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Monday, May 17, 2010
9:58 pm
105 Comments
Hi, kids! It’s that time again and I must admit my utter surprise to the overwhelming response that these recaps have been getting. So a hearty thanks is due to each and every one of you. If you were in the room with me now, I would squeeze the living daylights out of you, after kissing you on both cheeks, of course, My Loves!
This episode was another doozy, all those so-called parties where all they do is gossip don’t look like any fun to me. They shouldn’t even be allowed to call them ‘parties.’ I’ve had more fun in Econ class in college (and got drunker too), so I’m going to start calling these tedious little shindigs ‘Tarties.’ They deserve that name for Sonja’s presence alone.
The Jill hate just grows and grows. It’s like that green grass from Creepshow that eventually swallowed up Steven King, only in her case I imagine that what swallows her up are these giant throbbing piles of Ginger’s poo. I can just see it now, she’ll be in that funhouse living room of hers trying to keep her head and Diamond Saks card above the fray yelling, “Baaaaaaawwbby! Mommy’s not happy! The book, the book, the book!!!
And no, I am not going to photoshop her head coming out of a steaming pile. My skills are too horrible for it to be worth the trouble. I photoshop like Jill writes. It’s not believable and there’s a very real possibility that you could be scarred for life if you look at it.
By the way, has she been sticking with her media blackout? Or did Susan Saunders show up somewhere again? I hope she really does go away. Oh, she’ll show up one day in one of those ‘where are they now’ columns, wearing one of her MuuMuu’s while playing bridge in Schenectedy, where she and Bawby had to move after the fabric business got torched by rabid readers that actually took her advice on blow jobs only to wake up with no Saks card of their own. Sad.
Oh, and by the way. Thanks to all of you for your concern over the lateness of my recap, especially sweet Shanti. You see, Susan Saunders found me and threatened to take away my dogs. I was cool with it since the five of them have been driving me bananas so I’ve been sitting on my doorstep, leashes in hand, waiting for her to show up and take them like she promised. Sadly, she never came. Color me shocked and amazed.
It is also amazing to me that there are so many of us that have been victims of Jills in our lives. We’ve kinda started our own support group here in the comments, and this week it doesn’t get any better with the Cocaine & Co-chure party at Sonja’s.
And everybody drink! LuLu’s trotted out another one shouldered dress!
Slam the shot with me, Gasmii. DRESS!
Poor Sonja. She’s at her vanity table trying to get ready while LuLu fishes her for compliments. Shut yer pie hole, Smoky the Mare, and let the poor woman apply her liner in peace! Do you know how hard it is to get lipliner right without talking?
Try applying it when someone’s coke mouth won’t stop moving.
I LOVE Sonja’s monogrammed towels, don’t you? What do they stand for- Sonja ‘Tits n Ass’ Morgan? Or did she pick them up at Fleet Week last summer when she and LuLu went on their maritime sevicemen cougar hunt?
Soliciting Tall Able Marines
Sonja finally gets rid of her by asking her to greet the guests, and as soon as she hears that the bartender has arrived she flies down those stairs like a bat out of hell. She didn’t even wait for the elevator! Ehn, what’s the point when there’s nobody around to boink in there yet. She’ll just have to wait for the wait staff to arrive.
Alex buzzes the door, looking gorge as per usual. So glad to see her showing up these hags, but then she does the unthinkable and opens her garment bag to reveal…. the tiger/sunburst dress that they bought in St. Barts! She’s donating it to C & C! What is wrong with you, woman?!
“Oh, Sweetie, this will look so lovely on me at the biker rally in Mobile this summer.”
That is so depressing. That dress is better at enhancing the female body than any Legere bandage dress I’ve ever seen and this scene gave me a flashback. Have you ever admired something beautiful of your friend’s only to have them tell you that they gave it to the hospital consignment shop? I have. My heart skipped a beat when my GF told me the new whereabouts of her silk Tahari coat, and yes. I went to the shop looking for it, only to discover that one of the wealthy volunteers snapped it up. Wahhhh!
So maybe I have my own issues but you just know that LuLu’s going to shove it in her purse and then claim that she bought it at that homeless boutique. Who would be the wiser? Eurotrash don’t watch this show. They like people with money.
But before she can pilfer donations, she has to stick her nose in things again. She gives Alex crap for delivering Bethenny’s message at Ramona’s launch, conveniently forgetting that she is delivering a message for Jill right this very second. She talks over Alex, saying that it was horrifying and that Jill was destroyed by the harshness of those words.
Ugh, girl. Who died and made you Crazy Eyes?
Please, she wasn’t destroyed by Alex! She wasn’t anything other than miffed, she queefed out a couple of constipated tears, and then later secretly delighted that now she could look like a martyr again. Last time it was Bethenny, and this time it’s Alex for being so mean and cold and saying exactly what Jill already said to Bethenny, and right in front of people just like Jill did, can you imagine the unmitigated gall? Poor Jill, whatever will she do after these two have treated her so badly?
Quit? Please?
Did you notice how LuLu ended their conversation with an abrupt, “I have to go greet the other guests,” dismissively leaving Alex standing there alone? Isn’t that another broken etiquette rule, the one she dumped on Ramona about always making your guests feel comfortable and welcome? Maybe she thinks it’s okay since she’s at someone else’s house.
Good news, Alex, there’s nothing in that etiquette book about accidentally spilling your drink on people, either.
Naw, she’s too classy for that. I’m not. If you ever need a REAL wingman, Alex, let me know!
Alex says that she isn’t going to let LuLu stick her up-turned dusty nose into her business, then it’s more condescending crap from Her HIGHness about how Alex should have apologized, or called her or who knows? Maybe she should have sent her some flowers. Maybe she should have delivered the message on some fine stationery, unlike LuLu’s no-thought e-vite. Would that make it okay?
Of course not! Nothing will, and I, for one, have no problem with that. Saying sowwy to Shill is like saying that I should apologise to the dog for yelling at her after she trampled my prize lily. Huh? She’s lucky that I didn’t do worse and Jill’s lucky that nobody’s chained her to the fence on I-80 too. I’d suggest that we send her to live with Michael Vick but I hear he’s changed his ways. Good news for pit bulls, bad news for Ginger. That poor little chihuahua is gonna have to put up with Shill a little longer.
The next thing is even grosser. Forget how hearing LuLu ask Alex “Who made you God,” was beyond insulting and un-self aware coming from a tramp who thinks that she’s the patron saint of fork placement. Forget that she ignored what Alex said about delivering on a promise to Bethenny. No, the worst was when she tried to use Alex’s own nice demeanor against her, like you’re not a mean person, leave that to the big boys like me and Jill.
And the ugliness too.
I’m trying to remember, but I cannot recall LuLu ever making the slightest effort to see things from someone else’s point of view. Can you? She only drops the issue if she can’t dominate someone, whether it be Jill or Mario. It’s like this chain from Jill on down of treating people that they think are below them like shit. It’s pretty much the opposite of what most of us were taught that manners should be, don’t you think?
Alex does tell her that she thinks that Bethenny was in the right and that Jill was wrong in what she did, to which LuLu asks, “What do we know about it?” Precisely, whore! What the fuck do YOU know about it? Stop meddling, you boring trollop, and go back to blowing nightclub washroom attendants for cab fare, mkay? Jill can fight her own battles and I’m pretty sure that if you asked her, she’d say that Bethenny is a big girl and she can handle the criticism, so why can’t she? Oh that’s right. Jill’s a bully.
And don’t get me started on LuLu telling Alex not to take sides, and then claiming to be supportive of both Jill and Bethenny herself. Did you gag too, Gasmii? I about choked. Is she high? It’s a reasonable question, because where else is all her money going?
She ain’t spending it on new boots.
I have to say that I was proud of Alex for sticking to her guns, and she even admitted that she had some issues of her own with Jill. I think that LuLu expected her to fall in line like the good little commoner that she considers her to be, and then took her leave quickly when she realized that she wasn’t backing down. Yay, Alex! You are doing us non-narcissists a big favor by being so strong.
Sonja makes her big entrance and her purple bandage dress does not disappoint. She must be commemorating the train ride she took part in the night before with the busboys from San Pietro. Just look at the gorgeous burgundy line down her back
leading you right to the caboose.
Jill, and Leather arrive, and at this point I’m pretty you can see their respective stupidity and evil from space, and how can we be sure that Leather really was a model? I am starting to have my doubts. Girlfriend doesn’t seem to understand what the purpose of a garment rack is, and she approaches it like a newly discovered contraption.
“Oh my Gawd, you guys! Look at the unbelievably amazing midget Pilates machine!”
Her stupid must be rubbing off on Jill because she hands her clothes over to LuLu as well. Is it so hard to hang your clothes up on a rack? I’m also starting to doubt that Kelly has much experience with clothing charities. Remember when she went through her closet last season and said she was donating all those sweaters and crap to charity? Was she required to write her name in each item like she was sending them off to boarding school with a six year old? No? Then why does she think that she needs to put her name on her stuff?
It’s for a consignment shop, genius. Not freaking space camp.
Lulu handles the entire situation with kindness and poise, turning to Jill and laughing, “She’s a young girl…” Yes, how very sweet of her not to condescend in any way.
In the room for adults, Sonja is making sure that Alex is comfortable and not under any duress because Jill is coming as well. I like her attitude on the drama. She seems to take it for what it is, inevitable and a source of amusement.
Back with the kiddies, Kelly is on the floor making out with Sonja’s dog and talking to it like you would a baby. So, yeah. She’s speaking to it in exactly the same way she does children with arthritis and teens at their first fashion show.
Her falsetto serves a purpose, though, a really valuable one. We can’t hear what LuLu and Jill are saying about Alex, except for one little tidbit from Jill about Alex, “making stuff up.”
Right, because no one would EVER believe that you’re a bitch, right Jill?
Both LuLu and Kelly act like Jill needs reassurances so that she won’t crumble in the face of big, bad Alex. Jill even threatens that she might start fake crying again. God, no! Please not that! Please, Jill. I’ll do anything. I’ll even fetch your Alex demerit list for you, I swear.
It was also simply charming how LuLu told them that she gave Alex a stern talking to, and even told her to “fix it.”
As if. Do these women automatically change occurrences as they’re happening to fit what they want them to be? I need to get my hands on some of that Grade A delusion. I have a particularly awkward party to attend soon, and I want to come prepared.
Jill and Alex exchange strained hello’s, and then after an inane conversation about where the fat goes if you gain weight after lipo, Bawby sticks his nose in it by taking Alex aside as well. Wah, wah, what? This is so wrong. First up, he loses points immediately by bringing up how he stood aside during Jill’s fight with Mario. He says he did it because it was their fight, not his, this is between Jill and Bethenny, so Alex should butt out too. Well, what’s your excuse now, buddy? Why are YOU butting in? It couldn’t be because Mario is a big guy and Alex is a tiny woman, now could it? Bad logic.
Second, your wife is the world record holder for butting into people’s business. At this point, even Laplanders know that. Third, you said that it was out of character for her, as did LuLu. Then shouldn’t you be wondering why such a nice person would do such a thing instead of swallowing all of Jill’s lies? Nice little Alex didn’t turn mean overnight, so there must be a damn good reason, no?
I will give him a tiny free pass (not really) because he’s probably gotten an earful from Jill over the past few days. He’s probably sick to death of it. Also, he’s been trying to get Jill to be reasonable about Bethenny and he now sees Alex as undoing some of his good work. Alex politely listens, tells him that she’ll speak to Jill, does not promise to deliver the apology that Bawby tries to wrangle out of her, and I have a solution to all your problems, Bawby, even if Alex doesn’t.
D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Jill decides to cry on Leather’s shoulder about the whole situation with Bethenny and most of what she says rings true, shockingly. I absolutely believe that she wants to be a part of Lady B’s life now that she’s having a baby and some of Jill’s jealousy over her new show is calming down. After all, she wants to be on it. I can even believe that she wasn’t ready to make up with her during the ‘ambush,’ since she never allows anything to happen without her prior knowledge and seal of approval.
I even sense that the tears are real when she says that she hates Alex. Not because I believe that Alex is the true cause of her sorrow, I’m not Leather, my IQ is higher than my age, but because things aren’t working out the way she planned. It’s funny how some people act when they don’t get their way. Most adapt and move on, maybe even learn something. Jill loses it, blames others and then takes her anger out on whoever happens to be nearest. But not while Bawby is around, not yet.
“I hate Alex, sniffle, Almost as much as I hate being honest.”
Leather ate up every word too. I get the feeling that she’s desperate to be popular, even more so than Silex were purported to be social climbers. She reminds me of some of the wishy-washy girls that I knew in my teens. The ones that never went past acquaintanceship with anyone because they had no mind of their own and followed the prevailing winds whenever the going got rough. They were always in the background or hanging on the outskirts of the popular cliques, hoping that some of their cool would rub off on them. It would be sad if she wasn’t always pretending that she’d be some kind of intellectual if she hadn’t been born gorgeous, and guess what? If you have to keep saying that you’re smart, you probably aren’t.
It’s true. it’s in literature, right next to all those dying messengers.
In the other room, Ramona tells Alex that timing of her message delivery stunk, and then Mario admits that he misses Simon. Where is Simon? He must have had a pretty important Bottoms Club meeting to be missing out on this fashionable event.
And didn’t you love it when Ramona walked into the party off the street, immediately had Mario hang up her garment bag and then told him that there was no way she was going to walk into the party carrying it? The editing is having a field day making her seem sane and Jill/Kelly look like asses.
Loving it.
