RHONYC: Makes You Wanna Scream!

21 Comments

1. 1
   Beatrice
   Posted June 14, 2011 at 6:16 pm

   This is the funniest recap ever! I can’t even list all my favorite parts…but I wanted you to know how much I enjoyed it. You are hilarious.

2. 2
   jayem
   Posted June 14, 2011 at 6:17 pm

   The best thing ever was LuAnn’s “Are You Fucking Kidding Me?” face when Ramona came sashaying in asking for dinner. I have no idea why five minutes later it was all concern and sunshine and puppies. These woman (TM by Danielle) are weird. (TM by Kelly).

   Alex’s overly dramatic confrontation was hysterical. She shouldn’t say anything if she can’t articulate herself. I’m wondering if Kelly is a secret genius. There’s no way she wasn’t messing with Alex during these “fights”.

   I still hate Ramona. She is completely pants shitting insane. And why is everyone always talking about how great she looks and her fitness routine? She has a serious muffin top. Must be Pinot pounds.

   I can’t wait til the reunion. Miss Andy insinuated that it gets good on WWHL. I wonder who’s fighting and over what.

3. 3
   2muchbravo
   Posted June 14, 2011 at 7:48 pm

   Nice job bBitz. Kelly is definitely using the psychology she’s learned from her treatment this past year. I feel badly that Alex came off looking like such a fool. And LuMan….what a beyotch! I really hope Alex can get her feelings out when they get back to NY. I don’t think Bitch likes getting called out on her bullshit.

   Ramoner is in pretty good shape but those belly dancer outfits are kind of unforgiving. I’ve got a friend whose into belly dancing and she’s T-H-I-N and I was shocked when I saw pics of her and she looked like she had a belly.

   Despite their foibles I still like Team Blonde. Mostly because the others act like their shit don’t stink! Sorry Cuntess, it does!!!

4. 4
   maudtherriault
   Posted June 14, 2011 at 8:16 pm

   “Ramoner” was a Cindy-ism

5. 5
   archeoptrix
   Posted June 15, 2011 at 2:32 am

   at this point i really can’t say what team i prefer, but i do know i cant take much more of luman’s holier-than-thou crapola.
   and seriously kelley? tell alex to cover her shoulders “we’re in morocco” and then go running with 95% of your skin exposed?? hahaha that woman.

6. 6
   kdognatl
   Posted June 15, 2011 at 5:01 am

   Totally agree with Beatrice, BBitz HILARIOUS recap!!!! Too many awesome lines and screencaps to pick. Can not wait for this reunion.

   When Kelly was telling Alex to close her eyes then open them and Alex was ACTUALLY doing what she said, DYING!

7. 7
   ohralphie
   Posted June 15, 2011 at 5:41 am

   Great recap!!

   I think my favorite part of the show was when Ramoner and Luann ‘made up’ and Luann basically told Ramona she just wants to be there for when…you know….after what the psychic said….oh, I’m SURE it’s nothing…but I’m here if need someone….but you won’t, REALLY. LOL! What an evil bitch, and she is so damn confident about it! I would most sincerely hate being anyone is Luanns life that she didn’t consider on her level. I’ve got a strong feeling that the countess has eaten a lot of spit in her lifetime as well as laid in hotel linens that weren’t changed, been ‘accidently’ poked by a seamstresses needle a time or two and quite probably has many voodoo dolls in her image.

   But yes, for gods sake Alex learn to debate! In her Bravo blogs she does quite well making her points and she is always gives the dirt in an honest way. I like her because of it. For instance, despite Luann talking about ‘her’ Morraco the fact is that she has only been once before twenty years ago, and she was pumping Alex for info as she and Simon (no surpise, I can totally see Simon in a caftan) had been there many times.

   What are thoughts on Ramona trying on a burqa? Jill and Luann were appalled at the cultural insensitivity (so much so they alerted all news outlets) and god knows Ramona is the picture of Ugly American on this trip…….but I have to say I feel divided about it. It’s never cool to appropriate and/or make fun of another culture. But the burqa is a symbol of oppression so does that make it fair game? But these thoughts may be a tad deeper than what Ramona is capable of — I’m sure her thought process was “whoohooo! Look at me, I’m a native!” more than anything else. But still….

8. 8
   LAjane81
   Posted June 15, 2011 at 7:14 am

   OMG, this episode, and recap, were hilarious. The Alex crazy train was absolutely priceless. The stuttering, the running into the room all ready to give it to Luanne, the totally weird conversation with Kelly outside…all of it was just too perfect. These women are legit insane. And I agree about Ramoaner’s “fitness” routine. She always has a little belly that she doesn’t help by wearing clothing made for someone 20 years her junior.

