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Friday, June 18, 2010
12:55 am
72 Comments
I’m looking for words to describe this insane season and I’m going to have to go with Ramona and how she described her feelings when she saw the rotunda at The Pierre where her vow renewals were about to take place- over the top.
I thought that this would be one long bicker fest, not out and out warfare, and certainly not Jill Zarin’s Gollum-like shenanigans taking place in real life in real time. It’s strange too, to see this season wind down during the usually festive holidays, and I sure could have used some 80 proof egg nog. I think I’m scarred for life. Damn you Miss Andy, damn you to Hell, or a low rent part of The Hamptons. Whichever’s worse.
I keed, I keed! I love Miss Andy and I love The Pierre Hotel where we visit with Ramona and her wedding planner Roberta. Ah, Roberta.
She’s proof that New York has everything, even wedding planners that speak Alien. I’m sure that she’s happy to be on television advertising her business, and isn’t it funny that Ramona didn’t use Jen’s party planning business Save the Date? Can’t say that I blame her. It would have only invited comparisons from Jill and God knows we don’t need any more of that tripe.
Every square inch of the hotel is embellished to the hilt. It’s like Louis XIV gave Fragonard a blotter of acid and set him loose in one of his castles for a year or two.
Roco-cuckoo.
Oh well, at least we know that Leather will enjoy it, not because she does drugs or anything. Because it’s so uh-may-zing, like the mostest incredible hotel in the universe. Almost as phenomenally top notch as one of Gilles Bensimon’s farts. It’s right up there with eating Gummy Berries with Playboy interviewers after a rough day researching bikinis on Google Images.
Ramona is positively jumping out of her skin with glee and can you blame her? Most people’s first weddings aren’t even half as richly festooned as this joint. Ramona won’t even need decorations, the sly fox. Always saving money, that one.
By the way, what’s a Taj Hotel? That’s the name of the conglomerate that owns The Pierre. Lemme go Google THAT. Okay, it’s a company of 5 Star hotels based out of India. You know, little palaces in Dubai and the Maldives that would take one look at how I dressed last week at Bonnaroo and throw me out onto the street on my hippie skirted ass. I couldn’t afford a kleenex box in one of these joints, let alone a night’s stay. You probably have to have a college degree to clean the toilets there, so Kadooz to you, Ramona. I hope Jill is green with envy!
What Jill isn’t on this fine morning, is her usual dauntless uppity self. She’s walking down the street to her lunch with Bethenny taking mincing little steps and holding her jacket protectively under her chin, trying to stave off the chill.
It’s odd. She looks so small skittering her way into the restaurant, and so harmless. How did such mayhem come from such a little fish in a big pond? If you or I passed her on 3rd Avenue we wouldn’t look twice or even remember what she looked like. I’m reminded of the first season when she called herself a “connector.” And it’s never been more obvious that she doesn’t DO anything. She just knows people who do.
At any rate, Bethenny arrives to much ado about the baby bump and then Jill asks what happened to them and says that she feels like they’re in a separation like a fighting married couple. Bethenny tells her that divorce can be ugly and Jill looks off to the side as she digests that little tidbit. Kinda final, huh? Not quite what she was expecting her to say, that’s for sure.
Here comes the non-apology.
Why bother? Why say you’re sorry for not being ready to talk when you were at Ramona’s and feeling bad because you held a grudge? That is no apology, young lady and if I tried to pull that crap at your emotional age, which I assume is 12, my mother would have grabbed my arm and said slowly but pointedly, “Try that again, sweetie. Once again, with FEELING.”
Miss B isn’t falling for it and why would Jill expect her to? She must be used to getting away with this shit all the time. Plus, if she really and truly knew Bethenny she would have been way more sincere. it’s sad, and Bethenny starts crying when she recounts what a shitty 6 months she had, with no Jill support in sight. And I’m sorry, falling in love, getting pregnant, becoming hugely famous AND having your father die kinda trumps Bawby’s thyroid cancer.
BY A LONG SHOT, as Papa Frankel would have probably said.
Bethenny tells her that she had Alex and Ramona to help her through it all and Jill says she’s glad, oh so glad to hear it. Umm hmm. Almost as glad as she was to attend parties all summer while Bawby was cut ear to ear.
But Bethenny isn’t done yet. How she delivers this next bit about trusting Jill and then finding her to be disloyal without flipping a table is beyond me. She is being way too kind, but she didn’t know the half of it yet, now did she? If she did she’d be way more like she was when she called LuLu a snake, pregnant or not.
One thing that I did find to be weird was Bethenny saying that she couldn’t move forward from the situation because she’s been so damaged by what’s happened between them. Damaged? Am I splitting hairs here, or does that seem a bit exaggerated? Pissed? Sure. Dissappointed- Hell yeah. Damaged? Jill didn’t beat you, for goodness sakes but maybe it’s the abandonment thing, like what she went through with her parents. I don’t know so I’ll shut up about it. She has every right to feel however she wants to after what she’s been through.
Oh, and did you know that Jill was Bethenny’s biggest cheerleader? She can’t speak for any of the others but she never gossips about Bethenny. Oh no. She just writes one star reviews for her books on Amazon and acts as a vicious Bethenny bashing anonymous source to Daily News gossip reporters.
Then she cries because she feels so guilty about her participation in this mess. Oh, honey. It’s okay. We all know why you’re really sad. It’s because you aren’t the center of the RHONY franchise anymore. Your little plan to make Bethenny look bad backfired and you’re just beginning to realize it.
She tells Bethenny that she doesn’t wish her any ill will and Bethenny looks completely unfazed. Then Jill interviews that there’s no reason for her to cut her out of her life and it’s my turn to look completely unfazed.
Nothing that comes out of this woman’s mouth surprises me anymore. Nothing. She’s a lying MACHINE. She’s third level Cyborg impregnable teflon dissimulation. She’s taken falsification to previously undiscovered levels of whopperdom. Hey, maybe that should be her next endorsement. She can be a brand rep for Burger King!
And she’ll never have to complain about there not being enough food ever again!
Jill asks if they can have any kind of friendship at this point and Bethenny doesn’t really answer. She takes the latkes that Jill made for her with her own two hands out of old potatoes and Ginger’s tears and starts looking for the exits. Not so fast, it’s time to explain to Jill why everyone’s fighting with her and watch her ignore your reasons.
It’s too perfect. tell Jill that she starts fights and drama and then refuses to deal with the residual damage and then watch her say, “I’m not perfect,” as she refuses to deal with the residual damage. “I guess that’s just my personality,” is as rich as Ramona saying that she tells it likes it is as an excuse to say mean things. Nobody’s buying it anymore.
Bethenny’s right. Normal people learn and evolve. Why is Jill so emotionally stunted? Oh well. I don’t care anymore. I have more sympathy for her as I do for the spider in the sawdust I just sucked up with my shop vac yesterday. I don’t even care enough to hate. I get more pissed when i get outbid on ebay.
I have a confession to make. I totally laughed when Jill covered her face with the napkin so we couldn’t see her tears.
Napkin PR 102. You wear it well.
That lasted about five seconds and bam! back to being pissed at the dumbass for saying that she needs a filter in her life. Not on her lying mouth but on the toxic people like Alex in her life. Alex? Alex?? She’s the baby shampoo of friends. She’s less harmful than a black velvet painting of kittens. She’s the Bambi in a world full of hunters. Calling her toxic will get you a straight jacket in a rational world, but this is ‘reality.’ If Leather’s running around free….you know.
Bethenny’s all “Huh?” and then she remembers that Jill called her toxic too and makes one of the goofiest chipmunk expressions ever.
Holy toxicity, Jill Zarin! How do I un-fubar my flabbergasted face? Never mind. It was just one of last year’s peanuts in my cheek.
Calling you toxic is Jill’s catch-all for badmouthing people. No reasoning, no logic, she just declares that someone’s toxic and expects you to believe it.
“Hey Bethenny, there’s a fairy on your shoulder. Oops, too slow. it flew away.”
They tell each other to be happy, at least until there’s something new for Jill to be jealous about and then she asks if they can get together again after the holidays. STILL no answer from Bethenny. What the? Annoying. All we get is Jill saying that she thinks that she can be a better friend now. Just not to people. Or animals. Or anything with a pulse. I bet she’s a super swell chum to her Diamond Saks card and photogs on the old Step and Repeat, though. See ya there, old buddy, old pal!
Nobody cares what a bitch she’s become. She’ll still get invites to parties because she knows people with no conscience, just like she knows people with no ear drums, like every single person at LuLu’s disco coming out party. I had to laugh when I saw the limo pull up to the club with all of the producer boy’s rented friends that LuLu tries to pass off as his entourage.
Please! Nobody sends their entourage to the firing squad!
These are chicks that were promised free drinks in exchange for dancing to LuLu’s oddly catchy white woman classy rapping. Oh, how I wish it were produced by Suge Knight or some big thug. I would love to picture her as his side piece or owing favors to his entire posse. Sex tape, anyone? Gang bangers need love too.
Quit giving it away for free to Eurotrash!
