this season. I mean she’s no 8..but when she dresses up, she’s a 7, if I’m feeling generous. Plus, her ass looks amazing! Sure, it’s the baby weight..I still haven’t lost mine since my baby (6.5 mos), and after being 118lbs, and now 45lbs ‘richer’, all I keep getting compliments on are my ass and ‘bubbies’. Too bad, they’ll be the first to go when the weight melts off… I love the stares when I wear tight jeans…finally I belong! Ha Ha!!

  62. 62
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 16, 2010 at 9:44 pm

    @Bridget..you’re right. Seeing this episode, you realize that Teresa comes from a poor, immigrant family that moved to the U.S. to start a life. Teresa probably saw other girls (not the ones in Paterson, the ones on TV) having things that she coveted. Things her parents couldn’t buy her. Once she got with Joe and he became successful, she latched onto that gravy train and rode it to ther altar. Then, she felt like she accomplished the ‘American Dream”. Which to her, is to get rich, and spend, spend, spend. The big house, the kids, the working husband, her SAHM status that doesn’t really stay-at-home but shops and ‘lunches’. Again..this girl mustv’e watched Dynasty in the 80′s because her idea of wealthy is to glitter and sparkle like nobody’s business. Forget taste and subtley, refinement and decorum. She’s flash for cash. Well..for all of her American Dreamz, she just woke up in the middle of an American Nightmare. Bankruptcy, debt, DWI, foreclosure, unemployment, litigation. All in the span of a few years..

  63. 63
    chemgal
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 4:39 am

    mark my words ladies, women like Teresa are like cats – they always wind up on their feet. She may lose some of her shit, but they will be back soon. They have hidden all the good stuff and no one will really take the time to find it. Joe will stick with his own gravy train, sex every night. I have seen smaller versions of the same women and know how they work. I’ve had one tell me, she has sex with her husband every night and in return, he doesn’t care about anything that she does or doesn’t do.

    That is the most frustrating part of all this. I wonder why any of us ever bother paying off our debts. And I blame the NJ government, this should be a slam dunk for them, the idiots can’t make it any easier.

    Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Teresa?

  64. 64
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 7:30 am

    Reading the comments I am getting a sense that some of you don’t care for Theresa???? LOL, ADD ME TO THE LIST!

    You have all said it so wonderfully, my only comment would be – Pcheez and Chemgal, would you be my new BFFs??? LOVE your comments!All I can add is that those demon spawn will be holy terrors in their teen years, and Theresa deserves all the “fun” she is going to have.

    LL – great job! I agree with you that if I were Danielle’s birth mother I would be applying to the Federal Witness Protection Program or moving to cave far, far away….

  65. 65
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 9:53 am

    Here’s another article about the Gaudy’s.

    http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/teresa_wild_spending_spree_wHRfcW25Xr…

  66. 66
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 9:56 am

    Oops.Sorry about that.

    http://www.nypost.com/p/pagesix/teresa_wild_spending_spree_wHRfcW25XrucWoPVjaD0nM

  67. 67
    skatt
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:01 am

    Njgasmifan: It isn’t so much that we don’t care for Teresa, I just think Chemgal stated it best in Comment #12, Numbers 5,6,8, and 10.

  68. 68
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:23 am

    @skatt – LOL, I think I get what she means…..

  69. 69
    chemgal
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:54 am

    @njgasmifan – I think its safe to assume you are a jersey girl as well? I grew up in Northern NJ so my hatred of this woman generates not only from her on air antics and legal shit, its also the fact that she makes it so much harder for Jersey to get the respect is so much deserves. At least everyone knows the Jersey Shore cast is NOT from NJ. There is only one word that I can think of for Teresa but I refuse to allow her to bring me to say it or even type it! I hate her!

