RHONJ: Let’s All Hate On Danielle Some More!

By Twunty McSlore | Sunday, June 27, 2010 | 1:05 pm | 71 Comments

Tagged: ashley cheated on her GED, bravo, faggot is just another word for I love you, funny, grandma wrinkles, housewives, mama manzo can shut it, parody, real housewives of new jersey, recap, spoof, supposebly you're a moron, TV, tvgasm

Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

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This week was a mixed bag for me. There was a lot going on for a change, and a lot of conflicting emotions. One minute I’m siding with the Manzo’s and the next minute, Danielle. One thing I am certain about- Ashley is a fool. Her actions are guided by the emotions of a teenager and she has zero ability to see the big picture.

But first up is Teresa and a trip to the acting/modeling/monster factory so that Gia can try out for a part in the new Christian Slater movie!

I was not aware that he was still making movies. The last I heard he was grabbing butts outside theaters in New York City, and before that Cher was suggesting that she go check out his latest movie with someone in Clueless.

Teresa tries to engage the little muppet in conversation by rehashing that movie with The Rock that she didn’t get last year. Gia rolls her eyes because Gia could care less about all that stuff.
She’s too busy rehearsing for her role as a newsboy Bratz doll.

njf1 And look who isn’t wearing a seat belt. Shocking.

Someone needs to tell her that the movie has been canceled. She could still work that outfit in some other way. Maybe a super chic street urchin in the Rodeo Drive version of Oliver Twist? Am I stretching here? Probably. I get annoyed by the way Teresa dresses her kids. Couldn’t she thow on some Osh Kosh or a cute skort instead of $100 tutus and leopard high heels? Gia’s outfit costs more than my car payment.

They’re late AGAIN, and I don’t care if she has four kids. Number one, she is NOT doing it all by herself, and number two- if she really wants her kid to succeed in show business she needs to get her ass there on time.

You don’t get hired if you’re late! They assume that you make a habit of it and will cost them valuable set time as they wait on your ass. I wonder if that’s why Juicy ‘Mo drove to the fashion show Gia walked, to make sure Teresa didn’t get distracted by any shiny dye-munn stores on her way to NYC or any swanky exclusive Osmium sink boutiques. We all know that she can’t follow GPS. God, I hope she donates her brain to science. Anthropologists are going to have a field day. She’s going to end up on a shelf with Lucy and Ida.

She’s such an asshole. There’s a half dozen parents in the reception area awaiting their own kid’s return from the audition and Teresa asks them if any of their kids are trying out for the same movie. The lady next to her nods her head yes, and I’m sorry. Isn’t that the whole reason everyone is there?! So their kids can read for ‘the new Christian Slater?’ What an idiot.

njf2 Is stupid contagious? You might want to scooch over a bit, ma’am.

She asks the nice lady if her daughter has all her lines memorized yet and she says, pretty much, and then Teresa proceeds to boast that little Boober Fraggle knows every last word. Why, Teresa was amazed by the speed of it! Gia had everything down pat before you could say Mnemonics!

njf3 Or moronic, a word I’m certain she uses more often.

Meanwhile, in the very next room, the only line Gia can remember is “Hi, I’m Gideon.”

njf4 “Would you like a bible? Mommy can’t read and the darn thing keeps catching on fire when she touches it.”

And Teresa continues to brag, brag, brag about Gia to her underwhelmed captive audience. She’s now pulling that whole, “I’m not a stage mom,” she just supports her daughter in whatever she wants to pursue.

njf5 I suppose you’re going to tell them that she WANTS to dress like that too.

That’s okay. Teresa isn’t the only one bragging. Caroline is running her mouth about all the hard work that her family has put into making The Brownnose so successful. 30 long years of setting tables and fluffing bridezillas sure has paid off. The place looks extremely busy, maybe too busy. It’s a nice building, though.

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I try to do my homework here. I figure that it’s the least that I can do considering how late my recaps often are. Plus, I’m nosy. From all the reviews I’ve read, it sounds like they overbook and then cancel on people if a better offer at a higher price comes along.

Many people complained that they do not have a price list but prefer to tailer the prices to how much they can get out of you. Oh well, gotta pay for that strip club/car wash Christopher wants to open. The other complaints involved too much noise from too many parties going on at once and being treated with a rude and brusque manner by management.

Also, it’s beautiful and has decent food but it’s in a crappy area of Patterson. I guess that you can’t please everyone. I have to wonder if some of the reviewers have an ax to grind and also if the Manzo’s think that they are celebrities that are above the customers that patronize their establishment. Not a good attitude to have, IF it’s true.

Anyway, one of my questions from last week is answered because Lauren is still earning her keep by keeping dust from mussing bridal trains, and Chris got promoted! He’s on the same level as his Dad, according to him, and proves it by allowing himself to be bossed around by an older lady who is not impressed by his table set-up abilities.

njf7 There are never enough tables when they fall off the back of a truck.

There’s a lot to co-ordinate in their line of work. I have some experience myself with catering so I understand. I ran a restaurant bar in my 30s and did outside catering for the same establishment, mostly for local businesses. It’s a goldmine and as long as you provide excellent service, you can charge a little on the high side and still get repeat business. You can’t act jaded or disinterested, especially when your bread and butter revolves around days that are among the most important in someone’s life.
Speaking of the butter..

njf8 Theirs has a giant ‘B’ on it. I assume that it stands for ‘Bubbies.’

Caroline says that they also work hard to get things right for their customers which is why Danielle’s claims that they threw her out are so upsetting to her. Also, someone told Christopher that Danny called him a faggot and now he’s pissed at Danielle too.

If I were him I would make lip service to being mad and then forget about it. Who cares what a two-bit thug says about you? The guy’s a loser. I’m more interested in what’s going to happen when Jacqueline gets her nails done at the infamous Chateau Salon & Spa.

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Don’t you love that name? A salon whose name is the French word for a castle. It’s in a storefront in a strip mall next to a Starbucks. It couldn’t be less castle-like if it were in a turnpike rest area. Whatever, I guess that all it takes is the suggestion of refined noble elegance and these women drop their checkbooks into the cashiers’ laps like their panties when hubby shows up with dye-munns.

Jacqueline is wearing one of Teresa’s ‘Happy Wife, Happy Life’ t-shirts and I’m glad to see her doing her part to try and keep the Giudice’s in the black. Too bad she didn’t buy one for every single Bravo viewer. That’s the only way she could have kept the forehead-less wonder out of bankruptcy.

njf10 Careful, Jacqueline. I hear bankruptcy’s an epidemic in them there parts.

She hands her baby off to one of the employees and then sits down for a chat with her pedicurist, when who pulls into a parking space outside but Eve G. I’m still not sure what her purpose on this show is, except maybe as a hired friend to Danielle so that she doesn’t seem so pathetic and alone.

And what a co-inkeedeink! They showed up to the same salon at the same time to get their tootsies painted! Crazy. Jacqueline tells the pedicurist that Ashley moved out (snooze…) and if she thinks that this conversation is TV worthy she’s out of her mind. She has to be expecting SOMETHING to happen.

Eve walks in and gets right into telling Jacqueline that Danielle has her drained and exhausted. Baby Nicholas hears Danielle’s name and immediately starts wailing. Haha, his balls probably shoved themselves further into his tiny body cavity at the sound of her name. He can probably taste his own underdeveloped spermatazoa.

Jackie asks for her baby in an effort to avoid speaking to Eve about ‘She Who Must Not Be Named.’ It doesn’t work. Eve tip-toes around actually bashing Danielle, just says that she was uncomfortable and embarrassed by the muscle head entourage.

Jackie can’t help but open her big mouth and tell her to be careful because Danielle blows up at the slightest hint of criticism. She also tells her that she’s glad that Danielle is her problem and not Jackie’s. I feel you, human sominex.

njf11 Woo hoo! Why don’t you throw a party at the Brownnose to celebrate?

Speaking of parties, Eve G. is throwing Danielle her first ‘adult birthday party.’ Okay…how old is Danielle? The only adult birthday party I’ve ever had was for my 40th. I didn’t ask for it and it was a week after the fact, a complete surprise. If a friend called and asked me if they could throw a 46th birthday party for me I’d look at them like they were crazy. Dinner, fine. Party, no thank you. Unless there will be strippers and it’s catered by Michael Simon or Eric Ripert, and the capper of the evening involves actual pies, not just whipped cream, and Jill Zarin’s face.

Eve asks if Danny is coming because she doesn’t want her poor delicate ears to have to endure any of his faggoty name calling. Hey, I have a question. Why is it that Eve can say faggot without being bleeped but Danny can’t? It’s got to be some silly hair splitting rule that the FCC put out there. Anybody know?

njf12 Is it because Eve’s gay? Let’s ask Danielle, she knows who all the gays are, after all.

Danielle actually has the nerve to defend the name calling because it didn’t come out of her mouth, when that wasn’t even the point to begin with. Then she defends Danny’s use of the slur since it can’t be an insult because Christopher isn’t gay.

