Welcome back to the Real Housewives of New Jersey! First, let’s get everyone’s take on last night at Jacquee’s. Caroline’s informing us that she was just innocently sippin’ her latte in a plastic cup…and oh, there’s some pretense of bringing over some swimsuits to Jacquee’s house when she got caught in the shitstorm. And now, she’s done with Teresa.
In someone’s backyard, the Manzo kids are doing what they do best.
Chris Laurita comes outside with what he promises Lauren is better then what she calls the sucky wine she already has. And then we launch into more Jacquee talk. She was hysterical crying and couldn’t get out of bed, says Lauren. She’s the nicest girl, but if you betray her – watch out, says Chris. Just ask her ex-husband, Matt, Chris says knowingly.
The Manzo boys decry what a great friend Mama Manzo has been to Ter. And Chris talks about what a great friend Jacquee was to Ter. And what a great friend he was to Brown Smurf. And how now, no one wants to go to Napa with Guidi.
And what is Jacquee up to? Why, having a hysterical breakdown, of course! If it’s not Moonface, it’s Ter. She’s declaring their friendship dead.
At Ter’s she’s not any happier. But was at least smart enough to bring Dina back into the loop! ”I went to Dina’s house after Jacqueline’s,” she informs us immediately.
She and Smurfy agree that whatever BS stories she’s selling to whatever tabloid are none of Jacquee, Caro or anyone else’s business. Brown Smurf compares Jacquee to a dodo bird. It’s really a hilarious interpretation. He tells her to dump Jacquee and move on.
Then it comes out that they have to attend Mel’s On Display album release party that night. Smurfy is slightly less awful than usual, and Ter’s voice is very hoarse, so I feel like Jacquee might not have been the only one having a hysterical breakdown here. Anyway, he agrees to support her in her efforts to make things better with her brother and Mel, and if that includes fist-pumping time at some dinky club on the shore, he’s probably not too upset about it.
Then the Brown Smurf says he’s leaving to go lift weights or eat salami or something. She tries to get him to stay and be a nice husband and listen to her made for TV drama, but he’s just not interested.
“Now that I don’t have Jaq and Caroline, I gotta keep my family together,” Ter explains. So she calls Kat, who’s puttering around her garden and that’s about all the shit she’s about to deal with.
So I heard the Manzos told you to fuck off.