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Monday, June 20, 2011
12:18 am
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Previously on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Gia fell off a balance beam cuz she thought her drarf uncle didn’t love her, Melissa texted a bunch of words to a twenty two year old from Kathy’s church, and we had to sit and watch Ramona unconvincingly prove that her husband was way too into her to be cheating. I’m sorry. That’s the wrong Housewives. It scarred me and I just. Can’t. Let go.
Speaking of Melissa’s song, I’ve been singing it all week. I’m not saying that to argue that the song is good. I’m saying it to lightly point out how sad I am on the inside. It’s a cry for help. So…..help.
Yeah, not helping.
We open with Dolores going to visit Caroline, who’s just received a package from the radio station. She got the job! That whole “facebook fucking isn’t cheating” thing really worked on the bored married station heads.
“I’ve got plans for you, Missy.”
Now she’s got a pie chart in front of her. Yellow = Bathroom breaks, Blue = Commercials, Green = News, Red = Number of times she’ll say “fambly”.
She’s proud of herself for taking a chance and going to ask for a job. She’s trying really hard to make us believe that this wasn’t just handed to her on a silver plated platter because she’s on a TV show, but no one’s buying it. It’s not just gonna be a free ride, though. She’s checking out her web page on the station’s site and they’ve Photoshopped her head onto a naked old lady body and there’s a donkey in the background ready to get molested. You didn’t really think they wanted you spewing your “enable your lazy stupid sons and ignore your vagina owning children” advice, did you? Take something off, slut!
Her friend practices taking calls with her. She pretends that she’s Teresa asking for advice. She speaks pretty good English, so it’s an automatic fail. Caroline goes with it and says that Teresa has to get in a room with Midge and battle it out, and the way Teresa talks makes Caro think that she’s put up a wall and is serving people cummin’, which is toxic. Great advice, but you’ve already told the real Teresa that and she’s not only ignored you, she infected the last dinner party she catered with chlamydia. The girls are sick of pretending to work, so they google Teresa instead.
Do I hear a hundred for the round grandma chairs with Juice stains on them? Anyone? Anyone?
Turns out Tre is broke and selling all her shit. Ruh-roh. That’s old news. If this were filmed more recently, Caroline would know that Juicy used his brothers id to get a new driver’s license after his was revoked for being drunk behind the wheel. Or that he forged contracts and will probably go to jail. Where’s she supposed to get her pizza now? She can’t call Little Caesar’s, cuz their logo reminds her too much of her brother and it’s just painful.
Melissa shaves Midge’s back crack and sack and gets him dressed for his meeting with Teresa. He tells us that he used to love Teresa but she changed and he’s sick of being hurt. Teresa’s getting ready too, and she tells us that Midge changed and it’s all Melissa’s fault. Midge is supposed to apologize, and Teresa is supposed to apologize. No one’s gonna apologize, but we already know that. I just hope they’re eating at a restaurant smart enough to bolt their table to the floor. Did Midge bring a gun? WTF?
Is that a gun in your pocket or are you a fidget?
He arrives at the restaurant dressed for a tribute to Miami Vice, and she arrives dressed like a Muppet that’s been in a terrible fire.
I’ll give you five dollars for that coat.
They sit there quietly for a minute, each waiting for the other to get on their knees, begging for forgiveness. It doesn’t happen, so they discuss the debt ceiling and whether or not the current military action in Libya should be called a war or not.
Whattaya feel bout Dostoevsky?
Apology accepted.
Midge starts coloring his kids’ menu and awkwardly compliments Gia on the gym meet she fucked up cuz he was five hours late. Then he brings up the letter and whips it out of his pocket. He reads “I’m sorry I hurt you and your fambly.” What does it mean? She’s immediately flustered. She can’t seem to remember writing it. She asks “whattaya mean??” She doesn’t understand how she hurt him in the first place and wants him to spell it out. Unfortunately, they are from the same gene pool so spelling anything is off the table.
He tries to pin her down and get her to man up to the apology. She won’t. She just gives them that old “I’m sorry you broke my haht” kind of a way. Fortunately, the waiter comes over and pours them some wine reeeeally slooooowly. I didn’t even know wine could come out of bottles that slowly. When he leaves, Midge accuses Teresa of “neglectin my fambly…my wife!” She gives him a wtf look and he tells her to stop acting like a brat and just tawk. Rememba dat Christening? That was so embarrassing! He won’t let her get a word in to say “um but you’re the violent one who started randomly swinging at your guests and then cried like a little girl and screamed at our parents,” so the editors slip it in for her.
