RHONY: Bully For You, Ladies!

For some reason this part of the reunion didn’t bother me so much. It was like smashing my hand in a screen door as opposed to the trunk lid of my car, painful but not enough to get the doctor to prescribe any of the good shit.

It was as if last week I thought I had herpes only to discover that it was an ingrown hair. Gross, I know, but so is Jill’s song and dance. And she just won’t stop!

I already dissected the ploys she used to rationalize her actions and bully the other women, but this time she adds another tool to the arsenal- If I say I’m sorry enough, you have to forgive me and then drop it, getting out of having to explain herself!

And there is no explaining that top, let’s face it.

Brilliant. Childish doesn’t begin to describe her antics.

I tried that a couple times in grade school when I did something stupid like write on the church chalkboard that my sister was a ‘fuck slut.’ True story. My mom LOVED it. For a solid 24 hours, whenever I sat down I had to twist my waist so all my weight was balanced on my left butt cheek, THAT’S how much she loved it. I can’t see my own ass but I’m pretty sure there’s still a hand print on it. It comes out more when I get hives, or tan.

Speaking of tan, did Jill attend the SevinNyne school of bronzer application? Her face is at least ten shades darker than her legs. Maybe no real make-up atrists will touch her and she had to hire one of those retarded Olly girls from Sunset Tan. She hired the ony people stupid enough to work for her and now they spackle her in-between jell-o shots and deleting those pesky negative Facebook comments.

Does she still do that? Are any of you friends with her, you know, on the down low? I’d love to know. And fess up if you’ve left her any wonderfully caustic remarks, only to have them removed by her poor overworked assistant. Now THERE”S a shitty job. You might as well sign up to be Naomi Campbell’s phone minder.

Anyhoodle, on to the hoes!

We begin this time with Jill apologizing for looking like one of Scooby Doo’s backstreet flings. She’s getting her apartment redecorated and after packing up, all she could find was the dress she bought at Century 21 two decades ago for the step and repeat at that party at The Palladium for Good2Go, or was a double bill with Pure Soul and Amari? Those days are all a big blur to me.

I lied. She apologized for running off stage at the end of the last segment and making all the women look at her flat ass, but don’t be sad for her. It should be plumping back up any day now, since no one is kissing it anymore.

Pity her, Gasmii! She can’t help that she’s a bitch! Having Gloria for a mom practically guaranteed it, and Lisa got all the nice genes and common sense. Boo freaking hoo.

Another thing. I’m getting tired of pulling screen grabs of her hypnotically horrible face. I should just Google Image search the words ‘vile’ and ‘Jill’ and see what comes up.

Oh shit! It’s a picture of ME!

I’m kidding. I don’t hate children that much, just bitches that act like them, and here we go again. The next topic is about how Jill changed her tune only after the tide had already turned against her. Uncanny timing, no?

Jill refutes even this, saying that she changed because she saw things in herself that she didn’t like, not because she has a pathological fear of people hating her and leaving nasty comments on FB and writing mean recaps about her.

A huge uproar is heard from the couch of common sense, and I noticed something else that Bethenny does when she knows Jill is lying. She rubs her lips together like she was pressing her lipstick onto a handkerchief, or spreading her lip color around to even it.

Or stopping herself from calling someone a cunt.

Alex yells at her. I like this new Alex. She tells the old hag that she only changed because of how shitty she looked on TV, not because she missed Bethenny, which doesn’t make sense because the episodes hadn’t even aired yet when she started to try and reconcile with Lady B.

She still looks great, by the way. Her hair is light years better than it was in the beginning. It has that fluffy sex kitten look about it.

Have you and Simon been watching Valley of the Dolls again, you minx, you?

I think Alex got confused and meant to speak about the extra interviews that Jill did for the shows in April, most definitely after the tide of Jill hate was rising to Tsunami levels. Anyway, it doesn’t matter because Jill knew that her plan wasn’t working and that there was a good chance that she was going to look bad, as Bethenny points out. It unfolded right before our eyes at the impromptu engagement party.