9. 9
   classy drunk
   Posted June 15, 2011 at 7:58 am

   I have to give you muchos props for this one. I was reading it while my “young thang” played video games. I was giggling so much that he wanted to read, but I didn’t let him as I don’t think he would understand such sophisticated humor. *cue shot of Luann picking her nose*

10. 10
    Faye
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 8:06 am

    I have decided that every time someone interrupts something important I am doing, I will yell “WHO IS GOING TO FINISH IT..SANTA CLAUS?!?”

11. 11
    Joy_Subtraction
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 8:16 am

    I don’t even know how you were able to recap such a schizophrenic episode. I was left so unsatisfied (by the show, certainly not your recap). I love Alex and all, because she seems to be the most genuine and sane. But holy shit learn to argue. If Kelly was doing to me what she was doing to Alex, I would have punched that bitch square in the face and held her by her ears while I screamed in her face to shut the holy fuck up. I can’t believe she lets these evil bitches manipulate her and toss her around like that. I probably would have gone all Gorga on them, throwing tables and shit.

    I felt so bad for Alex, because I know bitches like Ramoaner and Sonja and their treating a good chick like a pawn (yes, I’ve been that pawn many times). Kelly is just as evil as the Cuntess…maybe more so. I can’t believe how OK they both are with fucking with people’s heads like they do. That’s just amazing. I don’t have the evil in me to do this to people, so it’s just shocking to me.

    And I think we all know that LuAnn probably did tell the brunettes about dinner and the time, but didn’t tell any of the blondes so that she could berate them about not showing up on time. While Alex can put on the theatrics, we know that she’s not the kind of person to show up late for dinner to leave others waiting even if she’s pissed off.

    And WTF is with Jill? We Kelly, Jill, and Sonja the only ones that learned something from last season? Kelly learned to do the mind-fucking herself, Jill learned to just plant the evil seed and bail, and Sonja learned to be a royal cunt to get more camera time. The rest of them just continue doing what they do…and then there’s Cindy. Can she please be escorted off the “set”? She sucks.

    When they all start to party together…gawd, my friggin’ head nearly exploded. I’m insane, but these women are too insane for my head to wrap about all of this. It’s beyond words. My jaw was literally hanging open when the episode ended. My husband came in from the gym right when it ended (I’m sure that was thoroughly planned out by him), took one look at me and said “that bad, huh?”

12. 12
    trkaelin
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 8:50 am

    Why the hell were Jill and “Ramoaner” mad at each other again?? I’ve forgotten. And did Kelly REALLY tell Alex she was the one being weird when she was the one talking about how her “tatoo” was ruined and who’s gonna fix it, Santa Claus? WTF. She’s still off her fucking rocker. Alex and Cindy are the only ones I like at this point.

13. 13
    bBitz
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Thanks for the compliments everyone! It’s nice to know you’re all getting a laugh and this shit’s not lost in cyberspace. Especially because it’s getting to the point where slamming my head into the keyboard seems less painful than watching another minute and writing about it.

14. 14
    mere2142
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 12:51 pm

    BBtiz this recap was sensational – so looking forward to hears you guys dish about this utter nonsense on this week’s Hodown.

    The dinner was awesome. It was like a revolving door of craziness and I don’t think anyone actually ate anything but Jill kept saying how hungry she was. And Kelly’s Santa line takes the cake for me. I’m going to start working that into my everyday life.

15. 15
    Jason
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    Alex is an idiot who staged that whole “kiss Ramona’s ass” production because she wanted more airtime. Instead, she made a total ass of herself. Even more of an ass than when she said that she wanted to become a professional model at “age 36.” If Alex is 36, then Zsa Zsa is speaking the truth when she says she’s only 40.

16. 16
    sarcasatire
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 2:26 pm

    This may be unpopular here but I don’t find Kelly to be that crazy. Especially now that Bethenny is gone. Kelly was honest during the first reunion she appeared on and said she was not accustomed to being around such bright, articulate, and strong women and it left her flustered. Bethenny, being the brightest of all, really intimidated the shiz out of Kelly. Kelly would go insane trying to knock Bethenny down a few pegs while Bethenny could just cut Kells down with a witty sentence without even breaking a sweat. The big Scary Island fiasco was a showdown between the both of them. Now that Bethenny is out of the picture, Kelly is much more relaxed around the remaining blathering idiots.

    And I think she was purposely messing with Alex during that exchange and I found it to be hilarious. First, Bbitz, you said exactly what I was thinking when I saw Kelly ‘directing’ Alex during that scene. We know parts of the show is scripted but i loved that we got to see Kelly say, “That was inauthentic. Renter [and do it again].”

    I’ve always been suspicious of Housewives scenes being shot in several takes, especially to get the reaction shots. If there were so many cameramen to have one trained on each person at all times, we’d see them in the background more often. But like on the OC finale, when Tamra threw the wine on Jeanna and they cut to a reaction shot of Brianna, I know that was taped afterwards. No way in hell a cameraman would be focused on Brianna when all that shit was going down around him.