At the end of the evening Alex tries to speak to Jill and she gets immediately shut down by the tight smile and the “there’s really nothing to say,” from Jill. Nice job, mean girl. You didn’t know what she had to say, and Alex even put a reassuring hand on yours in case you might have really been hurting (HA! as if anyone believes that). Now you’ll no doubt tell people that she never apologized or explained herself and make it sound like it’s all her fault.
I got the impression that Jill is setting Alex up to be one of the scapegoats for the end of her friendship with Bethenny. She’s gathering ammo and she’s stockpiling her arsenal for a war that will never come, since she’s lost all credibility in the viewers’ and Bethenny’s eyes. Don’t you feel bad for her, Gasmii? She’s outnumbered and her enormous ego is making sure that she’ll never see it coming. Awwww…..
Fuck that.
You can see Alex getting more and more pissed off for being shut down by her. Some might say that she shouldn’t let it get to her, that this is what happens when you are forced to socialize with people that are beneath you on so many levels, but Alex deserves her anger. The rightful order of things needs to be re-established by any means necessary.
There was a nice little moment of fore-telling when Jill kept saying that it was time to leave and no one paid any attention to her. She almost grabbed Kelly by the hair and dragged her out of there, all the while saying that Alex was ‘done,’ as if she were still the queen bee and unafraid of the new girl, Sonja, and her obvious wealth and privilege, not to mention influence on LuLu.
Did you feel it a little? Seeing Jill leave with Kelly was strange. They were going off to some other event together and it felt like a bit of a downgrade for Jill to have to use a party with Leather as her escape route. She barely acknowledges the dolt and now she’s showing up to parties with her? Maybe she IS being replaced, and now she’s a wee bit scared.
Wow, this episode is such a downer, and it’s about to get worse. If there is a positive spin that I can put on the next scene with Bethenny and her own sorrow over having to deal with bringing a new life into the world as her father is about to exit this one, it’s that the girl does not give up on people. She is kind at heart, even for all her acerbic wit and inappropriate comments. It makes the fact that she’s given up on Jill even more astonishing, if you think about it.
Lady B’s dad finally called from his deathbed and told her that he wants to see her. She’s understandably upset and leaning on Jason for comfort. She also turns to Ramona since old Crazy Eyes recently went through her own issues surrounding HER dad’s death and it’s a good thing she called her. When you have Daddy issues, it’s best to speak to an expert.
She didn’t get those crazy eyes from nowhere, people.
Ramona handles the situation very well and tries to get her to be positive since no matter what happens, she’s going to get some of that closure that she’s been wanting. That’s all she can hope for, seeing as he refused to have anything to do with her while he was alive and well. Both of them cry and Ramona makes a really good point about how seeing him will help her move into the next phase of her life with a family of her own. She can move on, even though she’s sad because the reconciliation didn’t happen sooner.
Sigh.
I’m sorry, but I can’t help thinking about a certain someone else and her own issues with letting her pride get in the way of her relationships. Is Jill going to end up in the same situation as B’s dad, harboring regrets and losing out in life because she can’t suck it up and admit that she was wrong? She’s like an addict who has to hit rock bottom, only Jill has to have the whole world hate her before she’ll do anything about it, instead of being at death’s door with a needle in her arm, or freezing to death on the streets of New York, which Bawby almost makes her do by not walking fast enough into the club.
What happened to your coat, Jill? Did you lose it in the stock market, or did you give it to some African orphans?
We’re following the women to another Tarty, this time at the Eldridge to celebrate Gotham magazine and their apparently lax hiring practices, I mean Leather’s ‘Man on the Street’ fashion article. Who throws parties for articles? Theme issues, like ‘Young Hollywood,’ or ‘Fabulous at 40,’ sure, but an entire shin-dig devoted to guys that Kelly tried to pick up in Soho? Man, she is desperate.
“Look, Jill! Fabulous trendsetting homeless guys that don’t wear any underwear!”
At least they wear pants, Valedictorian. It’s October and you are wearing yet another skirt that stops just short of your urethra, with nothing on your legs. I don’t really mind, though. Who cares? If she catches her death and succumbs to pneumonia, it’s okay. It’s called survival of the fittest. I read about it in one of those big books they made me read in junior high, right after the one about dead messengers and phonies that say that they’re smart all the time.
Jill stands there criticizing Leather for her fashion choices and Jennifer interrupts her to tell Leather to “Go on with your big, bad self,” basically to keep dressing like a swinging 60s cage dancer. Kelly’s got a hot body if you ignore the titties as much as they seem to ignore each other. She can pull it off, unlike middle aged jealous ho-bags who won’t be happy until everyone is sporting muumuus and orthopedic loafers, thereby finally giving THEM a chance to be hot.
Simon and Alex walk up to the entrance, and neither of them is wearing red leather pants or a muumuu. Oh, well. Poor Jill won’t be able to criticize their appearance. She’ll have to stick to sucking down her diet coke and ‘connecting’ Kelly’s homeless friends.
Alex stops Simon before they enter and asks him to be her wingman since she is through trying to patch things up with de-crowned Queen Jill. He kind of nods at her but I think that his mind is already on the Tarty and the delicious bottles of booze that await inside.
“Shut up, woman! I could’ve been on my second martini and my third faux pas by now.”
Back inside, LuLu is introducing everybody to that Eurotrash guy from the 100 most fugly bachelors in New York party. His name is Corte and he hasn’t gotten any handsomer. He seems to like dark rooms, though, and that is probably wise. No need to confuse or scare Leather. She might mistake him for one of her fabulous commando street people and try to take his picture with her house keys or her shoe or something.
LuLu is acting weird, licking her lips and smiling strangely at Leather. Did EuroDouche brag about sleeping with Kelly too? Is she setting her up to get roofie-d by that nasty Corte person? Is that why deLippitySnort is shoving him up everyone’s cornhole tonight?
There’s a story here, Gasmii. I can absolutely fucking guar-awn-tee it.
LuLu is giving me the creeps in a big way these days. I get a twisted amoral vibe from her, like she lives in the gutter and likes to pull everyone down into it with her. She seems to delight in her newfound singlehood, and loves acting all coy about having a man around because he’s “good company,” which is code in Manhattan for carrying an ounce, at least among drag queens.
Alex turns her back for two seconds and Simon makes a bee line for the other women, sitting smack dab in between Jill and Leather’s legs.
“Look, babe, pussy everywhere and I’m not throwing up!”
I know he’s not gay. I just can’t help it. This show is seriously lacking in gayness. Brad is gone, Derek is too sweet, so I nominate Simon.
Didn’t you find it particularly gross of Jill to be all touchy feely with Simon as Alex looked on? That also gave me the creeps. The gesture seemed to say, “look, bitch, even Simon is on my side.” At the very least it was ‘fuck you’ in body language.
As for Simon, he’s a fool for the publicity. He probably did it so he’d get his picture taken, and then scoured the papers the next day to see if it got printed anywhere.
If that wasn’t enough EWWWWW for one night, that weird Corte person is over at the bar talking to LuLu about his new book which he describes as “out there,” and it’s called Scandalocity. What is scandalocity, you ask? Hmm, let me interpret.
It’s the speed at which ugly meets no talent equaling complete douchebag failure.
Which makes him perfect for LuLu! They could write her next album together. I cannot wait! She tells him about her disco ditty and says that she’s no Madonna but she could be the female Barry White. Blasphemy! He was a musical genius responsible for many an evening of romantic lovemaking and the countless screaming babies born nine months later!
With you- it’s just screaming.
The manly comparison was apt, certainly, except all the drag queens that I know have better taste in men. EuroBlow is all up in her bidness and asks her out. She accepts, swiping her nose with the back of her hand as she does so. Any body language experts out there? Whatever could that mean?
Maybe she’s just catching a cold from exposing her shoulders year round and wearing the same pair of boots every day without giving them a chance to dry out. Mensroom floors can be mighty damp and germy, you know.
Before the night can get any more ridiculous, Kelly gets up on a table to thank all her fellow Pulitzer winners and informs the crowd that she has been chosen to leave the country and take part in a landmark think-tank where the greatest minds of our time will discuss global warming, the economy and the sheer brilliance of discovering new ways to tie a sarong over a bikini.
“So, Like I’m up here, and like, you all are down there…”
Okay, she actually stumbled her way through a speech about finding fashion inspiration from the people on the streets of New York, at least I think that’s what she was saying. She gave her speech the good old college try but I have never seen such a lame attempt in all my days, and I once saw a ten year old deliver the toast at a friend’s wedding. Isn’t she always saying that she went to Columbia? Oh, I get it. The COUNTRY. She went there on a fact finding mission with LuLu and Corte.
Jill starts a little phony kissy bullshit with Alex and instead of playing along, she leaves. As she walks away, one of the women says goodbye by yelling at her back that she’s having a good hair day. I think it was Sonja, so she’s back on my shit list again.
On my good list? Jennifer, for calling out LuLu’s date for his creepiness. No, it wasn’t cool of her to call him ‘gay’ as if it were an insult, but maybe she didn’t say ‘creepy’ since it’s Leather’s word. She also said that she has never seen so many women with so many issues, and that’s saying something since it comes from a woman who deals with plenty of the spoiled elite. I would not be surprised if her resignation was already on Miss Andy’s desk. No Season 3 for her, not unless she enjoys losing clients.
Alex was right. The evening was a complete waste of time. Perhaps tomorrow will be better? Why, it is! It is better! Why do I say that?
Because old Crazy Eyes found herself a crazy eyed wedding gown designer!
She tries on a Mae West inspired number with feathers on the skirt and then asks for Avery’s opinion of it. She thinks it’s over the top and says so. You can’t blame the kid. She’s grown up steeling herself for whatever embarrassment her mother might throw her way at any given moment. I’m surprised that she can be objective at all when you consider her life with alien mommy so far.
“I’m not saying it’s terrible or anything but if you wear that, I’m moving in with Jill.”
They have a quick discussion about what Avery will be wearing and she proves herself to be highly opinionated as far as that goes too. She hates all the blue swatches they make her look through, and the cheesy blue crystals that they want to glue on the dress. The designer only brought one color? That’s kind of silly, isn’t it?
Avery isn’t too happy about this vow renewal ceremony and you have to wonder if she really is that picky about stuff, “just like her mother,” as Ramona says, or if she’s doing whatever she can to throw a wrench into the situation. Doesn’t matter. Either way, we will be having a big, beautiful event to attend and I, for one, am raising my glass in anticipation of Jill’s catty play-by-play.
That will have to wait because first we head off to a spa/yoga center with LuLu, Leather, Sonja and Jill- all of whom have been divorced and all of whom have shared the heartache of having your family ripped apart. LuLu says that this is her refuge from the depression of losing her douchebag anti-semite husband, not to mention that the attendants don’t bat an eye at you when you spike your tea. Then everyone shares their stories of man trouble and the white woman blues.
All except Jill.
Huh? Why was she so quiet? LuLu is telling a story about how she came to yoga and how she met a woman who told her that she was meant to be with the count to have kids, not necessarily as a soul mate, and she sinks back into her cubbyhole. It’s as if she has no interest unless she’s involved or it benefits her somehow.
Sonja talks about how the anti-depressants she took when she separated made her stupid, and I can attest to that. I took lexapro for a month and it turned me into a zombie with zero sex drive. I have never met a single person that did well on that shit and I actually started wondering if the ex’s attorney paid doctors to prescribe it so that I’d be all nice and dumb when it was time to get serious.
Leather starts talking about her problems, about how she was terrified that she was going to die, leaving her kids orphaned, and how she couldn’t leave the house. I had a friend that went through that. She got on Paxil. It worked wonders for her. She got herself a tattoo and a 24 year old boyfriend and is happy as a lark. I wonder if the old luggage skinned smomper has tried any? It couldn’t hurt. She went old the first time around. Someone not in the AARP might be nice for a change.
They talk some more about not just losing a husband, but losing a best friend and Jill tries to interject questions here and there but the girls ignore her. This is so weird. I love to commiserate with my friends and share stories. Jill seems like she has no idea how to relate. She shares nothing, she shows no empathy, and she’s the first one to get up when the attendants come in to take them to their respective rooms for their massages.
And why are they wearing UPS uniforms? Are they there to deliver Jill that big old box of STFU I sent her?
You know who could REALLY use a massage? I mean, really really use one, unlike the pampered hos in the prior scene. Freaking Jason. He is looking haggard as hell back in L.A. with Bethenny.
She looks awful too, and I’ll bet it’s because they’ve been staying up nights taking care of that s.o.b. father of hers. She says that she got her closure and she feels no guilt now about shutting the door on that chapter of her life. Her Dad finally acknowledged and appreciated her efforts to get to know him, even as he wished for his life to end.
She says that it must be torture to lay in a bed all day waiting for the inevitable, and I’ve seen both sides of that coin. I had a grandfather that fought death tooth and nail, and acted like he wasn’t even in the hospital as his children bickered over his estate in the lounge down the hall. Then again, I had a grandmother so confused and unhappy that the nurses finally gave up and didn’t reinsert the tubes after she pulled them out for the umpteenth time.
I feel for Bethenny and I know some of her pain. Maybe that was part of the reason that this recap was so hard for me to finish. I started and stopped so many times, you have no idea. I finally had to lock myself down in order to get it done. Family is a tough issue for me, and I am beyond happy that she got some solace in the end. That is why what Jill does at the last party of this episode is so unforgivable to me.