Remember when Jill got up and left the couch in the nightclub when Bethenny walked in? Remember how she started fretting to Bawby about having to congratulate her so she wouldn’t look like an asshole? LuLu was back to being on friendly terms because Bethenny apologized to her, and now Jill was all alone with the Jill hate. The other girls ignored her demands that they not film with her, and they were all over in the VIP section whooping it up.
Must’ve stung.

Now Jill is claiming that she acted stupid because she didn’t know that Bethenny was going to be there. Alex disputes this as well since they’ve all been to Gotham parties even before the show.

Okay, so that didn’t work. Now it’s time to claim that she just didn’t know how to handle it. How DO you handle being confronted with the presence of someone you’ve slandered?

Oh, that’s right. You act like a COWARD.

I forgot about that one. It’s not my fault, though. After all, there have been so many.

The tears come out again and Jill starts flinging her hair around dramatically. I’m surprised that Leather hasn’t caught a few drops in her eyes or had to shake her mane out like a mangy mutt after a bad storm.

What causes these dramatic tears? Andy’s question to Bethenny. Why wasn’t she ready to make up when Jill was? Gee, I don’t know, because it was more fun that way? Miss Andy needs to pick his questions better. That’s why these agonizing rehashes last so long. He can’t narrow down his Q & A to save his life and we end up hearing the same thing three different ways.

She has an answer, though, and it’s because she didn’t need anymore stress. She was pregnant and had a blood clot, her dad died, and she had a wedding to plan while running her successful business. By the way, does anyone know where I can buy the Skinny Girl Margarita mix? Anyone? I broke out the cute Mexican crockery my brother gave me and now I’m dying to do South of the Border night.

Bethenny didn’t even speak to her own mother until she was in the hospital ready to give birth. I bet we see that on camera very soon, I just hope that they don’t show the doctor actually cutting her open. Aieee. I really hate that stuff and watching Ramona get her pits botoxed was the visual equivalent of nails on a chalkboard.

So, Bethenny had reached the threshold of what she could handle and making up with a bored high maintenance hag wasn’t on the top of the list. Go figure. Jill shakes her head and says that it’s true. Of course it is!

It didn’t come out of YOUR mouth.

A lot of you guys said that Miss Andy tries to remain neutral by reading viewer questions instead of being more confrontational. Well, now he’s resorting to reading quotes, Simon’s to be exact, from NY magazine where he said that Jill was jealous over anyone else’s success. Once again, true. If it doesn’t have her name on it, she wants to destroy it.

Jill’s answer makes my skin crawl because it’s not only self serving but it’s one-upmanship as well. She brags that Bethenny told her first about her success and she was happy for her. As a matter of fact, she supports everyone in their ventures, all except Alex, and all except when she’s busy trying to sabotage them, like Ramona’s skin care launch.

I really don’t want to get into the fact that Jill tried to get everyone to agree not to film with Bethenny again. Ramona brought it up but she does mention something new. The producers got wind of what Jill was up to and then called the women to ask them not to listen to her.

You have to wonder if that was the straw that broke the Bravo back. They didn’t show Jill in all her hideousness until she tried to manipulate production and the success of a new show on their network. This is yet another reason Jill is so heinous. She hits people where it hurts, in the pocketbook. She’s a complete hypocrite for giving Ramona shit for calling out Kodak for what it is, a dying company.

In the face of such overwhelming evidence, Jill will only admit one thing, that she tried not to film with Bethenny. She literally says that she won’t admit to anything that happened off camera. She wants it all to go away, Gasmii, just like we all want her to go away.

I can’t say it any better than this.