How the fuck does she know, first of all, and she knows damn well it was meant to belittle him by using a word that implies that reeks of hatred, prejudicial in itself. DUH, Miss Gay Advocate, you are as much a champion of gay rights as you are of baby cancer, and no amount of faux lesbianism is going to convince me otherwise.

njf13 “I just love the faggoty buggers, I mean homosexuals.”

This is almost as bad as Scott Baio tweeting a picture of the First Lady as an ape and then defending his actions by informing the world that he can’t be prejudiced, his wife’s best friend is black! Were you there for the crazy blog war between him and Jezebel? It was EPIC. I love that stuff, almost as much as Amazongate.

Back to the make-up table, the silent homosexual guy doing Danielle’s hair looks on as Elderly Eve tries to explain to Joker Face that it was her son’s BFF that was called names. Eve is insulted for her son and what he’s going to think about having a mom with a shitty friend that besmirches his buddy’s sexuality.

njf14 Fucking bitch. You’re lucky I don’t shave ‘faggot’ into the back of your head.

This next part is reaching, I mean REACHING for the stars with Danielle’s next explanation.

You see, it’s the Manzo’s fault for putting Christopher in a position to deal with Danielle’s asshole friends in the first place. What? She and Danny created the situation, not the Manzo’s! You might as well blame Father Time himself for Chris being there instead of being busy with another car.

He tried to hide! You’re the one that went up to HIM. Plus, what did he have to do with anything? He parked your car, he wasn’t your personal escort for the night. He didn’t even have anything to do with setting up the extra table. This shit makes no sense.

Kim ignores her BS and says that she hopes it doesn’t happen again, and off to the party they go. It’s a catered affair with foofy h’ors d’oeuvres, fancily colored cocktails and plenty of overdressed women. It’s perfect for Danielle and she makes her way around the room, hugging aquaintences like they were long lost war buddies.

njf15 If your war involved bleached hair, orange skin and lipstick shades the color of old chewing gum.

Ugh, so ugly and harsh to look at until, up walks a beautiful creature, the child of Lucille Ball and Arlene Dahl!

njf16 And her name is Dottie. I nominate her for the new Housewife this very second, please Miss Andy, please?

It’s actually Summer’s Eve’s mother-in law! Wow, beauty really does run in that family, her MIL looks younger than her! Maybe Eve is a cradle robber and she married a guy 20 years younger. It’s too weird.

She kisses Danielle and then says that she has to speak with her. They go outside with Eve tagging along and rehash the drama at the Brownnose. I thought we were done with this! Danielle starts to cry because she doesn’t want her friends to defend any member of the Manzo clan EVER.

All she can think of is how much they will enjoy seeing her cry at her own party because of them. What? Why is she crying? She never cries because of them. This is all for show, and Eve is right, she does care too much about what those people think or do, no matter how much Danielle denies it.

njf17 “So what? I always cry on my birthday! Pay attention, puh-lease!”

Eve finally drops it, apologizes for making her cry at her own birthday party and they head back inside. All these women are nuts. See what you got yourself into, ya dumb bored bleached blonde housewife? I hope Danielle puts your menopausal ass on speed dial and makes sure that you get a complimentary copy of her sex tape on YOUR birthday.

Did you watch any of it? She should get those wonky tits fixed and do porn. She could save her house! I watched it this morning before I was awake and could see straight. The guy she’s with chews gum throughout the whole thing, leading me to believe that he’s one of those goons that showed up at the baby cancer party to defend her. So, unless you have a burning desire to gaze upon her pierced brisket, I suggest you do something better with your time. Like passing the hat around for poor bankrupt Teresa.

We’re at Dina’s witchypoo den next, where she is discussing Danielle with her FEMALE assistant.

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What ever happened to that guy she interviewed last season? You know, the one she sexually harassed, offered alcohol to, and then told that he’d be fetching her tampons from Medco? Maybe the cats got hungry and she fed him to them.

njf19 Burp.

They are also going over some Ladybug Foundation business, the big charity that Dina runs, also for baby cancer. What is it with Jersey? It’s like baby cancer is as common as whooping cough, and what is up with her huge ring?

njf20 Jill Zarin could skate on it!

It’s probably just another of her energy enhancing crystals. She and Spencer Pratt should start a business together with the proceeds going to sick toddlers, call it Twatts and Tots or something in that vein. They’re both unemployed, after all.

Blah blah about meeting with Danielle to ask her to stay away from her. Just DO IT already! I am so bored with your unimaginative story line! Move on, get the hell out so that Miss Andy can find someone with more stuff going on in their life, like one of Danielle’s bed pillows.

And no, I do not buy any of this bullshit about giving Danielle a chance. I’m having none of it. It was just a ploy on Dina’s part to make a graceful exit and blame it on someone else. It was a sure bet that Danielle would do something to piss her off. It was just a matter of time, and did you see the calendar they were going over? It was September. You do the math. Either she planned it from the beginning or they need to fire the continuity guy. Confusing.

Back at the Xist modeling agency, Gia and her mother have been called into a meeting by their agent. Nikki Flippers did not get the part that she so miraculously commited to memory. What on earth? How did this happen to one of the most natural talents on earth?

njf21 “I’m sorry, Mrs. Giudice. Christian Slater doesn’t work well with animals.”

It’s her accent. Her roo-in’d rah-in’ way uh speakin.’ She has to tone it down and try to speak less like an extra from Bugsy Malone and more like a nice midwestern kid that doesn’t need a translator every time she opens her mouth.

njf22 “But I’m too pretty to work on anything, right Mommy?”

They agree to meet with a voice coach, add that to the list of stuff you and I will be paying for, and Gia does horribly. She can’t grasp the concept of turning ‘cwawfee’ into coffee, and Gia keeps rolling her eyes and looking at Teresa, trying to communicate to her that she’s over it and doesn’t want to continue.

Not to worry, Gia dear, mommy won’t make you take any more of those helpful lessons. She thinks that your accent is just fine the way it is. I mean, what’s she going to do once that can of worms is opened? It’s not like she’s going to able to get you to stop sounding like a cigar chomping midget either. The poor kids voice is as low as James Earl Jones’s, for crying out loud.

And way to make sure your kid succeeds, Teresa. Really nice of you to encourage all these lofty aspirations and then refuse to make her do what the professional agent tells you to do since not doing so LOST HER A JOB.

And if Teresa isn’t a stage mom, why did she insist on being in the room with the voice coach? Her presence was an obvious distraction. And what’s with saying that she doesn’t think that she has an accent to begin with? Has she been sharing delusion drugs with Leather at Housewife events or something?

njf23 And since I’m on a Seinfeld style rant here, what is it with all the newsboy caps? Is someone really doing a Paramus version of Oliver twist and nobody told me?

In the end I think that Teresa has just as much of a problem handling criticism as Caroline or Dina, or Danielle for that matter. Her own daughter has her wrapped around her little finger with no end in sight. I feel sorry for the little girls at Gia’s school. She probably steam rollers them as well.

Over at Danielle’s going to pot mansion, she’s alone in her kitchen talking to herself. She’s upset because that dunderhead Ashley sent her a mean text. She wonders aloud why ‘those people’ won’t leave her alone and thus begins the war with light-in-the-brains ninny Ashley mashed potato head.

Eve arrives and Danielle tells her how Trashley has been setting up ‘I Hate Danielle Staub’ Facebook pages, instead of getting a job or going to school. Way to make the most of your time, spoiled brat, by talking trash about a single mother in her 40s with underage kids.

It’s pretty pathetic but Danielle calls it terroristic, lumping herself in with victims of the KKK.

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Honey, the only white sheets you’ve ever been in contact with are the ones your boyfriends throw over your head while they’re banging you.

She shows Eve the text from Ash, asking if the word BYE is a threat. Like ‘bye bye, you’re dead.’ What a drama queen. She’s just as much of an immature nitwit to be engaging in this war of words. Be an adult and ignore it, sheesh!

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Danielle says that she’s going to let a judge decide whether or not that one word is a threat, and here we go back into daytime soap territory again. You guys are right and I’ve been saying it all along. Danielle is playing a part that she’s created in her own warped head, one that has nothing to do with reality. She’s the heroic victim in the cheap made for TV movie of her life. What’s even crazier is that she expects everyone to play along, even though she never gave them their parts or informed them of their lines and motivations. CRAZY.

She says that she doesn’t like to get physical and doesn’t want this text to escalate into something violent. Of course you don’t Danielle. You have midget street punks for that. Too bad they’re cowards.

njf26 And look. A cougar in an animal print. You don’t see that every day.

Eve tells her to put an end to it and go to the cops to file a report. NO, you idiot, NO. Fucking shit stirrer. Who tells a friend that? Ignore it, block the teen dunce from your phone and get over it.

Argh!
Let’s move on by paying for more things in Teresa’s life, this time lunch with Jackie. Holy moly, Jacqueline is the one who’s late for once. I am shocked! Something must be up, and it is. She tells Teresa that Danielle is telling everyone that Ashley left her a text “supposebly” threatening to kill her. Brilliant.

njf27 “This is a delicious glass of orange juice, that’s what I’ve heard, SUPPOSEBLY.”

Yeah, and supposebly you finished high school too. I demand to see the diploma.

