RHONJ Recap: No One Is To Blame

Recaps

By ChickBomb | Thursday, May 3, 2012 | 8:20 am | 66 Comments
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Posted in: Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

Welcome back to Jersey! I don’t understand why the Bravo production team thinks anyone cares about Moonface Ashley, but they seem determined to stretch her departure out as long as possible. And so we start this week’s Real Housewives of New Jersey episode at Jacquee’s house where Moony is predictably whining about her trip. What’s the problem now? Oh, well she just doesn’t know if she packed enough “outfits”.

If my beanies don’t match my hoodies, how can I be expected to move forward with my life?

Jacquee’s reply is to hold the little newsboy baby and sing another creepy song about how Moony’s going on a trip. I will give her credit, she does seem completely immune to Moony’s whining, but it’s about time. Albie Manzo shows up to deliver her to the airport, and seems just as annoyed with her as everyone else. He makes her lug her own suitcase which leads to, you guessed it, more whining. I’m really running out of ways to tell you about all the whining and it’s bad for the recap.

Well, while we’re on the topic of failure, let’s check in with Lauren Manzo. And what do I mean by failure, you wonder? Because the last time she had a storyline, it was her opening party at Chateau for her new makeup business and Mama Manzo was checking “another Manzo success!” off her list.

And I hope she used pencil because sure enough, the very next day…Lauren quit! She wasn’t getting respect. Everyone just looked at her like “my Mom’s kid”. Okaaaaay….so you want Mommy and Daddy to set you up in a fairy tale business but you want everyone else to pretend you’re self-made? And you can’t even stick it out for 24 hours?

I’m the Kim K. of the makeup business!

This is pathetic. And now I’m having flashbacks to Lauren sitting like Don Corleone at her kitchen table, passing edicts on Moony’s t-shirts design. And now, I’m having flashbacks to being like, five and playing beauty salon in my basement. I would have never quit on my Barbies, even if they thought I only had them cause my Mom bought them for me.

Well, on to the next failure in Lauren’s life, and that’s her weight. Mama Manzo’s taking her to Dr. Perricone in NYC for one of those starvation diets that costs the same as feeding 80,000,000 African children. And Lauren just can not understand why she’s not able to lose weight. She says that what she does eat, she doesn’t eat a lot of. Yes, I’m so sure she’s up at her boyfriend’s Italian deli in the boondocks eating like a little baby bird.

Caroline of course makes it all about her dramatic monologue. She wishes it was one of her sons who was fat. I hate to break it to you, but one of them is getting there. Then she advises the doctor that Lauren is entering a very superficial business and she doesn’t want her to feel like she “doesn’t match up”. Wow, kind of harsh. If she’s a great makeup artist, who gives a crap what she looks like? But I guess the Manzos are too busy buying her play salons to ever figure out if she’s actually talented. Nice vote of confidence.

Luckily, the doctor is not as big an asshole as Caroline and quickly jumps in to tell Lauren that she’s beautiful. He shows her the one meal on this plan, and it looks like pee. He describes it and it sounds like he says “pasteurized piglets” and I obviously know he doesn’t, but he may as well have. He asks her how much she would like to lose and she says 35-40 pounds. She wants to lose that much on a cleanse? Why is this doctor not laughing in her face?

Instead, everyone just pretends like this is really going to happen. Lauren tells us how easy it will be for her to stay with the diet and never cheat. And when she does, I’m sure it will just be with very small portions, so she should be size 4 in no time at all.

And over to our next failure, and that’s the Guidices. Things aren’t good. They’re visiting the pizzeria, which I guess is closed down. There’s beeping as they enter. What is it? Oh, just some alarm that I never knew how to work anyway, says Brown Smurf casually. And we wonder why this didn’t work out for him. Well, actually – we didn’t really wonder.

Smurfy is full of sage wisdom now that he’s seen the dark underbelly of the restaurant world. “I don’t care what anyone says,” he advises, “Nothing’s easy.” Um, actually I’m pretty sure that Smurfy was the only one saying it was easy. But since hell is still heated, we will surely not be getting any accountability here.

General ignorance is certainly not to blame here – no, it’s just the old suspended license holding him back. And something about how he can’t rely on other people. Teresa says that when Brown Smurf “went away” – to jail, that is – it was a learning lesson for her. She says it made her stronger. Finally, he decrees that one must “hustle to make a buck”. What’s that you say, now? Working to make a dollar? What a concept! I hope everyone’s taking notes here.

And Teresa wants us to know that she does not need anyone to feel sorry for her. Of course not. Not with the gas station across that street that Brown Smurf announces he will be purchasing to turn into a corrupt senior citizens home. Teresa nods like a puppet.

Keep in mind this conversation is happening inside their failed and apparantly now abandoned pizzeria.

Okay, on to the Wakiles and their patchwork house. I notice the slutty daughter kicking up her leg on the little intro screen. She’s so the the BJ queen of her class. And now we get by far the dullest part of the hour, and that’s a tour of New Jersey gas stations with Lebanese Dilbert Sr. and Jr.

They head into the first one and meet with the “Managing Partner”. Of the gas station. And if you’ll now please excuse me for just a moment, I need to go refill my Diet Coke. During that time, I will be the Managing Partner of my refrigerator. I will also be the Acting Regional Director of the cabinet where I keep the glasses, as well as the Vice President in Charge of Bendy Straws. I know, I wear a lot of hats in this operation.

And more business advise courtesy of Lebanese Dilbert. This information can also be found in Business 1A at your local community college. Delegate. Ask for results. Show your employees that you care. Dilbert Jr. seems just as bored as we do, and tells Sr. that he’d rather do real estate deals than this because you don’t have to play by the rules.

I understand what he’s saying – doing deals is different than making sure the Slim Jims are lined up according to flavor. But Sr. just assumes Jr. is talking about cheating, and – oh, I don’t know. This part’s terrible. I’m even willing to revert to Moonface.

But only because she’s on her way out! Albie deposits her at the terminal, where she continues blabbering that she doesn’t know her flight number and wants to throw up. I don’t care if she’s puking, as long as it’s somewhere west of the Mississippi.

Then we’re in Paterson where Mel is visiting Midge at a construction site. In a very poorly acted scene, Midge asks his guys for a few minutes with Mel so that she can present him with a collage. Then they walk around town and point out the buildings they’ve bought for each kid. Three kids, three buildings, so none of them ever have to work. Well, at least they’re honest and probably not planning on shoving “another Gorga success!” down our throats.

