RHONJ: Just Call Me Prosecution Whore

By Twunty McSlore | Wednesday, July 28, 2010 | 2:40 pm | 106 Comments

Tagged: drunken furries, housewives, I hate white people! there! i said it!, if you don't have anything nice to say you're reading the right recap, love your new apartment!, parody, real housewives of new jersey, recap, scat is the new onyx, spoof, squidward wants his sweater back, TV, tvgasm, twunty mcslore, used gi is skeevy

Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

njk42copy

I was so happy while watching this episode. Giddy, really! It was as if the vodka fairy came a knocking on my door with a lifetime supply of Grey Goose, and then a knight with shining armor made of equal parts ativan and percocet came riding up behind her. Joy! Love and light! Unicorns and cartwheels! Satchels of Gold!

Who am I kidding. IT SUCKED.
At least it started out with some cuteness. I love watching midget wrestling! Or Karate or whatever you call it. Taekwondo for future hobos? I get a real kick out of it, I swear! By the way, I’m just going to add exclamation points to random sentences in order to give the (false) impression of enthusiasm. It worked in 5th grade, why not now?

The little crumb grabbers need some way to get out their primeval primate aggression anyway, but before the wee scat pack can leave with Juicy, Teresa has to do their hair. I was going to give her shit for it until I realized that it’s probably a good idea to get some barrettes or ponytails in those mops since they’re going to be kicking and punching each other. Poor Gabby gets an owie because mommy brushed her face by mistake.

njk1 Geez, Teresa, ease up. She’s not as hairy as YOU.

Pulling back all those luscious locks is a good thing because grabbing your sparring partner’s hair is unsportsman-like! Actually, I have a really good suggestion. Shave their heads! Then Teresa can make wigs out of the hair and style them at her leisure between getting hit from behind and overseeing Nona’s housekeeping.
I’m so good at this. I should be the Suze Ormond of housewife tips. I’ll even write a book!

By the way, why the hell did none of you whores tell me that Bravo had a housewives book out? I had to find out at the cocktail mixer at my weekly Closet Racist meeting! I expect more from you sluts! You are not cutting it! From now on I’m punishing you by being at least FOUR recaps behind. So there!

And the auction. I am so jealous of njgasmfan. I want to go, BAD, and now that they’re auctioning off everything including the kid’s bedroom sets, the head shaving will save money on bows and save time when Teresa finds herself in a rush to make it to the pizza parlor on time to get the dough ready. Ooo, it’s gotta be hot in that kitchen in July. Yikes.

njk1b It’s a good thing she has a built-in sweatband

I do feel sorry for the girls, seriously, especially Gia. She’s going to have the most solid memories of living in the marble and onyx monstrosity. It’s got to suck to go from an embarrassment of riches to living like a regular schlub, but guess what? It isn’t too late for them to learn from it and it will build character, unlike Ashley and her predicament.

Anyhoodle, they get to the Martial Arts studio and change into their gi, and it’s actually not completely revolting to watch them have fun with Daddy Poorbucks, bowing to the others and showing respect.

njk3

“Bow to the nice teacher, girls, yer gunna need this training to help daddy fight off those bill collectors.”

I know a few people that grew up doing this stuff, like jeet kune do, including Mr. McSlore. They all became highly successful and insanely motivated. It’s an awesome thing to get your kid into, and if I hadn’t had that D&C my fully realized zygote would be at classes right now.

Oh my gawd. Milania looks like Teresa’s daddy. Compare and contrast, Gasmii, compare and contrast.

milaniapapa copy Her hairline is DOOMED.

They giggle and jab and kick and then gang up on Gia because Juicy promised them a really good hot dog if they beat the crap out of her. Sigh. Lovely to behold. How about we get rid of Teresa and turn the show into The Simple Life, with Joe and his four Schmoes traversing the country in an Econoline van, picking up adventures where they may? Please God, I mean Miss Andy?

njk5 Next time put them in those little sumo wrestling suits. I love that shit.

I have the perfect guy for the soon-to-be single Teresa. He’s loaded and likes ‘em hairy and stupid.
Drunk_Muppet I didn’t specify MONEY loaded.

I like the cushy pink matted floor. I wonder if Bravo donated it from their extensive cache of Top Design rejects. I’m going to need an entire room of that stuff when this season is over, walls and ceiling included, right after I’m done rounding out my collection of Nazi memorabilia and pressing all my white robes.

The Giudice goobers aren’t the only ones getting their exercise today. Danielle has decided to protect herself from psycho aggro Jersey wummin and has allowed herself and her daughters to be dragged to a gym by Danny.

njk7 By the face, apparently.

The instructor is crazy hot. I don’t know how Danielle keeps her tights from falling down around her ankles. Maybe she has a special contraption that attaches any fabric in her crotchal area to her cootchie piercing. I think I saw that for sail in the SEEN ON TV aisle at CVS.

Christine is up first and she does really well. I don’t think that this is her first time in a boxing ring. Little Jillian does well too. How did they turn out so sweet and normal? Say what you want about Danielle but she raised two decent girls. She saves most of her drama for the cameras and you never hear one word about her being two faced, only insane. Oh my God, I’m defending a lunatic!

njk6 Your mother is smarter than I thought!

Think about it for a second while I salivate over the instructor some more.

njk9 Mr McSlore is off golfing with a guy from work today. I’m home all alo-one….tee hee…….ack! Danny, get out of the frame!

She baits a teenager that she KNOWS will take the bait and run amok with it. She knows this kid. She says later that she drove her to school and listened to her complaints all last year when she was getting shitty grades and blaming everything wrong in her life on her mommy’s ridiculously high expectations of a 1.5 average.

It doesn’t take a genius to understand the mind of a teenager. They are outrageous drama queens, self absorbed and drunk on their newfound power and independence. They think that no one has ever felt or experienced anything as much as they have. Their first kiss is the most important first kiss in the history of the universe, and the first time they jump to a logical conclusion on their own, they think they’re freaking Aristotle.

Danielle understands this. She also understands that teens are conversely insecure. They will agonize over the tiniest slight and dream up heroic acts of defiance that will to prove to the world that they are superior to the offending party, and that- no! They do NOT have fat arms.

Joker Face bet the odds that Ashley or one of the wummin would lose it, and she won! All she had to do was poke a bit here, prod a bit there and obfuscate the facts a willy nilly. She never even broke a sweat! That’s a good thing, frankly.

njk11 It probably smells of Vagasil and weave glue.

The hot guy shows her how to defend herself if anyone ever approaches her from behind again- insert doggy style joke here- so that she can protect her vulnerable side. Just give her a goalie mask, dude. It’ll save us all a lot of trouble. Or teach her some of that martial arts stuff, like the Giudice kids.

njk10 Taekwondog

Slightly off topic here- why the fuck does granny Eve live in a house the size of Hearts Castle? It has two turrets, for chrissakes! Who needs all that space? Does she take in boarders? Is she running a halfway house for former prostitution hoowahs?

I wonder if she makes her guests wear little bells around their necks so that they won’t get lost. You’d need to hand them a GPS when they walked through the door and hire an army of Merry Maids to keep the place dusted.

njk12 Or Nona and Papa. I hear they’ll have more free time after the auction.

Jackie is paying a visit along with baby Nicholas. She’s wearing Ed Hardy. HE has had to listen to more bullshit in his young life than most of us endure in a lifetime. Can you imagine if he were just one year older? He’d be scarred for life.

Jackie is still doing damage control. Sure, she’s upset that her daughter lost her temper but does she have to keep insisting that she thought she went home? PUH-LEASE. If you go back and watch the last episode they were standing together before the hair pullung jostling with the Teresabeast.

That also proves that Ashley knew that her mother wasn’t hurt. We have eyes, Jacqueline. We can see you and all the contemptable daffy shenanigans that you and your kid try to pull over on us. I still think that Ashley would have done WAY worse if she thought her mom was hurt. It would have fed her hatred and her need to be validated by her family, all at the same time.

Eve wants to make sure that Jacqueline understands that Ashley did indeed pull out Danielle’s weave. She saw it. She smelled it. She brushed the spooge droppings from it off of her mini skirt.

She also gives her a head’s up that Danielle might be planning to press assault charges. Jackie says that Ash will deserve it if Danielle does something. I say that Jackie is more upset that Ashley didn’t listen to her, and the subsequent family embarrassment than she is about Danielle being assaulted. She could give a rat’s ass. Danielle could be running around town looking like a chemo patient and she’d just make rancid jokes about it to Teresa.

It’s a sad, sad day when a visit to Caroline Manzo’s home becomes the palate cleanse of the season. It’s like Alex’s scenes from RHONY. I can settle back in my seat and give my fists a chance to unclench for a while.

Al Senior is playing with the dogs and Mama Manzo is inside making eggs for the kids. Albie asks for sunny side up which isn’t Kosher to do in this household. Caroline is not your personal short order cook, Albie you ADD do-nuthin.’

njk13 Work a day at The Brownnose. THEN we’ll talk.

I love how they shoot him withering looks. He really has fallen off his pedestal this year. He clearly doesn’t know how to handle it either. It’s like those guys that are gorgeous and popular in high school. They get bald and fat and end up sitting in their Lazy Boys at 35 drinking their fifth highball and wondering where all the admiring chicks went.

Al comes in and they start talking about the day’s business at The Brownnose. He wants Albie to fill in for him at Maitre D when he needs a break. Caroline says that working there would be like admitting failure. NO, doing nothing would be failure. Work is GOOD.

Everybody leaves except Albie and his mommy and she asks him what he’s going to do today. Why, he’s going to sit around and wait for his special letter! HOW ABOUT YOU STUDY? Especially since you think you’re too good to work at the place

njk14 THAT PAID YOUR WAY THROUGH UNDERGRAD

Sorry about the yelling. For all you newbies, I do that sometimes, between applying blackface and head banging in agreement to the Mel Gibson tapes, of course. And drinking.

njk15 Half a disappointed head cock. That’s got to be worth at least a swig of Dooley’s, right?

I like the t-shirt with Teresa’s picture on it. It’s awful nice of her to show her support. I just hope she keeps the eggs away from those kids. It’s pretty hard to wash out of granite and pink marble. All those nooks and crannies.

Across town, it’s just a regular old day for our forehead-less wonder. It’s her turn to close down the Posche nightclub this week and she heads on over there to apologize to Kim for stomping through the country club like King Kong and roo-ining her special evening of Forever 21 glitz and glam.

Kim’s cool with it. She’s cool with anything as long as you keep her stocked with libations and her regular collagen rations. A decent shoplifter could probably hide several thousand dollars worth of musty wrinkled Shore outfits under a trench coat and all she’d do is compliment them on looking fetchingly curvy as they walk out the door.

Teresa tries to spread more lies about how she’s such a softy that she simply HAD to say hello to Danielle at the country club. Having five kids will do that to ya, according to her.

njk16 Not to mention give you a healthy drinking problem.

Just once I would like to waltz into MY usual shopping haunts and have the cashier hand me a Mimosa. Sadly, none of the Salvation Army’s in Cleveland have caught on to the thirst I build up fingering old leather and wondering if some nick-nack won’t look so bad if I paint it green.

I know, I exaggerate. I really shop at more chichi places like Target. Only the best for the McSlores!

Teresa needs to quit with the excuses. Nobody’s buying it! She’s still trying to make sure that nobody thinks that her home is under foreclosure and she’s too dense to realize that all she’s doing is throwing more light on the situation.

They look at clothes and Eve walks in saying hello to Teresa and her suddenly cloudy face. Guess who doesn’t say “hi” back until she’s practically sitting on top of her? That’s right. Teresa. She Who Must Never Say Hi First. She has no problem wearing fur on top of fur though.

njk17 It must be those old sensory memories from living in caves.

More lies. Teresa says that she’s glad she kept her hands to herself and didn’t hit Danielle since she knows how sue happy she is. Ri-ight.

Eve had to practically staple herself to you to keep you from biting a chunk out of Danielle’s skull, asshole. You were chomping at the bit and the only reason you aren’t facing charges yourself is because you got slowed down by all the women you were dragging behind you.

But, no. Teresa only wanted to get in Danielle’s face. That’s all. She has four beautiful daughters (BEAUTIFUL, mimics Kim, ever the suck-up of a shopkeeper) and a gorgeous husband at home to think of. Why would she jeopardize that? Also, the boutique is a tad overstuffed, wouldn’t you say?

njk18 Perfect for hiding bodies

The only thing we really learned from this excursion is that Eve is only friends with Danielle out of pity. She left out the part about dying to be on TV but that’s okay. We all knew that.