Danielle is also thinking of sending the police to Jacqueline’s house to arrest the teen troublemaker, but she moved out so whoopdeedo. Besides, isn’t being arrested something to be proud of with these people, or is that only in Danielle’s world?

Jackie calls her daughter, asks her to meet them at the restaurant and then tells her not to lie to her when she gets there. Why would she ask her that? What lies are Jackie allowing Ashley to get away with on camera? You have to wonder. I bet it’s the ‘always using birth control,’ and the ‘always having a designated driver’ business.

Jackie says that she heard about the Facebook war as Ashley pulls into the parking lot in a grey SUV. I thought hers was white? Did she already get a new one? It’s appropriate, though. White is too black and white for this girl. She lives in a wishy washy namby pamby grey area of life, just like her car.

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Jackie tells Teresa that Danielle even called Ash a whore. Cue up the outrage! Teresa would never lat anyone call one of her daughters a whore! She feels that she has every right to call Danielle a whore and even flip tables at her, but an 18 year old girl? That’s too much, Gasmii.

Ashley arrives with a tiny nervous smile on her moon pie face, and Jacqueline asks if she threatented Danielle. She denies it and then tells her that part of what started this stupidity was Danielle telling her that she was fat and needed to lose weight in her arms.

njf29 I think she meant your head, honey.

What? Who cares?! Danielle probably thinks that Posh is too fat. She has zero credibility when it comes to determining what a healthy weight is. Sadly, Ashley took the bait and here we are.

Jackie tells her that this facebook stuff is trashy and needs to stop and then Ash cops to telling Danielle that she was going to hell in that little BYE text she sent her. Jacqueline tells her to come to her immediately if anything else happens, and you totally know that she won’t.

It’s okay, though. Ashley has the Caroline Manzo stamp of approval. Good old auntie said that for all her faults, Ashley does tell the truth. Who asked you? And how is telling someone that they are going to Hell telling the truth? That woman needs to shut her bossy mouth and stick to getting free personal training time for her kids and shaving her sideburns. Ick.

Danielle is better off not knowing any of them. She should stick to trying to make Danny look like less of an extra from ‘Grease’ and more of a cheap car salesman which is what she is doing right now at the North Jersey version of International male.

njf30 “Do you like my vest, Danny? I made it from the pelts of the rabbits I’ve been leaving in boiling pots all across Bergen county.”

Danny tries some suits on and then Danielle gets a phone call from Dina inviting her at six at some place called Chakra. It digures that she would pick an eatery named after Hindu gobbledeegook, pathways to energy or something. I can’t remember.

And wasn’t Danielle’s ringtone the theme from The Odd Couple? Help me out. I’m probably wrong. It has to be music from some mobster movie or television show. I’m going to have to enlist Mr. McSlore’s help when he gets home. It’s driving me crazy.

She agrees to meet her, hangs up and then Danny asks her if Dina wants to meet so that she can apologize for the shitty way she was treated at the baby cancer shindig. She’s out of her drama queen mind if she thinks that’s going to happen.

She calls Dina back to make sure that it’s just going to be the two of them, then asks Danny if he’ll be available that evening in case Dina casts some really nasty spells or drops a house on her. Or, you know, if the waiter isn’t up to snuff and Danielle needs someone to call him a faggot.

To further the set-up for when Ashley and Danielle get into their physical altercation later this season, we have Ashley and Derek hanging out at his mom’s house discussing Ashley’s conversation with her mom. She tells him about all the things that Danielle has said and Derek calls her crazy, like a 16 year old in a 47 year old body.

njf31 And an 18 year old is so much saner?

Dude, date someone your own age, seriously. I know she’s legal but it’s still kinda gross.

We’re just in time for another phone call. This time it’s Jacqueline and she is hella pissed. Livid. Ready to tear someone’s throat out. She has one heck of a temper when she deals with her idiot daughter and you can hear it through the speaker phone.

njf32 What is this rectangular doohickey and why does it sound like my mom?

She’s screaming at Ashley for updating her Facebook status to say that Danielle has a warrant out for her arrest. What a dumb shit. I’m always telling you guys that I don’t have a Facebook and this highlights one of the reasons why. People get up in your business and I don’t want anyone doing that to me, nor do I care to read their fleeting thoughts and moods. BORING. I am so freaking busy as it is and even Flipit has warned me about what a time waster Facebook can be. I’d rather catch up on laundry or clean my carpets.

I understand why Jackie is mad. She told her not to do any more of that shit and Ashley promptly ignored it. Does she think that it’s cool or something? Didn’t she know that her mother would find out? How freaking dumb do you have to be? Is Ashley related to Teresa? You gotta wonder.

Even Derek knows how ridiculous it is to do something like that and he tells her to forget about it. Sadly, Ashley views this as a war, and she wants to keep playing her childish games online, saying that she has way more people on her side than Danielle. Derek reminds her that if she does anything to Danielle or her property she will go to jail. She shrugs.
Fine. Then you are no better than she is, and go to jail. Maybe you’ll learn an actual skill there.

Caroline and Al are hosting a dinner party for everyone except Danielle and Dina who are meeting at that Hindu named place that doesn’t serve any Indian food.

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There’s so much food there and Jacqueline shows up with little baby Nicholas, who is insanely cute. If it wasn’t for C.J. and Nicholas, I would have given up all hope in the future of these family’s.

njf34 Hopefully someday you can help raise those school district test scores.

Teresa is late again. An hour and a half late. She blames it on a poopy diaper that she had to change, so I guess that papa and nona got the night off to go see a movie or maybe they work second shift at The Olive Garden. I would not be surprised by either. Still, what takes her so long? It’s not like she left them home alone. And if she had to, she could just crate them. I’m sure they can go a couple of hours with no bathroom breaks, and if they do pee? You just wash the liner.

Teresa snidely says in interviews that it’s just too bad if people have to wait for her. Really. LuLu would have a field day with that one. Lateness is at the very top of the no-no list. Showing no remorse for it takes it to a whole other level.

She finally arrives and C.J. gets to garnish and serve the pasta. He’s such a good little boy, and I’m not being sarcastic. Jacqueline must be keeping his exposure to the Teresa’s brats at an absolute minimum. There’s no need to raise him to think that all women are grasping Divas wearing tutus and trolling for money for more outfits.

njf38 Are you sure you’re related to these people?

Everybody’s eating and then Ashley opens her big mouth and asks Chris Laurita if Jackie told him about her issues with Danielle, calling him dad and earning herself an evil look from mom. we all remember that Chris said that he didn’t want to hear anything about Danielle this season and now the whole table wants to know what’s going on.

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He doesn’t look happy as he tells Ashley to ignore her, but Ashley just can’t. Not after Danielle called her fat. She started it! Waaaaahh!! SO CHILDISH. Then Ashley brags that she told Danielle that she looks like The Grinch and needs to fix her square tit.

Everybody laughs and then Caroline excuses her boneheaded behaviour by saying that she’s only protecting her family. Good job, mama Manzo! Congratulations! You are becoming another hypocrite in the rapidly expanding pantheon of hypocrisy that is already chock full of Bravo Housewives.

I guess that everything is okay if it’s being done by family, as long as your reasons are sincere, who cares if the delivery is all kinds of wrong?

We’re not done with feeling superior yet and Christopher tells Juicy about Danny calling him a faggot. We have to listen to more moronic spin control from Teresa when she says that what Danielle did was so much worse because it was meant as an insult, whereas Juicy was just making comments. What the? She knows damn well that her husband was insulting the dance instructor. I don’t think that Juicy ever denied it, nor could he give a shit what any of us thinks.

They all raise their glasses and toast to never speaking about Danielle ever again. Yeah, right. The entire show revolves around her. Good luck with that. Al Senior rolls his eyes because he knows that Caroline and Ashley are going to break that pledge in about ten seconds. It’s a hollow gesture and nobody’s buying it.

njf37 “How about we toast to me banging my secretary. THAT I can drink to.”

In another bullshit encrusted corner of Jersey, the cameras show Dina and Danielle getting ready for their big meeting.

njf35 You see those earrings? They’re made from the souls of dead assistants.

The Bravo producers are giving it a huge bulid-up. I don’t know why. The first half of the meeting that we get to see in this episode is boring and stupid, with Dina expecting to sit down for five minutes, say her piece and then leave happy with Danielle not allowed to say boo.

njf39 “Thanks for meeting me to talk, and by the way, you won’t be doing any.”

What was she thinking! I liked Dina at first but who does that? Who asks to speak to someone and then doesn’t allow the other person to say anything because it’s ‘your mee-in’ since ‘you called and arranged it.’ Danielle has every right to be pissed at her for the way she approaches things. It’s one thing to ask someone to stay out of your life. It’s another to do it in such a way that completely reduces the other person to a non-entity with no right to discuss their own feelings.

We are left with one of those ‘to be continued…’ frames so we’ll delve into this little one-sided (HA) conversation more next time. By now you know that Dina is leaving and I must ask, do you care? I don’t. She can go back to trashing Greece and petting her pussies and counting her crystals with Zen Jen. What a disappointment she’s been.

Give another Jersey girl a chance, preferably one with a life worth talking about, not a woman who diligently controls what we get to see of it. Can’t they put a rider in their contracts that says that they have to be at least a little interesting? PLEASE?

This version of the franchise needs a Bethenny BADLY. Someone real, and funny to boot. These hags are just awful. Now excuse me, beloved Gasmii. I have to golf and down a couple of pitchers of Bellinis. It’s late and I’m parched, not to mention suffering from Jill Zarin overload. I need to stamp some more Titleist balls with an outline of her face and whack the hell out of them. It’s in my contract.

Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore

Comments (71)
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About Twunty McSlore

Crazy busy, crazy in love and crazy about golf. Not so crazy about narcissists and do-nothings. Completely indifferent to network TV unless a sporting event is being covered, and completely in love with half the chefs on the Travel and Food channels. Chefs, not COOKS. If any of them really ARE chefs. I haven't seen any proof.

Bridge Mix and Butterflies, everybody!

71 Comments

1

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 27, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Sorry for all the stinking typos. I was trying to write and watch hot soccer players at the same time. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Some of those guys are instant pantie removers, supposebly, of course.
xoxo
2

skatt

Posted June 27, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Twunty: Would it make you feel better to know I didn’t even notice the typos? So, with Danielle it’s “terroristic threats” and with Kelly it’s “systematic bullying”. I would love them in a room together, competing with their sob stories: “TERRORISTIC BULLYING!”
3

chemgal

Posted June 27, 2010 at 4:09 pm

First hand knowledge on the Brownstone. It was considered “thee” place to get married back in the 90′s (perhaps still, but don’t live in NJ anymore) Food good, prices thru the roof! Management not overly friendly when my husband and I looked into it. Bad neighborhood which in addition to the cost and treatment was the trifecta for eliminating it from out list.
4

susanl

Posted June 27, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Why doesn’t Chris and Jacqueline make the child support herself? Jacqueline is a twit but Chris seems the type that wouldn’t put up with her highness sitting around doing nothing. Either she goes to school or work and get her off the dole! And what happened to the top modeling agency in Ma-ha-an (forgot the name) that Theresa took the brat to last season? I guess they got tired of the kid with no talent taking up space.
5

LoraGW

Posted June 27, 2010 at 6:59 pm

is baby Nicholas wearing a newsboy cap in that pic, too?? loved this recap, Twunty!
6

Bondy

Posted June 28, 2010 at 5:41 am

Hi Twunty-

LOVE your recaps, but it’s Kim G, not Eve G. Keep up your awesome work!!
7

Baxter

Posted June 28, 2010 at 6:16 am

Great Recap!!! These recaps make the show seem watchable. The jersey crew is beat. This group has to be the worst with Atlanta coming in at a close second. I think Bravo would be better off just dumping this one or coming up with a new cast. Watching Teresa spend OUR money makes me want to vomit. Danielle and her crew seriously look like they are acting in a bad high school version of Rent/West Side Story. I just can’t really think of one good thing to say about it. I’m really looking forward to the DC and Bev Hills Real Housewives franchise. I think those bitches will bring the drama.
8

Bridget Miller

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:05 am

When I was watching Christopher work at the Brownstone. I got the feeling that he tries to appear busy all the time, so that he can pass off all of his work on to other people. I just get this feeling that he probably thinks he doesn’t have to do anything because he is the bosses’ son. And Twunty you are spot on in your insight that the Manzos probably think that they are better then the customers because they are famous reality stars. In the most recent episode it is clear that Mama Manzo is passing on her air of entitlement to her children.

I agree: watching Teresa spend our money is completely disgusting. What the fuck? She is broke but throws her daughter an expensive birthday party? She is just awful.

Oh and I love that Mama Manzo is disgusted that Danielle was an exotic dancer, but she is completely okay with her darling Christopher running a car wash/strip club because that can be wrong because males like going to strip clubs. She is just awful. Well that goes without saying because all these Jersey cows are awful.

The only reason that I sided with Dina on this one is because she was going up against Danielle. It was complete bullshit that she didn’t let Danielle talk. I did understand when Dina said that this was about her and not about Danielle because it was about Dina saying that her choice was a reflection of her emotional needs and not a reflection of who Danielle is.

I agree that Danielle is completely delusional and has some sort of dissociative disorder. It does seem as if she thinks that she is acting on a soap opera. It is hard to dislike a person that is so obviously in need of help. She is out of control and needs therapy and not to be treated with aggression and hate. I honestly don’t think that she knows what she is doing. Maybe she does? Her actions are deliberately malicious, but I don’t think that she has any self awareness of her personality disorder. She has to have borderline personality disorder and needs help.
9

classy drunk

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:15 am

I agree with you Twunts. How do you ask someone to meet you just to tell them you want them out of your life? I think that an email would have served the same purpose. Dina went to get closure, but that was not fair to Danielle. Even though Danielle is icky and crazy you can’t ever expect someone to not have anything to say about you excluding them from your life.

In regards to Ashley’s fight with Danielle, my mother would have rung my neck for getting into an argument with an adult. I am 29 and my mother still tells me to stay out of “grown folks” business. While Danielle was just as bad for responding to her Ashely needed to ignore the crazy lady and let her mother or father handle the situation.
10

Bridget Miller

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:16 am

Did anyone else notice the pink streaks in Dina’s hair? Towards the back. It kind of increased my liking of old witchypoo Dina.
11

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:20 am

I agree with everything Bridget said, and not because she has a big shotgun or anything. Well, kinda.

You are all right, and would it hurt to recast? Look how well Jersey Shore did, and anyone who has been there knows that the place is crawling with characters.

Oh, and Lora G, haha! I didn’t notice. How odd. Everyone from 5 months to 50 is rocking those tweedy things.

Skatt- ‘Terroristic bullying,” I’m borrowing that, if you don’t mind. Hilarious.

chemgal, so you are basically telling me that everything I read was true? I’m sorry that they were rude to you. How do you justify being shitty to a bride-to-be? It’s just bad business practice, plus you just don’t do it. Not unless the bride is Kate Gosselin.

susanl, I was wondering that too! Do you think that she’s getting paid a bit by the show? You know, enough to cover the basics so she feels she doesn’t have to work? I just read that Chris’s clothing company filed for bankruptcy so maybe that gravy train is closed for business now. Bummer.

I’m with you, Baxter. I cannot wait for a new show with fresh blood! After O.C., NYC, and Jersey we need it! Please, Bravo, no more fronting hoes!

love you guys
Twunty
12

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:24 am

And classy drunk, yep. She is in some messy territory there. The woman has kids. The woman is nuts. Get off your ass, get a job and get a life, dumbass!

I think the red streak is blood from the hearts and uteri of her dead assistants. She’s using it to stave off menopause.
13

reality

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:33 am

Twunty–
I think the hair streaks are a Project Ladybug fundraiser. And is Eve Kim D or G (whichever one of the Kims)?

It is so frustrating that Danielle has made herself central and thereby indispensible. We need new blood!
Is there a complete story about Teresa? I would love to read about the bankruptcy.
It was a nice surprise to boot up the ole’ computer and see your recap all ready for me this morning. Thanks!
14

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:44 am

Yes reality, Kim G is Eve. Njgasmfan suggested that it be her nickname since she’s so two faced and it seemed perfect to me.

Thanks for explaining the red streak! I am so relieved that no assistants had to die in it’s creation.
15

Bridget Miller

Posted June 28, 2010 at 8:49 am

Oh I better change that picture. I forgot I put up the picture of me with an assault rifle. That picture is just in case Danielle stumbles onto the Gasm and reads my comments. She may have Danny the mini Pinscher to protect her, but I have an AK-47.

I have decided if Danny was a dog, he would be a mini Pinscher. Although the dog is a better human than Danny is. In his mind Danny thinks he is a great big Doberman Pinscher, but in reality he is just a little yappy dog unable to inflict much harm. The only harm he can inflict is annoying people with his high pitched bark.

Kim Eve is a perfect nickname for Kim G. I really hope that she and/or that party planner chic aren’t going to be one of the new housewives. I demand a recast of all the housewives. Bravo has shit the bed with this one. It is time to move on and away from New Jersey.

Also Ashley is a prime example of what has gone wrong with America- Most kids/people are entirely too pampered and they try to keep anything bad or hurtful out of their lives. We aren’t hit enough. That is a very brutish and simple solution, but it is kind of true.

Most kids don’t realize or haven’t been taught that life is hard, it takes work to accomplish anything in life, and that the world doesn’t owe you anything. That mommy and daddy aren’t always going to be around to save your ass and that your actions have consequences.

Someone needs to hit Ashley- not literally, but figuratively. Seriously. She is way too pampered. Life has not been tough enough on that girl and she is going to get smacked down eventually. What a fucking idiot to just shrug off the fact that she could go to jail, if she continues to harass Danielle or if she physically goes after Danielle. Yes, Ashley, it is entirely possible for your upper class, affluent ass to go to jail.
16

Imnotthere

Posted June 28, 2010 at 8:54 am

Kim D could be referred to as DrunKee as she always seems to have a glass in hand, as the next epi will show.