  70. 70
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 11:42 am

    @Chemgal – Yes, I am from Northern NJ! This has been my beef since I first heard this show was going to air – NJ gets enough bad press as it is, we don’t need stupid, greedy, spoiled housewives adding to the negative press! When I see Bankruptcy Whore out on one of her spending sprees (like this is all we do in NJ is GO SHOPPING) it just burns my butt. I am so done with her, I hope they don’t invite her back next season. If that happens, she’ll be lucky to get hair bows at Wal-Mart instead of spending more on her kids accessories than I do on my mortgage……so can we be besties????? :-)

  71. 71
    chemgal
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 11:56 am

    @njgasmifan we sure can be! I live in Maine now and how I miss good bagels, bread, pizza!!!! and entenmann’s coffee cake! I also miss Jersey friendships. that is one thing that is portrayed well with Caroline. Growing up, that’s how people handled issues, face to face like she does when she calls out Teresa and Jaqueline. I think that’s why I like Cat from DC – she’s the least passive aggressive housewife so far. Passive aggressive seems to be the Maine state sport! I have been told it is a stoic New England thing. I hate it, so all my real friends up here are “from away”. I’ve been looking to recruit a new bestie so you’re in!

  72. 72
    tvaholic
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Man, it sucks when I actually have to work at work & am so busy at home that I am just now catching up on recaps!!

    I’ve never had a panic attack, but i think I came close while watching the Italian “vacation.” I would have jumped ship. I took one vacation with the family (parents, sisters & their families) & the only saving grace was that I built in 2 days for myself where I chose to not go along for the day’s activities & stayed at the rented house, poolside. Note to all parents of small children: unless it is offered, DO NOT assume that your fellow travelers, even if they are family, wouldn’t mind watching your kids while they are ON VACATION!!! If you want time away from your kids, leave them at home!! Otherwise, shut up & deal! Ok, I feel better now. BTW….I HATE TERESA!!! :)

    And as far as her parenting-I think a lot of blame lies in how she was raised. She always talks about how her dad spoiled her growing up & she got whatever she wanted. Her dad saw her as a princess doll, & now she’s doing the same to her litter. I want to know what he does for a living that he was able to afford spoilng her, anyone know?

    And how funny is it that the gaudy vase withstood 3 little monkeys running around the house, but give Jacq’s mom a glass of wine & down it goes!! Speaking of going down-I loved the Titanic/Teresa joke, how only 1500 went down on the Titanic!!

    I desperately want to visit Italy, but now I’m afraid if I go people will compare me to Tre & Joe. Oh wait, they’re both technically Italian, he was born there & she was conceived there. So they can’t blame America-there’s ugly all over the world!!!

  73. 73
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 12:16 pm

    Working at work chaps my ass!

  74. 74
    Faye
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    Last night Tree and Mighty Joe Young little minions looked like they were getting ready to Paso Doble to the theme from Gone With the Wind

  75. 75
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    What really got me about Theresa’s brat pack was that they had BOTH sets of grandparents with them – and STILL Caroline and Al had to watch them to give BW and Juicy “free time”. This means the little demons wore out TWO SETS of grandparents …and if I were Caroline I would have said “sorry, no – try watching them for yourselves for a change!”.

    @Chemgal – ok, we do have good bagels, pizza and Enteman’s but you can’t beat lobster rolls for a yummy bite! The one thing I do love about the NY/NJ area is that there is no time or tolerance for bullshit. We can come across as a bit harsh, but even friends sometimes need to hear it like it is! Some days I think I would like to live where the pace was different, but I know in my heart I would miss NJ> And I have been asked to bring bread to friends who live out of state…..LOL.

  76. 76
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 1:00 pm

    @njgasmifan: Pcheez and Chemgal, would you be my new BFFs??? awww and leave the rest of us out?

    I think Teresa and Joe’s financial hardship may be what is best for the children. Well it would be if the kids were older and they were more capable of understanding what was happening, and they could have jobs. But Juicy and T are not going to teach their children basic life survival skills or teach them the value of work and money. Struggle can be an important teacher and experiencing it is a necessary character builder.