But first, our vignette for the week! Once again, it does nothing to help Ms. Zarin to clean up her tarnished image. She’s lunching with Leather and giving her shit for saying ‘like’ every few words. She sits there holding up her fingers and counting the ‘likes’ like a really bitchy teacher might do with a student she picks on regularly. Then Jill says ‘like’ herself and then blames it on being around Kelly too much. I know for a fact that I’ve heard her do it all on her own with Leather nowhere in sight, so let’s move on to lunch at the Four Seasons.
It’s one of Ramona’s favorite restaurants and it’s been around forever. My parents would eat there on my Father’s business trips in the 70s and it looks like it’s still stuck in that decade, soaring ceilings, long minimal wall screens, tree trunks in planters and a flirty Maitre D.
And Jill! Oh wait, she’s stuck in High School. Wasn’t that in the 60s?
If I’m wrong, I’m honestly sorry. How am I supposed to know? I’ve only got the muumuus and her flippy Jean Shrimpton hairstyle to go on here, Gasmii. If it’s the 50s, please accept my sincerest apology.
Jill takes over the conversation from the get-go, digging in Sonja’s business by asking where she’s from, her modeling history and even casting aspersions on her height. She’s super nosy and I wouldn’t be surprised if she had a little digital recorder in her purse so she could listen to it all later and then double check the accuracy.
Sonja keeps it vague (smart woman) and then Ramona finally gets a word in edgewise and tells them why she asked them to lunch. She breaks the news that she’s renewing her vows and she wants them to go on a little bachelorette trip with her.
This is Jill’s face at the exact instant that Ramona said “renewing our vows.”
You’d think she just said she blew a cow or something.
Ramona brings up the fact that it’s been 17 years since she first snagged her snaggle toothed serial killer, and Jill interviews that it’s odd since 17 isn’t a milestone year. But then again, every year is a milestone when it comes to being married to Ramona.
Thanks, Jill. I am continually amazed by the depths to which you will sink when speaking about your ‘friends.’ If I ever get weak and defend you to someone, saying that you’ll change, you’re not so bad, I’ll take cues from you and re-read my recaps just like you replayed Bethenny’s hobby message all Summer long to keep you from breaking down and calling her. Thanks. Really, I mean that.
The trip Ramona has arranged is a “sophisticated destination” to the Virgin Islands. Sign me up! But no, instead of offering congratulations, Jill wants to know who else is coming. What the? Does she expect approval over the ceremony guest list too? Woman, you are full of yourself. Maybe you need a cleanse just like Kelly was telling you, like, about during the, like vignette. Pull some of those old nuggets out that have probably been petrifying in your colon since you put Ally on her first diet in the second grade.
Ramona doesn’t tell her who else is coming but she does say that she won’t take no for an answer. Jill says in interviews that she never promised that she’d go, so we’ll see if she actually shows up or not. Don’t care. I hope she hops on the wrong plane all dramatic-like and ends up in a Turkish prison where they jail her after mistaking the rocks up her ass for smuggled balloons of heroin. Stranger things have happened. Ginger just might be desperate enough to tip them off.
What I DO care about is Sonja and Ramona’s history together. Why does Sonja say she’s flattered that Ramona asked her to participate and that she’s glad to see that she trusts her after all they’ve been through. C’mon now. You were all, “DO TELL,” just like me, weren’t you?
Jill is too but she can go diddle herself in a Dutch oven with Ginger for all I care. Maybe she can film it and make some new friends over at Xtube. I hear they’re not at all particular.
Hey, Gasmii -
Dress!
Another one shouldered couture, I’m sure, violet dress! This time Jennifer is wearing it over jeans for the little cocktail party she’s throwing for her new housewife friends. And how nice, Jill brought a gift! I couldn’t tell what it was so I’m going to go ahead and say that she gave her some ABC refrigerator magnets and a Pat the Bunny book since that represents Jill’s present level of maturity.
Old brown bunny herself, Leather, remarks that she loves Jennifer’s amazing aesthetic, and then fails to inform us what exactly is so amazing about her aesthetic. Is it the art on the walls, her fashion sense, her like, crazy fantastic taste in cocktail napkins? Your guess is as good as mine. Jill should just pat her on the head, hand her a kaleidoscope and point her in the direction of the nearest light source. She’ll be entranced for hours, and then Jill can pick her up, along with her dignity, on her way out.
LuLu arrives looking like she’s fresh from a Viva magazine shoot circa 1972 and then Ramona walks up and informs them all that she just heard that Bethenny’s dad died. Jill’s first instinct is to pounce on her for not telling her first but really she’s just upset because Ramona got to break the news, and not her.
I’m not sure of the timeline here, but how could Jill pretend to not know about his death? When Alex arrives later, she confronts Jill for gossiping about it in a text that she sent after she said she heard about it ‘on the wire?’ HUH? That would mean that Jill knew when she got to the party. She already knew!
She’s getting nastier and nastier, yelling at Ramona for not answering her texts and telling her about the death but she’s just pissed for being left out of the loop. Hahaha, nobody told you, you had to read it on the internet just like us little people! Oh, and I nabbed another nasty Jill face just for you, Gasmii. Keep it close when you need to keep out intruders or make your dog throw up after he drank something from under the sink again.
I hear it kills PMS and rabies too.
Or is it gives PMS and rabies? I can’t remember.
Ramona reminds Jill that she could have very easily called Bethenny herself to check up on things and Jill screams that she did speak to her, but fuck! That was ages ago and she hung up on her and made her cry, as Ramona points out. Why the fuck WOULD Bethenny call you about ANYTHING, unless it was to prank you with “we’re done!” yelled into the phone 50 times in a row. Hell, I’ll buy her one of those cheap temporary cells and give her my favorite sapphire if she’ll do it. Even once, dammit.
Is Jill so completely out of touch that she believes, as she said, that they can still be friends? She’s back at it again with the song and dance about how she and Bawby put a roof over Bethenny’s head back when she was a poor orphan with only a partially decorated condo and a couple of margarita recipes to keep her warm at night.
And that whole, “If you were my friend, you would have told me,” shit that she pulls with Ramona is all about one thing- making her another scapegoat and garnering all the sympathy in the room so it looks like Ramona is the one keeping her and Bethenny apart.
“That’s it, Jill. I’m not saving you a seat on the spaceship anymore!”
It all falls a little flat when you realize that Jill already knew about the death, and still, she didn’t call Bethenny. We’re supposed to feel sorry for her and believe her when she says that she would have called if only Ramona had texted her. We may be a nation of short attention spans, but not that short. I watched this episode at least five times. I listened to every word she said and most of it was lies. Unless…….nope, still all lies.
And attacking Ramona is silly. She said she got the email right before she left home for the party, not ten hours ago. So stupid, this Zarin woman. She’s not getting any richer by under-estimating our intelligence, is she? I caught her looking at the camera and out of the corner of her eye like she thought she was being all wily and clever, countless times. She’s turning into a coyote, complete with mangy fur and no one in her desert to root for her.
Poor Jen. She just wanted to get to know the women better and she’s getting a whole lot more than she bargained for. She tries to diffuse the situation by saying that Jill’s just upset because she couldn’t be there for her friend during such a trying time, and that would make perfect sense if it wasn’t Jill we were talking about, but it is.
Save your breath, honey. Knowing Jill, you’re next.
Those small words of sympathy trigger Jill’s urge to laugh and she runs off to the nearest door to hide her case of the church giggles. Lucky her, it’s the pantry and not the broom closet so she can sit on a nice clean floor while she fake boo hoos to Leather about the travesty that she’s being forced to endure.
What a load of crap. How am I supposed to take any of this seriously when she stops mid blubber and says, “Nice pantry,” in a perfectly calm voice without missing a beat.
LuLu needs to shut her mouth about Ramona’s efforts to get Bethenny and Jill back together again. She has a lot of nerve to tell her that it wasn’t her place to interfere and Ramona tells her right to her face that it was HER interfering that kept the reconciliation from happening.
Jennifer kicks the two dumbasses out of her pantry and then Ramona hugs Jill and tells her that she thinks there’s still a chance for her to make up with Bethenny. How she can possibly say that or even speak to her after the way she was attacked is highly unusual. Ramona might say that it’s because she knows her, and she’s used to seeing her act that way, but that is bullshit. You should never enable someone when they are behaving badly. You shouldn’t be friends with shitty people, not for any reason. They never change if they aren’t held accountable, and now, after all these years of friends overlooking her crap, Jill finds herself shocked when the rest of us won’t swallow it like they did. Grrrrr.
Alex arrives to more of Jill’s phony compliments (PR 102, anybody?) and she ignores it and cuts right to the chase. It seems that Jill sent her a text about Bethenny’s father dying and Alex didn’t like her gossipy tone. We flashback to Alex trying to get Jill to call Bethenny or show her some support since her father was so sick, and Jill ignoring the whole situation. I can’t keep track of all the hypocrisy or backpedalling at this stage of the game. I need my own spread sheet in order to keep track of all of Jill’s shenanigans. It’s getting EPIC up in here.
“I’m sorry, what is this, Tuesday? Oh, then it’s lie every forth sentence day. Got it. What were you saying…?”
Jill laughs off her concern and says that she was only being nice by giving her a head’s up and sharing what she heard, then she talks over her so that no one can hear her, and looks at everyone except Alex as she asks to be heard.
She is gross. Jill is just completely and utterly gross. Alex’s hives come back out but she tries to remain calm with her attention focused on Jill like a laser, as if she is trying to will her to listen with her mind. It isn’t working. I have to hand it to Alex. Lesser people would have thrown their drink in her face to at least get her to shut up for a minute.
Instead, Alex tells her that it’s her turn to speak, and that’s when Jill really turns up the volume and all the condescending “How dare you speak to me like that,” crap comes out of her mouth. Alex will not relent so Jill resorts to that passive/aggressive smiling, like “look at the big dramatic dummy, everybody! Isn’t it so cute how she’s all angry and stuff?” Her dismissive actions are beyond ugly.
and ugly speaks for itself, wouldn’t you agree?
How many ways can you describe someone’s depravity? Jill isn’t a serial killer or anything, she’s just a social terrorist. How can anyone that is friendly with her watch as she enjoys Alex’s discomfort, tries to get everyone else in on the joy of making fun of her very real distress, and then still stay on her side after she keeps right on talking over her? It’s just not possible, not in any rational universe. Ooopsy, this is Bravo, I almost forgot!
How smart can you be when you dump Jaclyn Smith AND Project Runway? Alex should be kicking Miss Andy’s ass.
It is so painful to watch Alex finally tell her how she has been hurt by the comments about her children and husband, and not even receive the courtesy of having her listen. Jill laughs and laughs and then tells her, ‘\tough shit, that’s how she is. If she doesn’t like it, then they can’t be friends. They just won’t travel in the same social circle anymore.
Well, we all know that’s true. Jill would be lucky to find a fabulous circle of upholsterers in Mongolia to hang out with once this show airs in the rest of the world. She sure isn’t going to be welcome here in the states. I hope that the knowledge that we all think that Jill is a cunt helps Alex to feel better about the humiliation she suffered at her hands. It’s the least we can do, considering all she’s been put through for our entertainment.
Alex clinks her glass against Jills and toasts to the end of the gossip, grabs her purse and then links arms with Jen as she walks her to the door, telling her that she’s sorry for making a scene at her party.
“I’m sorry for messing up your Tarty, Jen. Wanna go fuck with Jill on facebook? Everyone’s doing it, and it’s so much FUN!”
I’m not, since she’s not the one that made the scene. Jill did. If Shill had shut her trap and then apologized, Alex would have probably hugged her and moved on, but as it is, Alex is right, Jill just doesn’t get it. She doesn’t care. It’s less than likely that she ever will.
And you know what, I’m okay with that. I pity Jill. Is there anything more pathetic than a middle aged woman who gets her jollies from other people’s misery? Does she actually DO anything? Does she contribute in any way to anything at all? Oh, wait! She does! She taught us all how to recognize a pathological narcissist, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Here’s to keeping those mother fuckers out of OUR lives too, Gasmii.
Love and Kisses,
Twunty McSlore
TV Social
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105 Comments
I’M SORRY, OH MY GOD. I swear to you, Gasmii, that I did not have time to watch the new episode until an hour ago, and Lady B made the same Columbia joke as I did. Weird. I literally laughed my ass off with both her and Alex! Goofy….
Twunty – I love you, I lost my mother to dementia and found it so hard to watch that episode. Keep your head up.
Haha! That was great, I cracked up and thought “Twunty is going to die laughing at the next episode!”! Oooohhhh, I have so much to say about this insanely whacked episode… but I’m up too late as usual. Just wanted to say thanks, and sorry this one was hard to write. JZ is triggering people everywhere on the planet; and the family stuff is pretty wrenching to watch.
This is a weird one, but do you think it’s possible Kelly has Aspergers Syndrome? She isn’t really dumb, but she is always on a misfire setting, and misses social cues at every stop. I seriously just have to laugh at the woman, she’s like an alien life-form. Can’t wait to dish on this episode tomorrow – I know what I’ll be doing for lunch! LOL!
Your screen caps were gold! Gold, I tell ya!
Oh, Twunty, I so want to bitch about the lateness of your recaps but when I see a new one it’s like Christmas and I just can’t. I would rather wait until your recaps pop up than read someone else’s on-time one. Thank you!!
I, too, caught on to Jill knowing all along that B’s dad had died. I was super pissed. I actually didn’t even noticed that I had stood up off the sofa and was glaring at my t.v. with my hands in fists. I could not belive what I was seeing. That bitch was caught!! What I couldn’t believe is that no one else mentioned it or interviewed about catching it. I was peeved that Ramona left too. Jill had just shit all over her for no reason and had she stayed she would have realized that. Ugh!!
