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Thursday, August 19, 2010
7:30 pm
146 Comments
Hi Gasmii–
It’s 3 AM in my overly dramatic Hollywood bungalow (that’s California, not Florida) and your insomniac Recap Artist is hard at work, a light breeze wafting jasmine and grapefruit tree-blossom into the breakfast nook I’ve cheerily transformed into a home office. My 19″ Apple monitor illuminates me and my generous C-cups, bouncing freely in a soft 100% cotton scoop-neck tee from Country Road in Australia, just enough for any neighboring pervert to get a nice gander if they happen to be peering through the grapefruit tree into my kitchen window. Let them look all they want, I have a selection of very sharp knives close by. And I’m Puerto Rican so I know how to use them.
When we last left our Jersey Housewife pals, three of them were on a hideous cruise ship bound for Naples (Italy, not Florida) and one of them was back in NJ, threatening to get the last laugh by digging up the bitch who left her in a basket for the nuns circa 1962. Milania (aka Feral Lemur Baby) “celebrated” her 4th birthday in typical OTT Jew-Dice fashion, screaming and pouting her way through a nightmarish mandatory dinner party ordered by delusional shopaholic mommy Teresa. Daddy Juicy Joe wasn’t too concerned about his DWI. Danielle accused aspiring 5th Housewife Kim G of betraying her. Kim dismissed Danielle “and her fake and square tits” in a valet parking area (where all the Dani-drama seems to always take place). Mommy Salami (aka Caroline) and husband Albert resented being put on troll-patrol (aka babysitting Teresa’s hyper-accessorized Goils). Teresa’s dad Giacinto offended a tableful of assimilated Italian-Americans by warning them about “the mafioso” of Napoli.
Naples. The Deranged Cunt (aka the Costa Deliziosa) docks, spewing forth Jew-Dices and Manzo-Lauritae. Caroline interviews that she’s thrilled to be in Naples, because she hates cruise ships. Especially when they’re floating day-care centers for Jew-Dice brats. Speaking of which…
How’s charm school, Grace?
The whining begins before the door to the Jew-Dice cabin even opens. “Trow her on da deck– trow her overbroad!” Joe snips as if reading our collective mind. Joe grumbles to his wife: “Nex’ time I ain’t goin wit you. Dis ain’t a fuckin vacation!” The narrow corridor bottlenecks with Jew-Dice in-laws and Milania’s pink suitcase falls over on her. LOL. Feral starts shrieking and sobbing. “We just arrived to Naples,” Teresa illiterately interviews, “and here’s Joe bitchin about how many bags I packed.” Teresa says the dream getaway has been “a stressful time for us”, since Joe is worried “about bein away from his business for a week.” Yes, honey– that’s all that’s troubling him. It has nothing to do with his spouse and children acting like enormous assholes in front of everyone he knows, the crew of the Deranged Cunt, the crew of Real Housewives of New Jersey, and a global television audience. Niente, nada, bupkis. Which coincidentally is also his bank balance and credit score.
Jacqueline interviews that everyone left their bags on the ship, except Joe. “Maybe he was worried one would end up missing,” she theorizes. Hey, lady– hair extensions and Thorazine are expensive! Joe is in hell, shlepping strollers and suitcases down a giant flight of stairs. Jacqueline, Teresa’s BFF, gets saucy: “God forbid… one of her kids didn’t have a bow on their head– she’d make one out of toilet paper.” Et tu, Jacqui?!!
Bus. From Teresa’s lap, Feral Lemur demands to know where they’re going. Teresa says they’re going to visit Naples. “I wanna go to Sala Consilina NOW!” the fussy little traveler [insert synonym of choice for WHINES], referring to the godforsaken backwater the Jew-Dice ancestors call home. Teresa threatens to send Feral to the back of the bus “with Daddy” if she doesn’t dial it down. Joe looks miserable back there, with aspiring talent-free starlet Gia crawling over him to reach the window, perhaps looking for an agency to rep her, since Italian movies are traditionally shot without live sound, thus enabling producers to post-dub shaky performances with voices of performers who can actually act. And as we all know, when it comes to actressing, Gia makes The Olsen Twins look like Rosanna & Patricia Arquette.
“Great, Milania! Now do ‘BULIMIC Supermodel’!”
Caroline diplomatically tells us that “I was annoyed– it’s been a long time since I had three little ones that age for an extended period of time in unfamiliar surroundings, and they’re not my kids… [so I can't smack the shit out of them].” Teresa is trying unsuccessfully to bribe Feral with the promise of seeing “all your cousins” tomorrow, then interviews that “Caroline seems like she’s in a funky mood, but we’re finally on land, [and] she hates cruise ships, so she should be happy now.” I’ve heard, through the Gasmi grapevine, that Caroline was suffering from kidney stones (Caroline– stop drinking all that iced tea!) on this trip, which must have made close contact with Teresa’s womb-rot even more harrowing. But Teresa doesn’t care: “I don’t feel responsible at all if people [and creditors] are in a crappy mood. That’s on them.” All I can say is… wow! And that Teresa is a delusional, entitled dripping snatch.
As the bus heads for the city center, Giacinto gives Teresa a geography lesson, pointing out Mount Vesuvius. Teresa interviews that “Naples had this volcano, and it did erupt, but hundreds and hundreds of years ago.” She becomes confused, asking the interviewer “Hundreds of years ago? Or 60 years ago? What was it?” Teresa is worried that “smoke’s comin out of it”, but her dad tells her that’s just fog. Poor Joe. His fantasy of cascading molten lava consuming Teresa, the Goils and their luggage, doused in the mist.
Naples is a fabulously gritty city with seafood-inflected cuisine that’s almost worth getting run over by the most aggressive, worst drivers in Italy. Last time I was there I stayed at a friend’s apartment in an 18th century building with angels and gargoyles clustering over every doorway and window. The anchovy pizza and beautiful, thuggy, horny boys in tight jeans will linger forever in my Ecstasy-damaged brain. Mangiamo!
Hotel. The Jew-Dices check in (off-camera) and go to their typically teeny room. Teresa: Goils… do you like it? Great, give them another chance to bitch about something. The Goils go into the bathroom and become excited at the discovery of “a little sink!” Teresa, the ever-sophisticated mentor, tells them it’s called an “Obuhdeh”. The Pretty One (aka Gabriella, 5), squeals that her infant sister “Tawdriana can go in it!” I love that the first time the entire trip that these kids are excited about something it’s a fucking bidet. Or, in case Teresa is reading this: a bee-day. But what is it, Mommy?! Teresa says that in Italy they have a toilet and… “A boy’s toilet?” Gia guesses. No, it’s an obuhduh, her mother corrects. Teresa asks Joe for clarification, but of course he has no clue. He does know “they don’t use ‘em anymore in America”. Anymore?! Does Joe have a photo album somewhere with sepia shots of his Nonna squatting over the obuhdeux, flushing out her tired continental cooze? “Dey’re like douches!” Joe says. We have a winner, Gasmii! Thank goodness. The rest of this day might be sheer torture, but at least his Goils will be fresh as spring daisies.
“Mommy! Can we have a Who’s Got The Cleanest Jyna Contest? PLEEEEEAZE?!?”
In Caroline’s room, Albert throws himself on the bed, exhausted. Caroline tells him that her parents are thrilled to be back in Naples, even though it’s changed a lot. She tells us her dad’s parents emigrated from Italy and that “they didn’t teach Italian to us, which I’m very angry about.” She says she only knows “the bad words”. Albert tells Caroline last time he was here he went to Pompeii and saw the disturbing famous figures of unlucky ancient citizens encased forever in sizzling hot ash. Caroline says she’d “love to see that– I don’t think with this crew it’s gonna happen.” Caroline wistfully talks of “escaping” the chain-gang and actually enjoying the time they have left there. Do it! I really feel bad for her. Pompeii is mind-blowing and so worth disrupting Teresa’s death-march schedule for.
Caroline and Albert joke about not being missed, but Caroline thinks The Pretty One would miss Albert. “She’s your little buddy,” she tells him. TPO certainly ain’t Caroline’s buddy– in the previous episode, Gabriella tried to stab Caroline in the face with a pen. “The three of them are very special kids,” Albert remarks, “special”, as we all know, being code for “retarded”. “They need a little iron hand,” Albert dares to observe. “Joe and Teresa, they’re different than we were.” Yes, you’re good parents and they suck it at. “At some point you have to discipline them,” Albert almost pleads. Caroline interviews that “it’s a lotta work, raising kids”. Yeah, if you give a shit. She declares that she and Albert “are done raising kids” and are “looking forward to grandchildren”. Who aren’t assholes. At least with all the nice low obuhduhs all over the hotel, they’ll be able to drown Feral and The Pretty One with minimum back strain.
Staub Manor. Time to check in on our rumor-has-it-recently-fired-from-the-show wack-job! “How was your day, Bean?” Danielle asks her daughter. Um, I think her name is Jillian. Yes, it definitely is; they just chyroned it. “Good,” the 11-year-old replies. Danielle’s day was “awesome”. But she’d like to have a chat with Jillian and Christine, 16, without the aspiring teen model texting “help me” messages the whole time. Danielle confiscates Christine’s phone so all attention can be on Danielle, who’s feeling “sensitive” because she wants to play the victim card again talk about her mom to the girls. Danielle reminds them and us about the trauma of the girls (who, for the record, seem not in the least bit traumatized and quite probably couldn’t care less) finding out through the local town gossip about Danielle’s search for her biological mother. Danielle didn’t want them to know about this until she actually found the old bag, who probably WILL be traumatized to find Bitter Betty and a camera crew on her doorstep. Shoulda kept those legs closed, Granny!
“And how will you be scarring us for life THIS week, Mom?”
Danielle tells us that Kim G “stabbed me in the proverbial back” by revealing Danielle’s search to Teresa. Such. Manufactured. Horseshit. Then she regurgitates the “Evil Hurtful Teresa” speech to her daughters until Christine robotically agrees that Teresa doesn’t “respect” Danielle and that’s wrong. After all, Christine says, Danielle is “a human being”. Now that she mentions it, I’m not too sure about that. Danielle’s looking a lot like the Geico Gekko in a wig.
“I was a baby left without a mother,” Danielle interviews. “However, I still turned out to be a good mom.” Yay for you! Actually, her daughters do seem extraordinarily un-fucked-up, which, considering Danielle’s onscreen behavior for two seasons, is a bona-fide Christian miracle. Danielle tells the girls that them finding out about the search is really “a blessing” (then why the hell do you keep filibustering about it?!?) and that “there’s a chance” that Danielle will be able to rub them in the face of introduce them “to the woman who risked it all to have me at 15″. So now Granny’s a hero? OK– that might be a good way to sell it to the poor old bat.
Jillian thinks Danielle meeting her mother will be a good thing, and Christine applauds Danielle for making an effort and not “sitting on your ass” and doing nothing to satisfy Danielle’s curiosity. Ex-Stripper Danielle stiffens at this salty language and Christine immediately amends “ass” to “butt”. A well-spoken young lady has “many options”, Countess Danielle lectures, “behind, bottom”, “heinie”, “tuchus”, “the one orifice Danielle didn’t surrender on her recent sex tape”. So many euphemisms! Danielle tells Christine she’s “too beautiful and too spiritual to speak like that.” What planet is this bitch ON??! And how could Bravo fire a person who says shit like this? It’s an utter disgrace.
“What’s that, Satan? You want me to keep twisting the chain until the sow is dead? Got it!”
Piazza San Domenico. Caroline and Chris check in with their parents Joe and Nettie to see how they’re doing. Not surprisingly, being around the Jew-Dices has the oldsters thinking about death, and they say for “as many years as they left”, they’ll cherish this trip, which Joe predicts will be their last. Caroline says they taught her that family comes first, so doing this for her parents “is very dear to me”. She says she wishes “the other 9 of us were here”, making me wonder if I have the math wrong, or does that mean poor Nettie gave birth to 11 kids??! Jesus. It’s possible that SHE popped Danielle out while while making a lasagna and one of the kids brought her to Catholic school for show and tell and forgot her in the cloakroom. If so, Caroline is going to be so pissed.
At long last, someone in this sorry group (namely Chris) uses their head and takes everyone out to dinner. Everybody (especially Joe) channels their aggression into stuffing their faces with what, Caroline tells us, is renowned to be “the best pizza in the WORLD”. It looks incredible coming out of that wood-burning oven. Even Milania is acting like a human. Of course it’s all too good to be true, because now Teresa has to bum them all out by talking. Caroline interviews that Teresa can’t shut up about her family reunion in Sala Consilina, which Caroline is too disgusted to bother to learn to pronounce. Jacqueline wants to know if the upcoming relatives are “like” Joe and Teresa: “Do they wear fur and leopard?” Teresa interviews that “Where Joe’s family live, it’s really old-school, like all the homes are on top of each other.” So kind of like your new digs atop the pizzeria.
She goes on to say that Joe came to the US when he was one. Joe warns them that to reach his family, you have to hike up a hill. “The kids” and “old people”, too, Jacqui kvetches. Joe says his 86-year-old grandma still goes up and down the hill, so quit belly-aching, Msjacqlaur! But Jacqueline is semi-drunk and stands up to cause trouble by asking “Does anybody think it’s gonna be a problem tomorrow hiking up a hill with babies and old people?” Um, how rude–Caroline is sitting right next to you. Teresa interview-snips back that “we’re in Italy”, where there are indigenous elderly and infants– “If they can do it, we can do it!” Then she crosses herself like God hasn’t already damned her to an eternal beach party on the Lake of Fire.
So close. So frustratingly close…
Staub Manor. Yipping mutts signal the arrival of Danielle’s little felon buddy and chauffeur Danny, who’s taking Her Ladyship to lunch. How ’bout the Market Basket? Danielle: …With those crazy bitches live over there? I guess that’s a no, Gasmii. Danny says the crazy bitches are “gone”. Did they get their “karmic return” and drop dead, Danielle inquires. No, gossipy Danny says, they’re in Italy. Teresa, Jacqueline, all them hoo-ahs. You sure? asks Danielle, who “could really go for some panini.” I could go for some regular NeNe myself. She’s kind of the Danielle of RHOA, right? I’d love see her and Danielle become BFF’s then watch it all go tits-up by week. There’s no reason they can’t be sisters. NeNe’s deadbeat dad could easily have headed north in search of jailbait Cuban Missile Crisis cooze. Am I reaching? We’re already one-third through and this episode is putting me to sleep faster than an Ambien CR and a six-pack of Champale. I’m probably dating myself, but somebody has to. When your underwear model boyfriend high-tails it back to Sydney without even putting a ring on it, you have no choice but to insert his photo in your last recap as a gay joke. You feel me, ladies? Anyone?
Freed from the terror of running into her arch-frenemies, Danielle, shockingly, drives the Range Rover herself, chanting “I get panini!” like a retard. I hope she sees Dina and ends up with a cleavage full of antipasti. Danielle tells Danny that “before I met Jacqueline La-RI-ta”, Franklin Lakes used to be her playground, a sunny village ideal for grabbing an ice cream with one’s daughters, or getting sloshed at an elegant bar waiting for one’s internet date to stand one up. Danielle revs up the Victim Engine: “Those woman [sic] have threatened me to the point where I don’t even wanna run into them,” she confesses to Danny. She says she could “just walk into a parking lot where they could just ambush me– AND YOU KNOW THEY DO!” she squawks. Danny quickly agrees if only to keep her focused and her eye-lift on the road. She elaborates via interview: “I wouldn’t pretend to know what one of those Manzo lunatics– oh, and Laurita, well, Jew-Dice lunatics are doing in Italy– don’t want to know.” From what we’ve seen, I can assure her that it’s not as much fun as lunching with an ex-con.
