Midge tells Brown Smurf to “do something”, so Smurf calls Midge a “bitch” which was probably not exactly what Midge had in mind. Ter cries dramatically. Oh, and there’s Jacquee in on the action – seeing Ter hurting is (sob, gurgle) just so painful for Jacquee.
And then seeing old Jacquee crying makes Ter cry even harder. It’s all so stupid, it hurts. Finally, Brown Smurf carries Ter off to bed, and that’s the end of the campfire.
The next morning, Ter’s still got problems. Her ankle’s swollen and she can’t squeeze into her boots.
Neat, I’ve always wondered what Caesar’s Palace would look like as a boot.
Midge does not look pleased to be dealing with this boot and ace bandage drama. He suggests that she just wear one boot. She looks at him in shock, like he offered to like, get a job or something. One boot. A job. So crazy.
Meanwhile, Vito is trying to get Lauren past the velvet rope at the Wakile RV. He gets authorization, and walkie talkies her the good news. And off they go.
Jacquee and Chris fill everyone in on all the sex they were having in their bus the night before. Everyone else looks extremely uncomfortable. The trend continues in the Gorga/Guidice RV, where Mel is telling Ter that the first time they went on a family vacation together all Ter could do was make fun of Mel’s fake boobs. And now Ter has fake boobs! But Mel’s not one to hold to things, make no mistake about that.
We flash back to Ter’s boob job. Then Ter explains the whole thing away by saying that she was just protecting Mel from her Italian parents. According to her, all Italians think everyone with fake boobs is a stripper. Except Ter, of course. She has special fake boobs.
They’re filled with olive oil, that makes it okay.
And back to the Manzo bus, where Albie is fielding a call from his generic girlfriend who is in the process of moving into his apartment. And that’s how the news breaks. Predictably, Caro and Al are not super stoked. Caro says that Albie gets emotionally attached quickly, and when it falls apart he’s devastated.
Jacquee asks if Lauren knows yet, and there’s a deadly silence as the bus is informed that no she does not. So they pass the news along to Lauren on the Wakile bus, via walkie-talkie. She does not appreciate being told through the same medium that “10-4″s are exchanged.
Everyone else gets told in person, and I get told over walkie-talkie, she wonders? She feels like if they could replace her with new friends, they would. And maybe they already have, she continues ominously. Ummm…if Generic Girlfriend’s “replacing” Lauren, then we might have a candidate for siblings more screwed up than the Gorgas.
There are hitchhikers on the side of the road and everyone freaks out.
I will distract them with my insanely sparkly phone.
Well, almost everyone.
lalalala wine lalalala xanax lalalalalalala purple bunny rabbits on no wait that’s my wine lalalala chris did you buy ashley a new car yet lalala
They arrive at the campground, and it’s basically empty. ”It’s trees and grass,” reports Caroline. Well, in her defense, the last campground was a parking lot so you can see how she might have been surprised by actual nature. Here’s what Lauren the trooper thinks of things:
Thrilled. Loving it. Every fucking minute.