RHONJ: Reunion Part 2: Cuntinuous Coverage

Recaps

By Leia LaBiblia | Thursday, September 9, 2010 | 12:00 pm | 89 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in: Featured, Real Housewives of New Jersey, Recaps

201009090146

O Gasmii–

First, it was a tough, heartbreaking decision, but the winner of our little Where Are They Now contest is Prodigal Cheez for this:

201009090302

Ashley: After her stepdad paid her fine, she decided to turn things around and now makes her own money modeling for Big Buttz magazine. Berry-Face D-Man broke up with her and is now dating Gia Giudice because Ashley was getting “a little long in the tooth”.

Congratulations! It was just as tough for last week’s Reunion Part One to live up to the low-hairline fracturing that took place in the first 15 minutes, when Teresa lost her shit and was reduced to guttural inhuman roars after Danielle brought up a certain illegitimate nephew of hers. Let’s see if tonight’s funfest measures up…

“Welcome back to Borgata Hotel Casino and Spa in Atlantic City,” Miss Thing Andy Cohen carefully re-plugs, jumping right back to the infamous evening when Danielle attended a charity function at the Manzos’ Brownstone in order to present a large novelty check to the parents of a dying tot. As every good Gasmi doubtlessly recalls, tempers flared when Danielle’s posse, led by pocket-felon Danny, caused a ruckus by calling Chris Manzo hurtful, bigoted names. Miss Cohen says that Danielle showed up at the event with “a big chip on your shoulder, looking for a fight.” “Yeah, I did,” Dani quickly admits.

201009090231

Caroline calls foul on Danielle’s changing stories about her Brownstone visit– “a few seconds ago she went in there, she didn’t do anything! Mistuh Toad’s Ride! It’s started– let’s go– we’re on full speed!” Caroline says, making loopy rollercoaster hand gestures around her own head. Danielle says “there was a person” whispering poisonous things in her ear that night: elderly aspiring 5th Housewife Kim G. Egged on by Miss Coco, Caroline & Danielle bicker about Kim’s culpability and participation in the night’s malfeasance. Caroline dismisses Danielle as “completely delusional”, “out of your mind” and “insane”– Caroline reminds Dani that the rest of the cast HAVE watched the show, so they know what D’s up to. Miss Colette tells us things took an ugly turn when Danny “began dropping the f-word” and we get a clip of the mini-marauder waxing poetic: “A punk is a punk is a punk and it looks like the Manzos are punks.” Music fans may be interested to know the term “punk” originally meant someone who took it up the ass in prison, and if anyone should know about that, it’s tiny parolee Danny, who proceeds to refer to Chris as a “f*cking f*ggot!”

The sharply edited montage succeeds in making Dani look like a total hypocrite for busting Juicy Joe‘s shaved balls last season for calling their fruity dance instructor a “gaylord“. “I’m a gay advocate,” Danielle hilariously insists in a clip. The fact that dozens of gays will be dressing up as you for Halloween this year doesn’t make you an “advocate”, dear. The word you’re looking for is icon-slash-trainwreck.

Miss Connie tells Danielle she “lost her [gay advocate] title”. Danielle defends said title, saying we didn’t get to see “what I did to [Danny]” after the li’l thug’s naughty outburst. The other women snipe and roll their eyes, Teresa trying to be glib and sassy by asking for “a towel” so she can t’row it in. Someone please explain to her what that expression means. Miss Coraline points out Dani’s refusal to take responsibility for the incident when she told Caroline at their yawny finale dinner that Danny said it, not her. Caroline quotes Danielle minimizing things by saying it didn’t matter since Danny “didn’t call a gay man a faggot”. Danielle blames editing, irking Caroline– and faggots everywhere– even more.

201009090234

Miss Cleo doesn’t understand Dani’s defense here and wants her to clarify. Simple– Danielle didn’t say it, “I needed to get outta there–” Caroline stops her. Why’d she need to bolt from The Brownstone? Danielle ignores this and goes on to say she “very strongly” scolded Danny for it and “I’m not takin responsibility…” Miss Carrie is visibly miffed and says it makes Danielle look like a hypocrite. Human Rights Ambassador Teresa jumps in, asking Miss Cynthia if “you take offense ta dat?” “I do,” Miss Cathleen says, he took offense at this AND Joe’s gaylord crack last season. Danielle apologizes but, still, “can’t take responsibility for it.” However, she no longer speaks to Danny “as a result of that.” “I’m sure he dumped your ass,” Teresa scoffs.

Miss Cookie says it “seemed like you were defending Danny to everyone after that.” Danielle: No. Caroline suggests they move on, since Danielle won’t take responsibility for anything in her own life. Is this true, Miss Caren asks. Dani: No. She’s definitely not taking responsibility for not taking responsibility. Besides, these other broads don’t know her… “at all.” Teresa pipes up that “Jacqueline knows you the most.” This is what we in the Recap Artistry business refer to as foreshadowing (if the previews are to be believed). Danielle says she traveled with bodyguards because she didn’t feel safe around the other women– look what happened in Reunion Part One when Teresa became “unchained”.

This sparks excited disagreement from everyone, talking over each other as they insist on their own innocence compared to Danielle’s alleged crimes: stalking them, “stalking” Kim D‘s ludicrously named nouveau-trasche strip-mall boutique Posche, and driving by Dina‘s house. “Do we evuh stalk you, bitch? Nev-uh!” Teresa squeals. “Bitch, I’m gonna pin you down! Keep goin!” In that same annoying sweetie-pie voice she’s been rocking the entire Reunion, Jacqueline adds fuel by asking Caroline to tell them all what “your neighbor told you” yesterday. It seems that this gentleman was startled to hear from Caroline that she’s not “acting” on the show and indeed hates Danielle’s guts, since on several occasions this neighbor thought he was waving to Caroline in her white Range Rover on their street, only to discover, upon closer inspection, that it was Danielle in HER white Range Rover. On their street. That’s a lie, Dani snaps. She’s never even in Franklin Lakes.

201009090242-1

“Ev’rybuddy lies– except Danielle!” Teresa screams. “Yah duh-spick-uh-bull!” Danielle expresses displeasure at being ganged-up on: “One atta time!” “One atta time!” Teresa fires back, mocking her. “Shut the f*ck up, whore!” adds Mother of the Year Jacqueline. “You’re still a call girl and you’re still getting with married men.” Uh-oh, Gasmii….

You know the Reunion’s heating up when the editors decide to use split-screen, like in a Brian DePalma film. “EXCUSE ME?! What the f*ck are you on?!” Danielle retorts, aghast. “Nothing– I never did drugs, unlike you,” Jacqui snips back. And yes, married men, lots of men and definitely some married ones. Danielle sighs disgustedly, flipping her hair, which Teresa then amusingly imitates. This is apparently the last straw: “I’m done, I’m on a break,” Danielle says, getting up and teetering offstage on her six-inch dominatrix spikes. “No, you’re not,” Miss Calista tells her with all the authority of a day-care center intern. Danielle refuses “to be attacked by all of them”. “You’re not being attacked… you coward, you pig,” Teresa hilariously yells after her.

Danielle heads over to a nearby sitting area, raving how “tough” the others are when they’re all together, but not one on one. Jacqueline, realizing she’s coming off (correctly) as a passive-aggressive supporting player in this Reunion, seizes the challenge and starts lumbering toward Danielle. Miss Cornelia leaps up to restrain her: “Thtop thtop thtop thtop thtop!”

201009090245

“I never back down to anyone!” Jacqui cheerfully proclaims. “Bring it, you f*cking Vegas whore,” Danielle mutters (LOL), then not-so-provocatively adds that lesbo-songbird gal-pal “Lori can tell you, I definitely don’t sleep with men.” Yeah, neither does Anne Heche. Danielle commiserates with her Gay Hair Bear Eric and suggests that Caroline is “so pissed off all the time” because she’s the same age as Danielle but “HELLO!” check out Danielle’s MILF-porn bod.

The boredom continues as Jacqueline bitches to Caroline that it’s impossible to have a conversation with Danielle because D does nothing but lie and deny. Caroline zen-ly points out that everyone on the stage and out in TV Land already knows this. Danielle asks Lori, identified as “Danielle’s Music Partner”, if “we’re” EVER in Franklin Lakes. “Now we gotta wait for the c*nt,” Teresa complains from the couch. “That’s not a nice word,” Caroline says in the same tone of voice she used babysitting the Jew-Dice Goils on the Deranged Not-A-Nice-Word.

Back from commercial, the a-hole’s still AWOL. “Here’s the thing,” Miss Carla begins. “F*ck huh,” Teresa snaps, then insists that she’s “not gonna hit” Danielle. Just stay on the couch, Miss Christabel warns, and that goes double for the fucking Vegas whore. Offstage, Dani adjusts the corrective undergarments beneath her sequined miniskirt…

201009090659

then walks back to her seat. Miss Condoleezza tells us that after the dire events at The Brownstone, Caroline’s lynx-eyed ex-manicurist sister Dina quit the show. (And boy do we miss her!) Cue a clip package highlighting Dina’s “enough is enough” decision. It makes Danielle look like a narcissistic nutcase.

