Hi, kids! It’s that time again and I must admit my utter surprise to the overwhelming response that these recaps have been getting. So a hearty thanks is due to each and every one of you. If you were in the room with me now, I would squeeze the living daylights out of you, after kissing you on both cheeks, of course, My Loves!
This episode was another doozy, all those so-called parties where all they do is gossip don’t look like any fun to me. They shouldn’t even be allowed to call them ‘parties.’ I’ve had more fun in Econ class in college (and got drunker too), so I’m going to start calling these tedious little shindigs ‘Tarties.’ They deserve that name for Sonja’s presence alone.
The Jill hate just grows and grows. It’s like that green grass from Creepshow that eventually swallowed up Steven King, only in her case I imagine that what swallows her up are these giant throbbing piles of Ginger’s poo. I can just see it now, she’ll be in that funhouse living room of hers trying to keep her head and Diamond Saks card above the fray yelling, “Baaaaaaawwbby! Mommy’s not happy! The book, the book, the book!!!
And no, I am not going to photoshop her head coming out of a steaming pile. My skills are too horrible for it to be worth the trouble. I photoshop like Jill writes. It’s not believable and there’s a very real possibility that you could be scarred for life if you look at it.
By the way, has she been sticking with her media blackout? Or did Susan Saunders show up somewhere again? I hope she really does go away. Oh, she’ll show up one day in one of those ‘where are they now’ columns, wearing one of her MuuMuu’s while playing bridge in Schenectedy, where she and Bawby had to move after the fabric business got torched by rabid readers that actually took her advice on blow jobs only to wake up with no Saks card of their own. Sad.
Oh, and by the way. Thanks to all of you for your concern over the lateness of my recap, especially sweet Shanti. You see, Susan Saunders found me and threatened to take away my dogs. I was cool with it since the five of them have been driving me bananas so I’ve been sitting on my doorstep, leashes in hand, waiting for her to show up and take them like she promised. Sadly, she never came. Color me shocked and amazed.
It is also amazing to me that there are so many of us that have been victims of Jills in our lives. We’ve kinda started our own support group here in the comments, and this week it doesn’t get any better with the Cocaine & Co-chure party at Sonja’s.
And everybody drink! LuLu’s trotted out another one shouldered dress!
Slam the shot with me, Gasmii. DRESS!
Poor Sonja. She’s at her vanity table trying to get ready while LuLu fishes her for compliments. Shut yer pie hole, Smoky the Mare, and let the poor woman apply her liner in peace! Do you know how hard it is to get lipliner right without talking?
Try applying it when someone’s coke mouth won’t stop moving.
I LOVE Sonja’s monogrammed towels, don’t you? What do they stand for- Sonja ‘Tits n Ass’ Morgan? Or did she pick them up at Fleet Week last summer when she and LuLu went on their maritime sevicemen cougar hunt?
Soliciting Tall Able Marines
Sonja finally gets rid of her by asking her to greet the guests, and as soon as she hears that the bartender has arrived she flies down those stairs like a bat out of hell. She didn’t even wait for the elevator! Ehn, what’s the point when there’s nobody around to boink in there yet. She’ll just have to wait for the wait staff to arrive.
Alex buzzes the door, looking gorge as per usual. So glad to see her showing up these hags, but then she does the unthinkable and opens her garment bag to reveal…. the tiger/sunburst dress that they bought in St. Barts! She’s donating it to C & C! What is wrong with you, woman?!
“Oh, Sweetie, this will look so lovely on me at the biker rally in Mobile this summer.”
That is so depressing. That dress is better at enhancing the female body than any Legere bandage dress I’ve ever seen and this scene gave me a flashback. Have you ever admired something beautiful of your friend’s only to have them tell you that they gave it to the hospital consignment shop? I have. My heart skipped a beat when my GF told me the new whereabouts of her silk Tahari coat, and yes. I went to the shop looking for it, only to discover that one of the wealthy volunteers snapped it up. Wahhhh!
So maybe I have my own issues but you just know that LuLu’s going to shove it in her purse and then claim that she bought it at that homeless boutique. Who would be the wiser? Eurotrash don’t watch this show. They like people with money.
But before she can pilfer donations, she has to stick her nose in things again. She gives Alex crap for delivering Bethenny’s message at Ramona’s launch, conveniently forgetting that she is delivering a message for Jill right this very second. She talks over Alex, saying that it was horrifying and that Jill was destroyed by the harshness of those words.
Ugh, girl. Who died and made you Crazy Eyes?
Please, she wasn’t destroyed by Alex! She wasn’t anything other than miffed, she queefed out a couple of constipated tears, and then later secretly delighted that now she could look like a martyr again. Last time it was Bethenny, and this time it’s Alex for being so mean and cold and saying exactly what Jill already said to Bethenny, and right in front of people just like Jill did, can you imagine the unmitigated gall? Poor Jill, whatever will she do after these two have treated her so badly?
