RINGER Recap – That’s What You Get For Trying To Kill Me

 

Hope you all had a great Turkey Day! First of all – I am so sorry the recap for the last episode never made it online. Due to technical difficulties, it was lost in the ether. Completely my fault. I hope you guys will forgive me!

Here is a quick recap of my recap from episode 9 – “Shut Up and Eat Your Bologna!”

Bridg and Hubs made out!

A little to the right, Hubs!

Hubs offered to take her to Turks and Caicos, while she suggested Ft. Lauderdale. HAHA!

I hope they don’t run into Bianca at the Turks and Caicos Airport.  This is Bianca before she beat down the Hairspray girl and after she beat down the Hairspray girl.

Bridg gives the gun to trusty Charlie to get rid of it. Charlie is making a sandwich which he brings to the basement for Blossom who is tied up and gagged.

Use the power of the Yeti!

He tells her to “Shut up and eat your bologna.” Maybe the best line/show title EVER!

Bridg finds a prescription bottle and calls the doctor’s name on it to make an appointment.

My precious…

Malcolm tells Bridg he is suspicious of Charlie because he found mouthwash with alcohol in it. Oh and he only has 4 pairs of boxers.

Bridg talks to the psychiatrist and then steals a paper from Siobhan’s file listing her afflictions/diagnosis.

That ho is crazy

Charlie calls Siobhan in Paris telling her Bridg gave him the gun.

Obviously the catering/mime career is flourishing

Bridg goes to a “church” which is actually a bar. ????. She finds Charlie there getting loaded.

All you can drink holy wine!

Malcolm finds a key to a PO box and discovers Charlie has another house in Brooklyn where Gemma is being held. He goes there, doesn’t find her, but finds a cell phone.

Olivia the Dragon Lady business partner tries to get Hubs to help her get an investment from Gemma’s rich dying father. He turns her down, so she sneaks over to Henry’s, gets him to sign the papers, and finds a picture of Henry and Siobhan on his phone.

Maybe not the smartest place to keep that pic, Hank

Oh and the twins!!! We saw the twins! The ginger twins exist!

At least we know Blossom’s a natural redhead

OK, hope that was helpful as we begin episode 10 – “That’s What You Get For Trying to Kill Me!”

Ooooo, fancy!

Bridg walks in to the apt. lobby talking to Malcolm. Did he find the gun? No, but he found a cell phone. Its dead but he says he’ll get a charger in the morning. Really, in all of NYC you can’t find an electronics store? Like a Crazy Eddie’s or a Crazy Uncle Vito’s or a Target? C’mon Malcolm, you’ve been kidnapped, beaten down, have kicked heroin twice – and you can’t find a charger?

I love me some Gage Golightly

Bridg walks in to find Andrew in the living room which is strewn with white roses.

The roomba better pick those up or the maid will kick your ass!

Happy night before anniversary! The Ringer writers decide to be funny again – when Hubs asks her if she can believe its been 6 years, she says it feels more like 6 weeks. HA! Hubs tells her the real gift comes tomorrow. More like comes tonight, amirite? They both profess their love which leads to some making out and… finally…SEX!!! With candles! This show loves some fire related copulation, don’t it?

Honey, is KY flammable?

The next morning the phone rings and this happens:

She’s back, bitches!

Hell yes! I thought they had forsaken the picture, but she’s back in all her glory! Praise the Lawd!

The doorman is on the phone. He’s actually doing his job! Either he just came off a 6 week bender or he’s hustling for his Xmas tips. Bridg says send him up!

Bridg has a moment with the picture. It’s very deep. Juliet comes in and says “Big sister’s watching you” which freaks Bridg out. Its just a joke! Sheesh… Malcolm gets off the elevator and Juliet takes off for Public School. He tells her he got the phone charged and guess what? Its not Charlie’s phone, its Blossom Gemma’s!

Cute.  Aw, I miss Gemma now.

Gay Paree – Siobhan walks into the hotel bar looking pretty damn ferocious.

 

Is that a horseshoe around her neck?

She approaches Tyler who’s drowning his sorrows. She tells him Andrew found out she was in Paris and gave her a shiner.