201009090253

Miss Cuchi-Cuchi asks Dani why Dina owes her an apology. “All the things that were going on that aren’t on-camera,” comes the annoyingly vague reply. Danielle thinks they all owe each other apologies “for certain things” but doesn’t expect to get any. She is “owning up” to her “part in things”, whatever that means. No one’s innocent, according to Danielle, including Dina. Miss Camellia asks if Danielle feels responsible for Dina’s exit from the show. “Nuh, not in any way, shape or form,” Dani says. Miss Charmaine quotes Dina’s blog describing Danielle as a “truly dangerous” “pathological liar” whose every move is “calculated– Rest in peace, you’re dead to me!” Nice closer, Deens. Danielle calls this “harsh, for someone so ‘enlightened’ and ‘zen’. We’ll leave it at that.” Sure you will.

Then Miss Consuelo aks Caroline, whose lips are so pursed they might as well have a Kate Spade label on them, how she feels about Dina not being on the show anymore. Um, I’m getting a serious deja vu right now and have not had one milligram of marijuana. That’s because Miss Celine already went over this exact same shit in Part One. Surely he could be hammering Teresa about her financial misconduct instead of this lameness. Caroline laments the “wonderful” “fun” “adventure” that RHONJ was SUPPOSED to be before it went all “dark” and “ugly”. Like Miss Callie’s eyebrows a week after a salon visit. But Dina just couldn’t stick it out since she’s such a delicate, fragile flower. Teresa, is your left breast lactating? Oh, wait– she can’t hear me over that dress.

Miss Candy turns the spotlight on Jacqueline, who’s been “taking some heat” over how she “disciplines” wayward daughter Ashley. “Felicity From Clearwater”says that Jacqui should take responsibility for Ashley’s actions, “since you raised her.” Jacqueline shrugs it off, saying Ashley’s “a very strong-willed child”, then hedges her bets by saying Ashley’s 19 and what can Jacqui really do anyway? Cue a stomach-churning “Ashley Out of Control” montage which doesn’t even include the Danielle hair-extension-ripping moment and ends on Ash’s forced apology during the finale dinner. Miss Charlotte mentions that it looked like Ashley’s berry-faced boyfriend Derek “fed her her lines” during the unconvincing mea culpa. Jacqueline snickers, then says this is how her relationship with Ashley has been “since she was two years old.” Telling, no, Gasmii?

201009090256-1

Jacqueline insists that she and hubby Chris have tried every “parenting technique” known to man in an effort to wrangle the giant-faced delinquent: rewards, door-removal, room-stripping, you name it, they’ve done it. They even gave Ashley’s new SUV to “a family member’s wife” to punish the mouthy little strumpet. All to no avail. Of course, she’s still living under your roof and texting up a storm on the phone that Chris is doubtlessly paying for. “Kristin From Whippany” wants Danielle to know that Ashley’s texting the term “bye” to Dani doesn’t qualify as a “death threat”. Danielle says “goodbye” CAN mean “a very permanent end” then, as usual, denies blame by explaining that Dani was merely “asking Kim G” what SHE thought about the disturbing syllable. “Oh, my gawd,” Teresa chokes.

“Sylvia From Chicago”nails Danielle on the appropriateness of a grown woman getting in “a text war” with a teen. Danielle–surprise– says she didn’t reply to Ashley’s texts. Jacqueline says she saw the replies. Caroline backs her up. Danielle insists she “did not reply to her on Facebook“. What about off Facebook?! Miss Cyrinda pumps Jacqui for details. Jacqueline cites Danielle’s mention of Ashley’s “fat upper arms” and calling her “stupid”. Danielle denies this. Caroline then brings up a Tweet Danielle received from a fan saying it was their birthday and their wish was for Ashley to “commit suicide”, to which Dani allegedly Tweeted back “I hope your wish comes true.” Caroline tells Danielle that obviously someone’s “hackin into all your accounts, yah betta do somethin about it.” LOL.

Jacqueline has a phone handy and reads the incriminating message AND Danielle’s reply that the fan’s every b-day wish “come true”. “That’s wishing her dead,” Caroline says. “It’s a little worse than ‘bye’.” They pass the phone to Danielle, who confirms that this is a Tweet-follower of hers and that she personally responds to all “positive” Tweets, and that this is “disturbing”. Miss Cameltoe tells Danielle that this is “pretty negative”. Caroline is stunned that Danielle’s “tryin to tap-dance around this”, and does this so we know she’s serious:

201009090259

Danielle suggests that maybe her reply was to a DIFFERENT Tweet, “because he Tweets me several times a day.” I want to meet the guy who spends his time Tweet-fucking La Staub. Danielle admits “that’s not nice” and promises to “block him”. “Fuhgeddabout blockin him, let’s talk about whatchoo Tweeted back!” Caroline squawks. Danielle keeps yammering on about how there’s “no proof” she responded directly to the Ashley suicide Tweet, but if she did “then I’m saw-ree!” I don’t know about you, Gasmii, but I’m way over catching Danielle in lies and bashing her. We know, she’s insane scum. But Teresa is so totally getting a pass for everything from her shady finances to her rotten little trolls to her pathetic marriage that this Reunion is coming across as ridiculously biased. Plus it’s three women against one. Four if you count Miss Cacilda.

Miss Conchita Maria moves on to “the night of Kim D’s fashion-show fiasco”, where Danielle had her fateful run-in with Ashley’s extension-excising fist. Cue the clip package. Did Teresa start the fight, wonders Miss Cissy, because many viewers thought so. “Not at all,” Jew-Dice replies. She was “genuinely tryin to say hi to” Danielle, Teresa fibs, then Dani told Teresa not to call her “honey”, and “that’s what ticked me awff, and then the whole foreclosia thing”. But Teresa was never planning on “attacking” Danielle. “It didn’t seem that way,” Danielle says. In fact, Teresa was “knockin people down to get at me.” No, Teresa corrects, people were holding her back, and Teresa doesn’t like it when “people put their hands on me. Don’t putcha hands on me, and nuthin’ll happen.” Miss Cruella, who’s still recovering from Teresa shoving him out of her way tonight, makes this face…

201009090319

…then reads a question from “Colin From Boston”, who doesn’t believe that Ashley ripped as much hair out of Danielle’s withered skull as Dani claims. D: She did. Next Miss Cupcake hands Dani a bag and invites her to show-and-tell everyone what she brought with her tonight. The previews tried to get us to think that it’s an AK 47 or a dead pet or one of Joe Jew-Dice’s butt-stained dildos, but it’s… a mannequin head. Seriously. As amused Caroline tries to avoid wetting her Spanx, Danielle launches into a beauty school lecture: Hair extensions are put on “with beads, and these beads have teeth in them. And the teeth adhere themselves to your hair. And in order to pull them out, you have to pull your own hair out with it.” So, Miss Clytemnestra says helpfully, this mannequin head is to help illustrate how difficult it is to tear out one’s extensions? Yes.

Danielle parts her flowing tresses so Miss Celie can lean over and take a gander at the “80 beads” inside Danielle’s head. Now it’s time for Miss Careena to try to yank the hair out of the dummy’s head. The mannequin’s, not Danielle’s. He grabs a lock and pulls with all his might. It doesn’t come out. “This is making me think it’s not humanly possible to do,” he says, but to be fair, Ashley is WAY butcher and stronger than Miss Clairol. Finally, he yanks the mannequin’s hair out. Jacqueline says it looked so much easier on TV, then reaches over and gives Teresa’s blown-out mass a hard tug. Teresa threatens to knock Jacqui out and Jacqui giggles. Danielle says it hurts to have your hair pulled and “it shouldn’t have been taken lightly or laughed at.” Y’hear that, Vegas Whore? I love that new name and am almost sorry the season’s over because I’d definitely be adopting it.

201009090307

Danielle feels Caroline dismissed the incident by calling it hair-pulling, when in fact Ashley “pulled the hair from my head. It was vicious…” And Ashley definitely trivialized it, “laughing” through “the four-and-a-half hours we were in court.” Jacqueline says that according to Kim G, when the lawyers tried to get Danielle to drop the charges, Danielle refused, saying she wouldn’t let “Jacqueline and Teresa” win. Danielle denies this. Did she say “Ashley threatened to kill you in court?” Prosecutor Manzo demands. Yes. Did you HEAR Ashley threaten to kill you, yes or no? Yes, Danielle says, and with this line of interrogation, Caroline is “deflecting from what really happened.” Caroline accuses Danielle of perjury.