Don’t you love Jill’s purse? She bought one with actual lit up neon piping cuz she’s so classy. It’s cold and blue just like her heart. She probably uses it as a flashlight when she goes looking for her soul after spending her evenings in clubs and over priced restaurants. I bet it comes in handy. She seems to be losing that pesky soul quite a bit lately. It’s a good thing she was born a sociopath or she’d never get off her knees looking for that annoying morality too.
Let me know if you find LuLu’s virtue while you’re at it.
She tells Jen and LuLu about her lunch with Bethenny, spinning it to seem as though she told Bethenny tough shit, take me or leave me because this is who I am, leaving out all that crying and feeling bad for ‘holding grudges.’
It’s okay because tonight LuLu is living out her dream to be a music sensation, a rising star in the same vein as Kim Zolziak and Disco Duck. I also thought for a split second that I saw Jill’s gay husband Brad wearing one of his pink blazers in the background. It’s kinda blurry, but here it is-
I’m not sure if that is him or not but I do find it funny that there’s a guy there wearing a t-shirt with the exact amount of busboys and bellhops LuLu and Sonja have seduced between them since their individual divorces.
And 1,978 is a conservative estimate. Just ask any waiter in the tri-state area.
The French David Schwimmer arrives and LuLu shows her boy toy off to all the girls like he was freaking Gaspard Ulliel or something instead of a slightly less douchey Adrien Brody.
Younger isn’t always better.
He’s very nice when introduced to Jill and someone has to stick a pin into old Leathery Lollipop to get her to stand up while being introduced. She was just sitting her ass down on the divan staring at everyone else’s asses as they were saying hello to him.
“Why should I get up? He’s already taken.”
Jen says something about nothing, who cares, and Jill butts in to ask LuLu if she invited Alex, and then acts all disgusted that she didn’t come. Why should she come? She has two boys under the age of six at home and was told at Saks that LuLu wanted her nowhere near her home. Uh, duh.
Ramona and Bethenny didn’t come either. They didn’t have time to rush out and buy bleach for their eardrums so they decided to stay home and listen to tapes of cats fucking instead. Or those damn horns they blow during the World Cup games in South Africa, I don’t know which is worse.
I must say that I thoroughly enjoyed LuLu’s performance though. It was full of high classy spoken word etiquette and jazz hand flourishes that would make Sweet Charity proud. She spreads her legs on stage like she’s getting ready to ride her horsey Frenchman through the Hamptons Polo grounds or straddle Sonja’s bidet.
Tres chic, mon amis! Tres chic!
She opens that big noble mouth of hers nice and wide like she’s waiting for all the sycophants around her to drop grapes into it and then grinds her hips with a herky jerky motion like she’s making butter for all of Manhattan.
Elegance is churned, my friend.
All too soon, the performance is over and our LuLu is feeling pretty damn fabulous. She can barely shut her trap and darts her head all over the place like she’s in a Vidal Sassoon commercial from the late 70s. Hmmm. What could that be about? She seems kinda peppy and perky. Maybe she just drank a lot of Pepsi.
Two ridiculously dumb comments that you cannot make up- first, Jill explains to Kelly that you can be born rich but you can’t learn elegance, completely making nonsense of the song and looking like an idiot. Second, Jen interviews that LuLu’s song wasn’t Rock & Roll Hall of fame worthy but it was reminiscent of early Madonna…….who is in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. GONG!!!!! Get off the stage!
Chuck Barris said so, twit!
The girls are standing around talking about whether or not Jill should go to Ramona’s renewal ceremony and all that RC Cola LuLu’s been sucking down makes her spew more crap about how she shouldn’t since she was turned away from her home after being invited *another eye roll x infinity* when Sonja finally tells her to shut her pie hole since she wasn’t even there.
Thank you Sonja! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
LuLu gestures wildly that Sonja’s is right, she should zip it, and goes back to grinding her teeth and searching for stray white particles in the dollar bills patrons have left as tips on the tables around her.
Okay. Let’s rehash this nonsense one more time and move on. Sonja is right. Jill was invited for a five day bachelorette vacation, not a one day AMBUSH. She didn’t even know their plans, didn’t care to know and didn’t call. You don’t change someone’s plans on them! That is beyond rude! You are basically telling someone that their feelings don’t matter. And then to turn around and blame it all on Alex for hyperventilating in her presence is beyond forgiveness.
I know that some would argue that Alex is boring so who cares, but I’ve grown to feel almost irrationally protective of her. I know that she can hold her own in most situations but when it comes to Jill and her systematic bullying, I just want to play bodyguard and punch Jill in the nose every single time she tries to pull that shit. I want it to get so bad that all I have to do is lift my fist and Jill will flinch and shut up, like when you train a really naughty puppy, you know? Argh!
LuLu’s got the attention span of a gnat when the topic isn’t herself so she changes the subject and wants everybody to party!
“And since my producer invited all of you, I assume that he’s buying the coke. Where is the little bugger…”
From the bright flashing lights of La Pomme to the beige blah-dom of Bethenny’s apartment, we join her with Jason and the assistant packing up for the move to a bigger, hopefully more colorful place in Soho. They bicker a bit over Bethenny’s many jars and Jason’s autographed basketball being displayed, surrounded by an ocean of taupe.
“You see that beige? Martha Stewart wishes she had that beige, the dumb drag queen.”
Is she one of those crazy anal anti-clutter people who don’t even like vases or more than one picture on the wall because they hate to dust? Whatever, I guess we’ll find out on her new show. All that really matters is that she’s leaving the Upper East Side and Jill Zarin’s neck of the woods forever. I’ll drink to that!
It’s funny. Miss B’s apartment didn’t look any different while it was being packed up than it did before. It’s like she was living in one of those residential inns with the tiny living room and kitchenette. No personality. None.
You know what else amazes me? How in Manhattan the shops and salons are so much bigger than people’s homes. It’s the complete opposite in the suburbs and the only person who truly has a huge place is Ramona. Thumb to nose at you, Jill Zarin.
Ramona and Avery are getting their hair done by Oscar Blandi in one of those huge salons so wonder no more why haircuts cost so much in New York. Add up a year’s rent and you have yourself a nice cottage in Montauk.
They are so cute together and look like sisters with their heads back getting their hair shampooed. Wow, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times- Ramona has some good ageless genes. I don’t care what she’s had done. She looks 35, at the most.
Later on Ramona is getting her make-up done at her suite in The Pierre when who should show up but Jill. Surprise! It was supposed to be Sonja knocking on the door for the pre-re-nuptual pep talk but somehow Jill talked her into letting her take her place.
Call it damage control if you like but Jill walks in doling out the compliments and sporting a Snooki poof. That’s right, a Snooki bump-it poof. AND a tote bag with her own freaking face on it. Oh my God, if she ever calls anyone tacky ever again I am going to scream.
Jill tells Ramona that she will always be there for the important stuff as Ramona checks her watch. Hahaha! Love it. They chat a bit about the awkward situation Jill created in St. John and Ramona very gently tells her that she needs to try to see things from other people’s point of view (okay Ms. Tell It Like It Is) and Jill kinda agrees. As if. We all know that this is lip service. Jill does what Jill wants to do. You can’t force her to be a better person! She has to want to be one, and so far she hasn’t acted like she does. She acts like she has to pretend to change.
She blows Ramona kisses as she leaves and then something almost as hideous as Jill’s black heart comes into view, the cake. It’s freaking camel and pewter!
Who picked these colors out, Bethenny’s decorator?
I know it’s supposed to be silver and gold. I know it’s supposed to be a cake. Sadly, all I can think of when I look at it is Sheree’s hideous purse cake from season one of Atlanta. Call me old fashioned but I like my cakes round and with whipped frosting, not shaped like guitars or women’s torsos with frosting that looks like Playdoh. These Ace of Cakes style creations look like they’ve been spray painted and poured into concrete forms like footers.
Alex and Simon arrive and both very politely say hello to Jill. I got a wee thrill when Jill had to vamoose because she was blocking the shots that the photographers were trying to get of Silex. Ha Ha!
Yeah Jill, Alex is SUCH a nobody.
Then Jill has the nerve to say that she went over to say hello to them when it was clear to me that they went over to HER. Woman, those big clunky things those guys are carrying with the red light next to the round glass thingy? it’s called a camera and it’s recording your every move. Quit lying.
I love Sonja. Bethenny tells her that she looks sexy in her low cut dress and she tells her that it’s only sexy because it’s old and tight now. LOVE her.
LOOOOOOVE HER. Bravo, please drop LuLu, Jill and Leather and pick up a couple more Sonja’s, please? Hell, add her psychic and her plastic surgeon and just follow her and Ramona around South Hampton and I’ll be happy. Let Jill make some cameos doing the step-and-repeat at third rate parties sponsored by fifth rate booze and the grand opening of a new Filene’s in Levittown.