Young man, you can scream and yell and cry all you want, but you’re not riding Space Mountain until you’re as tall as the red line.
Midge continues that he used to love Juicy, but then Teresa talked so great about Midge that Juice started hating him. Wait. What? For real? That’s the drama? Apparently, yes. Teresa loved her tiny little eggheaded brother so much that she couldn’t stop bragging on him and Juicy got jealous. Remember when Flowers in the Attic was just a creepy fictional story about siblings in love? Now it’s a Bravo show that kicks English in the nuts week after week. How far we’ve come, America.
Teresa confirms that it’s true she loved her brother so much she always put him before her husband. Then Kathy told her to stop doing that. It was the first time Kathy had a table flipped on her face. Aw, memories. Ter agrees, but says that Midge and Joe were always fine with each other until Midge got married. Oh, and for those of you who can’t understand why I don’t call him Fidget Joe instead of Midget Joe, I like the name Midge. Midge was Barbie’s slutty friend that got knocked up, and it makes me giggle.
He’s immediately defensive that Tre just blamed his wife for everything, and then he tells us the romantic story of how they met. He saw her at a pool in Cancun. She was wearing a leopard print bikini. SHOCKER! They didn’t talk, but six months later he saw her at the Jersey Shore. Did I call this romantic? I meant super classy.
She was working three jobs, so he won her over by promising to make her rich and put her on a pedestal. Once he agreed to put himself on a pedestal for family photos, she was in. He winks at us and says “that’s how you know you love someone.” Man. He just told us he basically bought his hot wife and he thinks it’s the most romantic story in the world. LOL.
Pedestals for everybody!
Teresa tells us that Midge was engaged to some random hooker, broke up with her. Found another one, broke off that engagement too. Well, you know the saying about guys like Midge. Third time’s a penis! I mean, charm. Ah well, maybe number four will be a penis. In the meantime, he’s married so some random poor waitress and Teresa thinks Mel is just after Midge’s money. From what he just told us, she’s not wrong. What else did he have to offer? But so what? In LA guys buy wives all the time. You still have to be nice to them. It’s called good business sense.
She says that Mel put a wedge in between them. I am gonna give her the benefit of the doubt on that one, cuz I could swear that she said “Youah wife put a wedgie between us.” He doesn’t know how to argue with that, so he basically “you ah!”s her and says that she’s fake cuz she calls Caroline and Jacqui her fambly and even her good friends say that she’s changed. Good friends like….Kathy! HAHAHAH! Teresa calls bs on that and says if Kathy’s shit talking her, it’s only because she’s friends with the Applebee’s waitress he married.
Tre says that she and Kathy used to be super close. She even let Kathy do her hair a lot, which explains why Tre is pretty much all wig these days.
This is what started global warming.
Tre says that Kathy is two faced and she stopped being friends with her when she started hanging out with the waitress. Midge is pissed that Teresa won’t say “I fucked up.” “I’m ya goddamn brotha!” You’re a tiny little ape. I hate you for making me side with Teresa through six episodes. Teresa says that Midge didn’t even tell her congrats on her book. But she never invited him to a book signing and he doesn’t have facebook or books in general and he doesn’t even know what dat means, writin’ a book or somethin’. She says that a congrats would have made her happy, but he still won’t give it to her. He rolls his eyes and accuses her of being a terrible aunt. This can’t really be a real fight until these two stay on topic for thirty fucking seconds. FOCUS.
She asks how she can get around the waitress issue and get to be close with Midge again. He says she hurt Mel’s feelings, and then she says Mel hurt her feelings with the “enjoy your used up re-done home you monkey faced bitch fart.”
He says that was retaliation for telling them that they only finished their home cuz they got a loan. HAHAH. OHMYGODWHATISWRONGWITHYOULOSERS? Seriously? I was honestly hoping that there was some deep dark secret that was tearing these two apart, and it turns out they hate each other cuz neither one ever took the time to properly learn English and communicate. They should just grunt and throw poop at each other.