Miss Chantal says that Danielle’s “histrionics” post-incident have received much play “in the blogosphere”, and asks if Danielle was “acting”. Danielle says that “I was abused a very, very, very, VERY big part of my life, and when you come from such abuse like that, you have a tendency to hide and go into a fetal position, and that’s exactly what I did, outside of the building. It won’t happen again. I won’t run again.” Teresa gleefully points out that Danielle ran away from her earlier tonight. No, I walked, Danielle ridiculously responds, inciting Teresa to squeal that Danielle was taking “boxin lessons”, repeating “Teresa, Jacqueline” as she punched the bag. Teresa offers to “get in da ring” with Danielle for $100K.

201009090312

We get it, you’re violent.

“Keisha From Washington, DC”asks Danielle if she “thought it was OK to call Ashley a coke whore”. LOL. “Absolutely not,” Danielle penitently agrees, then throws “Kim G and her daughter” under the bus, blaming them for getting “caught up” in the gossip, causing Dani to lash out at the mega-faced teen twat. Caroline asks if she can pull an I Dream of “Jeannie” and make Kim G appear to answer some tough questions. Back from commercial, Miss Constance cues a clip package about the lady “who stirred things up” this season, desperate elderly bottle-blonde Kim G. Then Kim G enters.

Caroline says Miss Chatelaine is “like The Wizard of Oz– we ask and you produce.” Actually, he’s like a grown man who collects Wizard of Oz memorabilia, but close enough. Kim bids the gals a cheery hiya, to which Danielle coolly responds, “Hello, Kim.” Miss Cinderella confronts Kim with her best soundbite directed at Dani: “‘Your fake and square tits’?!?” Kim giggles and Danielle remarks that “it’s hilarious to make fun of another woman’s breasts, hilarious”. Um, you just called a teenager a coke whore, so pipe down, Miss Manners. Kim says that Danielle’s “four” boob-jobs resulted in “square tits”. Teresa, who should be eating this shit up, is oddly quiet and tense-looking, making me wonder what Tree’s afraid of Kim bringing up about HER.

Miss Corazon asks if Danielle feels “used by Kim G”. Oh, yeah, completely. “I was used, too!” Kim squeaks. “I was your bitch, basically. You used Harry,” Kim’s driver. Danielle snaps that Harry picked her up so Kim could get herself on-camera. “Next?” “Next, you, Danielle! Ya betta shut yah f*ckin mouth!” Kim warns. Harry was at Danielle’s “disposal” and even drove Christine to her Sweet 16 party. Danielle says “that is a lie”, then reminds Kim that Danielle “gave” Kim’s daughter a full day of partying, including “massages”. Kim congratulates Danielle for giving something back in their relationship. Danielle says all Kim ever gave her was “agita”.

201009090316

Caroline dismisses all this as “nonsense”. Persecution complex popping through like her mess of a stomach in that tragic tank-top, Danielle turns on her and accuses everyone but Dani of knowing Kim was the surprise guest. “WHAT?!!” Caroline squawks. Miss Celeste quickly clarifies that none of the Wives knew Kim was waiting backstage, and they all concur. Now Caroline has “some very serious questions” for Granny. Did Kim tell Danielle that “Ashley was involved in coke?” “Absolutely NOT!” Kim replies, offended, like a proper suburban matron who didn’t just use the term “square tits” on national TV. She swears on her kids. And did Kim give Danielle “any information” that “Christopher and/or The Brownstone was at fault for the events of that night?” Except for the grammar issues, she almost sounds like a real lawyer!

Kim says Christopher did nothing wrong that night and apologizes if she offended him, since she loves him, and Caroline, too. Caroline says she didn’t like seeing Kim “laughing with” Danielle at The Brownstone as Danielle put on her Lady Boss act. Kim says that was the first time she’d ever gone anyplace with Dani, and was mortified when their escort to the event showed up and he was a teeny thug “dressed like a gardener or a pizza delivery guy”. Danielle accuses Kim of “stirring things up” by telling her that Christopher said he “had a big surprise in store” for Danielle. Kim wanted her to believe that The Brownstone was out to get her! Sounds like the rantings of a paranoid, Gasmii…

201009090320

Kim smartly points out that none of this would have happened if Danielle had dispensed with the goombah “entourage”. Danielle won’t even take responsibility for that– she insists that she only brought Kim and Danny, and had NO IDEA the rest of the prison posse was going to show up… that was all Danny’s doing. So if Danielle wasn’t expecting all the goons, why did she make such a fuss about there not being table-space for them, Miss Chiclet cleverly asks. Danielle says she just wanted seats for herself, Pocket-Felon and Kim. Caroline can’t take it and demands that Danielle own just this one bit of bad behavior.

201009090323

Kim stops her and says that, to be fair, the table did suck. It was off in a corner and since Danielle was a presenter, it should have been better. Caroline says that the location of the table was the benefit-throwers’ issue and had nothing to do with the banquet facility. Kim quickly acknowledges this. “Jodi From Lodi” (that has to be made up) asks if Caroline will have lunch with Kim now that Kim’s dumped Danielle. Caroline crabbily replies “If ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Kim looks a little hurt. Miss Concetta quotes Jacqueline on her blog calling Kim “a two-faced sh*t-stirrer”, but that Jacqui isn’t bothered by that. Jax can’t explain why she still sorta likes Kim, and Kim says it’s “because I’m a good person.” Danielle reacts, repulsed.

“Aaron From Lexington” wants to know how Kim G knows scary, face-lift casualty/boutiquiere Kim D. They’re sisters-in-law: Kim D’s stepbrother was Kim G’s ex-husband. Kim D’s mom was married to Kim G’s father-in-law. OMG, they sound Puerto Rican. We finally get some Teresa action when Miss Calliope quotes Teresa’s blog entry about how “disturbing” it was watching Danielle and Kim’s “old lady buttcracks” on the stripper pole. “I’m sawry,” Teresa sniggers, embarrassed, if that’s possible. Then rudely asks “How old ah you?” Kim G tells Teresa “yah gonna go down if yah start sh*t with me”, “so let’s not even go there.” Teresa raises a finger and tells Kim G to never speak to her that way again. Well, quit tawkin about me, Kim G says. She’s done nothing but go to Teresa’s party (and send her a “nice gift”) and book signing. “What?!” Teresa squeals. She only invited Kim “to be nice” and then Kim came and “started trouble”. “You look pathetic on da pole!” Teresa declares, just like she told Joe the first time she caught him going down on a locker room attendant.

201009090328

Kim G recently Tweeted that she was going to Rome for “an out-of-control shopping spree” and “too bad Teresa can’t come” because she has “no money, sad but true!” LOL. Kim says this was in response to “terrible things” on Teresa’s blog. What terrible things? Teresa asks, confused. How ’bout the old lady buttcrack crack, moron?! Caroline tells them to “both admit that was a hurtful thing” and Kim does. Teresa continues with the indignant routine and says “I gotta laugh at you.” G’head, Kim’s laughin at you, too. Whateva, yah hairy sleazebag. Miss Caitlyn asks Danielle for any final words for Kim. Of course she does, telling Kim that it was “despicable” to run back and forth bashing people to each other and that Kim better be careful what she wishes for, meaning that starring on a reality show can ruin a perfectly sane, well-adjusted life!

After Kim exits, Miss Chastity begs Jacqui, Tree & Caroline to assure Danielle that Kim’s appearance was a surprise to them. They swear up and down they had no idea. Miss Charlize says that all four can agree on one thing– they don’t like Kim G. Nope, sorry, Jacqueline says she does like her.

Miss Carmelita tells us that the season came down to a fabulous face-off “between two matriarchs”. Lady, we’ve seen that wet noodle of a finale, and no matter how much dramatic music you slap on it, it still blew. Cue the clips. Then Miss Calpurnia asks Caroline what she thought when Danielle came into the restaurant “and she had protection.” “Asinine,” Mommy Salami spits, “I’m 5’1″ and I’ve never threatened this woman in my life. No one in my family has threatened her.” Despite “repeated threats” and “insinuations of harm” from Danielle to the Manzos, “I have never, ever threatened her.” Now Caroline wants an answer from Danielle: Why did Dani feel she had to bring “armed guards” to meet Caroline?

201009090330

Danielle clumsily points out that Caroline has claimed to be at one with her family, but what has Danielle ever done to Caroline directly? Caroline claims that Danielle sees her as “the puppeteer”, complete with awkward marionette-manipulation hand gestures– “I’m not buyin it then, I’m not buyin it now!” Caroline barks. Miss Crystal flits in to clarify Caroline’s position that night– that Danielle was given breaks for her reckless young hellcat behavior yet refuses to extend the same courtesies to Ashley and drop the assault charges. Why not? Danielle claims “it was in the state’s hands” by then, but back-pedals and admits the charges could have been reduced or dropped if Ashley apologized, which the enormous-faced tramp refused to do.

Jacqueline makes excuses for Ashley’s rotten attitude, blaming Danielle for accusing Ashley of making death threats. “I get that, it was not a win-win situation,” Danielle says, still not explaining why she, as the 45-70-year-old adult in the proceedings, didn’t just end it. Teresa says Jacqueline “woulda nevuh” pressed charges on Danielle’s daughter. (Only because Danielle’s mom-scarred but well-behaved aspiring teen model would have never abused Jacqui or her extensions that way.) Jacqueline says she doesn’t like the vindictive person Danielle has turned her into, and doesn’t want to live in such a negative space. Danielle says she sincerely appreciates that.

