Well, it’s another day of The Real Housewives of New Jersey tour of the west. We begin this week with the vocal stylings of Albie Manzo crooning “in a tent, in a tent, in a tent” to the tune of on display, on display, on display. It is safe to say it all goes downhill from here.
All together now…another Manzo success.
They just keep coming! I mean, have you ever seen a more successful implantation of a hatchet into a piece of wood for no reason whatsoever?
The group totally makes fun of Al Manzo and his wood chopping skills. I think my five year old nephew has a sharper hatchet, by the way. Of course it all comes with the view of the Brown Smurf’s greasy belly so it’s kind of a wash.
The group heads out for the day, with Jacquee informing Ter that she almost wore the exact same sweatshirt! OMG OMG OMG! In other words, who gives a shit. But Ter tells Jacquee that she should wear the same one, that way they can be twins. And I’ll tell you something that has been driving me nuts ever since she and Ter sort of kind of made up, and that’s Jacquee’s fake laugh. It’s horrible. It gives me a headache. I don’t have anywhere near the technical proficiency it would take to upload the sound here – also, I don’t want to do that to you – but she even looks like she’s fake laughing.
It’s so wretched I’m actually sympathetic to Caroline for having to stand there.
So what is the activity today? It’s surfing. The guys are sitting around talking about who’s going surfing and who’s not. Chris Laurita swirls some red wine in a glass and gives a haughty death glare when they suggest he get in the water. Brown Smurf is just pouring away, trying to bring everyone down to Pathetic, Drunkenville where he is currently enjoying residence. Oh, and also possibly causing a drowning accident, cause what’s smarter then a bunch of out of shape meatheads who probably can’t swim surfing drunk?
At some point, someone mentions that Vito, Lauren’s boyfriend has a bear tattoo. Of course, everyone is dying to see it. Lauren tells him not to do it, but he’s not about to let this opportunity pass him by.
All this and a lifetime supply of pepperoni. Line starts behind Lauren Manzo, girls.