When Bethenny points out that doing so could mess with her livelihood, Leather pipes up and says that Bethenny did the same thing to her. I’m sorry. Is the old Coach Bag subsisting on her Bravo paycheck, pinching pennies and buying only generic gummy berries? Help me out here. Last I checked models in their 40s don’t rely on reality shows to get them more work. Hell, girls in their 20s from ANTM can’t count on earning a living, even if they WIN.

And I read that Gotham article of hers. It was ONE page, and half the pictures were of articles of clothing that the magazine was probably shilling for it’s advertisers. It was beyond forgettable, like those one page What Not To Wear bits in Glamour with the black strip over the person’s eyes.

I’ve also looked through other stuff she’s published. Those nice fancy picture books about bikinis and American Style. There are lots of big glossy photographs that you can thumb through in about a half hour while you’re waiting for the jitney to arrive, or the pool boy to finish the ‘maintenance’ he does around your cement pond in The Hamptons.

I was kinda surprised to see that she sold pants on her website. Shocked, really. It must be a joke of some kind. Ha ha.

But this isn’t. This is the future of KKB Inc. and she insists that it was wrong of Bethenny to not like her or not want to film with her since she didn’t know her. She knew enough, KKrazypants, and now so does everybody else.  Look at their faces.

If you can really channel the devil, Alex, you need to tell him to get up here and grab his errant soldier. He can take Jill too.

Miss Andy interrupts to say that Jill went from uber-popular to HATED this season. Here’s some of the words he lists that were used to describe her- hypocrite, drama queen, COWARD, childish, and not taking responsibility for any of her many evil deeds. Something tells me that Jill doesn’t have a list like that lying around her home.

Not about herself, anyway.

Hearing that those words were used to describe her shouldn’t be a surprise. She has an entire team of people scouring the internet daily. I bet she even has someone on the Zarin Fabrics payroll checking up on all those Google alerts and sending off poorly written rebuttals on obscure websites.

She’s not proud of it, and she says so. She also isn’t proud of the way she tore into Ramona when she announced that Bethenny’s dad died. I went back and rewatched that. I now believe that Jill was really mad because she didn’t get a chance to announce it first.

She wasn’t in shock, like she says she was. And Alex did too tell her that she should get in touch with Bethenny because of something serious that was going on with her father. She didn’t want to but Jill wrangled it out of her during one of their hive-arific talks. And correct me if I’m wrong but Jill talked over and through and around her the entire time she was in her home. Jill barely listens to Alex, so when she has a difference of opinion with her, I don’t believe it.

Jill wants to go to the tape, but it doesn’t matter. Squabbling over semantics won’t obscure the inevitable outcome. Jill knew before Jen’s party that Mr. Frankel had died. She sent Alex a text, we all saw it unfold. If she’s pissed because she didn’t realize that he was that ill, she only has herself to blame. That, and never maturing past Girl Scouts and who could sell the most cookies.

By the way, there was a really strange moment there when Bethenny made fun of Jill’s request to go to the tape by comparing her to a gambler claiming to have a 21 at a blackjack table, and then Leather thought she’d add on to the joke by saying she had a two or a four in ‘Go Fish.’ Good God, she’s crazy. You gotta love the look on Jill’s face as she gets her ass handed to her yet again. Mommy’s not happy, people, not happy.

At least LuLu’s enjoying this.

Since when do they videotape anyone playing ‘Go Fish?’ Wow, the girl takes going off-topic to new heights. I’m starting to sincerely believe that the only people she spends time with are her kids. Good God.

Jill tells Alex that she can’t keep saying things that are(‘nt) true. It makes Jill look bad! Now, tell the truth and inform the audience that everything was YOUR fault, EVERYTHING. We’re stupid. We’ll buy it, right?

When Jill sees that the bullying isn’t working, she resorts to saying that no matter what, she was coming from a good place, one of love and respect for Bethenny, clearly. Because who in their right mind would believe that Jill would come from a bad place? Only the evil Alex, that’s who.