Split-screen time as Jacqui and Dani agree that they don’t like things this way. “I’m done, I’m nailed to the cross,” Danielle declares like the typical paranoid histrionic narcissist we know and love to hate. Dani doesn’t expect Jacqui to forgive her or believe her, but Dan-Dan will always be sorry for her part in this, and the things she said about Jacqueline that were undeserved and untrue. Caroline reacts with disgusted disbelief. But Jacqueline is sorry, too. She just wants the madness to end and after this night, Danielle will never hear from her again. “Thank you,” Dani says, tearing up.

201009090334

Miss Crystal turns to Caroline, who “has a look” on her face. Any thoughts about Jacqueline burying the hatchet, and not in Danielle’s scrawny neck? Caroline says she’s happy about this and has only wanted the best and the most peace for everyone, despite being accused of being a puppeteer. Any final thoughts from Danielle? She wants to address Jacqueline: “You and I know what we were to each other. I got so mad at you because I loved you,” the newly bisexual dingbat confesses. “A lot. And I want you and your family to have everything that’s beautiful.” That’s it?! I can’t believe we fell for the promised titillating lesbo antics in the previews, Gasmii. Shame on us. And will Danielle drop the charges? “I will contact my attorneys and make sure there is peace for everybody,” she vaguely promises.

Teresa wants a piece of saccharin pie and assures Danielle that she never bad-mouths Danielle in Tweets, blogs, newspapers, magazines, book jackets, or Chanel fitting rooms. She’s much two busy raising her “four beautiful daughters”…and Milania aka Feral Lemur and Gia Zadora. That leaves two attractive girls we’ve never seen before. Oh, well. Next season.

Danielle gets off the couch and gives Teresa & Jacqueline hugs straight from the place of love and light. Jax’s is extra-long and super-special and includes whisperings that Danielle “loves” the fucking Vegas whore and she’ll always be a big piece of Dani’s heart.

201009090340
201009090341
201009090342
201009090345
201009090345-1
201009090344
201009090347
201009090339-1

After a long, lingering shared glance with her ex-girlfriend, Danielle then offers her hand to Caroline with an apology. Caroline reluctantly shakes it, adding that the two of them will never be friends.

Miss Candelabra notices Caroline’s picklepuss and asks what she’s thinking. “This is the biggest crocka sh*t I evuh seen in my life,” La Manzo effervesces. “I hafta be honest. If I’m a bitch, I will own it. I am not a coward, I am not a phony. THIS was phony.” Doesn’t Caroline want there to be an end to all the fussin’-and-a-feudin’ Jacqueline asks in the sweetie baby voice I want to claw out of her body through her larynx. I hope youse stick to it, Oscaretta the Grouch huffs. Sensing her final seconds on the show are ticking away and nobody remembers mature, well-behaved women, Danielle explodes with “The SECOND Jacqueline showed emotion about wanting to move on and be sorry, you’re like ‘don’t do that, Jacqueline, stay there, Jacqueline, don’t be weak, Jacqueline’! Let Jacqueline be Jacqueline!” Danielle excoriates Caroline for being a puppeteer who’s angry that her puppet isn’t doing what Caroline wants.

201009090352

“Cuz I’m no dummy,” Caroline gravely snaps back. “Let’s respect each other enough to have the integrity to say ‘I doan like you ya stupid skanky cunt.” Danielle immediately tells Caroline “I doan like you.” Caroline smugly claps her hands, pleased. “Excellent, awesome!” Caroline congratulates Danielle for having “a growing experience” and that saying she doesn’t like Caroline is the first true thing Danielle has said in the last 8 hours. Miss Colleen says this is “a very positive place to end it”. The most positive development? Lauren Manzo is credited as one of the episode’s make-up artists. Mazel, doll!

I hate goodbyes, and so does Bravo, so we’ll both be back to try to turn shit into chocolate with the inevitable Lost Footage special next week. In the meantime, please check out my new Horrorgasm blog right here, as my love for trashy fright flicks runs rampant with a recap of the 1980 Italian schlock shocker City of the Living Dead:


Picture 47-2


http://www.tvgasm.com/moviegasm/city-of-the-living-dead-spaghetti-splatter-101/


Hasta la vista, cholas!

XOXOXO
LLB

P.S. I just discovered that the iTunes version of this episode omits the entire Kim G segment. WTF?! So if you missed it on Bravo, I recommend using Vuze to find a free torrent to download.

Leia LaBiblia is a former teen model.

89 Comments

  1. 1
    giffordsaz
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 12:04 pm

    Most Awkward hug in the world

  2. 2
    njgasmifan
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    “Now it’s time for Miss Careena to try to yank the hair out of the dummy’s head. The mannequin’s, not Danielle’s” – snort! Talk about turning shit into chocolate, great recap of this pathetic crapfest.

    The Up-With-People lovefest at the end was total bullshit, in my eyes. If all we have been watching is not scripted (as Bravo and the ladies always claim), then the end of this show was really strange and kind of flat, given all the drama we’ve seen.

    Since Albie has a learning disability, let’s send Mama Manzo to law school. She’ll have the time now that she’s an “empty nester” and she seems to want to interrogate people.

    Ugh, glad this season is ovah. Now I’m just looking forward to the auction (dibs on the suit of armor!).

    Oh, one more thing. Is Dani’s facelift falling, or is she gaining weight? Many times this season I have seen a strong resemblence to Gillian (her youngest daughter) that I never saw before. Gill is adorable, but something in D’s face is shifting…. anyone else see this?

  3. 3
    LAC
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:21 pm

    Congrats, Prodigal! Uggh, is that tranny cuntfest ovah? Such a bunch of twats in that room, including Miss Cocomo (I love the “C” names!) And that hug at the end? “And the Oscar goes to…” That I actually sat and watched Danielle pull out a wig manequin and watched Miss Callista pull on it has to be the first time I wanted to take a shower after watching something on TV…and I have watched an old porn video with Ron Jeremy in it!

    Thanks for the recap, chica!!

  4. 4
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:22 pm

    I agree, Leia. This show was way too biased. Andy got upset with the ladies of NY for interrupting Kelly and called them out on bullying but the Jersey reunion was 2.5 hrs of everyone ganging up on Danielle. And the way he treated Caroline and Teresa with kid gloves was irritating.

    I’ll elaborate a bit on what i wrote last night on last week’s recap as it pertains more to this episode:

    Caroline came off even worse this week. She has this holier-than-thou attitude and deserves to be knocked down a few pegs, especially since her hypocrisy is so evident. She is not the boss of anyone..she just talks shit over everyone, and thinks she’s the voice of reason because no one wants to argue with her. Truth be told, the whole Danielle drama is her fault. If they would’ve flashbacked to the finale (Sn. 1), where she told Danielle, “Look at me. because i’m the one who brought the book into Chateau.” Well, that was what the whole 2-season drama was about wasn’t it? Danielle feeling like she was slandered all over her town about something that no one else knew about due to her name change, ostracized from her castmates based on her past, and her lashing out with words because of hurt and betrayal..and all of this was Caroline’s doing! (she is a puppeteer..and a clown. I would that say she’s a three ringed circus act but we all know the other ring is banded around her stomach.) So for Caroline to act so above it all, like she had no hand in any of it, like she was just avoiding Danielle and her craziness both seasons only stepping in as a mediator at the finale dinner is just BS. Utter BS.
    Plus, if all she wanted was for the drama to end..why not let the ladies reconcile, if it meant there would be no more drama? Because then Caroline would have to go back to her miserable life of wiping down countertops, sticky with ham juice, and waiting for ALbert to come home, flop into bed, only to sneak back out at dawn without waking her.

    Kim G is such a little shit-stirrer. When she was at The Bnstne, she commented to Danielle about Chris saying, “You’re in for a surprise.”, making it sound ominous and setting off Danielle’s paranoia that the Manzo’s were gonna do something to sabotage her at the event. And when they were seated in Siberia, D and Kim G took it as a personal affront. Gimme a break.
    I think Kim G is a pig but I love how she came at Teresa. If Danielle had the venomous anger and crazy that Kim G displays this past season wouldn’tve been so boring. Because Kim would never run..and if someone pulled her hair, she would definitely strike back. Geriatric catfights are so much fun!

  5. 5
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:25 pm

    @LAC- I saw the vid you posted on the last recap..fuuny stuff! Especially Danielle strutting for the camera..lol

  6. 6
    lindaw205
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    Excellent recap, Leia – one of your finest!

  7. 7
    LAC
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Sarcas! That strutting by “Danielle” was the best!

