RINGER Recap: Ring Around the Rosie

 

Hello Ringii of the TVGasm -

I owe you an apology for the loss of last week’s episode. I was traveling and I couldn’t get the time to cover the brilliance that was “It’s Easy To Cry, When There’s This Much Cash Involved” in the way it deserved. Or…?

Anyway thank you for your forgiveness, I promise to make it up to you.

Previously on the bombast and ridiculata that is RINGER – “It’s Easy To Cry, When This Much Cash Is Involved” (heehee – best titles on TV – is there an Emmy for that?)

Bridg cruised around town with Solomon, Siobhan’s driver. Hilariously, she tells Solomon she had been in a permanent drunken blackout and doesn’t remember anywhere he has ever taken her – ever. And it works. Of COURSE it does! Wow, that was some powerful stuff – what is that, several years of a continuous blackout?

So they begin to cover Siobhan’s tracks, going to all her old haunts including a coffee shop with a magic wish chess table (?), where she finds a wish from Siobhan “I wish I could forgive my sister” or something. AND then she discovers Siobhan’s secret wood paneled, sculpture-filled office. In the office, Bridget finds a mysterious key under the desk. Later Siobhan sneaks into the apartment to recover the key – a key to a safety deposit box containing Hubs’ secret company files. Hubs finds SIOBHAN there and kisses her. She freaks and takes off.

The Dragon Lady (Hubs partner) is back from London and working her nefarious trickery with Henry to secure Blossom’s rich daddy’s investment in the company. Daddy is played by Trapper John M.D.! Where the heck has he been? Initially Henry says no, but the Dragon Lady pulls out the photo of he and Siobhan (which is a completely different photo than the one she actually stole – continuity, ANYONE??) and he acquiesces. Henry pulls his first cool move in a while (ever?) by throwing her phone in a pitcher of water after the deal is done.

Now that Henry knows Bridg is not Siobhan, he and Siobhan are back to afternoon love-making. Tyler the Paris Sucker skypes Siobhan and Henry answers while in her bed. Oopsie. She convinces Tyler it’s just her brother, but Tyler decides to report Hubs’ business foolery.

Finally there is the Wild Things storyline. I called it you guys, and I bet many of you did as well. LONG story short, Juliet, Public Shrew, and Teach were all in this plan together to get money from Hubs in retaliation for taking away Juliet’s trust fund. BTW, did you know the actress who plays Juliet is Lea Thompson’s daughter? I know, right? Crazy…

Also :

-Did Mama go to rehab right quick? She seemed MUCH more put together. What happened top drunk Mama setting her daughter’s photos on fire? I liked her.
-Good to see one of Elle Woods’ BFF’s as Juliet lawyer. Ringer really is good with the guest stars.
-Did they shuffle Malcolm off out of town so Solomon could step in? That was a little weird. There’s a pointed racial joke/comment there, but I don’t think I should make it…
-Did anyone else think the Dragon Lady would pull off her trench and be naked underneath?
-Miss Golightly got to show some acting chops, right?

And NOW (drumroll) – Ringer episode 14 “Whores Don’t Make That Much” (HEE!)

Malcolm (he’s back and decked out in his new “business” attire – because he now fixes computers at Hubs’ company – HAHAHA!) and Bridg are in Siobhan’s wood paneled secret office, which is now empty. They fill us in on the finding of the key and the subsequent disappearance of the key. Malcolm decides to install a GPS on both of their phones so they will always know be able to find each other. Sweet. Aww, you guys remember when she was (not) carrying his (non) baby? I miss that time in my life.

At the apartment, Hubs is on the phone assuring a client the company is doing fine. Despite the fluxuation in the market Martin Charles is just dandy blah blah…Uh, you sure about that, Hubs?

Mama shows up – again looking somewhat put together. I want drunk Mama back! She tells Hubs she wants Juliet to come back to Miami with her. Oh sure, cause nothing bad ever happens in Miami! I hope Juliet has the latest Hermes g-string bikini!

I had to get the PICTURE in…

Mama wants to take her away because of the trial, the drugs, the DUI – she feels like she’d be safer in Miami. Has Mama seen Scarface?