Then Jill says that she found out that Bethenny’s dad had died in a one a.m. text she got from her sister in law. I cannot keep Jill’s stories straight, can you? She pulls more stuff out of her ass than a magician at the proctologist’s office. By the way, here’s the picture that comes up when you Google that image:

At least NOW it is.

Jill never fully addresses the shitty way she treated Ramona, opting instead to cry AGAIN because she sent a text to Bethenny saying that she would get on a plane to California if she needed her to. All she had to do was ask.
Was she gonna bring gifts too? Well then, okay.

Ramona won’t let it go and asks her, if she’s so sensitive and kind to her friends, why is she always lashing out at them? Okay, kettle. Alex says that all the info was online, and we know she gets those Google alerts. Ten to one she knew he was sick after her initial talk with Alex. You know damn well she went home and looked for information about him, and STILL didn’t call.

So let’s move on. I’m over this topic. I’m also over wondering why Jill kept the hobby message for two months. It wasn’t because she wanted to hear her voice, Leather. That’s insane. Either Kelly isn’t watching the show (highly doubtful) or she lies constantly. There is no other explanation for that remark. Or she truly IS dumb. Probably both.

Jill answers that she doesn’t know, it was just another aspect of her smear campaign that went awry. Bummer. She’s getting all her apologies and denials mixed up now, saying, “I shouldn’t of done it (yes, she said ‘of’), I didn’t. I made a ton of mistakes. That’s one of them.”

The cancer card. We were right, Gasmii! She never told anyone while it was happening, so the whole idea that Bethenny never showed enough caring is complete and utter bullshit. Her excuse is that the family didn’t want to say anything until they knew the extent of it. You know, like she does with her entire life, keeping things out of the public eye in that famously reserved manner of hers.

Kelly! Tell her to close her legs. I can see Bawby’s nightmares from here, and it ain’t pretty.

Alex says that Jill told everyone on Ramona’s boat ride, they cried and then Jill assured them that everything was fine, and not to worry about it. It is clear to me that a ton of stuff happened off camera or was edited out, including the real reason that Jill and Bethenny fought in the first place.

It had more to do with Bethenny cutting Jill out of her life after she overstepped her boundaries for the zillionth time and less to do with Bawby being sick, though neither of them care to elaborate. And Bethenny’s right, it doesn’t matter anymore. The damage has been done.

Miss Andy whips out another question that borders on Jill bashing and Bethenny says enough is enough. I agree. Jill never cops to anything and when she gets backed into a corner, she wants to move on or cover everything up with hollow apologies. Enough of her, let’s hang out with with Sonja for a while!

And play ‘Who Does She Happens To Be Lookin’ At Now.’ LIVE.

I still love her, you know. I want to hang out with her in The Hamptons all summer, sipping cocktails at exclusive parties and making randy faces at all the men under 85. I want to cross my eyes right back at her and debate the merits of soccer players vs. male models. Hell, I’d be happy just to eavesdrop on one of her candid conversations.

Or fluff her during commercial breaks.

I’ll even wait on her hand and foot, she’s such a welcome breath of fresh air compared to tired old Jill. I’d be more than happy to help her pick a guy out from a pile of head shots or scour upscale bars for men who are easily befuddled by being buttered up.

We watch her funny little montage of sparkling moments and welcome diversion. I shudder to think what the season would have been like without her. Also, I see nothing wrong with being a Park Avenue princess with penis on the brain, as long as you admit it. She’s not out stealing husbands or exposing her daughter to strange men everyday, as some people have intimated.

She’s saucy and cute and she put up with Leather when no one else could take it anymore. She touches a nerve with some people who aren’t comfortable with gals that put it all out there and make no apologies for their many lusts for life.

Sex, sex, sex. Her first question is directly from Miss Andy. Funny how he’s willing to ask the question himself when the subject matter isn’t as insulting or controversial, no? He asks her if she has more sex than everyone else, or if it’s just that she talks about it more.