We flashback (drink!) and see her looking in the mirror (drink!) and she proceeds to smack herself in the face with the mirror door. That’s downright poetic, don’t you think?

Somehow this doesn’t seem like the best plan

She tells him she needed to get information on Hubs so she targeted him. But then she started to have feelings for him. She says none of the other stuff matters anymore – she came back to Paris for him. I think she’s actually telling the truth, but Tyler isn’t buying it. He tells her to put some ice on her eye and takes off. Uh-oh Tyler, you wouldn’t like Siobhan when she’s angry…

Bridg and Malcolm walk onto the terrace which features several Grecian/Roman busts and a poodle.

Nice poodle.  And why is Bridg dressed as a matador?

They wonder why Charlie wants Gemma Blossom. Haven’t we established that her family is mega rich? Uh, maybe because he wants her money??? I know that’s not the full actual answer but that would seem to be the most obvious, yes? Oh God, am I trying to rationalize any of this? Sorry…

So Bridg wants to go to Charlie’s, but Malcolm wants to bring the cops in. Hubs runs onto the balcony on his way to work. He gives her an anniversary kiss as Malcolm gives them the stink eye. Hubs takes off and Bridg catches Malcolm’s glare of disdain. She sheepishly agrees to call the cops.

Mmm-hmmm

Det. Towers and Det. Saldana show up to Charlie’s Brooklyn place looking for John De Lario (his real name). He says that’s him and tells them he’s NYPD – retired. They tell him they’re investigating a lead in a missing persons case. They ask him about Malcolm, Gemma, the phone, the apartment, the fake name and he weasels out of all of it. He says Malcom is a drug addict who’s only been clean 6 days. (That’s the 3rd 6 of the night – hmmm) He has nothing to hide – “Come on in…” How amazing would it be if he threw them in the basement too and fed them bologna for a few days? Bologna for everyone!

Towers and Saldana – as exciting as ever.  Something tells me they won’t be getting their own spinoff

But alas, the detectives show up back at the apt. Malcolm says Charlie/John is lying. Someone saw Malcolm breaking into the house and now he’s the main suspect in Gemma Blossom’s disappearance. Down to the station with you Malcolm!

Ole!

Charlie calls Siobhan, who is chilling in the hotel lobby looking like an upscale Farrah in the Burning Bed.

Might be a good time to wear those sunglasses, Shiv

He’s freaking out! She knows his real name! Where he lives! And her “dick friend” stole the cell phone! Can you say that on the CW? What is this world coming to? He tells her he moved Gemma B. when he realized someone had been in the house. He pulls a bottle from under the sink. Might as well, Chuckles! He tells her its time to get rid of G. Blossom. Siobhan says hell no, the plan is just to keep her quiet. He demands the money she promised and when she says she doesn’t have it, he pulls out the gun and goes to take care of Gemma Blossom.

Wyoming (ugh) and there’s a dead stripper on the motel floor. Of course there is! I assume this The Double Nickel Motel. It is the preferred motel for strippers after all. Machado walks in. Jimmy the sidekick (who hid his gun in Bridg’s bag when he told her to get of town) says “Welcome back to Wyoming!” HA! Good one, Jimmy!

Rosa, another dead stripper in room 118!  Bring the mop!

He tells him the victim’s name and we flashback (drink!) to Machado interviewing the same girl. And who should it be, but Tara from Buffy! Aww, I can just picture the two old co-stars working the pole together. How sweet. Turns out she was Machado’s informant and now she done got dead. Waaa-waaaa… So much for a Buffy reunion.

Hey Tara!  Looking, um, good…keeping up with the witchcraft, I see!

In the flashback she tells Machado (Vic she calls him – that’s kinda cute) there is a crooked cop working with the Mob who goes by the name of the Matador. You’ve got to be kidding, right? They had to have done Bridg’s matador outfit on purpose. If so, well done! She’s never seen him though. He goes to take off and she says if he sees Bridget “tell her I miss her.” Well, that was cool they threw that in.

So Tara just startred working with Machado after the last informant was murdered – the one Bridget was a witness to. So this whole thing is Vic Machado’s fault! Well, at least that gives his character some motivation in all of this.