Did you notice how LuLu ended their conversation with an abrupt, “I have to go greet the other guests,” dismissively leaving Alex standing there alone? Isn’t that another broken etiquette rule, the one she dumped on Ramona about always making your guests feel comfortable and welcome? Maybe she thinks it’s okay since she’s at someone else’s house.
Good news, Alex, there’s nothing in that etiquette book about accidentally spilling your drink on people, either.
Naw, she’s too classy for that. I’m not. If you ever need a REAL wingman, Alex, let me know!
Alex says that she isn’t going to let LuLu stick her up-turned dusty nose into her business, then it’s more condescending crap from Her HIGHness about how Alex should have apologized, or called her or who knows? Maybe she should have sent her some flowers. Maybe she should have delivered the message on some fine stationery, unlike LuLu’s no-thought e-vite. Would that make it okay?
Of course not! Nothing will, and I, for one, have no problem with that. Saying sowwy to Shill is like saying that I should apologise to the dog for yelling at her after she trampled my prize lily. Huh? She’s lucky that I didn’t do worse and Jill’s lucky that nobody’s chained her to the fence on I-80 too. I’d suggest that we send her to live with Michael Vick but I hear he’s changed his ways. Good news for pit bulls, bad news for Ginger. That poor little chihuahua is gonna have to put up with Shill a little longer.
The next thing is even grosser. Forget how hearing LuLu ask Alex “Who made you God,” was beyond insulting and un-self aware coming from a tramp who thinks that she’s the patron saint of fork placement. Forget that she ignored what Alex said about delivering on a promise to Bethenny. No, the worst was when she tried to use Alex’s own nice demeanor against her, like you’re not a mean person, leave that to the big boys like me and Jill.
And the ugliness too.
I’m trying to remember, but I cannot recall LuLu ever making the slightest effort to see things from someone else’s point of view. Can you? She only drops the issue if she can’t dominate someone, whether it be Jill or Mario. It’s like this chain from Jill on down of treating people that they think are below them like shit. It’s pretty much the opposite of what most of us were taught that manners should be, don’t you think?
Alex does tell her that she thinks that Bethenny was in the right and that Jill was wrong in what she did, to which LuLu asks, “What do we know about it?” Precisely, whore! What the fuck do YOU know about it? Stop meddling, you boring trollop, and go back to blowing nightclub washroom attendants for cab fare, mkay? Jill can fight her own battles and I’m pretty sure that if you asked her, she’d say that Bethenny is a big girl and she can handle the criticism, so why can’t she? Oh that’s right. Jill’s a bully.
And don’t get me started on LuLu telling Alex not to take sides, and then claiming to be supportive of both Jill and Bethenny herself. Did you gag too, Gasmii? I about choked. Is she high? It’s a reasonable question, because where else is all her money going?
She ain’t spending it on new boots.
I have to say that I was proud of Alex for sticking to her guns, and she even admitted that she had some issues of her own with Jill. I think that LuLu expected her to fall in line like the good little commoner that she considers her to be, and then took her leave quickly when she realized that she wasn’t backing down. Yay, Alex! You are doing us non-narcissists a big favor by being so strong.
Sonja makes her big entrance and her purple bandage dress does not disappoint. She must be commemorating the train ride she took part in the night before with the busboys from San Pietro. Just look at the gorgeous burgundy line down her back
leading you right to the caboose.
Jill, and Leather arrive, and at this point I’m pretty you can see their respective stupidity and evil from space, and how can we be sure that Leather really was a model? I am starting to have my doubts. Girlfriend doesn’t seem to understand what the purpose of a garment rack is, and she approaches it like a newly discovered contraption.
“Oh my Gawd, you guys! Look at the unbelievably amazing midget Pilates machine!”
Her stupid must be rubbing off on Jill because she hands her clothes over to LuLu as well. Is it so hard to hang your clothes up on a rack? I’m also starting to doubt that Kelly has much experience with clothing charities. Remember when she went through her closet last season and said she was donating all those sweaters and crap to charity? Was she required to write her name in each item like she was sending them off to boarding school with a six year old? No? Then why does she think that she needs to put her name on her stuff?
It’s for a consignment shop, genius. Not freaking space camp.
Lulu handles the entire situation with kindness and poise, turning to Jill and laughing, “She’s a young girl…” Yes, how very sweet of her not to condescend in any way.
In the room for adults, Sonja is making sure that Alex is comfortable and not under any duress because Jill is coming as well. I like her attitude on the drama. She seems to take it for what it is, inevitable and a source of amusement.
Back with the kiddies, Kelly is on the floor making out with Sonja’s dog and talking to it like you would a baby. So, yeah. She’s speaking to it in exactly the same way she does children with arthritis and teens at their first fashion show.
Her falsetto serves a purpose, though, a really valuable one. We can’t hear what LuLu and Jill are saying about Alex, except for one little tidbit from Jill about Alex, “making stuff up.”
Right, because no one would EVER believe that you’re a bitch, right Jill?