Nice close-up of LuLu when he asked her that, and we’ll get to her and her newfound happiness next time. She’s a completely different person now that she doesn’t have to deal with that flaccid beastly count, but for now, let’s stick with Sonja.

She tells Miss Andy that she thinks that everyone is getting laid except for Leather, but she’ll leave her out of it since she can only relate to characters she reads about in Sea’s Harry Potter books. Plus, GOD KNOWS she doesn’t want to stir up that pot of crazy. Leather’s a hodgepodge horror show of nonsense that even the most hardened psychotherapist would shudder to handle.

Sonja Sassyfrass tells the world that she’s prime meat now. Sexually, she is ready to go whenever, wherever. Men in the tri-state area, beware! It’s that old cliche and it’s almost always true. You get into your forties and you reach a sexual peak. Actually, it’s more accurate to state that things just keep getting better after 30. For me, anyway. The older you get, the less time you waste on any boring inhibitions, and the more time you spend on scoring some emissions, so to speak.

Andy asks Leather why she’s so against one night stands. I’ll answer that. Because she’s sick of them, that’s why! Guys meet her when they’re drunk, boink her and then wake up in the morning to find themselves lying next to a succubus from a freaky Italian Fellini movie, only not as cool.

Then they run screaming into the arms of the nearest exorcist.

I have decided to take everything Leather says as what it all really is, lies. She lives in a made up world because she lacks the coping skills to deal with the real one around her. I’m still not convinced that she isn’t autistic, but I wouldn’t be surprised if something really awful happened to her long ago that affected her ability to communicate with other women. Somehow she thinks that most people are worthless, including herself. You have to wonder. I sure do.

She jumped on Bethenny on the boat for being a ho-bag and then equated one night stands with unsafe sex. Duuurrrrr, did she grow up in a house full of Tucker Max’s? It sure wasn’t a home full of Gloria Steinem’s.

Sonja brings up the difference between a one night stand and having sex with someone only once, like if you go on a few dates and sleep with the guy a month later only to find that he has a tiny peen, or one shaped like a doorknob (don’t ask), like I did.

Sonja brags that she’s never had an unsatisfied customer, prompting Bethenny to ask if she’s always had repeat customers, prompting assholes the world over to say to the person next to them (I’m looking at you, Teresa) and say, “I told you she was a whore. She just admitted it!”

Everyone jokes about her sexy silliness and then Sonja says that she likes to create her own drama, not put it on someone else, JILL, and when she says that her friends know that she doesn’t have paying customers Jill says, under her breath, “No, it’s free.”

Yuck it up, Zarin, yuck it up. There’s more charisma in one of her old hairpins than you have in your entire body. Plus, she’ll be back next season. You- don’t bet on it.

Jill does admit to having slept with someone only once but it’s kosher because she already knew the guy. Was it Max? The guy from the jewelry store? The publisher of that terrible book? I love how LuLu chuckles and says that it’s still a one night stand. Too bad Jill talked right over her and didn’t seem to hear. I wonder if LuLu is going to be hosting Jill as much this summer? I’d be surprised. LuLu’s no longer the underdog and her silly song is going to garner her plenty of invites, Jill or no Jill.

Maybe Sonja will let Jill stay with her. She’s always so kind to everyone, even in the face of bitter, jealous and mean comments. No one has a thicker skin, and if she embellished her background a little, who cares? She isn’t hurting anyone, unlike other housewives that do the same.

She talks about going from being a small town girl to a big city ‘Ambassador of Clients’ at an uptown restaurant. I would love to know what the hell that means, and how many satisfied customers she had back then. I only know that she married one of them and became filthy rich because of it.

Andy asks her what her ex thinks of her appearing on the show and she says she didn’t ask him. It’s none of his damn business since she didn’t include their daughter. She also makes sure to explain that her kid wasn’t around for her Thursday nights with Max. She would drop her off at her father’s and then meet him. She also explains that Max was the only guy she was seeing, she just called him her Thursday night to be dramatic. Plus, that’s the night she happened to have free for him.