  8. 8
    skatt
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 1:53 pm

    Again, Danielle is awful, Jacqueline is a vapid idiot, and Caroline sanctimonious harpy. But Teresa is just 110% disturbing. Her fist pounding offer to fight Danielle for money (only Teresa wouldn’t understand how particularly pathetic that looked, coming from her) was just mind boggling. If you’re Miss Clarice, how do you not, if only for the sake of awesome television, halt things and ask her what the hell she’s saying. It reminds me of when the goils were taking the Karate and Teresa kept stressing, quite proudly, not that her daughters would know Self-Defense or Karate, but “would know HOW TO FIGHT!”

    As bad as Danielles refusal to just friggin’ APOLOGIZE for Petite Felons F-word usage was, that clip of Teresa admonishing, “That-is-a- GAY-SLUR-Danielle, look it up….” just makes me want to vomit. Neither she nor Joe were particularly sorry for his behavior at the Dance Studio at the last reunion. She was reduced to the “uuh we luv da gays” after she realized it couldn’t just get brushed aside. Knowing her, that was the moment she figured out Miss Carmine was a Gay.

    GREAT recap Leia!!!! Congrats!!!! Cheez.

  9. 9
    tvaholic
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:28 pm

    Congrats P.Cheez! @njgasmifan-I think we should all pinch in & get the suit of armor, then ship him around taking pictures of him at all the places he can see now that he’s free!!

    I half-expected Danielle to bow her head & say”…and scene!” after the awkward hug. After all, her season-long audition is now over & rumor has it she’s getting her own show.

    While I’m still a Caroline defender, the amateur prosecutor schtick was getting a little tired. I still say that the reason why she manipulates the other ladies is because they are too stupid & vapid to accomplish anything on their own-she at least called Teresa out on her “I just wanted to say hi” bullshit. Not saying it’s right, but at least her daughter isn’t full of assiness.

    And personally-my opinion only of course, take it for the 2 cents its worth-I don’t agree with the whole Caroline pursued Danielle from the start thing. I think she smelled something rotten in Franklin Lakes & did what any of us would do, checked out the stank. Unless I am the only one who has ever Googled people I was suspicious about, & searched their name in public court records-hey, it only takes hiring a future felon once to make you learn your lesson! (Long story!And yes, what this person was eventually convicted of doing would have prevented me & the company from trusting them to do their job) And I’m sure she had help in the matter with her connections. We have all done things in our past we are not proud of & are thankful the internet & camera phones weren’t around to document them, but if 25% of what they insinuate about Danielle is true, I would feel justified in being a nosy-assed bitch. The thing is with someone like her, you never know what it is she will tell people about you, so it’s best just to stay away.

    Anyway, I feel some relief the season is over. Now on to some snobby bitchery in DC & Beverly Hills. I don’t know, Cat seems to be a British Teresa-bitchiness with a British accent just sounds so much more refined.

  10. 10
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:41 pm

    @tvaholic: I am all for investigating people when you have to do business with them (heck, what am I saying, I’ve googled people after first dates), but I guess Caroline going out of her way to tell everyone about the book and then showing it off at Chateau was malicious, and the core of the drama. She could’ve just as easily said she didn’t want to be friends with Danielle but to get all sanctimonious about Danielle’s character based on events that happened a quarter of a century ago, when Caroline’s own friends were currently being indicted, just seemed a little hypocritical. And besides, she proudly confessed to spreading Danielle’s business all over town. She owned it.. “Look at me. Because I’m the one who did it!”

    Yes, Cat is more fun..bitchiness is so much more elegant when it comes with a side of strumpet crumpets.

  11. 11
    ohralphie
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:42 pm

    Caroline is a hypocrite and a gossip to be sure (as evidenced by the whole ‘book’ drama of season one). But is her anger and frustration at Danielle justified? I would have to say yes. After all, Danielle has shit stirring down to a science not to mention her ability to distance herself from every decision she has made and every thing she has said during these two seasons. Imagine how incredibly frustrating that would be to sit next to someone (or three feet from them) who is denying saying what you know they did all the while proclaiming victimhood. It would drive me to Teresa levels of insanity.
    My problem with Danielle and why I will never view her as being ganged up on is her way of doing dreadful things *on tape* then sitting there a baldface lying about having done them. Oh,the Hells Angels at a benefit for a child with cancer? Didn’t know they would be there. And anyway I was a victim, I was victimized for years and years and years. blah blah blah. Cannot stand her, and more importantly I cannot stand the way she is using her daughters. Her new show is all about them and their careers. Jillian is what – 9? Her voice isn’t that great to warrant a ‘career’, or at least at this stage in her life. Danielle will burn through her daughters just as she burned through her husbands, her friends (including Jacqueline) and of course all that coke.

  12. 12
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    I wonder if Danielle lost friends and connections when Caroline brought light to the book.

  13. 13
    ohralphie
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    Oh, and I read somewhere that Danielle is quoted in a magazine interview pondering the amount of body hair and ape like Teresa must have.

    So much for love and light, eh?

  14. 14
    lindaw205
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Almost forgot….congrats to PCheez! And count me in for my share on the suit of armor. Who knows what we’ll find in there? I say we take guesses on whats stored in it!

  15. 15
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 2:58 pm

    @ohralphie..we’ve all pondered that, haven’t we? I mean, if you’re forehead is furry, you’re chucky…

    (Gasmii finish the phrase!)

  16. 16
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 3:19 pm

    your, you’re, your..an idjit, sarcas! ha-ha!

  17. 17
    Alison Z
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 4:01 pm

    I for one am glad this season is over! Maybe now I can recharge those braincells I have seemed to have used up watching this mind-numbing trash! I am hoping that Tree does not come back, maybe winds up in the clink, because I am not sure if I can take another 16 weeks of “Ain’t I nice, I’m nice right, Ain’t I nice?

  18. 18
    katesmom
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 4:32 pm

    @alison – Although Tree is threatening not to come back, I’d be shocked if she didn’t. She’s too much of an attention whore and too excited about her “celebrity” status to quit the show. That’s my opinion anyway. What’s making me sick is Danielle telling the press she quit the show. Obviously everyone knows different, but it’s still obnoxious. What’s sad (or irritating) is that she seems to really believe what she is saying.

  19. 19
    skatt
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 5:30 pm

    katesmom: Teresa can’t quit. She’s the moneymaker in that family. What irks me was her thinking she “deserves” ‘Jersey Shore’ level payment per episode. She has zero understanding that, for better or worse, those kids have made more money for MTV than MTV will ever pay them. But all our little Princess of Patterson knows is she wants more money, so she should get it.

  20. 20
    giffordsaz
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 5:35 pm

    I think Teresa just needs money so bad she is pulling this. Biting the hand that feeds her.

  21. 21
    tvaholic
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 7:00 pm

    @ohralphie-exactly! Danielle went to the Bill Clinton School of Denial-just twist, bend, & manipulate the truth so you can take as little accountability as possible & still make it look like you’ve been persecuted.

    And you all forget-Teresa has an illustrious career as a tanning bed salon model to look forward to.

    Also-did anyone see Teresa & Caroline on Rachel Ray? I normally don’t watch her show, but they were on to have a meatball contest-the guys from the cast of Jersey Boys were the judges, & they liked Caroline’s balls better. Anyway, turns out Caroline is coming out with a line of kitchen/cook ware. Please, please, can we put a moratorium on any future HW’s books, songs, clothing lines, cosmetics, etc? Especially the songs.

  22. 22
    kdognatl
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 7:10 pm

    Totally agree with you tvaholic, “amateur prosecutor schtick” is the perfect description for how Caroline was acting. I don’t hate her either, but that did get irritating.

    @katesmom I was thinking the same thing about Tree, bitch needs money, can’t believe she is trying to hold out. She better take what she can get. I think she would sign on next season just to show how nice she is to her SIL.

  23. 23
    chemgal
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 7:45 pm

    Instead of the suit of armor, lets chip in and by Milania! She can be our own roaming gnome and we can ship her around and snap pictures of her all over the place. I’ve actually sat through Nell, no really, the entire thing, so I can actually share tips with everyone on how to settle her down enough to get some sleep when its your turn.

    I can’t even begin to wish Teresa doesn’t come back, it would be like Christmas every Monday night. Speaking of Christmas, I call dibs on NOT having Milania that week as my MIL will be here and I can’t, simply can’t have two crazy people in my house at once.

    Miss Andy/Camella/Cleo sucked. I’ll leave it at that.

    @Leia, thank you so much for jumping in and taking over for Twunty. I will be the first to admit, I was worried about the quality of the recap remaining as good as Twunty. You’ve done an exceptional job! I look forward to Twunty’s return, but even if I don’t watch a program, I am going to read anything you recap.

  24. 24
    lindaw205
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 7:47 pm

    Maybe Tree thinks she’s Charlie Sheen. Their behaviour is similar.

  25. 25
    tvaholic
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    “Instead of the suit of armor, lets chip in and by Milania! She can be our own roaming gnome and we can ship her around and snap pictures of her all over the place. I’ve actually sat through Nell, no really, the entire thing, so I can actually share tips with everyone on how to settle her down enough to get some sleep when its your turn.”