Both LuLu and Kelly act like Jill needs reassurances so that she won’t crumble in the face of big, bad Alex. Jill even threatens that she might start fake crying again. God, no! Please not that! Please, Jill. I’ll do anything. I’ll even fetch your Alex demerit list for you, I swear.
It was also simply charming how LuLu told them that she gave Alex a stern talking to, and even told her to “fix it.”
As if. Do these women automatically change occurrences as they’re happening to fit what they want them to be? I need to get my hands on some of that Grade A delusion. I have a particularly awkward party to attend soon, and I want to come prepared.
Jill and Alex exchange strained hello’s, and then after an inane conversation about where the fat goes if you gain weight after lipo, Bawby sticks his nose in it by taking Alex aside as well. Wah, wah, what? This is so wrong. First up, he loses points immediately by bringing up how he stood aside during Jill’s fight with Mario. He says he did it because it was their fight, not his, this is between Jill and Bethenny, so Alex should butt out too. Well, what’s your excuse now, buddy? Why are YOU butting in? It couldn’t be because Mario is a big guy and Alex is a tiny woman, now could it? Bad logic.
Second, your wife is the world record holder for butting into people’s business. At this point, even Laplanders know that. Third, you said that it was out of character for her, as did LuLu. Then shouldn’t you be wondering why such a nice person would do such a thing instead of swallowing all of Jill’s lies? Nice little Alex didn’t turn mean overnight, so there must be a damn good reason, no?
I will give him a tiny free pass (not really) because he’s probably gotten an earful from Jill over the past few days. He’s probably sick to death of it. Also, he’s been trying to get Jill to be reasonable about Bethenny and he now sees Alex as undoing some of his good work. Alex politely listens, tells him that she’ll speak to Jill, does not promise to deliver the apology that Bawby tries to wrangle out of her, and I have a solution to all your problems, Bawby, even if Alex doesn’t.
Jill decides to cry on Leather’s shoulder about the whole situation with Bethenny and most of what she says rings true, shockingly. I absolutely believe that she wants to be a part of Lady B’s life now that she’s having a baby and some of Jill’s jealousy over her new show is calming down. After all, she wants to be on it. I can even believe that she wasn’t ready to make up with her during the ‘ambush,’ since she never allows anything to happen without her prior knowledge and seal of approval.
I even sense that the tears are real when she says that she hates Alex. Not because I believe that Alex is the true cause of her sorrow, I’m not Leather, my IQ is higher than my age, but because things aren’t working out the way she planned. It’s funny how some people act when they don’t get their way. Most adapt and move on, maybe even learn something. Jill loses it, blames others and then takes her anger out on whoever happens to be nearest. But not while Bawby is around, not yet.
“I hate Alex, sniffle, Almost as much as I hate being honest.”
Leather ate up every word too. I get the feeling that she’s desperate to be popular, even more so than Silex were purported to be social climbers. She reminds me of some of the wishy-washy girls that I knew in my teens. The ones that never went past acquaintanceship with anyone because they had no mind of their own and followed the prevailing winds whenever the going got rough. They were always in the background or hanging on the outskirts of the popular cliques, hoping that some of their cool would rub off on them. It would be sad if she wasn’t always pretending that she’d be some kind of intellectual if she hadn’t been born gorgeous, and guess what? If you have to keep saying that you’re smart, you probably aren’t.
It’s true. it’s in literature, right next to all those dying messengers.
In the other room, Ramona tells Alex that timing of her message delivery stunk, and then Mario admits that he misses Simon. Where is Simon? He must have had a pretty important Bottoms Club meeting to be missing out on this fashionable event.
And didn’t you love it when Ramona walked into the party off the street, immediately had Mario hang up her garment bag and then told him that there was no way she was going to walk into the party carrying it? The editing is having a field day making her seem sane and Jill/Kelly look like asses.
At the end of the evening Alex tries to speak to Jill and she gets immediately shut down by the tight smile and the “there’s really nothing to say,” from Jill. Nice job, mean girl. You didn’t know what she had to say, and Alex even put a reassuring hand on yours in case you might have really been hurting (HA! as if anyone believes that). Now you’ll no doubt tell people that she never apologized or explained herself and make it sound like it’s all her fault.
I got the impression that Jill is setting Alex up to be one of the scapegoats for the end of her friendship with Bethenny. She’s gathering ammo and she’s stockpiling her arsenal for a war that will never come, since she’s lost all credibility in the viewers’ and Bethenny’s eyes. Don’t you feel bad for her, Gasmii? She’s outnumbered and her enormous ego is making sure that she’ll never see it coming. Awwww…..
You can see Alex getting more and more pissed off for being shut down by her. Some might say that she shouldn’t let it get to her, that this is what happens when you are forced to socialize with people that are beneath you on so many levels, but Alex deserves her anger. The rightful order of things needs to be re-established by any means necessary.