The rest of the weekend she was screwing women, DUH.

I don’t know about you but I have total respect for her and her desire to feel out the show before she agreed to have her daughter on. She didn’t know what to expect and wanted to protect her until she found out. Kadooz to her!

She also got her pooch removed. Now I’m jealous. I have one too and it refuses to budge. Leather has a flat tummy. Maybe I should try an all candy diet? Nah, I don’t want to end up like her! I do want to be able to wear a one-piece, like Sonja and Ramona can. I love that she said that too. AND looked right at Jill when she did. Nyuk, nyuk!

Aw, fudge! My Sonja love fest gets interrupted by a reminder of the shitty remark that Jill made to that lesbian Coerte or Foerte or Fart or whatever his name is, about being able to sit at Sonja’s table if he stuck his tongue down her throat. Turns out that it was just Jill trying to be funny, and failing miserably. That’s okay. I know what you can do if you want to sit at Jill’s table.

Go to hell, really, and bring a barf bag for Leather.

A stupid question from a viewer that doesn’t know how charity functions work follows up that bit and then we are treated to a montage of how these women treat fashion shows as their own personal war zone. Sitting in the front row is like being on the front lines, and I love reminiscing about Jill’s mean comments in Brooklyn.

It is funny how the phrase ‘channeling the devil’ came out of both Jill and Leather’s mouths to describe Alex. You know damn well that Leather heard it from Jill the day after the show. Jill says that they didn’t compare notes but she and Kelly are world class liars, so take it for what it is.

The subject of how terrifying Bethenny was during fashion week comes up and LuLu laughs at the idea that anyone would be frightened of her, no doubt she means physically, since she admits that Bethenny can be scary in the same breath.

It’s the height thing. I’m tall and I know that when I’m wearing heels, I can be imposing. It’s almost a fact of nature to feel dominant when you are looking down at people, hence the Napoleon syndrome with so many short men who go on to be successful despite all the odds. Look at Tom Cruise, or half the women in Hollywood.

But you have to hand it to LuLu. She laughs at all the insults she received this year, and I’m pretty sure that she just wants to let it all go at this point. She’s not stupid. She knows that she’s been judgmental enough and it there’s no point in upping the ante.

The next montage is of all the mixed metaphors and malapropisms which ends with Leather’s infamous lemonade comment. Guess what! She decided to use the term in it’s intended sense and actually tried to make something good come out of something so bad- her new cocktail, Kell-Ade!

More like Smell-Ade, little Miss Cat Pee.

It’s a blatant rip-off of Bethenny. Blatant! It’s a freaking Margarita with beer! Miss Andy exchanges knowing glances with the Skinny Girl as Leather says that her drink was a response to what happened in St. John and was just another way to “make flight of it.”

I got your flight for you, honey. It’s a one-way ticket to Fantasy Gummy Berry Island.

That’s right. she said flight instead of light. Did she grow up in a foreign country? Was she home schooled by a sea turtle while her parents did research on Galapagos or something? She’s so far removed from anything normal, it’s becoming para-normal. It’s reaching into schizophrenia and we haven’t even begun to see the half of it.

Her fragile ego is built on a quicksand pit of lies and half truths. Do you remember when Jill said, when referring to Kelly, that if you catch someone in a lie, it makes you wonder what else they are lying about? It’s so true in Leather’s case. I find myself wondering if she wrote any of her own books or got any of her post modeling work without Gilles’ help. And what about the owl jewelry she was accused of ripping off another designer? Naughty, naughty.

We watch the videotape of her meltdown in St. John and relive the insanity that she put the other women through. She tells Miss Andy that it was hard for her to watch herself go through such systematic bullying and we’re right back to the lies again.