Sonja also earns a special place in my heart by pointing out to Bethenny that her dress is made out of feathers, and no, birds don’t go down to the local feather bank and decide to donate them in exchange for a few worms. THEY DIE. People kill them and pull the quills out. PETA is not going to be happy. Oopsy, not exactly in keeping with that whole ‘I’d Rather Be Naked Than…’ thing. It’s not like our feathered friends go around shaving themselves like we humans do.
“What? The salesgirl told me these were from Brazillian blackbirds.”
Let’s not forget about Leather and her hypocrisy. You see, she wasn’t going to attend Ramona and Mario’s ceremony because the whole idea of celebrating your marriage on your 17th anniversary is SO concocted. You know, it’s SO inauthentic unlike jogging in traffic or dropping your ex husband’s name for no reason or pretending to date Eurotrash named Max. No, she decided to go to prove that she isn’t judgemental.
Just mental, I guess.
You know what would be poetic justice for this dumb snooty bitch? If Ramona told her that they decided to renew their vows on the 17th anniversary because one of them was sick and might not make it to 20, or 17 was a special number to Ramona’s dead mother or, how about this? They made it to 17 years, unlike any of you women, so shut it.
For once I agree with what LuLu said at the Saks party. You can think whatever you want, even whisper it among friends, but don’t SAY IT. I understand that she too doesn’t know how cameras work but come on. Calling what Ramona does ‘random’ is rich coming from a woman that thinks that mongramed tote bags are harbingers of doom.
Jill tells her to fix her boobs since they’re all wonky in her strapless dress. Go figure. She wants Jill to tell her that she looks sexy for once, even though she wears skirts up to her hoo-ha every single day. I’ll tell you that you’re sexy, Kelly. You are as sexy as that straw you feed your horses after it’s been masticated and finished traveling through it’s digestive tract.
Meanwhile Mario is upstairs writing his vows down at the last minute. Wow. That’s some balls!
‘Ramona, please don’t kill me. Ramona, please don’t kill me with your crazy eyes….but feel free to do what you will with Jill….’
Ramona tells him not to fret over it too much since she knows that he loves her then SHE flips out because she misplaced her notes again. What does Mario the comedian tell her? Not to fret because he knows that she loves him. Smart-ass. I think he’s related to Mr. McSlore.
Downstairs, everyone is gossiping over this and that. Alex politely tells LuLu that she’s sorry she missed the big party for the little ditty along with the chance to speak French with Jacques and then Bethenny tells them rather succinctly that her lunch with Jill gave her some closure. Done.
You gotta love the editing because the next scene they show is of Jill telling Jen and Leather that the lunch was fine, nothing really, no big deal. There she goes spinning the truth again but we’re saved by leather blurting out that Ramona doesn’t know that she’s there. She didn’t RSVP. She just showed up! W! T! F!
Okay. I know that this is just a renewal but you NEVER go to anything EVER if it says RSVP on the invite and you don’t RSVP. I realize that dinner probably doesn’t consist of lollipops or candy of any kind but still. Party planners need a head count. If just six people do what Kelly did it throws off the numbers.
But Leather’s excuse is that she forgot. LIE. How inauthentic, and then she says that she wanted to be the bigger person AGAIN by showing up. I think we can all agree that she can go back to obscurity and take Jill and Jen with her, huh?
Why Jen? What has she done, you ask? Let’s get to that.
Jill is bitching about the food again, going on and on about how hungry she is since it’s been a whole hour and no one has passed out any pigs in blankets or Cheez-Whiz on a Ritz to her. Instead of telling her to shut her ungrateful mouth Jen takes a swig of her Champagne and then critiques the soiree for serving alcohol before the ceremony since people get loud and don’t know that other guests can hear their embarrassing remarks.
Roberta, the party planner, chooses this precise moment to walk up and tell them that it’s time to be seated. Jen takes one look at her and loudly insults her to Leather by asking who on earth would want such a creature to plan their wedding. The woman is standing literally two feet from her. Gross. Somebody cut her off PLEASE.
Preferably at the knees.
There’s another cute moment with Ramona and Avery looking at each other in the mirror. Ramona tears up because Avery is becoming a woman right before her very eyes and Avery doesn’t act embarrassed by her mom. She just tells her that she loves her and now I’M getting teary. Aw, geez
We’ve all been there. I can remember how incredibly mortified I would be when some elderly aunt or worse, uncle, would point out that I was turning into quite the little lady. My mother, thank God, never did that. She was too busy smacking my smart mouth or aiming wooden spoons at my brothers’ heads.
The sweetness doesn’t last long and they argue over whether the dog should be leashed for it’s trip down the stairs or held by Avery and Avery wins the argument. They all agree to leash Ramona instead.
What?! It’s from the Spring line of True Faith jewelry! It’s called product placement, people!
Anyway, everyone is seated and Jill is still running her damn mouth about how the two sides of the aisle are like two different teams and it’s that old Team Jill bullshit that Alex remarks started way back during Labor Day weekend, oddly enough. Yep, earlier really and oddly enough team Jill has lost quite a few members since then. Everyone has left in droves. It’s as if she got halitosis B.O. and beer farts all at once in the school cafeteria and only the most desperate students that smell just as bad have stuck by her.
None of that matters though. Mario comes out looking great, then Avery and CoCo, followed by Ramona who glances lovingly at Mario all the way down the staircase. She looks great and Jill takes pictures wondering what she can do next year to top this.
The dud, I mean dude, officiating the ceremony tells a story more befitting a reception toast from the best man. It’s that old story about Mario falling in love with Ramona’s ass at the gym. Leather grimaces which I have another name for, of course.
Grompace.
I had to get a last one in. You know me, Gasmii. In contrast Sonja is chuckling, and then everyone gets serious as Ramona reads her vows. It’s very Ramona, and she says that she honestly didn’t know if they were going to make it for the long haul when they first got married and that she loves him more than ever for not trying to control her and treating her like an equal.
Awww. She did good. I thought that it was going to be more business-like but then she says that she’s going to love him forever and the crazy eyed look is back. You better love her forever too, Mario. Seriously.
She looks like she’ll cut your balls off if you don’t.
Mario’s vows are short but sweet. He calls her his ray of sunshine and his rock and takes the easy way out by actually repeating the wedding vows he spoke to her in front of the priest 17 years earlier. Cheater! That’s what happens when you wait until the last minute. It was very nice though and plenty of people in the audience snivel and get touched by the emotion. Who doesn’t get teary at these things?
Even Jill looks choked up. Orange like Snooki after a month on the equator but still, choked up.
At the reception Leather gives Ramona a gift of the photographs she took during her only sane moment in St. John. I didn’t get a really good look at them which is just as well. They look like snapshots in any vacation photo album.
And just as poorly centered.
Simon is busy gulping down all the booze and showing off his lopsided kilt. LuLu asks where the other half of his “skirt” is and he tells her, “Half a skirt, half a man darling,” obviously making fun of his Bravo reputation as the sixth housewife. LuLu tells some guy that she doesn’t know what that means. I’ll let her know.
It means he’s silly and interesting and you’re not. Got it?
The evening winds down even more with Bethenny telling Alex and Ramona how grateful she is for all the support they’ve shown her this season, tears in her eyes and
LuLu eavesdropping.
How gauche, My Love!
Simon acts a fool and Alex tries to tell Jill that she’s glad she came, only to get the cold shoulder from her. Jill’s improving, Gasmii! Right before our eyes! She didn’t say “How dare you speak to me,” or run off to a pantry or anything! She was politely rude. Baby steps, baby steps.
And with that the season is over, LuLu sings her song for all the guests and we brush a tear from our collective cheeks, wait for the final update blurbs and hope that the RHONY producers have as much of a sense of humor as the O.C. ones did. Not so much. Let’s make up for it, shall we? Or at least try. You all are welcome, encouraged even, to leave your predictions in the comments.
Shit, c’est la vie.
You think Mario was pissed? Puh-lease. That was probably the only way Ramona could get him to do it in the first place.
Yep, she’s still writing it. She’s in what we writers refer to as the ‘research phase.’
Biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! The next time I see you there better be bars or a cage involved.
Big meanie. Apologize to Jill or I’m gonna sneak Simon some 151 rum and a Borat mankini at your next book signing.
Bawby mortgaged the hideous condo so he could buy up all Jill’s books on Amazon and Ally has moved to Greenland and started a support group for the daughters of reality narcissists. As far as I know, Jill is still clinging to that ice floe that Lynn from Chicago put her on, just a skeleton in a skating dress clutching her book after her Anchorage appearance at Border’s got cancelled and no one told her.
Oh my God. Bethenny has her own show?! How come none of you bitches told me?!
Let’s toast with the hoes and pray that we get some new blood next year. How about a real model or singer or a lesbian, or a lesbian model/singer? make it happen Miss Andy!
See you at the reunion!
Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore
TV Social
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72 Comments
Notice in the final screencap how big Kelly’s pupils are.
I just want to point out that the tags on this recap, especially “Jill Zarin is an eskimo pie,” cracked me up.