    Back to Kelly. The way she skillfully, if rudely, led Alex away from the table when she was arguing with Luann at dinner suggests a woman in control. So when Alex was flustered and trying to pick a fight earlier, kelly decided to have a little fun and not let Alex get a word in edgewise. “Open your eyes. Now close them. But open them when you’re not speaking and close them when you are. Take a deep breath. Now hold it. Wait! Don’t let it go until your eyes are open. CLOSE YOUR EYES!” I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard at a Housewives show as I did that moment.

    Alex, if you can’t fight, why do you try to fight other people’s battles? Ramona could care less about you and there you are, breaking out in hives at her expense? You foolish, foolish girl..

17. 17
    sarcasatire
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 2:39 pm

    Oh, and Luann is emerging as my favorite. her uppity, condescending demeanor is thoroughly entertaining. If these ladies were nice and just memebers of a knitting circle, we very well wouldn’t watch, would we? I loved when she questioned Ramona about her wine and I was hoping Ramona would get flustered enough to say, “Okay! I admit it. I just slapped my name on a bottle! It’s licensed to a wine distributer who probably sells the same wine under several different brands. Happy now?”

    If I had to film with Alex, she would annoy me, too. She’s too much of a wannabe. She doesn’t have a true friend in the bunch and is so awkward around all of them. Nothing organic about her interaction with the other ladies. I was hoping Cindy would become her girlfriend but Cindy is a dead piece of wood. Next season, cast a friend for Alex!

18. 18
    Tadow
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 7:01 pm

    Thanks for the recap, I loved Kelly this episode too. I didn’t notice all the salad during the episode itself, but didn’t they get the shits from something they ate? They could be playing it safe where food is concerned.

19. 19
    sarcasatire
    Posted June 15, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    Funny, I always thought uncooked food to be more unsafe. At least once it’s cooked, the heat will kill any Hep A and other bacteria. Plus, the lettuce is most likely washed in tap water and served damp..more danger if the water sources aren’t clean. I’m sure it’s all good at the riad but if I were a lil unsure, I’d stick to cooked veggie dishes and drink only things that fizz when I pop the top. (that way I know it hasn’t been refilled and is fresh.) I think Jill thinks like this, too because she seemed to only drink Diet Coke the entire time they were there, lol.

20. 20
    shana
    Posted June 29, 2011 at 2:21 am

    @ sarcasatire, be careful about the fizz theory, I lived in the Middle East for a year and they have a machine (abt. the size of a blender/coffee maker) that bubbles up the drink for you–Bed Bath & Beyond is now selling something similar calling it ‘make your own soda’ or something.

    About Luann:
    I HATE HER AND HAVE SINCE SEASON 2!

    I hate her sexual innuendos–I find them to be slutty and distasteful, even though she is just attempting to sound risque and cool.

    I hate how she refers to the women as ‘girls’, in her manly voice she sounds chauvinistic.

    I hate how she makes these nasty little digs and then follows it with a manly gaffaw (sp?) so that it appears like the comment is just a joke, and not the mean spirited uncalled for rudeness that it is.

    I can’t stand her English; she constantly messes up the usage of “I” vs. “Me” , such as: “this is between you and I”. Wake up Luann, there are times when it is appropriate to use the word “ME” in a sentence. However, it is NEVER appropriate to use this phrase: “Alls I know is…” Ugg! Will somebody (preferably Alex, since it would hurt the most coming from her) please tell this woman who considers herself expert on everything, that half the time she speaks like an 11 year old kid and the other half of the time like a pretentious fool.

    Luann’s view of child rearing has always alarmed me. Never has it been more so than this year. Her giving advice to Cindy on child rearing is ridiculous. Her kids are sweet, but that is only because Rosy was raising them in their early years. If there is any justice, her kids–especially her son–will be too busy with their lives to hang out with her when she is old and has no one. The way you treat your kids when they are young is indicative of the way they will treat you when you are old.

    she is a total hypocryte–I don’t think I have to even explain this one.

    She is rude, obnoxious, cutting, disloyal, annoying, and most of all, she is trailer trash–no matter what she may believe about herself. Money, an aristocratic title, fancy clothes, a fake accent, and a demanding personality do not make a person classy. And how much do you want to bet that at Starbucks, when they ask for her name, the cup comes back to her with the name “Countess” on it?

21. 21
    sarcasatire
    Posted June 30, 2011 at 2:03 am

    Welp, if a restaurant is going to go so far out of their way to serve me fizzy tap water at a marked up price, I say, bring on the Hep A!

    I can’t pretend to be all that paranoid, because while I do drink bottled water, I almost always have my cocktails with several ice cubes floating inside. Does the alcohol kill the bacteria? *shrugs* Can one tell the difference between food poisoning and liquor shits? I doubt it. But I know which makes for a better campfire story!

    “This one time.. at the Riad..”