RHONYC: A Pregnant (Meno)Pause


Welcome back for the grand finale of Real Housewives of NYC! But don’t worry kids, if you’re craving more after this, I’m sure the reunion specials will be a 16 part episode arc. It’s like Miss Andy is personally out to kill me.

We begin with the lulling sounds of Luann’s music video. Ahhh. Nothing like a tonally deaf drag queen to sooth the nerves. C’est la vie! We join Luann as her music producer describes what they’re going to do to the song in post…

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“There’s a good chance that you’ll sound like a cross between WALL-E and Ru Paul when we’re done with this.”

Then a big surprise comes out!

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What’s going to freak everyone out is when a black & white version of her father walks in behind her.

It’s Natalie Cole! And she’s there because….? Oh right. Because Luann’s a “singer” and Natalie admires her “classy” work. Oh God. I hope Bravo’s paying Natalie a shit-ton of money to be there. I really don’t want to have to lose respect for this woman because of her taste in music.

Although it’s definitely a highlight when Natalie does her impression of Luann singing “Money Can’t Buy You Class” and does it in the lowest, drag queeniest tone that she can. Luann thinks it’s a hoot and decides to ask Natalie to her and Jacques’ “1 year anniversary” party – to which Natalie replies “YES” and that she’ll sing at it. WHAT?! Let’s not pretend this wasn’t planned – BUT I still can’t believe Natalie’s doing it! Did she already burn through all that “Unforgettable” money?! Or maybe the magical amulet around her neck is making her do it?!

Meanwhile, Rammy and Mario are having a dinner party! Simon walks in and Mario, noticing he’s wearing pink, says, “Good thing I didn’t wear pink too!” To which Simon was thinking, “WHY!?! ARE YOU ____!?! OMGOMGOMGOMG! WEAR ME!!!”

Once they all sit down, the couples chat about Rammy wanting another child while Mario nervously sits there and ponders how he’ll support another child along with the 13 illegitimate children he has on the side. I kid! I’m sure it isn’t more than 10.

Rammy then points out that Avery wants her to have another baby right now. Ummm… is Avery knocking you up, taking care of and/or paying for the baby? Cause if not, maybe you shouldn’t let your children influence these decisions. Avery’s probably just hoping for a baby anchor that forces you to stay at home for more than 20 minutes without also being able to chug Pinot Grigio.

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Awesome. The dog is in on it too. I guess it’d have to be, being the only thing in the house willing to impregnate Rammy.

Ugh. Alright. Let’s just get off this subject before I mouth vomit.

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I’m going to need an icepick for the imagery portion of my brain.

The only consolation for me hearing that is watching Simon listen to it. He’s pretty close to curling up into a ball and stuffing his ears with Mario’s dick so he doesn’t have to listen to anymore.

THANK GOD for Sonja’s entrance (never thought I’d say that!) to change the subject! They all sit down to a delicious dinner which, of course, Sonja has to mention she could’ve cooked in her toaster oven. Girl is DESPERATE to plug that shitty book of hers.

Then the subject changes to maiden names, etc and Sonja pops THE BIGGEST LIE OF THE WHOLE SEASON. “I have a stack of stationary with the name “Morgan” printed on it so I’m not giving up my name until I’ve used all of that up.” BITCH, you’re NEVER giving that name up. We ALL know it’s the last attachment you have to wealth and you’re gonna ride it straight into the ground. If that is true about the stationary, I’m guessing it’s piled a mile high and the only time you send a letter is to order more stationary.

Then Alex gets a phone call in the middle of dinner and just HAS to take it. Why?! Is there something wrong with Francois?! Did he find one of Daddy’s toys and impale himself with it?! NO. It’s Luann. And apparently Alex just HAS to take it so that she can pretend to be at a HUGE party that Luann wasn’t invited to as Luann invites her to the anniversary party. #forceddrama

Later in the week, Alex attends her first PAYING photo shoot gig.

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Unless it’s for the “before” photo of a Proactive commercial, there may be a problem.