Only on page 3 put I wish I could have your attitude about these women like you Twunty. I am too emotionally attached. The last part of the reunion last night showed me that Jill has not changed and I found myself cussing and saying I hate you to my TV to her and that idiot Kelly. It’s unhealthy how I loathe those two. I hope you are recapping the reunions Twunty! Please! I ain’t too proud to beg, lol. I need you to shred these women.
Being out bid on Ebay chaps my ass…
Cheeze Whiz is of the devil…
I get that all people maybe exaggerate a story here and there, but Jill and Kelly are basically rewriting history here.
Great recap! Love Sonja and already don’t like Jen. It appears she is on “Team Jill.” Also love the screen grab of Lulu listening in on the B/A/R convo. Too funny!
I have a confession… Mario has been growing on me. I think he’s pretty funny, and sort of hot. I’m kind of a guy’s girl type (although I love my girlfriends too) – and although I like Simon he’s a little twee for me. Also, Mario doesn’t jump into the hausfrau fracas – he just completely laughs in their faces and tweaks them, like the JZ tennis debacle and “Countless”.
The lunch with Jill and Bethany was awful. First of all, why would Jill pick Le Cirque – the whole point of that place is to be seen, there is no intimacy there at all and the staff is up your ass at all times. What an ass she is. I think Bethenny actually went there with somewhat of an open mind, you don’t open a dialogue with someone unless your looking for some kind of resolution. I think Jill blew it right from minute she walked in by shoving those Latkes, WITH THE RECIPE attached, at her. Way to infringe on B’s PROFESSION jack-nut. The more Jill tried to gloss over things, the more she stood her ground though, which I appreciated.
For me an apology is about moving ahead by dealing with the consequences of a past behavior that both parties are acknowledging is harmful and destructive to the relationship. Jill still tried to set the ground rules by not “going into the past”. How can she even function in any of her relationships? What the f*ck is she sorry FOR? Does she even know? The past is what’s informing your current position, I guess this explains the recurring themes of volatile friendships in her FABULOUS CIRCLE. What a moronic bitch.
LuAnn — I have to admit I find the woman entertaining and appalling in equal measure. She reminds me of one of my friend’s mother’s when I was growing up… Over their living room fireplace was a giant debutante portrait of her, surrounded by some pretty serious antiques – meanwhile she stocked the kitchen and bathrooms with generic EVERYTHING; and while lecturing us on not crossing our legs like tramps (only at the ankles darling!) would let out monstrous belches (it was a PHYSICAL malady, my dear). She actually looked and sounded a bit like the Countless too, LOL.
Sonja is a breath of fresh air, she’s breezy and light – and most importantly of all actually has a sense of humor about herself. She also somehow brings some much needed depth to the gaggle of self-absorption playing out in this group.
Well, back to Jill… She was a shit-heel at Ramona’s vow renewal. Who the hell treats people like she treats Kelly? The “like” counting at lunch a few episodes back; making fun of her at the post-breakdown lunch; then the thinly veiled insult about Kelly’s chest at the party? Alright, I know Kelly is f*cking nuts, but it still doesn’t excuse JZ’s constant picking at her. It’s like she’s getting off on being able to pick on a supermodel, even though everyone knows the girl is an incompetent half-wit. Then her little cut at Alex, I was literally clenching my teeth when I saw that. She really has to go – watching her isn’t fun, it’s ugly and disturbing. Even LuAnn is backing away from her – who does she think she’s going to be doing the show with next season?
I don’t like Jen either. I caught that scene too, when she started insulting the party planner… bad move. If she thinks emulating Jill is the way to go – she needs to start paying attention to the barrage of hate JZ is getting these days. It’s also extremely insulting (and unprofessional) to Ramona’s hospitality to criticize her event – and what the hell was she talking about anyway? I’ve never been to a wedding where food was served first – I think the drinks were a courtesy to offer people as they arrived, it wasn’t a frat party, most adults can handle a cocktail or two without behaving like cretins. She’s a rag.
I’d like to see Jill and Kelly replaced, they stopped being entertaining and are now firmly in pathetic creature territory. If I wanted to watch crazy bitches meltdown, I’d watch Dr. Phil or Perez Hilton.
After watching Bethenny getting married? and seeing her work with her therapist, her comments about being damaged by Jill make a lot more sense. I think because Bethenney presents such a sane, in control persona, that comment seemed over the top. However, once she revealed that not only was her father a schmuck, but mama ain’t much better, I think Jill was a fill in mommy for Bethenney and Jill did to her just what her mom did.
Hey Twunty: A little offended; I live in Levittown!
Can’t wait to read the recap of the three part reunion.
I don’t watch this installment, only the OC housewives, but I always read the recaps. Can someone tell me what the deal with Bethenny and her parents is? I know she went to visit her dying father and he wouldn’t see her, but I’d appreciate it if someone could give me a little background info. Thanks in advance!
Again, great recap Twunty!
I thought Jen was trying to be the new Bethenny. The caterer with the sharp wit and all. I also thought that Jill was trying to be more Bethenny-ish this season. But Bethenny has an underlying vulnerability that you can’t fake. Which goes to show that these shows are not completely unreal.
Great recap Twunty!
I can’t wait to see what you have to say about the three part reunion…THAT was a wild ride!
Twunty: I’m pretty sure Jill lifted “TOXIC” from HLN’s Jane Valez Mitchell. Jill has been on HLN before and even JVM’s show specifically, I think, and she is always screeching that word. Same application too- is a person “toxic”, do they have a “toxic personality”, blah, blah……….
It doesn’t surprise me that Jen would gravitate towards Jill and LuLu. They’re her people. It goes to what you said about the people in her “social circle”. You can’t really offend/disgust them, so long as you still have money. Remember when Alex told Jill off, Jill said something like, “Well, I guess we just won’t be in the same social circles anymore”, as if her saying this would somehow make Alex realize she’d just committed Upper East Side Suicide. That remark Jen made wasn’t even bitchy; it was just cruel. She had to know it was going to end up for all the world to see.
I just can’t with Jill anymore. During her lunch with B and even during the reunion I can’t believe Bethenny’s self-control. I wonder what’s going on in B’s head. I mean, here’s Jill who is crying and going on and on about wanting to be friends and “how did we get here?” bullshit while Bethenny now knows damn well how low this bitch can get. The gossiping she saw on the show alone was nasty. All the shitty things Jill would say on CAMERA let alone all the other things that went on off camera that Bethenny knows about. That must be hard for her not to scream and slap the snot outta that humped-back haggard c*nt!
I have to admit that I cried during Ramona and Mario’s vows. And I agree that Mario is a good-looking man. I’d hit it in a bodybag.
Sonja is all sorts awesome. Bravo hit it outta the park with this one. Jen, on the other hand, is a dud. More Sonja, less Jen and NO KELLY!
Well, maybe just a little Kelly. Just enough for a little smomping in my recaps. he he.
Love ya, Twunts!
@marijai
From what I have pieced together with what she has said on the show Bethenny’s parents divorced when she was 4 & her father never wanted to have anything to do with her again. She said her mother married 3-4 more times and was just a crazy abusive person. She left home when she was a teenager & eventually lost contact with both of them and they never made any attempt at a relationship with her.
@uglycutie
Don’t worry – I cried during the vows too. Especially when Ramona said he treats her as an equal and doesn’t try to control her. How I wish I could find a Mario
“She’s third level Cyborg impregnable teflon dissimulation.”
That line was pure genius. So glad to see you back Twunty, I always look forward to your recaps.
BTW, did anybody else get a gigolo vibe from LuLu’s new guy? He just wants your money, dahling.
If that guy is a gigalo, he’s the worst gigalo in the history of gigalos. Can’t he see Lulu can only afford one pair of fug boots & non-precious jewelry?
Unlike that hag Jill, you were sorely missed, mah friend. I hope Bethenny left those cold, spongey, flacid potato pancakes on the table. I know I would have.
I love that Ramoner shoved her 17 years of happiness in their collective peri-menopausal mugs. Mario is a sweetheart & Avery is a gorgeous young lady.
I still like Luann in all her awfulness. Contrary to popular opinion, I think she really does get the joke and is almost over her “16 yr. marriage”. She looks like she’s having fun. I would love to see a spinoff of her & Sonja hittin’ the clubs followed by their morning afters. Oh, and fuck Jill.
First comment ever, but I cannot take it any longer. I am “team Jill” and not “team Bethenny”. I have ‘t liked Buzzsaw B from the get-go. Her machine gun delivery is painful to my ears. Jill isn’t dulcet either, but she doesn’t have as fast a delivery and you can understand her without having to watch an episode more than once. Important to us seniors.
Bethenny’s one liners are mean-spirited always and you know she has been coming up with and storing them for ever. Waiting for the right time. For reference check out Mr. Collins in Pride and Prejudice (Colin’s version of course) for his “complement” speech at lunch. Mr. Collins…Bethenny-same thought processes.
We know we only see a fraction of these women’s lives, leaving editing out of it entirely. So here is my take on what started Jill’s plan of attack and yes, I freely admit she did try to damage Bethenny. I think it all really started with Jill’s comment saying Bethenny sent Bobby flowers, so did the mailman. I don’t know about you all, but I have had friends and family members who were hospitalized from ingrown toe nail procedures to joint replacements to you might have a…As a caring person, I went to visit. (After calling to make sure the patient wanted a visit). We know Buzzsaw didn’t bother to do that. She sent a bouquet and I think that was the start of Jill’s holding her grudge.