Oh, and Mel doesn’t get a building. She just gets “this” Midge says, pointing down….ugh, just ew. And building of her own or not, Mel is proud of him. She remembers back when they had $3,000 in their bank account and he was telling her they couldn’t afford diapers.


Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear…

Back to Moony who’s all “omg my life’ and that’s because Princess Popcorn Brain missed her flight.  She’s on standby for the next one.  Albie calls Chris Laurita with the news.  ”It’s not looking good,” he says, trying to soften the blow. Chris is not at all surprised.  And he tells us flat out that his goal is to get her the hell out of there.  Then he compares her to their family dog, and the dog comes out looking like the one who would have made the flight.

Meanwhile, Jacquee is getting ready to have everyone over to her house for the She’s FINALLY Gone party – but of course no one at this party is at all surprised that the non-guest of non-honor will most likely be making an appearance.  ”If she gets on, she gets on if not she comes home,” says Jaquee mildly.  There’s no way this lady’s become so relaxed.  I think someone’s made friends with Xanax.

Then Chris Manzo makes the scene to report that while Moonface failed to actually board the flight, she did not miss the opportunity to live tweet her adoring public the entire time.  And naturally, it’s every single person at Newark airport’s fault that she missed her plane.  The employees are useless and she has the worst luck.  Never mind that she spent most of the boarding period on a search for Dunkin’ Donuts.

Caroline, Lauren and the Gorgas arrive and continue to shake their heads over Moony while enjoying some antipasti. Lauren laments that summer is the “worst time to start a diet”.  So right.  I always think of Thanksgiving and Christmas is the best time to diet.  No wait, actually, it’s Halloween because the candy is in such small portions anyway.  Either way, Lauren is already showing her commitment to starvation by burying her face in a humongous glass of red wine.

Then Kat shows up and before anyone even gets a chance to ask her if she’s brought a life sized cannoli with her, Moony’s baaaaaack.  ”I’ve had the worst day,” she complains. Chris is having none of it. He tells her she has no common sense. “Whaaaat?” she simpers, twirling her straw hair like a wanna-be pretty girl.

Chris does not back down, making him hotter by the minute. Moony whines to Jacquee to protect her, and when Jacquee says nothing, Moony starts yelling that saying nothing is as bad as saying something.  You can’t win with this moron, and even if Jacquee doesn’t understand that, her pills do and she successfully avoids engaging with Moony.

Chris closes the case by declaring that trying to help her is a waste of time, and there is no turning back after this.  He is taking her to the airport, he is checking her bag and walking her through the gate.  ”All you have to do is WAKE UP,” he snaps at her.


Oh, don’t underestimate my ability to screw that up.  I can sleep all day like a champ.

Well, enough of Moony – luckily Mel’s on hand to bring the action back where it belongs and that’s with Teresa.  And THE COOKBOOK.  Oh, wait, no, it’s the gold-digger comment that’s on schedule today.  They like to rotate possible blood feuds I guess, seeing what’s got the best table flipping potential.

And she’s trying to keep it under wraps, of course, but she’s bothered.  But she’s letting it go.  But she’s bothered. And in the middle of this crisis of conscience, in walks Teresa. She can tell they’ve been talking about her.  But she can sleep well at night, can they do the same?  Well, why wouldn’t they? Does she think they toss and turn all night long, tortured over the fact that they took her THE COOKBOOK jokes as insults?

“Ummm…,” she begins, and is interrupted immediately by the entrance of Lauren’s boyfriend Vito who gets the “Norm!” welcome. When did this mountie become such a beloved character? Or is it just to avoid having to listen to Teresa?  I’m going with the latter, especially after the next “Ummm” which is interrupted by a lively discussion about meatballs.

Finally, Teresa gets a moment of silence to say that she knows there’s been talk amongst them about THE COOKBOOK.  Caroline says she’s holding a news conference to relieve her guilty conscience.  Basically, true.  She tells them it’s a family cookbook, she wasn’t trying to offend anyone and if anyone took offense, she apologizes.

Lebanese Dilbert replies with a not at all rehearsed line asking her if she’s planning on pulling the books off the shelves and reprinting.  Yes, moron.  The broke lady is going to buy back all her own books and then have them reprinted.  Please. It’s not tainted Tylenol you know.

So she ignores him and continues on about how it was not malicious and all in fun and you know, actually come to think of it, she’s written amazing things about all of them! Hey, yeah!  In fact, in the first THE COOKBOOK, she wrote some nice things about Midge.

She badgers him about reading the first book.  And he has not!  So supportive!  But it’s okay, Teresa just instructs him to read it the next time he’s on an airplane, as if this guy has ever set foot outside the Tri-State area.  She also informs him that once you start reading it, you “can’t put it down”, according to everyone she knows, according to Teresa.

And that she mentioned him in the acknowledgments, which in the publishing world is a big deal.  I’m giggling watching this group munch on salami and listening to Ter explain the publishing game.

Finally, Brown Smurf tells her to “leave it”.  But Mel, who is over it, not bothered and fully ready to move on, snidely comments, “We’ll take one for the team so that you can make a little extra cash.”  Well, she certainly deserves that – if she can’t take the heat, she should get out of the kitchen / THE COOKBOOK business.  But if Mel’s got something to say, I could live without the constant proclamations of how “over it” she is.

Then again, without passive aggression, the entire Housewives franchise would die a swift death.

“What does that mean?” asks Teresa. Hey, at least she explains how her insults are jokes.

And Mel, like a little sequined robot just repeats the insult.  I mean, joke.  Ter sort of lets it go, and keeps prattling on about how they’re all family.  “So with that said, that’s all I have to say,” she finishes definitively.  Haha.  This is how I end arguments too, I just tell people we’re done and change the subject.  Sometimes it works.

“It’s not a true apology,”  Jacquee critiques to the interview camera man.

“What else can you do besides apologize,” shrugs Ter to the interview camera man.

Well, I declare THE COOKBOOK battle resolved.

So, with that obligatory scene out of the way, the ladies are in the kitchen and the men go down to the basement.  Ter is on her phone and ignoring everyone and Jacquee tells her to join the group.  Gosh, that Xanax is doing wonders for Jacquee.  She’s coming off like the Dalai Lama tonight.