Then she asks if she’s “cool” enough to be in this magazine…

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NO.

She looks like Mad Madame Mim from “Sword in the Stone”. I’ll wait while you Google it…. Am I right?!

Just as things are about to get started, Simon shows up to pick Alex up and gets all pissy that she’s running behind schedule. Ugh, Simon. Shut up, sit down and mean-tweet. We all know you don’t have anywhere important to be. ESPECIALLY if anywhere else is without cameras.

So what does he do? Sits down and brings up how Alex made the US Weekly’s worst dressed of 2010. If I was Alex I would’ve walked over and beat the creep out of him. Luckily his punishment is sitting there watching Alex try on all the fancy dresses that he dreams of prancing around in.

Meanwhile, across town, Sonja and Cindy meet up again because they’re besties! Kidding. They meet up again to conjure up some drama for the big finale. And what better place than a flower shop surrounded by roses?!

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I hope it ends like this.

So the girls take a moment to relax around the flowers and discuss why they don’t get along. Cindy says that there are two Sonja Morgan’s (Stop it! There’s at least 20.) Then Sonja calls Cindy rude for taking a call during breakfast at her house. Sonja tells Cindy that she could learn something from her since she “didn’t get where she is by falling off a potato truck.” Close. You got there by marrying a vegetable.

Then Sonja goes off on Cindy – which, although Sonja is ridic, I can’t blame her. It was completely rude of Cindy and she was TOTALLY doing it to seem like a big, important business lady. If you own the business, you call the shots and can certainly push a call one hour until after you’ve had breakfast. Yes, things may come up during the RH shooting schedule, but if she really wanted to she could’ve moved the call – no doubt – she WANTED to take that call in the middle of breakfast. Which is fine – be a bitch to Sonja. Just don’t pretend it was for any other reason.

Cindy then retorts that SHE was trying to help SONJA with business-sense by letting her listen in on the call. Yikes. Probably not gonna happen. That’s like sleeping on a book and hoping the words will seep into your brain. Not gonna happen. Also I’m pretty sure Sonja already knows how to wax her chooch.

Then they argue about who treats “the help” the worst. LADIES! Just agree on the fact that you both treat the help like shit. Sonja has her houseboy wipe her ass and Cindy calls hers at the last minute to come play wet nurse at a restaurant if she doesn’t feel like dealing with the twins. You’re both assholes. Congrats.

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Then, just as it looks like Cindy’s about to swallow Sonja whole, she gets up and storms out! DAMN IT! I would’ve died laughing if she chipped a tooth eating Sonja.

But not before Cindy can “pull a Zarin” and say, “I’m done with you! I’m done!” Yeah!!! Moving on!

Later on, Sonja meets with bestie Rammy so that they can relax and talk about how Rammy might be prego—

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MENOPAUSE SAYS WHAT?!?!

That’s right! Rammy drops the prego bomb on Sonja and she’s just as shocked as the rest of us.

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Her eyebrows haven’t been able to move that far north since the 70′s.

Rammy says it’s because her boobs are swollen. She’s either covering for a boob job she had done or is completely oblivious about menopause. Or both. Honey, the only thing you’re giving birth to is the abused, PG-soaked liver that’s floating around inside you.

Finally, on the SS Tone Deaf, we join Luann and Jacques as they celebrate their anniversary. Alex arrives and comments that she promises not to push Luann off the boat. Cue music: “Ya gotta have friiiiieeeeeends! bah bah bah bah bah! Frriiiieeeends!” Thanks Bette!

The rest of the group arrives and Kelly’s the first to notice that Simon and Alex are on their phones “tweeting”.

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I wouldn’t say they’re “tweeting”.

Finally the blonde, leopard-print bobsies arrive – Rammy & Sonja! Jill tells Luann she should tear Rammy out for being late but Luann decides to avoid the drama. WOW! Two steps forward for Luann and one step back for Jill.