Now…I know I said that I’d wait for you, my lovely Twunty, for as long as it takes. BUT! This new episode is soooooo JUICY!! Please make some smoke come out of that keyboard for us.
P.S. I went over to the Bravo boards and left a comment for Leather. It was posted (that’s rare) but I’ll share what I posted on your next recap. Sorry in advance for all my typos…love,
~UC
Jill is unbelievable- why would anyone want to gossip about a death? I think she just needs to feel relevant, which she is so obvously not. I was amazed at how she blamed Ramona for not telling her there was something wrong with Bethenney’s dad when Alex clearly had a conversation about it and Jill blew her off. Did she not think it would be shown? I cannot believe the others just stood around and did not say a thing in Ramona’s or Alex’s defense.
Thanks for being the voice of sanity. Watching these women unravel every week is cathartic. Too many Jills and Lulus in the world. Hoping I’m surrounded with an Alex, Bethenny or Ramona next time I have to take one down! As for the Kellys, god bless them, they provide much needed comic relief.
OMG, you guys, I’ve been out of the loop for a minute and sooo much has happened!!! I feel like I have missed out on so much, not to mention all the research I need to do! I’m usually so on top of the gossip!
I just now finished reading the recap comments from last episode, and I felt like I had awoken from a coma! I knew about B having the baby but nothing else!!!!!!!!! That’s a lot, right?
I’ll keep this short so I can read THIS recap in a timely manner, but I wanted to mention how this little gasmi group has been an incredible find at the right time, you see, my daughter is on a competition dance team and many of the mothers are also mean girls who are still in high school. Seeing Jill so hated gives me a little silent victory that perhaps my “jill” is not fooling anyone either. There are some very interesting parallels and I find many of the comments here a personal comfort to me!
I have so many things I wanted to comment on from last time, but I’m going to move on…I’ll be back!
Also congrats to 137 comments!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi, everybody!
Holy crap, Prodigal! You so cute! I love your hair color and pale skin. Are you my long lost cousin? I’ve never met half of my family so it’s perfectly possible, and I agree about Kelly. You described her perfectly when you said her attempts at communication misfire. I would not be surprised in the least if she was mentally ill somehow.
Hi, UglyCutie! I’m sowwy. My life is a bit of a war zone right now and I explained this to Shanti, and I’ll explain it to you too. I thrive on order and structure. My life, for private reasons, is lacking those key elements right now. I got writer’s block because of that and because of feeling crushed under the weight of 3 shows and having so many other demands on my time as well.
Now, tell me what you said to Leather. I’m DYING here.
What- I know, right? How do they all sit around and not say a word?! Are they that afraid of Jill? I have a hard time believing that these so-called strong women would be scared of a common drama queen. Maybe they secretly enjoy it? Or maybe they were so flabbergasted that it rendered them tongue tied. *whispers* or maybe it’s all a wee bit scripted after all…..
And Margo, I am so sorry. When you mentioned that it was a mom from the dance team, my mind immediately went to the witchy dance coach from Sparkle Motion in Donnie Darko, and all that crap over not allowing fear to run your life. Meanwhile, they are all taking life lesson advice from a pedo! Anyhoo, can you try some PR102 with her? Compliment her in some way and then move on? As always, you are more than welcome to email me if you want someone to vent to.
Kisses, and I’ll be back later- Twunty
Twunty, you have become my absolute favorite writer of all time and I agree with uglycutie – reading your recaps is WAY BETTER than Christmas morning!!!
I will be saying “Jennifer kicks the two dumbasses out of her pantry”
to myself all day long when I need a laugh!
Bobby’s attempt to make peace with Alex kinda melted my butter – he knows his wife is crap and he is still trying (in a nice way) to defend her. One of these days he will take a hike and she will find herself standing alone yelling “Off with her head!” and wondering where everyone went. I hope he hikes in my direction. I wouldn’t mind selling fabric!
a quick little aside before digging in to the recap. I have to say that Simon and Alex’s personal blogs about the episodes are damn funny. I first started reading them because I thought the blogs would provide proof of Silex’s craziness. But instead I am dining myself laughing. Simon is even snarky towards Alex and won’t just excuse her behavior. I guess my point is that silex has grown on me.
Yay Twunty’s back! An episode just doesn’t feel wrapped until I’ve heard your take on it. I would love to stay and comment more but my cousin is sleeping on my couch right next to my desk and he’s snoring so unbelievably loud that I cannot stay here any longer (he drove me out of the house entirely yesterday by sleeping until noon).
I’m going to go and stick mini-marshmallows in his nose. I got the idea from your screen grab of Shill with her mouth hanging open. I thought I could probably fit a lot of marshmallows in there. She really shouldn’t make so many nasty faces like that, it might stay that way… oh, too late.
Thanks Twunty, It’s been a trying year, perhaps I’ll tell the story later but for the most part now I am cordial and stick to the other folk there that ALSO prefer to stay out of drama. It’s parallel in the respect that everyone has also been seeing the true colors, including the mean girl circle. I’ve learned a lot, and I take it as character build for me, so it ain’t all bad! This all started about the same time as RHONYC, making it very bizarre watching sometimes.
I guess that’s why I’ve had such a soft spot for B all along!
And yes! lulu is full of hypocracy, not taking sides, letting people speak for themselves! I do find Alex a little strange still, but I give her credit for her ability to handle herself when it had to feel so awkward at the party….ok back to reading
Twunty you are awesome! I agree with the other comments, it was like Christmas when I saw this recap was up. Anywho, Jill is disgusting. What got me was how angry and in her eyes a legitimate anger at Ramona for not telling her. Seriously!?!? This lady is off her rocker. And I too was peeved at noone for saying anything, but my personal thought is they all secretly enjoyed it. I can see LuLu and Leather kissing Jill’s ass later telling her she owned Alex, NO WAY! Boy have the tides turned when now I LOVE Ramona and Silex. Wouldn’t have thought I would say that first season.
Oh yah, I also think Jill acts the way she acts because in her real life she has gotten away with it. I mean look at how LuLu and Leather still continue to kiss and be up her ass. She is a queen bee in her circles. I think she continued to treat B and A like that because she saw them as “underdogs” and was waiting for them to beg for forgiveness to make her feel higher and better about herself but it threw her off that they were beyond her, and they are. But I agree with you, her “circle of friends” will see what we viewers see and loathe her, and how Bethenny, Alex and Ramona don’t take her shit and they will start dropping like flies too.
CAN NOT WAIT for recap on last weeks episode! Leather HAS to be mentally ill. It was so sad, yet so comical to watch.
Thanks for the Donnie D reference, I really liked the movie, think I will go watch it, lol. Until next time…….
I am glad to see that Alex- that anyone- is standing up to Jill. What bothers me about all the housewives is that rarely do they stand by their friends or their convictions. Just like Ramona getting yelled at by Jill and then she turns around and is nice to her. They just seem to sort of ignore the bad behavior or how they were just treated in favor of getting camera time. If I was on this show I don’t think that I could trust any of these woman or be truly friends with them because at any moment they are going to sell you out from another 15 minutes of fame. So it is nice to see Alex, sort of, standing by Bethanny and her own convictions when it comes to Shill.
The other thing is that I also think that most of the housewives realize that the show is fake and aren’t willing to have a knock down, drag out fight with each other and it is probably just easier and more sane to try to be nice to each other. Seriously no should have that much drama and anger in their life. I really hope that less thinking people watching this show don’t think that it is normal to be fighting all the time or to constantly play out your inner dramas with your group of friends. Life is not a chess match- although I don’t think that Jill sees it that way. She is trying to control all of her pawns and her pawns are all running away.
All of the housewives are just vile, fame whore, shills. I think that Bethanny and Jill staged this break in their friendship, so that Bethany could transition to her new show. And then the staged fight got out of hand as each of them started to actually share their feelings and thoughts and then the fight got real and honest between the two of them. Now Jill wants to undo the damage because she realize that it went too far and Bethanny is going to move on without her. It is all sort of sad and pathetic to watch.
Watching these Housewife shows makes me sick to my stomach because it is so easy to spot the ones that have serious psychology problems and Jill isn’t the worse of them. I can’t even watch the Jersey wives because of Danielle. Wow talk about borderline personality disorder with narcasistic tendencies. How awesome to see Danielle and Jill in a cage match- who can out crazy the other.
Thanks Twunty for the amazing recap. I feel you on the family issues- it makes watching these shows hard. Thanks for not making fun of any fatties this go around:) Thanks for just making fun of people with mental health issues that is a much more comfortable subject for me. If I couldn’t laugh at the insane then I would have cried throughout my entire childhood. Oh shit what am I saying. I would be crying right now too. Thank you for the laughs and giving me a break from the pile of shit that I am in right now. If I could photoshop I would make you Jill in a big pile of poo, poo as a sign of my gratitude. This is by far and away your best recap. I hope that you don’t get burnt out on the gasm because you can NEVER LEAVE us. Twunty FOR-EVA…(name that movie.)
I’m having trouble getting the pages to load today, so it’s taking me awhile to read the recap – but I look forward to every word!
Just want to say that although I think Kelly has some personality disorder, I don’t see Asperger’s. She is more than “attuned” to males and turns on the charm. She just does not relate to woman at all, and seems to live in her own head a lot. Ok back to reading…..
@njgasmifan
Me too!!! I thought it was my computer!!! But yes it goes beyond dysfunction with some of these ladies into REAL mental issues, sometimes I’m sickened by it, but fascinated at the same time…
I am a people watcher by nature
See, told ja! This dysfunctional family would never tell you to leave the party. The Gasmii is the best, most loyal, brilliant family on the world wide web. But Twunty, stawwwp, just stawwwp outing me for being sweet. Feelings? Ugh. Wait, I’ll save that for the next recap.
Margo, your RL fits right in with our little therapy group. A huggy welcome. Dump all your troubles here.
I’ve rewatched this episode several times, more out of disbelief than anything. Shill puts on the act every single second possible. Mugging for the camera, eyes darting, shifting her position for the best angle. I want to believe this was scripted, but who would write this shit? Oh yeah, maybe Kelly the journalist, editor, lit major. You nailed it once again, Jill possess not an ounce of empathy. I can’t think of one time in my life that people fought over what time someone informed them of a death.
There’s not much else to say about Jill that hasn’t been said already. It’s so nice to see the Jill hatred spreading by the minute. There’s nothing she can do to redeem herself at this point. I still say the cuntess is going to break from her and hang with Sonja. (BTW-a couple of names for Luann I’ve seen on other sites and had to share- LuPaul & PocaCuntess.)
I’m really getting sick of being insulted by Bravo for forcing tvarties and tviends (tv parties & tv friends) on us. It is possible for real freindships to develop from these arranged gatherings ala Bethenny & Alex. So Alex & Simon are a bit goofy, but good goofs. Alex & Bethenny genuinely care about each others well being. Even Ramona who lives in bizzarro land handled B’s call with grace and you could see the concern on her face. And way to go girl giving it to Luann about putting the brakes on Jill & B’s reconciliation at your home.
Get to work Twunty. Put those dogs outside & draw the blinds. I want to see that paper on my desk first thing tomorrow morning.
Smomps, lollipops & cartwheels <3
Twunty! I have long waited for this recap, but it was worth it! I just can’t believe Alex didn’t slap that bitch Jill in the face; that’s what I was really rooting for. The patience of that woman is limitless! She should get a freaking medal. JZ seriously reminds me of half the girls I went to school (highschool and college) with, and a few coworkers since then. I have no comprehension of such a lack of self-awareness. I know people don’t always like me, but its normally because I’m weird, not because I’m a bitch.
The current episodes focus on exactly how much of a nut job Leather is (hint – she may have been born in the mystical land of Oz), which is a really fun break from the nightmare of hatred I feel for Jill Zarin.
If Jill doesn’t make it on RHONYC, I hear they’re casting for the third season of Jersey Shore…
HAHAHA, PocaCuntess…. oh my goodness Shantigal, thank you for sharing that! That just might become my permanent moniker for her, unless I alter it to read PocaCuntAss… same thing, no?!
Twunty, I know I have heaped praise on your writing many many a time, and it is truly not in a kiss-ass manner, but more so a genuine respect and admiration for your writing style. I learn something new from you in every recap, and I very much so enjoy your take on things.
You have also helped show me that sometimes, you really do just need to let go. I had been struggling with cutting a “friend” out of my life, simply because they had been in my life since I was 2 – almost 26 years. Granted, 3/4 of the friendship was awesome and two sided, b ut it had deteriorated rapidly in recent years, especially lately as this “friend” not only showed no concern for a scary health diagnosis on my part, but actually attempted to one-up my problem with her own. I don’t want anyone to pity me, but a true friend would have kept her own problem-venting for another time, I feel. You helped me see that it really is quality, not quantity.
As for everyone else… I genuinely love reading your impressions and takes on the shows, Twunty’s (amazing) recaps, and life experiences in general. It is truly a pleasure to have found such uplifting, knowledgeable, witty people to discuss these shows amongst.
Twunty, Leather’s blog was
just titled “My Bad” then
she changed it to “Learn
From Me” when commenter were
giving her shit. She basically
apologized for losing her
shit. I said that her actions
on the yacht made me fear
for my life and that she
made me feel she was out to
destroy me and all the
viewers. Then went: See
how crazy that sounds you
loon? Hahaha!!
also, Ugly, I kinda have to call BS – not once in that blog did she apologize. If that counted as an apology, count it down there with the WEAKEST apology ever!