Mel has a whole list of issues with Teresa. Teresa would have a list too if she could hold a pen properly. Midge says that Tre is in their parents’ ears and turning them against his family. He says that even if he married a whore, the family should support her and be nice cuz dat hooah gave birth to Midge’s babies. Teresa says if Mel is nice, she’ll be nice, but she doubts that Mel can be anything but cold. Midge says she might be cold but she’s still a good person. Cold and nice. Like air conditioning. And who doesn’t like air conditioning? There. All better. No?
Nothing is getting accomplished. Teresa just wants to know what they need to do to get past this and says she misses her brother. He stares at her with dead eyes while she cries. He says he will always love her, but she has to work it out with mom and his wife. So she has to make the mom hate him less and make the wife hate her less. They leave before paying. As they do.
Let’s get the hell out of this restaurant before I choke myself to death. Kathy and Rich are going to have dinner with the Gorgaoyle’s accountants. They would have had dinner with the JewDice’s accountant, but he’s busy putting little green stickers on all the JewDice’s belongings tonight, so they’ll meddle in someone else’s affairs. Mrs. Accountant has a private chef, and Kathy says that the food was ok but she needs to write a book that the help can read to learn a little something. Mrs. Accountant will listen to food advice, but Kathy needs to never try to open her mouth with hair advice or her ass is out of the dinner party circuit for good.
Ding dong! The Gorgaoyle’s are there! Mel immediately brings up the meeting with Midge and Teresa. Midge says that Teresa was ok but he suspects she was being fake and she’s gonna have to make his mommy like him again or he’s not interested in being her brother. Kathy asks if Teresa is open to talking to Mel, and he says yes. At that, she rolls her eyes and shrugs. Was that not the answer you were looking for, meddler? Melissa doesn’t want a one on one confrontation. She’d rather talk behind Teresa’s back to her witch sisters and make them act like white trash in her place. Mel says that if Teresa apologizes, everything will be fine. Kathy is still shaking her head and rolling her eyes. Teresa says that Kathy does her best to keep Melissa hating her, and that seems about right. She’s earned every ounce of bad will, but still. Mel adds that once they patch things up, she’s gonna make Teresa be nice to Kathy too. Oh lord. There Will Be Blood.
Kathy tells us that Teresa has been rude about her family members and she’s done trying with her. “You have to be accountable for what you say to other people. Ya learn that in the sandbox, honey!” You also learn that mean girls will kick sand in your eye if you fuck with them. I suspect that’s why Kathy is worried about a reconciliation. She doesn’t wanna have to follow Melissa back into the sandbox with Teresa. And I don’t blame her. Kathy tells Melissa to make up with Teresa for herself and she’ll deal with her during her own episode.
Mrs. Accountant says that she invited Teresa to her kid’s b-day party and she didn’t even respond. So rude! Um, you’re the help, honey. She probably got that invite and changed her email address so you could stop spamming her with e-vites. Midge says that Teresa is having a hard time in the papers, and Mr. Accountant laughs that they are trying to buy back their furniture. Pretty funny to Mr. Accountant, which is odd because he should know how many bills Midge has been skipping out on. He’s been sued 26 times since 2002 for skipping out on bills, from what “da papas” are saying this week.
Ain’t that the poop chute callin the asshole a stinker?
Kathy tsks tsks to us that mindless spending will catch up to you. Let’s hope so. I can’t wait for the Very Special The Gorgas are Poor Now episode. Melissa says that she would have helped Teresa if she was willing to kiss her ass like everyone else on her payroll. “Ya need fambly! She needs to realize that!” You need a shoulder wax.
Caroline gets ready for her first day on the air. She’s nervous because she has to read commercials, the weather and the traffic. She will make them all sound extremely depressing. And what the hell kind of radio station is this?
Jacqui comes over to Teresa’s house under the guise of having books for her to sign. She didn’t wanna waste money on Skinny Italian, so she brought over some Bibles and a Highlights she stole from the doctor’s office. Teresa launches into her story about the meeting, going on about how she never did anything and Melissa’s a bitch. Jacqui looks like, just once, she’d like to talk about what kind of day she’s having.
My fillers sunk to my jowls and my upper lip has completely died and will probably fall off like I’ve got leprosy. Does anyone care? No. I wonder if there’s food here. Hey how much is that couch?
Teresa says that it was a quickie marriage, and at dinner in the beginning of their relationship, Melissa made a comment that she was smart for marrying a rich dude, unlike her ugly witch sisters that wouldn’t get in shape to wear a leopard print bikini. Awkward Juicy call alert! Jacqui looks thrilled at getting to listen to even more of Teresa’s drama.