In interviews Teresa makes a crack about regretting that she pushed Eve because Eve’s old and she respects the elderly. She also has a huge mansion and doesn’t have to sell off any of her bedroom furniture. Some people make fun of older jersey girls, but I think they’re just jealous. Ahem.

We’re about to learn something else on this show. Ashley’s boyfriend Derek has an opinion. They’re discussing the weave pulling as Ashley antagonizes the dog. What’s she gonna do next,

njk19 start harassing five year olds on facebook?

He tells her that while he agrees that Danielle deserved to be put in her place, it should not have been Ashley to do it. Caroline brings up the “Mommy Jackie was hurt” defense and then helps matters further by sending the mixed message that Ashley did wrong but for the right reasons.

Woman, you weren’t there! Stop towing the party line about Ashley defending her mother! It’s a lie and the judge isn’t going to give a shit. Do the only thing you can and see if the magistrate presiding is bribe-able. This is getting old.

Assley doesn’t understand why Danielle is so obsessed with her. Um, you take the bait like a good little fishy? You are pretty much throwing the line for her and then jumping into the cooler on the boat.

Derek yawns and tries to explain this to her, to no avail. He gets a “whatever,” for all his troubles. Someone tell me why he is with this idiot. There has to be better snatch in the neighborhood. Chicks that go to jail for better things. I mean, at least get a good story out of it, something to tell your grandkids.

njk22 Beating up whores is SO 1979.

Hey! Milania picked the lock on her cage again! Now she’s defacing state line markers on the Garden State Parkway!

njk23 Is that simple assault of a sign or is it aggravated monkey business?

Somebody ask Albie. Oh wait, I forgot. Nobody answered the phone that day. Yeah, and the dogs ate your LSATs. We’d have better luck asking the girl that’s playing Elle Woods in the off-Broadway production of Legally Blonde.

This is the scene that makes it all worthwhile. The moment where we can all watch and see the angel of divine retribution finally sit up and take notice.
The pizza shop.

Juicy is giving Teresa a tour today. His construction business isn’t doing very well so he did the smart thing and went with something he probably should have gone with in the first place- a pizza parlor/laundromat with apartments above it. it’s simple, it’s an honest day’s work and you can feed a family on the earning as long as your wife isn’t trying to furnish your home like one of the palaces of the Medicis.

njk21 Or buying jewels from the Vatican like Jacqueline.

I get the impression that Teresa thought that showing the new enterprises would be one way to refute allegations that they were doing badly financially. Juicy, on the other hand, is trying to ease her into the idea that they are going to have to cut WAY back on their lifestyle.

She calls him an ‘ahn tru puh newer’ and then asks if that means someone that owns their own businesses. No, honey. It means that you need to go back and enroll in kindygahdin like Billy freaking Madison.

njk24 And who made your sweater, Squidward?

Perhaps the sleeves are stretched out from all the little capuchins that hang from them every day. Wiser to invest in tighter knits, my dear.

Juicy shows her where she’ll be making the pizza dough and then her dishwashing station. She just laughs and laughs. Silly Juicy! Tee hee. Teresa is too pretty to work, ya big lug! Who’s gonna polish all that marble is she’s here unloading pie boxes and syrup for the soda machine?

njk25 The person that always does it. Say it with me, Gasmii. NONA.

Silly, silly Juicy! Teresa isn’t going to be working there! It’s true. They probably don’t even own the place by now. They’re gonna be living above it, that’s for sure, but working there? We’ll have to wait a month and check with the new owners, the Federal Government.

How prescient can you get? He then shows her where they will be living when they get kicked out of their house. Hahahahahahaha!!!!! No sooner had I written the words from the last paragraph on my little Twunty notepad and, BAM! They come out of Juicy’s mouth. Thank goodness I wasn’t drinking anything. There would be a doggy in the washing machine right now.

It’s all so jarringly ironic, dontcha think? He shows her their future mailbox and all she can do is make a half hearted joke about the apartment number being 69.

njk26 Think closer to 11, you know. Like a certain chapter.

The tour that follows seems to scare her a bit. This is no longer funny. She looks around the place as if it were all a terrible mirage, not real and certainly nowhere she would ever hang her newsboy cap. Why, it’s not new! People have lived there before and skeeved up the place! It’s inhuman, I tell you!

It’s okay. I’m sure they’ll get a bailout from their ‘family,’ or they could just send one of the girls out back to dig one of the cashboxes out of the yard. They better get those before the moving vans come anyway.

It’s all a big tissue of lies. Does anyone on this show tell the truth on any kind of regular basis? Not Danielle. She’s so full of shit with her fake magnanimity. I believe that she feels sorry for Ashley almost as much as I believe that she has an actual heart instead of a nice big cold lump of coal where on should be.

She’s at a restaurant drinking tea with Danny and Johnny Bubblegum. They must be paying. Tea isn’t free. Maybe she’ll splurge and order a cup of broth too.

njk27 What DO zombie prostitutes eat these days?

The blame for Ashley’s actions gets planted firmly at Jacqueline’s feet. A year ago Ashley was telling Danielle how much she loved her and crying her eyes out over how hard it was to fit in with the Manzo/Lauritas. I don’t doubt that for one second but I do take issue with the idea that it was so terribly hard to be a stepchild to Chris. Ashley is spoiled rah-in! If it were any worse she’d have her own show on E!

If anything Jackie and Chris OVERcompensated by giving her too much stuff without expecting enough in return. Remember how she laughed when her mom asked her to clean her room? That was not the way a kid used to expectations would behave.

Still, it doesn’t change the fact that Danielle dragged her into this mess by telling the whole world that she needed to tone her arms. God, I feel retarded just typing that. She egged it in and egged it on and now she claims that she wants it all to stop and the big mean bullies to leave her alone.

Little Miss Victim thinks that Jacqueline should teach Ashley how to deal with their issues in a more respectful manner. You know, like calling someone less than half your age a coke whore, or bringing Hell’s Angels to a baby cancer fundraiser. Classy stuff like that.

She does get one thing right even though it’s probably a slip of the tongue. She says that she wants to live her life without validation, mission accomplished! Then she tells Danny that all she needs are her lovely special rented friends and two bit thug buddies. he says that she can trust him with anything, except her friends. haha!

njk28 Dude, if you want to fuck Eve, you’re gonna need a tube of lube the size of a caulking gun.

They’re on their own anyway. That’s what loyal Danielle said. Can she even hear herself talk? She just said that ALL THAT MATTERS IN THE WORLD is her friends and then said they were on their own around her ex-con street hustling routine blow job compadre, Danny.

Albie got his letter. Now he can reapply to the state school of his choosing. Mama Manzo isn’t happy because it’s vewwy vewwy far away. She threatens to go with him. I hope she brings his favowit blankie and the big boy sippy cup.

njk29 “I got a letter, mommy, and it’s not from Santa!”

We wouldn’t want him listening to the meanies that tell him he can’t be whoever he wants to be. He might flunk out again. Who will represent the extended family in all those inevitable bankruptcy hearings? Who will high five the mama’s boy?

njk30 Who will wipe his ass when he shits his pants while taking the Bar Exam?

I have a surprise for you guys. Look!

njk32 And I’m not talking about Bankruptcy Whore’s slow morph into Karen Hill.

It’s baby Audrianalamadingdong! She fell out of her tree or carpet covered cat scratching post and came out to play! It has to be the alluring wafts of pizza aroma. it’s like catnip to a Sicilian.

The whole family makes a pie which daddy Juicy bakes for them. It’s so cute and so simple and homey. It’s the perfect picture of warm family values

njk31 Starring Rambo, Betty Rubble and Fred Flintstone.

I think Teresa gets up in the morning, looks in their closet and then picks out whatever looks least appropriate. She gets her fashion sense from Stallone movies and the Bratz aisle at Toys R Us.

Another surprise is in store for us! Danielle is visiting the courthouse to make her formal charges against Ashley, and look who is with her!

njk33 Edie the Egg Lady!

Now that Divine is dead, she moved up in the world, cleaned up and found some new trash to hang around! I’m so happy for her even if her friends look like those ladies that hobble around the nursing home eating frozen hot pockets since they don’t know how to work those newfangled lycra-wave ovens.

For some reason Danielle needs two attorneys. It takes more than one to handle the incredible tower of bullshit so the main guy got a little nerd to help him.

njk34 I sure hope they don’t mind getting paid in Herpes sores.

The attorney wants to know exactly what was said at the fashion show and Danielle decides to embellish a teensy bit and claim that the wummin yelled “I’m gonna get you,” and someone even said that they were going to kill her.

C’mon now, Danielle. You’re lucky you got this far. Don’t push things to the point where you end up looking completely unbelievable. Ah, the girl can’t help it. She eats extortion for breakfast and dines on fabrication for supper.

The rented friends tell the lawyers that all they heard was a bunch of name calling, no threats. Nobody said they were going to murder her and dump the body in the Fresh Kills.

They enter the courthouse to flashbulbs and preposterous pontificating from our new Prosecution Whore. She says that Ashley must be punished or everyone is at risk for harm! The scene cuts to an ominous view of a cloudy sky. the heavens open up and we’re all in danger, Gasmii! Run for your lives!

njk36 What’s Ashley going to do, beat us all to death with her dunce cap?

What a joke. Maybe the brainiac is an idiot savant and spends her days building a death ray in her boyfriend’s mommy’s basement. I’m sure that if she doesn’t spend her 2 days in jail and pay her $200 fine, she’s going to go all Andrew Cunanan on us and leave a path of dead people from Trenton to Tampa.

Bleh. What’s Jacqueline doing about all this? Why, she’s visiting Caroline so that she can raise her daughter for her! I wish she’d thought of that sooner. Like 15 years sooner.

Albie’s moles in the courthouse told him that Danielle filed charges and Caroline passes that info on to Jackie. And yes, Jacqueline. A convicted felon has every right to press charges on a loudmouth weave yanking teen.

njk38 Too bad the same rules don’t apply for shit stirring former cocktail waitresses that look like Greasers.

Caroline tells her that Danielle is trying to hurt their family in any way she can. Yep, and you are making it super easy for her. Ashley arrives and I loved how Caroline described her reasons for helping her. She calls her ‘Aunt Caroline’ so it’s her responsibility to set her on the right path. That was a really charmingly veiled way of saying that she isn’t blood and she barely gives a shit.

I don’t blame her, though. Ashley sits there and giggles over the fact that she will probably go to jail. I don’t know how Caroline resists the urge to strangle her with a string of garlic or bludgeon her with her head cock of death.

njk39 “Tee hee. Jail’s cool, right? Like a spa with orange jumpsuits where you can get really awesome tattoos!”

They ask her if she threatened Danielle in any way and she says that all she did OTHER THAN PULLING HAIR OUT OF HER HEAD was tell her stay away from her family.

Then Ashley asks Jackie if Danielle is pressing charges to get back at her for ending their friendship. Jackie looks at Caroline as if she has all the answers in that ample bosom of hers, hopefully one overlooking the glaring fact that Ashley committed assault.

I’m getting really fucking sick and tired of Jacqueline and her attitude. She wants everything to go away, Slurry style. She wants Ashley to stop but doesn’t know how to do that since she can’t even make herself stop. That’s your problem right there, asshole. If you can’t be a parent, you have no business having kids! She might as well be raised by Caroline’s dogs.

She then says that she felt like something was going to lappen that night before they all went. Then you shouldn’t have gotten trashed, you grotesque dunderhead!

So stupid, and Ashley is loving this. She is eating it UP. She loves having an enemy, as does Danielle. It’s out of control on all of their part’s and it’s no accident that the people with the least stable lives are feeding the most on the drama. The voices of reason like Dina and Caroline lead relatively normal lives and are BUSY, let’s not forget that.

Outside of the courthouse, darkness has fallen and Danielle’s attorneys are informing her that the case is in the hands of the State now. She won’t be needing them anymore because the prosecutors take over when a police report is made. Yay! Danielle won’t have to pony up a huge retainer. More money for botox and strip mall plastic surgeons!

njk43 Pull your face up, Danielle. It’s starting to slide.