THIS is Miami, fool!

Hubs reminds Mama she’s a boozehound, but she insists she hasn’t had a sip in days. Oh, well then – that changes everything! And she doesn’t want formal, legal custody – she just wants to bring her down there without all the lawyer stuff.  I’m not sure if Mama understands how these things work.

It is mentioned that the defamation suit (case # Wild Things) was settled for 10 million dollars – wha-wha? Wow – so 3.33 for Neve, 3.33 for Denise, and 3.33 for Matt. Not too shabby.

Hubs says no way and the elevator arrives just in time to make clear this conversation is over. Gotta love the timing of those elevator doors.

He really has this expression down pat, doesn’t he?  

The sound of hip-hop can only mean one thing – PUBLIC SCHOOL time! Yes, yes – y’all! Can I get a…???

Aw yeah, aw yeah!

Juliet is crossing the street when she is nearly run over by a phat Escalade knock off commandeered by Miss Golightly herself – Public Shrew.

Go ‘head, Golightly!

Beyond fear of bodily harm, Juliet has a mild panic attack reminding Shrew they weren’t supposed to draw any attention to themselves. Shrew is all “chill, dawg” and casually mentions her share of the booty is stashed at home under her bed. HAHAHAHAHA! Oh Shrew, I want a spin off starring you and Abe Vigoda called Fish – The Later Years.

Juliet demands she return the car and tell her friends she stole it. Shrew reminds Jules that the scam is over and she can do whatever she wants with her cut. Oh, and now they can go back to hating each other. She yells “Back up bitches” and jumps back in her ride. Don’t be telling her what to do – she is a grown ass woman! Sorta.

She’s been watching her YouTube “How To Be a Chola” turtorials

Hubs gets off phone with attorney as Bridg brings him tea. These conversations keep happening over and over, right? This time he tells her that Mama might have a case to take Juliet away. He questions his parenting, which seems like a pretty smart idea, but Bridg shuts down any self introspection. He’s a great dad and she’s the bad mom and everything will work out just fine! Oh simple, simple Bridget. Haven’t you figured out what show you’re on yet?

We do get a new Gung Hoy Fat Choy/Transformers Shirt though!

Hubs and Malcolm are walking at talking at the office – Malcolm is giving him a rundown of the current figures (or something). Hubs enters his office to find Henry there drooling over a photo of Hubs and Siobhan. I’m surprised he hasn’t drawn a mustache on Hubs with a sharpie.

At least his pants are up

He just thought he’d drop by for a chat, no appointment needed for a “friend”, right? Hubs introduces Malcolm to Henry – who obviously know OF one another already, right? They both are kind of in on things at this point – poor Hubs, the odd man out.

Malcolm leaves but hangs back to hear the conversation. Henry asks Hubs for the balance of his portfolio. He’s cashing out! Henry is much more self assured now that he’s gettin some. He even has a jaunty scarf!
Henry says he’s been having trust issues – not only with people, but the stock market. Oh, and a mutual friend told him Hubs was a crook – that too. So give him his money. Hubs does his best stoic face and says he will call accounting to get him a check. Well then! What about Gramps John MD, Henry?

A florist calls Bridg to confirm a delivery – he reminds her she has standing order to to be sent to 1947 Main St – an address she found on a post it in Siobhan’s office. An order to Nancy Painter in Paterson, NJ. May I remind you who is from Paterson? Teresa Guidice – and she will cut a bitch so we know it is not too nice of a place.

I’m from Paterson, bitch!

She goes to the address and somehow arrives exactly when the florist does. She then knocks on the door and is greeted with a big hug. When the woman excuses herself, Bridg sees a photo on the mantle of Sean – the baby in the picture. She realizes this is Sean’s grandmother. She goes a bit catatonic and high tails it out of there. Not a tad strange at all, Bridg.

Back at the apartment, Bridg is looking at the Siobhan/Sean picture.

Sean kind of looks like Alana from Toddlers and Tiaras, right?

Flashback! (Drink!)

7 years ago in South Tahoe – Bridg is playing with Sean, while Siobhan is fighting with his father – Dylan.
Siobhan tells him he’s a bad dad and he should go back to his mom’s basement in Jersey. He strangely takes offense to this and leaves.