Down in the basement, Brown Smurf is telling us how he and Lebanese Dilbert used to be close, but now not so much.  Lebanese Dilbert tells us how Brown Smurf always has to be “the best” at everything, but he’s really just the best at being a “googly butt”? Cause he’s full of hot air.  Obviously, this is a very mature and well thought out argument.  I feel so enlightened to be writing about it.

And with that, we hear a bunch of yelling and crashing and the ladies getting nervous upstairs.  What happened?  The details are a little unclear, but it appears that Lebanese Dilbert (or maybe Midge?) was busting Brown Smurf’s chops about being short.

And so, Brown Smurf went to grab Lebanese Dilbert’s “nuts”, as all heterosexual men do, but was not able to get a good grip, as Lebanese Dilbert apparently has “pebbles for nuts”. Next thing everyone knows, Lebanese Dilbert swings at Brown Smurf and then hits him with a candlestick.

It was Lebanese Dilbert in the basement with a candlestick!

Brown Smurf complains to Gia that it won’t look good for him to be a “businessman” with a black eye.  They don’t show it, but I’m sure Gia eyerolled in response.  Meanwhile, he cooks over the stove with a pink spoon.  “Cause you’re a girl,” trills the demon seed, Milania in her first appearance of the episode.

Over at the Wakile’s patchwork house, Kat and Lebanese Dilbert are also reviewing events.  Kat complains that Brown Smurf always picks on her husband, which could be true, but I see Dilbert picking on everybody.  And of course he seems the type to dish it out and not be able to take it.

To be honest though, Dilbert does seem to feel a little bad about basically beating the crap out of Brown Smurf.  He acknowledges that it might be a little hard for Smurfy to have to watch Teresa supporting their family.

Dilbert Jr. comes downstairs in a suit, and let me tell you that kid is adorable.  His parents want to know if there will be sex, drugs and rock and roll at his party or date or whatever, to which he replies, “Yes, Yes, Yes.”

Then they ask if they can make him pee in a cup when he gets home.  “If that’s what your heart desires,” he sighs.  This kid’s ready for his own apartment.

And all of the sudden, Kat “can’t believe it!”  What?  Well, apparantly there is a family twitter account that some ho-bag sent naked pictures of herself to.  For Lebanese Dilbert Jr.  Dilbert Sr. says they should tell her to just hold that thought til the kid’s eighteen, but Kat of course has to cluck at the camera and recite some quip about “crotches in cyberspace”.

The slutty sister comes down to critique the naked picture.  She laughs that it’s disgusting, and mentally takes notes on what angles not to use for her own nightly photo shoots for the boys basketball team.  And Kat sends the horny fan an email saying that she should do better things with her “beauty” than this.  And the slut gets right back to her, saying that she’s sorry, she just finds Lebanese Dilbert Jr. attractive.  And, scene. Oh, those wacky Wakiles!

And then, finally, we get a treat – it’s Mel in the recording studio!  We’re on song #2, and it’s still amateur hour over there in the basement.  She runs out of breath, can’t get on the right rhythm, and overall knows she’s “off”.  She makes  alot of wrinkly faces to go along with this proclamation.

The black guy who she has sex with but pretends is her producer when the cameras are on in the basement tells her that he thinks that Mel and Midge are best friends, and she’s a lucky girl because not everyone gets a recording studio built in their basement.

“Now you’re gonna get me emotional,” she complains.  By all means, don’t do that.  Don’t put any emotion into the love song you’re singing for your husband.  They finally finish the stupid song and Mel confidently declares that she needs to make five more ballads.  “Definitely not,” her black boyfriend immediately replies.

Okay, and now for the real star of the show…Milania!  She’s making a mess in the Guidice house.  Teresa tells us that just because she’s on the cover of magazines and a best-selling author, she’s still just a mother of four at home.   Magazine covers and best-sellers…I mean, technically yes, but talk about loose interpretations.

“You’re a hooker, not a cooker,” yells Milania at Gia, who’s trying to cook while the busy mother of four sits around talking to interviewers on her reality show.  Then, the baby starts bleeding.  Brown Smurf is unconcerned, and then the Milkman’s Kid, who at this point is probably hiring a private detective to track down her real family, snaps, “Well, you can at least wipe the blood off.” Great job, Mr. and Mrs. Brown Smurf, you have your four year old parenting for you.

Then Albie, Chris and Chris arrive.  Chris tells us that although his Mom and Teresa are “at odds”, as long as he’s known Brown Smurf, he will always invite you over to eat and hang out.  But nowadays, the fun is kind of ruined by the fact that you have to listen to Brown Smurf extol the great virtue of all things Brown Smurfy, and also avoid getting stabbed in the eye with a fork by Milania.

Sounds awesome!  Where’s my invite?

They all say that Brown Smurf’s nose and eyes look better, but at the whole fight was weird.  It looked fun at one point.  But then, it got weird.  Well, where’s the evidence?  Was the cameraman on break?

And I guess Lebanese Dilbert did feel bad about the whole thing – at least according to Brown Smurf who says that received multiple phone calls the next day, all of which he ignored. New blood-feud? Let’s keep an eye on this one.

Brown Smurf accuses Lebanese Dilbert of being an idiot, and then one of the Manzos asks him when he’s getting his drivers’ license back.  Brown Smurf thinks October. Wait, what year are they in again?   RHONJ space-time continuum is very confusing.

Chris Laurita seems to have lovely table manners.  Just mentioning.  Anyway, he says that when he first heard about the DUI, he felt bad but when he heard about the fraudulent driver’s license, he thought Brown Smurf was a moron.  That’s what it took?  Chris rightly points out that this is not acceptable behavior for a 40 year old man with a family.

Somewhere off yonder in Jersey, Teresa’s at a book signing.  A frumpy lady from Oklahoma comes up to her table and identifies herself as one of Teresa’s biggest fans.  Then she tells her that even if all the allegations against Brown Smurf are true, she loves them regardless and they’re in her prayers.

Can you just STFU and buy my book? And the In Touch where I’m posing in dishrags?

Well, this is new for Teresa.  No one’s ever asked me anything personal before, says the dodo who’s been broadcasting her personal life on television for three years now.  She realizes it’s a result of being on the cover of the gossip magazines, but she also realizes that’s how she sells THE COOKBOOK and supports her family.

And on to Mel and Midge.  They are having a super romantic dinner…at opposite ends of a really long table.  Midge assumes the setup is so that Mel can announce that she’s having another baby.  Mel just smiles secretively and says it’s a surprise.