Ramona interrupts to say that she’s lying and out comes Leather’s practice of calling the housewives by their full names when they are being naughty. She does spend too much time around children. She sounds like a grade school principal. Maybe her secret dream is to be a nutty professor or something. Not a bad idea.

She’s already got the nutty part down pat.

Miss Andy keeps asking the other women to let her speak. He didn’t do that for Alex, or anyone else. Why the kid gloves? Probably because of Gilles again. He’s a pretty powerful guy in the fashion world. He has powerful friends, too. He could very politely ask some of them not to work with Bravo, pull a Jill, if you will.

Leather says that she’s confused by the women who say they love her one minute and then question her sanity the next. That’s kinda what happens when you start shit with people and have no regard for their feelings.

Ramona tries to interject again, only to have the waves of Kelly’s alternate reality wash over her all over again. Andy calls her a bully for interrupting. Is he out of his ever-loving queer mind?!? When has interrupting constituted bullying? Leather’s been doing it all day, as has everyone else, to quote LuLu. Where were you with your cries of bullying then?

I think he’s overwhelmed by being in the same room with all of those personalities. He loses track of the situation. At this point they were probably five hours into it. That’s WAY too much, so yes, I’m going to cut him some slack again. I still think that a lower primate could do his job, but I’m not going to get nasty and call him a Giudice or anything.

Did you notice that when Leather weaves her vast web of lies, she never looks at anyone around her? She looks at the floor or into the space in her little personal bubble. She does not make any eye contact. And the lies, they are whoppers.

Dead Eyed Twit

She’s recreating entire events when she says that she had to call her agent from the boat and arrange a sit-down bullying intervention with Bethenny. Her dead eyes continue not to connect with anyone as she insists that she had a breakthrough, not a breakdown. Then why did she write that blog where she said she was embarrassed by her own behaviour? Somebody learned to backtrack from the best of them.

You have to wonder. It behooves a certain russet haired 90s hooker to have at least one person look worse than her. I would not be surprised to find out that Jill is still encouraging her delusion. Not one bit. Notice how she never says a word, not one. I can just hear the mantra in her head as she listens to Leather unravel.

Please let the viewers hate you more than me, please let the viewers hate you more than me….

She sputters out more nonsense about how this has been an unbelievable opportunity for bullying charities and stripping down to nothing so a has-been magazine can have more masturbatory fodder for their waning audience. More bullying bullshit comes out of her mouth and Bethenny makes a prescient remark about expecting a hotline number to roll under her face as she’s saying her pre-PSA public service announcement.

The bullshit train hasn’t slowed down yet and Leather claims that Bravo forced her to go to St. John. Andy denies it twice. See, Andy! She lies! Now do you understand, now that YOU are on the other end? Not so pleasant, is it?

She blurts out more gobbledeegook about women’s empowerment, something she knows nothing about, and then LuLu asks her why she didn’t lay low in St. John instead of instigating a lot of the bad moments that happened, like the cook/chef stuff with lady B.

“Speaking of laying low, Leather, Coerte’s still single…”

She looks at the ground as Bethenny tells LuLu that it was ten times worse in person than what we saw. I think Lady B just got sick of all the lies and she asks no one in particular why they are even trying to talk to someone with the brains of Humpty Dumpty as Leather walks off set to go knit herself a rainbow or hop on her unicorn back to The Hamptons.

Now, where did I park my Pegasus? Fuck!

Bethenny’s right, even if she does resort to screaming to get her point across. THAT I don’t like. That is where she does look like a bully. No need to give that crazy horsewoman any more ammo. No need to add any more fuel to the flaky fire. leather is as mad as a hatter. She needs help and bringing her back on the show would put her mental health at risk. I say, put her on the reject pile along with Quinn and DeShawn Snow. Enough is enough.

See you next time when we finally wrap these bitches up and put them to bed. I think they all need to take a year off and give us viewers a chance to breathe. This has become the most painful Housewives franchise EVER.

Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore