Well, eighty million weeks later…Real Housewives of New Jersey IS FINALLY GETTING GOOD!
Wow, that took a whole season but here we are on the cusp of whatever happened before last year’s reunion. Which is that Melissa may or may not have been a stripper. And Teresa may or may not have outed her. And one of the Kims may have been involved. Actually – that’s one thing we do know for sure, one of Kims was definitely involved….because it all goes down at the Posche fashion show.
Hello. I eat puppies.
We start off with drama before drama, with skanky Kim who owns Posche making the rounds and inviting all the ladies. Mel is annoyed because Kim has apparantly been running around town saying bad things about Midge, but she agrees to go. Caro and Jacquee are annoyed because they know they’re going to have to sit near Teresa, but they agree to go. Kat agrees to go, because she’s boring and has nothing better to do on this show. Or in life.
Kim latches on to the star of the show like a cockroach on some leftover linguine and is meeting up with Ter all around town in preparation for the fashion show. I’m sorry - in preparation for this:
Introducing the slime at the bottom of the latest bloodfeud.
Well, we’ve all seen the previews – this greaseball is here to allege that Mel used to “dance” for him at a gentleman’s club. My preliminary assessment? Ter was set up by skanky Kim, but we’ll delve deeper into that in the recap.
As for the rest of the show – the Manzos hit Hoboken to visit their sons and the new generic girlfriend, but it’s really just another setting for Caroline to play the “another Manzo success” game! Cause when your kids invite you over for english muffin sandwiches, that’s how you know they’re made it.
Kat tries to close the deal she set up in the cemetary next to the gas station parking lot where she launched her brand. Rather than using actual desserts to do this, she simply shows an airburshed poster of herself and calls it a day. Her business partner, Lebanese Dilbert, comes along to add that real professional touch as he talks about sex for the entire business meeting.
Lauren Manzo starts the inevitable downward spiral of CaFace – I mean, with that name, there’s really no chance – by moving into the Chateau’s former space and annoucning that she’s ready to call the “constructing man”. Caro writes a check and talks a walk down the deluded side of the road to tell us how Lauren’s self made.
Finally, Ter tries to teach her kids Italian, only to be basically fired by Gia who takes over the whole thing.
And now, I will teach you how to say “Chalk is smarter than Teresa” in Italian.
But the real news is the Melissa stripper thing which I already love in it’s bloodfeud infancy. Meet you back here for all the sleazy details!