Then Rammy takes Mario aside and tells him that something’s up. He guesses “boob job”. Oh Mario. You wish. Because that would be soooo much easier to handle than the unnecessary mind-fuck your wife is about to put you through.

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Awww. He looks like a proud Papa. It also looks like Rammy’s gonna get an early refresher on cleaning the crap out of someone’s pants.

Rammy tells him that she hasn’t done the test yet – but her boobs are big. So it’s GOT to be that. Jesus, does she also think she’s pregnant every time she gets salt-bloated?! For every pretzel she eats she must be high-tailing it to CVS for pregnancy tests. “It’s the only explanation!”

Over at the dinner table, Kelly, Cindy and Simon explain what “throwing your keys in a punch bowl” a la “swingers” means to Jill.

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“Step 1) Backhand your wife unconscious. Step 2) Find the set of keys belonging to the hottest guy in the room.”

Meanwhile, Mario is confessing to Sonja that he knows about Rammy’s possible pregnancy…

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Who here’s going to be surprised when we learn that he’s been banging Sonja all along? No one? Yeah that’s what I thought. Rammy put your hand down.

On the other side of the boat, Luann is prepping Noel (her son) on his duties as Natalie Cole’s escort.

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His name is Noel, he’s on “Real Housewives” and he looks like a young Chaz Bono. How many lockers does this poor kid get shoved into in a day?

Rammy and Sonja then take off to the bathroom so that Rammy can take a pregnancy test (perfect timing, no?!) and Chief Inspector Jill Zarin isn’t about to let THAT go unnoticed. Jill drags Cindy with her to follow the twins to the toilet and see WTF is going on. Jill says it’s because two women going to the bathroom together is weird. BULLSHIT. Zarin you know that you can’t RESIST being left out of something and where the camera’s are headed – so shall you go.

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Come out with your hands up! And bring the cameras with you!!!

So then of course Alex shows up to defend the twins and shoo Jill away. It’s hysterical how much it’s IRKING Jill that she can’t figure out what’s going on. Little does she know what she’s missing!

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OH PLLEEEEASE let her chug a bottle of PG!!!

Once the girls get out of the bathroom, they get the 3rd degree from Jill and BAAAAWBY about what they’re hiding. Luckily Sonja is able to just babble nonsense long enough for Jill to give up. Until she gives a hint about Rammy “glowing” which then clues Jill in. Typical, make a big deal about secrecy and then let it fly – all before knowing the truth. Welcome to the circus folks!

But before Jill can skewer Rammy any further, Luann makes the big announcement that she has a surprise! Oh FML. Is she prego too?! Nope! It’s Natalie Cole! And all the girls are appropriately impressed. Ya gotta hand it to Luann. And then of course Sonja says that she’s an old friend of Natalie’s. Mmm hmm. I’m sure every person you’ve ever seen perform at an event from across the room is your “best friend” afterwards.

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“Oh my gawd! These photos are gonna make me so much moola on eBay!”

So Luann and NC start singing away together…

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I feel so bad for the dolphins that were swimming nearby. Their ears are still bleeding out.

And poor Natalie Cole. Now she’s famous for dueting with a dead guy AND dueting with someone that sounds like a dead guy.

The ladies finish up and Luann says that she thinks that she was the only one Jacques saw that night. It’s true. Everyone knows it’s hard to look away from a train wreck. And speaking of train wrecks…

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This is Mario checking Sonja’s ass out after she walks away. True story. Feel free to go take a shower now. I know I am. ICK.

Finally the twins return to the bathroom to take the pregnancy test because Rammy can finally pee. But not before the epilogues begin with wistful montage music…

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Cue Ally transferring to a school in Nairobi. As long as they still have sex ed.

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“C” is also for “Collecting Unemployment.” Which I’m pretty sure she’ll learn quick post-RHONYC.

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Gross. I’ll pay for her to receive new panties, a shirt and burlap bag to put over her body.

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By which they mean, the number of assistants she has to call on to do shit is a full line.

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Is Santa like the Wizard? Can he also bring a brain?

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And menopause. That too.