Also slipped into one of the beginning episodes was Bethenny’s comment that Jason says Jill is needy and he hates needy and she doesn’t like it either. OK ladies, how many of us have pushed aside or been pushed aside because the boy friend or husband or who ever the new love object is doesn’t like us. Usually they are jealous, we share a history. They are controlling and we remind the beloved of a life as an individual without the love object in it, etc. And how many of us have been contacted later by the miserable person who now realizes they need us and our support? That doesn’t mean you make the two parties spend time together or like each other, but you can arrange coffee, or tea or shopping or a walk to keep that person in your life. It will be important when you need a friend and support later and you will and worth the extra effort and time away from the love object. So I think that also led to Jill holding a grudge and in my eyes pretty understandable. Maybe not Mother Theresa saintly, but no Tony Hayward evil either. Many times our stated or understood reasons are not the real ones. I may start a fight by saying you are always late when what I am really trying to say is I am afraid you are drinking yourself to death. Jill might have said why don’t you have me go with you when she was really saying keep me in our life your are important to me and I thought I was important to you.
Lastly, Bethenny did a radio interview on my favorite morning show at the time. We seniors get up early to feed our pets. I’m not sure what she was pushing whether it was her book or the Bravo spin off or both, but she was condensing and rude and every answer to every question was “watch the new show”, so it must have been to promote the show. She was treated with respect by the male interviewers and one was an actual straight, male who watched he show with his wife and knew Bethenny from the program. They and we he radio audience didn’t deserve her snarky attitude. Maybe she was hormonal. Oh, that’s right she doesn’t play the hormonal card.
So I can understand Jill’s attitude and actions and Bethenny is a bullying, bitch who can shill with the best of them. I give the marriage two years and let’s hope she gets a slow talking, midwesterner to teach her baby to talk.
Lastly I see the knives are already out for Jen, but she has said one true thing already. There is your truth, there is my truth and there is the truth. Someone who can be that detached at least needs some slack. Team Jill or not.
CrabbySenior, I respect your opinion, but don’t say it is my truth or even the truth. It is your opinion, which I absolutely, wholeheartedly, 100% disagree with.
First of all, Bethenny was on her book tour when Bawby was in the hospital. All she knew was that a procedure was being done, Jill didn’t tell her it was serious. Would you really stop your book tour to visit somebody in the hospital if they had an everyday procedure as you discussed at the beginning of your post? Bethenny also knew that Jill was out at parties and socializing the whole time, not worried sick by a bedside.
Also Jason said that Jill was needy because she WAS needy. Bethenny couldn’t do ANYTHING without her. She had leeched herself onto Bethenny’s life. If anything happened without Jill she would be upset and put the guilt trip on Bethenny. I would react the same way to a friend who didn’t respect my personal space like that.
As far as Bethenny being condescending, I just think that it varies with people’s taste. Some people see sarcasm as being condescending, I find it funny and endearing. Po-tay-to/Po-tah-to
CabbySenior: I also think Bethenney’s snark is a matter of taste. She is my cup of tea. I get her. find her fuuny and charming. I am the same way. Some of my co-worker can’t stand me and find me rude (the older ones – go figure) and others say I’m a crack up and love my honesty.
As far as Bobby’s procedure, Jill and Bethheny addressed it on the reunion and said that they had a spat before he went in. So let’s say Bobbt went in to have a cyst removed from his ball sack. Why would B go and visit during an agrument for that? I wouldn’t even have sent flowers. Besides, I once had a HUGE falling out with a friend. We said horrible things to each other during ONE phone call. After that we went SILENT for over 10 months. No gossiping or trying to sabatoge each other to other friends. Get it? We were sore with each other but deep down we still cared and missed each other. That’s not how Jill reacted at all. My friend and I made up. But had there been all this crap between us like Jill and Bethenny have I doubt it very much.
I also had a procedure done. A cyst removed from my vagina (HA!) and I didn’t want flowers or visitors…or calls. I’m no martyr.
BTW, why is it that when Jill finds herself between a rock and hard place she always brings up Bobby or Ally and her school/college. Who friggin’ cares. Frankly, now everytime I hear Bobby or Ally’s names I roll my eyes to the point where I see parts of my brain.
And Bethenny may be snarky but Jill always makes fun of her so-called friends to thier faces. All through the reunion she kept saying “…and I was wrong.” “…and I should’t have done that.” Over and over. She’s a mess in dress. Dumb bitch.
I love this show and the recaps but alot of time I feel like when I read anything about this show or watch it, i’m taking crazy pills!!! no offense CrabbySenior but you could not have been watching the same show as the rest of us. Even if you do not like Bethenny or agree with who she is Jill’s behavior is unacceptable. In this situation you say you dont like Bethenny but dont condone Jill’s behavior as if we are back in middle school and you want to stick up for a friend. These are grown ass women!!! When they are wrong they need to take responsibility for their actions. you cant just run around causing all this insane drama cause you have no other goals for yourself!!
and when i went to college my parents did not have to babysit me while I was getting my applications in. That’s Bullshit!!! I’m sure Ally was fully capable of filling out an application and writing her essays.thats what highschool prepares us for.
In addition, Kelly…………….damn, this bitch is CRAAAZZZEEEEEEE!!!! does america see this!? forget if it’s drugs or whatever, what the hell is this woman doing raising children!?!?!? “Systematic Bullying” bitch please!!! Bullying her would not be insulting her lack of intelligence but rather telling her she looks like a slim gym draped in string! Somebody needs to bully her lopsided titty ass.
All good things must come to an end because i think if i watched this season any longer i’d become crazy, self deluded, and narcissistic just like these women. btw, i think ramona’s eyes are pretty. They stretch when she gets emotional, but they are big, and very full of what she is feeling, but still pretty
Crabby…I don’t think Bethenny saves her one liners…I think she is smart and quick enough to come up with them on the spot. I do think she is funny, yes they can be somewhat mean at times. Here is the difference…Bethenny knows that and will apologize. Jill doesn’t, she is just mean and vile and isn’t funny at all. You are defending Jill re Bobbys procedure. Jill admitted on the show that Bethenny didn’t even know about it…nor did the other housewives..until after the fact. How can you be upset with someone about something they know nothing about ? You are defending her when even she admits she didn’t tell anyone. She was pissed off because she wasn’t getting her own show or now going to be on Bethennys. The only reason she is even trying to apologize is because her book is in the crapper, viewer and press opinions were negative and she knows she won’t be on Bethennys show. She has lied, put out negative stories in the press and wrote good reviews for her book and bad ones for Bethenny and Alexs books. She also threatened one of the top book reviewers for Amazon.com. She actually called her anti-semitic because she didn’t like her book. That is way over the boundaries. Now she is starting a feud with Alex. She gave Bravo an ultimatum of her or Alex…I hope Bravo has some balls and keeps Alex and tells Jill to hit the road. Oh yea, Jill please take the crazy, delusional, incoherent idiot Kelly along with you !!
I don’t think that Bethanny’s one liners are mean spirited at all. She says them, but if she realizes that one of them hurt someone she does cop to it and apologizes. I have what many call a smart mouth and some find it funny and some find it mean. I am not mean on purpose and I am similar to Bethanny if I hurt someone’s feelings I apologize b/c that isn’t my intent at all. Certain people will mistake my harsh tone as being mean.
The main problem I have with Jill is that she tried to do the same thing b/c she sees that that’s what worked for Bethanny in getting her new show. Now when someone who doesn’t normally shoot off one liners all of a sudden starts it will come off as very mean and rude b/c that’s not their normal personality.
@ CrabbySenior,
I think you are SENILE, not just a senior.
Typical rant of a lonely old hag who has nobody else whom she could expose to her proclamations, so she haunts the boards. You are so stupid it is seriously pitiful. Projecting your own problems, mistakes and regrets onto Jill makes you, maybe, fill better about yourself, but does not change anything when it comes to Jill. She is and will remain a selfish, stuck up, jealous piranha, too cowardly to declare her true feelings to someone’s face, so instead she bitches and moans behind their backs.
Since you are supporting her, you also must be in awe of her wonderful, worldly personality, her do-gooder persona, her willingness to help others…. What a joke! This bitch is the most hateful, spiteful menopausal hag I’ve seen on TV in a long time, who would drown you in a spoonful of her envy if it helped her in any way.
And Kelly is just a MORON to the Nth power. Unbelievable that such an uneducated idiot had actually survived into her 40′s. Her ‘happy’ outlook on life is all a sham – she takes whatever she doesn’t like in her life and rewrites the history to suit her humors and needs. After her spectacular CRAAAAASh on St. John’s I thought for a moment that maybe she is mentally ill, but after listening to her throughout the reunions I am back to my original opinion of her. She is a lonely, empty-souled, never-been wanna-be, who has to ride coattails of others to heighten her non-existent self esteem, and who is a PATHOLOGIC LIAR !!! She looks you in the eye after spitting on you and tells you it’s raining!!!! What a delusional, vile moron.