There was a nice little moment of fore-telling when Jill kept saying that it was time to leave and no one paid any attention to her. She almost grabbed Kelly by the hair and dragged her out of there, all the while saying that Alex was ‘done,’ as if she were still the queen bee and unafraid of the new girl, Sonja, and her obvious wealth and privilege, not to mention influence on LuLu.
Did you feel it a little? Seeing Jill leave with Kelly was strange. They were going off to some other event together and it felt like a bit of a downgrade for Jill to have to use a party with Leather as her escape route. She barely acknowledges the dolt and now she’s showing up to parties with her? Maybe she IS being replaced, and now she’s a wee bit scared.
Wow, this episode is such a downer, and it’s about to get worse. If there is a positive spin that I can put on the next scene with Bethenny and her own sorrow over having to deal with bringing a new life into the world as her father is about to exit this one, it’s that the girl does not give up on people. She is kind at heart, even for all her acerbic wit and inappropriate comments. It makes the fact that she’s given up on Jill even more astonishing, if you think about it.
Lady B’s dad finally called from his deathbed and told her that he wants to see her. She’s understandably upset and leaning on Jason for comfort. She also turns to Ramona since old Crazy Eyes recently went through her own issues surrounding HER dad’s death and it’s a good thing she called her. When you have Daddy issues, it’s best to speak to an expert.
She didn’t get those crazy eyes from nowhere, people.
Ramona handles the situation very well and tries to get her to be positive since no matter what happens, she’s going to get some of that closure that she’s been wanting. That’s all she can hope for, seeing as he refused to have anything to do with her while he was alive and well. Both of them cry and Ramona makes a really good point about how seeing him will help her move into the next phase of her life with a family of her own. She can move on, even though she’s sad because the reconciliation didn’t happen sooner.
I’m sorry, but I can’t help thinking about a certain someone else and her own issues with letting her pride get in the way of her relationships. Is Jill going to end up in the same situation as B’s dad, harboring regrets and losing out in life because she can’t suck it up and admit that she was wrong? She’s like an addict who has to hit rock bottom, only Jill has to have the whole world hate her before she’ll do anything about it, instead of being at death’s door with a needle in her arm, or freezing to death on the streets of New York, which Bawby almost makes her do by not walking fast enough into the club.
What happened to your coat, Jill? Did you lose it in the stock market, or did you give it to some African orphans?
We’re following the women to another Tarty, this time at the Eldridge to celebrate Gotham magazine and their apparently lax hiring practices, I mean Leather’s ‘Man on the Street’ fashion article. Who throws parties for articles? Theme issues, like ‘Young Hollywood,’ or ‘Fabulous at 40,’ sure, but an entire shin-dig devoted to guys that Kelly tried to pick up in Soho? Man, she is desperate.
“Look, Jill! Fabulous trendsetting homeless guys that don’t wear any underwear!”
At least they wear pants, Valedictorian. It’s October and you are wearing yet another skirt that stops just short of your urethra, with nothing on your legs. I don’t really mind, though. Who cares? If she catches her death and succumbs to pneumonia, it’s okay. It’s called survival of the fittest. I read about it in one of those big books they made me read in junior high, right after the one about dead messengers and phonies that say that they’re smart all the time.
Jill stands there criticizing Leather for her fashion choices and Jennifer interrupts her to tell Leather to “Go on with your big, bad self,” basically to keep dressing like a swinging 60s cage dancer. Kelly’s got a hot body if you ignore the titties as much as they seem to ignore each other. She can pull it off, unlike middle aged jealous ho-bags who won’t be happy until everyone is sporting muumuus and orthopedic loafers, thereby finally giving THEM a chance to be hot.
Simon and Alex walk up to the entrance, and neither of them is wearing red leather pants or a muumuu. Oh, well. Poor Jill won’t be able to criticize their appearance. She’ll have to stick to sucking down her diet coke and ‘connecting’ Kelly’s homeless friends.
Alex stops Simon before they enter and asks him to be her wingman since she is through trying to patch things up with de-crowned Queen Jill. He kind of nods at her but I think that his mind is already on the Tarty and the delicious bottles of booze that await inside.
“Shut up, woman! I could’ve been on my second martini and my third faux pas by now.”
Back inside, LuLu is introducing everybody to that Eurotrash guy from the 100 most fugly bachelors in New York party. His name is Corte and he hasn’t gotten any handsomer. He seems to like dark rooms, though, and that is probably wise. No need to confuse or scare Leather. She might mistake him for one of her fabulous commando street people and try to take his picture with her house keys or her shoe or something.
LuLu is acting weird, licking her lips and smiling strangely at Leather. Did EuroDouche brag about sleeping with Kelly too? Is she setting her up to get roofie-d by that nasty Corte person? Is that why deLippitySnort is shoving him up everyone’s cornhole tonight?
There’s a story here, Gasmii. I can absolutely fucking guar-awn-tee it.
LuLu is giving me the creeps in a big way these days. I get a twisted amoral vibe from her, like she lives in the gutter and likes to pull everyone down into it with her. She seems to delight in her newfound singlehood, and loves acting all coy about having a man around because he’s “good company,” which is code in Manhattan for carrying an ounce, at least among drag queens.