Well, that was a brief interlude.  Back at the Guidices, lil’l Mama Gia is putting the baby to bed, and Chris, Chris and Albie thank her for doing it.  Actually,  it’s more of a “sorry for your sucky homelife but you’ll be eighteen soon” than a thank you.

With the children in bed, it’s now time for Brown Smurf to reveal his piece de resistance, and that’s a teeny tiny article in a local paper saying that Midge has been sued.  He clutches the newspaper triumphantly, and proclaims that he can take the heat, but can his brother in law?  Well, I’m not sure sure we’re even going to find out.  When you get on TV, there’s always one or two jackasses who smell money and attention.  It’s hardly been splashed across Life & Style for three weeks straight.

And Chris Manzo is there to articulate the sad decline of the Brown Smurf by telling us somberly how much fun the guy used to be – he’d get drunk, pass out and you could throw ham at him.  Fun!  Again, where’s my inivte?  But nowadays, Jolly Smurf is gone and all the guy does is make snide comments and tell everyone how smart he is.

This all leads to the best part of this episode by far, and that’s Chris Manzo doing Brown Smurf saying, “I’ll tell you duh truth, dere’s God’s brain and den dere’s me.”   I’m cool if you need to quit reading this for a few to go weep for humanity.

And back to the Gorgas.  Midge has a feeling that something good’s happening that night.  “I got a lotta poison in me,” he tells us.  That “poison” thing is so stupid, but you know there’s a fan  base out there that thinks it’s adorable, tweets about it and now we’re stuck with the most disgusting catchphrase ever.

“No poison for you tonight!” says Mel, keeping on message with the branding.  They fake argue, and he tells if she doesn’t want to have sex with him to stop looking so good. Aw, kind of cute.  Then she gives him a hokey speech about how much she loves her life, he made all her dreams come true, how happy she is and how she took all the feeling she was feeling and -

WAIT!!!!  Were these all the feelings she was feeling that were driving her insane?  Paparazzi watching her do her thing?  No?  Other feelings?  Oh.

Yeah, these are Midge-related feelings, and we’re going to hear about them in the sappiest song ever, “How Many Times”, aka “Dear Joe”. Or maybe it’s a 90s boy-band style “How Many Times (Dear Joe)”.  Actually, I hope it is. If you’re gonna be cheesy, may as well be thorough about it.

This is what I’ve been doing in the basement all these weeks, she explains so he doesn’t get on to the fact that what she was really doing was her black boyfriend.  And then we have to listen to this crappy song.  It’s Mel trying to do Beyonce and it’s not pretty.  But Midge tears up and says that the song proves how much she loves and adores him and their life. Oh, is that so?  The song, huh?  The marriage vows were meaningless, but put it in a basement produced song and Midge is a believer.

Then it’s time to end this week’s installment…the exact same way that we started it.  Once again, it’s time for Moony to go to the airport.  Jacquee is playing a game with the little newsboy, Xanax in full effect.

And speaking of the wonder pill, Moony’s eaten some too and now she’s “kind of falling asleep”.  I sense that she’s setting up another scenario for her to miss her flight, but all Chris Laurita tells her is that well, if the plane goes down, she won’t feel at thing.

Jacquee tells us that since Moony’s been receiving psychiatric help, she’s developed all kinds of fears of elevators, heights and anything else that might be an excuse for attention. Then Chris says that he loves Moony, but she’s not welcome back until she has a plan for life that she is executing.  I would not be holding my breath.

And no terminal drop-off with Chris.  They park, and he is nice enough to lug her suitcase for her since she’s all pilled up.  She just keeps whining about how she hates her life.

Hey, us too! 

Back at Jacquee’s, she’s folding laundry and telling us how her greatest fear is that Moony will never do anything with her life.  Well, get ready to face that fear.  “Sometimes I just cry,” she informs us.  Yes.  WE KNOW.

She looks through old photo albums and cries, cause sometimes she just does that. Chris tells us that it’s good for Jacquee that Moony is leaving because her hurt is so deep and she’s having a hard time.  No, really?  Is that what all the crying and complaining and life coaching is about?  Thanks for clearing it up.

So she sobs and blames herself and sits there in a ridiculous pink dress that she found by a curb outside LIsa Vanderpump’s house and gurgles that Moony’s going to look back and hate her.  Fine.  Just as long as she’s hating you from a plane bound for Vegas.

Next week, Caroline says Teresa is willing to destroy a family.  Teresa and Jacquee get in a fight.  Teresa starts another fight, and Mel wants an apology from Teresa for the gold digging comment that she’s completely over.  See you then!

Kisses, CB

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About

66 Comments

  1. 1
    sardini
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I’m happy that Assley is going to Vegas, because it brings her one step closer to her ultimate career in porn.

    I know I’m supposed to think Lebanese Dilbert is a jerk for his comments, but I think he is hilarious. I’m sure my husband and I would be saying worse.

    I also think that Caroline is just sick of Teresa, and uses the cookbook b.s. as an excuse to be done. And you know what they say in Jersey…”I’m DONE!”

  2. 2
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 9:48 am

    CB-Waklie daughter SO has BJ face! Thank you for calling that out…back to reading….

  3. 3
    no cars go
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 9:56 am

    i hope the guidice’s name their “nursing home” the old troll’s home and they make milania the director of activities. day 1 – fight club!

  4. 4
    sheesh
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:00 am

    When Melissa played the song for Joe, after the instrumental before she starts singing Rodel yelled out, “Don’t be tardy for the party whoooaawhoooa.” He cracks my shit up.
    It was so perfect and he saved me from having to listen to her singing.

    Summer is the BEST time to start a diet Lauren, ya moron.

  5. 5
    Karen
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:05 am

    I think New Jersey Child Protective Services should look in on the Guidices….god knows Brown Smurf has broken every other law..why not the ones that protect his children. I feel bad for them! Here is some free PR advice for you Tree. You wanna fix your reputation? Pull your big cromag head outta your ass and LEAVE the neanderthal you call a husband. Make nice with your family as they are rich and treat their kids well. Maybe Melissa will help train your little monkeys to OBEY and teach you how to keep your husband from straying…and of course once you dump Guidice you KNOW your brother Joe will help you financially. So quite with the BS and pride and ask hi for help like a lady….or ask your ghost writer to ask him for you. but get the hell away from Joe Guidice, and PLEASE protect your children as horrid as they may be, there is still hope if you take them away from his influence!

  6. 6
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Ok an I just played clue this past weekend….so many funny zingers CB you rule!