And you, mah dahlin’ CrabbySenior – you must have been just like her before the senility kicked in. Telling people to compare Mr. Collins from ‘Pride and Prejudice’ to Bethenny’s witty comments??? Wow, it is obvious that your own wit is as sharp as a butter knife.
And FYI, Jill never told Bethenny what was wrong with Bawby. She said he went to have a ‘procedure’ done, and then met B. at several summer parties around town, obviously belying the seriousness of Bawby’s condition. So how was B supposed to know when this cow refused to tell her? I suspect that she already had some other ‘offence’ in her mind that she marked against B on her running score board , like B’s having a successful book on Amazon!!! and her own getting caught writing herself raving reviews and crapping all over B’s book. And that pissed her off so much she was just bound to blow anything out of proportion and hold and imaginary grudge – until she realized how much the viewers now hated her, and tried to rewrite history again.
It seems like you and Jill and Kelly would get along just great – you are all living in imaginary worlds where you are important any everybody is dying to bask in your reflected glory, when in reality nobody gives a shit.
Go feed your cats. Maybe they give a crap about what you think…
@Crabby Senior I don’t mind Bethenney because she is Bethenney in front of her friends and in interviews. She may be sarcastic, (and witty) but she’s real. I too at the start of the year was on Jill’s side as I had a friend who deserted me when I got sick. But too quickly, I caught on to Jill’s game. Jill isn’t just sarcastic or quick with a comment, Jill is mean. She tries to hurt people. It isn’t good enough to just be mad, or even not be friends, but she always has to go the step further and hurt people. And I still can’t decide if Kelly is just crazy, or a bit crazy combined with such self absorbtion that it comes across as complete nuts. She admitted she doesn’t listen to anyone. So it makes sense she can’t seem to make a coherent response.
Hey Classy..actually I think her personality IS mean and rude. lol It comes off exactly like Jill.
WTF! Seriously, did Jill get wind of this site and send her minions out to badmouth our Bethenney?
JKW…are u on meds?? I just read both ur posts and I’m confused. Stop playing with my emotions.
Chemgal, we’re in danger, girl! LOL!!
Oh, and I forgot to mention my feeling regarding the Countess. I’m not going to rag on her because I’m on the fence about her now. I THINK I’m starting to see a change in her. I believe someone posted something about her seperating herself from all the hoopla. I first noticed it when she wanted no part of Jill’s “surprise” in St. John’s. Then, at Sonja’s party she was open to hear both sides of the story and not really reveal whose side she was on. She remained very neutral, which I liked. Even though I am very much on Team Bethenny/Alex I would have considered her a total two-face for back-stabbing Kelly in front of everyone had she been vocal about not believing her…so good for LuAnn. Nice comeback, Lulu!!
@chemgal,
this is totally off topic and I hope you won’t think I am being too forward.Concerning your friend that you say deserted you,I have no clue what your illness might have been but I run a cancer support group.Many times the best of friends are truly scared when one gets bad news.Sometimes they are so worried about saying the wrong thing,not doing enough,doing too much..it is such a slippery slope and the dynamic of the friendship changes in many ways.
Feeling deserted or abandoned is a common occurence.And sometimes it is because the friend _is_ just a no good fair weather friend.But many times too,it is because the friend is just as scared as you are.
Sorry if I overstepped my bounds.
Take care,Robin
I apologize ahead of time for my long-winded post – I’m whacked on Percocet and a wee bit irritable anyway… :/
@CrappySenior
“Bethenny’s one liners are mean-spirited always…”
You mean like when Jill mocked Ramona choosing to honor her 17 years with Mario by saying, “Being married to HER (Ramona) IS a milestone.” Or when Alex walked the runway, “Alex looked like she was channeling the devil.” Or how about lunch with KKB post-St. John’s, “What? You were afraid she was going to steal your jelly beans?” Hmmm… Smells like hypocrisy.
“I think it all really started with Jill’s comment saying Bethenny sent Bobby flowers, so did the mailman.”
Since when is it unkind or inappropriate to send flowers to your friend’s HUSBAND in the hospital? And again, as covered at the reunion and by other commenters here – JILL failed to tell Bethenny what was going on. It’s pretty hard to intuit your friend’s husband’s health condition through time and space. At any rate, it all started because Jill was JEALOUS.
“…Jason says Jill is needy and he hates needy and she doesn’t like it either.”
She is needy. Needy = Lack of boundaries; Jason was right, people like that are disrespectful and damaging to relationships because they resent any focus that isn’t on them.
“Usually they are jealous, we share a history. They are controlling and we remind the beloved of a life as an individual without the love object in it, etc. And how many of us have been contacted later by the miserable person who now realizes they need us and our support?”
Uh, never. Because I don’t hold my friends to unrealistic expectations, if they are building a relationship they are entitled to have whatever kind of freedom they want to do so, and I support them no matter what because I respect them. I don’t impose my opinions on their choice of partner because my rule of thumb is; if I don’t have to feed them or fuck them, it isn’t my call what kind of person they are.
“We seniors get up early to feed our pets.”
WTF? LMAO – We ALL get up early to feed our pets, it’s our JOB.
“I’m not sure what she was pushing whether it was her book or the Bravo spin off or both, but she was condensing and rude and every answer to every question…”
You do know Jill’s nickname around here is SHILL, right?!?!?! Hahahahaha!!! Please reference the infamous schooling Ramona gave Jill about SHILLING Zarin Fabrics at a charity event (DECLASSÉ!). At least Bethenny isn’t terrorizing her online book critics, and pretending to be someone else to review her own books – I mean that would be PATHETIC.
“So I can understand Jill’s attitude and actions and Bethenny is a bullying, bitch who can shill with the best of them. I give the marriage two years and let’s hope she gets a slow talking, midwesterner to teach her baby to talk.”
You seem like someone who COULD understand and relate to Jill’s actions, have you considered therapy? No offense, but you’re kind of a bullying bitch yourself – you do realize calling out an infant on potential future elocution issues is super-fucked up, right?
“Lastly I see the knives are already out for Jen, but she has said one true thing already.”
Here is another thing that is true about Jen: She sucks as a party planner. Her execution of Jill’s SKATETASTROPHE was third-rate, not only were those gift bags an embarrassment, she was still stuffing them at the beginning of the party. Ramona’s elegant and perfectly executed affair was far out of her league; and of course her classless remarks in front of the party planner further illustrated her lack of competence in how to behave in polite society, and with potential clients.
I know I’m being a bitch, but the whole “the knives are out” attitude of your post annoyed me – I have no knives out, I just think cruel and manipulative people who willfully and maliciously attack others forego their expectation of being viewed with empathy and compassion. Forgetting Bethenny for a moment, Jill’s vicious and dismissive actions toward Alex and Simon are mind-boggling, what did either of those two people (or their children) ever do to deserve her unrelenting criticism and mean-spirited jabs?? Whatever anyone else participated in in the past, she was the only one who continued to do it – which tells me it was probably her engineering it all along.
Prodigal,
Great post.My Percocets never work that good for me
TC,Robin
Twunty-Excellent recap as always! Will you be recapping the reunion shows as well? I hope so, because I’d love to hear your thoughts…
Was anyone else surprised/annoyed that Andy made no mention of Amazon-gate? Specifically, the drama about her own book and the reviewer she called anti-Semitic. I mean, it was pretty scandalous, as far as the Real Housewives franchise goes. I feel like Jill should’ve been confronted with it, but I guess now we’ll never see her try to climb out of THAT hole. Damn you, Andy! Damn you!
Thanks Twunterful
I am so glad you included the cap of Jill being asked to get the hell out of the way so that Silex could be photographed!
Lovely ceremony.But I have to agree with you,I wasn’t fond of the cake either.
TC,Robin
*Fondant
Long time reader of the recaps, first time poster though. I guess the finale comments riled me up just enough to dive in! Regarding B, I find that I can take her sarcasm and one-liners even when they sting because she’s real and up front about it. She owns everything she says even when it hurts. And she doesn’t make excuses. Maybe she’s not always the best person in the world, but when she’s wrong she apologizes and it seems like she learns from her mistakes. A quality that I find admirable.
@Cheez: You pretty much sum up my feelings about Crabby’s post. And do it with quotes! Delicious.
@Crabby: I find your jabs about B’s infant Bryn to be just as, if more insulting than the spew Shill gives us every week on RHONYC. I think even Countless could teach you a lesson or two in class. Throwing her newborn into the argument is a low blow.
@Prodigal Cheez…
My goodness, woman!! You sliced it up and served it out!! I was licking my screen as I read your beautifully written rant. Lub it!!
Robin, you can never over step your bounds on the gasm, never at the gasm. I had posted on RHONJ that I actually had been blinded by a parasite in my eye in 2007 and was in the ICU that summer to prevent it getting in my brain. 7 surgeries later, lots of percocets and soon getting fitted with a cosmetic shell so I don’t look like the old chinese guy at the beginning of the gremlins I am on the mend. Still on oral steroids so I am fighting that weight and wishing I was like tori spelling and could just be so busy I forget to eat!