Alex turns her back for two seconds and Simon makes a bee line for the other women, sitting smack dab in between Jill and Leather’s legs.
“Look, babe, pussy everywhere and I’m not throwing up!”
I know he’s not gay. I just can’t help it. This show is seriously lacking in gayness. Brad is gone, Derek is too sweet, so I nominate Simon.
Didn’t you find it particularly gross of Jill to be all touchy feely with Simon as Alex looked on? That also gave me the creeps. The gesture seemed to say, “look, bitch, even Simon is on my side.” At the very least it was ‘fuck you’ in body language.
As for Simon, he’s a fool for the publicity. He probably did it so he’d get his picture taken, and then scoured the papers the next day to see if it got printed anywhere.
If that wasn’t enough EWWWWW for one night, that weird Corte person is over at the bar talking to LuLu about his new book which he describes as “out there,” and it’s called Scandalocity. What is scandalocity, you ask? Hmm, let me interpret.
It’s the speed at which ugly meets no talent equaling complete douchebag failure.
Which makes him perfect for LuLu! They could write her next album together. I cannot wait! She tells him about her disco ditty and says that she’s no Madonna but she could be the female Barry White. Blasphemy! He was a musical genius responsible for many an evening of romantic lovemaking and the countless screaming babies born nine months later!
With you- it’s just screaming.
The manly comparison was apt, certainly, except all the drag queens that I know have better taste in men. EuroBlow is all up in her bidness and asks her out. She accepts, swiping her nose with the back of her hand as she does so. Any body language experts out there? Whatever could that mean?
Maybe she’s just catching a cold from exposing her shoulders year round and wearing the same pair of boots every day without giving them a chance to dry out. Mensroom floors can be mighty damp and germy, you know.
Before the night can get any more ridiculous, Kelly gets up on a table to thank all her fellow Pulitzer winners and informs the crowd that she has been chosen to leave the country and take part in a landmark think-tank where the greatest minds of our time will discuss global warming, the economy and the sheer brilliance of discovering new ways to tie a sarong over a bikini.
“So, Like I’m up here, and like, you all are down there…”
Okay, she actually stumbled her way through a speech about finding fashion inspiration from the people on the streets of New York, at least I think that’s what she was saying. She gave her speech the good old college try but I have never seen such a lame attempt in all my days, and I once saw a ten year old deliver the toast at a friend’s wedding. Isn’t she always saying that she went to Columbia? Oh, I get it. The COUNTRY. She went there on a fact finding mission with LuLu and Corte.
Jill starts a little phony kissy bullshit with Alex and instead of playing along, she leaves. As she walks away, one of the women says goodbye by yelling at her back that she’s having a good hair day. I think it was Sonja, so she’s back on my shit list again.
On my good list? Jennifer, for calling out LuLu’s date for his creepiness. No, it wasn’t cool of her to call him ‘gay’ as if it were an insult, but maybe she didn’t say ‘creepy’ since it’s Leather’s word. She also said that she has never seen so many women with so many issues, and that’s saying something since it comes from a woman who deals with plenty of the spoiled elite. I would not be surprised if her resignation was already on Miss Andy’s desk. No Season 3 for her, not unless she enjoys losing clients.
Alex was right. The evening was a complete waste of time. Perhaps tomorrow will be better? Why, it is! It is better! Why do I say that?
Because old Crazy Eyes found herself a crazy eyed wedding gown designer!
She tries on a Mae West inspired number with feathers on the skirt and then asks for Avery’s opinion of it. She thinks it’s over the top and says so. You can’t blame the kid. She’s grown up steeling herself for whatever embarrassment her mother might throw her way at any given moment. I’m surprised that she can be objective at all when you consider her life with alien mommy so far.
“I’m not saying it’s terrible or anything but if you wear that, I’m moving in with Jill.”
They have a quick discussion about what Avery will be wearing and she proves herself to be highly opinionated as far as that goes too. She hates all the blue swatches they make her look through, and the cheesy blue crystals that they want to glue on the dress. The designer only brought one color? That’s kind of silly, isn’t it?
Avery isn’t too happy about this vow renewal ceremony and you have to wonder if she really is that picky about stuff, “just like her mother,” as Ramona says, or if she’s doing whatever she can to throw a wrench into the situation. Doesn’t matter. Either way, we will be having a big, beautiful event to attend and I, for one, am raising my glass in anticipation of Jill’s catty play-by-play.
That will have to wait because first we head off to a spa/yoga center with LuLu, Leather, Sonja and Jill- all of whom have been divorced and all of whom have shared the heartache of having your family ripped apart. LuLu says that this is her refuge from the depression of losing her douchebag anti-semite husband, not to mention that the attendants don’t bat an eye at you when you spike your tea. Then everyone shares their stories of man trouble and the white woman blues.
All except Jill.