Twunty, I am really on the fence about the HWofDC. If looks like the White House dinner attended by the Sahlahis gets covered which I personally feel should have been cut. Will you be recapping them as well? My husband got all excited yesterday as he had read in the Sunday Detroit Free Press about the new DCHW series. Cracked me up as he abhors my endless viewing of anything housewives. I fell it its no worse than his endless involvement in fantasy sports! Maybe we could start fantasy housewife teams!
17

lawyergal

Posted June 28, 2010 at 8:59 am

I CANNOT believe they kept dinner waiting 1 1/2 hours for Teresa. If that had been my party, we would have been on dessert when Teresa arrived, as Caroline suggested to her on the phone. Teresa is infuriating. Being consistently late means that your time is more important than everyone else’s. And, Twunty, you’re right – being late and not even having the good sense to be remorseful about that is a whole other level.

While I usually like Jacqueline, she is very immature, especially in her dealings with Ashley. So, I am not surprised that Ashley is immature. Frankly, I think Ashley’s behavior has been learned from her Mom.
18

njgasmifan

Posted June 28, 2010 at 9:01 am

Twunty, thanks for embracing the “Eve” moniker! I am truly honored…

I am guessing I am not the only one who wants to smack the smirk right off Ashley’s vapid little face. Jacqueline, listen up – this is what happens when you give your child NO BOUNDARIES. It’s not too late for CJ and Nick. I do wonder if she is getting paid by Bravo, that’s a good thought. I have often wondered how she survives, I agree that Chris does not seem like the type to just give her money.

Dina made that fatal mistake of enacting a conversation in her head, and then assuming that it would go exactly that way in real life. Even tho I don’t like her, I think Danielle was within her rights to expect to respond to what Dina had to say.

That said, still sorry she has left the show. The rest of these “Jersey Cows” are just bor-in as Theresa would say. And she’s even more of an idiot that I thought if she thinks that Gia’s Jersey accent will not hold her back in acting.

Great job Twunts – thanks! hugs xoxoxo
19

Honeybee

Posted June 28, 2010 at 9:09 am

Oh…the NJ season is awful. I am over it. Danielle is full on sociopathic and needs a one trip ticket to the Nut-Hutt. Watching the Guidice family of Neanderthals is sickening. With every episode we get to see her reckless spending…and self inflated ego. And the rest is just so mind numbingly boring.

The “we hate Danielle” drama is tired. We get it she is psycho and you hate her…what else…you have nothing? Give us some new women or get rid of the series.
20

Prodigal Cheez

Posted June 28, 2010 at 9:30 am

I have to disagree slightly on the Dina/Danielle meeting because I think Danielle is a text-book Sociopath, and she seems to cross the border into Psychopathic behavior with regularity. The fact that her solution to the Manzo’s is to employ violent criminals to provide a buffer is totally whacked, she’s incapable of just walking away and she’s completely obsessed with everything they do. I seriously think the woman is dangerous, she was 100% okay with her goons smashing up the Brownstone last week – her only stipulation was that they leave Chris alone because “he’s underage”. She should have had a restraining order placed against her for that. The Manzo’s really do have a serious problem where she’s concerned – and underneath all the bullshit and bluster, I think they know it. I would be willing to bet money that Danielle will ultimately either end up in jail, on a mandatory mental hold, or have some fairly serious charges brought against her.

I agree that Dina’s handling of the meeting with Danielle wasn’t very even-handed, but I’m inclined to give her a pass because I don’t think there would have been any value in engaging Danielle in any kind of dialogue – Danielle doesn’t process information like other people, she infers threats and aggression in every single communication related to the Manzo’s at this point. Even though Dina went about it the wrong way, she was right in her approach to closing the door on Danielle by firmly stating in black and white – I’m walking away from you, you win now leave me and my child out of this. She’s choosing to leave the show – where she’s been the favorite cast member – to get away from Danielle. She states that over and over again, Danielle doesn’t need to say anything because Dina retired from the battle and put down her weapons. I genuinely believe that Dina left the show because after the scene at the Brownstone she realized that stakes for Danielle are much higher than for her or anyone else, and the potential damage is too great for it to make sense to continue.

I was really disturbed that while Dina walked into a restaurant she felt comfortable in, Danielle had goons stationed in the parking lot watching her. As we know from the scene at the Brownstown Danielle’s next logical progression goes from passive “watching” to threatening violence – Dina’s lucky the cameras were rolling. If I found out, after the fact, that a couple of goons were staking me out, I would be horrified and freaked out. Danielle undermines her own entitlement for being treated with courtesy and respect because she’s incapable of treating anyone else that way. I feel very, very sorry for her girls.

Jacalyn’s daughter is out of control, she’s not too far from Danielle territory herself. She’s a thoroughly unlikeable girl, and brings absolutely nothing to the table. Jacalyn and Chris should cut her of completely until she hit’s bottom, then when she’s back they should lower the boom and demand school AND a job, as well as counseling. That girl is heading nowhere, and if she wasn’t such a lump SHE would probably be working the strip clubs – she’s awful in every sense.

Caroline Manzo is a blustering ass, but I’ll give her this – she was smart to cut Danielle out, and closing all the windows and doors by limiting even Danielle’s friends’ contact and access to her is completely appropriate. Last week I though she was a pompous ass for having that conversation with Chris’s friend about his mother (Kim G/Eve), in retrospect I have to reevaluate that. She set the boundary and made it clear her relationship with him was separate from her interaction with his mother, that probably made it possible for the boys to preserve their friendship. I don’t like her much, but I’ll give credit where it’s due – she does do right by her kids for the most part (except for supporting that strip-club nonsense – she needs to rethink that).

Another awesome recap – I so look forward to these!!! Thanks again!!
21

mere2142

Posted June 28, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Ugh…I feel like this show is on replay. It’s the same bs every single week. Do ANY of these women have anything going on in their lives that doesn’t revolve around Danielle? If it weren’t for your sensation recaps Twunty I would have given up on this tired cast ages ago!
22

chemgal

Posted June 28, 2010 at 1:09 pm

@prodigal – hit it out of the ball park baby! When watching this season all that comes to mind is that the Manzo’s & Teresa stuck a stick in a hornets nest and had no idea what they were messing with. Danielle HAS to win, HAS TO! She has nothing else going on in her life and would go completely over the brink if she didn’t have this or her daughter’s modeling. And I agree, I think now, having thought it over, Caroline was correct for limiting contact. She was perhaps the first one to recognize what they stirred up and started circling the wagons. The first season, they were all playing a part and it was the mean girl table that tried to make Danielle sit in the less popular side of the cafeteria. The tables have now been turned and they have a legit problem going on. It wouldn’t take much to create havoc in their lives and careers.
@ Twunty, the Brownstone isn’t the only place that treats Jersey brides poorly. There is a well known bridal shop that is rather expensive that treats its customers like poo. My wedding got moved after all the dresses had been purchased/ordered due to a job opportunity for my husband. So what was to be a November wedding moved to August. The dresses were all chosen with the intent of wearing opera length gloves. When I went back to the place were I spent thousands of dollars, the woman REFUSED to sell me black gloves for my bridesmaids. She told me it was unacceptable to wear them in August. If I could have returned everything I would have. But anyway, I had my wedding at Waterloo Village in New Jersey (one of the last years they were open to such events!) and it was beautiful and fun and no snobby Jersey cows ru-in’d it for me.
23

skatt

Posted June 28, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Twunty: Please tell me you have seen the Bravo show Promo with everyone (from all the different series, set to “I Was Gonna Leave But Then You Kissed Me”) in it- the one with Caroline. She is sitting on a Sofa and she does, not just “Headcock”, but “Super-SloMo EXTREME Headcock”. Every time I see it I laugh out loud.
The thing with Ashley is, she is 18, right? She should know better than to engage Danielle and honestly I think she does, she just doesn’t care. She was enjoying herself waaay to much with the Facebook posting and whatnot. You could tell how much it bothered the boyfriend that it was entertaining to her on any level. But it continues to amaze me, watching her parents try to reign her in-NOW, to teach her right from wrong AT THIS JUNCTURE!! Am I remembering right, was it Chris who went and bought her the car last season while there was a very good chance she wouldn’t graduate?? And Jacqueline hid it from her or something?
24

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 28, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Yep, Chris bought it. I think that he was tired of his wife carting her around everywhere, instead of being home and ‘taking care of him.’
25

susanl

Posted June 28, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Tell us more about the Laurita bankruptcy! I guess they will have to change Jacquelines “I’m not one to brag” to “can we move into the Guidice tacky mansion and pay rent?”. I posted on another recap, but doesn’t Kim D look just like Cruella DeVil??? And act like her too.
26

ohionancy

Posted June 28, 2010 at 6:18 pm

Twunty – This is just a theory but I think they have to bleep out the f-a-g word if someone is actually calling a person that – if they are just talking about it they don’t have to bleep. To me it’s insulting either way.

@Prodigal – I totally agree with you – if I was Dina when I found out those 2 goons were watching me from the parking lot I would have been totally freaked out!
27

uglycutie

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:44 pm

Okay…that’s it! I want Prodigal Cheez and Twunty to be my newest BFFs. You guys are the little voices in my head. I’m serious.