I think Kelly wanted to make sure she got “credit” for donating her clothes or thought she would get money for them. She is becoming a true disciple of Jill and wants to make sure someone is keeping track of her good deeds and that there is a written history of it so she can pull it out for future reference.
SOCIAL TERRORIST! Gawd, Twunty, I love you. That is the perfect description for Jill. I’m sorry this recap was so hard for you to write – these shows are bringing out a lot of personal issues in us all, it seems. I did have a friend that was glad to be your friend as long as you were “downtrodden”. But as soon as you got a boyfriend, or got a good job, or whatever she no longer had any time for you. And then would trash talk to others about YOU dropped HER.
Where to start? The Bawby moment seemed very contrived. This man has barely said 2 words on camera so far. I am thinking this was a Bravo set up. It just seemed out of character for him to confront Alex.
Jill’s gift to Jennifer was surely a copy of her wonderful doorstop-I mean book. And I like Jennifer, she seems to have her head on straight – but she does not photograph well. In some of the screengrabs she looks like she is from Real House Trannies of NYC. But I love her to death for throwing the idiots out of her pantry…
I was truly sad for Bethenny and all she went through. Confronting all those emotions must have been so hard for her, and to face the rejection she has felt all her life. I am so glad she had Jason to help her get through this. There are no words for Jill’s reaction to the news of B’s loss – it is clear that she knew early in the day about the death and just wanted to be the town crier. Every time I see her face I think V-I-L-E!!!
I am loving Ramona and Alex this season! I loved that Ramona did not take the bait from Jill, and just kept calm. And Alex has shown real sstrength of character to hold her own against the mean girls.
Kelly is just living in Kelly land. Not much I can say there – she just is so dumb, love your Columbia comment. If I had to spend any time with her, I would seriously want to jump out a window.
But I love Twunty’s insights and great recaps, and I love the comments of the other posters. You guys make my day! Big hugs! oxoxoxo
Shill is just beyond belief. Who responds to news that a friend’s father has died that way? It was clear to me that Shill was going to attack either Alex or Ramona for not telling her earlier in the day. She got to Ramona first, and then Alex totally stole her thunder by attacking her first for her gossipy e-mail.
And, really, it is hard to believe that Shill thinks that she can get away with the caring friend line of BS when she flat turned down Alex’s earlier request to reach out to Bethenny BECAUSE HER FATHER WAS DYING!! It is unbelievable.
Finally, Shill’s not-so-veiled-threat to Alex “perhaps we shouldn’t have the same circle of friends.” What a #itch! She was clearly threatening Alex that she would try to shut her out.
It is really hard to believe that Shill did not see, at the time, how bad she was coming off on camera.
Twunty – you have to get to last week’s episode soon. No Jill at all. Just some wonderful Kelly and Pocuntuss action that you will be able to snark into next year!!
sorry that i’m going to keep posting short blurbs, but twunty covers so much ground if I wait until the end i’ll forget. Alex’s biggest issue is that she is nice and other people always expect here to just keep taking it. i lost it one time while teaching and said something to a student who was a real asshole and i put up with his shit and then lost it one day. i wound up having to apologize and i asked another teacher that i worked with who always said mean shit to the kids how come he never had to apologize. he said that since he’s mean all the time, the kids expect it and don’t get upset by it. i on the other hand according to him made the mistake of being nice. so the one time i was mean it didn’t just effect the kid i was mean to, but shocked the entire class and they went and told all the other kids during lunch and word quickly got back to the principal. so with alex, everyone got so use to her being kind and a bit quiet, so they almost can’t believe that she herself may not like jill. they believe she is being used by bethenney as a mouth piece.
“It’s the speed at which ugly meets no talent equaling complete douchebag failure.” Love, love that line! Thanks for another great reacap Twunty!
Twunty,
Another great recap girlfriend! “She can go diddle herself in a Dutch oven with Ginger for all I care” LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! Holy Shit! I still have not stopped laughing from that one!
It’s so funny, every single day I am so glad that I found this website, both as a reader and as a writer. You guys all make me laugh, cry, blush, and say awwwwwww at least once a day. I’m sorry this episode brought up a lot for you – all I can say is that it was as awesome as ever, and I’m glad you hung in there for us.
And Shanti? Pocacuntess made me choke. Literally. I think my face was starting to turn purple. LMAO.
Margo, anytime you want to talk about dance team moms let me know – I have a few stories of my own!
SWAK, PottyMouth
@Shanti – I am on a long call, and sneaking in reading comments. When I saw Pocacuntuss, I had to bite my lip to keep from giving myself away! Thanks for the great giggle, she will forever be Pocacuntess in my mind! xoxox
I should have written down the author and where I first saw PocaCuntess because I had the same reaction as all of you. I nearly choked with laughter. Please, if the rightful owner of this moniker reads this, step up and take the well deserved credit.
Glad I could add another laugh to an already side splitting Twunty masterpiece.
“Soliciting Tall Able Marines”!!! LOLOLOL!! Great one! LOVE this recap. These women are getting as crazy as the NJ hos. I think Jill is out of control at this point b/c she can tell by now that things aren’t going as she wants them to. She can’t handle anything if she’s not directing the action, and now she knows that she’s going to come off very badly and she doesn’t know how to handle it.
Loved Ramona in this episode. She doesn’t take crap from Jill or LuPaul, and she doesn’t get crazy at any point. Good for you Ramona!!
I’m not loving Alex at this point though. I think she’s going to get drunk on her own power like Jill did. Why would she start yelling at Jill about a text when she’s at someone else’s apartment? Just call her and talk about it or let it go. It was only a text telling her that B’s father died. If I were that new housewife, I wouldn’t be inviting Alex over again any time soon. Don’t get me wrong, I hate Jill as much as the next gasmii, but the way Alex approached her at Ramona’s party and this time was just wrong. Then I saw her and Simon on WWHL, and I just got a scary vibe that reminded me of Jill – someone who’s convinced they’re always right, and is now popular and cand feels like they can do no wrong. I hope I’m wrong.
Kelly is a moron and nothing else can be said about her. B is absolutely right that the Jill/Kelly friendship is perfect, b/c Kelly will follow Jill around agreeing with everything she says forever.
Gotta go take my puppy out b/c she looks like she’s thinking about taking a nice pee on my carpet. Like you Twunty, I have days where I hope Jill wants to steal my pet too!!
So happy to see the recap up, but it took me hours to read it today. First the website kept giving me problems and then tons of interruptions at work (don’t they know I’m in the middle of something important here!?!) But I finally got through it and all the comments, and great work as usual, Twunty – and fellow posters!
Shanti – Pocacuntess and LuPaul!!! Bwahahahahaa!
I too noticed when Jill didn’t say anything while the other 3 ladies (to use the term loosely) were talking about their divorces. It was like she didn’t want to acknowledge that she is also divorced (she is divorced from Ally’s dad, right?) I guess a divorce doesn’t fit with the perfect image she thought she was portraying to the world while filming. That worked out well for her. You can try to blame editing, but you’re the one giving them the material.
I can’t wait for the recap from last week’s episode. Kelly is an insane moron. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to make some lemonade out of molehills, or something like that!
http://www.omgblog.com/2010/05/omg_how_live_mrs_the_countess.php
hahaha, its possible to be worse than Elegance is Learned?! That is some trash!
Twunty and all, I finally got through reading the recap, still having some loading problems! Your recap was fantastic as always and your comment was dead on about when someone who is usually nice freaks out, shouldn’t that tell you something! YEEEEESSSS! it should. But I’m finding in my own life that like Jill some people never get it, it’s always pass the blame, poor me, sounds like someone was a little too indulged as a child, something she criticized Theresa of nj for.
yes many parallels in my life, but this site always reminds me to laugh at it, and makes me feel much better.
Pottymouth, so glad you can relate, I’m quite sure it’s universal, but before you have kids it’s easy to say “Fuck off” which I have been known to do, with kids you have to do things a little different, unless you are a miserable mean girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was so glad when Ramona told Jill off but I really fear Jill will not grow from any of this, true narcissism. Every time I see her on something she is completely oblivious. I’m getting a little upset with my girl Wendy Williams cuz she is ass kissing all of them when they come on. People cheer like crazy, and I’m like, there is no way.
Can anyone fill me in on B’s dad? why the rift? What a hard way to grow up.
I hope to go my entire life without ever saying:”HOW DARE YOU!!” to another human being. I mean, it’s hard to get more cliche than that.
Sonya’s bathroom dresser and mirror look suspiciously like the set I walked by at Pier One yesterday.( HOW DARE I !!!)
Alex, once again, looked awesome this week- especially at the party at the end. Yeah, Twunty, the whole going into the Pantry? Wouldn’t you step into the hall, go into a bedroom? Weird.
That was Leather’s Ex shooting Christine on RHONJ this week, right? I did NOT realize he was that old! Talk about earning ones fine joorey. I hope she has an impressive collection.
FYI – for anyone interested in Kelly’s dating status and whether she decided to go younger or stick with the codgers, last I read she and Sam Talbot from Top Chef were dating. He’s about 32 or 33, so not quite 24 but certainly younger, and taller, than Kelly.
Countless needs to find another hobby because her singing isn’t going to get her that far (or buy her much joorey). Absolutely AWFUL! I thought her first song was bad, but the second one is worse. What are these record execs thinkg? I thought maybe I was just being critical – but the fans on facebook agree 99.99% and they are ruthless with their comments.
Brava, Twunty-
I just figured out who Sonja reminds me of…remember Gloria TNT (Princess {PocaPrincess} Von Turn und Taxis {forgive my spelling} of the 80s. She, too, married an old geezer, and was (I believe) cast to the winds when he tired of her, but, in the interim, was known for her Voracious Appetites. Your recaps ROCK, keep up the good work!
Twunty!!! Another amazing recap! It was well worth the wait…
Is it just me or does anyone else notice that the only person that might threaten Shill is Sonja?
From what I’ve been seeing about Jill, she wants to either (a) be the gatekeeper of all information “housewives” related, or (b) be the first to know -period. Idiot.
As for LuLu’s “lovah” he’s not European, just a wannabe. I found this on Amazon:
Coerte V.W. Felske was born in New York City and grew up in Manhattan and Quogue, Long Island. He attended Bronxville High School and then received his Bachelor of Arts from Dartmouth College. He did his graduate work in film directing and screenwriting at Columbia University. … All of Felske’s books past and present are being released by The Dolce Vita Press, sold online only at http://www.coertefelske.com, http://www.thedolcevitapress.com, in conjunction with Amazon.com.
I wonder if he knew Jill on Lawn Guyland, or ran into Leather at Columbia? What a small world, huh?
These women are a trip. Twunty, you see so much more than I do. Thanks for your vigilance and your EXCELLENT recapping!!
Let me elaborate:
As we all know,Sonja comes from JP Morgan money…deep deep pockets. And I would bet ALL my fine joorey that she had to learn real quick how to deal with the ladies in that family. I mean you don’t run five houses complete with staff and come out without knowing how to shut a silly bitch like Shill down AND to do it gracfully. I mean, I would imagine that she went into that situation and came out with a black belt in richfakebitchkwando. I might be speaking prematurely here but I think Sonja is laying in wait like a ninja. We saw how she dismissed Shill with a smile at the crappy Kodak tarty when Shill tiredly tried to comment on her belt. It was almost like Sonja saw it coming…she corrected her and kept on going. Also, I know Sonja is new but we have not seen Shill say much to or about Sonja. And we all know that Shill won’t pass on an opportunity to tear someone down…just sayin’.
What the fuck is up with that creepy guy Corte’s mouth? He grimaces all the time, like he did some awful drug that causes lip twitches or something. Or maybe a bug flew into his mouth and he’s trying to catch it. And his eyes dart around like he’s afraid public health is going to burst through the door at any minute and out him as a chronic syphillus carrier. Just ewwww. I can’t even watch when that tool’s on the tv. Does the cuntess really have that bad of taste in men?
Don’t forget, Jill is now friends with Lynn Spears! And perez.hilton. And Cindy Adams. And Donald Trump. And Tommy Hilfiger. And Jessica Seinfeld.
She is a name dropping fool and I HATE HER! HATE HER! HATE HER!
@margo don’t worry all the moms know who the bitches are. but, they are trying to be polite AND don’t know where everyone else stands. so they are keeping their mouths shut unless they are sure of the lay of the land. I have 2 boys and a girl and that shit goes on at all the stuff my daughter does. the boys, not so much. mostly because the dads are all there and not the moms and dads don’t do that shit. so usually my husband takes my daughter to dance and I take the boys to their activities.
@ kara: Sorry if I misspoke about Leather apologizing. No need to call BS. She may have said she was embarrased. Mainly, my point was to relay to Twunty my paranoid comment. In the wise words of Kelly “don’t shoot the messenger…it’s in literature”.
@ b breezy: “richfakebitchkwando” HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Love it!!
Earlier I forgot to add that I would love to travel with Ramona and Sonja. They’re just a little older than me but they are some fun broads!
Gloria von TNT didn’t get thrown to the winds. She is besties with Pope Benedict. I think that husband died.
I had a father like Bethenny’s, only he stuck around and made our lives miserable. As he lay dying from cancer, my brothers and sisters and I gathered around him and hoped that he would make some sort of acknowledgement about how badly he treated us and how sorry he was. Nope. The hard thing is, once they’re dead, there’s no longer chance of a reconciliation and you have to move forward with the knowledge of being forever rejected by your parent.