Huh? Why was she so quiet? LuLu is telling a story about how she came to yoga and how she met a woman who told her that she was meant to be with the count to have kids, not necessarily as a soul mate, and she sinks back into her cubbyhole. It’s as if she has no interest unless she’s involved or it benefits her somehow.
Sonja talks about how the anti-depressants she took when she separated made her stupid, and I can attest to that. I took lexapro for a month and it turned me into a zombie with zero sex drive. I have never met a single person that did well on that shit and I actually started wondering if the ex’s attorney paid doctors to prescribe it so that I’d be all nice and dumb when it was time to get serious.
Leather starts talking about her problems, about how she was terrified that she was going to die, leaving her kids orphaned, and how she couldn’t leave the house. I had a friend that went through that. She got on Paxil. It worked wonders for her. She got herself a tattoo and a 24 year old boyfriend and is happy as a lark. I wonder if the old luggage skinned smomper has tried any? It couldn’t hurt. She went old the first time around. Someone not in the AARP might be nice for a change.
They talk some more about not just losing a husband, but losing a best friend and Jill tries to interject questions here and there but the girls ignore her. This is so weird. I love to commiserate with my friends and share stories. Jill seems like she has no idea how to relate. She shares nothing, she shows no empathy, and she’s the first one to get up when the attendants come in to take them to their respective rooms for their massages.
And why are they wearing UPS uniforms? Are they there to deliver Jill that big old box of STFU I sent her?
You know who could REALLY use a massage? I mean, really really use one, unlike the pampered hos in the prior scene. Freaking Jason. He is looking haggard as hell back in L.A. with Bethenny.
She looks awful too, and I’ll bet it’s because they’ve been staying up nights taking care of that s.o.b. father of hers. She says that she got her closure and she feels no guilt now about shutting the door on that chapter of her life. Her Dad finally acknowledged and appreciated her efforts to get to know him, even as he wished for his life to end.
She says that it must be torture to lay in a bed all day waiting for the inevitable, and I’ve seen both sides of that coin. I had a grandfather that fought death tooth and nail, and acted like he wasn’t even in the hospital as his children bickered over his estate in the lounge down the hall. Then again, I had a grandmother so confused and unhappy that the nurses finally gave up and didn’t reinsert the tubes after she pulled them out for the umpteenth time.
I feel for Bethenny and I know some of her pain. Maybe that was part of the reason that this recap was so hard for me to finish. I started and stopped so many times, you have no idea. I finally had to lock myself down in order to get it done. Family is a tough issue for me, and I am beyond happy that she got some solace in the end. That is why what Jill does at the last party of this episode is so unforgivable to me.
But first, our vignette for the week! Once again, it does nothing to help Ms. Zarin to clean up her tarnished image. She’s lunching with Leather and giving her shit for saying ‘like’ every few words. She sits there holding up her fingers and counting the ‘likes’ like a really bitchy teacher might do with a student she picks on regularly. Then Jill says ‘like’ herself and then blames it on being around Kelly too much. I know for a fact that I’ve heard her do it all on her own with Leather nowhere in sight, so let’s move on to lunch at the Four Seasons.
It’s one of Ramona’s favorite restaurants and it’s been around forever. My parents would eat there on my Father’s business trips in the 70s and it looks like it’s still stuck in that decade, soaring ceilings, long minimal wall screens, tree trunks in planters and a flirty Maitre D.
And Jill! Oh wait, she’s stuck in High School. Wasn’t that in the 60s?
If I’m wrong, I’m honestly sorry. How am I supposed to know? I’ve only got the muumuus and her flippy Jean Shrimpton hairstyle to go on here, Gasmii. If it’s the 50s, please accept my sincerest apology.
Jill takes over the conversation from the get-go, digging in Sonja’s business by asking where she’s from, her modeling history and even casting aspersions on her height. She’s super nosy and I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a little digital recorder in her purse so she could listen to it all later and then double check the accuracy.
Sonja keeps it vague (smart woman) and then Ramona finally gets a word in edgewise and tells them why she asked them to lunch. She breaks the news that she’s renewing her vows and she wants them to go on a little bachelorette trip with her.
This is Jill’s face at the exact instant that Ramona said “renewing our vows.”
You’d think she just said she blew a cow or something.
Ramona brings up the fact that it’s been 17 years since she first snagged her snaggle toothed serial killer, and Jill interviews that it’s odd since 17 isn’t a milestone year. But then again, every year is a milestone when it comes to being married to Ramona.
Thanks, Jill. I am continually amazed by the depths to which you will sink when speaking about your ‘friends.’ If I ever get weak and defend you to someone, saying that you’ll change, you’re not so bad, I’ll take cues from you and re-read my recaps just like you replayed Bethenny’s hobby message all Summer long to keep you from breaking down and calling her. Thanks. Really, I mean that.