Between this show and You’re Cut Off I gag every time I hear the name Gia. No one will ever hear the following words all in the same sentence EVER: Ladies and gentlemen, Supreme Court Justice Gia (_____).

This show is frustrating and boring because there just isn’t anyone to root for. No one is likeable. I used to want to like Jacqueline but she’s a moron. These recaps are the only thing I look forward to. Oh, and the awesome comments. The comments are a big part of my week as much as the recap. Thanks, guys
28

TEA

Posted June 28, 2010 at 7:45 pm

hi twunty,

i’ve been reading your recaps for a while but never leave comments but here are a couple of must says:

- your recaps are muy muy picante!!

-I think Jacqueline is actually a very good mother. she has a foolish daughter who is close in age to her. she had to be a single mother and i’m sure that was difficult with that child giving her a hard time. but everyone around her adores her ESPECIALLY her son. even though she can be simple sometimes, you can tell she has a good heart

-Now, Twunty……..Manzos or no Manzos……i cannot back danielle at all…that bitch is CAHRAAAAAZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! She’s completely deluded!!! I’m not sure if you saw her on WWH last week but she is clinically insane. I’m certain her and SlimJimLeatherFaceLopsidedTitty Kelly are first cousins…..through incest of course…..

-Kim G……what the hell is this woman doing on the show???? LMAO she doesnt even make sense. Isnt there some kind of audition or something you have to go through to get on the show or even have your lines taped?!?! I think this is a sign that NJ may not be back next season cause that woman is WACKHA!!! I would be ok if this show never EVA aired again……..these ladies are…..stupid (for lack of a better word or snazzy line)
29

Mr. Reality

Posted June 28, 2010 at 11:17 pm

Am I the only one that likes Danielle? I know she’s batshit crazy, but she’s one of the few people on this show who actually entertains me.
I never cared that much for Dina, but she seemed like she genuinely was thinking that she did the right thing about her meeting with Danielle. I kind of think her approach was a bit off though, calling someone up to dump them and then not even let them speak isn’t the best way to go about things.
I also don’t like how the Manzos are always like, “Danielle is cooking up schemes”, and such…but they have no problems talking about her all the time and making fun of her. Really, what’s the difference?
30

Pam Dee

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:34 am

Are all you guys friends of Danielle’s? I cannot believe you have such negative comments about this show and MOST of the participants. I love the Brownstone. Many, many family members have used this facility and to rave reviews. They are nice to work with and professional. Neighborhood bad? Are you making your guests jog the neighborhood? Ridiculous. Many wonderful locations in NYC are not so great if you walk around the block. Get real, your jealous and like to put down everyone. Why do you WATCH? I adore the Manzo’s, the Guidici’s, the Laurita’s. I think “EVE G” is a snake and so is that fish-lipped (lay off the botox you look ridiculous with those Ubangi lips) store merchant Kim D. I mean, come on. FIsh lip look? SOmeone is playing you botox lip enthusiasts as suckers and I DO mean aquarium suckers. Dina is a doll and good for her to dump the show. She sees all the people she wants to see off camera now.
31

Pam Dee

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:36 am

AND another thing. Danielle is beyond a mess. She is ugly to the max and should really get on with her life, whatever that is. No plastic surgery on her face? INdeed!
32

chemgal

Posted June 29, 2010 at 9:44 am

I call shenanigans! Crabby Senior now Pam Dee??
33

TEA

Posted June 29, 2010 at 10:09 am

yes Mr. Reality….you are the only one who likes Danielle…..i think it’s ironic you like her but your screen name is Mr. Reality……cause she is anything but real…..
34

Sassygrl72

Posted June 29, 2010 at 10:10 am

@Prodigal – You wrote out beautifully exactly what I was thinking. Thank you. I think what sums it all up best is, “Danielle undermines her own entitlement for being treated with courtesy and respect because she’s incapable of treating anyone else that way.” I know I am ahead of the game, but after this week’s episode, this is almost exactly what I said to my husband.
35

classy drunk

Posted June 29, 2010 at 10:27 am

Pam Dee we don’t like these ladies b/c they are boring. They don’t have a story line outside of not liking Danielle.

Mr. Reality, I used to like Danielle and all her cray cray ways until I decided that she may actually have some real psychological issues and so it’s no longer ok for her to be on the show.
36

chemgal

Posted June 29, 2010 at 11:26 am

AND PamDee we don’t like them because they are mean. They picked on Danielle before realizing she has a mental issue and not continue to do so. They claim they want out and nothing to do with her but then continue to talk about her, show up at events they know she is going to be at, and engage the woman. Then on top of it, Teresa and her husband are just scum bags for spending money they knew they didn’t have. Caroline is a hypocrite, but she’s the worse kind, she’s so fanatical that what she says/does is correct that she can’t even see she is a hypocrite. Jacqueline is just boring. She should be a poster child for what can go wrong when young girls have babies. Too often, as they are not mature enough to actually parent, while their kids don’t wind up bad, they don’t wind up very productive members of society. This is because they were “friends” with their parents and their grandparents tried to do most of the heavy lifting but they can only do so much. So Miss Pam Dee, please go back to Teresa’s bravo blog and post how much you love her and what a great mom she is and what a wonderful family, oh, but please remind her to BUCKLE HER KIDS SEATBELTS!
37

Alex

Posted June 29, 2010 at 1:20 pm

You have got to be without a doubt one of the WORST recappers EVER. PLEASE get a real job! Or go to TWOP, with all the other sucky posters.
38

Twunty McSlore

Posted June 29, 2010 at 1:37 pm

I love it when this happens! It’s so cute when someone tries to defend the un-defendable. It shows real pluck and spirit, and I’m sure she’s a good friend, this Pam. Those ladies are lucky to have her. Maybe she’ll give some of them a loan.
39

Prodigal Cheez

Posted June 29, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Anyone mind if I take a crack???

“Are all you guys friends of Danielle’s?”

Um… You need to brush up on your reading comprehension skills, because except for Mr. (meta) Reality this group is pretty much on the same page where Danielle is concerned – she’s completely insane.

“I cannot believe you have such negative comments about this show and MOST of the participants.”

Why? Are you unaware of what this entire website is about? And let’s be honest, the NJ coven of bitches doesn’t give us much to work with… Teresa has frontal lobe damage that impairs her ability to control impulses, like spending OUR money. It’s true, it’s called Hirsutic Lobal Interference – the hair follicles from her forehead have grown into the lining of her brain short-circuiting the frontal lobe activity. Jacqueline is a simpleton, who is so fucking boring she actually has to invite third-stringer, over-the-hill housewives to her house to stay relevant. Caroline is a lumbering troll who somehow thinks having the oldest kids entitles her to some sort of ring-kissing social popery – and she’s mind-numbingly dumb. Her tuba-toned pronouncements, and weird head cocking convince me that she can hear dog-whistle level tones – and is in fact taking cues from the dog.

Just out of curiosity – and I’m really curious – how do you rationalize or justify the Giudice’s conspicuous mass consumption this season when it’s now clearly obvious that they KNEW they didn’t have the financial wherewithal to support that kind of lifestyle? Are you financially responsible? Doesn’t it gall you to know that the level of debt they’ve accrued is going to have a direct impact on other people in your community? If you had a friend who had done business with them and was now suffering a setback of their own as a direct result of their inability to pay – would you still “love” Teresa? How about if it was your family that suffered – maybe you couldn’t afford to give your kids what they needed – how fun would it be for them to watch Gia spin around on her ATV, while you have to explain why they can’t have as big of a Christmas this year? This is bullshit – Stealing from others is as anti-social and amoral as anything that freak Danielle does. How dare Teresa hold herself as any kind of example or social superior? She’s a thief and a con artist, and her children are being raised to believe the ends justify the means – it’s okay for society to cover your debt as long as you look good. Watching that party, that probably cost upwards of $35K, was nauseating – how do these assholes think they are entitled to this level of luxury and opulence?? Teresa is LOW-BROW in every sense of the phrase….

Oh, and tell that hairy bitch to restrain her children while they’re in the car. It’s a LAW. They are one rear-end collision away from precious Gia becoming a human projectile and smashing through the windshield face first at G-force speeds. Witty repartee aside – no one here wants to hear about a child suffering damage because her parents are too lazy and indulgent to do the right thing by her.
40

chemgal

Posted June 29, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Who in the hell let Teresa out of the kitchen? Bitch, stop posting under fake names, and get your flabby pasta ass back in there and make juicy some ziti and gravy!
41

Snootchy Bootches

Posted June 29, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Chemgal, that can’t be Teresa. She only speaks in grunts. That was written in English with passable grammar and sentence structure. But maybe Caroline? She does like to defend her family regardless of how underhanded or scummy they are. Or maybe Ashley? We know that she can operate a computer. And is nuts.

But I do love it when reality tv folks google themselves and then get so heated at unfavorable comments that they go around the interwebs pretending to be someone else. So classic!
42

chemgal

Posted June 29, 2010 at 3:42 pm

It’s so “jill”
43

Prodigal Cheez

Posted June 29, 2010 at 4:20 pm

LOL! Seriously laughing…. !!!!
44

Robinez

Posted June 29, 2010 at 5:53 pm

Dear Prodigal Cheeze,

Fantastic post!Now my perfect wish would be if you get an answer to your questions.I would love to see how they could possibly defend them.

