It’s the Real Housewives of New Jersey finale! And just in time for the end, we have a nice, juicy YOUR SISTER IN LAW USED TO DANCE FOR ME bloodfeud to take us out!
The last few minutes of last week’s episode were so critical, we are reliving them now. So the greasy man Angelo comes over to the Housewives table and asks Melissa if she remembers him. Then he chats up Teresa with talk of how Kim D’s fashion show is sure to be “spectacular”.
Kat’s old school antennae are up, and she’s got an uneasy feeling about the greasy man, who she also notes is missing a tooth. She thinks he’s trying to pick up Mel. Ter reminds everyone that her heart is “beating 500”, and concerned Kat wants to know if there’s coffee involved. It’s the opener to Kat prattling on about how too much coffee just doesn’t agree with her. Meanwhile, sleazy Angelo lurks nearby with a drink in hand.
And then the fashion show starts. A blonde lady with amazing Jersey hair announces the show and Kim D. and her old skanky weave waves her hands around in the air. The DJ looks like an extra from The Sopranos. The models start walking, and we get a close up of a sequined leopard print number. Made for Melissa Gorga, right? But she looks disdainfully at it and sniffs “It’s not pretty”. Uh-oh…cracks in the little miss sunshine just living on love in our multi-million dollar marble depot.
Something’s rotten in the state of Jersey. And it ain’t just the BLK water.
Another model twirls past the Housewives table, and Lauren laughs that she can see her “twat”. I actually can’t believe you can say that word on TV, but what a class act for testing that out, Lauren Manzo! Jacquee notes that everyone seems to be having fun…except Teresa. Surely that must mean that there is some blackmail tainted setup afoot and Teresa is the mastermind, right? Well, that’s all the evidence Jacquee needs, as she’s already narrowing her eyes and informing us that “something’s off”.
I am loving the models in this fashion show, they are so classic Jersey. Everyone has huge hair and is insanely tacky. I’m not sure “fashion” is even the right word to describe this show but it I am very entertained. They do a finale walk (even though there’s no actual runway, it’s more of a pathway through some tables) and then it’s time to “give it up for Kim!”, who accepts her accolades with lots of gracious “fuuuuuck!”s.
Ter and Mel practically race away from the table as soon as the show ends, with hasty explanations that they both have to pee. They land in the ladies room, and the cameras are right there with them. Mel adjusts her bustier, prepping for battle. And let the showdown begin.
“Who was that bald guy who came up to our table?” asks Ter, starting things off. Mel says she doesn’t know – he looked familiar, though. Ter reverts back to her standby heart palpitations, which in her pea brain seem to somehow validate her innocence. “Feel my heart –it’s beating out of my shirt!” she insists to Mel, grabbing her hand and holding it to her chest. But somehow, she finds the will to press forward in her mission.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12