Juicy insists on speakerphone with Tre that all the stuff coming out on CNN is just a lie. Teresa seems completely unfazed by the fact that her skidmarked laundry has been all over the national news all day. She hangs up, assures Jacqui that the media is making up a bunch of lies and then gets back to hating Melissa. Jacqui just smiles and nods at her dependably delusional friend.
Jacqui tells us that sisters in law should at least try to get along. Sure, she punched Caroline in the face once. Now they’re fine! Fuckin’ New Jersey. I can’t believe they haven’t passed a law yet requiring everyone to wear helmets at all times. SAT scores would probably go up at least a little.
Jacqui tries giving sane advice, but Teresa stops her and says her stupid advice is pissing her off. She’s not kidding. You can tell she’s mad cuz Milania shows up at the door. That little fucker can smell violence a mile away.
Hit her or I will!
J suggests Teresa call Melissa to meet somewhere neutral, like her house. Why in the world would you invite Teresa over to fight in your house? She’s probably wanting to remodel her living room on the insurance company’s dime and doesn’t wanna wait for Assley to start a fire.
Caroline is at the radio station with her kid that has a vagina. Man she really must be nervous to include that outcast. I’m nervous for the first person she calls “gahbage”. Some porny seventies music comes on, and then the donkey is brought in. She starts by apologizing for being scared shitless. Her first topic is family feuds. Way to not ride the Housewives coattails to try and make a buck. No one’s calling in, so she stutters and stumbles around for awhile, trying to avoid the giant donkey boner that’s smacking her in the face.
Some chick calls in and says she hates her Italian mother. Caroline’s advice is to “make it work”. She’s not making a dress out of lettuce, Caroline. The questions are all pretty simple, and her advice is simpler. Your kid’s a brat? Hit her. Your car’s out of gas? Go to the gas station. You signed up to do a radio show and now you’re supposed to make internet perverts horny with a donkey? Me too! Housewives fans start calling in pretty regularly and it’s a struggle to not push FF. The birth of Dr. Bore-a.
Kathy’s at home listening to Dr. Bora trying not to roll her eyes as she tells us how much she respects Caroline. Someone calls about a bitch sister in law with the same story as Teresa. They’re putting the production assistants to work pretty hard tonight. She says that you just need to learn to say I’m sorry. Teresa is listening in the car and almost runs off the road while punching the radio. “Easy fa you ta say, Caroline!” Calm down. Juicy’s already without two licenses. You get pulled over, you’re both on the bus.
The next day, Melissa is gathering her harpies for emotional support. Witch Sister number one is there first, and then Kathy arrives. Sister doesn’t like that Mel is going to Jacqui’s. Well, they’d do it in your studio apartment, but the entire production crew can’t fit into it. Kathy thinks it’s ok, and says it’s probably better that there’s a sane person there and if she had to talk to Teresa she’d want her to bring a friend. As a witness. Witch Sister is not liking that this meeting is going down. What if she and Teresa make up?!?! She might have to actually go out into the world and make a fucking friend. Mel assures her that “if I really wanted to, I could eat her alive.” Uh-huh. But your sisters would have to hold her down and cut her up for you. Ya pussy.
Over at Jacqui’s, Caroline and Jacqui are waiting. They joke that public places don’t work out well for JewDice fights, and Caroline says she doesn’t wanna be there for the showdown. Yet here you are. Caroline tells us that Jacqui has more tolerance for idiots than she does. Unless the idiots are her sons. Teresa comes in and Caroline tells her that she’s proud of Teresa to make an effort. Teresa gets a little defensive and says that family is just as important to her as it is to them. Awkward pause. Jacqui offers Tre some coffee and a sedative. Teresa doesn’t refuse either. Caroline is done with Teresa, and I love watching her face.
Teresa tells them that she wants to go to the Catskills with the whole group. But no kids! Caroline just wants to make sure there’s running water and that cops won’t bust down the doors while they’re there. Then she asks flat out what the hell’s gonna happen today. Teresa just wants to be a fambly! Caroline has a radio show now, and she already gave advice about this today, so she repeats it verbatim to Teresa and tells her to put on her big girl panties and get over it. Teresa doesn’t like that advice, and keeps turning the salt shaker to get a different station. She looks like she just got spanked.