OMG – we just get a good look at Sean!  Holy shit – that is the cutest thing I have EVER seen!

No comment – he says it all, right?

Bridg tries to reason with Siobhan, telling her to let him see his son, but bitchy Shiv is already in effect. She works, while Bridg watches the kid. Oh, and if Dylan comes over when she’s not here, have him arrested.

Oh hell no!

Back in the apartment, Bridg is crying – puts photo away.

Juliet emerges from the dreaded subway and meets Teach on the street. The subway always involves covert activity on this show. He tells her to make it quick, they can’t be seen together – and then takes off his sunglasses so it will be easier for them to be seen together. Brilliant. She tells Teach about Shrew, the car, the money under the bed. He gets a determined look and tells her in his best Batman voice: “I’ll take care of it.” He’s not sure how yet, but don’t get in touch again.

Not conspicuous at all

Dinner table at the apartment – The 3 of them just kinda stare at each other. Fascinating. Smartypants Juliet says “We seriously need to get a TV in here.” Hee! I like witty Juliet.

Bridg takes this moment to flashback (drink!) – Bridg is watching Sean. Dylan shows up. He begs her to let him take him to the fair. He’ll even buy a ticket for her. Since Siobhan hasn’t let Bridget out of the house in 3 weeks, Bridg caves.

Is there cotton candy? Ew, why does that sound gross? 

Juliet catches Bridg staring at her, lost in her memory. She tells her she’s creeping her out and asks to be excused. Hee. Bridg tells Hubs she thinks maybe Miami might be a good idea. Juliet might need more than she can give her. She doesn’t want to be the reason she breaks down.

Yes, she’s done the best she could for the past 5 months, but she’s not sure if its good enough. She’s obviously having some guilt over the Sean situation and transferring it over to the Juliet situation.

Henry is at home, playing with his children. Haha – just kidding – he’s at home reading a book and drinking scotch. He gets a text from Siobhan (who is back in Paris). She asks if he got the money out, to which he replies that he did but that Malcolm is all up in there now. She isn’t pleased.

Does that sound gay to anyone else? 

Juliet arrives at PUBLIC SCHOOL, but there there are no hip hop beats. Uh-oh, something is awry! A group of students/mourners is assembled on the steps. Student #3 tells Juliet Public Shrew was robbed and beaten last night. What? She wanted her to be taken care of, right? Whoops!

Apartment – The front desk calls to tell her she has a flower delivery on it’s way up. At least he called this time! Dylan shows up with the flowers that were delivered to his mother. He tells her how much her visit freaked his mom out and to stay out of their lives.

He reminds her of the time he got beat up in Tahoe. They didn’t take his wallet or car, just kicked the crap out of him. His mom took care of her, why would she upset her?

She sees he’s wearing a wedding ring and asks him if he has any kids. Oooo, low blow.
She reminds him that he cost her everything. He ruined Bridget because she trusted him. If he wants forgiveness, he’s in the wrong place – get out! Somehow, I don’t think that went very well, do you?

Juliet goes to the hospital to visit Public Shrew.

She meets her foster mom who actually bears quite a resemblance to Tessa.

Simply the Best!  Better than all the rest!

Foster Mom says the police think it was a simple robbery but she doesn’t believe it. How could she afford that SUV? She couldn’t have been a prostitute because (yes, here it is) “Whores don’t make that much.” So F.M. has decided Shrew was a dealer and someone stole her stash from under the bed. Hey F.M., didn’t the doctors tell you she can probably hear you? Not exactly motivational speaking there, Toots.

Flashback (drink!) – 7 years ago in Tahoe – Dylan, Bridg and Sean are in the car on their way back from the fair. I hope Bridg got her cotton candy. Its raining, which is the first clue something terrible is going to happen – well, probably the 8th clue, but you know what I’m saying. He asks Bridg if she’ll testify in the custody trial. Dude, not a smart question. Twin, who lives in the same home, does not testify against twin! And just for that – bam! They get t-boned. Sad – Sean is dead.

Horrible – same goes for Gleee, which had the same car crash.

