And off they go to give surfing a bad name. They ask Al if he will be joining the fun.
Well, now, what do you think?
Nope, old Grandpa Time will be the team photographer. You know what they say about misery loving company? That’s what we call Al and Caro Manzo. Although, he does suggest that they possibly consider surfing a little less, you know, drunk.
They get to the surf shop and everyone gets a wetsuit. Gay Sidekick requests a child size for Midge. Everyone’s afraid of sharks. Caroline of course has a speech about why she’s not surfing, something about a near-drowning accident when she was a child. It’s not cause she’s just a miserable party pooper though, that’s for sure.
Vito tries to get out of it by claiming that surfing is not for “the heavyset”, but the surfing instructor tells him no, surfing’s for everyone. Jacquee says she doesn’t like surfing, but then corrects herself a second later to tell us that she just thinks she’s too fat for a wetsuit. Mel does not have this problem.
Nothing says “I’m having a zen moment with the waves” like a sequined bikini and polyester head wrap.
Ter and Midge play around on a skateboard, and Midge tells us that being in a “black condom” made him horny. They make their way down to the beach, and everyone’s wasted. I really can’t believe this surfing instructor even took them out.
And then, it’s a surfing montage. Gay Sidekick surfs on his knees, naturally. Ter and Kat get a lesson, and Ter tells us that she’s very athletic and very driven. That means we should all be hoping that Kat drops in on one of Ter’s waves and Ter smacks her in the head with a surfboard. As a joke Hahahahaha.
So, no one’s really too good at surfing. Ter says that she’s getting beat up, but she’s going to keep going until she rides a wave. She ends up lying in the sand with an injured foot. Not to worry though, she seems to be cured just a minute later. ”The coldness made it go away,” explains Dr. Guidice of Bankrupt-In-Every-Way Hospital.
Then Ter and Midge splash through the waves together in what I have to say is a sort of uncomfortable montage. My brother’s my BFF but I’m pretty sure we’d have to be in some sort of gunpoint situation to sprint through the ocean holding hands. Ter and Midge, however, frolic away. In matching wetsuits.
Let’s get dysfunctional, baby!
Jacquee whines a little more about how fat she is, but she gets over it to straddle Chris on the beach and flash her granny panties at us. And everyone’s getting along, reports one of the Manzos. Well, let’s see how long this lasts.
After surfing, it’s the Midge penis flashing show in the Gorga/Guidice trailer. Brown Smurf makes fun of him for being tiny. Ter lies on the couch with a package of ground pork on her injured ankle and complains that it hurts. Guess “the coldness” isn’t quite the miracle drug originally thought.
Mel takes her husband’s lead and is now in charge of being creepy with Teresa. She smacks her on the butt and talks about how “squishy” it is. Then Mel says she wants more wine. Ter says one more glass and Mel’s gonna end up naked and on her. Mel smiles and drapes herself over the bed.
Kat wanders in and checks out the ankle. She accuses Ter and Mel of not being able to hold their liquor, bundles Ter in a blanket and drags them out to the campfire. Chris Laurita is reviewing the next day’s schedule with the group – they’re headed to some ranch and then the Golden Gate Bridge.
Brown Smurf replies with his usual barrage of nonsensical mumbling laced with the occasional “who gives a fuck”. He’s not too stoked on the Golden Gate. Someone – Mel, I think – decides they should play truth or dare. Everyone agrees that it will not end well and so we start with daring Midge to strip down and ask the neighbors to borrow some tropical fruit.
If I saw this outside my trailer door, I’d lock myself in and set it the trailer on fire.
The trailer neighbor turns out to be an affable guy, which means he was probably a member of the production staff. That trailer looks suspiciously like the property of Camping World. He has no tropical fruit, but he’s happy to share some peppers with the naked gnome begging at his door.
Then Lauren’s “truth or daring” Albie. And it’s a good one cause she totally gets a dig in at Caroline! She asks him if he’s worried about them not being as close as time goes on, especially given all the bloodfeuds that their Mom is engaged in with her siblings.
Albie says that he’s actually looking forward to some distance. Lauren is highly offended, but he nonchalantly explains that brothers and sisters are not supposed to share bedrooms – wait, huh? HUH? – and that everyone has to live their own lives. Lauren looks like she might be ready to continue down this warpath but is interrupted by Teresa and her whimpering ankle pain.