Caoline leaves, and Jacqui’s nervous. Teresa insists that she’s calm and she’s slurring a little. Jacqui probably tranquilized her coffee. Tre is acting kinda creepy, and it just makes Jacqui more and more nervous. Mel comes bearing a cheap bottle of wine, and Jacqui settles them in the study at a table. UGH. WHY A TABLE?!? DON’T DO IT? Silence while Mel and Tre stare at each other. Teresa says she wants to make things better for their whole family, cuz it’s the most important thing to her. I was expecting a “me too!”, but Mel’s pissed. She says this isn’t about family. Oh lord. I can’t wait til next week to see what it is about. I have a feeling it will be “you ah!” “you ah!” “you ah!” part two. More importantly, I can’t wait to see if that table survives the scene. See you then!! xo
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29 Comments
haven’t watched this episode yet, you’re so fast! Above the airdate says May 19 2011
GUESS WHAT! I love your fast/hilarious recaps! GUESS WHAT! I can’t believe I’m siding w/Teresa! GUESS WHAT? I hate Melissa and her witch sisters too. GUESS WHAT! Caroline is a fucking BORE! Her “advice” is shit, her son’s are lame, she has no interesting story line, oh and GUESS WHAT! she says GUESS WHAT! Too fucking much!
*Thank You* for posting so quickly, waiting last week was so hard!
I love that you addressed the issue of why you call Joe Gorga Midge, instead of Fidget, for that commentator who keeps mentioning it, but to include the picture of the doll–that is just awesome!! I want to play with her. I remember her being pulled from the shelves when I was a kid because some Christian parents though it gave the wrong impression to children–getting pregnant and having a baby is easy and fun (so now we know who to blame for the show sixteen and pregnant).
Loved the line: Remember when Flowers in the Attic was just a creepy fictional story about siblings in love? Now it’s a Bravo show that kicks English in the nuts week after week. How far we’ve come, America.”
So true.
Terese and Midge, yous have ways too much A.D.D. and I.AM.AN.ASSathritis to fight properly. what a train wreck. someone call mommy and daddy right away, Midge just called ‘women’ ‘woman’ –how Daniella Traub trashy.
I’m so confused; midge is upset with terese because she loved him too much in the early part of her marriage, so much so that Juicy became jelous and now hates him? why can’t Juicy just hate him because he is a total douche?
And Kathy, who keeps crying about how her kids should be so close is the one who suggested that Terese just talk about Juicy from now on and not so much about Midge?
I’m sorry but this family’s version of what a normal relationship should look like blows my understanding of rationality to the curb.
Other Notable Comments:
Midge: “And if my wife was the biggest whore….”
Me: IF?
Me: Gorgas–getting loans to build a house, or having your new house be a rebuild–these things are not shame-worthy. Getting sued for not paying your bills–now that’s an embarrassment. you guys are focusing on the wrong things, kay? just a little reality check.
The whiny help never said the daughter didn’t come, just that she didn’t R.S.V.P.
Jacqui looked good on the morning of the showdown, but Teresa’s suggestion of the Catskills (which is exactly where you should take kids, not on an expensive cruise treking around Italy, but in the mountains where you can feed them to the animals if they misbehave) didn’t sound so great. When your everyday life is so much more luxerious than the shit house your friend wants you to vacation at, then the trip isn’t that much of a vacation.
“Enjoy your used up re-done home you monkey faced bitch fart.” That is absolute gold Flipit!
This season is so annoying because I would rather listen to them complain about Danielle than see more of Theresa. I don’t like the fact that I agree with her. I don’t like her family because this is such crap. The only reason why Mel is even interesting is because she hates Teresa. Jacqui is boring and her daughter is an idiot. I am undecided on Kathy. I just wish we could get on a different subject BESIDES The Gorgas and the JewDices. I never thought I would get sick of Italian Fambily drama until today.
I miss Dina and Grandma Wrinkles.
I miss Danielle too. This whole family crap dragging for multiple episodes suck.
Great recap though Flipit! Hopefully there will be something better soon or this season is going to be a wash.
I’m so siding with Poopsicle. Every time Caroline says GUESS WHAT? I want to break something. Mainly my TV. Or my ear drums.