NYC – Bridg tells Henry Charlie kidnapped Gemma B. He freaks out, accusing her of being involved. He tells her to stay out of it and let the police handle it. He then takes his moptop 70′s swinger ass out of there.

Uh-uh Henry.  Somebody lied…

Public School – Teach is handing out trash bags to the students. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! The kids have to clean up the halls? Oh, I bet its the Good Samaratin Club! That’s not really being a Good Samaratin, that’s straight up manual labor. Public Shrew is there for detention. Oh, that Public Shrew! She’s a spitfire!

Gage Golightly! AKA Public Shrew!

When Juliet tells her friend how hot she thinks Teach is, her friend says “Ew, he wears ties all the time and is, like, a thousand!” I love it. How can you resist a multi-racial Valley girl in a NYC public school? I sure can’t.

Girl, you’re, like, trippin’

Juliet throws in a completely pandering, random Twilight reference and I gag a little. She tells Teach she she is stoked to go green and Teach walks away. Valley Girl says “He, like, hates you!” Juliet tells her he’s just playing it cool – they “totally have a connection.” Oh God, I hate this storyline. How does this relate? I’m sure it will eventually, but ugh…

Bridg walks into the apartment to find Hubs laughing it up with…Charlie! Charlie just wanted to stop by to give an update on Malcolm. Um, when did Hubs ever meet Charlie?

Of course Hubs has to excuse himself to prepare for the big anniversary dinner, leaving Charlie and Bridg alone. He opens the convo with a charming “sit your ass down!” He’s not there to hurt her. He tells her Gemma Blossom is ok, but he wants money. Why is he still calling her Siobhan? He knows she’s not Siobhan. Whatever. If she pays him, she’ll get back her friend. Wait, he does know he’s not talking to Siobhan, right? That Gemma is Siobhan’s friend, not Bridget’s? OK, there I go again trying to make sense out of this.

Whatever, all you dames look alike!

On his way out of the building he passes Henry who continues to sport this very bizarre “Jack Tripper goes on a date” outfit. Is this supposed to show that he’s been spending money on new clothes or something? Gemma’s money?

Jack Tripper or The Rev. Jim Jones?

He says hi to Max, the front desk concierge man. AHHH, so it isn’t the doorman responsible for all the randoms showing up in the apt, its Max! Good to know.

Henry sees Charlie’s name in the sign in book and freaks out, running outside after him.

Wyoming – Jimmy calls Machado and tells him he thinks he knows who Matador is – meet him tonight. That’s not fishy. Nope, not at all.

Maybe the worst fake backdrop ever

NYC – Bridg is back in the closet, counting out the money to pay off Charlie. Hubs catches her and she breaks down.

It doubles as a cheese grater

She tells him everything. She convinces him not to call the cops and to go along with the ransom drop off. She doesn’t have the $250,000 so he pulls out her anniversary present – a huge diamond ring. He was going to propose again. The ring is worth over $200,000. Ah well, easy come, easy go.

I wonder if its Charlie’s size?

Public School – the Club and the detentionees are finishing up a little pizza party after the trash pick up. Everyone takes off, except Slutty Juliet OF COURSE! Oh, and Valley Girl is still there too. She asks teach what he’s doing tonight.

What is this look?  Slutty Nordic ice skater?

Oh jeez, I can’t with this. Is Juliet, um – how should I put this? Fucking dumb as shit? He tells Valley Girl to wait in the hall so he can finish the conversation with Slutty J. Valley Girl leaves and Teach closes the door ominously. This is no good.

Like, maybe if I crouch down, they will, like, forget I’m here

Wyoming – Machado meets Jimmy in a warehouse. Jimmy pulls out a file of a cop he says is Matador. He says the cop met Mob Boss at the warehouse and they go off to look for him. Jimmy cocks his gun, ready to shoot.

NYC – Speaking of matadors, Bridg and Hubs arrive at Penn Station to meet Charlie. Charlie calls from some underground dungeon, asking why she called the cops. She looks outside and sees Saldana. He says all bets are off. Too late. He hangs up. Oh, and he called her Siobhan again. OK, sorry to harp on this, why does he keep calling her Siobhan? He knows Siobhan is in Paris. Someone explain this to me.