But that probably won’t happen.Because they can’t hold a candle to this group of folks.Then again,they might just be stupid enough and if so,it will be very enjoyable.

Sending a virtual mani-pedi..

TC,Robin
45

uglycutie

Posted June 29, 2010 at 7:41 pm

I LOVE you, Cheez!! You are my girl!

I’ve been to the Bravo boards and these chicks should NEVAH wander from there. That shit is Disneyland. Just a bunch of mouth-breathers typing comments like “you go girl!” and “love you, love you, love you!”. Ugh. I scroll down to read the all the negative ones but they read like my grandma telling me not to forget to cross at the ankle. Boring.

Then they get here and get schooled by Prodigal and Twuntz. Amazing. Word scrappers! You ladies are word scrappers! I bow down.
46

Honeybee

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:06 pm

@Prodigal Cheez – Teresa sickens me. Her hairy underdeveloped brain actually thinks she is better than Danielle (as do the rest of those witches) You have a true flair with words and I think you said everything I was thinking.

@uglycutie – Bravo heavily edits the posts. Most of the comments that would appear here don’t show up there (I think they fear that the women can’t handle the truth).
47

Robinez

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:31 pm

Twunty,

Can we fake marry at the brownstone? I have never wanted to fake marry a re-capper in my life.You’re the one,I just know it!Mr.McSlore should have expected this might happen knowing how you spread your funny all over the internet.

Robin
48

chemgal

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:44 pm

Robin, I highly doubt the Brownstone will be in the gay reception business anytime soon. The only thing those Jersey Italians hate more then a Jew is a fag. Just ask Gia.
49

uglycutie

Posted June 29, 2010 at 8:50 pm

@Honeybee: Ooh, ooh, Al Sharpton!
50

Kamera Central Jersey Girl

Posted June 30, 2010 at 7:25 am

I am horrified by ANY justification of Teresa and her family. The life they have been living is basically grand larceny. They knew they were in WAY over their heads…nothing was paid for with money they had, as is apparent by the mortgage-upon-mortgage they had. My cable company threatens to shut me off if I miss a $100 payment, and I know my bank is not happy if my checking account is overdrawn by fifty cents. So what bank allowed them to incur all that debt (even their $500,000+ 2008 income does not justify that level of debt)They only people that should be responsible for that kind of financial irresponsibilty should be the Guidice family and all the stupid, greedy financial institutions who lent them all that money. We should not have to bail them out. If they have to live in subsidized housing, so be it. No allowances need be made for them “living the life they are accustomed to”. Let them live in Nona and Papa’s basement, buy clothes at Sears and Walmart, drive a Corolla and start saving for their kids’ college. I am so upset by them, and the the whole North Jersey mentality of getting whatever you want, and then “maybe” paying for it later.
51

njgasmifan

Posted June 30, 2010 at 8:16 am

Prodigal Cheez – you and Twunty are truly my heroes. Your reply to Caroline or Crabby Senior or whoever Pam Dee is, is just wonderful and spot-on. Group hug!!!!!
52

Newbie Laughing

Posted July 1, 2010 at 10:39 am

@uglycutie – the “Ooh, ooh, Al Sharpton!” comment made me spit out my Diet Coke all over the keyboard. LMAO! Note to Self: No tvgasm while eating lunch.
53

Kara

Posted July 1, 2010 at 11:31 am

“Witty repartee aside – no one here wants to hear about a child suffering damage because her parents are too lazy and indulgent to do the right thing by her.” – Agreed, and THANK YOU Prodigal!

That was the only thing I wanted to comment on this week, too much other stuff and I don’t have the time to do a real comment, but there is NOTHING acceptable about her not being buckled up EVERY SINGLE TIME. I’m not even a parent and that extremely upsetting to see.

Oh okay, one more thing. If Gia (or ANY child) is going to be riding that fucking ATV, she needs to have a helmet on every single time. In my state, that IS a law, but it should be common sense, law or not!
54

shantigal

Posted July 1, 2010 at 12:13 pm

@Kamera “Let them live in Nona and Papa’s basement, buy clothes at Sears and Walmart, drive a Corolla and start saving for their kids’ college.”

College! HAHAHAHAHAHA. They’re too pretty to work & are going to marry rich jewish men, remember?
55

2muchbravo

Posted July 1, 2010 at 4:07 pm

I know there’s still half a season to go, but someone should remember to send Miss Andy questions about this come reunion time. I want to hear what Teresa’s got to say about her over spending and how loyal viewers (we are, afterall) are pissed that they have to pick up the slack when people like her and Juicy screw the system. This shouldn’t just be swept under the rug by Bravo since that’s what these shows are about, the (alleged) ridiculously rich.
Besides, it’s going to be boring as hell if the whole thing is centered on Danielle hate.
56

jessicat

Posted July 2, 2010 at 2:09 am

@Kamera “I am so upset by them, and the the whole North Jersey mentality of getting whatever you want, and then “maybe” paying for it later.”

This is not the attitude of all of North Jersey! I was raised there and certainly didnt’ grow up thinking this was okay by any stretch. Granted, I know some kids who seemed to, but I think their families had the money to back it up. I went to a private school and many of my wealthy classmates lived in Franklin Lakes and Upper Montclair.

Re: Danielle. She is a crazy bish. Seriously. I’ve been reading the blog someone linked to in the past (maybe on a RHoNYC recap) that has diagnoses for the housewives. The one she gave Danielle is Antisocial Personality Disorder and I think it fits. Think of a “psychopath” or “sociopath” — that’s this category. And after this most recent episode (Posche Spite), I think Danielle is dangerous and should be taken off the TV. I agree that the other women should look into restraining orders.
57

classy drunk

Posted July 2, 2010 at 5:15 am

How about we all write on Teresa’s blog on bravo and ask questions about her bankruptcy. Surely they can’t deny ALL 50 something of us out there that post on the housewives. Well they probably can but Miss Andy has to ask about this. I am tired of people getting away with shit like this.
58

shantigal

Posted July 2, 2010 at 8:57 am

@classy – I get your sentiment and would love some answers, but your idea would require effort & imply that we care about low life, bigoted neanderthals. The last thing I want to do is give the hairy leech any more attention.
59

dd

Posted July 3, 2010 at 12:33 pm

Bravo never publishes anything I believe they have their staffers blogging. I coudn’t say it there but I will say it here. Ashley stay out of grown folks business, and Teresa you are truely ghetto!
60

Dawn

Posted July 5, 2010 at 7:32 am

Here’s a big difference between the RHONYC and RHONJ. When the NY women relized Kelly was batshit crazy, they suddenly got this wary, wide-eyed look, then backed away slowly while saying stuff like “Nice kitty…its ok, no one’s gonna hurt you…niiiice kitty.” The NJ vipers know that Danielle is bonkers, but that just makes them smell blood in the water and go into a feeding frenzy like a pack of great whites. Then say its all Danielle’s fault for being bonkers and they have to protect “the family.” *Snort* Please. Then they want to know why a psycho employs a bodyguard.

If it weren’t for Danielle, we’d all be asleep 15 minutes in. Can you imagine a show about Jacqueline Laurita? ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Although a show about Theresa finally deciding to shave Juicy’s back and her own forehead might be interesting.
61

shantigal

Posted July 5, 2010 at 7:44 am

@Dawn “If it weren’t for Danielle, we’d all be asleep 15 minutes in. Can you imagine a show about Jacqueline Laurita? ZZZZZZZZZZZ. Although a show about Theresa finally deciding to shave Juicy’s back and her own forehead might be interesting.”

LOL Dawn, add chuckie maintenance & Carolynn shaving her face daily. Real Razor’s Edge of NJ.
62

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 5, 2010 at 9:52 pm

THIS JUST IN….

Joe Giudice forged a business partner’s name on a mortgage document and allegedly pocketed around $1 million dollars. He also owes one of his lumber vendors over $90,000 dollars. What a scumbag. He could get some jail time on the forgery, forging a signature on a banking document, or stating ANY false information on a bank document is a federal crime. He not only has the IRS breathing down his neck now, the FBI is probably going to investigate him for white collar crimes, possibly RICO violations.

Teresa needs to shut her yap, and get out of the public eye – she could get named as a co-conspirator; as we all saw, she dispensed a LOT of cold, hard cash around town. Any of the businesses who took their cash will be probably be audited, sometimes cash transactions are “fudged” by businesses to avoid paying sales tax… I’ll bet there are people in that town that viscerally HATE these people. Danielle is a sociopath/psychopath – but she may not be the only one on this pest-hole of a show…
63

classy drunk

Posted July 6, 2010 at 5:09 am

You know Danielle is some where loving all this.
64

njgasmifan

Posted July 6, 2010 at 7:22 am

ooohh, good catch Cheez. I do recall an interview with Ape Woman after season one about the cash, and she said that it was all Bravo’s idea and Bravo wanted them to pay for everything via cash. It will be interesting to see how this plays out….
65

Honeybee

Posted July 6, 2010 at 9:47 am

@Cheez – it was published (I think last week) that most of the NJ women are in major debt. I think the only one without personal debt is Dina (however their are things under her husband).