I haven’t read the whole recap ‘cuz I’m at work and I’m afeared my coworkers will hear me LOL. But I just saw that pic of Milania at the door. Sheeeez they need to shave that kid’s forehead. The little demon spawn is going to have a lower hairline than Tre!
Hilarious!
Btw, why does everyone praise Caroline’s parenting skills? She produced what? A son and a daughter who barely graduated high school, and a Princeling who flunked out of law school. Yeah, she’s a regular Rose Kennedy, isn’t she?
I kept trying and trying to figure out why they kept showing us Milania. I still haven’t figured out the significance unless it was just to show us she doesn’t cry 24/7.
On another note. I still refuse to agree with Teresa. As the “unwanted” daughter-in-law, my in-laws were still waiting for me to do their son wrong, even after 20 years of marriage. I can’t wait to hear Mel’s side of it. Then, if she forces me to side with Teresa, I will have to hunt her down.
Thanks for the review. I enjoy reading them before the next show.
I have an extreme dislike for Caroline. They talk about how great of a job she has done with raising their children. Didn’t the boys work for Dad?? One goes the college then lives at home and works for dad. Like that is a big accomplishment. Granted in this day and age no drinking/knocked up girl/drugs means something, but I set my bar a little higher. Now Bravo gave them a web show about living in Hoboken. I have no interst in this expect when Albie come out of the closet. I feel sorry for any girl (and I have never see them dating any)marries into this family with this mother in law. And the way she treats her daughter, like an after thought. The talk show advice… dont’ get me started.
The sloppy engish, lack of a real topic to fight about, Jacqui having so much work she only has one expression.
One positive thought, I love the way Miget cares for Gia and is a supportive uncle.
I hope Caroline is smoother on the radio than she was last night as a “judge” on the Miss USA pageant. She got her big moment to ask a question and she fumbled and bumbled through it so badly, I was amazed that the poor contestant could even figure out what to respond to. I also hate her smugness, like she’s above all the drama and mess of the other housewives. I much prefer the wives who own it like Kathy and Melissa who know they stir the shit pot just to get more camera time…or Theresa, who I’m not sure even realizes she’s being filmed half the time!
Caroline, her orange clown hair, and her self-granted title of “da boss of alla youse” can burn in hell.
Her fake radio show will probably last one episode longer than NeNe’s fake TV segments. When the producers set up these things, do they even air on real stations? Has anyone ever heard/seen one?
I’m getting so paranoid I’m starting to think Bravo was behing the Armenian Genocide… I AM convinced that those “Text your answer to this Housewives quiz” commercials have a subliminal message from Miss Andy that encourages teens to text while driving very, very fast.
Thank you flipit for saving a wench like me.
I agree with all the Caroline comment’s her daughter is her biggest success and C acts like she has been stealing from the house.How can she be proud of two kids who move out she pays for it and they don’t work.Albie has failed as a lawyer must have washed out of PD and the other premature bald on lasted one year working for dad as a boss and that was to much.Great Job Caroline these two are really giving back.
This cast and the OC cast all act like they are very scared the truth about there lives will come out.They have a hard time keeping there utter disregard for people and the warped sense of entitement hidden and when the truth does surface it is all lies.
I have enjoyed termessa having to drive when the fambly around now that Joe the thief has lost his driving privilages. How can one minute they tellus joe and the next Mark twain tell each other everything but the money she had no idea.You almost have to feel sorry for these people they are so f up they don’t know when they are lying or telling the truth.
I do think it sad that such a talented singer has to go a reality TV show to get a record deal.The music industry just won’t give a women whose husband will waste money on making a record a chance.I mean look what they did they did to Jo and Slade.They put up wall after wall and denying us of her talents.I pray the same thing does not happen to that poor Itailan wrench like me.
Oh, someguy. Bless your heart.
someguy – jaysus, I almost spit out my coffee. Funny man!!!
Awesome recap! This fambly feud thing is getting really old and there isn’t anything else worth watching. Jacqui…boring, Caroline…boring, Kathy…boring. I can’t stand Melissa and her Witch Sisters but I still can’t side with Tre. She is a delusional mess.
I don’t get the Caroline praise either. Her husband is so disinterested in her (to the point where it’s ackward to watch) and her children are not exactly American success stories. She was more entertaining when she was trying to impersonate Marlin Brando. And, Danielle – I miss you !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Checked the New Jersey 101.5 website and was shocked to find no “Caroline Rules” show. The interns at the station must be ablet to disguise their voices only so many ways.