On another note, I think why I found crabby’s post so upsetting is she was like jill on the island — butting in rudely after we have all endured the coaster ride that has been this season, falling out of love with jill, falling in love with alex, we all bonded and were just getting ready for our relaxing mental pedicures when bam! hit on the side of the head by a crabby senior.
@chemgal,
..”never at the gasm..LOL Thanks.
Damn, sounds like you have had a really rough time.Glad you are on your way to recovery.((hugs))
As far as our recent senior invasion is concerned ..I think she is just pissed off because we didn’t offer her a glass of water or a bathroom.
Take Care,Robin
Sweet_Dee: Oh yeah, I thought Andy showed TREMENDOUS restraint and class (DAMN HIM!!), especially after Kelly started in with the bullshit about being forced to go on the trip, and then calling Andy a liar to his face!!(“Everyone knows it’s true”) WTF?!?!?!
And as for the whole Amazon-gate thing: didn’t Jill also get nailed for giving Betheny’s book shitty reviews as well as the business with her own book? Again, I would have been all over her for that. Honestly, I got the impression Betheny was just sick of it. She said in an interview this week that she really has no intention of being friends with Jill; I think she’s just moved on.
Crabby Senior: If you continue to upset the fellow Gasmi, you may need to leave. We’re trying to enjoy our pedicure, dammit.
Thanks for the awesome recap twunty you did another wonderful job. i think that Ramona’s ceremony was beautiful and well orchestrated. I don’t think that I will like Jen at all because every time they show her she is saying something mean, not witty just mean. She talked about Luanne’s book writer guy who although is annoying she did not know. And her comments about the planner were just horrendous. How can you say that right in front of somebody. The only thing about her appearance she could have been remarking on was the fact that she was overweight. Having her may be just as bad as having Jill. Speaking of, notice how Jill made sure she said suprise to Ramona when she came to her suite and told everyone she told her surprise. In her mind she is still excusing her actions at St. Barts. Then, she greeted Alex in front of her husband and the camera’s but ran away from Alex when she was trying to talk to her one on one. She clearly thinks she is better than Alex and everything has to be done on her terms. I’m glad that Alex stood up to her and I hope the rest of the women get a clue and separate themselves from Jill. Twunty, I really hope you are recapping the reunion, there is so much material with the delusion and lies that these women exist in.
@Robin – Thanks! LOL! The Percocet is kicking my ass, so I felt the need to kick someone else’s, LOL.
@upthewolf, thanks! LOL!
@uglycutie, I am CRACKING UP!!! Glad I could return the favor!
I love this group, what will I do when it’s all over after the reunion recaps????
And I forgot to add, another super-fantastic recap Twunty!!! Thanks!
Skatt-I think I heard a couple of the ladies from Bethenny’s couch mention that Jill gave their books bad reviews. I’m not 100% sure, since it was really hard to make out what they were saying most of the time because they were all talking over each other! But that could’ve been the perfect time for Andy to bring the subject up. I think Mr. Cohen might have been afraid that Jill would leave the set for reals if he confronted her with one more issue. I swear, that man’s balls shrink further and further into his body with every reunion show he does; he’s become so terrified of these women! Luckily for him he’s got the viewer comments to hide behind.
BTW, I wanted to tan Leather’s hide (see what I did there?) everytime she said, “OKAY. ALEX MCCORD/ANDY. THANK YEW.” How awesome would it be if her own kids shut her down like that?
OKAY.
MOM.
THANK YEW.
When the ladies were in the spa and LuAnn made the comment about men that “When they don’t love you anymore they don’t love you anymore. They move on and they move on fast,” I felt the first spark of sympathy I’ve ever felt for her. That seemed to come from the heart and she looked for a second as if she’d really been through the wringer about something.
Oh, I see my name has been changed since I signed up on FB. I used to be maryedith, if anyone cares!
I think you can just type your user name in the box above the comment entry.
But, I like knowing who people are so I can follow their comments – so I’m glad you did! LOL!
Sweet_Dee: UGH!!! The way she talks gives me Jr. High School flashbacks! (And what is it with the First AND Last name of a person when she is trying to appear assertive?!?) My Mom used to make me repeat entire sentences if I lapsed into that Valley-talk:”Please try to speak as if you’ve seen the inside of a classroom.” I was 12. Leather’s what-42?
I did love watching Andy squirm around saying “breakdown” to Kelly. He just kept saying,”Did you have some kind of break….. break……..”–expecting her to pick the up the ball and run with it. If you watch those “AfterDark, w/Andy Cohen shows, the one with Kathy Griffin: he asks her what she thinks is wrong with Kelly and her answer is just priceless. To long to quote, but worth watching. She has several theories.
@Skatt
I watched Kathy Griffin on Watch What Happens Next or whatever it’s called. Kathy said to Andy “Let’s say you had a friend named ‘Jelly’. What sort of drugs would you say she’s on? I would say Adderal, meth, and a bad carbohydrate.” LOL!!
Andy just said that Kelly had too good a body to be on drugs. Hello? Tons of Hollywood-types take Adderal to keep their weight down. Once they kick the stuff they balloon up. Shoot. I watch intervention. I’m hip.
I loved how Andy Fairy can stir up as much shit about the House Cunts as he wants, but when Kelly says she was “forced to go on the boat trip” during the reunion, he’s all “Oh no you dint!”
Out of all the horse pucky that comes out of Kelly’s mouth, that part I had no trouble believing. I’ve always believed that if it weren’t for producer involvment, none of these pyschopaths (and yeah, that includes Bethanny and Alex) would even be in the same room together. I have no trouble envisioning a Bravo “legal consultant” breaking out a copy of Kelly’s contract and pointing out the “talent agrees to do everything possible to assist the producers in advancing the ‘story line’” clause after Kelly spazzes out and refuses to go on Ramona’s boat trip. Why would they even have invited her? Or Jill? Producer bullshit, that’s why.
I think the most telling part of that whole Harpyfest was Andy Fairy gushing “Of the whole season, Kelly’s meltdown on the boat trip was the most surprising, and frankly, disturbing. Let’s watch!!!”
I hope the next time he’s blowing Seacrest, he gets a load right in the cornea.
Cracking job Twunty! It was well worth the wait. I love your snark! I can’t wait to read your take on the reunion. Speaking of….I think Shill specifically asked Andy not to bring up Amazongate. I’m sure he got lots of viewer questions about it. It didn’t happen during the course of the show and I’m sure she knew she was going to get slammed for what did happen during the filming. Boy did she
I wonder if Andy has to stick to topics which happened during filimg and that’s why Jilll’s Amazongate didn’t come up. I wondered that because Kelly’s arrest foe domestic battery didn’t come up either. Hmmm…
…speaking of unpredictable = dangeous, right Kelly???
@uglycutie, the subject of Kelly’s arrest was brought up during last year’s reunion. I believe it happened in March ’09, not during filming but during season 2 airing. I think there was aready too much Jill subject matter to deal with so he didn’t throw that log on the fire.
I saw season 2′s reunion & I don’t remember the Kelly arrest being brought up. Oh well. But Jill overload does sound about right.
I’m so glad this season is over. I can’t decide who was the worst this year, Kelly of the Midwestern, Flat Landers or Shill of the Lawnggg Island, Married Older Rich Guys Sisterhood. Both are annoying and incredibly rude. But God love ‘em, they are here whether we like it or not.
@Anne, I have to say I think Kelly far out did Jill. As horrible as Jill was, I think we’ve all had a Jill in our lives and we all know that the show will go on for Bethenney. And even if it was half hearted at best and definitely self serving on her part, at least Jill semi-acknowledge that maybe, just a little, she messed up. Kelley on the other hand not only didn’t acknowledge her awful behavior, she insisted on insisting she didn’t have a break down or did anything wrong. Both of them were horribly mean during the show, but Kelley seems a bit more high on herself. I wish they would let Twunty or Kathy G. host the reunion shows from now on Andy is too wimpy.
Chemgal, you’re right at least Jill had the good manners and common sense to apologize. However, I really think Kelly is so unhinged from reality that she has no way of knowing how vile and despicable she behaves. I call it a draw between these two train wrecks. I’m relived to know that Kelly’s ex lives in the same building, hopefully the girls get parenting from him or someone who works for him. Kelly could use her own nanny to teach her manners, don’t run in traffic, brush and floss after eating Gummi Bears, beer and chicken wings.
Hey girls
You know, I kind of think Jill is worse – although both she and Kelly are the worst of the worst. I wouldn’t have someone like either one of those hags in my life, but I really do think Kelly is mentally ill or has some other problem that she can’t really control. I think drugs might play a part, but the underlying issues with Kelly are psychological (IMO).