  7. 7
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 10:26 am

    I said basically the same thing last week. Totes agree!

  8. 8
    Bonquiqui
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:18 am

    My favorite parts were the “hooker not a cooker” scene and Albie saying that Ashlee thinks she’s Ke$ha. So perfect!

  9. 9
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:24 am

    Ok, ready to dive in on one topic: Lauren Manzo. Bitch please! Was it not Flipit who so deftly pointed out a lot of the non-housewives on RHOBH were not skinny and work in the “Industry” as in, make-up artistry, hair, styling and friendployees? WTF kind a BS is Caroloser trying to spin for her betch of a daughter/ And LaLosah, try dropping 35-40 lbs on juice and see what happens. You’ll be swallowing meatballs whole by the end of the first week you idiot. She REALLY annoys me. There is an article in one of this months style mags where the daughters of all the housewives get interviewed and the Cuntess’s daughter sounds more mature than LaLosah Manzo. Bleech! This annoys me so much b/c I have been working on my own healthy diet plan for a solid 6 months and these idots want to drink juice that cost enough to rebuild South Sudan (thx Chickbomb).

    Why doesn’t she just get lap band like her mother did two years ago and tell everyone at the reunion it was “portion control” and be done with it. I have had it up to *here* with that ginger witch creating excuses for her kids and praising them for these false world domination plans. Caroline: You are not raising Rhodes Scholars, sorry you just fricken aren’t. AND, you aren’t the female second coming of Michel Corleone. STFU already! I’ll take two Tre’s and a half a Brown Smurf if you and your fambly get off my TV screen ya piece of garbage.

    End rant. *passes out from not breathing while screaming*

  10. 10
    Yanksfan24
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:45 am

    Um…where in the hot hell was the camera when Dilbert and Brown Joe were fighting? Those sort of situations are what seasons are built around. Heck, RHOBH built an entire season around Kyle calling Camille “insecure”! Dropped the ball, Bravo!

  11. 11
    Jazzy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:48 am

    Totally agree, Gypsy! The Manzo kids are losers and Caroline is a total enabler. Here’s an idea, Lauren, if you don’t want to be in your mother’s shadow, pack your bags, move somewhere else and START A PRODUCTIVE LIFE!!! You’ll be amazed at how if you build a successful career, people will see you for yourself.

    And why doesn’t Assley go to art school already????? She’s clearly talented and she could figure out a plan from there. Is she too lazy even to do that??

  12. 12
    Jazzy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:50 am

    Why is there no link for this show on the side of the page? RHOC has 2, but not one for this train wreck!

  13. 13
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:53 am

    Preach it Jazzy!

  14. 14
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:54 am

    This thread is about to light up EEEEE! :-)

  15. 15
    trailer trash
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

    I never thought I would feel sorry for Teresa, but I do. They all are terrible role models and very hypocritical most of the time. I kind of feel like the other cast mates are kicking Teresa when she is down. Her husband is an idiot (actually so is she) her children except Gia seem ill behaved, her brother bashes her constantly and comes across as such a weird loser, her sister in law contacted Daniell Staub to feed information to, her supposed friends have done nothing but bash her in the press and on TV. At least when she appears in those gossip rags she is making money for her severely in debt family. But on a happier note. Who doesn’t love Rosie! I also love it when the aunt told them all to stop talking trash about Teresa. Love her or hate her there would be no show without Teresa. It’s all anyone on the show ever talks about.

  16. 16
    Jazzy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Gypsy, can I get an AMEN??

  17. 17
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:07 pm

    I said AMEN! A-MEN…

  18. 18
    labowner
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:29 pm

    Caroline’s hate stems from Punta Cana and the fight. Since they can’t talk about it, they put the focus on the cookbook.

  19. 19
    labowner
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    They cameras were there at the beginning of the poker game……

  20. 20
    labowner
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:35 pm

    I would love to know how much money Tre has shared her family since they are “family recipes”.

    Where does a kid learn the word hooker from? How did odd kid out hurt her leg in the first place?

    Caroline hasn’t seen the very unattractive and sometimes over weight folks running fashion shows etc? Lauren it’s called exercise you lazy fark.

  21. 21
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 12:43 pm

    @labowner do you think she’s share the fambly’s METH recipe yet? That’s where the real money is.

  22. 22
    Mimis
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:02 pm

    @gypsy: Why doesn’t she just get lap band like her mother did two years ago and tell everyone at the reunion it was “portion control” and be done with it.

    lol! that’s exaclty what i tweeted to her and got no response :(

  23. 23
    labowner
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:35 pm

    Nope, she is too greedy. Although Tre is one who likes to hoard over others heads.

    Is that how the kids got so out of control?

  24. 24
    sardini
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    @trailer trash – I feel bad for Tre, too! I don’t like the gang / bully mentality. None of these women have the right to judge!

  25. 25
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Did you really have to ask??? LOOK at MILANIA, child is gonna lose teefs soon and not for her second set.

  26. 26
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 1:59 pm

    NO YOU DIDIN’T! That is my gurl! *HIGH FIVE!*

  27. 27
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:00 pm

    So my two ‘fer and half a Brown Smurf is not a bad idea no?

  28. 28
    mere2142
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Milania is the best behaved Gudice! Lol.

    Seriously that devil child makes for fantastic television.

  29. 29
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    @Gypsy — THANK YOU !!!!!! For the love of Mike– Lauren’s probelm is her mother– always has been. “Her brothers are handsome” Really?? One has hair plugs and the other is fat. SHe made a half attempt to get a business going and walked away b/c she wasnt getting “the respect” she deserved. She is a quitter. I sense (and I am being serious) that she has an issue with bulimia. She is the Fredo of the Manzo family. SHe makes excuse fore herself like Tre and Joe do for themselves. HHMMMM– that may explain Lauren’s hostility toward Theresa–too much parallel in their lives. ANd also there are alot of unattractive make-up people– Bobbi Brown and the chick on QVC Lauri Geller. Get over yourself and put the fork down!!!

    Albie– look at the pretty babysitter Sarah—anything???

  30. 30
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:45 pm

    @Labowner– yes– wondered that too– out little Milania has quite the vocabulary

    @Gypsy– does she have all the ‘ingerdiences’ for meth????

    Have we poured a little out for our “so far absent friends”???? Big Albert Manzo, Mama Gorga, Pap Gorga and Mama Guidice and dare I say — Kim G.