“The next Mark twain.” I love Flipit more than life itself but if Someguy filled in for a recap I would not mind.
Longtime lurker here. Flipit, I finally felt compelled to join because I just had tell you how much I enjoy your Housewives recaps! As Ramona would say, “Kadooz to you!”
Why do Caroline and Jacqui feel sorry for Teresa’s financial situation? They have been with her as she was blowing money all over the place. Did they really think she and Joe really had that kind of money? I would dump her sorry ass and find a new friend.
I too am sick of the “family fued”. It’s BORING!
I can’t wait though for Melly and Kim Z to get together and sing a duet. They were blessed with such beautiful voices (their God given tallant…)that I’m sure Bravo would love to create a new “song” for them. Kandi? You game???
Flipit I love how you translate the wording for us. How much more can they butcher the English language???
Holy crap – that photo of Kathy scared me. I started to laugh and then I got scared. WTF?? I think she parted her hair with a meat cleaver. Or got hit with a lightning bolt. Hope the lightning bolt’s okay. And hopefully that hair spray cloud floated out to sea instead of down here to South Jersey and poison our juicy tomatoes. Thank you for risking your eyesight and watching this train wreck of a show so millions of us don’t have to. You’re a friggin’ saint!!
Oh helllllll naw Bravo. You will NOT have me side with Teresa
Can you re edit this episode to make her out to be the bitch
That she is???
My little brother and I are super close also, so *shudders*
My heart went out to her. I would be sick if my brother and
I weren’t close.
I love that a Britney Spears song is on the bravo promos.
It’s Britney Bitch
That photo of Caroline and the donkey is brilliant!! You need to be doing graphics for Bravo, Flip! I could just hear the howls in the clubhouse when that graphic lights up the screen on WWHL!
The problem with RHNJ is that they won’t allow the ladies to all fight with each other, so we’re stuck with just one conflict dragging on for 6-12 episodes. First season, it was The Fambly vs Danielle. Second season, it was The Fambly vs Danielle. Third season, it’s the Giudices vs the Gorgas. Why can’t Caroline also fight with Jacqueline or Jaqueline and Kathy get into it? Look at the NYC girls…Alex vs Luann vs Ramona vs Jill..Sonja vs Cindy. This is how it should be done!
As a matter of fact, I read somewhere that Dina and Caroline are no longer speaking. So much so, that Dina didn’t even attend Caroline’s RHNJ premiere party at the Brownstone and went to Teresa’s fete instead. Please, Bravo, bring Dina back and air the Laurita’s dirty laundry!
What the heck is Caroline doing with a radio show? I can get better advice from a magic 8-ball. (Magic, as in, watch it disappear..and all my problems with it.) Kidding! Not about consulting an 8-ball over Caroline, though. Heck, I’d even take my chances with a Ouija board. The only counsel I would seek from Caroline is how to disinfect my kitchen after the ham game.
I read online that they are filming Season 4, as we speak! Being that Fidget’s balloon payment of $1 million for his spec house is due in July, hopefully we’ll get his bankruptcy on tape, also. Oh, how schadenfreudriffic will it be to see Melissa moving out of her McMansion and into a 2 bedroom split-level with a newly finished basement? Ever supportive, Teresa will be there helping with the move and intermittently shouting, “Congratulations on your redone house!”
OK, so heres what I think has happened to the whole fam damily.
1. Tree and Midge were super close growing up, and as they got older, his pubescent fantasies were about Tree and she probly touched his weiner somewere along the line.
2. In adulthood, Midge pulled of all of his low rent Sopranos scams and started making some money. Put a little out on the streets, filtered his proceeds though the neighborhood salami shop, and he looked a little legit.
3. Tree, and Midge are so sexually intertwined, it became a lovers situation. Tre needs a new car, Midge buys it for her. Tree wants a spendy purse, or a trip to AC, Midge gives it to her. Cause, come on, she touched his weiner.
4. When She and Juicy got married, Tree never shut up about all the nice stuff MIdge could give her, and did give her. Juicy couldn’t afford it. So to compete with his brother in law, he started doing all sorts of under the table shady shit to make money. Cause, come on, Juicy knows how well Tre knows her way around a weiner.