None of these women should be throwing stones. Bravo just needs to kill the NJ show.
66

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 6, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Thanks Honeybee… Day late, dollar short – story of my life, LOL!!

Personal baggage alert/RANT – I’ll accept any snark for the indulgence…

I’d heard about the Laurita’s business bankruptcy, but I can actually understand that. Anyone who used credit lines through a vendor experienced the looming banking crisis a year or two ahead of everyone else. My business went through it too. $300K credit lines cut to $100K without notice, balance due immediately with another $300K in backorders sitting on the desk – merchant services (credit card services) grabbing customer’s money for escrow with no warning – $200K of CUSTOMER’S MONEY just gone and I still had to provide them with what they ordered. So your business model changes without warning and your committed to fulfilling your customer’s orders, AND paying the vendors – $500K cash within 30 days to stay functional – then being forced to cut your sales productivity because you don’t have the same access to the credit the vendors made you dependent on to grow THEIR business – and no warning to get ahead of it. I have a serious gripe with the banks; they created a crisis where there wasn’t one; it was shortsighted and arrogant. I never paid a bill late, missed a payment or had even one chargeback on a customer credit card – I was in the highest rating category with D&B, and because my manufacturer switched their business model – the banks arbitrarily decided to financially cut me and my counterparts off from our inventory sources.

So, I can empathize with Chris Laurita as a small business owner – nothing else seems out of whack there. Yet.

I was lucky; I survived, downsized and reinvented – and let me tell you my personal financial picture changed RADICALLY. I cut out the frills, right down to how I shopped for groceries – worked a second job while I built the new business and threw every cent into paying my personal expenses so I didn’t have to pay myself. I’m still working through it, I’m tired and stressed but it’s working and it’s worth it – I do my own nails, mow my own (5 ACRE!! LOL) lawn, go out less, and learned some new DIY skills to keep my sanctuary intact – it’s not so bad, and I lost weight to boot.

I never lived ostentatiously, and I never would because it isn’t really my style to begin with – I’m a saver and a planner, and as much as I love clothes and handbags – I’m a major bargain-whore. So I buy less now – but I still have my home, my husband and my dog – and we’re all healthy and working together so in an odd way it’s added some depth to my life I didn’t realize was missing. I’d like more financial security – but I know that will come again.

That being said, I have ZERO sympathy for Teresa, Danielle and Jacqueline – their husbands, DEEPLY flawed as they may be, provided them with a very nice life of luxury and comfort and every one of those women should return the favor by working outside of the home – and setting an example for their children by CONTRIBUTING. Continuing to throw opulent parties, buy expensive things, and run up what they consider minor debt is irresponsible and fraudulent. I think that’s why I am SO INCENSED with the Giudice’s complete disregard for the consequences of living so far beyond what could be remotely considered reasonable means… It boggles the mind.

PS – njgasmfan – THAT’S a question I dearly hope Andy Cohen will address at the reunion – Did Bravo actually ASK the Giudice’s to use CASH?? I can’t even imagine it, it sounds like bullshit – just like when KKB said she was forced to go to Ramona’s Island of Dr. Moreau… LOL.

I can honestly say with the NJ hags – I don’t look at any of them, their marriages, their homes or their social dynamics and think, “Wow, I wish my life was a little more like that…” It’s almost depressing to watch that much money being spent on tacky, stupid, ungrateful people who can’t seem to understand that providing opportunities and advantages to your children as an INCENTIVE and not an ENTITLEMENT is what ultimately ensures their success, and ability to meet challenges with insight and grace – Albie’s reaction to being rejected from his law program was a great example of that flaw. His father was right, and I respected him when he said – “If he can’t get past this, he has no business being a lawyer.”

Okay – I’ll calm down now – sorry to make so much damn lemonade out of those FN lemons!!!
67

elle

Posted July 6, 2010 at 9:47 pm

I was actually at a wedding at The Brownstone on Saturday.
68

elle

Posted July 6, 2010 at 10:43 pm

I was actually at a wedding at The Brownstone on Saturday…That’s how it my previous comment began but it didnt go through (damn captcha). Here it goes again. Long story short, I’m Paterson, NJ born & raised (still living here). I went to The Brownstone on Sat for a wedding. Dina’s husband Tommy came in to check on the event; he smiled at me and my friend b/c it was SO obvious that we were discussing him. Chris was there, he was running around the whole time so there may be some weight to the theory that he only does that to appear busy. The food was GREAT as always. They never disappoint on that front! I used to tutor Albie in Wayne, NJ (where Danielle got the boob job and Posche is located). BTW, I’ve seen that surgical center and always wondered who would ever go there. It’s next to an out of business Blockbuster which hilariously enough my ex-boyfriend used to work at when we were in college. The funny thing is, his manager said Blockbuster was “recession proof.” I guess he didn’t see Redbox, Netflix and the good ol’ Internet coming…I always thought Albie was cute so imagine my surprise when I (a Bravo freak) saw the preview for RHONJ last year and realized it was his family. I had no idea this was all gonna be in my backyard. Also, Paterson (with one ‘T’ ) is not the greatest city. There’s crime, drugs & poverty. However, there are mansions on the Eastside and very quiet, pleasant suburbs too. It’s not all bad and I must agree with Pam Dee; guests aren’t jogging around the block. Potential guests need to valet the car, eat some good food and get over themselves. My mom’s boked a couple of events there and met Chris and Lauren; they were very nice and humored her. Anywho, I actually am enjoying this season. It’s not as explosive as some other locations but that’s actually how RHOC & RHONY first seasons started out. And I do feel badly for Danielle’s daughters. She’s so enetrtaining yet so unstable. I’m torn between laughing and cringing each week.
69

Prodigal Cheez

Posted July 7, 2010 at 8:07 am

I love hearing about brushes with THE HOUSEWIVES!! Elle, do you know what kind of Learning Disability Albie has? I don’t know if it’s rude to ask that? I’m just curious – I wondered what made getting through law school more tactically difficult study-wise than undergrad?

As for the strip-mall surgical center… I’m still shaking my head. I was completely skeeved out by the fact that Danielle’s consultation was done in a room made up to look like a bedroom, complete with mood lighting. WTF, that would be like my gynecologist serving drinks and playing Marvin Gaye while asking me to remove my pants. I mean, at least take me to dinner at the Brownstone first…

I keep wondering why Danielle’s ex isn’t intervening with the girls, she’s obviously associating with known criminals, releasing sex tapes and as her first ex-husband pointed out; still at some risk with the Columbians… LOL, I can’t believe I just wrote that, it’s like a script from ‘The Edge of Night”!! Haha! I still think she’s too crazy dangerous to be on this show though.
70

elle

Posted July 7, 2010 at 9:53 pm

I don’t recall what he had. I’m assuming a mild form of dyslexia? I don’t recall any special accomodationa for him. He was really nice too considering he was a teenager at the time.
71

mel

Posted August 2, 2010 at 12:03 am

I loved this season of New York, but the New Jersey season has been such a weak follow-up and I grew quickly disappointed. Does anyone else think that Teresa is way worse than Danielle? Do these women have anything better to do than to pick on Danielle? Does Danielle have issues, yes. But, Teresa is worse in so many ways. It seems like Danielle had a rough childhood and made some terrible choices, and still struggles with some personality/social intelligence issues. But, Teresa is so completely immature and trashy …yes, yes, yes – you’re right, I’m just jealous of her By the way, this is proof that we need to stop teaching girls that when other girls don’t like them they “must just be jealous”. No…sometimes other girls don’t like you because you’re a (fill-in-the-blank: selfish/trashy/gross/unintersting/unintelligent witch). I can’t tell if Teresa really thinks of herself as beautiful or if she’s just someone who overcompensates for bad self-esteeem…I’m leaning toward thinking she really thinks she’s something and rips on others’ looks out of foolish, preposterous arrogance. I’m no Danielle fan, but she is far better looking than Teresa especially when you take into account the fact that Teresa is only in her late 30s but looks 48. She claims to be such a sweetheart and says that only Danielle brings out her bad side … I think this is actually the true Teresa and that a person w/life problems like Danielle gives her an excuse to be the bullying monster that she is (chasing Danielle, prancing around practically dancing w/excitement to lay into her on camera). She is so disgusting – I hope her daughters will turn out half as good as Danielle’s sweet daughters have. Danielle may have had some huge mess-ups in her life, but her girls are doing extremely well despite it all, and you have to give her at least a little bit of the credit for that (no, I’m not ready to give Danielle a mother-of-the-year award by any means). All-in-all, do most of these housewives realize they are not on these shows because of a)beauty, b)charm, c)intelligence, d)interest … with the exception of Bethenny Frankel and a few others, most housewives were picked for their respective show because they are human train wrecks and most of us can barely believe that people this vapid/stupid/self-centered/clueless actually exist in real life!

RHONJ: Let’s All Hate On Danielle Some More!

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RHONJ: Let’s All Hate On Danielle Some More!

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