She says that the judge was really disturbed when he read that a nineteen year old was responsible for this outrageous egregious assault upon her fake hair.

njk42copy Are you sure it wasn’t when he found out you were 47, not 67?

If AShley disputes the charges, which she will, Danielle will have to be in court. She’s back to interviewing in that slow, improperly enunciated syntax of hers when she says, “I would hate to think that anyone deserves to go to jail…..” when you damn well know that she wants them all in a jail cell crying and bemoaning their fate. She wants a scene straight out of A Christmas Story where Ralphie fantasizes that his family begs for forgiveness while worshiping at his feet.

We must be getting close to winter now because our closing scene shows Eve hustling her brittle ass over to Jackie’s house with the morning paper.

njk44 Grab your hoveround, old fart, you’ll get there faster.

Jackie answers the door and doesn’t want to let her in to listen to any more of her two faced bullshit. She lets her in because it’s cold out and she doesn’t want the fussbudget to turn purple on her faux chateau’s doorstep.

Eve refuses to apologize for accompanying Danielle to the courthouse because the poor woman has no friends and then Eve makes fun of the picture in the paper of the four women locking arms, calling them a busted version of Sex and the City.

njk45 More like the Bitches of Beastwick

I will give Eve points for admitting to playing both sides of the fence. She doesn’t hesitate to tell her that she doesn’t tell Danielle that she talks to Jacqueline and vice versa.

When Jackie tells her that she’s not being a good friend to either of them, she comes right out and says bullshit, she is being a damn good friend to danielle since if you don’t spit on the woman you’re pretty much a saint in New Jersey.

She then offers to go to court with her and Ashley since she probably won’t be friends with Danielle by that time anyway. Unreal. Does granny have a soul? Did she go through the mirra at Teresa’s house party?

And Jacqueline’s argument explaining why Danielle should drop the charges is so stoopit that I refuse to repeat it. Her logic is as flawed as Juicy’s business practices and her brain operates on the same level as a lobotomized sorority chick after too many bong hits.

Are these people even remotely redeemable? The previews show Juicy and Chris Laurita talking about how shitty their finances are. Is a Jacqueline financial meltdown going to be next?

njk46 I see that they’re already trying to save on electricity.

Hey! Candles are romantic! They only light them after CJ and Nicholas are in bed and Ashley is wearing her drool bib in front of her computer screen, updating her Facebook status from ‘last night was un-be-weavable’ to ‘Jailturd.’

Love and Kisses,

Twunty McSlore

Comments (106)
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About Twunty McSlore

Crazy busy, crazy in love and crazy about golf. Not so crazy about narcissists and do-nothings. Completely indifferent to network TV unless a sporting event is being covered, and completely in love with half the chefs on the Travel and Food channels. Chefs, not COOKS. If any of them really ARE chefs. I haven't seen any proof.

Bridge Mix and Butterflies, everybody!

106 Comments

1

Missy2sweet

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:54 pm

I just wanted to be the 1st to post in the hopes that nothing negative can take away from the joy of having a new recap to read!
2

Twunty McSlore

Posted July 28, 2010 at 2:59 pm

Hearst Castle! Fuck!
3

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Yip, yip – new slate!
4

Twunty McSlore

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

FUCK. I did another palate cleanse joke. Fuck! I quit.
5

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Excellent recap. I like the sly references to the whole comment crap on the last recap. You go Twunty! You rock!
6

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:14 pm

Poor Melania. She has mom’s unfortunate hairline and droopy dog eyes and dad’s Spongebob body. High School is gonna be sooooooooo hard.
Gia is a lil weird looking because of her eyes but she has the personality to overshadow her shortcomings. And Gabriella, obviously not birthed by Teresa, is the cutest and thus given the least airtime.

Okay, back to reading..
7

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:21 pm

I’m thinking the Danielle/Ashley beef may have had something to do with one of Danielle’s Bravo blogs where Danielle mentioned (cattily) that Jaqueline was mad about Ashley giving blowjobs, or something. I forget the quote but it mentioned Ashley giving bj’s and her mom finding out. It was pretty mean of a 47 yr old woman to bring up a teens sex life. Obviously, someone is bitter for being invited to the Rainbow Party.
8

skatt

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Twunty: I’m telling you, stop pointing that shit out– I totally read “Hearst Castle”.
Awesome, as per usual.
9

shantigal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Excellent, sort of non-racist recap, Twunty!!!

Please stop stressing over repeats and typo’s. You’ve got a bunch of peri-menopausals here, we can’t remember shit. Any recap that includes the word spooge, is Pulitzer material. Aces girlie.

P.U. I can smell that vagisil & weave glue through the screen.

njgamsfan – make sure you buy the bag of bird seed in the backyard, that’s where they hide the cash!
10

lindaw205

Posted July 28, 2010 at 3:54 pm

One of your best recaps evah! Now if only I could convince you to write the copy for the evening news…..would be so much easier to watch!!
11

Twunty McSlore

Posted July 28, 2010 at 4:03 pm

FUCK!

I just like saying that.
As you were.
12

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Anyone else noticed pizza night at the Giudices was a way to introduce us to their fine pizza making skills? That way, if we’re in town, we can stop by the shop for a slice. (I hope, at this point, Juicy Joe is wise enough to put this business in a relative’s name.)

Also, Twunty..don’t know if you read my mention (in the Recap Heard Round the World) that Granny Eve claims to be 54!!! When I saw her in that outfit at Posche, all I would think of was ‘mutton dressed as lamb.’
Apparently, she and her husband are separated, but his company contributes some kinda product to Estee Lauder makeup and he appears to be rolling in it. The Bentley, the driver, the house. I guess that’s why he won’t divorce her…cheaper to just let her have the house and an allowance than to give up half of everything.

Also, saying Teresa dresses like a Bratz doll made me laugh because when she gave Bravo a tour of her house, she showed the girls playroom and how she’d them all painted as Bratz dolls, herself included. Gives me the LOLz and the sadz at the same time.

I just hope next season opens up with a scene of Teresa tryna to decipher the instructions to assemble her new Ikea furniture.
13

PottyMouth

Posted July 28, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Twunty,

I loves ya, lady. I just spent the better part of my afternoon FINALLY getting caught up on the recaps (and comments)! As usual, you are spot on in what you say about these idiots. Every time Ashley is on my blood starts to boil; my parents would have kicked the shit out of me if I ever behaved that way. Scratch that. They would have kicked the shit out of me if I talked to my mom the way she talks to Jacqui – I can’t even BEGIN to imagine what my dad would have done if I did have the things this mensa candidate has done.

LMFAO about Edie the egg lady!! Fucking brilliant. As Babs would say….”There are two kinds of people in this world: my kind of people, and assholes.” Twunty, you are my kind of people.

SWAK, PottyMouth
14

Heather Coughlin

Posted July 28, 2010 at 4:43 pm

I made the mistake of reading last recap’s comment war before reading the actual recap and it totally bummed me out, but you came back with a vengeance! All of your sly remarks about it just make this recap better and I’m only on pg 3! My personal favorite – “Sorry about the yelling. For all you newbies, I do that sometimes, between applying blackface and head banging in agreement to the Mel Gibson tapes, of course. And drinking.” Classic.
15

classy drunk

Posted July 28, 2010 at 5:16 pm

@Heather Coughlin, that was by far the best line of the recap. I think me peed my pants a little laughing.

@Twunty I can’t believe you posted the picture of me face down after a night of boozing. It was late and I needed a disco nap. Don’t judge me.

Have they allowed the story lines to include so many co stars because these other girls are so boring, i.e. the Kims, Ashley, Zen Jen, Sarahi, etc
16

tvsnarkling

Posted July 28, 2010 at 6:05 pm

Love the recaps… I do not care how late you are…Found this site thru the Bravo message boards and have not been back since.
17

tvsnarkling

Posted July 28, 2010 at 6:11 pm

Of all the Housewives kids I adore Danielle’s. They arerespectful and well behaved. My theory is the ying and yang. Mom’s a crazy storm and the girls are a calm river waiting to reach the ocean of their own life.
18

kshousewife

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:21 pm

I’ve stalked this site for a while, and I enjoy the recaps and comments enough to sit back and never, ever comment. I’m breaking that anonymity, though, to throw a little support Jacqueline’s way. Not a fan of her parenting, but I think she’s trying. I genuinely like everyone except Danielle and Teresa. I actually met Teresa at the book expo, and I am the proud owner of a Skinny Italian cookbook I have yet to even flip through. I said a bunch of dumb stuff I have thankfully repressed, but I do remember thinking she was prettier in person. Note: not a prettier person, but prettier in person. Anyway. Wonder if I could get someone to bid on the dress she was wearing and mail it to me. Hmm.
19

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:22 pm

It’s baby Audrianalamadingdong! She fell out of her tree or carpet covered cat scratching post and came out to play!

Just pissed myself.

Twunty in your rush you didn’t even comment on Eve’s choice of head gear when she showed up at boxer 911.

I reiterate my statement that Teresa is a liar who lies just to lie. In this episode she claims Juicy takes the kids to martial arts every week. Then they show up and don’t know what to do with gis in plastic wrap. And what is amazing, is that this is what her kids need. My kids aren’t perfect, I’m admitting that up front, and maybe she pissed someone off at Bravo so they only show us footage of her kids being monsters a la the pizza making, but some self discipline would not hurt this family. All my kids do martial arts as well as my husband. We took the time to find a dojo that reinforces what we teach at home and we have had more then our fair share of compliments on our kids ability to wait and not interrupt, shake hands when meeting someone new and being able to talk to adults with respect. Of course, my kids are animals at times as well, but they seem to understand time and place.

Look, I’m spacing and paragraphing!

My heart hurts for Christine every time they show her face when Danielle is playing victim. If this kid comes out relatively unscathed, she may be able to write a companion book to “a child called it”. Danielle is an abuser of her children and her ex is just as guilty for allowing them to be exposed to it. He is just as guilty as all the white trash girls in my state who allow their piece of shit boyfriends to beat their children. Not very feminist of me, but honestly, I really don’t care if a woman chooses to stay with an abuser, I do care when they have children and allow their kids to see it and allow their kids to be abused. And I care when parents leave their children in the care of the other parent that they know is abusive, physically, sexually, or emotionally.

I use to love Albie, and secretly questioned if I could be classified as a pedophile since I would love to see him and Zac Efron play some one on one basketball … but I digress. Now he’s as annoying as the rest of them. Being prince of the Manzo’s doesn’t seem to be paying off big dividends. While he was basking in his mama’s glow, the spare was working at getting close to daddy and winning his favor. Senior seems to have “had it up to here” with his first offspring and wondering how long until Caroline is called in for a little chat about how things are going to be from now on and Albie’s rating is going to be downgraded. Again, I myself have a son with disabilities and understand wanting the best for them. But in addition to acting as my son’s advocate, its my job to understand and guide him towards his strengths, not fill his head with unrealistic goals. Does the state have to make accommodations for testing for the bar exam? Cause if they do, I’m so going for my CDL license and screw you all that I can’t see because all I ever dream of was driving a big rig. I play convoy and roll on and see myself on the open highway – in my imagination of course since I’m mostly blind.

Anyway, can’t wait to see the comments from this week. I have nothing else to do tonight anyway. Kids sleeping, husband drugged up cause the idiot self lanced with a dirty knife and got a major infection. Hours in the ER, keeping him calm, the kids calm. I’m wiped out and there is a bottle of Shmitt Riesling with my name on it.
20

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:30 pm

“By the way, why the hell did none of you whores tell me that Bravo had a housewives book out?”

For real? Shit, I’ll have to go to the B &N on the other side of town tomorrow to buy it. With cash, so no paper-trail.

I feel bad for the little T-hag spawn too… even though I think Joe was an unethical sleaze, I will say he seems like a good dad and will provide for the girls no matter what. He needs to lose the big, hairy one though… he can’t afford the shiny things anymore. Where’s Dian Fossey when you need her? Or the Trudeau Institute? Makeup doesn’t just test itself!! Ooohhh… Teresa looked terrible in this episode, her face is all baggy – I think she’s hitting the booze pretty hard.

Danielle is so freaking crazy. She’s an ex-coke whore, prostitute and stripper – and she’s just taking self-defense classes NOW?? LOL, if she wants to repel someone, she should just show them the papyrus sheets hanging off of her upper arm… Did anyone else see that? It was gruesome! The skin on her face looks really weird, I think she’s developing some kind of problem from silicone injections – she has cysts forming along her upper jawline, temples and chin.