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She’ll NEVER title change. And any duet she’s in will surely not even make it to the charts.

And that’s it! We end with a big love-fest on the deck of the boat with Luann saying that all these bitches are like family to her.

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By which she means, there’ll all tied to each other against their will and it’ll most likely end in resentment… and divorce.

And that’s it for the season!!! I wish I could say I’m officially done – but thanks to Ms. Andy (bitch) there are 2 reunion specials to get through! Oy. But let me hear what y’all think so far! Did you feel like it was a good season? Things end the way you thought they would?! Any big hopes for the final reunion show? Other than bloodshed of course. Come on kids and DISH IT!!!

About

Bbitz grew up in a small town with big values and moved to a big town with small values. This has a created a bitter, sarcastic and threatening tone that makes his recaps a delight for all to read. Bon appetit!

29 Comments

  1. 1
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 4:51 am

    Real Life: Don’t announce before you’re out of the First Trimester of Terror.

    Real Housewives: Tell everybody you’re knocked up before even taking a test.

  2. 2
    Joy1333
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 5:30 am

    Ugh. Avery had a better chance of being pregnant than Ramoner.

  3. 3
    ohralphie
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 6:05 am

    Please, the spayed CoCo has a better chance at getting pregnant then Ramona.

  4. 4
    Katie
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 6:31 am

    I have always detested Ramona as much as I detest Jill. Can’t see much difference between the two only that Ramona is attached to her Pinot where Jill is seen only sipping Diet Coke. Oh, and the hair color.

    Other than that Ramona is as mean, vicious and camera craving as Jill. Horrible women.

  5. 5
    truthsquad
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 6:46 am

    No table flipping, hair pulling, drink throwing, or shoving? These bitches need to bone up on the other franchises and learn how to have a proper season finale! When your big story line is whether a wine swilling 60 something “might” be pregnant, you know you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as story lines go. Overall, I’d say the season was pretty weak and uneven, and these recaps were far more entertaining than the show itself! These women are all too knowing, too aware of the cameras and too busy promoting themselves or their “brands” to give us a single moment of reality. Thank God for those crazy bitches in NJ and Atlanta….cause these women are done…stick a fork in em!

  6. 6
    PrimeTimeReject
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 7:16 am

    The countless’s continued poor grammar is like nails on a chalkboard.

    “Jacques and I’s anniversary.” SHREEEK!

    For the luvvagawd, it’s “JACQUES’ AND MY ANNIVERSARY”. Dahling, money CAN buy you english 101 classes.

    I noticed Natalie said she had just met LuAnn that afternoon. Smack that woman! Doesn’t she know how to properly address royalty? (I wonder if LuLu thinks Natalie’s daddy was a real king.)

    How surprised was Mario to hear that Ramy’s always been regular? How could an adoring husband/lover be completely unaware of that 30-day predictable schedule?

    Just like her trying to lube his chest while he was sitting in a chair, or giving him what was obviously the first shoulder rub EVER in their 18 years.

    I haven’t seen anything between them this season that supports her claims of perfect couplehood.

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 7:19 am

    I think this maybe might be their last season. ‘Cause simple cuntiness isn’t shocking anymore, like it was when RHONY started. Now, if you don’t have regularly scripted violence AND cuntiness AND eeeuwww factor, you get left in the ratings dust. Hell, some of those kids on Toddlers and Tiaras have perfected cunty in 3 years, and it presumably took Luann or Jill almost 50! Squabbling about who gets to sit next to who just isn’t going to cut it reality TV anymore.

  8. 8
    LAjane81
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 7:49 am

    BBitz, you have forever won my love by comparing Alex to Mad Madame Mim from Sword and the Stone, my fave of the Disney movies. And holy wretched skin. Mine isn’t perfect, but somehow the fact that Alex is awful herself makes me feel okay about being horrified by that shot.

  9. 9
    thetruth
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 8:19 am

    Real life: only the truly beautiful or odd faces become models at age 14

    Real Houswives: These heifers are ‘modeling’ and ‘walking’ in fashion shows every week!