    But what is too often the case is that parents try to keep their children from struggle. It is easier to cave and say yes than to stand by your decision and have to deal with backlash from your children. Just look at how Jacqueline parents Ashley. When Chris was talking to her about the lawyer he should of said that Ashley needs to pay for it for herself. And then when Ashley just laughed off the charges then she should have been left to her own devises to figure out a solution to the problem. I know Jacqueline said Ashley couldn’t go to Italy because she had to work- that just seemed like a bullshit excuse. I wonder if she had to stay behind to do community service? I am not going to believe that they are making her work unless I see it.

    If Joe gets it together and actually reigns in Teresa’s spending: the girls might actually start to hear the word no. Hell Teresa will have to hear the word no. Life isn’t always one giant oyster handing out whatever you desire. I am sorry to report to have to break the news like, also Santa Claus isn’t real.

    Sometimes you have to work, have to struggle to get what you want. Sometimes all you hear is no and it is important to learn how to accept and deal with not getting what you want; and then learn how to make opportunities happen for yourself.

    The whole bankruptcy may be a blessing?? An opportunity for Teresa to become more grounded and a time for her to teach her girls about boundaries, desire over needs and happiness isn’t based on getting stuff. But this is Teresa we are talking about. The woman who in the face of financial ruin continues to mindlessly consume. I do feel bad for her goils.

    Danielle also mentions on her blog that she isn’t thinking about Season 3
    (I did hear that the only part of she paid for the housewarming party was for the drink and food. Everything else: the lights, furniture, dance floor, was donated by the party planner. But I am sure that she had to pay for most of the party at the Brownstone because that place doesn’t need any more publicity. Also a portion of most of their blogs on Bravo is giving out plugs to various businesses and people.

    Danielle doesn’t even write about the episodes anymore. I surprised that Bravo isn’t making her do that. All her blog is about is how great her life is going, how wildly successful her daughters are , okay well one daughter, her plugging her book, website and music single, and the last 1/2 of it is her giving plugs to hair dressers, hair products, and a plastic surgeon. I think that she is doing this because it makes it seem like she is acting like the bigger person by not talking about the other women. But I am not buying- some idiots are- Danielle is one angry person and she can’t resist making negative comments about the other housewives. She hasn’t all of sudden become love and light, she is still borderline & personality disorder. Her delusions of grandeur and her paranoia has to make it impossible for her to be able to stop thinking and talking about the rest of cast; even if she isn’t slinging sh– on her blog.

    Oh yeah and she claims that she isn’t thinking about a Season Three RIGHT NOW. According the delusional diva she is considering many the incredible options that have been presented to her. No, Danielle, making a sex tape doesn’t not make you an actress. No, Danielle, that wasn’t a Hollywood director at the door, no he wasn’t here to discover you. Danielle that was the sheriff at the door. He was here to foreclose on your house.

    Danielle the only options that you have are related to the Housewife show. Sure clubs may let you perform your single, but that is because club producers are able to fill the club because they are featuring a Real Housewife. (The people who spend $20 to see you are idiots and the reason why the rest of the world laughs at us.)

    Your book is being sold because you are on some crappy reality show, if you weren’t on the show no one would give a damn about you and there would have been no book deal. Hell the Cuntess was even able to get a book deal b/c of the franchise and she is barely literate.

    Leave the show, leave your fame behind. You probably aren’t going to get a spin off show like Bethany because viewers don’t like you and they like Bethany. What would the show be about? Drinking water at a diner with Danny? Watching you overreact and alienate everyone that knows you? Listen to you rationalizing being crazy? Watch you display absolutely no self awareness? This is okay in bits and pieces, but this is not enough to carry a full time show.

    Alright. I will stop commenting for now. Not that I need to excuse my behavior, but commenting on mindless shows makes for a good break from working on my biology portfolio. Discuss the mechanics of quorum sensing bacteria can only keep me interested for so long because at my core lies the heart of a shallow, television obsessed, gossip monger.

  77. 77
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    @Classy Drunk: you aren’t just classy, but funny as well.