That said, what a terrific job you did, Twunty. There was a gold mine of material in that episode.
Those posers hanging around LuAnne (the book guy and the record guy) are obviously only there for the exposure to whatever they’re hawking. Is she so desperate that she actually believes their crap? And what’s with that book guy having his tongue hanging out all the time? Ugh!
Too bad there wasn’t a deadbolt on the outside of that pantry door. That has to be one of the most ridiculous moments on all of television. That new housewife must be wondering what she’s gotten herself into.
It’s amazing how much stuff there is to cover in this episode, I can’t even imagine recapping it – it must be like writing a term paper!! Twunty, thanks for your sweet compliments! I won’t lie, it made my day and I had a rough one today
We could be related, my great grandfather was quite the ladies man and I believe married 5 or 6 times, LOL. Or maybe our dads are actually the same dad like in the Lifetime Moment of Truth Movie, “Double Standard” with Michele Greene and Robert Foxworth; because he traveled to NYC a lot in the 70′s too and The Four Seasons was a regular stop for him too. LOL… I’m in my 4th decade of TV addiction folks…
Okay, back on track – promise! I thought it was completely hilarious when PocaCuntess (thanks shanti!!) asked Sonja if she could borrow some earring backs, and Sonja said “No.” Haha!!! That really cracked me up, then she tells P-Cunt she only has one set of backs for ALL of her earrings!! Translation: “Lulu, I think you are a dirty whore-bag and I have a fumigation squad lined up exactly 10 minutes after the party ends to de-funk my bathroom from your skankery.”
Lulu has yet to show any actual awareness of etiquette. First of all, you don’t publicly display a rack of charitable donations – people can’t always give at the same level and you want them to feel good about donating, so you acknowledge everyone pretty much the same for the most part and have an assistant check in the donations outside of the main party venue. Also, you do not use the occasion to ATTACK a contributor. WTF?? If I were Alex I would have said, “If you don’t respect me enough to show me some courtesy at an event I am providing CHARITY to, then give me back my things so I can make a direct contribution in the name of…. whatever.” Ugh… that party made me cringe, I could feel Alex’s complete sense of discomfort and alienation… and I nominate her for the Golden Balls Award, because she walked into that snake-pit ALONE.
Bawby…. I was pretty conflicted about his approach to Alex. He shouldn’t have done it, but I think he thought he could smooth it over for Shill. I hope when he watched that episode he shredded a Shill a new one though, because after putting himself on the line he HAD to have been horrified at watching how Shill treated Alex at the end. I loved the histrionic tears AT THE PARTY, give me a break… I can’t believe anyone would invite these social retards anywhere. If I had a friend that threw a scene like that at one of my parties, there better be a damn good reason; like Kelly Cutrone says, if you have to cry do it outside.
What was up at Kelly’s party with the women sitting up on the backs of the banquets? It was like an evil high school cheerleader cult, except with seriously butt-ugly cheerleaders. I wish I could have seen what led up to Simon ending up entwined in their droopy thigh convention – I’ll bet they called him over. I totally related to Alex on that one, my husband’s clueless like that too, LOL. She handled it a lot better than I would have, I would have been LIVID.
That last party was like something concocted by Sid and Marty Krofft; what a f*ckin’ trip that was!! I had to watch it at least 6 times just to get it straight, and I still don’t have it straight. I did catch Shill’s lie about not knowing about Bethenny’s father’s death, and I could not believe how abusive she was to Ramona. Seriously, who does she think she is?
It is absolutely, completely and utterly inappropriate for her to interact directly with Bethenny at ALL. If she felt bad, she should have acknowledged it with a card and flowers – and then followed up with a note opening the door for when BETHENNY was ready to talk, if ever. How could she think that using B’s father’s death as way to open communication would be in anyone’s best interest? She’s so morally bankrupt it boggles the mind.
Her condescending demeanor toward Alex, and the threat of social retribution sealed the deal for me for good. I can honestly say that if I ever heard any of my friends make a direct threat to anyone like that, I would shut them down and out instantly. First, it’s wrong to treat people like that; second, I would be offended that they felt they had the right to speak on my behalf without my consent in any way; and third, I would never stand by while someone was being savaged publicly in such a hurtful way. Sometimes I think people don’t react the way they want to because they are stunned, and one person breaking the intensity allows everyone to regroup and realign. I wish that had happened for Alex, because that was just awful – and she had a right to be heard, what she said was valid. It wasn’t like they were all acting like they were at tea for the Vanderbilt’s before that, for Christ’s sake Shill and Leather holed up for another pity-party in Jennifer’s pantry?!?! WTF.
One thing I love about this show, and Twunty’s recaps is how everyone here is finding so much common ground. It’s kind of a cool way to reset ourselves after watching these nut-cases spiral completely out of control. It’s amazing to me how we can be in our 30′s and 40′s (ahem, I’m in the latter group) and still be dealing with mean girls in real life. I had my 25th high school reunion a few years ago, and so many of those lines were still drawn. There were a lot of women who were genuinely still intimidated by women they hadn’t dealt with in over 2 decades… I’m also finding that a lot of my friends now are going through similar things in terms of boundary-setting, and reevaluating the health or toxicity in certain friendships. I think the 40′s for women is kind of like a period of unconscious self-reflection, we’re sort of doing a psychological cleaning of our mental closets – time to throw away the stuff that doesn’t fit anymore. Or I might be experiencing early dementia – either way, I’m good!
mulecitybabe – I find Corte pretty creepy, too. Especially the way he sticks his tongue out when he laughs, but I think the crazy eyes and twitching are just him being coked/tweaked out.
Twunty you rock! – I want to say hello everyone and I love not only the recaps but the comments too! Such a fun site! I have to tell you ladies that I watch the shows with my teenage daughter (as a cautionary tale) and even at 14 she can call BS on these ladies. She recognizes alot of the behavior because she actually is in high school! And can I just say that all the bad behavior is based in insecurity. Just some examples: JILL says pretty boys are bad news and that your significant other should love you more…umm no they’re just pretty and true love is someone you can’t live without not just someone you live with! KELLY says she’s fabulous, like really fabulous, like the most fabulous, terrific, amazing person in the like UNIVERSE like! umm…if your so great then the people who truly know and love you will tell you – you wouldn’t feel the need to remind anyone! LULU – my darling love sweetheart…if your so classy you wouldn’t feel the need to talk down to other adults by calling them fake endearments…umm talking down to someone does not elavate you bitch. SONJA – stop talking about sex so much, it just proves your not having any. If you’re really as good as you say then your fine joorey box would speak for itself! Well, I’ll check back later for more fun comments! XOXO
Twunty,
Great recap- certainly worth the wait.
Still hate Jill and Luann and that song sucks
I don’t really understand why everyone lets Jill get away with everything she does.
We know she takes notes, but does she have incriminating stuff on everyone so they have to be on her side?
She treats Kelly like the imbecile that she is, she throws insults at Luann and they just follow her around and defend her awful behavior.
I find it so the pot calling the kettle black that Ramona reprimands Alex for delivering the message from Bethany yet she forgets her own
ill-timed outbursts. She is so night and day that it is confusing
Like both Alex and Simon this season. I read the blogs they write too-Simon is very witty.
Glad that Bethany has Jason
Sonja seems ok and I think that Jennifer is trying too hard
As for Kelly, Twunty you said it best -If you have to keep saying that you’re smart, you probably aren’t.
Someone should tell her that she is showing everyone how very stupid she is week after week.
Hi, All!
Just a little note to let you know that gramps finally passed away yesterday. We were expecting it and Mr. McSlore’s family is having a big get-together later this summer to honor him.
I’m going to thank you in advance for any kind words you might send my way. You guys rock. I am grateful for your wisdom and humor which leaves me speechless sometimes.
I’m going to reiterate what I said to Flipit last night- It sucks getting old. Somebody needs to find a cure for that shit.
Love and Rainbows and Unicorns, you Ho-Bags,
Twunty
Twunty you did this episode way more justice then the ladies did. This one was just awkward and sad. Bethanny saying goodbye to her father was heartbreaking.
Let’s talk about “Corte”. He is the creepiest thing I have ever seen slither onto one of these shows. In my opinion, creepier then Slade Smiley. He just makes Lulu look even more pathetic. Jill attacking Ramona about not letting her know about Bethanny’s dad was sickening.
This episode was such a bust but the next one is delicious!!!! Oh to see Kelly look like a complete crazy was just pure delight.
twunts, my gram just passed two weeks ago. Even though it was expected it still hurt like hell. I’m so sorry for the Mcslore fam.
Btw, my old as the hills newfie is starting to fall apart at the seams, I don’t have 5 creating havoc like you, but dang one is enough! Hang in there!
Ok, on to Coerte, yuck and Creepy McCreeperson. The way he throws his head back and laughs with that thick-tongued no-lip no-teeth gives me hives! No offense to non-creepy old guys, but he seems like an old man who lost his dentures and with horrible dry mouth breath!!! Maybe that is why LuPaul turned her head. Hives I tell you, hives.
Can’t wait to discuss the yacht epi!
As much as I want that recap, take your time, you obviously have a lot on your plate!
huggles!
Twunty,
Sincere condolences.
XOXOXOXOXO
Twunty,
I am so sorry for your loss. Giant kisses and hugs coming your way.
SWAK (&H), PottyMouth
twunty, so sorry to hear about your gramps, if your sense of humor and writing skills were passed down from that bloodline, I’m sorry I never knew him cuz he must have been as we say in the south, a hoot!!!
I was going to e-mail my story to you, and or write it here but I didn’t know if it was appropriate to fill the comment space with personal stuff! Also, I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I got my first computer 6 months ago, and I don’t know how to navigate to well. I was supposed to start a class last week and it was cancelled!
I will say this is my first and only site I write to (cuz I love ya’ll)
@Prodical cheez… YES exactly! i’m 45 and had my daughter a little later so while I’m in that space of self reflection, some of those mother’s are clearly not!
@chemgal Funny you should say that, because my husband became very involved when I was working more (I work nights) and because he knows very little about mean girls he actually made things much worse cuz he does not hold back at all and makes MORE drama……I’m so exhausted of it all…
This episode was so crazy, I wonder what jenn thought when half her party ended up in the pantry. That’s what marlboro’s are for! You excuse yourself, go outside have a smoke and get your shit together! (I know, they can shorten your life, but we are talking about Jill here)
And the blond dude COMPLETELY creeps me out, I cannot even watch that scene BLEECH!
I could be wrong, but I think in the scene where they mentioned Alex’s hair, I think Sonja was really complimenting (her hair did look fantastic) but Jill took it to another place. I THINK, but I could be wrong, I can’t tell if Alex annoys Sonja or not.
@uglycutie – no need, I just didnt want anyone thinking she actually apologized when she didnt, and I have heard that while on the Bravo boards shes “somewhat apologetic” on her Twitter she seems proud of how she acted…. sorry if it seemed i was attacking you!
@prodigal – we all know FLOWERS and a CARD are NOT ENOUGH. Never enough!
If it wasn’t enough in Shill’s eyes when Bethenny sent flowers and a card for Bobby for his cancer scare, it sure as shit shouldn’t be enough for someone who just lost their father. I mean, in normal circumstances, we HUMANS appreciate any and all gestures like that, no? But not Jill. Nothing would ever be enough for Jill, cause if something WERE enough, she would lose much of her storyline/screentime/things to bitch and whine about.
@Twunty – I am deeply sorry for the loss of Gramps. Expecting it or not, death is never easy, because it is so final and heartbreaking. You sound like you have an awesome family/support group, so keep your heads up and do the best you can to honor his memory
@prodigal – Just realized I missed 2 paragraphs of yours and laughed when I saw Your Go outside to cry comment!
Awww, Twunty – I’m so sorry about your Gramps. Losing someone you love is always hard, even if you know it’s inevitable. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and I’ll ask my Grandma to keep an eye out and show him the ropes. I actually believe there is an “after”, and they stay with us for a while. Much love – we’re here for you, and take the time you need to grieve – it’s important. Take care, XO – Prodigal.
Thanks, Gasmii. You are all so kind to me.
I won’t pretend to have any idea what happens to us after we die but you know what’s strange? The day my father died, a huge red tailed hawk showed up in my backyard not 15 feet from where I was sitting. This morning Mr. McSlore yells for me to come quickly to the kitchen window and what do I see? A huge heron standing next to the little pagoda on a rock by our goldfish pond, looking for a snack. It makes you wonder…
LOL Kara!! Sadly, that’s true… Haha!
@margo – I’m surprised anyone read it, I totally went overboard on the length of it! LOL, I couldn’t believe it when it posted – I almost died of embarrassment **craws into pantry and cries**. Hey, you don’t need to take a class – do an online tutorial for your Operating System. If it’s Mac OS X, Windows 7, Vista or Windows XP you can usually get an online tutorial on the home sites:
Mac OS: http://www.apple.com/findouthow/mac
Windows 7: http://windows.microsoft.com/en-US/windows7/help
For anything else just Google the “name of your application” online tutorial. It’s actually better, you’ll learn faster because you’re doing it yourself. Nice to meet ya!
I think that’s really interesting Twunty, and birds have a long mythical association with both birth and death. The heron is very symbolic in Egyptian mythology:
In ancient Egyptian, the hieroglyph for ‘Benu’, which probably were a derivation of the word ‘weben, means to ‘rise in brilliance’ or to ‘shine’. But the heron is represented with two different hieroglyphs; standing upright as if wading through water and perching on its peg. The standing heron appears in naturalistic or symbolical scenes connected with the sungod or life after death. Often the sundisc was shown above its head, pointing at the connection with the myth of the sungod and its day and night journey. The heron also represented the ‘Ba’ – the soul of Ra, and during the Late Period the hieroglyph Gardiner 53 was used to represent the Ba.