Stalky Bridg is watching a happy family from outside their house. It’s Dylan’s new family.

I mean…who does that?  Seriously – who does that?  I’d throw a brick too…

She picks up a brick to throw threw the window (?). Malcolm grabs her hand and stops her saying “You need to tell me what’s going on. Right now.” So I guess Malcolm’s been using that GPS. Umm, kinda creepy?

Flashback – 7 years ago in Tahoe – Cemetary (no drinking this time you guys – it’s a funeral for cryin’ out loud. Wait until the wake).
Bridg shows up with broken arm and beat up face. Siobhan slips away from the procession and slaps Bridg – “My son is dead because of you.” So, that’s the way it is in their family.

I wish one of the Royal Tenenbaums or Maude (of “Harold and…”) would pop up

She apologizes again but Shiv says she’s not welcome here.

Bridg is having coffee with Malcolm, telling him the story. After that the drinking became “hardcore” which led to the drugs which led to Stripper Murderer Macawi.

He reminds her that Siobhan forgave her. She then tells him about the magic note from the chess table saying she didn’t really forgive her. He says it doesn’t really matter because she said it and Bridg needs to forgive herself and she needs to forgive others. So basically everyone needs to forgive everyone and then we will all be able to move on. Good work, Malcolm – glad to have you back. Now don’t you have a computer to fix? That suit’s not going to pay for itself.

At the apartment, Hubs hears Juliet bawling from her bedroom faux indoor balcony.

MTM circa 2012

She is reading about the beating of Shrew. She tells him she wants to go back in time and change everything she’s done. That’s a little extreme, Juliet, dontcha think? He asks if she might want to get away from New York and all of this drama. Maybe live with Mama? She agrees that a change in scenery might be good. Hmmm.

Henry meets Malcolm in the office reception area. He’s there to pick up his check. Henry tells he’s been having computer problems and would he come by and check it out – he’ll pay him. Malcolm shakes his head to say no, but when he sees Henry pull out the same keyring that went missing he decides to take him up on the offer. So Henry is staying “on top” of Malcolm and Malcolm is following the keyring. He tells Henry he’ll meet him at his place.

Really?  $1 bills?  C’mon Mr. Fancypants – remember – your scarf!  Blossom is not happy…

Teach grabs Juliet off the street and pulls her into an alley. He looks like a 12 year old. He says he doesn’t know anything about the beating or where the money went. Juliet tells him she’ll scream if he doesn’t let her go. She runs off, while calling someone – they need to talk, the plan is getting out of control. I wonder who it could be.

I’m kinda diggin’  ”On A Mission” Juliet 

Bridg approaches Dylan at his house. How did she find him? Maybe Malcolm installed a GPS on him as well.
She wants to talk to talk to him about Sean, but he doesn’t want to hear it. She tells him she almost threw a brick last night. She saw him and his family and she hated him. He tells her he hasn’t moved on. She says it was an accident. She forgives him. He thanks her. They cry. Aww.
I guess that’s closure – for him, at least. As far as he knows.

For real tho’ – SMG kicked some ass, acting wise, this week

Bridg gets off the elevator and sees Hubs. Hubs tells Bridg that Juliet is open to moving but he is not willing to let her go. She may be in the wrong city, but she is with the right family. He asks her if she’s in his corner and she says yes.

Malcolm calls her asking how it went this morning. She tells him it went ok, but she really wanted to be Bridget again. Give Bridget’s actual forgiveness. She wants to find a way to become Bridget again without losing everyone and everything. Good luck with that one, sweetie.

Eyes Wide Shut (sorry guys, I had to)

Juliet is sitting on a park bench talking to someone.

That is Lea’s daughter, righhht?  I want her to give the diamond studs back to him next.

She thought Teach was going to attack her. “It was all your fault, all your idea – the lawsuit, everything.” Someone sits down next to her. Yes, its Mama:

Mama needs a brand new bag

who tells her everything will be alright, it’ll be fine. Oh Mama, don’t you know what show you’re on?

 

I love you, Mommie Dearest

I would venture to say this was one of the best shows so far. The writing, the clues coming together, the acting – it all worked. Predictable yes, but it all came together.

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