Market Basket. Danielle says she associates this joint “with a sinking feeling in my gut” that, like Hitler‘s SS, “out of nowhere they would come!” It’s called paranoid dementia, folks. My great-aunt Lupita has it and gets up in the middle of the night to put her rings in the basement refrigerator to hide them from the UPS man. Danielle claims she “couldn’t let my kids walk around here safely anymore”. OMFG, you raving madwoman. I sincerely doubt that even thuggette Ashley cruises the shopping center hoping to pick a catfight with Christine and Jillian. (Although I’m 100% in favor of the forbidden Christopher Manzo-Christine romance one of my beloved Gasmii suggested 2 weeks ago in the Comments of this very blog.) “I hope it’s not another Titanic weather on that cruise,” Danielle adds, the idiocy of her confusing an iceberg with weather nullifying her clumsy wish for the Deranged Cunt to sink with sweet, innocent CJ Laurita and infants Nicholas and Tawdriana aboard.
Is that jool-a-ree or are you expecting a vampire attack?
Danny keeps stirring the pot in a laudable effort to score a slut machine freak-out jackpot: He “ran into one of Ashley’s friends”, who are apparently seeking Danny out to ask what THEY can do for Danielle. Danielle labels Ashley as having “terroristic tendencies”– that’s why Danny says he wants to “keep tabs on her”. Adults are actually paid to churn out this crap. Not that I don’t think the producers of RHONJ aren’t doing a lovely job… I just think the people who have to sit through it deserve to be paid double. Danielle yammers on about Awful Ashley: “She’s a special kind of crazy. Look what she did to me! Yanked the hair out of my head. The one I used to drive to school so she wouldn’t be thrown out of yet another school.” She tells us she hopes and prays they took Ash with them– if she attacked Danielle in a country club, why not in a supermarket? Or an adult bookstore? Or a gynecologist’s office when you’re trying to tape a nice uplifting segment about your daughter’s cervix? This evil, moon-faced Guidette must be stopped!
Naples. Bellboys pack the chartered bus with dozens of pink suitcases and hair-extension carriers. The Pretty One takes First Whine of the Day honors, but surprise! She’s whining with joy– she found her purple glove! Yay for you, TPO! You’re gonna need it walking to public school from the homeless shelter. Things immediately go downhill and I ain’t talkin ’bout drivin’ through no mountains, chile. Joe stomps onto the bus, grumbling that they just paid 850 Euros for one night in the hotel. This converts to around $1100 bucks! For that tiny room?! So not worth it, even with unlimited obuhdeux privileges. “One f*ckin night!” Joe grunts. To add insult to perjury (I’m thinking bankruptcy court), Joe’s parents just paid 650 for theirs. Joe’s ma Filomena pipes up: “How astupid we are! We gotta come to Naples to let them steal our money! It’s abullsh*t!” Cantalo, sorella! Maybe the name of the hotel should’ve tipped them off: “Albergo Mafioso“.
Joe yells that it’s too hot and demands air conditioning. “Tell ‘em to turn this f*ckin bus on!” Teresa doesn’t need a little thing like dropping a grand on one night’s lodging piercing her pretty spendy balloon and admonishes Joe to “stop cursin in fronttada kids!” Joe: I doan give a sh*t. Relax, kid, Teresa threateningly replies. Joe: NO! Teresa: JOE! Joe: Lea’me alone. I tot it was 850 Euro for all tree rooms! I didn’t touch nuttin outta da mini-bar. Jacqueline, who at the time of this blogging to my knowledge under oath, has NOT filed for bankruptcy yet, irritatedly interviews “OMG, they wouldn’t stop about how much everything cost. It was a nonstop bitchfest. It’s like you eat, you drink, you PAY.” Or in your case, your husband pays, and luckily he can, because even in a recessed economy, Jersey is full of people looking to keep up with the Gionoffrios by throwing obscenely pricey weddings, Sweet 16′s and yes, christening parties at The Brownstone.
Pretty
But it doesn’t matter if you’re richer than Seacrest, no amount of cash can save your nerves if you’re trapped on a bus with Joe Jew-Dice and his harem of hollering hair-hoppers. From the back, Joe loudly disputes various charges: “Cognac, vodka, who drank the cognac?!” Teresa, who would give her new left tit for cell phone coverage and a Saks catalog right now, reacts by assuring the Goils that Mommy still loves them. What I love is how Teresa is so deeply sick as a mother that materialism and love have become the same thing– when Joe questions her profligate spending, it’s tantamount to him saying he doesn’t love them. “My fadduh don’t drink no cognac!” Joe splutters. “Whiskey?! I doan even drink whiskey! That’s bullsh*t. A bowl of pasta, 400 Euros?… I feel like goin back to beat’em up just cuzza dat bill. I mean, dat’s impossible. How the hell could we do 2200 dolluhs in drinks in one night?!… And duh breakfast SUCKED!” Teresa has had enough: Zip it, she warns him.
Joe’s tiny brain can’t stop smoking and grinding, trying to figure out the admittedly massive financial damage one night in Naples has inflicted. “We had a thousand dolluh breakfast dat sucked.” Teresa: Joe. Shut UP. Joe: I doan care. Caroline interviews that Joe was “tired” and “cranky” and “lashing out at everybody”. Then Joe announces that “my mouth is so dry I’m about to swallow my tongue” and “I had a cuppa cawfee and a sh*tty ham sandwich for a thousand dollars.” You’re exaggerating, there was also an obuhdeux. Teresa tells us that “when Joe gets like that I just ignore him”. Like you do with everything else that’s wrong with your life. She tries to placate by telling the bus that they’re almost there. Joe lays out the plan for everyone: “We’ll see a little bitta duh town but we’re gonna do what we gotta do. We gotta go eat and we gotta be civilized. No more bullsh*t f*ckin aroun.” Caroline finds this hysterical and cracks up.
Sala Consilina. A quaint farming village with panoramic mountain views. Joe says he’s happy already and mentions that the air is a lot fresher than in Naples. The bus comes to a steep cobblestone road and has to stop. “Please no, please no,” Gia can be heard crabbing, although to be fair to the budding young Pia Zadora, maybe Teresa is trying to weigh her down with hair clips and jool-a-ree. Jacqueline interviews that she didn’t much for care the “hill we had to climb”. Get some exercise, bitch. Because when you sit on Chris’s face, he can’t hear the stereo. Jacqueline claims she was just concerned for the oldsters in the group, and they end up leaving Caroline & Teresa’s parents behind to watch Tawdriana.
Teresa clomps up the hill in four-inch heeled boots, pointing out her parents’ house, which the Jew-Dices now own and Teresa plans to fix up when she “makes a lot of money”. There’s a better chance of Mt Vesuvius erupting again. The climb is strenuous (and “a great ass workout”), but luckily they have Joe to entertain with stories about how donkeys used to do all the heavy lifting for the villagers. They should never have gotten rid of them, Joe opines, obviously wishing he’d married one instead of the hairy, obstinate beast he’s now stuck with. First stop at the top– Joe’s grandma Maria‘s. She’s holding up exceptionally well for her mid-80′s. All that uphill walking keeps you young and fit. As does being an ocean away from her not-so-great great-granddaughters. Nonna Maria hugs and kisses everyone and tells Teresa how beautiful she is. Even with that hairline, I guess she’s a Sala Consilina 8.
“Mamma mia, Giuseppe! Why you kids-a sucha assholes?!”
Detective’s house. Danielle arrives at the home office of married private investigation team Jeanette and Jimmy O’Connor. They were referred by Danny, so my sleaze-o-meter is instantly on. Danielle explains that she’s looking for her birth mother and doesn’t have much to go on– date and place of birth and “my ethninticity“. Yep, that’s what she said. Jimmy almost raises his eyebrows at Danielle’s fancy made-up word, but manages to suppress the giggles into a sympathetic smile. Basically they’re looking for a “Catholic”, “Italian” 62-year-old. And… go! Jimmy warns Danielle this won’t be easy or quick. Danielle pauses to relish her victimhood: “Nothing in my life has been fabulously easy.” Except, apparently, your mother.
Danielle tells them she’s all alone in the world except for her daughters and dear, special friends like Jacqueline Kim G Kim D Danny. She’d love to have “another adult in her life… I’m a very positive thinker, so I’m just gonna say if I’m ready, she’s ready.” Narcissism at its finest, mis hijos. Jimmy then warns Danielle that if and when they find the poor old cow, “she has to make the decision to see you. That’ll be the easiest decision since Baked Ruffles VS Wow Chips. Just say no to anal leakage! And in Danielle’s mom’s case, vaginal leakage (i.e. Danielle). Danielle rather buzz-killingly confesses via interview that all she wants “is to be part of a family”, but if Mom’s “addicted to any drugs or alcohol, or if she’s homeless,” that’s a deal-breaker. It’s also a great new CBS sitcom pilot: Shit My Homeless Birth Mom Says When She’s Fucked Up On Crack!
Danielle sums it all up with a classic Staubism: “I’m not finding her to make HER better, I’m finding her to make ME better.” A talented make-up artist and regular meals would be so much cheaper. Then Danielle starts weeping as she tells the detectives, if Bio-Mom doesn’t want to meet her, Danielle is… not going to meet her. No shit, fruit loop.
“If we have any hope of a reunion, it’s going to be very important that your birth mother has had no access to cable television. Specifically Bravo.”
Sala Consilina. The death-march continues up still more romantic cobblestone paths and stairways until our beleaguered tour group reaches someone’s house. There’s lots of double-cheek-kisses and Ciao Bellas and an extremely cute dog:
Teresa interviews that she and Joe speak Italian, in fact “I didn’t start speakin English till I went to kinnergarden, so that’s why sometimes when I’m saying things, that’s why it comes out the wrong way.” And you stoopid.
Teresa introduces Caroline & Jacqueline to “all the young cousins”. Jacqueline interviews that it was nice being in Italy because it’s far away from Danielle. Now we all know these interviews are “guided” by the producers, who need to put an episode together with links and segues between “storylines”, but come on. Jacqui comes off as so utterly petulant and simplistic she ought to be ashamed. Jacqueline HAS to take some serious responsibility for Ashley yanking on Danielle’s weave. As mentioned by you, Gasmii, despite Jacqui’s perfunctory protestations and head-shaking and disappointment in her aimless, brainlessly behaving daughter, Jacqueline’s feeding her and us mixed signals that render her as two-faced and insincere as Kim G. Danielle is a pathetic, damaged loon who should have NO impact on Jacqueline’s cushy (albeit dysfunctional) life and I’m sick of Daffy Dani being used as a scapegoat by every single other adult on the show.
More food-porn as we get a kitchen table full of authentic Southern Italian home cooking, which the camera lingeringly drools over: sausage, mozzarella, rolls, prosciutto. You can’t even watch this stuff on TV without compromising the fit of your favorite jeans. Chris proposes a toast and everyone pigs out. Even Feral and The Pretty One are too amazed to misbehave.
Because this is a Catholic show, we all now need to be punished for our indulgence with a visit to the family slaughterhouse! “How do you kill the pig?” Caroline asks. “They usually slice their t’roat,” Joe says, pointing out a huge, horrifying Hostel-type hook hanging from the ceiling. The Jersey contingent reacts, appalled, as if all the meat at The Brownstone gets on people’s plates because the critters had heart attacks. Caroline insists via interview that she wouldn’t have eaten the sausage if she knew the pig died 50 feet from the kitchen. “Every five minutes you hear a pig screamin,” Joe gleefully tells them, referring to daily village life and not Teresa on this trip. Joe yuks it up and Jacqueline threatens to shove the wire brush (used for scrubbing the bristles off the carcass) into Joe’s rectum and make him “squeal like a pig”. Joe must have gotten SO hard.
That’s not necessary. All she needs are a couple glasses of red wine and the latest Chanel catalog.
“I wanna go see the piggies!” Milania screeches. Caroline suggests prescription painkillers would help tranquilize the pigs before butchering. Just leave it alone with Feral and TPO and that porker will slit his own throat. Then Milania can YouTube it on her Facebook page. Which some of you Gasmii should get together and create if it doesn’t already exist. Caroline says she didn’t know whose house she was in, but that stealing a quick spaghetti feeding-frenzy with Jacqueline was the moment she was “most at peace” in the trip.
“Orange trees?! Whaddawe in Florida here?” Joe cracks, witty as always, as they check out the terraced garden and he tells Teresa to shut up again. Later, in town, she demands an apology for “yellin at me”. Instead he tells her to “learn a little respect” and she tries to kick him in the ass. I’m sorry, Danielle– in the behind. Teresa gripes via interview that “Joe’s been in a funky mood the whole time, so I want him to apologize.” This is what happens when she’s more than half a mile from a designer retail outlet. Joe placates her with a smooch and playfully threatens to kick her across a ravine to his uncle’s apartment terrace as Caroline waxes wise: “Who doesn’t fight?… If you say ‘I don’t fight with my family’, lie-uh! Of course ya fight… cuz ya love each other. Fighting’s part of marriage.” Right up there with co-signing for American Express Black cards you have no intention of paying off.
Acquainted with his homeland’s bloodthirsty drivers, Joe admonishes Feral to hold their hands while traipsing through the streets, “cuz I’m gonna kick your little butt if you don’t! I doan like the way you’re actin.” That goes double for you, Gia Zadora. Teresa admonishes Joe to stop “yellin” at the Goils. He says they don’t want to hold his hand because he tries to get them to behave whereas Teresa lets them run amuck. “I think you should apologize to The Pretty One,” Teresa challenges him, poking a sharp stick at an ill-tempered bulldog on a 3-foot chain. Joe doesn’t say he’s sorry, but smothers TPO’s face with kisses because rageaholic diva tots should always be mollified, never corrected. I’m sorry, but her pimp is going to have a helluva time breaking this one in.
“And dere’s where me’n duh udduh altuh boys useta play Ookie Biscotti.”
But don’t worry– Joe has a jug of vino rosso hidden in Tawdriana’s stroller. How about a big novelty pope hat with a hidden wine bottle holder and a long straw disguised as one of those Britney Spears stage mics? You could sell them all over Italy. As the sun sets, Joe’s ma Filomena points out various local landmarks: the church where she married Joe’s pa on 2-22-69, and the modest apartment where she give birth to Juicy sometime in late September, I’m guessing. Jacqueline interviews that she feels so “blessed” to be there with three generations of three different families– she loves stories about people who marry their childhood sweethearts and then stay together for life. No matter HOW much they grow to loathe each other. Jacqueline thanks God for “a tight family bond”. At least something’s on this broad’s tight, Gasmii.