    “Working at work chaps my ass!”

  78. 78
    njgasmifan
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    @Bridget Miller – you are ALL besties to me, I love reading the comments as much as the recaps (and I enjoy reading the comments and recaps way more than I enjoy watching the show!). Don’t you wish we could all get together and bitchfest about the show?

  79. 79
    skatt
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Faye: (!!!!) I immediately thought of the classic “Gone With the Wind” sketch from “The Carol Burnett Show”.
    Teresa:”I had them especially made…”
    Me: We know you did, sweetheart. We know.

  80. 80
    Bridget Miller
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 1:18 pm

    Actually it has been reported that Danielle has been fired from Season 3. So her claims of other incredible options is not going to happen. Now she has enough free time to ruin her daughter’s modeling career and to try to force Jillian into a singing career which she has no talent for, so really she is just going to undermine all of Jillian’s self confidence.

    Teresa should be fire as well.

    @njgasmifan: I was just trying to be cute or funny or something. But yes it would be fun for all of us to get together to watch the show. Although we would have to have some sort of talking stick or else we would probably all talk over each other. Not saying that we don’t have manners, but the show does cause for some heated opinions to come to the surface. It would be a very loud party!

  81. 81
    Faye
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:15 pm

    Faye: (!!!!) I immediately thought of the classic “Gone With the Wind” sketch from “The Carol Burnett Show”.

    @skatt – does it get any funnier than her leaving the curtain rod in the dress!!!

  82. 82
    marijai
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    I want to be someone’s bestie!! *POUTS* It’s because of Twunty and all the hilarious comments you bitches make that made me start keeping up with this crap and rotting my brain. Y’all owe me something! :-P

    LOL!!!
    I really do enjoy everyone’s comments!

  83. 83
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    @njgasmifan “Pcheez and Chemgal, would you be my new BFFs??? LOVE your comments!”

    Color me in, and right back at’cha! And same to you Bridget MIller. I also agree on the bitch-fest, and we’ll have to make it BYOB because I will need to drink A LOT!! LOL.

    I’m at work, which is also chapping my ass @classy drunk, becuase I’m missing all the action on here!! – And watching the 2nd part of the trip from Hell… OY.

    I actually can’t wait to get home just so I can bounce back on here!! Love you guys! :)

  84. 84
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm

    I’ll be your bestie @marijai, LOL. The lunch table’s big enough for all of us I think! ;)

  85. 85
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    @Faye: Hilarious!!

  86. 86
    Pixielated
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 3:24 pm

    @Chemgal, bankruptcy is in Federal jurisdiction, so NJ can’t be held accountable for that. Breaking the law is another story, unless it’s Federal law (i.e., bankruptcy).

    Don’t they have Entenmann’s in Maine? We have it here in Arizona!

    If I were Danielle’s plastic surgeon and she gave me an endorsement, I would sue her for libel! Man, that bitch looks awful!

    Carol Burnett with the curtain rod in her dress–one of the GREATEST moments in the history of TV! I can still picture her coming down the staircase with that haughty, proud expression on her face. LOL

    Don’t they have TV shows for people like Teresa? Dr. Phil, maybe? Intervention?

  87. 87
    marijai
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 4:04 pm

    @Cheez…thank you and I will cook all the southern food you want! :)

  88. 88
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 8:22 pm

    It’s a deal @maijai!! But we can still be BFF’s even if you don’t, LOL!!

    My head is bursting with Teresa hate to the extent that I can barely concentrate on the DC bitches. I may need professional help at this point… LOL.

  89. 89
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:12 pm

    OMFG – I just read Robinez’s (how I missed it, I have NO idea) link – WTF, WTF, WTF!!!!!!!!!!

    Teresa went on a $60K spending spree days AFTER filing for bankruptcy. $8800 for curtains, and $45000 for wall hangings, mirrors, tables, frames, urns and chairs…. I actually didn’t think it was possible to hate this woman more than I already do. She isn’t stupid, she’s sick.