  10. 10
    shantigal
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 9:06 am

    I had’nt heard that Natalie Cole had relapsed.

  11. 11
    trkaelin
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 9:12 am

    Ahh! I totally caught Mario ogling Sonja too! lol He is totally banging the sh** out of her. Isn’t this why she got more upset than would be normal after listening to what that psychic said in Morocco? They are DOING IT. To quote a few phrases from Kelly’s limited vocab…. he is “creepy”, “weird” and totally “inauthentic”. And how come Luann looks totally in pain when Jacques tries to kiss her? They are so awkward with each other. Who the heck has a one year dating anniversary party. Junior high school kids, that’s who.

  12. 12
    LAC
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:08 am

    BBitz, how do you do this? It is so appreciated, but your head must ache. Thank you for a great recap!!

    Ramona – God, vile does not even begin to cover you this season. Yeah, I am sure that you still get your periods, but they are probably on a quarterly basis – was that pregnancy drama really necessary? We do know how old you are!

    Jill – loathsome! No wonder Bawby was holding her so much on that boat – it limited the chance that she would be thrown overboard, as she so richly deserves.

    Luann – how many more special events in your life are we going to be forced to watch celebrated on this show? Wow, a year of getting a french man to bone you – let’s rent a boat and have Natalie Cole sing about it!

    Sonja – Sex and the City is off the air. Please stop…

    Kelly – It is like looking and listening to an overgrown 15 year old with leather skin. Santa couldn’t bring you a boyfriend if he had the elves put in overtime in the workshop.

    Alex – can the cameras be on you after you are made up and ready to “model”? The process is not good on HD. Squinting my eyes and looking through my wine glass isn’t working either. :)

    Cindy – as BBitz stated, you both were assholes. Shake and move on. There’s a whole bunch of underpaid people for you two to alienate.

  13. 13
    mulecitybabe
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:10 am

    Avery’s a smart girl, even if she seems a little stuck-up around her friends, but she should Never. Ever. Ever. let herself be photographed from the side. I’m surprised Mama Ramona hasn’t drug her down to the nose cracker to have a little work done.

    OK, so maybe my opinion is harsh, but does my captcha have to be “SHUP”?

  14. 14
    KC_Low
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:11 am

    I would just like to say, I am 54, still have my period every month and ovulate. It isn’t impossible to get pregnant at that age. I have had those damn hot flashes for 6 years!! I wish it would just get OVER!!!!

  15. 15
    Mimo
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:18 am

    My grandmother was 55 when she gave birth to my uncle. Just saying.

  16. 16
    ohralphie
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:42 am

    It may be (remotely) possible for Ramona to get pregnant, but it would be highly probable she would miscarry. Old eggs don’t fare too well, sadly.
    I think that there may be some truth to the rumors. The Ramona of past seasons was very secure about herself, even if she did lie about her age. This season she spent a lot of time talking of her incredible youthfulness. I don’t know…I feel badly for anyone having a cheating spouse (yes, even if it were Jill) much less having it played out on television.
    It does make Jills bringing it up at the reunion all the more heinous, especially since she and Ramona actually were friends prior to filming.

  17. 17
    MakMck
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 10:59 am

    Mario was totes checking out Sonja…and Rammy was none too pleased. jus sayin..

  18. 18
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 11:17 am

    The phrase “just saying” is officially dead to me. And I’m begging you all to erase all vestiges of that meaningless phrase from your writing as well. Why not use those 11 characters to add a lovely adjective to your post? Or maybe a nice swear word? Who doesn’t like swear words?

  19. 19
    Classy Drunk Classy Drunk
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 11:21 am

    I love swear words…just fuckin sayin

  20. 20
    NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Also, any man who goes from schtupping Ramona to schtupping Sonja really should be held in protective custody for his own good.

  21. 21
    LAC
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Hey classy drunk, knock it off!! just sayin’ ;)

  22. 22
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted July 27, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Ramona doesn’t still get her period. That’s her rectum bleeding from imbibing too much. Sure, it happens every 30 days. That because it coincides with her wine shipments.