Staub Manor. Danielle is relaxing at home with her dogs and daughters when her hired detectives phone. She sees the caller ID and “my heart sinks a little bit”, she tells us, begging the question Why the hell did you get yourself into this mess?! It’s so hard to find people to victimize you that now you’re paying someone to dig them up?! Well, don’t get too excited. He just tells her they sent a letter to the court to locate the papers Danielle’s Bio-Mom would have had to sign, but since she was a minor, it’s going to take more time. And if she went the sock-hop dumpster route, it’ll really be tough. Jim the PI says “with a little luck from the court”, he’ll be allowed to take Danielle to search through official records, but that could happen “tomorrow or 10 years from now”. Danielle weepily tells us she realizes she might never find Mom, but she’s been searching for 47 years and won’t stop now. Because she’s a victim survivor hero! She tells her daughters that all they can do now is pray.
Borgalucano. Teresa’s family dinner is at a nice restaurant. Teresa tells us that she stuck her parents with baby Tawdriana all day, so this is the first time the Sala Consilina contingent is seeing Tawdri. Make sure to have the gold, frankincense and myrrh ready, cugini! Or if you really want to impress, Chanel, Prada and Nairrh. Sure enough, Teresa makes a grand entrance with poor Tawdri and the Goils dolled-up in pink like friggin’ Easter baskets. “Lookit Tawdriana!” Teresa whines triumphantly, then tells us she had the four matching get-ups “custom-made”. How thrifty of her!
What. The fuck. Is on. Her head!?!?
Teresa makes a toast, thanking her family and Caroline & Jacqueline for being there. We’re supposed to feel warm and fuzzy (like Joe’s butt-crack) here, because the editors aren’t showing us Feral acting like a twat, and Caroline is beneficently interviewing that “You don’t have to be blood to be family”. Let’s hope for your sake that the bankruptcy judge feels differently. Caroline says “There’s a bond there and I’ll protect it to the end”. Anyone else wonder about this “end” Caroline keeps talking about? In my imagination it always includes a hail of bullets. Everyone applauds except Gia Zadora, who appears to be texting. Maybe she slipped her number to a local 9-year-old lothario looking to score points by getting to second base with a real live Gossip Girl extra.
Maison Manzo. Caroline and Albert return home and receive a warm welcome from sensuous sons Albie and Christopher. Caroline tells them the trip was “unbelievable”. She’s happy to see “nothing exploded” while she was gone, except, one can assume, the boys’ healthy young Italian-American loads during their respective masturbation sessions. Sorry for that Gasmii– I am all in a lather after watching big strapping hunka dumb Lane “discreetly”rub one out in the Big Brother shower. (If you’re watching this season, it’s definitely worth a Google, especially when he checks his palm for stray jizz clots afterwards!) Unlike you after the above over-share, Caroline and Albert are starving, so the boys offer to cook them something before their parents crash for the night. I love me some Brothers Manzo.
Villa Foreclosa. The Jew-Dices arrive and Joe tells the Goils to drop their suitcases in Le Grand Foyer and go to bed. “We had the best time, RIIIIIIIGHHHHT?!” Teresa rhetorically shrieks. Feral is in an oddly good mood: “I doan wanna go HOME!” she gurgles. Don’t fret, you’ll be off on another lavish adventure when you move to that cozy flophouse above the pizzeria. Joe tells Gia Zadora, who has collapsed dramatically on top of her suitcase, to go to bed “right now, before I kick your butt.” Teresa tells us that she can’t help it, she just loves Joe and the Goils no matter how crazy they “sometimes” drive her. And she’s very glad “to have the old Joe back.” Desperate Miserable Barking Tour Group Joe is way less fun than Desperate Steam Room DWI Joe.
Sated, the lemur returns to its nest.
Villa Laurita. Jacqueline unpacks and interviews that being home means re-immersing herself in the drama of Danielle and her assault charges against Ashley. “She pulled Danielle’s hair, she IS guilty of that,” Jacqueline tells us and any judges who happen to be watching. But Ashley didn’t threaten to murder Danielle “or anything else that Danielle is making up.” While I think of it, someone please give Chris and Jacqui’s adorable, extremely well-behaved 7-year-old son CJ a new toy or a trip to an amusement park or the Broadway cast recording of his choice. He has never acted like an asshole, not once, in the history of this show. He seems like a bright, quiet, considerate little boy and I applaud that. He’s the type to drop his entire allowance into a homeless person’s 7-11 cup.
“WILL WHINE FOR FOOD”
NEXT WEEK: Caroline says she’s tired of watching Teresa & Jacqueline “battle this lunatic” Danielle. Danielle vents/tantrums in front of Danny. Caroline texts Danielle. Danielle hires armed bodyguards before meeting Caroline for dinner.
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146 Comments
“Obuduh” ?! For fuck’s sake woman!
Didn’t she go to college? Or school? Ugh.
“Daddy Juicy Joe wasn’t too concerned about his DWI.
Not surprising.He has never been too concerned about his Dim Witted Ignoramus in the past.
TC,Robin
Teresa’s children are some of the most obnoxious people on reality tv, I can totally see them being on “My Super Sweet 16″ when they are old enough. I’m glad the Italy episodes are over, they were kinda boring to me. Can’t wait for next week’s though! And slightly random, but I wonder how much was spent on this trip. I get the feeling it was more than a pretty penny. Oh well, “happy wife, happy life”, I guess.
This woman never stops! Bankruptcy Whore is now blaming Bravo for her troubles. Yeah, like Miss Andy would ever have any of that god-awful crap in his house.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/19/teresa-giudice-blames-bra_n_687759.html
I have a theory about the way Teresa dresses the Goils. When I was a baby, I had no hair, and, being thin, I was not especially pretty. My grandmother always put a bow on my head, so people wouldn’t say, “What a cute little boy.” Maybe Teresa wants to make sure everybody knows her hellspawn are girls (or human, in the lemur’s case). Make sense?
Leia, I can see by the first paragraph of the recap that you are seriously looking for a new BF!
@marijai, thanks for the link. I was wondering why the Giudices were buying all that stuff for their house when it will all be auctioned off. Well, they tried to stop the auction but the judge said no dice. Mark it on your calendars, October 3, when the Giudices’ creditors will get a fraction of what they paid for all that household crap.
Okay, Gasmii, I love you guys so don’t crucify me too hard by the following admission, but I actually like Milania. I mean, sure she’s screaming and hollering all the time but I think it’s because she’s more perceptive than we give her credit for. Could it be she knows the type of family she was born into? I mean, if Teresa and Joe were your parents, would you not scream, yell, and lash out at anything that moves? A parent with common sense doesn’t throw a late dinner party for a four yr old..they do it at lunchtime and include balloons, games, and toys. And when said child falls asleep at the dinner table, a normal parent would cut the dinner short to put her kids to bed, not wake them to eat cake. I’d cut a bitch, too. Milania, girl, I feel you. I feel your pain, I feel your chagrin, and I feel like screaming, just watching it.
Sure, she’s not the cutest lemur in the bunch. That title belongs to the stars of Madagascar. However, she gets it. Gia is walking around all “la-di-da, la-dida..Mommy is the best.” Then again, she got a normal birthday party. Milania is like, “bitch, you packed pantaloons in my suitcase and expect me to drag it down the hall? This shit is bigger than I am?! And when was the last time you hugged me? All you do is dress me like a busted Bratz doll and make me yell ‘fabulous!’, in ALL of my photos. Those are gonna be great to look at when I’m older..my awkward pose- hip jutted, arm straight up with a cocked wrist, and my mouth wide open as I reluctantly yell at the camera. Whatever happened to saying, ‘cheese?’ Instead, you go for cheesy. Caroline, can you adopt me? I’ll work at the Brownstone..since I’m too young to sweep, I’ll hang from the outer ledge like a gargoyle and scare Danielle if she shows up again with a group of mafia wannabees. I can earn my keep, I promise! Oh, and the ham game…fabulouss!”
@sarcasatire, I mostly make fun of Milania because of who her parents are. And, damn, she IS ugly. But I think we all know that children are largely products of their environment. I hadn’t thought about little Milania in quite the way you have, but maybe she deserves more credit.
I was thinking some more about the Giudices’ bankruptcy. While the lawyer is no doubt technically correct in saying that post-filing income and spending are not covered by the bankruptcy (I think his comments were in a People magazine article linked in another comment stream), I do think that their current spending (and income) are in for some close scrutiny by the judge and the creditors. And bankruptcy judges have a lot of power; one of ours here in Tucson has made some pretty unusual rulings regarding season tickets to basketball games. And he is very highly regarded.
Chris Laurita is not ‘eating’ off of Brownstone money. He is a Laurita and his siblings are married to the Manzos but that money doesn’t trickle down to him. As a matter of fact, Jaqui-bear better not get to ‘high-saditty’ because her man is having money problems of his own.
Copied from another site:
‘Signature Apparel Group, LLC designs, develops, manufactures, and distributes branded apparel in the United States and internationally. The company was founded in 1994 and is based in New York, New York. On September 4, 2009, an involuntary petition for liquidation under Chapter 7 was filed against Signature Apparel Group, LLC in the U.S. Bankruptcy Court for the Southern District of New York.
1370 Broadway 6th floor
New York, NY 10018
United States
Founded in 1994
Phone:
212-768-8889
Fax:
212-768-8879
KEY EXECUTIVES
Mr. Christopher Laurita
Chief Executive Officer and President
Compensation as of Fiscal Year 2009.’
sarcasatire-”busted Bratz dolls” I love it!! perfect description. Seriously on the hug…..those poor girls are treated like dolls. I would take a good old fashioned hug over those ridiculous outfits any day. Plus imagine how uncomfortable those kids are all the time between the dress shoes, lace, hair bows and tutus.
Leia- Great recap! loved the pics and captions. The one with the single word “pretty” had me going the most. I couldn’t tell if you googled “troll children” and found that or if it really was from the show. Seriously what the hell was that pink thing on her head?
Yes, I HATE the way Teresa dresses those girls it is tacky as shit. I personally think she dresses them like that because SHE likes it and thinks it is cute. One of my very best friends does the exact same thing. She puts her girls in these big ass tacky bows and tutus because she thinks its adorable. She was telling me one day how her husband was going to kill her because she had spent $50 on bows online and $125 on this tacky tutu for her ONE YEAR OLD. Her theory is all girls should have bows in their hair ALWAYS. I don’t have the heart to tell her how tacky I think it is. And her kids are spoiled and bratty too. Funny enough, this girlfriend likes Teresa, lol.
Awwww! I know! I’m glad someone said what I have been thinking all along–CJ is ADORABLE. If anyone deserves a huge extravagant kid day it’s him! And I also loved that cute little scruffy dog in Italy.
Was anyone else moved a little when Caroline and Chris were toasting their parents on the streets of Naples and their dad was visibly emotional? I thought it was sweet and genuine.
Totally agree about little CJ! I think he gets little air time because he’s too sweet and quiet. Nice behavior does not equal good reality TV
And that baby Nicholas is just adorable.
I have to jump on the CJ bandwagon too. He really is the sweetest kid on reality tv. Anytime they show him he is either cleaning, sitting quietly or upset with his mom for talking badly about someone. He seems to be the smartest of the bunch.
A new recap and guess what I’m doing?? Cutting down more trees! Son of a bitch. Well at least I’ll have some good reading tonight if I’m not too exhausted.
Leia, I love your recaps & think they’re hilarious, but the bolded words kills my ADD. I keep jumping ahead to those words. Other than that, great recap!
So glad this season is nearly over! But loooooved the recap LL!
For the record – every diner, deli and casual eating establishment in northern NJ serves paninis these days….there is no need to make a holy pilgrimage to Franklin Lakes just for a panini.
The dresses on Bankruptcy Whore’s children looked like a cross between the Sound of Music and HR Puffinstuff with a little GWTW thrown in. I have no words…..
@chemgal….damn, how many trees are you having to cut down? I could never live in a place that cold! It’s Friday…have a glass of wine tonight and save the wood for tomorrow! But I know with that kind of work, you have to get it cut and stacked for winter. I forget it’s fall elsewhere because it’s 100′F in Socal!
Teresa is so dumb, but I think her dumbness is an oddity. I think it is rare to be just dumb. There are people who might not have had the benefit of an “education” and they might not be global thinkers but very few are just plain dumb. She is so interesting to watch: her grammer, her struggels with random vocabulary, the way she looks to the crew for help in formulating basic thoughts. We probably live in a world where most people fall somewhere in the mid-range in terms of intelligence and when someone is gifted it is an anomaly and when someone has a disbaility it is an anomaly but this like I can function without special education but am completely outside the range of average intellegence is very interesting!
Leia….I have really missed your recaps. So funny!
“obuduh”…oye! She is officially a moron.
I really hope you will be recapping RH of Atlanta. If for nothing else, to hear your professions of love for lisa’s man.
‘msjacqlaur’? Hmmmm…what’s that about?
Leis, wonderful recap. I was laughing from beginning to end. Did Teresa really think that in It-Lee, kids wear hoop skirts, pantalets and feathers? The Feral kid looked especially awful. I agree that Jacquie’s little CJ deserves a present or ten for behaving better than all of the other kids and adults.
Favorite part was Dim Joe bitching about the cost of the rooms and food and drink. Bitch, bitch, bitch after you consume, never stopping to ask how much before he eats or drinks. That must be too much book learning for him and his T.
Did you notice, all of Teresa’s blood relatives have foreheads. Curious what happened, was she literally drped on her head? That would explain so much.
Here’s a scoop on the reunion show and the ladies coming to blows:
http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/08/exclusive-details-new-jersey-housewives-come-blows-reunion-show
I said it on another site & I’ll say it again here-I already feel sorry for the future bridesmaids of the Giudice spawn. If your child is currently friends with one now, or if in the future your daughter befriends one, do not under any circumstances allow them to be close enough to be asked to stand up in their wedding!! They will be wearing a dress exactly like what we saw here on the girls at the last dinner-and don’t forgot the hairbow!!
I would LOVE to go to Italy one day & that’s the only reason I could get thru this show without having an anxiety attack-I was literally uncomfortable watching the Giudice clan. If I had to deal with that, the cruise ship would’ve docked less 6 hairy beasts.
And it was nice to see whoever that hottie was int he sunglasses who walked with them up & down the hill-I think he lent Teresa his phone when they called her unclee. Who was he & can I place on order for Italian carry out???
I think someone gave Danielle a word-of-the-day calendar. This week’s word was “proverbial.” I guess that was easier to pronouce than ethnicity.
Another great recap! Thanks Leia!
I’m wondering how it is THREE families go on a vacation, and Teresa dominates the entire trip? I truly hope that the cracks we saw happening between Caroline and the Giudice’s on this trip expand into giant chasms of hate next season. I seriously can’t believe they’re bringing Teresa back – I honestly don’t know if I can watch her after this, she’s such a repulsive human being.
While I agree that the Giudice kids’ horrendous dispositions are a function of terrible and inept parenting, I can’t bring myself to like these children. I normally don’t like to pick little kids apart, (it’s just my personal preference, not judging by any means) but these kids actually make me tense when I watch them. Milania is the type of kid that turns a plane ride or restaurant dining experience into sheer hell, and I’m very vocal when my life gets disrupted in those situations – I’m the type that will say something right to the parents, and not very nicely either. The Giudice kids are completely unmanageable; they’re vicious, destructive and miserable little girls. I feel sorry for them because the only value they have to Teresa is as reflections of her own grandiosity and inflated sense of importance, and on some level they seem to know things aren’t right.