I stand by what I said about Jacqueline, she’s an attention-junkie and totally getting off on this whole thing. Who’s the common denominator for all the bullshit now? Jacqueline. She thrives on this crap, and Danielle feeds it to her like a toilet into a sewer pipe. Ugh, I despise these people.

“She calls her ‘Aunt Caroline’ so it’s her responsibility to set her on the right path. That was a really charmingly veiled way of saying that she isn’t blood and she barely gives a shit.
I don’t blame her, though. Ashley sits there and giggles over the fact that she will probably go to jail. I don’t know how Caroline resists the urge to strangle her with a string of garlic or bludgeon her with her head cock of death.”

Ha! @chemgal called that one all along, Ashley is an outsider… How nice of Jacqueline to exploit her as a means to latch onto the Manzo’s though; well Ashley’s almost out of the way, now when they pretend she never existed it will be much easier. I’m kind of flabbergasted that Ashley has the balls to sit there smirking at Caroline – seriously I wouldn’t even fuck with her and as we all know, I’m not afraid of a little tussle. Caroline probably can’t wait for this season to be over so she can put JacqueAss back at arm’s length. Assy in-laws are THE WORST.

Ashley’s boyfriend seems like a nice guy, but he’s odd. I keep wanting to Photoshop that birthmark off his face though, I’m so shallow… Hey do you think she sports that janky zebra onesie when they’re getting down in the basement?

I am actually going down on my knees again tonight, but I’m going to PRAY. Pray HARD, Alexis Bellino-style hard, that Teresa will in fact soon be living above the pizzeria. Joe really planned that one out – food, shelter, laundry. No need to ever leave the house… heh, good one Juice!

Awesome recap Twunty! LOVED it. Too many great zingers to quote – and I seriously laughed out loud through the entire thing.
21

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:36 pm

Where the hell are nona and papa going? Will they be the waitstaff at the pizzeria? I think they should include an isolated area in the pizza shop where parents like me that resent my children can check them in, go get a slice, and then use a claim ticket to pick them back up when done. My sister in law has this option at her grocery store. I now have more reasons to resent her.
22

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:49 pm

@chemgal, I so agree with you about Danielle’s girls – it’s amazing how much of the chaos plays across Christine’s face sometimes. She really is beautiful, and seems very mature – I hope things work out for her, and for Jillian. I was kind of surprised she was boxing though, that seems a little risky for an aspiring model… bruises, contusions, possible fractures…

I’ve come around on the Albie thing too – I was rooting for him, as you know, but I’m becoming less and less enamored of his whining, self-pity and excuses. The reaction he had to working at the Brownstone pretty much sealed the deal for me, that was not only ungrateful it was very disrespectful to his entire family – Twunty said it best in her screencap – that place finances his future, and he’s damn lucky to have a job in this day and age.

FWIW I think it’s okay for kids to be a little wild sometimes, but you’re right there’s a time and place for it. I grew up in a big extended Irish family, and we were a bunch of hooligans – but when an adult entered a room we stood up out of respect, and vacated the chairs. Family occasions were formal, and we were expected to have decent table manners, not act out in front of company, and sit still through a meal – we rose to the expectations that were set, ALL of us did, even the ones with LD’s (we have a few in my family). Of course after dinner we might behead a few Barbie’s or set GI Joe’s Jeep on fire – but it was the Viet Nam era – it was historically accurate.

Your reisling is tempting me to pour a little glass of Sauvignon Blanc – and by little I mean the whole bottle.
23

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:53 pm

Nona will be on full-time duty shaving ape-lady’s back, and papa will be checking the female customers for sanitary pads and tampon strings so they don’t fuck up the sauce. Like Annamaria Alberghetti says, “It’s a-deliciou-oso!” Haha. No, I’m not drunk.
24

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 7:56 pm

P Cheez have you seen the new wine glass that holds an entire bottle of wine? you can buy them at target or on amazon.
25

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm

Some woman was recently arrested for trying to steal clothes from posche. She apparently came in, made a big deal about loving the show and asking to have her picture taken then disappeared in the dressing room for such a long time they got suspiciousness in their heads. (I don’t know why but I have Junie B in my head when I watch this show – freakin love those books – I can’t read them to my kids without laughing out loud) They caught her with a bunch of clothing and accessories.

Why do I know this stuff?
26

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:11 pm

I’m madly Googling that right now! I need at least two for the days I’m too hungover to wash one out, LOL.
27

Sarah Turula

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:16 pm

P Cheez, we vacated chairs for our elders too, and it was impossible for me to learn the etiquette ropes at my Italian in-laws’ houses where apparently the women all stood for the boys and the men all “joshed” the younger men about it and everyone ended up yelling at everyone else. One of my favorite exchanges, accidentally caught on videotape was between an uncle and aunt (not married) of my ex-husband’s. Uncle “Get that dog out of here. I don’t like things that shit.” Aunt “What about me? I shit!” These guys were in their late sixties; this was Thanksgiving dinner and other people couldn’t get away with saying “poop” around them. My Irish relatives are messed up in our own way, but it seems to make more sense.
28

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:24 pm

Well, I have to say I’m amazed they weren’t all too wasted to notice. LOL, we need to have a new drinking game, you have to drink whenever Kim D has a wine glass in her hand.

I wonder if Kim D took back any of Teresa’s Posche purchases – I would love to know between Teresa, Jacqueline and Danielle how much store-credit she’s carrying. I have to say though, I couldn’t shop there because it’s too crammed full of stuff. It’s claustrophobic just seeing it on TV, in real life I would be too overwhelmed with the sheer volume of STUFF.

Although there’s this thrift shop near my parent’s place in FL, and even though it’s crazy packed like that, I die when I go. My last visit I scored a Cole-Haan purse (with the serial number) and tags still intact that retailed for around $450, I picked it up for $35. Brand new. I also picked up some Michael Kors and Marc Jacob jeans with tags still on for about $10 a pair. AND a leather coat that totally makes me feel like Peggy Lipton from the Mod Squad era (but an older and fatter version). I just went off on a tangent… sorry.
29

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:27 pm

“Uncle “Get that dog out of here. I don’t like things that shit.” Aunt “What about me? I shit!” These guys were in their late sixties; this was Thanksgiving dinner and other people couldn’t get away with saying “poop” around them.”

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!! That’s so funny!!

The women standing for the boys would have had me completely confused, LOL. I guess it explains a lot about Albie though doesn’t it?
30

Sarah Turula

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:32 pm

Oh hell yes. There was a “my son the attorney” in that clan too. Oh did the shit ever hit the fan when he came out to them! Good times.
31

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:47 pm

half my family is jewish and irish – how the heck that happened? The other italian. So coming to the table with a circumcision in your pants verses a lovely coin purse ups the amount of respect you are given. My experience has always been around these cultures and boys are definitely held in higher regard with the older generation – and by this I mean anyone 55+. Everything is “my son this, my son that….. my daughter gave me a grandson”
32

congratsmeathead

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:51 pm

your squidward reference made me laugh like a foolish child. And for the record, I am 22 years old. Thanks for the silly recap, Twunty!
33

chemgal

Posted July 28, 2010 at 8:58 pm

congrats, don’t ever feel the need to explain watching spongebob. I hated that my kids watched it until I watched it with them a few times. And, if anyone ever gives you a tough time about it, refer them to Tom Zeller’s Time magazine article from a few years back that claimed it is the best cartoon ever and backed up his thesis very, very well.
34

sarcasatire

Posted July 28, 2010 at 9:14 pm

@ chemgal, lol..”look, I’m spacing and paragraphing!” Made ur comments even more pleasurable to read.
35

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 9:16 pm

My husband is Jewish, and so are my step-kids and 6 grandchildren (he’s older!) – I think the Jewish and Irish cultures actually share similar experiences in some respects. I’ve actually never had a serious non-Jewish boyfriend – I love a nice clean workspace, LOL.

My family was very typical lace-curtain Irish, my grandmother had aspirations, and success was not optional, by God! Lots of politicians in my family, we all work like dogs, and we all learned it early – Thanksgiving was a blood sport, report cards and sports awards literally all on display (13 cousins) – and we competed in EVERYTHING. Card games were something else, LOL.

Spongebob is the poo. Tom Kenney who is the voice of Spongebob is from my area. Here’s a fun factoid about him – he was the highest paid bag-boy in the history of the P&C markets because he refused to be promoted so he could be free to do stand-up.

Funniest line from Spongebob EVER: “The Bikini Bottom was TEEMING with action”, LOL!!! It’s great when you can share a laugh with a 4 year old, and neither one knows what the other thinks is so funny, haha.
36

Sarah Turula

Posted July 28, 2010 at 10:20 pm

Cheez, I keep being shocked by your revelations because you look about twenty in your picture.
37

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 28, 2010 at 10:49 pm

@Sarah, I just turned 44. Thank you for the compliment, much appreciated! I actually look a LITTLE younger than 44 (or so people tell me, PLEASE LET THAT REALLY BE TRUE! LOL!), but definitely NOT even close to my 20′s – unfortunately that bus has left the station…

I’m pretty fair-skinned so I have never had a lot of sun, which sucked when I was younger and I would have killed for a nice golden tan. I have some lines and sags – the blonde is going ash-colored and if I put some beans in my upper arms I would have built-in maracas. Danielle would have a field day with those, trust me –

You look pretty young yourself, and actually just very pretty in general.
38

Dawn

Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:52 am

Okay,I am totally going to use the Bitches of Beastwick line,ROFLMAO!!!!

Twunty, do you have to work at these gems or do they come this easily?
39

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted July 29, 2010 at 5:59 am

I forgot to say too that the Squidward reference was awesome. @Cheez, there is no way you are 44. You look my age and I am 25. Amazing. What is the secret?
40

mere2142

Posted July 29, 2010 at 7:07 am

‘She eats extortion for breakfast and dines on fabrication for supper.’

Perfect description of Danielle! So many things about this show have me screaming at the tv but your recaps make it worth watching each week!

Someone needs to slap Ashley…I cringe when her smug face is giggling on my screen. She gave Danielle exactly what she wanted and now has to pay (though doubtful she’ll get any ‘real’ consequences)!

Keep up the good work Twunty!
41

Baxter

Posted July 29, 2010 at 7:18 am

Great recap Twunty!!

Danielle’s face literally looks like it is melting. I don’t get that plastic look and why women think that looks better then aging naturally. I will give Eve some credit, at least she is just letting the wrinkles hang out there.

Ashley is a trainwreck. She just doesn’t get it but with a mom like hers I can see why. Watching Jackie run after Danielle screaming and then standing in front of her vehicle was disturbing. How could she expect her daughter to act any differently? Caroline is definitely the voice of reason on this show.
42

RHWAlbany

Posted July 29, 2010 at 9:06 am

Does anyone else read the tags at the top of the screen? They are always hilairous!
43

tvaholic

Posted July 29, 2010 at 9:53 am

Sigh, I wish I had a more exciting ethnic family. We are pretty much mostly German & English, and our arguments are more about giving disapproving looks & burying any anger or emotion deep inside until you stroke out or an ulcer burns thru your stomach wall. Arguments aren’t had with the person you are upset with, they are had with everyone else in phone calls or emails, or played out with passive-aggressive comments & actions. But I digress.

@Cheez-ha! These Jersey kids are going to be all about FSL (food, shelter, laundry) instead of GTL!! (gym, tan & laundry and I hate that I know what that stands for)

Now that I see how Danielle throws a punch, I could totally take her-hell, Eve could take her. Just proves what I’ve thought all along, that without drugs, weapons, or Petite Felons(thanks @skatt!!), she is just all talk. Her mouth writes a lot of checks her ass can’t cash, which is at least one form of bankruptcy the rest of us won’t be on the hook for. And no one mentioned her veiled threat regarding how it only takes one punch to the head to make someone unable to walk again! She takes the word “Bye” and turns it into a death threat from Ashley, and then she makes a comment like that? Oh wait, I bet little Danny Scorsese has been feeding her all her lines-she has been talking in cliches, and that idiotic slow drawl. That’s it, he;s the puppet master! Come on, does she not look like a puppet, or even Charlie McCarthy-ish? Wow, I need to get back to work!
44

skatt

Posted July 29, 2010 at 10:07 am

RHWAlbany: Oh yes, that should always be the first thing you do. They’re always great.