    Is anyone selse not buying Melissa’s saint act?? Miss “keep the family together”??
    Oh– and I love the blue and white dining room– what a beautiful color

  31. 31
    labowner
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 3:47 pm

    Not just make-up folks. Lots of people behind the scenes in fashion are very fugly.

    Albie has plugs?

  32. 32
    Mrngstar
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 4:37 pm

    Labowner that what I said about “hooker” too! Seriously, these people are horrendous!

  33. 33
    Mrngstar
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 4:40 pm

    Every time I read “Brown Smurf” I think of poop, and so, in my mind I’ve been resigned to call him PooPoo Smurf.

  34. 34
    thisbuggs4u
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    “You’re not a cooker, You’re a hooker” I laughed my ass off when Milania said that. I couldn’t figure out if she was just trying to rhyme something with cooker and that is what came to mind, or if that is what Tre calls Melissa….then I rewound it a few times, and you could see just how pissed of Gia got.

    Then all I could think about was, “The milkman’s kid spoke. The milkman’s kid spoke!!” Poor girl got all her hair chopped off. I liked her long hair. But she IS. NOT. MUTE!

    Brown Smurf is an asshole! Tre should just take the kids with her, or throw them in the basement with grandma and grandpa when she goes out. I mean really, you are supposed to be watching your kids, now throwin back bottles and bottles of wine.

    PS Lauren Manzo, I went on a starvation diet 2 years ago. lost 100 pounds…yeah I gained most of it back. You are very pretty. Stop your bitching, get out from underneath your twat of a mother. Lay off the bread and fried meatballs. Its obvs that your BF Loves you for you, and not your lastname.

  35. 35
    Maudtherriault
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    I absolutely love the snark of your recaps but draw the line at the bj jokes about a teenager. Also not crazy about women calling other women the c word. Resorting to sexual slurs is what men do when they can’t come up with anything more clever. They don’t need women to help them.

  36. 36
    fancyface
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Can’t tell you how much I agree with you! IDK what the deal is with the harshness these people lash out on the kids who are fairly mute and shouldn’t draw your ire on this show. I think Kathy’s daughter is gorgeous and well mannered and I don’t know what a ‘bj face’ is, but I do think it crosses the line. She’s only 15 or 16 and until she’s on tv giving off the appearance of being a slut, I don’t think she deserves the flack.

    Although I’m not a huge Lauren Manzo fan and I wish her mom would take a flying leap, I can’t see what she’s done to deserve some of what’s said about her either. Is she lazy? I’ve thought so since the 1st season & found it hypocritical of her to judge Ashley when she’s doing the same thing but had sense enough to act like she wanted a career. BUT I think she’s getting such harsh treatment, just like her fairly nice and fun loving brothers, just because their Caroline’s children. If you think about it, they’re not the ones on tv claiming to have it together or that they don’t have their faults. It’s their delusional ass mother. If you asked Chris, I’m pretty sure he’d say he’s far from thin. Maybe people should ease up and remember that these are young adults trying to find their way in the world and this opportunity fell in their laps via their mothers but that doesn’t mean they should be torn to shreds like this. Lauren isn’t the first girl to struggle with her weight and I’m sure some of the people attacking her for it aren’t size 6 either. I don’t think she CHOSE to have her weight be a storyline, but what else can Bravo pull from her dull ass mother that doesn’t involve her meddling in other people’s business? And her trying any and every diet available isn’t such a strange thing either, because when you’re desperate to lose weight, you’ll try almost anything. .

    Now, back to what this show is suppose to be about…crazy ass broads! For those of you who ‘feel sorry’ for Teresa…go back and rewatch her from season 1 until now and then come back and tell me why. Go ahead. I’ll wait…………………………………………………………Okay, why would you feel sorry for someone who went from a dim witted, somewhat loveable moron into a fame hungry, delusional, blame deflecting liar? She never takes responsibility for the things she says or does. She gets mad at her friends when they don’t back up her b.s or take her side and she blames EVERYTHING on EVERYBODY ELSE. Just like her husband, when she feels criticized she jumps at the chance to point out other people’s flaws with a smile on her face as if she’s making a valid point. Ugh! Hate!

  37. 37
    kthxbai
    Posted May 3, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    @ChickBomb OMG This was a great recap! I’m going to be ROFLing at pasteurized piglets all night and into next week!

    This episode was weird. Starting with PebbleNutsGate.

    @Yanksfan24 Yes that was sketchy! We know they had cameras down there. Because we saw them all at the table.

    And we so know there’s nothing reality show producers love more than a fight!

    It got me suspicious.

    Maybe Juicy got his black eye from something that could interfere with them filming the rest of the season if it got out?

    So they decided to just make up this lame sounding story.

    This episode also made me madder than I’ve ever gotten in my Real Housewives Viewing History!

    It started when Mel displaying about their poverty time of having only $3000 in the bank. Right after they’d bought a fucking building

    I was this close to turning into 1 of those people that throws stuff at their TV and busts it!

    While hollering about how many people haven’t and will never have even $1000 in the bank. After getting their pay check. Not after buying a building.

    If you’re both super rich and super stupid it’s really trashy to brag about both of those things in the same sentence.

    Next was Lauren. Bitch, if your parents are rich enough to buy you a business, the 1st thing you need to do is get down on your knees and thank the usual suspects. Then you run it.

    If somebody on your staff disrespects you, fire their ass and hire somebody else.

    That’s why you’re called “the owner.”

    Her quitting the next day is same kind of thinking that got her sitting there with her mama buying a $12 thousand dollar pickle jar of pasteurized piglets.

    When she’s not even fat. She’s kind of chubby and thick set. Which she has been since season 1. And which runs in her family.

    But she’s nowhere near the kind of fat you need to go to the doctor for.

    A regular 1 would just tell her she to eat more salad and less bread and exercise anyway. She could get less chubby.

    But there’s not a damn thing in this world that’s going to make her turn into Gwyneth Paltrow.

    @thisbuggs4u You’re right. What she needs to do is love herself how she is and count her blessings. And open her salon back up. Being a makeup artist is hard work. She’d get less chubby doing that, too.

    @several _people It’s true Ma Manzo’s a piece of work. But Lauren’s old enough now to start being responsible for her own thinking.

    @Karen and @Gypsy Thank you for making a summary of what caused my next case of RHNJ rage. How many women in situations like that? And even worse. That’d love to have a brother with $ enough so they could push 1 phone button and get their rent paid and their kids taken care of.