Those hideously over the top outfits Teresa decked them out in aside, that whole entrance just really pissed me off. This pig of a woman consistently arrives late to her own parties, dinners and events so that she can frame her entrance. A table full of people sat and waited while she picked out a prom dress, and played dress-up with her kids. Then they make a grand entrance and completely take over the table, what fucking assholes. The entire world revolves around Teresa, and if elderly people, small children, friends and family have to pay the price – on some level she thinks they owe it to her. I really just absolutely hate this woman.
The mangling of the English language, the inability to understand what a bidet is, forcing a group of people who are not really in good physical condition to climb a steep hill, the disruptive and disrespectful children, chronic lateness and total lack of respect for her friend’s feelings – there is nothing redeeming about this dirty bitch.
Juicy can barely stand being touched by her, does she think we’re stupid and don’t see how repulsed he is by his own wife? He gets angrier and angrier by the minute – her extravagance is ridiculous and it’s clear she cares nothing for him if he can’t bring money to the table.
The links that were posted about her are even more nauseating, if that’s possible. Her fame is at fault for how her life turned out? What a piece of shit she is, she forgets her fame brought her an opportunity to do a cookbook that is the only source of real income, beyond the show itself, she has. She complains about how she didn’t do the show to have people look into her finances? Excuse me, you stupid fucktard – but the entire premise of the show is based around the lifestyles of wealthy women – You lied about your trashy, illegal lifestyle, and like you say about your friends when they are justifiably annoyed by having to deal with your ridiculous bullshit, THAT’S ON YOU.
As for Danielle – as sick and fucked up as she is, I would take her a hundred times over rather than having to watch that classless hairbag through one more season of her lies and ignorant delusions.
@Prodigal Cheez:
You are right on the money about a brewing Caroline/Teresa rift. In Teresa’s Bravo blog she completely (and snottily) dismisses Carolines health problems at the time of the shoot. She actually had the audacity to write that if Caroline was that sick she should have just stayed home with Dina. Something tells me that Caroline is not going to take that comment well — and by non family at that lol.
@Cheez…I think the forming rift will be the storyline for next season, with Jacqui once again caught in the middle. But if she knows what’s good for her, she will stick with the family that resembles human beings rather than the one that looks like a direct decendent of Lucy.
Dear Lord, what has happened to me?? I must go sponge off in Clorox.
@marijai 13 trees last time, 5 today and 1 big ass pine coming down tomorrow. We are finally finally finally building a garage after 14 years! not having a garage or paved driveway sucks dick particularly in Maine in the winter and during mud season. We are doing as much of the work as we can ourselves to keep the costs under control so I can splurge on some onyx details. Thinking I can pick some jazzy shit up pretty cheap around early october.
Love CJ. While I am not a Jaqueline fan – the chick gets credit from me for producing a good kid. Although, I have to say, in the nature/nurture debate, the older I get the more I’m leaning towards nature. Chris seems to be a laid back kind of guy and I think CJ got his genes as did that baby. I’m beginning to think Nicolas is mute or autistic. he never makes any noise. Perhaps he’s not even real. Maybe Jaqueline faked her pregnancy (a la Kelly Preston) and Nicolas is a cabbage patch doll?
Sarcas – you said something funny I wanted to comment on and now I can’t remember, I hate when this happens.
Hated these last two episodes. They were soooooooooooo boring! And how the hell did Teresa suddenly have these dresses made when the trip was sort of last minute? I know editing could have made it look that way, but even with Caroline talking to her husband, it seemed like there wasn’t more then a week.
oh yeah sarcas, it was your running commentary on Milania’s inner thoughts. Milania is the Cat of this show.
Teresa is just stupid. When I used to work, a lot of parents would refer their kids to the special ed department for testing when they started bombing classes. One of the special ed teachers used to joke that the testing would come back and rather than label the kid as “pi” (perceptually impared) “ed” (emotionally disturbed) “mr” (mentally retarded) it would be “fs” for fucking stupid. He said he would almost rather the kid tested as special needs because how do you tell a parent that their kid has nothing wrong with them except for a bad case of dumb?
@Chemgal…bless your hearts (I mean that in the good way), that is a lot of wood AND a lot of work. But just think how warm you will be this winter, cozy by the fire, drinking wine, and admiring all the tacky onyx shit you and I will end up paying for anyway!
Glad you are getting the garage. I know what mud season is like, except for me it’s draught, fire, Santa Ana winds, fire, rain, mudslide. God, SoCal is great! LOL
Does anyone else find it kind of funny how they’re always going, “Danielle is trying to bring our family down”, and stuff like that when they are already pretty messed up to begin with. It makes me laugh. I wonder if Caroline and Teresa will begin to distance themselves from each other next season. I feel like Jacqueline is Teresa’s new bff/partner in crime.
I think next season will be about the Giudices fall from ‘grace’, the repercussions on Joe’s DWI, the auction, etc. Great TV!!! Caroline won’t have much of a storyline unless she writes a book/gets a hobby. Jacqueline is actually a housewife and pretty boring staying home all day. So, they will need some new blood. Caroline might meet up with Teresa for lunch (filming) for teresa to talk about losing all of her assests, in which point Caroline will sagely interview, “Well, you shoulda saved for a rainy day, knowwhattamean?. Why yoo gonna go and spend all that dough on ya kidz and doze reedicalus outfits when they gonna grow outtav it? *headcock*
@Chemgal..Milania IS the Cat of this show. She tells it like it is, and gives a f*ckall who’s offended. (Oh, and she’s just as hated)
I have to confess..I have been on a few 20+ ppl family vacays when I was younger. When I was 6 yrs my paternal family went to Spain, Portugal, and Morocco for a few weeks. Grandma, Mom, (dad had too work, didn’t go), uncles, aunts, my 2 brothers and other cousins, plus a few family friends. I might’ve been a Milania, haha!! I do remember throwing a mega-tantrum because I didn’t want to exit the bus in the desert because the the ground was completely covered in camel dung. (I eventually was persuaded off to camel-ride and had the time of my life! However, to this day my biggest pet peeve is stepping in dog poo on the sidewalks)
We went on a guided tour and stuck together most of the time so I couldn’t imagine anyone paying through the nose to go abroad only to babysit and meet the Guidice’s extended family in the small hillside village. How about forgoeing the cruise and taking in the sights, learning a bit of culture? They drove right by Mt.Vesuvius yet raced to Chanel.(?)
Also, San Cunt-alini? Sorry, I’ve been in several hilly neighborhoods full of rundown houses; we call them favelas. #justsayin’
“Does anyone else find it kind of funny how they’re always going, “Danielle is trying to bring our family down”, and stuff like that when they are already pretty messed up to begin with.”
Oh and @sarcas – I was thinking the same thing – why aren’t they visiting places of interest? What a crazy trip just to climb up a giant hill to meet people you have no attachment to, and who you can’t even communicate with…. Caroline was FRIED, LOL.
Yes @Mr. Reality, especially because she’s obviously terrified of even seeing them in the grocery store, LOL. And then of course all the threatening behavior seems to be coming from the Laurita/Giudice brain trust.
@ohralphie and @marijai – we can only hope!! I have a pathological need to see Teresa have some kind of negative consequence for being such an awful, horrible woman.
I felt really, really bad for Caroline on that trip – she had to have been in agony, and to have been pushed that hard physically, in addition to being put on the spot to watch Teresa’s hell-spawn, only to be dismissed as being cranky by Teresa is just so wrong. Albert is funny, he doesn’t say much but you can see he doesn’t miss a beat. He seems to really love and respect Caroline, and I got the feeling he was really holding himself in check for most of that trip.
Chris Laurita’s another interesting guy – he seems to be picking his battles with Jacqueline, and Danielle is his main concern right now, but he’s becoming less and less enamored of the Giudice’s. The expressions on his face when Joe was talking about his money concerns and anniversary, and explaining his DWI were definitely skeptical. He has no respect for Joe, and I think the reason he was talking about Danielle at the bar on the ship is because it’s the only common ground he has with him. He and Albert are also the only men on the show who appear to work regularly – I can’t imagine what he ever saw in Jacqueline.
He gave Jacqueline an ultimatum about Danielle this season, his reasoning was that Danielle’s actions were negatively impacting his family. I wonder if he will follow suit after watching Teresa instigate that brouhaha at the country club that resulted in Ashley having charges filed against her? Watching Jacqueline stalk Danielle was pretty disturbing, I wonder how he will view that?
I think Miss Andy should have the husbands on and get their reactions as they watch how their wives behave, and then try to explain it away.
@ohralphie: Oh, no, she di’n't!! And Caroline’s her “friend”!
Without Danielle to kick around, I am also sooo sooo hoping that they will all turn on Teresa. The Manzo/Lauritas are like the Emily Post family compared to Teresa and Juicy Joe and the Goils. I’d love to see either that, or a general falling out among all parties.
Unfortunately, they will probably find a new HW to serve as the punching bag for the bullies.
That would be AWESOME!!! LOL!!
I’m also really, really hoping that there will be no ASSLEY at the reunion. I’ve had enough of her.
I don’t know if they could have Juicy on because there wouldn’t be enough booze in the green room to keep him going, although it would be fun to watch him have another tantrum.
@Pixielated – Me too!!! The only way I can watch this show with Teresa still on it is if she gets thrown to the chickens, or was it wolves?
“Dose are the big mean dog animals right? I only been speakin’ English since I was in kinneygarden, before I was beyootiful and my ma used ta wash me in the Obbeduh…”
@Cheez–LOLOLOL!
It does really bring a group (especially a group of women) together when they have a shared hatred for someone. I mean, look at us and our hatred of Teresa! When Danielle is gone, what will these women talk about except for crazy Teresa? (I hope.)
LOL!!! Cracking up @Pixielated!!!
I wonder if Dina will be on this season’s reunion, I know she left the show but she was still on it for a pretty fair amount of this season. I’m kind of already feeling bad for Danielle though, because I’m sure no one will defend her/hold back anything on this reunion. I can’t imagine them turning on Teresa for some reason. Idk I feel like she’s the lead bully of the group. Jackassley being on this reunion would totally suck.
@Mr. Reality – I think she’ll make an appearance at the reunion, I hope! I’m also kind of wondering if Danielle goes, will Dina come back?
I think Teresa’s the lead bully too, and Jacqueline is the one engineering all the drama by keeping the Danielle hate going. I’ve heard that the reunion got very confrontational, and there were times the crew had to step in to keep it from getting physical… Gee, I wonder which rabid bitch got physical??
Jackassley is my new favorite word
@ProdigalCheez:
“Teresa, use your WORDS, use your WORDS!!!”
Regarding “oh-bu-duh”, at first, I gave Teresa the benefit of the doubs because I thought she was speaking Italian! ha-ha! But then when I saw she ask Juicy what word it was and he had no idea, I realized she was trying to say ‘bidet.’
I felt bad for caroline on this trip for many reasons. First, she was trying to get a little spark back with her and Albert..I think they are not really close and inimate, although they love and respect one another. (16 hr days at the Brnstne, 8 hrs sleep, 6 days a week..how could anyone still have a spark?)
Well, romance wasn’t possible with Teresa constantly needing a babysitter. Plus, i think that while Caroline identifies as Italian, being 2nd generation American , I think visiting Italy was the 1st time she really felt sad that she didn’t speak Italian and had only a small connection to the homeland. (Like pasta-loving and mafia connections, but why being specific?) I can’t understand why immigrant parents don’t insist children learn their mother-tongue, even as a 2nd language..so many languages are dying because children don’t learn their parent’s tongue. My Spanish, Creole and Italian friends all understand their parents in their respective languages but can only reply in English. I notice when they become parents they wish they could pass the language onto their kids, so that they can understand their grandparents. My friend’s gramma was visiting her in NYC during Sept. 11 and my friend felt so helpless that she could barely explain what was going on on TV. She said she could only say in French, “planes…people..dying.” In hindsight, we laugh about it, but she has since begun French courses…hopefully next season Caroline does the same. It would be fun to see her put herself before her adult children for once. We all know she has a bucket list. lol
Ok everybody… I’ve made a few comments here and there on the recaps this season based on the recaps, news stories and having watched last season. I hadn’t been able to see any of the episodes for this season until recently… and I just caught up! So I apologize if any of my comments have already been discussed ad nauseum in previous recaps.
What the fuck is wrong with Teresa? Now, I am not going to deny that Dani has some mental issues, but Teresa? That woman is a full blown sociopath. “I am so sweet and nice, I just wanted to say hi.’ BULLSHIT! You were just talking shit about her at the table 10 minutes before! Why doesn’t anyone who was sitting at the table with her call her out on that? Oh no… they just blame it all on Dani. That bitch needs a muzzle and a leash! And that psycho crotch spawn of Jacqui was the victim of Dani too? She sat there waving at her and antagonizing her and then went up and pulled her hair… then BRAGGED about it to everyone, but doesn’t think it deserves to be punished? And I have always hated Caroline because she is so judgemental of others while excusing the vilest behavior of her family and friends, but she seems to be a little more aware that these people are nuts. But they are family so she won’t actually do anything about it.
I hate to say it, but if I had to pick a friend out of these people, I’d pick Danielle. I mean she is a narcissist and likes to play the victim, but otherwise she is pretty harmless. Those other women are nuts and can really hurt you!
I feel really sorry for Juicy. I think he wants to have a normal life but his wife won’t let him. The only way that guy will ever be really happy is to dump Teresa… but even then she will expect $20K a month child support! He should realize that there are women out there who will have sex with you every day without bleeding you dry and dragging your grandparents all over because she wants to shop.
I actually feel sorry for Juicy, too. Usually I have no respect for someone who steps out of their marriage but in this case I have to say that I hope the rumors are true about Juicy having a girlfriend. Teresa is one of those girls (somehow they never mature enough to merit the term ‘woman’)who can never quite understand that their wants cannot always be met and that sometimes it is better to give then to receive. Basically Teresa is a raving bitch who thinks she is Princess Di. Any man she would have married would have been bled dry. The only reason Teresa has had four kids is not because she was trying for a son (although that would have been a bonus for her)it was to tie Joe to her for all of eternity. There is no way he could ever afford child and spousal support. And mark my words within the next two years she will have an ‘oops’ yet again.
Sorry for the long post….
@sarcas – I thought the same thing at first about Caroline being frustrated about not speaking Italian, then she said that she, Albie and the kids visited Italy last year. I think she thought taking a trip with Teresa was going to be filled with madcap fun, and they would laugh like they do in the one hour increments they share at lunch. Somehow she failed to realize that Teresa isn’t funny she’s just self-centered and rude, and covers for it by being entertaining and distracting them with what appear to be self-effacing stories, but are really another way to keep attention focused on her. Always about her! Teresa, Joe, their parents and even the kids speak a lot of Italian – I think this started to feel exclusionary and isolating to Caroline and Albie – she commented again at the relative’s house that she couldn’t understand what was being said and felt uncomfortable.