5. So here comes Mel, all eager to touch Midges weiner cause he has money. Not a new game folks. Enter the jealousy of Tree now. No more expensive things from Midge, cause Mels getting all the good stuff now. And Mel knows Tree touched Midges weiner, cause he got all drunk on Sambui one night and cried to her about it.
6. After many years of one upmanship, here we are. Juicy hates Midge casue he’s bitter Tree put him on a pedestal, Midge is jealous Tree isn’t eva gonna touch his weiner again, so he blames the other juicy weiner of poisoning his relationship with his dad, and Mel is just a nasty little fucktwat who really needs the shit kicked out of her for stirring the pot. Maybe that will settle shit. Mels so quick to remind us she knows all about what a traditional Italian family is all about, well fuck you- you should know better than to keep an ongoing battle with your brothers only sister. A good thunping from Tree. I’d love to see it. Tree swinging Mel around by her pony, like a cavewoman. Cause come on she the matriarch.(sp)
LOL @pantsonfire. Reminds me of the book Invisible by Paul Auster. Or of Flowers in the Attic. Or Isabel and Nathaniel (for all those Six Feet Under fans). Do you think Tre wears Fidget’s name as a tramp stamp?
I wouldn’t be surprised if incest ran rampant in the Gorga family. Remember when Midge talked proudly about how his father was a ‘sexual man?’ How else would he know that? *cringe*
Since The Guidices and the Gorgas (parents) are paisanos, I imagine the kids all grew up as friends. Tre said that Juicy was at the hospital when she was born. So, I can imagine Juicy being like a son to Daddy Gorga. He probably felt great when Juicy married his daughter because he had already approved of the family. Midge, on the other hand, married some stripper and spent all his dough on her instead of giving his parents a few dollars each month. I’m sure Tre would never do this..she made sure Juicy supported her parents as well as his. Midge, being the baby, was probably spoiled and grew up selfish. Juicy, being the in-law, is probably resentful for having to care for his in-laws when they have an able-bodied son with enough means to do so. But Juicy isn’t going to tell Tre “no” when it comes to supporting her parents. Happy wife, happy life.
Daady Gorga: As an old man with heart failure, you’re going to favor the people who take care of you. No wonder Midge fell out of favor. He has no one to blame but himself. Look how he regarded Gia’s gymnastics meet. He sauntered in when it was over. Trust me, this happens all the time. And to add insult to injury, his wife follows behind, her nose in the air, her body adorned with semiprecious stones. (And you thought Amber was just a name!) As much as I hate siding with Teresa, I can see just how Midge alienated his family by putting his wife before the parents who raised him.
pantsonfire~you nailed it! Midge and Tre’s relationship has always unnerved me. The way he talked about Gia’s birth being the most important day of his life….except, now he has a wife and kids…what about his wedding day or days of his kids’ births? yikes! Also, the way he was talking about Gia’s “talent” coming from his genes? nasty
I don’t know about the incest thing… We know Bravo loves to gross us out with TMI, and especially sexual stuff with the most physically repellent/mentally weirdest members of the cast(s). Teresa and the Midget are both Gump-stupid and emotionally unbalanced, but I wouldn’t put it past Bravo to imply through simple inclusion or exclusion of interview bits that some kind of improper relationship existed. And of course, Bravo has to play up any and all connections between the two of them to even make this schism relevant, since we’re only hearing about it season… whateverthefuck season this is.
Ok so I guess I wouldn’t go as far to say that they had some incestuous realionship through out childhood, what i was getting at was that it might have been a simple, you show me your cooch, I’ll show you my weiner, and maybe she gave it a little tug. So as any good shrink will tell you, a young mans sexuality is often molded by and older sister. A young mans search for a mate often times is guided by a subconscience urge to find someone like their sister who awakened their sexuality, unknowingly most times.
So I think in Tree’s case she did it to, finding someone exactly like her own brother. Juicy is like family. They grew up together. And Mel is just like Teresa. And I think Mel knows deep down that Midge loves his sister more. She plays that up, and plays Midge against Tree. She has created alot of this drama, and friction. Tree’s way to stupid to know how to play the mindfuck game like Mel does so well. Midge s the same. I bet you could convince Midge and Tree of anything, they arent the smartest monkeys at the zoo. Mel knows this too.
But I stand behind my cliff notes of how they got to where they are now.
Does anyone have a copy of that book\or have read it about the Manzo’s called To Drop a Dime?