He must have loved you very much, because that sounds like he was stopping by to let you know he’s okay.
Um prodigal, I won’t even pretend to act like your last post about him stopping by to let Twunty know he was okay didn’t make me cry. Very sweet indeed.
Twunty – I’m so sorry for your loss. I buried my father last summer after a drawn out stretch in the hospital and know that it isn’t easy at any age. My family says Treats Galore as a battle cry during times of great stress that can’t be avoided as a reminder to take those small moments of kindness and comfort to help you through the rest. Taking a moment to admire the bird. The heron totem in this neck of the woods means balance and clarity of meaning. Not a bad blessing really. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. Treats Galore.
prodigal – You know when you read something and you say “Wait, you too?” Well, there you go. When FB started getting big and one of the people from my high school found me (trust me, I didn’t go looking for them) this deluge of friend requests came in from people that had tortured me through middle and junior high school (I will admit to being a little melodramatic there but it’s definitely how I felt then). I was really surprised at the visceral reaction I had against renewing contact with them at the same time scolding myself to be a grownup because it was 20 years ago. They can’t take my birthday away or stamp my meal card “No Desert” so why exactly am I stressing? Well, because my Jill and my Luann waited exactly a day before trying the same old thing they always did to put me in my place. I’m not the same person at 40 that I was at 12 though and while they remained in the little pond so that they could remain big fish, I swam out into the big ocean with the rest of the “freaks” (their word, not mine) and learned that they were really tiny fish after all. Shill, LuMan, and the Wingnut don’t realize that they’re minnows in the grand scheme of things. And as Sue Grafton said “It never pays to deal with the flyweights of the world. They take far too much pleasure in thwarting you at every turn.” even though I don’t know where she said it (I got it off a calendar a few years back).
Dessert, damn it! Dessert! I’m lamenting my typo but if you want to take it as an order, be my guest.
My condolences to you and your husband. I have a hard time reconciling my jewish and catholic backgrounds with my belief that we are surrounded by spirits. Right after my beloved uncle died (he was like a grandparent) my newborn daughter started to laugh and giggle and try to reach at something whenever I laid her on the ground. Her eyes would dart around as if she was following someone around the room. I believe with all my heart that my uncle came for a visit. All of my children talk about the man they see in my house and in the yard. It use to scare me, but now I realize it probably is a spirit and my kids are not afraid of him, they just report on where he is. As they have gotten older, it seems as if my youngest is the only one who will see him.
As for the recap, I am pretty sure Jennifer told everyone to be quiet as she just got everyone to sleep. Not very considerate party guests. And everyone is correct, Corte is beyond gross and that nasty tongue/laugh. I had a friend who was like jill and like the ladies on the show, didn’t realize until after the friendship was over. she was someone I grew up with but would never be friends with now as a grownup. she was mean and nasty, but I think when you are friends with them you either a. don’t notice it b. don’t care or c. stay friends so they don’t turn their vile behavior on you.
Oh Twunt, You and Mr.McSlore are in both thoughts and prayers.
Bbreezy: You are dead on with your observation about Jill’s strange ‘bitch hesitation’ (scientific term?) towards Sonja. It’s like she just concedes, for lack of a better word, to her. And the thing is, it was the same thing last year with LuLu. It makes you realize how effed up their whole social circle is. It’s all about whose got the most- stuff($) and/or name recognition. Remember, that’s what set Leather off at Betheny last season. She was supposed to just except that Leather was The Shit, as opposed to just a shit. When she didn’t we got the infamous: “Up here/ Down There” speech.
Olivia: You forgot the most vomit inducing name drop of all: Michael Lohan. Oh yes, good friends and Jill will have you know he only wants what’s best for his daughter. UGH!!!
@kizarny the girl who posted clearisl ads on my locker every day in 7th grade and made up songs about my acne AND threw my stuff out the second floor window at least once a week recently friended me on facebook. even though the acne cleared up (at least to within normal teenage limits – still get pimples at 40!) and I became part of the in crowd through out high school and she wound up hanging out in the band room with the band instructor during lunch everyday I still hate her with all my being. I did friend her and almost to be spiteful because I know her life did not turn out as good as mine. I almost feel like a hypocrite when I tell my daughter to not worry about the little stuff.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather, Twunty. No matter how much we tell ourselves “he had a long happy life,” we still have to go on. When my mom passed, we didn’t have a traditional funeral as we had her cremated and were taking her ashes back to Croatia, but a few months later, on her birthday, my sister had a memorial party to celebrate my mom, and it really was a comforting way to remember my mom as she was, and as all her friends and family, remembered her.
I don’t know when your grandfather’s birthday is, but if it’s soon enough, I can’t recommend enoug having a party for him to celebrate how wonderful he was and what he meant to you.
Wow I look cold hearted! I was writing my comment Twunty when you wrote yours. I’m so sorry about your grandfather.
Fantastic recap, as always!
Haven’t finished scrolling through comments yet, but wanted to say a couple of things before I forget.
I’ve finally made up my mind about Sonja, and I’m in! I loved that she admitted that she likes making a dramatic entrance. I think both her honesty and her personality are a refreshing change on this show. She reminds me of that slightly inappropriate aunt who flirts with your boyfriend, embarrases you by bringing up sex around your friends, lets you skip school to go see a movie & tells you stories about when she used to blow lines at discos in the 70′s. (Possibly with our friend the Countess).
Jennifer- (although it seems she’s not officially a Housewife) True, her comment about Corte was a little mean-spirited, but it made me lol. “Whoever Luann’s date is, he has bad hair & he’s gay.” His hair is awful. AW-FUL. But I didn’t like how she gravitated towards Jill at the Gotham party like a hanger-on trying to get in good with the “popular” girl.
Jill. I think it’s all been covered. She is a disgusting human being. I really can not see any redeeming qualities in her any longer. Her comment about Alex is very telling. “She’s done”, not “I’m done with her”. It was a threat, and the scary part is she will do everything she can to carry it out.
Kelly, aside from seeming to have some actual mental issues, is just a weak-minded and unintelligent woman who has convinced herself that she is strong and intelligent. Frankly, she’s “creepy”.
Twunty, your kaleidoscope line was brilliant!
LOVED Ramona in this episode. I thought her advice to Bethenny was very sound, and it was clear that she was genuinely trying to help her.
Alex was awesome! I wanted to shout “Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!”
A couple of weeks ago we were talking about karma, and that many of us get a lot of satisfaction seeing it play out in a very real way on this show. It really is cathartic. As tough as it is to watch some episodes, every week these women show the world a little bit more of their ugliness. And if even one person a week who used to admire them changes their mind, it’s worth it. I can’t find the words to say exactly what I mean, but I hope it came across.
On to reading more comments
I know last wks episode wasn’t posted yet. However, remember Sonja remarking, several times, on the cat pee smell in Kellys room ? Another website I was on mentioned that cooking meth or even using meth can give off a smell like cat urine. I checked out some sites online and they all mentioned a very strong ammonia or acetone smell like cat urine.
Also some symptoms are: paronoid behavior, bad skin and teeth, irritability, picking at hair or skin, strong body odor and euphoric state. Think Sonja was giving us a clue ?
Twunty, I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. When I lost my 2 remaining grandparents a few years ago (within 6 weeks of each other, it sucked) I found that a lot of people didn’t seem to think it was a big deal. Turns out there are a lot of people out there who were never lucky enough to get to know their grandparents, sometimes because of family feuding or because they lived far away. That made me feel really lucky to have been so close to my own grandparents. I hope that it gives you some comfort that you really knew him & had a relationship with him. It sucks losing the people we love
Yay, I’ve been jonesing for a recap, Yay! You know how just when you think Jill can’t get any worse than she already is but then she surpises you by sinking even lower than you thought was humanly possible? Well, Twunty, I don’t know how you do it, but each of your recaps somehow ends up being that much funnier than the last one, and the last one was as funny as a recap could possibly be, or so it seemed!
BTW I got a kick out of Sonja’s monogrammed towels too. It’s funny to me that she not only kept her ex-husband’s surname, she also adopted his middle name as her own. She was Sonja Tremont. He was John Adams Morgan. So after the divorce she naturally decided to call herself Sonja Tremont Adams Morgan. But I like the monogrammed “Tits & Ass” explanation much better:)
Can’t wait to read Twunty’s take on One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Yacht.
I may be the only one on here who has some serious reservations about Ramona. She is all over the place. Can’t quite figure out where her “loyalties” lie since one minute she is skewering Jill, the next kissing her up. It may depend upon how much she has imbibed during the filming, but she is “shaky” as far as I can see. That walk on the bridge where she told Bethenny she had no friends and accused her of tipping off Page Six to the drama offstage still rankles. Then she chides Alex for getting involved when she did the same. She doesn’t ring my bell at all.
No surprise that Lu Ann and Kelly show their hate for Bethenny: at least they remain consistent. And Alex, I think, has tried to maintain some equilibrium throughout until it finally spilled over and she let loose. No problem with that since Jill has had it coming for a long time.
As for Sonja, it is still a wait and see. Much of what she has written in her blog is pretty neutral but she does her share of constant name dropping and that reminds me of Jill. Not sure what her role is but up until now she has remained a blank slate so to speak and her “cougar” image is not something I have much interest in.
Jennifer Gilbert perhaps needs to closely examine how badly she wants to be on this show which is merely concerned with how much damage one Housewife can cause another. With a business to run in NYC that depends on high end customers, she may not wish to be viewed as just another backbiting harpy which could harm her income as a result.
I agree too the Corte is just balls to the walls creepy. It is weird how he rolls his lips over his teeth and then throws his head back in laughter. But it isn’t a hearty belly laugh that causes most people to throw their head back, but a sort of whispered, whimper of a laugh and then he ends it with a sort of sigh. Then he rolls the lips and starts talking in a hiss whisper. I don’t know he is just so strange.
Twunty: April showers seem to have brought a deluge of problems in May. If it something isn’t happening to me then it is happening to someone I know. Or in your case, someone that I read. You are not alone- I am saying that with sympathy and support. I wish that we could all live in a world of unicorns and cartwheels. Kelly has at least that right. My thoughts and energy go out to you and your loved ones.
I have always seen the hawk as a sign from spirit that you are on the right path. Or just simply as a message from spirit between other worlds and this existence. Also it tells us to soar up high, above the fray, above the mundane world, above our current situation and see the larger picture. It is telling that we have the eyes of spirit that we can look out over the world with compassion and love. Spirit is walking with you when you see a hawk.
I have done little working with Herons, but since Herons leave when it is cold and come back during the spring as the weather gets warmer. To me the are a symbol of the return to life, a regeneration of life.
Sorry if that was a little too touchy, feely, new agey. But I don’t know I like animal magic because they are all around us and I don’t believe can act as messengers, signs, and omens. Mostly they are blessings to remind us of the beauty of life. And it is special when they decide to come and visit with us.
Twunty,
So sorry for your loss. It’s never easy having to say goodbye to a loved one doesn’t matter what age they are.
Twunty – I am sorry for your loss. Having lost a much beloved grandmother last year (short of her 90+ birthday-which I share)I feel for you.
Your recaps are comic gems and the comments here are brilliant. And I will just add: Jill = disgusting yenta trainwreck; Luann = my cat sings better and curses to T-Pain for that auto tune shit. And please, a warning if you and creepy Corte tongue wrestle on the show. I need a cup of bleach to throw in my eyes. Ramona = please stop ReNewing things, I’m am getting a contact high. Kelley = I know in the modeling world, models and sort of models get away with 2+2=5, but in the real world, you would be a crash test dummy. Sonja = not sure about her yet. I think I can hang with her, but I don’t want to have the v-jay jay talk every time. And Bethenny = feel ya, but please use the “he liked it, so he put a ring on it” line one time, m’kay?
Vallegirl: Such a good idea about the B-Day.
Okay, if anybody needs a good giggle, head over to urlesque.com- they have compiled all of Leathers’ homemade Youtube videos. Apparently, Leather thinks she has many helpful lifestyle tips people like you and I just might enjoy!! For instance, how to make alcoholic Lemonade (oh, it’s easier than you think). And did you know, fellow Gasmi, that Jackson Pollack was renound for “his splatter paint”. Well, he was.
We aren’t the only ones who’ve noted her “special” way of talking.
skatt- Lol I was just coming on here to post something else about Leather for anyone who needs a good laugh. Can’t wait to see those youtube videos. I just read that Kelly tweeted she was a lit/writing major at Columbia. AYFKM? I got my degree in Creative Writing, and there is no way in HELL an English professor at Columbia would stand for her horrific spelling & vocabulary, not to mention the fact that she has a tenuous hold on the English language. Some of her tweets:
“i use vitamin E creme form kmart”
“i never used drugs. i saw babies addicted to crack smash their legs because of overdose. drugs are destructive”
“my daughter wants me to write the book ‘what we never new about being parents.’ sea wants to write it with me. so cutie”
And this one is just fun:
“i hate users. love who you want, and hate me more. have fun with my products, and be generous with people in need. it’s simple”
Huh? Lol.
(There are tons more on LynnNChicago’s blog, too funny.)
Corte reminds me of Wormtail from Harry Potter. Major spine shiver when he comes on.