No reasonable person would think that trek to see their non-English speaking family would be a good idea for a group that size. Normally, the families would have agreed to split up and do their own thing for a day or two and meet back up. The entire trip from beginning to end revolved around Teresa, Joe’s outbursts, and the screaming banshee children. Then she writes her blog (which I finally read last night), and shows ZERO appreciation for Caroline’s continuing the trip without complaint and in great physical pain – something she makes no allowances for; Caroline and Albie agreeing to watch the hell-spawn; or Caroline climbing up a massive hill to meet people she can’t even understand. What she does instead is essentially call Caroline a rigid, cranky bitch.
Joe’s bitching about the money he was spending was really irking the shit out of the Laurito-Manzo’s who obviously not only spent nearly as much, but probably ended up with more than their fair share by picking up drink tabs and meals. Funny, how none of them were going on extravagant shopping sprees and none of them were having meltdowns about money. Also interesting how Joe and Teresa needed time alone, had the most family there, but no one to watch the kids while the Laurita’s seemed to have no problems figuring it out without prevailing on others.
“I feel really sorry for Juicy. I think he wants to have a normal life but his wife won’t let him. The only way that guy will ever be really happy is to dump Teresa… but even then she will expect $20K a month child support! He should realize that there are women out there who will have sex with you every day without bleeding you dry and dragging your grandparents all over because she wants to shop.”
Hey there @Snooty Bootches! I’ve waffled on Joe quite a bit this season. I felt bad for him too, especially watching how the stress is physically impacting him – but as the end approaches I’m leaning toward NO sympathy for him. He is as bad as Teresa, and enables her to continue to be financially irresponsible and extravagant. They filed for bankruptcy before the show even aired, and she has thrown three over the top parties, spent tens of thousands of dollars on unnecessary toys, clothes, furnishings, etc., he’s currently working in a pizza shop – and she’s buying chinchilla shrugs. She demands a DYEMUN, and to be “wowed” on their 10th wedding anniversary and he complies with a helicopter ride, a cheesy but pricey hotel, and a very big DYEMUN. She claims it was fake, it wasn’t. She is wearing a paste imitation in public, and even though their wedding bands are listed for auction that ring isn’t. Mama’s got it stashed in her pantalons!
Their bankruptcy may have been a business filing, but the debt was secured on Joe’s personal assets and signature which Teresa probably co-signed. In effect, the business might have filed but the reason their personal assets are on the block is because they used them to show credit-worthiness, which both committed fraud and perjury to obtain.
Joe forged his partner’s signature and defrauded him out of $1 Million dollars, of which he already owed $500K out of pocket and never paid him. Fucked in the head as Teresa is, Joe did that all by himself. Joe has defrauded and bailed on local businesses, while allowing his wife to spend profligately. People are furious. Within days of filing, Teresa went on a $60K spending spree – their children’s possessions are about to be auctioned off, Joe could potentially go to jail, he’s working in a pizza joint to keep things going – legal or not, WHY is that okay? By tacitly allowing Teresa to function this way – Joe puts her above his own children, their elderly parents and innocent people in their community. Joe won’t have to pay child support for long, Teresa will find another source of Narcissistic feed to keep her in fur, DYEMUNS and FAUXsessions.
“Teresa, use your WORDS, use your WORDS!!!”
@Pixielated, LOL!! We actually, literally said this to the grandkids when they were little and would whine or hit when they got frustrated. Unlike with Teresa, they understood it and can not only articulate thoughts, they can do it in proper syntax even though they’ve only been speaking in complete sentences since they were 3 or 4, LOL.
I apologize for another long comment as well, but that seems to be my MO these days. I blame it on another paper that I wrote were I analyzed the Real Housewife show and how the shows equates women’s independence & equality with materialism, consumption and wealth. But any. The only interesting, if it can be called that, part of the comment is the first paragraph so you can stop reading after that.
After watching the previews for the upcoming meeting between Caroline & Danielle. I am starting to see Caroline in a whole new light. She is a master at damage control. After seeing the insanity that is the Jew-duice clan, Ashley’s sociopathic response to criminal charges, and Jacqueline acting like an immature brat. Caroline realizes that all the shit is going to come their way and the viewer is going to forgot just what a huge PARANOID, borderline personality disorder, narcissistic basket case that Danielle is. Caroline wants to make sure that some of the spot light is shined her way as well, so she is going to leave the viewer with a lasting impression. Or at least she hopes that, that is what happens when she meets with Danielle on the last episode of the season.
At the very least we are going to be witness Danielle’s extreme narcissistic paranoia when she brings a SUV full of gun welding bodyguards to dinner with Caroline. Her paranoid persecution complex was on full display when she wouldn’t even go out to eat in Franklin Lakes until she found out the Manzos had gone on vaca. Yeah the Manzos are riding around Franklin Lakes just praying Danielle will come into their hood, so they can harass her. No Danielle, the rest of the world does not think or work like you.
I thought that too- why didn’t the group go and see anything? Would Teresa’s, Jacqueline’s and Juicy’s head explode if they have to see anything of cultural significance? And why did the rest of the group allow for Teresa & Joe to ride roughshod over them? Iso wish that Caroline & Albert had run off to do some site seeing- I wonder if their Bravo contract wouldn’t have allowed that. The whole trip was very strange.
Also did the grandparents and the baby stay in the bus the entire time they were walking around the town? Well except at the very end? That just seems really strange- to go all the way to Italy and then it be stuck in a bus.
I can barely stomach reading their blogs on Bravo. All of them are making attempts at damage control especially Teresa, but all they do is reveal just how delusional these women are and their complete lack of a moral compass as they are no afraid to post bald faces lies. The worse part is that people actually post nice things about these women telling them basically telling them how incredible they are. What the fuck? I think that Jacqueline & Teresa must pay people to write some of those comments or else most Bravo viewers are under Andy Cohen’s mind control, not very intelligent or lack the skills of insight and observation.
It was so funny reading Teresa’s blog about the trip when she tries to explain the one suitcase that she devoted to hair extensions. She wants to make sure that everyone knows that she didn’t pack hair extensions because her hair is all real. What she did pack was an entire suitcase full of hair accessories for her and the girls.
What an idiot. She is more concerned that people are going to think that she has fake hair. When she should be concerned that she comes off looking like an idiotic, spoiled brat for needing to take a suitcase worth of hair accessories. Only a person doing hair for a photo shoot should have that many hair accessories.
And then Teresa tries again to convince people that Joe was not drinking, but since it just sounds like one excuse after another it makes him seem more guilty. (I know this was discussed last recap, but there was one good line in her blog) Teresa claims that Joe was so upset because he kept thinking that she was suppose to be in the car with him, so he had to take four shots. But you weren’t in the car, Teresa. You weren’t in the car. You narcissistic neanderthal, so he should have been relieved that you weren’t in the car and then wouldn’t have to drink. Maybe he drank b/c he sad you weren’t in the car, but I don’t think that he wishes you dead. Also she said that only a sober person could have been able to climb out of a totaled car and not get a scratch on them. First that logic doesn’t make sense and secondly, it is almost always the drunk person that walks away from a crash because the alcohol makes them so relaxed that their body goes with the momentum of the car and it reduces injuries.
Teresa does leave us with a “the more you know” PSA, reminding people not to drive while tired because it is just as dangerous as driving drunk. Yes it is, but your husband was still drunk.
Jacqueline’s blog has a gem or two in as well, but the best part is how she explains that Chris and her have tried everything when it comes to disciplining Ashley, but she either laughs it off or it doesn’t bother her. That can not get her to understand her actions have consequences, you know which according to Jacqueline that is normal for a teenager. Yes, that is normal for a teenage who has no moral compass, no conscience, is a spoiled brat, and/or is a sociopath in the making. Instead of taking away her car, her phone, her computer, etc- make her have to fend for her life. Make her have to find a way to pay for her food and shelter. That has to potential in helping her develop into a pretty morally and emotionally strong person.
Gee, I wonder which rabid bitch got physical??
Lol, so much word. I’m already imagining what Teresa will say on the reunion 5 seconds after she tries to get physical (if she is the one who starts it).
“You know Andy, what I just did was TOTALLY not me at all. Because I’m a classy lady and everyone knows me as the sweetest person ever. I’m just so nice and never pull shit like that. Except in the bedroom where I get quite physical with my hubby *Insert Teresa’s lip pout*
Mr.Reality: I love too that Teresa is actually floating the story that she “might not return next season.” Like she could turn down the paycheck.
That said, what the hell are the “ladies” going to do WITHOUT Danielle?? Their lives revolve around her and it’s all their own doing.
holy hannah! unless I missed it, no one in the above 50 comments mentioned LL’s ex underwear model bf who ran off . I looked at last recap and wowsa! are those abs real? Yummy, thank you sir can I have another!
I’ve thought all along that TPO was switched at birth. Pity for her but the real Guidice got a lucky break. Read Teressa’s blog and pay attention to her turning on Caroline. The group just finished the reunion show. We know Caroline held Terresa back from beating Danielle’s ass. So maybe she really pissed that Caroline got in her way. I’d have to flip a coin to see who is the most evil, Teressa or Danielle. And back to the last episode, when Joe’s dad said something about the Mafia, I swear there was a dead pan look on Al’s face. But I love him and Caroline. He could see that TPO doesn’t get any attention. Maybe it’s because she’s not a mini-Teresa.
@MaryF Who or what is TPO? I am drawing a blank..
TC,Robin
Robin, I think @MaryF is referring to Teresa’s daughter Gabriella AKA The Pretty One, LOL.
I just read about the reunion – I think I’m going to have to stock up on some wine for this one. One of the still photos shows Caroline and Miss Andy sandwiching Teresa to hold her back from Danielle… LOL.
Does Teresa’s penchant for violence ever make you wonder if she smacks Joe and the kids around? I’ve never seen a woman that age actually strike out physically at another woman in fairly civilized surroundings – how are Caroline, Dina and Jacqueline justifying this behavior? It’s clearly not an anomaly, she’s tried to physically attack or intimidate Danielle three times, ON CAMERA.
@PCheeze..That’s right! I’ve read that before.Sorry, I suffer with a severe case of CRS.”Can’t remember shit”
TC,Robin
@PCheeze
I remember last year,(the CRS is an ebb and flow condition)when Teresa tipped the table over and everyone was saying how hard this was to imagine because Teresa is sooo nice and it just wasn’t in her character to go postal because she is sooo niiiice and they have never seen her do anything like that..blah blah blah.
I wonder if she was indeed hiding that part of her personality to the other’s at first,or she wasn’t prone to physical outbursts at all.But after she saw what the table flipping thing did to up her viewer points,the dummy thinks that as long as she keeps acting like a crazy woman she will keep her job.
I think she is a sheep in wolves clothing.If she didn’t have people to keep her from getting hurt,that chick wouldn’t even know how to bust a grape.
TC,Robin
I always thought that Teresa flipped the table over to provide drama, either at the producers’ request or on her own. It worked, didn’t it?
If she is physically abusive, that may explain Joe wanting not to confront her and just giving her everything she wants. He is scared and maybe scared for the Goils.
As for the hair accessories, I think that Teresa (and maybe some other Real Housewives) views herself as a celebrity on a par with somebody like Brooke Burns or Melissa Rycroft (or even bigger!). Therefore, she and the children must look their absolute best whenever they are on camera or in public. Actually, that is not an unreasonable attitude. She is treated like a bona fide celebrity, with articles in People magazine and US Weekly, a book deal, and maybe even people asking for a picture or autograph. There are so many “celebrities” now who are famous for being famous, such as Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan (started out as an actress, but no more), and the two women I mentioned above. I’m sure some of the public thinks that Teresa and her ilk are to be idolized because they are “rich” and “famous.”
I always thought that Teresa flipped the table over to provide drama, either at the producers’ request or on her own. It worked, didn’t it?
If she is physically abusive, that may explain Joe wanting not to confront her and just giving her everything she wants. He is scared and maybe scared for the Goils.
To someone like Teresa, who is already self-centered and narcissistic, it wouldn’t take much of this kind of treatment to make her believe that she is a “stah.”
Oops, a paragraph got omitted somehow.
What I wanted to say was that I’m sure that Teresa feels that she and the Goils must look their absolute best anytime they are on camera or in public, because she’s a celebrity. That attitude isn’t really so unreasonable, with celebrities now who are famous just for being famous, like Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan (started as an actress), Melissa Rycroft (The Bachelorette), etc. They are featured in magazines, given book deals, and probably asked for pictures and autographs just like real celebrities. In fact, many members of the public probably consider them to be celebrities and “stars” in some way because they are “rich” and “famous.”
(Now doesn’t the last paragraph of my most recent post make more sense?)
@Pixeilated Yes it does my dear,yes it does
In as much as many of them think they are noteworthy,some folks have never even heard of them and could care less.Shocker huh? My mother doesn’t know Teresa from a hole in a hairy forehead.As far as Brooke Burns is concerned,I never saw her until I watched the new hair show and I still don’t know who she is.
A healthy ego is a good thing.In moderation
TC,Robin
Sorry about the redundant triple post. I thought I had messed up the Captcha Code.
When you look at the ratings these cable shows have, it is really just a fraction of the American public. Jersey Shore had 5.5 million viewers (about the same as Pawn Stars gets every week) and everybody was all excited. Well, even if the ratings system is not completely accurate and, say, twice as many people watched Jersey Shore, that still leaves, what, 300 million people who DIDN’t watch it?
Still, I have seen articles in US Weekly (with Teresa and her brood modeling clothes, if you can believe it) and People about Real Housewives, Jersey Shore guidos/ettes, and Teen Moms, just as if they are widely known stars. And The Bachelor gets covers! (Of course, it probably has 3-4x the audience that Jersey Shore gets.)
I think the tiny bit of coverage thay get goes to their heads.I think once the bloom is off the rose and they aren’t as relevant as they think they are they would die just to see a good obituary in the paper.Hold on…that’s not right…Anyway,they are attention whore’s to the extreme.
TC,Robin
Yep, otherwise why would they do a show like this? They’d have to be insane!
That’s what I think happened to the Hogans. Hulk was always in the spotlight and his wife, Linda, was fine to exist in the shadow because he was providing a comfortable life for their family, economically. But with the Hogan Knows Best reality show, everyone got a chance to be in the spotlight. And it was detrimental to their marriage. I remember Linda specifically saying that now that her kids were older, she was ready to start doing things on her own, and didn’t feel like she needed Hulk to do them, because she was well known now. So, she left him. Then got herself a young guy (only because of her ‘celebrity’..def not because she is hot!), and started to live like a rockstar.
Of course it backfired because people found her to be a desperate cougar (ignoring the fact that Hulk chose a gf that looks exactly like his daughter, but that’s another story). lol
Fame makes people go crazy. Because they equate being well-known with being popular. Except being popular means being well-known AND well-respected. You hear that Teresa? You are well known, but far from popular!
I don’t know… At first I thought the table-flipping was probably staged but now I’m not so sure.
The impact of fame on these women, to me, is one of the most fascinating aspects of the show. For instance the change from the first season of RHOOC until now is kind of amazing – especially when you watch how Vicki evolved throughout the show.
I don’t watch RHHOA because I loathe Kim Z so much, so I’m excluding that one, but what really blows me away is how many of these women carry their adolescent agendas into their adulthood and middle age. Jeanna, Lauri, Gretchen, Ramona, Caroline, and Dina (too early for the DC ho’s to evaluate them) are all pretty normal – they have their quirks and their ups and downs, but they arrived at their point in life relatively intact.