Chemgal: When I see Christine, I say to myself, “Brooke Shields survived her Mother, maybe Christine will survive Danielle.” I hope and pray someone is keeping watch on that modeling income. That whole Sweet 16 “for Charity” business stank to high hell last week. (Sorry to jump ahead) But anyway, Shields’ Mother was a LEGENDARY shrew. Still is, apparently. But I’ve noticed that Bravo is really making an effort to pan in on the girls reaction to their Mother, so much so that I almost wish they’d cool it.

On a lighter note, if you didn’t catch the Bravo After Dark with Betheny and Rachel Dratch, who watches all the shows, it was awesome. Miss Andy had them play a game where Rachel imitated someone from the shows and B. had to guess who it was. It was great. At the end, Dratch did like a 3 second impression of Danny that was just hilarious.

Oh, and Eve, or as Betheny calls her “that Shit Stirrer”, called in. I swear she was three sheets to the wind.
45

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 29, 2010 at 10:08 am

I don’t really understand that plastic surgery look either @Baxter. Danielle’s aging is having a really weird effect on hers – her skin looks really strange…

I keep reading that the Giudice’s filed bankruptcy before this episode, so it really irks me that Teresa is in Posche doing some more shopping. I almost feel sorry for Juicy, you can see the strain is starting to wear on him – especially when Teresa reenacted the whole country club debacle, talking about the foreclosure.

It’s interesting to note how he’s the one pushing the family-oriented activities, like the Karate, pizza-making, etc. Almost like he’s trying to reinforce that staying tight as a family is HIS main concern. I get the feeling that he really could live over the pizza shop, and as long as he can provide for his family he can work his way back up. Teresa’s a lucky woman, but she doesn’t really get that – instead of building Joe back up with support and confidence, she’s basically saying she’s not in the whole way unless there’s a payoff.

When my husband and I suffered a reversal of fortune, I knew instinctively the best way to ensure OUR future success was to let him know I believed in HIM and our future together. He knew I would work side by side with him, so we could say we built it together – it’s been rough, but it’s been working and I know I have someone with me who is always on my side.

As bad as I feel for the kids, this may not be the worst thing. Maybe without the distraction of so many material things they will gain something more important; the knowledge that their father really loves them in a real and demonstrative way, and that he really is their protector. Watching the Karate scene was kind of endearing in way, that’s the first time they seemed natural and playful, happy. Teresa really undermines Joe’s strengths as a father by burying the kids under toys, show business and dresses.

I’m really, really tired of the rationalization being applied to Ashley by her family regarding her actions toward Danielle. She is NOT protecting her family or her mother, she is terrorizing another member of their community. Danielle’s histrionics aside – what Ashley is doing to her is sick, and is clearly escalating. If Ashley pulled hair from Dina’s head, the Manzo’s would not have any problem defining this as violent and criminal behavior. It doesn’t matter who her target was, what matters is that she has anger and impulse issues that make her unpredictable and physically aggressive. Jacqueline’s ineptitude in raising her daughter borders on neglect, if she was really interested in what was good for Ashley she would have asked Danielle to sit down with her and redrawn the rules of engagement. At this point Danielle doesn’t want her friendship, she wants Jacqueline and Teresa to back off and leave her friendships alone. ALL Jacqueline has to do is say “I’ll back off, I won’t talk about you, I’ll back off of Kim G, Kim D and when we’re at the same event I’ll act cordially and respectfully toward you.” Ashley needs a psychological intervention – there is just way more going on here than her dislike of Danielle.

Caroline Manzo for all her faults really does seem to have Ashley’s best interest at heart. I think her frustration is with Jacqueline, and the fact that Ashley’s actions are hurting her entire family at this point. Her brother is suffering financially, and now has to foot a hefty legal bill for something that was completely unnecessary; she has warned Jacqueline over and over again to STOP engaging with Danielle – yet every week Jacqueline shows up at her house for help ON THE SAME ISSUE. She has tried to get Ashley to stop by pointing out consequences; or out of respect for the rest of the family; or the fall-out in the community. Ashley doesn’t listen, Jacqueline doesn’t listen – and the Manzo’s still pay the collective price while mother and daughter continue to point fingers at each other. Ashley needs more pressing things to occupy her time, it’s bizarre that an 18 year old girl would become this enmeshed in her mother’s problems. Why isn’t she involved in her own life more? Where are her friends? And Derek doesn’t count. When I was 18 I was going a mile a minute and if I didn’t have plans every night of the week I thought my world would cave in. Hanging out with my MOTHER was the worst thing I could have imagined – I was into my friends, boyfriends, social life and concerts.

I still think Danielle is crazy, but it’s hard to say she’s paranoid when Teresa, Jacqueline, Kim G and Ashley spend 99% of their time screwing with her. BTW – anyone notice how Christine hasn’t felt the need to address Ashley in any way, shape or form in the aftermath of Ashley attacking HER mother? Well done, kid.
46

classy drunk

Posted July 29, 2010 at 10:33 am

@ P Cheez, I agree with you about the family trying to rationalize what Ashley did. Now if Ashley walks out and they were in the middle of an actual altercation and some hair got pulled out while trying to help her mother, then and only THEN would she have been trying to protect her mother. You are not protecting your mother when said aggressor has their back to you, and walking away from the situation.

Christine and Jillian seem to be respectful young ladies. They may sass their mother sometimes (as I am sure we all did, but some of us only did it ONCE because of the repercussions), but the seem well mannered and behaved unlike Ashley. It probably has something to do Danielle and her straying off the wrong path so she at least tried to make her children better where she faltered.
47

shantigal

Posted July 29, 2010 at 11:13 am

Man, you peeps can talk. Don’t get me wrong, I love every bit of it because you say the most insightful, interesting things. I’m not a novelist, more of a bing, bang, boom, get the point accross.

I agree with giving Kim G. some credit for not having surgeries, though botox has visited that forehead on a regular schedule. You can look at her and see how she may have looked 15-20 years earlier, kind of hot probably. With Danielle’s alterations, you can’t. You just see a turtle face with melting skin as someone mentioned.

@tvaholic -LOL a similar background, German & Croation. Mom was the master of the silent treatment, disapproving look and the heavy sigh. My sister still says to this day “I wish we could be Italian.”

As for Ashley – Everyone has her pegged so well. I do believe there is hope for her, especially if she can get away from this clan and see how others live and deal with the never ending hiccups in life. At least Danielle’s girls have each other and their birth father to an extent. I have a nephew that was raised by a certifiably crazy SIL. I was scared for his future and constantly worried how he would be able to function in the real world with a parent like that. I am happy to report he is an employed college graduate, married to an absolute gem of a girl and just bought his first house. Point being, they can succeed despite their whacko mommies. Guess this was rambling afterall.
48

reality

Posted July 29, 2010 at 11:16 am

I have enjoyed all the recaps and love all the comments that result. I can’t forget Angela’s (I think) comment from last week. What happened to the good old-fashioned idea of Mama (Jacqueline) marching Child (Ashley) up to Danielle’s door to apologize?? Hmmmm. Pride? Such a shame. It’s a simple playground rule for 2 year olds that gets lost in all the DRAMA as they like to call it. And I too, think Ashley is making up the “I thought mommy got hurt” bit. Just doesn’t add up any way you look at it and is also not a justification, sorry Caroline.

Poor Joe looks like he might flip out from last week (Teresa talking about foreclosure) and this week (I want a Dye MOND). He probably tried to keep up a nice front but I think you’re right. He should lay it all out on the table and say “we’re broke.” I think he would be fine with a pizza parlour.

I remember when I couldn’t even eat lunch with other Mommies and kids at McDonalds for playdates. Just had to eat leftovers or peanut butter and jelly at home. You do what you have to do.
49

Angela Parisi LaRoe

Posted July 29, 2010 at 11:40 am

@reality: Yeah it was me.

I don’t understand why they can’t do the mature thing. Ashley could have probably avoided court, Danielle would get her wish of embarassing the crap out of Jacqueline/Ashley/the Manzo’s, and it would be all over.

Oh I pray I raise my son the right way. I will but if he did stuff like Ashley did, I would hold my SON responsible. I always say if my son did something like get caught doing drugs knowing it was wrong, committed murder, fighting (like Ashley, not defending himself) or stole, I would make him pay the consequences. I won’t bail him out but I will support him and visit him in jail. If he did something where he was unjustly accused (wrong place, wrong time, etc), I would bail him out. That is how I learned and I am grateful for it.
50

chemgal

Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:05 pm

I’ve had my ass kicked six ways to Sunday in my teens during a soccer game – my fault, playing a school from the “city” part on NJ and what they lacked in skill, they made up for in aggression. Some girl kept slamming into me and some words were exchanged. The last thing I remember coming out of my mouth was “any time any place bitch”. I apparently RSVP’d for that place and that time because she proceeded to kick my ass until both her coach and mine could pull her off me. What hurt more then the kicks to my back and front was that she used my ponytail to pull me to the ground. Again, no fan of Danielle, but I don’t think she was making up the pain she was in and I’m betting it hurt a lot more afterwards when the adrenaline wore out.
51

reality

Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:08 pm

And on the topic of only spending what you have, my family (hubby, 7 y.o. girl and 9 y.o.boy) are going to spend a week at Hilton Head starting tomorrow. We haven’t been on a family vacation with the kids in 8 years because, guess what? WE COULDN’T AFFORD IT AND DIDN’T CHARGE IT AND GO! We did fun day trips in Cincinnati and even learned to go camping and have fun. We will enjoy this trip knowing we can afford it. I really hope Teresa learns to stop living outside her means and making excuses for it.

All the excuses for behavior from Danielle, Teresa and Ashley just annoy me.
52

chemgal

Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:38 pm

reality, apparently you are too sane to realize how these women think. Jaque, who is looking more like a man in drag as she is downgraded in my opinion, is secretly proud of Ashley. The only reason she is upset is because of how her husband and his family views this. Say what you will about Caroline, her mother and father themselves did something right. Dina, Chris, Caroline and the tiny bit we got of the other siblings, they all seem to have their shit together and along with taking care of family is not embarrassing the family. I shared what my husband’s Italian mama did with him, not only did he have to apologize to the store owner he stole from, she drove him to every single family members house in the area and made him apologize to them for causing embarrassment to the family. He never stole anything ever again and he swears he would do the same to our kids if necessary because it made such an impact.
53

reality

Posted July 29, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Good point chemgal, must have missed that. I will have to file that away for later because a good deterent. (sp?)

And how come no one took more opportunity to apologize to Kim for ruining her event? And Teresa doesn’t count because it was half-a$$@d.

And if they even blame it on editing (which I hate) then they could have mentioned it on their blogs…. just sayin’ ; )
54

chemgal

Posted July 29, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Her mouth writes a lot of checks her ass can’t cash, which is at least one form of bankruptcy the rest of us won’t be on the hook for.

Too funny tvaholic!
55

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 29, 2010 at 1:55 pm

@reality, I think Teresa’s apology was half-assed too, although Kim D did get crazy wasted at Teresa’s Foreclosure, I mean HOUSEWARMING, party. So she probably didn’t even realize she should have gotten an apology because she’s so socially inept, LOL.

@chemgal, holy shit girl! I’m still in shock from that story… I agree on the hair pulling though, my scalp is really sensitive and if anyone pulled my hair like that I would be in genuine pain. And super pissed.

I don’t really have much of a problem with Danielle pursuing charges against Ashley, I personally wouldn’t do it but I can see her point. I just think she should own it – Why not just say I’m sending a message – Don’t f*ck with me.

In my opinion Ashley shouldn’t even be engaged in the family dialogue at this point. They should decide on a course of action then DEMAND her compliance. Who cares what she thinks? She’s an 18 year old fuck up with no ability or resources to handle this independently. I just read her Bravo blog – the kid is either too stupid to get it, or too sick in the head to understand why it’s wrong. Either option does not bode well for her, she’s well on her way to becoming a trailer park punching-bag for the local Walmart shopping cart wrangler. I hope Dina asks Buddha to make the moron sterile – I think that particular DNA pool has too much piss in it.
56

Coleen Schaefer

Posted July 29, 2010 at 2:05 pm

@Prodigal Cheez Where is this store that you mentioned? I must go!
57

skatt

Posted July 29, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Cheez/Chemgal: Yes,Yes, and “Can I get an AMEN from the Congregation?!!”– on all things Ashley. Jacqueline and Chris are trying to tough-love that kid Bravo TV style. As in, when the cameras rolling. Twunty reminded me last week (or week b/fore, I forget) that it was Chris that bought her the BRAND NEW car, while it still looked for all the world like she was going to flunk out of school. But he was tired of Jacqueline driving her around and not being home so wait on him, so he just solved that problem for himself- made it go away.
They both took alot of shit after the 1st season for the way they let her act and talk to them, so I think they decided to at least try to look like halfway decent parents this season.

