And then the Manzos are off, with Caro dramatizing the imminent need to “get Jacqueline out of there”. Can someone please tell me what this has to go with Jacquee? Why is she so hysterical here? I know no one can do math and all, but how does this add up?
SHE’S AT A POINT OF DEVASTATION OVER THE BETRAYAL. Caro tells us this in all deadly seriousness. All the while, Jacquee stands there with this stupid pasted on smile that I can’t figure out. Guilt or maybe just too much Xanax? And of course, more talk of how disgraceful Teresa is.
Ter is now back inside the fashion show, retelling the story now with the added twist of Jacquee and her mystery texts. She tells us that Jacquee “blows her mind”, mainly because Chris told her husband the Brown Smurf that when he met Jacquee, she was a stripper.
And then the plot thickens even more! A short loud mouth girl pushes her way to the front of the crowd for her moment in the spotlight. She has the news that she knows for a fact that Melissa was a dancer…because she knew Melissa before she was a dancer.
Once again, logic is defied. How does knowing her before she was a dancer prove she was a dancer? Teresa again says she doesn’t want to hear about it and turns away. I’ll say that she seems genuinely annoyed by the situation in general. I won’t offer you any proof though, cause that’s just not how it’s done here in Jersey.
Cut to 12 hours later, and the taping of the Season 3 reunion. We are told of “an incident last night while filming” that was so horrific that Jacquee felt that that she couldn’t come there today and look at Teresa. So I guess the only mystery left to be solved is…what the hell does any of this have to do with Jacquee?
We end with the little blurbs about what everyone’s been up to, otherwise known as Who Is Talking To Teresa. Caro and Ter have not spoken. Lauren lost a bunch of weight on the lap band, and Albie and the Generic Girlfriend are no longer an item. Oh, and CaWTF is a “success”, which in the Manzo world means it lasted longer than a day.
Kat’s bringing a homemade cannoli kit to the market. First of all, I don’t want to make my own cannoli, I want her to do it for me. Second, if it’s not a giant cannoli filled with little cannolis kit, no one’s going to want it anyway. The slutty daughter will be staying home for college. And Kat and Ter are communicating via text.
Mel is an iTunes superstar, and she and Midge currently have their home on the market so they can move away from Teresa. And not because of all those bankruptcy rumors.
Ter gets actual face time to tell us that she got a text from her brother saying she was dead to him. And that she was going to cry, but now she’s not. Her blurb tells us that her latest Faublini or whatever book was a bestseller. The Brown Smurf is facing jail time. Ter has not seen her brother, and she later apologized in some magazine to everyone, except Kat. Mean apology.
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