    I was starting to feel sorry for Juicy, but he’s clearly supplying her with cash to spend – what an asshole. He sweatily snaps at the reporters, “None of your business! Back off before I get pissed!”

    Are you fucking kidding me?? None of our business?? Seriously asshole?? You spent money you didn’t have which creates a deficit to your creditors, that gets passed along to all of us; then before you’ve even finished filing for that monumental financial disaster, you load your stupid, arrogant, shrill, whore of a wife up with more cash – THAT DOESN’t BELONG TO YOU – and send her out on another grotesque, gluttonous, materialistic spree to furnish a house YOU HAVE NOT PAID FOR, NOR CAN YOU AFFORD. And you actually think anyone’s worried about YOU being pissed off?? Fuck you.

    You know how I felt bad for your kids? I reevaluated that – I feel bad for the kids whose families won’t be able to buy them birthday or Christmas presents this year because they can’t afford the credit card interest rates you and that disgusting piece of shit wife of yours passed along to all of us. Your kids will grow up to be reflections of you, and your ugly sense of entitlement and expectations. They will also learn that if you lie well and often enough people will believe the lies you tell, and unwittingly participate with you in defrauding friends, colleagues, business associates and anyone else who is unfortunate enough to do business with you. I hope you and the missing link you reluctantly stick your dick into at night end up in the darkest, dankest most piss-covered shelter in Paterson, and that your cot-mates are former business associates of yours.

    $60,000 on decorations for your house. You scumbags aren’t even intelligent enough to buy things that retain their value for more longer than it takes to unload them off the truck. You IDIOTS.

  90. 90
    Pixielated
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:20 pm

    Maybe you’ll feel better when you realize how much money credit card companies make, PCheez. If they’re raising their rates, it’s not because they lost money on the Giudices. That’s just a tiny little blip on their radar. I am not defending the Giudices, but credit cards are one of the biggest, loan-shark level scams there is. And they have such a powerful lobby in DC that they’ll never have to change their ways. Them and the car dealers.

    You know who owns the credit cards, right? Banks. The ones that get a government bailout whenever they screw up.

  91. 91
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    Oh, I know @Pixielated.. I know more about banks than I ever wanted to, and I hate them just as much, LOL.

    But this crap just completely pissed me off, at this point I don’t know even know why I’m watching this woman to be honest. I’ve definitely suffered in this economy, and done so even while doing everything I’m supposed to and working my ass off. Not paying a bill, or spending money I know I can’t afford to spend just goes against my character. I agonize over doing the right thing sometimes even if I know it might make things harder for the short term. Watching and hearing about the Giudice’s conspicuous consumption, and how totally remorseless they are about what they’ve done just infuriates me.

    I know life isn’t fair, I don’t expect it to be or need it to be – but knowing that they will probably get away with this, and have learned nothing from it just makes me so angry. I don’t think I’ve ever disliked anyone on a TV show as much as I detest her – including Jill Z., and that was one hard act to follow… Serenity now, serenity now…. deep breaths, LOL.

    Oh, and I had a really frustrating day today trying to get paid for something significant that I’m carrying on my limited credit line – and after 90 days, no go. So, yeah…

  92. 92
    Pixielated
    Posted August 17, 2010 at 11:42 pm

    Yes, I agree that it is so frustrating to see people apparently profiting from bad behavior when one is behaving correctly and struggling. But would you want to put up with any of them? They are in their own hell and they’ll realize it eventually. (I think Joe is starting to already, and will be pickling himself in alcohol from now on.)

    Payback is a bitch, and it will come. Maybe not on the schedule WE want it to, but it will.When the “goils” hit their teens for sure! LOL

  93. 93
    lawyergal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 5:59 am

    I don’t feel sorry for the credit card companies and the banks, as they factor losses in like the Juicy’s as the cost of doing business. I feel sorry for all of the small business owners, and Juicy Joe’s own partners who he screwed! As a small business owner myself, if a client bankrupts a fee owed to me, it really hurts the bottom line. It affects my income, and what I pay my employees directly (less money for bonuses and raises). Essentially, it is money out of our pockets, and that is exactly what Juicy did. He has taken money directly out of the pockets of the business owners and his partners, and put that money into drapes for his house.