Did I miss it (entirely possible) or was it never established where Ashley moved out to? Were they just trying to not say it was to Dereks? Jaqueline would always say she was “staying with a friend”, in that weird tone of voice. Was it that it was Derek? Did they seriously not know where she was?

OHHH!! Don’t forget!! Preview of the D.C shrews during Betheny Getting Married tonight. They look like their own brand of awful. Yeah!- (“Boiringg is one thingg D.C. IS NOTT”)
58

sarcasatire

Posted July 29, 2010 at 5:34 pm

@Skatt: It was to Derek’s house although they never directly came out and said it. However, there was that episode when Jaqueline went to Derek’s house to meet his mom and the mom was all “Ashley helps clean the house.” and jaque was all, “WHA?!” lol
59

reality

Posted July 29, 2010 at 5:49 pm

so, I love me most Bravo shows and others. I am DYING because my DVR tonight is finally having battles between recordings: Burn Notice, Project Runway premier, Bethenny Getting Married, On the Road with Austin and Santino…..oh what will I do when The Rachel Zoe Project, Flipping Out, Amazing Race, Survivor and Real Housewives of DC come on?
60

reality

Posted July 29, 2010 at 5:50 pm

And I meant to say thanks to the powers above that I’m going on vacation tomorrow to reclaim my life with my family away from the TV!!!!!!!!!!
61

RealityCheck

Posted July 29, 2010 at 6:45 pm

I have to comment that I understand that Bravo wants shows that are full of drama and we all keep coming back BUT Danielle seems truly disturbed! I’ve been going back through this season (I know why?) but something kept bothering me. She most certainly is not a victim but a very calculating con-artist! I also recall her saying that she hoped the when her daughters had sex that it would be phone sex but she didn’t think that her children even knew what that was (apparently she is also is dilusional sp?) but I’ve noticed that Christine cusses quite often…I guess those girls are aware of more things then puppies and rainbows! After watching these shows I am starting to get a sick feeling that Danielle/Beverly/Angela (READ THE COURT RECORDS) is actually dangerous! And if the rumors are true that she was in contact with Dina’s Ex and was trying to mess with the custody agreement for Dina’s daughter then I have to say that I would be afraid…very afraid. I most certainly don’t condone what Ashley did in any way but I really believe that Danielle is really trying to take this family down. I feel that she is truly a problem. Also did anybody notice that in the talking head interview after the boxing practice…she didn’t say if ashley touches me again I kick her butt…she said that if you hit someone in the right way then they will never walk again??? WTF – hair pull = permanent loss of mobility???? I hope Miss Andy is really paying attention because I am really starting to be concered for the Manzo/Laurita family. I don’t agree with what Ashley did but with the full time crowd of convicted felons that she surrounds herself with I am concerned about her daughters and the other castmembers.
62

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 29, 2010 at 7:21 pm

@Coleen, I have to double check the name but I think it’s on Military Trail going toward Riviera Beach (LOL, I know – but all the PB, Singer Island women donate there for some reason). I love good stuff, but hate to pay…

@skatt – AMEN sister. I don’t know if it was established that Ashley was living with Derek, but she was spending a lot of time there. I got the feeling she was staying with friends because Chris had a problem with Derek being 23, and he mentioned a few times he was concerned about the relationship being sexual. I think if he thought she was living with him, he would have taken the car away and cut off the $$$$.

@RealityCheck – I agree with you completely on Danielle, I think she’s a sociopath/psychopath and capable of real violence and mayhem. My problem with Jacqueline and Ashley is that they KNOW this. Caroline and Dina have totally backed off, and done so very civilly and passively – neither one wants to engage Danielle, and they have literally begged the other women to stop feeding into the drama. Caroline’s frustration level with Jacqueline is palpable; she’s disgusted with the Ashley situation, disapproving of the Kim G situation, and was flat out pissed at what Teresa did.

I’m going to have to catch up on the DC bitches, but my friend who lives in DC SWEARS it’s as nuts as the rest of these hags, LOL.
63

Coleen Schaefer

Posted July 29, 2010 at 8:48 pm

@Prodigal Cheez. That’s actually really close to me. Please let me know if you get the name. Gotta love what the rich ladies on Singer Island and Palm Beach decide to donate! Thanks for the info!
64

sarcasatire

Posted July 29, 2010 at 11:40 pm

Anyone catch Andy Cohen and Stephen Colbert reenact the Bethenny/Kelly showdown? A MUST WATCH!!

http://tv.gawker.com/5600274/stephen-colbert-and-andy-cohen-reenact-kelly-and-bethennys-epic-real-housewives-fight
65

RealityCheck

Posted July 29, 2010 at 11:51 pm

@Prodigal Cheez – I agree with you about Jacqueline and Ashley…I’m not sure either of them get it. Like fear for their safety get it! Not to be mean but they both come across a little simple minded. If I was in Jacqueline’s situation and Danielle’s “advisor” called me, I would have hung up immediately and changed my numbers just so she would have no access to my family at all. If Ashley was my daughter and I told her NO MORE CONTACT! And found out she was still communicating with Danielle her phone and computer would have been GONE! Because you know that Ashley is not paying her own phone bill. And I certainly don’t agree with the whole hair pull but I sure do wish someone would pull off that ugly ass hat that Ashley wears and throw it in the trash!
66

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 30, 2010 at 7:27 am

@RealityCheck – Definitely no MENSA members in the Jacq and Ass collective, LOL. I think Jacqueline likes all the attention this BS generates, especially since she apparently thinks her husband “is hot when he disciplines Ashley” (someone else here mentioned it, and it IS creepy). She calls Danielle out for being a victim, well hello kettle!

I agree on the whole taking away of the cell phone, computer, etc. I don’t get when parents have a kid going totally off the rails, and they act like they are powerless. Why? They hold all the cards, and Ashley needs them more than they need her being there – take away everything: car, money, phone, computer, tv, permission to be on TV; start charging her room and board, and bill her for expenses she adds, like attorneys. She obviously needs close supervision.

What IS up with that hat? FUG.

I predict a falling out between the Manzo’s and Jacqueline. If that happens, the Laurita marriage is on borrowed time.
67

chemgal

Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:15 am

@Reality Check – some parents are amazing at their lack of ability to take charge and recognize their RIGHTS to take stuff away from any kid living in their home or off their money. I taught middle school for a few years and it was around the time that wearing your pants low became fashionable. At a conference for a child that I (or any other of the teachers) did not myself find to be a challenge the parents admitted he was a big challenge at home. They were particularly upset with his wardrobe and pants that he belted very, very low. Without even thinking, and meaning it at the time, I blurted out “who is hiring 13 year olds?” The room went silent and the father looked at me with a puzzled expression and said “What?” So I repeated my question and he again said to me “what do you mean?” So I said, “well I assumed since you don’t like his clothes, you aren’t paying for them, so I was wondering where he was working to get the money for them. He’s only 13 and I am just surprised someone would hire him without a work permit” no one answered, but the next day he showed up in school with well fitting pants.
68

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 30, 2010 at 8:51 am

HAHAHA!!! That is an awesome story chemgal!!! I love the parents with morbidly obese 5 year olds, who are like “I’m so worried about little Pugslie’s weight, he just eats and eats…” Ummmm….. how is Pugs getting to the grocery store? Save some food money and get the kid into some activities at the Y. See how easy that was, and I don’t even have any little DNA samples running around! LOL.
69

chask70

Posted July 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm

OMG! I lost it when I read the caption about Caroline wearing a shirt with a picture of Theresa on it!!! I totally lost it!!!! I am tentatively planning a road trip to see this auction. I recently read the inventory and was AMAZED by the amount of FAUX everything in the Guidice Abode. It was even MORE amazing that he sold marble, etc….

Scary! Great Recap!! You make watching this drivel palatable!!! Get ready for DC next week!!!
70

chemgal

Posted July 30, 2010 at 2:36 pm

hehe 69 comments.

love,
teresa
71

Ollybeau

Posted July 30, 2010 at 3:12 pm

My son caught me watching this the other day, and to my surprise, he found the show hysterical. I asked him why and he said “Because those girls are all dressed up like animals!”
Seriosly, every person on screen was wearing either leopard print, zebra print, fur, leather etc.
Only 4 years old and even he knows they look ridicuous…
72

sarcasatire

Posted July 31, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Newsflash: Teresa found a job!!!! And she’s sizzling!

http://www.dlisted.com/node/38257
73

skatt

Posted July 31, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Sarcasatire: I read this over at Popeater. Go over and read the first few comments. They all “love” Tereasa, think she’s “hilarious” and (not making this up) “should really get her own show, like Betheny”. It’s almost as if they were written by the same “pewsewn”.
74

sarcasatire

Posted July 31, 2010 at 10:11 pm

@Skatt: Haha..yea, she prolly wrote them ala Jill and AmazonGate 2010. But, actually, it would be funny if she had her own show. Imagine a 30 min weekly special where we could see Teresa acclimating to her new post-bunkrupt lifestyle.
Episode #1: Applies to be a Walmart Greeter.
Episode #2: Can we use our EBT card at the Olive Garden?
Episode #3: Plasma for sale! No, not the TV, my blood!
75

sarcasatire

Posted July 31, 2010 at 10:14 pm

*bankrupt*
76

Savannah

Posted August 2, 2010 at 1:26 pm

Twunty,I look forward to your recaps more than I enjoy watching the shows themselves. How do you pick up these subtle details, like everyone’s home being decorated in wine and gold shades? It is uncanny. What is even more entertaining, however, is the idea that people are hating on you for, of all things, racism. The funniest was the person who cried bigotry about your disdain for the phrase “baby girl”. Um, can we say ‘reaching,’ people? The irony is that you got more shit for your alleged racism than you did for implying that Jacqueline should have aborted Ashley and subsequently mentioning your own dilation and curettage procedure. Whether it was tongue in cheek or not is not the point. The point is that this is humor, and humor is often politically incorrect. Yes, you push the envelope, and more power to you for it. I would like to remind the ubersensitive reader who read racism into a joke about a hypothetical R&B singer that we fans don’t wait for your recaps on pins and needles because we are are looking for warm-hearted platitudes. I say, bring on the debauchery. If you’re not offending anyone, you’re not doing your job.
77

marijai

Posted August 2, 2010 at 10:50 pm

“…Teresa: “Why did you lose your job?” “The economy.” “Why did you chase Danielle around a country club?” The economy.”

http://popwatch.ew.com/2010/08/02/teresa-giudice-on-the-view-i-always-live-within-my-means-always/

**Remember ladies, if you live within your means, you too may end up $11 million in debt!
78

sarcasatire

Posted August 3, 2010 at 12:24 am

@Savannah.. sheesh, I was hoping we didn’t have to drag last recap’s mess onto this board but I just want you to say you seriously misconstrued what I was saying, regarding ‘babygirl’. First off, in said comment (#5), I was defending/explaining Twunty’s ape references to Janelle, who said they were racist, telling her they were not. Lets get that clear, right now.
However, being diplomatic, I said to the other posters that we cannot control or deny what offends others, even when it doesn’t offend us. I used the example of how I was offended, not by Twunty’s disdain for the term babygirl, but the stereotypical line of its usage reminding her of ‘a Black man out picking up chicks while his babymama’s at home waiting for formula.’ I said that I was offended by that statement because it was stereotypical and painted an ugly picture of Black men and women…I mean, I could understand the cheesy R&B reference, but the whole babymama thing was a lil…extra. But I never alluded to Twunty being racist, nor did I comment it on it at the time. I was just pointing out that people of certain ethnic groups find certain stereotypes offensive and giving an example. That’s all. If I was so offended, I would have spoken up, and maybe ceased to reading her recaps..not defend her in a future recap, as I did! So next time, take the time out to read what is written, or you might be accused of ‘reaching’. Love and light.
79

sarcasatire

Posted August 3, 2010 at 2:18 am

The irony (or coincidence, lol) is that Brian Moylan, an uberfunny recapper on Gawker/Defamer is taking shit from Italians for his depiction/stereotypes of the Jersey Shore cast. Like I said, people get offended..we can’t help it, stop it, or change it. But if I like the writer, I will be back every time. Muah!