The trip Ramona has arranged is a “sophisticated destination” to the Virgin Islands. Sign me up! But no, instead of offering congratulations, Jill wants to know who else is coming. What the? Does she expect approval over the ceremony guest list too? Woman, you are full of yourself. Maybe you need a cleanse just like Kelly was telling you, like, about during the, like vignette. Pull some of those old nuggets out that have probably been petrifying in your colon since you put Ally on her first diet in the second grade.
Ramona doesn’t tell her who else is coming but she does say that she won’t take no for an answer. Jill says in interviews that she never promised that she’d go, so we’ll see if she actually shows up or not. Don’t care. I hope she hops on the wrong plane all dramatic-like and ends up in a Turkish prison where they jail her after mistaking the rocks up her ass for smuggled balloons of heroin. Stranger things have happened. Ginger just might be desperate enough to tip them off.
What I DO care about is Sonja and Ramona’s history together. Why does Sonja say she’s flattered that Ramona asked her to participate and that she’s glad to see that she trusts her after all they’ve been through. C’mon now. You were all, “DO TELL,” just like me, weren’t you?
Jill is too but she can go diddle herself in a Dutch oven with Ginger for all I care. Maybe she can film it and make some new friends over at Xtube. I hear they’re not at all particular.
Hey, Gasmii -
Another one shouldered couture, I’m sure, violet dress! This time Jennifer is wearing it over jeans for the little cocktail party she’s throwing for her new housewife friends. And how nice, Jill brought a gift! I couldn’t tell what it was so I’m going to go ahead and say that she gave her some ABC refrigerator magnets and a Pat the Bunny book since that represents Jill’s present level of maturity.
Old brown bunny herself, Leather, remarks that she loves Jennifer’s amazing aesthetic, and then fails to inform us what exactly is so amazing about her aesthetic. Is it the art on the walls, her fashion sense, her like, crazy fantastic taste in cocktail napkins? Your guess is as good as mine. Jill should just pat her on the head, hand her a kaleidoscope and point her in the direction of the nearest light source. She’ll be entranced for hours, and then Jill can pick her up, along with her dignity, on her way out.
LuLu arrives looking like she’s fresh from a Viva magazine shoot circa 1972 and then Ramona walks up and informs them all that she just heard that Bethenny’s dad died. Jill’s first instinct is to pounce on her for not telling her first but really she’s just upset because Ramona got to break the news, and not her.
I’m not sure of the timeline here, but how could Jill pretend to not know about his death? When Alex arrives later, she confronts Jill for gossiping about it in a text that she sent after she said she heard about it ‘on the wire?’ HUH? That would mean that Jill knew when she got to the party. She already knew!
She’s getting nastier and nastier, yelling at Ramona for not answering her texts and telling her about the death but she’s just pissed for being left out of the loop. Hahaha, nobody told you, you had to read it on the internet just like us little people! Oh, and I nabbed another nasty Jill face just for you, Gasmii. Keep it close when you need to keep out intruders or make your dog throw up after he drank something from under the sink again.
I hear it kills PMS and rabies too.
Or is it gives PMS and rabies? I can’t remember.
Ramona reminds Jill that she could have very easily called Bethenny herself to check up on things and Jill screams that she did speak to her, but fuck! That was ages ago and she hung up on her and made her cry, as Ramona points out. Why the fuck WOULD Bethenny call you about ANYTHING, unless it was to prank you with “we’re done!” yelled into the phone 50 times in a row. Hell, I’ll buy her one of those cheap temporary cells and give her my favorite sapphire if she’ll do it. Even once, dammit.
Is Jill so completely out of touch that she believes, as she said, that they can still be friends? She’s back at it again with the song and dance about how she and Bawby put a roof over Bethenny’s head back when she was a poor orphan with only a partially decorated condo and a couple of margarita recipes to keep her warm at night.
And that whole, “If you were my friend, you would have told me,” shit that she pulls with Ramona is all about one thing- making her another scapegoat and garnering all the sympathy in the room so it looks like Ramona is the one keeping her and Bethenny apart.
“That’s it, Jill. I’m not saving you a seat on the spaceship anymore!”
It all falls a little flat when you realize that Jill already knew about the death, and still, she didn’t call Bethenny. We’re supposed to feel sorry for her and believe her when she says that she would have called if only Ramona had texted her. We may be a nation of short attention spans, but not that short. I watched this episode at least five times. I listened to every word she said and most of it was lies. Unless…….nope, still all lies.
And attacking Ramona is silly. She said she got the email right before she left home for the party, not ten hours ago. So stupid, this Zarin woman. She’s not getting any richer by under-estimating our intelligence, is she? I caught her looking at the camera and out of the corner of her eye like she thought she was being all wily and clever, countless times. She’s turning into a coyote, complete with mangy fur and no one in her desert to root for her.
Poor Jen. She just wanted to get to know the women better and she’s getting a whole lot more than she bargained for. She tries to diffuse the situation by saying that Jill’s just upset because she couldn’t be there for her friend during such a trying time, and that would make perfect sense if it wasn’t Jill we were talking about, but it is.