JKW, that’s interesting… It struck me as unusual that Sonja said that in the first place. Why would a well-known luxury yacht like the Olga smell at all? But this is for next week’s discussion. Can’t wait!
Twunty,
Excellent recap as usual.
So sorry to learn about the death in your family. My heart goes out to you, Mr, McSlore,family and friends that are grieving the loss of Gramps. It is never easy.
@ Olivia I’m not a Ramona lover either. she gets away with a lot because of her crazy. everyone brushes it off and when she’s mean people say “oh that’s just ramona, you know how she is” She’s a mean girl as well she just hides it behind the crazy, which I believe is 80% real and 20% contrived as a buffer. And trust me I know, I have a MIL whose alzheimer’s seems to come and go at whim. After yelling and namecalling she’ll claim she doesn’t even remember doing it and both her sons and husband can’t figure out why their wives get so upset. She also will tell them that we didn’t invite her or include her in stuff. my husband is on to her as I no longer conduct any phone conversations with her but do all planning by email and have been able to prove she has in fact gotten multiple invites and reminders about activities.
So sorry about your loss Twunty. Jill is a cunt. She attacked Ramona she attacked Alex and those harpies just stood and watch. And the cuntess with her lies about not choosing sides is just as despicable as Jill. I’m so tired of Kelly trying to act like a scholar when we all know she’s just a tall girl who married well. Her ignorance is shown once again in the next episode. Twunty I appreciate your recaps so much. I feen for them like an addict so thank you for my fix.
Oh, Twunty, I am so sorry for your loss. We just buried an “uncle” (really my cousin) today, a week after he celebrated his 50th anniversary. Hugging you from afar, my dear.
Some thoughts on the show, but first: I am a voracious (look THAT up, Kelly – oh wait – you went to Columbia, so you know what that means) reader of your recaps. it’s my personal crack, actually. But for two days I could not get into this site! When I did, the pages wouldn’t load and then I was cut off again! hard to deal with when there’s no vodka in the house.
Anyhoo. Um, Lulu, what the hell are you dating? Corte ( what kind of name is that?) is plain ol’ I-C-K-Y. And you KISSED him? Blaaaaah. I swear, honey, that you go home at night and take that one-shouldered dress off, hang it next to your 75 other one-shouldered dresses (in the closet where you apparently only have one pair of boots), and then take that mask you call a face off and put it in a jar by the door. The Countess and the Ho-Bag!!
Kelly could have a best-selling book, called The Official Kelly-to English Dictionary!!
I want to ask Ramona why, WHY does she continue to call Jill a friend when all Jill does is trash her. If I invited someone onto my boat (1st episode), and she was making all those horrendous comments about me, well, Jill better know how to swim ’cause she’s going overboard. I think if water touches Jill’s body she’d melt, just like the Wicked Witch of the West. So when she’d hit the water, she’d go POOF and disintegrate.
I completely agree with Missy2sweet. I feen for your recaps like an addict, too.
Who am I missing? Oh, Ms. Vile of the 20th Century. Please, God, PLEASE – someone call her out. I want a reunion show where Jill is asked about all the foul things she’s done and said, and when she tries to backpedal, Andy pulls out every freaking scene where she contradicts herself. Make fun of Ramona in a bathing suit? Show Jill in her ridiculous ice skating outfit. Ramona didn’t tell her first about Bethenny? You already KNEW, bitch. It could go on and on.
And I wish to God we could all get together for a viewing party. Then we could all give Jill and Lulu the finger as one. JOY….
Till next time…Cyn
I haven’t read the recap yet, and I’ve only looked at a couple of the comments, so I apologize if this is redundant, but Twunty, I gotta hand it to you, you’ve managed to write amazingly insightful, hilarious recaps, while at the same time forming something of a support group among the commentors. I may have misspelled that last word, but the “mentor” part really applies. Everyone here who comments has amazing insight, as well as awesome anedotes, ranging from hilariously snarky to informative to heart-wrenching. I’m not a regular commentor (commenter?) but I do read religiously, and every time I read these recaps, followed by the comments, I feel better. They make me realize that the bullshit going down in my life, which seems crazy and stressful and at times, terrible, is really just the same as everyone else is going through in one way or another. So I have to say thanks to Twunty and all the others who leave comments; I enjoy each and every one. Everyone here is amazing, and I hope the best for all. K, and that is my sad sap moment of the week…
Twunty – very sorry about your loss. I like to think our loved ones are still with us or watching over us somehow after they pass. My father died of cancer when he was only 56 – I was 27 at the time. The night before he passed away I had the most vivid dream. I was at his funeral and he sat up in the coffin and looked at me and told me not to worry – that everything would be okay. It was so real it was scary. When I got married, 10 years later (yes I was an “older” bride), I was very sad knowing that he would not be there to walk me down the isle and that we would not share the father-daughter dance. We would have danced to the Beatles’ “In My Life.” The morning of my wedding I heard that song on the radio. (I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve ever heard that song on the radio.) It was comforting and I really think he had something to do with it. I still miss him but hope to see him again someday.
Ok – enough sadness. I’m off to read J-Mo’s Top Chef Master’s recap and laugh. But you’ll always be my favorite!
Twunty, sorry to be late – but I wanted to also send my condolences to you and your family. You have been so kind to all of the posters, and I hope that you feel that love coming back to you now.
It’s so sad to start losing our elders – I can remember how I felt when I realized there was almost no one left who knew me as a child.
The story about the hawk and the heron is just amazing. Personally, I bbelieve there is a lot that we mortals don’t understand, so I try to be open to ideas like spirits.
Wishing you and hubby peace, and sending huge hugs – xoxoxoxo
Twunty…sorry to be so late with my comments. I’m in a neck brace, hopped up on pain meds, anti-inflammatories, and anything else they can think to give me that might shut me up about the pain!
My condolences to you, Mr. McSlore, and all the family. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Being from the south, if I lived close to you, I would have already brought you food. It’s the southerner’s answer to every calamity.
I still can’t make heads or tails of these hoes, but I’ll keep reading your recaps…you make me laugh!
Take care Twunty…looking forward to the next installment!
So a little gaawwwssip to tide us all over until tonight… LuMan was out having a blast with Sonja at Cirque de Soliel last night, pictures up on FB this morning… What do you know, no Shill in sight. The Step Away Samba may be complete because the Countless looks thrilled to be out and Sonja looks like she’s eye-fucking someone off camera (I love her!)
Twunty- so sorry to hear of you and Mr. McSlore’s loss. I hope healing and peace come and you both come the other side renewed.
@uglycutie- Thanks! I couldn’t find anything to rhyme with jujitsu… I think this weeks episode proves my theory…;)
@ skatt- I totally agree! Kelly is so vapid. She couldn’t see beyond her own stupidity that Bethanny doesn’t play that game. One word Kel: therapy.
“I hope that the knowledge that we all think that Jill is a cunt helps Alex to feel better about the humiliation she suffered at her hands.”
Ahahahahaha!! So true! I just wonder if Jill ever watches these episodes and then reads the comments on her blog and recaps like this. And I wonder if it bothers her…probably not. She probably goes and masturbates over the fact that we’re talking about her, regardless of what we’re saying.
Ok – I love these recaps but never comment but now I have to….F#Q$*& Jill!! I took care of my dad for 5 and a half years of cancer and finally death. Expected or not, it SUCKS BALLS. My parents divorced when I was a year old but my dad did his best…all parental relationships are complicated I was blessed to have a dad who did his best, I would not trade 1 single minute of those years because I did my best for him, put the past away and stood by him until the end. And it broke my heart, its just gut-wrenching and life altering in a way you can’t know until you get there…I CANNOT IMAGINE what its like to go through that without having reconciled or made total peace with someone, knowing you will never get a chance to. HOW DARE THAT WENCH try to make any of it about her. If she cared or had any empathy at all, she would realize what a complete piece of shit she is. Obviously her “cancer” experience with her husband didn’t come close – or she didn’t comprehend what was going on? I don’t know, but my hears bleeds for Bethenny (regardless of whatelse has gone on) and I want to punch Jill in her face for being a complete ass. I HATE HER no matter what for making any part of that situation about her. That is just infuriating to me, what a horrible human being.
Hugs to you Twunty – expected or not, dying sucks. Once you get through the formalities and family, I suggest you and Mr. McSlore indulge in a weekend of sad music, crying, alcohol….let it out, it feels much better.
Oh – and I actually went to Columbia – like really like wnt there and like graduated – I believe Ms. Kelly went to the “School of General Studies” which is a continuing-education type thing and you can attend as long as you pay. Not like applying and like getting in and like graduating and stuff. PLEASE.
I don’t even pretend to know where we are in the lineup of episodes at this point, I’m just glad I finally got here. Late to the party as usual, suppose I should just go to the pantry and have a good fake cry. Sorry about your loss, Twunty.
What is it about those one sleeved purple dresses? Paris didn’t notify me that I should be wearing one. Oh, and when the Cuntess was on WWHL, I passed my mother’s bedroom door and she yelled out, “Boots!” So I popped into her room for a look-see to find Lulu wearing those god-awful leather things meant for a dominatrix. “Ah, but those are not THE boots!” I informed my mother.
I was just reading the Bravo boards about last week’s episode when I came across an apt (& hilarious) post about Jill: “I’d like to buy her for what she is worth, then sell her for what she thinks she is worth.”
BWAHHH!!!!
Jill Zarin really is a pathological narcissist. She is a horrible human being. Countless is a boring lapdog. Good for Alex for standing her ground to these losers (Jill & Countless think they are something because they married OLD rich men). Jill is mean and jealous because she no self esteem. Jill was probably fat and unpopular when growing up and has never gotten over it. Alex has way more class that Shill.
Ramona is looking better with each episode. Betheenny is better off without Jill in her life.
If Kelly could choose one word to describe these comments, she would probably choose “creepy.” Uhhh, how “gross”–So many FEELINGS! So 1979! But in all seriousness, my heart goes out to you, Twunty. I’m a first time commenter and I know I’m a bit late, but my condolences to you and your family. I can literally say that I check this website obsessively waiting for your recaps. As crazy as this show has been this season, your recaps have made it EXPONENTIALLY funnier. On another serious note, I (like many other viewers) was seriously disturbed by Kelly’s behavior. I don’t think she was faking or acting up for the cameras–she demonstrates such a lack of self-awareness it’s unbelievable. I’ve always thought she was a little off, but this episode really highlighted her instability. I have a grandmother who suffers from bipolar disorder, and watching Kelly attack Bethenny like the Joker in Batman was like watching my grandmother go after people during one of her manic periods. Of course, it’s entertaining in a deranged way–but, at the same time, there are real people affected by this insanity. I can only imagine how disgusting Jill and the Countless justify her behavior… if they were real friends, they would urge her to get the help she needs. PS–how awesome have Alex and Ramona become? Always been a Bethenny fan, but Sonja really gave the show the shot of energy it needed. She actually comes across as a real person–completely in tune with herself and everyone else and genuinely KIND-HEARTED. not to mention she is witty and hilarious. Sorry for the long-winded post. My best to all.
I think Alex has always been awesome, it’s just that she doesn’t draw attention to herself in the loud, obnoxious way the other women do, so she is easier to overlook. She is normal and smart in a way the other housewives could only hope to be. Sonja is a breath of fresh air. I love the way she handles Kelly, almost like a parent or therapist. Hate, hate, hate Jill. Despise Countless. I hope the rumors I’ve heard of Alex leaving the show are false. Keep Alex, FIRE JILL!!!!!!
i read this recap at work sometimes whe i REALLY need a break. you CRACK ME UP. i will laugh out loud sometimes, leaving people to wonder wtf i’m doing. Thank you
The thing about having to deal with someone who acts like Kelly did is that it isn’t always so easy to disengage and remind oneself that the person is sick. When someone is sick with a physical ailment, their ailment doesn’t cause others to physically hurt along with them. But when it’s a mental illness, practically everyone in the life of the mentally ill person ends up getting a whopping dose of crazy dumped on them regularly–so, yeah, I understand Sonja reminding everyone that Kelly is ill and so doesn’t need to be attacked, but it would be rather difficult to live with her and not want to lash out in return. Yes, I know this from experience–perhaps we are going to end up with a support group.
I so agree with you, thiajok. And if this is a support group, color me in because it’s probably the coolest one EVER. LOL. Also, I had to comment, because 100!!!
Congrats Cheez for being 100! I’m 101, so I’m “up here”. This is the coolest support group. These comment sections are just like Kelly’s 4th grade complaint pad. We may have to send Kelly, et al, a thank you card for making our brand of crazy a little more normal. That’s rich, we’re normal crazy, and they’re effin Al Sharpton crazy.
Take care, my little gum berries. Wishing you all satchels of gold, gift bags and lollipops.
Wasn’t there something published during Kellys first season saying that she actually went to Columbia community college, or Columbia outreach. She didn’t go to the actual COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY
LOL shanti!!
@kloewent, I think it was the Columbia Space Shuttle she was referring to. When they shot her out of the hatch and into the noted astral configuration “The Bensimon Distortion Field”, she came back from 1979 and there was an alien life-form living inside her skin. Apparently her species lives on sugar, tequila and confrontation; and denies the consumption and existence of all three. I’m pretty sure I saw her snap a lizard off the dinner table with her tongue, and I think she ate it.
@ Prodigal Cheeze — SNORT! I love your comment. And it is so fitting! Maybe the transmissions from the Mother planet got scrambled, and that explains her recent behavior…
Twunty – Condolences to you and yours, take all the time you need, but know you are missed.