    Holy balls & gravy chemgal, that’s funny shit!! Oh-and they could use her for the one leg on the Amazing Race with the gnome!!

  26. 26
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 8:00 pm

    I won? Yay!! Well… I just want to thank my parents for making me go to school, Leia for giving me such great material to work with, Asslee for… well making it so easy for me by being the human version of a burning anal sore… Oh, and Jesus. ‘cuz Jesus is my homie, and I love saltines and wine, and shit… Also, I totally love winning a contest by implying pedophilia being committed by a boy with a giant raspberry on his cheek with a half-human, half-Pakuni monkey-child.

    Speaking of Sid and Marty Crofft, this reunion did remind me a little bit of Lidsville (BEST Saturday morning kid’s show EVER, BTW) – especially the special effects makeup on Caroline,Danielle, Teresa, Kim G and Jacqueline – or did they WANT to look like that? I don’t know… As I’ve said many, many times I hate ALL of these house-ho’s.

    Teresa needs estrogen treatments STAT because I can practically smell the testosterone coming off of her in waves of rage and back hair. What a freaking gorilla she is, except from what I’ve read gorillas make much better mothers. I don’t think Testosteresa’s going anywhere either, she’s going to have to earn some pocket money to keep Juicy in Astroglide and kneepads for the showers at the NJ State Pen, not to mention the leopard-print custom-made Shelter Wear she and the Feral Lemur children will soon be sporting. Did I ever tell you guys I hate Teresa?

    Jacqueline proved once again that Asslee is a product of too much Mrs. Potatohead, Indian Earth and a piss-filled gene pool. Oddly, litigation-happy Danielle completely missed the fact that Jacqueline committed SLANDER by accusing her of being an active CALL GIRL. Although I did thoroughly enjoy how Miss Catatonia PIMP WALKED her chubby, bedazzled SPANX encased ass back to the couch. LMAO – The woman really is pure Vegas trash, and I think it’s totally possible Asslee was conceived in a fuzzy, round pink bed at the Mustang Ranch.

    Danielle is just a sick puppy. I can’t remember which jackass claimed to be a trained therapist and therefore disgusted with our amateur armchair analysis – but SERIOUSLY you would have to be a fucking moron not to see what’s up with this bag of dysfunction. So I’m no pro, but I’m calling it the way I see it – Danielle is a Borderline Personality Disordered Narcissist that regularly crosses the border into full-on Psychosis. I hope her ex takes custody of the kids, and puts the kibosh on any future shows because D-Cups is dangerous and inappropriate in her judgment regarding who she brings around her girls. That being said, the other three definitely bullied her, and it was disturbing to watch it play out.

    I don’t have too much more to say about Caroline because in all honesty I really do think she thought she was defending her family (unlike Asslee who is a lying fuckweasel), but I still don’t like that she thinks she is the BIG HAM in the HAM GAME of LIFE. LOL, sorry @tvaholic – I tried to like her, but in the end I just couldn’t!!! Can we still be TVgasm lunch-buddies, though?? LOL! Although she DID win big points for the Kim G shut-out. Ahhh… maybe I do like her? WTF, I hate when assholes make me laugh! LOL. Oh… Also, I think she was standing on shifting sands when she accused Danielle of committing perjury, because Testosteresa did too.

    Kim G is trash. I actually do think she fed into Danielle’s paranoia as a way to get on the show. If we had to listen to her bullshit then I wish more of it would have been directed at Testosteresa because I already know Danielle lives on Shutter Island. I want to hear more about Juicy Joe’s black love child/Teresa’s black nephew-love child/Juicy slept with Melissa Gorga and produced a love child on Black Friday/Juicy wore a French maid’s costume while Testosteresa nailed him in the ass with a vibrating black dildo that was the size of a love child… Whatever the juice is, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS GODDAMMIT!!!

    PS – I still love Miss Andy madly – but I’m getting a little peeved on the softball questions!!

  27. 27
    chemgal
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 8:05 pm

    Holy shit balls PCheez – your gone for a few days and you come out and hit it out of the park!

  28. 28
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 8:33 pm

    LOL!

  29. 29
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    “Roundemup!” *evil grin and cackle*

    “We’re the same age, btw, and…hello!”

    “F*ck You, Tah-ree-sah!”

    Quoting Danielle makes me giggle..

  30. 30
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 9:40 pm

    @PCheez

    Damn Girlfriend,You didn’t miss a beat.Congratulations on your win.I know you will rock the red bedazzled dress at the awards event.

    I hope all your birthday wishes come true LOL

    Hugs,Robin

  31. 31
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 9, 2010 at 9:48 pm

    Hi Leia,Great recap.I love the way that your screen caps catch the mood of what is happening while you comment.I gotta tell ya though,the pic of Miss Cruella on page 5 was very very funny.Good catch.

    TC,Robin

  32. 32
    RealityCheck
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:55 am

    Danielle is disgusting! Yuck, yuck, yuck! I have to say it…I like Caroline. And I have a different take on why she tends to try to be the “boss”. She has raised 3 grown children, who tend to act like they have some common sense. And you can see that she believes that even little children should behave (the cruise and the free babysitting gig). And when she gets around Teresa and Jacqi, who tend to act like two years olds – she goes into automatic mom mode.

    I think when Caroline met Danielle she had that gut feeling that says something just wasn’t right. So she looked into Danielle and found out about her past. Caroline told Dina and then Dina told Jacqi at Carolines house. They discussed not telling Teresa but then decided she had a right to know.

    And I will gladly admit that if I met someone who had Danielle’s past then I would completely avoid her. I don’t care if it was 5 minutes or 50 years ago. I choose to have nothing to do with someone…anyone…that has been involved in violently hurting someone else.

    She followed her gut and was right!

    And…Captcha is a BITCH!

  33. 33
    tvaholic
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 7:37 am

    @P.Cheez-only if it’s hot dogs with a red wine & Coke chaser!! And I do know what you mean, I hate it to when people I hate make me laugh-I’m sorry, Danielle may be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, but she at least had some good zingers. I don’t know, something about her muttering “Vegas whore” to Jacq was just funny, & I have to say I laughed at the “my dogs wore leopard” in the finale.

    @RealityCheck-I totally agree with you. Like I said earlier, it may seem hypocritical & sanctimonious, but even if a portion of what Danielle is accused of is true, I wouldn’t want her around & I’d warn my sister & my friends if it were me.

  34. 34
    skatt
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 8:25 am

    PCheez: Caroline would win the title of “Least Awful”, handily. She has many irritating qualities for sure, and they were all front and center at the Reunion/Rumble, but she’s the only one that didn’t stop maturing emotionally in the 7th grade. Kindergarden for Teresa, when she began speaking da English.

    If Teresa hates this sister-in-law half as much as Bravo is pinkie swearing she does, then like you, I’m intrigued. But they seem just like Teresa and Joe- Faux wealth, same McMansion, tacky as shit, etc….

  35. 35
    chemgal
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 8:31 am

    @skatt, my first thoughts were that Joe was connected and his family was giving them the extra contributions each month. Now seeing how “successful” Teresa’s brother has been at real estate development – Jersey code for money laundering and trust me, this is my father’s area of expertise – I am now thinking its Teresa’s family. So everything her brother has and everything she ever had can potentially be traced back to illegal activity. Which just makes me hate her more.

  36. 36
    lindaw205
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 8:51 am

    Holy crap, PCheez. Still laughing!

  37. 37
    skatt
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 9:07 am

    Chemgal: And once again, you have the utter, brilliant stupidity of showcasing it on national television. The hiding assets charge had been leveled long before the $250,000 book charge was in place against them. Teresa and Joe’s families are most likely where those assets went (the Pizza Parlor is in one of the Fathers names, so I’d bet a bunch of other properties are as well.)
    Teresas dislike for the sister in law may be based in loosing her delusional title of “Most Successful” in the family as much as anything else. Of course, nothing seals the deal like an illegitimate child, for sure.

  38. 38
    k37744
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 9:38 am

    “Testosteresa.”

    I think we have da winner.

  39. 39
    njgasmifan
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 10:18 am

    I loved TVaholic’s idea of the roaming suit of armor – till Chemgal upped the ante with the idea of buying ferral lemur child and sending her around – GAWD, that made me laugh so hard I needed a panty change. Let’s make a bid!

  40. 40
    chemgal
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 10:28 am

    I think for $10 she’ll even through in the pretty one!

  41. 41
    Heather
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 10:45 am

    Kids reenact the Real Housewives of NJ!

    http://www.babelgum.com/browser.php#play/SEARCH_SIMILAR,clipID:6002120,includeClip:true,order:MOST_RELEVANT/3,5007094

  42. 42
    njgasmifan
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 10:51 am

    Maybe if we throw $20 and some shiny objects her way, she’ll also give us Gia’s ATV – and maybe the mirra!!!

  43. 43
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 11:49 am

    @pcheez- I almost pissed my pants laughing so hard!