    Luckily I finally remembered I was watching Bravo.

    And afterward I’d get to come here and LMAO at the TVgasm Vice President of Bendy Straws saying things like “Whaaaat?” she simpers, twirling her straw hair like a wanna-be pretty girl.” Plus rotating possible blood feuds for the best table flipping potential.

    Then even more luckily (well, for me. For all of you, not so much) it was time for a pain pill! And making a comment!

    BTW @ChickBomb I had that same thought that Jaquee must be taking tranquilizer pills. There’s no other explanation for her being so calm for Princess Popcorn Brain getting exiled to Las Vegas.

    So she can get away from all that nightlife and partying.

  38. 38
    Closet Fan
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 5:47 am

    http://famewhorgas.wordpress.com/

    Wow. I can’t believe that someone devotes their time to this. If you are Team Teresa you are going to want to read this.

    I am Team replace the current cast because it is not funny anymore.

  39. 39
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 7:54 am

    @ Hot cawfee-Yessssssssss! And you even busted out Freddo! I heart you so hard right now!

    and you might be right about the bulimia….good insight.

    Of course Tre has the ingrediencesesfsde4sdtgdgasess, that’s why they went to DR, they needed to “restock”…

  40. 40
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:03 am

    Cauwe Caroline and Lauiren aren;t crazy ass broads? You sign up for a show like this you’re up for public opinion and I have a right to mine, you have a right to yours.

    I’ve had my battles with weight and Body image and I got help for it. This is a place to snark and if I agree with the recapper that’s my perrogative like it’s yours not to.

    So it’s ok to make fun of one group/family on this show and not the other? That in itself is hypopcritical. It’s a show…on BRAVO..l it’s all trash and by now, everyone one it (even Milania I suspect) knows what they are in for. I’m sure the behavior is even encouraged.

    I didn’t know we had MOTHER Theresa at the Gasm but thank you, now I can skip church on Sunday since apprently I just got my religion preached to me.

  41. 41
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:03 am

    my B on the typos.

  42. 42
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:17 am

    @Everyone….this is the article I was referring to from Glamour. You think Lauren Manzo and the other “children” are victims? I urge you to give this a look see.

    Read Manzo’s last paragraph, you can’t convince me she is the victim. Esp after reading this:

    http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/2012/04/real-housewives-daughters-confess-glamour-exclusive-may-2012

    and watch this video:
    http://www.glamour.com/entertainment/video/2012/04/real-housewives-daughters-dish-on-luann-de-lesseps-vicki-guvalson-sheree-witfield-lisa-vanderpump-and-caroline-manzo

    Sorry Gasm not promoting other sites just making a point. XO you!

  43. 43
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:46 am

    My comment with the articles is in moderation gasmii…hopefully is makes it out so you can see the interviews.

  44. 44
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 8:48 am

    @ClosetFan– holy crow !!!!! They are out of control— I was always supect of Melissa’s sisters–the “coven” I call them in my head.

    I keep focusing on Lauren alot— she may need to just walk away now– get off the show b/c she has larger issues (not intentional) to deal with—- middle child, Mama favors her brothers, what I suspect is depression and bulimia and not a little denial and delusion about herself.

    I am being totally serious when I say this– Should we lobby to get her on a make-over show like “The Revolution” ??

    Open post to Lauren Manzo– I apologize for my past posts referring to you as “Borin’ ” Lauren Manzo. I am declaring myself as Team Lauren–get off this show and focus on you out of the spotlight OR go on a make-over show and get constructive and instructive tools to help yourself. There is a degree of personal accountability that all people must accept in their lives. Get your own apartment somewhere and start fresh. I am rooting for you!!!!!!!

  45. 45
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 9:07 am

    @Hot C, GAWD, I hope they clear my post so others can see what I am referring to, it plays perfectly into your post to Lauren!

    Or everyone just go to the Glamour website and search for the realhousewive daughters video and interview. Lauren’s last interview paragraph is telling.

  46. 46
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 9:18 am

    ^ made it.

  47. 47
    Closet Fan
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 10:29 am

    @hot cawfee I was bored watching T & T Wednesday night and stumbled across this site. If true and I am sure a lot of it is, it explains so much. I don’t know how much you read but it talks about Melissa trying to get on the show from the beginning and her leaking information to Danielle of all people. I would love to get my hands on the suppossed audition tape where Melissa and Joe promise to destroy Teresa. If that is true…who does that to your own family?

  48. 48
    Closet Fan
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 10:50 am

    For the most part all of the young adults on the show don’t bother me. They are all trying to find their way in the world. As far as Ashlee goes, I think most of the time she was playing to the camera’s, thinking she was so cool. I think Albie called it right when he said that Ashlee thinks she is Kei$ha. I think that she grew up spoiled and delusional and thought that being on the show would get her discovered. Does anyone know what the Manzos young adults are doing now. Are they in school, working, etc? I feel bad for Gia. She is always shown with her phone or some other way to access the internet. You know she is reading everything written about her family. I hope for her sake that she is not allowed to watch the show!

  49. 49
    Closet Fan
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 10:56 am

    @kthxbai Great write up. I agree with everything you said. Do you have more information on Lauren and her business then what was shown in this episode? I googled it but could not find more specifics.

  50. 50
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 11:06 am

    Thank you, Gypsy! I’m right on it– soooo curious. Is that the one HotC is tawking (hey, NJ, amiright?) about? *hugs*

  51. 51
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 11:40 am

    You forgot she also sounds better with autotune.

  52. 52
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 11:55 am

    Albie Manzo is “supposed” to be a cop or sheriff (nothing like our beloved and much ogled Sheriff McHottypants of “OUaT”). I doubt he is actually working in law enforcement b/c of the show. Critterfur is bartending and working with Uncle Chris Laurita and Albie on that Black Water thing. I am guessing that Lauren is at the Brownstone doing bridal makeup??

  53. 53
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 12:21 pm

    Because of his learning difficulty, the police issued Albie a wooden “training gun”. The Chief said that Albie had to start reading at a 4th grade level, THEN they can talk about him carrying a real gun.

  54. 54
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 1:32 pm

    I die every time you type Critterfur. LOLOLOLOLOL!

  55. 55
    hot cawfee
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 2:40 pm

    ROFL with WithyTV and Gypsy!!!!!
    Hey–am watching this show yet again–and caught a zinger from Melissa—
    Did she actually say to Jaxx (pan-frying her meatballs in ALOT of oil) “Oh you look so pretty. I never see you in a dress” and Jaxx muttering ‘I wear dresses…alot” I am paraphrasing ooouncy bit but ya get the gist.