http://gawker.com/5600574/jersey-shore-the-great-guido-migration?skyline=true&s=i
80

Hayden#2

Posted August 3, 2010 at 6:02 am

To anyone who saw last nights ep (8/2), it was the saddest thing I ever saw. You’ll see what I mean with the horrible christening party upsetting Joe (or is it a put on to make us think he is remorseful?), and how crappy Kim G. is…another nutjob coming to the surface? Can’t wait for next week.
81

LAC

Posted August 3, 2010 at 8:33 am

Another great recap! You sure are funny, Twunty, for a racist! Seriously, you made me LMAO with the Danielle as saint nonsense. That joker face coke whore should just admit that she wants to stick it Jackie, et al through that dope of a daughter and stop pretending that she is helping poor Assley to see the light. Bitch, please…

My hubby walked by during last night’s episode – the wedding/christening/good luck getting that paid for abomination and said “Those kids are going to be so fucked up”

Btw, prodigal cheese, my fav Spongebob episode is the one where they had the talent show, Gary the snail is doing some free form poetry, and Squidward, impatient to do his dance, says “Wind it up, Ginsberg!” My husband and I fell out of our seats laughing, but we had to explain why to our teenager.
82

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 3, 2010 at 10:36 am

I was just reading Ashley and Jaqueline’s Bravo blogs (of course my comments didn’t get through, can you believe that?!? LOL). Ashley makes this comment regarding Danielle’s girls:

“How many of you felt bad for Jillian in that scene of her with her mom? Isn’t Danielle scary? I felt so bad for Jillian, she looked like she needed a hug. I’m glad Danielle isn’t my mother. I hope her kids realize what kind of person their mother is before it’s too late for them. Christine is beautiful, and Jillian is talented. Neither daughter inherited those traits from their mother. They don’t need her, they have their dad and step mom. I hope they get away as fast as they can. That’s just my opinion though. I am definitely praying for them.”

I know it refers to the next episode in part, but WTF. So what’s she saying, she’s praying for them to lose their mother? What a vicious twat, and where the fuck does she get off at 18 years of age making such a condescending and cruel comment? She’s so stupid and mean. It’s almost unbelievable how ugly this girl is on every level. I believe it when Danielle said Ashley confided in her last year, and that she was unhappy at home. I think Ashley is jealous, and she’s scared about what she told Danielle coming back and biting her in the ass so she’s doing everything she can to discredit her – and the same goes for Jacqueline.

I’m praying for Ashley too, praying that she’s sterile and that the laws of natural selection have her on their docket.
83

KatesMom

Posted August 3, 2010 at 11:46 am

What is it above Bravo not posting comments! I’ve tried countless times and not once have they ever posted it. I wonder what it takes to get one through. Has anyone ever been successful?

Prodigal Cheez – I can’t even read Ashley’s blogs anymore because they get me so upset. However, your comment on what she said was dead on. I hope your prayers come true!
84

classy drunk

Posted August 3, 2010 at 12:23 pm

@ P Cheez, I had issue with Ashley’s blog, but for a totally different reason. I saw Danielle as knowing her daughter’s personality and giving her a push when she needed it (practicing) and standing back when she did not need to be bothered (pre show jitters). Ashley, who has probably never been pushed to do anything had no understanding of what Danielle was trying to do. Not everyone gets a new car for barely passing school.

Danielle girls seem to be the best on the show right now and are clearly self motivated and supported by their mother.

Danielle is kooky but I will say those girls seem to have a good head on their shoulders.
85

chemgal

Posted August 3, 2010 at 12:26 pm

If Bravo controlled the border, we would be paying $20 for a head of lettuce. Their screening process must be intense. I have posted comments a bunch of times and not one has gotten through – and I saved all the good stuff for here and only put the gentle comments there.

Trying to not get ahead of us, but I think I may die from choking on my own puke if I wait. How disgusting was that anniversary celebration last week, party this week and trip to Italy next week? WTF?! I swear to God, that apartment over the pizzaria is too good for these schmucks. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
86

KatesMom

Posted August 3, 2010 at 12:32 pm

chemgal, if that’s bankruptcy, sign me up. How do they do it? it’s incredibly disgusting. Actually, don’t sign me up. I would be ashamed to be acting like they do. Do you think they have any idea how they are coming across? Can apes think that deeply?
87

skatt

Posted August 3, 2010 at 1:08 pm

ProCheez: Oh My Dear Lord. I don’t bother with Bravo’s site to much at all(if you can’t get your comments posted, safe to say I can’t) , so I didn’t even know Ashley was blogging. What is wrong with Chris and Jacqueline? Any parent in their right minds (I know, I know) would have yanked Ashley off that show and she sure as hell wouldn’t be blogging her “insights” on the minds of Danielle’s kids. Yeah Jackie, that should go over like gangbusters with the Dramaqueen. She’s so well known for just letting things go. You all are.

I love people who buffer their idiocy with “that’s just my opinion”. Oh, is it Ashley? We thought you were speaking on behalf of everyone before you let us know that it was in fact, just your opinion.

I’m trying to hold back ’till next week too. But, the giant ice sculpture of the Cross: JESUS WEPT. And yeah, Juicy Delicious is OVER IT.
88

tvaholic

Posted August 3, 2010 at 1:09 pm

@P.Cheez-I thought the exact same thing when I read that on Asshley’s blog. No matter how hard she tries to defend her previous actions as immature (since you know, it was SO long ago), and insists she has grown since then, she says crap like that proving she has learned nothing. Derek, run, run like the wind! No wonder-her mother talks about how hot Chris is when he’s yelling at Asshley. I never knew disciplining children was a form of foreplay. I’m surprised they only had 2 kids after they got married.

And yeah, not too talk too much about the current episode, but how many of you thought like me, that not only is Joe totally self-medicating with food, but he looked like he was going to have a massive coronary any second?
89

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 3, 2010 at 6:10 pm

@classy drunk – I’m with you on that aspect of it too. How looney tunes are these wummin getting when DANIELLE is coming out looking reasonable? Jesus, I still think she’s wing-nut but she really is under siege. Personally, I don’t think I would pursue legal action with Ashley, but I totally get where Danielle’s coming from and don’t really think she’s out of line for doing it. I just wish she wasn’t such a psycho too – it’s hard to find white hats in this group. The level of drama is exhausting to watch sometimes, I can’t imagine living with it.

No question though, Danielle really does have lovely children – Her parenting seems pretty solid, except it makes me really uncomfortable when she involves the girls in her crazy-making dialogues and escapades. Their faces kind of say it all, they are very expressive kids but also very poised and self-contained. I’m on the fence as to if that’s entirely good or not.

@chemgal – I just watched the last episode online. I am so far beyond disgusted I’m actually almost speechless! ALMOST! LOL, tell me where the signup sheet is KatesMom – I want that kind of “fresh start” too – I feel like we all dropped down the rabbit hole, and drank the “Drink Me” potion.

Hey there @skatt! I was surprised my comments didn’t make it – I was pretty even-handed and there are way more insulting posts up. I’m appalled that Jacqueline and Chris are letting her do ANY of this at this point, she can never truly recover from this. Half her problem is just basic immaturity; but the lack of discipline, lack of appreciation for consequences and the fact that she’s a genuinely mean girl are like the trifecta of post-adolescent dysfunction. She’s filled with rage, and no matter what she says about how much she loves her mom – she’s really angry with Jacqueline. There’s a long and rocky road ahead for the Laurita’s, Ashley has no brakes. I want to use the ice sculpture for my new avatar… LOL!

@tvaholic, haha!! Thank God they didn’t have more kids – I think Jacqueline has done enough damage!! She’s a horrible mother. I know this is mean, but Ashley really does not have much on the ball here; she’s not that pretty, not that smart, not that nice, not that funny, not that interesting – WHY isn’t she doing something vocational like Lauren? Lauren and Chris Manzo really go for what they want, and they seem to appreciate the opportunities their parents offer – what is WRONG with Ashley??? She’s completely oblivious of her limitations, yet somehow thinks her opinions are really important…

Juicy’s starting to get interesting… and I agree his stress level is palpable. Teresa is a Narcissistic ass, she probably doesn’t know life insurance is considered another asset they don’t own anymore. I hate Jill Zarin, I really do. Kelly Bensimmon is repulsive, but she’s too sick to truly hate. But seriously, I find myself actually getting angry at Teresa, Jacqueline and Ashley. The fact that they have zero awareness of how people actually perceive them is astounding.
90

chemgal

Posted August 3, 2010 at 7:36 pm

I’m going out on a limb here and say that it is quite possible that Danielle is a sane parent and part of the looks she gets from her kids are “are you fucking kidding me?” in nature. She claimed on WWHL to Andy that she is playing a role on the program. Maybe she was being truthful and didn’t realize not everyone else was? Still think she may be certifiable, but either her kids inherited all the good DNA only or she is doing something well. Its all nature or nurture or a great combo of both. On the opposite side of the spectrum and a question I can see being posed to Teresa is from a teacher I use to work with use to ask parents “either you raised a jerk or passed on genes for jerkness – which is the case here?”
91

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 3, 2010 at 8:08 pm

I’ve noticed that Danielle has some very clear standards with the kids, she definitely seems to hold them to appropriate expectations. I know some people have an issue with teen modeling, but the reality of that business is that if you’re not in it by your mid-teens you’ve lost a good portion of your longterm viability – I’m sure Twunty knows more about that though. Christine certainly has the goods, and Danielle seems to want her girls to make better choices than she did.

I have a degree of empathy for Danielle that I don’t have for Jacqueline or Teresa, BUT when I watch her continue to make bad choices like making a sex tape, or being coy about her sexuality, or having goons stake out Dina at a restaurant I have to draw the line.

I think she’s a sociopath, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s a bad person it just means her value system and moral compass isn’t functioning like the rest of the world’s. She can be dangerous, but mostly because she has terrible judgment, and seems to go forward on automatic pilot rather than think through a coping strategy. I really have to wonder, if the other women hadn’t made such an issue over that book if she would have been more stable. She must have had some level of stability to function in her marriage and in the community as long as she did. It’s almost like they knocked her foundation right out from under her, and she’s panicking because she can’t figure out who she’s supposed to be. Does she try and retain her wealthy socialite status, or does she embrace her past and try to make it work for her since it’s all out and she can’t control it? I think she should accept her past, and find a way to to move through it constructively – like volunteering with high-risk kids. Maybe she can reconcile who she is with who she needs to be to preserve what she has now…. I know, I know I babble sometimes!

Somehow with all the twisted, vicious and cruel behavior from Teresa, Jacqueline, Ashley and the Kim’s I’ve almost gotten to the point where I’m rooting for Danielle. These women just savaged her, knocked her down and then kicked her – and look at how hypocritical it all was… I mean Joe Giudice has had two DUI’s – he’s criminally negligent at the very least – drunk drivers kill people, sometimes whole families. Teresa and Joe have defrauded an entire community, and probably some friends and family too – they have yet to show any true remorse for their actions. Jacqueline is petty, manipulative and mean, and regularly throws her daughter under the bus to appease her husband’s family. She offers no guidance, no structure and sends confusing and mixed messages to a girl who is suffering deeply enough that she lashes out at other people with very little provocation.

Danielle is a fuck up, but as far as I can see she hasn’t really done anything TO anyone. I don’t know what happened between her and Dina, all I know are the vague rumors – but somehow something that happened between the two women gave license to an entire group of women to attack Danielle on a continuous and escalating basis.