    I will put $30 on the pretty one, not sure if there is enough money in the world for Milania, but if she came and spent the weekend at my house, her attitude sure would change…Auntie Al can be a rabid bitch when needs to be!

    Did anyone watch WWHL lastnight? I did for some fucking reason! Tree was asked if Caroline was mad at her and Jaq..she faultered for a moment didn’t answere the question about herself but then said that Caroline and Jaq had an argument about it. I swear Tree is as dumb as a box of rocks…if you did not get a chance to watch it, do, becuase then you will see what I am talking about.

    Leia, great recap as always! Can’t wait to see what you do next :)

  44. 44
    njgasmifan
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 11:53 am

    P Cheez – belated congrats on your award – and girrrrrrrrrrrl, you killed me with your hilarious comments! How is a person supposed to pretend to work when you are spewing such hilarity?

  45. 45
    skatt
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 12:38 pm

    AlisonZ: I didn’t watch, but I saw the preview/teaser that Stacey was on with Teresa. First they made her go to Paris with the Salamis, now she has to ride shotgun with that asshole. They need to stop taking advantage of her good-natured personality or they’re gonna wear it out quickly.

  46. 46
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    @skatt- yes! I felt so sorry for Stacey! Every question was for Tree, then followed by one for Stacey. Andy actually found a seatbelt and made Tree wear it! Tree said she didn’t even know that she had pushed Andy down, so he did a retake in slo-mo like 5 times, it made me giggle. Next week on WWHL it is Ramona and Cat-that should be interesting!!

  47. 47
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @Alison….I didn’t get to see any of it last night, but poor Stacie! No one should be subjected to both the Salamis and Tree in their personal life. It’s bad enough to have to interact with one of the two, but not both! In a battle of the “lesser of two evils” and I don’t know who would win. LOL

    Oh, and congrats to Cheese! :-D

  48. 48
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:31 pm

    @Alison….I didn’t get to see any of it last night, but poor Stacie! No one should be subjected to both the Salamis and Tree in their personal life. It’s bad enough to have to interact with one of the two, but not both! In a battle of the “lesser of two evils” and I don’t know who would win. LOL

    Oh, and congrats to Cheeze! :-D

  49. 49
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:32 pm

    @Alison….I didn’t get to see any of it last night, but poor Stacie! No one should be subjected to both the Salamis and Tree in their personal life. It’s bad enough to have to interact with one of the two, but not both! In a battle of the “lesser of two evils” and I don’t know who would win. LOL

    Oh, and congrats to Cheez! :-D

  50. 50
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Sorry for the triple post….I don’t know what happened. Or why PCheez has her name spelled 3 different ways. Stupid captcha! LOL

  51. 51
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    @mari-did you find bfs secret stash?? JK :) At first I was like what the fuck are you talking about Cheez’s names spelled 3 different ways, but then I got it! Yes, I had a blonde moment! I wonder what it would be like if both Mic and Tree were in the same room together.. pure entertainment…

  52. 52
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:50 pm

    Okay, I think my computer is over it’s attempted nervous breakdown. Tree has a new fan, Naomi Campbell:

    Naomi Campbell: Teresa Giudice Is a “Role Model”

    http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/naomi-campbell-teresa-giudice-is-a-role-model-1970241

  53. 53
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:54 pm

    Well, they both like diamonds..regardless of how they get them.

  54. 54
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    Yeah! I laughed my ass off at that comment last night! Tree is no role-modle! Well unless you are tacky, but I would have to disagree. Tree, no one wants to be like you! go back to what ever cave it is you came out of, and take your lemurs with you

  55. 55
    LAC
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 2:14 pm

    Naomi Campbell has praise for Teresa? Really? Well, I guess it makes sense. At the rate they are going, it would be a good idea to call dibs for a like-minded cellmate. After all, who wouldn’t want to have a slaphappy supermodel having your back when you bitchslap the prison matron for touching you?

  56. 56
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    @Lac-Lol! So true, so true. Maybe that is why she thinks Tree is a role modle.

  57. 57
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:00 pm

    Hell, Tree is so dumb that if you told her it was a blood dyemun, she would think that meant the stone was red…or else it had PMS every 28 days! :-)

  58. 58
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Thus, couldn’t help make the sauce!

  59. 59
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:21 pm

    The sauce! How could I forget about the sauce! LOL

  60. 60
    katesmom
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    “Testosteresa.” HYSTERICAL Pcheez! Still LMAO.

  61. 61
    skatt
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Sarcasatire: Agh!! You beat me to it!!! DAMN YOU!!!

  62. 62
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    @Skatt, haha. Blame Marijai..she set that one up beautifully. I couldn’t resist!

  63. 63
    marijai
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 4:03 pm

    LOL…it was such a random headline to see, that I couldn’t resist posting it. And if anyone knows what a good role model should act like, it’s definitely Naomi! Now quick, hide the cell phones before an errant Blackberry hits the mirra!

  64. 64
    Mr. Reality
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    I was actually pretty impressed with some of the things Danielle said. She made some pretty good points about Kim G’s manipulation and Caroline’s need to control everything.

  65. 65
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 5:15 pm

    @Mari LOL I think things may have been a bit wonky today.I saw another post on another thread where someone’s number 8 turned into a smiley face :-)

    I saw WHL last night too.Teresa was talking out of both sides of her forehead yet again.

    #1 Andy did mention the 250.000 that they didn’t declare on the BR filing.She looked at the camera and said “don’t believe everything you read”..Andy should have mentioned that these weren’t just rumors from a gossip rag,THESE WERE COURT PAPERS FILED BY A LAWYER.But of course he didn’t.Cuz he is a puss.

    #2 She said she didn’t remember shoveing puss.She stated emphatically “I would never push you Andy” umm but you did you stupid bitch,and it is on tape.Kinda like all the things she said she would never do,but does anyway.On Tape.

    I especially liked the way she threw Jaquelyin under the bus when she said that Caroline was mad at her re;the reunion.I did a happy dance in my head thinking what poor Vegas Whore must have felt after hearing that said on Andy’s show from Teresa.Her butt must have hurt when Teresa pulled her arm out of her ass after the reunion.If Carolyin is a puppetmaster,then Jaquelyin is certainly Teresa’s puppet.

    TC,Robin

  66. 66
    chemgal
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 5:33 pm

    @Robin glad someone else watched. What is up with Teresa’s new high pitched shriek voice? She used it during the reunion and I thought perhaps she was getting a cold but she did it all night last night too. Something new to hate about her.

  67. 67
    Alison Z
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 5:46 pm

    @chemgal- I thought I was hearing things, I am glad I am not the only one that noticed that. Along with the 5 second delay she had when she was trying to answer the questions Andy kept asking her. I still can’t stand her, or her new bangs!

  68. 68
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 7:01 pm

    @chemgal Maybe Andy had his arm up Teresa’s ass during the show.Andy’s own little Teresa sock puppet? I can imagine what that would do to one’s voice.Other than lying through her teeth she played Andy’s WWHL game perfectly :-)

    TC,Robin

  69. 69
    Robin Robinez
    Posted September 10, 2010 at 7:04 pm

    PS not the give the kid money game…The WWHL game.I think they all are instructed what and what not to do beforehand.I think it makes Andy look less drunk if he has control of his guests lol

    TC,Robin

  70. 70
    2muchbravo
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 1:16 am

    That little Ben Weiner kid should not be learning about square tits and puffy chuckies from these House Ho’s!!

  71. 71
    uglycutie
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 2:29 am

    PCheez, you should totes have your own show to recap. Youe hilarious!

    Danielle is no victim and I didn’t think she was being ganged up on. I saw the show again and noticed that while everyone was calm Danielle would start yelling and that’s when Teresa would yell right back. She did that a few times. Scared my ass. Danielle lights the fire and runs away. Someone mentioned that Teresa wanted her girls to learn to fight but it was Danielle who TOOK her daughters to the boxing ring and they watched her as she repeated Teresa and Jaqui’s name while she punched. I’d be pissed too.

  72. 72
    Alison Z
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 8:26 am

    @2much-you are so right! The way Andy kept saying his name totally creeped me out! Just sounded dirty the way he would say “Ben Weiner”. I can’t believe that he watches all of the showes. Hell even I don’t watch all of them. I am tempted to watch Atlanta just so I can hear NeNe yell at her husband, “you did me wrong”…but I just never really got into that franchise….

  73. 73
    Bridget Miller
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 11:51 am

    I don’t appreciate being treated like this when I was an honored guest.

    Answer me this. ANSWER ME THIS. When did I ever say that I shouldn’t be the winner? When did I ever say that I shouldn’t be the winner? Let me be clear this is not the fault of the Brownstone.

    I will not clap. I will not clap. This e-fuckin-NUFF.

    The other woman in the contest are a bunch of coke whores. I have been abused this is what happens when you are abused. You become a where are they now advocate. I am going to sit here on my phone and pretend to talk to people. Paris Hilton told me to do that.

    Paris Hilton never talked to you. Did Paris Hilton ever talk to you? Did she ever talk to you?