Then you look at women like Vicki, Kimberly Bryant, Tamra, Alexis, Jill Z., Kelly KB, Danielle, and Teresa and the damage they sport is so epic. They all start out on the show with the strongest personalities, and the most defined identities, then as the show progresses you start to see how fractured they all are. The fame seems to tip the scale and become a vehicle for real self-destruction, and none of them seems capable of weighing out the negative impact it has on them and walking away. Jill Zarin is probably the most pathetic example of this overall.
I’m beginning to think Teresa has a genuine issue with impulse control. I re-watched the table-flipping clip, and there’s no doubt in my mind she was totally out of control. I’ll post the link, it’s really interesting to watch how everyone else reacted to that in retrospect. The only person not shocked was Joe, who physically restrained his wife – but the weirdest thing by far was how fast she went from animalistic rage to “I love you, honey”. She’s Histrionic in addition to a few other things, and I would be willing to bet she’s hit Joe and the kids.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXCet3ekQ0E
Also, Teresa wasn’t famous yet when that happened; and I don’t think Bravo instigated it because all of the kids were there including Jillian, and every one of them was upset despite how they later interviewed and excused it.
I have to say, as much as I know Danielle to be sick and misguided, when you break down the number of times she actually has been legitimately attacked and threatened it’s really disturbing. She’s overreacting, and the bodyguard thing is ridiculous, but I can’t honestly say how I would handle having a table thrown at me in public, being chased through a club and having my hair yanked out, or have someone coming at me clearly intending to hit or push me. What I really don’t get is how the other women continue to excuse and rationalize it – if Lauren Manzo ever acted like that Caroline and Albie would have her ass so why is it okay for Teresa to do it?
I don’t think the Bravo producers told Teresa to flip the table, but the whole scene was definitely staged.
1. Teresa would have never invited Danielle to her ‘housewarming’ had they all not been contractually obligated to film together for the finale.
2. Danielle entered the restaurant carrying a little purse, yet she pulled the book from under the table, right on cue? Wonder who placed it there for her…
3. Teresa was nowhere near angry enough to flip the table. She did it for show. The scene was being stolen by Caroline, Danielle, and Dina, and she had to interject herself somehow. So she started asking inane questions about what was in the book and was told to, “Pay attention, puh-leeze!”
4. This was her moment! She began speaking calmy until she realized all was quiet and all eyes were on her, at which point she ‘ratcheted’ up the drama 1000-fold. Ashley interviews in the lost footage epi that after the table-flip, Teresa asked them, “How did I look? Did I look good?”
5. They all go to drink next door after the table flipping incident..all of them, remember?
REgarding Danielle’s bodyguards this season..all staged, as well.
1. Danny has an IMDB page an is a two-bit actor. (So what if he’s been to jail. So has half of the cast of the Sopranos)
2. When Danielle arrived at the Brownstone she greets a group on the step, including the Hells Angel, whom she said she brought for protection. Except in every subsequent scene we only see her, Danny, and Kim G. When Danny is mouthing off to Chris or to himself on the step..there is no other backup for Danielle. Just a wannabe actor spouting his lines..
3. When Danny drove Dani to meet Dina, he stayed in the car. Since when does a bodyguard do that? He was just driving her there for camera-time, he wouldn’tve done anything.
4. The country-club. Does anyone really believe that was a real bodyguard and not a craigslist ‘discovered’ actor in an oversized blazer? The girl ended up with two broken heels and a bald spot for crying out loud!
5. For as scared as Danielle pretends to be (sneaking in to Franklin Lakes for a pah-neenee) she still goes to the same manicurist at the rest of them. And is she still getting her hair done at Chateau?
6. And if anyone really believes Bravo would allow armed people on the premises after having signed contracts and releases, then I have a bridge to sell you. Or the island of Manhattan. It’s only $20!
As much as I hate Teresa, I feel she may be a kindred spirit in the hitting issue. I have been know to throw objects or hit items when in a rage (passed on by my mother who destroyed a few items growing up) because I know if I touch someone, I have crossed a huge line in the sand. And looking at her kids, I am really not thinking that they have ever even been spanked unless it was Nona’s wooden spoon. And Joe’s too much a stereotype to ever allow himself to be disciplined by his woman.
As for hair accessories, the only thing she should be packing are those headbands she wore the entire first season.
Pcheez: I’m totally with you regarding Teresa and the impulse control. You know what I thought of when I read your post? When she was stampeding to the Channel store like her life depended on it, only to find it closed. What did she do? She went into the closest store and bought what looked for all the world like a giant piece of petrified green Hubba Bubba. But she was going to buy SOMETHING right then, come hell or high water.
The table flipping was when she realized the degree to which her bad behavior would be rewarded. For crying out loud, Bravo put it in their Promo for the next season- her flipping a table during that party scene- promo Bravo plays endlessly. That behavior was rewarded- and then some.
I feel like Teresa is the type of person who’s been called/insinuated as being stupid her whole life, so when Danielle told her to pay attention, she flipped her shit. Notice how she always goes out of her way to say things like, “I’m not stupid, I’m not dumb”, whenever any type of crisis comes up. Sometimes I feel like the whole valley girl thing is an act, not saying she’s the beacon of intelligence…but I wouldn’t be surprised if she does put up a bit of a front.
Sorry for double posting, but I wanted to quote something out of Teresa’s blog for this week;
“I don’t know why Caroline was so crabby. I know she was sick before we left and
in pain, but she could have stayed home like Dina.”
Does that make anyone else raise an eyebrow?
Mr.Reality: I doubt Teresa took well, being sat down (along with a teenage girl) and told, in next weeks episode to stop picking at the town scab. I’m sure that will result in some “nobudy tellz me whut di to” (with sassy neck-roll, of course).
Teresa needs a reality check. I almost wish more people would be like that party planner who had no problem telling Teresa what she was doing wrong. Homegirl needs to be brought back to Earth more often.
Bsideblog.com
Apparently certain people are no longer welcome at North Jersey Country Club.(letter attached-it’s awesome).
Da nerve of dem!!!!
http://www.pinkisthenewblog.com/2010/08/first-look-the-real-housewives-of-new-jersey-season-2-reunion/
Looks like Prodigal Cheez was right.
I bet there showdown is no more dramatic than when Nene jumped up to stand over Kim Z and yell, “Close your legs to married men!” Teresa standing up while Danielle remains seated and cooly smirking like, “Ya see whadda mean, America. Dem bitchez stay afta me!” It’s systematic bullying at it’s finest. hehe
With all that acting out, Teresa needs to be the den mother of the Jersey SHore house. Imagine her and JWoww doubleteaming some trash-talking grenades at Karma. I would not put it past Teresa to fight like an animal. Which is a shame..she has 4 kids for crying out loud!
Didn’t one of the RHOA try to pull out Kim’s weave one time? And I think Nene tried to choke her once. There’s one in every one of these groups that is the focus of that sort of behavior. (Of course, the NY and OC wives don’t get violent, but they certainly focus a lot of negative attention on Kelly and Gretchen.) Unfortunately, the Atlanta crew wasn’t there when the violence went down.
I get the feeling that the other HW think of themselves as classy and civilized, where this group (at least Teresa) is proud of being hellcats.
Yea..the weave pull was so phony because sheree didn’t even tug it, just wrapped it around her finger. The choking incident probably had Bravo so mad they missed it. But who cares..Kim and Nene were best friends the following week. It’s how it goes with them..and it works because their fights cause drama yet they can/will still film together eventually. I believe Danielle is gonna be let go because it’s difficult for Bravo to employ a ‘skeleton crew’ to shoot just her as the other ladies will not film with her. And she’s not compelling enough to have a solitary storyline. The mother search fizzled..(Why is aome HW always looking for a parent? Nene, Stacie, Danielle..)
Now, there will nothing interesting for her to do to carry an entire season. Hoepfully next season runs no more than 7-9 episodes..this 14 week season was just overkill.
Lol, Kim and her weave are so tacky. I read on Danielle’s blog this week something along the lines of, “I’m not even thinking about Season 3 right now”. I really wonder what the fuck everyone will do if she leaves….probably turn on one of their own or something.
@Mr.Reality ““I don’t know why Caroline was so crabby. I know she was sick before we left and
in pain, but she could have stayed home like Dina.”
She could have also been able to enjoy her vacation with her husband too if you hadn’t asked her to be a glorified babysitter while her and greasy did whatever they wanted.
This also makes me question Caroline and her “Godmother” standing.She wants everyone to think she is a badass yet she can’t even tell idiot Teresa that she would rather not watch the kids.I think she is all talk.I have a few real bad asses in my family and Teresa wouldn’t even have thought about asking for a babysitter while on vacation.
TC,Robin
@Sarcas
Stacie from DC is looking for a Mom too?
TC,Robin
I’ve been known to kick some walls and hurl some objects too @chemgal, but I’ve never actually gone after anyone the way Teresa does. Usually it’s just a total meltdown, and if anything I end up doing something like breaking my toes from kicking a wall… Irish temper, but it passes quickly. I can’t imagine you would even be close to Teresa’s level of behavior, you’re always so level-headed.
What bothers me about Teresa’s rages is how targeted they are, they’re not spontaneous reactions to someone who’s just pushing her buttons – they’re planned attacks. I just think it’s different, and I’m uncomfortable with her level of violence. I could be simmering with rage but would never flip a table, especially with young people around. I wouldn’t stake out a bathroom and basically ambush someone, then chase them through a building. I also wouldn’t get up on national television and physically confront anyone.
I don’t believe it’s all for show, I think she has a problem with impulse control. I think she’s a bully, and I wonder why her friends all think it’s funny and justifiable when they don’t accept it from people in their own family? Going back to the table-flipping for a minute – why did she even feel entitled to an explanation from Danielle at all? Why did she care so much? And why does she think she has the right to make value judgments about Danielle, but Danielle doesn’t have the right to return the favor… My attitude about that is, people who live glass whorehouses shouldn’t throw stones.
I’m not saying she’s beating Joe and the kids, I’m just saying she rages uncontrollably – and I’m not buying the explanation that Danielle is the ONLY person to ever incite Teresa to get aggressive like that – If a guy said that about his girlfriend, I would have no doubt he was some kind of abuser. Teresa completely denies any responsibility for her attacks on Danielle because she’s decided Danielle deserves to be diminished and humiliated, and it’s her right to deliver that message.
Her total disregard for Caroline was, as @Mr. Reality said, enough to raise an eyebrow. Let’s take stock for a minute; who registers on Teresa’s radar as being worthy of consideration and respect?
Not Joe, she disregards his stress and anger and demands more, more, more. Not the kids, she disregards the fact that her 4 year old isn’t going to understand an adult dinner party for her birthday. Not her parents, she burdens them with her children and her need for financial help. Not Caroline and Albie, she manipulated them to watch her children – then called a Caroline a cranky bitch and said her discomfort wasn’t her problem. Not Jacqueline, she created a situation that had very bad consequences for Jacqueline’s daughter. The world revolves around Teresa, and everyone gives her a pass – and still she can’t tolerate one lonely, sick and disenfranchised woman who started out really just wanting to be her friend.
@skatt – I thought the same thing about that mad dash in Venice. She was like a junkie needing a fix, it’s sick.
I probably sound like a stick in the mud, but I really don’t like watching that level of aggression even on these stupid shows. I’ve been the target of violence before, and it’s unpredictable and scary. Watching true fear isn’t entertaining to me – Kelly KB’s meltdown in St. John was awful and seeing Bethenny’s realization that she could really get hurt genuinely upset me. I know Danielle is histrionic, and she’s playing this up for all it’s worth – and the bodyguards are ridiculous; but for a short time at the country club, she really was scared. Teresa’s pursuit was relentless, and I would have been scared if I had been Danielle. For all her bluster and bullshit I don’t think Danielle thought Teresa would actually come after her there, and when she did I think she was freaked out.
Teresa would freak me out – she reminds me of Mrs. Rochester from “Jane Eyre”, it’s how I always imagined that character to be.
Sorry if I’m rambling, I’m tired – the rain here is relentless and my store flooded.
@Robin “I have a few real bad asses in my family and Teresa wouldn’t even have thought about asking for a babysitter while on vacation.”
LOL, me too – and I’m one of ‘em!
@ProdigalCheez: I think that Joe will do almost anything to avoid setting Teresa off into one of her rages. I’m not sure the kids are involved in them; they don’t seem jumpy enough. I suppose Milania’s tantrums could be in response to (or emulation of) Teresa’s temper. But weren’t the kids shocked when she flipped the table? If she did that sort of thing in front of them, they’d have been, “There she goes again.”
It takes a terrible toll on children to grow up with an unpredictable rage (or anything else) aholic. I grew up with an alcoholic father, and he was never violent, but it sticks with you that you never know who is going to be there, drunk parent or sober parent.
I think that Teresa has some control over her behavior and that it was something that she developed at an early age because she found that she could get what she wanted by doing it. And it is just being reinforced by Joe being willing to do anything to avoid a confrontation. Lots of people have that attitude toward conflict, especially violent conflict; they try to appease the person, or just run away (by drinking, having an affair, working excessive hours, etc.).
My brother has a weird “slow burn” temper. You’ll be talking to him and say something that angers him. Then, several minutes later, he will suddenly start swearing at you in this really angry voice. At that point, you have no idea what you said that set him off. I think Teresa may be that way.
I think it’s funny how Caroline is the one who acts like she’s the HBIC and no one fucks with her, yet Teresa is the one flipping tables, charging women, and pushing away hags (I’m looking at you Kim G and Kim D). That’s always my main thought when watching the restaurant episode, is that no one could stop her. She’s a munchkin, yet she was able to charge an entire restaurant like a football player on roids with ease. I always wonder who is the guiltiest in that fight;
Teresa; for everything stated above, and for lying to Joe and making the whole thing seem like she was playing a game of tag with Danielle.
Jacqueline; for being the first one to get up in Danielle’s face, and pulling that shit of waiting outside Danielle’s car like a lunatic.
or Jackassley; I really don’t know what’s worse, what she did or why she tried to justify what she did. If you watch the episode, she says to Jacqueline, “I think Danielle’s a bitch, and THAT’S why I pulled her hair”. Umm, that’s not what you were saying earlier. I also love how she tries to act all humble about what she said to her friends after, yet on the show she was boasting like a teenager who just lost their virginity.
Mehh, all three of them need help. Can’t say I blame Danielle for bringing security (who are really damn useless btw) wherever she goes. Danielle ftw lol.
There are no words to describe how fucked up this is, LOL.
http://www.hollywoodnews.com/2010/08/22/teresa-giudices-possessions-to-be-bought-by-nj-housewife
@Pixielated – I know what you’re talking about re unpredictability when you’re dealing with an _______aholic. I do think Joe acts like a man who will do just about anything to avoid conflict with his wife, including take it out on an entire bus full of people who are getting more and more upset by the minute, and have no idea what’s motivating the tirade.
I don’t think she hits the kids as a matter of course, but it wouldn’t surprise me if things got away from her once in a while – the kids are totally out of control in general. I can’t remember if her kids witnessed the table-flipping, I saw Albie, Chris, Ashley and Jillian so not sure about the rest of the kids being present. Albie and Jillian were shaken up, Chris was too I think but covering – and Ashley was taking her cues from Caroline and her mom. BTW – watching Caroline laughing her ass of during that whole thing reminded me why I didn’t like her going into this season – I cannot relate to that at ALL. Especially because Danielle’s children were there – I feel so sorry for those kids…
At any rate, Teresa’s kids aren’t happy, confident children – so something’s out of whack.