Jill is sick too, but she understands the impact of consequences and Kelly doesn’t seem to. Jill does bad because on some level she likes it, and she’s usually able to control the people around her to the extent that she can pick one person to go after, and the group will follow. I think that’s what was happening with Alex all along, but she was more subtle because she was new to the reality TV game; with Bethenny she got cocky and thought she could knock her out of the group by controlling the other women as well. Jill underestimated how relatable Bethenny was to the Bravo TV demographic, and that her (Jill’s) value to us as viewers was as the motherly older friend who took the younger woman under her wing. Seeing Jill savage Bethenny, and then openly attempt to derail her personal and professional life struck a chord in all of us. For some it was being attacked by a former friend/mother figure for no truly discernible reason; for others it was watching a “mean girl” fly out of control and verbalize threats about social exposure or shunning.
Jill got knocked off of her throne this season by public opinion, as soon as she started realizing the tides were turning she went into a panic and tried to backtrack. She didn’t learn anything, and she’s still operating the same way she always did. Her PR team advised her on the “mea culpa” demeanor she had at the reunion, unfortunately they didn’t realize she’s a Malignant Narcissist, so even though she cried and apologized to Bethenny, she undermined her own agenda by continuing to attack Alex. They should have told her to apologize to everyone, and blame menopause, stress from Ally leaving, Bobby being sick — ANYTHING would have been better than what she did.
Kelly is just crazy. She’s mean, but she’s limited in the kind of damage she can do because her wiring is so crossed the lights never fully turn on.
Jill is dangerous. She tried to undermine and derail Bethenny’s source of income – that’s why Bethenny won’t forgive her. She as much as said, “I don’t have a Bobby in my life, this is all up to me.” Jill can’t just end a friendship, she has to annihilate the person. She didn’t just shun Alex socially, she tried to compromise Simon’s job by making the crack about Alex’s nude photos “You were spread-eagled naked in the hallway of your HUSBAND’S HOTEL.” She’s been calling Ramona crazy since season one – how much of our perceptions about Ramona were filtered through Jill’s commentary? Agreed, Ramona has her moments – but if you go back to the beginning, Ramona had excluded Jill from one of the first social events that was filmed, and Jill was livid. Ramona didn’t recover so much, as we started to see there was another dimension to her and that she was actually a pretty good friend, and not a passive bystander at all.
Jill is toxic, she used Kelly to promote an agenda. She knows Kelly isn’t right, she knew Kelly was a time-bomb and she loaded her up and sent her ticking into Ramona’s girl’s getaway. She thought she could fly into St. John’s and “save the day”, be the voice of reason and regain control over the situation – she overplayed her hand and the women had had enough. The fact is, Alex, Bethenny, Ramona and Sonja all have full lives and they don’t need Jill – Jill is the cancer in the group. This season was like chemotherapy – now it’s time for radiation, to eradicate that sick bitch.
Another long post… sorry….
I agree with you Chemgal, Andy was too wimpy especially when came to Kelly. And also she was worse, she at no point acknowledge her rude and loathesome behavior.
I also have to disagree that Kelly was forced to go on that trip. I do think that these ladies are at times forced to show up at events together when normally they wouldn’t, but then why didn’t Jill and Lulu go? Kelly has kids much younger than theirs and I would think she would have a better excuse to stay. Also the fact that Lulu kept saying I told you not go as if she had the choice but decided to go against Lulu and Jills warnings.
Prodigal – I never liked Jill even in past seasons and your post reminded me of the reason why. Do you remember back in the 1st season when she was going to a fashion show & she threw a fit & left like a baby because Ramona had a seat closer than hers. I think that’s the day I realzied she was selfish, entitled & self serving
I agree with Chemgal too. I hate Kelly so much ever since the St. John trip that I don’t really care about the Jill/Bethenny fight any more. Jill is a phony but who cares? Kelly is a mean girl to the core if you ask me. Picking on B when she’s pregnant AND just lost her father??? Then claiming SHE was bullied?? Unbelievable. The only bully on that trip was Kelly and the only victim was B, if you ask me.
And I agree: she takes NO responsibility for her actions. At least Jill claims to have realized in hindsight that she was wrong. She might be acting for the camera, but I think at least some of it is real. Kelly blames everyone else: Bravo for “making” her go on the trip (and if you believe that, I’ve got a bridge to sell you, etc), the other 4 women for “systematically” bullying her or whatever crap line she was trying to sell. At what point was Sonya bullying her?? Or Alex? Or anyone? I think she’s incredibly mean and self-centered in addition to whatever drug problems she has going. I really hope those kids have a good caring nanny.
@ohionancy – I do remember that! It was ridiculous, and I remember thinking she was jealous of Ramona because Ramona probably had more social clout – then I lost interest in the show for a while and caught up on marathons. I never liked Jill either, she just always rubbed me the wrong way….
I just wanted to say too, I hope no one thinks I think Kelly’s behavior is excusable in any way. I think she’s awful, and I agree she was bullying and abusive to Bethenny on that trip – I felt so bad when Bethenny left the table that morning, you could see she was trying not to cry. I really hope they take her off the show for a lot of reasons, not least of which is that her lying and aggressive behavior shouldn’t be rewarded. I feel bad for her kids too, although I have a feeling her husband is a lot more involved than what we can see on the show.
I just really believe that Jill is worse. I know it’s a matter of opinion, so I don’t want anyone here to think I dismiss their opinions (except CrappySenior, lol) – I think it’s interesting to talk about it. But yeah, I do think Kelly is a monster too.
Hi all, I AM doing the reunions, starting tomorrow. I appreciate all your insights and opinions but I must be stern in one regard.
Gloria, I mean CrabbySenior, stop drinking from the toilet bowl after Pappy Kamen pees! You remember what ingesting his meds from the urine did to Ginger. The farting and shaking and insanity. Read her tweets, HELLO. Stop before you embarrass the family again! Ally deserves to get into a good college, what with Jill working so hard on her entrance papers and all….
xoxo
Twunty
Ahh, Twunty thank you so much for tweaking my memory. I had meant to comment on the college application excuse. I worked at a public school on the south shore of boston. Now granted, it was a town filled with millionaires and the public school has consistently been ranked in the top 50 in the nation so it was on par with a number of private schools, but probably not in the league of private school that Ally attends. Even at this public school, all the parents hired help to complete college applications and write, um I mean review, essays. There is no way Ally’s school doesn’t provide that service through their resource center or that Jill wouldn’t hire someone privately. She really expects us to believe she is sitting at the kitchen table editing Ally’s essay?
Chemgal,I agree, no way did Jill edit Ally’s essay herself. At least she got into a good school, Sarah Lawrence I think.
Ally got into Sarah Lawrence? Good for her! She’s going to love it there, especially if she likes upscale sapphic chicks. My cousin went there and freshman year was basically her coming out party. Yay, Ally! And even if she isn’t gay, it’s a gorgeous place to matriculate.
Great recap Twunty! Will you be recapping the three insane reunion shows? I sure hope so!
OOPS – just now read your comment that you WILL be recapping the reunion shows. I need to read all the comments before I comment myself. LOVE the remark about CrabbySenior (Gloria) drinking from the toilet bowl!
Twunty, my darling, I missed you!
1. Roco-cuckoo. LMAO!! Needs to be on a T-shirt. In KellyWorld..
2. I love how CruellaDeJill thinks she can waltz into her little mea-culpa lunch and everything will be fine. The way she was clutching her coat to her Size 1 (HA!) frame made me think that she wanted to run in the other direction. If Bethenny wanted to, she could cut you to shreds with a few words. And how I wish she would.
3. Didn’t even watch Disco Lulu’s performance. A little embarrassing and a whole lot BORING. I do think that if Lulu’s boyfriend looked like a model, KellyCrackhead would have been all over him like a damp, ether-soaked rag.
4. The Wedding: This is what bothers me about Ramona. Cruella comes to her suite to bother her (NICE tote bag), and Ramona says something like, “We’ll always be friends..”. JILL IS NOT YOUR FRIEND, RAMONA!!! Never was, never will be. It reminds me of what she said about her abusive father. Always trying to please.
I completely agree with you about wanting to punch Jill every time I see her on screen. All she does is complain. “I need some WHORE d’ oeurves”!!! Bitch.
And I would have LOVED it if Ramona would have calmly walked up to Kelly and kicked her out of the reception. No RSVP, no entry, baby!
Lordy – I would have loved to sit with you during the reunion shows. Make it an event. You could charge admission. I’d pay. And bring a bottle of wine. How far is it to drive from Jersey to Minnesota?
“As far as I know, Jill is still clinging to that ice floe that Lynn from Chicago put her on, just a skeleton in a skating dress clutching her book after her Anchorage appearance at Border’s got cancelled and no one told her.”
Computer spew!!!!!!!!!!!
@uglycutie – here’s the link to Andy asking Kelly about her arrest at last years reunion. Now that I’ve watched it again, I wish he would have questioned JZ more about her off camera antics. Pfffft, who gives a shit anymore. I’m really sick of looking at her.
http://www.bravotv.com/the-real-housewives-of-new-york-city/videos/kellys-legal-issues
Crabby Senior……Jill is that you?