Save your breath, honey. Knowing Jill, you’re next.
Those small words of sympathy trigger Jill’s urge to laugh and she runs off to the nearest door to hide her case of the church giggles. Lucky her, it’s the pantry and not the broom closet so she can sit on a nice clean floor while she fake boo hoos to Leather about the travesty that she’s being forced to endure.
What a load of crap. How am I supposed to take any of this seriously when she stops mid blubber and says, “Nice pantry,” in a perfectly calm voice without missing a beat.
LuLu needs to shut her mouth about Ramona’s efforts to get Bethenny and Jill back together again. She has a lot of nerve to tell her that it wasn’t her place to interfere and Ramona tells her right to her face that it was HER interfering that kept the reconciliation from happening.
Jennifer kicks the two dumbasses out of her pantry and then Ramona hugs Jill and tells her that she thinks there’s still a chance for her to make up with Bethenny. How she can possibly say that or even speak to her after the way she was attacked is highly unusual. Ramona might say that it’s because she knows her, and she’s used to seeing her act that way, but that is bullshit. You should never enable someone when they are behaving badly. You shouldn’t be friends with shitty people, not for any reason. They never change if they aren’t held accountable, and now, after all these years of friends overlooking her crap, Jill finds herself shocked when the rest of us won’t swallow it like they did. Grrrrr.
Alex arrives to more of Jill’s phony compliments (PR 102, anybody?) and she ignores it and cuts right to the chase. It seems that Jill sent her a text about Bethenny’s father dying and Alex didn’t like her gossipy tone. We flashback to Alex trying to get Jill to call Bethenny or show her some support since her father was so sick, and Jill ignoring the whole situation. I can’t keep track of all the hypocrisy or backpedalling at this stage of the game. I need my own spread sheet in order to keep track of all of Jill’s shenanigans. It’s getting EPIC up in here.
“I’m sorry, what is this, Tuesday? Oh, then it’s lie every forth sentence day. Got it. What were you saying…?”
Jill laughs off her concern and says that she was only being nice by giving her a head’s up and sharing what she heard, then she talks over her so that no one can hear her, and looks at everyone except Alex as she asks to be heard.
She is gross. Jill is just completely and utterly gross. Alex’s hives come back out but she tries to remain calm with her attention focused on Jill like a laser, as if she is trying to will her to listen with her mind. It isn’t working. I have to hand it to Alex. Lesser people would have thrown their drink in her face to at least get her to shut up for a minute.
Instead, Alex tells her that it’s her turn to speak, and that’s when Jill really turns up the volume and all the condescending “How dare you speak to me like that,” crap comes out of her mouth. Alex will not relent so Jill resorts to that passive/aggressive smiling, like “look at the big dramatic dummy, everybody! Isn’t it so cute how she’s all angry and stuff?” Her dismissive actions are beyond ugly.
and ugly speaks for itself, wouldn’t you agree?
How many ways can you describe someone’s depravity? Jill isn’t a serial killer or anything, she’s just a social terrorist. How can anyone that is friendly with her watch as she enjoys Alex’s discomfort, tries to get everyone else in on the joy of making fun of her very real distress, and then still stay on her side after she keeps right on talking over her? It’s just not possible, not in any rational universe. Ooopsy, this is Bravo, I almost forgot!
How smart can you be when you dump Jaclyn Smith AND Project Runway? Alex should be kicking Miss Andy’s ass.
It is so painful to watch Alex finally tell her how she has been hurt by the comments about her children and husband, and not even receive the courtesy of having her listen. Jill laughs and laughs and then tells her, ‘\tough shit, that’s how she is. If she doesn’t like it, then they can’t be friends. They just won’t travel in the same social circle anymore.
Well, we all know that’s true. Jill would be lucky to find a fabulous circle of upholsterers in Mongolia to hang out with once this show airs in the rest of the world. She sure isn’t going to be welcome here in the states. I hope that the knowledge that we all think that Jill is a cunt helps Alex to feel better about the humiliation she suffered at her hands. It’s the least we can do, considering all she’s been put through for our entertainment.
Alex clinks her glass against Jills and toasts to the end of the gossip, grabs her purse and then links arms with Jen as she walks her to the door, telling her that she’s sorry for making a scene at her party.
“I’m sorry for messing up your Tarty, Jen. Wanna go fuck with Jill on facebook? Everyone’s doing it, and it’s so much FUN!”
I’m not, since she’s not the one that made the scene. Jill did. If Shill had shut her trap and then apologized, Alex would have probably hugged her and moved on, but as it is, Alex is right, Jill just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t care. It’s less than likely that she ever will.
And you know what, I’m okay with that. I pity Jill. Is there anything more pathetic than a middle aged woman who gets her jollies from other people’s misery? Does she actually DO anything? Does she contribute in any way to anything at all? Oh, wait! She does! She taught us all how to recognize a pathological narcissist, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Here’s to keeping those mother fuckers out of OUR lives too, Gasmii.
Love and Kisses,