I know someone with one of those slow-burn tempers too… Walking on eggshells would be an understatement. It’s exhausting sometimes.
They are all stone crazy @Mr. Reality, but I think Teresa was the ringleader. Jacqueline is a manipulative bitch, but she likes to sit back and play the victim too much to really put her silicone ass out there. Jackassley (heh, heh!) is just dumb and mean.
Caroline started out as HBIC – but the inmates took over the asylum and now she’s on damage control detail. She might be too close to the situation to see how much Teresa is instigating it, and how much Jacqueline fans the flames. I think all she sees is that things got a little out of control, and Danielle is being unfair in going after Ashley due to her age. She’d be right in normal circumstances, but I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when she watched how that really played out.
Dear Pixie,
I also had alcholic parents.My Grandfather and Father.They weren’t abusive to us,but I remember hating the loud..I remember rollers..like you put in your hair flying all over the place because my dad made my mom mad.I remember being at my Grandparents house and the car was in the ditch in front of the house because Grandad crashed it.Kid’s shouldn’t see that stuff anymore than Teresa’s kids “get” to see her public display’s.Those kids were there when she threw the table.Terrible.
Nobody has mentioned this yet,or maybe I missed it,but how embarrased would you be to even know these creature’s when Teresa was in the gondola screaming “spank me Joe”!!
TC and hugs for listening.
Robin
@Mr.Reality,
I didn’t boast when I lost my virginity.It wasn’t that great.Kinda ho hum…
LOL,Robin
Yes, Robin, sometimes you start to believe that their weird behavior changes are due to something you did or said. It is messed up.
I think Joe vented about money on the bus because he knows Teresa has some sense of propriety (“appearances”) and would not blow up at him there. She just tried to ignore it or laugh it off. She was too focused on being embarrassed to be angry.
Little Milania seems to be learning from Mom how to get her way.
As I remember, Teresa flipped the table in response to Danielle’s insinuation that she is stupid. That seems to be a sore spot with her. I jokingly said, “Use your WORDS!” about Teresa, but I think that she may blow up or become violent when she cannot express herself verbally (like a giant toddler). She does seem to be inarticulate. I also think she may lose it when her inflated self-image (intelligent, attractive, wealthy, etc.) is challenged; that is typical of a narcissistic personality.
“LOL, me too – and I’m one of ‘em!
Never had a doubt in my mind
TC,Robin
http://www.hollywoodnews.com/2010/08/22/teresa-giudices-possessions-to-be-bought-by-nj-housewife/
lol!! Yes, this is fucked up but it’s also delightful! I say bring on Kim G to the franchise. Unlike Danielle who is nuts and has two young dds, Kim G is self aware of her fame whore ways. I won’t feel at all guilty about laughing at her. Plus, unlike Teresa she actually is rolling in the money. Not to mention she is definately a fighter. God help Teresa if she tries to chase down Kim G — she might find someone who will fight back.
@Robinez: Yes, Stacie mentioened last episode she was adopted and had located her birth mother (who is white) but that her mom won’t give her any info on her father because he doesn’t know Stacie exists.
Re:Teresa..I think Teresa may have a temper, but I also believe she thinks she is playing a part in which she is completely justified to act this way and then blame it on Danielle. During the dinner, Teresa had her kids removed, because she knew she would cause a spectacle. It wasn’t because they were discussing the book..just seconds ago she was talking about Joe humping her swollen post-op body and wasn’t too concerned about her kids overhearing then.
But once Danielle put the book on the table, she had her kids removed and minutes later, she was flipping tables. She was not out of control…she was giving us drama and it worked!
Now chasing Danielle thru the country clubs..not planned. Once Danielle screamed that her house was in foreclosure to a room/hallway full of women (who teresa prolly thought she was better than), this sent Teresa over the edge. She had to justify, had to explain, had to get the last word, at all costs. I don’t think she would’ve hit Danielle but she def wanted to get in her face and regain the upperhand. She needed EVERYONE to know she wasn’t in financial ruin..she needed to set Danielle straight, she needed to save face. Of course, none of that happened and she is still seething inside. This will result in her blowup the next time she sees Danielle face-to-face..the reunion.
Regarding Joe’s bus blowup, here’s my suspicion: Bravo booked and planned the trip for them (for logistical purposes, places they could film inside, rooms for the production team nearby) with the expectation that the families would cover their own expenses. I think Joe, being Italian probably knows of many less expensive hotels. When he was told 850euros, he thought it was for all three rooms, not per room. So he was upset that in the face of his financial troubles, Bravo booked them into a hotel that was so expensive. I kinda agree. I travel often and have never stayed in a place so expensive. If that was the only way to travel..shoooot, I wouldn’t even have a passport! lol
Boy, Teresa really slammed Caroline in her Bravo blog. I wonder if there has been a parting of the way between those two? I can’t imagine Caroline appreciated her rude comments about her. What a pig Teresa is. Maybe now Caroline will stop defending her.
@Sarcas I must have missed the part about Stacie being adopted.Thanks for the info.She is so far my fav on the show.Now,about her friend Erica..I really think that lady has a chip on her shoulder.Maybe she is mad because she isn’t one of the featured housewives.Not too fond of her so far.
I had forgotten that Teresa sent her kids out of the room.Daniells kids were there tho.But I guess the onus is on D for that even though Teresa shouldn’t have done it in front of kids at all.
TC,Robin
I was rewatching the Dina/Danielle confrontation on the marathon today (holy shit those are addicting), and does anyone else feel like Jacqueline is a snake in the grass/extremely two-faced?
I mean, she made that remark to her son about Danielle being a pig, then she took it back and lectured him on how it’s not nice to insult others, then she had a big smirk on her face. I kind of feel like that’s how she responded to Jankassley’s Facebook comment about the night being unbeweavable. At first she plays hardass and tells her to take it down, then she gets really defensive when Jankassley accuses her of giving her the idea of the status (like someone struck a nerve). Then, about 5 seconds later she says something like, “I said it was funny”.
Idk, I just feel like her kids get such mixed signals from her.
I would be hugely ticketed off if it was my vacation too and I had to do EVERYTHING her highness demanded. Why were the others subject to running around Venice looking for a store that could be found in the states or going to the goons family reunion? Caroline tries to act tough but won’t stand up to the Teresa. Especially since they were with her elderly parents, she should have told the Guiduces to go ahead, do their thing, and they would catch up with them later.
@Robinez: I’m thinking Danielle didn’t know things would escalate to that point. I’m thinking she went into the dinner with the idea that she would bring up how they drug(?) up her past from 24 yrs ago and she is no longer that person. I think she wanted to say this in front of her children, to decipher fact from defamatory fiction by her ex. This is why she stated what was true in the book versus what were lies. Not to defend her, but I think she wanted them to understand just in case they were hearing it around town and from their friends.
I think even Danielle was shocked when teresa started flipping tables.
As far as Erika..I can kinda see why she was annoyed. it’s like they can’t say anything to Stacie without making a ‘black’ reference. What about Stacie reminds you of Diana Ross? Not the hairstyle, the diva attitude, and we sure as heck have never heard Stacie sing. So what do they have in common besides both being Black women? I think that why she was like, “Apparently we have a Black person in the group.” sarcastic like, there is no other reason Stacie would’ve been called Diana Ross. (I’m also thinking this is why mary used the ‘soul sister’ reference in their precense, even if it was directed at Cat. I doubt she uses this phrase regularly, but sometimes people just want to show they are ‘down.’ Which was why Mary did the finger-waggin’ neck roll to Stacie at the last dinner. Like, ‘look at me! I know what Black people do and say to each other. I’m hip!” lol
I also want to know were all those kids with them on the bus? If they were why didn’t some of the others slap the crap out of Joe and tell him to shut up his cussing in front of their kids? It’s obvious he could care less about his kids and what they hear but I would not want my 4 year old (how old is CJ?) hearing that kind of language. I wish Joe’s father (or mother) would have yanked a knot in his behind for being such a butthole! I don’t doubt the room cost that much. With 6 people they would have to have booked a suite because most European rooms aren’t that big.
And I’m so sick of “woe is me Daniella”. She turns everything around to her. She’s been looking for her mother for 47 years? She knew she was adopted at 1 year old? Everyone is out to kill her? She needs massive amounts of bodyguards? She needs PANINI’S…??????
And what was it with the 16th birthday party? Most of the people were her friends and the kids came over on a bus??? She needed 3 dresses? Yeah, charity, right! Right up there with DeShawn and her big charity party and she HAD to wear 3 different dresses to show off.
And please get rid of Ashley. She’s just a big old dolt with bad taste!
Re: Teresa shopping in Venice
Teresa is a woman in which appearances mean everything. Nothing would have pleased her more than returning to NJ and having an outfit complimented where she could just casually respond, “Oh this. yea..just something I picked up in Venice.” Which was why she bought the ring. It was gaudy and ugly but a conversational piece, and she could drop “Italy’ into the convo. Like, “no I didn’t get this at Posche. I was in It-tah-lee.”
This is also probably why she dressed her kids so ridiculously in Italy. She wanted to show her family that she made it. That back in America, she was a ‘stah.’ (hopefully, they Google their famous relatives often, lol)
To continue the tradition…I hate Teresa. (100)
As much as Kim G. is a total fame whore, I love what she intends to do with the Giudice goods!! Hey, she’s obviously loaded & has a lot of time on her hands, so why not? If I were her I’d keep some of it & use it for lawn furniture, or even better donate some of it to a homeless shelter. And the mirra could always double as a skating rink.
Tvalholic: Agreed. You know it’s killing her to have Kim point out what junk her “fine fuyrnishishnz’” actually are. I never new so many things could be labeled “faux”. It’s like it’s a point of pride to them. I half expected Faux Chess Set, Faux Grand Piano, etc….
Ah the mirra…. to bad Candy Spelling doesn’t need one for her infamous “Gift Wrapping Room”.
Ok, so tonight when I am watching the Craptastick Season Finale (sp?)showdown between Daneille and Caroline, I am going to have to look closely at Tree’s wedding set! Because I am wanting to know what the hell kind of dyemun can you get for 140$ and where can you get that?? Cause even if you are on a budget, you can still get a nice dyemun! I should know, we were on a budget…..OH! WAIT! I don’t think budget is in their vocabulary. I will have to say that if they bring on Kim G next season, I may watch this show again, maybe if only to watch her go in and buy all of the Guidices “expensive” things, but maybe not. I am not sure that there is any “reality” left with 2 people that are really housewives, and don’t do much…..
Has anyone seen the preview video of the reunion on Bravo’s website? I’m wondering if we can just skip tonight’s finale and head right on into the reunion? If you thought the RHONY reunion was epic, it certainly seems as though this is going to blow every other reunion for every other set of ladies out of the water!
@scatt — haha, I would love to see Kim G use Teresas ‘obidah’ as a flower planter in her front lawn. Hell, maybe Teresa can rent out her little lemur as Kim Gs lawn jockey after all, *someone* has to keep mommy in dyemuns and fuuurs(beside the one on her head),
Here’s another vote for Kim G as the new HW. Not only is she actually rich, but there would be a great rivalry with Teresa–and Teresa couldn’t possibly win.
A thought about the Italian vacation: Bravo may have required that at least the HWs all go together wherever they went in Italy. Maybe spouses, too. Of course, that doesn’t mean that they all had to go where Teresa wanted! And I doubt they needed to take all the kids and grandparents along (I mean, Bravo didn’t require that).
The problem with Kim Gas the new HW is the same as Danielle being the current one…who’s going to film with her? Caroline’s not innerested, she got Jacqueline’s daughter arrested (well went to the station as a witness), and now she’s gonna buy Teresa;s furniture and humiliate her. (which I can’t wait to see, btw). But how are these ladies going to pretend to like her and get along for thos necessary group scenes??
Oh, and tonight’s finale looks so staged because it looks like Danielle is tryin not to smile in the commercials, even as Caroline attacks her.
Good point, @Sarcas. I guess I was hoping that Caroline would be on the outs with Teresa, but I forgot about Jacqueline’s issue.
I’m wondering who they would be willing to socialize with, especially Caroline. She pretty much has the social circle she wants (family), I think. Except, hopefully, she’ll be getting rid of Teresa.
I wanted Elvira to be the new housewife, certainly more than either Kim. She seems like she won’t put up with their shit, which is awesome.
@classy – thank you so much for continuing the family tradition!
Damn captcha bullshit erased my witty comment to @Classy and @Chemgal and now I’m ready to throw the damn computer against the wall, and I’ve got Robinez’s CRS today, so I can’t retype it all.
FUCK!!
And to top it off, I posted the above message to the wrong recap the first time!
FUCK!
Where’s the booze??
I would be willing to bet there will cases of booze available at the Giudice’s in early October, marijai! LOL
I’m glad someone brought up the swearing in front of other people’s kids. I have a potty mouth – big time. Its my least endearing trait and one I do try to keep under control. While I don’t mind typing it here or using it the very few times its appropriate in person, I don’t like that I do it in front of my kids – particularly since my 5 year old has been heard throwing a “fuck” around here and there (my older two somehow have gotten the do as I say not as I do and don’t use it – thank God for small favors!) However, I never, ever, ever use it in front of other people’s kids – not even a “hell”. Which of course really only means I could control it all the other times as well, but let’s not go there right now.
Yes!! the Giudice winery! How could we forget?! (I’ll take mine with Coke and ice please, cause I’m klassy like that!)
@cheez…LOL, yeah, it’s kinda been a bad afternoon. I was patiently waiting for a parking spot (with my blinker on) and these old people stole my parking space! They were soooo rude, I couldn’t believe it. When I nicely remarked that I had been waiting on the space, he says how was he supposed to know. Uh maybe because my FUCKING BLINKER WAS ON!!! I swear, if I had had something in the car to throw at them, I would have. And the old woman just laughed at me. I’m 40, and these people were 65 if they were a day. Just pissed me off.
@cheez….yes, I bet there will be lots of booze. Juicy will probably be drinking with both hands. If I lived with someone like Tree, I know I would be.
Where is njgasmifan? He/she said they were going to the auction and I hope they do so they can report back to us. I think it’s hilarious Kim is buying all Tree’s tacky crap. I bet the Salvation Army couldn’t give that ugly stuff away.
@Chem…I’m the same way. But sometimes, idiots force those of us with higher intelligence to sometimes curse and say things we’d usually keep to ourselves under other circumstances, bless our hearts.
Now I’m smiling again….love you guys!
@chem I have the worst potty mouth in the world! My husband is in the navy, my dad is a truck driver, and my father in law was in the marines…I am the worst to be around when I am in a mood. It is F-bomb city!! When my husband was deployed I tought my 3 year old cousin to say,”Matt is on a boat in the ocean”. Didn’t think it would be a good idea to try to get her to say ship, Everytime someone asked me how I was doing and when hubby would be home, she would walk up to them and say, “matt is on a boat in the ocean.”
If they are your kids, our your friends kids, you should always watch what you say in front of them.