Oh, he’s in a parking garage. He goes to his car, opens the trunk, and there’s Blossom! He pulls out the gun and shoots her. Aw shit…

That vest cannot smell good as this point

Back at the station Bridg tells Hubs he’s not coming. Henry and Saldana run in. Dumbass Henry tipped off the cops. They’ve been following Bridg. Oh and somehow Henry’s hair looks even worse than it did earlier.

What did you do to the hair people?  You need to apologize.

Saldana comes back from a phone call and says Charlie/John’s prints were all over G.B.’s phone. Nice timing, Saldana! Bridg remembers (in a flashback – drink!) Malcolm giving her the piece of mail with the Brooklyn address on it. Its a bill for a storage unit.

Wyoming – Machado and Jimmy are looking around the warehouse, reminiscing about the years trying to bust Mob Boss. Seems like the perfect time for Jimmy to turn the gun on Machado! But good old Vic is smarter than that – he’s got backup. The Matador has been gored!

NYC – Juliet is in her bedroom crying. Valley Girl calls her up on iChat. She tells her she and Teach had sex. He forced himself on her. I don’t about you, but I have always hated this plot device in every show/movie/book/play in which its been used. Whether she’s lying or not, it just gives me the creeps. Ick.

Like, he like, like raped you, like?

Charlie shows up at the storage facility. He unlocks the unit door, opens up the trunk, and there’s no Blossom! All of a sudden she hits him from behind with a tire iron. Blossom lives!

I hate bologna!

How is she alive? he asks. She tells him he has bad aim. HA! He was like 2 feet from her! WHAAAA? She tries to call 911, but no signal (of course). She goes to start the car, but he comes up behind her and shoots her – again. God, this girl cannot catch a break!

As he drags her body into the unit, who should pop up, but Siobhan. The real one. She points the gun at him – she ain’t playing.

Who’s going to get me discounts on furniture now, asshole?

She told him not to hurt Gemma B.! He tries to grab the gun and she shoots him in the head. She plants the gun in his hand and takes off.

Blossom, you’ve got a little something on your face

At the apt. Hubs brings Malcolm a cup of coffee. He was released and is spending the night.

So what’s up with that poodle?

Hubs gets a call from Saldana. They found Charlie’s body and think he offed himself. And Gemma B.? He says “I’m so sorry, Shiv” and hugs her.

Sorry Bridg, but the woman who threatened to expose you is dead.  Is this part of the act?

OK, conspiracy theorists – once again, the question must be asked. Is Gemma really dead? He didn’t say they found her body. Just Charlie’s. I’m not counting her out until we go to her funeral.  Bitch is like Michael Myers!

I can see the resemblance

Siobhan is in a cab when Tyler calls. I thought he was done with her? She tells him she’s in NYC and has to stay for a while. He tells her he went to pay her hotel bill (which he previously had said he wouldn’t pay anymore) and they found a pregnancy test. Is she pregnant and is it his? Yes and yes. Damn girl, that’s cold.

Tyler, you are screwed.  Oh, and Siobhan – sunglasses!

Bridg and Malcolm are at Charlie’s apt gathering his things. She finds an envelope with Siobhan’s Paris hotel and room #. Which leads to more questions…

I love a good split screen

So that was the Fall finale. Thoughts? I love the way things are coming together and are moving along at a much better pace. Both Bridg and Siobhan have gotten much more interesting. I wish those little things weren’t so annoying. HATE the Juliet plot right now. Where is that going to go? Is Gemma Blossom really dead this time? What the hell is up with Henry? Will Tyler come rescue Siobhan? What the hell will Malcolm do now? How long until the Mob Boss shows up on Park Ave.?

Oh BTW – do any of you actually pay attention to the opening recap they do at the start of every episode? Its really interesting the way they drop in extra lines here and there (that weren’t there originally) to clear up loose ends and inconsistencies. It started when they added “Bridget’s still alive” on that first phone call to Siobhan in Paris and has continued ever since. Oh well, whatever helps!

Ringer won’t be back until January 10, 2011 – have an amazing Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Year’s, or whatever it is you celebrate!