    I hate to use the word ‘hater” but damn, that Simon is a hater. Notice how he treats anything he’s not a part of? So much for being the supportive husband. Any red carpet event or any event that Alex can get him in as her ‘plus one’, he’s all about. But a shoot that will just feature her, he turns into a condescending jackass and tells everyone in the studio that his wife is on the ‘worst dressed’ list. (How many scenes have we viewed over the years of Simon picking out Alex’s clothes? Just sayin’.) *snicker*

    BBitz, I believe Sonja when she says she has a mountain of stationary piled to the ceiling. Did you see her house? It’s a hoarders wet dream. If she’ll keep a ratty wig from 10 years ago, she’ll keep anything.

    “Sonja tells Cindy that she could learn something from her since she ‘didn’t get where she is by falling off a potato truck.’ Close. You got there by marrying a vegetable.” Hilarious, Bbitz!!!!

    I loved how at the end Ramona kept trying to catch Mario’s eye but he just ignored her as she gazed lovingly up at him. I bet you when they went home, he picked up a pack of Trojans on the way. Better safe than sorry.

  23. 23
    Fan-Ann
    Posted July 28, 2011 at 9:57 am

    I was shocked, I tell you, shocked that Ramona wasn’t preggers! Also, grateful that a baby won’t be born with fetal alcohol syndrome. And yes, Simon is absolutely hateful, resentful, and vile. I unfortunately remember some of his own fashion statements like the half pants/ half skirt outfit. He has no room to point out anyone else’s crazy choices, but it was especially cruel of him to use his own wife as a target in order to gain camera time.

    Sonja is entertaining, but I hope her friends pack antiseptic wipes to scrub any chair she vacates….her STD’s might be weapon grade.

  24. 24
    Joy_Subtraction
    Posted July 28, 2011 at 11:10 am

    I believe I hate every single person on this show now. They make my brain hurt.

  25. 25
    Brattygrl
    Posted July 28, 2011 at 11:27 pm

    Bwahahahaha! Just had to stop & comment on the Mad Madame Mim reference! No need to Google it, my kids (& I) love that movie! Simon definitely has the build to be her Merlin too! Francois is no Wart tho….

  26. 26
    HereGoHellCome
    Posted July 29, 2011 at 7:06 am

    I agree Joy – the poll on WWHL was who is your favorite this season and I couldn’t even pick a favorite, they are all the worst…NPH was right, time to recast!

  27. 27
    LaLupita
    Posted July 31, 2011 at 10:08 am

    Then Alex gets a phone call in the middle of dinner and just HAS to take it. Why?! Is there something wrong with Francois?! Did he find one of Daddy’s toys and impale himself with it?!

    This.

  28. 28
    shana
    Posted August 2, 2011 at 1:12 pm

    @ PrimeTimeReject, you are right, it is weird that Mario–after having lived with Ramona for eighteen years +–doesn’t know her period cycle, if she is so regular. IMO, he is probably cheating; no need to pay attention to the cycle if you are getting it on the side regularly–no “no” days. OR, he probably has too many women to keep track of all their menstruating cycles. The only thing I can say with absolute certainty concerning this man is that he loves his daughter. That’s it.

    @ trkaelin: about Luann and Jacques: “they are so awkward with each other. Who the heck has a one year dating anniversary party?”

    My Answer: Someone who never plans to have another wedding anniversary again–Luann will never give up the title, and so therefore can’t get remarried. I mean, we all know she won’t give it up even if she does get married again–she’ll keep it on as an ‘honorary thing,” even if she isn’t entitled to it (which she isn’t), or change her name legally to “The Countess” or something like that. Because she has branded her logo with the term ‘countess’, she will not let it go–and let’s face it, she freaking loves the title. She’ll say some shit about it being a state of mind or what not, but since people give her so much shit for using it now, she knows it is too soon to ‘officially’ give it up and still retain the immortal rights (I imagine she thinks of herself as “the people’s countess”).