  56. 56
    clares
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 5:21 pm

    I caught the frying the meatballs comment and the dress comment too. I think the frying the meatballs comment was meant as a hit at Tre for commenting in the ‘evil’ cookbook that Caroline fries her meatball and Tre doesn’t. I think Dilbert, Lauren and maybe one of the Manzo boys also jumped in and commented on the meatballs being fried.The dress comment was just a catty comment to Jaxx. I just want to state that my family always fries our meatballs but I am “over it”

  57. 57
    kthxbai
    Posted May 4, 2012 at 10:59 pm

    @Closet Fan Thanks! I don’t think anybody knows much more about it. There might not be a whole lot to know. Since she had the opening party 1 night and then quit the next day.

    Kids see everything nowadays. All parents can do is train them to be polite and respectful enough to act like they don’t. At least in front of more sensitive grown people.

    @Gypsy Thx for the links! I read the Glamour 1 and the video. I’ll give Lauren props for knowing she needs time before getting married. Next she just needs to figure out she also needs time on her own away from Ma!

    That blog piece I’m still working on. But just reading the 1st part of it, I already learned that:

    1) If we think we get too involved with this show, we’re delusiona. Some of these people are professional viewers of it.

    2) There’s a LOT more going on with these families than we’ll ever see on TV. (OK I actually already knew that. But in case anybody didn’t, read that article and you will too.)

    3) It reminded me of this thing I read back when season 1 started. Comparing it to a documentary about a closed society. And then bringing in an outsider (which was Danielle)

  58. 58
    Iona Trailer
    Posted May 5, 2012 at 8:45 am

    1. Teresa and Juicy are still despicable people. I do not feel sorry for either one of them. They made their bed now they have to lie in it.

    2. Who was dumber? Assley for not getting on the plane or Closet Case Albie for not escorting her to the gate? You don’t leave that stupid bitch to fend for herself. Yet she managed to get herself home. Unreal.

    3. Lauren Manzo is a big mouthed fraud. She dumped on Assley but she is just as lazy for quitting the next day. The next day? Really?

    4. Lauren is fat is because she is lazy. Caroline needs to look at Critterfur a bit more. He’s ballooning up pretty good.

    5. What a shock that Lebanese Dilbert owns gas stations.

    6. I don’t think Mel nailed her record producer. I do think Midge would get nailed by him though. Sorry…I think Midge is cute as a button.

  59. 59
    TabWhit
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 11:19 am

    @kthxbai – THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH! “After I bought this building, we only had $3000 in the bank.” “I remember, I went to buy diapers and you told me not to.” I was thinking WTF you wrapping them chil’ren up in, MeGo? I mean, I dont have kids, but I also don’t have $3000 in the bank and I’m pretty sure IIII can buy diapers.

    Gia’s just giving me the sads. She’s so far gone from that little sassy kid in the first two seasons. She just looks miserable.

    I’ve always had the feeling that Lauren really doesn’t WANT her own salon. That comes all the way from season one when Caroline and Albert pretty much told her she was going to school, gonna learn it all, and gonna own her own salon.

  60. 60
    BigDoggyBling
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 6:45 pm

    Pretty sure Dilbert called BrownSmurf Goodyear Blimp, not googly butt.

  61. 61
    BigDoggyBling
    Posted May 6, 2012 at 6:50 pm

    And what a shame to embarrass a defenseless blimp and bring shame to the town of Lakehurst.

  62. 62
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 7:40 am

    @clares, I always pan fry my meatballs in EVOO and IDGAF who thinks what about it. It’s how my grandmother taught me to do it. I am SO over it but I do agree with the earlier poster that they were refercing the book. :-)

    Apparently I need to check out this Tre blog…I get the feeling Melissa is a little firestarter. Back of Jacqui, woman has that Moonfaced bimbo to worry about and she’s cooking you’re butt dinner which I have yet to see her do for anyone else so MAYBE Tre is on to something there.

  63. 63
    kthxbai
    Posted May 7, 2012 at 5:24 pm

    @TabWhit LOL Maybe Melissa’s babies display only designer leopard print Pampers. With crystals.

    I miss the old annoying bratty Gia too. Now it looks like she’s having to raise her sisters. (Except for Milania that’s 100% raise-proof)

    Thanks for reminding me of that scene with Lauren! So we don’t even know for sure if makeup’s what she wanted to do.

    Too bad her family’s connected. She can’t even write a tell all book while she figures it out.

  64. 64
    Mimo
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 9:21 am

    O.K. Just finished reading the link that Gypsy posted. Sure does make Melissa sound bad.

    Then I remembered, Tre and the table flipping episode. Most everyone loved it because our hate of Danielle was so great. In reality, it was the action of a woman who couldn’t control herself. Remember Brown Smurf having to grab her by the jaw and damn near choking her to keep her somewhat under control? I don’t recall Melissa being there.

    Or when she threw poor Andy like he was a rag doll. Again, no control. Pretty sure Melissa wasn’t there that time either. Or how she says mean, hurtful things and then follows it up with “joke – get it?” I have a relative like that. One of these times I’m going to – I don’t know what I’m going to do – but boy will I do it!

    And in some marriages, the spouses do share everything. I know that if my sister-in-law said something like that to my husband, he sure as hell would tell me. The difference is – my sister-in-law would never say something like that to my husband. My mother-in-law used to tell my husband on a regular basis that “when i did him wrong, he was welcome to come back home”. This was still going on even after 20 years of marriage.

    I don’t doubt for one minute that Melissa has tried to get “some of her own” back against Tre. If she put up with half of what I did with my mother-in-law, more power to her.

    And testing our memories – didn’t the little blip at the end of the season say that they celebrated the kid’s birthday with Joe’s parents and Tre didn’t come? For the time being, staunchly on team Mel. If she turns out to be a total douche, then I’ll deal with it. For now, I know Tre is.

  65. 65
    Mimo
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 9:26 am

    I forgot to mention this in my previous post – in defense of Albie – in our airport, unless you have a ticket or are escorting a small child, you can’t walk someone to the gate. Those days are long gone. The closest you can get is to security, then you have to produce a boarding pass to go any further.

  66. 66
    Gypsy Gypsy
    Posted May 8, 2012 at 10:48 am

    The one thing Milania will be able to do is raze the roof. See what I did there.

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