Oh I have a few things to say about tonights episode, but I am going to wait for our lovely recapper
I watched it early on Bravo HD.. that was kind of scary…
@maijai- the auction was put off until october 3rd. I am not sure exactly why. But I think someone posted the link here. I thought that I was the only one that turned on my blinker in a parking lot waiting for a space?!
Ok I am going to go act civilized now!
First hurricane of the season: Danielle. I’m finding this endlessly amusing!
I missed tonight’s episode, but I saw some clips – I’ll watch it online tomorrow I guess.
I always try to keep it clean in front of kids, when I used to smoke I would NEVER light up in front of anyone underage. Sometimes I think the message of restraint is more powerful than the actual restraint – if that makes sense. I’m a serious potty mouth, terrible. I always have been even though my parents really didn’t swear, and so is my cousin – neither one of us knows why because we didn’t really have a lot exposure to it…. Ah, I don’t fucking know… LOL
I’ll see this clusterfuck of a show through, but I probably won’t watch the next season unless it’s totally revamped. My problem with it is that I honestly don’t like any of these women, even Dina leaves me feeling a little cold. I can’t stand the screaming and yelling, and the constant confrontations – or the blatant lies they tell. It’s an ugly cast inside and out.
I disliked Caroline, then I kind of softened toward her – but after re-watching the table-flip, and seeing some of the upcoming clips of her – I’m back to square one. She’s a cruel and judgmental bitch. I still maintain however that I felt bad for her on that trip, for all of the reasons I stated before.
The thing with Danielle this season turned into a scene out of “Frankenstein”, it was like the villagers were trying to drive her out with torches and mad dogs. I don’t really get it, the Laurita-Manzo’s act like she’s trying to “bring the family down”; how is she doing that? If Jacqueline and Ashley would have just left things alone – Danielle would have moved onto new friends…
Oh well, in keeping with @chemgal and @classy’s family tradition: I hate Teresa.
PS – My Captcha code is FKUC, LOL.
@chemgal, I don’t curse in front of old people and other people’s kids.That’s just me.Otherwise..I am a curser.
Anyway,my Mom’s “word you can never say”,was Fart.For some reason the woman has a problem with the word,”Fart”.Guess what I was instructed to say instead?
“Burp Tail”.Yup.burp tail.
TC,Robin
WTF @Robin, I post at the same time you do, then I read yours and practically piss my fucking pants laughing!!
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Burp Tail!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
I was talking to one of my BFF’s from high school the other night and she mentions she was “a mistake” because she was a late in life baby. “No you weren’t!! You were a wonderful surprise!”, says PCheez. “No, ” says BFF “my mom called me the Rape Baby.” I died laughing, I’m still dying laughing – I just text Rape Baby to her at random times of the day…
Why is this relevant? It isn’t, but Burp Tail is cracking me just as hard – and I am seriously cackling right now!! LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
Lol @ the cussing convo, sometimes I wonder what I would do without the word fuck. Saying that word is about as involuntary as breathing is for me.
@PCheeze LOL right along with you,..I really am..seeing burp tail in writing is much funnier than just saying it!
))) And the Rape story is lol funny…(never thought I would ever say that! )
TC,Robin
Burp Tail is my new fav phrase! I’m teaching it to my baby as soon as she can speak. As a matter of fact, it’s gonna be her 1st words..screw ‘mama’ and ‘dada’. lol
My forbidden words as a child were ‘lie/liar’ and ‘fool’. Those were so taboo in my household..I mean how superfluous is it to yell at your 10 brother that he is a storyteller and a fabricator…and you’re only eight?? When we were feeling particoularly rebellious we would say, “you’re a liarrrrr downer!” ha-ha Southern parents…smh
Okay..this may have been posted, but here is the promo of the Reunion. Teresa’s gutteral scream, Caroline’s tears, And Andy getting knocked the f*ck down for tryna get in Teresa’s way! So much for respecting the elderly.
http://tv.gawker.com/5619961/watch-danielle-staub-storm-out-of-violent-real-housewives-reunion?skyline=true&s=i#
Okay…let’s take a bet now Gasmii..a box of wine if you can guess what the hayell Danielle pulls out of her purse. A sacrificed chicken? A mangy stole? Grandma Wrinkles??
@Sarcas, I’m betting she pulls out…her mom!
We were not allowed to call children “kids” when we were growing up. There were others, but that is the big one that I remember.
@Robinez: My grandmother had a problem with the word “fart” too. I was told to use “pop off.” That still cracks me up, but it is not nearly as good as burp tail!
@marijai: Hey assholes get old too! Turning 65 isn’t going to suddenly make them nice!
@Alison Zimmerman: Oh me too! My husband was in the army for 12+ years so I picked it up from him. I mostly just talk that way for comic effect when it is just he and I at home (we don’t have kids), but I am always afraid I am going to let it slip when we are around “adults.” And I get really ticked off with some santimonious asshole tries to say that the only people who curse are uneducated and ignorant and can’t find other ways to express themselves. I am very educated, thankyouverymuch… I just like the say fuck.
@ Snootchy, I also wasn’t allowed to say “fart” we had to “say pass gas” or “poot”
My dad still says he has to go “stinky”, although my brother and I are both grown.
My mom also forbid us to say “gnarly”. She is a southern Christian woman and that word sounded like a curse to her.
So glad I’m not the only potty mouth – however, why am I not surprised? I do have to rethink things as my 5 year old recently told me “Jesus Christ mom, Dora is so fucking stupid …” and when I asked him to repeat himself a few times he threw his hands up in the air and murmured “fuck it” and walked away. I have to admit, I was more upset with the use of Jesus Christ as a swear (Roman Catholic father, mom was jewish but not practicing, but dad was so we were raised catholics so using JC or oh my God were punishable in my house)
He’s my autistic child who didn’t talk at all until 2 years ago and our speech therapist was not too surprised when some of his first words were colorful, shit being one of them. We were told to not make a big deal as it could prevent further speech so I’m going to use that as an excuse if the school calls me when he starts kindergarten next week!
I too am not going to get to into this week’s episode, but sarcasatire – good call on the red wine and coke mix. WTF! My husband’s family owns a grape farm and grow’s grapes for local wineries in the Niagra region. He was up last night on his laptop and when Chris ordered that, my Italian, rednecked husbands head almost snapped looking up at the TV.
Also, I would have to say I’m with PCheez on Caroline. She was a hypocrite last night. Telling Danielle they tried to leave her alone and that she should drop charges on Assley. When Danielle was asked what Caroline herself did to Danielle and she mentioned what her family did to her, Caroline was all well that’s not ME. But when Danielle mentioned the same question, Caroline was suddenly we are all family we stand together.
I felt bad for Danielle last night. I think if she had allowed herself to admit to the pain they caused her rather than focusing on the “respect” she felt she was owed. She touched briefly on being shut out last season and for a split second, she came across as a relatable, sane human being that I could root for in this mess. Last night really demonstrated how she really has left them alone this season and they really wouldn’t let it go and provoked her.
One more thing then I’ll wait for the new recap, if I could have reached through the tv and smacked someone it would have been Jaq. After lecturing Assley about not talking about Danielle, she starts in again about her past at the dinner. THAT is what Assley was upset about, but she wasn’t articulate enough to express it. She’s told to drop it all the time and then sees her mother acting like Rain Man and repeating the same shit over and over.
What is wrong with Assleys speech? Is she so lazy she can’t bear to articulate?
I have to admit to liking Caroline this season – she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. However, why on Earth would she think Danielle should drop the charges on Assley merely because she was also arrested once? I wonder if Caroline has since changed her opinion of Assley after having seen the footage. J and Ass made it sound like a little tug which it wasn’t.
I’m voting to Benniferize Jacqueline and Assley and call them JacqAssley.
@chemgal – that’s awesome about your son talking, and I can totally understand why the last thing you would ever want to do is limit his expressions in any way. I’m sure it’s all been said on the school bus before, New Englander’s are pretty colorful at any rate. I have a 5 year old grandson in Vermont who learned how to flip the bird this summer, from his other old New Englander grandfather… sigh.
My mom’s word for fart growing up was “Breaking Air”. My cousin and I drove my grandmother, the nurse, up the wall with the word fart, so she informed us the proper term was FLATUS. As far as we were concerned, that was even better – Flatus Face, You FLAAATUSSSS… LOL, she really regretted that one.
@sarcas – My bet is that Danielle pulls the remnants of that nasty weave out of her purse.
“And Andy getting knocked the f*ck down for tryna get in Teresa’s way! So much for respecting the elderly.”
HEY!!! He’s MY age!!!!!!! Elderly my ass!!!! LOL, LOL!!!
My family may be emotionally stunted, but for some reason the topic of farting, pooping, and burping is not only talked about openly but is also a source of entertainment. It’s more taboo to discuss feelings than it is to talk about the latest BM you had or what bad gas you are currently experiencing! Makes for lovely family parties. And I agree with the cursing around kids. I also am a fan of the word “fuck” & all the joyous combinations one can create using that word, but if I were Joe & I was cursing like he was in front of not only his kids but everyone’s parents, my parents would have not stood by quietly!
@Chemgal-while I do watch what I say around my nieces & nephews & older relatives, I have to say I like your speech therapist’s attitude! At least he isn’t saying it for effect, just to get a rise out of you. I have a couple of friends & a relative who work in a field dealing with education and autism, & I can’t wait to tell them the story!
@P.Cheez@sarcas-I agree, I think she pulls out the hair. But Grandma Wrinkles would be so awesome. It would be such a Dr. Evil move.
Jacqueline: “It’s all fake, and if you don’t see that then you are as crazy as her”. What a bitch.
Caroline made an ass of herself last night (I’ll comment more when that particular episode is recapped), but yeah I would say Danielle looked like the bigger person here (again).
I wish she would glue the hair extensions to Grandma Wrinkles and pull that out from under her chair!
Haven’t gotten to see last night’s episode yet, and I have to actually do some work at work today. Sigh…
Can’t wait to watch based on everyone’s comments.
@Mr.Reality, I do agree with you, Caroline was doing well until the clown remark…but again I will wait for the recap before I comment.
Is it just me, or have the past few episodes have we been seeing Tree with bangs?? I am not sure which is worse bangs or no bangs? Lastnight I was watching the first part of the Italian “vacation” and made a comment to myself, (outloud ofcourse) that Tree should have fallen off the side of the ship, and my husband said,”who, that ET looking broad?” Every time I watch this show he shakes his head at me, and tells me that I am going to break the tv!
@chemgal and prodigal, I am 30 years old, and my mom still gives me “then look” everytime “fuck” comes out of my mouth. So I try not to say that infront of mamma, and I to make up my own phrases. My husband knows when someone has really pissed me off when I use the phrase “dicksmack”…any whoodle, I am going to go watch a marathon of the OC bitches that Bravo has treated us with today! (bless my heart)
Oh, and here’s another reason why Jacqueline is bothering me, she made it impossible to disagree with Jackassley on last night’s episode. Holy shit, we get it. Danielle did this and that 20 years ago blah blah blah that doesn’t justify what Ashley did, give it a rest Jacqueline. I would have said something if I was Jackassley as well.
I haven’t seen the new episode yet, but I wholeheartedly agree with you, Mr. Reality. If that sort of dumbass logic worked, the prisons would be nearly empty. All anyone would have to say in their defense is: “I’m not as bad as hitler.”
@PCheez: No, you nor Miss Andy are elderly. It was a jab at Teresa who made a similar comment after almost knocking down Kim G during her rampage. Plus, I think she once referred to Caroline as like ‘the mama’. I was like, she not that much older than you!
Oh, and my family word for ‘fart’ was “breaking wind” or “passing gas.” I still don’t curse in front of my mom..she couldn’t handle it. When I was in labor and doing laps around the corridor (walking! well, shuffling..), everytime a contraction hit I would grunt/whisper a stream of expletives, “Shit-fuck-shit-fuck-fuck-shit-aaaaarrrgh-fuck!” My mom was hovering over my hunched, quivering frame, “Now, do you really have to curse? Why don’t you try something else? Like, ‘God-is-good-God-is-good-God-is-sooooo-good!”
Does Danny have a job???? What is with the David Cassidy hair? He is pathetic!!!What did he do to get thrown in the slammer??
@Mr Reality–totally agree with you on the Assley/Jac tiff that was going on. How many times had Jac and Chris tell Assley that they were done talking about Danielle? It was enough, no more. Then again, Jac brought up all the things that she had done, all the charges that had been against her. WE All get it, Danielle has a past, who doesn’t. Ok, I am sure we all weren’t that bad, but you know what I mean. I am not a fan of Daneile, but I think that all she ever really wanted was to be friends with these bitches. When that book was “brought to the table” litlerally, all she wanted to do was have her chance to explain, and let them know that that was her past, she moved on, became a better person.(ok we all know from this season that that is not the case!!)
I am under the impression that when they were not taping that there was alot of shit that when down between her and a few of the ladies. I think that Tree was the ambusher when they were all out in public, but I also think that Jac was the ambusher when it came to the gossip. Cause we have all seen the episodes when Granny Kim came over to talk, and Jac wouldn’t say anything until Kim brought up Danielle. I too am excited to see the reunion shows…Its going to be crazy!
AlisonZ: I get what you’re saying with with Teresas’ bangs. I don’t know if they bug me because I know what lurks beneath or what. I’d recommend Electrolysis, but we don’t need to pay for that on top of everything else.
Ok, I just checked out Teresa’s blog about the Italy trip. One thing I find highly suspicious is the fact that not one comment to Teresa, not-a-one, is negative. Every single one that was approved by Bravo was a comment praising Teresa on her family values, her likability, and the fact that she should have her own show. Now, the rest of us know that there are several Bravo commentors that have contrary opinions. However, they weren’t approved. My guess is Teresa’s book (and all businesses shilled on a HWs franchise) is connected to Bravo, including it’s profits. So, to allow Teresa to be negatively perceived would be detrimental to their pocketbooks. So, they will only through those comments that shed her in a positively light. Even after she tossed Andy like a wet rag. (the reunion was taped weeks before this episode aired). Oh well, I guess it’s true what they say..money talks and bullshit walks..right over the hand that feeds them.
@sarcas, I wouldn’t say not-a-one is negative. There are quite a few negative comments on there. (let’s go with 70% positive and 30% negative). Especially about her rude comments about Caroline and Jackie on the blog. The week before there were alot of comments about her financial status.
I will agree with you that the comments are skewed in Teresa’s favor because on most of the other sites I frequent everyone hates her there too.
I so want Danny to be at the reunion just so he can try to justify all the comments he made regarding how he knows everything about everyone, & who these women are that supposedly approached him to help get dirt on Assley. A friend of mine recently dubbed him Welcome Back Kotter-he is so a cross between Vinnie & Horshack. “Hey, Mister Kot-tair!”
Sanctimonious ,Thats me , why do I read this TRASH ? Its better than the Show it’s self .And you people call Danielle ,etc ,Trash ? What a bunch of trash you .
EVER NOTICED AFTER ALLL THE COMMENTS ABOUT TERESA’S APE HAIRLINE THAT SHE NOW WEARS HER HAIR WITH BANGS. AND SHE CLAIMS SHE NEVER READS ANY WEB BLOG CRAP….RIGHT!