    Luann is holding on to the countess position so tightly that (on the boat at the party) she started saying again how proud she is when she sees the Statue of Liberty. Look, it was bad enough when you were still married to the guy, but now that you are divorced, enough with the “my ancestors donated the Statue of Liberty” crap.

    @ LAC–I agree with everything you said about each of the housewives

    @ sarcasatire–it is so true what you say about Simon

    @ Mimo–my Great-great Aunt (who I was named after) gave birth in her late fifties too (obviously no drugs involved). The story goes (according to my Grandmother), that my great-great aunt was so ashamed to be pregnant so late in life, she didn’t tell anyone about it and stayed out of sight. Her son had just started going out with some girl, and when he canceled a date because “my mother had a baby yesterday so I can’t go out with you tonight”, she thought he was lying and she broke up with him for using the stupidest line ever (and figured he was probably stepping out with some other girl). Obviously it was easy to prove that he wasn’t lying after all.

    I’ve actually heard the pregnant thing the other way–that many women think that they have gone through menopause since they stopped getting their periods, have unprotected sex, and get pregnant because in truth they are still fertile for a while after. So I guess anything is possible, and I actually believed she might be pregnant when she said it on the show (but she should have at least taken a test before saying anything–I think she was trying for a Bethany moment).

    Alert: Another Personal Story:

    When I saw Jill tell Luann that she should “tear Rammy out for being late”, I got a chill up my spine. When I was about 13 yrs old (in my early thirties now), I went to a sleep-away, all girls camp. I remember there was a sort of a clumsy nerdy girl in our bunk and I knew she was shy, and I knew the other girls in the bunk were a bunch of snobs (NY girls of course), but I guess I didn’t really grasp the way they treated her since I wasn’t around much (I wasn’t fond of these girls, was friends with kids from an older bunk who were from my hometown, and was a mother’s helper too, so I spent the absolute minimum amount of time with the bunk as I could). One day at lunch the shy girl–who happened to be sitting next to me–spilled some water or juice on me accidentally and immediately starts whispering an apology to me like she had just run over my cat or something. I tell her, “no biggie” (and it wasn’t), and wipe off the spill. Then the two queen bitches who were sitting across the table from us, unsatisfied with my relaxed response, say to me, “yell at her”. I thought I didn’t hear right at first, and said, “what?” And so they say it again loudly–”yell at her, she spilled on you”. I remember this freeze frame moment when my brain tries to catch up to the situation, these girl (and the other girls in their clique nodding their heads self-righteously up and down the table in agreement) who had nothing to do with it, telling me to punish someone for nothing. Had she done it on purpose? I looked over at the girl who had spilled on me, and she, meanwhile, has hung her head down in shame waiting for me to start berating her and ‘ripping her a new one’. I felt like I was in a foreign universe for a second. Then my anger kicked in and I turned to the queen bees and said, “I will not, it was an accident”, with a “what the hell is wrong with you?” outraged voice, and then spent the rest of the time at lunch give them disgusted looks. I guess I should have said or done more but I was completely appalled at such an open attempt at bullying from two “good” girls. In any event, the shy girl appreciated it, I guess. We saw each other again when we were 19 yrs old (I had switched camps) and she still remembered the incident. I know this isn’t bullying to the extent that it is in schools today, and I know Ramona is no innocent thirteen year old and probably came late to make an entrance, but when Jill told Luann to yell at Ramona, it was in the exact same insidious voice–the same tone and everything. I felt like I was thirteen again sitting at that table and it really creeped me out. Anti-bullying campaign crap my ass.

  29. 29
    kenzie
    Posted August 3, 2011 at 8:27 pm

    they need to get rid of Alex
    Jill
    Luanne
    and Kelly
    only Keep unpredictable rammona, Cindy the hard working single new york woman, and Sonja morgan, add 3 new housewives, wealthier more
    entertaining women, even if they’re not official housewives.

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