    I never said that Paris Hilton talk to me. I never said that.

    Yes, you just said that Paris Hilton talked to you.

    Yeah what Caroline said.

    I did not. You are doing what you always do. You are fabricating stories about me again.

    When I did I ever say that there should be a contest? Answer me this. When I did I ever say that there should be a contest?

    Danielle is a whore.

    I will not take responsibility for this. Is where are they now a threat? I think that I will let the police decide.

    Call the police. Get it done. Just do what you need to do to win the contest and get this over with. I told her not to call the police. I told her to let it go and that you are the rightful winner. You used me. You square tit bullshitter. Caroline, we should do lunch.

    RUN BITCH! Go have sex with married men. Then I says to Joe after your done making me a sangwich. Can you come ovah here and lick my bearded clam in front of the mirra. We have sex ten times an hour. GIA!!! NO PUDDLES!!!

    One at a time. What are you on?

    I never did drugs unlike you.

    I am on a break. I AM DONE. I am expecting an apology from Dina for sabotaging me in this contest. Amazing things. New beginnings.

    Sorry where was I? These woman* have taken over my brain and some how I just started channeling all four at the same time. At first Caroline and Danielle were really battling it out for control, but then Jacqueline meekly spoke up for a second and then Teresa really started to monkey around with my central nervous system. Then Kim G. came out of nowhere just sauntering her old lady ass crack into my brain like she owned the place. Dollar bills must have been raining down. Whew. I am glad that is ovah. I hope Joe will bend me over the pizza oven later tonight. Oh shit Teresa is still in there. I better check to make sure that I don’t have any debt that I am in denial about. I bet I can get her to come out if I just hold something shiny and tacky in front of my face.

    *(I won’t admit that I don’t understand the difference between woman and women. I will just stick to the theory that I just say talk differently than everyone else.)

  74. 74
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 12:20 pm

    @Bridget: Love, love, love…you’re a winner in my eyes!

    And you completed the phrase, “If Teresa’s forehead is furry, you know her chucky must be…a beared clam!

    Thanks for playing! :)

  75. 75
    Mari Roberson
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 12:51 pm

    @Bridget…LMAO!!! Too funny!

  76. 76
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 1:05 pm

    Thanks @uglycutie! :) And anyone else who got a chuckle! I go back and forth on the Danielle thing, on the one hand I think she’s a complete psycho-bitch, and on the other I wouldn’t let her within 10 feet of my car, LOL.

    Leia, I just wanted to tell you what an awesome job you did on these recaps and I hope to see more of your stuff on here – I will make a point of looking for you, but if you get another recap let us know on the RH Open Discussion Thread (under Real Housewives) on the Forums!! Thanks for all the laughs and snark – it really breaks up the day, and I know how much work you put into it! I love Leia!! But, I still…..

    …hate Testosteresa!!!

    PS – I’m still looking for the black love-child/nephew/vibrating dildo, I’ll post my search results on the thread! I may have a lead on that last one! ;)

  77. 77
    skatt
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    Oh Lordy, Bsideblog.com : “The Jersey Reunion, As Told By Random Knicknacks”.

    Awesome.

  78. 78
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 2:18 pm

    @skatt – did you see his shot glass RHONY reunion re-enactment? Hilarious!!! Audriana’s smiley face glass has sweat beads on it, and Bethenny’s had a cocktail napkin flying off of her left shoulder – it’s worth looking it up. Plus, I came in second on the tequila story contest and won a package of Real Lime crystals – I LOVE THOSE!!!! LOL.

    I think TVgasm is still the best for full recaps, but B-Sides screencap blogs are super funny.

  79. 79
    uglycutie
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 7:46 pm

    B-Side’s knick knack photo recap had me rolling! When the Danielle/giraffe kept “break” I couldn’t contain myslef. Then they showed the giraffe awkwardly hugging the Jaqui puff or whatever that was…pure genius!!!

  80. 80
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 8:29 pm

    LOL when he made the Danielle giraffe say “I would never call Ashley a cokewhore, she’s too fat to be doing coke!”.

    BTW – That Happy Suicide Wish Birthday Fiasco Tweet Heard ‘Round the World was just proven to have been untrue. Danielle was actually telling the truth, someone went back and found the Tweet thread, and the guy PrinceEdward (I think) asked Danielle to wish him a happy birthday, and she did – then he posted about Asslee. So Danielle actually told the truth about that, although she obviously lied about almost everything else. There’s a link posted online somewhere – you can click under the Tweet and see the original thread progression.

  81. 81
    giffordsaz
    Posted September 11, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Did anyone else notice Teresas eyes and drool when Andrea pullled out Ben Wiener money.. I honestly think she thought she was going to win for ever right answer.

  82. 82
    Bridget Miller
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 9:23 am

    @sarcas: I can’t take credit for it. I had just read b-side blog and some of the comments over there while watching the show. And I was just inspired by the classic lines from the housewives and the blog, but they say flattery is the sincerest form of flattery. Or some such bullshit. I guess the lesson is that you can’t try to be more funny than the big dogs- just learn from them.

  83. 83
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 11:32 am

    @giff “Did anyone else notice Teresas eyes and drool when Andrea pullled out Ben Wiener money.. I honestly think she thought she was going to win for ever right answer.”

    That is cracking me up, I hope her rich, possibly black love-child with Juicy producing sister-in-law is rubbing her face in it. Maybe Testosteresa can make a little pocket money by babysitting… Oh, wait she can’t raise kids either.

  84. 84
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 12:23 pm

    @Bridget: Well, noble effort, my friend! I also posted a few quotes from our esteemed HWives upthread but you remember alot more. I’m gonna try to work a few into my conversations this week.

    To the deli owner who is dressing my sandwich: That’s e-fucking-nough!
    To the people exiting the A-train at Times Squre during rush hour: One at a time! Together, you’re fucking tough, but one-on-one…
    To my baby playing Pat-A-Cake: I will not clap.

  85. 85
    skatt
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    PCheez: That doesn’t entirely surprise me regarding Tweetgate 2010 (09?), if only because I believe it was good ol’ Perez Hilton that “broke” the story.
    It did strike me as little not like Danielle to do something so easily traceable. She was in full-bore “victim mode” at that point, so it did seem odd.

    But then, you always have to factor in “upside-down & batshit crazy” (legal terminology) into the equation as well.

  86. 86
    Prodigal Cheez
    Posted September 12, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    “But then, you always have to factor in “upside-down & batshit crazy” (legal terminology) into the equation as well.” I know @skatt!! LOL!!

    I had no problem believing she did it, and isn’t it always the way with pathological liars that the ONE thing you call them out on turns about to be the ONE thing they didn’t lie about? Meanwhile the 90,000 other lies go unaddressed.

    Now that I think about it, I think that’s why Jacqueline’s sudden turnaround was so jarring for me – one minute she’s legitimately upset and angry that Danielle wishes Asslee would kill her herself, then the next she’s telling her “I’m okay with you, let’s move on!” Jacqueline needs to take Parenting 101 from the Amons and theTurners (and get rid of Asslee and see if Lolly’s available on a fill-in status).

    At any rate Danielle’s whole deal with Asslee was bizarre, even Christine knew better – and Asslee has said all kinds of rotten things about her too.

  87. 87
    Bridget Miller
    Posted September 13, 2010 at 6:01 am

    @sarcasatire: now you have me laughing especially the deli owner one. Could you imagine if you came out without- that is e-fucking-nough. You would totally get looked at like a fucking crazy person which would only be fitting. Then you can look back at him and say, “I am just like Jesus nailed to the cross. I am done.”

  88. 88
    MaryF
    Posted September 16, 2010 at 10:51 am

    If Danielle wants a new show, what about ‘America’s Most Wanted’

  89. 89
    Bahu Rupiya
    Posted September 25, 2010 at 3:18 am

    I will always be grateful to the Manzo tribeesfolk, for it was because of them that I finally sat down and watched the first episode of the Sopranos, a show I totally ignored when it was on, but after hearing so many comparisons between the two New Jersey families, one fictional, one semi-fictional, (though, real talk, none of us will ever know for sure which is which) that I just had to see for myself.

    I was prepared, even hopeful, that the show would be at least mildly interesting. I’m not really much of a “crime drama” person – I’m still miffed that House of Carters didn’t do at least one more season – but I had no idea that The Sopranos would turn out to be television heroin, obliging me to put my life on hold while I sat and watched all 6 seasons with only brief hygiene and pizza-ordering breaks.

    I get it now. I understand, if through a glass darkly, why Jerseymania has taken over the universe. It’s about putting family and malapropsims first, leaving the last syllable off words for foods, and Livia, mother of Tiberius and Livia, mother of Tony, and her dramaturgical daughter, Caroline, mother-priestess of Manzos. But mostly it’s about leopard. So much leopard.

    And then the screen went black. Of course it was Meadow. So I did the only thing I could, the only reasonable, sensible thing.

    I bought a leopard bra.

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Human Verification: In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.