    And, then, when I hear they actually paid for some of this trip (I assumed it was on Bravo’s dime). It is disgusting. Here’s a thought, radical though it may be: responsibility. Stop spending money. Pay your debts. UGH.

  94. 94
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 7:31 am

    @lawyergal – You said it much better than I did, and it really clarified why it makes me so angry. I’m a small business owner too – and having someone either just not pay me, or bankrupt a bill owed really hits hard.

    Knowing they filed for bankruptcy, or a “fresh start” as Teresa thinks of it, then continued to spend and live lavishly actually enrages me. This season all took place post-filing, and she has thrown huge and expensive parties, shopped excessively, bragged about her new house, had children she can’t pay for, gone to Italy in a style probably only British royalty can relate to (dozens of bags, bringing an entire family) – which apparently cost Joe quite a bit out of pocket, and has not once shown any awareness or concern about her economic status, or even the changing economy. In fact the only thing I’ve ever heard her say about the economy was last season when she said she “heard the economy was bad, that’s why I always pay cash..” before plunking down $120,000 in cash in a furniture store. In retrospect it’s clear that money wasn’t really hers to spend.

    Watching this season, I thought Joe was stressed and seemed to understand that his wife has a serious problem – then I read the article from the NY Post, and I realized he’s enabling her, and protecting her ability to continue to spend money that really isn’t theirs to spend – while erroneously and arrogantly assuming it isn’t anyone else’s business. They haven’t learned a thing – and they’re already on their way to doing it all over again… I want them to pay, but like Pixielated said it probably won’t happen the way we all hope it will.

    And here I am at work, on TVgasm, talking about the Hairball Clan again… LOL.

  95. 95
    chemgal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 7:59 am

    Can’t the judge throw out their bankruptcy? And does anyone know if they get to keep the house and then turn around and sell it in a few months, do they get to keep any money they make or does the bank that held the mortgage get it?

    My issue is that even if they are using money from her book earned after filing, while they may not have a legal obligation to use that money to pay people back, why oh why don’t they feel they have an ethical or moral obligation to do so? There isn’t a word to describe this woman that is truly fitting and I haven’t felt sorry for her husband at all. He is just as low (and in fact I think lower since he knowingly committed fraud, knowingly cheated people out of money, knowingly allowed his tenants to pay him money and allowed them to go without heat or water for any period of time, drove drunk, lied about it, knowingly drove with a suspended license – he did it all knowing it was wrong and didn’t give a shit) He just as much as her thinks he is above it all.

    Danielle did wrong, and I’m not excusing it, but hers was done at a young age, probably while caught up in drug use and hurt others involved in the same shady world as her own. She does some very questionable shit now too, I recognize that. The jewdices however, are no better than grifters and are leaving a wake of financial ruin for people who are innocent of any wrong doing, just trying to run a business.

    I don’t give them a free pass on hurting the banks and credit card companies, regardless of the companies policy of writing off loses. Just because someone expects you to misbehave, doesn’t excuse the misbehavior. If all of us didn’t pay because they factor in losses or because they make money, credit lines would dry up for all of us. That’s what happened with the mortgage industry. Loans were given to those that couldn’t or wouldn’t pay up and it caused a loaning freeze hurting people who could and would pay their mortgage. Credit card companies and banks are businesses too and entitled to make a profit. They allow folks that use them to purchase and use homes, cars, and other items without having saved up the full amount to do so.