Annndddd…. On and on I go! Sorry guys…

“On the opposite side of the spectrum and a question I can see being posed to Teresa is from a teacher I use to work with use to ask parents “either you raised a jerk or passed on genes for jerkness – which is the case here?” ”

That is great! I would love to have heard some of the responses, chemgal!!
92

pooh girl

Posted August 4, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Could someone please tell me what is up with Danielle talking in that stupid baby voice?
93

tvaholic

Posted August 4, 2010 at 7:16 pm

@chemgal-I saw the WWHL too, where Danielle says she’s playing a role. I find it interesting that the 2 biggest nutbags of the RH world, Danielle & Kelly, are both claiming that now. (Kelly claimed the same in a recent interview) Interesting how neither said that after the first season they were on, only after they’ve received a lot of backlash & have had clashes with most or all of the other housewives. Although I don’t doubt Danielle is-I don’t think she’s had an authentic moment the entire season. I think Kelly just said it to buy time before the imminenent intervention.
94

RealityCheck

Posted August 5, 2010 at 2:23 am

I have to say I am no fan of Danielle’s and I know people who are like her who’s drama and problems rules every minute of their lives and their kids are normally quite because they have never had the chance to have center stage with their mom…If you notice every conversation Danielle has with her daughters is about making herself look better. She disgust me…And really what balls to take a 15 year old girl to the ob/gyn and try to run the conversation. Talking about how Christine has such a great life that she does not need to have boyfriends or sex. Then sit there in that Dr. office and act like she is so innocent, “why would anyone have sex after hearing this”, I don’t know…as a prior prostitute and the recent infamous cohort in a sex tape (allegedly why would a teenager who is going thru puberty and is put on display as a model…why would she ever think that using her body to get what she wants is wrong? And some may not agree with me but when you look in the eyes of Kristine and Jillian, you see two girls who have seen and heard too much! They were introduced to the adult world long before it was necesssary. And how can any mother have convicted felons as her “close” friends. I don’t like it when the cable guy looks at my daughter! I miss Dina…she made sense and was a good mom. I like Caroline – she definitely has her faults but I admire how she has always put her children first. Teresa is officially on my last nerve!!!!!
95

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 5, 2010 at 2:22 pm

I’m not a fan of Danielle’s by a long shot – I think she’s a sociopath. I also think she involves her kids in her social traumas to an inappropriate degree, but by and large her kids are thriving and seem to be on the right track. And the same cannot be said about Ashley, who is not too far outside of Danielle territory herself.

As for the sex talk, I can’t say it’s that off the wall to do the whole, “Do as I say, not as I do…” angle. I can remember a lot of pretty crazy nights with my friends when we were younger and doing stuff that was definitely on the wrong side of legal, LOL. They’re the parents most adamantly against drugs and underage drinking with their kids, and ironically the ones that catch on first if it’s going on. It’s none of the kids’ business what their parents do when they’re younger, the point of being a parent is to correlate your life experience to bringing someone through the beginning stages of theirs; and hope you can guide them through pitfalls and temptations with their dignity and self-esteem intact.

I agree @tvaholic, Danielle is on stage 100% of the time. And so is Teresa.. “Ain’t I nice?”, “Cuz I’m nice like dat”, “Cuz I’m so not a stage-mom”. She knows she’s full of shit, she thinks she’s cute.

The next episodes just about put me over the top – Teresa is an evil skank.

I agree Danielle keeps inappropriate company, and her actions are too public for her girls no to be aware of it. I think it sucks for the kids, and I hope if any good can come of it – it’s that the decisions you make when you are young can impact you later in life.
96

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 5, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Weird, I transposed the last paragraph – I need some of chemgal’s Schmitt Reisling!
97

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 5, 2010 at 2:26 pm

I just realized my comment was kind of convoluted, @RealityCheck – I’m pretty much in total agreement with you – just chewing it over! LOL
98

Missy2sweet

Posted August 5, 2010 at 8:20 pm

I’m really sick of Eve and her horrible way of playing both sides which finally came to a head on the most recent episode. She tries to hard to instigate drama instead of letting it unfold and in the end she just wants to be part of the mean girls clique and lashes out at Danielle who is no saint by any means. She did something to dina at some point but even dina had the sense to walk away from it and not engage her in her insanity. The rest of the women (Caroline excluded have only welcomed the drama. They are all crazy and need this reality platform to be taken away from them. They are not entertaining they are simply disturbing. And Joe is freaked out every episode he seems uncomfortable with his wife’s lavicious ways I wouldn’t be surprised if he just snaps and she comes up missing someday soon.
99

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 6, 2010 at 1:00 am

@Missy2sweet “And Joe is freaked out every episode he seems uncomfortable with his wife’s lavicious ways I wouldn’t be surprised if he just snaps and she comes up missing someday soon.”

It’s kind of like Bonnie Lee Blakely – everyone knows Robert Blake did it, but she really had it coming (even Dominick Dunne kind of had to concede that one)… LOL. Okay, I know it’s over the line. I don’t really think Teresa deserves that, but I wouldn’t mind seeing her live over that pizza shop.

Kim G is a pig.
100

sarcasatire

Posted August 6, 2010 at 2:10 am

KIm G’s husband patented a product for esee Lauder makeup. So…why isn’t she prettier? Bitch looks run down…all the way down.

And how embarrasing is it for her teenage daughter to see her mom screaming and acting a fool in a restaurant, in a mini skirt? Give me my middle class mom anyday..she is a ‘Blazers and pearls’ lady with two houses and would never set foot on TV. I feel soooooo blessed, even without the Bentley.
101

skatt

Posted August 6, 2010 at 2:03 pm

ATTENTION GASMITES: (via Deceiver.com) Danielle will be throwing herself a B-day party at Scores(!!!) in NYC on August 10th. She will be “performing” her new single.

Odds she ends up on the pole?? She’s very shy, ya know. Shy, yet all about empowering her fellow woman.
102

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 6, 2010 at 7:25 pm

@skatt, well you know she’s been very self-conscious about her body since the divorce! LOL!!

So, this just in!!! Teresa Giudice throws Juicy Joe under the bus on The View. She claims Juicy kept their financial Armageddon from her, which is of course total bullshit if you watched the last two episodes where he was sweating, yelling and crying every time she spent money; which was pretty much every time she opened her ape face.

She’s as pretty as she is smart!
103

chemgal

Posted August 6, 2010 at 8:17 pm

@Prodigal, I am so stealing your thunder and using your line about kids not needing to know their parents business and your reasoning! When I was teaching and a vp, I always ran into parents who had the attitude of well I did it and a) I turned out fine so will they or b) I have no right to tell them they can’t, that would make me a hypocrite. Now I have a succinct way to come back to them. Thanks.
104

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 7, 2010 at 1:29 am

Haha, anytime @chemgal! I can’t believe some of these parents, how did parenting philosophies get so off track? I see it to some degree with our grandkids – immediate gratification (halloween costumes worn and worn-out weeks before Halloween), negotiating over things that really shouldn’t be negotiated (like getting to school on time), over-compensating yet being over controlling… It’s so upside-down now.

Kids don’t know how to cope with ordinary adversity, self-sooth or set goals for themselves – like potty training becomes voluntary. How the hell does that happen? It’s okay to change diapers until a kid is 4 or 5 so they don’t stress out over it, and then they still wet the bed and wake up throughout the night? Who’s stressed then? Everybody! Plus, I’m sorry but a 4 year-old stewing in his own shit is just disgusting. I think the benchmark for wiping your own ass in our generation was a solid age 2 wasn’t it?

Same goes for sports where “everyone’s a winner”. Really? How does a kid develop the drive to be better? And since when did it become a bad thing to earn distinction through hard work and talent?

Ashley and Jacqueline are a perfect example of how an apologist parent damages their kid. Jacqueline feels guilty about having Ashley when she was too young, and that she’s the only non-bio kid in the Laurita-Manzo family. She let’s Ashley know all this, so Ashley has two weapons – mom screwed around early, and mom didn’t plan on having a kid. Manipulation 101 – Ashley gets hybrid mom; part friend – part parent. Well it doesn’t work because Ashley can’t really trust her friend, and she can’t really trust her parent. Jacqueline doesn’t understand why Ashley isn’t following, and Ashley’s just confused and angry.

How much better off would Ashley have been without knowing Jacqueline’s feelings about an early childbearing experience, and that whatever was going on with Chris she was part of a secure, loving home, and expectations being met wasn’t optional because it was in her best interest. Too many choices…

I know one thing, if my lifestyle choices caused problems for my parents there would have been hell to pay. I was too lazy and motivated by own best interest to take them on, plus they held all the cards and we both knew it.
105

chemgal

Posted August 7, 2010 at 6:34 am

Prodigal, its pure laziness. But what a lot of parents forget is putting the time in in the early years is what makes the later years bearable. My MIL always says “little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems”. It is so important to put your line in the sand ASAP. The other piece of advice that I got from a radio host based out of Boston that I pass on to anyone who will listen because he stated it so clearly was the following. All kids, ALL kids, will rebel, they need to its part of the growing process. However, if as a parent, you put that line in the sand very close to home, the child/teen will have to do very little and risk very little to feel the necessary “oh yeah, I’m such a rebel, suck it mom and dad”. So, if you aren’t like a large number of parents and say “no beer”, your kid will need to sneak 1 beer to feel like they’re bad ass, while parents who say “they’re going to drink anyway so I might as well let them drink here where I can keep an eye on them and make sure they don’t drive” they have kids that now need to move on to hard liquor to feel bad ass.

Parents share way too much with their kids. I remember friends parents getting divorced and the kids didn’t know why or get any say in who they where going to live with and 99% of them turned out great. Now, parents share all their dirty laundry, bad mouth the other spouse, mommy or daddy bring the homewrecker to school functions before divorce papers have even been filed and ask the kids to choose where they want to live. It sucks. But the good news is there are still some people out there that put their kids first. One family rented an apartment and each of the parents took turns living there and living in the house so that the kids didn’t have to go back and forth. They had dates during their time at the apartment. I see those kids around town and they are both in their late 20s now and they are very happy, well adjusted, successful adults. Mom and dad have since sold the house and have both remarried.

I really wish Bravo would no longer allow Ashley to be on the show, but I guess now that she is 18 they’ll take the stance that she is an adult. I would love to be a fly on the wall in the Laurita house now that they are dealing with Ashley’s splash back and financial issues. I don’t believe Jacqueline handles adversity very well.
106

Prodigal Cheez

Posted August 7, 2010 at 10:51 am

@chemgal – I so agree with you!! Kids pretty much only need and want to know they are loved, they will have what they need, and that you care enough to set limits. The Curtin’s daughter Alexa was a perfect example of a kid who stopped caring about herself because underneath it all she was fully aware her parents didn’t really care, and even if they did they were too self-absorbed to make the effort.

I think this show is going to hurt Ashley in ways she can’t possibly understand, and for a very long time. Jacqueline should pull the plug, but she won’t. I think Jacqueline likes adversity as long as she’s in the middle and able to play the victim; even with Ashley she lets things hit critical mass, then acts helpless until Chris comes in lays the smackdown on Ashley. Which is apparently a real turn-on for her.

If you watch Ashley’s face during confrontations with Chris and Jacqueline you can see she almost always starts out confused (because Jacqueline shifted gears without warning); then angry at her mother (calls Jacqueline out for hypocrisy); then surprised because Chris becomes Jacqueline’s mouthpiece, and she’s hurt because now she’s being treated like someone who her mother needs protection from.

Ashley is a troubled kid, and she has to learn some self-control and get her anger under control. As an adult watching her unravel though, I’m not without some compassion for why she is the way she is. I think her relationship with her mother is unstable, unpredictable and confusing. I think Jacqueline snickers with her when she makes a comment on Facebook, then when it snowballs into another public issue she acts like Ashley’s out of control and calls in the big guns… It’s bullshit. It’s like giving a dog a treat for pissing on the floor, then whipping the dog for enjoying the treat.

Ashley’s in for a lifetime of unstable relationships, and will probably find herself in an abusive relationship of some sort at some point. She doesn’t know any better because in her world it’s a survival skill to shift your needs and expectations around the person your relying on for love and support – the poor kid probably never knew from one day to the next whether she was waking up to the cool, fun mom who wanted to go hang at the mall; or the evil, angry mom who found her so awful she had to have her husband deal with her.

Of all these awful whores, I hate Jacqueline the most. And I’ll exclude Caroline altogether because aside from her head cock and mafia-mom antics, I actually think she’s got her head on straight. I also think Caroline’s got Jacqueline’s number, and the only reason she’s interacting with her at all is for damage control.

I think it’s bizarre how Jacqueline is ALWAYS holding the baby during confrontations. I know I’ve said it before, but I think it’s cruel and insensitive that when she’s confronting Ashley she is almost always holding the baby in her lap.

RHONJ: Just Call Me Prosecution Whore

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