  96. 96
    tvaholic
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:27 am

    I’ve been Googling for details, but does anyone know-was the bankruptcy filing only for his business or was it personal as well? I work for a small business too, & when one of our small business customers files, we are usually told via a letter if it is just the business or if the owner is filing for personal protection as well. I don’t know all the laws & rules surrounding bankruptcy protection, but I imagine the reason why the judge said what he did in that article Robin posted is that he can’t go after them for money spent that is not technically business-related. They may be getting money thrown their way from family & friends, & since there is no court order telling them they have to pay off their debtors, they are free, right now, to be obnoxious a-holes & blow it on ugly curtains. I’m willing to bet her dad is still spoiling his princess, and is worried what she’d do if she didn’t have leopard-print pantsuits & stiletto boots to wear as she walks all over the crushed futures of the small businesses her & Joe helped to destroy-kind of like a drag queen Godzilla.

    I did find this little tidbit while Googling “Guidice Bankruptcy,” a little article about how Teresa is doing her part & returning to the work force.

    http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2010/08/03/2010-08-03_real_housewives_of_new_jersey_star_teresa_giudice_staves_off_bankruptcy_with_tan.html

  97. 97
    Alison Zimmerman
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 8:56 am

    Oh, how I am so looking forward to next week! It is the final episode of this trashy season, and I get get back that hour of my monday night where I could be doing something usefull like watching the back of my eye lids!

    So, I have come to the conclusion, that Tree and Juciy take those brats on every vacation they go on. I could tell by the way that Milania threw a tissy! I think I even heard Gia, say what why can’t we go?

    If I were in Carolines shoes, I would have been the same way with those kids. I mean come one, she was passing kidney stones!! If that were my husband and I, traveling with a bunch of crazy’s I would have asked for our room on the other side of that freakin ship!!

    There has been a rule in our family for about 7 years now, that if the child is sleeping, you don’t wake them up! ok ok unless the house is on fire, or the car, but you get it. I made that rule when I was a nanny, you wake her, you take her! Cause we all know what happens, and we saw it in this episode. I mean come on Tree, you don’t “throw a dinner party” and have dinner be so freaking late that 3 of your 4 brats are asleep at the table! Hell even CJ was out like a light, and he was in bed with Jaq!

    One last thing, and rant is over, who in the hell goes on a 60,000 dollar shopping spree and an Italian vacation when they are in debt up to their hairline?? Oh wait, never mind! Freaking idiots! I am so glad that I am going to be paying their interest on the 1 emergency credit card that we have….

    Rant over! Hope you all have a great day!

  98. 98
    Phish Phiend
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 12:21 pm

    First of all, growing up hearing impaired, I always heard “Voila” as WAHLAH, and always said it that way – until now. I refuse to say anything the way that twat says it.

    Secondly… when I turned 18, the lure of being able to apply for credit was beyond enticing to me. I grew up with morals, values, common sense, but like any teenager, temptation was hard to turn down at times. My mother did her best to ward me off of serious trouble – telling me to bring any credit card applications to her and she will tell me if its a good APR, etc. She knew she couldn’t STOP me, but she knew way more about it than I did, and could hopefully prevent me from doing some serious damage.

    at 18.5 years old, I had 6 grand in debt. Not a whole lot, comparably, and certainly not all my fault, thanks to a thieving ex who continued to use my card and changed the billing address to HIS address after we broke up.

    Obviously, my credit score suffered greatly. 10 years later, I still working to re-establish credit. I have a Capital One card that I purchase one thing on monthly (and promptly pay off). For no reason other than to work towards re-establishing credit. Maybe because I am not famous, my credit problems weren’t swept under the rug. I’m glad it wasn’t because I now have a HELL of a greater understanding how it works, and how positively frickin damaging not having good credit was 5 years ago, and ESPECIALLY now in this economy.

    I couldn’t (nor would I have) declare debt, instead I had to work extra hours to work towards paying the debt off. It sucked, but boy is that a huge lesson. Teresa has not, and likely will not, learn her lesson. Her extreme spending is a direct slap in the face to many people out there. She is too stupid to realize that at the BARE MINIMUM, spending all that money SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DONE ON CAMERA.

    Karma is a bitch, and a good friend of mine. They will definitely get their comeuppance in some way, shape or form. I don’t have faith in many things, but I definitely have faith that ugly, selfish bitches like her get what’s coming to them. They are beyond ridiculous, a disgrace to those of us who work our asses off to be able to provide for even the basic necessities in life, much LESS pricey unnecessary items.

    And Joe gets not one lick of sympathy for me, because as its been said – he enables her. He does nothing to stop her, nothing to try and drill it into her head JUST how serious this situation is, nothing. So he is just as bad; while he may not directly be doing the spending, he is her accomplice in this whole thieving scheme, so he gets no pity from me. He would do much better to explain to Teresa (using the most dumbed down terms possible…) that the money tree she thinks he has only exists in a figment of her imagination. But he doesn’t have the balls to do that. He would rather pass the debt off to the rest of us and keep his shrew of a wife happy.

    Enjoy that karma, bitches.

  99. 99
    chemgal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 6:41 pm

    Read on Michael K today that Danielle was fired because the rest of the cast threatened to leave otherwise. Thinking the producers did not choose well.

  100. 100
    chemgal
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 6:42 pm

    Its only fitting that comment #100 is “I hate Teresa”. Thank you and have a good night.

  101. 101
    Pixielated
    Posted August 18, 2010 at 6:53 pm

    @Lawyergal–well said! Banks bring a lot of this shit on themselves, as you can see from Phish Phiend’s comment. When I was in college, my income was about $13,000 a year, and I was offered credit cards constantly. I had five or six cards totalling about $10,000 in credit. They prey on college students because they are vulnerable, as Phiend stated.

    There must be some recourse for the bankruptcy judge and creditors when the Giudices’ bankrupty filing is so obviously in bad faith. I am starting to think that it was Joe’s business that filed; therefore, only the business’s assets are frozen.

    They sure aren’t doing themselves any favors by doing all this in front of the cameras. And if any of these debts are mob-related? Fugeddaboutit!

  102. 102
    Maria Velis
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:48 am

    Theresa is a MORON trying to wake up a sleeping child.
    She should know better.

  103. 103
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 8:27 pm

    Here is another one! This attorney must have a Teresa for a wife too.It must be.Because I cannot believe that he believe’s what came out of his mouth otherwise.

    TC,Robin

    http://tvwatch.people.com/2010/08/17/attorney-defends-teresa-giudices-alleged-60000-shopping-spree/

  104. 104
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 9:43 pm

    Fuck You captcha I have written 3 posts…enough….

  105. 105
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    Yeah..if you take too long writing it won’t captcha

  106. 106
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Ctrl + C to every post I make..so if the 1st try it doesn’t captcha, I can Crtl + V it right back into place

  107. 107
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:45 pm

    shanks Tarcas.I know how to cc&p.But I guess I allowed the lazy to get to me :-) Sorry for the vulgar language.

    I read the post that I provided and it made me really mad.I appologise to everyone for my outburst.

    I just couldn’t believe what the attorney had to say.As if he is saying that Teresa is too smart to put the $ in the bank! Then the creditors might decide how it is to be disbursed!!And ,of course,this is DIFFERENT MONEY! This isn’t money to pay anyone back! There is some other money out there that needs to be used to pay people back.If Lassie finds it a well then we will use the well money to start paying people back…if there is enough..and after we pay Lassie..

    I have had a credit line with a paint,hardware and lumber place since 1987.The people that own the store have known me since I was a kid.The first of the year everyone got a letter that said the credit lines would be lowered.Want to guess why? Now,because people like the Gaudy’s haven’t paid their bills the Co.is forced to lower the credit lines to lower the risk.

    My husband also got laid off after 17 yrs at the same co.recently.So my tolerence for folks like them is nil.And then,of course,I take it out on captcha and subject my friends to vulgarity..

    Hugs,Robin

  108. 108
    Robin Robinez
    Posted August 19, 2010 at 10:50 pm

    correction link” provided not post”

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